#i dunno i guess you kinda had to be there
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[A3!] Tsuzuru Minagi | [R] Casually Showing Skin Mode | L3tt3r Fr0m A Gy4ru
Tsuzuru: (And I’m finally done with classes for the day. Okay, guess I’ll head home—.)
Tsuzuru: (Hm? That’s quite the crowd. Wonder what’s going on…)
Taichi: Ah, Tsuzuru-kuuun!
Juza: Good work.
Tsuzuru: Oh, so you guys are here too. Is there some kinda event going on or something?
Taichi: I dunno, we just got here. It sure is busy. Wonder what’s up.
Juza: Huh, there’s a whole lotta stuff here. They’ve got random things, books, ‘n even household appliances lined up.
Tsuzuru: Ahh, I get it… It’s probably a reuse market.
Taichi: Reuse market?
Tsuzuru: It’s a kinda on-campus event where students who are about to graduate give away things they don’t need anymore to younger students.
Juza: Now that ya mention it, you got a book of short stories at the last one, didn’t ya, Tsuzuru-san?
Tsuzuru: Yeah, I was curious about this one that one of the upperclassmen told me about, but it happened to be out of print.
Taichi: Damn, lucky! Where’s that book now?
Tsuzuru: After I finished reading it, I started passing it around the company to anyone who wanted to read it.
Tsuzuru: That reminds me, I wonder who’s got it now…
Taichi: Who are the ones who wanted to read it?
Tsuzuru: Umm, Miyoshi-san, and Takato-san have already read it… And I think Furuichi-san and Tsukioka-san said they were interested too.
Juza: I’m interested in readin’ it too.
Tsuzuru: Gotcha. I’ll bring it over to you whenever I get it back then, Juza.
· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·
Tsuzuru: I’m back.
Tsuzuru: (...Huh, did I leave a book out on my desk…?)
Tsuzuru: (Ah, that was the book we were just talking about. What perfect timing to get it back. I’ll go and bring it over to Juza right aw—.)
*Paper falls out of the book*
Tsuzuru: …Hm? Did something just fall out of it?
Tsuzuru: A note?
Thx 4 l3nding m3 thiz, Tzr-kun. I w4z rlly impr3zz3d w h0w clvr th3 f0r3shad0wing w4z. Th3 nam3z of th3 flwrz n th3 flwr l4ngu4g3 m3nti0n3d n th3 prlg s3nt such 4 shvr d0wn my spin3 tht I rlzd tht th3 clprt mightv3 4ctlly b33n TwT nstd 0f xD. If I w3r3 t0 pl4y tht r0l3, M sur3 thtz wht I wld d0…
Tsuzuru: The hell…? Is this a cipher or a prank or something?
Tsuzuru: —Ah.
Tsuzuru: Is this… that gyaru-speak thing?
· ❀ —– ٠ ❀ ٠ —– ❀ ·
Tsuzuru: Jeez, he better still be here…
Omi: Welcome back.
Izumi: Hey, Tsuzuru-kun, would you rather have curry udon or soy milk curry hotpot for dinner tonight?
Tsuzuru: Aren’t both of them still curry? Well, it was pretty cold today, so hotpot would be…
Tsuzuru: Wait, that’s not what I’m here for! Is Miyoshi-san here?
Omi: Kazunari’s in the kitchen.
· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·
Kazunari: Lookin’ for me~?
Tsuzuru: The hell is this? I literally can’t read any of it…
Kazunari: Oh, gyaru-speak! What’s this about?
Tsuzuru: What do you mean ‘what’s this about’...? You didn’t write this?
Tsuzuru: It was stuck in the book I just got back, and you’re the only one who would write something like this, Miyoshi-san…
Kazunari: Ermm~, well, it wasn’t me.
Tsuzuru: What? But if it’s not you, then the people who I lent the book to after you were Takato-san, Furuichi-san, Tsukioka-san—.
Tsuzuru: No, it had to have been you, Miyoshi-san.
Izumi: Maybe if you read the note you’ll be able to figure out who wrote it?
Tsuzuru: Right. Umm—.
Tsuzuru: …
Tsuzuru: Yeah, not happening. I’ve got no clue what it says no matter how hard I try to read it…
Izumi: Let me see. …Umm, I can’t read it either.
Omi: Those don’t even look like sentences to me.
Tsuzuru: Damnit. What are we gonna do…?
Kazunari: I’ve gotcha, fam. I’ve got this gyaru-speak translator website.
Kazunari: Just gotta take a pic, scan the text, and… copy-paste and translate ♪
Tsuzuru: That’s incredible… So, what does it say?
Kazunari: “Thank you for lending me this, Tsuzuru-kun. I was really impressed with how clever the foreshadowing was. The names of the flowers and the flower language mentioned in the prologue—.”
Kazunari: “Sent such a shiver down my spine that I realized that the culprit might’ve actually been crying instead of laughing.”
Kazunari: “If I were to play that role, I’m sure that’s probably what I would do…”
Kazunari: Wait, could this be…
Tsumugi: I’m back~.
Tsuzuru: Perfect timing. Um, Tsukioka-san. About this note…
Tsumugi: Ah! Thank you for the book, it was really interesting.
Tsuzuru: No, not that…! Did you write this, Tsukioka-san?
Tsumugi: Yeah. Ah, did I forget to write my name on it?
Tsuzuru: Forget about that! Why is it in gyaru-speak!?
Tsumugi: Kazu-kun told me that gyaru stuff and gyaru-speak are really popular nowadays, so I tried using it.
