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sylusjinwoon · 6 months ago

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{ 200 }

tender love and care.

sylus x (non mc)fem.reader

because you were labeled as sylus’s woman while here at the n109 zone, you were given several special privileges that made you just as powerful (if not, than more so) as sylus solely because you had such a man wrapped around your fingers.

you recall the date that marked your three month anniversary with him, where sylus gifted you a ruby, teardrop necklace with a matching ring as he told you the significance of his gift immediately,

“each time you walk out to explore the city and head out to work when i’m not around, these rubies will be a reminder to others that you are mine. that you’re under my constant protection, and should anyone dare to disturb your life, i’ll be there to teach them a lesson they shall never forget.”

even the memory of the passion in his voice, coupled along with the way he playfully bites down on your ring finger was enough to make you shiver in response.

the fact that you held his heart within the palm of your very hands filled you with a sense of unbidden joy, where you wanted to do nothing more than to litter his face with gentle butterfly kisses and shower him with the type of unconditional love he had been missing from his entire life.

and you had been with him ever since, never once regretting your decision to remain by his side.

currently, due to certain circumstances at work where several people had called out sick, you were forced to work a double shift. you did your best to cover for your missing coworkers as your supervisor gave you a grateful expression. once your shift ended later that evening, he allows you to take the rest of the week off as a thank you for all your hard work. despite the exhaustion you felt, you couldn’t ignore the undeniable happiness that courses through your veins.

as you step out of your workplace, you were immediately greeted by sylus. he was parked directly in front of your workplace building while leaning against his motorcycle. a grumpy expression was seen on his face, painting his handsome features in a scowl as the sight of it all made you giggle in response. all too eager to see him, you stop directly in front of him and allow his arms to automatically encircle around your form.

“i should kill that boss of yours for making you take over.” he growls into your ear, clearly upset. you tighten your arms around him in hopes of calming him down when you admit to him, “hey, there’s no need to be so grumpy. in fact, my boss was kind enough to give me the rest of the week off thanks to my hard work.”

upon hearing your words, sylus visibly relaxes, pressing a kiss against your lips before tossing you your helmet. it was specially designed in your favorite color, and you couldn’t help but smile at it for a moment as you held your helmet within your hands. sylus ends up donning his helmet first before getting on his bike, turning back to narrow his eyes at you, silently gesturing at you to get on.

with a playful roll of your eyes, you wear your helmet and get on behind sylus, wrapping your arms around his front. he places his hands over your folded arms, giving it a brief squeeze before revving up the bike and making its descent out into the city. knowing that he chose to take the scenic route back home, you take a moment to admire how brightly the city lights shone like gemstones beneath the moonlight. giggles were heard escaping from your parted lips, and oddly enough, sylus was able to hear the sounds of your laughter as he briefly gives your arm another squeeze with one hand before navigating expertly across the streets.

quite some time passes before you and sylus return to your shared penthouse apartment. he parks in his usual spot before taking off his and your respective helmets, holding them both in one hand while interlocking his fingertips with yours in the other. despite how you had been with him for close to two years now, your feelings never once went stale for him. you were just as in love and enamored with him as the first day, the day when you had just met him.

while riding the elevator with him to the top floor, you cuddled your body closer to his shoulder, earning a knowing smirk from him as he gives your hands a gentle squeeze in response. when you both finally reach the top floor, you watch sylus as he takes long strides toward the penthouse all while unlocking it with his key.

the moment you enter your shared home. you were immediately hit with the mouth watering scent of your favorite takeout, seeing it all spread out on the coffee table. you were so happy to enjoy all of your favorite foods with sylus that you couldn’t help but lean in to give him a chaste kiss.

“you’re spoiling me, my grumpy crow.” you tell him while framing at his face.

he scoffs before taking your hand, gently biting down against it with his crimson eyes twinkling with mischief and love for you, “anything for you, darling.”

sylus gestures at you to enjoy the meal first, moving to the side to place his keys on the counter along with storing your helmets. with your stomach growling, you take a box and dig in with your fork while settled on the couch, moaning at how delicious everything tasted. a few minutes later, sylus returns back to you with his arms crossed, clearly amused at the way you kept stuffing your face.

“how cute.” he hums before catching you off guard, choosing to pick you up from the couch as he settles you on his lap. your cheeks were felt heating up in response, yet still, you were comfortable enough to cuddle yourself even closer to his chest while continuing to eat.

you both enjoyed the rest of your late dinner, with you spoiling sylus by feeding him bites of your food and vice versa with him as well. by the time you finished your meal, you felt so full that you could barely move, choosing to land against him when sylus places the empty boxes and utensils on the table.

“what’s this? has my princess had her fill?” you cough at how suggestive he sounded, hiding your face within his shoulder as you playfully bit down against it. a low groan was heard coming from him, and you let out a soft, victorious laugh while telling him, “sy, i’m too tired and full to move… can you carry me?”

he feigns annoyance with a huff of your name, but doesn’t deny you of your wishes (he never could deny you). with a grunt, he stands back to his full height while carrying you in his arms, bridal style. you end up giggling profusely at the sensation, burying your head within his shoulder as he leads you to your shared bedroom and opens the door to the master bathroom.

setting you against the counter, sylus helps with taking off your clothes, leaving you bare for him as he does the same. you were given a moment to admire his delicious body, eyes tracing at the muscles that decorate the entirety of his godlike body. he sees your hungry stare and smirks before taking you in his arms once more. he begins to hum an unfamiliar turn, but you bask in this uncharacteristic softness exuding from the leader of onychinus (a side he only saves for you).

while keeping you in his embrace, he fills his luxurious, porcelain tub with warm water, adding your favorite scented bubbles within it before entering it with you. with his back settled against the tub, your own back was pressed against the front of his chest. you let out a soft moan upon feeling the hot waters surrounding you. the sensation of it coupled with the way sylus’s large hands began massaging at your shoulders was enough to make you practically melt against him.

you were dimly aware of his rich chuckles against your ear, dozing off against his gorgeous body. sylus works on washing your form while lathering your hair with shampoo, the sensation of it all earning a series of soft purrs from you.

“heh, is my kitten satisfied?”

you merely let out a hum in response, moving your head to the side as you allowed sylus to give the newly revealed skin of your neck a series of reverent kisses. once he was satisfied with cleaning you, rinsing your body free of any soap suds, he gets out of the bathtub while still holding you within his embrace.

never once does he leave your side. from drying your body with a plush towel, to helping you get into your sleeping clothes, sylus takes spoiling you with care to the next level. and by the time he reaches your shared bedroom while placing you in bed, you were already half asleep.

as you lay beneath the covers, body curled as you remained cuddled to him, sylus takes a moment to admire you. his long fingertips were felt brushing through your damp hair as he manages to capture a wet strand within his grasp, leaning forward to press a lingering kiss against it.

“i bet you have no idea what you do to me…” his gruff whisper was directed toward you, but it was clear that you were so deep in your slumber that you didn’t hear him. with a huff of your name, sylus reaches over his nightstand to pull out a tiny, velvet box. upon opening it, it would be revealed to contain your dream engagement ring.

as his gaze focuses on you, he takes a hold of your left hand with a hum, sliding the ring against your left ring finger before admiring it. a smirk paints his handsome expression when he leans closer to press a kiss against your ring.

“once you awaken… then you’ll know that my promises of forever has always been true and not simply a play on words. i hope you’re prepared to be mine, my darling love.”

and despite how you were in a deep sleep, sylus could have sworn he saw you smiling in response to his fervent promises of forever.

a.n. - don’t mind me, this is just a self indulgent mess that i need in my life. i love sylus so much;;; i need him so badly 😭

all stories are written by rei; reposts, translations, and plagiarism are not allowed.

#sylus x reader #love and deepspace #love and deepspace sylus #lnds sylus #sylus x you #jin woon x you #jin woon x reader #lads sylus #lads x reader #lnds x reader #.stories

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 8 months ago

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Okay here's one. I really dont think I'm the asshole but my ex sure does.

AITA for refusing to buy my partner a jar of pickles?

So this story has like, a little background and some confounding factors i think but i really could go both ways on whether i was the asshole.

Ill start with both my ex (21nb) and i (23f) had severe mental health issues and were working on treatment when we were together. Theyd been in and out of inpatient stays throughout our three year relationship. Towards the Day of Pickles, i had my first inpatient stay where i got help i desperately needed to keep myself safe. This happened to be about a week after my 23rd birthday, but about two and a half weeks before their 21st birthday.

Anyway, at that time i had just gotten out of the hospital and started a new job at Joanns Fabrics (i outlived that retail fucker and im proud of it). I had been unemployed for the previous year and a half because of the pandemic and so the retail job was really my saving grace to have some sort of income to buy gas and groceries. My parents let me live rent free with them in their basement but i spent a LOT of time essentially squatting at my ex's dorm because my situation with my parents was not great.

Now my ex was also being financially abused by their mom so they had a monthly "allowance" of 200$ (of their own money they made at their on campus job) and no access to their bank statements. So i spent a lot of my own money on gas and groceries for both of us, and anything we wanted to do for fun, like visit the city. Without an income, this was SUPER stressful for me and i spiraled pretty hard with feelings of worthlessness and hopelessness. Supporting two people, even minimal living expenses, on an income of exactly 0$ is the WORST.

Anyway, i got out of the hospital and pretty much immediately went back to picking up as many shifts as i could at work because id been on staff for all of two weeks before hospitalization. Knowing retail, i was probably on the precipice of losing hours or being fired altogether.

My ex wanted me to take time off to celebrate their 21st birthday (they didnt celebrate my birthday that year) and travel to see their family and drink etc. I got scheduled for an inconvenient time. I would have to miss their birthday if i didnt find someone to cover. I managed to switch shifts with another coworker who was nice enough to let me have her morning shift, so i was able to at least travel separately and be a little late to dinner.

The night of their birthday my ex wanted to get drunk and so we went to the liquor store. Now im generally pretty picky about alcohol but if i get anything special i always get enough to share. Mysteriously, no one ever offers to share the expense or pay me back. So with all of 150$ in my account, i purchased enough alcohol for myself and the rest of the party, and a bottle of (cheap af) liquor for myself. I was broke af until my next paycheck and was pretty much planning on giving up meals and staying at home because the commute to work was shorter and meant less gas.

My ex picked out a jar of boozy pickles and asked if i would get it for them for their birthday. I should note that with all the stress i was under i had found a birthday present for them but hadnt actually placed the order (was waiting to get paid). I also didnt lie to them about this and had told them that i hadnt gotten their birthday present yet. They were upset by this and told me they felt like i didnt care about them, to which i snapped and raised my voice a little.

I gave them a bit of a reality check. I told them in no uncertain terms that i was under a lot of stress, from nearly killing myself to being flat broke with little to no help from my family other than a conditional roof over my head, ordering their birthday present wasnt super high on my list of things to do and that i knew what i was going to get them and that i intended to order it as soon as i had the money to do so. After years of the sole attention being focused on keeping them alive, i needed some support and acting like i didnt care completely ignored EVERYTHING i did to keep us both afloat.They cried and played the victim as they tended to do and i was too stressed to do anything but be angry.

So when they asked for the pickles i told them no. I have NOTHING left in my bank account, and anything that was in my account was already allocated for something else.

They told me i was being selfish for buying myself alcohol on THEIR birthday, not even getting them a present, yelling at them, and then refusing to buy the one thing they asked for, especially after i refused to take off work the day before to hang out with them and their family. In front of our friends.

I told them that i was purchasing the alcohol for the whole party, that the present had slipped my mind, and that they were accusing me of not caring about them when i snapped. Then i walked out.

My bff went outside to help me cool down and i told him what was going on and how stressed i was and he said that he agreed with me, it was childish to expect me to pay for everything with no help from anyone and then act like im unreasonable for having to put limits on what i can purchase.

My ex ended up getting so pissed by all of this they broke up with me two days later, saying that their birthday was the final straw for them after I'd been so codependent and relying on them too much to survive.

I think its all ridiculous given all of the stress factors i was dealing with at the time. I feel like we're all entitled to the occasional emotional outburst/bouts of forgetfulness when we're stressed. But my ex seems to think im a selfish asshole. We've been no contact for the last two years so this isnt like a pressing concern or anything but it does make me roll my eyes occasionally.

So tumblr, aita?

(Btw im also much more financially stable now that I'm fully and properly medicated and away from them.)

#aita #am i the asshole #suicide cw

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thatpodcastkid · 7 months ago

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Magnus Archives Relisten 18, MAG 18 The Man Upstairs

Thanks for sticking with me with these! I'm much less busy now and will be posting more consistently. I've decided to keep with the Saturday/Monday schedule rather than spamming to catch up, but I might post an extra during the week once and awhile. I also recently went through my old posts and uploaded the spoiler free versions. Thanks, enjoy this MAG 18 analysis!

What an incredible thing to hear after being assigned to a first-floor apartment. Really encouraging, thank you Jonny.

Facts: Statement of Christof Rudenko, regarding his time in the first floor flat of Welbeck House. Statement given December 12, 2008.

Statement Notes: The Magnus Archives is a 200-episode long work of anti-smoking propaganda designed to scare teenagers into never lighting up due to fear of the meat monster. In this essay I will,

In all seriousness, everything that becomes "evil" in TMA smokes. Smoking is consistently the indicator that shit is about to go down. Anytime a cigarette is mentioned, you know someone will disappear under mysterious circumstances in the next 15-20 minutes. So, stay tuned!

