#i have a ton of art i never shared here. Oops

[girlinthemirrorbluenight-library]

My art for the first ever @destielaureversebb. You can check out the fic here by @ravenfuchs who wrote a beautiful story about queer joy and finding community and also saving the bees.

Sharing some details under the cut.

So for the first piece which is what I submitted for claims, I really wanted a Dean who was just so comfortable with himself and happy and queer. In my head that means tons of tattoos and jewelry. The idea is these tattoos started out sort of impulsively with random flash like the little pizza and mom heart, but eventually he started putting more thought into it and got larger pieces like the solar system and the ocean. His jewelry is also all cosmic themed with stars, moons, suns, and the aquarius symbol which is his star sign. The bracelets I also imagine were made by a friend or maybe someone who came into the center where he works.

Confession, I've never actually been to a Pride parade, I know. I have been to different pride events though including queer bingo hosted by a drag queen. But I thought about both tables I've seen at events and looking up different LGBTQ center websites to see what resources they had. I probably didn't need to type an actual list out but as you can probably tell I really went for the details with these pieces so we have a full list of real services and original pamphlets.

From the second piece, we have some fun details with Dean's jewelry where he has this fun little charm bracelet a little inspired by Lucky Charms and earrings that match his frog t-shirt.

So these guys along with the Yoda plush are things Charlie actually owns in the show. The Pez dispensers are at her desk at Roman Enterprises. I showed these to my dad who is a huge Tolkien fan to see if he recognized them and it was a success.

Scooby Doo Clue is a real board game variant of Clue that Dean would 100% own. Drawing this board game with the actual details for all the rooms along with all the accurate game pieces took an insane amount of time but hopefully it was worth it? This is definitely the most detailed digital background I've ever done but it was very fun if time consuming.

Some Charlie house details. The board games are all either common ones or ones I thought she'd enjoy. She does canonically enjoy TTRPGs but most of these are more traditional board games. I actually own a couple of Star Wars games including Star Wars Risk and Star Wars Life, but not Outer Rim or Rebellion. The books are all canon references. Charlie canonically is a fan of the Game of Thrones/Song of Ice and Fire series and of course The Hobbit is very important to her and is what she used to read with her parents before the car accident. The rest of the books are all based on her aliases. She uses a combination of a Stephen King character + a sci-fi/fantasy author. So we have The Left Hand of Darkness by Ursula K Le Guin, The Halloween Tree, Fahrenheit 451 (which yes I did misspell oops), and The Martian Chronicles by Ray Bradbury, and a couple Stephen King books including Carrie and Fire Starter which is where Charlene comes from. These book titles actually took a really long time because Krita does not have the most robust text tool yet but oh well.

[radama-zard]

Dungeons & Drabbles 2023

Day 8 - Ignorance

(Oops! Life got a taaaaaad busy there! Between having to finish a heck ton of designs and products for a market, several days of travel, restless sleep and a birthday, there wasn't really any time to write! I'm gonna do my best to get back on track now though~)

----------------------------

QueerPlatonic PolyQuad Krook House Crew - ModernHuman AU

“Get FUCKED, scum twatter!”

With a satisfied smirk, Anni watched the scowling little old lady turn with a huff, more than glad to see the back of the nasty ass hag.

“That was a little harsh, don't you think?”

“Letters, you know I love your sunshiny ass, but shut the fuck up.”

Fresh Cut Grass gave a slight huff, staring up at their beloved crusty punk of a partner, watching as she flipped off a gruff looking middle aged man, her glare almost daring him to come say something. And perhaps he would have, if it weren't for Ashton right behind her, cracking his knuckles something fierce, managing to look threatening even with Milo curled up in their lap, nose deep in a textbook thicker than their thighs.

“I just don't- I’m not saying that-” they tried, starting and stopping, failing to get his words out just right. “I know she was- That people tend to be a tad…”

“Ignorant?” Milo interjected with, not even looking up as they let the page flutter over to the next.

“Shitty?” Ashton added, reaching over to thread their fingers through Fresh Cut Grass’ bouncy locks, scratching at their scalp in a way that always had him melting in seconds.

“Deserving of a swift kick to the shins?” Anni finished with little flourish of her combat boots, skidding a foot across the grass before settling back into place, leaning heavily into Fresh Cut Grass’ side.

“Rude! I was gonna say rude!” They cried out, a familiar exasperation dripping from each and every word. Yet there was no bite to it, no true annoyance to be heard, this old song and dance so deeply familiar to them all.

After all, no one really understood them.

Too close to be friends.

But distinctly lacking in romance and lust.

And yet, the love they all shared was undeniable.

No others were allowed to touch Ashton in such a way, their flesh only connecting with most through flurries of blows. Only their crew was allowed the privilege of gentleness, of warm, heavy embraces and ever so gentle hands, as large and powerful as they were, tenderly holding, patting and stroking.

Only they were worth that pain.

Who else could draw Milo from the safety and comfort of their own home? The outside world was so bright and noisy, full of people who always threw funny looks their way. Away from their beloved projects and personal coffee blend that only Ashton, Anni and Letters knew how to make juuust right.

Yet here they were, outside on a sunny day, in the middle of a public park.

Only they were worth the mental energy.

Anni notoriously got along with just about nobody. People were a pain in the ass. They didn't like her crass sense of humor. They only ever tended to like her when she was performing. But her music, her art, was deeply personal to her, and outside of actual gigs, no one got to hear her play.

Nor did they get to see beneath the brashness. The loyal heart that lay beneath.

Only they were worth trying for.

Fresh Cut Grass loved hugs and going out and meeting all kinds of people! By all means they should have been surrounded by a plethora of love!

But they had been burned before, both metaphorically and, well, physically. He had felt loss. Felt abandonment. Felt lost and alone and so so afraid.

It had been Ashton and Anni and Milo who had put him together again, who never gave up on them, who fought against a world so big and cruel, just to keep them safe.

Just to see Fresh Cut Grass smile again.

Only they were worth that fractured trust.

“Rude is fair too,” Milo agreed, finally setting their book down to peer over at their partner, throwing them an understanding smile. “Honestly, all those answers were. People are assholes when they don't understand something. I think we all know that pretty well. I for one, can't really complain about ignorant bastards getting what’s coming for them. Anni and Ashton need some kind of healthy outlet for all that pent up rage.”

“You saying I can punch a mother fucker?”

“Not unless you have bail money ready. I am not spending my afternoon trying to get your ass out of an arrest AGAIN, Anni.”

“Booooo, you whore!”

“Can't get arrested if you punch them hard enough that the fucker can't even remember their own name.”

“Ashton! You promised, no more fights this week!

“Ain’t a fight if they never punch back,” Ashton retorted with a shit eating grin. Fresh Cut Grass crossed their arms in turn, before playfully flicking the very tip of his nose.

“You know what I was meanin’! Only necessary violence allowed, like self defense or wrestlin’ street alligators!”

“... Do I even want to ask where that shit came from?”

“Street alligators? Oh! Well I was watchin’ YouTube late last night…”

“Late night conspiracy vids. Got it.”

Under the shade of an old oak tree, upon a fluffy old blanket, they four of them continued on, voices overlapping, intermingling as their bodies did aa well. Their touches casual, yet still intimate. Lingering without complaint, with familiar comfort.

Like this was all they ever needed.

Like, together, they were home.

And that was something worth the scorn, the cruel whispers and willful ignorance.

After all, nothing else quite mattered outside of them.

[arahbki]

i’ll be waiting, always waiting

[sitp-recs]

I posted 4,396 times in 2022

958 posts created (22%)

3,438 posts reblogged (78%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@the-starryknight

@sitp-recs

@stavromulabetaaa

@lqtraintracks

@ihopeyoubothstaysafefromharm

I tagged 3,753 of my posts in 2022

Only 15% of my posts had no tags

#asks - 561 posts

#anon - 336 posts

#drarry recs - 231 posts

#drarry art - 205 posts

#fave - 151 posts

#drarry - 121 posts

#to read - 108 posts

#ask game - 93 posts

#drarrymicrofic - 91 posts

#signal boost - 76 posts

Longest Tag: 116 characters

#interacting with adults at that age could have gone terribly wrong but i was lucky to find good people along the way

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Hey! Can you please rec some fics by authors with the most unique, beautiful writing style? I’ve read some works of fandom legends like tepre, aideomai etc, maybe there are writers that are not so widely known but very talented nonetheless? Thanks 💓

Hi anon! We are blessed with so many talented authors in this fandom it blows my mind every time I think about it. As someone who knows very little about writing styles, my opinion here is 100% subjective and largely influenced by the fics that came to my mind when I read your ask. I’ll linked them below, together with the authors’ AO3. Enjoy!

@blamebrampton | AO3 | My rec

@corvuscrowned | AO3 | My rec

@drarrytrash | AO3 | My rec

Frayach | AO3 | My rec

@graymatters | AO3 | My rec

@harryromper | AO3 | My rec

@jackvbriefs | AO3 | My rec

Omi_Ohmy | AO3 | My rec

@potteresque-ire | AO3 | My rec

RurouniHime | AO3 | My rec

Seefin (orphaned their works) | My rec

@shealwaysreads | AO3 | My rec

@tackytigerfic | AO3 | My rec

@the-starryknight | AO3 | My rec

thistle_verse | AO3 | My rec

@vivantesopales | AO3 | My rec

And whoever wrote Emerald in the Sky - are you on this list MA???? Let me love you!

279 notes - Posted July 26, 2022

#4

shit-recs

Fill this out pls

287 notes - Posted January 30, 2022

#3

Did you see the update from GallaPlacidia (her email newsletter) that she’s deleting all her fics and podfics 10/1? I mostly most Good Omens stuff so I doubt my followers have read her stuff. I just want to pass along the word so people could download if they want to save her works. They’re all so good! I’ve always loved your posts and you seem to have a wide audience so figured I’d reach out to you, if you’d like to share the info. And if anyone has suggestions on how to save her podfics that would be helpful! I listen to them on my phone and have no idea how to download them. 🤪

Oh no, that’s heartbreaking news! I don’t receive her newsletter so I had no idea. How sad, I know lots of people love her work and will be truly devastated 😰😰 thanks for reaching out and sharing this, I am definitely saving my favourites and I hope everyone has the chance to do the same. Oh and good question about podfics, I’ve never downloaded any either but maybe my followers have some tips to share? Thanks again for this message, I think I’ll pin it for the time being so more people can see the news. Have a lovely week!

GallaPlacidia’s AO3

The GallaPod

@geesenoises has kindly put an archive of GP’s works together, you can access it HERE!

330 notes - Posted August 28, 2022

#2

Happy New Year! Surprising absolutely no one I wasn’t able to finish this in time for NYE, oops!(And that’s why ‘stop procrastinating’ is on my resolutions list 😂). This post probably has tons of typos still so please bear with me, I promise I’ll be back later to correct them!

Simply put, 2021 was a train wreck - I struggled in many ways and decided to take a step back in some regards, including fandom. It’s been a bumpy road but despite the low amount of recs this blog has survived and there were definitely some things to celebrate, too! Once I stopped making reclists I got more free time to read, and I’m proud to say I’ve read a lot. I haven’t felt very confident about my reccing lately, but as I went through my bookmarks and noticed how much I read last year I thought why not spread a bit of love for these works?

Without further ado here are my favorite reads of 2021 featuring Drarry, rare pairs and some gorgeous artworks. This is not intended to be an ultimate list - the works below were chosen solely based on my personal preferences and they reflect very little of what’s been made last year, and what a year it was! Between brilliant microfics, Tumblr drabbles, top notch quality fests, there’s some amazing and varied content to be explored all around. I hope you guys enjoy these works as much as I did, and don’t forget to leave kudos and comments!

The Drarry fandom gave me so much last year; it was there to mend my heart and help me bounce back when I needed it the most. Even the smaller things can make a huge difference in the big picture, and I’m immensely grateful to those who have somehow been a part of it. I wanna give a special shoutout to my friends for your endless love, patience and support. Here’s to a gentler 2022! See you soon ❤️

Drarry:

Phoenix in the Fire by @fw00shy (Explicit, 1.4k)

Their first time was an accident. "Sex pollen," Draco claims, though everyone knows it was too much Ogden's after Puddlemere beat the Tornados 240-230.

This is truly a masterclass in short form, I think I hadn’t read a short fic so gorgeously written since Still Life. Fwoosh took my breath away with the precise choice of words, the subtle way the scenes blend into each other, the sinful smut full of sharp want, the smooth pacing and fabulous dialogue including delicious dirty talk and beautiful punchlines.

The Long Fall by @tackytigerfic (Mature, 3.6k)

It's supposed to be a simple house renovation, and maybe it's just the paint fumes, but Harry is feeling dizzy around Draco Malfoy. And what's the real meaning of family, anyway?

One of my favorite comfort fics, I’ve reread this more times than I can count. Tacky captures romance, wistful pining and the sense of belonging like no one else, I was moved by this devastatingly realistic portrait of married and parenting life. Sensitive, brutally honest and so very tender, this story hits right in the feels - it’s a pleasure to follow every exciting step of this big adventure Harry and Draco get to share.

Two Starts, One Finish by @lqtraintracks (Explicit, 5.4k)

I feel him before I see him. Nobody stands this close to me while I’m playing, and I’m about to turn to tell him so when he says, “You’re a tough bloke to track down,” and then leans against my baby grand.

When I first read this fic I did it three times in a row. I was so charmed and moved by this particular brand of angst: the gentle wistfulness of Draco’s voice, his yearning for Harry, their quiet domestic life and their intense chemistry made my heart burst. Lqt develops their emotional arc through the passage of time with precision and heart - nothing feels rushed, dragged or unimportant. One of the most romantic fics I’ve read this year.

Inside These Walls by @jackvbriefs (Mature, 5.6k)

The year before Draco moves to Los Angeles, Harry Potter disappears. Draco doesn't mean to find him. He's just doing his job.

This fic has one of my favorite premises ever, so creative! The roller blade magic blew my mind and I was obsessed with the intriguing atmosphere and the tension build up. Delicious eerie vibes mixed with an unusual setting, a dark mystery surrounding Harry’s job and his oh so casual sexy display of power, yes please. This suspense is a feast to the senses and will leave you at the edge of your seat until the last line, craving for more.

heavy by @onbeinganangel (Explicit, 6.5k)

Potter isn’t nearly as slick as he thinks he is, is all Draco can think about through the alcohol haze and the dizzying atmosphere of the club. He really, really isn’t. Potter is across the club, surrounded by his usual entourage, looking at Draco when he thinks Draco isn’t looking back.

