#YEAH. IDK. i feel. like shit. and garbage. and i can almost see this as being the turning point to me sabotaging my ownnpotential future | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

sibillascribbles08 · 1 year ago

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Alright, here's some very sad dad, aka Mr. Song, aka Jase's dad. We're going back to the thing that happened before Jase stopped seeing him for like two years.

And going to give the Content Warning: This work contains some homophobic language and a whole bunch of internalized homophobia. No self harm, but there is something that's misread as self harm. Also some adult/suggestive language near the bottom (these men are sluts what can I tell you) but nothing explicit.

Anyway the first chunk is crunchier than a walnut shell so I'm just gonna go ahead and slap on that read more. Have fun??? Idk

“Birthday was going fine until you called.”

Jae-Won didn’t know why that sentence drove such a hammer through his chest. It wasn’t the first time Jase spoke to him with such disdain. It wasn’t the first time their phone calls turned sour.

But it became so frequent now. And this was after Jase said he was too busy to come visit for the week and Jae-Won allowed it because he didn’t want his son thinking he’d try to force him to do anything.

He just wanted to check in, wish him a Happy Birthday, maybe talk about future plans if the kid was up for it. Why did it have to go this way?

But he refused to break over the phone. “O-oh? Sorry.” He gave a faint laugh and began to pace around his bedroom. “I guess you’re busy right now, huh?” His fingers looped around his beaded necklace. “I can let you get back to it and check in later.”

“Why bother?”

His steps halted, the heels of his sandals digging into the carpet. “What?”

Jason raised his voice. “I said why bother? Why do you keep doing this?”

Panic gripped Jae-Won’s throat. “Jase—”

“Why don’t you just take all your shit and get out of my life already?”

His hand let go of his necklace. The other one almost dropped the phone. It hung loose in his grip as his limbs went numb.

What could he even say to that? No? I’m sorry? What would he even be apologizing for, being himself?

Sorry that I’m like this? Sorry your father’s too queer to ever be normal? Sorry I’m a raging embarrassment to you and the rest of my family?

Tears burned in his eyes and he clenched his fist to hold them back. No, saying all of that wouldn’t matter. Because he couldn’t change who he was, not now. He needed to think about Jase. The kid was almost an adult, and if he decided he didn’t want to see his father anymore, there was nothing Jae-Won could do to stop that.

The kinder thing to do would be to let him go while Jase was asking for it.

“Okay.” He finally forced the words out and cleared his throat to keep his voice from wavering. It barely worked. “If… that’s what you want, then okay. Just… if you ever need anything, you can always reach out to me, okay kiddo?”

“Yeah,” Jase mumbled. And the silence hung in the air like a guillotine. “Whatever.”

And that single, uncaring word was all it took for Jae-Won’s heart to shatter on the floor.

Not that he let it show, but he certainly couldn’t breathe a word. And after another agonizing pause, the line finally cut off.

Jae-Won lowered his phone to stare at his screen. The words flashing to say the call had been disconnected, right below a picture of his son with the first gundam figure he put together.

He couldn’t really feel anything. The silence in his room droned on for so long he could hear the faint ringing in his ears. Tears stayed in his eyes but they didn’t fall.

His phone remained idle for so long, the screen finally went black.

Jae-Won stared at his reflection. At the eye-liner and eyeshadow on his face, the glitter, the stickers, the pins in his hair that he pushed back, the necklaces around his neck that just barely touched the hem of the sequin top he had on.

Why was he wearing this? Why was he like this?

His son never wanted to see him again because of all this garbage. His son hated him. It didn’t matter how much Jae-Won loved him.

Why did he ever fall into all of this? He could still remember Jason’s delighted shouts when his father would come home from work. The loud demands to “show him more robots” on TV. His rapid tapping on the table as he waited for his father to bring over the tea that they always drank before bed.

The divorce marred all of that in an instant, and Jae-Won knew he couldn’t just blame his ex for that. He made his own choices. He chose to lean into it. And he didn’t know how to keep his son from shutting him out more and more as the years passed.

He kept staring at his reflection. He clutched his phone tighter, watching it shake in his grip.

“You think you’re fit to raise a son if you’re going to go around sleeping with any man you find?”

“I’m sorry, Mr. Song, but this court rules in favor of—”

“You either take this deal, or we’re going to present even more evidence to the court that could easily keep you away from your son for good.”

“Jae, if you show up wearing something like that to pick up our son again, I’m taking this back to the judge.”

“You’re so damn disgusting.”

“How could you turn out like this? Didn’t we raise you better?”

“Do you invite all those men and women over to your house? You better keep them out when Jase is there.”

“Do you hear me? Watch it. We wouldn’t want Jase turning into a degenerate like you.”

Jae-Won tossed his phone onto the floor as hard as he could manage.

He didn’t linger to see if it broke or not. He rushed straight into the bathroom. The second he saw his reflection he gritted his teeth. He had half a mind to just punch the mirror in, but that wouldn’t fix the problem staring back at him.

The problem was simple. He was too much of a fucking freak to be a father. He refused to believe that for so long, but now even his own son didn’t want to look at him anymore.

Jae-Won grabbed both necklaces in one hand and snapped them off. His neck stung. The beads clattered onto the tile floor.

He ripped his top off as well and chucked it to the side before turning on the sink. With a handful of water he splashed it on his face and rubbed as hard as he could. He felt the glitter and the stickers scraping against his skin. His cheeks hurt. But he didn’t let up. He glanced back up at the mirror to find he’d barely gotten the damn shit off, just smeared it around. Fucking sealer.

Oh look at you. An internal demon that hadn’t haunted him in years suddenly whispered in the back of his mind. Who do you think you’re fooling, looking like that, you fucking freak.

These days he’d always snap back that yes, he was a fucking freak, but now that thought had his legs shaking so bad he collapsed on the bathroom floor.

Why get so dolled up? It continued. To make you forget what a massive failure you are at being anything society expected out of you? You failed to get the job you dreamed of. Failed to keep your wife. And now you’re a failure of a father to boot.

“Shut-up.” He tried to hiss past the pressure on his throat. He gripped the side of the sink and pulled himself up, only to be forced to look at his reflection once more.

Face it. The inner demon’s voice shifted into his own, and he found himself mumbling along with it. “Jase always hated us, he just only now found the courage to say it.”

That’s the truth, wasn’t it. All those years of week-long visits and Jase wanted nothing more than to get away from him, but didn’t feel bold enough to say it.

Because Jae-Won Song was a disgusting, slutty degenerate.

He glanced back up at his smeared make-up, and now his fist did connect with the mirror. The glass splintered, but didn’t break off. His knuckles hurt, but it wasn’t enough.

Jae-Won jerked the cabinet doors open. He snatched every piece of make-up he could see and hurled it at the wall. Pallets of eyeshadow exploded against the tile wall of his shower into plumes of colored dust. Nail polish shattered and splattered onto the tub. Foundation, eyeliner, mascara, blush, all the stupid little brushes and sponges and his single tube of lipstick.

He took a second to gasp for air, blinking through the tears. He stared at the mess of paint, powder and broken glass and plastic. Not enough. It wasn’t enough.

He snatched his trimming scissors out next, ready to try and turn the metal into nothing but a ball of scrap from stomping on it hundreds of times.

“Jae?”

The panicked shout had him looking back. He stared at Manny—one of his partners—who stared back, more frightened than he had been during any of their horror movie nights.

Manny’s gaze darted to the scissors, then he rushed into the bathroom.

Jae-Won leapt away from the motion, but he had nowhere to go. Manny grabbed him in a sort-of hug, pinning Jae’s arms to his sides, and held him close. Jae-Won struggled, panic and adrenaline still surging through his system. Only more so when he fully registered who was holding him.

Disgusting. Disgusting. He was so disgusting.

He didn’t realize he was screaming until Manny had to shout over him to be heard. “Jae. Calm down. Calm down for me, okay? Drop the scissors.”

Jae-Won kept thrashing, kept trying to rip free. No. No. He wasn’t done. He had to get rid of the rest of it. Break it, burn it, so he could never touch it again. Shred it until he had no choice but to be someone normal and respectable and worthy to take care of the thing he loved the most.

Manny started to drag him backwards into the hall. Boots pounded on the nearby staircase, then Angie’s voice came in. “Manny, what the fuck is going on?”

“I don’t know.” Manny told her. “Text the group to get on standby and call the restaurant. Then get some water.”

Jae-Won thrashed again.

Manny tightened his grip. “You’re okay. You’re okay, Darling.”

The pet name just made him angrier, even if it shouldn’t, because he started that entire trend. “Don’t call me that.”

“Alright, done and done. Now let’s take a deep breath and drop the scissors, okay?”

Jae-Won tried even harder to rip himself free. “Let me go!”

“Not until you drop the scissors. I’m not going to let you hurt yourself.”

What? Is that what Manny thought he was doing? He didn’t have the space in his brain to figure out how he came to that conclusion. But fine. Fine! If Jae-Won couldn’t turn them into sheet metal he’d just do it later.

With how little he could move his arms, he could barely throw the trimmers more than a few feet toward the bathroom door.

Manny immediately relaxed and loosened his grip, but he didn’t let go. “Alright, good, now let’s take a deep breath—”

“Let go of me.”

“Jae, come on.”

“I said let go!”

“Okay, okay.” Manny’s grip finally vanished.

Jae-Won scrambled to his feet. In the process he stumbled into the wall. He could barely see at this point. Between the tears and his contacts everything shifted into blurs of color. He tried to step away from Manny for… some reason. His brain just screamed at him to get away. Get away from the temptation.

More boots on the stairs just kicked his panic into overdrive. He tried to dart into his bedroom, but his head slammed into the corner of the door.

“Shit, Jae.” Manny touched his shoulder. “Let’s at least just sit down.”

“No.” Jae-Won tried to shove him off, but then another pair of hands grabbed his arms. Angie, no doubt. “Let go. Leave me alone.”

“Like hell we’re doing that when you’re acting like this.” Angie spat. “What the hell is going on, babe?”

“I said leave me alone!” He screamed so loud it tore at his throat.

“No!” Manny shouted back. “We love you too damn much for that.”

Something about that sentence snapped his anger away. All of it vanished at once, leaving him with nothing but anguish.

His legs gave out, and the only reason he didn’t hit the floor is because both of his partners held fast. They each slid an arm under his shoulders and gently guided him down to the bedroom carpet.

Jae-Won couldn’t manage to say anything, not that any coherent words even formed in his brain. All he could do was sob, curling up so his face pressed against the floor. It hurt. It hurt. He wished he could just reach into his chest and rip out his heart and let himself bleed out on the floor.

Manny gently shushed him, rubbing a hand along his back. “It’s gonna be alright, Jae. We’re here, okay?”

Jae-Won tried to cling to the words, but his brain immediately shoved them away again. Stop. Don’t give in. These people were part of the thing he needed to get rid of.

But why was he even lying to himself? He couldn’t get rid of that, or them.

The tears finally slowed down just enough for him to speak. “Why am I like this?”

“What?” Angie held his hand. “Like what, babe?”

“Why am I like this?” He forced himself up so he could put a hand on his chest. “Why did I have to be like this? Why couldn’t I just be normal?”

He still couldn’t see clearly, but the horrified expressions that Manny and Angie exchanged were still obvious.

“Jae?” Manny reached out and held his face, lightly brushing away tears. “Hey, listen to me. I don’t know what’s going on, but there is nothing wrong with you.”

“Did your parents suddenly call you back?” Angie growled. “I told you to block their—”

“Angie, wait until we get the story.”

Jae-Won shook his head and pushed Manny’s hands to the side. “If there was nothing wrong with me, then my son wouldn’t be so disgusted with me.”

His partners fell silent.

So he continued, even if he struggled to get the words out between sobs. “He told me to finally get out of his life. Just how long has he wanted me to do that? Just how long has he been stuck coming over to my house wishing he never had to see me again?” He tried to wipe his eyes, but the tears didn’t slow down. If anything they got worse. “All because I can’t help being anything but a filthy, disgusting, de—”

“Hey!” Manny’s voice boomed through the room. “Don’t you dare talk about yourself like that.”

“It’s true!”

“It’s not.” Manny held his shoulders tight. “I’m sorry, Jae. I’m sorry that your son can’t see what a fucking gorgeous person you are. I know I’m not a parent. I know I can’t even begin to understand how you feel. But you cannot blame yourself for the choices he’s making.”

“Maybe not.” Jae-Won sputtered. “But I can blame myself for mine. If I hadn’t made that stupid choice right after the divorce. If I tried to just stay away from it maybe this rift never would have shown up.”

“You don’t know that.” Angie insisted. “You could have just made yourself so miserable trying to keep all of this under wraps that it would have just created a different kind of rift.”

“I could have tried.”

“Well you didn’t.” Manny sighed. “You didn’t, and we’re here now. And even if you tried to rip that part of you away and bury it, would anything even change? Do you really think Jase would suddenly change how he feels about you?”

No. Jae-Won didn’t, but he couldn’t say that out loud. Just the thought of it left him in another fit of sobs. He tried to curl up onto the floor again, only for Manny to pull him onto his lap instead.

“Sorry,” Manny gently played with his hair. “That was probably a bit harsh. But I don’t want to watch you destroy yourself for something you may not even be able to get back.”

“Besides.” Angie held his hand again. “If he doesn’t love you for who you are, does he really love you at all?”

Once again they were right, but Jae-Won turned away from the reality that stared him in the face. Not right now. He couldn’t bear to look at it right now.

His son—the center of his universe, the first thing that made his life stop feeling aimless, a bundle small enough to rest in one arm while Jae-Won promised him the world a hundred times over—never wanted to see him again.

Jae-Won just kept sobbing into his boyfriend’s leather pants until his thoughts stopped all together.

-------------------------

The first thing Jae-Won was aware of when he woke up was that his eyes burned. They felt dry. He could tell one of his contacts slid out of place. He rubbed them to get rid of the crust and tried to open them, only for that to hurt too much to manage. He then noted the mild headache, like he was dehydrated, and the fact he was in bed.

How did he get here?

Without opening his eyes he sat up and felt around. He still had on his denim shorts, still topless, and his hair was an absolute nightmare right now.

He got to the edge of the bed and stood. Just how did he get here? What even happened?

Then his memory came back, and he stopped walking towards the door.

Right.

Jase was gone.

His chest still hurt an unbelievable amount, but he didn’t cry. He probably just couldn’t at this point.

He heard footsteps in the hallway outside and turned his head, even though that was pointless because he still couldn’t see.

“Oh, you woke up.” Manny said before he came closer. “How are you feeling?”

Jae-Won didn’t know how to answer that. He could practically hear the screams and wails that echoed from his heart to his ears.

“Physically, I mean.” Manny added.

