#bunny3diary

[bunny48294]

⭐️ morning weigh in ⭐️

7.1.2025 - 75,5 kg

= + 0,1 kg

———————

i’m losing it!!!! why does my body hate me as much as i hate it 😭

i feel like i’ve tried everything, even laxatives, and my weight just doesn’t go down. i wish the weather was better so i’s be able to go run again 😭 i feel like that helped

ugh anyway, uni starts again today. i didn’t get to rest during the break but that’s okay, at least i had work so i’m getting some extra money.

give me your best tips for fast weight loss, i neeed to reach my first goal asap!!

[bunny48294]

⭐️ morning weigh in ⭐️

6.1.2025 - 75,4 kg

= - 0,2 kg

---------

okay a small loss is better than no loss

i felt like absolute shit yesterday so here's to a better day! might go see Wicked today if my stomach feels any better :D also i will make a normal what i ate today- post today, i don't know if anyone else cares about my posts but i certainly do.

i feel a bit bloated today though, but after yesterday's meal i started a 24 hour fast. i hope that it'll help! c:

[bunny48294]

this is just me ranting/venting into the void

————————

so i had/am having an metab day today, so i allowed myself to eat a ”normal amount” (i’m at 1450 kcal for today and won’t eat more, just water and/or pepsi max). i’ve eaten unhealty food, my favorites from before all of this.

this day has been so rough mentally. i’ve cried so much that i have a headache and i could fall asleep any second now. i feel like my eyes are still blurry from crying but i’m still very lightheaded like i’ve been for weeks now.

i feel like i failed. i’ve been planning on my meal for today for multiple days now but i still feel like i failed. i feel so disgusting for having had eaten all of that garbage. i want to disappear.

it’s weird, i don’t feel lovable because i look how i look but also because i can see that i am ill. i’m a burden either way. i want to be thin, get better and stay thin. i don’t want to feel like a monster anymore.

all the love my friends give me feels wrong. they want to see me recover, they know i see doctors who are willing to help me recover. i just don’t think i’m ready yet. i’m not good enough yet. i don’t want that all this effort i’ve put in to losing weight would not matter. i don’t want to give up. they deserve a better me.

one of the reasons why i’m here is that i don’t want my friends to see the ”real me” or the real state i am in. i’m scared to let anyone close to me and see that haha yeah this is the life i’m living rn. i know they’d want me to recover and get better, and i am thankful for that, but i don’t know if i am capable of recovering yet. i don’t want to let anyone down and i know that everything i’ve written in here and every reblog would be me letting my closest one’s down.

my body is normal, i’m not underweight and i have never been. i don’t feel like i’ve succeeded until i am. but am i then too sick to be loved? idk and i’m too scared to find out.

i haven’t been answering to messages today almost at all. i don’t want anyone to see me like this. i just want to sleep for a year and wake up skinny. i saw a post here when i joined that said how ed’s are really lonely illnesses. that person was so right and that post made me feel so seen.

fuck mental illnesses. this shit fucking sucks.

[bunny48294]

⭐️ diary ⭐️

6.1.2025

what i ate today:

coffee -> 6

vitamin water (1L oops) -> 80

pepsi max -> 2

2 wheat tortillas with salad (90 g), cheese (30 g) and the other tortilla had light mayo (10 g) and the other had guacamole (30 g) -> 377

the grams for salad and cheese are for both tortillas, condiments for each

total: 465

what i burned off:

one trip to the store, 1,2k steps -> 34

total: 34

total: 465-34=431

————————

had a pretty bad mental health day and my last day on vacation before uni starts again so i allowed myself to just play stardew valley and watch a movie at home. i should’ve done at least a home work out but i’m trying to be kind to myself!!

i absolutely won’t be tomorrow if my weight goes up at all

still feeling a bit down and disappointed. yesterday was sooo rough mentally that today has been just recovering from that. i had a 28h fast, it went pretty okay, nothing to say there really.

i should replace my vitamin water with just plain water, it has a lot of calories 😭 i just love it too much

[bunny48294]

⭐️ diary ⭐️

1.1.2025

what i ate today:

(technically the first two are from yesterday but i did drink them after the midnight so i’m counting them for today)

hard seltzer (660 ml) -> 165

low alc sparkling wine (300 ml) -> 165

4 cups of coffee -> 24

ready made salad with cheese and pasta -> 374

fried cauliflower (120 g) and mayonnaise (20 g) -> 128

total: 856

what i burned off:

work (6h) -> 956

short walk (25 min) -> 166

total: 1122

total: 856-1122=-266

———————

i’ve been SO HUNGRY all day 😭😭 alcohol really makes me want to binge so bad. ate the cauliflower and mayo only because of that :/ could’ve skipped them so ugh bad job me.