The foreshadowing in this episode is really subtle, but that's what makes it so smart. Rudenko has a party during which his neighbors come over and ask him to turn the music down. Presumably, if the walls are thin enough that they can hear Christof's music, they should be able to hear what's going on upstairs--as well as smell it. Yet, they never complain about the hammering or the rotten meat smell. But they're not the victim. The horrors in TMA, in spite of having large scale goals, work in isolated circumstances. They instill huge amounts fear in small numbers of people at a time. There's a practical aspect to this; if 500 people discover meat covered walls in the flats above theirs, there will be enough conversation that the avatar might be found out. But by creating small centers of fear in multiple places through a variety of methods, the entities minimize their exposure while still creating significant amounts of fear. This proves that there has always been an organized mind at work; whether that mind is the entities' or the avatars' is harder to say.

The other aspect of this episode I truly love is one of the most realistic, reoccurring themes of the show: anger can supersede fear. It's essentially a truism that a sufficiently angry human being can overcome any challenge. Spite is God's greatest motivator. Allow a person to become angry enough, and they won't be afraid anymore. Anger is what pushes Rudenko to go upstairs and confront Carlisle, Martin to burn statements, Tim to blow up the museum, and Jon to kill Jonah. But of course, just because you're so angry you stop being afraid, doesn't mean there's nothing to be afraid of. Carlisle gets sick in the upstairs flat, Martin is tortured by Elias, Tim dies, and Jon is somewhere else. Anger treats the symptoms, not the cause of the disease.

Entity Alignment: "Where was he getting the meat?"

It came in boxes. Someone or something was giving it to him. He wasn't ordering it, and he wasn't killing anyone otherwise the institute would have found out.

So where was Toby Carlisle getting the meat?

There's a little movie playing in my head when I think about Carlisle. A movie about a lonely guy in a crappy flat with a crappy life who really doesn't have anything else to do. Then he gets a package. It's unmarked box with no postage and no return address, but it's addressed to him. Inside is frozen meat. It's weird, but he assumes it's steak or pork and puts it in the fridge. Then it keeps coming. His fridge fills, then his freezer, then his whole kitchens full of the stuff. But he still doesn't mind, after all it's something to do. Something to keep him intrigued and busy as life gets duller and duller. It stops coming frozen. It stops being identifiable. He doesn't know why but he's driven to plaster it across his house. It becomes an obsession. It becomes his whole life. It becomes his whole apartment. It becomes who he is.

The Flesh sent a recruitment letter. Toby Carlisle replied. Even he doesn't know where he gets the meat.

Character Notes: Martin is still "out sick." Also Sasha definitely hacked a bank? And everyone is just okay with that? Alright.

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mitigatedchaos · 2 years ago

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Biomechanoid Discourse Anon Round-Up

(~1,500 words)

I received 54 anons in response to my short post about biomechanoids that went viral last week, so I've decided to gather some of the ones I actually intend to answer here, in this round-up post.

[ Anon#1 ]

wait are you against fat-body cyborgs?

You may have encountered "fungrams" vs "thetagrams" as synthoid enthusiast slang. This stands for "functional grams" (weight that contributes to the functionality of a body), and "aesthetic grams" (weight that's mostly just aesthetics), respectively. (Just like with a natural human body, there's a bit of a blur between the two.)

Fat Cyborg Activists may, for example, carry an extra 200 kg of glorified silicone padding, causing them to get bumped up a bracket in the combined-force-and-mass classification used in most jurisdictions, since being dive-tackled by a 300 kg Yokozuna-style body even with just a natural human level of strength can be enough to cause serious injury. They then complain about the brackets.

I don't think it should be illegal to carry 200 kthetagrams of articial fat. Fat Cyborg Activists are just deliberately misinterpreting the League of States Charter when they claim that the bracket system should be abolished because it's "a fundamental human right" to weigh up to 500 kg.

Obviously, as I've written before, these rights are an abstraction based on a human range of behavior and capabilities. This is how the courts have always interpreted it in the League, and if a baseliner hit 500 kg the weight would crush his organs to death.

We also need to talk about Neo-Penitents.

A lot of baseliners are Neo-Penitents and refuse tissue engineering. We as cyborgs should not be encouraging them to get that fat. Yes, they will die earlier than they otherwise would die due to refusing treatment. No, we should not be encouraging that to happen more quickly. I don't use tobacco cigarettes, either.

Most children are born to religious natals (including Neo-Penitents). We should mediate the environment so that they don't experience cyborgs as something to fear. (If you're feeling hostile to them and want a cynical reasoning - we depend on recruitment and they outnumber us.)

[ Anon#2 ]

Why are you against age liberation?

Rejeuvenation therapies, biomechanoidization, and kaitosomes prolong personal lifespan, but personal development still happens at different rates for different people.

I disagree with the contemporary reactionary view that life extension techs fundamentally stall out or delay self-discovery and consideration, though I think it can have that effect on some people who forget that they will die. It's a matter of a certain kind of emotional and intellectual sophistication that allows people to learn from observing their own lives (and the lives of others). If you read through early-21st century archives (Twitter is a good example, here), there are a lot of people that made it to their 40s, 50s, and 60s that became older without really advancing all that much intellectually.

So for this reason, a lot of people would really like to reset the clock when they start getting serious (often around 50). (Our society still treats young people as having more potential than old people, among other reasons.)

I sympathize, but there are three problems. First, someone who has been clubbing without much consideration for 30 years has still has a power advantage over someone who is 17 (much less 12, which is favored by more extreme activists). Second, as part of healthy cultural development, each generation should be able to have some of their own culture to help form a stable self-image. Third, the brain is still aging even with rejeuventation therapy, and at increased risk of costly age-related disease and degeneration. That usually isn't covered by state insurance, except for Class IV rejeuvenation, which inherently causes some level of permanent memory loss.

We already had the battle for "age liberation." The compromise was laws that prohibit new bodies from looking under 18 (unless intended for, and used by, literal children), and cryptographically-signed augmented reality chronological age display. (Only a few carveouts have been made, such as the Shanghai Ethnopolity's "R+[years since rejeuvenation]" for Class-IV rejeuvenation.)

What activists are demanding is age unlocking.

They want to be able to claim they are 104. They want to be able to claim they are 14. Because these have certain cultural associations, and they want those cultural associations. You can already refuse to provide a number (which is a trend these days). The whole thing is self-negating.

[ Anon#3 ]

die fascist scum

I get these all the time. Just noting for the record that I delete pretty much all of them. Either make a real argument or move to the World Union.

[ Anon#4 ]

In your post you said you're against allowing biomechanoidization before age 21. Weren't you raised biomech?

It's possible, if expensive, to hold a natal body for an adult. It's even more difficult to do for children, since you have to match growth for growth. (Even if you do a return procedure, you still pretty much have to fit the body for a cyberharness anyway, so it will never be quite the same.)

The current push to "allow children and teens" to "explore their options" through biomechanoidization is because biomech bodies have gotten "too good," and we're in a downturn so people are holding out longer rather than switching or upgrading (or simply refreshing).

For a child's growth trajectory, a company can sell 5-6 bodies, or 3 if they start during the teen years. Biomech bodies don't grow (skeletally, not in terms of muscle/fat). If for any reason manufacturing gets disrupted for a few years, the child could have a really serious problem.

I'm worried it could also disrupt the formation of the child's self-identity, but as you know that's much more politically disputed.

I was raised as an officer for the military of a country that no longer exists. It's not really the same.

[ Anon#5 ]

We read your blog out here printed on paper in Outer Mongolia due to attention regulation laws in our ethnopolity (actually it's just our way of life), where it's distributed as part of a newsletter. I had my friend Dave send this. [Hi! -Dave] What is the difference between "biomechanoids" and "synthoids"?

It's really more of a gradient than a binary.

We can basically divide things into whole-grown bodies (natal bodies, cloned replacement bodies), constructed bodies (biomechanoids, synthoids), dolls (bodies without onboard life support), and static life support systems.

For constructed bodies, every body except for a few high-end specialized bodies uses at least some engineered biological tissue for long-term life support, because it's cheaper, usually more resilient (against some classes of problems), and easier to use to balance the biochemistry of the brain. But the human brain only uses about a fifth to half of the body's resources, so for the rest of the body, the designer has the option to use either synthetic systems or cultured biological tissue.

In general, the more organic tissue is used, the more "biomechanoid" a body is, and the more synthetic systems are used, the more "synthoid." (There's a practical limit to how much of a constructed body can be biological. Constructed body designers have to use a synthetic framework that allows the parts to be grown, printed, or assembled individually, then integrated.)

Biomechanoids usually have lower maintenance costs during the rated lifetime of the body, since biological tissue is self-repairing against minor stress. Synthoids can be more robust against certain kinds of problems, and there's more freedom in the overall design, but their systems have a limited number of uses at time of manufacture because they're generally not self-repairing.

[ Anon#6 ]

what are your thoughts on the new sex variants

They turned out to be a lot easier to create than anyone in the year 2010 would have thought. Those genotypes are out in the wild now, social conservatives are just going to have to learn to deal with it.

As for myself, World Union regulations classify all paramilitary cyborgs as "male," regardless of appearance, and thus subject to "anti-oppression rules." After San Diego changed hands and became part of the League of States, I just never updated my registration.

[ Anon#7 ]

You work for the caveman ethnopolities? The fuck do they pay you with, rice?

Cosmopolitans pay handsomely for artisanal foods, especially animal products. League citizens from higher-tech polities will purchase vacation packages ranging from a few days to spending six months milking cows and working a farm by hand. Low-tech ethnopolity governments also lease out about 10-20% of the land. Cosmopolity governments tend to pay for things that might spill beyond the borders, like environmental remediation.

They can be surprisingly tolerant (as long as they view you as 'just visiting'), but they can be slow to trust, and tend to pull from a small pool of contractors.

Technically there's only one neolithic ethnopolity (though that's really more of a park) and most low-tech ethnopolities are early modern (think 1700s).

But yes, sometimes they do pay in rice.

#augmented reality break

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my-practiceblog · 2 years ago

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If I could start all over pt 2

I had posted a while back on if I started back at age 12 knowing everything I know now, what changes I would make. That was a long post, but I have a lot more to add, and this probably will not be my last post on the topic either. This post will focus on money.

Currently we’re still at middle/high school. I turned 12 in 2007. As we all know, the recession came in 2008. I did not have much money at the time, obviously, but I did have some from money my grandpa left me when he died, as well as small savings from allowance, babysitting, birthdays, etc. After the recession hit I would invest everything I had, leaving myself maybe $100 in savings (I’d be a kid, what do I really need more than that for) in a mix of index funds and FAANG companies. I would continue babysitting, and attempt to get a job as a lifeguard once I am old enough, and continue putting money into stocks. As I got a bit older until I graduated college I would leave myself more money in savings for things like eating out and other activities with my friends.

I would take all my money out of investments the summer of 2019. I would reinvest everything March 2020. I would take it all out again fall 2021. I would slowly reinvest it, putting a bit in each week into Index funds starting September 2022.

I currently have both a Roth IRA and two 401ks (once with my current, one with my former employer). I believe I started my Roth IRA in 2018 (and have maxed it out each year since), but I actually started working in 2017. I should have started, and maxed out my Roth IRA in 2017 (even if that means taking money out of my other investments to fund my IRA). I did, and continue to put a large chunk of my paycheck into my 401k, but I wish I put in even more. Going back I would get as close to maxing out my 401k as I could without it impacting my spending. I don’t want to have to lower my standard of living to save more, especially since my standard of living wasn't all that high when I first graduated, but pretty much anything outside of my spending + maybe $200 a month in savings should go to my 401k until it is maxed out (at least until 2020). Dependent of how much money I am making in this “new life” if may be much easier for me to max out my 401k, or have way more than $200 leftover for savings, but this is just given that I end up in the same jobs I had, and the content creation career (that I will talk about in my next post) does not go anywhere.

I was very hesitant to spend money when I was in college. I knew my money was finite, because I didn’t have a job (outside of the summer and a few small paid things throughout the year) so I was always nervous to deplete it. However, I didn’t realize my entire lifesavings to age 22 I would easily be able to double in just a few paychecks once I got my first real job (or if everything went right with this redo, way sooner than that). Going back I would have been more willing to spend on fun things with my friends, especially since my parents covered all of my necessities. I wouldn’t want to go overboard or anything, but at least going out to eat with my friends whenever they asked. Once I get my first job and am earning a real paycheck I would figure out an actual spending plan.

I bought a condo in the winter of 2021. While ideally if I started over I would have way more money/options, no matter what I still would buy this same condo exactly when I did. The only change I would make is putting in an offer sooner and maybe for $5000 less than what I bought it for. Currently I share this apartment with a roommate. If I do end up at my same job with my same salary I would want to keep that the same, only putting stricter cleaning rules in to place when she first moved in. But she’s moving out this summer and while she’s lived here she has traveled a ton and I have regularly had the apartment to myself which has been great, especially since living with her hasn’t had any big issues. However, if I had much more money I would still want to have bought this apartment with the interest rate I got it for, but instead I would not live here and rent the whole apartment out. I would live either in the city or somewhere warm, but I will get into that in a future post I’m sure.

Not going to get into it, but I would also warn my dad against his former partner, and encourage him to break up that partnership as soon as possible (at least by my sophomore year). If that were the case certain things I paid for my parents probably would have instead, and other things they would not have struggled with.

Okay that’s it on this one, I’m sure money will come up more down the line, but here are all the big things.

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hyperdragon97 · 1 year ago

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So last night I did one last job application that I might have a chance with. The work is doable, the commute is shorter, the benefits and bonuses are solid, the pay is viable, and the sign-on bonus alone would cover my rent for a month and then some if it weren't distributed across the first 6 months. The application process was by far the easiest I've ever seen.