That was a bit easier to answer. “My eyes burn. They feel dry.” And now his throat did too. He could hear the cracks in his voice. Did he really scream that much earlier? “Guide me to the bathroom?”

“Bathroom? Uh, yeah sure, the sink should be okay.”

Jae-Won let his boyfriend take his hand and guide him around the walls and to the sink. He didn’t hesitate to run the water and wipe down his face and his eyes. When the dryness subsided enough for him to open his eyes, he took some time to remove his contacts. Getting the one that managed to slide to the side was a trial of frustration and pain, but eventually he managed it. He put them both back into their container and finally tried to look at himself in the mirror.

Hard to do with the cracks that ran along it, but his makeup was still smeared all over his face. He never took out the pins in his hair, and decided to do so now before messing it up even further so it would start laying flat again.

The clink of glass made him look toward the shower and…

Oh.

Manny was carefully picking things out of the tub. A mess of broken glass and color that extended from the bottom all the way up the tiled wall.

Jae-Won knew he did that, but his memory of it was so hazy now. Like something else took hold of his brain and piloted him around for a few minutes.

“Y-you don’t have to pick that up.” Jae-Won coughed from the dryness in his throat. “I can—”

“Jae.” Manny stood and tossed whatever he was holding into the tiny trash can. “I’ve got it. It’s fine. But I should leave the rest for later. Where’s your makeup remover?”

“The vanity in my room.” Jae-Won went to go get it, but Manny moved ahead of him.

But they didn’t reach the bedroom. His boyfriend suddenly stopped walking.

“Right, almost forgot, Angie’s going to go out to get some food. Anything you want?” His soft smile then turned serious. “You are eating something.”

Yeah, Jae-Won knew that tone. There’d be no sense in arguing. And truthfully, as hollow as he felt, he at least didn’t feel nauseous. “Comfort food, without a doubt.”

“Emalia’s tacos or Smokin’ Andy’s burgers?”

Jae-Won almost cracked a smile at the nickname. “Tacos.”

“You got it.” Manny leaned over the stair rail. “Hey Angie!”

“Yes Babe?” Angie called from the kitchen. “Is he up?”

“Sure is, wanna pick up our favorites from Emalia’s?” Manny dug a few twenties out of his pocket.

“On it.”

“Here, take my cash.” Manny tossed it over the railing and down to the first floor.

Angie huffed. “Throwing money at me like I’m a stripper.”

“You are a stripper.”

“Only some nights.”

Jae-Won could easily imagine her sticking out her tongue. Quite likely since Manny was doing the same.

“Alright, I’ll be back.” Her boots headed toward the backdoor. “Take care of our darling while I’m gone.”

“You know it.” Manny shouted after her. “Drive safe.” With that he spun back around and gestured to the bedroom.

Well, Jae-Won’s bedroom. The other bedroom, the guest room, the place where Jase always slept, had its door open still further along the top floor. From here he could see the pixel-like bedsheets, the handful of transformer stickers on the window, and on the desk sat—

“Jae.”

His boyfriend’s voice was the only thing that kept the pressure in his chest from shattering it all over again. Jae-Won tore his gaze away from the room and stepped into his own.

He aimed for the package of make-up remover wipes, but Manny snatched it up first.

Jae-Won frowned. “Manny, I can—”

“Sit.” Manny pointed to the chair and pulled one of the wipes out.

“Manny—”

“Sit.” He repeated.

Jae-Won let out a frustrated sigh and did so, crossing his arms in the process. “I know I’m a disaster and I’m definitely having a crisis, but you don’t have to baby me.”

“I’m not babying you.” Manny gently held his chin and started cleaning his left cheek. “If I was babying you, I’d wrap you up in a blanket burrito and put you on the bed. Then I’d do this while singing some obnoxious lullaby.”

Jae-Won refused to laugh at the joke. “You know what I mean.”

“Do I?” He tossed the used wipe aside and got another one. This one ran over the eyebrows. “Or is this one of those times you meant to say ‘I don’t deserve your kindness.’”

Jae-Won’s nails dug into his skin. Damn it. Manny knew him too well after all these years.

“So I’ll just say what I always say. I don’t give a damn if you deserve it or not, you’re getting it. Because I love you.”

That word made Jae-Won’s teeth clench. His skin tingled and itched, to the point he wanted to tear it off.

Disgusting. Disgusting. Disgusting.

Manny stopped cleaning and let go of him. “Hey, you alright?”

“Sorry.” Jae-Won breathed in through his nose and out of his mouth. Just breathe, don’t spiral.

“Don’t need an apology. I just need to know if you’re okay.”

Jae-Won squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head. “Of course I’m not, Manny. You’ll have to be more specific.”

“Fine, is something I’m doing upsetting you?”

Yes? No? “It’s not your fault.”

Manny let out a frustrated sigh. He paced around the room a few times, hands on top of his head. Jae-Won just kept focusing on his breathing before his self loathing caused him to do something else he’d regret.

“Alright, let’s try again.” Manny stepped back over and knelt down, placing a hand on Jae-Won’s knee. “Can you try to tell me what’s going on in your head?”

Where did he even begin with a topic like that? The question alone prompted a wall of thoughts that he couldn’t keep up with.

“Right, be more specific. What were you thinking about when you tensed up like that?”

He let out a pathetic whine and pressed his hands against his cheeks. He could still feel all the powder coating the right one. “I don’t… I don’t know how to explain that without upsetting you.”

Manny rested his other hand on the same knee before putting his chin on top of them both. “You know what’s upsetting? Coming in here to find out why my boyfriend isn’t coming outside for date night to find him clutching a pair of scissors in a wrecked bathroom like he’s about to stab himself.”

Jae-Won blinked, his hazy memory clearing up just a bit. “That wasn’t what I was doing.”

“No? It sure as hell looked that way.”

“I’m not going to hurt myself.”

“I think you are, Jae, just not in a physical sense.” Manny squeezed his leg. "Trying to shred parts of yourself is hurting you."

He let out a shaky breath. "I know, and I'm trying not to, but it…"

Another squeeze. "What's going on in your head?"

Jae-Won clenched his hands together to keep the emotions in his chest from reaching his throat. “Jase is disgusted with me. He probably always has been. I managed to get past the insults from my ex, her boyfriend, and most of my family, but him shutting me out of his life just makes me disgusted with myself all over again.”

He tightened his grip on his fingers and then relaxed them again, watching the faint wrinkles on the back of his hand. “So every time you’re affectionate with me… my head doesn’t like that. It keeps trying to convince me I need to get away from it before I get any more filthy.”

Manny let go of him and leaned back. “So, you’re more or less back in the rut you were in when we first met?”

Hah, such an odd memory. Ignoring the fact he’d been too plastered at the time to actually remember all of it. It always sat in his mind as something joyful and something painful at the same time.

It’d been only a few days after the custody case came to a close. Jae-Won decided, fuck it, and found himself back at another local queer bar where he proceeded to drink way more than he should have.

Manny had to fill in the blanks of his god awful flirting with Angie, which somehow devolved into gross sobbing and then completely passing out on the booth seat.

A miracle the pair decided to do the kind thing and let him sleep it off at their apartment. It’d been frightening at first, waking up in a strange place with people he barely recognized, but as they chatted over breakfast, things started to click into place.

They’d been his first friends in his new lifestyle, and somehow they stuck around ever since. Sometimes he’d crack jokes that the sex must be that good, but he knew Angie and Manny both saw him as more than just a long term friend-with-benefits.

“Kind of pathetic, isn’t it?” Jae-Won mumbled. “All those years of biting back fear and guilt so I could walk comfortably in heels and an open back dress and it’s undone with one conversation.”

Manny tilted his head. “Jae, that kind of stuff is never really gone forever. Especially in the world we live in. Sure, New York City makes it easier for us to be ourselves, but it’s still part of a bigger world. We can fight systems, stick in groups, and decide every morning that we’re going to unapologetically be ourselves, but that doesn’t mean it’s not scary. I mean, was that incident with the guy whose ear you ripped off not a reminder of that?”

Jae-Won frowned and finally unclenched his hands. “I think I was too angry at the time to be frightened.”

Manny laughed. “Yeah, I can believe that. Your temper is unbelievable for someone of your size.”

“I’m not that short.”

Manny stood, probably to emphasize a point, except it didn’t count because Jae-Won was sitting. “Short to me and Angie.”

“You’re literally only seven inches taller.”

“In more than one place.” Manny wiggled his eyebrows.

Jae-Won glared and lightly kneed his boyfriend in the crotch.

“Ow, hey, no.” Manny jumped back. “See what I mean? This is why even Angie avoids pissing you off.”

Jae-Won slumped in his chair. “I think we’re getting off track.”

“Yeah, probably.” Manny snatched up a new wipe. “Pretty easy to do when it comes to us though, right?”

Jae-Won didn’t reply to that. He just sat still as his boyfriend continued cleaning his face off.

“My point from earlier,” Manny said, “Is that all these negative feelings you have about being queer, have probably been sitting in the back of your mind for a long time. Especially if Jase has always been getting farther and farther away. It can’t be the first time in all these years you’ve thought about it again.”

No, it wasn’t. It happened almost every time Jase came to visit. Jae-Won would always clean up his house, making sure to stuff away any pictures, art, flags and all sorts. He’d shove away the dresses, the glitter, the t-shirts covered in dirty words, and the high heels into a storage box that he’d put in the back of his closet. Just be normal for a week, he’d tell himself, or Jase will either leave for good or be dragged away. For an entire week Jae-Won would be suffocating on the inside and in the end it’d been for nothing. It hadn’t even worked.

Maybe Angie was right. Even if he’d kept himself away from all this, would it have really stopped the rift?

“There, all clean.” Manny announced and tossed the last wipe in the bin. He leaned forward, likely aiming for a kiss on the cheek, but then stopped. “May I?”

He almost never asked for permission, because by this point they’d known each other so long they knew all the signals.

Jae-Won appreciated it, and ultimately decided on a yes. He let his boyfriend kiss his cheek before he turned his head and met his lips.

Manny sighed into the contact, like he’d just gotten his first sip of water after being lost in the desert. Jae-Won put a hand on the back of his boyfriend’s neck, sliding it up so his fingers got caught in the tight curls of Manny’s hair.

Another sigh. Manny leaned over him, and one of his knees rested on the chair next to Jae-Won’s thigh.

“I said it before,” Manny murmured against his lips. “But I’ll say it again. You’re the most gorgeous guy I’ve ever met.”

Jae-Won rolled his eyes. “We both know Smokin’ Andy is way hotter.”

Manny laughed, the vibrations easy to feel as he pressed their noses together. “That’s not what I mean, even if you are pretty as fuck. I met you in a bar when you practically lost everything just because you dared to dip your toes into something you wanted. Most people would backtrack so fast from that, but you kept going, and you went hard.”

Jae-Won felt his cheeks heating up. “It wasn’t that—”

Manny pinched his cheeks. “This stuffy little nerd who stuttered and blushed the second anyone cute tried to talk to him. You know I used to be able to whisper the word ‘penis’ in your ear and you’d immediately go red.”

Jae-Won rolled his eyes. “Maybe that’s because you were so embarrassing to be around.”

“And now look at you. You throw open the doors to a room in whatever wild outfit you decide to rock that evening and command the attention of everyone there. You walk everywhere like you own the place. You see someone you want and you go after them, even if they turn you down.”

Jae-Won wished he could sink into the chair. This was getting to be too much.

“My point is” Manny gave him another kiss. “I watched you enter this world frightened out of your mind, but you refused to give up. And watching you wrestle down all of that fear piece by piece is the most gorgeous thing I’ve ever seen.”

Now he felt warm everywhere. Emotions twisted in his chest, because at this current point in time he just felt like a coward again. Letting his mind talk him into trying to throw all of this away. But now his boyfriend was in front of him—on top of him—whispering much kinder words in his ear, and that inner voice couldn’t manage to talk over it.

Jae-Won grabbed the collar of Manny’s jacket as he pulled him back into the kiss and kept trying to tug him closer. Manny let out a short growl, his knee sliding further up the chair.

“You know you taste like whatever cleanser is on those wipes.” Manny muttered between smooches.

“Then stop kissing me.”

“No.” Manny bit down on Jae-Won’s lip.

He gasped and twisted the leather jacket in his grip. “Going to play dirty, huh?”

“Try and stop me.”

Jae-Won had half a mind to lift one of his legs and press it against his boyfriend’s dick, but just then the downstairs door opened.

“Boys, dinner’s here.” Angie called. “I better not come upstairs and find you two making out on the floor.”

“You won’t.” Manny shouted back. “Jae’s in a chair.”

Angie let out a shriek, probably to mimic an offended gasp. “You two starting without me? Unbelievable.”

Manny just kept chuckling and got off the chair. He took one of Jae-Won’s hands and pulled him to his feet. “Do you want to change, by the way?”

Jae-Won looked down at his denim shorts. Literally the only thing he had on right now. “Uh, might be a good idea.”

“Unless you want me to lick taco sauce off your chest.”

Jae-Won snorted and playfully shoved his boyfriend to the side, hand on his face. “Jeez, you’re all over me tonight. Is watching me have a breakdown just that sexy?”

“Nah,” Manny answered in a serious tone. “Just trying to see if it gets you back to normal, even if it only lasts for so long.”

Yeah. No doubt trying to sleep tonight he’d be plagued by negative thoughts all over again. No doubt his conversation with Jase would turn into an endless loop until the voices of the rest of his family joined in.

So for now, he should at least try to focus on just his partners and eating some dinner.

#scribbly fics #idk what to call this so I'm just not giving it a title #the doc is titled “Taking Psychic Damage”#because I was while writing this #my ass would give a character a dad and get insanely attached to him #he will get through this #eventually #I wanna do a part 2 but idk when I'll get around to it #so just take this for now

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silvermuffins · 11 months ago

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Okay so. Here we go! God I am. So checking hyped. Oh man. I can barely make myself get started. Little bit nervous since the person whose liveblogs made me want to do the same follows me now (hi!) but eeeeeeeeeeee

Y'all gotta understand p3 made me who I am. It has been personality-defining in several ways for ten years. I have rarely felt quite as loved as the day the announcement leaked and like four different people independently came to me like Letty did you see

In the true spirit of Akihiko Sanada, I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS

Okay let's dive in,,,,,

New theme song! I'm gonna miss the toast but i will give this a chance.

New visuals, stellar ones, really driving in that shit's fucked

Idk how that poll is gonna end so I'll start with just Some Thoughts at a time and then we'll see where we're going

Oh shit difficulty... Let's do normal to start. Fuck no I am not doing merciless. But I want some challenge.

Oh the opening movie is a little different....and they're letting me play already!

They are doing my boy right so far,,,, but yukari may take some getting used to. Also they pronounce iwatodai different and that will DEFINITEly take getting used to. Definitely some iykyk in there.

