#but. it’s not framed like that either. it’s framed like SAM BROUGHT BACK LUCIFER BY KILLING LILITH WHILE HIGH ON DEMON BLOOD

[sammygender]

i’ve never been as angry on behalf of a character as i am for sam winchester

[fanfictionalraven]

Fireflies

Title: Fireflies

Summary: The reader and Cas have to attend a formal gala for a case but everything isn't what it seems.

Characters: Castiel, Reader, Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester

Word Count: 3,182

Warnings: Brief mention of character death

Author's Note: This story was originally posted by myself under the account Winchestersgirl92. It was published October, 2017.

“This is a terrible idea,” you tell Sam, looking at the dress bag in his arms. He rolls his eyes and holds it out a little further. Sighing, you reach out of the bathroom, careful to keep yourself hidden, and grab the bag. You close the bathroom door and hang the bag on the shower rod. The mirror had fogged up during your shower so you wipe at it a towel. You stare at your reflection for a moment.

The four of you had arrived at the motel earlier that morning. It was an odd case to pin down exactly. Could be a shifter or a demon or a spirit possessing people or anything really. Sam and Dean had hit the morgue first thing, leaving you and Cas awkwardly in the motel room. Normally, you had no trouble being around the angel. In fact, you usually enjoyed your time with him. But something had changed recently and you knew exactly what it was. You had developed feelings for Cas.

It hadn’t happened immediately. You didn’t even like him in a platonic way when you’d first been introduced to him. You found him condescending and almost arrogant. But the longer you were around him, the more your friendship bloomed. You’d found yourself confiding in him when you couldn’t talk to either Winchester. He had tentatively and awkwardly comforted you when Sam had gone to the pit with Lucifer and Michael.

Over the years, you discovered he was, in fact, caring and loyal, compassionate and humble. Cas had become your best friend and things were going smoothly. Until one morning after a particularly bad hunt. You woke up in the bunker to a terrible smell wafting through the halls. You followed your nose down to the kitchen where you found Cas standing over a smoking pan, dumbfounded. He looked at you sheepishly when you’d asked what he was doing and confessed he’d been attempting to make your favorite blueberry pancakes, hoping to make you feel better.

It was in the moment, standing in the smoke-filled kitchen of the bunker, that you felt it first. Your heart fluttered. Your stomach lurched. You felt your cheeks heat up. You were in love with Cas. You were in love with an angel.

You shake your head quickly, trying to get your head back on the case. The victims had all been scheduled to attend a gala that was being held that night. It was apparently a very formal, black-tie affair. You and Cas were now going. Together. Dean was out with Cas now, helping him find a tuxedo. Sam had run down to a dress store and picked something up for you while you showered.

You reach over and unzip the dress bag carefully, revealing a white evening gown. Thankfully, Sam had picked it out so it was modest enough. You didn’t even want to think about what Dean would have brought back. As you push the sides of the bag open, you can see more of the detail. The collar and waist were trimmed in gold and you could make out a slit in one side of the skirt.

You leave the dress hanging while you work on your hair and make up. Neither were what you usually focused on when you were getting ready. Typically, your hair was pulled back and you might throw on some mascara if you were feeling it that day. But this time, you leave your hair half down, curling it and pinning the top back carefully. You take your time applying your make up the way your mother had taught you years ago, trying to maintain a natural look.

Once you’ve finished, you carefully slip into the dress. It frames you nicely, hugging your body just right. You attempt to pull the zipper up but ultimately fail. Opening the bathroom door quietly, you’re met with silence. Dean and Cas weren’t back yet.

“Sam?” You call out.

“Yea,” he says. You can hear his footsteps approaching the door so you step out of the bathroom.

“Can you help me out?” You ask, turning your back to him. He laughs lightly and quickly zips you up. “Thanks.” You walk past him, towards your bag sitting on one of the beds.

“You look great by the way,” Sam tells you as he walks back over to the table in the corner. You glance at him as you find your jewelry, hand me downs from your mother you always kept with you.

“Thanks,” you say, sliding a bracelet on. “Tell me again why me and Cas have to do this?”

“Because Dean and I have already introduced ourselves to half the people that are gonna be there,” he says. You nod, turning to a mirror on the nearby wall to put your earrings in.

“But is all this really necessary though?” You ask, looking at him in the mirror. You catch an almost mischievous glimmer in his eyes before he looks at his laptop quickly.

“It’s a formal event, Y/N/N,” he says before starting to type. You sigh and turn back towards the bed, spotting a shoe box. Lifting the lid, you find a beautiful pair of gold heels that match the dress perfectly. They also have a deadly looking four-inch heel on them.

“Are you serious, Sam? How am I supposed to hunt in these?” You ask, holding one up. He rolls his eyes.

“You’re on an intel gathering mission tonight. Not a man hunt,” he says. You groan and sit on the edge of the bed, slipping your feet into the shoes. The door to the motel room opens and you look up just as Cas and Dean come in together. You can’t help but stare as Cas steps around the corner before he stops short at the sight of you. You knew you looked ridiculous but the ogling wasn’t necessary. Cas looked amazing. Dapper was the word that came to mind immediately. Dean had done a good job, too good honestly. You were going to pale in comparison to this literal angel.

“Look at you, Y/N. You do know how to be a girl,” Dean teases, crossing his arms. You roll your eyes.

“Being a girl has nothing to do with wearing makeup and a pretty dress, Dean. Besides, I can still kick your ass,” you tell him as you rise to your feet quickly. Too quickly. Your legs wobble on the tiny stilts and you start to lose your balance. Cas is at your side instantly, a steady arm around your waist. You look up at him, his face now only inches from your own.

“Are you alright?” He asks, concern clear in his voice. You feel your face heat up and you somehow manage to nod in response.

“Yea, just – ugh – not so great on heels,” you tell him. He nods, his eyes roaming your face curiously. God, you love those blue eyes. You couldn’t remember a time you’d been this close to them. Sam clears his throat, drawing your attention.

“You crazy kids have fun. If you need us, just call,” he tells you both. Dean rubs his hands together.

“Alright. Let’s go. I’ll drop you off,” he says, taking a step towards the door. Cas shakes his head, his arm tightening around your waist slightly.

“That won’t be necessary, Dean,” he says. Dean looks at him, momentarily confused, then nods.

“Well then. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do,” he says, winking at you both. You roll your eyes and look up at Cas, preparing to object. You certainly weren’t about to try and walk all the way to the gala in these damn shoes. Cas’ blue eyes meet yours again and you lose your train of thought. In the next second, you’re outside. It only takes a moment to register what happened. You flew.

You sometimes forgot he could do that, part of you wishing he wasn’t some magnificent celestial being. If he were just human, you might stand a chance. But he isn’t and you don’t. You take a quick step away from him and look down, smoothing out the front of your dress. You look up to find he’s still watching you.

“What? Is there something on my face?” You ask, frowning. He shakes his head, his face unreadable as always.

“No,” he says, simply. You wait for further explanation but it doesn’t come. “We should go inside,” he tells you, offering you his arm. You glance at it then rest your hand in the crux of his elbow. You allow him to lead you around the corner of the building to the front door. A man is standing just inside the door behind a podium with a list. You cut your eyes up at Cas but he doesn’t seem worried. You step up to the podium together and the man glances at you both.

“Name?” He asks, uninterested.

“Mr. and Mrs. Novak,” Cas answers. He glances over his list, makes a quick mark, then motions for the two of you to move on. Cas pulls you through the foyer and into the main room. “Dean said it was easier for Sam to list us together as a couple.”

“I bet it was,” you mumble, looking around the room. You were already planning how you were going to murder the Winchester brothers once you got back to the motel. They had set you up. You didn’t know how they had found out about your feelings for Cas but this was ridiculous. You look up at Cas and hold in a sigh. “I’m going to scope out the room, talk to a few people.”

“Y/N,” he calls. You smile at him slightly as you walk away quickly. Your plan was simple. Avoid Cas the rest of the night so you didn’t do anything stupid. Solve the case. Murder the Winchesters later.

You spend the next hour working the room. You talk to nearly everyone and no one seems to know anything at all. No one seems to even know about these murders you were supposed to be investigating. No one had even heard of the victims. You’ve just finished speaking with the woman in charge of the entire event when it hits you. The whole case was a set up. You pick up a champagne flute from a nearby waiter and quickly down the entire glass. You desperately wanted something stronger.

“Y/N,” Cas’ voice says from right behind you. You exchange your empty glass for a full one then turn to face him. “Are you upset with me?” He asks. Your anger quickly evaporates at the look on his face. He was genuinely worried. You sigh and take a much smaller sip from the glass before shaking your head.

“No, Cas. I’m not upset with you. Sam and Dean – I, I think they set us up,” you tell him, your face going red. He shakes his head slowly.

“Sam and Dean did not set us up,” he says. You frown again and take another sip. You really needed something stronger than champagne for this conversation.

“Yea, Cas. I think they did. There isn’t a case here. No one’s even heard of the victims. I don’t think they even exist,” you explain.

“I know,” he says simply. You stop at that, looking up at him now. He doesn’t appear to be feeling anything you are. Shock, betrayal, anger. He seems completely at ease with this new development.

“You know?” You ask. He nods once, never taking his eyes off your face. “What do you mean, you know?” You can feel your anger rising again. Cas was in on it? Did he know how you felt too? How could they do this to you? Cas sighs and reaches over, taking the champagne from you. He sets it on a nearby table then steps towards you.

“Can we go somewhere else? It’s – loud here,” he says. At the moment, you don’t want to go anywhere with him. But you hate this sophisticated party and your feet are killing you so you nod, crossing your arms. Cas takes another step forward, closing the distance between the two of you completely now. One arm comes around your waist and, in the blink of an eye, the sounds of the party stop.

Cas’ arm slowly leaves your waist as you look around, taking in your new surroundings. It was a place you knew well. The lake near your childhood home where you used to play. You’d spent your summer days swimming with your older sister and then, as the sun would begin to go down, the two of you would sit on the edge of the tiny dock and watch the fireflies dance along the water. Just like they were doing right now.

“How did you know about this place?” You ask, your voice barely audible.

“You told me about it once. You were upset that night. It was the anniversary of your sister’s death. You told me about the lake and the fireflies and you cried,” he says, a sadness in his voice. You look over at him now and he’s still watching you. Just like he had been all night long.

“You held me all night that night,” you say, remembering. He shrugs once and you turn to face him completely now. “Cas, why did you all lie about the case?”

“It was Dean’s idea,” he confesses, looking out over the water. “I told him and Sam how you make me feel. Sam suggested I should just tell you but Dean insisted that I needed to, how did he phrase it? ‘Sweep you off your feet’.” You stare at him, shaking your head slightly.  

“How I make you feel?” You ask, trying to regain some control over your voice. It was trembling as was your entire body. You take a step towards him and he looks back at you. “What do you mean?”

“My heart rate rises. My palms perspire. The idea of you getting injured on a hunt scares me. I’ve had — thoughts about you,” he says. You raise an eyebrow slightly and could swear he blushes. “Impure thoughts.”

“Oh. I see,” you say, blushing yourself now. You’re suddenly very conscious of the way the dress hugs your figure and the slit revealing your leg.

“Sam says it’s love,” he says. You look up at him quickly. “He said it’s the same thing he felt for Jessica. Dean said he wishes he felt this way about someone.” He takes a few tentative steps forward, closing the distance between the two of you. He reaches up slowly and pulls the pin from your hair, allowing the top part to fall. He smiles, watching the loose curls frame your face. “You don’t need all of this to be beautiful, Y/N. Not that you don’t look exceptional like this but I prefer your natural beauty.” You feel the tears welling up and fight them back as you  reach up, loosening his tie slightly.

“I prefer your trench coat and crooked tie myself,” you tell him. You rest your hands against his chest and bite your lip for a moment. “I feel the same about you, Cas.”

“You do?” He asks, sounding genuinely shocked. You let out a small laugh and nod.

“Heart racing, palms sweating, worrying about you all the time. I’ve had my fair share of impure thoughts too,” you admit, watching your finger run over one of the buttons on his jacket. His hands come to rest on your waist and you look up at him. You can see the fireflies reflecting in his eyes and it’s the most beautiful thing you think you’ve ever seen.

“Can I kiss you, Y/N?” He asks, eyes darting down to your lips. You nod, trying to control yourself. You aren’t sure how much experience he’s had with kissing so you don’t want to push it.

You allow him to lean into you and gently press his lips against yours. In the next moment, his hand is threading into your hair and his lips are moving expertly with yours. By the time your brain catches up, he’s already pulling away. Your hands fist into his jacket, holding him close.

“Was that okay?” He asks, unsure. You breathe a laugh and shake your head, looking up at him again.

“No, Cas. That was so much better than okay,” you tell him. He breaks into a wide smile and you rest your head against his shoulder. You’re both quiet for a moment, listening to the crickets. Finally, Cas looks down at you again.

“Would you like to dance?” He asks. You look up at him, smiling widely.

“You dance?” You ask him. He shrugs, taking a small step back from you.

“Sam and Dean taught me,” he says. You stare at him, trying not to laugh.

“You have to tell me that story later,” you tell him. He smiles and nods, holding his hand out. You move to place your hand in his but stop. “Wait,” you say. Quickly, you kick your heels off, slipping back down to your normal height. You toss the shoes aside then look Cas over. He’d been uncomfortable in his tux all night. You slip your hands under his jacket, pushing it off his shoulders carefully. You fold it nicely then lay it aside. You take his tie off next, adding it to the pile. Finally, you unbutton the top couple buttons on his shirt. “Better?”

“Thank you,” he says, nodding. You smile and place your hand in his outstretched one. His other arm wraps around your waist, pulling you into his chest. You rest your head on his shoulder as he starts to sway, spinning you both of you in a small circle. He presses his lips to the top of your head, almost cautiously. “This could get complicated,” he says softly.

“All relationships are complicated,” you tell him. He doesn’t answer and you look up at his silence.

“It could be dangerous,” he adds. You frown slightly and he sighs. “The other angels, they will not be understanding. Especially if you were to become pregnant.” His eyes drift to some faraway place. You stand up and press your lips gently to his, drawing him back to the present.

“Cas, we’ll take things slow. And once we decide to…become physical, then we’ll be extremely careful,” you tell him. He nods his head but you can see he’s still unsure. “I love you, Cas. And, now that I know you feel the same way, nothing is going to keep me away from you. Nothing.”

“I do love you as well,” he says, finally smiling again. He leans in, kissing you gently once again. Though you know that you’re both a little scared of what could happen, the challenges of an angel and a human being in love, you also know that for the first time in a long time, everything is exactly as it should be. You spend the rest of the night by that lake, dancing along side the fireflies.

[queermania]

Same anon, I also wanted to add that bodily autonomy IS inherently a Sam issue because there are so many instances in the text that has to do with something out of Sam's control. Being Lucifer's true vessel (which yes, Dean was Michael's and he didn't have control over that either, but that's not portrayed as much in the text because they WANTED the viewers to see Sam's struggle with his "destiny" because Lucifer is Lucifer, but it would have been nice to see Dean being Michael's vessel affect him more.) The demon blood was a violation, obviously. John violated both of his children's autonomy by trying to turn them into mindless soldiers. That's why it showed Sam get away, because it was showing a small portion of his life when he gained that autonomy back, only for Azazel and Lucifer to control his life again by killing Jess so that they could manipulate him into leaving the life he made for himself free of control. (Not to mention they controlled more than just Jessica's death. His best friend was a demon, his prom date was a demon, his teacher was a demon, etc etc. His whole life was meticulously planned out in a way that Dean's wasn't.) Then the Special Children stuff, then Ruby comes along, and as I explained before, violates his autonomy. That's why FINALLY in the season 5 finale, which as a reminder was supposed to be the end of the show, it portrayed him getting his autonomy back by taking control of his body!! It doesn't get any clearer than that!! His first words of the series are "Do I have to?" and his last are "You're going to have to make me!" This is his whole story arc of the first 5 seasons, regaining his autonomy and it was done so well. But then the next seasons go back to violating them again when he comes back soulless and his soulless self does a bunch of things to violate it, like sleeping with people and doing certain things Sam would never do. Then the whole Gadreel thing. (Which I wasn't as mad that Dean tricked Sam into bringing him back to life, but moreso that he manipulated him for months and Sam had a whole ANGEL living inside of him and Sam was losing time. THAT is violating his bodily autonomy on multiple levels.) Sure there are instances where other characters get their autonomy violated but none more than Sam's whose entire arc of the first 5 seasons involved it.

first of all, the show didn't only last for five seasons. it lasted for fifteen and everything that happened after season five is still canon. and my entire point was that just because the show sometimes frames it like sam has his autonomy violated more often, doesn't mean it actually happens that way.

being lucifer's true vessel is not a violation of sam's autonomy anymore than any other person being a potential vessel for an angel is. but even if you take that stance, you've already highlighted exactly why that's not specific to sam anyway. dean is also a true vessel, ergo...

i've already agreed the demon blood when he was a baby was a violation of his autonomy.

but again with john.. you've explicitly brought up an example of something that applies to both sam and dean. so once again, not specific to sam.

and if getting away was a restoration of his autonomy and dean didn't get away then i guess we can assume dean was having his autonomy violated while sam wasn't. soooooo... now it's specific to dean and not sam.

demons possessing other people is not a violation of sam's autonomy wtf. it's a violation of those people's autonomy. it's a fucked up thing that happened to sam, yeah, but it has nothing to do with his autonomy.

sam's last line of the series was "dean" because, again, the show went beyond the first five seasons and when i'm talking about the show, i'm talking about the entire thing.

sam's actions when he was soulless are not him violating his own autonomy??? literally WHAT?? but even if you want to use that completely unhinged logic, then that means at the very least that jack's actions when he was soulless were a violation of his autonomy, which again means it's not specific to sam.

i'm not arguing that gadreel possessing sam was a violation of his autonomy.

but again... just because the show made it a recurring theme doesn't mean it actually happened to sam with any more frequency than it did to dean (or cas).

