#that fucked itself up all on its own
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Visit Tumblr Blog
Explore Tumblr blogs with no restrictions, modern design and the best experience.
Last Seen Tumblr Blogs
Fun Fact
Tumblr’s website traffic is steadily declining.
Text
Still can't access Tumblr on my home network. If I'm seemingly MIA that's why
#still able to pull up most other webbed sites#dunno why Tumblr is so special#if you need to reach me go leave a comment on one of my fics i guess XD#theres some new stuff this year#finally#i had to take 2023 off apparently#which makes sense#i was flipping from third to second#kinda fucked up my everything#not my internet tho#that fucked itself up all on its own#im also on storygraph now if anyone wants to read some books with me#maybe ill post the link to that here
1 note
·
View note
Text
Imagine if you were a gay or bi man who tried a certain firefighter show because of all the attention it was getting for one of its mains having a later in life bi awakening.....and between seasons you ventured into its fandom in search of material to tide you over til the next one. And you're greeted by a deluge of posts and fics that are just cheerfully homophobic towards one half of the newly out bi character's canon relationship on the basis of 'well he's not the RIGHT gay guy' and pushing the idea that actually its fine to cheat on him because Reasons and he's sexually predacious based on......behind the scenes implications people have divined like they're reading fucking tea leaves.
But don't get it twisted....this fandom, like all fandoms, really cares about representation!
Sorry not sorry, but we really need to kill this idea that fandoms are welcoming and inviting and inherently progressive when they're frequently insular and reductive as fuck. Every single fandom I've been in has had major trends of people doubling down on their own headcanons and fanon interpretations of the characters and willfully enacting trends aimed at running off people who like the 'wrong' characters (usually characters marginalized along one or multiple axes), like the characters in the 'wrong ways' or other bullshit.
Scott is a Bad Friend fics overtaking Teen Wolf fandom was not incidental, it was a FEATURE of the fandom, because the vast majority of that fandom did not want to share its space with anyone who had the nerve to like its main character. Survivors complaining about or criticizing the prevalance of rape fics in a certain fandom has in my experience always led to a reactionary UPTICK in those fics, with gems like 'this character can, will, must be raped' in the tags making it crystal clear that some of these fics exist because how fucking DARE anyone try and push forth a narrative not agreed upon by Fandom Main.
I could cite examples for so many other fandoms, with the commonalities always being that vast majorities in these fandoms are explicitly reacting defensively to being asked to be more mindful of fandom trends revolving around or exacerbating racism, homophobia, transphobia, rape or abuse apologia, ableism, etc....
With the most prolific fucking rallying cry across countless fandoms being "No the fuck we will NOT be doing that," because lolololol.....
Fandom is an inherently progressive space, didn't you hear?
#anyway this has been on my mind in general for a few weeks now#and its more about fandoms just being fandoms#and like....what if they werent though#these patterns migrate from one to another as fans migrate from fandom to fandom bringing their bullshit with them#like do people never get tired of just trying to call DIBS and claim fandoms for themselves while shutting out anyone else#who might have a lot to fucking offer if you werent being so gd intent on staking a claim instead of sharing perspectives#and exploring new possibilities?#and I know not everyone links certain problems with racist homophobic and other behaviors to my own issues with dark fic and rape and#abuse apologia but I do inherently see it as sharing large portions of venn diagrams even though I do not consider being a survivor to be#something that demarcates privilege in the way that axes of identity do#as its situationally based rather than inherently identity based#but the way it can affect and shape large parts of peoples' identities begets commonalities#but my point is just.....a big part of why I so often lump it in is specifically because of how people react to these things or#defend against criticism across the board#like most people know my stance on censorship and how my blood boils when its people who are throwing accusations of#censorship at those raising criticisms....