There’s something to be said about a BDSM fic featured on this reclist as I rarely read this kind of smut. Trust Mari to turn my world upside down with one of the most touching love stories ever. This conflicted Draco and his devotion to Harry -subverting the D/s dynamics we usually see- caught me off guard and made my heart ache for this hot, tenderly vulnerable and unapologetic kink exploration delight.

The Other Cottage by @corvuscrowned (Teen and Up, 6.5k)

If Pansy wasn’t shagging Ginny Weasley, Draco would never have been dragged to Luna’s ridiculous Halloween party in the first place - meaning he wouldn't be sitting in the corner of the room with Harry Potter all night.

One word: chills! Yet another mind blowing suspense, this fic gave me palpitations - the smooth and clever narrative builds a disturbing atmosphere, the creepy sense of unease looming over our heads while watching a tender romance unfold. Crazy, right? Such skill! Really creative concept and a jaw dropping ending, this one is a banger.

A Grey Shrike Alighted upon my Wishbone by @opalesqueopioid (Explicit, 7k)

Cursed to forget everything about Harry Potter, Draco has to kill if he wants a cure.

Gosh, this stunning fic wrecked my heart and soul with its quiet devastation, gorgeous prose and brilliant execution of a quite unique suds concept. Draco’s sharp personality took my breath away and I was equally undone by Harry’s sweet longing, the back-and-forth banter and the raw, inevitable heartbreak. Here’s a poignant portrait of a collapsing relationship, the best pick for angsty days.

Merlin's Kitchen by @writcraft (Explicit, 12k)

Merlin’s Kitchen is a shit nightclub but having sex with Harry Potter might improve things.

Everything by Writcraft has the heart kick factor for me, as if especially crafted to meet my tastes. This sexy clubbing fic has a delicious lively pub atmosphere that makes you feel like you’re right there, watching a carefree and smooth Harry charm Draco with his openness, and be charmed back. Fabulous characterization and gorgeous dialogue, with a mature tone that gives it a thrilling sense of intimacy and promise.

The Virtues of Hygiene and the Binary of Labour by @piarelei (Explicit, 14k)

See the full post

487 notes - Posted January 1, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

It’s fascinating how some people dismiss smut as something frivolous, vain, lacking substance and therefore value. To be clear, sex is not (and should never be seen as) mandatory in fic, and I feel heartbroken that some authors think they need to include it in order to have their work read or appreciated.

But in my opinion PWPs can be just as deep, nuanced, evocative and narratively powerful as any other story. In fact, they make for excellent character studies and can get you inside a character’s mind in a very particular way. And smut scenes in long fics can be just as useful as narrative tools, often translating dynamics too complex to be explored otherwise. Plus, they’re great for sad horny nights 😔🙌

1,849 notes - Posted March 31, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[mrmasksalesman]

Blog Post #6? Oops, need to catch up!

Hey there everybody! So sorry about the radio silence, been having some issues on my end. I'll be getting my other blog posts up over break, but this one is time sensitive so I'm putting it up posthaste.

This week's assignment was the creation of a collage about ourselves. I decided to do a digital one, and you can see it... here.

It's a compilation of a lot of the things I like. Just to share some highlights from it...

Some of this is part of my heritage. I'm descended from one of the Doan Gang members on my father's side, so that's an interesting historical connection. Apparently, they operated is a... mildly noble manner from time to time. They once stole the same man's horse several times, with it coming back alright afterwards. They were also considered by loyalist forces as kind of robin-hood like, though they aren't remembered as fondly today. They did rob plenty of tax collectors though... and supposedly left a ton of buried treasure somewhere that was never recovered.

Up at the top is some viking art, and apparently I'm descended from them on my mother's side. Apparently a viking was forced to marry a french noblewoman under threat of death. It's a bit amusing, and a cool bit of heritage to believe in.

I also have some of my favorite animals there (dogs, rabbits, and rats), and some of my hobbies. Like music, writing, video games, and tabletop RPGs. And some stuff that relates to my emotional states and personal experiences, like feelings of loneliness and isolation.

Anyways, that's more or less what the collage I made is about. See you soon with more cooking, hopefully.

[kosakashuntaro]

the oresama teacher art book arrived! more pictures below the cut.

the art book is about 100+ pages long, same size as a standard japanese manga volume (so slightly smaller than english volumes, and smaller than A5). it’s full color with a glossy finish and heavier paper weight than usual. because of the small size and paper, it’s quite difficult to take good photos of it. but the artwork inside is awesome, so if anyone has a scanner and would be willing to buy an extra copy, you could share so much cool art...

it’s included on the special edition of oresama teacher #29. i highly recommend buying it!!! it’s super amazing to see all of tsubaki’s colorful art together!

unfortunately, i can’t take many photos, so if you want to see specific characters/artwork/notes, then please message me and i’ll try to deliver.

the book first begins with an intro by miss tsubaki herself! 

next, there’s a couple of pages of older artwork from pre-2009. it’s all stuff you’ve seen before so i won’t bother sharing (actually, i won’t share in general unless it’s art i haven’t seen on the internet before). the amount of individual pictures on each page really varies; for some, there are single-page illustrations or even double spreads, but for others, they’ll stuff four or five illustrations on the same page. each illustration has a little note stating what year it was drawn and the source of the image. some pictures have an even bigger note beside them explaining things.

interspersed throughout the book are “item collection” pages that detail merchandise created for oresama teacher. most oresama teacher merch isn’t sold in stores or anything; they’re included in the monthly issues of hana to yume. i think the rubber straps and can badges were the only exception.

this was a bag included in a 2008 issue of hana to yume! tsubaki even included it on a chapter cover spread. i saw this bag on surugaya a while back and wanted to get it tbh... btw, you can also tell how old oresama teacher is by the fact that it had flip phone straps...

then, it’s all chapter cover pages (including that one one-shot tsubaki did). i don’t know what shueisha and square enix got going on, also, but there’s a ton of gekkan shojo crossover art as well. like, does no one ever question how tsubaki’s allowed to do so many crossovers when her characters belong to separate publishers!? or have i got my info wrong...

more merch! this one here was a collectible card created for the 35th anniversary of hana to yume. other hana to yume series should have something similar as well~

next is new year greeting cards. all of these are on her twitter so i won’t post them here, but it’s basically crossover pictures between oresama and gekkan shojo characters. 

just some random okegawa and maizono pic i haven’t seen before. it’s from the first drama CD.

a whole page dedicated to those little rubber straps and the initial artwork for them!

i feel like i’ve seen this mafuyu a lot, but never the okegawa side.

it then has artwork from her blog! she doesn’t really use it anymore, though you can still see all the artwork there. and... it even includes the oyayubi kara romance (the magic touch) illustrations as well! she’s not totally ignoring it after all.

after this is drama CD and twitter drawings; just scroll through her twitter to see those. it then goes on to textless, full page hana to yume covers... and volume covers!

sorry, i can only take one photo for example. i don’t want to ruin the book by flattening out the page. but, this is why i’m saying it’s totally a good idea to get an extra copy if you have a scanner, it’s just way too cool to have so much clear and textless oresama teacher art.

after that is artwork done for calendars (including the sexy santa maizono picture). they also show off the new years shikishi and paper bonuses. i’m not really sure what the paper bonuses are, maybe included with the volume editions or something? they put like 10 on the same page so it’s impossible to see them well, though. my favorite is the one where okegawa is daydreaming about mafuyu being his prince, but the picture is really too small to show.

then, there’s some more color chapter covers, and finally, the character profiles! i think this is the same as the one on volume 16 but with less characters. for some reason it includes yamashita but not miyabi, so i truly have no idea where tsubaki’s priorities lie.

that’s the end! i ended up just sharing super old artwork, huh... most of the book is newer art too, oops. once again, i apologize for not being able to post many photos, and if you want to see specific characters/artwork/notes then please tell me.

i really really suggest you buy this book if you’re an oresama teacher fan, there’s just so much amazing artwork and it’s totally worth it!

[citrus-cactus]

Citrus' Art Summary 2021!

Here it is, my year in art! Overall, I did more digital art this year than any other year previous, managing about one major piece per month. Finally a year when I can fill in all those squares (and then some!)! That's a-bonkers-lot for me :O

Some more reflection 'neath the cut:

I set out with the goals this year of Doing Lots of Art Digitally for practice/learning purposes and also working with deadlines in mind, kinda maybe sorta... like a real professional might? Just to try it out?? Of the stuff I finished, two were for a zine (hmm, never did post those, though you can see most of the full-color piece in February!), three were paid work (blurred/not pictured, I don't really feel comfortable sharing those), one was a t-shirt design (not pictured), one was for an art giveaway (June), 10 were sketch requests (March-May), 7 were for Tumblr events (all digimon-related; July-October), 7 are for a personal project that I really won't be giving many details about (Nov), and 10 were index-card-sized pen-and-ink practices. Oh, and if we're counting ALL creative/fandom stuff, I wrote a fanfic and made a fanmix. Phew!!

I'd like to say I enjoyed every minute of it, but some of it was sort of stressful, actually ^^; I DO have a full-time job; my self-imposed artistic workflow made it feel like I was working two jobs sometimes, and that DEFINITELY took a toll on me (particularly since I was trying to meet all those deadlines!). I also tended to get wrapped around the axle being a perfectionist a lot of the time, which led to me to spending a LOT more time fiddling with not-actually-that-important stuff than I probably should have (this is a constant struggle for me!). TL;DR, there are still TONS of things I could afford to learn about being a more efficient/less neurotic artist, and, in hindsight, I think I was teetering on the verge of burnout several times throughout the year (oops).

One positive thing I did was upgrade from MangaStudio to ClipStudio this year, and while there there are things I miss about my old setup, I really like that you can download new brushes directly from Clip, as well as some new functionality I discovered that I had never figured out previously (or maybe it didn't exist?). I also realized I need to make major improvements to my posture, break-taking, and overall drawing setup. I tend to hunch over a lot and that has made my back and shoulders pretty unhappy a lot of the time, particularly when I'm in deep-focus and work-hard mode :P

I'd also like to... draw more for myself next year? Taking requests is a lot of fun (and I still have several in my inbox that I'd like to finish, WHOOOOPS), but sketching for myself used to be something I did to relax and unwind, and I realized it's not really relaxing if I'm drawing with the intent to post for an online audience. I also really want to make more progress on my Personal Project now that I've started it properly! So I'm anticipating my perceived art output will be a lot lower next year, for all these reasons, and that’s OK! Art goals for next year involve a) working on self-care and recovering from what-very-well-may-be burnout, b) jamming as much as I can on Personal Project and things I will probably never publish on the Internet, c) WORRYING LESS about small details & audience when I DO draw/post goofy fandom stuff, and d) remembering how to draw spontaneously and for fun. Fingers crossed these are achievable goals!

In terms of my personal favorites for the year... well, that's tough! I like them all for one reason or another. I REALLY liked how my December piece turned out; I think I nailed it (I really wish I could show it!!). And I'm also really proud of how the Daisuke Kaiser comic turned out. I got to play with some fun screentone brushes, and it's an ACTUAL (short) MANGA-STYLE COMIC that I finished, for once. Finally makin' comics!! Secretly, THAT'S THE DREAM!!! My teenage self would be so proud.

It'll be interesting to see what 2022 brings!

[moonlit-imagines]

Headcanons for being a younger Avenger and mentoring Kamala

Kamala Khan x reader

warnings: avengers game spoilers, guns

a/n: so excited about this one; i made y/n just a bit older (and gn!) so that they’re in their mid-early teens during a-day! hope thats okie doke! reader has electrokinesis. this accidentally got really detailed

prompt: anonymous: “Hey there! Would you mind writing HCs for the Avengers Game about female reader being a young Avenger (around 17) and mentoring Kamala Khan?”

you were just a kid yourself when you joined the avengers

and you were an inspiration to kids around the world

“does SHIELD think nothing of child labor laws?” -bruce

the avengers became your family

and seeing what you could do...they knew you could handle yourself

and then a-day happened

the day started off so perfect

and the kids went ballistic over seeing you

“y/h/n! look, it’s y/h/n!”

“can i get a picture?”

“hi, guys! of course you can!”

but there was one kid who stuck out among the rest

kamala khan

“you’re the one who wrote about the sewers, right? i freaking loved it! may i just say your art is amazing?”

“r-really?”

“oh, yeah! and the part where you had thor spin mjölnir to push water towards the sewer lizards so i could shock them? genius!”

she could not wait to tell abu about what you had just said

you obviously took a selfie with her and handed her a little pin with your own “icon” on it

but your world got turned upside down that day

the battle was one you’d never forget

and the fighting with your own teammates afterwards would haunt you for years to come

“what do you know, y/n?! you’re just a kid!” -tony

“oh yeah? im one of the only functioning members of this team!”

“everybody calm down. y/n makes a good point, but—” -nat

“thank you”

“...but there’s some stuff you should leave up to us. you really shouldn’t have to take on so much responsibility” -nat

“she’s right, y/n. this was our fault” -bruce

“are you kidding me?! i’m just as guilty as the rest of you, i’m an equal member of this team! for years we’ve dealt with this together, taken the blame together! what’s changed?”

“y/n...you saw what we did out there. that changed everything...” -bruce

you technically were an inhuman, just not terrigen-based

didnt matter to AIM, they took dr. pym for god’s sake

so you had to run, you were on your own for a while

a long while

you laid low for five years, most boring five years of your life

at least you still had your life, though. it just wasn’t what it used to be

but you got a message one day

“‘tiny dancer,’ huh? my moneys on either nat or tony. nah, tony would have chosen ‘rocket man.’”

you couldn’t be sure, maybe it was just a random shield agent...maybe hank pym? god, this was crazy

the message brought you to, uh, cap’s memorial statue

and there was a young girl arguing with a couple of boys...an inhuman!

you hopped in and saved her, she seemed scared

“hey, kid, you alright?”

“y/h/n? is it really you?”

she seemed vaguely familiar

“are you tiny dancer?”

“no, i thought you might be? they sent you here, too?”

there wasn’t much time to chat, AIM was onto you

you two unfortunately got split up for a minute, but you were practically raised by the notorious clint barton and natasha romanoff, and various other spies

yes, you planted a tracker on her

and met her at the bus stop!

“you found me?”

