#i know it's been done but ive got some thoughts lol

[misteria247]

Who wants to hear me ramble about the Reverse Portal AU where Stanley gets taken instead of Ford and the potential angst that goes with this concept?

[b4kuch1n]

the legends speak of it as a kind of enthrallment: the life ended by the tiger is tied to the tiger. in this way there is a line of souls following the beast, for no reason except to show that they were killed. that they could be saved - if only the beast would die [...] in the dark of the wood you see it walk, shadow to shadow, followed by loss after loss after loss, a tail trailing seemingly into the deep death of night [...]

[ofcowardiceandkings]

the sinus headaches are already not great but Extra Shit has been added to the pile and im just sat on that right now trying to figure out what the fuck to do

[gece-misin-nesin]

Most of the songs in Electra Heart are incredibly Jason Todd coded(except certain lines being abt romantic/sexual relationships, change those slightly and voila). No I won't elaborate because you know I'm right.

[the-trans-dragon]

Hehehe >:3 got a kissie and some headpats from a pretty girl >:3 muahahahahahaha >:3

[whomturgled]

:^(

[savage-rhi]

I'm very much a, "fuck yeah and fuck you, I don't need validation! I'm me, cunts!" kinda fella, but sometimes I could use support.

[fappellmoan]

is it really really stupid to give her the gift. i know she’s not worth it and im making myself feel like shit over and over and i need to stop and it doesnt matter how sad or angry i am about it she’s not just gonna dump him and even if she did i wouldn’t like. want to be the second choice (not that i inherently would be. weirdo dream scenario) and it’s just not gonna affect her much to not see me anymore and i have to be okay with that. and im truthfully not rn but i have to be cause that’s the reality. anyway lost my point there

[vvossy]

Currently going insane because artwork I spent the last year of my life stressing over is on showcase and I'm on the other side of the world from it

[alfheimr]

My Favorite Cheap Art Trick: Gradient Maps and Blending Modes

i get questions on occasion regarding my coloring process, so i thought i would do a bit of a write up on my "secret technique." i don't think it really is that much of a secret, but i hope it can be helpful to someone. to that end:

this is one of my favorite tags ive ever gotten on my art. i think of it often. the pieces in question are all monochrome - sort of.

the left version is the final version, the right version is technically the original. in the final version, to me, the blues are pretty stark, while the greens and magentas are less so. there is some color theory thing going on here that i dont have a good cerebral understanding of and i wont pretend otherwise. i think i watched a youtube video on it once but it went in one ear and out the other. i just pick whatever colors look nicest based on whatever vibe im going for.

this one is more subtle, i think. can you tell the difference? there's nothing wrong with 100% greyscale art, but i like the depth that adding just a hint of color can bring.

i'll note that the examples i'll be using in this post all began as purely greyscale, but this is a process i use for just about every piece of art i make, including the full color ones. i'll use the recent mithrun art i made to demonstrate. additionally, i use clip studio paint, but the general concept should be transferable to other art programs.

for fun let's just start with Making The Picture. i've been thinking of making this writeup for a while and had it in mind while drawing this piece. beyond that, i didn't really have much of a plan for this outside of "mithrun looks down and hair goes woosh." i also really like all of the vertical lines in the canary uniform so i wanted to include those too but like. gone a little hog wild. that is the extent of my "concept." i do not remember why i had the thought of integrating a shattered mirror type of theme. i think i wanted to distract a bit from the awkward pose and cover it up some LOL but anyway. this lack of planning or thought will come into play later.

note 1: the textured marker brush i specifically use is the "bordered light marker" from daub. it is one of my favorite brushes in the history of forever and the daub mega brush pack is one of the best purchases ive ever made. highly recommend!!!

note 2: "what do you mean by exclusion and difference?" they are layer blending modes and not important to the overall lesson of this post but for transparency i wanted to say how i got these "effects." anyway!

with the background figured out, this is the point at which i generally merge all of my layers, duplicate said merged layer, and Then i begin experimenting with gradient maps. what are gradient maps?

the basic gist is that gradient maps replace the colors of an image based on their value.

so, with this particular gradient map, black will be replaced with that orangey red tone, white will be replaced with the seafoamy green tone, etc. this particular gradient map i'm using as an example is very bright and saturated, but the colors can be literally anything.

these two sets are the ones i use most. they can be downloaded for free here and here if you have csp. there are many gradient map sets out there. and you can make your own!

you can apply a gradient map directly onto a specific layer in csp by going to edit>tonal correction>gradient map. to apply one indirectly, you can use a correction layer through layer>new correction layer>gradient map. honestly, correction layers are probably the better way to go, because you can adjust your gradient map whenever you want after creating the layer, whereas if you directly apply a gradient map to a layer thats like. it. it's done. if you want to make changes to the applied gradient map, you have to undo it and then reapply it. i don't use correction layers because i am old and stuck in my ways, but it's good to know what your options are.

this is what a correction layer looks like. it sits on top and applies the gradient map to the layers underneath it, so you can also change the layers beneath however and whenever you want. you can adjust the gradient map by double clicking the layer. there are also correction layers for tone curves, brightness/contrast, etc. many such useful things in this program.

let's see how mithrun looks when we apply that first gradient map we looked at.