I don't know when exactly my shift would be, but the job posting says 2nd shift. I'm assuming that's not going to interfere with my sister's morning shift, so while she's still here I should be able to use the car we share. By the time she's ready to move out, I should be able to get a car for myself or buy hers outright.

Of course, that all assumes that I get an interview and/or job offer before I'm forced to move out for not being able to pay rent. It's $1,180, due on September 1st, and can only be extended for another 2 weeks with a 10% late fee. Between my plasma donations and my sister's paychecks, we've only managed to raise about $500 after other bills. I also had to ignore the power bill earlier in the month, so when that comes around again our electricity will be shut off until I can pay what's past due. That's over $200 at the very least, $400 if I pay last month and this month's power bill at the same time.

Last I checked, my bank account was sitting at -$46.15, but thanks to a Ca$hApp donation from a friend, that hole will be getting $25 shallower on Monday. That leaves a total of $1,058.85 to be raised before Monday to avoid late fees on rent and get fully caught up on electricity, leaving my future plasma donations and my sister's paychecks free to cover other expenses for the rest of the month.

I know I have no right to ask this. There are plenty whose situations are far more dire than mine, and who likely are more deserving of help. But please, if you can spare it, send something my way on Ca$hApp. I'm planning on creating a monument of some kind in the Minecraft world I'm streaming to thank everyone who donates, with colored and illuminated signs detailing each donor's name and contribution.

If you don't have Ca$hApp, signing up with this link and sending someone $5 within 14 days will give both of us an extra $5.

Lastly, if you don't have cash to spare, but still want to help, just watch things on my YouTube channel. Put my streams on in the background. Binge my old Gmod animations, comic dubs, and voice-acting challenges. Comment your thoughts and leave a like. Any amount of engagement helps me in the algorithm and gets me closer to possibly monetizing my channel.

#mutual aid #rent #bills

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graysquirrel7 · 1 year ago

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And to go further, because this is a pet peeve of mine:

One of the core elements used in medicine and "fitness" programs is BMI. A system that was invented by a mathematician, not a physician, who used a very small sample size of a very specific population to try and draw conclusions.

Even he, the inventor of BMI, said it should not be used for individual evaluation.

Yet it's what we do. To the point of using the BMI chart to ignore all other indicators.

For example, I spent 20-30 minutes filling out a health questionnaire related to "ways I can improve my fitness" that featured questions like:

How many sugary drinks do you drink a day (on average) -- zero (0); to include fruit juices.

How much activity per day do you do (on average) -- I walk an average of 3-5 miles per day and visit a gym to climb or train for climbing 4-5 times per week for 2-3 hours at a time. My fitness app tracks my activity level over a week, and accounting for rest days, I still average 2.5-3 hours of physical activity per day.

What is your height/weight? -- 71"/200#

Note that while answering questions like those first two, the questionnaire churns along like "okay, so you're active and mindful of what you're eating and drinking." Yet as soon as it gets the height and weight answer, it immediately runs a BMI calculation and comes back with a "here's what we recommend for improving your fitness" list that includes:

You are overweight -- really? What are you basing this on? I am not an idle teenage farmboy in 18th Century Central Europe. I never was. Never will be. When my weight is down in the "normal" range for my height, I am weaker, have less stamina, less physical capacity in general, and am more likely to get sick.

Cut back on sugary drinks -- how do you cut back from zero?

Get at least 90 minutes of activity per week -- listen you useless piece of shit, I'm getting between 150 and 180 minutes of activity per day on average.

This is even moreso for friends of mine whose ancestry comes from outside of Europe. The only way they clear the BMI hurdle is by being so underweight that they're in danger of malnutrition, dehydration, and other famine-related symptoms.

When I was in the army, some of the bigger soldiers I worked with were immensely powerful. No amount of remedial exercise was helping them actually lose weight. Cutting their rations actually made them sicker and a lot less able to do their job.

Very similar to comparing the actual strongman competitors to the people frequently put on the covers of fitness/bodybuilding magazines, the adoption of BMI as a metric and the subjective image evaluation does not actually promote fitness and health.

People who have trained for strength will have built up their core and posterior chain in order to have stability under load; they will look thicker and have a higher mass-to-height ratio. People who engage in sustainable health and fitness practices who happen to fall within those parameters are not the normal. The people on display in Men's Health-type magazines and in male power fantasy movies as "being strong" are actually very weak and in danger of organ failure during those photo and video shoots.

I gave my soapbox speech about how weight loss is mostly bullshit to two different patients in a row yesterday and so help me I’m pretty sure one of these days someone is going to say “but SURELY you agree I’d be HEALTHIER if I lost weight!” bc you can see the disbelief in their eyes. And like. Sure, maybe! You might see some improvement in biomarkers like LDL and A1c, and your knees would probably feel better. But you would be amazed at how much more good you can do for yourself by focusing on things you can actually meaningfully change without resorting to making yourself miserable. Eat more fresh fruits and vegetables—it’s hard bc they’re more difficult to prepare and more expensive per calorie and go bad faster than other foods, but they’re what we evolved eating the most of so they’re what our bodies need the most of. And walk around more; sure, cardio is great for you, but if it sucks so bad you don’t do it, it isn’t doing shit for you. And we evolved to walk very very long distances, a little bit at a time, so our bodies respond actually very well to adding walks into our schedules, which is vastly easier than adding workouts that are frankly designed to be punishing when the definition of punishing is “makes you less likely to do it again in the future.”

You get one life. It is shorter than you can begin to imagine. Don’t waste it hating yourself because somebody is going to make money off that self-hatred. You deserve better than to be a cash cow for billionaires who pay aestheticians and dermatologists to make them (or at least their trophy wives) look thin and beautiful no matter what they actually do.

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salty-accords · 3 months ago

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Post-Helene Update (Oct. 10th)

Since Helene rolled through the Southest United States, namely Georgia, Florida, North Carolina, South Carolina, Virginia, and Tennessee, a lot has happened.

I can’t speak for those in other states, as keeping up with the Western North Carolina news is, at this point, its own necessary chore, but here’s what we know about the devastation and the recovery in WNC.

According to official reports, across the six states that were hit by Helene and continue to face the devastation of it, over 200 people have been confirmed dead. Over half of those people were in North Carolina, where our rivers flooded and fast water has destroyed entire communities. K-9’s and cadaver dogs have been out searching for victims, regardless of life status, for over a week now. Hundreds are still missing, and there have been difficulties identifying some of the dead.

President Joe Biden has set over 1,500 active-duty soldiers in the NC National Guard to join in the recovering efforts in North Carolina. They’re helping to deliver supplies, food and water to isolated communities.

There was significant damage to the lower land of the historic Biltmore Estate, including their farm. Overall, the Estate is mostly fine—some wind damage to their forested area—and people who worked there should be able to return to their day-to-day relatively easily in that regard. My heart goes out to those in more affected employment—it’s a stressful time financially, and Buncombe County is far from rich, so I’m thankful to the Recovery and Aid funding my community has been receiving to help support our long-term survival.

I encourage everyone effected financially by this disaster to contact your utility and internet/phone providers—many people are getting grace periods from companies, and if you live in an effected area like WNC, you might be able to have one less thing on your plate this month.

Speaking of, the severe flooding in WNC has stirred up colonies of yellow jackets, a stinging insect that many people are allergic to. These little fuckers are important for the ecosystem, and they’re out of home like many of us are, but please, keep your EpiPens and Benadryl on hand, and know where your friends keep their allergy kits—stings are more likely right now, and NC health officials are stocking allergy treatment to help address the issue, but practice caution when walking about, especially near dryer ground and wooded areas. Do not kick logs, move trees, over stamp on the ground unnecessarily without some protective clothing or precautions in place. Even for someone who isn’t allergic, a swarm of angry yellow jackets can be brutal, especially if you don’t have the means to treat the stings.

(To remove stingers and thorns from your skin, mix a few tablespoons of corn starch with a little less cold water—clean water—until you’ve got a thick, wet paste. Dab the paste on the sting or thorn sight and let sit and dry for about 10-20 minutes. Carefully remove the dried paste—it’ll be the consistency of a strange, dry crumbly cookie—and the thorn/stinger should be brought out with it. Clean with soap and warm water at least, but an alcohol wipe or hydrogen peroxide is preferable. Cover the injury with a bandage or gauze and salve.)

If you need further medical care, Mission Hospital in Asheville was only about 20% over capacity last week, and well-staffed considering the circumstances, and they’re steadily returning to normal operations. They’ll treat anything from toothache to trauma to allergic reactions. There are several disaster relief medical teams in the area helping our care providers and medical staff to keep people healthy and whole, so don’t feel like you’re a burden if you’ve only got something minor—it’s their job to help you, it’s what they went to school for and what they’ve dedicated a good portion of their lives to. Be polite, have respect for them and their time, and treat people with dignity. Then you’re good to go.

For those with prescriptions, you may be able to make use of the Emergency Prescription Assistance Program (EPAP), which could enable you to request a 30-day supply of some prescription medication at EPAP-participating pharmacies. Your prescription could be renewed every 30 days while the EPAP is active, and the program also pays for certain types of medical equipment and supplies, such as mobility aids, blood sugar meters, and blood sugar test strips—some vaccinations might also be covered. This program is for those who are completely uninsured—Medicaid, Medicare, Children’s Health Insurance Plan, and any other insurance disqualify you from the EPAP. I’ll cover this more thoroughly when I can.

Madison High School at 5740 US-25 in Marshall; Boone Drug and Healthcare at 345 Deerfield Road in Boone; 535 Morris Road in Brevard; and 315 Bethal Church Road in Mocksville are all potential spots for you to get your prescription refilled. Please call and ask your pharmacy for more information specific to your situation.

More on supplies, the Mountain Mule Packer Ranch is sending pack animal trains into the area, delivering things like ice for insulin, food and water, to the Swannanoa region. Thank you funky little dudes so much—I never thought I’d be so thankful for mules, but here I am. Tractor Supply and Food Lion locations have also been working with the Packer Ranch and their teams of mules to load up supplies. These amazing animals and their riders can reach people separated by washed away mountain roads that folks on foot or wheels just can’t right now, and they’re truly doing amazing work. Please, if you’re one of those people who can’t be reached by usual means right now, and you need supplies, don’t shy from reaching out to the Ranch—they’re good folks, dedicated, and I’ll link their Facebook down below.

Now, to address some of the fuckery… FEMA is not the same as the Shelter and Services Program—the SSP is administered by FEMA, yes, but it is funded through U.S. Customs and Border Protection, as directed by Congress. The SSP gives financial support to non-federal entities to provide shelter and related services to migrants following their release from the Department of Homeland Security. FEMA works with this program, yes, but they do not have control over it—Border Protection, Congress, and Homeland Security are much more involved as far as funding and allocation goes.

There are also over two dozen dams in the Western North Carolina area. On Sunday night, October 29th, in the Asheville area, there was a government level hoax that one of the dams in the area was actively breaking—it was not. It was horrifying; my entire campus was shaken and frantic. I recommend familiarizing yourself with the Dam Hazard Potential Classification of your local dams—there is significant risk of loss of life in these areas and they may be prone to flooding. Research your local dams and those of your family/friends, and come up with a game plan as to whether or not it’s needed for you to evacuate the area early in case of large storms, like Helene, in the future.

There’s also been something pretty significant happening next door in Tennessee: the Bureau of Investigation, as well as OSHA, have opened investigations into Impact Plastics, an Erwin plastics factory where at least three people died and ten went missing due to flooding from Helene. According to surviving employees, and families, the company threatened to fire anyone who left early on Friday night, September 27th. Dozens of Impact Plastics workers were trapped in the building; the flood waters had already risen to cover the parking lot and roads by the time they got the call to leave. The company denied flood warnings and alerts were issued at the start of the workers’ shift, even though there were flood warnings up and down the region from Tuesday onward. According to the company, these allegations are false—it’s hard to believe with dozens of people affected by this tragedy saying the same thing, though. In pictures of the plant after the flooding receded, you can see clearly the amount of damage that was wrought—paneling on the sides torn up and half-off, debris all over, the roads and grounds washed out. Words mean little in a time like this, I know, but my heart goes out to the families and the victims of this.

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Description:

It’s over a week post-Helene, and post-evacuation for me. I’m trying to do my part and compile some information for folks—please, if you can, relay this to folks who don’t have internet or cell service. A lot of people don’t have access to communications right now, and it’s important for information like this to be accessible. If anybody in your life has limited internet access, this video will be uploaded to my YouTube channel, and the transcript (and full copy of the description) to my Patreon, Ko-Fi, and Tumblr for free. This is a tragedy, full stop, and I refuse to put any of this information behind a paywall.

If you need resources, I’ve listed/linked some below.

Mountain Mule Packer Ranch - (910) 885-1402 - [email protected] - https://www.facebook.com/mountainmulepackersranch.

NBC News Live Updates from Initial Coverage Period - https://www.nbcnews.com/news/weather/live-blog/hurricane-helene-live-updates-rcna173767.

Healthcare Info - https://www.wral.com/story/hurricane-helene-leaves-western-north-carolina-hospitals-overwhelmed-federal-relief-arrives/21663631/ - https://aspr.hhs.gov/epap/Pages/default.aspx.

How to Help - https://www.fema.gov/press-release/20240928/how-help-after-hurricane-helene.

