#i made direct eye contact and was like
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you’ve never known true power until you refill all your prescriptions at once and even the Costco pharmacists get scared
#incessant meowing#i had never had this happen to me before but the pharmacist ladies were like#shocked.#that there were 8#i made direct eye contact and was like#‘i’m cleaning out your stock! tee hee!’ :)#my drugs now#anyways psych meds are wonderful inventions n don’t mean you’re weak#you’re strong for taking care of yourself
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thinking about touch starved touch sensitive gojo again. Absolutely desperate for even the most grazing touches from getou and yet overwhelmed by it all.
#anyway irl i think i just went on the most awkward coworker not date but a little too sus to just be a casual dinner#what made it sus i think was one the deliberate choice to not invite any other coworkers#and two the fact the conversation had a direct flight to our dating histories#but also im insane maybe this is Normal dinner coworker conversation IDK#IDK ANYTHING ABOUT SOCIAL INTERACTION#HE WAS MAKING AGGRESSIVE EYE CONTACT AND I WAS LIKE BRO CAN U STOP THATS A LITTLE TOO INTIMATE MAYBE WE CAN JUST LIKE STARE AT EACH OTHERS#EARS OR SMTH PLEASE?#me starring at my cat all the time until he comes over or meows#me whenever someone else stares at me: u gotta stop that i have anxiety#anyway i just crave the SOCIAL interaction of ppl who are not clinically online like i am#i wanna speak to ppl who see the sun#in hopes i may glean just a bit of normalcy from them#im gonna go read copious amounts of fanfic
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A literal rant about a specific moment in Pt 39 "The Detective"
I just had some choice words about Arthur and John's bullshitery
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I always want to rewrite this part because they're so mean to him and for what?? The order meeting is at freaking 10pm you're not in a hurry
Like yeah he "seems distracted" and he SOUNDS nervous as hell, he seems scared to tell you something which is cause for concern yes but wtf? what about common human decency guys? like an "are you ok?" SOMETHING ALONG THOSE LINES WOULD HAVE BEEN NICE?? Instead of straight up trying to leave? He came here specifically to tell you something he seems nervous about and your immediate response is to be a dick about it?
He's not "wasting your time" he's trying to tell you something, just like Arthur did earlier in the same episode to Noel, he came in the cafe and seemed nervous and you know what Noel did? HE ASKED IF YOU WERE OK YOU FUCKING ASS
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And then Noel literally starts telling them and fucking Arthur INTERRUPTS HIM TO SAY "cut the cryptic shit and tell us what's going on"
Stfu Arthur, as if he didn't JUST START DOING THAT BEFORE YOU RUDELY INTERRUPTED HIM? TAKE THAT STICK OUT OF YOUR ASS FOR FIVE SECONDS
Anyway thats my rant of the day, a literal rant this time because that actually pisses me off every time I listen to it lol
And this is something I've been thinking about since before I even really cared about Noel as a character so it's been marinating in my brain for a while
#this is Arthur slander btw#this is the post where i officially come put of the closet about being an Arthur hater#i know john was being a dick here too but i love john ok idc#sorry guys#(im not please dont crucify me)#edit:#RANT ABOUT TUMBLR TOO BC IT KEEPS POSTING MY DRAFTS WHEN I PUSH THE “SAVE” BUTTON???#whatever#noel finley#charlie dowd#john malevolent#malevolent podcast#malevolent#arthur lester#detective noel#charlie malevolent#noel malevolent#the ramblings of a clown#yk most of the time im like#oh i guess i accidentally pushed the post button at the bottom#but this time#i am SO confident that i push SAVE at the TOP of the post#I MADE DIRECT EYE CONTACT WITH THE WORD SAVE#AND THEN IT WAS GONE FROM MY DRAFTS#hhhhhhh#TRIED to save it to drafts because i needed five more minutes to type out all of Noels like 50 tags#ik this is dramatic#its just so annoying#to write
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two guys who just walked past me and when i looked up instinctively one of them was looking right at me and laughing??? can i help you or
#text#i made direct eye contact with him for a second i hope my expression was baffled enough for him to understand it#if i wasnt physically very small i would start asking people ''Do you have a problem'' when they pull this shit like come on#is it the mask or the autism or the transgender? world may never know.