gadzooks. apologies for eyestrain. we have turned mithrun into a neon hellscape, which might work for some pieces, but not this one. we can fix that by changing the layer blending mode, aka this laundry list of words:

some of them are self explanatory, like darken and lighten, while some of them i genuinely don't understand how they are meant to work and couldn't explain them to you, even if i do use them. i'm sure someone out there has written out an explanation for each and every one of them, but i've learned primarily by clicking on them to see what they do.

for the topic of this post, the blending mode of interest is soft light. so let's take hotline miamithrun and change the layer blending mode to soft light.

here it is at 100% opacity. this is the point at which i'd like to explain why i like using textured brushes so much - it makes it very easy to get subtle color variation when i use this Secret Technique. look at the striation in the upper right background! so tasty. however, to me, these colors are still a bit "much." so let's lower the opacity.

i think thats a lot nicer to look at, personally, but i dont really like these colors together. how about we try some other ones?

i like both of these a lot more. the palettes give the piece different vibes, at which point i have to ask myself: What Are The Vibes, Actually? well, to be honest i didn't really have a great answer because again, i didn't plan this out very much at all. however. i knew in my heart that there was too much color contrast going on and it was detracting from the two other contrasts in here: the light and dark values and the sharp and soft shapes. i wanted mithrun's head to be the main focal point. for a different illustration, colors like this might work great, but this is not that hypothetical illustration, so let's bring the opacity down again.

yippee!! that's getting closer to what my heart wants. for fun, let's see what this looks like if we change the blending mode to color.

i do like how these look but in the end they do not align with my heart. oh well. fun to experiment with though! good to keep in mind for a different piece, maybe! i often change blending modes just to see what happens, and sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. i very much cannot stress enough that much of my artistic process is clicking buttons i only sort of understand. for fun.

i ended up choosing the gradient map on the right because i liked that it was close to the actual canary uniform colors (sorta). it's at an even lower opacity though because there was Still too much color for my dear heart.

the actual process for this looks like me setting my merged layer to soft light at around 20% opacity and then clicking every single gradient map in my collection and seeing which one Works. sometimes i will do this multiple times and have multiple soft light and/or color layers combined.

typically at this point i merge everything again and do minor contrast adjustments using tone curves, which is another tool i find very fun to play around with. then for this piece in particular i did some finishing touches and decided that the white border was distracting so i cropped it. and then it's done!!! yay!!!!!

this process is a very simple and "fast" way to add more depth and visual interest to a piece without being overbearing. well, it's fast if you aren't indecisive like me, or if you are better at planning.

let's do another comparison. personally i feel that the hint of color on the left version makes mithrun look just a bit more unwell (this is a positive thing) and it makes the contrast on his arm a lot more pleasing to look at. someone who understands color theory better than i do might have more to say on the specifics, but that's honestly all i got.

just dont look at my layers too hard. ok?

[mrfoox]

It's still scary to feel... This okay for me and im like... Oh man

[leclercdream]

maroon

this is the final part of maroon

✮⋆˙ when carlos breaks reader’s heart, lando is ready to mend it

✮⋆˙ ex carlos sainz x singer!reader | bestfriend lando norris x singer!reader | boyfriend lando norris x singer!reader

✮⋆˙ tofi talks: final part!! not very happy about this one but ive been really busy x

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

f1gossip

liked by yourbestfriend, carlossainz55 and others

f1gossip: After a few weird comments on IG by Lando apparently he did score a date! YN and Lando were spotted today in Monaco having fun with some friends. As many of you have already seen they seemed pretty cozy together 😊 A mutual friend (private acc) posted the last picture on his story.

We don’t have pictures but a trusted source told as she saw them a few nights ago in a VERY expensive restaurant in Monaco.

tagged: yourusername, landonorris

view all 48 comments

user1: this is everything i dreamed of in the last 5 years

user2: they look so happy together :(

user3: wasn’t she dating carlos like 3 months ago?

user4: slut

user5: am i the only one that finds CRAZY that she is suddenly dating lando after ending a 3 year relationship with his best friend? lol

user4: paddock bunny behavior

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

yourusername just posted a story!

landonorris just posted a story!

[good riddance is all yours now]

[yourusername just released an album and it’s a masterpiece. go give it a listen. i love you]

yourusername

liked by landonorris, lilymhe, maxverstappen1, carlossainz55 and others

yourusername: thank you thank you thank you for the love on my new album!!! 🧚🏻‍♀️ i worked so hard on it and seeing your reactions, analysis, and just comments in general fills my with joy.

thank you landonorris for your support while writing good riddance, i love you 🤍

view 2739 comments

landonorris: i love being your muse!

oscarpiastri: here he goes…

landonorris: you know i think we should tell people which songs are about me

landonorris: dress, invisible string, new year’s day…yourusername: omg SHUT UP

landonorris: i love you i’m really super proud of you!

user1: lol lando

user2: i love the album so much! love the transition between songs and the story that it tells. amazing job!

yourusername: thank you!!! means a lot 🤍

user3: AOTY

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

yourusername just posted a story!

[go to spotify for a surprise x]

replies:

lilymhe: you are a better person than me lilymhe: i’d be posting nasty pictures to make the psychotic girlies mad yourusername: dw babe it’s coming!!!