[cherrycocaineee]

13. Dean Winchester - Confession

    Bobby was sitting at his desk flipping through the millions of dusty, old, torn books he had collected over the years when I came down the stairs, carrying my purse along my shoulder. The sound of my small feet thumping against his creaky wooden floors caused him to look at me. He was already drinking scotch this early in the morning and the tired, purple bags under his eyes proved that he had a restless night just like usual. I smiled sympathetically at him as I approached, getting a large whiff of the liquor he was pouring down his throat. I could hardly count the number of times I’ve warned him and the boys about drinking so much, yet they never listened. Though I didn’t really expect them to, considering all of the things they’ve seen in their lifetime.

  “Where are you off to?” He asked, pouring himself another glass of scotch.

 “We’re low on groceries,” I hummed, “so I’m going down to the market to pick some stuff up. I’ll make breakfast when I come back, okay?”

   “I’ll hold ya to that. You need any money?”

 I shook my head and patted the side of my purse before leaving for the market. It wasn’t a long trip, it was literally a block from where Bobby lived. When I arrived at the small, yet vibrant place, I inhaled the sweet scent of freshly picked produce and other aromas. Inside I pushed the basket around and collected everything we needed for the house: fresh produce, meats, bread, eggs, and much more. Considering how much fast food I use while travelling with the boys, I was happy to find a place that sold freshly grown fruits and vegetables, and freshly cut chops of meat, and more. I spent an hour in total at the market before paying for my groceries and heading back to the house.

  While carrying all of the paper bags inside, I could hear talking going on inside. I shook it off as Bobby being on the phone and continued.

  “Bobby, I’m home,” I called, “I’m about to start breakfast, so why don’t you trade that scotch in for a cup of coffee.”

  The voices from the other room quieted down just as I placed the groceries on the kitchen table. I walked out of the kitchen and saw Bobby standing in the middle of the room with none other than Dean and Sam. My eyes widened at the sight of them. The last time I saw Sam was when he jumped into the cage, holding Lucifer in and knocking Michael inside too. And Dean, well, I hadn’t seen him since he went to live with Lisa and Ben. It had hurt a lot when he left too, not wanting to stay with Bobby. Not wanting to stay with me. But I didn’t make a big deal about it despite being madly in love with him. Though I’d never tell him that since he was in love with Lisa.

  “Hey, Persephone,” Sam and Dean said simultaneously, making my eyes water.

  “Hey,” I whispered, a smile forming on my face.

  I walked over to them and embraced them both, feeling their large, muscular arms wrap around my thin frame as they held me close. As I pulled away from the hug, Lisa popped her head around the corner. My chest was tightening as I saw Dean walk over to her. They went off to speak to one another, I cleared my throat and turned my attention to Sam.

  “When did you get back from hell?” I asked.

  From the look on his face and the way he was rubbing the back of his neck with his rough hands, I knew there was something he wasn’t sure he wanted to tell me. Or at least the truth anyway. But he decided that he’d tell me in the end.

 “A year, actually,” he muttered.

  My forest green eyes widened at his words. I spent the next fifteen minutes tearing a new one into both Sam and Bobby, who had been hiding this from me the entire year, then returned to the kitchen to cook breakfast. There was a mix of frustration, betrayal, and other emotions mixing up inside of me as I started scrambling the eggs and cooking the sausage and bacon. Quiet sizzling could be heard throughout the kitchen, masking the sound of my humming while I cooked. As I was moving on to the coffee, I heard footsteps coming from behind me so I swirled around to see Dean walking in. He didn’t look too happy either.

  “Did you just find out that Sam’s been back for a year too?” I questioned, throwing away the old coffee grounds into the trash.

 “Well yes,” he stated, “but that’s not while I’m upset.”

  I had started plating the food by then, starting off with Ben’s since he was here and was probably hungry.

  “What’s going on?”

  I set a cup of coffee down in front of him.

  “Sam needs my help hunting a Djinn,” he answered, “and I’m worried because the things might come after Lisa and Ben.”

  Honestly, I should have seen that coming. Sam, despite being back from hell, wouldn’t have asked Dean for help if it wasn’t life or death. It made me wonder if they’d only come to drop off Dean's family or to ask me to help. Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t jealous of Lisa, in fact, I was happy for her and Dean. It just hurt every time I saw them together.

  “So that’s why you brought them to Bobby’s,” I whispered, buttering some fresh French bread, “so we could watch them while you guys hunted the Djinn?”

  “Well actually,” Dean said, placing his cup on the table, “just for Bobby to watch them. You’re coming with us right?”

  A small, sad smile appeared on my face as I lifted up Bobby’s plate while shaking my head.

 “I don’t hunt anymore, Dean. When Sam jumped into that cage and you left to go live with Lisa and Ben, the two of you left me behind. So I just stopped hunting. Now I just clean up and cook while studying.”

  “Studying?”

  “I started going back to school. Granted it’s online but I figured I might as well get an education.”

  It was silent between us, so I just walked away and headed towards Bobby with his breakfast. He was sitting at his desk once again when I arrived and graciously welcomed the warm food. I went back into the kitchen, where Dean was still sitting, and picked up the plate for Ben then headed upstairs to give it to him.

  Lisa was unpacking their overnight bags when I reached the room they were staying in. Ben was sitting on the bed, playing some video game on his gaming device. Tapping on the door, I caught their attention and smiled welcomingly.

  “Hey,” I said, “I’m Persephone, a friend of Sam and Dean’s. I made your son some breakfast if he’d like to eat.”

  A smile appeared on her face in return, “thank you, Persephone. I’m Lisa and this is Ben.”

  I didn’t tell her that I already knew her name, that would be rude. Instead, I shook her hand and placed Ben’s food down on one of the nightstands. He thanked me and started shoveling food inside his mouth fast. It reminded me of how Dean would eat when he was in a rush. Swallowing the forming lump inside my throat, I left the two of them to finish unpacking. Halfway down the stairs, I froze and gripped the railing tight. My heart felt like it was racing, tears were streaming down my cheek as I tried to collect myself. Wiping away the unwanted water leaks, I sighed softly and went downstairs. Sam and Dean were getting ready to leave when I made it to the main room. The two Winchester brother’s faced me when I entered.

  “You sure you don’t want to come, Perse?” Sam inquired.

 I held up my hands and giggled, “no thanks. You guys be safe.”

  I hugged them tightly, almost relaxing when I felt the safety of their embrace. They said a final goodbye to Bobby and I then left for wherever it was they were going to hunt this monster. Bobby returned to his breakfast and I went into the kitchen to pack up the leftovers and clean up. Once the kitchen was tidied up, I headed back upstairs to my room to get some reading done. I had some homework assignments that were in desperate need of doing before midnight tomorrow and I liked to stay ahead of the clock.

  Hours and hours passed before I finally passed out while reading my book. No dreams occupied my slumber while I napped, however, I was eventually awakened by the sound of someone knocking on my door. Stirring around in my covers, both eyes pried themselves open and stared at the dimly lit ceiling before looking to my right and seeing it was well past three o’clock in the morning. Another knock echoed throughout the room and I finally dragged myself out of the comforting quilt and onto the assaulting, cold floor. I rubbed my eyes to wipe the sleep away and pulled the door open. Lisa was standing on the other side, holding a plate in her hand.

  “Bobby said that you were up here studying, and you missed dinner,” she said, “did I wake you?”

 “Yeah,” I groggily whispered, “but it’s okay.”

  I took the plate from her and saw that she had cooked some chicken noodle soup. It smelled great, reminding me of my early years in life when I still lived with my mom. She followed me inside of the room as I sat criss crossed on my bed with the soup in hand, smelling the melted butter on the toast. My eyes met the clock once again and was astonished to see that I had slept and studied for such a long time. It felt like only seconds ago that it was morning and I had just finished cooking breakfast.

 “Persephone,” Lisa said while I slurped the soup up, “I’m sure you’re aware of the things Sam and Dean do, right?”

  “Of course,” I answered before scooping another spoonful of soup in my mouth.

 “How were you okay with it? I mean, don’t get me wrong, I love Dean and I understand that he’s gotta do what he has to, but sometimes I worry that he’ll come home hurt or something will follow him home.”

   Though there was a ping in my chest when she said she loved Dean, I couldn’t help but smile at how worried she was for him. It was something that he definitely needed since he was always worrying about other people. I placed the plate onto the empty nightstand and scooted closer to the edge of the bed, patting the spot next to me. When Lisa sat down, I took her hands into my own.

  “It’s a lot to process,” I whispered, “when I met Sam and Dean, I was so unsure about leaving everything I knew to travel with them and fight all of those monsters. But I know deep down in my heart that they would never let people they love get hurt and they’ll die trying to protect those they consider family. Especially Dean. What you can do for him, is just be there, even if it’s hard. Because at the end of the day, he needs that most of all.”

   The two of us shared a hug before she agreed she would do her best to make Dean feel loved and secure. After saying goodnight to me, she retreated back to her room, closing the door behind her. When she was out of sight, I grabbed my soup again and slowly started slurping it up again. It was comforting knowing that she would be taking care of Dean. Once he came back, I’d persuade him to go back with Lisa, telling him that he deserved to be with someone that made him happy.

   The next day came quickly and I hadn’t fallen back asleep after my conversation with Lisa, so I spent the rest of the entire night reading. Soft, illuminating rays of sunshine burst through the clear, white curtains in my room as I finished throwing on a short-sleeve, white, shirt that only tied close. Running my fingers through my brushed hair, I fixed up any lumps that were visible.

  Bobby was asleep at his desk when I reached downstairs, so I went over to him and wrapped a blanket around his snoring body. Picking up his almost empty bottle of scotch, I carried it back to the kitchen to put it away and make a new pot of coffee. Wanting nothing more than to sit outside with a non-school book and my delicious morning nectar, reading as the sun played against my pale skin. There was no telling when Sam and Dean would be home, along with there being no way of knowing when they would wake up. So I wanted to get in as much peace and quiet as possible before the day began.

  With the coffee cup in my right hand and a good book in the other, I sat on the back of one of Bobby’s rundown cars and started reading. Four chapters in and I was already getting up to make myself a second cup of joe. Just as I slipped off the back of the rusted car, Dean and Sam pulled up. The sun was only just inching towards the middle of the sky when they arrived. Both climbing out of their seats, I noticed that they were not only tired but relieved.

  “How’d it go?” I inquired, “seemed pretty quick.”

 “It went fine,” Sam replied, “except Dean’s got a big slash on his arm. They came right at us.”

   I went over to Dean and saw that he had wrapped his cut in a cloth but the blood was still leaking through. Clicking my tongue, I shook my head while leading the two of them inside. Sam explained on the way that they had figured that the Djinn were targeting both of them, so they went back to Dean’s home and waited there. When Dean noticed that his friends and neighbors were being killed, he ran to help and ended up almost dying. But Sam helped him. The fight raged on but in the end, the Winchester boys came out on top. Sam went to wash up while I started taking care of Dean’s wound.

  With the First Aid Kit laying beside me on the kitchen table, I unwrapped his wound and gulped at the sight of it. Dean chuckled.

  “Makes you miss the old days, huh?” He laughed.

 “Not really,” I giggled, “a lot of it may have been great but watching the two people I cared the most about get injured was never easy.”

  “It was never easy watching you get hurt either.”

 I cleaned up the wound and sprayed some of the cleaning solution on it causing Dean to wince. It made me laugh because of how soft he had become in the last year. After rewrapping the wound in a proper bandage, I threw everything else away and put the first aid kit back in its rightful spot. When I looked back at him, I saw that he was staring at his hands.

  “Are you thinking about leaving Lisa and Ben?” I asked, returning to the table.

  “I’m not sure,” he stated, “if I leave them, more monsters could show up looking for me and hurt them, but if I stay then even more monsters will show up and hurt them to get to me.”

  “But at least you’d be there to protect them.”

 His perfect, bright green eyes met my own darker, emerald ones.

  “If you left Lisa and Ben today, then you would never be able to forgive yourself if they got hurt without you being there. However, I know, and Lisa knows, that you would do anything for the people you love. So maybe you being there is what’s best right now.”

   The words seemed to sink in before he nodded in agreement.

 “Then it’s settled. I’ll be going back with Lisa and Ben when they wake up.”

   I squeezed his shoulder and sat down at the table. Running a shaking hand through my hair as a soft sigh left my lips. I don’t know what came over me, all of a sudden I felt that maybe I should say something to him if this was the last time I’d see him. I had no intention of breaking him and Lisa up but I couldn’t keep it to myself anymore. It was practically tearing me up inside.

  “Dean, there’s something I need to tell you before you go,” I whispered.

 “What is it?” He asked, his eyes never wavering away from me.

  My palms felt sweaty and my throat felt drier than I had ever felt before. Taking a deep breath, I faced him and smiled. I chickened out.

  “I’m going to miss you.”

  I went to go back to my room, but Dean grabbed my wrist stopping me from leaving. I clenched my fist tight and turned around, not ready to face him because I knew he could read my face like a book. He stood there holding my arm, not tight but not lightly so I would stay there.

  “That’s definitely not what you were going to say,” he said, “tell me.”

  With a final deep breath, I nodded my head, “I love you.”

  His eyes widened and he dropped my hand, letting it drop to my side. I felt it sway before coming to a slow stop. Then I held it to defend myself.

  “I’m not saying this to break you and Lisa up,” I said, “I want you to go with her and be there for Ben. But I also wanted to let you know, in case we never saw each other again.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” He croaked, and I thought that I could see tears in his eyes.

 I could only shrug my shoulders, “with everything going on, it just didn’t feel right. And then you wanted to go live with Lisa after Sam was gone so I just never told you.”

   Our conversation was interrupted by Ben and Lisa running into the kitchen, Bobby walking behind them, and embracing Dean. They were happy that he had come home with hardly any injuries. Dean wrapped his arms around them both but he was staring at me. I smiled sweetly, holding my hands in front of me while watching them be reunited. Lisa and Ben were ready to go home with Dean, and even though I knew Dean wanted to stay and talk more about what I had just confessed, I helped push him out the door. If he stayed any longer, I was definitely going to want him to stay forever. But I couldn’t be selfish. Sam, Bobby, and I stood at the front door and waved as the three of them drove off. When they were out of sight, my hand dropped. I felt Bobby place his hand on my shoulder and look at me with understanding.

  I wasn’t sure when the next time I would see Dean again, but I knew that it wasn’t going to be any time soon. And if I was being honest, I didn’t want to see him again. He needed to be with Lisa.

[bisexualcrowley]

Family doesn’t end with blood

Pairing: Lucifer x Fem!Reader, Parental/platonic x Jack Kline, mentions of destiel

Summary: Jack wants to know why you don’t hate his father the way everyone else does, and lucky for you both, the Nephilim can read minds

Content/warnings: Light cursing, brief mention of cheating, fluff, ooc lucifer

Word count: 1,005

“Why do you keep defending my father, Y/n? Sam, Dean and Castiel complain constantly about him, but you always say he’s not as bad as they think.” Jack asked curiously, watching as you skipped a small stone across the smooth surface of the lake.  You had brought Jack back to the little house where he was born, hoping to show him that it had beauty behind all the tragedy that had occurred here, but once again he had brought up Lucifer, which earned him a somewhat defeated chuckle from your end.

“I knew your dad in a way none of them ever could. I know he’s done some terrible things and I’m not excusing that, but I don’t judge him solely on his mistakes and you shouldn’t either. I hope someday you’ll have a chance to meet that side of him.”

Jack cocked his head in confusion, still unsure of your reasoning for not wanting Lucifer dead and it made you smile, placing a hand on his shoulder and looking up to meet his eyes.