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Another fun Peter Pan Goes Wrong moment from the other night. After Annie was electrocuted, they took her fairy wings off to give her breathing room and to get a better look at her. But when they took them off they handed the wings to Francis who handed them off to the next person. The next person being a man in the front row. The guy in the audience just kinda held them for a minute before Francis took them back. But the poor guy in the audience just did not know what to do with the wings
#does harry kershaw just like messing with audience members?#i mean i wouldn’t be surprised if that’s the case#it was so funny though because what was the reason?#it was so deliberate too#like he bent over and made direct eye contact with the guy as he handed him the wings#but he took them back literally two seconds later#i choose to believe he was just in a silly goofy mood#harry kershaw#francis beaumont#mischief comedy#mischief theatre#peter pan goes wrong#ppgw#cornley polytechnic drama society#cornley drama society#goes wrong show
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okay, Midst is very good, PLEASE listen to it, but also I realized that part of why I am so gleeful about Midst is that it not only features one of my favorite things (unreliable narrators) but also features one of my other favorite things (the narrative standing directly behind the characters with a gun)
case in point: spent the entirety of the episode last week feeling an intense amount of dread because I DID see the narrative standing directly behind the characters with a gun and then this week felt an intense amount of vindication when the gun fired
Rowan has said before that I am way too good at picking up on foreshadowing (I think I am a normal amount of good at it, but also recognize that I seem to correctly predict where things are going substantially more often than many of my friends), but also I am so gleeful that A. Midst does occasionally manage to clothesline me anyway (yes! it's fun to stop dead in the middle of the street due to Events and Revelations!) but also B. the narrative is built to be even more enjoyable when you pick up the foreshadowing because then the narrative is making pointed eye contact with you while standing behind the unsuspecting characters with a gun
anyway, this metaphor is getting away from me, please listen to Midst, I'm having a GREAT time
#if you have ever enjoyed the experience of canon standing directly behind the characters with a gun at the end of one of my fics#consider: you may enjoy Midst#actually you probably will enjoy Midst because this is like. custom-made in a lab for my weirdo taste in narrative nonsense#anyway: coming up with a twist so convoluted no one can possibly guess it is OUT#pointing the narrative in a direction while making pointed eye contact with your audience and smiling is IN#the fact that I'm very good at figuring out where things are going made me mildly frustrated by a lot of media as a child#which is how I got into weirdo narrative devices now that I think about it#because the glee of the narrators telling you 'hey. here's what gonna happen at the end. good luck :)'#and then trying to figure out how on EARTH they're going to get there was enrichment for tiny Queenie#Queenie actually says something on this blog#Midst#Midst spoilers in the most abstracted way possible. but if you are strictly spoiler-free maybe you want to avoid.
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i like the concept of a huskerdust overlord!husk au but like. it is very much just being sold to one direction
#random thoughts#hell#it's why i prefer it being a fantasy angel has rather than like. a full on au#it just FEELS like a very self indulgent fantasy which he wouldn't want to happen in real life for a variety of reasons#mostly being it seems like a lot of people make husk like? VERY protective of angel in their aus#which of course in canon angel would object to because he doesn't like being seen as someone who needs to be protected#he desires agency! he wants the room to make his own choices and not have others make them for him!#and he especially doesn't want other people coddling him and viewing him as inherently weak due to his occupation/trauma/whatever#which is why i think it'd be cute if he fantasizes about husk being protective of him :]#also the whole scenario is very. it just feels like a fantasy he would have as a result of valentino's abuse#like he's fantasizing about someone he knows and cares about taking the role of his abuser#to have someone in his life who holds that same power over him yet he does not fear#since he's in a part of his life where he can't imagine possibly escaping valentino#i bet he fantasizes about husk winning his contract and then setting him free#angel is allowed to have a little lack of agency in his fantasies. as a treat#also there's some darker fantasies thrown in there still centering husk which he probably feels very weird about#immediately he feels VERY guilty and then the guilt wears off and eye contact with husk just feels weird for like a week#if husk were to ever even be aware of the general concept of angel's fantasies i think he'd go in a#in like a stolitz direction? like how the latest episode of helluva boss made stolas and blitzo equals in terms of status for the first time#like husk would own angel's contract and then he'd lose his soul to alastor OH MY GOD#HE WOULD JUST FANTASIZE ABOUT HIM BEING IN ALASTOR'S SHOES#LIKE HOW IN DAD BEAT DAD HUSK TRIES TO GO 'your soul is owned too' AND THEN ALASTOR GETS HIS ASS#god i can make this au SO about their own respective traumas#he'd fantasize about owning angel's contract and then he loses his soul to alastor and now he and angel are roughly equals#and then they comfort each otherrrr#very like. one-note soft comfort fantasy. he's a simple guy
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I cant believe I forgot about this exchange I had this week (or why I'm remembering it now) while in winco standing in front of the ice cream freezer looking at flavors
A 8yo boy walking past like 6ft behind me: *two full minutes of incomprehensible syllable salad spoken at a whisper while maintaining direct eye contact*
Me: Oh wow yeah! That's a good point! Thanks! 🙂
His dad, 10ft behind him: Sorry about that, he was saying that in reference to Minecraft, you know how it is.
