#i should have done something easier than this

[damneddamsy]

falling | joel miller x fem!oc (part ii)

summary: Joel Miller never expected much out of Jackson—just a quiet place to live out the days he had left. But when a baby’s cries lead him to a mother unravelling under the pressure of nursing her child she never asked for, he finds himself tangled in something he can’t walk away from—no matter how much he tells himself he should.

a/n: on today's episode of 'angry idiots and sad assholes', introducing the one and only Joel Miller! I let out a few tears writing this one, too, it's really painful when you think about how Joel probably perceives himself, or how I think he does. onto other happier news, I simply cannot believe the kind of response the first part garnered, and I'm shook! rise up, depression girlies!!! To everyone who responded in the comments and reblogs, I've read them all twice over and giggled and twirled my hair and threw up butterflies. Thank you, and I hope you like this one! :)

Joel settled into his routine like a man settling into an old wound. Patrols, clearing trails, the stables, the repair shop, the bar, dinner in silence, rinse and repeat. It was easier that way—easier than thinking too much about a vain attempt. He ignored his neighbour’s existence completely. At least, that’s what he told himself.

But ignoring something didn’t make it disappear.

Every morning, he still ended up at the dining table—the one he never used—sipping his coffee too slow for his patience, gaze drawn to the big white house across the street like a goddamn magnet. Watching for movement. Watching for them.

And he fucking hated it.

Hated the part of him that waited, that noticed, that took account of the smallest details like they meant anything to him. Like he still had a reason to care.

Sometimes, Maya fussed too much, and Leela would come outside, her hair a little unkempt, gait all botched, but her hands steady as she cradled her baby against her chest. He saw her murmuring softly to the baby girl, pointing to the sky, the trees, the shifting clouds, the falling snow. A little trick from Maria, he figured. It worked well enough. Maya would quiet, those big brown eyes so curious, distracted by the vastness of the world she barely understood.

And Leela—she still looked tired. Still looked like she was moving through a fog, unseeing, carrying more than just the baby in her arms. But she took to Maya differently now, touched her calmly, like she was no longer afraid she might break her.

That was good. That meant she was doing fine. That meant she didn’t need him. And that meant Joel could stop worrying about the things that weren’t his to worry about.

Joel was outside, tightening the hinges on his porch gate, bracing against the cold, when he heard her steps crunching in the snow. Still quiet. Still waiting. He didn’t look up right away, just kept his focus on the task in front of him. If she needed something, she’d say it.

"Good morning, Joel," Leela greeted warmly.

Joel gave a short nod, adjusting the grip on his screwdriver. "Mornin’."

She lingered there. Honestly, he just wished she’d just go back inside. So, he kept working, unbothered, and didn't look up.

"Loose hinges?" she asked.

Courtesies. He wasn't falling for it. "Mhm."

He knew when he wasn't wanted. She was finding her feet now, somewhat starting to take care of herself, carefully taking care of Maya. She didn’t need him checking in, didn’t need him hovering. And maybe—maybe that should’ve felt like a relief. It didn’t.

"You need anything else?" he asked, voice gruffer than he meant it to be.

"No, I just..." Leela wavered, softly, like she already knew he was about to shut her down. "I wanted to say thank you. For helping me out these few weeks. I couldn't have done it without you."

Joel finally glanced up at that. Just a flicker.

Leela shifted in her puffy pants, adjusting Maya against her shoulder. The baby girl was bundled up tight, small fists curled into her mouth, watching him with that blank, childlike wonder in big eyes. It took every bit of strength he had to not fall for that, and just forget everything that happened.

Joel hung his head, nodding again, keeping his focus downward on the screw.

She was being friendly. Trying to meet him halfway. And he hated that this was what it had come to—that she felt like she had to say something, to extend some kind of olive branch, when all he’d done was build a wall between them. For no fucking reason.

He straightened up with a muffled grunt, wiping his hands on his jeans. "Nothin’ to thank me for. It was all you."

She half-laughed, something wry and knowing. "I know that's not true."

Joel glanced up, stiffening, but she wasn’t looking at him, just rubbing slow circles into Maya’s back, pressing a slow kiss to the top of her head, consoling herself.

He knew what she was doing. He wasn’t stupid.

She was trying to make things normal again. Like they hadn’t spent nights under the same roof. Like he hadn’t seen her fall apart. Like she wasn’t still here, right now, offering him something—a small, careful thing—and he was too much of a coward to take it.

So he didn’t.

Joel scratched the back of his neck with the screwdriver, rolling the tension out of his shoulders. "You oughta get inside," he said instead. "It’s too cold for the kid."

Leela’s expression flickered. Not hurt. Just resigned. He felt like he'd ripped the bandaid off a baby.

"Okay. Yes." She slowly nodded but hesitated a step back. Then—too quietly, almost like an afterthought—"It’s nice to see you around, Joel."

And with that, she started back down the road, holding Maya closer by her head, and Joel let out a breath he didn’t realize he’d been holding. That was better. Cleaner.

He grabbed his tools and turned back to his door, locking his jaw. He hadn’t meant to come off short, but it was better this way. Best to stay in his own lane. Best not to make something out of nothing. That’s what he told himself.

But later that night, when he was eating that damn delicious soup she’d left for him by his door—still warm, still considerate—he felt like a grade-A asshole.

From then on, it was Tommy who had taken over fixing the nursery, finishing what Joel had started. He figured that was for the best. It kept things clean. Tied up loose ends. He had no business stepping into that house anymore, no reason to.

And yet, his eyes always caught the details—the way the curtains in the nursery window shifted, the way light flickered between the slats, the way the wood he had sanded and painted was still unfinished, the way Tommy started bringing someone else along.

Mal.

Joel had seen him before, a younger guy with an afro that Tommy had taken under his wing. Handy with repairs, and good with his hands. Nothing special.

At first, Mal actually worked. Brought his toolbox, put up a few shelves, and nodded along to whatever Tommy said. Kept to himself. But then—things started changing. Mal started staying longer. Talking... to her. Right on the front stoop until the sun went down.

It was fine at first. Two steps between them. Then one. Then none at all. Soon, he was leaning close on the porch railing, shoulders nearly brushing hers, speaking in low, easy tones that Joel couldn’t quite make out from across the street. And then—laughter. Leela’s laughter. Soft, hesitant, but real.

More than Joel had ever gotten out of her. Not that he’d ever tried.

Tommy and Maria stopped coming around entirely. It was just Mal now. Every goddamn day. He’d stroll up, toolbox in hand, tap on the door, and then—nothing. No sounds of work being done. No hammering, no shifting furniture. Just conversation.

Joel told himself it didn’t matter. Repeated it like a prayer, like a lesson he should’ve learned by now. That whatever Leela did, whoever she let into her home, was none of his business. That was the whole point of leaving, wasn’t it? Cutting ties, walking away.

He didn’t care about the way Mal lingered on that porch, didn’t care about the way Leela had started looking at him—not quite wary, not quite inviting. Like she was still learning how to trust people but was willing to try. Didn’t care about the way Maya reached for Mal, the tiny fingers curling into his beard, the easy way Mal let her.

And yet, he always saw it.

The way Mal leaned just a little closer, the way Leela’s shoulders, once so tight and drawn, started to loosen. The way her fingers twisted in the fabric of her sleeves when she spoke to him, soft and hesitant, like she wasn’t sure if she was allowed to enjoy the conversation.

Joel hated how much he noticed. It was worse when he overheard them.

He'd been out all damn day. Sun up to sundown, rifle slung over his shoulder, dealing with raiders, clickers, and everything in between. The kind of day that made his bones ache, that made his back scream when he so much as breathed wrong. The kind of day where all he wanted was to go home, put his feet up, and maybe—just maybe—close his eyes for longer than ten damn minutes.

But no. Because just as he was rounding the corner to his place, the world ready to lay even more shit on him, he heard them.

"You mean to tell me no one's ever spun you around before?" Mal was saying.

Joel's step faltered. He should’ve kept walking. Should’ve ignored it. But of course, he didn’t. Joel adjusted his grip on the sack slung over his shoulder, slowing his pace, letting their voices drift through the cold evening air.

Leela snorted, light and dismissive. "Like dancing?"

"Exactly like," Mal confirmed, smooth as you please. "Having a little fun, letting go, feeling the music. Bet you don’t do much of that."

Joel’s fingers curled around the strap of his bag, grip tightening.

"There's more pressing matters than romance," Leela muttered, but she was laughing.

Joel didn’t like that one bit. He didn’t like the way she said it. Playful. Entertained. That was the first thing that rubbed Joel the wrong way. The second was the way the kid kept talking.

"Well, I bet Maya’s never even seen her mama all dolled up before, huh? Imagine that, baby girl," Mal cooed, and Maya's sweet crool followed like a melody.

Fuck this.

Joel didn’t hear Leela’s response, didn’t hear whatever she said next, because he was already moving—boots heavy, hands fisted, the strap of his bag biting into his palm.

The frozen dirt beneath his boots crunched as he made his way there, shoulders squared, hackles raised, barely restraining the urge to grab that kid by the collar and shake some goddamn sense into him.

Because who the hell did this punk think he was?

Talking like that, acting like Leela was some blushing girl to be sweet-talked. Like she hadn’t spent the last few weeks barely holding herself together. Like she hadn’t bled for that kid in her arms. Like Joel hadn’t been the one who—

He stopped himself there. Tamped it down. Shoved it deep into the pit of his stomach where all the other shit lived.

Instead, he turned away, kept his head down and walked straight home, fists tight around anything. By the time he kicked the door shut behind him, his jaw ached from how hard he’d been clenching it. Fucking Mal.

Joel dumped the sack of supplies on the table and went straight for the bottle. Pulled the cork out with his teeth, and poured himself a glass with a hand that was damn near steady.

He took a sip. Let it burn. Let it settle. Then he muttered, "Goddamn kid."

He wasn’t mad. Not really. Because why should he be?

She liked him. Sure, he wanted her to be happy. If that happened, he'd finally get a good night's sleep. And yet, it wouldn't mean a fucking thing to him if Mal was the reason. One day when he's going to see her and Mal inside her home, silver rings glinting off their hands, little Maya nestled between them, the picture of a perfect family...

Joel knocked back the rest of the whiskey and swallowed hard. Good. That was good. Good for her. She didn't need him. Maya wouldn't need him. He'd butt out and live alone, in peace.

He set the glass down a little harder than he meant to. Stared at it. Then, just to be sure, he muttered it out loud.

"Ain't my problem."

But the facts remained.

She still wasn’t eating much or sleeping well. The dark circles under her eyes hadn’t faded. She still rubbed at her temples when she thought no one was looking, still blinked a little too long, like she was fighting off exhaustion every second of the day. Food was out of compulsion, not hunger, for the sake of staying healthy for Maya.

And then, one night, he saw her asleep on the porch swing. Curled in on herself, arms tucked tight, shivering slightly against the cold, exhaustion dragging her under where she sat.

It took everything in him not to walk over and wake her. To shake her by the shoulder, drag her inside, make sure she was warm. It took everything in him not to care.

Because this wasn’t his anymore. He had no claim over them.

Didn’t change the fact that every time he saw Mal leaning against that railing, looking like he belonged there like he’d always belonged there—that knot in his chest twisted tighter.

And he hated that, too.

X

Joel had truly been looking forward to dinner. It was the same thing every week. He’d go over to Tommy's, have a decent meal, shoot the shit with his brother, and let Ellie fill in the gaps of conversation. It was comfortable. Familiar. Nice. A welcome change from the silence of his own home, from days spent running the same damn circuit—patrol, repairs, the bar, then back to a house that wasn’t a home, not really.

But tonight, something was off. Joel could feel it from the moment he sat down.

Maybe it was the way Maria and Ellie kept glancing at him like they were waiting for something. Or maybe it was just Tommy—sitting across from him, chewing through a mouthful of steak, his expression too nonchalant like he had something up his sleeve.