I am examining EVERYTHING. My guy walks fast tho goddamn. Can no longer run with hands in pockets. RIP hand/pockets.

If y'all could hear the noises I am making,,,,

THERE HE IS! THE BOY!

Shit do I have to enter the name in eastern order or is western fine? /Google/ Reddit says western! Minato Arisato walks again.

They did that contract-with-spooky-child scene pretty well despite it not still being an anime cutscene. I can accept it.

Oh she didn't point the gun at me this time. Which is less dramatic but DOES make more sense overall. I can accept it.

Once again the Noises I am making. Y'all. I am living. Checked in on that poll, so far one big post later on is winning so I'll keep at it for now!

How does this rewind thing work exactly...? Is it for like, if I fuck up a social link?

Menu looks like diving into water. All my water associations for Minato have been justified. Got he's so beautiful I'm gonna cry. "My reflection looks tired" yeah I bet it does you depresso espresso you.

Apparently there is or will be dlc of some sort! I will almost certainly obtain it.

Starting school! Wow they expanded that cutscene. Eeeeeeee. Yes I like this. It feels like home got a fresh coat of paint. It's gonna take me forever to get anything done. God. I'm. Okay give me a little while to just run around doing nonsense.

VOICED SOCIAL LINKS CONFIRMED it already was but I'm thrilled anyway

My boy is already curious about sewing. Don't worry, Minty, we will be spending so much time with a certain someone. Ooh, seems he has a decent sense of smell... Aha, there a certain someone is! So very French...

Okay, game, you win, I'll make progress. Hi, Toriumi, yes I have a tragic backstory.

Minato just `why are people keep talking to me`. Suck it up boy we're gonna meet EVERYBODY.

New VA for Junpei is great so far. I'm so glad. The previous one was a case of how truly unfortunate it is that garbage people can be good at things. But so far, the characters are sounding great!

Yukari you are not subtle. Here I am trying to cover for you and you just give Junpei the wrong idea.

"No one takes rumors seriously, anyway." Stares directly into the camera. Stares in P2 familiarity. Stares. I do not remember if this line was in the original but S T A R E S.

Getting junpei's two cents on everything and. God it makes me so happy every time a familiar song kicks in.

Doodedoo, 'splorin.

Mmkay back to the dorm. We can actually explore the kitchen? Fridge space? Can't use the kitchen yet? DO I GET TO MAKE COOKING MINTY A REALITY?

I don't have tons of commentary right now that isn't best expressed as a bunch of vague satisfied noises and squeals in a higher range than the human ear can detect. Or by wiggling furiously, which doesn't come across well in text. Know that I am wiggling furiously. Everyone looks so good. Everyone sounds so good. I'm so happy.

Okay so it's not fully fully voiced. But still! So happy.

I know it's just Like This but the game just railroading me slightly feels like AGH STOP TAKING AN HOUR TO DO ANYTHING well stop having do much to examine them (please don't stop)

Ikutsuki is here! And oh his voice,,,,,

Weeps in playing as IC as possible demanding skipping a question. Ah well. I know how I interpret my boy and that brings me joy.

Time for stuff to get creepy! Eeeeeeee. Guys I cannot wait for how they're going to show some of the freakier things. ...oh well. This cutscene with the guy going all gloopy and collapsing definitely loses a little something by being in-game rather than fully animated. Damn the way they showed it in the original was so much scarier. Ah well, can't win 'em all, I guess.

Aaaaaa is that Yukino being referenced on TV? Was she on Who's Who before? Yukino <3

It's tiiiiime for the first full moon. Come on, Reload, you can't drop the ball on this one...! Come on, wow me! Blow me away!

Oh hey justification that sleep is probably less effective during the dark hour to go along with the standard stamina drain. Neat! Love getting my head canons confirmed. That said, also enough room for other interpretations. You love to see it.

Really like this just collapsing on the bed thing. Shaking it up! Ftr it's like super creepy that they have a camera and what looks like fucking heart monitor on Minato. But I am here for the creepy. And there goes the attack and Akihiko getting hurt and Yukari sent to escape with me.

Ohhhh please let me swap weapons around. Don't lock me into just swords. I want hammer.

I know it's all panic and scary RN but that kind of just makes it hilarious that I can still examine everything. Poor Yukari just dealing with Minato not being freaked at all.

HNNNNNN THEY DID NOT FUMBLE. I didn't think they would because like, out of everything, they've gotta get the Awakening right! But still! Hoodamn!

BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY

Oooh so the tutorial mara DID split off as scraps of the Magician! Huh so this is the battle interface...ngl I kinda miss the revolver menu, that was good shit. And now we go splat.

Igor: STOP BEING A BAG OF SOGGY POTATO CHIPS AND MAKE FRIENDS

One week later,

Backstory storytime with Yukari! I am a protagonist and thus a designated therapist. I am absolutely the person to pay your parental issues on. Never mind that Persona 2 firmly established the existence of actual therapists in this universe.

God. I'm gonna cry. My beautiful boy,,,,, I missed this so much. I'm a goddamn broken record. I said numerous times that I'm completely incapable of being normal about this. Fuck I'm tearing up.

Yes, Junpei. An upset stomach. That's definitely what kept me out of school for a week.

Mr. Ono just wants to talk about his special interest and he is so valid. Please tell me everything about samurai.

Real talk there had to be so many rumors and gossip about Minato. New transfer student - already a hot topic. Walks to school with Yukari on his first day, to stir the pot. After like three days he's suddenly absent for a week. Like, there's no way people didn't talk, right?

??? THAT's new. "Twilight Shard" on my bed making me feel like Legend of Zelda came to visit. Unless that's what we're calling plumes of dusk now.

I think they've given Ikutsuki even more puns. I join the team with very little convincing because supernatural danger isn't something to be leery of at all.

Nor are spooky little boys no one else can see who appear to me in the middle of the night bearing cryptic warnings of impending doom. I give him a good ol' doudemoii and go back to sleep.

Junpei joins the team! We support a guy willing to admit he was crying on the ground.

Trying to remember to report what's actually happening in the game, too. Don't wanna assume everybody is already familiar. I do wanna convince anyone who isn't to become familiar though. Anyway yes Junpei this is a thing we don't talk about. Except when we do, out in public.

Ooooh please don't fumble this bit! Tartar sauce! I am almost through the intro! ...wait I don't think THIS happened before? What's going on? Why are we delayed? ...oh. Oh that's, uh, bad. So for those who don't know, death and suicide are major topics of discussion in this game. You have been warned.

People jumping onto the tracks is not something I recall though... Maybe they're just driving in Apathy Syndrome as a major problem? Or I just plain forgot since, y'know, ten years. But I have reviewed since then... Junpei I would love to secret late night menu with you but we have an intro to get through.

Okay! Tartarus! ...they could have made that weirder. Less euclidean. But I can accept it. Wheeee dungeon crawling time! Oh fuck the menu is so stylish. I love it. Okay, time to kill things. Oooh, Tartarus looks good! Hate-love how it almost looks like it's breathing or something, real uncanny. Love the falling black feathers.

I wonder if they're keeping the condition system... I guess I'll find out! Oh, All Our Attacks are so nice.... We get finishing touches! Done and dusted! ....shuffle time doesn't do any shuffling anymore? Ohhh I guess Twilight Fragments are basically keys...

Doodedoo more tutorials. Someday I'll be free. I am getting kinda tired though...

Drags Junpei all over town to examine everything. Meanwhile the bgm sings "my life will turn out to be so cruel"...yeah because Junpei stops me from going to every restaurant. Hm, based on these police station offerings, I think I might be stuck with just swords, which is a little bit bullshit. Unless versatility is something I unlock later?

Come to think of it, Kurosawa probably has a heck of a story, if he knows shit's fucky but not what's going on... What are these personal connections of his? And how did the kirijo group get in touch with him?

....wait what's this about only the track and field team accepting new members? I know it makes the most sense, but I wanna swim! Are they going to force-track me?

Hm... I thiiiink I'm gonna just study in the library. I have no money to put toward anything else, and if things are the same academics is a bitch to max out.

It is now 3 am and my head hurts, so I'm gonna wrap it up here for tonight!

#letty plays persona 3 reload #spoilers #p3r spoilers #persona 3 reload spoilers #persona 3 spoilers #please let me know if there are any other variations i should use

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industrialbirddog · 11 months ago

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I hate when people are like "others say they depressed as kids but when i was a kid all i cared about was legos"

This isnt directed at anybody, but i am so gen SICK of hearing this bullshit, so heres a rant on what i think. Small little warning it IS cringe.

ALSO TW There is small mentions of things like abuse, neglect, and child harm. If these may be triggering dont read this.

Cool dude, cool. I remember crying on the playground on multiple occasions bc it i was coming to the realization that no one, not even my family actually cared about me. I was thinkin about how i was completely alone, and how i was basically an observer. I came to terms with my 'quiet dude in the corner no one talks to and forgets is there' role in like 2nd or 3rd grade, and i cried in the car because even then i knew everyone i cared about was gonna leave me but yeah bro, rock on, i love legos.

I mean, its almost like kids can have bad lifes? OMG! CHILDREN HAVE PROBLEMS?! type shit annoys me. Just because someone is young, think any age of minor doesnt mean that they dont have something going on in life and it certainly doesn't mean you should belittle literal CHILDREN for being self aware about how bad their situation is. Thats how you get kids like me, i have such little confidence i cant tell you a SINGLE thing without being like 'but dont quote me haha!' like, i could just point at a cat and be absolutely sure it IS a cat and tell you 'oh hey thats a cat, but dont quote me bc idk' instead of being a dick to children who tell you somethings wrong you should idk, use your fucking ears and listen to em? Like, thats what you have ears for right? I could outright tell people that i was neglected as a kid and they'll be like 'your still just a kid, you dont know what neglect is' like yeah yeah cool, wasnt starved, didnt get medically neglected, totally got all the emotional support i needed and wasnt just ignored or literally beaten for having any type of emotion sure. Ppl act like they know EVERYTHING, invalidate you, mock ya, belittle you and then when you tell them the details they go all "sorry i didnt know" yeah, you didnt. So why were you such a fuckin dick abt it? Why did you all high and mighty go "I KNOW BETTER THEN U!" if you knew nothing?

Like, the fuckin legos statement. Does no one realise people can have VERY different childhoods? and that truama actually EFFECTS PEOPLE? like holy shit! that traumatized boy acts traumatized! why would he do that? its not like IM traumatized so why would he act that way?! like im very happy that you werent treated like garbage as a kid, atleast some parents still treat their kids with respect and not everyone in the world suffered like i did but jesus fucking holy hell get your shit together, you dont have to be a dickface just bc youre not traumatized.

SAME FUCKING THING WITH PEOPLE WHO SAY THEY DONT BELIEVE IN MENTAL HEALTH. Like we have FUCKING EMOTIONS. How do you not believe in LITERAL EMOTIONS??? like you even see it in animals, you beat an animal enough for doing something they wont do it anymore bc you traumatized the fuckin animal, you see literal evidence of it everywhere. People show signs of being traumatized and then these fuckwads r all "UR BEING DRAMAITC!!!!!1!1!11!1!!!1!!!11" and then they'll go and mention how their parents slapped them once and they werent traumatized, like sorry that happened to you dude, but that is not at all anything like being beaten everytime you cry. They make huge problems out to be the tiniest of bumps in the road like they turn a moutain into a pebble all bc "they were being dramatic-" ever heard of people not lying? like, theres people out in the world that dont lie about or exaggerate their trauma, i literally in my 17 yrs of life not met a single person who does that. I bet those people exist, and i feel bad that thats the only way they feel they'll be taken seriously or the only way anyone would care. We focus a LOT on those type of people, and i get why but that doesnt mean EVERYONE who talks abt being truamatized is exactly the same.

Theres a large list of types of people i dont like, and these are just two of them. But, i dont want to keep writing abt this bc as i mentioned before i literally have zero confidence in myself and will stop while im still comfty enough to post this.

Also, can someone help me understand tags m lost [new to tumblr dweebis]

#im mentally ill #i hate it here #trauma

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dzpenumbra · 2 years ago

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5/8/23

Not the most eventful day, to be honest. I slept decently well. I think I got woken up once or twice by neighbors but got back to sleep okay. Oddly enough, ever since I ditched the earplugs I've been sleeping better. Maybe they were messing with me, idk. So much for trying to like... take preventative measures to practice sleep hygiene. The whole point of doing the earplugs was to get better sleep. I expected this massive night-and-day difference because I was finally getting undisturbed sleep, but naw... it somehow made it worse.

It's been a pretty cool week to be an insomniac, the moonset and sunrise have been syncing up, so I get to look out the window from bed and see the pale blue of morning start to soak the sky as the moon grows larger and yellow on its way down. Very picturesque, very memorable.

So yeah, again... not too much today. I had some dreams about my ex last night. Not my most recent ex (who I broke up with in 2018...), thank god... those dreams are rarely good... But my ex from college, actually. --- There's a duck quacking outside my window... at this hour, that's... not often a good sign... best of luck, buddy. --- After studying my dreams this long, I've started learning a lot of how my subconscious expresses itself symbolically. Despite the brevity of the relationship (that one was only about 8 months) and how... kinda horribly it ended... that relationship usually represents... idealism in a relationship, to me. At a subconscious level, at least. Because the experience of that relationship, for me at the time, was pure idealism. It was "I am so insanely lucky and blessed to have this opportunity". So, despite the blindness that came with that at the time... that's typically what she represents when she pops up in a dream. The focus of an ideal relationship or an ideal partner, even though the girl herself wasn't that in real life at all.

I wish I thought to record the dream, I've started to notice that I don't often journal the "normal" ones or the "good" ones as often as the "surreal" and "bad" ones. But, from my almost empty recollection, it was mostly just like... normal relationship stuff. Going and doing stuff in the world, buying things for the apartment, stuff like that. I remember it feeling very... normal. And that inspired me to hop on the dating app the second I woke up. And I went through everyone available, swiped a few that looked like we might mesh well, and... nothing came of it. As usual. 3 years of this, you think I'd learn by now not to get my hopes up with that.

I'm sure that was on my mind because I was watching a stream last night where the streamer was playing an FMV dating game, and one of the dates in the game was... a bit too close to my current identity. I mean, if you subtracted the kombucha, the veganism, the parents in political office, and the activism... and swapped genders... it wasn't far off from me. And there's one line from it that hit me pretty hard. This chick ran her own business making customized clothing and crafts and stuff, and the guy - on the first date - asked "wow, are you really making enough to do that full-time?" And that just... it's still stuck with me. That's a big insecurity and I have gotten a shit ton of judgment from former "friends" for it. I still don't like telling people what I do for work because of it. What helped me ground myself? The fact that the guy scoffing and rolling his eyes at a practical business like that... plays video games for a living on Twitch.