“that i did, kamala. see, i do remember you”

“that is so cool! i mean—not almost getting killed, or the guy with the big head...”

“what guy? you need to tell me everything”

the whole busride was a bit overwhelming. kamala explained the resistance clues, her powers, her undying admiration for the avengers, you name it

but it made you feel good to know that there were people out there that didn’t hate you

“so what was it like? being the teenage avenger?”

“uh, it was...it was really cool. i felt like i was one-of-a-kind. but sometimes people didn’t take me seriously, it was kind of aggravating”

“yeah, no one takes me seriously either...”

“you know, depending on how this all goes, i might be able to give you a few pointers”

“really?! that’d be great!”

once you got to utah...you saw the chimera

it brought back some bad memories, kamala could tell

“you okay?”

“me? yeah, im good. just thinking...okay, well, do you have a plan on how to get yourself across all of this?”

“actually, i do!”

it was kind of creepy in there, but when you laid your eyes on caps shield, you kind of broke

“do you hear something, what it that?”

“...hulk. kamala, you need to get out of here, i’ll catch up to you, i swear”

she didn’t leave in time, so she got to see the greener side of bruce. you chased him back and tried to get bruce back

meanwhile, kamala found AIM troops...oops

bruce cooled off and man was he doing rough

“y/n, is that really you?”

“yeah, its me. surprise. how long have you been the big guy?”

“too long...a few years”

“jesus, im sorry. i’ll be right back, though. some kid brought me here, i gotta go get her. you kinda scared her off”

she was passed out when you got to her

but bruce is a doctor, he’d figure it out

“i could give her a little shock to wake her up, you know?”

“oh, i know. just let her rest for a minute. she needs it”

“right...well im gonna take a look around, maybe go see what i left behind. i could power the place up, but we’re missing some parts to actually get this thing running. best i can do is lights and doors”

you turned the little things on and turns out did leave a decent amount of stuff in here

your first pair of pistols that nat gave you, the gigantic stein that thor gifted you for your 13th birthday, gadgets tony needed an “extra boost” for *bzzt*, a note from cap that just said “good luck, y/n, you’re going to do great!” you cant even remember what it was he was referring to. you just missed him

kamala walked in while you were shuffling around and cleaning the place up

“hey, dr. banner wanted me to come get you. is this your room?”

“that it is, and it’s a huge mess. this is literally all my belongings ever”

bruce had his plan and you just went along, helping kamala out as you go

“baby steps, kam, don’t want you to pass out. but don’t worry, happens to the best of us” -you

“really? you pass out too?” -kamala

“oh yeah, for sure. tell her bruce, remember that time we had thor overcharge me to literally make me an EMP? and tony was busy listening to music so he wouldn’t get out of the blast radius and his armor shut down? so he was out of commission and i had just collapsed from it all? good times”

“y/n, we thought you died” -bruce

this hc is so long omg — anyways you guys ended up finding tony and it was sort of entertaining but he kinda punched bruce and then hugged you

“you got so big”

“shut up, tony”

you kinda harbored some bad feelings since none of the avengers did anything to help you once they started rounding up inhumans (but you still missed them)

getting attacked again

“okay, kamala, remember what i said about baby steps. dont overdo it. i trust you with this!”

“thank you, y/n! uh—oh my god!”

aaaanyways you went to the ant hill to see hank and pick up some supplies, boy was it great to see some familiar faces, then back the the chimera you went to fix it all up

“can you hold that right there for me, kamala? thanks. i think that just about does it. now i have a surprise for you...your own room!”

you helped kamala get it nice and tidy while talking about each other’s lives, she really did remind you of yourself when you became an avenger. excited, scared, underestimated, all of that. and she begged you to share some mission stories, so you obviously did

“you know, if you stick around for a while, you’re gonna have some cool stories, too. maybe even a kickass costume.”

“oh! a costume, ive got that sorta covered. check it out. a burkini, muslim women wear it for swimming and stuff. my mom got it for me”

“love it. soon we’ll find you a fitting name and update the suit, but seriously, this was the perfect way to go. you look great”

“you think so? i don’t know if i feel that cool. maybe i should try something else?”

“if that’s how you feel, you don’t have to stick to it. you can experiment all you want! but i really think you did awesome on this. come on, pose with me! and hey, i like your pins.”

at this point, you’d do anything for kamala, she reminded you so much of yourself. you would have killed for a mentor your age back in the day.

natasha was in fact tiny dancer...called it

“oh, god, y/n. you’re all grown up...im sorry we left you alone. but if it makes you feel better, i always kept an eye on you”

“well, i kind of took on a protégé...she’s like your grand-protégé. kam, c’mere”

after thor finally came back, everyone started fighting again and ditched, it felt so familiar. but you couldn’t leave kamala behind, you swore to yourself that you couldn’t do that.

she was so good for this team

MODOK was defeated (by kamala herself) but there was so much left to do, tons of threats to extinguish, training to accomplish

“y/n, tony won’t turn his dad rock off! he overrode the speakers in my room”

“oh, it’s on. get chastity’s fabric dye and bleach pens. we’re gonna start some trouble”

she gave you a high five one time and nearly broke your arm

sending each other tiny hand memes

“hey, ms. m, how’re your parents? doing okay without their favorite super-daughter?”

“my abu doesn’t stop texting me actually, says my family is super proud of me. it’s a nice change of pace”

you take her on covert missions for field training, it was Educational(tm)

*elevator music playing* “so...what do you want for dinner? i was thinking we could ask thor to barbecue”

sleepovers in her room that just turn into her showing you her superhero merch, listening to music, prank lists, sneaking off to the HARM room for hand-to-hand combat training and power experiments, thinking up new costume designs

“tip: you always need backup suits, you never know what you’re gonna run into out there. one time tony pushed me into a tower of paint cans and they spilled all over me. steve yelled at him for two hours afterwards. worst mission ever, except steve said ‘motherfucker’ and i have never recovered from the emotions of that day”

“wow, i wish i could have been there for that”

“don’t worry, kami, you’ll see some crazy ‘team bonding’ along the way”

she geeks out about captain marvel sometimes

“hey, i’ve got a book carol gave to me about ‘teens taking responsibility.’ you wanna read it?”

“is it any good?”

“i don’t know, i only read the first two pages”

you ended up having a true heart-to-heart with her after one mission when she made a mistake that nearly cost you guys the mission. you told her that not every mission is going to go perfect, each avenger had slipped up in the field, and she had just started, shes not going to be perfect

“i am literally always here if you need anything. i know what it feels like to be a teenager among legends, but trust me, you’ve made it this far and you’ve proven how much of a badass you are. i know you can take anything that gets thrown at you”

kamala said she makes vegan nachos and yeah she makes vegan nachos

you guys have to hide from the rest of the team when she makes them bc they eat ALL OF THEM

gaff (the SHEILD vendor) has you test his gear, you recommend gear to kamala

you were so excited to guide kamala on her journey of heroism

taglist: @ravenmoore14 // @purpleskiesstorm //

[creepy-bi-day]

I'm here to cherish your great writing and ask for a match-up 😆😊

My appearance: I'm about 5'4 and im pear shaped, I have hazel eyes, and strawberry/ blond/brown hair (I dye it a lot the last color I had was red and when I was going back to my normal color it left a pinkish red undertone to it), I'm ghostly pale, I have slight bit of freckles on my cheeks, I'm a tad bit chubby but oh well that just make me soft to hug, you'll usually catch me in a tye dye jacket with peace signs on it

My personality: I'm known to be subtly chaotic, I make jokes at the worst times and sometimes they can be mean without me meaning to be mean, I lack a filter so I can sometimes be to straightforward, im imaginative I express things through either music writing or art, i love animals more the people most of the time, im very stubborn, I can either be the mom friend or the friend that's feral, im not the best with words I usually show my feelings through actions

My likes: I love tarot, I'm into astrology (im a libra/scorpio cusp), I love animals I have a pet hedgehog, I enjoy doing art, I love music (est 40s through 90s music), I like musicals, I enjoy dancing with a partner (I only really know how to waltz but I like it), i love naps especially when its raining, I like neck kisses, I enjoy cuddling, im a theater kid so I also love acting

My dislikes: i hate being ignored, drunks, my anxiety disorder, a lot of food I have a sensory problem so a lot of different foods freak me out, out of nowhere calls, when someone tests me

Sexuality: im pansexual but I lean more towards men and I'm open minded so im not opposed to polyamorous relationships as long as its close-knit (as in we all love each other not just us loving one person)

Extra: my dream date is being at a gas station at 2 AM in the morning sitting in the corner drinking slushies and having deep discussions. I have ADD, generalized anxiety disorder and depression. I'm a bit obsessive and possesvie due to being from a divorced family (dad cheated on mom ect.). Im definitely a switch in bed. I'm not energetic but I enjoy energetic peoples company. I'm known to have a bit of a hipster aesthetic.

Cusp buddies!! I’m a Sagittarius/Capricorn cusp!! Sun Sag, Moon Capricorn, and my Rising is Scorpio— Oop.

I ship you with:

Tim/Masky!

SFW:

Heads up: Masky and Tim are different people

Tim loves how light you are, in personality

You’re so different from him, and its why he calls you sunshine and his sweetheart

You’re a bit much for him sometimes, but hes just glad it brings him out of his comfort zone, which he really appreciates.

He plays guitar, so like. He’ll sing to you and write songs, usually strumming while he watches you draw

Teach him how to dance plz, hes super awkward.

Likes touching you but is awkward at first and needs an excuse

He loves cuddling. So much. He likes to cuddle with his arms draped around your side while he cuddles you close from behind

Big fan of spooning cause somft

Will probably telll you everything you need to figure out his birth chart just to see you excited.

Loves late night dates, especially just random walks around town

He loves seeing you smile, and constantly brings back little things he finds at gas stations that he thinks you’ll like

Masky, on the other hand

Is possessive and grabby

He likes cuddling forcibly, and will hold you borderline hostage while laying down because he wants to be near you

V blunt. Doesn’t care. He will tell you what hes thinking so, like, you never need to worry about that.

Brings back random shit h e finds from missions and gifts them to you

Once brought you a pretty constellation necklace, it ended up being the Libra constellation and he got to see you super happy

Doesn’t talk much, but when he does please listen

You’re one of the few people he doesn’t get tired of hearing vent or rant, but please dont ignore him. He won’t ignore you, but he’ll listen quietly

NSFW

Tim is def a switch

He’s shy and submissive when hes awkward

Tends to bottom the first couple times yall have sex

Totally a service sub. Just use him please

When hes domming???

He’s a brat tamer and takes a SHIT ton of joy in making you cry for him and making you whine

Aww, his little prinx wants to cum? Beg him more for it.

Loves choking, both giving and receiving

Likes fucking you in front of people to make sure they know you’re his

He is a MASTER with his tongue

Masky is NOT a switch

He’s a very very primal dom

Doesn’t talk much normally, but during sex hes even less verbal, mostly just grunting and groaning your name in your ear

Like Tim, hes very into choking, just don’t choke him plz. He will bite.

Speaking of biting, he loves to leave marks all over your body, making sure you can see them no matter what you’re wearing.

Very possessive, and will NOT have sex where people can see.

You’re his, and only his. Only person he’s sharing with is Tim, and they share a body so its fine.

Makes sure to lock the door, and knows how to roll his hips just right to brush against that spot that has you screaming-

Overall: Both good boys

[pbandjesse]

Today was wonderful but I also got pretty bad sunburn on my arms and chest and back. Oops.

I slept good, though it was very hard for me to fall asleep. I took a melatonin and was able to sleep well after that. I woke up with my alarm at 730 and while I wasn't super excited to get up I did and soon I was ready for the beach!!

I loved my dress. I wore my bathing suit under it. James looked super cute in their yellow button down to match me. Love them. We had a long drive to Rohobeth Beach. I have never gone and I was excited!

It was an absolutely beautiful day. Here in Baltimore it apparently rained most of the day. But it was 85 and sunny at the beach.

The drive out was nice. It was about 2 and a half hours. We had excellent music and lots of laughs. It was a good day.

Getting closer to the beach we had some traffic. But we weren't in a rush. It was about 1030 and I am glad we left when we did because parking, it seems, is at a premium there.

We parked at the end of the beach where the state park is. But I wanted to be close to the boardwalk. Mostly so we wouldn't be to far from th bathrooms. We got all our stuff and headed out.

I honestly have always hated having to much stuff at the beach. Even when I was a kid. I found it like super cringey to have like a ton of stuff. So even us just each having a backpack and a chair each and our small cooler. That is on the edge of the cringe precipis.

We found the bathrooms. Didnt have to wait to long. I put on sun screen and talked to some girls outside the bathrooms while I waited for James.

We walked to the beach and set up but then I realized we couldn't see the water so we moved everything closer. There were a lot of people. It wasn't like. Unreasonable but there were a lot of people and a lot of umbrellas. Our little one tried to escape at one point but it was okay. I held on to it.

But what I wanted was to be in the water!!! Which was a little chilly when you first got in, it was actually like the perfect temperature. It was amazing. The sand was soft. There weren't many shells so I didn't collect any. But I would spend so much time just in the water enjoying the waves.

James did join me a bit! They are scared of the ocean but they came in with me twice and it was a lot of fun bouncing with them and laughing. I had an excellent time with them.

When they left to go sit in the sun for a while I ended up having a fun talk to a woman who wanted to know all about my tattoos and we ended up talking for like a half hour and we were body surfing on the waves together and laughing. I felt like a little kid making a friend at the beach who Ill never see again but it was super cute.

I hadn't eaten breakfast or anything so I decided to go have a snack and read with James for a bit. I did reapply my sunscreen on my legs but I didn't on my top half like a fool!!!

Around 1 we would take our backpacks (left our stuff) and went up to the boardwalk to get a pizza. Which took a bit but it was good! A little more sauce then I want normally but its all good. I enjoyed people watching and eating and it was good.

James has insisted that I share that there was a boat. That has Trump written on the side. And had an LCD screen with text, misspelled, just with different alt right talking points. It was just really sad. Like what else could they be doing with their Sunday afternoon. It was disappointing but also like. Your life probably sucks if that's all you can think to do with your boat?? Boring.

I enjoyed being in the water for a while. James came too. We were on the beach for almost 4 hours and it was just great. But I sort of felt done. I wanted to explore the boardwalk too. Even if I was afraid of being to hot. But we packed up our set up and headed back to the car.