Hospitals and Supplies -

Prescription refills:

Madison High School at 5740 US-25 in Marshall

Boone Drug and Healthcare at 345 Deerfield Road in Boone

535 Morris Road in Brevard

315 Bethel Church Road in Mocksville

Hospitals and Care Tents:

Cannon Memorial Hospital, Avery County, NC

Medical Support Center in Caldwell County, NC

Watauga Medical Center, Boone, NC

Boone Medical, Boone, NC

Avery Medical, Newland, NC

Boone Dental, Boone, NC

Mission Hospital, Asheville, NC

Blue Ridge Regional Hospital, Spruce Pine, NC

Please, if you can, give to the Hurricane Relief Fund - https://gofund.me/8e1e9ae8.

---

This video was created using free resources from CapCut.

If you’re able, donating to my post-evac goal on my Ko-Fi would help me out a lot—I’ve gotta go back to school sooner or later, and I buy about all my own food (split with some friends), but we’re all out a lot of money because most of us work in the area. I’m gonna need groceries, and there isn’t much work to be had right now, given the time restraints. https://ko-fi.com/gemmasun/goal?g=0.

If you’re more interested in my services, I do editing and formatting, and give feedback on prose up to 5000 words, all through my Ko-Fi, so you can check that out. https://ko-fi.com/gemmasun/commissions.

My Linktree: https://linktr.ee/salty.unicorn.

#hurricane helene #southern queer #anxious autist (me)#western north carolina #north carolina #natural disaster #disaster relief #disaster rocovery #nc strong #western nc #asheville

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thessalian · 5 months ago

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Thess vs the Slippery Slope

You know ... we used to be adequately staffed. When people had emergencies, we used to be able to cope. I remarked on this at the time, how frankly this was really awesome and the way places should be run. Aaaaaaaaaand now we don't have that safety net anymore and we struggle to keep up even when everyone is here, and no one sees the problem with this.

See, Scruffman went on annual leave for a week and a half - came back Wednesday. We somehow managed to curb some of the most egregious bullshit that our on-site typists have going on and kept up with things despite them covering other stuff. I mean, sort of. Thing is, our doctors are putting out over 200 dictations a day, and it's kind of an issue to even keep it so that we're less than a day behind. Especially when the little twerps come in on the weekend.

I got an email from Scruffman this morning going, "Oh, hey, by the way, [New Girl] isn't in today and [Temp] is on a half-day. Just to give you the heads-up. Which ... I mean, I get that emergencies happen, and I figure they must have been emergencies due to how little notice there was, but fuuuuuuuuck.

Ironically, though? My actual number of cases typed went up. Why? Because New Girl and Temp weren't around to pinch all the short cases. I can blow through those in no time at all, so numerically, I came off better. On the other hand, I also had to type up at least ten cases from Placenta Guy. Also some other stuff from Placenta Guy, and he and the new junior doctor who sounds like she should be auditioning for the Chipettes from Alvin and the Chipmunks both need to learn how to flag a case as urgent on our transcription system. Eight liver and kidney cases, two breast cases, and a fucking lung biopsy, which everybody avoided because even though they're short, they're also dictated by two of our Annoyances. So I got them and even if there hadn't been a big ol' URGENT sticker on the request form, even I know that core biopsies from those particular organs almost always get highlighted in red in the queue.

I haven't mentioned this to Scruffman, mostly because the one issue I did point out to him - namely how two of our Annoyances don't ever bother doing an actual block key - has gone unresolved. I guess he knows the feeling of "complaining about something and no one doing anything about it", since one of the other issues is that our transcription software fucks up an awful lot, dumping things from months ago back into the queue for no apparent reason, and IT apparently can't or won't do a damn thing about it. So I just dump them into the archive and have done.

Don't even get me started on the server.

Basically, we were doing really well for awhile, but one thing apparently led to another, and we hit the slippery slope down to "just as frankly shit as everywhere else". We need at least one more typist for the number of new junior doctors we've got in lately, but we aren't getting one, no matter what we talked about in our first staff meeting. And now I am fucking exhausted and still have to cook dinner. Woe.

#Thess has a day job

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jhtechgeek2011 · 6 months ago

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Better and worse right now

I am back and things are both better and worse right now. I have found some things that help, like accommodations at school and tutoring, breaking things down, rewarding myself for what I complete, and a really solid planner/schedule/journaling system that works pretty well for me. I have been getting a lot of work done around the house lately and I finally finished English Comp 1. I passed but just barely.

Work is not going at all well yet. I am still getting 3 days a week and not being able to really use my accommodations at work like I should be able to. It just gets worse and worse for me at my job and I feel like it's killing me in pieces. I end up in so much pain by the 3rd of my work days that I can hardly walk and am completely drained. The pain lingers around in various stages of severity until I have to go back and do it again. I can't stand the place and don't want to return but I have no options. I am getting my unemployment and I wouldn't even be able to make ends meet if I didn't.

I wish I could just get the help I need not to work myself into the ground all the time. I really wish I could just get a job where I don't have to stand up where it's actually just a seated job and works with my skills and limitations rather than working against my limitations and not utilizing all of my skills. It shouldn't have to be this doggone hard just to live, It truly shouldn't. I would get SSI I am eligible but I worry that I will just get a no because my income and unemployment combined are too much. It really sucks that they look at that before they look at your medical issues. I just wish I could stop working and still have money to live on, that's all I want. Winning the lottery would be SO great, but those odds are so bad I don't even want to go there.

The car wash guys are still being their usual obnoxious selves but it got hot enough for my AC unit to go in the window so I can drown them out much better now with my fan and AC on. They still get right under my apartment window and smoke though which is annoying when I do open my window because it's cooler out and I don't necessarily need AC to have to smell their weed on my nice breeze. I am so tired of these guys that's one of the many reasons my boyfriend and I are saving up to move out as much as we can each paycheck because we GOTTA be out of here before we need heat again. The heat here is ridiculous and we don't want to spend another winter dealing with it.

Another thing frustrating for me right now is I can't afford my new glasses and I can't see very well at all right now. My prescription changed a LONG time ago, and my year between annual eye exams and insurance-covered glasses passed in February. My insurance doesn't cover my vision needs well at all. My glasses are STILL over $400 even with the insurance because they only cover 30% and my eye exam was basically $200. The contact lens eye exam isn't even covered so I couldn't even get an updated contact prescription to do that instead. They also cost an arm and a leg but are less than my ridiculous ass glasses. This is ridiculous, it shouldn't be this hard to get the very thing I need to be able to actually see.

Finally, I just want to say that life shouldn't have to be this hard, and stupid, toxic, fake people shouldn't make it worse. People just want to take everything they can and give nothing in return. So many people only call when they want something. Other than that you don't even hear from them and especially when you need something they're nowhere to be found. A lot of people are only your friend for what they can get out of it, and it sucks. All the fake, toxic, stupid, hating people need to get a life, and stay out of mine, seriously. Until next time, when you see what's going on next with Just Jen.

#fed up with this shit #irritated #job struggles #struggle #so rude #do your job #adhd #fake people #toxic people #stressful #financial hardship #im broke

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beef-brisket · 3 months ago

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Lucifer: can you fucking believe them?! Dad- the actual fuck! I kept this in for Adam- but seriously!?

Teddy: I'm sorry, son, really. But we both knew Adam would have been punished for this, and when you think about it, it's not too harsh when you think about it. Michael told me what they planned to do to Adam. So you should be thanking the Lord it wasn't as bad as it could be.

Lucifer: yeah I... I guess... but what happens in a few months? What happens if Adam goes to give birth and I'm not there? What if... what if he needs me- I'll miss my babies being born-

Teddy watched as his son collapsed onto the couch, covering his face.

Teddy sat next to him, and rubbed his back.

Teddy: Lucifer... Adam is strong, we both know this. He's done this before-

Lucifer: but this time is different! He said it himself- I can feel it- I can feel them- when I'm with him, I can feel them...

Teddy: Lucifer, calm down and think. Please. How many children does Adam have?

Lucifer: ... I don't know... a few hundred?

Teddy: let's say 200. He can handle it. I know you want to be there, and I'm sure Adam wants you to be there to. But all you can do is make Adam comfortable while your there. Do housework, make dinners, do washing, get the babies room ready, clean their clothes. Just do everything you can, son. And who knows, Adam may be able to time the birth. Wait for you to be there

Lucifer: ...yeah... you're right... do you really think he'd be able to time it?

Teddy: he was a nun for over 300 years... so yes. I think he can

Lucifer and Teddy share a hug. Lucifer never thought he'd be sharing a moment like with with his dad, but he was so happy he was here.

Lucifer: ...so... you and Michael?

Teddy: don't ask, son

A few days later, Lucifer was grabbing his bag from his bed. He was too excited, he almost forgot his dad's gift for the babies. He ran- walked down stairs. He could here Trddy and Michael in the kitchen, talking about something. It was so weird having Michael be in a relationship with his dad but he was starting to get use to it.

Lucifer: dad! Michael! I'm getting ready to go!

Teddy: alright son, do you have my gift?

Lucifer was going through his bag, looking for the crystal.

Lucifer: yes-

Michael: tell Adam I'll be there in a few days, I'll bring my gift then

Lucifer: okay Michael, I will- here is it!

Lucifer pulled out the crystal and zipped his bag up.

Teddy and Lucifer shared a hug. With a few goodbyes, Lucifer got ready to open a portal. He glanced behind him and saw that Michael and his dad were watching him, staying until he left. He hated doing this infront of them. He slowly caressed the crystal, it seemed to work quicker when he licked it- but he's not doing that.

After a few strokes, the portal opened, and he turned to wave to his dad and Michael before hopping through the portal.

Lucifer: Addie! I'm home!

He heard nothing. Everything was quiet. Lucifer put his bag down on the floor and walked around, calling Adams name. There weren't even any imps around.

Lucifer: Adam?!

Lucifer rushed into the kitchen, and there he saw Adam cooking. He smiled and watched his partner for a bit.

Just as he was about to make himself know, Adam turned around.

Adam jumped, screamed and threw a knife at him. Lucifer was easily about to duck out of the way, Adam's aim has never been good.

Adam: Lucifer!? Are you trying to get killed!?

Lucifer: You couldn't hit me even if I stood still, babe

Lucifer stood and made his way over to Adam.

Adam: that's rude. Why didn't you tell me you were coming!? I'm just starting dinner!

Lucifer went to kiss him, only to be picked up by Adam. Lucifer chuckled as Adam almost squeezed the life out of him.

Adam: how do these weeks go so fucking slow!

Lucifer: I know babe- but I have an idea!

Adam put Lucifer down and he ran to get his bag, when he returned he placed it on the table.

Adam: what's your idea? Nothing stupid I hope- LUCIFER!

Lucifer pulled out a gun. Where the fuck did he get that?!

Lucifer: I'll shoot myself! Then I'll die! And come here!

Adam: no-! Are you insane! Put that away!

Lucifer: why not? I'll- be able to be here, with you!

Lucifer put the gun away, looking sadly at Adam.

Lucifer: I want to be here- when the babies come- and I want to raise them with you, not doing one week on, one week off- it's frustrating, Addie!

Adam: I know baby- but please-

Adam walked over to him and pulled Lucifer close. He eyes the gun and snapped it away, imhe sint risking anything.

Adam: you have a life, Luci. Please live it! The babies and I aren't going anywhere, and they'll know who you are-

Lucifer: it's not fair, Adam. I feel like I'm going to miss so much

Adam: we'll work something out, baby, I promise.

Lucifer began to cry into Adam, hugging him tighter. Adam felt so crushed. He's never regretted anything more than taking over the Vatican. If he didn't, he'd be on Earth with Lucifer. He ran his hands through Lucifer's hair. He held him for as long as Lucifer cried.

Devil and the Priest!au

(Feel free to change the name- it's 1am where I am, so my brain is starting to fry lol)

@things-arent-what-they-seem66 @fanofstuff01

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Lucifer drove through the country side, he's been behind the wheel for nearly 5 hours. He didn't realize how much of a drive getting to this monastery. He knew it was remote but this is getting ridiculous- he should have brought snacks.

He glanced out his window every now and then to take in the scenery. He's currently driving past a large body of water, where he spotted a small island. He wishes he was over there, with no worries or expectations. With no one but himself. The Vatican has been on his ass lately about making this trip. Apparently, there was something 'dark- and 'unsettling' at this monastery. If any of the priests he knew were anything to go by, it was probably just them. He swore they refused to die, they had more wrinkles than brain cells.

Lucifer turned his radio up, some type of rock song was one, it was a big no no to be listening to music like this, it's his car. Driver picks the music, and the Vatican shuts their cake hole.

Finally, as the sun was setting, Lucifer arrived at the monastery. The large stone building loomed over him, maybe the Vatican was right, this place was unsettling. He felt like he was being watched, the multiple colours in the sky masking how decrepit this place actually is. Pulling out a brochure from his pocket, Lucifer couldn't help but smirk, they're really trying to market this place like it's a holiday retreat.

Lucifer: "Welcome to the Hazbin. Find not only sanctuary and enlightenment but also beaches and the best crab around!" ...right, definitely staying away from the crab then...

After an exhausted sign, Lucifer licked his car and picked up his bags. Making his way towards the large wooden doors, Lucifer couldn't help but dread the next two or three hours, all he wanted was to hop into bed and close the world off foe a few hours but he'd probably have to take the whole tour and- ew- meeting people.

He shuddered at the thought.

Lucifer: I wonder if I could convince them to leave the formalities till tomorrow...

Lucifer gripped a huge, iron door knocker and banged it three times. He knew this could take a while so he prepared to get comfortable- until the door was pulled open.

Priest: Hello! And welcome to the Hazbin! How can I assist you this fine evening!

Lucifer: uh- yeah- hi, my name Luicfer, I've been told to come here by the Vatican- I've been told you're expecting me...?

Priest: hm... Lucifer...

