#i have bpd and i HATE this woman.

[anti-ao3]

as someone with BPD, seeing this gave me emotional damage and I deserve financial reparation

(apparently the creator of this video actually has BPD, but that is such a fucking misleading thumbnail and title)

[ID: A Youtube video thumbnail entitled, "Does T/AYLOR SWIFT have BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER??". The thumbnail itself is a picture of T/aylor and the text next to her reads, "Is T/aylor Swift unstable??" /End ID]

[salempie]

Hi! Thank you so much for the feedback about my Elka art! I really appreciate it. And now the question : What would Elka's mental world look like? I was wondering what you could suggest about this. It always seemed to me that the symbol of her world would be a mirror

Well actually my boyfriend and I had an idea for Elka's brain world we called "Elka's Ever-after!" I need to write down some big document for all the ideas we had about it but for now [should put a tw for like, idk, I think Elka would be an alcoholic as an adult. Theres a vague reference to that here? I mean Bobs Bottles exists so--]

It was a little 50s sitcom-type world, all in black-and-white and such, complete with it's own laugh track! Mostly it would be a representation of the "perfect" life she had always wanted for herself (the one she had pictured in all her years chasing after Nils and their predestined relationship (that as a child she conveniently ignored meant it was doomed to fail)), all with its own dandy Nils stand in, "The Husband," and their two darling regret children. The "plot" of the brain world (in the sense that, if someone were to go into it the "goal" of the world in order to "fix her issues") would be to disrupt this, although perfect, entirely fabricated life Elka, or rather "The Housewife," had made for herself.

The Housewife is stuck in a miserable marriage she pretends is perfect, but the signs are there. The cigarettes, the empty bottles, the constant misfortune written on the calendar on the fridge, the non-stop bad news on the television and the radio and the newspapers. It's obvious things are bad. But Elka is too proud, and far more than that, too resigned to what she sees as her predestined fate to even attempt to change anything. So she just tries to make sure everyone else thinks it's all as perfect as she always told them it would be, even in her own brain world.

She cant change the miserable future her visions showed to her, so why bother even trying? She feels helpless. Her visions are more in control of her own life than she is. There's a lot that I'm skipping for the sake of not rambling on and on, but the end of her world, I think, would be set in her childhood home (rather than the "perfect" home The Housewife lives in.) A little child Elka sitting in the dark of her living room in front of her TV, playing her first vision on loop. The start of all her issues, the beginning of the end of any control she felt over her life. It's mentioned she has a vision of a puppy getting run over in the Li-Po doc and I take that as being one of if not her first vision, so of course she's upset. Giving her the remote to the TV would be symbolically showing her that she is in control, that she doesn't have to just do whatever her visions say, that she has a choice in her life, that she doesn't have to just watch it all happen.

Heart! I could go a LOT into the intricacies of how it all plays out (and I will if you'd like but it would just be a written play-by-play of how I think going through the world would be (complete with bossfights!) from the perspective of Kitty and Franke since they're the ones going through her mind in my and my boyfriends Au!), with all the symbolism and whatnot, but this answer is already long enough.

All in all I have thought about this a lot (,'. Though I do think mirrors could really be a big thing for her. A lot of her issues, including not feeling in control, I also think would stem from her mother treating her precognition as a parlor trick. I think she would see a lot of her mother in herself (and father too for that matter. I figure Barney is the one who cheated (though mostly because of Mable's unhealthy obsession with bad predictions, not that that is an excuse) and I also figure he and Elka were close due to them both being psychics and having their unique precognition. So him leaving would put a lot of strain on her.) and hate that, so mirrors could be a fantastic symbol of that.

[flowers-that-sing]

how to cure the sudden onset of horrible and inexplicable rage

[anonbinaryweirdo]

i was getting ready to strip but there's a parade in town at six and devons going so now i HAVE to go.

[panuccispizza]

at my t appointment yesterday thry asked how i present, and thats a normal question for the situation but im thinking more abt it bc im getting comfortable with dissolving my masculinity. and someone on my tiktok fyp keeps coming up who transitioned and retransitioned/detransitioned and their experiences are so similar to the way ive always felt or wanted and they kind of look like a blond version of me tbh?? but besides the point. i dont know if im going to continue transitioning into 2025. but holy hell am i afraid of being estrogen dominant again that PMDD does not play the fuck around

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

aita for calling out someone for being manipulative towards a trans friend? Names have been changed for privacy reasons and TLDR at the end because this is long.

I (24f) am cis but have had a lot of trans friends (binary, nonbinary, and neopronoun) throughout the years and am very supportive so i take this very seriously. So I met this girl my first year in college (we were 18 at the time) and we became friends. We're polar opposites, she talks a lot and I don't, she parties a lot and I like to do more sophisticated things, she's a typical extrovert basically, and I'm more introverted. Anne (24f) was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. I don't know when, she just told me this years ago. I've seen tiktoks about bpd and researched Google about bpd a little so I know all about how they have fave persons and will "mimic" people in the friend group and become clingy, manipulate, etc. I've seen pics of her in high school, noticed that she was a theater kid, she said she was good at acting and even said she thinks her bpd helped with her acting although I'm not sure how, but she said she only joined the theater club because a boy she had a crush on was in theater. That should've been my first red flag but I was naive. She has a degree in something else (not theater) because our second year in college her favorite character in a TV show did a certain job, she got interested in that, and now she also does that as a living. She doesn't talk about her bpd, she's only mentioned it a handful of times. I can count on one hand how many times. And I get it because she said someone once told her people with bpd should be sterilized and not be allowed near children. Which is really messed up and I hate that someone said that.

However on with the situation. One of our friends Mike (25m) is a trans man. We met him four years ago. He's very handsome, broody, introverted, intelligent, great listener, very accepting and understanding, similar to me but opposite to her. Now we didn't know he was trans until two years ago, because I asked him on a date and he turned me down, and when I asked why he told me that he was mostly T4T and only viewed me as a friend. We were like woah you're trans, okay that's cool, etc. He explained that he was lucky enough to get on puberty blockers and transition young etc which is why he passes. I said okay I'm not trans and you're mostly T4T fair enough.