Joel didn’t think much of it at first. He focused on his food, carving through the meat, grounding himself in the scrape of his fork against the plate.

Then Tommy opened his big hole of a mouth.

"Mal’s been spending a lot of time over at Leela’s place."

Joel’s hand tensed around his knife. And just like that, his appetite was gone. He kept his face neutral and didn’t look up. Just kept chewing, lagging and deliberate motions, like he hadn’t heard a damn thing.

Tommy, either oblivious or just plain cruel, kept going. "Helpin’ out with the nursery. Putting some time in with the baby girl." He ripped a piece of bread in half, completely unaware of the way Joel’s grip had turned his fork into a weapon. "Good guy. He and Leela get along well. It's nice to see."

Joel exhaled slowly through his nose. Focused on his plate. Flattened a piece of potato with the back of his fork. It didn’t matter. It wasn’t his problem. That was the whole goddamn point, wasn’t it?

He’d helped Leela out. Gave her time. Took care of her baby. That was it. She was somebody else’s problem now. And yet, the idea of some guy stepping into his place, rocking Maya to sleep, working on the nursery, fixing things, being there—his mouth flattened into a hard line. It stung.

No. It wasn’t his place to care. He'd told himself so many times, it felt like one of those daily affirmations bullshit. Thou shall not think of thy neighbour's handyman and his fuckeries.

Though, still, before he could stop himself, the words were already out of his mouth. "Nursery ain’t even done yet."

The second it left him, he regretted it. A beat of silence.

Then, slowly, too slowly, Joel looked up—and immediately hated what he saw. Maria and Ellie were smirking. That stupid, all-too-knowing, ready-to-annoy-the-shit-out-of-him-smirk. He had the greatest urge to leave the room.

Maria lifted an eyebrow. "And how exactly would you know that, Joel?"

Joel pursed his lips casually, setting his fork down with a little too much care. "They live right across the damn street. Hard to miss."

Ellie leaned forward, propping her chin on her fist. "Right. And how much time do you spend looking across the damn street?"

He massaged the bridge of his nose. "Don’t start, Ellie."

Tommy tilted his head, giving him a look that made Joel want to knock his damn teeth out. "You’ve been actin’ real funny ever since you left that house, y’know."

"Ain’t nothin’ to act on," Joel muttered, shifting in his seat. "I helped her out. End of story. Moving on."

Tommy wasn't letting go, damn him. "Uh-huh. Then why you sittin’ here lookin’ like you just bit into a bad lemon the second her name came up?"

Joel’s jaw ticked.

"Yeah," Ellie added, grinning. "Why’s your face doing that thing?"

Joel frowned. "What thing?"

She pointed with her fork to the furrows above his eyebrows. "The thing where you pretend you don’t care, but your forehead says otherwise."

Maria hid a knowing smile behind her glass while Joel rubbed at his face consciously, glaring over at Ellie. "You could just go over there, you know."

Joel let out a short, humourless chuckle. "Oh, c'mon. For what?"

"Dinner," she said, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "Just a meal with friends. Tommy, me, you, Ellie—Leela and Maya. Nothing big."

Joel stared down at his plate. His food had gone cold.

"We don’t need to be doin’ all that," he muttered, shaking his head. Getting familiar and cosy. It'd only invite more trouble.

Maria ignored him. "She’s got that nice, big dining room. French windows. Good view of the lawn. It’d be like a little party."

Joel didn’t respond.

"Come on, man," Tommy pressed. "What’s stopping you?"

That was the question, wasn’t it? Joel wasn’t sure he had an answer. Or maybe he did—and just didn’t want to say it.

Because the truth was, he had no business going back. He’d done what he came to do. He’d helped. That was it.

But then there was Maya—her featherlight body in his arms, the way she’d reached for his shirt in her sleep. There was Leela—standing in the doorway that last morning, silent, watching him go. There was the stillness in his own house, the way he’d catch himself in the middle of the night, listening for a cry that never came. What the hell was wrong with him?

Instead, he just stabbed his fork into his potato and muttered, "Pass."

Maria and Ellie exchanged another conspiratorial glance. And Joel had the distinct feeling this wasn’t over.

Once dinner had progressed into a chore, Ellie and Joel, ever the gentleman, helped Tommy dry the dishes. Well—Joel did. Ellie, on the other hand, was just sitting on the counter, swinging her legs and cracking jokes about Tommy’s new manbun. The kitchen was warm, the soft clatter of dishes filling the space and laughter, the steak dinner still settling in Joel’s stomach.

“You’re really doing the whole ponytail thing now, huh?”

Tommy rolled his eyes, flicking on the tap. “Jesus, you sound like Joel.”

“Hey, you take that back! I am way cooler than Joel,” Ellie corrected. “And I'm a thousand times funnier. Pun-nier.”

“Debatable,” Joel muttered.

“Did Maria do this to you?” she asked, flicking a sudsy fork in Joel’s direction. “Blink twice if you need help. I've got emergency scissors.”

Tommy snorted, stacking the last plate in the cabinet. “It’s practical. And I'm starting to like it.”

Ellie tilted her head, unimpressed. “It's lazy. Tragic.”

Joel smirked but said nothing, wiping down a plate before handing it over. Tommy shot him a glare like he was expecting some backup, but Joel just shrugged. Not his fight.

Maria walked in from behind them, and Joel noticed that infuriating look on her face. Oh, nothing good would come out of this. She set a small box on the counter with a dull thud, right beside Joel. He barely glanced at it before she plopped another paper box on top—leftovers from tonight. Steak and potatoes just for a special someone.

“Could you pass this on to Leela on your way back?” she said casually, drying her hands. “It's one dose a day, each.”

Joel looked down, his hands bracing against the counter. Vitamins. Of course.

Maria tapped the food box. “And dinner.”

Joel eyed them both, then her. The way she said it, like it was no big deal. Like she hadn’t just put him in a position he couldn’t easily wiggle out of.

He sighed, already seeing where this was going. He set down the dish towel, rubbing the back of his neck. “Tommy can pass it to her tomorrow.”

Maria simply raised an eyebrow. “Meat’s gonna go bad.”

Joel narrowed his eyes. “Oh, so this is how you’re gonna play it?” He glanced at Tommy, then Ellie, both of whom were very pointedly looking elsewhere. “Really?”

Ellie grinned. “It’s a neighbourly thing to do, Joel. Don't you call yourself a gentleman?”

“I’m with her on that one,” Tommy added, crossing his arms.

Joel let out a slow, irritated breath. Family? No, just a bunch of annoying, traitorous little shits.

Maria only smiled, sliding the box closer to him. “Wouldn’t want her going without. She's already skin and bones. And you know... you live right across the damn street.”

Ellie burst out laughing, raising her fist to Maria, who bumped with her own knowing smile. “Respect.”

Joel clenched his jaw. She'd got him right where she wanted. Because now, if he didn’t take the stupid thing, he’d look like an asshole. And Maria knew that. She was being fucking shameless about it.

His gaze flickered down to the box. Then, before he could stop himself and leave them standing, an image surfaced—Leela, sitting on that damn porch swing, curled up against the cold. Maya’s tiny fingers tugging at her collar, red-cheeked, catching swirling snow in her dark curls.

Joel closed his eyes briefly. He couldn't shake it off. And he admitted it to himself, despite all his grievances against this, he missed them. He missed Leela's soft footsteps in the nursery past midnight, he missed Maya entirely. He missed the sense of normalcy once the blood and gore of patrol ended, to head to a warm home and lay down, exhausted, knowing he hadn't had a drink to fall asleep.

Then, wordlessly, he grabbed the boxes off the counter.

Ellie elbowed Tommy in the ribs, giggling. “See? Look at him. Good ol’ Joel, real man of the people.”

Joel shot her a warning look while heading over to grab his jacket, the delivery under his arm. “Don’t push it, kid.” Then pointed a threatening finger at Tommy as he yanked the front door open. “Can't believe we're related.”

Tommy only puckered his lips at him, miming a kiss. “Mensch Miller.”

X

The house across the street was unlocked again.

Joel stood at the threshold, jaw clenched, boots planted firm against the porch floorboards. The door was cracked open, swaying slightly from the evening breeze, the light from inside spilling out onto the steps. Did she even care about safety? It should’ve been locked. It should’ve been bolted shut, curtains drawn, an armoury stacked by the doorway. But Leela still acted like the world wasn’t what it was. Like Jackson was different.

It had been a whole two months since Leela brought Maya into this world, a month of struggling, of barely eating, barely sleeping, barely breathing. And now she had the nerve to leave her door wide open like she was inviting trouble? Like Jackson was some safe little haven where nothing bad could ever happen? A dangerous thing, that kind of trust. He’d seen what happened to people who had it.

His jaw ticked. He took the porch steps two at a time and pushed the door open without knocking.

Inside, the air was warm, thick with the scent of woodsmoke and something faintly sweet—baby powder, maybe, or that lavender soap Maria kept handing out. The fire crackled low in the hearth, throwing restless shadows across the room, licking at the edges of the high-backed armchair and the mathematics-riddled books and papers neatly stacked up in scatters.

And there she was, standing in front of it. Leela was running a brush through her hair, violently. Dragging it down, tangling it further, hissing under her breath when it snagged. Frustrated, impatient. Needed a haircut.

The same damn nightgown again. White, sleeveless, falling in soft folds just past her knees. But this time, his eyes caught the details—the way a single pearl button at her collar had been left open carelessly, the way the thin cotton made the dark silhouette of her body visible beneath, and the odd little cherries sewn sparsely into the fabric. Small, stitched by hand.

He had no idea why all that stood out to him. It just did. And boy, did it leave nothing to the imagination.

Leela stilled, catching sight of him in the doorway. The brush hung mid-stroke in her hand.

“Oh,” she said, like he hadn’t just barged into her house uninvited. “Hello.”

Her eyes and voice were warm. Soft, as if this was nothing out of the ordinary, as if she wasn’t standing there in nothing but a slip of a dress while the light of the fire turned her edge golden.

Joel forced his gaze away. His eyes flicked over the living room instead, to the couch against the far wall—his couch, as much as he hated to admit it. The blankets were still there, folded neatly, stacked with the pillows like she’d been expecting him to come back. His grip tightened around the boxes in his hands.

“I—” He cleared his throat, stepping forward, extending the boxes toward her. “Maria sent you some stuff.”

Leela blinked again before setting the hairbrush down, padding toward him on bare feet. She took the boxes gently, fingers barely brushing his. “Thank you, Joel,” she murmured, flashing a little smile.

“Just vitamins,” he played off.

She pried the lid off the larger box and inhaled deeply. He caught the way her nose twitched, her fingers tightening just a fraction around the edges.

“Her famous steak dinner,” he offered her.

And then, like clockwork, her stomach betrayed her, the low grumble cutting through the quiet between them. She stiffened, laughing, breathless and sheepish.

“Sorry.”

“You should eat—”

A sharp cry cut through the air, calling for her. Both their heads swung toward the staircase.

Leela sighed first, setting the boxes away. “Napkin,” she murmured, as if reciting from a schedule. “Please help yourself to anything. I’ll be right back.”

But Joel stepped forward, one arm extended, the box acting as a barrier between her and the stairs. He despised the unfamiliarity.

"Eat," he said, firm.

She hesitated. Her gaze flickered between him and the staircase, like she was weighing her options, debating whether to argue or just go along with it.

Another cry echoed from upstairs—short, needy. Joel could tell. It wasn’t hunger, wasn’t pain. Little Maya was lonely already.

“I got this,” he assured.

Leela chewed her lip. “But—”

“I know the drill.” He jerked his chin toward the kitchen. “Just eat.”

A long moment passed, heavy with hesitation. Then, finally, she relented, her shoulders sagging as she breathed in surrender. She took the box from him.

“I’ll grab a fork, I guess,” she muttered, turning toward the kitchen.

Joel smothered a grin while watching her go, and took the stairs two at a time, powerless to his anticipation. Two weeks since he held the baby girl. He'd missed the shit out of her, not that he would admit that to anybody. Of course, he wasn't about to pass up this chance for anything.