The man flicked through a small book, humming every so often. What's the point in having glasses if you still can't read a damn book.

Lucifer: look man- sir- it's been a long drive, I'd really like to just get to sleep-

Priest: ah! Yes! Here you are, Lucifer! Please, come right in! We've been expecting you for hours, your overseer said you would be here this morning- but better late than never I suppose!

The man moved aside to let Lucifer in. He really didn't like this guy, but that's not new, priest are pretty... eccentric.

The man shit the door behind him, using at least six locks to secure it.

Priest: pardon my manners, Lucifer! My name is Alastor- Father Alastor. And I'll be your superior while you're here

Ah, great. He has to answer to this... lovely man. Forcing a smile, Lucifer did what he did best: lie.

Lucifer: that's very exciting Father Alastor, look forward to working with you and getting to know this place more personally!

Alastor: oh, I could imagine! I'm sure you've heard a lot about me! I've been in charge of five other monasteries before this one! All saw a raise in volunteers and profits.

Lucifer: that's fantastic, Father. It's a real honor to be working on this project with you-

Alastor: "project", yes, that's one word to describe it.

Alastor lead Lucifer down a long hall, hebcouldbt believe how quiet it was. He was told there were at least 60-70 nuns and other workers here but it just seemed abandoned.

Thankfully, Alastor showed Lucifer to his room, it was large with a queen bed in the middle. It didn't have much furniture, just a set of draws and a desk out looking the garden. It was dead and overgrown, but the air was fresh, he'll have to start taking up writing again.

Alastor: well! Lucifer, it is a real pleasure to have you here! Tomorrow I'll show you around and I introduce you to some of the other occupants here- there are quite a few so I do expect you to introduce yourself to some of them in your own time.

Lucifer dumped his bags on his bed, and turned to face Alastor.

Lucifer: that understandable. Thank you for this Alastor, I'll see you in the morning-

Alastor: bright and early Mr Lucifer. I like to get the day started as the break of dawn

Of course he does.

Lucifer: great! I better get some sleep then

Alastor: yes, you should. Goodnight Lucifer

Finally, Lucifer was alone. Or at least he hoped. He still hasn't shaking that feeling from earlier. Except this time, he was certain nothing was watching him, Alastor seemed to be the only other living thing here. And that's giving the bastard a lot of credit. Not once did he stop smiling- Lucifer already wants to wipe that look off his face.

All Lucifer wanted to do was sleep, so he got comfortable and started to drift off.

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sparrowpharoh · 2 years ago

Text

~Mutual Aid Request~

So let's start with the good news. I have a job starting this sunday (8/28). If the universe aligns in a merciful way, I should be getting my first paycheck on the sixteenth of September.

More likely than not that check will largely be consumed by the multitude of overdue and neglected expenses I have been unable to pay for, so how much of a finish line that date serves as remains to be seen. I may well have another two weeks beyond that before I actually have any real usable income.

BUT! Now is not the time for pessimism! Now is the time for hope, and may despair take the week off for a change. For now, my only obstacle is getting through the next few weeks.

Yesterday I spent the remainder of my available cash on as much groceries as I could afford to get through until then. Today I did the math and everything together is barely over 2k calories.

I do not think that will stretch over the next 20+ days.

I am looking into local food banks but I'm in a rural area, so even 'nearby' places mean a decent amount of driving and therefore gas. I currently only have enough gas to cover maybe a week max of commuting to work, if that. In addition there are other complications with food because I'm living in a stationary bus with limited electricity. My only means of cooking or boiling water involves making a fire, so I'm trying to avoid that as much as possible. I have no refrigeration and am in a constant state of war with the neighboring mouse and ant populations which make storing any food that isn't canned difficult and risky.

As far as medications I am immensely relieved to say that I have a surplus of my psychiatric meds. But I have only a couple days left of my HRT, which frankly does jus as much if not more for my mental health and stability.

If anyone who sees this is able to help, I will be eternally grateful. But if you can't, please, don't let this add to your stress. If you would feel guilt for not being able to help the whole of the earth with only two hands, then there is something you can do to help me, and that's to help yourself. Let your own wounds heal first and know that doing so will make us all stronger as a rising tide lifts all ships.

But if you do have the means to offer assistance, my cshapp is $SparrowPharoh and I also have a PP and Vnmo I can tell over DM. Or jus spreading this so someone else who might have more means to offer has the chance to see it as well.

$54/200 (tentative goal)

The work seems endless and every victory carries three more challenges with it. But there is light in the distance. I know there is.

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nxrthmizu · 4 years ago

Text

Crash and Burn

fandom | miraculous ladybug

genre | salt, lila salt

pairing | n/a

w.c | 3.2k

author's note | hey remember that lila salt fic i promised? this isn't it but this is something i made today so yep. please accept this as an apology for yknow. me promising to write and. not doing it.

Enough was enough.

“Marinette, stop accusing Lila! She just wants to make friends!”

“Take the high road.”

“Be a good model student, Marinette.”

Enough. Was. Enough.

Marinette had the connections, the power, the choice to make Lila’s entire world crumble apart. The only thing that stood between the liar’s demise was the tiniest pinch of morality and self-restraint— And no, that self-restraint did not come in the form of Tikki. Even the kwami, who had to be an aggregation of all the good and nice things in the world, was fed up and ready to retaliate.

“What a joke.” Lila cackled, tossing a chunk of her sausage hair over her shoulder flamboyantly. The two girls were in the bathroom, with Lila smirking in front of the sink and Marinette a little distance away from her. “You can make my world crumble? What is this, a threat?”

“A promise.” Marinette corrected. “Stop telling lies. Come clean to every one. No more lying about knowing celebrities left and right, no more making excuses about not being able to take your own notes, no more making up ‘diseases’ just so your life gets a little more convenient. To be frank, I really don’t care what happens to you— But by making these empty promises to introduce my classmates to great ‘celebrities’, you’re ruining their futures. Stop.”

“And what are you going to do if I don’t?” Lila sneered, face twisted into an ugly grin. “You going to cry in front of the class? Try and convince them that I, the one they adore— That I am lying?”

“No.” Marinette’s eyes were clear when she met Lila’s. The clouds of self-doubt that used to hover over the bright, shining star inside her soul had now dissipated, letting the bluenette emit a confident, glowing appearance as she met the liar head on. “I’m just going to keep my promise.”

──────── ⋆⋅❉⋅⋆ ────────

Lila headed off to a modelling shoot after school, pleased at the prospect of spending more time with Adrien. There were a couple tendrils of Marinette’s words hanging behind in her mind— Did the girl mean what she said? Did she actually… Was she actually capable of causing Lila’s downfall? … Surely not. Marinette may have once been the ‘Everyday Ladybug’, but there was no way she was that competent, there was no way the girl was capable of plotting.

The Italian hummed, brushing away thoughts of the annoying bluenette from her mind. She was going on a photoshoot— One that was going cause the rise and burst of her career, the one that was going to make her name a globally-known one. Unfortunately for Lila, her plans were going to be derailed quite soon— In fact, as soon as Gabriel Agreste’s car rolled into the parking lot of the shoot location.

“Explain this, Mlle. Rossi.” Gabriel’s nostrils flared as he pointed to the tabloid article on his tablet. The Italian girl froze, the headlines seared into her eyes, big and black and bold, shooting poison right into the core of her body, paralysing her cell by cell starting from her heart. “What is the meaning of this?”

‘Adrien Agreste Reported To Be Harassed by Fellow Model’— The image under the caption was one that was clearly taken by a hidden photographer. The picture was framed with leafy foliage, which suggested that the camera was tucked up in a tree. Despite the distance, it was quite obvious in the image that Adrien was reeling away, disgusted and uncomfortable as a faceless woman in an orange blazer, back turned to the camera— Invaded his personal space.

The subtitle was the cream on the cupcake.

‘Witnesses State Gabriel Agreste Ignorant of Workplace Harassment’.

──────── ⋆⋅❉⋅⋆ ────────

As if things couldn’t quite go down a worser path, Lila returned home to a fuming mother and an unexpected visitor.

“Lila! You come here right this instant!” The diplomat demanded as soon as the front door opened, her daughter shrinking slightly at the tone and pitch that her mother was using. The last time her mother had been this angry— Well, it was when she got expelled from her last school. “I can’t believe what you’ve done! If it weren’t for your kind classmate, lord knows how long you would’ve continued with this!”

The Italian meekly followed her mother into the living room, eyes widening until they were as large as saucers, mouth agape at the last person she expected to see sitting on the couch.

Marinette smiled kindly, waving at the girl, looking every bit the part of the innocent, pure, kind child that every parent wanted to have. Before Lila could release a torrent of questions about what the hell Marinette Dupain-Cheng was doing in her living room, her mother charged on, beginning to take out her anger on her daughter while a literal angel sat on the sofa, cradling a box of pastries from her family’s bakery.

“Your friend here tells me that you’ve been taking absences from school to go on trips to help humanity!” Mme. Rossi exploded, waving her arms around madly. “She says she’s here to share her notes from the classes you’ve missed! You’ve never left Paris this year! What’s this I hear about flying off to the kingdom of— What was it called again, Marinette dear?”

“Achu.” Provided the bluenette helpfully, the diplomat’s expression instantly softening when she talked to the other teen in the living room.

“Ah, yes. Thank you, dear.” The woman turned back to her daughter, instantly snapping on a mask of anger in a matter of a fraction of a second. “What’s this about flying off to this kingdom of Achu to help homeless orphans with some random prince?”

“Um…” Lila piped up, wriggling as her brain churned at 200 lies per hour, trying to whip up a cover of some sort.

“I’m not done! Your friend here is such a helpful child that she even went as far as to ask her family doctor is there’s a cure for your… Lying disease!” Mme. Rossi practically roared, breathing flames as if she were an intimidating dragon, her daughter flinching away from the heat. “I’ve never heard of anything more ridiculous! And then there’s the fact that you lied to your classmates about having tinnitus?!”

“I actually do have tinnitus!” Lila cut in forcibly, widening her eyes to make herself look more pitiful. “I was just afraid to tell you because I didn’t want you to worry!”

“Bullshit!”

“Um… Sorry to interrupt, Mme. Rossi,” Marinette piped up, the diplomat instantly cooling down as she faced the bluenette, a soft smile tracing the Italian woman’s lips. “But it’s getting rather late and my parents would love me home soon. I also have some tests to revise for tonight, so I think I should get going.”

“Oh, of course, dear.” Mme. Rossi hastily got up to help the bluenette to the door, shooting a warning glare at her daughter— ‘Sit still and don’t you dare go anywhere’, the glare read. “Feel free to come over again anytime you want, dear. I’m not home often, but you are such a sweet child. I’m sure Lila could learn a lot from you.”

“Thanks for having me as well, Mme. Rossi. I really like your home. I left the pastries on the counter— Make sure to warm the curry puffs before you eat them.” Marinette returned the smile, bowing slightly to the older woman as a sign of respect.

“Thank you for the pastries as well, Marinette. I ought to visit your parents’ bakery sometime when I’m free.” Mme. Rossi opened the door kindly for the bluenette, waving the girl off with an affectionate smile. Her parents must be so lucky to have such a sweet little thing like her, Mme. Rossi sighed internally, turning the key so she locked the door. And she seems to be a high-scoring student as well.

──────── ⋆⋅❉⋅⋆ ────────

Lila seethed, having been grounded by her mother. As far as Mme. Rossi was concerned, there was a boarding school not too far away from their current residence, and by the next week, the Italian girl would be transferred over. Lila had never hated Dupain-Cheng as much as she did in that moment.

Still furious, the Italian snapped her laptop open, too angry to bother with the fact she might’ve scratched the surface. Clicking into the web browser, she started to type in the words ‘Ladyblog’— That was, before a news article caught her eye.

‘Jagged Stone Interview Reveals Underage, Obsessed Fan’.

What on Earth…

As soon as Lila clicked into the link, the news footage from the interview immediately begin to play. The date stamp on it showed that it had aired last night— Which meant that she would’ve missed it, since her mother was too busy yelling at her to turn on the television to watch Nadja Chamack’s daily news.

“As soon as I heard this rumour about some underage teenage girl claiming that she had saved my cat on an airport runway, I called Penny and asked her to book a slot for me to clarify this,” Jagged Stone said grimly, dressed in more formal attire as he sat in the comfortable, cushioned chair of the news station, with Nadja nodding equally seriously beside him. “Let me clarify— I’ve never owned a cat. I’m allergic to fur. The only pet I’ve had was Fang, and he’s an al-li-ga-tor. Not a cat. Whatever the girl is claiming, she’s obsessed and making up stories.”

“It’s also kind of bewildering that she saved it on an airport runway,” Nadja continued, shaking her head in disappointment. “That kind of thing only happens in dramas— It’s too dangerous for anyone besides authorised workers to be on airport runways.”

“Right, right!” Jagged agreed instantly. “The whole rumour is just really baffling.”

“M. Jagged, may I ask what kind of effect these rumours have on a celebrities’ career?” Nadja continued, leading the conversation on like a professional.

“Well, rumours that circulate around tend to have really bad effects, and the worse ones can hang around for a long, long time. Tabloids are often spun off from rumours, baseless and with no evidence. Those tabloids will never truly disappear, so they can leave a mark on a celebrity’s reputation as some people will believe anything— Even things they read from un-cited tabloids.”

“That is simply terrible. Have you ever had any cases of rumours created by underaged teens before this?”