Me: Ohhhh haha! I gotcha! 🙂
#how can you tell???#this was a very cute and positive interaction btw!! it was just so funny#like sir do you know your son is having a minecraft based religious experience and is speaking in tongues?#you do know i cant understand any of the words he said right? that my clear confusion was not about the content of what he said?#but about why he made direct eye contact with me who is a stranger despite clearly being shy#and then spoke arcane spells and incantations to me in the voice of a snake?#i love kids so god damn much
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cause of death: this
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sometimes I remember my first concert was exo in 2016 😌🙏
#im looking at the setlist rn like ..... bro .....#overdose is literally the song that made me a kpop stan#and HISTORY??? MAMA???#PLAYBOY? EXODUS?#XOXO? MIRACLES IN DECEMBER?#MACHINE???#LET OUT THE BEAST???? ARE YOU SERIOUSNDKEQMW#call me baby. growl. love me right.#I HAD NO IDEA THE CULTURAL IMPACT#ngl i dont remember ANYTHING that happened that night except for the fact that i was NOT dressed for the weather#and the girl next to me was very nice#and baekhyun made direct eye contact w me#thats about it#thought id share#berryunho.txt
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im not gonna post about the gas station guy anymore bc i am never gonna get balls and im upset
#i almost did it#I had it planned out then of course did not go as planned#bc while I was in the drive thru some mfer I know was inside waiting#and he fucking like moved over to the window to see if it was#literally made direct eye contact but he didn’t even say anything???#so like go away??? he ruined it all#im so pissed#I hate my life#only rn#I hate my life rn#I cried#I was gonna cry so hard but I had to be able to drive so#genuinely feel like I was born to be fucking alone#it sucks#he’s probably not even into me anyways so it doesn’t even matter#this it#y’all will be hearing nothing else 🫡
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Night shift or short attention span for the wip thing?
I’ll choose night shift basically Akihiko has this nightmare based on a real memory where he and Shinji got into a very heated fight that dissolved into like, chaos and angry beatings on Akihiko’s part and his nightmare is a warped version where he just keeps punching Shinji in a blind rage until there’s nothing left of him. He wakes up terrified and unsure of what’s happening and Shinji isn’t there BUT ITS OKAY HES FINE he’s just at work I think sadly unfortunately my man has to work a shitty convenience store job to make some money while trying to figure life out and he’s temporarily working night shifts so that’s why he’s gone and Aki does call him at work in the middle of the night for reassurance and asks if that incident really went down the way he remembers it (it didn’t). It’s kinda dark but has a nice ending at least
#ask#idk if ill ever like. finish and post that one hm#but what triggered this idea was like. the pain of a loved one crying and screaming over you but all you can do is sit there unfeeling#akihiko was mad at how removed shinji has become and how he just doesnt seem to care about anything anymore and its very upsetting#and aki gets really emotional and theyre fighting and hes crying and shaking but shinji isnt fighting back hes just letting it happen#hes just lying there and seeing his friend on top of him sobbing doesnt seem to affect him in any way cuz hes so emotionless#and akihiko just gets more mad at that and thats what causes him to freak out cuz why isnt shinji fighting back anymore#and then you know in the nightmare its warped with guilt and fear and ends with aki being so caught up in his reactions#that he doesnt notice how hes hurt shinji and its too late and hes killed him#cuz id say once everything settles down post canon theres a lot of lingering anxiety about everything#aki fears that he pushed too hard and drove shinji away and didnt notice his pain until it was too late#but when he calls shinji to get the real story it obviously isnt how aki remembers cuz he first off didnt kill shinji#what really happened was akihiko was sobbing and kinda just swinging haphazardly everywhere and landed some hits on shinji but not enough to#really fuck him up and it ends with him giving up and