From the landing, the nursery's door cracked open, light from the hallway bleeding into the dim room. Joel frowned as he leaned in to inspect.

The first thing he noticed was that the crib had moved. His boots made no sound over the wooden floor as he stepped inside, scanning the space. The wooden shelves were up, already home to Maya's folded clothes, towels and napkins. The light installation dangled halfway, unfixed. No one had even begun work on painting the walls. No armchair. No rug.

This Mal guy was a complete jackass. Maya's nursery was a mess.

"Good with his hands, my ass," Joel muttered. "What a fuckin' tool."

Joel angrily followed the hallway light, stepping through the open doorway into the furthest bedroom, a room bigger than any he’d ever seen in Jackson.

Massive was an understatement. This was the kind of bedroom you’d see in a damn commercial—the kind of thing he would’ve scoffed at, once upon a time. The bed alone was ridiculous. Olympic-sized, sunken into a floor for itself, with plush, overstuffed pillows and thick sheets, barely disturbed. A sliding-door closet stood at the far end, pristine, untouched. A plasma-screen TV mounted to the opposite wall, thick with dust.

Joel’s lips pressed into a thin line. There was something unnatural about it. The way it felt more like a untouched display than her bedroom.

Maya’s cries pulled him from his thoughts. Joel crossed the room, approaching the crib—the one he’d worked on. All pink and polished for the spoiled little girl.

The moment she saw him, her cries hitched. Big, teary brown eyes blinked up at him, wide and glistening, like she was struggling to focus. She sniffled, tiny fists flexing against the mattress, mouth wobbling around her jutting tongue, as if trying to place him.

Joel couldn't resist a grin, brushing a coarse knuckle at her soft cheek.

“Hi, baby girl.” Then leaned closer to whisper, “Traitor.”

Maya sniffled, blinking again, then reached for him—small fingers curling, grasping blindly before finding his much larger one, tugging it toward her mouth. She gummed at his gnarled knuckles with a fussy little noise, her brows furrowing in concentration.

He chuckled, shaking his head. “That ain't fair. That's your apology?”

Maya made another small whimper of a sound. And a real smile. A big, toothless, gummy grin, full of warmth and recognition. Something nearly uncoiled at his ribs.

He pulled a so-so face. “Hm, I'll bite.”

It was muscle memory, really. The way his hands moved—effortless, practised. He'd done it more than fifty times in two weeks. He made quick work of the napkin, wiping her clean, then slid his hands beneath her arms, lifting her up in one smooth motion.

He grunted as he did, “C'mere, sweetheart. You beautiful, beautiful girl. Did you miss me, huh?”

She squealed, legs kicking excitedly as he cradled her against his chest, supporting her head the way he always did. And just like that, he eased into the old rhythm without thinking. That familiar weight against him, that warmth—gentle, swaying, murmuring under his breath. It was easy. Too easy. Like breathing. Like falling asleep.

She nestled into his shoulder, tiny fist pressing against his neck, seeking his warmth. She’d gotten bigger. Not by much, but enough. Still delicate, still small—but stronger now. More aware. Smart, like her mother.

"Yeah, you missed me," he murmured when she nuzzled against his neck.

And then—pure, infallible instinct—he dipped his nose into her hair and breathed her in deep. Soft linen and old cotton, warm and faint.

Sarah used to smell like this once. For just a little while. That same invisible claw tore at his memories. Joel closed his eyes, just for a second. He remembered how, when she outgrew it, he'd missed it terribly. How he’d sometimes let her sleep curled up in his arms all night long, his back against the headboard, just to hold onto that smell. Just to keep that small, fleeting moment of innocence before the world could take it away.

That nostalgia settled deep in his ribs, quiet and whole. This seemed like the only place in the world where suffering didn’t exist. Like his hands weren’t stained with all the things he’d done, all the lives he’d taken.

Because here, right now, with Maya, he wasn’t the man who had lost and lost and lost again. He wasn’t the man who’d left behind nothing but bodies and broken promises. No, she didn’t know any of that. She didn’t care.

She only knew his warmth. She knew the steady beat of his heart, the scratch of his beard against her soft skin, and the way he said her name. She only knew him as someone safe. And fuck, he wasn’t, he wasn’t, but—

God help him, he wanted to be.

Maya sighed, a tiny, content sound, pressing closer. And Joel—he let himself believe, just for a moment, that he was clean.

A soft gasp behind him made him turn to reality and toward the door. “Oh, Maya.”

Joel turned to find Leela standing in the doorway, hand to her mouth, eyes wide in amusement. She had changed—finally—into one of those oversized sweaters he’d seen her wear on colder nights, sleeves swallowing her hands. But she wasn’t looking at him. She was looking at his chest.

Joel frowned. “What?”

Leela bit her lip, trying—failing—to smother a smile. She motioned vaguely toward him. Joel tracked her finger and glanced to the side. And felt it. Hot, damp.

Damned baby spit-up.

Maya’s little betrayal soaked through the fabric of his shirt, spreading down from his collar and shoulder to his chest in an uneven, milky stain. She smacked her lips contentedly against his collarbone, completely unaware of the mess she’d just made.

He sighed, shifting her to the other arm. He levelled her with a playful glare. “You gonna warn me next time you ruin my shirt, darlin'?”

Maya only gurgled in response, a soft, pleased little sound.

And then, following her daughter—Leela laughed.

Not the quiet, polite kind that he'd managed out of her once. Not the forced kind, either. A real laugh. Breathless, unexpected, warm. Like it had slipped out before she could stop it.

Joel felt it like a slow-moving punch to the gut. He didn’t hear that sound often. Hell, he wasn’t sure if he’d ever heard it before on his account. He'd finally done it.

It changed something about her, softening her face in a way that caught him off guard. Her eyes creased at the corners, the tightness in her shoulders eased, the exhaustion in her expression smoothed over—just for a moment.

It did something strange to him. Something he didn’t have the time to name. So he just exhaled sharply, muttering a curse under his breath as he adjusted Maya over to the other arm, rubbing a hand over his damp shirt.

“Yeah, real funny. Your girl just aired her paunch all over me,” he grumbled.

Leela tried to sober up, apologizing, but another chuckle slipped out in between, and Joel caught the way she bit her lip, fighting to suppress it.

She was enjoying this. And he was in big fucking trouble.

"Don't move. I'll get you a spare shirt," she said, laughing, before walking to the adjacent closet doors.

Joel didn’t even get the chance to protest before Leela slid one side of the closet doors open, revealing—sweet Jesus.

His eyes landed on the neat rows of men’s clothing hanging inside. Not just a few misplaced items, not something left behind by chance. An entire collection.

Button-downs, slacks, henleys—clothes meant for daily wear. Added into the mix, were pressed suits, the kind that cost more than a month’s worth of supplies, the kind men used to wear to skyscrapers and boardrooms, back when the world was still upright. And golf shirts. For fuck’s sake, golf shirts.

Joel’s jaw hinged back up. Golf was a rich man’s game. He’d worked jobs near country clubs in his past life, and seen the kind of people who played. Men with money. Her father, perhaps.

Leela had definitely grown up rich. And looking at this—this untouched wealth, just sitting here, long past its time—it became clear. She probably still was.

Joel’s grip on Maya shifted slightly, the warmth of the baby pressing into his chest the only real thing anchoring him as his eyes dragged over the closet once more.

For all that Leela lived like a ghost, for all that she barely let anyone near her, this place still held echoes of what she came from. A past life that didn’t match the woman he’d seen standing at her front door, exhausted and hollow-eyed, desperate for her baby to stop crying.

Leela flipped through the hangers without hesitation, fingers brushing past labels he recognized—Armani, Burberry, Hollister. Eventually, she pulled out a green pullover. Soft, fine material. A little small for him, but it’d do.

She turned, offering it wordlessly.

Joel didn’t move to take it right away.

He was still staring at the closet. Not because he gave a damn about how much a fucking sweater cost, or whether she had a trust fund hidden away somewhere, but because it told him something. Something he hadn’t really thought about before.

Leela had come from comfort. Stability. A world where things were taken care of. And yet she’d buried herself in this big, empty house, alone, fighting tooth and nail to survive—like everyone else. And she never asked for help.

Leela cleared her throat. "It should fit. My father was a tall man."

Joel managed a sigh, shifting Maya in his arms. He took the pullover with one hand, already halfway through plucking open the buttons of his flannel.

While he worked, Leela stepped closer, ready to take Maya. She was quick about it, but Joel caught the way her fingers lingered, just for a second, as she scooped the baby up from his arms. Not on Maya.

On him.

Joel really tried to push it out of his head, write it off as an illusion, already plucking open the buttons of his shirt. His fingers brushed the fabric, and he paused when he caught the tag inside. Ralph Lauren, for fuck's sake.

Leela noticed with a small smile. "I didn’t take you for a man with fancy taste," she mused.

Joel let out a dry snort. "Yeah, well. Don’t get used to it."

He pulled off his flannel, the sleeves catching briefly on his wrists before he tossed it aside. The room wasn’t cold, but the air bit at his skin anyway. The scars felt it first—every healed cut, every old wound stretched over knotted muscle, each one a reminder of what his body had been through.

"Oh, man," he couldn't help but grunt, stretching his arms.

He worked the pullover over his head in one smooth motion, the fabric soft, snug across his shoulders. Felt like something he would’ve bought for Sarah back in the day, something she’d pull from a Macy’s rack, nodding in approval before insisting, "Dad, just try it on."

It fit better than he expected, but Joel barely registered that. His body had begun to ache. Not in one place—everywhere. It was late at night, it was cold, he missed his daily dose of whiskey, and he needed sleep for tomorrow.

The exhaustion sat in his bones now, permanent and familiar. His bad knee throbbed, aggravated from the cold, from the weight he put on it patrolling for hours at a time. His back had never been the same after that one fall, a long time ago. Some mornings, he woke up and could barely stand straight, feeling every single one of his years sink into him.

And yet, his body still held. Still worked. It wasn’t much to look at anymore. Not that it ever had been.

He had no delusions about himself—he wasn’t built for admiration. Never had been. Picking up girls and fooling around; was Tommy's thing. He wasn’t the kind of man people looked at twice, not in the way that mattered. His body told a story, but not the sort anyone wanted to read or had a happy ending,

His hands were ruined things, thick with callouses from years of exertion, from gripping rifle stocks, from skinning game, from chopping wood in the dead of winter. His knuckles were perpetually split, healing just enough before the next fight, the next job, the next reason to curl his fists. Scars mapped his skin, uneven and jagged, old bullet wounds and knife cuts, hard edges, marks of a life spent fighting for something—for anything.

He wasn’t young anymore. He wasn’t some smooth-talking son of a bitch with a face that turned heads. He was always angry at something, thinking about something, readying his next step, even if it was a complete waste of his time.

But he was still formidable. He could protect. He could endure the rough-hewn demands of survival, even now. He could fight like hell. That had to count for something.

But Leela—she wasn’t staring, exactly. Wasn’t not staring, either. It was subtle. Barely there. A flicker of something implicit, something fleeting, the way her gaze traced along his arms, his shoulders, abdomen, the sharp cut of his collarbone before snapping away. As if she hadn’t meant to look, and she’d caught herself a second too late.

Joel had been around long enough to recognize when a woman was checking him out. And hell—he wasn’t gonna lie to himself. It made him feel good. Fucking fantastic, really. Like he could wake up tomorrow feeling twenty years younger. Like he could leap right out of bed and his back wouldn’t stiffen before noon. Like he still had something left in him worth looking at.

He wasn’t an idiot, though. He wasn't going to let it go to his head.

Leela adjusted Maya in her arms, moving her weight as if giving herself something to do, something to focus on that wasn’t him.

And Joel—he pretended not to notice. Didn’t say a damn word about it. Didn’t shift under her gaze, didn’t smirk at her, didn’t let her see that she’d gotten under his skin in a way he hadn’t expected.