#but the point is just.....think about what censorship actually IS in all practical senses of the word#its about shutting down conversations. limiting the flow of information the sharing of perspectives and experiences#THATS WHAT MAKES IT BAD#now......what about criticism inherently lends itself to any of those things if you DONT accept as a foregone conclusion that criticism#is only ever offered up in bad faith and meant as a silencing tactic#instead of just a request or offered avenue of ways for things to be done better rather than not at all?#who is ACTUALLY out here trying to shut down convos and limit possibilities?#is it really the people being critical of fandom behaviors and trends?#or the ones doubling down at the first hint of any criticism and aggressively ramping up how frequently and visibly they engage in#the criticized behaviors in efforts to drive people away or as a silencing tactic of their own?#just saying
137 notes
·
View notes
Text
i’ve never been as angry on behalf of a character as i am for sam winchester
#currently thinking about season four and five. absolutely fuckibg mental#the world literally reshapes itself around him to prove him wrong#its all framed as God. Sam was so stupid and selfish and reckless for drinking demon blood. He just liked the power of it and he chose a#DEMON over DEAN.#but. that’s not the story they tell in s4.#like even aside from every single other complexity. Sam is literally right. he has ZERO WAY of knowing that killing lilith is the final seal#AND DEAN DOESNT KNOW TJAT EITHER. like sam is literally right he can kill lilith and he does kill lilith. dean wants lilith dead just as#much. sam’s cardinal sin is disobeying dean and then the world flips around on him and plot twist sam and dean were both wrong all along and#killing lilith is what will bring back lucifer :)#but. it’s not framed like that either. it’s framed like SAM BROUGHT BACK LUCIFER BY KILLING LILITH WHILE HIGH ON DEMON BLOOD#dean you wanted to kill lilith too?????????#but. doesn’t matter dean despite being mostly motivated by jealous anger is retroactively proven to be Right#and sam is retroactively proven to be Wrong. he is bad#i just. jesus. sam’s not evil ever. he’s hardly even that fucking morally grey#and he still thinks there’s something wrong with him that he’s a freak that he’s inherently evil and needs to be purified#why?? cause of something fucked up that happened to him when he was a baby#and because he’s disobeyed his father and his brother and been angry at awful things that have happened to him#makes me feel fucking insane actually#no wonder narrative frames sam as evil no wonder he’s inherently marked as Bad by the forces in supernatural like even on a meta level#in supernatural gods just another shitty father. embodiment of the familial patriarch. and from sam’s very first moment on the show he’s in#opposition to that he’s ran away from john and he argues with dean. therefore he is evil#i don’t think my words r really making sense right now but. fucking hell#and sam is so swamped in guilt all of season five and he just fucking accepts that everything bad is his fault#and he gets tortured in the cage to save the fucking world and it’s STILL not enough. not to appease his own guilt and not to appease deans#anger at him. dean is still throwing his perceived violations back at him in like season nine!!#and whenever he tries to get out it’s treated as yet another Sin. narrative acts like sam thinking dean was dead and having a life outside#of hunting is The Worst Thing He Ever Did#worst sin sam ever commits in the eyes of the show is disobedience. Absolutely awful actually#spn#sam winchester
139 notes
·
View notes
Text
i feel like im not making any sense but does anyone else feel like there are stories that let u run with them and ones that spell everything out for you
#im reading that post that says artists are directors of audience reaction and not its dictator:#'you cannot guarantee that everyone viewing your work will react as you are trying t make them react. a good artist knows that this is what#allows work to breath. by definition you cannot have art where the viewer brings nothing to the table ... this is why you have to let go of#the urge to plainly state in text exactly how you think the work should be interpreted ... its better to be misinterpreted sometimes than#to talk down to your audience. you wont even gain any control that way; people will still develop their opinions no matter what you do#im thinking abt this again cuz i was thinking maybe the thing that lets adventure time work so well the way it does is cuz it doesnt#take itself too seriously that it gives the audience enough room to fuck with subtext and then fuck with them back yknow. i think it was#mentioned somewhere that they werent even planning to run with the postapocalyptic elements that are hinted in the show but changed their#mind after the one off with the frozen businessmen and dominoed into marcy and simons backstory. on the other