Kazunari: Ohh~, yeah, so, I might’ve told TsumuTsumu about that translation website the other day…
Tsuzuru: So it WAS because of you!
Tsumugi: Ahaha, maybe I should’ve written it normally. Sorry, my bad.
Izumi: I never would’ve thought it was you, Tsumugi. That was quite a surprise.
Omi: Yeah. Good thing we figured it all out.
Kazunari: But like, wasn’t it kinda fun? It was like a little cipher game.
Tsumugi: Yeah, and it was really easy to do. Why don’t we recommend it to the others?
Kazunari: Banger idea, bestie! I bet RonRon and Taicchan would eat this up, don’tcha think?
Tsumugi: I bet Azuma-san and Homare-san would enjoy it too.
Tsuzuru: Wait! Quit trying to come up with weird trends!
#a3!#a3! translation#tsuzuru minagi#kazunari miyoshi#omi fushimi#tsumugi tsukioka#// kicking off my return by obliterating all my braincells while working on this
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Booster's Queer af
Something I wrote on Reddit on a thread asking 'what's your DC hot take??', because if you're gonna kick a hornet's nest, kick it with your best steel-toed boots and then smile:
Booster's queer. That man hasn't come across as straight-- ever. Like even when I started reading DC in 2003, he came across as queer to me, pretty much from his inception. Seriously. He comes across like someone closeted and decidedly not-straight who just stays in the closet initially because it was a very bad time to be anything other than heterosexual when he landed in the past and later because it's habit and expected of him. I don't think he's gay, I think he probably leans pretty pansexual or maybe even demisexual, but any which way, you'll never convince me he's not at least a little bit queer. He's had one in-universe romance that hasn't been retconned (Firehawk) in his entire time existing and one that was a joke and maybe not even real canon (Gladys). After almost four decades. His thing with Firehawk lasted, I think, like less than a year, too. I'm pretty sure you can count his on-panel kisses on one hand, but not more than two. He's never had a 'morning after' scene. The one seriously emotionally intimate relationship he has is with another guy. When he does flirt or attempt to, it comes off as being awkward and a bit desperate and a bit like a man who is kinda using it as cover. And like-- that really makes way more sense for him than anything otherwise. I'd sincerely hope by the 25th century that we'd stop giving a damn who loves or wants whomever else based on gender presentation. It also makes for a pretty compelling tale, a guy getting dropped into the middle of the AIDS epidemic learning a very quick and ugly lesson about what happens to queer folk in this time period. I dunno how hot a take this is, though, because at least some people up top agree (he's canonically hooked up with Ted in Teen Titans Go! and like-- any time Tom Taylor writes them, he all but says it aloud), but if TPTB were brave, they'd finally confirm it mainline. Like you don't even have to ship him with Ted (though that's my preference), just confirm he's queer. Here's my essay. What's my grade? LOL!
--
Since it's relevant, tho, here's a few pieces I wrote from a long email back and forth (since us old people still do that) with another very long-time fan of his a couple weeks ago:
But anyway, to me, he acts about like how a kid who got dropped into the 80s during the height of the AIDS panic and rampant homophobia and the wholesale death of gay men might, especially if he were queer himself. I'd probably try to straight-wash myself, too, in his boots. (I remember that time period, if distantly. I didn't realize I was queer myself until I was well into my 20s, despite falling in very desperate and intense love with another girl when I was 12. I do remember being in high school when a boy was murdered for being queer by being tortured and left tied to a fence to die, though. It was that kind of world back then for people like us. In some places, it still is.) Still, where Booster fails at any hetero romance (oh god does he), he's so devoted to Ted that a big part of his second solo was dedicated to him either trying to save the man or actively mourning him. It's heartbreaking and amazing and really actually quite good stuff, from a literary POV. Whether DC meant it or not, somehow they managed to write one of the greatest love stories I've ever seen in a comic across most of twenty years, no kidding, and I've read a lot across a lot of companies, even back when I was a twelve year old girl and ridiculed for it. And not just a great queer love story, it's a great love story period. A person can make a credible argument for it being a one-sided -- romantic and therefore non-platonic -- love, but it's pretty hard to argue it's not a very intense one regardless.
And
I guess what I'm trying to say is: This is another read on him. And I think also a very valid one. He's one hell of an amazing character, I wish DC had handled him half as well post-Flashpoint than they did pre-Flashpoint, and I don't think a queer reading of him detracts anything from how amazing he is. If anything, I think it makes the older stuff several shades deeper (and so, so relatable, god), and I think if they decided to write him as explicitly queer now, not too many people would actually be all that surprised. With or without Ted. I can't really identify with Alan Scott, love him though I do, even though I can acknowledge that a generation of gay men likely could quite strongly. But I can identify with Booster Gold, who grew up poor and wrecked his future in part for love of family, who clawed his way out of poverty and fell back into it, who has brilliant and shining moments of courage and heart, and moments where he lands on his face, who was tough enough to survive a lot of shit but devastatingly vulnerable to exploitation, and who looks like a fellow queer kid who might've fallen for his best friend, but was surrounded by homophobia and hate and terror and buried that part of himself because the alternative might have been getting beaten and left tied to a fence to die.
#long post#michael carter#booster gold#boostle#legit tho#the eighties were fucked in so many ways#even in the very very early aughts#when i figured out i was queer myself#(and that i had fallen desperately in love with my own best friend years before)#it was still within very living memory#of that time and place
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Before You Jump, Tell Me What You Find
(Word count: about 1700)
(Sorry for the wait. Wasn't sure I'd continue it at all, but @shadybisexualpirate and @psychicsolanum asked for it. Also, @maro0on and @ssherbet-shares )
It had been a week since I was at William's house. Mr. and Mrs. Kaplan seemed happy to see me again. I guess the no-visitors-while-grounded rule was less strict after the first week.