Just muttered a quiet, "Thanks," and left it at that.

Leela hummed in response, turning away to lay Maya down, who was already dozing her little head off, into the crib with practised care. Then, just as easily, she pivoted back to her bedside dresser, fingers moving over a stack of neatly folded quadrille paper.

"Can you pass something to Tommy for me?" she asked, voice soft, controlled. "It’s really important he gets this as soon as possible."

Joel might not have paid it much mind, might’ve brushed it off as just another errand he wasn’t keen on running—but then he saw it. The way her posture stiffened, the way her hands smoothed over the edges of the papers like they were something fragile, something vital. But whatever this was—it mattered.

She flipped through the pages, and for the first time since he’d met her, he saw something rare. Excitement. A flicker of life.

"It’s a wonderful breakthrough, Joel," she said, and there was a rare enough lightness in her voice, bordering on unguarded enthusiasm.

Joel just blinked. Leela wasn’t the type to get excited. Or maybe he's just never seen it in her before.

"So, I’ve been working on…" then she went into something technical for his dense mind, talking fast in words that blurred together. It all went miles over his head. Circuits, electrical theory, conduction points—half of it might as well have been a foreign language.

Joel just stared when she finished with a deep breath.

Leela instantly caught the look and pursed her lips. "Okay, um. Let me put it this way."

She shifted toward him, gesturing as she spoke, putting it into Layman's terms. "You know how the dam stops producing enough energy in winter? When the river freezes over?"

Joel gave a slow nod.

"So we rely on fuel, but fuel’s very limited. We've got the town expanding, and people coming in. So our batteries drain. If we had an alternative energy source, something reliable—" She held up the paper, tapping a rough sketch. "And that’s where this comes in."

Her hands moved as she spoke, cutting through the air with sharp, purposeful gestures. Not just passion, not just expertise. Conviction.

"Lightning is erratic, but it’s raw power. Joules of energy. Think about it. If we can direct a strike into a controlled medium—like a graphene capacitor—we can store it."

Joel narrowed his eyes, the concept clicking into his lagging brain. "So what, you think you can catch a goddamn thunderstorm and turn it into a battery?"

Leela wheezed a quiet laugh. "More or less."

He thought about it. "Seems like a hell of a thing to gamble on."

"It’s not a gamble. It’s math. Physics. It will work, Joel, I know it."

Joel didn’t argue. He didn’t understand it, not really, but he’d seen Leela work before. He trusted her genius. The nights she couldn't sleep—he’d sometimes blink awake to the sound of chalk scraping against a blackboard, catching sight of her standing there in the dim glow of the bulb, mapping something out with surgical precision. Or hunched over a notebook, scribbling feverishly, lost in calculations that only made sense to her.

It wasn’t just her passion—it was her outlet. A relief. A tether to something greater than herself, something she could control before she lost herself completely in the demands of motherhood. And if this was what she was holding onto, then perhaps it was more than just an idea.

She tucked the paper back into the stack, leveling him with a quiet look. "I also have a prototype," she said simply.

Joel raised a brow.

Leela nodded toward the hallway. "It’s in the basement if you want to see."

Joel wasn’t big on machines. Or gear. The finer technical details weren’t for him. But—he glanced at her, at the way she stood, weight shifting from foot to foot, something unreadable behind her eyes.

She wasn’t pushing him. She was waiting.

After a beat, he sighed, tilting his head toward the door. "Lead the way, ma'am."

X

The stairs were steep, the kind that creaked under their weight, but Joel kept a firm hold on Leela’s elbow, steadying her as they made their way down. She was still weak. Too breakable. As far as his knowledge went, she should've gotten better by now. And how the hell was she supposed to do that when she barely ate without cringing?

Joel had half a mind to tell her that, to point out how unsteady she was, how she winced when she put too much pressure on her feet—but she’d just brush him off with a shaky smile. So instead, he let out a quiet breath through his nose and adjusted his grip, keeping her close until they reached the bottom.

"There you go. Watch that last step," he guided as gently as he could.

She glanced up at him from the fringes of a smile, letting his hands go. "Thank you."

He expected damp walls, waterlogged corners, mould creeping up the corners, and a basement that smelled like rot and rust. As what he had been always used to when he went scouring towns nearby for supplies. What he got instead stopped him dead in his tracks.

"Well, I’ll be damned," he blew out.

It was a workshop. A big-ass one. Tools lined up on the magnetic walls, neatly arranged, half-finished projects sitting on a worktable, schematics pinned up in careful rows. More of Leela's notes and markers, taped-up designs. Funny how there was life only around all this machinery. Off to the side, an old wine cellar, the glass cases still intact, though the bottles inside were coated in dust.

And then—the cars.

Joel let out a low whistle. Two of them. Just sitting there like some abandoned luxury showroom. One was a Dodge Aspen, a classic in its own right. All violet and under repair. But the other...—his eyes caught the silver emblem glinting under the dim basement light. A prancing horse on the red steel.

"Come on," he muttered in disbelief, stepping forward, barely resisting the urge to run his hand over the hood. "Is that a… Maranello?"

Leela took a deep breath, still recovering from the stairs. "Yes. Custom made. Not sure if there's any left out there anymore."

"Holy shit." His fingers flexed at his sides. He didn’t want to seem desperate, but fuck, when was the last time he’d seen something like this? Much less, been this close?

"Can I, uh…" He gestured indistinctly at the car.

Leela flashed him a small grin. "Knock yourself out. The door's unlocked."

He didn’t need to be told twice. Joel reached out, fingers brushing over cool, crimson steel before yanking the door open. The new car smell hit him right in the face—leather, polish, something untouched by time. His chest tensed at the familiarity of it.

He slid into the driver’s seat, running his hands over the wheel, the knitting around the stick shift, and the soft beige leather of the custom interior. And just for a second—he let himself imagine it. Top down. Gliding down the I-10, no speed limits, no patrols, just him and the open road, wind in his hair, sun on his face, Raybans on. That dream all felt like a lifetime ago.

A soft knock on the passenger side window startled him back to reality.

Leela’s face appeared through the glass, her lips quirked in amusement. "Should I leave you two alone?"

Joel huffed, turning slightly to mask the grin tugging at his mouth. She opened the door and drudged her way inside, moving slowly. The descent had taken more out of her than she was willing to admit.

When she shut the door, he immediately rolled down his window, straining his ears toward the stairs. The one time he wished his hearing wouldn't betray him. Had he locked the door upstairs? Could he hear Maya if she cried? What if he couldn’t? How come Leela didn't seem to think about this? God, this girl really had no clue.

Her voice broke into his thoughts. "I wish I knew how to drive it." She ran her hand absentmindedly over the dashboard, voice softer now, almost wistful. "I believe the last great invention of man was the automobile."

"You said it," he mumbled.

Joel glanced at her and did a little mental math. She must’ve been nine, maybe ten when the outbreak hit. No middle school. No high school. No road trips, no late-night drives with her friends, music blasting. No first kiss. Just one world ending, and another one starting—a crueler one.

Leela exhaled, long and slow, sinking deeper into the leather seat like she could melt into it. Her fingers drummed idly on the handlebars, tracing invisible patterns, slipping into an old rhythm—one she didn’t even seem aware of.

Then, soft as a whisper, she started humming.

It was unhurried, quiet, like something she’d sung to herself a thousand times before. But it was enough to make Joel pause, something about the tune pulling at him. A half-buried memory, something from before. He knew that song. Hadn’t heard it in years, but it was still there, lodged somewhere deep in the creases of his mind.

"That’s—" He frowned, tilting his head, listening closer. "That Patsy Cline?"

Leela glanced up, surprise flickering across her face before something warmer took its place. "Walkin’ After Midnight. Yeah."

Joel hid a grin. "That is way before your time."

"So?" She smirked, tipping her head back against the seat, fingers still tapping, moving. "I had old parents. Rubbed off on me."

A layer beneath her words made Joel tread carefully. He, of all people, knew how age could sit heavy on a person, how some things weren’t worth prying open.

"Can’t have been that old," he muttered, though he wasn’t sure why he said it.

"My mom was seventy-eight when she passed."

Joel blinked. "W-o-w." The syllables came out slow, one after the other before he could stop himself.

Leela let out a quiet laugh, but it didn’t reach her eyes this time. She glanced down, her fingers still moving, trailing over the leather, the stitching, following some old path only she could see.

"I miss them every day," she said, voice softer now, more distant. "I’m grateful they singled me out of those photographs. Brought me here." She gestured vaguely to the house above her, her home, before exhaling, like she was letting something go. "I just hope I’m doing them proud."

Joel felt something shift, and he realized: too much sharing. It had to go both ways. And he was never going to be ready for that. So he did what he did best, avoided and threw her off the scent.

"Man," he said abruptly, with a cluck of his tongue, "if I had the keys and some fuel, I’d ride the hell outta this beauty." The words came out before he could stop them. "And die a happy old man."

Leela laughed. A loud laugh, sounding much like her daughter just then, deep in her chest, like she hadn't done it in a long time.

"It’s got fuel," she said, still grinning. "You can still ride it."

"Just sitting here like it's nothing." He shook his head, a small laugh rolling out. "Christ. This is amazing."

He glanced down at the stick shift, thumb absently tracing the edge of the gear knob, but something else caught his eye.

Her nightgown. Hitched up, ruffled around the tops of her thighs, loose fabric pooling where she sat. Bare skin. Soft, smooth, taut over lean bone—too much of it. The way she shifted, unthinking, rubbing one knee over the other, restless. He felt a rock dislodge in his throat.

Fuck. For all that he could be—a guardian, a protector—he had to be a man.

His fingers curled against his palm, an old instinct, something long-trained. Look away, don’t think about it. He turned back to the wheel, forcing his eyes forward. Dashboard. Windshield. Glove compartment. The thin layer of dust coating the steering column. Anything but the way one more inch of movement would have left too much for his mind to comprehend.

But the problem was—she hadn’t bothered to fix it. She didn’t seem to notice, or if she did, she didn’t care. So why should he?

He swallowed, jaw flexing tight. Because that was the kind of man he was. Greying, frustrated, scarce on love.

His fingers twitched, itching for something to do, something to grab. Instead, he moved without thinking, across the partition—one finger. Just a light tug, barely a breath of a touch, dragging the hem of her gown down, covering her knees. A simple thing. A quiet thing. A mistake.

Her whole body jerked, a sharp intake of breath—like she’d been touched by fire. Really, Joel felt it more than he saw it. The way her muscles tensed, a shudder raced, the quick clutch of her fingers as she held the fabric in place now, suddenly conscious of it.

Shit.

He withdrew instantly, fingers curling into a fist on the steering wheel. Should’ve just minded his goddamn business. Stupid, stupid man.

For a second, the air between them felt too tight. Even with the windows rolled down and winter winds howling outside, he broke into a sweat.

"Didn't see it," she mumbled.

He just shook his head, a small, dismissive grunt, keeping his eyes straight ahead. And that was that.

But the silence that settled over them after wasn’t comfortable. Not one either of them knew how to break.

Joel exhaled through his nose, fixing his stare on the windshield., fingers tapping slowly against the wheel, like he could smooth out the moment just by waiting it out. Jesus, he should’ve never touched her. Should’ve let it be.

“So, that prototype of yours,” he attempted to distract, voice rough. “You got it nearby?”

No response.

He frowned, risked a glance at her—and stopped cold.

Leela sat stiff in the passenger seat, her posture folded in on itself. One slender hand curled at her side, gripping the hem of her nightgown tight until her knuckles went white, the other was pressed to her face, knuckles braced against her nose. Her eyes filled with tears in seconds.

A long, slow breath in, too shaky.

Joel’s stomach sank. He knew that sound. He had seen a lot of it in his time. Had seen grief in all its forms—loud, violent, shattering. But this—this was different. This was quiet, heavy, desperate.

Her shoulders hitched, her breath sucking in too sharp like she was holding something back—something about to give.