It was the middle of the afternoon at this point. We both got changed at the car. I had more sand in my suit then I had hoped. But whatever. I felt bad because people kept coming to our car to ask if we were leaving because there is. No parking at this point in the day. On Labor Day weekend. But we had paid for like 6 more hours so we weren't leaving yet.

We walked the boardwalk. It is pretty small compared to a lot of places Ive been. But it was a really nice place! I played a few claw machine games. Won on my first go! Got this cute little puppy. I didn't win any others but I was very surprised to see how many squishmallows were in the claw machines. And really this was a very affordable boardwalk overall. The claw machines were $1 or less. The only disappointment I had was the photobooth didn't work. But its okay. We took lots of other pictures.

We walked all over. Went to their little ride attraction place called Fun Land. And I insisted on us going to the Haunted House ride and for real this was one of the best ones I have gone on! It was like a ride one and it was a little neon inside but it was really good!! I sort of wish we got the stupid picture at the end but I got a great laugh out of it because our eyes were so big we got startled. It was great.

James did so many things that made them scared today. And they did it because they love me! And that makes me so happy.

We finished the day going to their little town square. We saw a bride and groom taking pictures!! We got a very sour (positive!!) strawberry lemonade, and then we got sandwiches at five guys. No fries or anything. Just the sandwiches and then it was time to go home.

We loaded up the car and made sure we had drinks and then we were off.

It wasn't a bad drive home. Just long. We had a story podcast we have been working through. I thought I would fall asleep but I didn't. Mostly because my skin hurt. My legs didn't burn but my arms, my back, and my chest is very very red. And it started hurting more and more as the hours have gone on.

When we did finally get home it was sort of raining still. We brought our stuff up and I put things away. James decided to go to 711 to stretch their legs and I took a black tea bath to try to help my poor skin.

I put aloe on and it helped but I am a little hot to the touch. I put a hoodie on because I thought at least the fabric would feel nice. And I am right but also afraid of being to warm later. Well see what happens I guess.

I had some soup. James came home and helped me put aloe on my back. An went to play a video game with their friends. And I iced my skin. But now I very much want to go to sleep.

Tomorrow is Labor Day. Not that is actually means much anymore. James is working still. I am going to do my styling work and some art. I would like to start deep cleaning our rooms. I think maybe I will pick one every day? And just take everything away from the walls and such and really attack the spaces. But I know I really need mental energy for that took. So we will see what happens.

I hope you all sleep good tonight. Take care of yourselves! Goodnight!!

[kinksvt]

baby (m)

requested: 

anon: sub minghao (maybe involve some pretty collars and polaroids oops oops)

→ pairing: sub!minghao x dom!reader (f)

♕ summary: for you and minghao’s anniversary, you decide to surprise him and switch things up.

✱ warnings: pegging, dom & sub roles, overstimulation, uh anal? fingering?

✱ word count: 5.1k

It was the two year anniversary of you and your boyfriend Minghao today and you planned on giving him something he—hopefully—will never forget.

Since the time you knew him before dating, Minghao was always sweet and gentle. Even in the bedroom, he treated you like a doll and never hurt a hair on your head. He always gives and never expects things in return. Today you wanted to change that.

You had to admit, you have thought of taking charge in the bedroom, to "spice things up" as everyone usually says. You have on many occasions thought about what it would be like to control Minghao, to please him and have him obey your every order. To hear him beg, whine and pled for you to do something already. You could hear it all in your head already, his soft, innocent voice asking you to touch him, ride him-

"Y/N?" A voice said, interrupting your sinful train of thought.

"Yes? Sorry, I zoned out for a bit." You excused yourself, trying to fight the blush that threatened to take over your face.

Your friend looked at you curiously. You were out with your two friends, having breakfast and all you could think about was domming your boyfriend. What kind of weirdo were you?

Minghao was in the studio, helping to record for his group's upcoming album. He had been in the studio all day and sometimes all night for the past week. It worried you a bit because you knew how stressed he gets and how much pressure he feels during the process. So this gift for him would hopefully help in more ways than one.

"So Y/N, how's Miiiinghao?" Your friend said in a teasing voice, moving her eyebrows.

You smiled, "Well," you smirked. "He's good, but today is our anniversary and I'm planning on surprising him." Winking at the end you laughed to yourself, thinking about the plan.

"Ooh," your other friend said, nudging your arm. "And what are you planning you sex demon?"

Laughing, you gently pushed her elbow away. "I don't kiss and tell."

Your friends chuckle and you three continue to eat.

Minghao texted you later on when you were walking with your friends.

[2:41 pm] Haohao: Hey baby, session is going good, hopefully I'll be done before 11 tonight.

[2:42 pm] You: That's great! I have a surprise for you when you get home btw hehe

[2:42 pm] HaoHao: Oh? And what might that surprise involve?

[2:43 pm] You: Looks like you'll have to wait and find out ;) I love you, see you tonight <3

[2:43 pm] HaoHao: You are such a tease. I love you too, see you tonight baby.

You smiled to yourself and continued walking with your friends to your next destination.

And throughout the whole day you had to excuse yourself for daydreaming. You couldn't get the thought of what you'd do to Minghao later that night out of your head for the life of you.

...

After a long day of hanging out with your friends at various shops and malls, you had finally come home. You carried a few bags that had new outfits, including the one you found to hopefully wear for Minghao when he also came home. You brought your bags up to you and Minghao's shared room, flipping on the light switch and glancing at the clock. It was only 8 p.m and you groaned slightly, you still had 3 hours until he came home. You pondered on what you would do to pass the time. Before you could think, your phone went off, startling you. "Hello?"

"Y/N," a memorable voice said.

"Minghao! What happened? How come you're calling from a different number?"

"My phone died so I asked to borrow Jihoon hyung's phone. I'm just calling to tell you that I should be done in about half an hour!"

"A half hour? It's only 8, how could you be nearly done already?"

"Well, I might've mentioned that today is our anniversary and the boys might've decided to let me go early." Minghao said, followed by a laugh.

"That's great!" You paused for a moment, lowering your voice slightly, "I'll be here waiting for you, baby." Whenever you talked like that to Minghao you knew would effect him and give him a slight hint at what's in store for tonight.

It must have worked because Minghao hummed, something he did when he was flustered or horny. "I can't wait."

With that, you hung up and began getting everything ready. You ran around the room, looking through drawers, putting things away, cleaning and making sure everything looked nice for when your boyfriend arrived.

...

As soon as you finished, you heard the front door shut, followed by a call of your name. You glanced in the mirror as you wore the new set of lingerie you bought for tonight, a shade of dark blue that Minghao just adored you in. You slowly walked down the stairs, seeing the latter taking off his shoes and stopping in his tracks once he noticed you.

"H-Holy shit," Minghao stuttered, taking in the way you looked—swallowing harshly. He suddenly felt a wave of blood rush down south and he chuckled shyly. "You look amazing, Y/N."

You smiled confidently, "Thank you baby. Now, why don't we go upstairs, and I tell you what my surprise is for you, hm?"

Minghao merely nodded innocently, following behind you like a puppy. At first, you were nervous that you wouldn't be able to get into the dominant headspace. But with how cute and excited Minghao seemed, it made it so much easier. You walked into the bedroom, where Minghao's eyes widened as he stared at your shared bed. On it was a collection of three different types of pretty collars you knew would look good on him.

You two have talked only once, maybe twice, about the things you liked. You expressed things you were into, and so did he. You never forgot that night—after a ton of drinks—when Minghao confessed the kinks of his submissive side. He slurred each word, that he's dreamt of being pegged by you, dominated by you, and collared. You remembered it clearly, despite your mind clouded by the alcohol, because of how much it turned you on to imagine Minghao being the putty in your hands with which you could do whatever you wanted to.

Minghao's mouth opened and closed slightly, clearly at a loss for words.

Smirking, you chose a collar that you noticed peaked his interest. It was a simple pink collar with the words "Baby" engraved on it. You grabbed it and looked at your boyfriend, noticing the bulge in his pants. "Excited?"

Minghao nodded aggressively as he looked up slightly so you could put the collar on. Minghao was more than excited. He could feel his heartbeat in his ears, his cock wouldn't stop twitching and—for the love of god—he couldn't wait to see what else you had in store for him.

"Strip for me," you said after the collar was secured around Minghao's neck. He obeyed and lifted his shirt, taking it off, quickly followed by his pants. You stopped him before he took off his boxers, "Let me." You sunk to your knees, holding eye contact with him as your fingertips lightly traced his hips. Minghao shuddered and his eyes closed slightly. You let your fingers slip under the band of his boxers and began pulling them down painfully slow.

After you were done with being a tease, his boxers were off and you took a moment to admire him. He's so pretty, you thought. You smiled and told him to lay on the bed as you said there was one more thing you needed to get. Minghao laid on the bed, resting on his elbows. "What are you doing!" You heard him shout from the room. He was more than excited—ecstatic, glad that you decided to surprise him—especially like this. His cock was already hard, slightly leaking a bit of precum.

You returned with a polaroid camera. He had a confused look on his face. "This," you paused, "is for me." Knowing Minghao as a photographer on the side gave you this idea. You knew he would be able to appreciate the human's naked body, not seeing it as something so lewd but as something beautiful. Minghao has taken pictures of you during sex before, and you couldn't lie, it turned you on knowing he most likely still has them saved somewhere in his phone. After he showed you the pictures, you actually began to see your body in a different, better light.

"Y-You're gonna take pictures, of me?" Minghao questioned curiously,

You giggled and instead of responding, you held the camera up to your eye and took a photo. A flash temporarily blinding Minghao, making him blink while blushing. "You're always taking pictures of art, and now, I'm gonna do the same." Smiling, you continued to capture Minghao from various angles. One was of his neck and collar, another of him looking at the camera a certain way that made your clit throb, one of his torso, another one of his red-tipped cock, and more. You took about seven pictures, not wanting to waste anymore time. "You ready for your next surprise?"

Minghao nodded, letting out a shuddering breath.

You smirked and put down the camera on the nightstand, near all of the rest of the pictures that was taken. You walked closer to him, climbing on top of him. Minghao's hands instinctively went to your waist and you captured his lips in a kiss. The kiss was soft, yet needy. Both of your tongues gliding against each other with heavy breathing and sloppy noises following suit. You felt his cock brush against your clothed core, making you and Minghao moan softly. Breaking the kiss, you began grinding yourself against his bare cock, loving how hard he was already. Your hands smoothed his chest while he watched your every move, eager to see what you would do next. Minghao gasped as your fingers toyed with his nipples, never knowing how sensitive they really were—nor how much it would turn him on. "You like that baby?"

Minghao swallowed a moan, nodding and pushing his head back into the sheets. "Y-Yes," he whispered.

You continued to grind against him as you leaned down to leave fresh hickeys onto the skin above the collar around his neck. "We're gonna try something new tonight baby." Minghao made a noise, impatiently waiting for you to continue. You stood up and took out a box you had under the bed, filled with the toys you two used on special occasions and whatnot. Minghao sat up and looked at you curiously. His hair was in disarray, his pupils blown notably and light purple hickeys began to develop—thanks to you. You dug through the box and took out a bottle of lube, along with one of the smaller dildos. Minghao's eyes nearly popped out of his head when he connected the dots and realized what was going to happen. "Lay on the bed," you ordered yet in a sweet voice.

Minghao shuffled around the bed and did what you told. You got on the bed in front of him, running your hand up and down his chest. His cock laid against his abdomen, the tip an angry red while his cheeks matched the color. "What are you gonna do to me?" He asked while shifting the pillows behind him so he could watch what you do to him.

With a chuckle, you opened the bottle of lube, slowly spreading it on two of your fingers. "I'm gonna prep you baby." You gripped his thigh, making him open his legs wider. Your middle finger traced around his hole, making him gasp at weird feeling. You shushed him, "I want you to relax for me honey, okay? It's gonna hurt for a bit, but it'll hurt worse if you're too tense."

Minghao took a deep breath, "I-Is there a safe word?"

You smiled at how wrecked he already sounded. "How about red?"

He nodded and told you to give him a moment. Minghao took a couple more deep breaths.

Between those breaths, you decided to help him by taking his length in your hand, making his breath hitch. You slowly stroked him, swiping your thumb across his tip. You used the lube that coated your fingers to slick his cock, hearing his muffled moans slightly. "That feel good, Hao?"

"Y-Yes," he said breathlessly, sounding so cute yet so hot.

You stopped momentarily, to coat your two fingers on your other hand with the lube and continued to stroke Minghao. You wanted to make sure that he would still be able to relax and enjoy both sensations. When you knew he would be fine, you put a few drops of lube on his hole, making him gasp once more.

"I-It's cold," he giggled.

You laughed slightly, "Alright baby, you ready?"

After Minghao silently nodded in response, you slowly inserted one of your fingers inside of him. He winced, trying to focus on the feeling of your hand wrapped around his cock rather than your finger inside of his ass. He had to admit, it did hurt, and feel weird, but he wanted this—and you. The whole situation was new and slightly strange for the both of you but Minghao adapted quickly.

After a couple of seconds, Minghao told you to move. You obliged and slowly began to thrust your finger in him. "You okay, baby?"

He breathed out heavily, "Y-Yeah."

You moved your finger inside of him at a set pace, making sure not to go too fast. "Ready for another?" Your thumb swiped the tip of his cock once more, making him moan before muttering a quiet yes. You added your other finger even slower than the first, nervous that Minghao would tell you to stop because it hurt. But after hearing the whine that tore out of his throat instead, threw those thoughts out the window and sent a wave of pleasure straight down to your core. "That feel good, Hao?"

"Y-Yes. P-Please, a little faster," he breathed out, swallowing a moan.

Smirking, you tightened your grip on his cock, slipping it in between your index and middle finger and stroking him. Minghao whined more, his moans only making your underwater damper. You were so ready to ruin him that it made your loins ache with heat. You looked up at Minghao, seeing his eyes screwed shut and his eyebrows furrowed together while his mouth hung open, releasing quiet breaths. His chest rose up and down, a thin layer of sweat covering it. You pushed your finger further in Minghao, curling ever so slightly. He cried out, grasping the sheets and biting his lip. "You're doing so good, baby." You breathed, stroking Minghao's cock faster.

Minghao gulped, "T-Thank you," he paused afterwards. "W-What should I call you?"

Your brain stuttered for a moment. You hadn't thought of Minghao calling you anything other than your name or a simple pet name. You racked your memories of names subs would call their doms.