You can fucking scoff at any job, honestly. You really can, if you really try hard enough. "You answer phones for a living? That doesn't sound hard." "You pick up peoples' garbage? Why don't you just get a better job?" But creatives get shit on the hardest. Because people who have spent fuck-all time actually applying themselves to performative or expressive crafts, who wouldn't set foot on stage or put their art on a wall in front of an audience if you had a loaded gun to their head, just kinda feel like that person is "cheating at life" or something. It's like... if you love what you do, suddenly that means it's not hard... or demanding... or you don't deserve to be compensated for your labor or something. It's mind-blowing. I honestly don't get it. Starting your own cottage industry shop and pursuing your lifelong passion is like... the epitome of the American dream, isn't it? The whole "Land of Opportunity" thing? And yet... these people don't see your career as legitimate unless you're working... for someone else. Unless you're on someone else's payroll. It's very odd. Maybe that's just what they see as the definition of success, maybe they can't even process a freelance or business owner kind of thing. Idk. I've just had my head poisoned by that shit for well over a decade and a half and it sabotaged my future many times, and now I'm looking down the barrel of 37... and I'm just...

Okay, my thoughts are going too fast to keep up with so let me connect a bit here. I drew another ink drawing today - a big chunk of one, at least. I drew until my thumb ached to the bone, until I could feel the tendons in my forearm tight as guitar strings and straining, rubbing against the skin from underneath. I drew for close to 4 hours straight with a pee break and a break to get a banana and come right back. When I'm in the zone, I work until I can't anymore. And then I do more. I don't need money to motivate me to do it. I don't need fame or fortune or sex or drugs. I do it because it's what I'm here to do. And I have dedicated my life to putting as much of my life into that purpose as I possibly can. So... when I have people near me... who are supposed to be in a supportive position... instead of like... helping me connect with others who appreciate what I do, who benefit from my work, who see its importance, who value and support my work and its continued creation.... Instead, these people.. for years... convinced me that my time and efforts, were better suited laboring for someone else. At very least, the majority of my time and labor should be dedicated to someone else. And it really doesn't matter who benefits from it, or what I'm doing. Just literally anything else than what I do. Great support, yeah?

So... yeah, I'm still reeling a bit. That's a raw nerve for me. I took the leap of faith to finally embrace the title of artist again like... 4 years ago? And I'm still plunging. It's scary as shit to dedicate yourself fully to something that people actively tell you will not succeed. That takes a lot of faith. But for me... I mean... What the fuck else am I going to do?! It's what I'm wired to do! It's how I'm wired to function. I swear, I just need someone who knows like... social shit. Networking, gallery connections (?), community connections, shit like that. I'm just no good at that shit. I came from a family that considered their clients their "friends" and their idea of going out and socializing was going out to the same restaurant and ordering the same food and small-talking with the waitress for like 5 minutes while ordering food, while me and my brothers just sat there awkwardly... We barely even went on vacations and shit. I can do social shit, but it takes a lot of oomph and I really have to be in the right headspace. But good fucking lord, it would be so much easier if I had someone in my life who was willing to do that for me, who it actually did come naturally to - or at least... with me.

Ugh, I didn't want to get into that tonight. I did a good job of keeping the stitches in that wound last night, I guess it worked its way out now. My family and "friends" did a fucking number on me with that one. And yeah, I guess slaving away on this drawing for... nothing... nothing more than just another doodle in a notebook... It makes me feel really unvalued. And really unappreciated. And that hurts so bad, because I love doing this work so much, and I really feel like it is worth something. Like the decade and a half I've put into this work is worth supporting. Like this life is one that others can benefit from. But no one really seems to want to. They'd rather go to a "professional", or someone with 2k 5-star ratings, or buy something a computer made, or get an AI to make a cheap imitation for them.

Aaaaaand I'm cutting off this existential crisis right here. A big part of this is the void created when I finish a project. That void being filled with my only work today being a sketch, which... was actually really cool... but just... doesn't feel like it's going to help me get my rent paid. And that, combined with the thousands of chat reactions to a character from the stream last night, it just... it's tinder and a spark. But it's gonna take more than that to stop me. Sorry.

I don't know if I have any good vibes to end this with, honestly, though I could really use them right now. ... I'm overdue for a trip out into the world, honestly. I should go for a walk. Or, better yet, go take my electric board and go skating or something. Wow, I just have a ton of really anxious thoughts swirling around in my head right now... Like "I just don't want to go alone", and "I don't feel safe", shit like that. Over going skating on a sunny Monday. Welcome to trauma and severe anxiety, and depression. Yay.

Okay, well here's something, fuck it. I applied for the new RP server. I'm going to get declined, I guarantee it. Not dooming, I say that because people who have been RPing for years and have a video resume to back it up and paid to have their applications reviewed first? They are getting declined. So... I'm most likely not getting in. But I applied. And I barely felt anxious doing so, so that's a good step. And I didn't feel anxious on the dating app either, which is also good. So, there's some good vibes there. It's frustrating how quickly I can spiral with this shit, and how little it takes to tear apart the seams, but... I'm handling it much better than I used to. The thoughts swirl and poke through, but they don't overwhelm as much, it's not as visceral and emotional, it's just like... loud and overwhelming. But I can put it aside a bit better than I used to, and that's great progress.

#diary #journal #online journal #stream of thoughts #stream of consciousness

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satanicspinosaurus · 1 year ago

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Finally done with holiday stuff and get to read. <3 Also look at me, I learned what a readmore is so I don't spoil anyone on this fic!

>"I almost said something I shouldn't have to him, but I don't know why you don't want to tell him."

Gale is starting out by advocating for the audience’s drama diet, lol

>"I like you. You're the only person who knows what it's like…to grow up like we did."

OH SHIT. OH SHIT. OH SHIT. Like yeah, OK, I am guessing minor celebrity status? Like just people be acting weird. Makes sense Gale was pushing so hard for Octavia for the job.

>He sighs and slowly falls asleep with his hand still holding hers.

These TWO PARAGRAGHS. Gale is back on the old patch of everything is a flirt, and honestly I don’t think he’s wrong here. Like a basic reading makes me think, yeah Octavia is going to have to walk this back a bit. Also, for someone reason my brain is REALLY stuck on the Oct- prefix here. I mean literally oct (8) and avia (bird) in latin. Idk, probably a silly whatever but my brain ain’t letting it up.

>Everything is too much, between the crowd, having to push aside her anxiety to perform for work, being dolled up like someone else wants her to, Gale being Gale, and even Astarion.

Glad she is feeling those feelings. I have written my concern that people are pushing her a lot, and ….

>She lowered her head onto the cold metal table and started to cry.

Yeah, wow. Fair.

>She wipes her face quickly trying to gather herself, the adrenaline overtakes the sadness she feels.

!!!

>Astarion is standing at the edge of her gate, he looked like a raccoon when it's caught rummaging through her garbage. "Are you fucking kidding me? Did you follow us back to my house like some creepy fucking stalker?!" Octavia speaks in a hushed, angry tone.

I AM LAUGHING. STOP THIS. I CANNOT. There’s an albino raccoon named Meeko who has some sassy photos: (https://www.facebook.com/goCMNH/posts/keep-your-snoot-to-the-sun-and-you-will-never-see-the-shadows-meeko-sundaysnoot-/10158601065042297/?locale=ps_AF) Very Astarion of him.

>"What was that? I'm a little hard of hearing at the moment."

I love how Octavia had a little breakdown, as a treat, and decided to go full boss mode after.

>"Well, aren't you going to say something? Thank me? Anything?"

DUDE. That is not an explanation. WHY WOULD THAT BE AN EXPLANATION???

>That was locked by the way.

Well, you know….not enough I guess.

>"You haven't earned the right to stare at me like that." He teased, as if trying to ease the tension a bit.

Ohhhh interesting. It’s a timeskip, but I would imagine Astarion basically has to be professionally stared at a lot now. Maybe he’s in control of it in a way, but I do get a slight hint that it’s still not fun for him. It also might be because he’s putting the pieces together, but still.

>You think I'm charming?" She sits next to him, smacking his shoulder. "Answer me, or you sleep in my living room next to Gale."

I- WHAT?

>I like Gale, I do…just not how he wants me to.

Ah, sweetie, that’s a big mood. *Stares at Asation* You better be nice, fangs. She deserves it.

>I just want to do things for me.

The cool thing is, you can push on that going forward!

>"You are wonderful." His voice sounds small and vulnerable, this is the most open she's ever seen him.

Ahhhh. I have a soft spot for big claims like this. It usually only works if you know the person a long time, but the contrast of big claim/ small voice by charisma monster works so well here.

>Can't I just be a slave to fashion, love?

Oh, clever. Clever. He’s buried an issue hint within his deflection phrase. Probably helps it ring true to some folks.

>"Hold on- I'm sorry

Nice. Octavia pushing back here is so fair. Especially since we know Astarion has a buttload more life experience than her. He can take it. And even without that, he’s in a position of power over her.

>I don't generally share things with them no matter how friendly we are.

This is a good point. I think people couple those things. Privacy and trust are separate things.

>"Do you think you can trust me a little further?"

I wonder if this feel nostalgic for him, or it’s him trying to work it out.

>I'll trust you as long as you don't do anything to show me that it was a mistake. Like follow me home.

I really like this. I think it’s trusting but giving firm boundaries here.

Memories of Us Chapter 7

Chapter list : [ 1 ][ 2 ][ 3 ][ 4 ][ 5 ][ 6 ]

Summary: Octavia has a lot of feelings, mentions of family obligations and stress.

As always I want to extend my love to my bestie and beta @micropoe10 💞 without her I wouldn't be posting anything.

Inspired by @cheesy-cryptid 's art 💖

Tags:

@justporo @satanicspinosaurus @sleepy-timaeus

@tragedybunny @davenswitcher @wayward-hel

Chapter 7 "these words are stones "

As Octavia and Gale cross the threshold of her house, she closes the door and leads him down to her couch. He splayed out with his arms hanging behind his head. Gale looks up at her, his face still covered in a faint flush. "I almost said something I shouldn't have to him, but I don't know why you don't want to tell him."

"It's complicated, Gale. Let's not talk about that now, okay? You need to rest." She sits down next to him and places a hand on his chest. "Lie down, I'll get you a blanket." She starts to stand when Gale holds her back, their hands still together. "I like you. You're the only person who knows what it's like…to grow up like we did."

His breathing starts to slow, sleep coming closer. "When you kissed me…Gods that must have been what it felt like to be one with Mystra…" he looks at her, a lump growing enormous in her throat.

"Gale..I..you're tired..you're not making sense. Let's talk about this in the morning?" His face falls a little and he kisses her hand, still in his. "You are incredibly beautiful. Thank you for taking care of me." He sighs and slowly falls asleep with his hand still holding hers.

She slowly pulls away and grabs him a blanket. After covering him up, she quietly takes off her shoes and exits to her back garden. Her dress drags on the floor so she picks up a bit and sits at the metal table she has outside.

The whole night crashes down on her. Everything is too much, between the crowd, having to push aside her anxiety to perform for work, being dolled up like someone else wants her to, Gale being Gale, and even Astarion. Why did she always feel so intimidated around him? Why can't she trust him like Gale says? She lowered her head onto the cold metal table and started to cry.

The tears spilled out like an overflowing teapot. All the stress she had felt these last two months finally explodes throughout her body. She's fully enveloped in the sense of self doubt, tears and sobs rolling out from deep within. Her breaths catch as she releases all of this negativity, when she hears the front gate creak. She wipes her face quickly trying to gather herself, the adrenaline overtakes the sadness she feels. Turning, she sees a familiar shadow come through the line of shrubbery.

Astarion is standing at the edge of her gate, he looked like a raccoon when it's caught rummaging through her garbage. "Are you fucking kidding me? Did you follow us back to my house like some creepy fucking stalker?!" Octavia speaks in a hushed, angry tone. She dashes over and pulls him towards the stone bench at the back of her yard.

"Explain. Now." She crosses her arms at the man sitting down in front of her, he clears his throat "I wanted to make sure you both got home safely. You two were acting unlike yourselves and.." he mutters under his breath, Octavia frowns "What was that? I'm a little hard of hearing at the moment."

Astarion furrows his brows and has a sideways frown, he crosses his arms and practically growls out "I was worried about you. Mostly you, but Gale too…he got really fucked up. More than I've ever seen. Made me ...concerned." his shoulders droop and he puckers his lips some. "Well, aren't you going to say something? Thank me? Anything?"

Octavia drops her arms putting them at her waist, "Thank you for what? Breaking into my garden? That was locked by the way. How did you even know to do that?" They stared at each other for a moment, but he was the one to crack first.

"You haven't earned the right to stare at me like that." He teased, as if trying to ease the tension a bit. She chuckles and rolls her eyes. "Seriously, what the hells are you doing here? Why did you come here? And don't do the thing you do where you're all charming and distracting and don't actually answer my questions." His smirk evolving into a playful grin "You think I'm charming?" She sits next to him, smacking his shoulder. "Answer me, or you sleep in my living room next to Gale."

Astarion looks at her confused, "In your living room? Gods, I didn't think you were that impatient." She stares at him, slightly annoyed, she scoffs "Nothing happened. Well, he told me he likes me…but I'm not really sure how to tell him I'm not…" she groans loudly and begins to tear up again.

Astarion notices and softens his voice "Octavia, what's wrong?" She faces him unable to stop the flow of her tears. "Little love, whatever could be the matter?" He reaches up and wipes her tears, resting his hand on her cheek. "I just don't want to let anyone down. I like Gale, I do…just not how he wants me to."

Astarion takes his handkerchief and hands it to Octavia. She wipes her nose and sniffles. "I'm so afraid of disappointing him, or you, or my family. They expect so much from me because of who we are…all the shit I went through because of who my godsdammed great great whatever grandmother was..it sucks. I just want to do things for me. For my enjoyment, not anyone else's. It feels like I'm nobody, just another person working in the background where I'm most comfortable."

They sit not speaking for what seems like forever, "You are Octavia. Eloquent, whip smart, hilarious, that's who you are to me. My favorite assistant. My left where Gale is my right. You two invigorate me. Without you tonight would never have happened. Even with all this other stuff." He moves his hand in circular motions in between the two of them, resting it on top of hers afterwards. "The only way you will disappoint me is if you do this to yourself. You're too damned good for that, dear."

She moves her hand a little, lacing her fingers into his. She hears his breath catch, as he tightens his grip a little. "You are wonderful." His voice sounds small and vulnerable, this is the most open she's ever seen him. Right now, even behind the glasses she can sense his gaze, now might be a good time to ask the question she never got the answer to back when they first met.

"You never told me why you always wear dark glasses indoors or at night. I mean I know you're an elf and can see in the dark, but isn't that a lot of work?" Astarion laughs, he rolls his lips in and bites one a bit. "Can't I just be a slave to fashion, love? Does everything need an explanation?"