Or maybe it was never a rule and William was just using it as an excuse to avoid me. But I didn't ask or start an argument. We were already past that.
We left the door to his bedroom open a crack, as usual. William pulled out his desk chair for me, and he took the bed. We sat down facing each other.
I'm no mind reader, but I knew exactly how he was feeling. The awkwardness was written all over his face. "I guess I should start with--"
"Can I say something first?" I interrupted.
"Of course."
"I was kind of being a hypocrite earlier," I admitted. "You know, about how boyfriends shouldn't keep secrets. There are things I don't talk to you about. And that should be okay -- everyone deserves a little privacy."
"I totally agree," he said eagerly. "And I've tried to respect your privacy as much as I can, I promise--"
"Let me finish… I'm not trying to be the possessive type of boyfriend that makes you tell me everything you do. I was only upset earlier because it felt like you were ghosting me. Now something obviously happened to you that day. And it's still bothering you. But I'm not forcing you to talk about it if you don't want to. I'm only asking 'cause I'm worried. And… I can't shake the feeling that you're getting involved in something dangerous."
He listened to me, and he nodded. "You're not wrong. I wanna tell you, it's just hard. A big reason I haven't told anyone is because it's all so unbelievable. Like, seriously, Eddie. It is literally crazy. But then again… We live in a world after The Snap, and with the Avengers, and Norse gods, and all that. So…"
He looked at the tiny opening at his door, double-checking that his parents weren't listening outside. And then he softly said, "The first thing I should tell you is, I have special powers."
My eyebrows shot up. "Really?" It was a surprise. But for me, maybe not as unbelievable as he expected.
William reached out towards his bookshelf. In front of his palm, in the air, a blue circle appeared, like a hologram. A second later, a book shot out from the shelf, passed through the circle, and landed in his hand. The glow faded away.
"Whoa." I blinked. "That is… not where I expected this conversation to go. Was that, like, magic? Is THAT why you're into," I waved my hand around, gesturing vaguely to all the posters and notes taped to his walls, "all this witchy stuff?"
He nodded. "Kinda." He shook his head. "I mean, no. This is new. I mean--" He winced. "It's complicated. There's stuff that happened three years ago. And stuff that happened last week. And it's all connected. I didn't know where to start, but I think I can explain to you without using words."
He leaned forward. "I learned a new spell for this. It's kinda like the spell Agatha used to see Wanda's past, but in the opposite direction. I can send my memories directly into your mind. That way you'll immediately understand where I went last week and everything that happened to me. Will you give me permission to do that? Will you allow me to put those memories into your mind?"
I stared at him with a little confusion. "I dunno. Will it hurt?"
He stared back at me. "It's not… supposed to?"
In other words, he never tried it before.
I stared a bit longer. Then I nodded. "Okay."
William got off the bed and kneeled down directly in front of me. He placed his hand on the side of my head and closed his eyes. It was very "Vulcan mind meld".
Williams whispered, "Non quarere, non dico mendacium."
A second after that, memories of the day of the car accident, meeting Agatha Harkness, gathering the coven, and the Witches' Road appeared in my mind. It was like my brain was an internet browser and a dozen different tabs opened up all at once. It was overwhelming.
A second after that, I got up, ran to the bathroom and puked into the toilet.
A little later, after a concerned Mrs. Kaplan heard me and checked in, and I told her I just ate something earlier that disagreed with me, and William backed up my story and told her not to worry, I got a glass of water to rinse my mouth out and returned to William's room.
"Are you okay?" William asked gently.
I was rubbing my head. "First time magically downloading memories. It feels like a headache, a hangover, and staying up all night to cram for a big test all at once. Next time, we're doing it the slow way."
"Sorry."
I slowly sifted through the info-dump. "Okay… So… Your soul was created by Wanda Maximoff."
"And the Vision. Technically."
"Yes. Okay. And Vision. And when the original William Kaplan died, your soul took over his body."
"That's the theory, at least. It's a little ambiguous."
"You have a twin brother--"
"Tommy."
"--Who's been reincarnated somewhere in someone else's body."
"Uh-huh."
"You met up with a bunch of witches -- real witches -- and your magic powers created the Witches' Road -- by accident -- and most of those witches died there."
"…Yes."
"And speaking of died, Death is a person. And a lesbian."
"Now do you understand why it was so difficult for me to talk about this?"
Yeah, if he simply said all this, I probably wouldn't have believed it. But it was hard to argue with the memories in my own head.
The magic-hangover was mostly gone by now. The info-dump had settled.
I looked up at Wil -- No, at Billy. He called himself Billy now.
He's a mind-reader, I thought. I knew he couldn't help it, but now that I knew, I couldn't help but feel exposed in front of him.
"It's not like I hear every thought," he said defensively. "Only the loud stuff in the front of your mind. I don't go snooping, I promise."
No wonder he always seemed to understand me so well. And now, I understood him in a way no one else did.
I sat right next to him on the mattress. I grabbed his hand, and entwined my fingers with his. "It's not your fault they died, you know," I said.
"What?"
"Mrs. Davis and the others. You made that place. But what they did there -- that's not on you."
He calmly replied, "Thanks for saying so. But if an architect builds a house, and people die because it collapses, it's absolutely the architect's fault."
"Hey, listen." I looked him right in the eyes. "It was awful. But it was an accident, Billy. Nothing more."