“I’ve had quite a number, but none of them really got as big as this one. From what Penny has found from digging around, the teen girl managed to spread the rumour through her school and onto a once-popular blog.” Jagged explained. “Penny has also found out that the same girl has claimed that I’ve written songs for her to thank her for saving my cat! I would never write songs and dedicate them to an underaged girl— Trust me. If I could do such a thing, I’d already have written a dozen in honour of my niece— She’s my favourite designer.”

Nadja smiled at that sentence. “Then—“

The news footage cut off abruptly as Lila slammed her laptop shut, too upset to continue watching.

──────── ⋆⋅❉⋅⋆ ────────

On the other side of Paris, Alya was pacing around her room frantically, wondering why on earth Lila wasn’t picking up on her calls. She’d left at least four dozen messages to the Italian, who was absent from school that day. There had been a couple whispers here and there about why she was missing— Rose had suggested another impromptu trip to Achu.

Lila’s absence wasn’t the weirdest part of the day, however.

That award would go to Marinette, who walked into class with a smile, the slightest sprinkles of delight colouring her bluebell eyes when she spotted Lila’s empty seat.

Growing in frustration, Alya threw herself onto her bed, phone clattering onto the mattress with her. Within the next few minutes, however, her phone suddenly started exploding with notifications. Excited at the prospect of Lila finally texting back, Alya turned on her phone, only to be disappointed by the notifications all clamouring from the class group chat.

Kim had sent a link to the chat— Without hesitation, Alya clicked into it, frowning when she saw Nadja and Jagged appear on the screen. Throughout the interview, the colour on the Ladyblogger’s face only paled by the second until she was as white as a sheet, and if it were halloween at that time, she would’ve won the best costume award for being a ghost.

There must… There must’ve been a mistake.

A notification from Lila’s number made the blogger perk up, instantly clicking into the conversation— But her newfound hope didn’t last very long.

[Lila]

Hi, Alya. This is Lila’s mom. She’s currently grounded right now. Is there anything important you need to tell her?

[Alya]

Oh, nothing much… I just wanted to ask where she was.

[Lila]

She’s at home.

[Alya]

Okay, thanks.

Flopping onto her bed, Alya begin thinking, revising over the past few months like it was an old clip. Lila’s exciting adventures and interactions with celebrities of every kind— Lila going overseas and face timing the entire class— Lila letting her in on the secrets of being Ladybug’s friend…

… Marinette trying to tell them that Lila was lying…

──────── ⋆⋅❉⋅⋆ ────────

The class was awfully silent the next day. Adrien was absent as well— A social worker was looking into his home life as a result of the tabloid that arose. Things for the blonde could either get better or worse from then on, as the matters were still foggy and things hadn’t cleared up yet. The blonde maintained contact with his friends, however, calling and texting them whenever he could.

“Class, settle down.” Mlle. Bustier stepped into the class, looking very tense and uncomfortable. “Today, we will have a guest, so please be on your best behaviours, alright?”

Just as the teacher finished speaking, a tall, regal-looking Italian woman entered the classroom, a cowering principal and a meek-looking Lila in tow. The class brightened slightly at the sight of their friend— But by the way she wasn’t looking into their eyes… Things weren’t going to be good.

“Good morning. I am Mme. Rossi, Lila’s mother.” The woman begin speaking, her firm and no-nonsense tone instantly making every student sit straight, their eyes too afraid to look anywhere else but the Italian diplomat. “It has come to my attention that my daughter has been taking absences from school to do charity work— And I have to clarify that this is a lie. Lila has been doing nothing but holing herself up in her room, lying to me and saying that there are no classes due to akumas.” The Italian diplomat glowered at Damocles. “What’s even more baffling is the fact that neither her homeroom nor the principal bothered to check up with me despite a student having extended periods of absence with no note or email written whatsoever.”

The class was so quiet that they could hear the quiver of Mlle. Bustier’s trembling lip.

“In addition, I’ve been kindly told that Lila has claimed to have a lying disease, which is the most ridiculous thing I’ve heard this week.” It was impossible to miss the way the Italian diplomat was glaring daggers at both Mlle. Bustier and Damocles. “No one bothered to look it up online to see if it’s actual disorder, nor did anyone call me to confirm and ask for a doctor’s note, which is standard procedure.” Chills burst over the room, making every one shiver as the woman hissed out her words.

“Mme. Rossi, we didn’t want to disturb your busy schedule—” Damocles begin, only to be blown backwards from the sheer intensity of Mme. Rossi’s glower.

“M. Damocles, standard procedures exist for a reason. Unless you’d like to tell me about any other things you’ve been letting my daughter get away with?”

“N— No, Mme.”

The Italian diplomat continued on her war path. “My daughter also claimed to have tinnitus, am I correct?”

“Y— Yes, Mme.” Mlle. Bustier answered when it seemed like no one was going to.

“And I heard that the class seating arrangement was shifted to accommodate for that?” The homeroom teacher didn’t dare answer this time, for it seemed like whatever she said would be the incorrect answer. “And apparently, my daughter has also been faking broken wrists and requesting for her classmates to complete her work for her.” Mme. Rossi was practically breathing flames at that point, “And I am incredibly upset at the lack of action from the homeroom teacher.”

No one could breath.

“I have many concerns about the running of this schooling facility, and I expect to discuss this with M. Damocles privately after this. However, there is still something to be done.” Mme. Rossi swept her gaze towards her daughter, who found the floor incredibly interesting at that point of time. “Lila? Something you’d like to say to your classmates?”

“… I’m sorry for lying to you.” Lila mumbled resentfully.

“Louder, Lila. No one can hear you.”

“I’m sorry for lying to you!” Lila swallowed, bursting like an explosion that had finally been triggered, tears in her eyes and fists hatefully curled. “I’m sorry for lying about my diseases and injuries. I’m sorry for making you do my work,” She spat. “Sorry for causing any inconveniences.”

Mme. Rossi raised an eyebrow at her daughter. “Is that all?”

Lila glared at her mother, who was completely unfazed. “Oh, so you want an apology from me? Fine!” She turned to the class, a maniacal glint in her eyes as she sneered at the class, a few gasps puffing from around the room as they caught their first glimpse of the liar that resided in the ‘harmless’ shell of Lila Rossi. “I’m sorry that you are all such idiots that you all fell for everything. I’m sorry that Marinette has such terrible, untrusting classmates that turned their backs on her even though she was still a goody-two shoes till the end, even though she still wanted to help you sorry peasants. I’m sorry that you were all so goddamn gullible! There! Good enough for you?”

Shock was etched into the faces of every human in the classroom— Including Mlle. Bustier, M. Damocles, and Mme. Rossi themselves. Clearly, that part of the apology had not been part of the plan.

“Did I miss something?” Said a sweet voice, followed by the presence of a bluenette, her hair tied in a half-up. A royal blue blazer decorated her lithe form, accompanied by a smart-looking white blouse and a black plaited skirt. Formal had never looked so good on anyone— And if someone didn't know better, they'd think that the bluenette was a young lawyer, emerging victorious from her first successful case.

“Marinette!” Alya exclaimed.

“I’m sorry that you’re such an annoying, little, pest.” Lila bit in the girl’s face, disdain colouring her features as she ignored her mother’s enraged gasp behind her.

The bluenette simply smiled, unaffected by the liar who had crashed and burned like the liar once wished upon her. Marinette Dupain-Cheng stood at her full height, the perfect image of grace and poise as she maintained her composure, quite unlike her nemesis, who thrashed under her mother’s restraining hands.

“And I’m sorry that you didn’t take my promise to heart.”

this can count as adrien redemption depending on you cause ehhh i dont like how passive he is but i havent caught up with the recent episodes, he might have become better. idk.

also where the hell is my miraculous taglist i cant find it so eep. no tagging ppl ig oops

#miraculous ladybug #the tales of ladybug and chat noir #marinette dupain-cheng #lila rossi #lila salt #rossi salt #ml class #ml salt #ml class salt #marinette deserves better #badass marinette #lila rossi lies #lila's lies are exposed #adrien agrete #alya cesaire #cady writesss «

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sugar-petals · 4 years ago

Text

♡ physical affection; levi

↳ NOTE. characterizing boyfriend levi, my passion project lmao! with some sexy moments included 👀

WORDS. ⇢ 7k

tags / warnings. ⚠️ smut, fluff, soft sub!levi x female reader, hurt/comfort hc, angst, shower sex, blowjobs + handjobs + boobjobs (yep. spoiling the captain), face-sitting, protected sex, soap kink, season 3-4 setting, no manga spoilers

Ready for a surprise? It’s not really about what kind of skinship he’s extremely selective about and what not. This is only something people would perceive about him at first glance. Instead, it comes down to how emotionally sheltered he feels. Because of his experiences, that predicates everything else. Which is why Levi’s sexuality is as complex as it is.

But also, in its sudden perfect expression once a person gives him a different perspective: That’s the time when he is touchier. The more in private, the better. The lights down low, with only a candle or two shining from another room. Broad daylight brings the harsh truths and the shaking ground. Nighttime is when Levi feels more intimate and open to caress, down his back and arms, the shoulders, the side of his neck. Done with extreme gentleness, and all of your deep respect.

If you offer him an environment of trust, Levi is open to almost anything and would even magically doze off in your arms for a little while. Breathing softly, resting for the first time in weeks, the brows becoming less tense the deeper he sleeps. You asking if you can stroke his hair (carefully, not messing it up or anything) is something he can’t say no to. The closet romantic in him will fulfill you any reasonable wish as soon as you’d ask anyway.

We know how receptive the captain is to a request, and how much there can be a soft spot for somebody in his heart. If you’re forward enough to just ask, Levi sets himself that goal and opens up. He is diligent with it just as you’d expect. That especially includes the things he says are „absolute horseshit nonsense“ and „disgusting, useless activities“ when reacting to newly formed couples kissing in the survey corps at the other end of the room. Is he a hypocrite and a hater? Actually— not at all.

Levi is a raised rather than born skeptic. Between courage and care, he is always gonna be torn. Both didn’t work in his favor at some point. But at the end of the day, he fears recklessness more than being cautious. Looking at these couples, he knows that they could lose each other the very next day. Or hell, the next hour. Not everybody has 200 titan kills.

Not everybody is a physically indestructible Ackerman destined and designed to escape death and outlive others whether they want it or not. And showing themselves this vulnerable out in the open is even more dangerous considering all the political intrigues, chaos, attacks, and espionage going on.

When he’s scoffing at skinship in the survey corps, it’s not his intent to ruin the couples and their little happiness in the present moment (nothing he sees as more tragically precious), or say only he can have a relationship because he’s strong enough to make it survive. If anything, Levi is the prime example of how all his connections were doomed exactly because of his status pulling in all the danger. He very well and painfully knows.

What I mean is: He sees the brutality of consequences that can create more misery than if two people would just go about their business. Levi already dreads that the same might happen to him. But after all, the behavior of others is easier to rectify than his own undeniable feelings for you. Which he cannot control in any way, which is why he reacts to others instead. Looking at other people holding hands, he’s also afraid how dabbling in love is a distraction from threats that can even backfire on uninvolved others if someone is suddenly in harm’s way.

Levi does associate physical touch with something that takes an otherwise observing mind off when it shouldn’t be. To him, it creates something so valuable that can become an unintended burden through all kinds of circumstances, he’s seen it all, it’s terrible he had to. And the reason why he has such a torn relationship with it. You really have to know your stuff to build a resilient little bubble where Levi is not constantly hypervigilant and either past- or future-focused.

Which is pretty damn hardwired into him. It’s almost impossible to bring on that kind of atmosphere spontaneously. It has to be ritualized. His intelligence comes with the downside of overthinking and having problems with spontaneous romance, it’s good to direct his thought into something that’s always done in a specific, structured way. You sit down with tea, put the candles on, Levi finishes cleaning his weapons, makes everything combat-ready and usable in seconds, and you carefully lay down on his impeccably made bed together.

Which he never uses, Levi sleeps in chairs. Or on the ground, so he can feel any titan steps in the distance with his whole body, using the cleanest possible mat or towel as a mattress and nothing else. The bed he basically just makes to have it neat, and for you, and to have a spot to lay together.

But yeah. He will never remove his harness. Not even when you’re sleeping with each other. He’s not once gonna risk having to put it on in a hurry. The only time you will be skin to skin with him is for not even five minutes under the shower. It’s when his cleanliness beats his anxiety around being always ready, which is why that’s a time to fully cherish.

And then, he really has no qualms about you wrapping your hands around his soap-covered torso in the shower anyway. It’s the only time his inner default germaphobe is not vehemently screaming inside his already heavy heart. It doesn’t have anything to do with you, this is about his demons only, confronted with the immense relief you give him. If the latter wins over his mind’s struggle, Levi might draw out the shower time sometimes.

The other voice that tells him ‚don’t make it end so soon’ is now finally convincing him. He will dial down the water stream so he can hear what’s going on outside better to compensate, to know if there’s any ruckus or approaching hazards. Levi has instructed a fast runner among the cadets to bang on the front door under any critical circumstances immediately in the first place.

Levi says he wants to save water, too. He won’t admit it, but he also turns the showerhead to a medium pressure to hear your calm, almost-quiet moans — the barracks have terribly thin walls — better when you’re sucking him off. Slowly, smoothly, not too much spit. Folded towel under your knees because Levi insists, and he is right. The showers in the survey corps have uncomfortable floor tiles.

He makes sure you won’t get soap in your mouth as well, I don’t have to tell you that he is very circumspect. Levi isn’t usually feeling overly heated in moments like this, but he gets hard and releases fast. You swear his cum tastes like afternoon tea with milk but you won’t tell him that. And who doesn’t like tea and Levi’s homemade milk, no complaints alright.