“Jack I want to show you the part of your dad that I know, the side that nobody really gets to see. I think you deserve to know your father for everything he is, not just the bad parts.” You smiled, and a look of understanding washed over the Nephilim’s face, his hand coming up to rest on your forehead.

Jack’s eyes glowed yellow suddenly as your memories ran through his mind. Lucifer feeding a stray dog scraps of a leftover sandwich he had been carrying for you. Holding your hand and pointing out things he found the most beautiful while walking through a forest. Singing along (rather badly, you had to admit) to your favorite song as you drove back to a motel from a case, and finally the one that stood out to Jack the most; an image of your arms wrapped around Lucifer’s neck in a tight embrace, his arms slung around your waist holding you tight as you swayed together. Your eyes were locked on his pale blue ones, every trace of red that was once there before replaced by unfiltered emotion, and Jack quickly removed his hand from it’s place, stepping back from you curiously.

“You were in love with him.” He said, though it sounded more like a question than a statement. 

“I still am, kid. It was rough at first, how he got someone else pregnant, but it doesn’t change how I feel for him.”

Your reply brought a smile to his face, excited at his understanding of the topic.

“You love him, like Dean loves Castiel!” Jack exclaimed, and you burst out laughing, his innocence making the scene funnier than it should have been. “You got it buddy, just like Dean and Castiel. Maybe even more”

You heard a snort of laughter from behind you followed by a mumble of “I should hope more”, and you spun around to find Lucifer standing a couple meters in front of you. 

Your jaw dropped and tears welled in your eyes before you could say anything, and before Jack could notice who else had joined them you turned back to him, absentmindedly telling the Nephilim to try skipping rocks again before rushing towards Lucifer.

Without thinking you threw yourself into his arms, pressing your face against his chest as his arms wound around you in a crushing embrace.

“How the hell are you back? Are you ok??” You mumbled into Lucifer’s shirt, one hand making it’s way to the back of his head and tangling in his hair.

“Doesn’t matter right now, sweetheart, all that matters is you’re here, and you’ve got my son.”  He replied in a quiet voice, loosening his hold on your frame enough to move down and capture your lips in his own.

You returned the kiss without hesitation, drinking in the feeling of being pressed against him in such a way and letting out an unashamed whine when he pulled back.

“Wait, why are you with my son? Why are you even talking to me again, I fucked up, I had a kid with someone else!” Lucifer’s brow furrowed in confusion, thinking back to the last time you saw each other, where you were still very much upset with what happened.

“You’ve fucked up a lot, you’re quite literally Satan and that wasn’t a deal breaker for me, so neither is what happened. Yeah I’m not thrilled that you had sex with that woman, but I get that you had your reasons. Plus, Jack’s wonderful, you did a good job there, love. ‘Gotta admit though, he sucks at skipping rocks ”

Lucifer laughed at your last sentence, pulling your back to his chest after you turned to watch the Nephilim chuck rocks into the lake, none of them skipping smoothly across the water and instead dropping heavily into the water.

“I love you, Luce, and I guess what I’m trying to say is Bobby was always right when he said that family doesn’t end with blood. It doesn’t matter that Jack isn’t my son, I still love him as if he was my own and as long as you both want me around, I’m not leaving.”

You felt Lucifer smiling before you saw it, his body tightening in the little ways you had long ago learned it did when he was happy before he tilted his head down to press a loving kiss to your cheek. 

“Thank you” His words came out as a whisper, thumb stroking over your arm sweetly as he beamed at Jack, another rock hurled into the lake making the two of you laugh again.

“C’mon, you’ve waited long enough, go meet your son”

[feathersandblue]

Dean Winchester, Character Death, and Frodo’s Return to the Shire

This will be a LOOONG post that has been stuck in my head for a while in bits and pieces - about Dean’s death, what it was and what it wasn’t, and incidentally, the Lord of the Rings has found its way in here too.

It’s pretty clear that Dabb always meant for Dean to die.

And while I strongly disagree with that, on so many levels, I think it might have been more palatable if framed in a different way, and so I’ve been trying to figure out what the ending might have looked like in a world that wasn’t quite as shitty as ours. Still shitty, but marginally less so.

Dean is notoriously bad at letting bad things happen if he can prevent them. I find it difficult to believe that Dean would ever quit hunting entirely, and for as long as he kept hunting, the danger of dying would always be present. It’s not unrealistic at all for him to die on a routine hunt. Life is unpredictable; life as a hunter, even more so. I understand that the writers might want to make that point. And it might have been valid if – and that’s the real problem – Dean’s death hadn’t otherwise been devoid of meaning.

The thing about character death – any sort of character death – is that it needs to have purpose.

And there are different ways that it can have purpose, but it depends on what sort of character we’re talking about.

Minor, often unnamed characters – the redshirts in every narrative – die to illustrate injustice or to highlight evil. Their death is a catalyst or a consequence of the events as they unfold, part of the conflict the heros have to solve. An army led into battle by a tyrant. Refugees in a camp dying of malnutrition. Murder victims of a serial killer. In all these cases, death fuels the plot but has little meaning beyond that.

There are minor characters whose death both fuels the plot and gives the hero a more personal motive to act. Supernatural is full of these. Mary and Jessica burning at the ceiling; Charlie dumped in a bathtub. Minor characters can have their own arcs, but ultimately their deaths are only important for the impact they have on the main characters.

The death of a protagonist is markedly different. Protagonists need to have agency even in death to maintain their status.

Their death has to be the reflection of their character development up to that point but it also has to tell us something about them that we did not already know – show us how they make a final decision or draw a final conclusion that marks the end of an inner conflict – which is what all storytelling is about. Character death has to serve a purpose to have meaning, and for a protagonist, the purpose must be personal.

And If it fails to do that, then that’s either a sign that we’re no longer dealing with a protagonist, or that something weng very, very wrong in the writers’ room. There is no inherent value in tragedy. In storytelling, tragedy is justified when it achieves something, otherwise, it’s just capriciousness.

Buffy’s death at the end of season 5 of BTVS is a classic example for the death of a protagonist. Harry’s decision to go and face Voldemort in the forbidden forest, even though it doesn’t ultimately kill him, is another. When Sam jumps into the abyss in Swan Song, that is his heroic sacrifice, but if he’d permanently died in season 2, that would have been bizarre and nonsensical because it was entirely beyond his control – it did not reflect his decisions, gave him no agency, and reduced him from a protagonist to a side character. In that moment, his death was something that happened to Dean. It worked because his death didn’t stick – he regained his agency after resurrection. But as an ending to his hero’s journey, it would have been singularly unsatisfying.

Dean is our protagonist, and he has been for 15 seasons. What does his death tell us about him that we didn’t know – what decisions did he make, what inner struggle got resolved, what meaning did his death have for him, personally, and then, in extension, for us?

The problem is that the finale, as is so often the case in Supernatural, tells two stories at once.

Whe the episode starts, it appears that Dean moves on with his life just fine, a well-adjusted model citizen. He’s ready to get a job, seems to be moderately happy. He even has dog. The decision to keep hunting is his, and death just accidentally happens, which of course is not unrealistic in his line of work. On the forefront, his death is brought about by the fact that he exercises free will. It tells us that he is a hunter and will always be one, that he keeps protecting people because that’s just who he is.

None of that, however, is new. It is just more of the same. All of Dean’s decisions in the finale tell us nothing about him that we did not already know. He’s trying to move on from the death of the people closest to him, as he’s always done. He chooses the hamster wheel, as he has always done. He follows in his father’s footsteps, as he has always done.

As he gets impaled, he has no choices left to make. There is no agency in his death, no inner struggle. His death furthers neither his character development nor the plot. That Dean simply accepts his death is as unsurprising as the fact that his final moments are spent reassuring Sam and telling him that he has to keep fighting.

The conclusion? Dean ceases to be a protagonist.

He dies not as the hero of his story. His death just happens to him.

After Sam and Dean had presumably freed themselves from the constraints of Chuck’s narrative, the final episode should have emphasized their agency, their freedom of choice, through change. But in the end, it only led them both to making the same choices as always, the unsurprising ones. And even the choices that did indicate a change (like Dean’s job application) were not shown to bear fruits.

What meaning does free will have when it doesn’t change the outcome? All the finale does is tell a bleak story about humanity and how we are incapable of making meaningful, consequential changes in our lives.

It’s almost like Lucifer is talking to us all the way from the Endverse of 5.04: “Whatever you do, you will always end up here. Whatever choices you make, whatever details you alter, we will always end up – here.”

Devastating as that is, there is another interpretation of the finale that is arguably worse, a different reading strongly suggested by both text and subtext.

Dean, as mentioned before, is trying to move on with his life but ultimately fails. The situation is different from the way he behaved when he lost Cas and Mary in season 13 where he was outright suicidal – his desperation is more quiet but also more profound. He seems determined to honor Cas’ and Jack’s sacrifice. But determination is not enough. Dean only goes through the motions, and it shows. He clings to the dog in the morning; the dog sticks to him closely throughout the day as dogs tend to do when they feel that their owner is in distress, almost like a therapy dog. His room looks messy, he makes an attempt to fix it but then abandons it as it requires too muh effort. Ultimately, he can’t be bothered. There are alcohol bottles standing around, a sign that he’s drinking, though not as heavily as in the past. All the while, he sems very laid-back, presumably relaxed and at peace and coping well with the loss but also weirdly detached.

When Sam mentions Cas and Jack at the pie festival, he says, “Yeah, I’m thinking about them too. You know that pain’s not going to go away. Right? But if we don’t keep living, then all that … sacrifice is gonna be for nothing.”

He feels an obligation. And he’s trying. It’s just not working very well.

He barely reacts when Sams pies him in the face.

When impaled on the rebar, Dean actively prevents Sam from calling for help. He tells Sam not to bring him back. And in the end, he asks Sam to tell him it’s okay to go. Which isn’t something he would do if he was simply dying – it strongly indicates that he wants to be allowed to die.

Prompting the conclusion that Dean is giving up on life the first opportunity he gets, not even knowing whether he’ll end up in heaven.

In this reading, Dean does have a little bit of agency. He makes a decision, sort of. His death marks the resolution of an inner struggle: He gives up.

He dies as a protagonist.

In the worst way possible.

In all honesty, I can’t decide which interpretation I hate more.

But what could the writers have done differently, if Dean was meant to die all along?

Back when the SPN finale had freshly aired, I was describing it like this:

Imagine that the One Ring is destroyed. But Merry died in the battle and Pippin went missing and was never found again. Frodo and Sam return to the Shire; Pippin and Merry are mentioned once in passing. Upon their arrival, Frodo is attacked by Wormtongue and slowly bleeds out over the span of thirty pages. Sam marries someone else than Rosie; Rosie is never mentioned again. Somehow, both Frodo and Sam are teleported to Valinor, where we are told that the real fun begins.

At the time, I only used this as an example to illustrate what a mess the finale had been. But in the weeks that have passed since, then, I’ve started thinking about the LOTR comparison some more, and it got me thinking about Dean’s death in a different way.

And it has everything to do with the difference between running from and walking toward.

As mentioned before, it’s not unrealistic that Dean would die on a random hunt. Would the Dean Winchester we know ever stop hunting? Maybe. We might want him to. Then again, would be still be Dean Winchester if he did? We know that Dean can’t help but feel responsible. He is someone who is incapable of staying hands-off.

Dean, as we see him in the finale, is trying to honor Cas’s and Jack’s memory by living, although he’s not very good at it – not outright suicidal but worn-out. Exhausted. And still he makes the decisions to keep hunting because he can do nothing else.

When Frodo and Sam returned to the Shire in LOTR, they had earned their happy ending. But Frodo, who had carried such a heavy burden that he was permanently altered by it, could no longer find happiness in Middleearth, and ultimately decided to depart for Valinor along with Gandalf and Bilbo with the promise of later being reunited with Sam. The journey had changed both of them, but it had changed Frodo to a greater degree, his responsibility had been greater, the weight on his shoulders heavier.

And I started to wonder whether the intention had initially been to show Dean in much the same state – and to frame his death as a decision to move on, the same way that LOTR has Frodo move on to the West.

Imagine the following: Cas is pulled into the Empty. His happiness and love change the Empty; he merges with it or otherwise changes it so that it’s now a more demon-friendly environment. Everyone there is at peace. Cas, in whatever form, moves on to Heaven – or maybe his soul does as it’s now mostly human.

Dean goes on a hunt and dies. Jack, or some other entity, shows up where you would expect the curiously absent reaper in order to give him a choice. Learning that Cas is in Heaven, and knowing that he will never be able to stop hunting if he remains on earth, Dean makes the conscious decision to move on. For the first time, Dean prioritizes his own happiness over his perceived duty. His death is no longer suicide by proxy, and neither is its sole purpose to illustrate the inherent meaningless of free will by turning him into a hamster-by-choice. Instead, it becomes a decision because he’s given back agency. He resolves an inner conflict and there’s even a final bit of character development as he breaks the chain of mutual co-dependency that ties him to Sam and allows himself to be with Cas. He remains a protagonist throughout the end.

And because he acknowledges his love for Cas and decides to be with him, he no longer just runs from, he walks toward.

The parallels to The Lord of the Rings get even more obvious when you take Sam into the equation because much like Samwise, Sam remains on earth in order to have a life that, for him, still holds meaning and the chance of happiness – whereas Dean can no longer be happy on earth as long as Cas isn’t there.

To be completely clear: I’d still think that such an ending would suck because it puts too much emphasis on an afterlife, and it would still send the message that characters like Dean could only find peace in death, and unless some adjustments were made to Sam’s arc as well, the ending would still suck for him.

But seeing as SPN plays in a universe where an afterlife exists, I could probably learn to live with Dean’s death if it had any sort of meaning, for him, besides dying and waiting for Sam to arrive, if it allowed for that final bit of character development. If he got to choose.

While I’ll never be able to see the finale that we actually got as anything but a complete atrocity.

[rowyn-writes]

Little Surprises (Sam Winchester x OFC)

Warnings: Pregnancy, self-doubt, slight angst, fluff.

Pairings: Sam x Ofc, Dean x Ofc (Platonically) Castiel x Ofc (Platonically)

Word count: 2030

"Riley! Now!" Sam yelled as he, Dean, and Castiel fought off a group of demons.

"Exstirpo!" She screamed. There was a bright flash in the room, and every demon in the room was eradicated. The four let out a sigh of relief.

The woman sat down on the floor, drained from using so much of her power. Riley Greene came from an ancient blood-line of witches. When she was younger, her mother taught her how to control her powers and use them for good. She would heal injured birds and make beautiful flowers grow from dead bushes. Riley was a strong believer in natural magic, she never wanted to use sacrificial magic. She would usually tap into the power of her ancestors to get her fuel.

"You boys okay?" She asked, looking around.

"Yeah. Yeah, we're good." Sam nodded. "What about you?" Riley gave him a thumbs up.

"Can we get back to the bunker, please? I'm exhausted."

Sam pulled Riley to her feet, stumbling a bit. She had been feeling dizzy lately, and she had no idea why. Dean clapped her on the shoulder, giving her a smile. "Great work the spell, Riles. We couldn't have done it without you."

"Could you ever do anything without me?" She grinned. "You'd all be dead by now if it wasn't for me."

Dean didn't have a comeback for that statement, as it was fairly true. Riley had been hunting with the boys for six years now, ever since she had stumbled on the boys fighting a leviathan in an alleyway. Of course, the brothers were skeptical when they realized what she was. Hunters never really liked witches. Riley herself never particularly liked Hunters either, they were too cocky for her taste. Sam and Dean eventually warmed up to her over time, and even called on her to help them when they needed a witch.

After a while, Riley began to Hunt with them, as she didn't have anything left where she was at. Her mother was killed by a group of demons who were looking for some kind of spell for Crowley. Dean and Castiel became like brothers to Riley, while Sam was different. Whenever they would go out to the bar after a case, men would flirt with the young witch, and this irritated Sam greatly. After years of unrequited longing, the two finally got together.

The four limped their way back to the Impala, Sam and Riley taking the back seat while Castiel rode shotgun. The woman rested her head on Sam's shoulder, her eyes fluttering shut.

---

Riley doesn't remember being carried inside the bunker, but apparently she was, as she woke up in her shared bed with Sam. She gave him a sleepy smile. "Hey."

"Hey," He said, tucking a lock of black hair behind her ear. "You slept for a while. Are you feeling okay?"

Riley nodded as she yawned. "I'm fine Sam. After doing a big spell my magic needs time to recover, meaning I like to sleep. A lot. And eat, I'm starving."

Sam chuckled. "Okay, what do you want to eat?"

"A veggie burger sounds great. Ooh, add extra pickles."

Sam raised an eyebrow at her. "You hate pickles." Riley shrugged in response. "Alright, I'll be back in a bit. I love you." He said, kissing her on the forehead.