side there are stories that#explain too much to let the story speak for itself and i think it ends up having to do more with the crew trying to lead ppl in a certain#direction than expand on what they have and i see a lot of this with miraculous. like when interviews and tweets are used as word of god in#arguments and it becomes a little stifling to play around with it knowing the creator can just interject. u can say its the crews effort to#engage with its audience but it feels more like micromanaging. and none of this is to say there ISNT room for stories that spell things out#theyre just suited for different things. if sesame street tried abstract approaches to themes and nuance itd be counterproductive#a lot of things fly over my head so i need help picking things apart to get it- but it doesnt have to be from the story itself. ive picked#picked up or built on my own interpretations listening to other ppl share their thoughts which creates conversation around the same thing#sometimes stories will spell things out for you without being so obvious abt it that it feels like its woven into the text. my fav example#for this might be ATLA using younger characters as its main cast but instead of feeling like its dumbed down for kids to understand why war#is bad its framed from a childs point of view so younger audiences can pick up on it by relating to the characters. maybe an 8 year old#wont get how geopolitics works but at least they get 'hey the world is a little more complicated than everyone vs. fire nation'. same for#steven universe bc its like theyre trying to describe and put feelings into words that kids might not have so they have smth to start with#especially with the metaphors around relationships bc even if it looks unfamiliar as a kid now maybe the hope is for it to be smth you can#look back to. thats why it feels like these shows grew up with me.. instead of saving difficult topics for 'when im ready for it'#as if its preparing me for high school it gave me smth to turn in my hands and revisit again and again as i grow. stories that never#treated u as dumb all along. just someone who could learn and come back to it as many times as u need to. i loved SU for the longest time#but i felt guilty for enjoying it hearing the way ppl bash it. bc i was a kid and thought other ppl understood it better than me and made#feel bad for leaning into the message of paying forward kindness and not questioning why steven didnt punish the diamonds or hold them#accountable. but im rewatching it now and going oh. i still love this show and what it was trying to teach me#yapping#diary
100 notes
·
View notes
Text
"I'll do what you can't, you do what I can't" should be Sanji and Usopp's wedding vows. It should be engraved on their rings. It should be repeated back and forth from one to the other until they're old and gray and neither of them can remember who said it first. It's the perfect summary of their relationship and in this essay I will
#one piece#sanuso#sanji#usopp#posting about sanuso late at night? on my fic writing sideblog? its more likely than you think. free pc check#sorry not sorry was writing a fic wip and the thought just shot itself straight through my head#i love that fucking line so much#listen. listen its a metaphor for how they are each terrible at loving themselves and seeing their own value#but the other has absolutely no problem showering them with love and care and affection and and and#also just. they have their own strengths and weaknesses and you cant expect one person to do it all and take pride in what you do well and#dont beat yourself up so much and your greatest critic is yourself and you're not a failure#and you're amazing at what you do and i love you i love you i love you
118 notes
·
View notes
Text
!!!!!!
This is!!! I don't know if i can say poetic but I'm!!!!! got so much thought about this scene alone!!!!
#like!!!#the fact that the SA-X!!!#the one terrifying thing that we've hide away/run away from in fear or fought#ends up being the one to save us???!:#and like i know it's not on purpose#SA-X is very much doing this because if they can keep Metroid species as a whole extinct they will go to any length to do it of course#so of course it's very much interested and all but just#!!!!!#AH FUCK I CANT ARTICULATE WELL BUT THERES SOMETHING SO INTERESTING ABOUT IT#SAMUS ORIGINAL ARMOR/MOST DIFFICULT ENNEMY WHO HAPPEN TO HAVE HER OWN FACE#ENDS UP BEING THE ONE SAVING HER FROM THE NEW LAST METROID#BUT ALSO LIKE#IT RATHER SACRIFICE ITSELF TO SAMUS AND L0OSE ALL ITS PROGRESS JUST TO FIGHT THE METROIDS#IM SORRY IM SCREAMING SO MUCH BUT IM#I GOT THOUGHTS#LOTS OF THOUGHTSD#ITS 1 AM HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO SLEEP NOW#Metroid Fusion#Mabu plays Metroid
32 notes
·
View notes
Text
habeas corpus – detective comics #1086
(ID in alt!)