Girls can be called master, right? Yeah, who cares? You're in charge. "Call me master, baby boy."

"T-Thank you mast- ah!" Minghao moaned when he felt your fingers curl in him once again and thumb swipe the tip of his cock. He was getting close, feeling all sorts of sensitive to the new feeling. Minghao would've never guessed he could get off with your fingers in him rather than the other way around, but boy could he get used to it.

Your hand continued to work on his cock, moving at the right paces that you knew would help bring him closer to the edge. Your fingers moved in and out of him, going deeper and curling at the right moments. You were a pro, Minghao thought. Of course you would be. You spent plenty of your years single and lonely, only having your fingers to satisfy your needs. He never knew fingers could feel so good..

When Minghao's moans began getting shorter and higher, you warned him. "You can only cum when I say so, if you want to you have to ask. Got it?"

"Y-Yes Master, can I cum?" He looked down at you with cute, innocent eyes.

You smirked, "Only good boys with manners can cum, baby. Hold it." Maybe you were being a bit harsh, but this new role brought out a different side of you that you didn't know you had.

Minghao tried to shuffle away from your hand and fingers, struggling to hold back his orgasm. He whines softly, his head thrown back and his eyes shut tight.

"If you keep moving baby, you won't cum at all." After that, you had pressed another finger inside of him gently and continuing to move in and out of him.

Minghao whined louder, "Please, please, Master, please let me cum." His head writhed against the pillows behind him, his eyebrows and eyes tight together.

Your eyes widened slightly, shocked at how desperate Minghao was. You felt him pulse around your fingers and you thrusted them inside of him faster. His whines were achingly loud, making your clit throb. "Cum for me, baby."

As soon as Minghao heard those words, he released the loudest moan, stilling completely and cum shooting out of his cock. His head pushed against the white pillows, his collared neck exposed as you watched his adam's apple bob. Minghao's mouth hung open, small gasps exiting his throat.

"Such a good boy for me, Hao. Aren't you?" You glanced at him, his eyes shut and chest falling up and down as he nodded slightly.

"Y-Yes, Master."

You hummed as you released your hold on his softening cock and wiped your fingers off. "We're not done yet, baby." Minghao swallowed, sitting up. His eyes were hooded, eyes darker and pupils dilated in a way that made you eager to wreck further. "On your hands and knees." You purred as you grabbed the dildo you had set on the bed before you two started. Minghao did as you asked, facing toward the headboard and waiting for your next command.

"I-I'm a little nervous," he confessed quietly.

You smiled at his honesty, resulting in you leaving a kiss of reassurance on his shoulder. "I'm right here, baby. If anything hurts too much or if you want to stop at any time, please just let me know, okay?"

Minghao looked back at you, biting his lip anxiously. "You wouldn't be mad?" He raised his eyebrows curiously.

You couldn't help but smile larger at his cuteness, "Of course I wouldn't honey. I would never pressure you into doing anything that you weren't comfortable with." Your heart swelled with love for Minghao as you opened the bottle of lube once more and began to spread it along the dildo.

"E-Even if," he trailed off, hesitant to say what he was planning to, "if, you were in the middle of fucking me?"

Your action stuttered for a split second, caught off guard by how innocent Minghao sounded saying something so explicit. "Y-Yes," you replied. "Even if I was fucking you, if you wanted to stop, I would. Just say the word, baby."

"Okay," was all he added before turning back to the headboard.

"Do you think you're ready for this, or do you want my fingers, baby?"

Minghao shuddered at the way you asked, feeling dirty about the whole situation. But he was ready for something just slightly bigger, and his cock twitched at the thought of you fucking him the way he's done to you countless times before. "I-I'm ready," he said.

"Are you sure?" You questioned when you noticed he seemed a little hesitant again.

"I'm sure, I promise."

You nodded silently as you took some more lube and spread it on Minghao's entrance, making him moan slightly. You pressed the dildo against him. It was a smooth light pink dildo that Minghao had gotten you months ago for your birthday, and what you almost forgot was that it doubled as a vibrator too. You looked at the bottom of the dildo, seeing the switches and modes of vibrations it had. You smirked as you eased it inside of him slowly.

Minghao winced, "I-It feels w-weird." Minghao closed his eyes, trying to relax somewhat.

Before you were going to say anything, you let the dildo slip inside of him until the hilt stopped you. "How are you doing?"

"Mm, I'm okay, give me a second." He breathed in and out of his nose, before a moan choked out of his throat.

You had switched the toy on, starting at the lowest setting. You wanted Minghao to feel good and help him ease up. "This should make things feel a little bit better." You ran your hand down his back, gripping his ass.

Minghao moaned aloud again as he bucked his hips forward. "A-ah, i-it feels, s-so good."

You tugged on Minghao's collar, making him choke slightly as you pulled him upwards to kiss him. Minghao held the side of your face with his hand, his head strained towards you as your tongues mingled together. You bit the bottom of his lip, earning a moan from him and making you smirk in return. Your hand snaked down his body, gripping his cock. "M-Master," he breathed, gasping as he felt your thumb swipe across his slit.

"Yes, baby?" You teased, stroking him slowly.

He bit back another moan, "P-Please, m-move it."

"You want me to move the toy in you, baby boy?"

Minghao whined at the pet name, nodding his head shyly. "Please, Master."

You smiled at how obedient he was. You obliged and gripped the base of the buzzing dildo. Slowly, you began to move it out of Minghao and easing it back in. You heard him let out a long, drawn out moan. "Like that?" You questioned, seeing him move his hands and lay on his forearms.

"F-Faster," he rasped. His breathing was heavy, shallow as he gripped the sheets from pleasure of the vibrations inside him.

Doing as he told, you began to thrust the toy inside of him a bit faster. Hearing his moans was making your pussy ache even more, knowing for sure there would be a dark, wet spot on your underwear. Your clit developed its own heartbeat, only beating harder after each moan that slipped out of Minghao's pretty lips. You thought of those lips around your clit, biting back a moan. You wanted this to go faster, faster so that Minghao would cum, then make you cum.

You added a bit more lube to the exposed part of the dildo, pushing it back inside him. You moved the toy quicker, hearing Minghao whine each time the base hit against him. "Fuck, that f-feels so good, Master. P-Please, don't stop." Your finger flipped the switch to the second setting, the vibrator buzzing faster and a bit harsher.

Minghao let out a surprised cry, scratching at the sheets. He let out broken moans, one following after another.

"You close again, baby?" You grabbed the toy and began fucking him even faster, making him moan louder.

"Y-Yes.." he whispered, his face laying against the pillow while his ass was up in the air for you.

"Remember what I told you." You merely said, relentlessly thrusting the vibrator deep inside of him.

"Please! Please, please Master! Can I cum? I-I'm so, close." He begged, looking back at you on his hands with his eyes slightly glossed over while his cheeks developed a dark pink hue.

Minghao's hair was tussled, his bangs covering his eyes, along with his flushed face, you couldn't resist. "Go ahead."

He came with a loud, drawn moan, bordering a scream. His body twitched as he stilled and fall back onto the pillow under him. The room was silent minus Minghao's heavy breaths and the buzzing of the vibrator still inside of him. You turned the toy off, slowly pulling it out of him. Minghao gasped at the friction and sighed when it was out. You cleaned up most of the cum that had landed on the sheets under him, not wanting him, or yourself, to lay in it.

"You okay, baby boy?" Rubbing his back, you shifted next to him to look at his face, making sure you didn't hurt him.

He quietly nodded, "I'm perfect," he said.

You moved closer to him, capturing him in a slow, sensual kiss. He moaned into the kiss as your tongue glided over his. You pulled away slowly, "You've been very good for me, Hao." You got up from the bed, rummaging through the box again and taking out something that was out of Minghao's view.

"Mhm?" He said, waiting for you to continue. You turned to face him again and he visibly and audibly swallowed. "You said that you've wanted me to fuck you before, right?"

Minghao was speechless, mouth opening and closing, unable to form words. You wore a strap-on that you had bought weeks ago in preparation for tonight, and you couldn't wait to see his reaction—which frankly is better than you could've imagined.

Minghao's cock twitched as he recalls the night he confessed that to you. Just a moment ago with the dildo was incredible but having his own girlfriend fuck him? He could feel another orgasm coming already. He nodded his head once he got out of his thoughts, eager for you to be inside of him.

"You're gonna be good for me, right baby?" You said getting back on the bed and positioning yourself in front of him. He nodded as you grabbed a pillow for him to lay on top of. "Good. And I hope you know I'm just as excited for this as you are."

Minghao's face began to blush whilst his ears did the same, a cute habit that you always adored about him. "R-Really?"

You nodded as you spread the lube along your strap. Minghao gulped, letting out a whine. "H-Hurry, p-please. I-I want you, in me already." He said, voice lowering to a whisper as he confessed his needs.

Holding back a moan, you looked at him with a lustful stare. "Desperate for me to fuck you, aren't you baby?"

Minghao moaned at your words, feeling his cock twitch. "Mhm," he hummed.

You did as he so cutely said and gripped his thighs, slowly easing yourself into him. He winced slightly as you watched his face intently, keeping an eye out for any uncomfortable expressions. Neither of you could believe this was happening. Out of both of your comfort zone's yet still feeling somehow natural.

"You okay?" You asked as your strap filled him up to the hilt.

He nodded, his eyes shut. "You can move," Minghao said timidly.

"Are you sure baby?" You were afraid you would hurt him or get too caught up in the moment and hurt him.

"Please, Master, fuck me." Was all he said, his words and voice sending a strong pulse to your clit. Everything that you thought before those words left Minghao's mouth, were long gone. You clenched onto his thighs and began doing as he told you to.

Slapping noises filled the room, along with Minghao's moans with each thrust inside him. You kept your eyes on his, seeing every detail and feature that appeared on his face. "Such a dirty boy for me, aren't you, Hao?"

Minghao threw his head back, letting out a high pitched whine, "Y-Yes, Master. O-Only for you." He said, his mouth gaping open.

It was strange to be on the receiving end of what would usually come out of your mouth when Minghao would fuck you the way you are to him. It was strange, but it gave you a whole new sense and feel of power that left you craving more.

Your hips snapped against his as you took one of your hands and grabbed his length—which was leaking profusely onto his stomach—and began to jerk him off while you fucked him. Minghao's face contorted in a state of pleasure you had never seen him in. He gripped the sheets so hard, you could see the whites of his knuckles. "Such a good boy for me, baby."

Minghao moaned at your words, biting his lip. He was so hard and so turned on and so close to cumming again, it embarrassed him. His hand wrapped around your wrist, stopping your movements. "P-Please," he gasped. 

"Please what, baby?" You asked, slowing down your hips slightly.

"Just, f-fuck me, please." He stuttered, swallowing dryly and letting out a broken moan.

You smirked, "Remember who's in charge here, baby boy." And without saying anything else, you bucked your hips faster. "Like that, baby?"

"Yes, please. H-Harder." Minghao grabbed one of your hands that was on his hip and intertwined your fingers together. 

You smiled, contradicting what you were doing to Minghao at the moment. "You're so cute baby, am I fucking you good?"

He panted, eyes squeezing shut. "Yes! You're fucking me s-so good Master, p-please don't stop. I-I'm close."

You let go of Minghao's hand to move your position. You knew that there was a certain spot in you Minghao would hit when he moved your legs over his shoulders--so that's what you did. You moved his legs onto your shoulders and shifted your position, hopefully hitting inside Minghao deeper.

Minghao yelled, "R-Right there! F-Fuck, I-I'm gonna cum-" Minghao grabbed your arm, gripping it tightly as he shoved his head into the pillow. His hips twitched and he felt his eyes roll to the back of his head. Cum shot out of his cock and onto his stomach, also splashing onto his collar. He let out a whine, developing into a moan that broke as his voice got higher. Minghao collapsed slightly, letting out a huff of breath.

You laughed slightly, seeing him worn out and sweaty, not even caring that he came without your permission. His hair stuck to his forehead, tiny droplets falling onto his cheeks while a layer of sweat covered his bare torso. You slowly pulled out of Minghao, making him wince. You tossed it onto the floor and stood up to make a trip to the bathroom to get a wash rag to clean Minghao up.

When you returned, you took a second to admire him. You quietly grabbed the camera off the bedside table and took a quick photo. Minghao seen the flash and felt your presence and turned to you. He giggled, "That was, probably the best anniversary gift you've ever given me." He said, out of breath.

You chuckled as you approached him, cleaning off the semi dried cum on his stomach. "I'm glad that it didn't go south."

Minghao hummed, "You didn't cum though." He mentioned, taking off his collar and rubbing his neck slightly.

You waved a hand at him, signaling that you didn't mind. "You can make it up to me on our next anniversary."

He smirked, and grabbed your hand, pulling you on top of him. "I'll make sure you can't walk for weeks, baby girl."

--

a/n: wow i finally posted! hope u guys enjoyed this, i know i did ;)

[9w1ft]

that time The Swift Life directly interacted with us not once or twice but five times

thought i’d take a stroll down memory lane back to nearly two years ago, when i started noticing that taymoji gifts being given out by the main app account included captions that seemed to mirror kaylor topics and events.

for reference... one of the objectives of the TSL app was to collect “taymoji” stickers, through blind packs that could be opened after you charged a gauge by liking people’s posts. (for a visual explanation, you can check out my taymoji guide. download the ppt to enable slide animations.) some taymoji were ridiculously hard to get at random... there were 653 taymojis in total, and for a period of 7 and a half months The Swift Life account gave out some of the rare ones as gifts on their feed. there were 128 rare/super rare taymoji options.

interaction one: 2018/8/1 Puzzle Heart..

after showcasing some interest in the taymoji gifts during june and july 2018, making posts, and crafting a theory of what they all could mean, i had seen a through line in terms of the overall message being conveyed.... but was unsure of any of this was real because, you know 🤡.

so i posted here on tumblr for the taymoji goddesses to send me sign, almost as a joke...

and the TheSwiftLife account gave out a puzzle heart with the flavor text “put the pieces together”

interaction two, 2018/8/29 Rabbit…

following a week of ttb using the emoji rabbit to welcome some anons into the kaylor fandom, TheSwiftLife gave out a rabbit, which has the flavor text “fell down the rabbit hole” and was captioned in the post as “hop to it!”

interaction three: 2018/9/12 Pixel Art Heart..

things felt surreal when the rabbit gift happened, so i figured i’d test breaking the fourth wall. i challenged them to a puzzle: i asked TSL here on tumblr to show me a sign that proved they knew me and saw me.

i said there was one taymoji out of them all (of which there are 653) that represented me. i had envisioned the pixel art heart taymoji of the New Romantics pack, as it says in my profile here that i am a pixel artist… i assumed if TSL wanted to respond to my request, they’d poke around my blog and make that connection.