Well last year Anne suddenly tells us that she is trans too. She says she's bigender. She says she is okay with either she her or he him because she feels like a man and a woman at the same time. Some days she's a woman, some days she's a man, and some days she's both, according to her. She says she does not like they them pronouns. Suddenly her and Mike are spending all this extra time together. Last month he confided in me that he thinks he's in love with her, after years of him only seeing her as a friend, and then they started officially dating.

Here's the problem: she has not changed her outward appearance, her name, started any kind of medical stuff, joined any groups, bought a binder etc. We all continue to call her she and her because she fully presents as female and doesn't have a problem with it. Also she's very effeminate in body language, the way she talks, etc. I know technically I could call her a he or a him, too, but she never asks me to or corrects people when they call her she because well technically she is a she too. Mike is the only one who uses he and him pronouns with her as often as she and her, but she has never thanked him. It really feels like she's saying she's trans and then going about her life exactly as a cis woman simply to convince Mike to date her.

First off, Anne and Mike are NOT compatible. She likes to party, smoke weed, talks a lot, I'm not sure how she graduated with such good grades or why she does so well in her job because she is honestly a LOT to handle and I'm saying that as nice as possible. Mike would never touch weed or go to clubs and he says he would be fine staying home while she does those things but how could you trust someone to party while high and not hook up with others? I've seen her make out with five people in one night at a frat party. They also had wildly different childhoods, such as she grew up in a conservative community and doesn't speak to her family, and he grew up in a liberal area and is close with his family. But more importantly she has a history of joining theater because she had a crush on someone in theater (plus she admits she is good at acting, so maybe she is acting now?) and getting a degree and job in a field because a favorite fictional character did that and now this? It feels like she was attracted to him, found out he usually dates other trans people, and found a way to continue being cis but claim to be trans without having to do anything trans related, basically mimicing her favorite person. As soon as they met they hit it off, or should I say she clung to him and pretended to have the same likes and dislikes whenever they were alone I assume.

It sounds terrible I know, which is why I discussed this with a group chat first that neither of them are in, and the group chat not only agreed that she is far too "obnoxious" for him (those were NOT my words!) but that she is faking being trans in an attempt to make him fall in love with her (which seems to be working.) I would NEVER have gone further without making sure with them first. So then a few of the people in my group chat and I held an intervention with Anne alone. The six of us (the others don't live close enough to come) met up with Anne at her place and told her what she was doing was wrong and gross and that she needed to get help for her bpd and to stop catfishing Mike. She didn't take well to what was said, which I anticipated, but she went crazy. She was screaming at us, insulting us, sobbing while yelling etc, literally said if we ever contacted her again she would call the cops, so we left.

I immediately called Mike before she could and asked him to meet me at a restaurant nearby and that it was very important. Since Mike doesn't know anyone in the group chat I went alone and I explained EVERYTHING before she could gaslight and manipulate him even further. He left, did not finish or pay for his food. I messaged him several times, but a few hours later he texted me to never to speak to him again, and then blocked me on everything. I showed up to his house and Anne was there. Mike said if I ever contacted him again he would get a restraining order on me so I left. I've discussed this with the group chat and now suddenly half of them changed their mind and don't want to talk about it anymore. Several of them left the group chat. Not only that but several of my friends who know either Mike or Anne or both have blocked me on everything. When I've tried to contact these friends through other means and explain everything, they either didn't respond or said for me never to contact them again because I was being transphobic. Listen I know under NORMAL circumstances you shouldn't question when someone comes out but this is NOT a normal situation, and now I am concerned Anne is unsafe for Mike but also an unsafe person to know, as she literally is trying to destroy my life because I called her out on some seriously messed up and abusive behavior.

TLDR am I the asshole for trying to protect my trans friend from a potential stalker?

What are these acronyms?

[skellish]

Please help a disabled (seeking disability) trans woman keep her apartment!

Hi everyone, my name is Delia, I’m a 25 year old trans woman with several disabilities, such as ADHD, possible autism, BPD, depression, anxiety, CPTSD, chronic fatigue, et cetera. I need real help in order to keep the apartment that I fought so hard to get. I am seeking disability right now, but it is going extremely slowly and I don’t know when I’ll see any help from the government. Let me explain a bit of my situation.

Medicine has never really worked for me, and I recently decided I needed to come off wellbutrin because it was making my anxiety a lot worse, as well as depleting my ability to really feel anything at all, so my doctor recommended I stop and try a new med. I can’t afford to go to the doctor very often so I stopped the medicine a month ago and am going back in September to try something different that will hopefully help.

Essentially, I live in income based apartments and lately, my disabilities have been either preventing or seriously hindering me from getting to my job. I used to work basically full time at my deli job and it became too much due to me being burnt out for like the last 5 years, so I had to cut down. I work three days a week now, and it’s already becoming too much again because of said perpetual burn out and medication withdrawal. I have either been missing work entirely or been late every single day, and they haven’t fired me yet but I fear the worst is coming soon.

Right now, my rent is $372, my water bill is already behind, power bill still needs paying, and I only have ≈$100 in my bank account right now. I am planning to yard sale both this Friday and Saturday, and next, and get some more cash before it is due, which is on the 10th of August. On the 10th, they will serve me an eviction notice to get out by the 20th unless I can get the money.

I am asking here if anyone could spare anything, any amount is immensely appreciated. I have been on my own for a few years now with little to no support, and I've always despised needing or asking for it, but the fact of the matter though is that this is my last Hail Mary to save my sinking ship, and I'm desperate.

I know most folks here are also struggling though, and I hate to make this post, but I am kind of at my wits end in regards to keeping this apartment. This has been my first somewhat stable home in pretty much my whole life and I'm terrified of being forced to move yet again. If I can just get this month’s rent paid, I will be able to find a new, more tolerable job in the meantime while I am seeking disability benefits, and then hopefully keep the ball rolling.