"Fine. Have it your way." She untangles her hand from his. "You know, usually when people tell you some personal shit, it's nice to trust them a little to open up and not be such a rude…ugh nevermind I gotta go check on Gale." She gets up and turns to walk away, but he holds her wrist, tugging gently to stop her. "Hold on- I'm sorry…I just…it's hard for me to trust people. I don't generally share things with them no matter how friendly we are."

He glares up at her, from this angle she can see his eyes a little bit more. His lids were hooded, eyelashes a deep shade of gray, almost black. It didn't help that they were in the darkness of the night, or else she would be able to properly see. "Do you trust me?" Octavia looks down at him, she swears he has an almost pleading look to him, she swallows "Of course, Astarion. I trust you." He relaxes somewhat and speaks softly, "Do you think you can trust me a little further?"

The way he can soothe over whatever he did and make himself seem like the wronged party was impressive. Octavia just wanted to go lay down at this point, it was late and she was done with pretending to care. "Yes. I'll trust you as long as you don't do anything to show me that it was a mistake. Like follow me home."

She chuckles softly to tease him. She lets go of his hand "For now though, I'm going to bed. It's very late and I need to get into something warmer, I'm fucking freezing. Good night, Astarion, make sure you put the padlock back on the gate. I noticed it wasn't working all of a sudden." They laugh and she walks away from him. As she gets close to her door she looks behind her, darkness drapes around as he's vanished into the night. "Really hope I didn't just make a giant mistake."

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stripperblvd · 2 years ago

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SOMEONE NEEDS TO WRITE ABOUT JOE‘S HAPPY TRAIL!!!

plssss eddie x best friend reader

she notices when he’s stretching and his shirt lifts up. and she’s like staring, not even trying to hide it, almost drooling hahha (relatable tbh) and he sees her staring and idk one things leads to another and she’s kissing his happy trail and they‘re doing oral on each other and then fuck.

PLS if anyone else writes about it pls @ me!!

Happy Eyes (Eddie Munson x Reader Smut)

Warnings: Basically you two being perverts for each other lmfao, whole lotta nasty shit, lots of body fluids, and basically a lot of fondling before the big chacha.

Word Count: 3.7k

Note: I’m so glad everyone is equally enamored with his little happy trail. Truly adorable, but I must cater to my freaky readers.

Drinking with Eddie was always a fun fucking ride. Truly, was always a rollercoaster of laughter and one too many criminal activities. It would all start out with just a suggestion, a little ‘hey do you have anything to drink?” or just plain wanting to get drunk. Eddie and you loved playing the old creep clerks, making sure to bag at least one bottle of whatever liquor you’d been wanting prior. With a pretty smile and a short enough shirt, you’d walk up to the counter before Eddie, having him wait a moment or two so that you could work your magic. It was just too easy, all it took was a wink or the flash of some cleavage to get them hooked, completely ignoring Eddie as he stuffed a bottle into his crumpled black backpack, making sure to cover it with a book or a binder to not draw attention to the shape inside.

“That it sweetheart?” he asked, as he came up behind you placing a 6 pack of the cheapest beer on the counter and completely ignoring whatever glare would be thrown at him from the man creeping over your exposed body. “Yeah, I think that's it” you respond, flashing another overly flirty smile at the clerk before grabbing the beer, Eddie fishing some change from his pocket to cover the alcohol and swinging his arm around you, leading you out of the store with the smile of an absolute bastard.

Currently it was close to midnight, and the giggles could be heard from his room as he danced around, the last beer can in his hand as he imitated the cheerleaders from school, mockingly copying their little dances that you two would see from behind the bleachers on the occasion that your smoke sessions would overlap with their late evening practices. “Eds, no, just stop!” you laughed, clinging to your stomach as the muscles began to sore with how much he was making you giggle, giving your already drunk body barely any reprieve. “C’mon Y/N/N, don’t tell me I don’t look pretty dancing like that.” he whined, taking a large swing off his beer, finishing it off by leaning his neck back and finishing a few more gulps of the already flat drink in his hand.

Your bottom lip was tucked under your teeth as you watched his shirt ride up, but quickly spotted his hunched back as he groaned, beer spilling on the chest area of his clothing. “Fuuuuck.” he groaned, tossing the can to the garbage bin before his fingers lifted the hem of his shirt, not allowing the alcohol to soak to his skin. You could feel a little whine bubble up when he pulled his shirt off, his lanky upper body on full display for you as his rib cage poked out a little, his hair hidden momentarily by his shirt as he finally managed to rid himself of the soaked cloth.

It was hard not to keep staring, your eyes following the little trickle of light brown hairs that started just above his belly button, and became thicker below, forming a sexy little happy trail that ducked right under the start of his boxers, surely following straight to a patch of similarly colored hairs that gathered at the base of his dick.

You can’t say you never thought about Eddie as more than just your best friend. Years and years of being together constantly had begun to manifest themselves in deeper feelings. The kind that, like right now, forced you to stare longingly at you best friend’s torso, hungrily licking your lips as you felt your body heat up, a pool of warmth spreading between your skin and panties as you imagined what laid under the few layers he had on him now. Sure, it was the alcohol that was making you so damn horny, but you couldn’t act like there wasn’t already a solid foundation from which this feeling was rising from.

“What?” he asked, a slight blush on his cheeks was spreading although you weren’t sure if it was your next to creepy gaze or the fact that Eddie was most definitely feeling the effects of the alcohol in his system. “Hm?” you hummed, not really registering anything other than how good it would feel to run your hands across his smooth chest, suck sinful marks on his pretty collarbones. “You keep staring at me Y/N” he bashfully responded, staring to close in on himself, his pants starting to feel inexplicably tight, dick starting to strain against his boxers as he shifted his weight.

“S’not my fault you look so good right now.” If you had been sober, you’re sure that not a single one of those words would have made their way outside of your brain, but you weren’t in control anymore, the beer and shots that now roamed your body were, and they kept pushing to reveal exactly how you felt about Eddie in this instant. You could hear a whine coming from him as he neared the bed, ears so red you feared they might burst as he laid on his stomach, hiding the view of his torso and forcing you to finally meet his eyes, your hand coming up to play with his hair.

‘Don’t say shit like that.” he whispered, blown out brown eyes staring at you with an equal amount of desire, his hand sliding to rest on your lower leg and his breathing a little heavier than it had been. “Why not honey? Can’t compliment a pretty boy?” Your words only caused his dick to get harder, he felt like a child with all the whimpers and little moans that were starting to form in his chest as he bucked his hips at the bed, craving any sort of friction on his aching skin. “Cuz I get sensitive when I’m fucked up, and it’s not helping that the girl I’ve jerked off to a shit ton of times is staring at me like all she wants to do is jump my bones.” he didn’t care about filtering his words, if truths were coming out might as well make it count. It’s not like it wasn’t true, ever since 8th grade Eddie had started a bad habit of always thinking about you when he needed to get off, especially when you turned out to be a late bloomer, coming back from camp to end middle school with a slightly altered body, your chest showing a bit more as you grew into your body.

“Show me then.” you caressed his head, cupping his jaw and making him look at you, a thin curtain of sweat starting to form all over his body as he moaned, feeling your fingernails scratch lightly against his chin as if he was a goddamn cat. He couldn’t say no to you, it was too late to back out, with a few quick moments his jeans and underwear laid now completely discarded on the floor, his pretty cock on display for you as it bounced a little as he settled on his knees. Your eyes landed right back to his happy trail, drool pooling in your mouth as you finally got the full picture, and indeed, the hair met up with a patch of trimmed brown hair, not too long, but just long enough to show around his balls as he began to jerk himself off in front of you, slowly at first, dragging his fist to squeeze under the tip and then spread the little bit of precum that had already spurred from the little slit of his dick.

Your own clothes followed quickly after, not being able to watch him be so vulnerable with you without reciprocating, keeping your bra on but removing your panties and tossing them to the side. Eddie moaned, watching you reach down to touch your aching clit, your knees pressed together as your pupils followed his hand as he continued pumping his hard dick.

“No no no,” he whispered, letting go of his hard on and crawling a little towards you, his hands separating your knees and positioning you the way he wanted, making you giggle at how desperate he was. “It’s just…just in my dreams…you-you spread your legs like that.” he stammered, not being able to take his eyes off your glistening hole, his dick visibly twitching. To Eddie his dirtiest fucking dreams were coming true, because here you were, Wearing only your bra as you let him spread your legs, allowing him to stare directly at your pussy and touch himself to the beautiful sight. His wide eyes broke away from your soft mound to look at you. “Can I touch you?” he asked almost innocently, eyes pleading with you as if he would drop dead and die a horrible death if he couldn't put his hands on you, draw out sinful sounds as he worked your body like he had imagined so many times before.

“I’m all yours Munson.” your voice was laced with intoxicating lust and a mind fucking rasp, your hand gripping his wrist to lead his fingers to your pubic bone, allowing him to do the exploring himself as you sat up just a bit, your warm fingers lightly grazing his happy trail a few times before gripping his cock. He whimpered, bucking his hips on to you as he used his left arm to hold himself up, his other hand going to work with your pussy.

You couldn’t hold back the surprised moan that left your throat as you felt Eddie’s cold rings graze your wet folds, thumb slowly circling your clit and picking up a smooth rhythm that had your knees trembling with anticipation. Your hands stuttered, losing focus for a second as you gripped his hard dick in your hands, squeezing him a little harder than you had intended and making him groan, the feeling a little too intense for how sensitive he currently was. You tried to focus, you really did, but between feeling up his cock and watching him pant as he played with your wetness, a feeling of unmistakable savage hunger took over you, hands leaving his flesh and pushing him away. You pushed him onto the spot you had previously been at, his wide eyes not being able to adjust fast enough, and by the time he even registered what was happening your lips were already on his.

It was sloppy, messy and desperate, his hands gripping your sides and sliding roughly to fiddle with your bra, wanting to see you fully and not have his vision obstructed by your bra, which albeit sexy was inhibiting his eyes from feasting on the soft squishy flesh of your boobs. You laughed, breaking away to kiss down his jaw, neck, and sucking a pretty little mark on his collarbone, your fingers swatting his away as you leaned over him, unclasping the two loops on your bra and tossing it away, Eddie’s hands automatically flying to your chest, gripping the soft peaks and ghosting his thumbs over your already hard nipples.

“Can I suck them?” he asked, so childishly, his big dumb brown eyes looking up at you for pemission, the cuteness nearly making you coo as your hand tangled itself in his hair, nodding and watching with an opened mouth as he began to suckle at your nipples, moaning around them and bucking his hips upwards. You allowed him to continue his blissful actions, moaning every once in a while with the jolts of euphoria that his mouth caused, but eventually you pulled him off, now your turn to continue what you had started.

He was so desperate, so needy. He wouldn’t stop whining when you kissed down his abdomen, pausig just as second to lock eyes with him and move his dick slightly to press a teasing kiss right on his happy trail. The little hairs nibbled at your lip as he let out a small sob, his soft tummy contracting as if that one little peck was enough to make him explode. “Please.” he whimpered, softly gripping the sheets, his body on fire and the only thing that could help was your touch.

The eye contact never broke as you took him into your mouth, tongue swirling as you licked at his tip, guiding his length slowly into your mouth and feeling it hit the very back of your throat. You let it rest there for a second, before pulling away and repeating the very same action, Eddie’s moans filling your ears as he slowly started thrusting his hips upwards, eventually taking charge and fucking into your mouth, your jaw slack as you took him in. Heaven had fallen right before you, Eddie’s eyes closed as he tried his best to keep a steady, comfortable rhythm, his kiss bitten lips wide open, letting out mewls of pleasure and gasps that were filled with the need for more.

“Fuck, I-I need, oh my god. Fuck, need to taste you.” he gasped out, his voice heavy with what you could only describe as a fucked out daze, the feeling in his stomach growing by the second making him think he’d cum all over before he even got the chance to be inside you. You couldn’t resist Eddie, even if the alcohol in your veins was already starting to slowly wear off, you didn’t want to stop. So you gave yourself to him, his hands bringing your dripping and swollen cunt right to his face, your thighs on either side of his head as he gripped your hips, breathing in the scent that wafted from the soft folds of your sex.

“Fuck Eddie, just do it baby.” you were already breathless, so the feeling of his tongue excitedly staring to lap up all the juice that were already making the inside of your thighs sticky only served to punch the oxygen right from your lungs, your eyes not being able to focus on anything and opting to instead shut tightly as you felt Eddie’s tongue enter your waiting hole, licking you up in ways you thought were nearly impossible for a single human to be able to muster up. It was insane actually, your loud voice echoing through his trailer, surely waking up at least a few nearby trailers as his lips wrap around the little bud of nerves, sucking so harshly that you were sure to pass out any second. You didn’t fucking know where he learned to do this shit, as far as you were concenred both of you were still virgins, hell your first fucking kiss had been each other during valentines day of freshman year, self pity being used as an excuse to learn to suck faces behind the schools loading dock.

“God yes yes yes, Eddie oh my god!” you couldn’t help the praise that left your lips, hips gyrating to meet his flat muscle, your legs quivering as you neared your end. So Eddie unexpectedly pulling away was not very warmly welcomed as you groaned, already missing the way his mouth worked you so close to the edge. “Ride me, please fuck I can’t take it anymore, just wanna be inside you.” he pleaded, burying his face on the skin of your stomach and his hands pushing you downwards slowly.

His wish was your command, and as quickly as he had voiced his wants and needs had you found yourself pressing the tip of his dick inside to your hole, moaning at the sudden pressure that his skin brought to yours. At this point you were just embarrassingly wet, giving room for him to very easily slide his girth into you, a devilish sound rumbling from his chest as he bottomed out, his balls pressing right against your ass.

It was a lot all at once. He was just so big, so long and so hot. Even if the first few seconds had been slightly pain inducing, uncomfortable to be sat on, it quickly turned into a raging fire that would only be satiated if you moved your hips against his, rising tentatively and sinking down on him. Your eyes cracked open to see how Eddie was doing, and frankly you don’t think you’d ever seen him this absolutely fucked out into an oblivous ocean of pleasure.

“So fucking tight. So warm.” he whined, using what little physical strength he had in the moment to sit up right, pressing his chest against yours and pushing himself into a balanced position by placing his left hand beside him on the sheets. It didn’t take long to start a wild cycle, both of your hips snapping to meet each other, his hard dick sliding so deliciously in and out of your leaking entrance, erotic nosies being pulled from both of you, volume no longer a concern as years of pent of love, care and teenage horniness were being spent on his bed.