What’s still a shame is that Levi, always being in such a constant hurry and alertness, puts too much stress on his body for him to become horny all the way. In fact, he often forgets it. He feels numb, and can’t fully take in the sensations. Levi has not been able to feel a lot of genuine pleasure in his life.

A racing mind is an absolute sex killer, and his adrenaline spikes are so high in combat that most normal things don’t do anything for him. Which is why he brews his tea extra strong. But seriously: It’s a concerning thing. And it tells you to take your time. With his whole body, doing the things he loves the most. And what else could that be? It’s straightforward: Keepin’ it clean.

You make sure that Levi feels extra comfortable by thoroughly massaging his loins and thighs with a sponge during foreplay. Yes, you’re gently working him up. All in circles and light brushing motions. Lots of soap. Suave and bubbly, like silk on his skin. It’s handmade, with oat milk, lavender, and honey. For your honey. You regularly gift a new one to him to try out scents and have supply. You can guess how much Levi appreciates it, to the moon and back in fact. The present box is neatly stored on his office table where he can always see it.

Sending out its balmy fragrance throughout the day, making the room smell amazingly aromatic to him. His nose will never grow tired or accustomed to it. Levi puts the soapbox in a drawer within literal split seconds when someone who isn’t you enters the room. „Tsk, announce yourself when you knock…“ That could even be the newest recruit who doesn’t know anything at all about the place and people. But this is just a you and him thing.

Levi doesn’t want nosy questions from the squad even though nobody would probably even notice the soap laying there in its case, much less ask him about it or the fresh scent in the air because duh, it’s Levi’s office. But it feels absolutely personal for him — so he reacts sensitively about it. This man would probably protect your lavender soap with his blades if he had to.

The captain is very secretive about your relationship in general. Who on earth would go as far as buy him a new scented bar of joy bi-weekly? At this point, he would crawl on hot coals, needles, lava, ice shards, desert sand, and a mile-long straight of legos (laid out by a maniacally laughing Zeke personally) for you.

Although you wouldn’t allow any of it. Nothing should ever hurt those kitty paws, I mean captain hands and captain feet. You’d put Zeke on blast on your own, luring him with a banana to confuse his senses and then, whack, homerun the monkey into the ocean with Levi’s bristle broom. Problem solved. Anyway.

Levi wouldn’t hurt himself willingly that way either, the ice shards don’t stand a chance. He has sworn to protect his own life out of self-respect, to honor those passed by living on bravely toward the goal they worked for and being the one always coming home to you. You can rely on him.

So enough about gleaming hot coals and Zeke’s evil legos, back to the point — you already get what I mean. Levi might seem totally grumpy on the outside, but for sure is a devoted man, a caliber as always. He takes all of your presents to heart and is unbelieving as to why he’d be deserving of so much. You prove a point using the gifts as regularly as possible on his body. Where he can feel every bit of your fondness of him. And remember it with muscle memory. Oh shit, this soap does smell so good. As anything on him, who are we kidding.

Dousing Levi with all your attention is the best thing ever. He feels great relaxing with you, and his face softens up. He’s looking at you with a tiny smile in response to you whispering sweet things to him, all while you’re using the sponge on his legs, the chest, and ever-tense back that can definitely use some alleviation. „Thank you for cleaning me“ has got to be the best thing ever to hear from Levi Ackerman. It means the entire world to him. Captain, your mommy kink is showing. His arousal increasing is a natural side effect in no time.

Recently, you’ve been slipping his cock between your breasts as well, and it’s been slowing him down a lot after an eventful mission. While at the same time making him more in the moment, he really enjoys you gradually lathering him up like that. The feeling of skin on skin is amazing. It might be something that… often crosses his mind when he trains during the day, but he can blend it out for the important things. Until you do it all over again, and he ruminates about how much you turn him on until the sun rises.

You also never do a blowjob hands-free. Why would you, anyway? His body is amazingly buff and compact, you want to hold onto those gorgeous lil’ hips and his own hands that need a fair share of holding after carrying the world. You feel him twitching on your tongue when you run either hand over his ass and abs, making sure to trace across all his most erogenous spots there. What’s more: Levi feels really protected and soothed when he feels your palms on him under the streaming water, he can’t explain it.

That's why you like doing shower handjobs just as much. I don’t have to tell you that Levi really delights in them as well and his poker face regularly cracks a bit. His eyes fixate on you, you can tell the connection and involvement. He thinks your fingertips are heavenly, a welcome change to his rugged days.

He loves how softly they tease and stimulate him with the smallest movements and subtle presses. Yes, Levi doesn’t like rough action, those are vulnerable moments. He has enough brutality elsewhere, violently jerking him off and insulting him would be entirely inappropriate and even scare him.

He’d probably brush your wrists off right away, it’d be so uncomfortable in the silence of the evening. A tender chain of kisses on the nose tip, chin, collar bone, and especially forehead gets him going a lot more. The more chaste and doting the kiss, the more he melts on the inside.

His anxiety baseline goes down, and he feels like he can let you in. However you guide him and however you choose to indulge him with your lips, Levi is on board, quietly enjoying. Since it’s something that he’s still feeling so new to, leaving you the active role comes naturally.

Stroking him with a deep pace, carefully brushing your lips against his to give him goosebumps — Levi definitely grows into that. In those moments, he really feels taken care of, in safe hands, hands that will stay with him. He’s gonna be surprised just how good something like this feels many times. And be overwhelmed by pleasure to the point where it almost frightens him, he didn’t have that a lot until now.

The satisfaction of a spotless table simply does not compare. Just so you know: He will either be dead silent or mumble under his breath nonstop. That he is okay with you touching him below the belt and even take him in your mouth tells you how much Levi trusts you, how much he knows you love him, and how meticulously he’s already scrubbed and shaved himself beforehand. Yes, the sheer preparation. He puts a lot of work into his body. He couldn’t stand you becoming dirty.

That’s also why the shower is the place oral goes down. And even there, he uses like ten cleaning products to double rinse the stall and himself before and after. Mind you. He sees you eating healthy, brushing your teeth well. Your lips are very beautiful and a masterpiece of nature to him. So it’s not you who he thinks is dirty. Levi is pretty damn paranoid about his own skin and hygiene. If only he would think about himself the way he thinks of your body.

He feels like he has to earn it, be acceptable, and prepare himself endlessly to enjoy touch. Even then, he thinks he must be ugly and revolting. You have to respect him fussing about it rather than forcing him to cut down on his routines. You don’t criticize his perfectionism and see the motivation behind it. So instead, you reassure Levi your own way.

The more he sees you having fun and enjoying his body, the more accepted, confident, and clean he feels. Most people would like to see their partner play up the enthusiasm obviously (unless you have a ‚hiding his amazement’ emo boy kink, which is exactly why you like Levi don’t cha), but it’s particularly meaningful to Levi. Guess why he looks up to Armin’s mentality, and Hange is one of the few people who truly vibe with Levi.

She’s easily amused, dedicated, swooning, excited, and constantly eager. Levi does appreciate a bit of zeal in someone. If you’re a little ardent about touching him, it’ll give his esteem a boost he’s long needed, oh god. Nobody has the guts to praise this guy like that, even if he’s so extremely good-looking. Don’t let him off the hook there. Give him feedback, you’ll be surprised how much it resonates.

It’s already apparent to yourself how keen you are being touchy with him, hell, you’re so in love. Still, it’s a good idea to give him an idea how stoked you are. He doesn’t like it fast and brutally raw without a second thought, but passionate is a whole other debate. A simple „Levi, stay like this, let me do it“ or „Levi, you smell so good“ works wonders. Say what you think and his ease will set in. And I don’t have to tell you that you won’t look like sex is a chore anyway. With Levi, that’s an honor and a pleasure.

That he puts his faith in you and gives you his time is already a massive deal and goes against everything we know of him, what he’s used to, and how his avoidant personality works, being so ridden with losses. And it’s all because of how much you desire and approach him. That’s what it comes down to.

Even if he’d suffer decades from yearning, he’d not go out of his way to kickstart something, never ever. He’d feel like he’d cause you so much trouble. You wanting him so badly and treating his body like a treasure on the other hand changes his mind.

It proves him wrong all the way. There is still time to enjoy love, the chance is now. Anything else would plague Levi with solitude and self-pity all over again. And the feeling of missing you around in his rooms. Two teacups on the table until he grows old and grey are his ideal of a good life, after all. He will open himself to your emotional and physical presence, realizing how touch-starved he is, and how much it improves his life to have someone to kiss and lay down next to at night.

The even breath at the back of his neck gives him a sense of finally someone sticking around with him side by side, even if he’s gone during the day. It feels good and right to be wanted by you, and nuzzling his face into your cotton dress. Your commitment gives him the little smiles and the silver lining he’s been searching for. He can’t label that feeling, but it’s joy of life and humankind, more than just a willingness for it. He would stay forever pained and bitter if he wouldn’t invite it in now, and you won’t waste that chance with being silent.

You’re attracted to everything about him, tell him, make him aware. The voice, the hair, the mannerisms, his height, his abilities, his mind, his care for others, the posture, how soft his cheeks are, the list is endless. Levi won’t miss how much he’s your type at some point. Which gives him a lot of ease, comfort. You show him that his inferiority complex was an entire smokescreen in his mind.

He fucking deserves to be called handsome. And by the way — you can lust over him as much as you want when he’s made that time window for your couple stuff. It’s good if you make it as obvious as possible for him. Which is hard to hide anyway. You’ve been masturbating over Levi just sitting there sternly writing something. And he’s like why, and you’re like, it’s you! Look at you!

Levi does want you to touch his skin all over but it’s always sore. And he remains insecure on many days. So he only has particular comfortable spots in the first place. Since hardly anybody dares to touch him, and even if he pats someone’s shoulder nobody would ever be courageous enough to reciprocate, you would feel a bit like a lab scientist. Silently theorizing over him at first even if you really don’t have to. Other people say they’d rather run towards a titan than expose themselves to Levi’s moods, swords, and barking tone after trying to caress him in any way.

News flash, Levi has had such terrible moods since forever because there’s no affection coming to him from anywhere just because people decided he might not need it. And no, he won’t yell at you for touching. He finds it very sweet of you instead. Touching Levi always creates an occasion that will float around in his head for the entire day, that’s guaranteed. He sees how someone goes out of their way and cares for his well-being. He might not like it like standing in the middle of the whole corps, but anywhere else is fair game, at home anyway.

The pressure of dealing with threats he can manage to a degree, and he has lord how many coping strategies. The lack of love he cannot. Big difference that everybody seems to confuse. On top of how he has to be unrelenting in his position because battlefield and the Yeagers being a pain. Most people — except maybe Armin — see that as a closedness to touching altogether.

The whole world seemingly can't intuit Levi’s craving of gentleness behind the arguably pretty convincing armor, but still. It seems like only a few souls ever think about the Levi that sits down on his bed in the evening completely depleted. You have to make it clear to yourself and him that it’s obviously a one-dimensional way of looking at Levi Ackerman and not good for him.

Which has covertly shaped how he interacts with others in return like a vicious spiral, which is why he blames solely himself for his depravation. And, how severe and untouchable the circumstances made his character. Yes, Levi despises himself for being inaccessible and unable to change it on top, added to how it happened to him over the years.

Which he had pretty much zero influence on being basically at the gunpoint of life. It’s what you hate seeing the most and comfort him about with brewing tea. It definitely comes back tenfold, Levi won’t take it for granted when you brush out his hair and speak soothingly to him in the evening. „I don’t care, those are all reasons why you’re the apple of my eye“ seems to be what makes Levi’s heart a little mushy in particular.

He is very preoccupied with blame at the start of your relationship. Levi is torn apart by daily guilt and a constantly looming perception of failure to show an opening to his heart. He also crumbles under how the majority of people don’t take him seriously, overreact, or fear he snaps back into soldier mode — he doesn’t — when he does show affection.

That you gaze behind his reputation and touch him without prejudice is the most important thing to him. You can ignore his mad and gloomy expression, Paradis has carved it into his face for half an eternity (the other half is for you and him when this is over). It doesn’t mean he’s angry on the inside about you. The causes for his madness are way elsewhere, knowing his early story it goes without saying. What made Levi callous and broken-hearted are things very opposite to you.

Those who only see and enjoy his fighting personality probably want him as their poster boy, people who are reflected enough to bother with the idea of a private, cuddling Levi are the only truly caring ones. Because private Levi needs that physical and emotional connection the most. Patting his cadets on their heads is only a little, albeit meaningful moment. The teacup is still half-empty regardless if you wanna think of it in those terms.

Because he can only do so much in terms of initiative — which already shocks people to the point of paralysis, which ruins the moment since he assumes it’s not appreciated then — and it’s only one-sided. Giving isn’t fully making him happy even if it’s his only option given how most people perceive him.

The teacup only fills to the brim if Levi can let go for like half an hour getting some good ole kitty on your lap treatment. He silently lays there and enjoys your hand rubbing at the back of his neck. He looks genuinely peaceful that way. His hand palms gently at your thigh and knee, and rests there all tranquil while he ruminates about his day and how lucky he is to have you.

The whole ‚theorzing rather than going for it‘ thing stems from you listening to those people a bit too much at the beginning. Instead of asking Levi directly about touch, and to be fair: Not a single human being has done that yet, you try to figure him out at a distance. Which is also a good thing though.

You learn about many Levi habits others would overlook, misinterpret, or don’t think have any meaning. The more you learn about him, the more understanding you become, the more protective you will be, the less he will avoid intimacy. Because Levi really doesn’t want to shy away, but often his body has too much memory in it to be instantly receptive. So it rather starts with the mind, then.