And then, just like that, as if a thread had been cut, she sucked in another sharp breath, her whole body curling forward, hands coming up to cover her face—and it hit.

That same soft, keening sound he’d heard from her room almost every night. The one that came through thin walls, muffled by pillows, engulfed by fatigue.

But this time, she wasn’t hiding.

And Joel—he didn’t know what to do. His hands flexed against the wheel, confused and useless.

She wasn’t supposed to be crying. Not because of his pathetic self. Whichever way he saw it, this was his fault. He’d crossed a line, broken through a wall he’d meant to keep standing, and now she was here—crying. Because he couldn't keep his hands to himself.

His mouth opened, and his throat worked, but nothing happened. Fuck. What the hell was he even supposed to say? Everything seemed inappropriate. There was no justification for what he'd done.

His fingers curled tighter, nails digging into his palm. He had to fix it. Before it got worse.

His voice came out too rough, uncertain. “I'm sorry, I didn’t mean—”

“Just go.”

It hit like a crack of thunder. A faint, clear command, strangled between a cry. His stomach twisted.

He hesitated for half a second, long enough to hear the way her breath hitched, how her fingers curled deeper into her hair, how she looked like she wanted to fold in on herself, disappear into the goddamn leather seat.

He swallowed, jaw clenched so tight it ached.

He'd had seen women cry before. Ellie, Tess, hell even Maria. He’d occasionally held them while they did. But not this. Not her. And he hated—hated—that it was because of him.

His fingers flexed against his sides, fighting the instinct to reach out, to fix something he wasn’t sure could be fixed. But she’d made herself perfectly clear. To leave her alone.

So he did.

He wrenched the door open, barely registering the way it swung shut behind him. Didn’t look back, didn’t breathe until he was back up the stairs and out the door.

As he jogged down the porch stairs, the cold biting sharper now, cutting straight through the thick weave of his sweater, Joel tried to breathe. Snowflakes clung to the expensive fabric, melting fast, sinking in. He barely noticed. His inhales came long, exhales too short, not quite ragged, but uneven—like he couldn’t get enough air, like something in his chest was pressing down too hard, and no matter how deep he pulled, it wasn’t letting up.

It wasn’t panic. He knew what that felt like all too well.

This was different. A slow, creeping wrongness. A feeling that something had already slipped through his fingers, something he hadn’t even realized he was holding onto. And now it was gone, and there wasn’t a damn thing he could do to fix it.

He pressed a hand to his mouth, and wiped it down the scruff on his jaw, trying to steady himself, trying to shove it all back where it belonged. It wasn’t working.

His fingers curled into an aching fist. His breath fogged in the air in clouds.

He needed that fucking drink now.

X

The cold still lingered in the morning air, settling deep in Joel’s bones, but that wasn’t the only thing weighing him down. He hadn’t slept worth a damn. Tossed and turned all night, drifting in and out of restless half-dreams—images he didn’t want, memories he didn’t need. He woke up cold, despite the blankets, with a dull ache in his joints, and a scratch in his throat. Maybe from the weather. Maybe from something else.

Didn’t matter.

What mattered was getting out of that house. Getting up, getting moving. Keeping his hands busy, keeping his mind from straying where it wanted to go—back to last night, back to the way she had curled in on herself, hands to her face, shaking with something he couldn’t fix. He despised being around something unfixable. Made him feel incompetent.

He gripped the stack of papers tighter, the edges digging into his fingers as he stepped into the stables. Tommy was there, adjusting the saddle on one of the mares, humming some old tune under his breath. The familiar smell of hay, leather, and horse filled the space, grounding Joel in the moment. He clung to that.

“Tommy,” Joel called, his voice rougher than he meant it to be.

Tommy glanced up, brow lifting in mild curiosity. “Mornin’, brother. No hard feelings from last night,” he said, giving the straps one last tug before stepping back. His gaze flickered to the papers in Joel’s hand. “What’s all this?”

Joel didn’t answer right away. Just extended them out. Tommy brushed his palms off before taking them, flipping through the pages absentmindedly—until he wasn’t. His fingers slowed, putting together the pieces, his brows knitting together, his mouth parting just slightly.

"What in the... I mean—I talked to her about this,” Tommy muttered, shaking his head in disbelief. "Told her we'd be having trouble. That was last week.” He let out a low breath, rubbing at his mouth as he stared at the pages like they had just appeared out of thin air. "She really did all this?"

Joel exhaled with a slight grin, feeling like someone had just handed him a gold star. An odd feeling settled in his chest—one he didn’t quite know what to do with. It wasn’t his place to feel this way, no right to. But still, pride curled warm and solid in his ribs.

“She stayed up workin’ on ‘em,” Joel muttered, not quite looking at him.

Tommy let out a short whistle, shaking his head. “Christ. This little genius just saved our asses out of the red.” He waved the papers at him. “Takin' this straight to Maria.”

Joel rolled his shoulders, clearing his throat. “Not just yet. There's a page is missing.”

Tommy paused and frowned, flipping through again. “The hell you talkin’ about?”

Joel crossed his arms, tilting his head. “I’ll give it to you if you let me fix that nursery instead of that goddamn kid.”

Tommy looked up at that, blinking. Then, realization dawned, slow and amused. His mouth curved into a smirk.

“For real, Joel?”

Joel scoffed, shaking his head. “Can’t even fix shelves right.”

Tommy cocked a brow. “He's just doing his job.”

“Little shit damn near had it fallin’ apart the last time I was there,” he argued. “Look, do you want the page or not? I'll just feed it to the horse.”

Tommy let out a sharp laugh, tipping his head back slightly. “You really got a bone to pick with this poor guy, huh?”

Joel’s jaw flexed, but he didn’t answer. Just kept his arms crossed, eyes unwavering. He wasn't backing down just yet.

Tommy shook his head, flipping the last page with a chuckle. “Fine, fine. You can fix whatever you want.” Then, without missing a beat, he held out his hand. “Now gimme the damn page.”

Joel handed it over without another word. But the way Tommy was still looking at him—grinning like he had something to say but was letting Joel walk away with his dignity intact—had him turning on his heel before his brother could get the last word in.

X

[ wow you read this far! now, if you're still reading, I'd just like to know - what song crept into your mind, about Joel or Leela, as you read this chapter? For Joel, definitely: Pain and Misery by The Teskey Brothers and as for Leela, ooooh: Wasteland by Royal & the Serpent! what about you? ]

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[protaetia]

Though i agree, it would be nice to see fantasy that explores its constructed cultures beyond "the gygaxian colonial-anthroplogical register" (I like this phrasing) I also don't think we should limit ourselves to anthropological racism done consciously either. I think the original post by tsarina-anadyomene is deserving of critique. Saying this as someone who reblogged and generally agreed/jived with that post, why jump to storytelling in an anthropological sense? I would say that type of thinking is perhaps what got us to the DnD world of hats.

To follow an anthropological, theological, even intellectual history way of thinking about story is still working within a western academic framework, it's to write in a way that is still easier to digest for those in the imperial core. And, like, as an english speaking member of the imperial core that is how I write anyways, even as someone from a racially marginalized group (with half my family being from the global south), but I would like to critique that. I think it's a good idea to critique that, to look outside of those frameworks, even if I'll still be writing for an english speaking imperial core audience.

Because even if this anthropology/theology/intellectual history way of thinking about a story produces something more interesting than Orcs evil and Elves Good, it still follows this way of thinking of an "outsider" culture as a puzzle to pick apart and analyze for the observer's pleasure. I think that's something worth wondering about.

I think this is a discussion worth having. I like this.

"fantasy writers should be more anthropology brained" love to see you guys wanting to emphasise the racism central to much of the genre

[shalfeis]

hsr characters as your pets, namely cats. I hope you enjoy it. I apologize for the possible ooc.

reader x dan heng, caelus, phainon (separately)

Dan Heng

A very calm and non-confrontational cat. Gets along well with other pets, if they are in your house.

Not picky about food, but still prefers your cooking. If you feed him something delicious, you can hear him purring softly.

Unlike many other cats, he is not afraid of water. On the contrary, he willingly goes into the water if it is cool or warm. He calmly waits until all the spa treatments are completed, which makes your job much easier.

He's not the most talkative, affectionate and active cat in the world, but he always responds when you call him. He always listens attentively to you when you're talking enthusiastically. And at night he likes to lie down on your feet, warm them and purr softly.

If you're sad, in pain, or crying, he'll try to comfort you by rubbing against you, purring, and snuggling up to you. Needless to say, it more than helps?

You often lose some small things, such as keys, and somehow he always finds them and brings them to you. You don't understand how he does it, but it's still very nice.

As for outsiders, he doesn't particularly like them coming. He reacts calmly to them, but always stays away. For example, he's sitting on the couch and watching a new person in your house.

It is not strongly attached to its habitat, it is more attached to its owner, that is, to you. He'll miss the old house, of course, but he's also not against moving. He even shows interest in his new place of residence.

He loves you very much, just like you love him. You thank everyone you can for getting such a good friend and pet.

Caelus

And this is not a cat, but a disaster. Unlike Dan Heng, he is very active and constantly gets into some strange situations. He definitely has a talent for it.

He's certainly not picky about food, he'll eat anything you give him. Sometimes it seems to you that he has a black hole instead of a stomach, because how the hell does he fit so much and he's still hungry??

He's not afraid of water either, but you should be patient, because you won't be able to do spa treatments in peace. As already mentioned, he's very active, so you need to keep him occupied so that he doesn't think to leave the bath in the middle of the procedure. That already was, and you were ready to kill him.

Very talkative. It doesn't matter if you're busy with something or not, he'll say whatever he thinks. But if he's quiet and you can't hear him, then this can only mean two options. First, he's done something wrong and is trying to cover up the crime. The second one, he's not feeling well.

He is also very playful. You have a lot of different toys at home. But for some reason, the box and the packages are his favorites.

This kid is like ginger cats, you'll never guess what came into his head. At first he may purr and caress, and the next moment he wakes up in him the desire to bite you. Or he suddenly attacks you from around the corner when you least expect it.

Nevertheless, at night he likes to lie down next to you and purr like a tractor. And loudly. But somehow it's like white noise to you, and it's hard to fall asleep without it.

He immediately notices when you feel bad. He may not be very good at comforting, but the fact that he's trying to cheer you up, albeit clumsily, makes you feel better.

If Dan Heng is the one who finds your lost things, then Caelus is the one who gets your things lost. You find them in the most unexpected places. How did he even manage to hide the TV remote in the cupboard??

He is interested in every new visitor to your house. He won't be as affectionate and talkative with them as he is with you, but he won't stay away either. He will look at a person with interest and, for example, touch him with his paw or, if he likes a person, play with him.

Wherever you go, he will always be curious. He will actively explore new territory and get to know the world around him. He looks so cute in those moments, he's like a child.

Even though he's a walking disaster and often gets on your nerves, he's still very attached to you and loves you very much. He's not perfect, but that's why you love him.

Phainon

And here we are, have the perfect balance. Quite calm, but quite playful at the same time. Gets along well with other pets. And he doesn't give you any problems.

He's not picky about food, but like Dan Heng, he prefers your cooking more. He purrs softly if the food is really delicious.

He is very willing to go into the water. You can tell by his whole appearance that he enjoys spa treatments. That's why he always smells delicious and his coat is shiny.

As already mentioned, although he's calm, he doesn't mind playing either. You have several toys that he likes to play with.

He's a walking anti-stress guy, not a cat. It's enough for him to meow a couple of times, purr and settle on your feet, and your stress and fatigue go away instantly. At night, you sleep soundly with him in your arms. He purrs softly so as not to wake you up, and warms you up. Dream.

He's your little helper. He finds lost items even before you realize that you've lost something somewhere in the house, and brings them to you. You're very interested in how he does it. Or he calls you when you ask for it. For example, if you ask him to call you when the water starts to boil, he will actually call you. Sometimes it seems to you that there is a person in the body of a cat next to you, and not an ordinary cat.