I really thought that. So I knew he knew I meant it.
He stared at me. His eyes started watering. Then he looked away, smiled, and rubbed his nose. "I don't deserve a boyfriend like you."
"Yeah, well, you're stuck with me."
"Am I though?" he asked, his smile faltering.
"What?"
He spoke nervously. "Today at school, you didn't want to break up. But… You thought I was a normal boyfriend. You never signed up for all this craziness."
"Bill--"
"A-And it's not just the witchcraft and the mind-reading and looking for Tommy. I have to warn you: the Personification of Death doesn't like me very much. She agreed to let me go for now. But if you stick too close to me, you might get into trouble."
"That… is a scary thought…"
"Like I said, you didn't sign up for this, Eddie. If you want to ghost me this time… I'll understand."
I confess, I did think about it. The death thing aside, I spent a long time wishing for a normal life.
I loved this boy. But when I said that, there was a lot I didn't know about him. Just like he said: He was like a different person now.
But now that I did know who he was… I didn't not still love him.
I came to a decision. Holding his hand a little tighter, I told him, "I try not to think about this too often -- which is, apparently, why you never knew it -- but even if I left you, my life still wouldn't exactly be normal."
Billy's face looked into mine. I fought down the urge to kiss him and continued, "You know how I'm adopted? My mom found me and raised me on her own?"
"Yeah."
"Well, she adopted me from… a lot farther away than I led you to believe."
I held up my hand, the one that was still holding his. I concentrated, and my hand turned green. The skin became thicker and harder, like leather, or scales. We stared at my green fingers intertwined with his pale pink fingers. And then I made my hand and forearm look human again.
I nervously looked back at Billy's face. He stared at our hands in shock for several long moments.
"Well, say something," I blurted.
Finally, he grinned and said, "That is so cool."
I giggled from relief. I leaned in and was just about to kiss him when--
"Huh, a shapeshifting alien," said the ghost that appeared RIGHT BEHIND ME.
"YAH!" I fell off the mattress.
"Yeah, she does that sometimes," said an unamused Billy.
"I knew an alien once," the ghost said. "We almost made a movie together. Long story."
I got to my feet and stared at the translucent woman. I recognized her from Billy's memory.
"Agatha, this is Theodore Altman," Billy said. "He used to go by Teddy, but people kept making Grey's Anatomy jokes, so now it's just Eddie. Eddie, this is Agatha Harkness. My semi-evil, semi-dead, witchcraft mentor."
"Uh… Hi?"
"Good choice for a boyfriend, Billy," Agatha said with a smirk. "Shapeshifting will keep things fresh."
"So you're his… familiar?" I looked from Agatha to Billy. "That's the term, right? You're a witch now, and she's your familiar."
Billy smiled at that. Agatha did not.
"I take it back. You have horrible, horrible taste in boyfriends."
"Glass houses and stones, Agatha," Billy replied.
Can You Read My Mind?
(Spoilers for Agatha All Along)
(Word count: about 1500)
William was missing all night. Then all day. And then all night again.
At first he declined my calls. Then the phone just kept ringing. My texts were left unread.
I was totally prepared for something bad to happen to him while we were in a parking garage to meet a stranger from the internet. Except that turned out to be nothing. The guy was a paranoid nut, but harmless. It was after William dropped me off at home and drove away safely that he went missing. I didn't know what to think.
After a full day of worrying, he finally called me back early next morning.
"Are you okay?!" I asked.
"I'm fine," he said, sounding completely exhausted. "Well -- Yeah, I'm -- I'm fine."
"Where have you been? I've been trying to call."
"I know. I'm sorry. It's been a crazy day. And night." He mumbled to himself, "Did all of that happen in just one night? Oh man, what day is it?"
"You've been missing for over twenty-four hours," I explained. "Your parents are probably ten seconds away from calling the police."
"Yes, I'm sorry for scaring them. I'm driving home right now. And… Look, Eddie. Can you do me like a really, really, really huge favor? …Can you please tell my mom and dad that I was with you the whole time?"
"Actually, no. Because they already called me, and I told them I had no idea where you were."
"Oh… Right…"
There was a pause.
"Are we just skipping the part of the conversation where you tell me what happened?" I asked. "You didn't meet that Ralph guy again, did you?"
"No, it wasn't Ralph."
"Then where--"
"Eddie, I do not even know where to begin. I promise I'm okay, but I'm tired. And I really shouldn't be on the phone while driving in the first place. All I wanna do right now is get home, shower, and maybe take a nap. Can we please talk about it later?"
I didn't want to, but I said, "Okay. Later." Then I said, "I love you."
"Me too. Bye." And he hung up.
Only we didn't talk later.
William was grounded. He couldn't use his phone and I couldn't visit him. Or at least, that's the excuse he gave me when I saw him at school. I couldn't shake off the feeling he was lying.
He wouldn't talk to me at school either. Any time I tried, he made some excuse and took off. "Later. Promise." He stopped coming to the GSA too. Not because of his parents, he said he was too busy for it.
Once I caught him on a computer in the school library. Looking over his shoulder, I saw that he was searching news websites. But it wasn't about the Westview incident this time. He was looking up articles from all over the country about people who drowned, or nearly drowned.
When I asked him about it, all he would say was, "I'm trying to find someone." He was frustrated. "They're all dead ends. It probably didn't make the news."
I tried to get him to talk more, but it was about time for next period. He had to go. Again.