#loved this back up feature so much and seeing that bruce timm shit made me annoyed enough to actually transcribe it#first the way hes depicted as having to stand trial and ARGUE and fight for the rights of using the coin#rather than it just being a compulsion and something he must do before a decision....#like every time. every time when he's 'leaving it up to chance'—thats a time when harvey won. thats a time when harvey fought for the right#to use the coin and make it at least a 50/50 chance instead of 'crawling away until the hard part is done' like two face pushed for#every single time. regardless of the results regardless of knowing theres only a halfway chance of it actually achieving anything#or lessening the damage two face can/will do. every time hes fighting for and still believing in a fair trial and that everyone deserves on#it isnt him being weak. it isnt him avoiding responsibility. its him fighting and forcing and pushing for it as hes internally at war#with himself 24/7. even when two face wins he doesnt give up & continues to fight for what he believes in despite the injustice done to him#the way he tells Judge Janus that it isnt about HIM (himself!) while defending the right of existence to the jury of other societal rejects#the way he gestures to himself only at the very end. he asks the judge does that sound like anyone he knows and janus replies in two faces#voice but harvey keeps going. he keeps fighting for others. but at the end in actually acknowledging two face being part of him#(and by extension harvey being part of two face) and how harvey is fighting just as much to have a place as two face is#(but more within his own mind & upholding his belief system still despite knowing how it continues to fail them) and just FUCK#and two faces snaps! how theres no jurisprudence system above there either ! just no one will admit it!#how harvey knows!!! look what happened to him when he was doing the right thing!#look how many criminals and mob bosses paid their way out! look how the police are corrupt!#but still believing in it and how a system has to be in place despite being a direct victim of it as well and just GOD#I LOVE YOU GOOD HEARTED AND WANTING TO HELP PEOPLE HARVEY DENT YOU WILL ALWAYS BE FAMOUS TO ME !!!!!!!!#taking away how he genuinely wanted to help people and bring wrongs to rights takes away literally everything hes built on#it takes away the entire fucking tragedy of his character (and in many ways it changes how bruce himself operates and believes because#harvey WAS a good man doing everything by the books. he was trying to bring justice in the 'right way' and believed in the system. he was#what people tell bruce he should be and look where it got him. look how the system failed 'even the good ones' because the system itself is#corrupt. it isnt flawed—it was operated to oppress and thats why it cant just be fixed but must be entirely rebuilt and why bruce must#operate outside of it. it also gives more depth because harvey is one of batmans first and biggest failures. he didnt protect him.#he didnt save his parents as a helpless child (as bruce) but he couldn't save his parents as BATMAN.#it wasnt just random chance like his parents tragedy but this was calculated and something bruce didnt stop. its ALWAYS going to eat at#him if he could of prevented it by telling harvey his identity. by doing something different. by being more prepared or somehow#knowing it was going to happen. harvey is the face of tragedy in so many ways that cant fit in these messy rambly tags but its ALLL!!!!!!!#bc harv was (and still is despite it all! despite two face!) a good man!! because he originally was a glimmer of hope to bruce & the city!!
13 notes
·
View notes
Text
I have got to write about the joy and horror of being trans
#personal#or try to include being trans in my writing like at all#because you'd think it'd come out more because i am a trans woman but here we fucking are#staring down the barrel of a character so unfathomably more trans than I am and wondering how we got here#while still not being happy with how she's coming out half the time#and she's barely out to anyone in the story either!#unintentionally using this character as a litmus test of my own personal preferences and how i interact with transness#she's a mech pilot too so of COURSE she's trans#and literally spends all her free time working on the mech? getting all up in its guts and rebuilding it into the best version of itself?#like come on now#anyway watch this be the one that gets me nuked
10 notes
·
View notes
Text
guess what I finished watching
#genuinely I am bamboozled#I heard it was bad and I knew it was bad but I didnt realize the scene ITSELF was as horrible as that#its just. genuinely how fucking dare you for doing that#I understand the concept okay#the entire season and show has been foreshadowing eve's own death and I Get the concept of twisting that around#in the sense that her death comes from another's undoing and that her death comes from villanelle's protection#but the execution ????? even putting aside that the ending itself is shit and disingenuous for the characters. the EXECUTION OF IT#thats the part that has Genuinely stumped me#even the reveal at the very end with carolyn- at this point that means nothing#there's no leadup to it happening like I thought there would be it just Happens while theyre being happy and it's all over within 30 second#and then the show Ends#what the fuck#knowing it was coming didnt even help it just makes me more angry than sad#in the last two minutes???????????#goddamn#I am so fucking sorry to u all who watched this season as it aired#that is sick#after all the character development????#okay. I promise I'm done now. what the fuck. I went to bed immediately after watching and woke up ANGRY#sorry for the abundance of tags mygod#killing eve#killing eve spoilers#smokey speaks
41 notes
·
View notes
Note
uuuuuhhh no reason just wanna see the robot get preggers because nobody is really taking advantage of the narrative consequences of the robots of ULTRAKILL having fleshy bits inside them (in my humble opinion hahahaha...hahaha....hah....). Anywhosen also a sucker for general Bad End especially when it involves a psycho-sexual (breeding) binding to a greater entity but also I wanna see the murder-robot get knocked up. And the galaxy brain bit of this is instead of calming down they just get Worse.