When you're working, he either sits next to you or on your lap, waiting for you to finish your work. Needless to say, how does it add motivation to finish everything as quickly as possible?

Not to say that he's against strangers in your home. He won't shy away from them, but he won't fawn over them either. His affection belongs only to you. He will sit next to you and calmly look at the guest.

The change of location scares him a little, but he tries not to show it. While you're around, he's exploring a new area with interest and caution. He looks so cute that you can't resist taking a few photos.

Anyway, you have a whole photo album with him. He's too photogenic and handsome, there's nothing you can do about it. And it doesn't look like he's against it.

He's very attached to you and loves you very much. You feel the same way, so there's an idyll in your house. You don't even need a boyfriend with a cat like that.

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Only Yesterday 4 ~ End

Warnings: this fic will include dark content such as noncon, voyeurism, intimidation, isolation, and other possible triggers. My warnings are not exhaustive, enter at your own risk.

This is a dark!fic and explicit. 18+ only. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.

Summary: Isolated and lonely in your life as your grandmother’s caretaker, you find yourself living vicariously through your neighbour.

Character: Nick Fowler

Note: I sat on half a chapter forever and I'm sorry.

As per usual, I humbly request your thoughts! Reblogs are always appreciated and welcomed, not only do I see them easier but it lets other people see my work. I will do my best to answer all I can. I’m trying to get better at keeping up so thanks everyone for staying with me <3

Your feedback will help in this and future works (and WiPs, I haven’t forgotten those!)

Love you like a love song, baby. Take care. 💖

You turn and march away from Nick. He chuckles and follows casually. There is no urgency in his step, as if he is certain of his goal.  

You twist the knob on the stove and put the kettle over the burner. He looms in the doorway, watching as you distract yourself with the tin of tea bags. Your hands are clumsy and shaking. You don’t know what to do to make him leave. You don’t think you can. 

“You don't gotta be so shy. Hell, I should be considering all you saw–" 

"Stop," you plead as you keep you back to him, "I told you it was a mistake." 

"Uh huh. Because it was wrong or because you got caught?" 

“Both,” you turn to face him, “please, I get it. Alright, I’m fucked up. I’m sorry I watch you but you don’t have to do this.” 

“Do what?” He asks with a soft smirk. 

You inhale and shrug, “terrorise me? Ruin my life? I don’t know what you’re doing but I want you to stop. Please, leave me alone.” 

His lips curve fully and he blows out between his lips, shaking his head as he comes closer. You hold yourself still, barely able to keep a tremble from breaking the surface. He steps around you at the last moment and goes to the cupboard. He takes out a cup and plucks free a teabag to drop inside. 

“I’m not going anywhere,” he says, “do what I say and no one gets hurt.” 

The subtle shift in his tone unsettles you. Still mocking but sinister. You watch him as you cross your arms protectively. 

“What do you mean?” 

“She’s an old lady. One accident and… that’s that,” he leans on the stove as he faces you again, “so, you are going to sit down so I can make Ruth Ann her tea. I’ll get to you, don’t worry.” 

You hesitate, swaying in spot. You touch the side of your neck and frown. Your heart plummets to your feet. You’ve brought him to your grandmother’s front door, you’ll never forgive yourself if he goes any further than that. 

“Promise you won’t hurt her,” you eke out. 

“That’s all up to you,” he winks, “oh, and when I’m done serving the queen her nightly chamomile, I expect to find you ready.” 

“Ready?” You swallow. 

He tilts his head as his eyes wander down your body, “put on something less…. Just less.” He smirks, “nothing, preferably.” 

You hug yourself and frown. You can’t hold back the shudder. He didn’t say he won’t hurt you. 

“In the front room,” he stares at you, his brows tweak, and he taps the tip of your nose. “Go on, won’t be long before the water’s ready.” 

You lower your eyes and sidle away. Your eyes gloss hotly as you march into the front room. You glance at the windows. The evening paints the balcony in shadows. 

You stand in front of the couch. All those nights you wish you were Cleo, you were so stupid. You don’t want this. Everything was just fine before you messed it all up. You’re just as ungrateful as Nan said in her fits. 

The kettle whistles and you flinch. You can hear everything, the twist of the knob on the stove, the pour of boiling water, your pulse. His footsteps strut through the archway and he passes into the light of the hall. 

“Ruth Ann,” he calls to your grandmother as he smirks for you, “tea’s ready.” 

He heads down to her bedroom and you sniffle. You face the couch and sway. The tears pebble along the brims of your eyes. They roll out as your lashes flick. 

You undress shakily. First your shirt, then your pants. You sit to take of your sock, your legs to flimsy to balance. You ball them up as you sit in your high-rise briefs and thin white bra. The bedroom door clicks and his soles pad closer. 

You sense him as he stands in the crux of the hall and entryway, watching you from the arch. You can’t bring yourself to look. You hunch and grip your knees. 

He crosses the room. The silence roils around his prowling figure. Your eyes flit over as the lamplight limns his figure. He unbuttons the borrowed shirt as he circles like a hawk. You tense and plead with the floor to swallow you up. 

He tosses the shirt onto the chair. You wince as it lands with a soft whoosh. His belt clinks and you whimper. You wipe your cheeks with your knuckles. He startles you as he hooks his arm around to grab your chin. He pulls you to lean against the couch as he stands behind it. 

He looks down at you as his muscled torso flexes. He smirks and bends as his thumb stretches up your cheek. He tuts as he nuzzles your nose. 

“Why’re you crying, sweetheart?” He growls. 

You can’t answer as a sob lumps in your throat. He keeps hold of you as he rounds the couch. He comes in front of you and hovers his mouth over yours. He brings his other hand to your face and wipes your tears with his roughened palms. 

He frames your jaw and guides you to sit up. He presses his lip to yours. You squeak and reach to push on his chest, scalded by his nudity. He clings to you as his tongue glides along your lips and pokes through. You nearly gag on his tongue. 

His large hands cradle your head as he traps you in his vice. You slouch as he lowers himself to his knees, pulling you with him. You grasp his shoulders as you wriggle and try to detach. 

When he lets you go, you swing back against the couch and gasp. The feet scrape on the floor as it lurches. He chuckles and brings his finger up to his lips, hushing you. 

“Don’t wanna wake nan,” he traces the straps of you bra then covers the cups with his hands. He bounces you in his hands. “Mm, you gonna be quiet for me, baby?” 

Your lips trembles as your lashes stick with dried tears. You shiver and stare at him. He slides his hands around you and tugs on the band of your bra. He unhooks it and gently draws the straps down your arms. As he uncovers your chest, you try to hide. 

He clucks and yanks away the bra meanly. 

You drop your arms and bat away another swathe of tears. He hums and tickles up your sides. His fingers leave a tingle of warmth as he pulls away. He shifts on his knees and searches in his pocket. He brings out a chain that catches the lamp's glow. You stare at the single pearl hanging from it, just like the one you saw at the market. 

"I thought it'd be even prettier on," he reaches to you and clasps it behind your neck. He trails his hand along the length and sets the pearl to rest just above your chest. You inhale as he once more feels along the swell of your tits. 

He bends forward and buries his face against your chest. He turns his head and nips at the sensitive flesh. You squeak and he spreads his hand over your mouth. You bite down on your tongue. If your nan walks in on this, you're not sure she'd be okay. She might not be able to handle the shock and you're not sure what Nick would do to her. 

His thumbs circle your nipple and he places his lips around the other. He toys with you as you writhe helplessly. You grab onto his wrist and try to push him away. He twists and latches you instead. He puts your hand on his head and teethes your sensitive bud. 

You quiver as your strength dissolves. Despite your fear, it feels good. All of it. 

His fingers flutter down your stomach and along the elastic of your panties. You wince. He delves beneath the fabric as he keeps his lips sealed around you nipple. He purrs and curls his fingers up and down your pelvis. He pushes against your slit and dips between your lips. 

He rubs along your cunt and swirls around your clit. You nearly cry out at the shockwaves of his touch. It’s the first time anyone but yourself got that far. You squeeze your eyes shut and hang your head back. 

He flicks his finger over your clit. Your thighs quake and your hand combs through his hair. You moan and he hushes you, leaving a wet trail down your skin. 

He moves back on his knees and tugs on your panties. He guides them down and taps gently along your thigh. You lift yourself and he rolls them lower. He pulls away to strip them down your legs then quickly inserts himself between them once more. 

He bows and breathes over your pelvis. You squirm and push on the cushions. You whisper his name. 

“Please...” the last effort to stop him and yourself. 

He leans in and presses his nose to your pelvis. He slides his tongue down and glides between your lips. You cover your mouth to keep from squealing. 

He traces his fingers along the inside of your thigh and makes a trail up to the crease. As he laps at you, he runs his finger around your entrance. He hums and flows through you. He probes inside of you slowly, pushing his thick digit in to the knuckle. 

He turns his hand and bends his finger. He pushes until you feel pressure. You writhe and curl your toes against the floor. You make a fist and bite it. You don’t know if you can handle this. 

He draws his finger in and out, his tongue flicks up and down. He groans and you gulp down one of your own. You push your chin down as you fight your racing heart. Your breath shallows and your skin prickles. 

He scoops his hand under your ass and dips another finger into you. He shoves them in to his limit and retreats again. His mouth and hand work together, building a maddening tempo. You hiss as your stomach clenches and your muscles wind tight. 

You spasm and brace your head as you cum. It’s more intense than anything you’ve felt before. Alone in the dark, ashamed. This is different. 

You shove his head, overstimulated as he keeps going. He jams his fingers in as deep as he can as you tremble and twitches around him. He drags his tongue up and smears the wetness on his mouth up your pelvis. 

He wipes his fingers on your thigh and sits back on his heels. His eyes gleam at you as you peek out between slitted lids. You heave and stare at him. 

“Not done yet,” he takes your hand and stands. He pulls you up on your wobbly legs. You nearly fall against him. 

He pets your head then spins you away from him. He points. You follow the gesture to the balcony door. You waver and he nudges you. 

“You know what I want.” He growls. 

You look down at your naked body. You fold your hands and slouch, shying away from him. He tickles down your neck. 

“Go, baby.” 

You blink away more tears as your nose tingles. You bite down and obey. You go to the door and pause before it. You hesitate and look back as he drops his pants. You panic and twist the handle. 

You go out into the night air if only to escape him. The sight of him is etched into your mind. His body is forged in muscle and that part of him... it looked big. You don’t have much to compare it to. 

You look across the street. Cleo’s apartment is dark. She must be out living her life. The door behind you creaks. You feel him before his shadow darkens around you. 

He steps up behind you and runs his hand down your arms. He leads your hands to the rail and squeezes them around it. You shiver and whine. He kisses your shoulders. 

“Baby, you just need to hold on,” he grits. 

He brushes down your sides and the curve of your ass. His touch crawls back to your hips and he moves your feet back. He kicks them wider and pushes until you arch your back. 

He steps closer and reaches around you. He pets your pelvis and rubs along your cunt. He spreads your lips and plays with your sensitive clit until you moan. He pushes against your ass and lines himself up with your entrance. You suck in air and stare into the night.. 

It was easier when it was Cleo. That shame was different. That pain was tolerable. 

He inches into you. Your legs shake and you lean against the railing. You groan between your teeth. He urges you down with a hand on your hip and hooks his chin over your shoulder. He turns his head to nuzzle your jaw. 

He thrusts and your legs buckle. He tuts and does it again. “Stay on your feet, baby.” 

The tears fall again and glaze over the street. The lights turn to blurry orbs and the shadows are nothing but layers of black and grey. His pelvis claps against your ass as he ruts harder with each tilt. 

He reaches to the pearl around your neck, his other hand still nestled between your legs as he stirs your nerves to fury. He breathes against your neck and sighs. 

“You think someone’s watching us, baby?” He taunts. You whimper and he chuckles smokily. “I hope they are... you’re the star now, huh?” 

END 

[hyruleanhistorian]

The Dungeon Crawler

Legend was not unfamiliar with the sensation that washed over him as the distance between the floor and his face became much shorter.