laying on top of shinji crying#shinji kinda awkwardly embraces him cuz what else can he do when he still cant feel anything but hates to see his friend upset#so the actual incident wasnt very pretty or happy but they made it out alive and are working things out now#very bittersweet very angsty shinji is so goddamn emotionally repressed i mean they both are actually#also on a lighter note shinji was just like on the phone with his bf during his shift and aki is like wait are you slacking off#and shinji is like bitch you literally called me??? and who cares id like to see these bitches try and fire me 😤#hes behind the register in a stupid uniform while horrible music plays theres like one customer there#theyre making direct eye contact the entire phone call
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What if I made an in-character sideblog. Of like some second age (gods still around) disaster. Because I am so bad at posting worldbuilding stuff but I know I could do that. Do some art for it. What then. Would anyone be interested because I can 100% do that. (Will possibly just do it anyway because Why Not).
#what do I even tag this as#world building#yeah sure why not#would take a bit to set up because woo character design and development#and would have to decide on what direction to go with it#like could do proper second age and just#‘went out today. accidentally made eye contact with a god. thought I was gonna die. didn’t. went back home.’#/hj#OR end of second age watching gods slowly deteriorate and then wwWWWHAT THE FFFFUCK WHAT IS THIS (magic moment)#I just think it would be. neat. and an actual way for me to ramble about in universe stuff#and I can explain stuff on here#hm#thoughts innit
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getting woken up to the sound of the wettest hand job in the world happening directly outside my OPEN bedroom door ag 5am I hate my life so much
#like this weekend of all weekends are you fucking serious.#got up to close the door and accidentally made direct eye contact with the dude like what if I killed myself fr
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insane
#i am so not normal about this#my friend gave him a bracelet that he wore the rest of the show#i made like direct eye contact with him a few times and he smiled at our group as he left cause we gave him a little toy#(i didn’t give him the toy but someone we met there did)#anyway best experience of my life#bring me the horizon#oli sykes#bmth2024
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guys i laurv college like actually. went out w a group of ppl and went to CVS and a mediocre pep rally. had a really sweet exchange w a bus driver. roommates are going out in a large group to have some of that sweet liquid sillies allegedly. i am alone in my dorm despite thinking i'd be the last one awake i am literally the only one here. and i'm happy i think :D
#nightmare.personal#we have to be up at like 7:30 am though so God bless my poor roommates#it's just two of them out person no 3 is unaccounted for#hypothetically i couldve stayed up but the group i was hanging out w are all roommates#so it was just me sititng in their dorm while they were showering and i was like. i think maybe i should go back to my home domain#but college is seriously kind of great bc like. you can just Do Shit. no parental convos about the logistics of hanging out#if i want to knock on a friends door to see their taxidermied rat and then go out w them at 10 pm#i am well within my God given right to do that!!!!!!#also idk when the RAs come bc this is meant to be quiet hours but people are blasting frank ocean which#it's frank ocean so you cannot be complaining about that but still#ALSO I SAW THIS GUY I'D BEEN TEXTING AT A STORE AND THEN I SAW HIM LATER AT THE RALLY#AND THIR=TY SECONDS BEFORE THE RALLY ENDED I TEXTED HIM SAYING I SAW HIM#AND HE MADE DIRECT EYE CONTACT WITH ME RIGHT WHEN EVERYONE STARTED LEAVING#IT WAS SO FUNNY. i am seeing him in SO many places and we haven't even hung out yet#also hope the guy that i recced måneskin liked it i didn't do one of their best songs but hopefully thats cool#i just did baby said bc i was gonna do read your diary but thought it'd be too much in hindsight i'd DEFFO do kool kids#IN ANY CASEEEE. idk what to do now just text my gf i guess
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