i’m so stressed to weigh myself tomorrow. today’s morning weight was so good, i got so happy, but i have a hunch my disgusting body will just get the weight back overnight somehow.

all i want is to be beautiful and lovable, to look good in the clothes that i want to wear, to look in the mirror and not hate everything i see. :(

[bunny48294]

want to try this out ⭐️

29.12.2024

what i ate today:

coffee with oat milk (14)

egg noodles with lettuce , pickles and a little salad dressing (284, the egg noodles were a bad idea)

sparkling water with extra vitamins and some sugar </3 (56)

total: 354

what i burned off:

housework (inc. vacuuming, doing dishes and laundry, general cleaning and tidying up) - 2 hours -> 426

walk - 30 minutes -> 121

jog - 20 minutes -> 216

total: 763

354-763=-409

———————

i’m so proud of myself!! the egg noodles were too much but i couldn’t get any lower cal noodles so i had to eat them :( but i think the end result is pretty good.

i went jogging for the first time in years and to be honest i enjoyed it way much more than i anticipated. even though i was able to only run for 20 minutes i think it’s a good start. i recently quit smoking so i love the feeling of being out of breath but not wheezing like crazy.

hopefully tomorrow’s weigh in is better than todays!! <3

also im sorry if some numbers are off, i’m relying on an app and a crappy kitchen scale.

[bunny48294]

⭐️ morning weigh in ⭐️

4.1.2025 - 75,3kg

= -0,7 kg

——————

omg i pray that this weigh stays so i’ll reach my first gw!!! 😭🩷 the kind-of metab day really helped <3

⭐️ diary ⭐️

4.1.2025

what i ate:

coffee with oatmilk (2 cups) -> 24

half a cup of black coffee -> 3

thai curry soup (290 g, the packaging said 320 g but they were lying??? i tripe checked it on a scale) and cottage cheese (70 g) -> 477

total: 504

what i burned off:

work (9 hours) -> 1423

walk to work and back (40 min) -> 174

total: 1597

even though today’s shift was intense and i was running a lot throughout the day, vacuuming, carrying heavy things etc. i really don’t trust this app :’D that feels so excessive???? so i say it’s like 1000 in total

total: 504-1000=-496

———————

overslept a little so i had to hurry to be on time and didn’t have time to make a morning weigh in post or finish my coffee ahaha :D made it on time though!! <3

like i mentioned, today’s shift was ROUGH but still somehow very pleasant?? i love my coworkers sm <3 tomorrow i’ll have a day off so i need to figure out how i’ll burn calories. also i promised myself i’m allowed to have one small burger tomorrow and i’ve been looking forward to it!!

[bunny48294]

⭐️ diary ⭐️

2.1.2025

what i ate:

3 cups of coffee -> 16

ready made salad with cheese and pasta -> 374

popcorn (5 g) -> 24

total: 414

what i burned off:

work (6 h) -> 960

walk (30 min) -> 200

short exercise at home (20 min) -> 160

total: 1320

i don’t think the exercise burned that much though idk, the app i use sometimes feels a bit off :’D i’ll round the complete amount to 1000 and just hope it’s more in reality

total: 414-1000=-586

——————

today morning really has been haunting me the entire day. i feel so ugly and disgusting, i have to lose weight faster 😭

i’m so hungry but i’ll just go to sleep, i have another shift tomorrow and i’ll go see nosferatu after with some friends!!! <3

[bunny48294]

⭐️ morning weigh in ⭐️

5.1.2025 - 75,6 kg

= + 0,3 kg

——————

i’m going to cry why is my progress so fucking slow and why do i keep gaining weight back after burning so much cals 😭😭

i’m so ugly i need to lose weight faster than this

i won’t be reporting my cals today, trying to do a metab day for real now. i’ll still count them so i won’t go overboard. the guilt would just be too big to come here and tell what i ate lol.