"I love you too." Sam slipped on his shoes before walking out of the room, leaving Riley by herself. She decided to pick up one of her many unread books and started reading. Right now, everything felt calm; Lucifer was back in the cage, Sam and Dean were safe, and Mary was back. However, they were still searching for Kelly Kline.

Riley couldn't really blame her for running. If she was in the same situation as Kelly, she would have no idea how to handle it. She had never given much thought to having children, as her and Sam never really talked about it. She also didn't see how her and Sam could ever raise children with their 'occupation.'

Riley clutched her stomach as it rumbled. She slammed her book shut and ran to the bathroom. She hurled the contents of her stomach into the toilet.

"Hey, Riles, have you seen my-" Dean's voice sounded from the doorway. "Riley!" He rushed to the woman, pulling her hair back. He rubbed her back soothingly as she continued to vomit. Once she was finished, Dean gave her a glass of water. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine."

Dean gave her a look, meaning he didn't quite believe her. He pressed his palm to her forehead, searching for signs of a fever. He furrowed his eyebrows when he realized that she was cool. "Well, you don't have a fever, so that rules out the flu. Food poisoning?" Dean suggested.

"Probably. After all, you always make us eat crappy fast food." Dean rolled his eyes at the woman.

"You might wanna brush your teeth, cuz your breath reeks." Riley shoved his shoulder, grinning as she stood up. "Anyways, have you seen my magazines anywhere?"

She rolled her eyes. "Get out." Dean nodded, making his way out the door.

Riley climbed back into bed, wrapping herself in blankets. She had no idea why she was still so tired; she had slept for hours.

When Sam got back, he found Riley curled up in one of his flannels, looking very comfortable. He handed her the bag of food as he climbed in bed next to her.

Riley happily ate her veggie burger and french fries, which she didn't ask for but Sam knew she loved them.

Once she was finished, she cuddled into Sam's side. She didn't know why, but she just wanted his attention. He ran his hand though her hair, which put the woman at ease. She eventually fell asleep again, which slightly worried Sam. He knew that she would get tired after preforming a strong spell, but she had been sleeping almost all day.

Riley turned over, trying to find a better sleeping position, which allowed Sam to quietly slip out of the room. He decided to go voice his concerns to his brother. "Hey," Sam said, leaning against the door frame of Dean's room. "Has Riley seemed off to you today?"

"Well, yeah. She was throwing up earlier." Dean shrugged. Seeing Sam's worried look, he added, "It's probably food poisoning." Sam nodded, releasing a breath of air. Even though Dean attempted to sooth Sam's woes, he was still concerned for Riley.

---

"Oh crap." Riley whispered. "This cannot be happening." She looked down at the three positive pregnancy tests. She closed her eyes, breathing in sharply. "Damnit!" She yelled, throwing the sticks at the wall.

Castiel came running into the bathroom, worried that she had hurt herself. "Riley? What's wrong?" The woman crouched down quickly picking up the pregnancy tests.

"Nothing's wrong, Cas, I'm fine." She choked on her tears.

"You're not fine, Riley. You're clearly upset. Why are you crying?" Castiel gently rested his hands on her arms. Her bottom lip wobbled as more tears streamed down her face. The angel frowned as he brought her in for a hug. "What's going on, Riley?"

She didn't answer for a few moments as she continued to sob. "I'm pregnant."

"Is that a bad thing?" Castiel asked.

"I don't know Cas!" Riley sniffed. "Sam and I never talked about it, we-we never even entertained the thought. We're Hunters, Castiel! We can't raise a baby. I mean we just locked Lucifer back up in the cage! What if someone is able to get him out again? I can't let a child be raised in this world where friggin' demons walk the earth pretending to be everyday people! I can't - I can't be a mother!"

"Riley, Riley, hey, I need you to calm down, okay. Just breath." She nodded, drying the tears from her face. "You need to talk to Sam about this, he'll want to know. Everything will be okay."

"W-what if I lose Sam? What if we want different things and we drift apart? I can't lose him, Cas. I love him so much."

"Riley, you're not going to lose him. I'm sure whatever you chose, Sam will back you up 100%, and if he doesn't, then he'll have me to deal with." Riley giggled at the thought of Castiel threatening Sam.

"Thanks, Cas. I really needed someone to talk to. I just don't have anyone to talk to about being a parent. My parents are dead, and none of us really have any clue how to raise a kid. Except for maybe Dean when he was with Ben and Lisa."

"And even then I wasn't Dad of the Year." A voice said from the doorway, causing Riley to jump. Dean. "Sorry, Riles. I didn't mean to eavesdrop."

She sighed as she looked at the man. "How much of that did you hear?"

"Most of it. Don't worry, I won't tell Sam." He assured her. "But you do need to tell him. And soon. Because if you keep it from him, it won't make things easier."

Riley nodded. "Where is he now?"

"At the store, stocking up of food." Dean informed her.

Riley was saddened to hear that Castiel had to leave, seeing as he was still searching for Kelly Kline. So that left her and Dean alone in the bunker. She voiced her concerns to the man about being a mother, and if Sam even wanted the baby.

"Riley, you are the most nurturing person I have ever met." Dean told her. "I know that if you and Sam do decide to keep the baby, you will be a great mother."

"I'm just so scared, Dean. We're Hunters, we could never give that up, and I don't want to leave this baby an orphan if something were to happen to us."

Dean gave her a small smile. "There is a friggin village here that will take care of them is something ever happens." Riley laughed, knowing it was true.

"Hey guys!" A voice said from the kitchen. "I'm back!" Riley suddenly tensed up at the sound of Sam's voice.

Dean rested a hand on her shoulder. "Everything's gonna be fine, Riles." Sam gave him a confused look as he appeared in the doorway. "If you upset her, I'll break your jaw." He said, patting his little brother on the back as he exited the room.

Sam's confusion deepened. "Riley, what's going on? Are you okay?"

"I guess that kinda depends on how you react to what I'm about to tell you." She mumbled, picking at her nails.

"You're kind of making me nervous, Riles. What is it?"

"I'm pregnant." Sam grew wide-eyed as he stared at his girlfriend. He stayed silent for a while. "Please say something." She pleaded.

Sam sat down next to Riley and grabbed her hand. "What do you want to do?" He asked. "Because whatever you decide, I will stand by your decision."

"I-I want to keep the baby." She told him.

Sam's smile grew wide as he tackled Riley in a hug. She squealed in surprise. "We're having a baby!" Sam said as he kissed her. "I'm so happy." Riley could see tears welling up in his eyes.

"Oh, Sammy." She whispered as she wiped away a tear. "I love you so much."

Sam mumbled and 'I love you,' as he buried his head in the crook of her neck. Riley felt tears on her skin.

"So you guys are keeping the baby then?" Dean asked from the doorway. He always seemed to be lurking around the bunker.

"We are." Riley confirmed.

Dean clapped his hands together, a wide smile in his face. "I'm gonna be an uncle!" He looked over to his little brother. "And you're gonna be a dad. How are you feeling, Sammy?"

"How's he feeling?" Riley asked incredulously. "I'm the one that has to carry the baby around for nine months." The men cracked a smile at that.

"Okay, I'll bite." Sam said. "How are you feeling?"

"Nauseous. Definitely nauseous."

[whydoyouwantmyname]

Imagine not telling the boys some important information

This was supposed to be an easy case, after everything you and the boys had been through you three needed an easy case.

You had known the boys for years, having met at the roadhouse, Ellen told the boys they would be fools to not ask you to help with a case, and you had been stuck with them ever since.

Since then you three had been through the ringer, John Winchester was dead, Yellow Eyes was dead, Sam had died, come back, and died again, before coming back again with no soul. Dean had sold his soul, been ripped apart in front of you, just to turn up on your doorstep four months later, living and breathing. You had befriended an angel, befriended a crossroad demon, and witnessed the apocalypse. You learned that your boys were vessels of Lucifer, and Micheal, learned they had a bastard brother, Jo, and Ellen were dead. And to top it all off you witnessed Dean look you in the eyes, pull you into a hug and whisper, “Be good.”, before he climbed into the impala, and drove back to Lisa and Ben’s doorstep. After a month of no word from him or Cas, you asked Bobby if you could move in permanently, and drank more whiskey than either Winchester ever could. However within a year’s time, Bobby called you down stairs, your hair a mess, an oversized Led Zeppelin shirt was draped over your frame, and in your hand was an empty vodka bottle. As you wandered down the stairs you let out a yawn, and when you opened your eyes, there they were.

Since reuniting with the boys, you learned Sam had returned with no soul, and had been racing around with Samuel, the elder he was named after. Bobby also revealed that he had made a deal with Crowley, and that he had discovered Crowley’s true weakness, his child, Gavin. Gavin’s spirit was extremely willing to reveal where Crowley was buried. Both you and the Winchester’s went to dig up the bones, and upon Crowley collecting them, you all flew back, comforted that Bobby had reclaimed his soul from the new King of Hell. Meg had returned, Death had made an appearance with Sam’s soul, Dean became a vampire, and you fought fairies. Which led you to your current situation, where you were sitting on the hood of the impala, cold beer in hand as Dean, Cas, and Bobby assessed Sam’s current state. The sun reflecting off of your dark sunglasses as you looked towards the back porch door, which shut with a bit of force and revealed the eldest Winchester walking towards you with Bobby.

“Did our precious sleeping beauty fall back asleep?” You called as the men looked away from one another, and found your eyes. Dean scowling as he states, “Why my car? You have a perfectly good car…”

“My car is in the front yard though, and covered by shade, at least your precious baby is in the sun, meaning I can tan.”

“You are wearing jeans and a flannel, what are you tanning?”

“Don’t worry, I won’t scratch her, now what do we do?”

“Well Cas says we can’t let him know, or else the whole wall protecting his mentality.” Bobby replied, as you looked over to him.

“So we just pretend this last year didn’t happen, awesome.” You smiled

“Well for you that will be easy, since you probably drank yourself to unconsciousness for most of it.” Dean joked as you smiled and replied, “So we got a new case yet?”

“Yeah, seems like a pilot was trying to impress a girl, took her flying and his body ended up torn to shreds by god knows what, and the girl is missing.”

“When are we leaving?”

“I expect your shit in the trunk in 30, and I swear if she has any scratches or dents on her hood…”

“I know, you will send me on a one way trip to Hell.” You smiled before finishing your beer, and hopping off the Impala, turning to look at the hood, “Oh look, not even an ass print.”

While sitting in the back seat, you all discussed the case at hand, and discovered the case was larger than just one missing woman. You also quickly learned that Sam had no recollection of the events that occurred since he went into the hole, and innocently asked, “So while I was gone, did you two finally admit you are in love with each other.”

Now it was a common fact among your group that you and Dean loved each other, you said it on multiple occasions, if you ever needed to pose as a couple, you and Dean were always the bait, you shared beds in countless hotels, you were the only one allowed to steal his fries, and you were the only one allowed to touch Baby, as proved earlier. You knew if anyone else even attempted to sit on the Impala, Dean would have their heads, but with you, you just got light harassment. However you both knew it could never happen, due to the life you led, and the baggage you carried with you.

“No, I actually moved in with Lisa and Ben, however we… uhhh… didn’t work out.” Dean answered, looking in the rearview as you added, “She was tired of competing with a car from 1967.”

Sam chuckled, as Dean smiled slightly, his lips corner lifting in an unseen smirk, neifre Sam asked, “So what did you do [Y/N]?”

“You know all the normal stuff, moved in with Bobby, became a functioning alcoholic, researched a bunch.”

“Don’t forget to add, slept with a bunch of dudes.” Dean joked, as your eyes grew slightly, the truth was, you hadn’t slept with anyone, ever. With the life you lead, and the baggage you carried, it was just easier to not get involved with anyone, seriously or causally, most times you never even had a crush, but Dean Winchester was an exception.

“Oh I am sure Sam didn’t need to know about that.” You joked, in an attempt to hide the secret.

“I agree.” Sam added, “Besides, we all know that there is only one person…”

“So are we going straight to Penny’s house when we get to the hotel?” You cut Sam off

“That’s the plan.” Dean answered, pulling into a motel parking lot, “I call first dibs on the bathroom.”

As you opened the door to the motel room, you looked behind you to the two boys in suits, your flannel, boots and jeans replaced with a pencil skirt, black pumps, and white button down, as fake glasses sat on your nose, “I call dibs on the bathroom, unless you want me to just take off the skirt right here.”

“All yours.” Sam replied as Dean lifted an eyebrow, “You need some help with that skirt darling?”

“I think I have it handled Stud, but thank you for the offer.” You replied, before discarding your pumps, and jogging towards the bathroom.

As the door shut behind you, Sam looked to his brother, “Dude, why did you ever leave her for Lisa?”

“What do you mean?”

“Dean, you clearly love her, we all know you both do. Why not try to make it wor….”

“Dude, we have talked about this, she doesn’t want to date because she doesn’t want to burden her next relationship with her baggage.”

“She said that four years ago Dean.”

“And if she wanted to move forward she would tell me, so I nominate you drop it, before she comes out of that door, and kills you with her pumps.”

When you re-emerged, your hair was soaked, and the FBI outfit was replaced with your black leggings, jean jacket, and a tank top, your hand ruffled your wet strands of hair as Dean looked towards you and smiled, “So I think I figured something out.”

“Did you finally learn that Boston Cream pie isn’t pie, but cake?” You questioned, both you and Sam looking to see if he would react, however he just held up a small black book with a silver lock, “No, but we are looking for virgins.”

“Dude is that a diary?” Sam inquired as Dean just nodded, “You stole Penny’s diary?”

“I mean at this point are you really surprised? I have stolen much worse.”

“Honestly Dean, this might be a new low, even for you.” You replied, sitting on your shared bed as you opened Dean’s bag and removed your bourbon lotion, which Dean had stolen from you two months ago. However it was a common tradition for Dean to use your lotion, the origin of the tradition was unknown to either of you, “Besides we have no proof that either of these victims are..”

“Tonight I have decided to give Stan my most precious gift.” The statement sounded extremely creepy as he read Penny’s handwriting, both you and Sam looking towards Dean as you whispered, “Well that wasn’t creepy.”

“It might have been, but you can’t tell me that doesn’t scream Virgin excited to get fucked into next week by Stan.” Dean answered as you returned the lotion to Dean’s bag and chuckled, “Definitely.”

“Okay, so why would this creep be after virgins?”

“No idea, I mean I prefer a woman with experience, someone who probably has daddy issues, lots of baggage and her drink of choice is whiskey. Also she has to smell like bourbon.”

“Sounds like you are looking for a bartender.” You smiled, as Sam cleared his throat, causing you to glance over to him, a blush in both your and Dean’s face, “So what do we think it could be?”

“Easy, dragon.” You shrugged, as they both met your eyes,”I mean they are attracted to virgins, they are like a fine delicacy to them.”

“Yeah, but they are extinct.” Sam replied as you pulled out your phone

“At least that’s what everyone says, but what if they aren’t, they are just underground.” You answered, your fingers pressing a familiar number sequence on your number pad before you brought your phone to your ear.

“Yeah?”

“Hey Bobby, I got an odd request for ya.”

“I’m all ears.”

“What do you know about dragons?”

“You mean other than the fact that they are extinct?” He replied as you smiled, “And what if I said I think we stumbled upon a case that proves they aren’t.”

“Well I can look into it, but how do you know…”

“Dean stole one of the vic’s diaries, and there is a line in it that screams virgin.”

“I’ll see what I can find, but while I do that, I got a friend who might be able to help. If you and Dean wanted to take a ride over, her name is Dr. Visyak. It is kinda her specialty,”

“Thanks Bobby. I’ll tell the guys.” You replied, before hanging up, your eyes casting to the eldest, “Bobby said he would do some digging, however he might have a friend who can help, said Dean and I should take a ride over.”

“Sure sweetheart, whatever you say.” He smiled, alarm in his eyes as you both threw on your shoes and started towards the impala. Before opening the passenger door, you said to the air, “Cas, I need you to babysit Sam, just for an hour or two.”

Once in the car, you turned the music up, and screamed along with the mixtape you made Dean once for Christmas, both of you rocking out to the songs before the song You’re My Best Friend by Queens started playing, and you both looked at each other. This was the song that you both defined your relationship by, and as the lyrics blared through the speakers, you couldn’t help but lean your head back against the headrest, and look at the dirty blonde, green eyes man seated beside you as he took his callused, dry, enormous hand into yours, smiles on both of your faces as you sang every word. Once it was over however, Dean let go of your hand, and turned the radio off.

“Awww come on, Air Supply is next.” You groaned as Dean looked at you quickly, before he asked, “What are we doing [Y/N]?”

“What do you mean Dean?”

“Listen, I know we talked about this once, but then…”

“You messed it up by selling your soul.”

“And you told me you didn’t want to date because you had a lot of baggage that you didn’t want me to have to deal with, nor were you willing to tell me.”