“Eddie, don't stop!” you yelled, barely able to keep up with him as your own right hand landed to your side, the new mirrored angle giving room to feel just how deep Eddie could thrust inside of you, the tip of his cock hitting that spongey, heart strangling part inside of you that had the power to completely shut down your body. “M’never. Never stopping. You’re mine.” his hot breath was right at your lips, coaxing you to finish off the small distance between the two of you, a crash of lips teeth and two tongues doing a much better job at muffling all the sex noises that neither of you could control alone. Nothing mattered outside of Eddie’s bed, nothing but the way his hand held onto you for dear merciful life, the way your bodies met in a beautiful connection of slick wetness, how your praise seemed to only be aimed at him, tailored to perfection, making the muscles in his body convulse.

“I’m gonna cum.” he groaned out, his head heating up with a fire he thought was dripping lava, pouring over his head and melting his brains as he fucked into you. His hair was completely droopy, the sweat that his body was creating far too much to keep it light and fluffy. He could feel the way you clenched around him, the way your body reacted to getting speared by his. All he could’ve ever wished for in the last few years was being played out right in his bedroom, like a porno that had been based straight from his memories when he was alone, his hand alone fisting his leaking cock. At that moment Eddie knew his hand would never again do the trick. Not when he knew what it was like to be balls fucking deep inside of your pussy, fucking the everloving brains out of you as you gave yourself to him, body molding to fit with his own.

“Come on baby, come for me, god please cum inside me.” your bat shit dirty words exploded a million bombs inside of Eddie. In any other circumstance you would’ve thought that he has been in pain had you heard the sound he let out the second that white hot coil snapped in his core, but right now all you could feel was his hardened cock spilling warm cum deep inside of you, the sticky substance shooting from his balls and coating your walls. It was too much, this was your breaking point, his name slipping past your lips as he thrust into his orgasm one last time, triggering the most intense fucking feeling you could’ve ever hoped to experience.

By the time you had regained proper consciousness and the colorful explosion behind your eyelids had slowed to a stop the only thing you could hear were Eddie’s heaving pants next to your ear, his back leaned against the headboard and his hands wrapped tightly around your midsection. You felt a warm liquid that licked at the skin of your thighs, dripping softly and coating Eddie’s own as his head fell to rest on your chest, the new found position too comfortable for you to want to further inspect the soaked feeling,

“You fucking squirted baby.” he breathed out, holding you closer as he spoke. Your eyes shooting wide open but your body too tired to make an effort to scramble off him to see if he was telling the truth. “So fucking hot.” he whispered, finally lifting his head and smiling lazily at you, his eyes so close to being fully shut that you didn’t know why he even bothered to look up.

“I’m sorry.” you squeaked, feeling shame rise from your stomach as your eyes caught the wet patch on his bed’s mattress, seeping through the thin cover. You could only feel his laugh, reverberating across your body. “Don't apologize, it’s not everyday the love of my life loses her virginity, takes mine and squirts on my bed all in the same night.” his filter is still turned off, meaning he entire body freezes as he completely registers everything he just said to you.

“Should’ve told me sooner then, cuz you’ve been the love of MY life for the past few years. Even before I grew tits.” you mocked, remembering how often you’d catch little 13 year old Eddie staring at your newly formed mounds, shamelessly avoiding any and all things thrown at him while he took your body in. Eddie pulled out of you slowly, laying down so that you could rest soundly on his chest. You grimaced a little, feeling his warm cum follow his already soft cock. “I know it’s a little backwards, but would you like to be mine? Like my girlfriend?” he timidly asks, eyes casting down towards you to examine your features.

“I’d love to.” you smiled, leaning to peck his lips softly. “For the record, I also had a crush on you before you grew tits.” Eddie mocked.

Joe’s Happy Trail >>>>

7-19-22

#eddie munson #eddie munson x reader #stranger things 4 #stranger things #st4 #st4 vol2 #eddie munson x female reader #eddie munson smut

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gae-bolg-alternative-dot-exe · 2 years ago

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What’d you think of edgerunners?

It’s really late, I’m in bed, and I can’t word right now so I'll keep it short

Cyberpunk is my favorite show that Studio Trigger has worked on.

Promare and Edgerunners have revitalized my faith in Trigger. Promare, to me, was a return to form and a return to hype for Trigger; the kind of stuff that I’ve been waiting for Imaishi to direct for years. I’m aware Promare was extremely hit or miss with many people (as trigger works are) but if you sat through that movie in theaters and came out of it hating it and not being able to enjoy the silly. Then we probably wouldn’t be able to watch and enjoy movies together tbh. Shame there are blogs that I respect the opinion of on here that trashed the movie through and through when they watched it but miss me with that negativity and Ebert & Roeper shit. Trigger has known tropes that they love to do and Promare felt to me like a celebration of those tropes rather than a fallback. Sometimes it’s okay if hype makes right you know? Movie was almost like a love letter to those who grew up during the years of ttgl.

Cyberpunk on the otherhand was something so grounded and densely fucking packed with narrative. My honeymoon period with the show has ended and I still think about how well executed it all was. A show that I would otherwise never expect to be pulled off by Trigger and also the kind of storytelling that I now crave more from Trigger. I’d love to see some more mature, serious, and structured storylines from Imaishi and co. in the future that’s very aware of what it’s trying to be but also not trying to do too much. Imo, and it sucks to say this but Trigger has put out and been involved with a lot of fucking garbage shows. Edgerunners being good for ME as a viewer felt fucking cathartic. I’m not fucking delusional for continuing to get excited for when Trigger announces projects their working on. It’s not just a company that has been on a slow decline after Gurren Lagann with some peaks within the valleys. They can very much still make amazing shows. Dungeon Meshi is going to be so fucking goated from what I’ve seen them do with Cyberpunk. Trigger when they’re given actual direction and great characters to work with is an absolute pleasure to watch.

I’m aware that not everybody vibed with Edgerunners tho and that’s okay. Its a short series. Its not exactly a feel good story. Its not perfect, I can find flaws if someone asks me to. Its Imaishi but not allowed to go all out and under close collaboration with a completely different company with a different style of storytelling. It’s in collab with a game and company that is incredibly popular to hate. Its also unfortunately plagued with negative public stigma from those that can’t separate the controversies of CDPR from the show itself. Idk where I’m going with this. I’m not nearly as defensive with Edgerunners as I was with Promare but it doesn’t mean I like it any less. I guess I just wanted to say it’s okay if you don’t like it or get the appeal of the show as long as I’m not attacked for liking the show.

I got super off track but yeah I liked it. And I didn’t even get into the story or characters in this ask.

#I'll expand on this later #maybe #I'm sleep #omg its 4am #going through your blog a bit; sorry you didn't seem to enjoy the show mashivan; I get that not everybody liked it #also you hated Lucy? come on choom tsk tsk #ask #mashivan

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spinachgarden · 3 years ago

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Ok, but in light of the recent fic with Bucky having a nightmare and Sarah taking care of him. How about Bucky taking care of Sarah? idk, maybe Sarah is sick and Bucky makes here some soup and does all the house chores. Or Sarah has a nightmare about losing Sam or Bucky and Bucky comforts her. Imagine the possibilities. You don't have to write anything, if you do you would be amazing and wonderful. And I'd thank you so much! But really, I'm only here to share thoughts.

friend thank you!

I've been meaning to write some Bucky taking care of Sarah <3333

(If u think about it, this could absolutely be a sequel to either the nightmare fic or the Aftermath from AO3, I'm just saying)

Lighten the Load - SarahBucky

probably rated T for some language

Sarah wakes, groggy and disoriented, head throbbing something fierce. Her throat feels like it’s on fire, dry and scratchy, and a hoarse, wheezing cough rips itself out of her throat as she struggles to sit up. God, what time is it? It feels like she’s slept either way too much or not enough, but judging by the sunlight pouring in through the window, she’s thinking it’s the former.

Wait.

Shit.

The bedside clock reads 10:30AM, and she’s certain she didn’t wake up and drive the boys to school without realizing it. Sarah scrambles, barely remembering to throw on a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt before running out of bed, down the stairs, and-

Straight into Bucky’s chest.

“Whoa,” he says. “What’s the rush?”

“Where are the boys?” she asks around another coughing fit.

“School,” Bucky says, one eyebrow raised. “I dropped them off for 8:30. They supposed to be somewhere else?”

Sarah shakes her head, still resting against Bucky’s chest. He’s warm, and Sarah feels so, so cold, so she doesn’t bother moving. After a long minute, he wraps one arm around her waist, pulling her a little closer and kissing the crown of her head.

“D’you wanna sit down?” he asks. “You were pretty out of it this morning, so I didn’t bother trying to wake you up.”

“I had things to do this morning,” Sarah groans. “Errands. Chores. Work.”

“You had a fever of 102.4,” Bucky says patiently. “And I called the restaurant, let them know you wouldn’t be coming in. Chores are done, but I didn’t want to leave the house to run errands until you were awake.”

Huh.

She’s not really sure what to make of that. “The laundry,” she says.

“Done,” Bucky replies easily. “Well. The last load is still in the dryer, but it’s almost done. Everything else is folded and put away.” Strong arms steer her in the direction of the couch until she drops gracelessly down onto it, and then the throw blanket is wrapped around her shoulders, all one-handed. When she looks up at Bucky, she sees that he’s holding a mug, tea bag wound around the handle, and he offers it to her.

“Peppermint,” he says, “should help with your throat. You were coughing in your sleep.”

“I need to do the dishes,” Sarah says dumbly.

“They’re done,” Bucky replies. “And the garbage has been taken out. How are you feeling?”

“Did the boys get something for lunch?”

“Sarah,” Bucky says, voice calm but serious. “I can get the boys ready for school. Lunches packed, at the front doors twenty minutes early. You need to rest, you’re sick.”

There’s a part of her that doesn’t know how to let go, though. Part of her wants to see that everything has been done properly, to do it herself, even though she feels like absolute shit.

“Cass needed his soccer uniform,” she says.

“I know,” Bucky says, his tone now slightly amused. “Sarah. Hey.”

He cups her cheek and forces her to look into his eyes, wide and blue and genuine. “Yeah?” she says.

“You’re allowed to take a day off,” he tells her. “Drink your tea, watch some shitty reality television, get some more sleep. I’ll worry about the rest.”

“But I had things to do,” she protests, one more time, weakly. In truth, Bucky’s suggestion sounds great. “If I don’t do them today, then I’m just going to have to do them tomorrow.”

Bucky gives her an unimpressed look, playful but chiding. “I may not look my age, but I’m still an adult,” he says dryly. “Sit, rest, let me take care of everything until you’re feeling better. Let me take care of you.”

“You don’t need to,” she says quietly, but when she tries to think of another concrete protest, she comes up with nothing.

He kisses her on the forehead, soft and sweet, then lays his cheek against it for just a second. “I want to,” he replies. “C’mon, let me lighten the load for you.”

Sarah coughs weakly, then nods. “Okay,” she says.

Bucky smiles softly. “You just sit tight,” he says. “I’ll make you something to eat, and then I’ll go run the errands in town and grab some meds for you. Are you going to be alright while I’m gone?”

“Yeah,” she says, and then, quieter, “thank you.”

The rest of her day passes in a haze. Bucky makes her oatmeal for breakfast, brown sugar and berries on top just the way she likes it, then pours her another mug of tea before heading out to town to run the errands Sarah needed to get done today. She’s asleep again before he gets back, and wakes up in bed to the sound of the boys getting home hours later, a glass of water and a couple of pills on the nightstand beside her.

Downstairs, she can hear Bucky shushing the boys. “Get some homework done while I make dinner,” he tells them. “And try to be kind of quiet, alright? Your mom’s not feeling great, she’s getting some sleep.”

Sarah grins to herself as she downs the Tylenol and finishes the glass of water, heaven on her throat. A moment later Bucky comes upstairs, opening the door quietly and peeking inside.

“How are you feeling?” he asks.

She takes stock of herself. “A little better,” she decides. “Thanks. Did you carry me to bed?”

“Yes,” he says nonchalantly. “You were pretty out of it. Anyway, I was going to make spaghetti for the boys. Did you want some of that, or would you rather have some soup?”

“Soup,” she says. Already, she can feel the meds working, dulling her sinus headache and lulling her back toward sleep. “Thanks for taking care of me today.”

“You’re welcome,” he says sweetly. “You deserve it, Sarah.”

#sarahbucky #Sarah Wilson #bucky barnes #fleur de louve #requests #spinachgarden #spinach answers

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ot3 · 3 years ago

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Orv spoilers

SO FIRST about secretive plotter and oldest dream like. Im so. Umghhhhh sp have been loathing whoever the hell madehis life a hell but then slowly he see through it and when he arrived at that place he saw a kid, struggling to survive and the only anchor the kid has is him. That moment he understood. He and the 999th gang adopted od and i was like AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA im looking so forward to dysfunctional 999th family sitcom (but sadly theres only sp*d shit like what)

SECOND HSY AND YJH. they literally have their ending but they choose to go back for kdj. Hsy dedicated her life to save kdj with her writing and yjh regressed so many times to meet kdj again, and then they choose AGAIN to do group regression to save kim dokja. And AGAIN spreading the sories of him in the many worldlines aven if it has almost zero chances to work.They LOVE kim dokja they could have choose to walk away with their happy ending but they said NO. Our happy ending includes him and we'll save him no matter how many times we need to do it. They CHOOSE him again and again im crying and sobbing yoohankim loove each other if this is not love then I don't know what it is.

Lastly i love that the author deliberately leave orv open ended. Even tho the epilogue squeezed litters of my tears i think orv ending is the best of what ive read. It leaves the ending to the readers and im just imagining kim dokja living happily loved and being loved. Orv is just. Idk how to say it. Its sooo many things that made me go HHNNNGHHJKSKKKKLKLLL but i feel so many emotions reading it. thank you for your ruthless orv campaign I don't think i can mentally recover from this im gonna reread it again and and draw yjh snowboarding kdj across the bridge

OH YEAH MAN SP AND OD IS LIKE. THAT SHIT HURTED. THAT SHIT HURTED. i cant believe spod shippers looked at that and decided rather than ‘full house but with eldritch beings’ they wanted creepy shota garbage.

yoohankim literally real its real its real he sacrificed an easy good ending to make sure everyone lived over and over again and then when they do the same for him he has the audacity to be surprised UGH ITS LOVE!!!!!!!!

literally the orv ending may be “““open ended”“ but like its not its a happy ending i know it is i have zero doubts my conviction is steadfast they live in the big house together

#orv spoilers #borealishill #this took me awhile to get to whoops

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batarangsoundsdumb · 4 years ago

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guess fucking what? my inbox is so fucking full right now i'm unloading all of this shit in one post.