What he was unfamiliar with was suddenly being in the air, Warriors having scooped him up.

The rest of the group shielded the pair as they backtracked out of the dungeon they had been traversing.

“Does anyone know what hit him?” Time queried as he examined Legend from where he was standing a short distance away.

Hyrule, who had been Legend’s buddy for this venture, sheepishly ran his hand through his hair. “No, I was trying to help Wars and Wild figure out their puzzle.”

Time sighed. “Did anybody else notice anything?”

He was answered by a chorus of negatives.

Wind peeked over Wars’ arm. “How long do you think this will last?”

“If it isn’t permanent.” Came Sky’s mutter, quiet but still loud enough for Legend to pick up.

Four’s face held a considering expression. “Maybe there’s an item one of us has that can undo it?”

Wars looked down at Legend. “Do you know, buddy?”

Normally, 8 minutes, but Legend had never left the area before he’d changed back.

Legend did his best to hold up eight fingers, but that was easier said than done.

“Vet - Link, can you understand me?”

Legend nodded curtly, which he was sure looked out of place in this form.

“Well that’s something.” Wild commented. “What do you think we should do then, Vet?”

Legend gestured back towards the entrance.

“You want us to go back in?”

Twilight hummed. “Maybe we gotta defeat whatever did this to ‘im.”

Legend did his best to shrug, but he wasn’t sure if the motion came across correctly.

After an unnecessarily long debate in Legend’s opinion, they agreed to try, and to bring Legend in there with them.

Wars would continue to carry him, Twilight, Sky, and Hyrule would guard them, and Four, Wind, Wild, and Time would take out the monsters.

It took a while, with the heroes being more cautious than usual, but eventually they managed to take out the last monster, a blue stalfos.

Legend quickly tried to wiggle out of Wars’ hold once he had regained his normal stature.

“Let go of me!”

Warriors complied, a smirk on his face.

“You know, you were a lot cuter as a baby.”

[maelstrom-of-emotions]

What do I think? That the universe, in all its cruel humor, has sent this as a sign. A neon-lit omen, electric and undeniable, pressing into the softest, most vulnerable parts of me. And you—by the gods, you and OP—are astronomically brilliant. Bright-burning brilliance that makes me envious in a way that aches. Hand it over. Just a fraction. Just a sliver of that impossible, gut-wrenching talent. Please and thank you./j/lh

But in all seriousness, I am caught by this idea. Snared in it like a bird tangled in silk, equal parts suffocated and entranced. Because I, being the dramatic tangle of nerve endings that I am, immediately conjure scenes dripping in anguish—confessions swallowed by the rain, words falling apart before they can be fully spoken. A tub of ice cream abandoned, half-melted, next to an untouched spoon. Maybe even monologues that stretch too long, bloated with all the things that should have been said earlier, and all the things that should never have been said at all.

But Wangxian—Wangxian does nothing by halves. Love, pain, devotion, ruin. It is all or nothing, a knife’s edge that they willingly walk, over and over, even when it cuts deep. And so I let go of the easy angst, the cinematic suffering, and instead, I think of them. The way they ache. The way they yearn. The way they are two people who have always, always had too much love to give and nowhere safe to place it.

And then—this line. This one line, sharp and devastating in its simplicity:

Lan Wangji had expected coldness. An insult, perhaps. Maybe even a warm beverage thrown in his face, though he can’t imagine Wei Ying doing so.

Because that’s not who Wei Wuxian is, is it? No matter how much his heart splinters, no matter how much his chest is a hollowed-out, aching thing, he is kind. And he believes, deep in his marrow, that no matter how much he longs for it, Lan Wangji’s heart is not his to claim.

But Wei Wuxian has always been resourceful. He survives on scraps, on the barest offerings, on things that were never meant to be enough but that he makes enough through sheer force of will. He will not ask for more, will not reach out and take, no matter how much his fingers tremble with the want of it.

And that—that—is what shatters me. That Wei Wuxian will keep Lan Wangji at arm’s length because once upon a time, Lan Wangji asked him to. Because every version of Lan Wangji matters to him, past and present, and he will honor all of them, even if it means swallowing his own pain like glass.

And Lan Wangji—Lan Wangji, who is left with only fragments. The soft tap of knuckles against a glass door. A gentle smile paired with sparkling (tired) eyes. Laughter that is bright and beaming but stretches thin sometimes. Lan Wangji has his heart, too—has had it in his hands for longer than he realizes. But Wei Wuxian does not want it back.

And god, the scars. The way Lan Wangji traces them, as if by mapping their shapes, he can rewrite the past. As if his fingertips against ink and skin could change the story. Could undo the pain that came before. And Wei Wuxian, looking down at his own arms, does what he has always done. Accepts. Bears it. Wishes the universe had been kinder but does not expect it to be.

(And sometimes—sometimes, in the depths of his own sleepless nights, he wonders if he could carve out the piece of the universe that tied them together. If he could cut it away, bleed it out, just to make things easier for Lan Wangji. Because he catches the way Lan Wangji looks at him sometimes, like something breaking apart, like something unraveling, and by the stars, it would be better if he could spare him that.)

But the worst hurt—the one that lingers sharpest—is not the grief of loss or the agony of distance. It is the quiet, tenuous thing. The hurt that stretches between them like a thread, fragile but unbroken. The hurt that comes from knowing where the line is drawn in the sand, knowing that at any moment, the tide could come in and swallow it whole. And still—they hold it. Still—they balance on either side of it, waiting.

Wanting.

For the universe has never been kind to them, only relentless, only unyielding, only watching.

(And yet, it is the same universe that has linked them together so gently, wrenching them into being with all the feverish, desperate love they deserve. And it will be the universe that will shatter at their feet and remake itself – just once – into something softer, something kinder, something which they do not have to lose to love.)

I’m just realizing how incoherent this sounds, oof.

@undercover-stories and @xiaokuer-schmetterling (because you're just simply too amazing not to include).

Soulmates AU wangxian where their skins reflect. So Lwj has all of Wwx' scars (bite marks from dogs, belt scars from Madam Yu, a surgery from when JC needed a kidney, a burn mark on his chest, etc) and Wwx has... Nothing. Because they have the same callouses from sports and bruises from training but Lwj has no scars nor does he write on himself or accidentally gets ink on his hands. So Wwx thinks he has no soulmate, because even when he writes things to him (Hi! How are you?? WHO are you?? Are you well??? Are you there????) he gets no reply. Lwj does see it, he just knows his parents were soulmates and their relationship was fucked up, and that his uncle's soulmate didn't want him, and that his brother's relationship with his soulmate is stranged because he likes someone else. So he doesn't want a soulmate at all.

Anyways. Shit happens in Wwx's life, he hits rock bottom and starts getting tattoos. Why not? It's not like he's saddling anyone with them.

Cue Lwj watching ink accumulate on his skin while he's working a CORPORATE JOB. His uncle thinks it unprofessional and they are creeping towards the neck and hands.

So he writes to his soulmate to please stop.

His soulmate: so you DO exist uh.

Lwj: I do not want a soulmate. Or tattoos. Please refrain from getting any more and from trying to contact me.

Wwx: ...

Wwx: okay.

Thirteen years later Lan Wanji falls in love with the gorgeous Biomedical Engineer working at his company, Wei Wuxian, and is doing his best to approach this man who has been so very obviously mistreated (Wwx is on his YLZ era with others). They get closer little by little. And then one day they are on a date and Wwx rolls up his sleeves and Lwj comes face to face with a lotus flower sleeve he knows intimately well.

Cue angst.

[bloom-into-blue]

ℂ𝕦𝕡𝕚𝕕 𝕀𝕤𝕟'𝕥 𝔹𝕝𝕚𝕟𝕕

Summary: a chance meeting, a lucky run in, whatever you wanna call it. There's a gorgeous lady before you and... Thinking is hard. Just feel? Easier said than done.

Contents: just Garofano meeting the reader in her tailor shop! Reader is referred to with feminine gendered terms.

Word count: 1.6k

Author's note: I wanted to put something out as i mentioned before, and honestly, Garofano is one of my favorite ladies... First sfw fic of the blog. Can you believe it? Wild. Anyway, it is currently minutes before Valentine's so this makes sense to my timezone.

To say life has been kind would be a generous statement.

When you wake up, the sky is barely turning into a pale shade of orange and blue hues, though you can barely even notice it when one of your pillows is inexplicably covering half your face. Your neck aches, sore from whatever shitty position you assumed during your sleep. The worst part is that you know you can't linger on this too much, not when there's your university assignments looming in the back of your mind, ever present and ever the pain in the ass.

…Then, as you take your phone to check exactly how long you have until your suffering begins, you realize it.

It's a day before Valentine's.

Your body is so used to the stress of university that it forgot you're currently still on vacation.

It's hard to avoid a small chuckle to yourself, when your worries shift from impossible professor standards to instead focusing on what you'll wear for the party your friends are planning for two weeks from now. Maybe life isn't so unkind, actually, even if the specific look you want is something you can only achieve by commissioning a tailor. The details aren't too worrisome, not when you've saved up enough for it.

Then, your memory jogs again, making your nerves freeze before you’re bolting out of your messy bed, hair equally tousled up.

You've already scheduled a meeting with a seamtress.

It's taking place in two hours.

—-

The first thing that hits you is the smell of carnations, potent as it envelops you the moment you step into the tailor shop.

Then there's the bell that rings above you, which prompts a woman older than you to glance up from her spot at the front desk, eyes kind and a sweet smile ready at a moment's notice. The first thing you can think of is how utterly gorgeous she is. “Welcome, dear,” she greets with ease brought by experience, most likely; even her voice is gorgeous, damn it. “What brings you to my shop?”

You honestly got lost in the sound of her voice, deep and rich, enough so that you forget English is a language you can – and should – speak right about now. “Uh… I came by the other day. ‘Nother lady, like… helped me book an appointment,” you manage to mumble as you take in the woman doing her best to attend to you. You remember the last time you dropped by, when a woman with straight, black hair told you the seamstress in charge wasn't available at the moment, but would be sometime soon, so booking an appointment would be a most excellent choice.

Now, standing in front of a goddess with curly, violet hair, it seems as though you can finally meet the seamstress you've heard so many positive comments about.

The lady before you chuckles as she covers her mouth with her hand, refined as a noble. Christ, how are you going to survive this. “You must be the girl Sumire talked about, then. Come on then; we wouldn't want to take your measurements when the glass outside doesn't shield you,” she prompts kindly, stepping closer and going as far as to set a gentle hand on your back as she guides you to a section of the shop that isn't visible from the outside.

“Y-yeah, thank you, miss…” you trail off, unsure of what to call her.

“Garofano, dear,” she fills the blank with a smooth wave of her hand and a charming smile. You have no idea if she's aware of the effect she's having on your heart or not, she doesn't let on even a little bit! The warmth on your cheeks is probably a dead giveaway to your current state though…

When you arrive at a more secluded area of Garofano’s shop, she doesn't waste a second before grabbing whatever she needs, though… you're not proud to admit the way your eyes take in her figure. For a brief moment, you think you catch her looking at you from the corner of her eye, but as quick as it happens the moment passes, leaving you flustered and trying to tear your gaze away.

Once Garofano finds the measuring tape she was looking for, she turns to you with a smile wide enough that the crow's feet around her eyes are noticeable. God, she's so beautiful– focus. She just spoke.

After waiting for a moment, she seems amused by your puzzled reaction if her velvety chuckle is anything to go by. “I said, take off your coat, dear. I can't measure you well enough if you're all covered up,” she teases softly. Oh god, Garofano's aware and she's fucking with you.

You comply with her instructions in a hurry, left now with just the tight-fitting clothes you were recommended for this appointment. It feels… like you're more vulnerable than before, even though you're still clothed. Perhaps it has something to do with the violet eyes taking in your figure.