[bunny48294]

⭐️ diary ⭐️

3.1.2025

what i ate:

coffee -> 6

ready made salad with cheese and pasta -> 374

uncle ben’s rice with vegetables (those microwaveable bags, 220 g) -> 332

pickle slices (10 g) -> 1

cottage cheese (55 g) -> 46

fanta zero -> 9

total: 768

what i burned off:

work (6h shift but i sat a lot today so i’ll just be counting 3h) -> 479

walk (about an hour) -> 263

total: 742

total: 763-742=21

———————

ughh BAD JOB ME i meant to eat like half of the rice but just couldn’t help myself 😭😭 i’m sooo disappointed in myself. but tomorrow is a new day and a new try! maybe today was my metab day after all 😅 (ok i promised myself one of those shitty small burgers for sunday and i’m still getting one i’ve been craving it for like a month… it’s 400kcal but that can be my sunday’s only food or something)

went to see nosferatu with my friends today!! it was really good i really enjoyed it <3 they asked me to go out to eat with them after it but i had to decline since i knew i would’ve eaten way too much 😭

tomorrow’s shift will be intense i know it but im sooo ready to burn more calories and get more steps in!! <3

[bunny48294]

i might have to have a metab day this sunday </3 i’m so stressed but maybe that would help with my issues rn

if anyone has any tips please let me know!! this would be my first time intentionally having one

[bunny48294]

⭐️ morning weigh in ⭐️

3.1.2025 - 76,0 kg

= -0.3 kg

——————

why can’t losing weight be faster i want to be at 75 kg already 😭 i feel so big and ugly and i don’t know what i’m doing wrong. like a week ago i was losing so much so fast and now i feel like i’m stuck all the time

also my stomach hurts so much ugh

any motivation is welcome <3

[bunny48294]

⭐️ morning weigh in ⭐️

2.1.2024 - 76,3 kg

= +0,5 kg

——————

well i knew this would happen… i hate my body i feel so ugly and disgusting 😭 i need to move more today. luckily i have work so i’ll burn some calories there just by doing my job

lunch breaks make me soo nervous though, i have to take one and my co-workers often have some good foods 😭

i failed even though i tried so hard to keep it at 75,8 kg. i hate myself

[bunny48294]

⭐️ morning weigh-in ⭐️

31.12.2024 - 76,8 kg

= -0,5kg

——————

omg finally under 77kg!!! i was stuck on that for like a week (feels like half a year tbh)

i’ve never felt fatter and uglier though, i still have such a long way to go 🥲

i had a dream again where i ate, i felt so disgusted when i woke up :( food leave me ALONE!! so scared i’ll go back to 77 kg tomorrow since i’ll have some alcohol tonight 😭 pray for me please

[bunny48294]

⭐️ diary ⭐️

30.12.2024

what i ate:

coffee with oat milk -> 18

black coffee -> 6

150g fried cauliflower, one cucumber, 120g 0% greek youghurt (inc. 5g cooking oil) -> 196

total: 220

what i burned:

housework 2h (vacuuming, tidying up, changing curtains etc.) -> 466

total: 466

220-466=-246

——————

still a bit sore after yesterdays jog and it’s really slippery outside, so i didn’t run today. won’t be running tomorrow either but that’s okay. tomorrow i will have to eat and i’ll be drinking a couple of beers as well, so tried to keep my cal intake really low today. could’ve done better for sure, but still not bad. i’ll get more steps in tomorrow! ☺️

been also feeling really lightheaded today so i had to take a bunch of short breaks while cleaning. i still have a bunch to clean, my apartment is sooo messy lol.

can’t wait to be pretty and lovable!

[bunny48294]

⭐️ diary ⭐️

7.1.2025

what i ate today:

coffee with oat milk -> 18

oven vegetables (330 g) with guacamole (60 g) and 0% cottage cheese (55 g) -> 282

6 cans of hard seltzer -> 496

total: 769

what i burned off:

walk (7k steps) -> 287

studying (why does my app let me calculate this??? is this in any way correct????) -> 158

i'm just straight up ignoring the studying part i call bullshit :'D

total: 287

total: 769-287=482

--------------

OKAY SO getting tipsy was with my friends!!! we all had a shit day today and wanted to forget it for a second. i'm so hungry right now and i sooo want to binge but i know i'll hate myself tomorrow if i do that so i won't. (uni didn't start well for any of us, i've been holding back tears the entire goddamn day.)

anyway i feel really disappointed in myself. i need to lose weight and this is not helping at all. i want to go out running again 😭. i feel so disgusting!! i want to be perfect already and since i drank alcohol today i know it will affect tomorrows weigh in very negatively.

i told my friends that i have issues with eating and they basically ignored me. i didn't "dump" it on them in any way (i'm not that mean), it came up naturally, but now i feel like i should already be thinner for them to believe me, now i just feel like a fraud. also idk if it's really a problem, i'm fine in many ways.