“Guess we are both at fault.” You replied as he breathed out.

“Listen I know what we said, and that this is by far the dumbest decision we could make as hunters, but what if we try?”

“And risk losing my best friend?”

“You really think we won’t be best friends even if we break up, I mean it will be awkward knowing what my best friend looks like completely naked, but other then that nothing else has to change.”

“You offer a very valid point.” You exhaled, as he pulled into the address Bobby had sent you, “How about this, we get this son of a bitch, and go home to Bobby’s. After unloading the impala we drive over to that bakery on the corner by the grocery store, get a pecan pie, two forks, and a case of beer. Then we talk about it.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.” You replied, before holding your pinky out and watching him link his own to yours, as you pulled apart you both threw the impala doors open, and started towards the doors of Dr. Visyak’s office.

Upon reaching the door, Dean reached out and knocked, a few moments passing before the door creaked open revealing Dr. Visyak, “ Can I help you?”

“Hi, I’m Dean Winchester, and this is [Y/N] [Y/L/N], we are friends of Bobby Singer, and he said you might be able to help us out.”

“How about you just go kick him in the family jewels, it would be more poetic.”she replied, Dean’s face taking an O appearance as you replied, “That bad? Doesn’t surprise me honestly.”

“I am glad you understand, I would share, but that’s his story to tell. However if he sent you here, he must be desperate.”

“What can you tell us about dragons?” You asked, as her eyes increased in size, “Dragons? Really?”

“What, no 12 sided dice jokes?” Dean asked as you looked at him, “How do you get a DND player to go out with you?”

“Do I want to know?”

“You ask them on a D8.” Dr. Visyak smiled at you after delivering the punch line, your eyes fixated on the confused face of Dean before she opened the door wider, allowing you both to enter the house. As you entered you leaned over slightly and whispered, “You asked.”

As she guided you to the parlor you inquired, “So what can you tell us about them?”

“Well if they are active then you should be extremely concerned.”

“Can we kill them?” Dean followed up, as she looked at the artifacts on the wall, “Of course you can, however you need a blade forged in a dragon's blood.”

“Of course you would need a dead dragon to kill a dragon.” You breathed out

“No dear, you just need one of the blades, they are quite rare, only 5, maybe 6 in the whole world.”

“Of course there is.” Dean sighed

“One of which is in my basement.”

“What?” You both asked, eyes on her as she smiled.

“I can show you, if you like.”

“Yes please.” You replied before following her down the steps and into the room with a large rock, a sword hilt sticking out of it as you looked towards Dean.

“Thank goodness I have the macho man with me.”you smiled as he raised an eyebrow.

“So what’s with the rock?”

“Dean, have you never heard the story of Excalibur?”

“Who?”

“More of a what actually, it was a sword that was trapped in a rock during 5th century Britain, King Arthur pulled it out at the age of 15, and from there vowed to pursue a life of justice in the name of God. However some claim it was a test from Merlin to prove he was truly the king. However both stories kinda have the same message, if you wanna pull the sword out, you must be worthy.”

“I mean I think I am pretty worthy.”

“Sure you are my shining knight in tin foil.” You stated as he threw up his middle finger and advanced towards the rock. You folded your arms and leaned back against the doorframe and smiled, as he gripped the hilt and breathed out, “Alrighty Dean, time to impress the lady.”

Soon the room was filled with your laughter as you watched Dean struggle and after several minutes of struggling he finally slipped from the rock and landed on his back a groan filling the room as you wandered over to him and looked down over him, arms crossed as he groaned, “You okay Dean?”

“I would be if you were wearing a skirt.” He groaned, his green eyes looking up at you as you smiled, “Smooth one.”

“Wanna give it a go my fair maiden?”

“Of course I do, but first I need to get something out of the impala.” You extended a hand for the keys, which Dean happily surrendered, as he did he stated, “If you need me, I’ll be here, on the ground, just waiting.”

When you returned you were holding a small cylinder of TNT, Dean’s head lollied towards you as he groaned, “We had that the whole time?”

“Yeah, however I figured before we blew it up, you might want to attempt proving your worth.”

“I mean yeah, but the boom sticks would be way funnier.” He sighed as you extended a hand to help him up,once vertical you extended the TNT and stated, “Either way Dr. Visyak is going to be pissed.”

“So let me get this straight, you both found out that to kill a dragon, we need a dragon blade, which is extremely rare, and you two decided to blow it up and break it?” Sam asked, as you both looked at the towel on the table, which you used to wrap the severed blade.

“Now when you say it like that Sammy it sounds like we knew it was going to break in half.” You replied

“What did you think was going to happen [Y\N]!”

“I don’t know, something amazing.” You replied as Sam looked to the blade

“It could be worse, it could have been completely destroyed. I mean at this point we can still kill the son of a bitch, we just have to get a bit closer.” Dean defended you as you looked at him.

“So, Sam, you figure out where we can find it?”

“Yeah, it looks like he is using the sewers, my best bet is he is somewhere in this region.” Sam answered, his finger landing within a hand drawn red circle he made to symbolize the likely hideout.

“Well, what are we waiting for?” Dean asked, “Let’s go get the son of a bitch.”

After wandering for hours you were starting to think it was hopeless, until you saw the slight glimmer of the pile of treasure.

As soon as you pointed it out, Dean walked over to it and knelt before it, reaching out to start shoving it in his pocket.

“Really Dean?” Sam stated as you held up a hand, “No let him have this, who knows when it will happen again.”

“You two are unbelievable sometimes.” Sam sighed as Dean stood up and tossed a ruby towards you, “That is for your unconditional support.”

That’s when you heard the bang, and you and Sam turned your attention from Dean, and down the tunnel before you. Both of you started towards the noise as Dean quickly followed, and soon you found yourselves in a large space, and could see the girls crying through the grates, none of them noticing you were standing there. However before any of you could get to them, you heard a bang above you, and looked up to see two men on a runway above you. Quickly you were bonding up the stairs to the runway, and upon getting up there one snarled, “I never thought our job would be so easy that virgins would start coming to us.”

“Shut the fuck up.” You retorted as Dean arrived behind you, sword in hand as he quickly advanced, slashing at the beast before noticing one behind me, “[Y/N]!” He hollered, tossing the blade before slugging the younger dragon he was fighting, catching the blade, you quickly turned, and sliced a small incision into the arm of the older one, who quickly exclaimed, “You will regret that Virgin.”

Ducking his own swing, you quickly tossed the blade back to Dean, who caught it as you both backed up closer to one another, ducking again before swinging Dean decided to ask you, “Anything you want to tell me Darling?”

“I really wish we didn’t use TNT.” You replied, looking out of the corner of your eye to see Dean take another swing.

“Anything else? Like why these assholes keep calling you…”

“I’m a virgin, no big deal.”

“Umm it is kind of a big deal right now.”

“Nah I think we got this.” You replied, Sam finally joining you all on the runway as you reached around and took the sword, which you once again swung at the older dragon, before Sam hit him from behind, distracting him for a second as you turned, and landed the blade into the younger dragon as Dean punched him, a speech of pain filling the space as you felt something wrap around your middle before the rapid feeling of acceleration overtook you, a scream exiting your lips as you dropped the sword, neither Sam or Dean were able to even process what was happening until they heard the crash from above, the man hole that was above them wide open as Dean screamed, “Son of a bitch!”

Dean’s POV

My foot was to the floor, knuckles gripped tightly on the steering wheel as her words echoed over and over, “I’m a virgin, no big deal.”

“I don’t get it, why would the dragons take her?” Sam asked as I pulled into the parking lot of the motel, releasing a breath I didn’t even know I was holding I whispered, “She was a virgin.”

“What?”

“We basically served them a victim on a silver platter.” He huffed as Sam looked at him, before muttering something about getting the bags, however all I heard was the shutting off the impala doors, which triggered me to begin beating the steering wheel. How could I be so blind.

The ride to Bobby’s was silent, I didn’t even have the desire to put on the radio. Upon arriving I noticed Cas was standing on the porch, his eyes directed right at the impala as I turned the key, and the purr of Baby died down, leaving her silent as I sat there, my head leaned back against the headrest as Sam looked towards me, “We have to go in Dean.”

“We weren’t supposed to be here.” I stated, Sam’s eyes filled with concern as the tears gathered, I could feel the sob in my chest as I continued, fighting the urge to let the sob loose, “We agreed that we would go get pie as soon as we dropped you off, along with a case of beer and two fork, and finally figure out this whole sexual tension thing. If I had just suggested it sooner, if I had the fucking balls to tell her I don’t give a damn about the relationship rule…..” my voice grew silent, and then turned into a growl, “ he might be here.”

“Dean none of us knew…”

“I should have! I was her best friend, we told each other everything.” I stated, before I took the door handle into my hand, and gripped the cool metal, pulling with force to trigger the door to open. As I advanced towards the angel he grimly stated, “Dean, I’m sorry…”

“Where is she Cas?” I asked, not looking for small talk

“I have lost track of her, either she is being possessed and whatever is holding her prisoner is blocking her from angels' sight, or she has..”

“Don’t you dare fucking say it.” I growled, before pushing through the peeling paint door, and advancing straight to the kitchen, grabbing her bottle of Jack before pushing out the back door, the smooth glass lips of the bottle on mine as I grabbed the bat Bobby had sitting on the porch, and wandered into the pile of junk cars. Once I was in front of a mostly complete car, I set the bottle down and took a swing.

Back to [Y/N] POV

Upon waking up you could feel you body jostling around, you were sitting up, feet and wrist bond with thick rope, your eyes covered with a bandanna as you opened them, your nose filled with the stench of BO and sewer.

“Ever heard of Axe body spray?” You snapped as you heard a foreign laugh, “It’s alright sweetheart, you won’t be around long enough to even be bothered by the smell.”

“So tell me, what was the point of all this, to drive all of the virgins out into the woods, a feast upon their pure flesh?”

“Nope, I have a bigger plan for you, you are the only one who seems worthy enough for Eve.”

“What is she your girlfriend or something?”

“No, she is my mother, and you will soon be her vessel.”

“When they find you…”

“Oh your two little boyfriends that killed my brother? They don’t scare me.”

“It isn’t them I would be scared of.” As you growled that, you felt the vehicle stop, and a door open and shut. Soon you felt your own door open, your feet cut loose, as you went to kick, yet he was too quick, and soon you were dragged out and felt the cool breeze against your face. As you inhaled the fresh, crisp night air, he removed the bandanna, and revealed the gully to you, causing you to respond, “Ahh I take it I am a sacrifice?”

“Now you’ve caught on.”

“Oh now you are definitely fucked when he finds you.”

“ Ego coniuro vos, insolubiliter ad mei potenciam aligati! Ad me...Sine prestolacione venire... Debeatis aperiat!” With the last part he took all his force and shoved you as hard as he could, your body flying over the ledge and towards the bottom of the large ravine, which was quite warm. That is when it all went dark.

When you opened your eyes, you were in a hotel room, the tv screen covered in static as you looked around, hoping it was a dream, “Sam, Dean!” You called, but the voice that replied was neither.

“Hello [Y/N]. Or should I call you Ailsa?” A female voice asked, as you spun around, looking for the source

“Only my father can call me that.” You snapped

“ Feisty, I like it, tell me do you really think your dear old daddy is going to find you.”

“Do you have any idea who you are…”

“Ailsa MacLeod, you were born in 1803, your mother was a mortal,she died from you ripping your way out of her womb. Your father… well your father is a bastard. You were raised in the depths of hell, your beauty preserved among the paperwork, and your father constantly looking over your shoulder. You left in 1981, and became a hunter, drifting motel to motel, bar hopping, until you met the legendary Winchesters, who became your family. Tell me what do you think Sam and Dean would think if they saw those bright ruby eyes you hid behind your [Y/E/C] ones?”

“How do you…”

“How foolish of me, I haven’t even properly introduced myself, I am Eve, mother of purgatory, and the one who is going to tear your father’s heart from his chest for what him and his partner have done to my children.”

Part 2

—————————————

A/N: hey, so this is basically a revision of a piece I wrote when I first started this page, I was recently reading it, and I was cringing the whole time. (Which if you cringed during this rewrite I am sorry, I believe that your writing always improves during time, so who knows maybe if I rewrite this in another 5 years it will be even better) plus this is a nice break from the two major stories I have been focusing on for the past three months I have been in quarantine.

Today I have to go to my rehiring meeting with my place of employment, so hopefully life will be normal soon, but I promise I will keep posting 🖤

[mcrninqstar]

discord: it’s you. it’s always been you.

SUMMARY: Lucifer accidently sends Maze the wrong text leading her to believe her best friend is dead. He goes to her to clarify and they end up revealing more to each other than they anticipated.  TRIGGERS: Death Mentions, Daddy Issues, Mommy Issues WRITTEN WITH: @mazikeenofmurders

MAZIKEEN: She'd been in Hell, torturing Will when she got the update from Lucifer. Charlie's dead now. She'd seen a lot of people die in her lifetime. Most of the time it didn't bother her, but Charlie was her best friend. It was heartbreaking. Her chest felt restricted, and her eyes filled with tears. She wiped them away before anyone could see them. If Charlie had ended up in Hell, Maze should've been told, but no one came while she let out her anger on Will, which meant that she'd gone to heaven and that Maze wouldn't be able to see her again. She let Belphegor continue torturing Will on their own while she went back to her own place in Hell. She didn't tell Belphegor the news yet. They'd need to figure out how to break that down to them. They were already upset enough that she'd been hurt. Maze had diverted their sadness to anger, but handling her death would be harder. Maze remained stoic until she got home and saw a picture of Charlie, Lucifer, and herself in a frame on one of the walls. She picked it up and broke down into tears, clutching it to her chest as she laid down on her bed. Now she'd really never get Charlie to sleep with her and Lucifer. That made her cry more.

LUCIFER: "Well, that was bloody awful," Lucifer lamented as he appeared in Maze's home. He needed someone to complain to about this. He'd already tried calling Linda a couple times but she declined the calls on account that it was close to 2am now. "Maze?" he called out to her. She wasn't in the living room, but he could feel her presence about. He figured she must've gone to bed. Surely she wouldn't mind being woken up to some good news. Lucifer helped himself to the bar, pouring two glasses of champagne and placing them on a tray. He carried them into Maze's room like some sort of fancy butler. He expected to find her maybe in some sexy little number or maybe nothing at all. But what he hadn't expected was to find her crying. "Mazikeen..." he lowered the tray onto the nightstand beside her. "Why are you crying? I thought you'd be over the moon, honestly..." Becoming Death was one hell of a promotion, especially for a human reaper. Charlie had essentially ascended to an angelic form of being. It was unheard of for humans to do that. It was historic and spicy and no doubt causing Uriel to panic a little. Lucifer very much liked that idea. But Maze...he'd never seen her like this.

MAZIKEEN: She heard it distantly when someone came into her home. Sometimes the other demons tried to sneak into her place to fight her when she was off guard. She was never really off guard, but she could recognize Lucifer's presence. Archangels like him radiated power that was unmistakable, especially him. She didn't move when he called her name. She didn't want him to see her crying like this, but she couldn't stop. It hurt too much. Charlie had been too important to her. "I'm not crying," she insisted, even as her voice cracked and tears spilled down her face. The picture frame she'd been clutching left imprints on her arms as she sat up. She sniffled as she wiped at her face, but more tears kept coming. She looked at Lucifer with confusion. "Why would I be over the moon about this?" she asked. Why was he? What was good about any of this? "She's gone, Lucifer." She took in a breath trying to push back the tears, but it just distorted her face. Admitting that she was gone was hard. It was possibly one of the hardest things she ever had to do, and she dealt with Cuphegor all the time.

LUCIFER: "Right, of course," he nodded and sat down at her bed side. She was too crying but he wasn't going to call her out on it. He simply pulled out the handkerchief from his pocket square and held it out to her. He had no idea what brought this on. Maze normally loved when he sent people out to be tortured by her specifically. William especially had been a thorn at her side. What he'd done now warranted permanent death so naturally he figured Maze would be happy about that but she wasn't. She was crying about someone being gone. It didn't take long to realize she was talking about Charlie. "She's not gone," he replied, placing his hands on either side of her and rubbing down the length of her arms in a reassuring manner. "I mean, I don't really know where she's at right now specifically. She's kind of hiccupping in and out of afterlives and I'm not allowed entry into some of them because of politics. But she's very much alive...unalive...sort of dead?" he sighed trying to figure out how to explain it. "She's Death now." He didn't see what was so bad about that. Maybe it was because Maze couldn't hug her? "I mean, sure, it would be ill advised to touch her at the moment but you'll be able to give her a hug when she reigns her powers in a bit. Raphael said they'd help."