Any amount will help, I am honestly begging and I will appreciate anything anyone can spare, be it a donation or a share.

Update 8-12-24: so we have made some good progress here and I am thankful. Sadly some unforseen expenses had come out, so not exactly where I'd like it, but it is coming along. I've just got 8 ish days left to come up with the rest though, so. I am considering selling my Playstation, and that was unconscionable previously, so things are fairly dire.

V3nm0: @Skellish

C@sh@pp: $Skellish69

Goal: $372

Current: $110 / updated: $190, (still need $182)

[jiraisupportgroup]

is it okay to be jirai kei if you can't afford the clothes and your parents won't buy them for you does that make you a fake jirai?

♡ short answer ♡

Jirai kei isn’t about the clothes themselves; it’s a community based in accepting & de-stigmatizing mental illness / mental health struggles.

♡ absolutely unreasonably long answer ♡

(Disclaimer: I am not Japanese nor do I speak Japanese. All of this is what I’ve gathered from other people on the internet in my own research when I was first looking into jirai-kei. I could very well be wrong or just talking out of my ass here - I would take my word with a grain of salt.)

Jirai Kei was loosely formed in 2019-2020. It is primarily based out of Kabukicho which is generally considered the red light district Japan, although the Japanese government is trying to change this.

Kabukicho used to be mostly known for soaplands & host clubs & bars & concept cafes - generally more adult or night-life activities. It still is home to these kinds of places, but before the Olympic Games held in 2021, the Japanese government wanted to clean it up and make the area more presentable to foreigners. Starting around 2017-2018 (from what I can tell) they started adding things like movie theaters, bowling alleys, just overall more general-audience attractions to the area to try and make it more consumable. This did start changing the image of the area; it was now seen more as a cool place to hang out - especially for those who were old enough to participate in the host clubs etc. The downside of this is that although it was seen as a cooler area to hang out & it’s image was more positive - there were still plenty of adult or night-life centered things there & many “catch-guys”. Not that this is necessarily a bad thing, but it did kind of make a perfect storm.

Since Kabukicho was starting to be seen more as a cool hang-out spot, a lot more younger teenagers started wanting to go there. And especially once the pandemic hit and most places were closed down (while many establishments in Kabukicho chose to stay open) the sentiment of “I hate where I am right now, my life here sucks, I want to go to Kabukicho where things seem like fun” got even stronger.

This led to an influx of runaway teenagers going to Kabukicho. Additionally, a lot of runaways in Kabukicho were very fed up with their living situations (hence, why they chose to run away in the first place) and mental health during the pandemic was not great anyway since there was a pandemic going on obviously that’s going to negatively affect people’s mental health. Even further: in 2022, Japan lowered the age of adulthood from 20 to 18, so even more & younger people could participate in the nightlife scene. Again, not necessarily a bad thing; however, it meant a lot of the runaways going to Kabukicho with little money, poor mental health, and generally not knowing what they want to do with their lives were now surrounded by catch guys & night-life workers. Night-life workers make a lot of money. A lot of these kids needed money to support themselves, especially if they didn’t want to go back to their hometowns.

Now, am I saying all adult work is bad or all jirai’s were adult workers - no absolutely not. However, this environment is what kind of started the ball rolling.

Alright so we have set the scene now wtf is jirai kei.

Jirai kei stems directly from the derogatory term “jirai onna” literal translation “landmine woman”. This is a term pretty much used to say “that woman is going to pop off” (like a landmine) & was leveled towards any woman with mood swings, intense emotions, poor coping mechanisms, etc. Keeping in mind that Japan does not have a great medical or social infrastructure for dealing with mental health - and that many people’s mental health was greatly impacted by the pandemic - it is not surprising that a lot of people were in this position. In western circles I’ve seen people tie this really heavily to BPD specifically - but the term isn’t specific to bpd - it’s really anyone who has an emotional outburst, or that the people using the term derogatorily think would have one.

So a lot of people decided to reclaim this term & spin it to be their own thing. Kind of saying “yeah, so what? I am a landmine. My mental struggles are real. They are my reality. And if you don’t like that or think that’s ‘wrong’ fuck you. I’m not going to sugarcoat myself for your comfort”. Additionally the idea was also used as push-back for the societal views around mental illness. They’re pretty much signaling “being mentally ill or facing mental struggles does not mean we are bad people, it does not mean we don’t deserve love, and we should not have to hide our mental struggles or go through these things on our own”.

So if it’s a subculture based around accepting and fighting for mental health, where does the fashion come in?

Most of the fashion you’ll see in jirai kei tags are girly kei, dark girly, ryousangata (loose translation: mass production), or extensions of larme kei (another Japanese fashion which is really similar to girly kei but slightly different). Why is that?

These fashions are generally mass produced & easily available in Japan. Think about Liz Lisa and MA*RS for example. These are BIG brands. They’re not niche or hard to find. Additionally, the style is very popular. Ryousangata is considered SO mass produced that “everyone looks the same” (it’s actually quite popular amongst fans of boy groups). It’s not like a strange or niche or overly special style in Japan.

Especially not in Kabukicho, a lot of people working at concept cafes & the like would wear these types of styles because they’re easy to get, easy to style, and super overly adorable. The fashion also works GREAT for runaways in Kabukicho. They’re capsule wardrobes you can make like 10 outfits with 5 pieces of clothing so it works really well if you’re living out of a suitcase. Also it’s a pretty inexpensive, easy to obtain & super cute so it’s very appealing to these teenagers.

From what I can tell these fashions were most popular in Kabukicho and spread out from there, which is why you’ll see a lot of people say that if you’re dressing in these styles people will assume you work at a con cafe or other night-life-adjacent work, but the style has gotten much more popular over 2023-2024 so this doesn’t seem to necessarily be the case anymore.