Whenever I saw him in the hallways, he gradually looked worse. He had stopped putting effort into his hair and make-up. His black nail polish was old and chipped. Instead of eyeliner he had dark bags under his eyes. I could tell he hadn't been sleeping well.
This went on for a week.
"You're avoiding me," I said. It wasn't a question.
I cornered him at his locker. He looked back at me and said, "I'm not avoiding you, Eddie," in a calm tone that completely contradicted his deer-in-the-headlights expression.
"You really sort of are."
He sighed. Struggled to say something. "I -- I'm sorry. I've just been really distracted lately. I'll explain everything later. I promise."
"You've been promising that all week. Frankly, it's not good enough anymore."
That's when the school bell rang. Everyone around us headed for class.
William looked at me guiltily and said, "I'm really sorry."
He tried to walk away, but I grabbed his sleeve. "Eddie, we're gonna be late for cla--"
"Then we'll be late!" I snapped. "This is important."
He stopped protesting after that. I let go, and even as the hallway nearly emptied, he didn't run off.
"William, be honest with me," I pleaded. "Is this because I told you I love you?"
"What?"
"Because I can't help but notice this radio silence started right after that. I came along with you to meet Crazy Ralph. But then as soon as you don't need me any more, you suddenly want more space." I meant to sound angry. I hated how pathetic and desperate I sounded instead. But I kept going with, "Don't say you love me back just 'cause you don't want to hurt my feelings. If I scared you off, just say so."
Is it wrong that I felt a little bit relieved when I saw how heartbroken William looked?
"No. No, Eddie. It's not like that. I promise." He held both my hands. "I love you too. Seriously, if I could, I would be with you all the time. It's just that I really am busy now."
"Where did you go missing that day?" I asked point-blank.
He looked guilty again. Hesitated. Then he answered point-blank, "I can't tell you."
"What have you been so busy with all week long?"
"I can't explain that either."
The hallway was empty by now, except for us.
"I'm sorry, but that's not good enough," I said. "You go missing for almost two days, scaring the hell out of me and your parents. You're meeting strangers from the internet. You look like you haven't slept through the night in ages. Something is obviously wrong, William. Tell me."
He rubbed his face, exhausted. "Listen. A lot of different things happened. There's a lot that's still going on right now, and every part of it is really difficult to talk about. I know I'm not being fair, but can I please keep this to myself for a while longer?"
"If we love each other, we shouldn't keep secrets. I don't keep any secrets from you."
I shouldn't have said that, I thought guiltily. It's a lie. I'm keeping a huge secret from him.
William furrowed his eyebrows. "That's a lie?!"
I froze. Clearly, my poker face wasn't nearly as good as I thought.
"I'm -- I'm not lying," I said lamely.
He was both angry and confused. "How are you keeping a secret from me? I've never heard any--"
"We're not talking about me," I said defensively. "I get that you're going through an identity crisis. I get that it's complicated, and you think researching all this conspiracy stuff will help. I've been extremely supportive and patient with you -- And a lot of boyfriends wouldn't have."
"Do you think I enjoy keeping this all bottled up?! I don't! It's giving me nightmares, Eddie. I keep seeing their faces and thinking it's my fault--" He caught himself and stopped abruptly. "I want to tell you. I just can't."
"Why? What could possibly be so bad that you can't tell me? Did you kill someone?!"
I said it sarcastically, but William froze.
A second later he pressed his eyes shut and put his hands on his head. "I can't have this conversation right now…"
"Willia--"
"JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!"
The lights flickered a bit as he yelled that, but I didn't pay attention.
Once the lights returned to normal, I turned on the spot and walked away from him.
"Eddie? Where are you…?"
I didn't answer him. I just walked away.
I didn't know where I was walking to. I was thinking… Actually, I don't remember what I was thinking in that moment… I wasn't thinking much of anything. Except leaving him alone.
"Oh my god," William said. "No, no, no! Snap out of it!"
He ran behind me and grabbed my hand. The moment he touched me, I stopped and blinked. I hadn't even realized how badly I was spacing out, but suddenly I was alert again.
William ran around to face me and grabbed my head in his hands. "I'm sorry, Eddie," he said quickly. "I'm so, so, so, so, so, so, sorry. I didn't mean to do that, I swear." His eyes were watering.
It seemed like a pretty extreme reaction for shouting at me. "I-It's okay," I mumbled.
I grabbed his hands and gently pulled them away from my head. "Are you ready to talk now?" I asked.
He stared at me, still on the verge of tears. His mouth trembled. But after a second, he nodded.
"Yes… You're right, I can't keep this bottled up… Just, can we please not get into it right this second, in the middle of school? Come over to my place this afternoon. I'll tell you everything then."
"All right. When I come over, are you actually gonna be there this time?"
He looked guilty at that, and nodded again. "Yes."
"Okay."
"I'll explain everything today, Eddie. All of it. I promise. For real this time."
#agatha all along#agatha all along spoilers#post series#long post#fanfiction#constructive critism welcome#teddy altman#billy kaplan
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you are worth all the struggle and bloody mess
[id in alt text]
#falin touden#marcille donato#dungeon meshi#dunmeshi#dungeon meshi spoilers#blood#gore#(actually pom juice but just in case)#awhile back i saw a bunch of posts about how pomegranates are worth the effort and bloodiness of trying to open them#in like a vague poetic romanticizing way.. you know the genre of tumblr post#and thought of how much marcille was willing to do to get falin back#i dunno. not sure how to explain what i was going for here#'what if the red dragon was a huge pomegranate that marcille had to dig falin out of with her bare hands'#..i guess that's basically it actually#fan art#my art#not very accurate pomegranate drawing either but it was more fun to stylize like this and i wanted it to look kinda fleshy#for the red dragon/necromancy/general visceral struggle comparison
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Sonic x Kontroll (2003) CROSSOVER !!!