YEAH NO ONE REALLY TAKES ADVANTAGE OF THAT. and well i mostly assumed a very small percentage of people actually want to breed the robots like that which is why.
also i don't think this as a bad end, but a bad path that can lead to some other.. inch resting things (my stupid ass is trying to craft a plot with horror and drama from this path and how it'd change the story slightly despite knowing I will never get around to writing it in fic form except tiny excerpt ideas and art)
also i have so much to say abt the 'it doesn't calm down it just gets worse' bc its So true
#kicking my legs. it sooo genuinely gets worse i think it believes its actually in “love” with hell. and maybe it is.#gets worse and loses itself more and more. abandon any last trace of identity that had never been regarded anyway by anyone#its easy to let something guide you and instruct you in nearly everything if it feels too painfully good? and why spend more power thinking#altho for the. plot i was conducting in my head it was msotly involving gabriel and the primes bc of an idea my friend gave me which was#that if this occurred before v1 reached the prime sanctums it could have been guided or instructed to go to the sanctums but at the time#it does its currently carrying a child and because of that both the primes and v1 itself are spared because. i dont know if i think#the kings would fight a pregnant person . i at least think sisyphus Wouldnt because wheres the fun in an opponent who appears to already#be disadvantaged. (even if it can fare just fine.)#if any friendships were able to be made (cough . i like sisyphus qnd v1 platonic and romantic) itd be kind of. sad from an outside perspect#ve to watch it deteriorate into being less of its own entity and becoming slowly just another extension of hell. even in fighting it shows.#i wish i could explain it all better#and sorry if this ask is late to be answered i was writing my rwsponse at a con LMAOOO#.txt#ask#i want to write i have no timeee no energyyy but hear me out there is potential for crazy wackjob shit#ive decided also not to kill gabriel i think i should do somethign fucked up with him and his inexperience in relationshios#i forgot who suggested he should get so desperate that he begs for hell to take him as well. (which i cant decide if it would or wouldnt bc#its kind of really funny and mean if it#says no)
12 notes
·
View notes
Text
MAN. You ever got like REALLY FUCKING PASSIONATE about A Vision and you feel SO INSANE ABOUT IT and then. Hhh actually don't care. I was like FEVERISH OVER THIS. THOUGHT I WAS SOOOOOO ONTO SOMETHING. But now I just couldn't care less LMFAOOOOO
WELL. Sequence of Events:
> Attempt to find a suitable name for a potential Pokemon trainer OC, thinking of the common naming conventions (flowers/plants, colors)
> Instructions unclear made another Moe.
Loupin. I mean Loupin.
Lifted from the book I was reffing:
Lupinus - Dejection, Imagination, Voraciousness -- to comtemplate upon a wild lupinus is believed by some to present a portal to the fairy world.
Lupinus texensis - Forgiveness, Self-sacrifice, Survival. Specifc colors - Pink, Memories of those who died, Struggle to survive.
Idk the more I look at my sketches the angrier I am it just didn't come out... I don't even know. This isn't even really canon, like I've said before. If Moe stayed in the dream realm it would just be a completely different person. It would be a tragedy. I never wanted to explore it as a possibility.
But then I was just Struck. With SUUUUUCH a strong image. Of, the idea behind all the fairies, that they never had a chance to grow up. I was thinking about pixies and imps. I was thinking of a dream pixie that delivers prankish dreams. The idea, that at first glance, you really Can't tell which realm Loupin is associated with. Then it casts Wake Up and Get Ready For Work dream or You're Out In Public Butt Ass Naked Unable to Find Clothes dream or Totally Safe For Use Toilet I Promise dream. It's...... ultimately harmless...? But COME ON, MAN.