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

yourusername

liked by landonorris, charles_leclerc, kellypiquet and others

yourusername: got lovestruck

tagged: landonorris

view 2749 comments

landonorris: is best friends to lovers you favorite trope?

lilymhe: yes

landonorris: i’m so lucky to be loved by you. i love you

yourusername: mwaaaaah

alexalbon: FINALLY

oscarpiastri: peace 🤝🏻

lilymhe: i’m crying in my car rn

user1: drops an album, a surprise song and then THIS 🙏🏼

user2: god i’ve seen what you have done for others

user3: I LOVE THIS

user4: she is glowing :(

landonorris

liked by yourusername, lilyzneimer, oscarpiastri and others

landonorris: she wrote a few songs about me and now i’m stuck in a relationship with her ig

(just kidding i cried while listening to her album and had to beg on my knees for a date, you are the love of my life)

tagged: yourusername

view 7294 comments

yourusername: you can have all the love songs you want 🤍

yourusername: pookie I LOVE YOUUUU

landonorris: ill cry again stop

danielricciardo: congrats guys! finally happened 😊

maxverstappen1: Please send me a thank you gift

user1: how is this on you maxverstappen1: I told him to ask her out 😎 landonorris: yeah yeah, thank you max 🙄

user2: i thought that after she broke up with carlos we wouldnt have to see her annoying ass again 🙄

this comment was deleted by author this user was blocked by author

user3: i’m so happy for you guys 🤍

yourusername: forever isn’t so scary with you :)

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

taglist: @evie-119 @landossainz@noneofyallsbusiness @ladyblablabla @likedbygaslyy @softiecaro @1655clean@willowpains @lightdragonrayne @taygrls @chezmardybum @littlehoneyfreak @awritingtree @georgiaa-x-

[evansbby]

an update from me :)

hey everyone, i know i haven’t been very active on here lately. and the reason is because a lot of things in my life have changed. i’ve been debating even sharing this but i feel like i’m in a good enough position to be okay with sharing it.

so these past two years, i had been super active on here (late 2022- early 24) and that was because, well, I didn’t really have anything else. that’s because I had graduated in 2022 and then i just couldn’t find a job in my field. like so many other recent graduates, it was just so hard and tough and it really made me lose all faith in myself.

i found myself to be in the worst mental state i had ever been. I cut myself off from my friends, felt like a burden towards my family, was having meltdowns and panic attacks almost daily, even started eating unhealthily and was just overall in a very bad place.

HOWEVER, i always felt like I could come on tumblr and that’s why i was so active and writing all these stories because honestly, they were almost like a crutch to me. like the ONE thing i had to look forward to in life during those times was the feedback I’d get when i posted a fic, and honestly it’s what kept me going. like i swear to god, on some days this blog and community was the only thing that i had to look forward to and keep me going, and writing felt like such a huge escape.

because i felt so USELESS. like i was wasting my life and not making any money or being able to kickstart my career after uni, and that it would be like this forever, so when I was writing it actually felt like I was doing something with a purpose. honestly on some days I would literally wake up early and go sit in Starbucks all day just writing my fics like i was cosplaying working or something just so I’d have a purpose. (I don’t go to Starbucks anymore lol boycott)

anyways, i never shared this on tumblr these past few years bc you guys don’t understand what a failure i felt like. i would sometimes get asks on here asking what i did for a job and I’d feel so embarrassed of my current state of being unable to find a job when it felt like everyone else who had graduated with me had one and obtained one so easily. like i felt ASHAMED.

i remember once i got an ask asking what my job was and I just said “fashion marketing” bc that was one of the things i wanted to do and id done an internship in that field so i just put that but it was a LIE i was unemployed and the most depressed ive been in my whole life but I thought maybe i could manifest it.

ANYWAYS, and you’ve probably already guessed it, but the reason I’m not so active anymore is because I did eventually find a job. a really good one that I’m enjoying so much and I’m so happy at. Finally, I’m feeling like myself again, like I’m living that life in London as a twenty something that I’d see everyone on tiktok living!! Like I’m finally just having fun, going out with friends, being active, having money to spend on fun things etc.

and it feels so surreal and crazy because when i was depressed and jobless, it made me doubt myself so much. Like the constant rejections and failed interviews made me doubt myself and lowered my self esteem so much and I thought I’d NEVER achieve this life that i have now! And I don’t want to jinx it but I literally thank God every day for finally granting me this because I really feel like I would’ve gotten worse and worse and IDEK.

But back to the main point, and so because of my new job I just don’t have that much time for tumblr anymore. But this isn’t a goodbye post… not at all! I find that when I’m super busy in life is also when I get the most motivated to write! Like for example in summer 2022 I was on here so much and that was the summer I had the most fun, was the most busy. I think when I’m busy in life, I get motivated to write.

Which I believe is the case right now, because I’m SO motivated to complete all my stories, I keep thinking about them and writing them slowly, so please don’t think anything is abandoned! I just wanted to make this post to be more transparent about what’s been going on in my life and what had been going on these past two years. That maybe someone else going through something similar can see that eventually, everything does work out.

Anddd I don’t really know how to end this. I just want to say, yall don’t understand just how thankful I am for having this blog, this platform, to write my stories. For having you guys. Because who knows how much worse my mental state would’ve been these past two years when I didn’t have ANYTHING else going for me, if I hadn’t had this blog it would’ve been so much worse.

Thank you so much for believing in me and enjoying my stories and always always letting me know how much you enjoy them. And I’ll say the truth; I know everyone says that engagement on tumblr has been bad lately but I can say that bc of you guys I have literally never EVER had this issue. And that’s not me being big headed, that’s just the truth and it makes me so happy and grateful. Yall always came through for me and still do now! Every time I think my fic is going to flop, you guys come through for me. I appreciate it so much. You guys have no idea how much you helped me when I was at my lowest. And continue to.