However, since these styles were associated (albeit not exclusively) with Kabukicho & con cafés, etc, and because a lot of people in this area were drained from types of jobs or runaways & living in a culture where they’re told they should not talk about or show their negative emotions - the term “jirai onna” would be used against many people in these fashions.

Now, again, this term was not exclusively used for everyone dressed in this style, and not everyone dressed in these styles was considered that, but the link is definitely there. Jirai Kei is not completely removed from dark girly or ryousangata, but it is definitely more nuanced than “jirai kei is dark girly+”, that’s just not the case. Especially now that jirai subcul is much more popular - and a lot of the fashions you’ll see in jirai subcultures are barely girly kei / dark girly / ryousangata, if at all. I’ve seen jirai subcul people wearing just t-shirts and shorts.

However; especially in western societies, a lot of people falsely associate jirai kei with dark girly WAY too heavily. My best guess is because we don’t see ryousangata regularly. A lot of people have only seen the style in a “jirai kei” context. They are related to each other, jirai kei does have links to dark girly, but the fashion style itself is not necessarily “jirai kei”. It’s a common style in Japan - it’s not a common style in other parts of the world - so people mashed the two together in one concept because they don’t know otherwise.

This is where a LOT of discourse in the Jirai Kei community stems from - I’m not going to go too deep into it because everyone gets extremely mad about it & im not trying to open that can of worms and spill it all over the table.

I’m sure you’ve seen posts mentioning “fashion landmines” and “lifestyle landmines”. “Fashion landmines” being people who just like dark girly or ryousangata and mistakenly identify the fashion itself as “jirai kei”, and “lifestyle landmines” being people who hold to the values of accepting and raising awareness of mental illness / struggles that was the movement which started the reclamation of the term “jirai onna” to begin with.

Tldr they don’t like each other and people get really mean about it.

All of this being said: Essentially, yes. Dark girly and ryousangata and girly kei are related to Jirai Kei, but no, you do not have to have the clothes to be a part of the community. The clothes are secondary (and honestly optional) to the community’s values.

Thank you for coming to my TED Talk lmao

[undeletable]

Hi, please advise:

I'm an NPD/BPD/SZPD-haver (medicated and in treatment since 2011) who is best friends with someone who is suspected to have ASPD, NPD and HPD tendencies. Her symptoms are so severe that they damage her relationships. Following one or two sessions with a counselor who noted that she has these tendencies, she is not in treatment because she doesn't think anything is wrong. That, I can't change, so I am just trying to be a supportive friend while maintaining my own boundaries.

There is something specific that sticks out to me and that is her language abnormalities. Olivia issues a lot of contradicting statements, omits important details in conversations, and seems to have grown up using a dictionary that the rest of us did not have – but expects everyone to know exactly what she means when she speaks. More on that and other behaviors/thoughts below the cut.

I am wondering how to kindly point out when she isn't making sense and that I think she needs professional help. It is impossible to offend her, so I'm not worried about hurting her feelings, but I want to be constructive and clear.

Additional details:

- extremely low empathy

- serious alexithymia; has "head emotions" like me, but they're very faint and she can just "push them away". She has made an impressive habit out of this.

- Unable to communicate properly: I think the best example is a past work conflict where she said she'd need four days to finish a project. Four days passed and the project was not done. What she had meant was four days spread out across several weeks. She was bewildered when her workplace did not understand this.

Another example: When she was getting ready for her master's program, she told me that she wouldn't be talking to anybody. When I followed up with her about this because it had made me a bit sad, she backpedaled hard and said that what she had meant was that she would be less available. "Unavailable" and "less available" are two very different things. I was confused as to why she hadn't just said what she meant. This happens a lot. I just remain patient and get clarity on what she means, but sometimes I think even she doesn't know what she means.

- Idiosyncratic beliefs: A thought experiment in university about the possibility of calling a friend during a game show, and winning $1 million if the friend picks up, but losing it all if they don't, convinced her that she needs to pick up every call she receives. Even if it's a robocall. Because a friend might be in that kind of situation and she wants to make sure they win...which is nice, but...

- Masking: like me, she puts on a façade for everyone she knows. Unlike me, she adjusts her persona for each friend group, and after time spent away from them, finds it hard to adjust from group to group. We have agreed not to mask around each other.

- abusive upbringing obv

- Often hurts people with the things she says, even when she doesn't mean to. We've talked about this and have an agreement that if she says something hurtful to me, I can talk to her about it and she will try not to be defensive or evasive about it.

- She changes her mind a lot on things related to values and principles, to the point of true cognitive dissonance. She's been a Communist since high school, but last year said she would have voted for the federal conservative party.

At one point she enthused that it was "incredible" that the provincial conservative party had started polling so strongly. Then, half a year later, when I asked her if she ever feels strong hatred, she said that she hates the provincial conservatives because they are so stupid.

This woman is 28 years old and has a degree in political science 😂 Unsure what changed in either of these cases, but it was her enthusiasm and then vehemence that threw me.

- Gets triggered when other people express emotions like fear, grief or insecurity. She doesn't sense it, but I've noticed how her body language changes (freezing), and her eyes become very distant.

- Has two kinds of tells when making false statements: expressive and brief. Either her inflections become more dynamic, she's more energetic, and she gestures a lot; or, she tells the lie in a single sentence and then stops altogether. She doesn't go on chatting about herself as usual. It's like she doesn't know she's lying, but her body somehow does.