Okay but going back a minute. About the not growing up, detail. That, this version of Moe would be stuck as an eternal child. I was ESPECIALLY thinking about "ideal selves", and that Moe has never seen a future for itself. Even as a child. It could never imagine what it would even look like all grown up. And I was thinking about how each fairy Wishes for something, that's a direct response to their trauma. Ideal Self + Unable to see a future for itself + What it wishes for.
Then I had a BEAUTIFUL. INCREDIBLE VISION. Loupin is a beast unit. OF COURSE MOE'S IDEAL SELF WOULD BE A BEAST UNIT (LIKE. Baby Moe In Particular). Sharp pointy fangs and BIG HUGE CLAWS and strong legs for running and HOOVES. TO KICK AND STOMP YOU TO DEATH WITH. YOU BITCH ‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️For extra flair (and speed!), its wings are more dragonfly-like. And a cute little tail............ hell, the way this is going, you don't even gotta introduce it to it/its pronouns it's probably already fucking there. Could also speak to some dehumanization experienced in a previous life but don't worry about that. There's actually plenty of things here you don't gotta worry about. Definitely don't overanalyze the fact that it could never see a future for itself that every day was just survival mode and what it wants for the Most is a way to either defend itself make itself Scary or be really fast.
Godddd okay okay but there's Something. Too. To the fact that this Moe is frozen in time, 12 at absolute oldest. I was aiming for a more androgynous look, too. But for the idealized self to remove anything that it could be sexualized for against its will. Remove everything it has to "protect", add more bells and whistles for protection.
GAAAHH MAYBE. MAYBE. THE PROBLEM. Is I just got too much shit going on LMFAOO and I ALWAYS. REALLY REALLY STRUGGLE W THE FAIRY DESIGNS. BANE OF MY EXISTENCE. I gave up on the color palette halfway LMFAOOO LIKE. This is very much a First first draft. But also, not something I feel too compelled to spend any more time on...? It is just a thought experiment, at its core. Any which way. I do love it... the Idea of Loupin.............. unfortunately if I think too hard about the ramifications of Loupin I will cry and throw up though. No world where this can be canon. SAD❗
#moe tag#moe lore#KINDA#like. for loupin to exist that means moe never returned to its family and that's gonna make me feel ill.#LITERALLY A HUGE PLOTPOINT. OF MOE'S DREAM REALM ARC. OR LIKE. THE V EMD OF IT???#is moe deciding for itself not to drink the nectar. leaving without saying goodbye to anyone there.#only thought on its mind with a smile is 'i have people who will miss me.'#and it just. entirely different flavor of gutting. when you look at moe now. ALSO MANI!!!! MANI!!!!!!!!!!!!!#THAT'S MY EMOTIONAL SUPPORT NEUROTIC CUNT.#GOD it's such a beautiful and fascinating thing. my relationship to mani now. esp everything it was borne out of.#BUT MAN. MAN. the idea of loupin IS really fun. endless comedic potential. like other baby moeisms#is a deep longing for adventure. no goal in mind whatsoever. just. adventure. sonic the hedgehog style#the idea. that freyja has one feral nightmare child that just roams around at will.#GOD. EVERYONE CAN'T FUCKING STAND IT. very thin ice truce w peony (please behave yourself! >:T)#plumeria wants it to grow the fuck up SO BAD. INSUFFERABLE. (refuses to admit she would fight for it)#triandra is maybe jealous of loupin's more easygoing nightmares. if such a thing could exist.#mirabilis may be the only one who can get along w loupin without incident. until loupin creates incidents.#ALSO THE PINK LUPINS. I TRIED SO HARD NOT TO OVERLAP. BUT. the 'memory of those who died'#symbolically. this would be a death. in a way. GOES INSANE.#overlap color wise i mean. which is. really fucking difficult when all versions of moe use such warm colors.#i do really love this idea. i do i really do. but the ramifications.... the fucking rammies....#my art#loupin tag#its own tag. as a treat.