Yes, now this exists too. I shall be posting part two soon!
✷ PART 2 (not yet) ✷
☟☟☟ Music ☟☟☟
Just because it's awesome rad cool and also fantastic
#i am so incredibly and undoubtedly autistic.... but it is okay#if any person from the country of the movie's origin sees this....no you don't. close your eyes. do not perceive me... /hj#kontroll 2003#kontroll posting#sonic the hedgehog#sonic fanart#sonic crossover#fanart by me#i had so much fun with this piece to be completely honest^^#so even if anyone dares insult me. jokes on them. bc they'll never be as happy as me^_^#and also it's my birthday so i can do anything ^^#(it is not my birthday. the artist is an unreliable narrator)#(.......or are they?)#sonic fandom#knuckles the echidna#knuckles fanart#tails the fox#miles tails prower#tails fanart#digital painting#you'll never guess who the two racing characters' gonna be.... /s /lh#kontroll 2003 movie#kontroll (2003)#sonic the hedghog fanart#sonic au#it's not so much an au....or is it? It kinda is but... meh. I dunno#Spotify
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#WOOOOAAHHH THEY'RE TRANSPARENT!! I THOUGHT REGIICE WAS BLUE BUT LIKE#i guess it makes sense that they're actually transparent! 'cuz! they're made of ice! i kinda wish they were blue here since that's like#more iconic and i feel like they'd be more recognizable if they were transparent but i guess this ALSO looks cool#and no‚ the stuff in there is not‚ like. its brain or whatever. it's just FULLY transparent and you can see through to my desktop wallpaper#and that's what's showing through its head. which is like cool but i'm worried makes this guy a little bit less visually distinct#actually yeah it kinda does LEMME redo this one but with a blank background and see if it looks any better#yyyeeeeaaahh okay this helps a bit. more visual clarity. i'll replace it with the one where you Can't see my desktop wallpaper#i might leave that version under the cut actually. but i'd have to add some text to the post which i generally don't like doing. just to#explain what it is. cuz not everyone is gonna read these tags#i'll just. leave it the way it is. in two weeks i'll just hope i remember what wallpaper i had applied when i took the original image#cuz i have it set to change every night through a set list of images that i update whenever i find a new image i like that's roughly#the resolution of my monitor. i dunno if anyone else does this#most irrelevant tags ever#regice#thanks for the catch on the spelling nidoskull
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Had a weird Hollow Knight-related dream a couple days ago, so I decided to draw a major scene I remembered from it dgsgshf
More context will be in the tags, for those interested!
#hollow knight#little ghost#hk ghost#the knight#hk hornet#hornet#alright. as of writing these tags it's been a week since the original dream so! let's see what i remember dgsgsgf#i was playing a game. which was a sequel to hollow knight ((Not silksong though))#there was some new sort of divine infection in hallownest and hornet had asked ghost to investigate it. they ended the last one after all!#the red glowy spike gate thingy is what you jumped into to enter the 'infected' areas#though it actually led directly to a hub world type of place. which was kinda like an expanded base for the grimm troupe?#more like an entire lair instead of a camp. also some greek gods were there for some reason lmao. they had their own special rooms too#so sidenote but- new headcanon that there are grimm troupe members named ares athena artemis &... venus lmao. not aphrodite for some reason#also monomon was there?? i think??? except she was cooking????? she had a sidequest to deliver something to someone though i dunno hdgfhdgh#i remember going back to the grimm troupe lair a couple times throughout my 'playthrough'#anyway. the 'infection' this time around was more of a glitchy physical corruption thing? rather than a mind corruption.#though there were still aggressive enemies to fight. but i remember getting a map from cornifer early on and he was. probably infected#i think part of his body was covered in electricity or something? so he wasn't fully visible? but he was still acting normally#there was also a moth who was the seer but then later wasn't the seer (but was still the same moth) dghgdhf. i delivered stuff to her#that glowing white wall thing in the drawing was like a one-way gate. you could only cross it from the other side and ghost came from there#i guess things looped back up somehow i dunno ghdgfhgf#anyway. ghost's red eyes. those are significant! those happened while i was walking through a corridor. it had pools of shallow water#(shallow enough to just walk through) and also creatures that were lightseeds but red.the implication was that they were full of Blood lmao#and as i went along killing them--as one does--as i walked through the hall. they started turning the water red too#there was also narration about this as it was happening ashdgsf. specifically the narrator said the water turned red before it actually did#ghost's eyes slowly turned red too. but aside from that they were fine! since. they're the player character and the player is perfectly fin#BUT. when they encountered hornet again. she thought they were infected. and that she lost the only family she had left </3#she didn't attack though. instead she just jumped into the red spike gate without a word. decided to try to fix everything herself#but eventually you'd encounter her again down below and she'd fight you. didn't actually get to that in the dream though#aand i'm out of tags </3 i wanted to talk about what i'd do to make this make more sense as an au or something now that i'm awake but. :c
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im honestly so glad i never found myself relying on chatgpt or any ai that is supposed to help you in homework. its really embarrassing when a professor finds out