[requiemism]

maybe its just because jinx is bpd (or, at least, HEAVILY coded as such) and i have a mood disorder but i truly cannot help but be bewildered by the lack of understanding and empathy towards her character both in the show and in the fandom. shes essentially a broken, manipulated, desperate child- even if shes "grown" now, shes so severely traumatized i sincerely doubt her brain developed properly and she certainly didnt and doesnt have the help required to become a well adjusted stable individual. i dont say this to take away her agency or infantilize her- her actions ARE her choice, and she DOES understand what she is doing. however, despite this, a majority of what shes done has NEVER been in a moment of rational thinking. she only did what she did as powder due to desperation; she threw the bag in the water because she was cornered, she accidentally caused the deaths she did because she didnt understand the tech she had and she was desperate to save her family. everything she does after as jinx is largely due to silcos manipulation, being severely disordered, traumatized, and abandoned, and literally every single person in her life telling her all shes good for is destruction and causing pain. she spends almost her ENTIRE life being told by EVERYONE but the person actively manipulating her that she is incompetent, annoying, destructive and batshit. OBVIOUSLY SHES NOT GOING TO BE NORMAL. OBVIOUSLY SHES GOING TO LOSE IT WHEN THE O N E PERSON SHE HAS LEFT FUCKING DIES BECAUSE SHE ACCIDENTALLY SHOT HIM DURING A PTSD DRIVEN BREAKDOWN CAUSED BY HER GODDAMN SISTER. O B V I O U S L Y SHES GOING TO DO SOMETHING RASH AND IMPULSIVE IN HER MANIC, BROKEN STATE. because now, she has nothing left. she has nothing to lose. shes a jinx, and she ruins everything that she touches, and maybe, just maybe, she can use that to honor her fathers lifelong goal. obviously this goes horribly and backfires on everyone, putting a target on the entire undercitys back, but she ABSOLUTELY wasnt thinking about that when she bombed the goddamn capitol mid breakdown. in season 2, after making this impulsive (and frankly idiotic but thats neither here nor there) decision she lays low, avoiding causing any damage unless necessary (although it IS overkill whenever she does harm people, thats what shes been taught is normal. she literally grew up in the undercity where people are murdered and mugged on a daily basis.) and using every opportunity to scourge her own existence. she VERY clearly hates herself for what shes done, and she certainly doesnt seem to be proud of any of it. i think this is best displayed in the discussion she has with isha when they first meet. when vi and the enforcer squad come after her, shes literally minding her business, making a GIFT for the woman who has repeatedly hurt her because "it was something (she) could fix." she cant even shoot vi when shes actively gassing her, literally CRYING at the thought. the only reason she actively begins attempting to kill her and caitlyn is because THEY'RE DOING THE SAME DAMN THING, and once again she very clearly cant bring herself to do so to vi. even in s1, during the tea party scene, its pretty evident that she doesnt intend to kill vi in my opinion? to make matters worse, when vi tries to kill HER, she practically BEGS her to do it.

i understand that jinx is objectively NOT a good person!!! she has literally killed tens of maybe hundreds of people and yes, she did kill caitlyns mom (although very honestly i could care less about that ngl caitlyn is absolutely a good character but i dont like her as a person for reasons largely unrelated to jinx 😓). she literally builds bombs and guns and whatever the fuck for fun. she enjoys watching people be beaten and killed. but i think the absolute lack of any empathy or understanding towards her a lot of people exhibit is a little ridiculous and it infuriates me to no end 😭 thank you for coming to my autistic ted talk!!!!

[bugs1nmybrain]

Fem!Shigaraki Headcanons

Turning my f/os into girls is so therapeutic I'm considering even making one-shots. Fml

Warnings: fem reader, fem Shiggy, NSFW (18+) sex stuff!, bras and period kind of talk, most of these don't even apply to a relationship, not proofread

Shiggy as a girlie? What a silly lil gal

Personality-wise she's not different than Tomura, but she may be more prone to sadness because of the differences in social upbringing that girls go through. Male Tomura likely thinks he's too ballsy to cry

Angry cries

But she's feisty and angry

A true femcel

She's still a great gamer and blows away people online when they find out she's a girl because misogyny is very smelly in the gaming community. "Is that a girl in the chat??" Tomura: "Cope with it fuckface."

I think girl Tomura would be very jumpy for some reason. Being startled would be so easy for her. I also mean in general though, like she has a lot of pent-up emotions in her that she has to throw it all out through hyperactivity

Paces around the apartment mumbling to herself when she's stressed

Has no idea how to go about relationships because she feels very insecure. She doesn't see herself as an attractive woman because of all her scars, dry skin, and moles, so she doesn't feel like she has a chance with anyone

She fucking hates fashion media, and seeing some perfect model on a billboard is enough to make her start itching in insecurity

It's actually very easy for her to like someone romantically, but she doubts that they'd ever like her, too, so she just starts being mean and nasty

She's very bitter

She has a voice that many would call a "witchy-bitch" voice, but it's cute esp when she's getting excited about something she's happy about

once you get her to laugh she's all yours

her laugh is so contagious and the whole apartment complex is hearing that

So when she started dating you she feels confused and undeserving. She's very flirty and likes spending time with you but she withdraws for a bit because she gets paranoid that you suddenly hate her and find her annoying

BPD coded

Throws shit when she's angry

And yes, she could just disintegrate stuff, but where's the fun in that?

girl musk

Shiggy would likely be about 5'4 as a girl, and I say this because in many countries the average female height is 5 inches below the average male height, and Shigarki is 5'9.

Before her AFO surgery she looked very weak and thin, but after she starts to fill out more

Her titties are about a smaller C cup before her upgrade and goes up a cup after her upgrade. They sag a bit and have itch scars. She likes wearing push-ups to make her feel more compact (I notice that Shiggy likes tight clothes).

Her ass fills out more after her surgery but not by much, she's kind of petite in that department. Her hip-to-waist ratio will fool you

Her periods are HORRIBLE and I mean DANGEROUS

She's in so much pain!!!

Her cramps are unlike anything because of all the stress she endures and it's just her natural body doing its thing. They're so bad that she pukes and can faint if it's too bad. She has to wear pads because she bleeds very heavily, so tampons aren't doing it

She gets very angry and depressed during this time, and if you poke fun at her and do the "ohoho is it that time of month??" you are dead

please tell her to go take a shower during this time she will stink

Likely has endometriosis and is also definitely anemic because of all the bloodloss and malnutrition

She resembles her female relatives quite a bit; her mom, Nana, her sister, etc.