13 days after i made the post,

they gave out that exact one. in response, i mentioned what a lovely birthday present this was, as it was coming 13 days before my birthday (i’m born on 9/25)

incidentally this is why i freaked at the pixel art heart ring that she wore in the ME! video... i procured one myself, as a memento of this crazy time...

interaction four: 2018/9/21 Birthday Balloons…

between the pixel heart and this next gift, some stuff went down and i grew suspicious that kimby could be spearheading the TheSwiftLife account and/or a popular moderator account (...this didn’t end up being entirely correct, oops 🤡... ). i private messaged my guess to taylor on TSL (there was a “secret message for taylor” function on the app) assuming whoever was on the other side could read it.... i think that got lost in the mail lmao. without being particularly clear, i vagueposted here on tumblr “i know who you’ve been, and i take it you want me to share?”

The next gift that TheSwiftLife gave out were a set of red balloons from the Mine pack,

with the caption “Speak now if it’s your birthday this month” ... which it was, and i had mentioned so when the pixel art heart was given out.

interaction five: 2018/10/1 Umbrella…

i felt cleared to post my theory! but even so, i was very hesitant... it felt, again, unreal.

so, i put up one more test… i asked here on tumblr something in the form of a riddle. i designed a question, of which could be perfectly answered by the flavor text of one taymoji in particular. knowing the full range of taymoji possibilities, i picked the flavor text of a taymoji that had never been given out, and a double-rare one (which weren’t given out often)

i posted my question: do you have my back even if it rains down on me? and the next gift given out was