Many thanks

Me 🩷🩷🫶🏼🫶🏼

[starkeygirlposts]

Goosebumps in my Sleeve IV

Summary: You've been dating Rafe Cameron for 3 years, and one day Ward and your mom tell you they're getting married.

Pairings: Rafe Cameron x fem!reader

Trigger warnings: stepcest, drugs, pregnancy, swearing, pregnancy, no smut in this chapter, strong depictions of abortion and aftermath of abortion, swearing, domestic violence, idk what else lol

18+ mdni

PREVIOUS PART

His lips break apart from yours but his forehead rests against your own as he breathes deeply and takes your hands in his.

“Rafe, look at me.” You request, tightening your fists and finally his head breaks away from yours, but he doesn’t give you much room to crane your neck up to meet his eyes, but when you do you see a softness you’ve been missing for over a year. You can see the boy you loved at sixteen hidden behind his dark glazed eyes and you hope it isn’t your mind playing tricks on you. You find your fingers absentmindedly ghost up his chest to find both of his cheeks, cradling his face to lure his attention to what you’re about to say.

You lock eyes with him and silently plead quietly telling him “...We need to give Pope the cross.” You breathe deeply, knowing he’s surely about to cut you off so you hastily continue, closing your eyes, "I know you think this is the only way! - But it…it isn’t!” You tell him, your nerves wound tight, bracing for him to lose it. But he doesn’t. He’s staring at you and you start to wonder if he was even listening. But then his nostrils flare with an inhale and he closes his eyes before speaking.

“Alright. Yeah, alright, alright. We give it back…say we give it back. How, how am I supposed to protect you with nothing, Y/N? You want a roof over your pretty head?” He asks you the question laced with trickery, his fingers ghosting to brush your hair out of your eyes before continuing "With what money? You got some secret stash you haven’t told me about? Once we leave, my dad will drain every account. I can’t just walk into the bank and take that money. My accounts are all in his name. You think I haven’t thought this through in my head? You think he did anything before thinking about something like this? There’s a reason nothing is mine, Y/N. This is the only way, baby.” He tells you, the reality clouding your mind and you start to shake your head, feel like you’re panicking, your heart racing and bile turning up in your gut. You can’t help but cringe and close your eyes to revel in disbelief before tugging him closer to you by the fabric of his shirt under your fingertips. You can’t afford to lose him this far in. You know you have a good argument, but even so, he’s right. How were you supposed to get anywhere with pennies in your pockets? The world stops for a moment and you call his name again, his eyes locked in on yours and you drag his face close to yours.

Your lips ghost his, his nose brushing yours while you murmur “You know where the gold is, don’t you? Ward took you to the Bahamas.” You tell him, and all he wants is to kiss you. To hush your pretty mouth with his. His eyes are alternating between your own, your lips, back to your button nose, and he’s everywhere all at once. He scoffs and starts to shake his head because you just dont get it do you?

“It - It’s more than enough, Rafe. Isn’t stealing from your father better than stealing from someone who’s done nothing to deserve it?” You ask quietly, practically begging and you hope he sees this the same way you do. He doesn’t answer you, so you add “If you don’t want to do this for me, do it for her.” You blink cautiously, searching him for the flip of the switch. But his eyes flutter closed, heavy with tears and he only listens. "She doesn’t deserve a thief for a father, Rafe. Please…you have to do better for her.” You beg with a shaky breath and he opens his eyes back to look at you with such uncertainty as your words weigh heavy. After what feels like an eternity, he moves closer to you and quietly says “He’d tell them I killed Peterkin.” You can feel him shutting down, palms trying to pry your hands off of him before you shake his head slightly trying to get him to focus. But before you can say anything, Sarah’s voice cuts through the air and you almost forgot she was there.

Her voice is quiet, the moment tense “I’ll tell them he’s lying. I - I’ll help you…whatever you need from me…I’ll do it. Just return the cross to Pope, Rafe.” You look behind him to meet eyes with her and she nods gently, stepping back while Rafe begins to turn his body to face his sister. His body os suddenly tense again, your hands flying out to catch him and stop him from straying too far. But you’re not quick enough, your boyfriends words flying hot out of his mouth.

“You - You think I believe you?” He sneers, and you quickly reach out grip onto his bicep, trying to drag him back to you before he can move any steps closer to her. His arm flexes, the muscles under your palm firm and corded, anger bubbling there.

“Rafe! RafeRafeRafe.” You tumble out, desperate. “She means it, babe. She does! I - I believe her!" You say, and he turns his head incredulously, brows shot up to glance at you and laugh, void of humor. He’s looking at you like you’ve betrayed him and he thinks maybe you have. Incredulously, he asks; “What’s she ever done for you to make you believe her? Come on baby, I know you’re smarter than that.” He tells you, turning his body to meet you halfway. “You tried to drown her, Rafe.” You level with him, "I think the playing field is even. You can be angry but this is your best chance to do better.”

He breathes deeply and grips the bridge of his nose between his pointer finger and thumb, eyes clenching shut trying to gather himself. Your hand tightens around his arm, not realizing your nails are digging craters into his skin.