#idk. it bothers me#even with the simplest questions they resort to chatgpt#i GUESS if you HAD to use chatgpt somehow - you could just take what was written and just... slightly rewrite?#just take the general idea the ai provided but paraphrase it to make it sound like you didn't take it off chatgpt?? I don't know.#im trying to consider for those who genuinely cant#even my smart friend used chatgpt once and i was. pretty irked by it#i know theyre capable of answering it but they felt the need to ask anyway#dunno. this class kinda bummed me because i felt bad for the professor#he's the type of guy who seems genuinely hopeful for his class#but a group in the class kinda disappointed him for not being prepared and equipped and i felt . yeah#it was hard to watch and listen#irl banter#he dismissed us early. that's how bad it got#and then i see my classmates outside the classroom laughing together and chatting like they did not just witness what happened#and here's me literally finding it difficult to listen to this happen
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i can't believe how much this company apparently does not want my money
#this is about marqueetv#my debit card expired this month and they emailed me about it before i went and got a new one#there was actually a mixup w the bank sending me a new one in the mail. they had smth wrong w my address#but i sorted that out w the bank and got a new debit card on friday#so i went to update my payment information and they said that there was something wrong w my card??? call my bank???#reader there is nothing wrong w my card#it's been good enough to make several other large and small purchases since friday#but i was like eh ok anyway i guess i'll try plugging in paypal (after i updated my card on paypal)#wouldnt accept paypal either for completely different reasons??? seemingly???#and i emailed support about it. you know. friday night as i was experiencing this problem#STILL havent heard back from them and their support is apparently available 7 days a week (though not 24 hours a day)#so??? you dont want my money??? is that it you dont want my money?#tales from diana#i got their 3 months for 99 cents fall discount deal#and the month expires on october 3rd#so... if i have to update my payment info after that... will my deal go away??#dunno and that's honestly kinda less important to me#i've enjoyed this month enough that i've thought yeah i could pay 9.99 a month for this#like i like the library they have a lot#if you don't know what marqueetv is it's a lot of plays and operas and documentaries#very focused on the performing arts and 'high culture' but i mainly got them for rsc productions#still there's some other stuff i wanna watch...#well i might not get to once thursday comes#they LITERALLY do not want my money#like. ok#i wanna give you my money
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I'm losing my mind with people calling Tintin and Haddock "father and son goals" because I don't know about you guys but I want my dad safe at home and not following me around when I do shit I am sure he wouldn't approve or like
#is this a fantasy or#you guys dream you had a relationship like that with your dad or#i mean i have a pretty normal relationship with my dad and i definitely don't want to do adventures together i want him to rest at home#ok i guess everyone has their own tastes i just can't get behind this#also haddock is never tintin you won't go he is usually tintin i won't go with you only to cut at him going lol#i dunno guys i guess parent snd child bonds are specific in my mind and tintin and haddock never clicked to me like that#they're just so best friends together in life and death kinda situation it's pretty wild if you think about it#tintin#captain haddock#archibald haddock#the adventures of tintin
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Well I did the whole "mixtape" thing for the other tracks in the previous videos, so might as well continue, even if I couldn't pull of a passable cover art, but ehh... Yeah...Sorry
Also as allways, check out the iceberg if you still haven't:
youtube
#soul eater iceberg#soul eater#mixtape#playlist#coverart#shitty#eh I kinda had a lot of shit and a lot of self inflicted bad things that I regreted only to repeat only to regret again and then repeat and#but whatever still guess dont expect the next iceberg in the first half of a month Im gonna spend that time hopefully making a private proj#gotta one up that person with gifts lol#i dunno why im treating this like some public diary maybe its just a common urge idk#yeah sorry#also if you know any songs I forgot to add comment somewhere#Youtube
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Mitsugi squatting everywhere is the only highlight of this damn game
#paradise vn#pil/slash#blvn#AND I THOUGHT MATSUDA'S ROUTE WAS FRUSTRATING#I THOUGHT MATSUDA WAS ANNOYING!!!#takara is literally just a spoilt rich kid i can't fucking stand him adzuvivefnjn#ugh i usually like to keep the best for last so it's damn annoying when the 'true' route is shit#looking at you fujieda#haven't finished it yet but i got both bad ends and rn azuma just told matsu and mitsu what happened on the island#okay so everyone's ancestors were on the island at some point and fought against the takaras#who have then been monitoring their enemies' descendants/killing them off#they have control over the fucking hospital and with how much details takara knew of azuma's past i'm assuming they straight up had cameras#dunno how far it'll go with the 'superhuman' strength bullshit and the takaras needing to eat human flesh#like if it's gonna be straight up fantasy or a bit more 'realistic' with like genetic mutations from their ancestors being fucking cannibal#even though ~100 years isn't that long ago#unless that family was fucked up even before takara's (great?) grandpa's era#anyway at this point i don't really care about the story anymore#that route kinda ruined it for me tbh#like i guess it was obvious since the beginning with a whole boat never showing up#but i don't particularly like when it just turns out everything was being controlled by some big bad ultra powerful organization#and that 'everything was decided when you were born' and shit#i was hoping for smth a bit more organic when i started playing#like mitsugi's and matsuda's routes were fine if i ignore the hints of 'big bad ultra powerful organization'#i'll just have to wipe takara's route from my brain i guess
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oh my god what happened?? are you alright? do you need any help?