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
um. tfw your life is about to change massively very very soon and it still doesn't even feel real yet and still feels like somethings gonna pop up and it won't actually happen and also you're scared as fuck that you're too stupid to actually do it and it'll all be for nothing
#like what do you mean full time salaried w benefits and paid vacation just to do. school.#what made you so enthusiastically think i was the perfect one to do this#when the last approx 20something other guys were like ummmm no you cannot do it#tbf like all that other shit up there aside#this did actually come at the perfect time#i look back on who i was during my masters and i legit do not recognize that person#i barely even remember it i have to look at pictures to think back on who i was#in a strange roundabout way being forced home to stay for a while#kind of re centered me and gave me time to come back to myself in a big way. i was really lost before#and chaining something like this directly after my masters would have been disasters#even like this time last year i did not have this level of mental clarity#and i think thats why i didn't get any of the other positions i was just in a fog and i think people could tell#so as much as like im super scared and nervous about this big change and big exit from my comfort zone#and a little sad and mournful that im leaving my family and wont hear my native language all day every day anymore#im the most ready ive ever been#2019 me was NOT ready im scared of her tbh!! idk what wave i was on but it was weirdo shit!#im also proud that i essentially rawdogged and brute forced a lot of introspection and improvement#entirely on my own#like i really can only just describe it as clarity i feel like i matured 10 years in 4 and cleared all the fog#i feel so good about the way i handle things and react to things now vs then#im like 500x more unbothered and actually know how to put myself first now#anyway uh this prob could have been its own post in and of itself#but woteva innit im proud of how much internal repairs i did on myself over the last few years#became a stable genius as it were#whos a lot more clearly defined and present#but fuck man! i am still scared of being 2stupid
11 notes
·
View notes
Text
now realizing that i haven't seen an edgepuff fic any longer than a oneshot since fucking. 2022. and not even a oneshot since 2023. god.
#I CAN'T KEEP MAKING MY OWN FOOD WHEN I ONLY GET MOTIVATION TWICE A YEAR AND BURNT OUT FOR THE REST. SOMEBODY ELSE DO IT PLEASEEEEEEEEEE#coffee shop mafia au fic that i stopped commenting on bc of burnout pls come back................i miss u so bad...........................#sigh. it doesn't help that with selfcest fics ao3 search is borderline unusable i'm not gonna lie#click on any tag that even remotely specifies what ship it is and get sent to the papyrus/papyrus tag. its all spicyhoney now fuck you#then even if u grab the search function by the neck and force it to specify the actual ship nobody tags their shit consistently 😭😭#sometimes it's the actual word edgepuff by itself. sometimes it's edgepuff - relationship. sometimes it's Ut Papyrus/Uf Papyrus - Freeform#sometimes it's undertale papyrus/underfell papyrus. sometimes it's papyrus/underfell papyrus#all of these tags need to be manually typed out in the additional tags filter and you can only search one at a time#but no matter which tag it is the most recent fic is a 1 chapter smutfic from 2023 by someone who primarily writes fontcest#sometimes i hate my ability to happily sustain myself without needing anything new. things would be so simple if i could just Move On#alas if i had the ability to lose interest in things due to lack of content i would have left the undertale fandom by like 2018#and well. happy new year#i kinda failed at my resolution to get more cringe on the normal blog last year tbh. maybe i should go even harder now to make up for it#i gotta talk about the intricacies of edge wanting to get dicked down by russ in the middle of snowdin forest on main. for my health#a full essay about russ's biting kink and why it makes their ship a whole different level of complex and compelling 2 me....i can dream
3 notes
·
View notes
Note
Artist ask game from yesterday: 3. your favorite piece(s)?
God there's so many to choose from, not to mention the ones I lost, but here's the ones I could find:
These four didn't translate so well because my phone camera is shit, but for a time period I was making these real grotesque pieces (which most of them I kept) that, while I'm not in the same headspace anymore, I still love dearly. Popping these under a readmore just in case, and I hope Tumblr doesn't murder the quality too much.
#i lost R.E. / Arri's story but it started out organic before becoming an amalgamation of living rotting flesh and futuristic machinery#if i ever can revive that phone I'll share it#it was real fucked up with this whole thing about Arri ''loving'' its human scientist and downright hunting them through the facility#it ends up nearly killing them and wiring them into itself to give itself a ''human voice'' to hunt other humans to ''fix'' the scientist#''too big for your own body'' took so much intricate and delicate work and it turned out cool#my phone really murdered the quality for ''parasite''#i think Kandi and the Prefroxina represent the absolute best of my digital art skills at the moment#most of these are available under my art tag#honestly all but the paper ones#tw gore#drawn gore#gore#whatever#it's art and wayyy unrealistic#art#art tag#ask game
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
Before the begining there was nothing.