He’s nodding his head tauntingly, “Do better…me, do better.” He scoffs. "What happens when she changes her mind? In a week…in a month…in a year? You ready to live every day like..” Sarah cuts him off by quickly rushing out “I promise! I want the same thing you do. I want to be free of dad, too.” She says shyly, looking at you while she says it. “I also want better for my niece than what we had.” She says, and it makes you want to cry. You can’t help the hitch in your breath at her statement, because god…so do you.

“Rafe please...” You beg him, tugging his hand with yours and you can see the struggle in his mind. Your heart races because this decision decides so much more than just one thing. It also decides so many things for you and the baby inside you.

He huffs, defeated when he finally looks at you and almost silently says “Okay."

THEN

Your body is rigid as you realize two things.

One, you don’t need to feel unsafe. You are unsafe.

Two, the exact thing you’d been dreading, the idea that you tried to push out of your mind over and over rather than manifesting to fruition had come true.

You couldn’t trust him.

He’d chosen his father again, even though you’d been holding out hope - praying that the idea of his own flesh and blood might be enough to finally cut the tie. No such luck though as Rafe stands next to you, and you no longer feel the warm comfort of his body but instead an ice cold hardness as he extends his hand to you, offering you to take it. You can’t help but look at it, regretfully following the raised cords of his veins running up his forearm, past his bicep and up to his face. Your cheeks are stained with tears, your eyes pleading and you can’t believe that this is actually happening. You glance over to your mom who stands with Ward, her body wrapped in his arms like he’s trying to console her. You can’t help the humorless laugh combines with a sob that escapes your lips as you look at them and then back to Rafe. You ignore his outstretched limb, instead getting onto your own two feet.

You’re irate, shaking with anger and fear. “Y - You can’t make me do this! Any of you. I’m going to go live with Dad.” You shake your head and say, and your mother’s eyes widen before Ward interjects.

“Y/N, do you really think I’m going to allow the Cameron name to have incestuous ties to it? Do you have any idea what would become of any of this?” He outstretches his arms to motion around him. “You can try to go and live with your father, but regardless of where you’re living, you will not be doing it with a child.” He states matter of factly and you blubber on another sob before begging. “Please, don’t make me do this…” You plead, not caring how humiliating it may be to beg a man who didn’t care about you, but what choice do you have? When your own boyfriend - the father of the baby in your belly couldn’t stand up for you.

Ward looks beside you at Rafe and stoically says “I’m trusting you to see this followed through, son.” You glance over at Rafe to see him nod curtly and you can’t help but crinkle your eyes and scoff. Fucking pathetic. "This is insane! Rafe! Say something!” You shriek, and you don’t know how you’re not dreaming…or having a nightmare. He doesn’t deserve the title of father. Reality socks you right in the face in that moment - that you truly had no one. But you had the baby under your heart and that baby didn’t have anyone except you. Not even the other person responsible for their existence.

It’s a flash of motion before you’re kicking against his body as he throws you as gently as he can into the passenger seat of his truck. The entire time, your clawing at his arms, hurling curses at him. You can’t help but scream when he slams the door on you and tells you not to move. You grab the door handle without thinking and throw it open, dropping to your feet on the ground and shoving at his chest with your hands, telling him to “get the fuck away from you”, but his hands fly back onto your biceps, pushing you back against the open truck. He tilts his head down to yours to try to press his lips to yours, and fortunately you have enough sense to push against him with your chest and you spit in his face. You’re breathing heavily, crying now and twisting in his grasp as you mumble out a quiet and defeated “How can you do this to me?”

It’s then that he truly looks at you. You can’t bring yourself to look at him, too repulsed by his inability to be a man. So you let your resolve wilt and your shoulders slump as your body racks with tears.

He cautiously and carefully helps you back into the truck, your will crumbling as you continue to sob.

You watch with hatred and try to calm your breathing by taking deep audible gasps to see him round the front of the truck and climb into the drivers seat. He looks over at you and you start in immediately. He doesn’t even have his buckle on before you tell him how disgusting he is.

“You’re such a pig.” You say, tiredly. "You can cum inside me but then you knock me up and now this is your call too?” You seeth, not breaking your gaze on him. You reach out, taking his hand in your own and tugging it to land on your stomach. “You’re going to make me kill our baby?” Your insides feel like they’re on fire, a burning in your gut and you don’t plan on stopping.

He’s watching you back before tugging his hand back to land on the center console, throwing the truck into reverse.

“You’re a pussy and I can’t believe I ever let you have mine. I regret ever even meeting you.”

“I won't even call you a man, you’re not a man. You couldn’t even stand up for me. You’re so fucking pathetic."

“Gonna let your daddy make every decision for you? When are you gonna grow up?"

The entire car ride is filled with nothing but your own insults, and you wish he’d fight back, say something. But you’re tired - so tired but you’re so betrayed and you really don’t think you’ve ever felt this much hatred toward another person. It makes you sick, bile filling your esophagus. He tricked you over and over, and you were stupid enough to believe it each time.

“I fucking hate you and I regret ever loving you.” He finally looks over to you, and you meet his stare to say

"I will never forgive you for this."

He’s barreling into the parking lot, throwing the truck into park before reaching over to grip your jaw in his hand. He shakes you to look at him, and you swear there’s steam coming off of you as your eyes meet his. His breath is fanning down your face as he covers your lips with his own, kissing you with such force that you’re not able to push him off, so instead you groan in reject, before biting his lip. He pulls back like you stabbed him and your palm connects hard with his cheek in a cracking slap. His eyes are dark and he finally says something.