The irony is. Levi rejecting bonds with others as not to have them weigh heavy on his mind when fighting will only make it worse. You make a statement to him that if he fully immerses himself in what you have, he can fight better and actually be without those godforsaken regrets he’s always talking about. That’s why when you’re having sex, you make him look in your eyes and kiss their lids, and wrap your legs around him very firmly because Levi has to know he’s deeply yours.

Hugs, the same thing. You squeeze the last curse out of him every time and tell him to hold you tight as well. You do have to tell him twice. Just because Levi is the strongest man in history, doesn’t mean he embraces very roughly. In fact, Levi is not used to this at all. Even more irony. Paradis’ ever-swearing, most badass titan killer with the physical excellence of a hundred acrobats can’t execute the simple act of putting his arms around you in a normal, casual way.

The why is the harder thing to talk about. Last time he got proper, truly loving hugs was way over 20 years ago. From Kuchel, during a time where he was too young to remember these things long-term. Let that sink in. It confuses him when he does it and even more so when others do. Kissing Historia’s hand even as a light official gesture was already completely unusual for him and a first time.

Levi doesn’t go beyond what he sees others doing in that regard. No extra miles, just imitating. Now think of him with something as big a deal as embracing his lover for minutes. He lets his arms just hang there and you gotta make him learn how to intertwine fingers or how to press his palms on your back. You’re the one holding him tight there, while Levi’s mind and stare go blank, he’s even more speechless and perplexed after confronting his uncle back then.

I’m not kidding. You have to ask Levi to be forthcoming with those things as well, it simply does not occur to him, and he’s unsure about everything there is to it. What a loveless world this guy is in. If it already frustrates you to see him struggle, imagine how deprived he must be. One of his inner blocks is, Levi has major jealousy of guys who are what he thinks a better hugging height. It’s obviously the other way around to anybody who’d be in love with Levi.

Of course he has the best hugging height by far. What’s not to like? He’s ideal. But in his perspective, imagine all these people above him wrapping around each other in moments of enthusiasm, shoulder-level on shoulder-level, or only with slight differences. And when it comes to him, it feels awkward because they feel strange bending down only for him and Armin.

And that’s probably the issue. Because it’s much better not to bend and try and intertwine, but just have Levi bury his face into your winter coat without a hassle. You don’t have to be perfectly chest to chest to make it work. Besides… romantic hugs are always a bit different. And, you invite Levi to do exactly that with you. Since Levi’s pet peeve is politeness, you’ll also have to show him the difference between mere courtesy and love, he hasn’t fully learned it either.

But just so you know. Levi is not a naive baby or raging bull in a china shop once he has given his love to someone. He observes well, adapts well. When it’s heartfelt, when it’s the right moment, it comes out almost by surprise, he’s feeling it and he will respond to you. With serenity and intent.

If there’s someone who can be unpretentious with physicality, that’s him. He just has to transfer that to romantic gestures and Levi will be the perfect lover after some time. He’ll end up like, „Eh, so what. We do this hugging thing!“ — Hilarious. Levi, knowing his battle tactics, does have a sort of innate courage to approach bodies: This time, it’s about someone he wants to give pleasure and gratitude to, though. Which will feel very different.

And you’re a lady he’s all whipped for, that changes everything. He might sort of try to lean at the wall next to you, to murmur about you kissing him after eating cake so he’s full of crumbs „and now I have to dust it all off again, hmph“, but he is not prepared for another kiss and you tickling him pinned against the wall (he’s not ticklish, but you still love it, and Levi has a thing for you being all over him despite his stoic face).

So yeah, Levi will be super grumpy and do the „Oi oi!“ thing, but also turn around so you won’t see the blush. Man, is he embarrassed. He will try to waddle away awkwardly to do paperwork, but no chance if you tug him back by the sleeve, dust off his shirt from crumbs, and squeeze his cheeks into a perfect Levi snoot. I’m telling you, he has a nice pouty face.

He might assume that you’re out of your mind because nobody has done that with him yet, but once you tell him that you just wanna look at him because every day might be the last, he sees the point of your antics. Merely saying you kiss him just because won’t make sense to the captain, it’s gotta have a purpose for the future.

So, you will tell him to always remember what your soothing lips do on him before he draws the blade tomorrow, and that he has plenty of filthy crumbs to come home to. „I think that’s right by what we’ve seen today“ is what he’ll admit, and carries you off to the bed to get grinding because all that stuff made him kinda turned on. Or rather, you grind, Levi on the other hand gets flustered. He complains about you being a tease at length since he’s having a huge she-pinned-me-to-the-wall boner.

You sit on his face to take it even further and as his favorite treat, end of discussion, your goddess is here mister. Geez, you’ll make him a hot mess. That dick won’t go soft anytime soon. You’ll talk to him about when his face is already ruined with cake crumbs, he has nothing to lose, gotta clean up anyway. The grumbling noise from below tells you that the argument is a good one. For good measure, you palm at his trousers to see his legs react and his voice suddenly hitch. Ah, it’s a wonderful day.

Levi knows a thing or two about holding his breath correctly, but what he likes the most is that he feels perfectly sandwiched between thigh Rose and thigh Maria. Yeah, he does consider them his personal comfort walls and hopes they’ll always be there. Congruently, Levi wraps his arms around them, in fact it’s locking rather than wrapping, and you’re like I see wow he’s serious.

On goes his tongue lapping away between your labia pretty much incessantly. The arousal is so intense, you have to breathe in yourself. Oh shit, Levi is gonna try to finish you off, shots fired. Not fast, but insisting. He does not bother with you panting pretty damn hard whatsoever. He’s calling people like that, but Levi might be the real brat all along.

Fair enough, he currently doesn’t hear anything, which he also loves the idea of. All day, people everywhere are talking nonsense, and now he gets to enjoy perfect silence. His ears are small, they’re easy to cover with thighs. He just goes on and on and gets you past lord how many brinks with a heated buildup.

There are a lot of evil things Mister Zeke has said and committed, but by far the most offending thing he has yet insinuated is that Levi is not popular with the ladies. Blasphemy, treason, outrage, éclat, trickery, criminal offense, international slander, the most grueling case of fake news since the horse left the building, and no, Jean is not meant. With those oral skills, any lady interested in him would get a permanently bleeding nose and something else permanently wet as you can personally attest to.

If Paradis would even remotely know what he can do in bed (and they would if Connie told them, he lives next door), even more people would run down his house than they already do to get a piece of him. Jesus Christ, the Ackerstamina. But I mean. People are probably suspecting it.

How can you not move like a god in bed if you can bend yourself into any Pythagorean shape mid-air. Him being a fighter also gives him experience with managing energy when you have sex, I’m not kidding. Levi can even handle you thrusting right back on his tongue, and even your jokes about how he’s getting the cream to his tea now.

Levi is already kind of dripping in juice. His fingers are sweaty, this time it’s something on his face and hands he prefers though. He won’t wipe it off just yet. So you take on the task to put a condom on him — kind of expensive, mysteriously imported, gotta make every one count my friend — and have Levi take you from behind to soil the bedsheets completely at this point.

Levi lets all the leaking happen, of course he notices, and yet he’s too focused on you gripping his cock hard all the way. So much for walls. Levi has to surrender to the thought of you squeezing him in any way you fancy at this point. That doesn’t just include the face, that much he learned. His cock is gonna fall off, you tighten up so much and make him squirm, Levi’s all blissed out.

He can’t handle your ass either. He just stares like the Founding Titan invented a brand new method to hypnotize the Ackermans or something. Although. Why’d you need to come up with something, though? People they love completely enthrall them already.

If we know something by now, it's that every Ackerman gets completely fucked in the head out of the blue and sent to another dimension when they’re with the love of their life, no hypnotizing device needed. Levi is clasping his teeth for his dear life back there. People asking him if he’s gone mad he’d answer ‚maybe‘, but if you asked him if this made him lose it he would admit it.

Since he doesn’t know what to do with his hands again, you ask him to place them at your waist. „Properly, now slide in, Levi.“ — He takes his time for the first few thrusts, grunts, but gets the hang of it, in fact he’s a pro in the making. All that vertical maneuvering can turn into horizontal maneuvering very quickly. Levi feels so strange and so good at the same time, it’s overwhelming. How can something he thought would be so dirty be this amazing?

And since this position allows him to penetrate you even deeper, Levi gets the full experience of being inside of you times two. The wet noise already turns him on, his body feels so warmed up, and he feels really shocked he’s doing this. Although his face won’t show, it’ll be concentrated as before. On the inside, Levi is losing it.

He can’t get enough of your body and how you tell him what to do, Levi will be driving it home in no time. You’re gonna have your jaw dropped by how lusty he can get yourself, but also love how he’s really breaking a sweat just because of your hard grip. Who would have thought. 14-meter class titans got nothing on you. Levi’s entire neck and chest is glazed over. You call him out on it, all you’re gonna get is a little ‚tch, that’s your fault, woman‘. I mean of course it is. He’s literally at your mercy. I told you he’s hilarious.

Little did you know that Levi will straight-up ignore his sweatiness and just continue, one heartbeat at a time, to really fill you out and make you feel good. Can you imagine. Levi dedicating like 20 minutes to make sweet love to you doggystyle.

He has a good feeling for keeping you just on the verge of cumming. He even reaches around to press two fingers into your clit after five minutes of figuring out his angles. You didn’t expect this at all. It’s as if Levi can read your mind going „but his hands are gonna get really messy, why?“ — he just goes on rubbing and says, deadpan: „Miss, do I look like I care.“

Some dirty things in the world are just there to annoy him. They’re not existing to make his life easier. And toilet humor-related things: We know Levi’s stance on that. Wet pussy on the other hand: Surprise. He thinks of it very differently. Levi is pretty caught off guard by the fact that you loving and adoring him is the reason you’re leaking so much.

It sinks in (um, literally) that you’re all drippy because you really want him inside. Not to mention that he constantly realizes just how attracted to him you are. Your desire for him, that’s Ackerman kryptonite. Levi doesn’t miss your eyes, nope. That motherfucker is a damn good face reader.

And— How warmed up your body feels in his hands, how you’re breathing. How you’re telling him exactly how to tilt to hit the good spots. How you’re sucking in air when he does just that. How you sound, grip the pillow, the sheets. Your goosebumps all over your legs. How your lips part. How you wait for every thrust. The way you tell him how good it is. Your pulse. Your own sweaty back, letting his hands on your waist slip and slide a little with the rhythm.

How he’s struggling not to moan his soul out and chokes back. How you’re softly moving to glide off, he’s gonna lose his mind. How much you’re enjoying him and how cute you tell him he is. Whatever you’d ask of him, he’s so ready to fulfill it. You having the absolute hots for Levi is probably gonna preoccupy him for the whole night while you’re sleeping and he sits in the chair.

He’s been shooting grumpy cat level eye daggers with extra Ackerpoison at the corps couples for walking around showing any signs of this. Making all those lovey-dovey faces or going to the back of the barn together. Levi has chased them with his favored broom to whoop-diddly-doop those horndog soldiers back on track, swirling his weapon of choice around to send a sweeping cloud of dust after them.

Whereas now… he has to deal with the fact that he really loves all that horny stuff. Cognitive dissonance 101 is striking him out of nowhere. I mean he’d not fuck in the barn, that one is truly disgustingly shittily bastardly filthy or however he’d word it, but you get the gist. He caught feelings and caught pleasure — and that’s such a good thing.

His problem is, Levi wouldn’t know how to fawn right back at you. Except saying „good job“ like he’d praise a cadet, but he decides that’s not something to say during sex. He’s very right about that indeed. So instead: He will always reply to you accordingly and with Levi-typical honesty.

If you say you love how he kisses your neck from behind, he will tell you he’s enjoying it as well because damn he loves that spot indeed (titans can tell you a story about it… Levi has such a neck fixation, that fucker). And: Letting actions speak the loudest with him. He’s a practical guy. Levi’s hands can to the most complicated reverse grips and all that crazy human Beyblade shit. Getting you off at his fingertips is gonna be his easiest exercise ever once he gets into it.

He doesn’t even do it to show off at this point. Levi is just that kind of a sex machine and eager to please, not to mention god, is he obedient and a giver in disguise. If Levi were offered the most luxurious, expensive tea available versus your breasts to suck on for a week given he’s free of titan duty… that cup is gonna turn cold. He loves the skinship and he loves giving you a fuckton of orgasms, as many as you like and as many he has time for.

Self-explanatory, this is something he will not feel one bit of regret about. Hours touching you is the farthest from wasting time to Levi. The less he holds back with his love, the more secure things become. He doesn’t feel the misery he thought he’d run into, nor does it feel like a reckless act that’s only something feeble.

The new soap every other week on his table alone reminds him you’re here to stay and like his every quirk, and make this a private thing rather than something to parade around. You never lied saying „Levi, you’re mine.“ He does wrap his head around the fact that all of this is happening with time.

Levi finds your relationship meaningful because it gives him feelings and exactly that emotional harbor he never had before, and he gifts you the reverence of your lifetime since Levi doesn’t half-ass anything. You reassured and guided him so much, he looks up to that, it breaks down his prejudice against loving more and more. That’s how you’ll feel intimate in all kinds of ways for very intense hours he can spare to make the most out of it.

From the light touch at his arm to making out until the candles burn down. And if you tell Levi to sell the deal and dedicate his heart, how can he not take that as a serious order. He has to be guarded to put his guard down, and that’s what you can offer him, and he will create something lasting out of it. Promise is promise to him, we all know.

RELATED: sub!levi hc (tea shop au) | life after war (levi’s happy end)

multifandom mlist | levi writings on ao3

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