MAZIKEEN: She took the handkerchief he offered her and wiped the tears off her face, still not admitting that they were tears, not that he was insisting they were or anything. He hadn't argued her lie, and she appreciated it. She leaned against him as he rubbed her arms.  She thought he was giving her some spiel about how their afterlives didn't really mean they were gone or something. That wouldn't have made a difference to Mazikeen if she couldn't see Charlie herself, but that wasn't what he was talking about. She wasn't sure what he was talking about actually. "What do you mean she's alive? You texted me and told me she was dead." Her voice was raising angrily. She'd been so upset. "You made me think my best friend died!" She hit him in the chest as she spoke. "I was crying because I thought I lost her!" She spoke with a mixture of shouting and sobbing.

LUCIFER: "What do you mean? No I didn't," he defended as she shouted that he sent her a text saying Charlie was dead. He pulled out his phone to try to get a look at what he said but she started smacking him. He swatted her away briefly to take a peak and sure enough...he grimaced. Bloody autocorrect. "That was meant to say she's Death, not she's dead," he corrected, not that it mattered in hindsight. "I wouldn't break that kind of news to you over a text message, Maze," he tried to assure her calmly. "That's Levi levels of avoidance. I'd send a carrier pigeon at least." Perhaps it wasn't the best time for jokes but that was really the only way he knew how to work through the kind of day he had. It wasn't exactly easy having to run a death scythe into an old friend and hope for the best.

MAZIKEEN: "Yes, you did!" she snapped. She'd read over the text several times just to make sure she'd read it right because that news was so serious. It didn't make a difference to her now that it was a typo. If anything, she was more furious that he hadn't noticed the typo before he'd sent it, or even that he didn't see that it had changed once he had sent it. He could've corrected it immediately and saved her the heartbreak of thinking she'd lost her friend. "A carrier pigeon?!" she repeated angrily, not finding his jokes as funny as he did in the moment when she was still reeling from thinking her friend had died. She started hitting him. "You're so stupid! I can't believe I fell in love with you, you asshole! Who jokes about that?!"

LUCIFER: "In my defense a lot was going on," he lamented, still wanting to complain about the situation. "I wasn't exactly sipping Bacardi with Raphael up there." He might've put too much faith in his phone to get the message across. "I knew you were worried about Charlie's condition and I wanted to get the news to her ASAP. I had a million and one things I needed to do to secure the veil after everything happened and I wouldn't have had time to come down to hell until well...now. I didn't think it was fair for you to wait that long." He was trying to ease her nerves but thanks to his phone he'd done the opposite. He grimaced as soon as the pigeon joke left his lips and braced himself for another round of smacking. It didn't hurt and he let her carry on. It was best to just let Maze air out her frustrations rather than let them fester. He expected her to insult him. That was par for the course. But he hadn't expected her to say the other thing. He sat up a little straighter and held her firmly so that she would stop hitting him and look at him instead. "You don't...you can't...you don't mean that, do you?" he asked her in all seriousness.

MAZIKEEN: Realistically, she couldn't blame him too much for what had happened. All in all, it was a simple mistake, and anger was the main way she knew to release her emotions. She knew Lucifer  knew that, and there were ways she could make it up to him later when she wasn't emotional. She sighed. "I guess I do appreciate you trying to tell me as soon as possible, even if you did fuck it up." She really did appreciate that, considering how worried she'd been about Charlie. "So I really can't hug her though?" She was one of the people Maze actually liked to hug. Lucifer was also one of them, but him grabbing her took her by surprise. He probably just was getting annoyed with her constantly hitting him, but most of her anger had gotten out now. She sighed. "You are kinda an asshole sometimes, but I like it most of the time."

LUCIFER: "Well, someone will suffer for the ill conceived attempts of autocorrect," he assured her. It wasn't going to be him, but someone would. Surely there was probably a demon to blame for this. "Probably Sam," he offered, hoping that would lift her spirits some with another soul to torture. "Charlie managed to separate him and his evil twin. She dragged the parasitic one here. Not sure which kingdom but when we find him, he's all yours," he replied, still running his hand up and down her arm in a comforting gesture. "No, I'm afraid you can't hug her for now. She's deadly to everything except the Archangels now." Although Charlie was young by comparison, her ranking was up there with Cupid now that she was Death. Love and Death were fundamental forces in the balance of things. "But I'll give her extra hugs on your behalf," he replied. He didn't mind it one bit. Having to stab Charlie wasn't exactly pleasant and he wanted to ensure she was okay every step of the way. His features softened and his grip lightened when she remarked he was an asshole sometimes, but she enjoyed that about him. "That's not what I meant...I meant the other thing you said. The one about falling in love with me..." he clarified so that neither of them could be mistaken this time. "You don't mean that, do you?"

MAZIKEEN: "As they should." She nodded in agreement. She smiled brightly when Lucifer suggested that it would probably be Sam. She'd always wanted to torture him. "Is it my birthday again already?" she asked jokingly. She was a little disappointed that it wasn't both Sams that ended up in Hell, but she guessed that it was good for Charlie's happiness or something. "That's pretty hot," she remarked with a smirk. "It makes me want to try it anyway. I'll tell you what it feels like." She grinned. Lucifer couldn't have all the fun in being the only one of them to be able to hug Charlie. Her smile faltered when he clarified what he'd heard her say. "Ah," so she had actually said that then? She'd thought that part was just in her head, but it was hard to keep a cap on her thoughts when she was that upset. Her chest clenched up. She was trying to gauge his reaction to that before she said anything else, but it was hard to tell how he was feeling about it. The most she could tell was that he was uncertain, but she couldn't decipher if that uncertainty came from disgust at the idea, if he wanted it like she did, if his trauma from the curse just had him scared to trust it, or a combination of a few of those. She sat up straighter, holding herself higher to make sure this confession didn't make her look weaker in any way. If he didn't like it then fuck him anyways. "I do. I've been in love with you for a while now." She let out a breath of air. That was a weird thing she never really thought she'd let out, but it was out there now. She watched Lucifer carefully for his reaction, prepared to backtrack or defend herself if she needed to.

LUCIFER: He was glad to see her smile after the particularly awful news she thought he'd delivered. He knew he'd be paying for that for the next few weeks but for now at least the storm had passed and she knew Charlie was safe. "If your birthday occurred anytime that man nearly dies, you'd be aging at twice the rate," he pointed out. He really did feel for the Winchester's Guardian. That angel had to be doing overtime on most days. "Wear protection," he teased. "Safe hugging to prevent untimely death." Maze wore enough latex that it really shouldn't be a problem. Charlie was careful too. Lucifer had instructed her to go to Val in the meantime for pointers and perhaps a pair of sturdier gloves.

He swallowed back a bit of initial panic when she confirmed that he'd heard her correctly. His automatic thoughts and fears were that his curse was back. Why else would anyone love him? He projected outward confidence because he had to. It was expected of him as King of Hell to know what to do, or at least to look like he knew what he was doing. Maze knew better than most Lucifer had no idea what he was doing. He was a mess just trying his best. Truthfully, the curses had set him back quite a bit. He still struggled, wondering if any of the relationships and connections he'd made in his life were real. Chloe had left him long before the curse was broken and he couldn't blame her. But Maze stuck around. She'd been there before he discovered his curse and she was still there afterward. She'd been there through all of his milestone and all the trials life could've thrown his way. He couldn't have imagined doing any of this without her. In fact, he was certain he couldn't have done it without her. The duties of keeping Hell running and keeping his siblings both happy and alive stretched him thin. He needed a partner and Maze was the best one he could've ever asked for.

If she really did love him, then this was a blessing because as much as the feeling scared him, he loved her too. He hadn't realized how much she did for him until she'd disappeared to the other timeline. He'd been a mess then and so had hell. Since then, he tried to show her that he appreciated her more and more. He tried to do what he could to spend time with her because he didn't know how much time they had left. He realized some time ago if the void was going to take over, she'd be the person he'd want to be with in the end. He thought those feelings were just friendship, but he knew deep down it went deeper than that.

"Okay...." he took a deep breath. "Okay..." he ran his hands up and down her arms as a soothing gesture. "Mazikeen, you are one of the most important people to me. You're the first person I check in with in the mornings and the last one I see before I go to bed. You're..." You're the one person I can see myself spending an eternity with. Just say it Lucifer. Come on. "The last time I felt like this about someone, it turned out to not be real. How do we know any of this is real?" he questioned. It was an unfair question to place on her but he wanted to be upfront with his fears. He'd known Chloe for all of 4 years when she left. And her leaving left a hole in his belief in love. He'd known Maze for much longer. If this turned out to be a curse and if she left too...he wasn't sure where that would leave either of them.

MAZIKEEN: She laughed a little at his comment about Sam's deaths. "Even better. Maybe I can catch up to you, old man." It wasn't like they really aged anyways. Birthdays were an arbitrary thing they made up just for an excuse to celebrate. They were all too old to actually keep up with their ages, and even if they did, it just made them look so much better despite their ages. "Don't worry. My strap-on has a condom and everything." She grinned. She'd be careful enough, but the thought that her best friend could kill her with just a single touch was exciting and she wanted to see what it felt like. Hopefully, she wouldn't kill herself completely in the process. She wasn't actually suicidal like some people.

Her chest ached seeing that look on his face. As a demon, she considered it a skill of hers that she could recognize the fear in her victims, but Lucifer wasn't a victim. He was her closest friend and the person she was in love with. She usually knew him better than she knew herself most of the time, but she couldn't tell where that panic came from in the moment. Was he as scared of rejecting her as she was of being rejected? Or was he just as scared of allowing himself to love as she was. She knew that with his curse, he'd been hesitant of his relationships, romantic or otherwise. It was part of the reason she'd been so hesitant herself recently about talking about it (though it was mainly because of her own fear). The way he held onto her arms, rubbing them to reassure her, convinced her that this was a rejection, so she prepared herself for it.

She had to admit, he was setting up the rejection nicely. She imagined that he was going the route of asking if they could still be friends so they could still do all of those things. The last time I felt like this about someone... So he did feel the same way about her then, and his panic was about the curse. Even so, the doubt of whether this was real or not hurt. She knew his curse was broken. Cupid had confirmed that. Maze wasn't particularly great at dealing with her emotions, so the pain she felt at his doubt turned to anger. It wasn't rational anger, considering how valid his doubts were, but she was angry nevertheless. How dare he doubt her love?!

"I'm not Chloe," she snapped. "What, do you think that just because I was with her when Cupid broke your connection that it somehow transferred from her into me? Well, it didn't because I've been in love with you for a lot longer than that. I didn't fall in love with you because of a curse. I fell in love with you because unlike everyone else you were always there with me and for me from the day I met you. It wasn't some immediate infatuation. I don't do the love at first sight thing." She barely considered the love thing until she realized it was actually a possibility. "I don't just have the feeling that I love you. I know I love you because I consider the day you picked me to be your right hand one of the best moments of my life, and maybe kicking Azazel's ass made that day better too, but that's not the important part. You are. I like working for you. I like your dirty jokes because I have the same sense of humor. And your corny jokes are awful,  but occasionally I'll find myself making them too." She sounded annoyed as she said all of this, only angry that he didn't see it. She shouldn't have been surprised though considering that seemed to run in his family. "I know a lot of people think it's a little extra the way you will do whole musical numbers. I agree, but I fucking love it!"

He looked like he was about to say something, but she cut him off. "I'm not done yet! You wanted to know how I know that this is real, so you're going to hear it all! When I was younger, and practically everyone was doubting me for being your right hand, you didn't. You never doubted my capability to kick their asses and make them shut the fuck up. I fucking love the fact that even though you're an archangel, you trust me to handle myself and fight my own battles. I'd be pissed if you tried to, but I never had to worry about that with you. I never have to worry about most things with you because I trust you. Hell, even your problems I don't mind dealing with. You self-sabotage constantly, and so do I. You've got the the world's biggest daddy issues, and I've got the world's worst mommy issues. But we know how to deal with each other's issues. The drama in your family is exponential, but I don't ever want to stop dealing with it. It's honestly really entertaining, and don't you dare fucking tell them this, or anyone for that matter, but I started to care for them too. Some of them anyways. Just a tiny barely noticeable amount." She probably shouldn't have said that, but she kept going.

"When we came up here together at first and Chloe made you vulnerable, you have no idea how terrified I was. I am your right hand and your bodyguard. I don't usually have to protect you from much because you're an archangel, but there you were getting injured constantly just because you kept going near the thing that was making you vulnerable. I was honestly glad that it was a curse just because it meant that you could be safe again." Sure there were other things that could hurt him but not many. "I was just glad that I didn't have to worry about losing you."

She continued to list off more and more reasons to prove how she knew her love was her own and not from some curse. It spanned from centuries in the past all the way to the present, including the smallest details like the way he laughed when he was scared or  the way his hair looked after sex to more major details and events like the fact that she saw him when she looked at Asmodeus or how jealous she felt when she saw the other universe's Maze seeming to have everything with her Lucifer and how glad she was to come home to her own. It took her hours to get through everything, and it was well into the morning now. "And if that's not enough to convince you that this is real, I don't know what is," she huffed. "Cupid's been trying to get me to tell you for ages now, and she wouldn't do that if she had any doubts about my feelings for you being a curse. She might be a pain in the ass half the time, but I know you at least can count on her being genuine about love."

LUCIFER: "At the rate he dies, you'll likely catch up to Aamon or Michael at this point," he joked although he really hoped Sam would slow down a little for Charlie's sake. He chuckled when she replied that her strap-on had a condom. "A paragon of safe sex. I expect no less. I'm sure Charlie will appreciate the sentiment." If anything, Charlie would at least appreciate the jokes and the company. It had been a rough few hours for her. Those hours spanned days in hell. Days that Maze must've spent feeling anxious about her friend's wellbeing. No wonder she'd reacted so poorly to his faux pas.

He was hoping to make it up to her, but it was clear his hesitation was contributing to her anxiety. Being a demon from Aamon's kingdom, that anxiety naturally expressed itself with rage. He flinched as she snapped at him. He swallowed hard when she replied that she'd been in love with him for a lot longer than he'd been cursed. Maybe they'd looked at the curse all wrong then. Maybe it was there from the beginning. Maybe Chloe wasn't the original victim, but rather Mazikeen. The thought of that ached and hurt more than anything. She was his best advisor and his closest friend. The thought of their closeness potentially being driven by a curse was a hurt that threatened to tear his chest open, but continued to listen. It was best not to interrupt her when she was in one of these passionate rages.

His features softened and his panic started to drop off slightly as she started listing tangible things she liked about him. Love curses couldn't go that deep, could they? Cupid had told him even the strongest curses can only mimic a base and superficial love. What Maze was describing didn't feel superficial. She'd also said that real love felt different. It made you feel complete even when you felt like you were falling apart. Maze made him feel that way. She understood him in ways even those around him didn't seem to get.

She didn't try to change him or insist that he be someone else, someone more mature or someone she felt he needed to be in certain situations. She trusted his judgement even when he didn't trust himself necessarily. Apparently not everyone was the same way though. There were people out there that didn't like his musical numbers? He was about to open his mouth to retort, but she cut him off. He closed his mouth and patiently waited as she continued, a smile growing on his face.

Just as he'd been reminiscing about how she never doubted his abilities, it was clear she felt the same way about him never doubting her. He always knew that she was capable. His siblings might have been more powerful than her, but they always knew that Maze was an extension of Lucifer. She wasn't a subordinate, she was family to them. And it was clear Maze felt that they were her family too. That made Lucifer brighten considerably. He knew Maze didn't have a good relationship with her family and sometimes his own relationship with his family was rocky too. But she found her place among them and that was important to him.

She was as afraid of losing him as he was of losing her which was both terrifying and a relief. When she was off in the other timeline, he'd been a mess just thinking about it. It wasn't just the daunting task of finding another right hand if she never came back. It was the inexplicable pain of losing someone whom you couldn't imagine your life without. There was no one in this world or the next that could replace Maze.

"Mazikeen," he cupped her face as she finished, letting her take a few deep breaths to calm down. She looked like she needed a drink too. "I believe you," his voice was soft and gentle as he spoke. The previous panic that it carried was now gone. He really did believe her. He knew Maze well enough to know cursed or not, love was the last thing she wanted to admit to. It took guts to get this far and now it was time for him to show the same kind of bravery. "And I love you too," he smiled. "You make me a better person without trying to change a single thing about me. You listen to my fears and insecurities and you don't let them be the only voice inside my head. When shit hits the fan you are the only person I know I can count on. It's always been you," he replied as he leaned in and kissed her gently. "It's always going to be you."

MAZIKEEN: "He's really got issues if he's going that far." Maze could see the appeal of getting close to death. She liked pushing things that far all the time. Having sex with archangels who could easily end your existence provided a similar thrill, but Maze didn't actually want to die. "Yeah," Maze agreed. "Hopefully becoming death doesn't autocorrect her sense of humor." She was joking just to pick on Lucifer's mistake, but she was a little worried about how this change would affect Charlie. She didn't know everything about what becoming death entailed. She had always been closer to Charlie than Azrael, and Azrael wasn't very social. She hadn't talked much about what being Death was like either. Maze didn't know how much she could help Charlie, or how much any of them could.