“We’re going in there and we’re going to make everyone believe you had an abortion. Kay?” He searches your eyes before asking again, “Okay?” He asks, head tilted as if he’s trying to hear your answer and your lip wiggles up in repulse. You don’t know if you heard him correctly. You surely couldn’t have. How could he deceive you like this?

“W - What?” You ask, confused. “What the fuck does that mean, Rafe?” You ask again, and he pulls your face back to his again and kisses you once more, but this time you don’t have the will to fight back. So you go limp in his hands, your body trembles from nerves. His hands find your shoulders to steady you before breaking apart from your lips and muttering a gentle “I’m so sorry, baby."

You can’t help but bring your hands up to his chest to shove him off of you and ask again “What the fuck do you mean?! What the fuck are you saying?!” You’re shouting at him and hot tears spring back to your eyes as you swat his hands away that are trying to find you. “No! No! NO! Don’t fucking touch me! What are you saying?” You’re trembling with full sobs now, screaming and crying at the same time, because he can not be doing this to you. “What the fuck?” You shout, eyes blown wide.

His face is contorted in emotional turmoil as he hastily grabs your hands to hold in his, tugging you closer to him and you don’t fight him when he tucks your head under his chin, pulling you closer to him.

“Baby girl…please take a breath. They needed to believe it. You needed to believe it, I couldn’t have made myself drive here if you didn’t. I’m so fucking sorry, I’m so sorry. I’m sorry, baby. You’re okay, please tell me you’re okay.” His own voice is shaky now, eyes rolling over you while rocking you without being totally aware he’s doing it, the both of you crying. You’re so numb, you don’t even have the ability to form words together to say anything to him, but you’re so checked out at this point that whatever you could have mustered up wouldn’t have done what you’re feeling any justice anyway.

You’re sickened by this entire thing, by him, by yourself, by your mother, Ward…and you quickly shove Rafe away from you before throwing the car door open to retch into the parking lot. You’re scrambling to get out as fast as you can, throwing yourself out to bend over. You’re faintly aware of Rafe suddenly next to you, quickly gathering your hair behind you, grabbing your arm to steady you as he whispers in your ear “I’ve got you.”

----

Your hand was in Rafe’s, your side close by his as the two of you walk back through the threshold to Tanneyhill, both of you silent when you were met with Ward and your mother, standing clearly waiting for you to return. You couldn’t meet your mothers eyes, so instead you looked to Ward who was only looking at his son before stepping forward and grabbing him by the shoulders tightly, his palm holding the back of his head. Your hand still tightly gripped in his, Rafe stood stoically, not returning his father’s embrace, and you glanced up to see his eyes staring straight ahead, emotionless. The two of you had been through hell tonight, mentally and emotionally drained, the bother of fake emotions too much to even try to facade.

“You’re okay, son.” Ward says to Rafe, kissing the side of his head and you think you’re going to vomit again. You can’t help but tug on Rafe’s hand when your mother approaches you. You don’t dare to look at her, instead keeping your eyes trained on Rafe, your heart clenching when you see tears stream down his cheeks and you hear him tell Ward “I’m not okay dad, She’s not okay.” He states it matter of factly but your step father is quick to brush him off, telling him he is okay, that he’s fine, that he’s going to feel differently in the morning. It’s then that you choke on a sob on its way out of your mouth, because how can this man be so okay after the idea that you’d just murdered his first grandchild. That he’d forced you to have your baby torn out of your body, the baby that was made out of love between you and his son. It makes you positively sick and you’re truly not sure how you're managing to stand on your feet.

Your both crying now when you feel your mothers warm hands on each of your cheeks, pulling your face to look at her. Finally, you meet her eyes and you just truly can’t. How the woman who birthed you was about to console you over the thought of not being able to do the same to your own child. It was sick, twisted, horrific. She pulls your body into hers and you fight as much as you can, which isn’t much. Your hand is being strangled by Rafe’s grip, but you’re squeezing back just as tightly because it’s the only thing keeping your body upright and your mind knowing that it’s not real. That it didn’t really happen - not what they’re thinking.

“You did the right thing, baby. Thank you.” Your mother tells your eyebrows furrow in regret and upset, your body pulling back, desperately trying to wiggle out of her grasp, her hands around your shoulders. You’re grunting and blubbering in frustration so deep it feels like you’re suffocating. You manage to look over the arm wrapped beside your face to see Rafe staring at you with the same defeat in his eyes that you feel in your own. “I love you.” You gargle out, voice thick with sadness. You don’t care what your mom or Ward have to say or think about it but you tell him again, but this time adding his name at the end. “I love you Rafe.” And you finally manage to shove your mother off of you, her feet stumbling back and she calls your name. You look at her and tell her “I hate you. You’re a disgusting excuse for a mother and you will never hear me call you that again. Looking at you makes me sick. I hope one day you feel the pain I feel inside of me right now, because you deserve it and so much more.” Your sneering, your top lip curled up in disgust as you spit through your teeth, finally looking over to your step father.

You take a deep breath before saying “I love your son more than you will ever be able to imagine that you love him. You choosing to deprive him of that love shows how disgusting of a father you are."