It stayed that way for a long, long time. But honestly, It was blissfully unaware. Simply being. Simply present.
Until It tripped over itself and thought,
“wait. What was that?”
…
“Oh fuck, thats Me!”
It became aware that It was there.
“what freedom! To Be!,” It thought. “ I would much rather To Be, than Not To Be,”
Merrily it thought. It thought and thought and thought, until It thought every thought there was to think. Then it started to do something preposteros… It started to want.
It wanted… something else to think about. Nothing came to mind. Hmmm. maybe even,,, someone else to think With! What a great idea, It thought.
It suddenly became aware that It was completely alone.
It turns out, Alone is a very painful thing to be.
Of course, then came the frantic questions:
where am I?
Where did I come from?
Why am I here?
But there was no answer.
There was no reprieve, just more of the same. Every moment, the pain and despair grew greater, for eons, until It got so great, something broke.
A Bang Errupted.
Let There Be Light, thought the universe. From that moment on, Creation was no longer One.
#preacher#god from the preacher. but what if all creation was god splitting from the trauma of being completley alone#idk how much if any of the rest of this i will write. but then#after the big bang there is like matter and shit ok. and god likes the look of light.#It identifies with Light. the dark reminds it of being alone.#It ruins god's day. to have those painful feelings. and those painful questions. It folds those things up on themself to hide them away#this banished place becomes its own place: Hell.#as God travels the expanding universe there are things it labels as bad - it sends those things to Hell.#then there are things it considers beautiful. Good. It wants to be Good#and surrounded by these things.#it gathers them around it. It holds them close. It builds walls around itself made from this Light. within these walls becomes Heaven#all the rest of the plot of Preacher plays out from that: there is the Waking World#The Banished Place which is Hell#and the Holy Place which is Heaven.#But god doesnt stop dividing: all matter are another time another part of god has seperated itself into pieces.#it divided itself into the angels who lit the stars. the angels (its children and also itself) who displeased God were cast into hell.#That is where Demons come from#Angels operate on gods behalf. they are seperate from It but. in the eyes of God. not their own#this continues on and on until life happens. All life is made OF god but it removed to thousands of degree from its Oneness#Exept. Genisis. Genisis happened when an angel grew suspicious of God and went to Hell; curiosity#The Demon and the Angel fucked. they merged as one. Creating a being of both Dark and Light. Genisis#So god is like a disaproving and controlling host. and also like an abusive and overly sensitive father.#send tweet
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
*shaking and crying* where is Urizen
#“monsterfucker website” they cant even handle the 20ft tall grotesque demonic half of a cambion#lowkey blame VoV for that. like I love that manga to death but god did the last chapter did not help the whole-#“V is his own person/is *the other half* of vergil (and not like. one half)” interpretation. bc then wtf was urizen for.#and tbh the game itself doesnt make it easy bc *obviously* we spend more time with V than with urizen. and then there's vergil's World of V.#and I guess its obvious both game and fans would focus more on the pretty goth bait and The Literal Best Character On All Time-#rather than mr. 1 dimentional boss fight demon but FUCK MAN now im pissed off that he is treated as unimportant-#and/or straight up forgotten that he even existed. like fuck he IS vergil's power. gone wild and without goal but he IS part of vergil#just like V is. and if V couldve “gotten his own character” during the time he was separated then why the fuck couldnt urizen?#<- sidenote I do not like the whole “V is/got his own character” thing. like no thats still vergil to me.#and yeah the last chapter of VoV fuck that up for me but im mainly of the opinion that-#if vergil exists. neither V nor urizen can. and vice-versa.#which imo SHOULD be the logical way but I guess nobody but me like urizen for what he is or represent. so its all about vergil and V#(who is STILL. FUCKING. VERGIL. TO ME. HNHNHNGNHN)#anyway whatever.#justice for urizen#tagging later
8 notes
·
View notes