She looked at Lucifer angrily as he cupped her face, waiting for him to make fun of her or say that her explanations weren't enough to prove that this was real even though she knew it was. Her expression softened when he said he believed her. "You do?" She asked, relaxing into him now. He'd gone through so much lately that she really didn't expect him to take her at her word. "You do?" She asked again as he told her he loved her too. She felt warmer, and she was smiling brightly. She didn't think she'd been in love before him, and just getting that confirmation was such a relief. She felt lighter and happier. She looked at him in awe as he explained just what made him love her too. "I don't need to change anything about you," she said in defense of him, but she couldn't counter the rest of it. She deepened the kiss. Her hands moved into his hair, pulling on some of the strands, but this kiss was different than their usual make-out sessions. It wasn't just from lust, though she was feeling hornier now. Adding an emotional extension to kissing someone was . . . Interesting to say the least. She might've loved him before, but loving him and knowing he loved her had the most thrill she'd ever known. Cupid could never be told that. She'd never hear the end of how right Cupid was, but this was something Mazikeen had needed to do on her own anyways. Maze smirked as they pulled out of the kiss. "If it's always going to be me, do we need to discuss anything else, or are you going to get me out of these clothes?"

LUCIFER: "There's minor death kinks and then there's whatever Sam's got," he chuckled. He would pass off Linda's number to Sam and maybe even introduce them. She'd get a kick out of an interdimensional client and Sam could really use the help after all of this. He groaned at the joke Maze made about Charlie's humor getting autocorrected. If course she wasn't going to let him live it down. Despite her ribbing at him, he knew there was some truth hidden in her jokes. She was afraid that this whole transition to becoming Death would change Charlie. "She's a little overwhelmed right now, but still Charlie. It's like the second Frozen movie where Elsa transitions into the fifth natural force," he giggled to himself. "You know, that sort of makes you Anna. I've seen dark before..." he sang through his giggles, ducking away before she could smack him.

"I do," he nodded. "It doesn't mean I'm any less scared about it or that I even know what I'm doing, but I believe you and I love you," he assured her. Admitting it out loud again felt like a weight had been lifted off his shoulder. The more times he said it out loud, the more sure of himself he felt. He did love her. This wasn't the curse talking, this was him. He smiled when she replied that she didn't need to change him. He'd gone a good portion of his life thinking there was something wrong with him. He didn't fit the mold his Father intended for him. He never accepted him for who he was and simply wanted to beat him down until he was a perfect soldier like Michael. But Maze never tried to change him. She never made him feel like he was built wrong or that he was too soft, too hard, or too much for the role placed on his shoulders.

As she deepened the kiss, he pressed her against the wall, wanting to feel every inch of her. Having aired out how he felt, and having her accept it and feel the same was exhilarating and quite frankly more of a turn on than anything else he'd ever experienced before. He could hardly focus as she pulled away. "Well," he smirked, trailing kisses down her neck as his hands explored her body. "I do have some making up to do for my previous faux pas." He gripped her tightly and picked her up before plopping her down onto the bed. "You know what they say, no time line the present," he smirked, dipping down to kiss her again.

[mattzerella-sticks]

🌊What the Water Gave Him 🌊

Destiel-centric finale spec based on a post I made earlier, found here

Can be read on ao3 here

It was over. Chuck lost, Sam and Dean can live their lives how they want them. But their victory wasn't without losses. The biggest upset nearly taking Dean out of the game, happening so close to the final battle. Now he's on the other side, alive against all odds, but Sam knows he isn't happy. Not truly happy since the Empty stole his best friend.

But there's a chance they can save him. A slim chance. A risk that Dean's willing to take despite every logical nerve in Sam's body screaming at him to look for better options. That threading a needle this small is too dangerous. That they don't have to take on another big bad, not anymore. That they don't have to risk their lives anymore. Dean is far past the point of listening. Dead set on this mission, Sam can only watch.

And pray his brother proves him wrong.

           He stands along the water’s edge, gentle waves lapping the rocky shore. Barely licking at his boots while he gazes upon the beautiful, blue stretch of lake. Sun hanging low on the horizon, sky a far deeper color of orange than earlier.

           They’ve been at this for over an hour.

           Sam glances behind him, skin crawling as he sees nothing changed since last he looked. Jack stationed on one edge of the circle, Michael at the other. Dean between them, his eyes closed. Lying deathly still over the sigils scratched into the earth. His skin pale, and both hands tightly clasped around tan fabric folded over Dean’s lap.

           He hates this. What Dean’s doing. That Sam cannot help. And how it’s their only option.

           Jack saw this once before. A variation of it, actually. “When I killed Nick,” he said, handing out copies of photographs he printed out amongst their little group. “I found him in the middle of resurrecting Lucifer –“

           “If he just had a little more patience,” Dean sneered. “Chuck could’ve saved him a whole lot of effort, though I’d doubt it’d end any differently.” Adam nodded at Dean’s side, studying his copy with interest like Sam did. Trying to identify the scene Jack captured. Dean continued, not even addressing the image. “Do you think this can work?”

           “Given who we’re doing this for, no,” he admitted, “the spell Nick found would only open a portal to the Empty, wake Lucifer up. It would then be up to him to cross over, and with his amount of power that wouldn’t be difficult.” Jack then opened the book he brought, pushing it into the middle of the table. Pointing at an illustration. “But I think I can modify it. Although…”

           Sam set the photo down, facing Jack. “What is it Jack?”

           “I… well, it’d be very complicated,” he started, not meeting Sam’s gaze. “For it to work, me and Michael would need to use all of our power.”

           “To wake Cas? Jack, you did it before –“

           “When the Empty was asleep,” Jack said, “when they weren’t expecting it. When Cas hadn’t already ticked them off… they’ve already lost him once.”

           “And they won’t be keen on losing Cas again,” Dean added. A storm darkening his hooded stare. Sam watched him sink into his seat, memories from that awful night weighing on Dean. It haunted him, too. Finding Dean curled around himself the next morning, unresponsive, incoherently mumbling about their friend. Shoulder stained with dried blood. In time, he recovered as he always did. Sometimes though Sam feared he’d turn and there Dean would be. Shattered completely with no chance of putting those pieces together. Stuck in that helpless ball, trembling. Forever praying. That’s not the case now. No sign of careful fragility anymore, the storm passing. Back ramrod straight Dean carelessly flicked the photo away. “What else you need?”

           “Ingredients that we have here at the Bunker, I’m sure,” Jack continued, “a nice open space where we can perform the ritual. Something that belonged to Cas, that will resonate with his unique wavelength. And finally…” he trailed off near the end, faltering.

           “Jack,” Sam said, “What else?”

           “One of us would have to go in,” he told them, “but… there’s a chance they might not come back.” For the first second, there’s silence. The next –

           “Jack, there has to be –“

           “I’ll do it.”

           He whipped his head towards him, scowling at the grim determination of Dean’s face. Lips thinned in a small line. Brows bent aggressively. An expression that appeared whenever Dean grabbed onto the most idiotic, suicidal thought he had and stubbornly refused to surrender. He’d refuse any option other than what he decided. Arguing with him when he’s like that was impossible.

           Sam tried regardless.

           “There has to be another way,” Sam whispered, both men waiting as Jack and Michael recreated Nick’s sigil-work in the dirt. Leaning against Baby’s frame, drinking in silence. “Billie always threatened she’d throw us in there one day, why don’t we ask her –“

           “She’d never agree to it, Sammy. Too messy.” Dean wouldn’t look at Sam. Not since he exploded on Dean back at the Bunker. Called him selfish, that the last thing Cas wants is Dean endangering himself. His tantrum earned Sam a swift right hook he still has the bruise from, cheek mottled blue and green. Dean’s knuckles newly scabbed. “Billie plays by the universe’s rules… and we make our own.”

           “Yes, finally. Rules we fought so hard to make, I…” Sam sighed, “we were finished, Dean. No more big risks. We won. Facing the Empty… there’s no do-over button if you get stuck there.”

           “I’m okay with that.”

           “And yet you’re still doing this?”

           “It’s like I told you Sam,” he said, finally deigning Sam with a frigid glance. Steely resolve sharpening it, cutting through him. “Have been telling you. You don’t have a clue what’s really going on. If you knew… you’d see there’s no risk at all.”

           Sam’s temper flares now, pain edging his vision. “Then let me in, Dean. Tell me. Why are you so afraid of –“

           “I’m not afraid –“

           “You clearly are,” he hissed, “otherwise you wouldn’t be throwing yourself into another near-death experience instead of having a simple conversation with me.” Sam reels his anger back, softening. Pleading. “I want Cas here as much as you do, Dean. But there has to be another way.”

           Dean drained his bottle and then threw it. Far enough so when it exploded the glass wouldn’t touch them. “If it were Eileen stuck in there,” he said, “you’d know there wasn’t.”

           He paused. “Eileen? What’s that have to –“

           Jack called, saying they were ready. Dean stalked off towards them. Sam left behind in his confusion. “Do you have the anchor?”

           “Right here.” He showed Jack the trench coat, grip on it gentle like if he squeezed any tighter Dean might rip it. “Where do you want me?”

           Sam remembered Dean rambled on about its sturdiness. Boasting how he gassed the store clerk with half-truths to not draw suspicion when asking after ‘protective outerwear’. Buying it because he noticed a tear along the seam of Cas’s armpit. “I thought he’d stitch it up,” Dean laughed, whipping his purchase like a cape. Playing with it. Sam chuckled at his brother’s antics. “But he just shrugged and carried on like it was nothing. I asked him why he left it and he tells me that it’d be a waste of his grace.”

           “Then why didn’t you mend it for him?”

           “…What?”

           “Come on, Dean,” Sam said, “you’re a master with the needle. And I’m not talking about sewing gashes… do you recall the Luke Skywalker costume you made me from those stolen motel bed sheets?”

           Dean blushed, “I was just a kid then, Sammy…”

           “Still the best costume, better than any of those store-bought ones at school.”

           “Well… maybe I didn’t want to fix it,” he said, “that’s why. I mean… sure I could’ve. But then he’d rip it again and… it’s not like he can’t have another jacket! Cas needs a little more variety.”

           Sam snorted. “Yeah, because a slightly lighter brown is really crazy for him. What’s he even gonna do with it?”

           “Wear it?” Dean said, “Or… put it away, keep it here. Dude’s been living with us this long and how much stuff does he own? It might not be a huge change but it’s… it’s a start, Sam.”

           Dean was right in buying it. Ransacking Cas’s room, there wasn’t anything they could use for the spell save for the single, untouched trench coat hanging in his closet. As Sam leaves that memory, he realized too late the others began without him. Jack and Michael knelt like statues. His brother had left for the Empty.

           And he’s still there.

           Helpless while Dean pokes the bear in his cave. Sitting on the sidelines as he faces down an extraordinary being with limitless powers, like beating Chuck wasn’t pure luck. Like any of their efforts left a scratch on him. It was a group effort, what little remained of their family pitching in. Sending Chuck onto his next project. But this… it was just Dean. He was alone. And worse… Sam thinks his brother wanted it that way.

           If it were Eileen stuck in there, you’d know it wasn’t.

           When he wasn’t worrying about Dean, Sam mulled over his parting message. Trying to fit together the pieces Dean gave. He suspects it’s a simple picture. A niggling sense at the base of his skull tells Sam that the answer is clear. It always was. Except he looked past it, over and over, again and again. Never seeing the truth of it. Of Dean and Cas. Without either of them here, where he can observe them one more time – careful, in a way Sam hasn’t before – Sam doubts he will uncover much of anything.

           At least it distracts him from Dean. Until it doesn’t.

           Dean gasps, lurching forward. Coughing, spitting up bile and gagging on air. Michael collapses, exhausted. Jack almost follows but overcomes his dizziness. Sam, the only unaffected one, dashes towards. Rubs Dean’s back while he works through his nausea. How Dean lets him either shows he’s too woozy to know it’s him, or the earlier animosity was forgotten. As Dean claws at his shirt, gasping, repeating his name, Sam guesses the latter. “Yes, Dean?” he says, “What is it?”

           “Cas,” he says, voice hoarse and raw, “Where… where is he?”

           There weren’t any portals. Nor did a star shoot downwards from the sky. Their friend had not even blinked into existence with a smile and a familiar rumble.  “Cas,” Sam sighs, “Cas. Dean, I don’t think –“

           “Cas.”

           He scrambles to his feet, knocking Sam onto the ground. Dean runs across the shore and, when he reaches the lake, wades in. Fully dressed, madly waving the trench coat. Sam yells, but Dean ignores him. Hellbent on drowning himself.

           Except Sam misses it, again.

           Someone meets Dean halfway. Breaking through the lake’s surface, swimming to where the water rests above their waists. Drags his brother into a hug, spinning him. With raven hair, tanned skin, and blue eyes crinkled with joy and life and love. “Cas,” Sam says, “it’s… it worked?”

           “Of course it worked,” Jack says, “This is Dean and Cas.”

           Maybe Sam understands because of the off-hand way Jack spoke about the two men. Or, more likely, it’s when Cas – wrapped in the trench coat Dean bought him – sweeps Dean into his arms and kisses him. Dean melts under his touch, responding with an excitement that had been absent when Chuck left them alone for real. It doesn’t matter how. He finally gets it.

           Dean and Cas… they get their happy ending.

[lorewhoresam]

It’s Electrifying!

link to ao3

Relationship: Castiel/Dean Winchester

Tags: Angst with a happy ending, slow burn

Summary: Dean is electrified by Cas touch. He's convinced it's an angel thing.

Well guys, first chapter is here. Hope ya like it.

They won. Lucifer is back in the cage, as is Michael, they’ve put a stop to the apocalypse, and the danger is gone. To Dean however, it doesn’t feel like a win. Everyone he knew and loved is gone. Sam is in the cage, Bobby is dead, Cas is dead, Adam is in the cage— he might’ve been jealous the kid got to see John as an actual dad instead of whatever he did with Sam and Dean— that doesn’t mean he doesn’t feel bad for him.

Dean sinks to his knees in the dry grass, still coming to terms with the fact that Sam, Bobby, Cas– that they’re all gone. He doesn’t want to believe it, he doesn’t want to give up on Sam, he doesn’t want to go back to Lisa, but he can’t do anything else. Without anyone to help him, he can’t possibly get Sam and Adam out of the cage. He wants to die, but even that he can’t do, because he promised Sam he’d live his life. He promised. He punches the ground and a loud sob escapes his throat. Tears blur his vision, and he sits there like that for what could be hours or minutes, he completely lost track of time.

He hears the angels’ signature flap of wings and turns his head to the sound, immediately on his guard. It’s Castiel, framed against the sky. Dean sputters, too dazed and injured to be amazed.

“Cas. You’re alive.” Dean quickly wipes away the tears with his sleeve and smiles slightly.

Cas chuckles. “I’m better than that.”

He reaches down and lightly puts two fingers between Dean’s eyes. He jolts, electrified.

Dean doesn’t know what to think about him being back, alive and well, even though he saw him explode, killed by Lucifer.

“Cas… Are you God?”

“That’s a nice compliment, but no. Although I do believe he brought me back. New and improved.”

Cas walks over to Bobby and heals him, and Dean can hear the bones in his neck crack while they’re being set back into place and he shivers, once again being confronted with the fact that he is completely at the angel’s mercy, and that Dean would be dead in mere seconds if he wanted him to be. Somehow that isn’t as terrifying as it should be.

A few hours later, Dean and Cas are driving, it’s dark outside, and Dean has no idea where he’s going, but driving is the only thing he can do.

“What are you gonna do now?” He asks Castiel, the will you stay with me unspoken, because there’s no way he could ever tell anyone he wants that.

“Find a way to bring Sam back. Then I’ll return to heaven, I suppose.”

Dean hasn’t forgotten the promise he’d made Sam. Go back to Lisa and Ben. Don’t try to bring him back. Live a normal, happy life. But promises be damned, if he has even a one in a million chance of getting his brother back, he’ll do it, whether he likes it or not.

“Heaven?”

“With Michael in the cage, I’m sure it’s total anarchy up there.”

“So, what, you’re the new sheriff in town?” He knows he isn’t entitled to any of the angel’s time, but he didn’t expect him to just return to heaven, after all that has happened.

“I like that. Yeah, I suppose I am.”

Dean scoffs. “Wow. God gives you a brand-new, shiny set of wings, and suddenly you’re his bitch again.”

“Dean, I don’t know what God wants either, I don’t even know if he will return, it just… seems like the right thing to do.”

“Well, if he’s there, tell him I’m coming for him next.”

Cas let out a long drawn sigh. “He helped us Dean. Probably more than we realise.”

“That’s easy for you to say isn’t it! He brought you back!”