For the 11th gotham memes: gothamites react to bruce being jacked in a tiktok he made with kids, like super yoked, ripped as hell

fucking hilarious thanks. i think i did it in one meme post, but i genuinely don't remember which one

i dunno which of the batfam would do this but one time i was sleeping over at a friends house and ended up on the floor bc the bed was so very small and i just stayed there because the rug was soft

that's a drunk jason move i don't know what to tell you

tim and jason are "i listen to pop punk" solidarity. whenever jason highjacks the batmobile theyll go on long ass car rides blaring mcr and paramore and then never talk about it again

as they should!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! tim: no jason it's my turn using the aux cord i gotta put on my jams jason: don't you dare put on weird shit tim: don't worry, you're gonna love this *plays fearless (taylor's version)

hear me out hear me out, red hood stans 🤝 nightwing stans t h i g h s

holy shit yes.

SNL au: Bruce breaks character when pretending to superman and says something like "I'm not superman! You've seen his gps!! It's from 2001!!!" @sabeanybabe

superman flies past the snl building the next day just to say 'actually it's from 2005, i'm not a heathen'

does your back hurt from carrying the batfam fandom

it hurts more from the exotic rock collection i keep in my backpack, but thanks for the concern.

I love your posts by why would you always leave the best parts in the tags?

as a treat for the people that check the tags ;) (and also because i'm committed to the short post aesthetic)

somehow your playlist was everything i never knew i needed. i mean it. this is my new favorite playlist.

and don't you dare get a new favourite playlist!

babe ur stoner tim playlist is exactly too perfect, earth is literally blessed by ur existence

babe thanks so much! i love my stoner tim playlist because it's just my usual playlist but people think it's an artistic choice that i put taylor swift and britney spears in there, when it's just what i unironically like listening to

JANDKSKDK BILLY RAY CYRUS ON THE STONER TIM PLAYLIST I LOVE IT IT

again it's not even an ironic choice, i know every single word and i genuinely like the song

The last chapter of Fundamentals of Casework has me crying at work. Thanks I love it @dudelookitsalesbian

oh babe, i'm sorry, but also, not sorry i love chapter 4 so much it's my lovechild with the 'mental illness' tag

soooo....stumbled on your tumblr by some stroke of fate??? read your DC fanfic first. which is PHENOMENAL btw. then found all the batmemes; the funniest thing EVER bc everyone forgets about regular old gothamites. kept scrolling and your blog pops up as recommended. clicked on the ao3 for shits and giggles and waddaya know?!?!? it's YOU!!! you're LEGEND!!!! ever seen that meme? it's a video of a cat that got into a baseball field and the two announcers get really invested in his escape attempt and start giving a play by play of the cat instead of the game. memeable moment: "GREAT stuff from the Cat!!!"

i seriously think about this ask every single day and it's so fucking funny to me that i've never seen the meme you're referencing, but i still find myself going 'GREAT stuff from the Cat!!!' whenever i see something funny. but wow i'm glad you liked this steaming pile of garbage

Fav dc character overall? And fav batfamily character?

don't ask me to pick between the loves of my life, but i can tell you i've cried about every single batfamily member and also wally west (my beloved)

What's your opinion on fans having a problem with batfam being "too big"? And some even claim that batfam is just "Bruce Alfred Dick Damian" and the rest of them are just "friends and allies" (source: reddit) Personally, I like batfam because of this reason but idk

stupid. a family can never be too big. i'm not that big a fan of like huge batfam stuff with everybody from every single universe, because as much as it's funny for bruce to have like 30 kids, it just feels a little too OOC for me.

This is the best tag I've seen involving the batfam, thanks for thinking of it

This is canon now @nctxrejects

lmao yeah i think at that point alfred has had to sit through like at least a dozen coming out talks and just has a pride flag collection in the attic that he pulls out whenever a kid comes out

idk why batfam hits different as compared to any other superhero family

bc it's found family and usually the other superhero families are almost all genetically related in one way or another

I don't know if you watch the umbrella academy but I saw your last post about batcest and saw the similarities. But the thing is (although I think it's weird) in TUA, they addressed it by saying "they were raised as weapons, not siblings" or something along those lines, which is simply not the case with batfam.

yeah i watched tua but i also thought it was ridiculous and they still treated each other as siblings so i didn't like the luthor/allison thing, and am glad they stopped doing that shit bc it fucking sucked.

Hot take: Batcest shippers are the same people who believe adopted siblings are not actual siblings

smoking hot take: batcest shippers are the people who watch 'my sister got stuck in the washing machine' porn

Duke was adopted by Bruce?

not technically no, but do i, tumblr user batarangsoundsdumb, look like i care?

True story but I had to change my freaking name because it used to be "Damien" and most people would go "OH LIKE DAMIAN WAYNE" like please I'm just tryna live

true story, but i don't actually think of damian when i hear the name damian, literally the first thing that pops up is damian darkh like bruh what?

apparently dc comics company supported comic stores by giving out new titles and stuff during the beginning of the pandemic to help them run and I just think that's wholesome

ah yeah that's so fucking cool, still don't like dc, the company, because this world is a capitalist hellhole and we're all owned by warner brothers or disney with no in between.

ayo looking at tumblr head canons and finding out bruce is actually a terrible father is a punch in the gut

lmao yes, in like 50% of comics bruce is a terrible father and it gives me whiplash

oooh I just saw the jason todd vs winter soldier post and the real question is: batman vs iron man

while iron man has like hundreds of cases of armor, batman could throw out an emp and have the guy dropping out of the sky in 2 seconds.

dickfast = fastdick = quickdick = quickie

magnum hot take

hey bata(?) just thought I'd let you know I have copied the obnoxious emoji and Billy Ray post for use on simping men going forth

thank you 😘🌷 (@spacebarsidecar)

why would you do that to your followers???? i get why i did it, but why would you???

what is scarecrow made the nightwing funko pop himself, like those diy-ers that paint over other ones

oh god no, horrible take, horrible take, that's a disgusting thought oh no

I see your HC that Bruce and Oliver fucked and raise you this: Dick and Roy ALSO fucked

yes they did and it was a horrible moment for jason to find out dick has fucked both of his best friends

"at this rate bruce adds like 1 child to his family every decade or so" Duke is introduced in 2013, Damian as Damian, not as an unnamed child, in 2006. And he is already 14 years old, Robins rarely remain Robins after 16 😬 It looks like a new Robin and Batkid will appear in a couple of years

i mean i can't wait? but somebody will probably die first tho, we're due for another major character death. my money's on either cass or duke this time.

BRO you're so right all of your Bruce's ex headcanons are amazing but they aren't ships, that's kinda wild. Like I don't want any peeks into how their relationship was I just want to see everyone make fun of them

lmao YES it's just i love bruce being a slut, like good for him.

I am in love with your posts your honour thank you

omg thanks are we like,, gonna kiss now?

The justice league needs to have a meeting to discuss how many of their members/partners have slept with bruce. Because through a combination of cannon & fannon (if DC wasn’t homophobic) we have AT LEAST: 1) clark 2) lois 3) oliver 4) dinah 5) john

Thats not counting villains or random civilians @dudelookitsalesbian

yes yes yes, they'll have a yearly meeting about how many of their collective exes could be out for revenge and batman's list just keeps getting longer.

tim was like "i'm drake now" and everyone was like ahh so your fursona is a dragon and tim was like pffffft no. ducks.

and what about it?

when steph's fighting livewire and she zaps her with lighting and nothing happens and then they both just. stand there awkwardly for a second and talk. yeah i couldn't stop laughing at that batgirl steph is the BEST

oh yeah that was fucking hilarious and i think it would be so cool and sexy of dc to give steph a little comic series,,, as a treat

Hi I absolutely adore all of yours "Bruce and Oliver very badly pretending they didn't fuck each other" memes

lmao i do too

I need you to know that “Bruce Wayne had frosted tips” is one of my favorite Bruce takes of all time it’s so galaxy brained. you’re right and you should say it

he also painted his hair blonde once when he was travelling and in conclusion, this is why he's being blackmailed by the gotham gazette.

you know my thing about gordon being branded as the only good cop in gotham is its a load of shit like arguably he's a good person and not working to screw people over or anything but the fact that he also works w. batman makes him a shit cop. like yea batman is better than the mob but its still illegal its still an abuse of power he just not making bank

babe, all cops are bad cops. (but yeah youre absolutely right, working with vigilantes makes you a shit cop, but also working against vigilantes just makes you an asshole cop yanno?)

ruh roh i think i’m about to add “so not yeehaw” every time i don’t like something

that's a very good vocabulary upgrade

somehow i feel like steph already knew. like babs obviously knew but i feel like bruce got high/drunk in front of steph and started telling his boarding school stories and steph was just like “oh you fucked up i’m never gonna forget this”

steph and bruce have weird uncle/rebellious niece dynamic and they just hang out sometimes and bruce will be like 'i once broke my arm when i tripped over a hedge when i was drunk so oliver drove me to the hospital on an electric scooter' and steph will just have to sit there with that knowledge in her head.

Hello I just wanted to tell you you are So right in all your steph opinions bc she is, in fact amazing and I think that's very sexy of you. Ps. Your Bruce/Oliver fic is hilarious

babe, thank you so much and yes steph is amazing and i love her and she deserves the world and she's the best member of the batfam hands down. also thanks

In Supersons we see a couple of kids that are implied to be Damian and Jon's children and the boy has laser eyes and can fly, so I asume he's not adopted. The girl, who calls Bruce grandpa, can also fly, btw. So it's canon (probably by accident) that Jon can have kids and he must have married one of Bruce's kids. (I'm hoping for Damian, mostly because any other of his children would be waaaaaaaaaaaaay too old.) @artemisa97

lmao that was probably an accident seeing as jon is a 17 year old superhero in the year 3000 (by the jonas brothers)

You know, I'm a die hard fan of your memes, but I gotta say one thing: if Gothamites actually took gas mask everywhere with them, then the Scarecrow would just be a weird dude in a weird costume, and not a villain oh so scary. DC really should just takes notes from you.

bold of you to assume there's no gothamite anti-maskers

How does it feel being the funniest person on this app?

horrible, next question.

I can't listen to Green Day or Billy Joel without thinking of your post about how Bruce got arrested at a Billy Joel concert @nightwings-kid

yeah that's your mistake, i on the other hand can't enjoy billy joel without thinking about the glee rendition of 'uptown girl'

I've FINALLY been watching the Batman animated series and I gotta say, after watching "the gray ghost" I am CONVINCED that Batman is a closeted super hero geek who was 100% freaking out the first time he met Superman and is just REALLY good at hiding it.

superman: so what do you do in your free time? batman, thinking about the superman fanfiction he's writing on the batcomputer: i have no free time

bruce and oliver be like boyfriends to co-workers 401k (do the justice leagues get 401ks??? not that bruce and ollie would need them, but-)

lmao yes just 400 thousand words of bruce realising 'oh dip oliver is such a fucking dumbass' (also i don't know what a 401 k is but i assume they don't?)

Gothamites would totally boo superman as he saves Gotham while batman is out. @meenje

he's like 'okay think about that next time you want to be saved from an alien octopus'

I just took long break from dc comics and I come back to see ric grayson ??

i think it's very cool and sexy of dc to see dick and just think 'you know what? let's just give him a traumatic brain injury' and then didn't develop his character in any real way

SPEAKING OF RIC GRAYSON, gothamites making confused memes out of ric grayson is much needed

'dick grayson is my taxi driver? can anyone explain what the fuck happened he looks like an italian plumber?'

i hate to say it but batfam are def "marvel characters" in that sense they are characters who are human but become superheroes unlike most dc characters who are gods trying to be human maybe this is why I like batfam

fair enough

#this is only like half of it #but at least you can get like a few answers #yanno fuck it #bataranswers #ask #asks #anon

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babygirl-diaz · 3 years ago

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Prompt: SamBucky are /not/ together but it's getting there. So something wild happens idk magic or some shit and 1940s Bucky gets plucked from his timelime and thrown into theirs. 40s Bucky doesn't pull any punches, and goes for what he wants and that's Sam.

(Sorry it took me almost a month to write this anon. I didn't know how to go about it until today. I wrote this as crack. I hope you still like it! This is pretty similar to my other fic)

Sam was taking the trash out when it happened. Now, you have to understand, Sam has seen some weird shit in his time. He was erased out of existence, for fuck's sake. But this one still took the cake. So yeah, as he took the trash out. The sky, THE FUCKING SKY, suddenly opened and something shot out of it dropping right into Sam's dumpster. Sam was thrown back from the impact, his trash landing elsewhere.

Sam's ribs hurt like hell as he got up from the ground. "Shit," he groaned.

A pained moan came from the dumpster and as if on reflex, Sam's hand went into his back pocket. "Who's in there?!" He asked, panicked.

He slowly took a step towards the dumpster and stopped in his tracks when he heard another pained sound. "Get out of there," Sam warned the person. "Come on. I'm not playing."

Hands grabbed at the edge of the dumpster and someone slowly hauled themself up and tried to get out of the dumpster but they lost their balance and fell to the ground.

"Shit," Sam hissed, before rushing over to help them. "Hey, man, you o-" Sam's voice died in his throat when he finally saw the face of the person before him. "Bucky?!" It was Bucky alright. But not the Bucky Sam knew. This Bucky was young, clean-shaven... dressed in military uniform... if it weren't for those blue hues, Sam wouldn't even have recognized him. This wasn't the Bucky who was in their shared apartment right now. "What the hell is happening?" Sam asked, more to himself than the guy in front of him, who was staring up at him in somehow both fear and awe.

Sam was definitely dead. This was either heaven or hell and Bucky was here as his younger self... Well, if Bucky was here, then it had to be hell. But it didn't feel any different. It still felt like D.C. cold and smelling of corruption. Or maybe that's what hell was...

"Where am I?" The man-- Bucky?-- asked.

"Hell," Sam replied without thinking.

"What?!" That got young Bucky's attention, and he sat on the ground. "I'm dead?"

"Well, I'm guessing you and I both are... because that's the only explanation I can come up with. Where the hell did you come from?"

"I don't know..." Young Bucky almost looked like he was on the verge of tears. "What is happening? Where is Steve? We were at the exhibition... we were talking... and now I'm..." The man swayed and fainted.

SHIT.

Despite his own broken ribs (yes, Sam had decided this wasn't hell and he wasn't dead), Sam hauled young Bucky up from the ground and threw young Bucky's arm around his own shoulder before wrapping his arm around young Bucky's waist (he should really stop calling him young Bucky). This Bucky was light. He wasn't built like a damn truck like his own Bucky (okay, no he wasn't Sam's Bucky but he was Sam's friend so he was technically Sam's? FOCUS Sam. Bigger problems).

Sam somehow got young Bucky (Okay, he was going to start calling him Sergeant Barnes. He was dressed in his uniform after all) into the elevator. Thankfully, no one saw him with Sergeant Barnes. He practically carried Sergeant Barnes to his apartment and used his keys to open the door.

"Wow, took you long enough. What were you doing? Taking the trash all the way to the landfill?" Bucky was sitting in front of the TV, browsing through Netflix.