You take a deep breath and close your eyes tightly, tears streaming down as you tearfully add

"He would have been the best dad.” You nearly choke on your sob as you say the words, your voice raised an octave through the pain of the tears shaking through your body. You’re watching your boyfriend as you say it and the cringe on his mouth and look in his eyes hurt you worse than you expect. His usual demeanor, his nature to protect and defend is void, leaving a vulnerable boy who you don't recognize, and it physically hurts to watch him like this. Imagining the alternative outcome of tonight was too close, the idea that your uterus could be working to evict his baby right now all too real and Rafe immediately starts to sob. Your nerves are wound so tightly together, you’re shaking.

Ward is emotionless, still holding Rafe to his body, too emotionally spent to try to relent. But somehow he manages to tell you “It’s okay” and “I love you so much”, and his heart is swelling in his chest but his stomach is wound up in knots just like yours. What do you have to lose now? To everyone else, they’ve kept you from each other, forced you to become strangers, and now evacuate your body of the one thing it did right.

NOW

You’re sat in the middle seat of Limbrey’s truck, Rafe in the drivers seat and Sarah in the passenger. It’s quiet, your bags and Pope’s cross in the bed. Sarah texted John B to set up a meeting point to meet the Pogues to return the heirloom, and the tension is turning unease in your gut.

You break the silence by taking a deep breath and grabbing Sarah’s hand and quietly muttering “You don’t know what we’ve been through. What he’s been through.” You say regretfully, shutting your eyes in remorse before continuing, wanting to tell her everything. You hadn’t been able to confide in anyone and it was exhausting.

“I told you that your father thinks the baby is gone. He found out about her and his first thought was to take her away from us.” You say, tears unable to be kept at bay. Her hand squeezes yours and Rafe calls your name.

You tense, continuing. “No, Rafe. She needs to know.” You say, not bothering to look at him.

“Rafe drove to that clinic at 10 o clock at night and he paid people off so that they would lie and say they aborted a baby. They gave me papers that had details on what to look for in the adult diapers I would've had to wear that would have been the remains of our baby. Can you imagine what that was like? Sitting in a room where we found out I was 11 weeks pregnant and know that I was there so that the result of the love between me and your brother could be taken out of me just because your father and my mother said so?" You scoff before continuing.

"11 weeks is past the time they can give you a pill to terminate a pregnancy. I would have had to have her physically removed from my body." You furrow your brows because it's painful to talk about, but it's your reality. Rafe is silent next to you, so you sneak your hand over to his thigh to give him a reassuring squeeze. You know this isn't easy for him to relive. "I don’t know how to come back from that. We don’t know how to come back from that.” You tell her, your hand squeezing the life from hers.

She’s looking at you in horror, maybe even disbelief and it's then that Rafe's hand moves from under yours to snake around your waist and palm your belly. His fingers clutch at you in reassurance and protection as you glance down and cover it with your own before breathing in deeply.

“So Sarah, please help me understand...because I don’t know how we’re supposed to be okay anymore."

NEXT PART

Please interact! It’s pretty much the sole reason we as writers continue to write. I’d love to hear from you guys what you’d like to see in this story via ask box/requests. I will answer any and all submissions! NOTE that I will NOT add you to the tag list if you are only commenting to add to the list.

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See y’all soon!

[puckpocketed]

who is #43?

Hello !! First off thank u for visiting. If you clicked read more by accident rip sorry it’s a lot of text. ENJOY!!! <3

1. This was the photo reference I used. I really did mean it when i said he photographs well!! I really like how scrungly he looks at times lol. v paintable

2. here’s a timelapse for your viewing pleasure in video + gif form <3

3. Process breakdown below. I am not formally trained, so don’t take any of this as professional advice!! The way i paint has been compared to channeling some evil contract with a demon also. So um . Im saying that i dont remotely think that this is efficient or correct, its just whats comfortable for me <3

3a) the dreaded lining phase. I have 2 modes of operation when it comes to painting - either i go full-dick with fancy inking/sketching + cel shading (rare, unrefined, haven’t figured out a nice workflow yet) OR i do a very very basic chicken scratch set of lines like so:

It’s less about being realistic here and more about laying down some guide lines for the chaos ahead. If i thought i could get away with it, I would start every rendered painting i do with laying down colours — but unfortchh ive tried that before and it usually ends in really weird proportions. Even with the lines i still need to make adjustments. This is something no people except me would notice but look at the above sketch; the eyes are too big and slightly too far apart, the forehead is too small and thus the hair is also not quite big enough… I have a bad habit of drawing eyes too big on faces, they’re my favourite facial feature to draw.. i barely resisted giving him big cow eyelashes (I love big cow eyelashes… all of my OC’s and most of my more stylised fan art of characters get big cow eyelashes… god…. Big cow eyelashes SAVE ME……….)

Anyway. Structure of the face + hand somewhat established. <3

3b) Underpainting!! Okay stay with me here . Ever since i figured out i dont have to paint in 03925893853 different layers, I’ve joyfully painted on 1 layer as much as possible. I dont have the brain power all the time to be managing layers so I simply dont work with that many layers. For this painting, the skin in its entirety was painted on one layer, the hair on another layer, and the effects on the last layer. There was a placeholder background off-white/grey colour for a while there, and I duplicated the line layer — one for figuring out where to lay colours, and one hidden for later so i could check back to see how accurate to the sketch/proportions were to the actual painting. 6 layers, 2 of which i painted the bulk of the piece on, 1 more at the end.