alright i will preface this by saying that physically, i am COMPLETELY FINE. please don't worry about me too much, i promise i'm physically okay and it's not that bad
the rest is under the cut not for length but in case people want to skip past it (warning for people being unpleasant)
so the short story is that someone i thought was an online friend suddenly sent me a pretty awful DM before blocking me. they said a lot of genuinely hurtful things which wasn't really good for my mental state since they preyed on a bunch of my insecurities, and i thought that i could trust this person. i'm doing better now thanks to my irl friends, but recovery is a process as usual. i'm not sure if you can really help apart from being emotional support, but your concern is appreciated nonetheless <3
#not brainrot#anon#btw if anyone wants me to put any trigger warnings just tell me and i'll get right on it#and people WONDER why i have trust issues especially with people online#they also had the gall to bring up my Foul Legacy addiction which is just so low#in case you haven't noticed i'm not the most confident person in the world and this whole debacle made it worse#it was also very out of the blue i kinda spent the first morning in shock#nor was it accusations it was just 'lol here are all the reasons i hate you' so that's. nice.#guess they've been holding onto these feelings for a long time. wish they could've been a bit kinder about it#not to mention that some of the stuff they said was straight up untrue#but my irl friends helped me a bunch so big thank you to them#anyways if i seem distant to people online these types of situations are why#i know this isn't a SUPER bad thing to happen from an outside pov but i sure didn't feel good after it#just a tad sad#unpleasant things#uhh dunno if i'll post anything else today but we'll try
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i am interested in a dnd game but dang dude...like...the companions. i look at them and theyre like . the most perfect boring people ever. also the characters ppl make, their dnd ocs and self inserts...theyre so generically pretty. tall strong skinny people. they all look the same to me. even ppl playing shorter squatter races like dwarves and halflings it looks...so boring. the characters look dull. like protagonists from movies tend to look. pretty handsome flat
and i guess thats most games and movies but man
#i guess id i had to pick someone i kinda like wyll but even hes so. its just not speaking to me#its lije why am i interested? is it bc its popular?#no i think i just rly want to play dnd#but if you make yourself in a videogame why do you want to be some perfect skinny white elf#huuuuuhg i dunno#i hear the companion stories are layered and interesting but dang#and that theres interesting stuff BESIDES the companions#but its not like ill be playing any time soon#doctalk#its not just bald gate its dnd in general. attracts the most boring artists ever
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ik it's not a popular opinion but i think one of the reasons i still don't care for doveti-ger is bc i actually really liked how their arc ended in OOTS. i felt like there was a lot of maturity in dovewing's realisation that he thought her powers were 'cool' and they both got a thrill out of meeting up secretly, but that he didn't really understand her or share her values of what mattered--
but then the erins were like "lol first love is always true love, no exceptions" and then we regressed from there
#i don't want to shit on anyone who finds dovetiger cute though :) i know they're usually written better than most canon couples#it's just my feelings i still harbour from the fourth arc#dovewing#tigerheart#not gonna tag the ship because i don't want to bother anyone looking up the tags#i dunno i just feel like realising you can find someone attractive without having a solid foundation for a relationship#was a level of nuance we very rarely get from warriors#so i felt like we kinda backslided into PSYCH it IS a solid relationship foundation#ok i guess. glad theyre happy. but cmon now#especially because dovewing was imagining a future where he joined thunderclan 😐 and tigerheart was like whoa are you crazy?#so dovewing had to give up her family and clan for him#and tigerheart makes 0 sacrifices for the relationship#Disappointed But Not Surprised#then tigerheart spent the rest of last hope fuming and threatening ivypool because dovewing put thunderclan first#i dunno. kinda feel like this guy just sucks and maybe if he's not gonna prioritize your relationship it's not fair of him to expect you to
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My dad has this theory about “project-based friends” that I’ve been thinking about lately. A project-based friend is someone you meet through fandom/hobbies, and they’re usually really easy to get super close to while you’re both invested in the project, be it an actual project or the same fandom/fixation or whatever else.
But as soon as one or both of you moves on from the project, you fall out of touch. Because the project-based friend doesn’t really care about you as a person as much as they care about what you bring to the project. Or even if they do care about you, they just don’t know how to keep a friendship up when you don’t have a project together.
This isn’t necessarily a selfish thing, it’s just… the friendship isn’t personal. A project-based friend will have fun with you while it lasts and then either move on entirely or stay kinda half in your life, never really reaching out or holding real conversations. And I think a big part of my problem is that I’ve been expecting project-based friends to stick around for me when really we just liked the same work of fiction for a while. I keep thinking I’ve made a new best friend and then they get into some media I don’t like and the whole friendship kinda disappears.
#this is hard to accept because it’s some of the people I consider my best friends. but my dad is probably right.#they’ve gotten a new project and that doesn’t mean they hate me it just means I’m like. not on their radar how I once was.#do I cry about it every weekend? of course.#but I am trying to learn to not take it personally#cause I don’t think it’s about me. I think it’s about them having new interests and me not being able to join in with that#I’ve TRIED to join in but it just doesn’t work. I just don’t like the current project.#and maybe when the project is something I do like we can talk again#that’s another thing about project based friends is it seems like I am always the one making an effort to get into their new thing.#almost never them trying for me. and if they do try it is very short lived. oh well#Calvin talks#vent#I guess#personal#I dunno. it’s been over half a year. I’m getting tired.#also WHY is it that 9 times out of 10 my project based friends will get me into the damn thing and then move on before I do#dude I did this for you!!! I got into this shit so we would have something to talk about!!! and now you are ignoring me!!!!#sorry. I’m having a rough evening#I kinda don’t know if I should post this actually#I don’t like to get personal on tumblr#and this isn’t intended to vague anyone it’s just some ruminations on the nature of almost every friendship I’ve ever had.#even tho it DOES feel especially bad lately#like I care more than ever and people are either stringing me along or ignoring me entirely#but like. again. I just tend to get too invested in relationships that don’t matter to the other person#or that do matter to them but not as much#delete later
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