Sometimes she'll wear eyeliner!! Not always but if she's trying to look nice for a PLF meeting or something she'll put a little wing on her eyes.

nsfw time

She's a switch but loves to bottom

Fucking RAIL her she loves it

The first time you fuck it's likely her first time, and she's soaked so bad that you have to get a towel to clean up all the mess

But actually, you might occasionally need lube if you're using a dildo for her because she gets dry when she's extremely stressed or for no exact reason sometimes

clingggyyyyy

she will hang off of you once you're done and get all sappy about it

"i looove you, you're the only person I'll ever love."

The next morning, "morning, loser"

will bite you

Moans loud

No matter what gender Shigaraki is, Shiggy loves boobies

Will definitely ask you to do very perverse things with her

will ask u to rub boobies together

she is a middle schooler at heart

mommy issues still apply but if she was with a guy daddy issues would come out too

will call you mommy or daddy just to make you mad

She has the widest smile with her crooked chompers but she's so pretty when she's genuinely smiling

[cassylost-inspace]

INTRO!!

Haiii :33 I'm Cassy anddd welcome to my ���𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓴𝔂 blog!!🐺🐺🐺 /nsrs/silly

I am an Arab, mentally ill (I have quiet BPD, I am bipolar and hypers3xual 😕), Muslim, minor

Im an intp 🥳

I really care for making the world a better place, despite not being so well myself 😔💔

I am an aspiring writer/artist!! I hope I can one day create something to represent Arab women a great light ❤️

I have absolutely no idea what I want to major because there are alot of things I consider intriguing,, I'm smart ig it's kinda what I'm known for (but I'm really bad at math, don't try me 😭😭)

I love fan inanimate insanity SOO MUCH,, he's my favorite character ever!!

(Im a minor don’t send me anything weird plz ☺️)

Kinnies::

• cabby (iii)

•five (bfb)

•Test tube (ii)

•Fan (ii)

•Lightbulb (ii)

•Asuka (nge)

•four (bfb)

•Ruby (bfb)

•book (tpot)

•gelatin (bfb)

•Leafy (bfb)

•sayori (ddlc)

•Twilight sparkle/sci-twi (mlp)

•spinel (SU)

•Peridot (SU)

Here are most of my interests I have more I just probably forgot to put them 😭😭😭:

Dandy's world, sprunki, Theatre,Disney animated shows, Pixar, animation in general honestly 🤷‍♀️

ZEEVERSE 😻😻😻

I don't like hh or helluva boss anymore 💕

I also love things like literature, science (biology, marine biology, chemistry, etc.) mythology, Physcology,, just alot of things that end in "ology" 😭

I mostly post about the osc though because it’s my current hyperfixation 😔💔

Also I read books (mostly classics, Asian literature, female rage, coming of age, fantasy and graphic novels/comics) 🤯🤯

INTERACT

•Multifandom accs

•Osc fans

•Artists (duhh)

•Small accs

•Multishippers

•Outcasts ☹️

DNI

•(Basic dni criteria ☺️)

•Anti-therians

•Anti-furries

•Bullies in general 😭😭

•Ppl who mock disabilities (ableism)

•Ppl who hate on fandoms for no reason

•The fun police (go away!!!)

THIN ICE

•Idk man

•Vivziepop supporters

•If u go on a post related to a certain ship and comment,, "ermm actually I think ... Is better 🤓👆!!" Nobody asked you bro 😗😗

•Fan ii haters 🥲

COOL PEOPLE!!::

@millylostintheosc (my wife 😌😌/plat)

@ryuatewater

@zeeposting and @zee-thezebra

@cloudstongue

@biblicallyaccuratefour

@noahthegreat4

@zombieefish

@atlasprefects

@homobrainjuice

@gardeniasilly

@trolling-pip

@ossydrawsthingz335

@ilovehatefulfan

@random-artistic-idiot

@cemetaryvampire

@vaporwar3

@alexthemacaronian

GO FOLLOW MY POOKIE BEAR NOW 😡😡😡

@millylostintheosc

"Oh no... I know too much.. See ya Test tube... "

(I'm a grieving woman 😞💔)

[artemx746]

(Just copying this from my frustrated-with-the-pjo-fandom induced ramblings on the ta server + al lot more more shit than I expected to write)

I think the main pjo fandom has such a misunderstanding of why Alison might be bad for the show

It's not because she's a new character, I honestly think a new character could be good for the show, but it's because the pjo show team has already shown a fundamental misunderstanding of what pjato should be at its core (that being disability). Alison will most likely only prove what we already knew: that being the show not actually knowing what to do with pjo

Gonna be straight up here, I don't think any of these arguments against Alison are really about the fact she's a new character, season one had plenty of changes that a lot of people were fine with despite them not really making sense (why was Annabeth there for Luke's betrayal). They're because she's a new ta character and that'll either lead to the fandom confronting the fact that they've had a bias against the ta characters for literally no reason (Percy destroyed a bridge and blew up a boat, chb also had child soldiers) or their deep rooted sexism against barely morally gray women without stripping them of their agency.* The only fear I kinda get is that Alison will end up replacing one of the ta characters but unless you're a diehard Kelli fan I don't think there's really much to worry about, I'm not saying she'll replace Kelli as a Luke love interest but rather an 'evil bossy woman' type so they don't need to animate Kelli's hair.

The only thing I'm worried about is the lack of disability. I've rambled about this before on the ta server** but Alison is most likely going to be a child of a minor god, and while I do want more minor god kids, the minor god's kids represent a very important part of the disability metaphor, that being disability hierarchies specifically being detrimental against people with physical disabilities and people with stigmatised mental illnesses (npd bpd schizophrenia etc) . Alison has an open casting, and while that would usually be fine for any other character I doubt they'll cast someone with a physical disability and I highly doubt they'll cast someone with a stigmatised mental illness. So you either have: an abled bodied person acting like they have a disability OR a ruined metaphor and Ethan's eye was lost for nothing.