"Bucky-- we have a problem. I found something-- or rather someone, downstairs"

"Did you go dumpster diving, Sam? I swear to god, Sam, if this is another one of your attempts to adopt a cat--" Bucky stopped talking and turned around and his eyes widened. "WHAT THE FUCK?!" He flew out of the seat and stumbled back.

"Surprise?" Sam said awkwardly. He helped Sergeant Barnes to the sofa and dropped him on it.

Sam's ribs protested, and he doubled over in pain. "Fuck," he groaned.

"What the fuck is that, Sam?"

Sam looked up at Bucky to find him looking at his younger self, horrified.

"That is you," Sam replied.

"No, it's not."

"Yeah, it is," Sam insisted. "He dropped from the sky."

"He what?" Bucky laughed hysterically

"You're freaking out. Stop freaking out," Sam tried to touch Bucky's shoulder, who stepped away from him.

"OF COURSE I'M FREAKING OUT! I mean, LOOK AT HIM... That's me... That's me from 1942."

"How do you know what exact year he's from?"

"I was dressed like that... like a damn dweeb right before they shipped me out."

A groan got Sam's attention, and he looked over at the sofa to see Sergeant Barnes waking up.

The sergeant's eyes widened when looked from Sam to Bucky. "What the-- WHAT IS HAPPENING?!" He screeched. "WHO ARE YOU?!"

"I am you," Bucky replied. "Look, there is no easy way to say this but It seems you have somehow ended up in the future."

"The future?" Now it was Sergeant Barnes's turn to laugh hysterically. "You're saying I've ended up in the future?! That's the funniest thing I've heard all day, pal. Is this a prank? Is Steve getting back at me?"

Sam went over to Sergeant Barnes and crouched in front of him on the floor. "Listen, Sergeant Barnes-"

"You can call me Bucky." Young Bucky offered him a sweet smile.

"Actually, I can't," Sam replied. "He's Bucky to me--" he said pointing at Bucky "--so I have to call you something else."

The smile fell off Sergeant Barnes's face and Sam felt kinda bad.

"--Bucky is telling the truth. You've somehow ended up in the future. What do you remember last?"

"I remember meeting you, doll," Sergeant Barnes replied.

"Doll?!" Bucky said in surprise.

"Shut up, Bucky," Sam told him before going back to Sergeant Barnes. "Before that. What do you remember before that?"

"I remember we were at the exhibition of future technologies... Steve and I were talking and then--- and then I woke up in that garbage."

"Do you remember this happening to you?" Sam asked Bucky.

"No, of course, I don- wait- I do now. How is that possible?!"

"Looks like you're forming new memories, Buck," Sam suggested.

"I am really confused," Sergeant Barnes said desperately, and grabbed Sam's hands.

"Sorry, I just-- I need something to ground me. I am terrified."

"Oh yeah, of course," Sam replied. "That's okay." He squeezed Sergeant Barnes's hands.

Bucky cleared his throat behind them and Sam turned around to find him frowning. Sam just shrugged and turned back to Sergeant Barnes.

"We'll figure it out," Sam assured the young man. "And we'll get you back home."

"Well, we better because who knows what could happen the longer he's here. He could erase my existence."

Just the thought churned Sam's stomach.

"First, let's get you out of these clothes," Sam suggested, looking at Sergeant Barnes. "You smell like garbage."

"Sorry about that, sweetheart," Sergeant Barnes said with a small smile.

"Come on, I'll show you the shower. You can have some of my clothes, they should fit you."

"Why not mine?" Bucky asked. "He's literally me."

"No!" Sergeant Barnes said a little too loudly. "His clothes are fine. I didn't catch your name, by the way."

"OH! I'm Sam," Sam led him to his bedroom and found him a pair of t-shirt and sweats.

"Thank you, Sam," Sergeant Barnes said appreciatively. "I don't know what's going on here but I am glad you're here to help me through it."

Sam offered him a smile in return. "Well, I'm glad you think that. Now come on, I'll show you the shower."

"The future still has a phonograph?" Sergeant Barnes asked before following Sam out of the bedroom.

Sam nodded, "Yeah it does." He showed Sergeant Barnes to the shower and turned it on for him, adjusting the water to the right temperature. When he turned around, he found the Sergeant standing there fully naked.

"Whoa, okay," Sam immediately averted his eyes. He tried not to trail his eyes to Sergeant Barnes's nether regions. "Let me know if you need anything else. Just press that knob when you're done showering and it should turn off the water." (Okay, talking about pressing knobs right now was probably not the best idea).

Sam quickly ran out of the bathroom and he's pretty sure he heard Sergeant Barnes say, "So cute," on his way out.

"What's up with you?"

Sam jumped when he heard Bucky's voice. It almost felt like he had been caught cheating on Bucky with Bucky. Which was ridiculous because Bucky wasn't his boyfriend and he wasn't doing anything with Sergeant Barnes.

"Nothing," Sam blurted. "We should really figure out how to get him back home."

A dark look fell over Bucky's face, and Sam reached out to rest his hand on the other man's shoulder. "What's wrong?"

"We send him back and he gets taken hostage by Hydra and then eventually turned into The Winter Soldier."

"Bucky, everything needs to happen exactly how it happened or your whole present and future will change."

"Would that really be such a bad thing? I mean, look at all the things I've done. If there is a chance I could erase all of that--"

"And what if you end up erasing yourself?" Sam asked.

"Sam--"

"No! Don't Sam me! We are sending him back to his time and that's that."

“Okay, then,” Bucky threw his hands up. “We’re sending him back.”

“How though? We don’t even know how he got here in the first place.”

“Maybe some sort of sorcery was involved?” Bucky suggested.

“Sorcery?!” A startled voice came from behind them and they turned around to find Sergeant Barnes standing there looking stunned. “Sorcery is real?”

“Unfortunately,” Sam replied. “We even have a sorcerer friend. Speaking of which, we should talk to him.”

“Oh, so he’s no longer a wizard?” Bucky teased

“Oh shut it,” Sam threw back and lightly punched Bucky on the shoulder.

“Are you two…” Sergeant Barnes trailed off.

“Are we what?” Sam asked distractedly.

“Are you together?” Sergeant Barnes replied. “I assume a relationship between two men is not frowned upon in the future or a relationship between an interracial couple? My time is less tolerant.”

“Trust me, our time isn’t very tolerant either, but yes, we’ve come a long way from 1942,” Sam informed him. “And to answer your question, no, Bucky and I are not together.”

Sam noticed a frown on Bucky’s face but he ignored it.

“Are you taken?” Sergeant Barnes asked, rubbing the back of his neck.

“No, I’m not,” Sam replied.

Sergeant Barnes stepped closer to Sam and smiled at him. “Good, because, if you were, I would be really sad.”

“Why?” Sam gulped at the closeness of the other man. He smelled like tea tree oil, the scent of Bucky’s body wash.

“Because you are gorgeous and I would hate it if you were taken.”

Sam feels his cheeks heat up at that. “Oh wow… Um.. thanks.”

Sergeant Barnes snaked his arm around Sam’s waist and pulled him closer. “Do you mind if I kissed ya, doll?”

Sam felt his arm being grabbed, and he was pulled back and away from Sergeant Barnes.

“Maybe you should focus more on the fact that you’re stuck in the future than on Sam.”

Sam felt Bucky’s arm around his waist. His grip was almost possessive.

“Are you jealous?” Sergeant Barnes asked with a cocky grin on his face. Sam has sometimes seen that grin on Bucky’s face but it’s very rare.

“Jealous? Of you? Kid, you give yourself too much credit.”

“Boys, you do realize you’re the same person, right?” Sam pulled himself away from Bucky.

“I am not him!” Both of them said at the same time.

“Clearly,” Sam rolled his eyes.

#SamBucky #TFATWS #fanfiction #aashnas drabble #crack

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fantasy2739 · 3 years ago

Note

Prompt jamie and Ted father/son bonding please. 🥺🥺 Whether playing video games, watching a movie idk just wholesome lol

Ted Jamie father son??? Sign me up!!

Also I am currently emotionally wrecked after 2x08 so if anyone needs me I will be crying over hug and phone call (iykyk)

Anyway, enjoy!!

Jamie isn’t entirely sure what he’s doing at Ted’s. Only that he’s there. He feels like he missed a trick somewhere. Maybe he was lured here. Like by one of them mermaids. Wait no, sirens. Yeah like a siren call. Point is, he’s here. In Ted’s flat. On the fucking couch. Ted’s pottering around the kitchen.

“Tea?” He calls.

“Nah, that’s an old person drink.” Jamie says. “It’s gross.” He refrains from cracking a comment about how much Roy drinks it. Fucking senior citizen.

“Finally, someone who understands.” Ted says. “Garbage water. Coffee?”

“Yeah.” Jamie agrees and a steaming mug is placed in front of him. Ted sinks into the chair next to him with his own mug. He’s smiling at Jamie, like he’s waiting for him to start talking. Jamie thinks he’d rather not. Because he’s got no clue what to say.

“Now I know you didn’t come all this way to enjoy my coffee.” Ted says when it’s clear Jamie isn’t going to say anything. Jamie shrugs. “Wanna talk about it?”

“Not really.” Jamie admits.

“Should you talk about it?” Ted asks, which is oddly comforting. Jamie shakes his head in the negative.

“Can we just talk, do something else?” He asks, his voice coming out slightly cracked. Something in Ted’s face softens.

“Sure thing mr bling.” He says. He pulls a face. “Oh I do not like that. Hmmm. Thing. Thing. Sing? No that makes no sense. Ooh king, huh. Sugar king, little king?” Jamie snorts at that. Ted grins like it was his intention all along. Probably was the sly asshole. “Now let’s see, something to do, something to do. Hmmm ooo I have some board games. Y’all got Ludo over here?”

“With like the dice and meeple and shit?” Jamie asks. He realises that it might be a little vague given how many games include dice and shit. Ted’s understood though, and scarpered off to unearth the board. He places the board on his coffee table.

“Alright now we both know the rules?” He asks, all polite. Jamie just nods. “Good, but I should warn you I am a champ at this game. And I won’t go easy on you.” Jamie gives him a look that says ‘try it’ and it’s on.

Jamie’s always kind of sucked at board games. He never really played them, far too invested in sports, tv, dating. His mum had played a few with him, usually mercilessly wrecking him and telling him he was a sweetheart for letting an old gal like her win. It’s not that he doesn’t get the rules or anything, it’s just not something he’s invested a lot of time in. Or thought really. So sitting cross legged on Ted’s floor, eagerly leaning over the game of Jenga that Ted brought out, is a new kind of feeling. It’s a happy one. Ted had, as expected, beaten him at Ludo. He’d been super encouraging the whole time though.

“Uh I believe you touched that one.” Jamie points out, watching Ted like a hawk. “House rules.” Ted scrunches his nose but agrees and begins the task of trying to work out his best to pull the piece out. Ted closes one eye and manages, by some kind of miracle, to get the single piece neatly out of the Jenga tower.

“The laws of physics salute me.” Ted says with a grin. Jamie almost wants to grump but watching the tower drop neatly down was kind of fucking impressive. Jamie plays it safe. Taking a piece from a row that still has three.

“Go on then, dazzle us.” Jamie teases. Ted pulls of another insane move, leaving Jamie to feel the pressure. Unfortunately, he picks the wrong piece and the whole thing tumbles.

“Fuck!” Jamie yelps, more in surprise at the pieces flying everywhere than annoyance. Ted laughs a little.

“Alright, loser takes some punishment.” Ted says, still chortling. Jamie freezes slightly, because this was just meant to be fun. Fuck he hadn’t actually been bothered by losing. Fuck. “You ticklish Jamie?” Jamie stares at Ted like he just asked him streak around Richmond or something.

“What?” He asks.

“Ticklish.” Ted repeats. Jamie flushes slightly because he is. He’s just never really admitted to it because it’s embarrassing. Who the fuck wants to be ticklish? Ted raises his hands and waggles his fingers expectantly. Jamie’s off like a shot. They’re sprinting around Ted’s appartement, with Jamie at one point diving over the bed to escape. They’ve definitely pissed off Ted’s upstairs neighbour, Mrs Ship or whatever. They’re back in the living room and Jamie is leaning against the couch, moving side to side to avoid Ted like he’s got a fucking chainsaw.

“Can’t I just, do like a shot of cinnamon or something?” Jamie asks. Ted drops his hands, waggling fucks, and stares.

“No that’s disgusting. It’ll dry your mouth out faster than the Nevada desert.” He says.

“I could shot tea.” Jamie offers, raising one eyebrow and pointing at Ted. Ted thinks about it.

“Garbage water it is.” He agrees and Jamie sags in relief. He doesn’t hate tea and the cup Ted makes him is more sugar than tea.

“You trying to ruin my sexy body?” Jamie asks as he takes a sip.

“I figured it would taste better with more sugar.” Ted says. “Don’t all y’all kids like sugar.” Jamie shrugs like he doesn’t mind either way. Ted shrugs too, ambling off to tidy up the mess they made. Jamie sits back on the floor, sipping at his tea and grimacing. How the fuck Roy drinks this shit, he doesn’t know. Just as he sets the mug down a blanket appears at him. He flinches slightly but picks it up.

“What’s this for?” Jamie asks, like Ted’s handed him a fucking book again or some shit.

“It gets cold round this time.” Ted says simply. “C’mon now budge up, I’m thinking it’s time for a movie.” Jamie does as he’s told because when in Reno right? Ted’s moving back and forth between the kitchen and suddenly there’s popcorn, hula hoops and crisps. Ted grabs another blanket (fuck there’s a lot of blankets floating about) and settles down next to Jamie. Jamie tugs the blanket (Richmond fucking blue of course) and wraps it round himself. Ted’s talking and moving his hands, discussing the pros and cons of the movies on Netflix. Jamie settling his back against the couch and listens half heartedly. The control lands in his lap and he sort of stares at it. Ted’s smiling at him. Jamie has no clue what to watch.

So he sticks on fucking Toy Story.

At some point, he dozes. Maybe because he’s tired, or because he’s seen Toy Story a thousand times, or because he just feels like he can. He ends up smushed against Ted, eyes heavy, before his body just caves and he’s out. It’s warm and cosy, and there’s an arm reaching round him to cuddle. He’s almost missed cuddling. And most of the men he grew up around weren’t exactly… well they weren’t the cuddling type. Ted clearly is because he’s tugged Jamie close, soothingly rubbing his arm up and down.

He wakes up the next morning on the couch, wondering when the fuck that happened. He’s a light sleeper usually. He doesn’t have time to ponder it as Ted pops into view.

“Morning Jamie, cereal?” He asks, like this is the most normal thing in the world. Like players regularly crash on his couch.

As Jamie stretches and drags himself out of the makeshift bed he realises.

It feels right to him.

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