3c) here’s where I started carving out features. I think about objects in terms of volumes and light rather than lines. i love painting and sculpting because of this!! Here you see where I’ve begun to define his features — his eyelids, his bags, his nostrils. Just refining what was there before. The suggestion of facial hair before i gave it up and left it for later (his face is so naked the WHOLE time)

3d) nose bridge highlight, suggesting his eyebrows, a cheek highlight. A touch more coral red and muted yellow pull away from the grey/blue underpainting. Strategically leaving some of it peeking through.

3e) i truly start messing with the fidelity of his features here. Red lipstick <3 and some violet/blue for shadows on the right side of his face.

3f) the part where it starts looking like q.hughes to me (though, my friend said i got his vibe pretty early on which is such a compliment.. waaaaa…..) I love this part of every painting i do. I know it’s definitely not the Correct order since other parts of the entire painting are simply Not Rendered or Done, but whos gonna stop me?? :3

I love love loveeee painting faces. Adding the little shinies to his eyes + lips + upper lip + nose … you don’t know how much of a difference it makes until you do it. Also i snatched his eyebrows

3g) i really pushed the red/coral/ochre/orange here. Note the yellow highlights on his cheekbones, the forehead, and the thin thin line of pink right between where his bottom lip ends and his chin shadow starts <- very important . To ME!!!!!!! Also highlighting his waterline and adding his lashes was so so fun <3

3h) FACIAL HAIR!!! And I started rendering his hand. Some micro adjustments made to his face for proportion check.

3i) i start painting his hair in earnest and realise his forehead is too small so i make the adjustment. I really love how it falls into his eyes in this photo. <3

3j) i make some final adjustments to his eyes — a bit smaller, closer together. And i refine the outline of his jaw, push the stylisation of it just a little.

3k) Finishing details; his flyaway hairs, his moles, a bit of texture on his face, shadows cast by his hair, his little forehead cut <3

3l) i adjusted his hand here, added more texture to his skin, refined his hair a tiny bit more, and made the decision not to fuck around painting his jersey because i wanted the focus to be his face <3

3m) Canucks blue and green. Captain at 23. His form bleeds into the background. He is the franchise.

theee most fun ive had painting anything. and i finally feel... warmed up? if that makes sense. art for me is like. if i dont do it in a while it feels like nothing goes right when i come back to it. i hate that feeling, and the most difficult hurdle to clear is letting myself feel that until i get back into my Zone. after all this time i feel like im BACK !!!!!!!

i loved painting this fella. hes SO Shaped. <3

Apologies i simply do Not have the energy to write the alt text for all of these so i hope the little blurbs are okay aslkjasdklj. i gotta post and go to bed . if u made it this far, thank you for reading!!

[audioroleplayconfessions]

i dont want to reveal my identity (youll see why in a sec lol) so im saying this here rather than my main account cause im relatively well known in redacted tumblr (annnd im a pussy and this is sort of weighing on me a bit).

i dont know how to say it but there are these chats?? like mainly on discord and instagram and i think some other places too (idk i dont have twitter or x or whatever but i think theres one there too) where people have lists of these accounts they dont like and resolve to 'punish them'. im sure im explaining this terribly but i cant really say much without the people in these chats instantly knowing who i am and adding me to their insane hate pile puritan police bullshit.

i got added to one of the discord chats in august by a mutual from a redacted server i was in (not the main one like some fan one from tumblr) and genuinely? it is fucking insane. think genuine csi shit. like sorting people into who supports 'problematic ships' and 'supports problematic characters' or who are 'rape apologists' or even just 'icky' and genuinely allocating certain people to harass and threaten them. and i mean seriously organising. as in scheduling when to spam anons or making hate posts or trying to work out their real identities to 'drill the lesson in' (actual quote).

whats worse is that many bigger accounts in the fandom are in these chats. like people ive been friendly with for months (if not years) who i thought were cool, but then act completely different there. i wont name drop or anything, mainly to respect the rules of this blog and preserve my own identity (cause god knows they dont deserve that after some of the shit theyve said and done), but if youre in redacted tumblr, you defintely know at least some of them. 100% you do.

ive gone out of my way to warn some of these accounts ive seen on there frequently (so if you got an anon warning you about these chats hello!! its me!!) but i cannot understate how fucking crazy they are. not only do these supposed 'progressive accepting people' resort to misogyny, transphobia, homophobia and racism (esp this one, jesus the slurs) towards any account they dont like, they also genuinely view themselves as these insane moral authorities set on 'cleansing the fandom of the filth' (another actual quote from one of the discord chats. i genuinely had to take a lap after reading it bc it was so cringe and insane it physically hurt)

i swear im telling the truth with this btw, i know it sounds so stupid and unbelievable but i just needed to get it out of my system because ive been lurking in this chat and i feel kinda responsible for all the hate these poor people are getting, since im not standing up against them. so to anyone whos received heavy hate for 'problematic opinions' im really fucking sorry man. i shoulda tried to put a stop to it but there were so many big accounts there i was afraid of getting ostracised from the community or targeted myself.

anyway, point is. be careful. watch ur faves. and god, everyone in this moral brigade stop being so fucking demented. youre making this unfun for everyone.

(thank you for giving a space for me to speak about this btw bc i genuinely dont know how i wouldve told people widescale otherwise. i really appreciate the space you provide for us all <33 )

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