Ta server ramblings under the cut

*Me: considering how this fandom treats women I do not wanna see them if Alison is in the book. They can't handle Silena without stripping her down to "UwU poor manipulated girl" I do not wanna see them with Alison

making it out that Silena was just in love with Luke and he manipulated her is a) reaffirming the sexist stuff about aphrodite kids and b) robs Silena of her agency to make decisions that she ends up regretting

**Me: Honestly hate when people act like it was just Percy who got the minor gods cabins, buddy did the metaphor go over your That Much. The reason it had to be Percy was because he represents people who already have resources speaking out for those who don’t because they’re more respected. That applies to both Percy and Luke. Percy was not the reason for it it was Ethan,

There is a Reason why Ethan was the first named demigod child of a minor god and he had a physical disability, it has a mythic reason like all of the others but it is still a disability. Ethan represents the metaphor in the minor god demis, that being hierarchies in disabled communities

(this is another reason why I'm scared for Alison in s2 because she's probably going to be a child of a minor god)

what I'm really worried about is they either: make Alison physically disabled and kill her off (killing off all* your physically disabled characters rick how fun)

OR

make her able bodied and the metaphor is lost unless they explicitly say she has another stigmatised mental disability which they will not

*I don't count the kid from toa since he's a background character mentoned once and hephaestus was pretty much disabled in the myths so not rick's

okay end of ramblings jesus christ

[narcissisticpdcultureis]

i hate having to put hank from crash course in the ableist creators tag but his video on personality disorders was. awful. especially for AsPD. usually his content on psychological disorders are good! but this one...has so much stigma in it.

key points

"not only can personality disorders be difficult to diagnose and understand, they can also be downright scary" - direct quote before he starts talking about AsPD

"Psychopathy, and sociopathy - I'm talking like, serial killers here!"

"Probably the most established and most troubling personality disorder is AsPD" - Seriously? It's not a competition - and any disorder can be as 'troubling' as the next depending on how much it affects the person. It really comes off as fearmongering.

Perpetuates the stereotype that mostly men have AsPD without bothering to criticize the sexism apparent in the implementation and diagnosis of personality disorders, especially when it comes to cluster b (bpd and hpd being seen as 'woman disorder', aspd and npd being seen as 'man disorder')

...Comes up with this idea that people with AsPD are either jobless criminals or ruthless CEOs with no inbetween or other possible life path???

Starts on a good idea by saying antisocial =/= criminal, but then says that that's because not all criminals fit psychopathy and goes on to cite the overwhelming amount of people in incarceration who have AsPD, instead of saying "not all antisocial people are criminals because committing crimes isn't a part of the fucking criteria!"

I dont know how exactly to comment on his 'characters' that represent the personality disorders (for an engaging visual in the video) because the over-the-topness is kind of a part of the style, but the way he portrays NPD as this evil dark queen and HPD as...literally dressed like some cheap prostitute????? what the fuck!

oh what the FUCK

[the-alarm-system]

Anti Endos and Projection of Decisions and Hurt

I'd like to start this off with my story and how it relates to the experiences of many hurt anti-endos.

I don't remember a big chunk of my original trauma, most of it feels like a dream that has chunks guarded by Red our protector. I do have bits and pieces, and I know for a fact that I went through RAMCOA.

Growing up I got hurt by a lot of women, and one of those woman's personas got introjected into my system and would retraumatize me consistently for a few years. This was before I realized I was plural.

What Im trying to say is I have survived a lot of horrible shit, and I know it's why I'm plural, and I have had horribly abusive headmates before.

Anti Endos bring these forms of exo and internal abuse up whenever attacking the slogan "The future is plural". I saw an anti endo say

---

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And I got angry enough to make this. Maybe it was rage bait, but I'm convinced most of them genuinely believe this.

Using your own trauma and hurt to invalidate the existence of others is one of the most vile horrible things you can do. Not every traumagenic system is formed from programming, not every system existing is formed from programming. Trust me I know the pain of being hurt that way, but are you serious? Don't use your trauma to hurt others. No endo wants to fucking program a child and abuse them, this is just a false analogy used to bring fear to others and towards the movement. We are not the enemy.

-----

---

I have experienced strong negatives, I've felt strong dissociation, memory loss, and Scald has gotten lost before and we do struggle a lot in disordered experiences. But this is expecting that every system puts the negatives above the positives. This is expecting that your experience and perspective of your own system lines up with everyone elses. I don't care that I have so much to deal with, being a system makes me extremely happy and I would love to share that with others. Obvious negatives? Yes, but "few" positives? In my experience with DID, psychosis, and even BPD I do my best to see the lighter side of them because I wouldn't be me without them. I have so many more pros than cons that comes with being a system because I actively changed my perspective in order to accept ourselves. I had to see the joy of it because I was abusing Scald by not accepting him and giving him individuality. I understand a system seeing their DID as more negative than positive, but this is projection to others which is simply narrow minded.

Before going deeper, I want to affirm that I have no hatred towards those who go towards final fusion or uses parts language. This is an argument about those who project their end goals and hurt and suffering onto other systems in order to invalidate them.

While I may not experience this towards my own system, I can understand why others may despise being many and/or desire to end as a singlet. However in the argument against endos; being broken, wanting fusion, using parts language, and hating yourself as a system is bought up multiple times. Here are some examples:

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---

Their views on their systemhood, while valid, is narrowed to the expectation that every other system should see it that way and if they don't they are put into the pile of fakes and subject to harassment. Anti endos have called me disgusting simply for expressing how happy being a system makes me. It reminds me of when I was a transmedicalist(essay for later) to be honest.

If you don't want to fuse, if you don't see your systems existence as an abomination, and you desire better acceptance from the world

You are a fucked up groomer who is anti recovery, never wants to heal, and wants to abuse children.

I'm sorry I love my system

I'm sorry I found so much joy in my system that I would love for there to be more of us and better acceptance of us

I'm sorry that I'm not all pessimistic on my system

To be honest, I can't change the past I went through, I can't delete my system,

But maybe to me it's ok to see the good that came out of it even if its hard then and hard now

Projecting your perspective of your systemhood onto others though, projecting false analogies based on your own trauma, and expecting every experience to be the same as yours is vile and just self victimizing in order to hurt vulnerable systems looking for community.