Garofano reaches for your hand and guides you gently towards a small podium in the middle of the room, measuring tape in hand and glasses you hadn't seen before atop her head. “Please, tell me if anything I do makes you uncomfortable. I would loathe to make a lady as beautiful as you uneasy,” she murmurs against your ear before carefully unrolling the tape and beginning her work properly. Thank god she moved away, otherwise she would've felt how your ears are almost burning up with how flustered you are.

If nothing else, at least you're going to remember this throughout all of Valentine's day. Her hands feel so gentle… You chastise yourself internally; she's a professional and you're making this weird! You have to stop thinking about how hot the older lady is! When she kneels behind you with a quiet grunt, her hands are ever careful as the tape brushes against your covered leg… No, stop, you're thinking too much!

She probably noticed how tense you are. Garofano's voice is far gentler when she tries to break the ice. “So… I was told you wanted a suit that fit you as comfortably as could be, while also making sure it looked good on you. May I know the occasion, dear?”

At least you can answer that. “Uh… My friends and I are throwing a party? It's supposed to be casual, but some of us insisted on formal wear, and… Well, here you have me,” you explain before ending it with a sheepish chuckle. “Can't really find suits that fit me well enough, y'know?”

Garofano hums quietly, her hands around your waist making you let out the tiniest little breath. “I do know that particular struggle. At least I can help you in this case,” she replies, her hands gently moving to wrap the tape around your waistline. She's behind you, but you can feel the little pauses she takes to jot numbers down, and by god, you wish you could see the way her glasses look atop her nose. When she starts measuring you up again, you could swear she's taking longer than before for whatever reason…

You hope to god you're not making all the tension up.

—-

The measuring is over in about half an hour, and you're sure those thirty minutes of your lifespan evaporated alongside a few years thanks to the intensity of this gay panic.

“It should be ready in about a week, miss. Please, don't hesitate to come to me in case of any concerns you have,” Garofano said with a soft smile, taking off her glasses as she walks you to the front of the shop once more. You were right, the sight was as beautiful as you thought it would be while it lasted.

You realize… maybe you do have one concern.

“Look, you can tell me off if I'm weird about this, please make sure to turn me down if I'm, like, completely off-base here or if I'm being creepy or whatever, I would absolutely understand if you thought I was being too forward, like way too forward actually–”

“Sweetheart,” she cuts you off with a worried frown instead of that lovely smile. “Breathe, please. In… out.”You're out of breath when she calls you out, so with a quiet whine you nod and do as requested, feeling some semblance of composure arrive, so it brings a smile to your face when her lips quirk up in response. “Now, you're welcome to ask whatever it is that's on your mind.”

The reassurance isn't enough by a small margin, but whatever courage you manage to have is slightly emboldened by taking another deep breath. “Ma'am, you're stunning. I… Forgive me if I'm overstepping any lines, I just think– Um… If it's no bother, how would you feel about going out with me?”

You barely have time to process you wouldn't even be able to take her to the fancy sort of restaurant she deserves for a date, not with the shitty pay you get at your job.

It's… it's better to be upfront about that, so you steel your nerves before Garofano can answer, though you do find her surprised expression more than a little adorable, eyes wide and lips slightly parted. She's as gorgeous as she's cute– focus!

“I can't really take you to some five star restaurant… I know it's honestly a pretty bad offer, you should just forget I brought this up.”

Before your spirits can somehow deflate any more, Garofano takes a step forward and the sound of her heels shuts your train of thought down immediately. “Darling,” she begins with a gentle tone and a smile that is equally as sweet, “I don't think of myself as a woman who needs the highest luxuries. You're a beautiful prospect, I will gladly give you that.” The chuckle she gives in response to your flabbergasted expression is worth any sort of embarrassment you could've felt this entire morning. “Perhaps tomorrow could be a good time for our… date?”

The widest smile rises to your lips at the generous offer.

Maybe Valentine's day won't be so boring for a change.

[peachjagiya]

Isn’t it abt time we all stop analyzing the romantic lives of ppl we don’t know and never will know and stop trying to desperately find something that probably isn’t there. Every shipping theory anyone has is probably off the mark and reality is probably extremely different than what any of us want or expect. We think we’ve gotten to know these boys, but we only see a minute fraction of their lives. so to jump to the conclusion that tae and jk are in a romantic relationship based on the fact that they hang out a lot and the assumption that random things they own or have done are related to each other is truly ridiculous. These are things that are all easily explained by just being very close friends and anyone who says “friends don’t do xyz” is just bullshitting bc yes they actually do 🙄. Until and unless jk and tae explicitly come out or are seen making out or some shit, stop with the far fetched theories and idiocy.

Ok so I took some screencaps to make this easier to explain.

What you're gonna need to do is go to my profile and top right you'll see this little person:

Tap that guy then you'll get this:

Tap "block" and hopefully that should remove me from your feed. I'm pretty sure this works, I've done it myself.

If you find you're being held at gunpoint to read this content, you could try calling whatever emergency number is relevant to your country:

Alternatively, you can get this stuff at plenty of stores:

Hope this is helpful ♥️

[danrifics]

[itsnickgalitzine]

yes, exactly. it's what tells me we have something true and special together. i don't either, i believe i'll spend my life with taylor and i couldn't be happier. how you manage to make me just like — gush about my relationship. oh thanks for thinking so — but i need you guys to help keep me grounded and when i need a helping hand. thank you, darling, it's not as easy to handle it all as it looks though. private ; easier said than done for me in this situation. it's just like — i don't know how to approach the topic of what's getting me without sounding regretful or ungrateful. and in texts ? definitely not where we should talk as i know i'd sound quite rude. it has been for now but i'm sure we'll figure it out soon.

that’s how you know it’s real—you’ve never loved anyone like this, and you’re choosing him every day. and he’s choosing you. that’s what lasts. i have no doubt you’ll keep growing together. and you’re everything with or without us, but i’m glad you keep us close. you’re managing so much, and from where i’m standing, you’re doing it beautifully. PRIVATE: i hear you. and i don’t think you need to have the perfect words before you talk to him—sometimes, just starting the conversation is enough. if something’s eating at you, even while you’re happy, then it’s worth figuring out, and taylor will want to be part of that. but i understand the worry, and if focusing on other things helps for now, then do that. just don’t push it down so far that it becomes impossible to reach.

[wereshrew-admirer]

scratching at the walls

[sysig]

Coding woes (Patreon)

[icewindandboringhorror]

recent lounging babey images

[gaymingbinosaur]

Woo kids at work are sleep something to do to kill 90 minutes.

Evie’s love interest is Emmrich. I think they would go on dates often with Emmrich being a romantic and Evie trying to come up with excuses to show him interesting places she found while exploring and if the place is safe and nice enough she’d make it a date.

I think Evie the places she takes him changes every time because he expresses desire to see new places. And emmrich is the memorial gardens. Between having a romantic atmosphere and having a lot of memories with her there.

The most romantic thing they done with the other. I think for Evie is she went looking for a safe romantic spot in Rivan and made a picnic there. I think she’d find like a waterfall or something. She was worried it wouldn’t be enough or too much because all of her romantic relationships were more like one night stands so she isn’t really confident in her skills at being romantic.

Emmrich, Evie would probably think their first date at the memorial gardens. She’s not used to people trying to do romantic things like that with her so someone taking effort to make a dinner date with her would be a bit overwhelming.

I don’t think much would change much if they had unlimited money on what they would do for each other. Maybe hosting each other more gold because lords of fortunes love gold and emmrich looks nice in grave gold.

I think before the end of the game they kind of were forced to say things they would regret not saying after the fade prison. Because they lost each other and last words were a fight. I think both of them would be telling each other know they love each other. I think Evie low key regretted not telling emmrich her sister is the inquisitor. She didn’t lie to him just a “hey my sister is kind of well known and it would be easier to introduce you when things settle then just tell you.” And she imagines meeting the herald of andraste while she’s angry at you because her sister is missing and you are the fade expert so you need to fix this. Would suck.

If they settled down would they want a family. Honestly don’t know. Evie existed longer than rook, like she was my oc before veilguard was a thing. Before than it would be no her dad sucks and she’s to worry that she’d be like her awful dad. But I think Manfred would change that because well she’s his step mom. She kind of has to face that fear. If they do have a kid I think they would be the most unhinged scientist. Between how chaotic evie can be, having curiosity as a brother and Johanna hanging around. Just the kid is smart enough to come up with crazy ass theories and not enough wisdom to think if they should test that theory.

I like to think Emmrich had some lessons with evie about magic because Evie is very distrustful of the education she received in Ostwick. So he was willing to teach her more complicated magic and go through the dangers of magic in a “is this as dangerous as it seems or was it just Templars trying to scare you”

And don’t have a pic of emmrich on my phone but here’s evie hanging out with the lords of fortune. I don’t have a lot of pictures of her on my phone yet.

Rook Introduction Hour 2/14/25

Happy Valentine's Day! I hope everyone celebrating is having a wonderful time! 💞💖❣️🧑🏾‍❤️‍💋‍🧑🏿👩🏻‍❤️‍💋‍👩🏽👨🏾‍❤️‍💋‍👨🏼💌🩵🫶🏼🥰💝💘❣️

How it works: I ask you a question about your Rook(s) and you answer it with as much brevity or verbosity as you desire. You can do this whenever you want, and I’ll reblog it + add some comments! There’s no time limit— if you want to do the older ones, they are collected here! (The post is updated on Fridays!)

🎶 L is for the way you look at me /O is for the only one I see /V is very, very extraordinary /E is even more than anyone that you adore! 🎶

Today's Question(s): NOW it's all about 💕Romantic love💕! Who is/are your Rook's LI(s)? Do they go on dates together frequently? Where do they like to go together? What's the most romantic thing that Rook's ever done for them? That they've ever done for Rook? If they had unlimited time and money, and no obligations, what would they do for each other? Is there anything Rook or their LI(s) want to say to each other that they haven't yet, for some reason? If they were to settle down together, would they want to start a family? Do you have any headcanons about anything they did together during the game that wasn't shown? And lastly, do you have any pictures of Rook and their LI(s) that you want to share?

Hopefully there are enough questions for everyone to find something they're excited about! Have fun, and thanks for sharing!

(Also, if you are looking for more DA themed Valentine's day content, taamlok made a new romance themed ask game, and corvus-frugilegus is sending silly valentines! And those of you playing on PC can also download the Veilguard of Love mod that metamancer-io made, and turn your Veilguard romantic! Hope you have fun!)

[mxtxfanatic]

I’m wondering something though -

When Xie Lian and the others learned of He Xuan’s background, it was made clear He Xuan had extremely bad luck.

“Although this scholar He’s family was very, very poor, he was a talented man. Since his youth, he was frighteningly intelligent and picked things up quickly and expertly. He was also widely known as a good son; there was really nothing bad to say about the guy in any respect. Unfortunately for him, he was also very unlucky. For him, nothing good ever lasted.”

Volume 4, Chapter 53 page 28

———

If the Reverend of Empty words can only shout misfortune upon its victims (and their loved ones) causing them to despair so much they commit suicide, does this mean He Xuan had bad luck all on his own even without the fate switching? 🤔

Or does the Reverend actually draw bad luck to his victims? This would actually make a lot sense but from how Xie lian explains things , this isn’t how a usual venerable works and explanations about the Reverend do not explicitly state this. 🤔🤔🤔

He Xuan couldn’t have had bad luck all on his own without the fate-switching, because his fate was to ascend. However, I think a full answer to this question would need to be a meta, cause I think that a core point of tgcf is that fates are not set-in-stone from birth, that fortune is what you make of it rather than what makes you, and that we shouldn’t fall into traps of letting superstition rule our lives, thoughts, and morality. The Reverend of Empty Words specifically chose prey amongst those with great fates, and most of those people had terrible ends. The Reverend was only able to speak on Shi Qingxuan—who had a fate of wealth—once before his family masked his presence, and yet the family still went into decline and lost their fortune. Were all of those fates fake? Was Guoshi not as good a fortune-teller as he so claimed? Or is all of this more changeable than people want to believe?

[autism-corner]

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