the very umbrella i expected, which has the flavor text “Don’t worry. I’ve got you covered!”

~~~

this span of time in particular (not limited to, but especially) is why i have a hard time not believing kaylor is real. lyrics... symbols... can be analyzed and interpreted in a ton of interesting ways, referencing many fields of culture and academia... and i like all that... but for me personally, it’s these fourth wall breaks that really get to me. why would taylor’s team let any of this fly, that is, why would they allow a bubbly and vocal kaylor experience this if kaylor wasn’t true? it is also why i’m just not one to give up on sticking around... despite everything that has happened. there was just too much effort being put in and i owe it to them to stick around and find ways to be useful so long as they’ll have me 😘

i encourage everyone to look through my blog archive from August 2018 to February 2019 to see how it played out! sorry i’m too lazy to link everything in this post... it won’t take that long to look up on my archive though and i think it’s more interesting than just this post. there’s some great clownery that happens of which i am extremely proud 🥰

as i said at the time, some epic sh*t was positively afoot, my darlings.

[newproletarians]

new proletarians

Alright, so I’m feeling a few things. I’m angry and confused at the world and my place in it, and I don’t want to lose sight of my heart. The reason that’s even on the table is that I feel—in a very real, day-to-day sense—the urge to just let it callous over with grey boogers, or whatever callouses over the hearts of Squidwards everywhere. Regular old life can do that to a devastating degree, but so can the usual suspects—things like real trauma and tragedy. I’d like to say I’ve experienced a little of both at this point in my young life, but I’m still fighting the calcification of my heart. Let’s hope that in just throwing my brain at the proverbial wall, some things stick that are worth sticking. Maybe my clarity can also be yours, reader. Maybe we can snuggle up with ourselves tonight, content that we know what the fuck is going on in the world, and smugly abstain from that which our friends could never imagine abstaining from, and which we’ve known we’ve needed to abstain from for decades. Whatever. It’s wordy. It’s a fucking blog, future me. They’re supposed to contain words. Also, maybe, if I’m writing a blog where the over 50% of the audience is myself, writing it is supposed to feel at least a little similar to masturbating.

Where to begin? Well, let’s start with this: I am a college-educated youth who attended what’s commonly referred to as the best public university in the world. I received a rolled up piece of paper symbolizing a degree on a stage with other students and professors a year and a half ago. So it’s recent. And right off the bat, in my young adulthood, I have a chip on my shoulder, having that big qualifier of “public.” I went to the world’s fanciest college... for the proletariat. What does that mean? For me, this brings to mind a lot of issues having to do with the distribution of wealth in the United States, in addition to what the hell is going on economically here and in the world—but that’s something to get into later. The more pressing issue is what the hell the role of a college-educated young person is today. DFW pretty succinctly laid out an idea of what that could be in his famous address. His point was basically that college (specifically, a liberal arts education) gives you the critical thinking skills necessary to be able to get through life under capitalism (or whatever you want to call the current regime) without going crazy. I think we can do better than that. Also, fuck it, I’m giving myself permission to be temporarily pissed off, because fuck that, dude. I know that rage isn’t always an indicator of fruitful conversation, but I gotta let some steam out somewhere. I’m sure that it’ll only lead to me being better down the line. God—I am pissed. About how we’re deciding to go about talking through issues we’re having as a society (on Twitter, but also in comments sections and in NY Times articles). I have so much anger, I’m just now realizing, and I need to process it without stupidly burning myself out on it. It’s a subject for later, and not what we’re talking about right now. Right now, we’re talking about the role of the college-educated youth today. I think we’re getting somewhere, too. I don’t think the role of the college-educated youth in today’s scenario is to correct their friends and families, nor is it to Tweet about how embarrassing, vulgar, or otherwise horrible stupid people are—however embarrassing, vulgar, or otherwise horrible they may be. The role, to me, has to do with learning this stuff. Learning about systems of power, systems of abuse (many of which hum merrily along in universities—looking at you, Searl. [My anger, you guide me, but you also lead me astray]).Staying ON POINT. The way it has to do with these things is that today’s C.E.Y. needs to notice them, understand them, then DO something about them. There are, for instance, things that we learn about privilege and prejudice in university that we may be tempted to hurl at our elders back home as insults. Our jobs, as young students, are to be sexy, fashionable, charismatic stewards of the new age. Instead of yelling at our parents about being racist, we should, say, intervene in a subtle way that guides rather than punishes. That preserves trust and connection in relationships while simultaneously doing our best to right centuries-old wrongs. But this is about so much more than that. Our role is about how we conduct ourselves as the nations intelligentsia. But that’s a question. I’m not answering it here, try as I might. I still don’t know how I feel about it. It stretches into all corners of life, this role. For instance, into several things in my life I’m mad about.

For instance, I kind of hate my closest loved ones. Oops. That’s where I’m at. Am I supposed to ignore these feelings? They’re there, they’ve been there, and if I know anything about our brains, it’s that feelings shouldn’t be ignored. That’s what dumb ass patriarchs think. The funniest/saddest part of that is that they, said dumb asses, tell themselves that suppressing their feelings is the manly thing to do. It’s honestly just the cowardly thing to do. Men are so afraid of confronting their feelings that they would rather go their entire life wearing a life three sizes too small than mention a thing about it. Anyway. They’re conditioned to feel this way by their surroundings. This—this is a great point that I would love to be a major takeaway here. The thing about being educated is that you’re aware of systems, that systems need to be changed. Fault the people who can change the systems, if anyone, but really, even they are just products of the system. The good thing is that, as a powerless mass of atomized society, we have been created by these systems knowing SOME things that are wrong with it. Now we, the crumbs of dust living in and created by the gargantuan grandfather clock of life, have the sentience necessary to band together and make switch out some gears. Picture a big hand of made of dust, fixing the clock. That’s us. That’s what the role of college educated students is today. But that’s not so much the point of this paragraph, so much is the fact that I kind of hate my closest loved ones—which feels so good to say. My best friends, for instance, are really rough individuals. One is an obvious, obnoxiously insecure, compulsive liar. He’s not super tall and weighs almost 300 pounds. It’s not nice to say this stuff, but the purpose of life isn’t to be nice about everybody all the time in your own head, or on your own anonymous blog. He alienates everyone I bring him around with his bizarre persona. His insecurity is so deep that I shit you not, almost a majority of the interactions I’ve had with him would very reasonably get a “come on,” response from anyone. He has to create little talking points to make his life feel acceptable. He’s one of those people who constantly refers conversations back to their insecurities, and how they feel so secure about them, for this reason and that reason. It’s like, Christ, man. Come on. I feel a lot more ways about this, but I’m a little scared he’ll see this some day. I’m worried he’s going to die young, because he is extremely overweight. His doctor said he’s a few months away from a heart attack/stroke unless he takes immediate action, which it seemed like he was taking initially, but it doesn’t really seem like it anymore. I don’t know. The whole situation feels extremely choked by our inability to just communicate with our fucking words. And yes, I am sounding angry, I’m not actually this angry, but consider these the bubbles from a can of soda that’s been shaken. What will be left is the only-slightly-bubbled soda. That’ll come soon. For now, there are bubbles. New paragraph.

The point that I was trying and failing to get to in the previous paragraph is that I don’t like this guy. He has a lot of great qualities, and he’s certainly not a bad person to have in one’s life—as in, he’ll never cheat on his spouse, and he’ll always go the extra mile for his friends in a certain sense. But I don’t. I wish I could just talk to him about this weird, bizarre, fucking deal breaking shit, but I just can’t. Our communication is choked. I don’t think it’s his fault, though. I think it’s to do with overlapping systems of culture that make it difficult. Maybe. Maybe that’s not the point here, and the real point is just that I feel stuck in that situation. Moving on.

(TW: sexual assault)

Another friend is a fucking bona fide sexual assaulter. He practically got #metoo’d, on a personal level. His gf broke up with him because he sexually assaulted the female half of their best-friend-couple. He fingered her while sharing a bed with her and his gf, for some confusing reason. We talked about it and he gave me this wordy, bizarre, incongruent tale of what happened. It involved a LOT of details and qualifiers. When I talked to the dude half of the couple, the guy who was (and still is) with the woman who got assaulted, he said that my friend just straight up did a ton of nonconsensual shit. He also said that when his gf told other people, more people came forward saying this guy had been creepy to other women in their friend circle. This friend absolutely has a history of gaslighting and successfully avoiding trouble by forcing his way. I need to talk to him, but again, fucking choked. I have no ability to have any kind of “real talk” with him. We do not have a venue, and the prospect of confrontation is absolutely debilitating to the average WASP-y dude. Which brings us to our next situation.

I have a great friend I met in undergrad. She is very well-liked, and while I definitely don’t agree with everything she thinks, I really value her friendship. Her boyfriend is a fucking nightmare. Not really, honestly. There are actual nightmare boyfriends. This boyfriend is more of a waking nightmare. The kind of nightmare that becomes worse because it’s so hard to call out. It just keeps going. I’ve kept CLOSE track, and every SINGLE time I’ve hung out with them as a couple, this guy crosses the line. He says condescending, mean, weird, bizarre, shit that... there’s just no better way to say it than he crosses a line that normal people don’t cross. I haven’t counted, but we’ve probably hung out close to 30 times. Every time it happens, every time I give him another chance. I got a little counseling about this situation from a friend’s mom, just in casual conversation, and her advice was to figure out what in me upset me about this guy. At that point, I realized that what Eric Andre said is true: advice is stupid. Also, that I am not going to run my life based on what this person, who I previously looked up to in a god-like way when it came to relationships, says. I am going to figure it out on my own, because it seems like everybody’s solution to relationship issues is to never talk about them, or to have some kind of inner-peace solution that makes getting abused not suck so bad (looking at you, DFW). Ugh. Okay. Moving on, again. Because yep, there’s so, so much more. Again, asking questions here, not answering them.

Also, if you’re reading this and thinking “damn, bro, your life is boring,” that’s my point. This is just normal life. These are just normal people. This is the water we’re swimming in. It’s fucking tense, man. Living in the United States is tense.

I’m running out of steam at this point, but God damn it. My brothers are dick holes. And we’re great friends. They are guys who don’t ever cause a fuss, avoid confrontation at all costs, and are nothing but rewarded for it. Sometimes I think I have something to learn from them in that regard. But is that really the life we want to live? Just don’t communicate your issues? It’s just frustrating. They act superior to others, but are categorically unable to have an honest, undiplomatic conversation. They act superior to others, and are treated as superior. It feels a little like talking to robots, talking to them, decoding what they’re saying to ascertain how they may actually be feeling in a given moment. I have no idea how they feel about me. Or anything. I don’t even think they know or care. I think they just get by, and they’re rewarded for it.

Alright, moving right along. My dad. Damn do I want to not talk to that guy. I can’t talk about anything real with him. It’s like playing ping pong where the other person can only hit the ball if it goes where his paddle already is, and his paddle’s made out of glass. 

This is a sample of some real life issues I am dealing with, spoken as honestly as possible, as is evidenced by the rampant spelling and grammatical errors. College works into this as the thing that has given me recourse for dealing with this stuff. As a college educated youth, I can approach life in an informed, good way. This is life. Etc.

What am I walking away with? Well, I now know for sure that I have a lot of shit to work through. MAYBE more than one Tumblr post. Also, I guess I am proving that people still Tumbl in 2021. I am starting to really understand what the questions I have are. I think part of my issue stems from some feeling of being “out of the loop,” or having some natural, in-set outrage about not understand what’s going on, which was founded by years of being the same height as the people around me’s knees, being the youngest person in my family. Everyone around me were skyscraper people with adult conversations happening way up there. It’s a little imposter syndrome, I think, too. It comes from being the youngest, I think, too. Mixed with a natural sensitivity that I’ve noticed people like me have. 

My goal is to get better at living my life. That involves understanding how I want to live, it involves understanding what my values really are, thinking through them a little, and more. I think it’s really worth it. In the meantime, I am not a work in progress. I am a fucking careful, cool, bright, talented guy who is not perfect, but is working on it. And I am going to postpone making any big decisions about my personal life until I get some clarity.

I thought I’d get more to the subject of the new proletarians, which is something I was thinking about today when listening to Harmontown and asking myself questions about what college is for if it just makes us unemployable, debt-ridden, twitter douchers. Anyway. We’ll get to it again sometime.

This was nice. Let’s do this again sometime.

[shapeshiftinterest]

This Could Be Us But You Playin': badgermao & shadow badgermao (CH 1)

set after fright wig

the sheriff’s department didn’t defeat their shadow versions but still made peace with the king

because the king doesn’t have those fears anymore, the shadow sheriff’s department stopped attacking but didn’t disappear

now all 6 of them are staying at HQ, either until honey and camille come up with a solution, or until they possibly go away on their own (like a timed thing)

big thank you to @daarin-nekoneko‘s tags on THIS shadow badgermao doodle I did, I used one of them as the title for this fic!

story under the read more

This Could Be Us But You Playin' (also on ao3)

Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4

“So, uh. What’re we gonna do with these guys again?“ 

Badgerclops leaned back in his chair to look through the kitchen doorway, their shadow counterparts sitting on the couch and snickering(?) at something on TV. 

It was kind of hard to tell since they didn’t really talk.

The two sheriff’s departments had been evenly matched during their musical number battle, so the original trio had resorted to locking themselves in the harpsichord room with the king.

After talking it out and solving the midnight mirror problem, they’d opened the door to discover the shadow sheriff’s department just hanging around.

Apparently once the king stopped being afraid of their opinions they’d lost interest in fighting their doubles.

The only problem now was that no one knew how to get rid of them.

And so the sheriff’s department decided to bring them to HQ until something could be done.

Mao shrugged and took a long sip from his Lucky Ducky mug. 

“Camille and Honey said they’d work on a way to get rid of them since blasting the king a second was deemed ‘unethical‘,” he air quoted, “and we can’t finish them off ourselves.” 

“Uuuugghhh this is so weird!“ Badgerclops groaned, using his robo arm to snag a bag of Cheddar Paws from the cabinet. 

Only to find the door already open and a different robo arm quickly retreating into the living room.

“HEY!!“ 

He rushed out of his seat just in time to see Shadowclops offering the bag to his couch companion, their own face covered in crumbs, already munching on the handful they'd taken. 

“What the heck man, those were mine!“ Badgerclops stomped over to the couch and jabbed Shadowclops’ chest.

“Um, actually those are mine?“ Mao said tapping his foot. He crossed his arms and raised a brow at the other. 

Badgerclops glanced behind him.

“Whatever man, you know what I mean.“

Shadowclops looked down at the claw pushing into his chest before narrowing their eye and glaring at Badgerclops, shoulders hunching like they were about to square up.

Until Shadow Mao leaned over to put a hand on their partner’s robo arm, closing their eyes and shaking their head. 

They turned to Badgerclops and offered the Cheddar Paws, gesturing to the other side of the couch and ‘smiling’. 

Badgerclops eyed the bag for a few seconds before taking it and sitting on the far right cushion.

“... fine, but only cuz you didn’t eat them all.“ he grumbled.

Mao rolled his eyes and went to sit in-between the Badgerclops’ but it was a tight squeeze.

“Badgerclops, move over. I wanna watch Kento Ken too.“ he said, digging his elbow into the other’s side.

“Dude, quit it. This is as far as I can go, why don’t you move over?“ He smacked Mao’s hand away and elbowed him back.

“I can’t, that’s why you should do it!” 

“No, you!“

At this point they were jostling the whole couch trying to get each other to make some space, until Mao was shoved a little too hard and bumped into Shadowclops.

He’d almost fallen off if it wasn’t for them wrapping an arm around his middle and dragging him back into a sitting position.

“Oops, sorry Mao.“ Badgerclops said sheepishly, picking up a few of the Cheddar Paws that’d dropped onto the carpet and going back to the kitchen for more snacks.

Meanwhile, feeling a little uncomfortable, Mao scrambled out of the shadow person’s grip. 

He looked over to see that Shadow Mao had moved from their seat on the far left cushion to sit in Shadowclops’ lap, and was currently nuzzling their face against their co-hero’s chest.

Mao was sure that if the shadows could make a sound, his counterpart would be purring, loudly.

It was a little weird to see their dopplegangers being so affectionate, but it wasn’t like Mao had never purred whenever he or Badgerclops had been overly stressed when they’d been on the road.

Shadow him was probably just doing that to help his friend because they couldn’t go back to wherever they came from yet.

Yup! Totally normal platonic friend purring due to immense stress.

Badgerclops returned with a ton of snacks and drinks for the Kento Ken marathon that they were apparently gonna watch now. 

He paused for a second at the shadow duo but then just shrugged and scooched Mao over so he could sit down.

Adorabat and Shadowbat had flown in halfway though one of the episodes, both almost completely covered in paint. 

The two deputies stole a few juice pouches and pretzels before Adorabat went to the bedroom, calling down that they could share her bunk. 

Shadowbat gave her guardians a hug, zooming into the dojo to retrieve the rest of the art supplies and flying after their friend.

Mao must’ve fallen asleep, because the next thing he knew he was lying partially on top of Badgerclops. His friend was also asleep, and seemed to have shifted to lie on his back, snoring away with Mao’s cape splayed over both of them.

He turned to check on their shadowy counterparts.

Only to freeze at the sight of them... well it was hard to see, but judging from the light coming from the TV it looked like they were making out.

Huh.

Guess this was happening.

...

NOT!

Mao pushed off the cushy stomach under him and leapt onto the back of the couch, throwing a shuriken at the light switch and startling the shadow creatures. 

Badgerclops flailed awake and fell off the couch.

“What the hell, Mao?!“

“YOU!“ he yelled, pointing at the couple. “Cease your canoodling at once!“

“Man, what are you talking abo- woah!“

Badgerclops had finally noticed the other two. 

Shadowclops was gripping his partner’s hips, holding them steady since they were leaning back a little to look at the other frazzled sheriff. 

The darker hero was still in his lap, one arm slung around the badger’s neck and the other digging their claws into his tool belt.

Shadow Mao tilted their head at the sheriff, as if to say ‘what of it?’.

Mao sporadically waved his free arm, the other on Geraldine’s sheath.

“PDA isn’t allowed here!” he spluttered. 

Shadow Mao quirked a brow at him, letting go of his boyfriend’s tool belt and holding up a finger before gesturing around them.

‘One, we‘re not in public.’

This time he held up two fingers before waving that hand over himself and Shadowclops.

‘Two, nothing we‘re doing can really be called lewd or exposing.’

He then slumped against Shadowclops, resting his head on their chest and lightly bumping them in the chin. 

The taller of the two moved their hands to rest on the cat’s lower back and started rubbing their thumbs in little circles.

Shadow Mao rumbled, closing their eyes in bliss.

Mao was 10 seconds away from going off on them again, probably something about upholding order and personal boundaries or whatever, Badgerclops could feel it.

So before that could happen, he got up and dusted himself off before slinging his angry friend over his shoulder and heading upstairs.

“Wh- Hey! Badgerclops put me down!!“

“Dude! Get off your high horse. They’re just having fun.” 

Mao wriggled a bit but was too tired from his movie nap and previous yelling to do much. 

“This won’t bring chaos, aawww shooshooshooshoosh.” Badgerclops started petting his ears back, the repetitive motion and shushing sounds made Mao’s eyes feel heavy. 

The last thing he saw was Shadow Mao ‘grinning’ at him smugly from the couch.

Mao glared at them, giving out a half-hearted hiss before grumbling and burying his head in Badgerclops’ shoulder.

[gwenastor]

her full name is alaia kaplan, but she sometimes goes by n/a. caucasian cisgender female, twenty-seven years of age, with she / her pronouns. she was last seen working at the phoenix as a bartender and a soldier for valencia's street level sector. ( @redridgeimp​ )

❝ I AM FIRE. IF YOU WANT SOMETHING SWEET, WITH NO OPINION, I AM NOT THE WOMAN FOR YOU. I SPIT FLAMES, OFTEN. ❞

⇨  aesthetics ⍮ deft fingers stained with charcoal and oil paint, the melodic chime of piano keys, delicate digits adorned with moonstone gem rings, a coy smile spread across full crimson lips, long chestnut locks blowing in the cool breeze of a summer’s evening, battered books with dog-eared pages, the silvery glint of old scar tissue, ripped leather jackets and worn jeans, & blades concealed inside combat boots.

BONJOURNO. it me, chrissie, back at it again with a second muse. this gal right here is my fiery sassball alaia. she’s been thru some shit n has seen some shit so expect tons of sarcasm and attitude tbh, oop. once again, you know the drill, show this some luv n i’ll come pester you for plots : )

FUNDAMENTALS.

full name. alaia saphira kaplan.