Giving your sob story, ranting about how you hate your pieces/headmates, and then tying it up with "and thats why endos want to hurt children" is a different level of fucked up

small personal note: if I had to endure everything again just to be with Scald, I would Over and over and over Piss yourself mad about it antis, I love my system and we aren't faking because of it

[rottenwhimsy]

villanelle and autism

side notes before i begin:

some of these traits could also be explained by cluster b disorders, as she’s heavily bpd coded and canonically aspd, but i see her as both cluster b AND autistic.

also, please don’t say things like “YES she’s not a psychopath, she’s autistic instead” because she’s still very much aspd and i don’t want to take that away. i’ve seen a lot of people with aspd really identify with villanelle and say she portrays it well.

just scroll if you don’t agree, this is a harmless headcanon and i’m simply explaining why i have this headcanon, as well as why a lot of autistic people seem to relate to her (people get SO mad if you even insinuate a popular character might be autistic lol)

masking/mirroring

masking is a strategy used to hide neurodivergent traits in order to blend in with neurotypicals. this can include mirroring (mimicking others expressions/behaviors), or even entire persona changes.

in the very first scene villanelle carefully observes a man smiling then mimics his smile (1x01)

villanelle hears a woman laugh on the radio then mimics her laugh, later she reuses that same laugh with sebastian (1x02)

liked copying the statue people in the street (2x05)

often mimics konstantin and predicts what he’s going to say

can quickly switch personas, adopts different accents and dialects quickly, and reuses phrases that are said to her

taking things literally

when talking about villanelle anna says “she was quite literal” and goes on to describe how villanelle misinterpreted a joke so confidently that she killed someone because of it (1x07)

interprets the bible extremely literally in season 4

“i have children” “i don’t want your children” (1x05)

“sheep are happier than wolves” “you spend your time off surveying sheep?” (3x08)

took konstantin saying “do something normal” literally (1x02)

“you are not a pumpkin, you a beautiful” (1x04)

kills gabriel because she thought he was genuinely asking to die when he was expressing how sad he was about his situation (2x01)

sensory seeking (& sensitivities)

touches and focuses on the texture of the liliana rizzari duvet, goes out of her way to ask the man she’s killing for the name of the duvet, later purchases it for herself and carefully feels the texture of it again (1x01)

generally touches and smells everything

“i want to smell her skin” (4x03) as well as her describing her ideal perfume in detail then asking eve and konstantin to smell her (3x03)

hates wearing crocs and other “non-nice” things, is very fixated on “nice” things like high quality clothes and food

makes people stroke her hair when she’s feeling upset (2x05 and 4x01)

bold fashion with a lot of colors/patterns/textures

seems to dislike most people hugging her

more up to interpretation, but she wore headphones in 3x04 and 3x05, once while she was having a meltdown on a train

struggles with social cues

includes coming off as blunt/rude, trouble navigating groups, and not interpreting situations correctly

how awkward and blunt she was at her wedding (3x01)

interacting with the church, especially in 4x02

doesn’t know how to react to displays of emotion (gabriel crying, benita crying, was confused and froze when her brother was being affectionate)

doesn’t understand why some people are upset with her (konstantin in s2, may in s4, eve at multiple points)

doesn’t understand that certain things will make people upset (being very blunt with gabriel then being put off when he starts crying)

struggles with understanding boundaries

doesn’t see authority figures as an authority (teasing and flirting with the prison guards, threatening konstantin, casually killing anton, doesn’t seem to understand consequences)

does not follow rules that don’t make sense to her

breaks into eve’s house expecting a normal dinner, doesn’t know how to calm eve down and ends up making her panic more (1x05)

didn’t understand why eve’s coworkers were acting scared of her (3x08)

is confused as to why sebastian laughs when she says she likes national anthems (1x02)

not understanding why her mom was laughing at her and that it was mocking “you always laugh at things that aren’t funny” “like you?” “yes” (3x05)

stimming

the repetitive performance of certain physical movements or vocalizations in order to self soothe or express emotion

big jumpy happy dance (3x04)

during cup game (3x05)

jumping and spinning on the heels of her boots by the train with rhian (3x08)

her copying noises she hears could be a type of vocal stim, echolalia

on the train ride at the end of 3x05

there are more examples but i can’t list them all since she generally bounces around a lot and has a lot of big movements

inappropriate/bizarre responses

yelling “this is so BORINGGG” while in an art museum (2x04)

“i mean i masturbate about you a lot” (1x08)

yelling “JUST DUNK ME” while getting baptized (4x01)

soooo many instances that again i can’t list them all…

alexithymia

alexithymia is the difficulty feeling or identifying emotions (or physical stressors like pain)

her whole aa meeting speech in 2x06 about how she feels nothing and the distress it causes (is extremely bored, hurts herself and it doesn’t hurt, just wants to feel something)

doesn’t know if she’s telling the truth or not (2x07), this could also be because of masking as too much masking can cause identity confusion, not knowing what you’re faking and what’s authentic

weakened sense of danger, even says “i don’t get scared” (2x08)

says she’s fine then immediately collapses (2x01)

other traits

meltdowns, especially at the end of 3x05 where she was wearing headphones and had increased stimming while crying

low empathy

attaches to and fixates on a specific person, obsession prone

REJECTION SENSITIVE DYSPHORIA

has always felt estranged and inherently different from others, “i’m not normal you know” (2x01)

detail oriented, notices things others don’t

bad at dancing/rhythm

exaggerated facial expressions

exaggerated speech

poor impulse control

differences in expressing emotions and communication

only comfortable with select people

perfectionism, hates working with a team and wants to do jobs alone (1x04, 3x02)

feels threatened when irina knows more languages than her, as languages are something villanelle is very interested in (1x08)

black and white thinking