current age. twenty-seven.

birthday. january twenty-seventh.

gender. cisgender female.

pronouns. she / her.

nationality. turkish.

religion. islam.

hometown. sivas, turkey.

past residence. manhattan, new york city, united states.

current residence. red ridge, nevada, united states.

sexual orientation. bisexual.

romantic orientation. demiromantic.

education. high school graduate.

occupation. soldier for valencia, & bartender at the phoenix.

CONNECTIONS.

birth mother. emel kaplan. †

birth father. kamâl kaplan. 

step-mother. cemile kaplan. 

full blood siblings. none.

step-siblings. none.

maternal grandmother. unknown.

maternal grandfather. unknown.

paternal grandmother. esrin kaplan. †

paternal grandfather. omer kaplan. †

maternal aunts. unknown.

maternal uncles. unknown.

paternal aunts. bahar kaplan.

paternal uncles. none.

PROFICIENCIES.

spoken languages. english, & turkish.

negative traits. capricious, ornery, brusque, reckless, & deceptive.

positive traits. ardent, resilient, independent, determined, & courageous.

strengths. etiquette, bold, rational, practical, original, perceptive, direct, & sociable.

weaknesses. dramatic, impulsive, quick-tempered, insensitive, impatient, risk-prone, unstructured, misses the bigger picture, & defiant.

skills. skilled with blades and various knives, hand-to-hand combat, perception, persuasiveness, good judgment, & able to use initiative.

talents. piano, retaining information, memory recall, knife throwing, & quick thinking.

APPEARANCE.

eye colour. light brown with amber flecks.

hair colour. natural, chestnut brown.

height. five feet, eight inches.

weight. 52 kg.

build. she is considered tall for a female and is of slender stature with mild curves.

dress size. uk size eight / us size four.

shoe size. uk size five and a half / us size six.

scars. a long, silvery one running along half her spine.

tattoos. none.

piercings. one on each earlobe.

prominent feature. wide, dark eyes.

MISCELLANEOUS.

zodiac. aquarius.

element. air.

house. ravenclaw.

myers briggs type. estp-t.

alignment. chaotic good.

enneagram. type seven.

temperament. sanguine.

intelligence type. interpersonal.

character label. the orphic.

past mental disorders. depression.

current mental disorders. depressive episodes.

addictions. cocaine.

vices. lust, wrath, & pride.

virtues. temperance, diligence, & patience.

allergies. peanuts.

diet. vegan.

accent. mostly turkish with a slight american twang.

dominant hand. right.

blood type. b negative.

felonies. none.

vehicle. bottle green 2015 volkswagen beetle.

BACKGROUND.

trigger warnings. implied child abuse, implied child neglect, implied alcoholism, implied violence, a brief mention of adultery, a mention of verbal abuse, mention of death, implied depression, & a brief mention of drugs.

[ tw ; implied child abuse, & neglect. ] Born into a world of devastation and loss, Alaia Kaplan's arrival into this universe was far from being a tranquil one. Instead of the welcoming arms and loving smile of her mother, the first sight the innocent girl witnessed was the weeping of her father. It wasn’t long until his tears eventually turned into angry fists and hatred shining in dark eyes. This was the only form of her father that Alaia knew, the only element of him that she could recall. From the instant she was old enough to figure it out, she knew that her father despised her. She knew that he blamed her for the death of his wife. Regardless of her upbringing, Alaia had remained optimistic and bright; both incredibly intelligent and adept. She was able to captivate others with both her appearance and her capabilities. Those in her company hung off her every word, often discovering themselves enthralled by a charming and sincere young girl. Regardless of her father's secured position within their community, she never looked for more than his approval and his affection. Though neither she ever received.

[ tw ; mentions of alcoholism, infidelity / adultery, & verbal abuse. ] Within the span of ten years, Alaia's father had found himself in the clutches of a bitter yet wealthy woman of upper-class. Soon, this woman became Alaia's stepmother and things only plunged further south afterwards. The woman drank copious amounts of liquor, ran around behind her husbands back, verbally abused Alaia and the list went on. She managed to manipulate her husband, able to further demolish any semblance of a relationship Alaia shared with her distant father. During this time, and within the blink of an eye, the girl turned hostile and indifferent. It was as if she had transformed into a polar opposite version of what she’d always been; metamorphosing into an alternate version of her former self. Once an upbeat and positive child, she became cold, less vibrant; void of both emotion and interest. She picked fights with her stepmother for the sheer kick she got out of it, rebelled against her father and found her once soft heart hardening as a result of years of enduring torment at the hands of her legal guardians.

[ tw ; mention of death, & implied depression. ] It wasn't long until Alaia was shipped off to live with her grandmother and aunt in the Turkish countryside. At first, it had taken the girl quite a while to adjust, to slowly convert into a portion of the person she was as a child. Alaia's adolescent years were a stark contrast to her life with her father. She was respected, admired and genuinely loved. Throughout the duration of her time there, Alaia was homeschooled, taught how to play various instruments, and how to speak multiple languages. She attended ballet lessons, joined art classes, held a strong passion for Literature. However, as all good things do, they come to an end. In Alaia's case, those few blissful years reached a rather abrupt cessation, taking a drastic plummet into darkness. She was eighteen when her grandmother passed away. As a result, Alaia lost control of herself and of her path in life. She spent weeks alone and aimless, wavering on her tracks. It wasn't until she and her aunt moved to New York City that Alaia's life began to turn around one more.

Back home, her aunt had been involved in the diamond industry, ensuring the quality and legitimacy of each rock she was handed. She'd allowed Alaia to shadow her, to study her methodology, and to assist under her direction. It was through this outlet that Alaia grasped the concept of gemology. Of how to examine precious stones and how to value them accordingly. It was a field that the brunette became extremely interested in and equally as intrigued by. Ultimately, in the end, the girl opted to pursue a temporary career in the jewellery business. It was during this period that a then twenty-one-year-old Alaia was approached by a member of a wealthy family, the type of wealth one gained by drug smuggling. She was offered the position of a quality assurance technician in their jewellery company. Little did she know, this meeting wasn't by sheer chance. It transpired that her aunt had connections with the syndicate, having brought her niece to the States to enlist her. It was due to this that the syndicate reached out, only too eager to hire Alaia as they had previously hired her aunt many years before.

[ tw ; mention of drugs. ] In the beginning, Alaia's role within the business was as innocent as she'd expected. She'd spend hours in the back, analysing gems and printing her signature on certificates. Obeying by every rule, following each order and never once questioning her superiors. After months upon months of this process, Alaia soon found herself roped into the world of drug dealing. Of smuggling little white pouches through emerald deliveries only to pass these packages through the appropriate channels. It was through this that she crossed paths with a client who, after many weeks, kindly invited her along to spectate an underground fight that he'd placed a hefty wager on. Immediately Alaia bought into the atmosphere of the arena, of the adrenaline pumping through her veins at the sheer vision of it all. It wasn't long until she wondered how exhilarated she could feel if she was the one in the ring, throwing the punches and sidestepping the blows. It was this passing thought that brought the girl back continually, placing bets and soaking in the ambience of it all. It was no surprise that she wound up deeply engrossed it becoming a part of it all. Thus, she trained as hard as she could, fought as hard as she could, made her mark upon the underground world and gained the respect of opponents and spectators alike.

Fast forward a few years and through her aptitude for fighting and her ability to outwit her opponents, Alaia found herself promoted to a regular within the club. For many months she continued to work at the jeweller's while regularly engaging in underground fights, maintaining a semblance on both worlds without permitting them to collide or spill over into her personal life. Finally, having grown tired and with a lust for change, she bid her time until the empire granted her release. Though she was no fool, packing up her belongings and venturing to finally set roots in Red Ridge. Naturally, she found herself drawn to Rogue’s Club where due to her strength, commitment and determination, a member of Valencia approached her. After some time, Alaia found herself promoted to a soldier. The promotion made sense and once it was offered, the girl seized the opportunity with both hands. All her life she had been determined and destined for greatness, even despite the cruelty of her childhood home. Nowadays, although Alaia continues to partake in arena matches every once in a while, her main priority is her duties as a soldier. Admittedly, it had taken Alaia a decent amount of months to adapt to the city of Red Ridge upon her arrival but eventually, she became well acquainted with her environment; never once wishing to go back to where she came from.

Throughout her twenty-seven years of life so far, Alaia has built herself back up time and time again. With every punch swung her way, physically and metaphorically, she has risen to her feet each time. For as clever as she is, she is just as resilient and stubborn. The need to prove people wrong is almost overwhelming but never to her detriment. While she continues to bear the emotional scars of her past, Alaia refuses to write herself off. She allows herself to admire people, history, art, music but she never grows comfortable enough that she is prepared to show even the people closest to her, her innermost, truest self. As a result of her upbringing, fragments of Alaia are broken beyond repair, lost to the depths of her mind yet deep down inside, the faintest sliver of that optimistic little girl remains. Was this the life she had envisioned for herself when she was a child with big dreams and wide eyes? Not exactly. But was it better than any alternative where she hadn't escaped the clutches of her horrid family? Without a shadow of a doubt. Where she is now is precisely where Alaia wants to be and perhaps this is the exact path she needs to take in order to fully emerge from the ashes of her haunting past.

WANTED PLOTS.

give me all of the connections from friends, frenemies, enemies, hookups, exes, rivals and everything else in between. added bonus if there’s angst or drama. if you have anything in mind feel free to throw it at me, i’m open to the majority of things and have zero triggers so come at me bro !! below you can find some connections i’d love for my lil ball of anger :

you’re a ghost from my past, haunting me. i think it would be very interesting to see alaia come face to face with someone who knew her before her arrival in red ridge. it would be even more interesting if this somebody knows her previous affiliation as a drug smuggler. maybe this person decides to blackmail alaia? or maybe they just want to know why she did what she did? maybe they are an ex-lover? either way, it would be exciting to see that kind of connection play out.

guardian by proxy. given her rebel nature and sarcastic outbursts, i feel that this chaotic girl needs some kind of parental figure in her life. lord knows, she needs one as she’s never had one. perhaps there is one particular person who knows her better than the rest? someone who knows her on a personal level and feels protective over her? maybe this person secretly checks up on alaia and keeps an eye on her from afar. really, this connection has endless possibilities but i feel that alaia having someone in her life that wholeheartedly has her back would help tame her wild side a little.

i don’t trust many but i do trust you. although alaia doesn’t make friends as easily as she did before, there would be one person in her life that she would deem worthy enough to confide in. this would be somebody that she could actually stand to be around and not under any false pretences either. it would have to be somebody that she knows she can trust 100% so for that reason, i would say they would have to be valencia affiliated. either way, i can see this person being someone that alaia actually cares for, somebody that she talks to regularly and spends time with.

there’s no friends like the old friends. this would be somebody who would have known alaia back in turkey or nyc. they could have been close friends or just acquaintances but this person might have known alaia’s family and possibly certain elements of her life when her father remarried. maybe they were a family friend or a friend she made when living with her grandmother. or somebody who knew her from her stint working in nyc. whichever, i imagine this person would be one of the rare people who actually knew the old alaia.

[ericsonclan]

A Moment Frozen In Time

Summary: Willy comes up with a special day of fun for himself and Allison.

Word Count: 1947

Read on AO3:

“Just keep your eyes closed a minute longer!” Willy’s voice broke through the stillness in Allison’s mind as she walked hand in hand with him through the winter snow. Her bare feet drifted through the snow silently, completely unaffected by the chill. It was part and parcel of being an ice maiden: she never felt the cold. As they walked though, her nose tickled a bit as snowflakes began to gather atop it. She wrinkled her nose, trying to loosen the buildup without making a sound.

“Oh shit! Your nose!” Willy’s mittened fingers roughly brushed against Allison’s nose, removing the tiny pile of snow building there. “Sorry. I know you mentioned your skin attracts snow, but I didn’t think it’d get clumped on your face like that,” Suddenly his footsteps stopped. “OK, we’re here!”

Allison opened her eyes and saw… nothing. Well, nothing of interest. They were standing outside the gym at Ericson High beside the empty ice-covered football field. No one else was around since the grounds were closed for winter break. Willy stood with his arms outstretched, spinning round slowly as he proudly displayed their surroundings. “I figured what better place to have fun with your ice powers than at our own school but this time with nobody nearby to get trapped in ice!”

“You were the one that got trapped the first time,” Their first encounter back at the beginning of the school year had certainly been memorable with Allison freezing the entire pool and trapping Willy from the chest down in solid ice. They’d been fast friends ever since.

Willy shrugged happily at her point. “True, but I know better now. Besides, right over here by the field is…” he paused as he ran underneath the bleachers to return a moment later toting a hose, “This bad boy! I dropped by the field on my way to pick you up so I could get it out of storage, y’know, cuz they put it away during the winter so the cold doesn’t cause the rubber to get all cracked,”

Allison nodded. “So… what are we doing with it?”

“We’re doing… this!” Willy thrust the hose up in the air with exuberance only to pause when he realized his mistake. “One sec,” He scampered back over toward the bleachers, moving with a sort of waddle thanks to all the layers he was wearing. The sight made a smile tug at the corners of Allison’s lips. It must suck to be a cold-blooded swamp monster in the winter but somehow Willy had the same hyper level of energy as always.

Willy was back in a moment, the hose already dripping slightly from the water pressure. “Like I said, we’re doing this!” Thrusting his hand skyward, Willy pressed the nozzle on the head of the hose, sending tiny streams of water shooting up into the air. As soon as they reached their apex he withdrew the hose and cried, “Hit ‘em, Allie!”

With a flick of the wrist, Allison froze the falling droplets to solid ice. They fell to the ground with a silent plop. The pair stared at them in silence for a moment.

“That. Was. So. Cool!” Willy exclaimed, jumping up and down with glee. “You froze that water like it was nothing!”

“It is nothing,” Allison glanced over at the ice pellets that lay scattered on the ground before them. “They look like ice turds,”

Willy chuckled at the comparison. “I bet we can make them look even cooler! I just need to figure out the settings on this thing and-” he was cut off as a powerful stream of water erupted from the hose, hitting Allison directly in the face. The water froze on impact, covering her entire head in a fractured series of ice crystals.

Willy’s eyes widened as he realized his mistake. “Shit, Allie, I’m sorry! Lemme just… hesitantly he reached forward, pulling on a single piece. It came off effortlessly, the skin below looking as clear and smooth as ever.

“That’s one down. 5,000 more to go,” Allison noted dryly. She could see Willy looked worried at the statement, likely unsure how she was feeling about getting hit in the face. “It’s a joke. I’m bad at them,”

“Oh. Oh!” Willy chuckled in relief. “Thanks for not getting mad,”

“You weren’t mad when I froze you into the pool. How is this any different?”

“Huh. I guess it isn’t. That makes us even then!”

Allison smiled at Willy’s gap-toothed grin. “Cover your face. I’m gonna shake these off,”

Willy complied, immediately hiding his face underneath the confines of his scarf. Allison shook her head vigorously, like a wet dog. The ice crystals went flying everywhere, may sticking all over Willy’s puffy coat and the ear flaps on his cap. Once he sensed it was over, Willy popped out of his fluffy shelter and grinned at his new look. “I’m bedazzled now!”

“You never looked better,” Allison nodded approvingly. “Now what did you actually have in mind with the hose?”

Willy picked up the forgotten hose once more, this time aiming it safely away from the snow maiden. Once he was sure he had the proper setting he turned around. “OK, so the idea I had for your ice powers wasn’t ice turds although that was fun. I wanna go big, with tons of water! That way when you freeze all the water, we’ll have a whole ice sculpture garden!”

Allison’s eyes widened slightly at the thought, a smile flitting across her lips. “I’m in. Let’s do this thing,”

“Awesome! Let’s goooo!!!” Willy shot the hose directly into the air, twirling it like crazy before running out of the path of the falling water. Allison raised her hand and froze the water instantly. The spirals of ice look beautiful as they fell through the air but the entire structure broke into a dozen pieces once it hit the ground.

“Oops,” Willy looked at their shattered art. “Guess I gotta shoot it lower if it’ll last the fall,”

“Or you could aim it in an arc so it ends on the ground. You just have to move the hose in time so I won’t freeze all the water inside it,” Allison gestured to the hose whose dripping faucet was leaking everywhere, including directly onto Willy’s mittens. She didn’t want their fun to suddenly end with a trip to the emergency room and frost burns all over her friend’s hands.

“Yeah, good idea! OK, on the count of three then,” Willy aimed the hose with determination. “One, two… three!”

The arc of water that came from the hose froze perfectly, but immediately plopped on its side instead of sticking to the ground. Allison picked up the giant curved icicle and jammed it into the ground, impaling the frosty AstroTurf. The icicle still slumped over though, a half-hearted version of the glory they aspired to.

“Let’s try it again, this time from the ground up,” Wily suggested, repositioning the hose.

---

It was a series of trails and errors on their path to success. Dozens of attempts fell flat, broke or turned out as lumpy, gnarled messes. Many times, Willy released the water too soon or Allison got dangerously close to freezing something she shouldn’t. Slowly but surely though, their craft improved till finally they achieved one beautiful, clean arc of frozen water rising proudly from the ground. The pair smiled at each other, sharing a fist bump.

“We finally got it! Now the sculpture garden can really begin!” Willy cheered, running to a fresh patch of snow to begin another work of art. Allison followed along with a grin. They were going to fill this whole field.

---

They didn’t fill the whole field, but they did cover a good chunk of it: everything within the hose’s range. As their talent improved, Willy and Allison got more and more daring with their designs, building sculptures branching off from others, spiraling and glistening all over the field. Their laughter filled the air as they threw water all over the place, watching it glisten in midair before freezing it in perfect crystalline form. The sun shone down upon their masterpieces, reflecting off the sculptures and bringing their beauty to its full form. The two young teens danced amongst their creations, adding more and more to their garden as the hours whittled away.

At last the light began to fade, all too early in both their opinions. The pair shared a look as they saw the sun beginning to slip behind the walls of Ericson High. Slowly Willy lowered the hose, looking rather glum. “Guess that’s it for the day, huh?”

“We could come back tomorrow and make more,”

His face lit up at Allison’s suggestion. “That’s right, we could! Would you wanna do that?”

“Sure,” Allison shrugged, her body language nonchalant though her eyes betrayed her.

Willy seemed to notice the glisten in them. He smiled all the brighter. “I had buckets of fun today! Seriously, it was the best!”

Allison couldn’t help but smile at his enthusiasm; it was contagious. “It was pretty cool,”

“Should I walk you home? I know I promised your dad I’d have you back by curfew,”

Allison waved her hand dismissively. “Curfew’s still hours away. He forgot to adjust for Daylight Savings,”

“Still, we should probably get there before it gets pitch dark,” Willy eyed the sun, squinting suspiciously.

Allison chuckled. It was sweet that he was trying to be responsible. “We can take a minute,”

The two stood together surrounded by their ice creations in the light of the setting sun. The dimmer light seemed to lend a different feeling to its reflection against the ice, more thoughtful, almost nostalgic. Their crowning achievement, a massive archway with several intricate offshoots, soared above their heads, magnificent in its presence. It was a thing of beauty. The two young teens looked up at their masterpiece with pride before their eyes caught one another’s and they both suddenly looked away.

“Thanks, for today,” Allison murmured. “I had a good time,”

“Me too,” Willy’s voice was soft for once, almost reflective.

Allison studied the boy’s face, wondering if she should rethink her current inclination. But she wasn’t one to back down. Following her gut, Allison leaned forward and placed a quick kiss upon Willy’s clammy cheek. Her lips left the faintest mark upon his scaly skin before fading away.

Willy’s eyes widened in shock. He was still for a moment, almost as frozen as their sculptures. Then a goofy chuckle escaped his lips. “I knew it! I knew you liked me!”

Allison shrugged happily, smiling at him. “You got me,”

Willy surged forward, planting an enthusiastic, wet kiss upon Allison’s cheek, the mark freezing instantly against her skin. “I like you too,”

“So… this was our first date then?” Allison asked, looking down with a small smile as she traced the mark on her cheek.

“I guess it was. Did you like it?” Willy asked, a hint of nervousness in his voice.

“Best first date I ever had,”

Willy giggled happily at her words. He eagerly took her hand in his, his mitten feeling warm against her cold skin. “We can walk extra slow on the way back,”

“I’d like that,” Allison gave Willy’s hand the softest squeeze before they began to walk together. Hand in hand they left the sculpture garden behind, the ice still subtly glistening in the evening light. The world was still, nothing existing but the two of them as they exited the field at a slow meander. They were all but gone when suddenly a shout broke through the air.

“Shit, I forgot to put away the hose!”