“Dean. I know you’re angry, but I told you, I’ll help you bring Sam back first.”

He knows that. But after Sam is back, he’ll still be in heaven. The angel he has come to think of as his best friend, although he would never admit that either, will leave and he’ll never see him again.

“Thank you,” Dean muttered under his breath.

The silence that hangs between them is uncomfortable and tense, and they stay like that until Dean stops at a motel.

“So, do I need to get a room with two beds, or are you gonna fuck off to god-knows-where again?” It probably came out angrier than he wanted it to, but he couldn’t care less about that right now.

“Dean, you know I don’t sleep. I’ll try to find a way to get your brother back and I’ll come back tomorrow morning.”

Dean smiled slightly and thanked Castiel before disappearing into the motel.

It came to no surprise that Dean didn’t sleep much that night. He’s worried about Sam, and Cas too. The angel had grown on him, and he cares for him, despite every fiber of his being saying he shouldn’t. He shouldn’t trust a supernatural being, he shouldn’t care for anyone besides his family lest he— or worse, Sammy— gets hurt, but he does. The last thought he has that night is how angry John would be if he was still alive. His son, his just-short-of-perfect soldier, consorting with the enemy.

When the flutter of wings gives away Castiel’s presence, Dean is already wide awake, and eager to hear any news he has to bring.

“Hello Dean.”

“Hey Cas, what’s the plan?”

“I might have an idea, but it will be dangerous, and I need your help.” Cas looks genuinely concerned, if that was even possible for angels, and it terrifies Dean if he’s perfectly honest. He’d never seen him like that before, but he has already decided he’ll do whatever it takes to rescue Sam.

“Well, lay it on me.”

“I can try and get to the cage, but I need you there as well, to hold off the demons. I’m sorry, I know you don’t want to go back to hell but—”

“Hey, Cas, calm down, I’ll be fine, don’t worry,” Dean interrupts him and puts a hand on his shoulder. There’s that feeling again, a shiver running down his spine. He shrugs it off. Must be an angel thing.

He won’t be fine. He knows that. Cas probably knows it too. But he won’t let some fucking fear stop him from rescuing his brother. He’ll deal. He always does.

"The cage is the probably the best guarded place in all of hell, so there's a big chance we won't reach it— or make it back," Cas said, and he looked so damn sorry Dean thought he was reading his mind.

“I’ll do it, I’ll go with you. Anything to get Sam back.”

[yet-another-fan-girl9]

Different Worlds (7)

Summary: You’re the youngest Winchester, a girl who needs to show her big brothers that she doesn’t need help. Then one day, on a totally normal vampire hunt that you had all under control, three meddling Avengers come barging in.

Warnings: language, violence, canon divergence, slow burn, me making stuff up

Word Count: 2234

A/N: Is it 2 am? Maybe... Am I listening to nostalgic and depressing music to make myself sad? Maybe...

~*~

Chapter Seven: Some Words Are Exchanged

“Well don’t just stand there,” Crowley said when nobody moved. You all traded glances as you tried to come up with a plan. “Come and take a seat.”

“Cut the act, Crowley,” Dean ordered. “You know why we’re here.”

“And here I thought we were friends, Squirrel.” The demon sighed and with a wave of his hand, the music stopped. “You brought me a new friend, though.” He looked at Bucky and when you moved to interrupt his gaze, Crowley smirked. “Ah, but it looks like the soldier is already taken.”

“Give me the book Fergus,” Rowena drew her son’s attention toward herself.

“Well since you asked so nicely, mother, and sat at my table and ate my food and joined me in some wonderful conversation—”

“Stop stalling,” your oldest brother nearly shouted. “Where is the book?”

“What book?”

“The Magicae Libro.”

“Ah, yes. It’s a powerful book, but why would you think I have it?”

“You stole it,” Jack answered. “After the Avengers left we discovered both you and the book missing.”

“Then let me rephrase it,” Crowley grinned while everyone else either glared or rolled their eyes at him. “It’s a powerful, very powerful book. Why would you think I still have it?”

“You gave it away?” you groaned and resisted the urge to stomp your foot like a child. Why did this have to be so fucking hard? It was starting to feel like a scavenger hunt. “Who did you give it to?”

“I didn’t ‘give it away,’” Crowley scoffed and sat in the chair at the head of the table. He motioned to the other chairs as if the action would convince your group to dine with him. “Honestly I’m hurt that you would even think that I would do something as dumb as giving the Magicae Libro away.”

“So you’re saying someone stole it from you?” Sam cocked his head.

“Stole it? From me?” You had to bite back a grin at seeing Crowley’s very offended expression. “First you think that I simply gave it away, then you think that somehow, someone came into Hell to steal it from me?” He paused for a moment. “Though I’m sure you morons would have found a way to steal it from me.”

“So where is it?”

“Where is what?”

“Crowley, I swear to fuck—”

“He’s stalling,” Bucky said to your surprise. “He told us that he wouldn’t give the book away and that it wasn’t stolen. He still has it.” He narrowed his eyes. “But not for long. He traded it for something.”

“How do you know?” You look at the blue-eyed man.

“My training,” he replied simply.

“That’s amazing.”

“Thank you, doll.”

“Okay,” Rowena snapped. “We get that (Y/N)’s boyfriend—” Both you and Bucky interrupted with a couple of half-assed denials. The red-haired witch cleared her throat and raised an eyebrow at you. “We get that (Y/N)’s boyfriend is good at whatever he’s good at, but I need the book.”

“Yeah, we need the book,” Dean said holding his knife up threateningly.

“Who are you giving it to?” Jack added.

“And where and when does the exchange take place?” Sam joined.

“Um, I’m personally more worried about what Crowley traded it for,” you point out. A small smile crept up your face when Bucky nodded his agreement with you.

“What makes you think I would tell you?” Crowley leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms.

“We’ll postpone killing you,” Dean threatened.

“Would you let them kill me, mother?” the king of Hell turned his gaze on to his mother who sharply responded,

“Maybe. You are being a pain in my ass.”

Crowley opened his mouth to retaliate but before he could get anything out, you jumped in.

“What if we trade you something better than what the other party offered you?”

“You leave me alone for two years and I’ll answer your questions,” he said immediately. “That means you all let me do whatever I want for two whole years. No stopping me or my plans.”

“As long as it doesn’t endanger anyone,” Bucky negotiated.

Crowley shook his head. Superheroes, right? They never want anyone to die. There will always be casualties, but you can’t save everyone. It’s a lesson all hunters must learn early on.

“As long as it doesn’t hurt more than ten people,” Sam offered but the demon continued to shake his head.

“It doesn’t matter who he kills as long as it’s not me,” Rowena sighed.

 “Fine,” you said. “Twenty-four people. You’re limited to one every month.”

“Twenty-four?” Bucky asked as Crowley pretended to mull over the offer. “That’s a lot of people.”

“Without limitations, his body count would be in the hundreds each year.”

“I’ll take the deal.” Crowley held out his hand.

“Remember, if there’s more than one person per month, we will intervene,” Dean warned and stepped forward to shake the demon’s hand.

“Is that it?” Jack asked. “Has the deal been made?”

“What do you want a kiss?” Crowley made a face. “Anyways, my client, or clients, are the twin witches by the names of Myra and Alek.”

“Those pieces of shit,” Rowena spat. Then she turned to the rest of you. “They were, and I suppose still are, hungry for power. I heard that they were the ones Lucifer recruited to get the book in the first place.”

“Yes, I do seem to remember them saying something about their Dark Lord,” mused Crowley. “They decided to meet, well not meet per se. The book will appear in the Stull Cemetery at the witching hour at their request.”

“So they have a sense of humor,” Sam deadpanned.

“Stull Cemetery’s in Kansas,” you pointed out.

“Right, okay. Let’s get out of here and come up with a plan.”

“You’re not sticking around for dinner?” Crowley looked at the table.

In response to his question, Rowena mumbled some Latin under her breath and you all appeared in the bunker’s library in a flash of purple flames. Cas jumped up from his seat in surprise and the fire in the bowl died out. 

“Do you have the book?” He asked once you were all orientated again. 

Dean shook his head no and explained the deal you had made with Crowley. 

“So we go in and get the book before the witches,” Sam summarized. Talk about easier said than done.

“Rowena, are you in?” You looked at her. 

“I would very much enjoy obliterating those pieces of shit.”

“What about you, Bucky?”

“I think I gotta sit this one out,” he said slowly and you could feel yourself visibly deflate. “You guys sound like you’ve got this handled anyway.”

“Okay.” The room was silent. Oh, fuck. Everyone’s eyes were on you. You have to get out of here. “I’ll show you out.”

“Can I talk to you about something?” Bucky asked once you left the library.

“Uh, sure.” You had a few ideas of what was on his mind. Was it going to Hell? Was it the multiple almost-kisses? You really needed to talk about that.

“Are you sure letting Crowley kill one person every month is a good idea?”

Hmm. Not quite what you were expecting. You should have known this was coming. Definitely would have preferred the almost-kiss topic. Maybe have a redo.

“Well, to keep the book out of those twitches’ hands, we had to make a deal appealing to the King of Hell.” You led him up the stairs, getting very close to stomping. “As I said before, he would kill a lot more fucking people if we gave him even the slightest hint of…” You turned around at the door to face the superhero. “Listen. Any other scenario would definitely have a body count higher than twenty-four. In a shorter time frame than two years might I add. Trust me. I’m not exactly thrilled about this deal either, but there will always be casualties. I would think you would be one of the people to understand.”

“I do understand,” Bucky said when you finally gave him a moment to speak. “But I thought you would have tried harder.”

He opened the front door and left silently. The slam of the door behind him echoing a bit too much in the large, empty room.

~*~

Bucky wished he hadn’t left like that. In fact, he kind of wished he hadn’t left at all. The moment the door had closed, a bit too loudly in his opinion, he had regretted the goodbye. Or lack of one. As much as he wanted to go back in and set things right with (Y/N), he was never one to properly deal with his emotions.

He marched back to the small quinjet he had flown to Kansas in. The journey back was quiet, but not in Bucky’s head. The events of the day kept repeating in his mind just like a record stuck on repeat.

The day could have ended so differently. He had almost kissed her. Twice. Once even in Hell. Fuck, the fact that he had been to Hell, actual, literal Hell, made his mind spin. And he hadn’t even left the castle.

But he had almost kissed (Y/N). He wondered if she wanted to kiss him too. Would it have happened if Dean hadn’t interrupted? They had been seconds, inches away.

And now he probably fucked everything up because he had to question her. He knew that there would always be casualties. He knew she didn’t want anyone to die. But he wished that she had tried harder.

Twenty-four was a pretty large number. Twenty-four people were a lot of people. Bucky wondered if he even knew twenty-four people right now.

It was eight pm when Bucky landed in New York and his stomach was practically yelling for food. He half wished he had taken up Crowley’s offer of a feast. But then again, who knew if it was poisoned or cursed or whatever the demon King of Hell would do to food. Probably curse the consumer to be stuck in Hell like the Greek myth of Persephone and Hades.

The kitchen was empty except for… great. Bucky sighed, knowing that the two men in the kitchen serving themselves ice cream wouldn’t let him have a peaceful dinner as he had hoped. They greeted him happily when they saw him and Bucky mumbled his greeting back. He wandered over to the fridge, praying that there were some decent leftovers. He didn’t think he could eat instant ramen right now.

“Hey, Buck,” Steve called out. “Where’ve you been?”

“Yeah, man. You look like shit,” Sam joked, though Bucky was sure there was some truth to it.

He ignored Sam’s oh so important contribution to the conversation and answered Steve in one word: “Hell.”

“C’mon, it couldn’t have been that bad,” Steve prompted, eager for more details.

“No,”  Bucky corrected as he placed a bowl of spaghetti in the microwave. “I literally went to Hell with the Winchesters.”

“Oh, so you were with (Y/N),” Sam smirked.

“Why did they need to go to Hell?” Steve asked, he too ignoring the Falcon.

“Apparently Crowley stole the Magicae Libro from them the other day.”

“Did it end in a fight?” Bucky could clearly hear the concern in Steve’s voice.

“No.” This has had to be the longest microwave minute in history. One of them would come to the conclusion soon enough. Sure enough, the next words out of Sam’s mouth…

“So trouble in paradise, huh? That’s what’s gotcha so down?”

“I wouldn’t call it paradise if nothing ever happened between us.”

“But you want something to happen,” Steve confirmed the same time Sam asked what had happened.

Finally, the microwave timer went off and Bucky managed to escape answering his friends as well as the onslaught of questions that were sure to follow. He took refuge in his room and ate the spaghetti on his bed. Bucky could see (Y/N)’s file on his desk. It was pinned underneath the Supernatural book Wanda had lent him.

The specific book was titled ‘Skin’ and it was about skinwalkers. It had matched up with what (Y/N) had told Bucky about Dean’s first serious run-in with the law. Bucky kind of wanted to read more of the Supernatural books, God was actually a decent writer, but at the same time, it felt sort of like reading (Y/N)’s diary.

Shouldn’t he be learning all about her from, well, her? Bucky supposed that she could also look up his life on the internet. Although the media wasn’t always true or nice to Bucky. How true were the Supernatural books? Did he trust God, or Chuck Shurley, to know (Y/N)’s thoughts and emotions in those situations? She must have changed a lot since the books had been written.

Shit. Maybe Sam was kind of right with the whole ‘obsessed with her’ thing. It wasn’t an obsession, it was just simple curiosity. Bucky was only interested in learning more about the hunter lifestyle. Or (Y/N)’s hunting lifestyle. Or (Y/N). Damn, he really couldn’t get her out of his head.

When he finally went to bed after sluggishly completing his nightly routine and confirming to Steve that he was okay, it was twelve thirty-two. He wondered how (Y/N) and the rest of the gang were handling the witches.

~*~

~*~

~*~

~*~

~*~

Tag List (strike though means tag didn’t work):

@grav3dollie-666 @broco8

[orionsangel86]

Sam & Eileen - A Supernatural Romance.

I am quite clearly over the moon about 15x06 and Sam reunited with and bringing Eileen back from the dead. I was so over the moon in fact, that I burst into tears when Eileen stepped out of the bathtub and took Sam’s hand. That was… wow. 

That was the most romantic moment in this show since 13x05 “it’s never too late” (also a return from the dead!)

So I was inspired to write an homage meta post celebrating Sam and Eileen’s romance looking back at everything canon has given us on this epic pairing.

It turns out, despite all my usual grumbling, there is still one het ship out there that I can totally get behind, and no one deserves love more than our dear Sam Winchester.

11x04 - Baby

This is where I believe the story started for Sam. 

“You don’t ever want something more?”

(x)

“You know, with a hunter? Somebody who understands the life?”

This question, from Sam to his brother at the start of Season 11, has shaped so much of the subtext in the seasons following. It’s significance to the Winchesters individual development arcs, their hopes, their dreams. It blatantly spelled out for the audience what both these boys desire and what they deserve for each of their endgames.

Not a white picket fence, not the apple pie life, just something. Something that suits them. Something to share with someone else, romantically, who might fit that particular box. Let me be very clear here and stress that Sam certainly wasn’t talking about him and Dean finding that something with each other.

Dean’s journey towards finding that something has been building for even longer than this particular moment in canon, with the other stand out scene being his confession in 10x16 where he talked about having things, people, feelings, that I want to experience differently than before, or maybe even for the first time. Dean’s journey is something we have discussed at length, and as every meta writer in fandom knows all too well, it only leads in one particular direction - towards a certain dreamy blue eyed angel. 

Sam’s journey has not been discussed as intensely as Dean’s, but 11x04 did lay groundwork for the writers to build upon. It hasn’t been as smooth or as obvious in the subtext as Dean’s either, with certain writing decisions appearing to come out of left field and confuse the path. But it seems that Dabb has course corrected and brought us back on track. 

This episode was the first time in canon in a long time that we heard Sam textually voice his desire for a romantic relationship of some kind. I therefore immediately got excited and locked this moment away in a pocket in my heart to pull out again if ever the show would introduce a character who could fit those requirements for Sam. 

The show did not disappoint.

11x11 Into the Mystic

GOD I forgot how full of delicious layers this episode was! It was written by the same writer who wrote 11x04. Robbie Thompson clearly had something in mind for Sam when he first wrote that script, and he gave it to us (and Sam) in this episode.

Eileen is introduced in 11x11 as another Hunter on a quest for vengeance - to avenge her murdered family.

It isn’t a surprise that we basically immediately shipped Eileen with Sam after this episode first aired, because her entire backstory is written to compliment Sam. Within the first 5 minutes of getting to know her, she already fulfills the requirements from Sam’s wistful speech in 11x04. She is a hunter, she is someone who understands the life. But more than that, she is all of the following:

She is on a revenge quest

She has murdered parents

She was raised by a Hunter or rather “trained” to be a Hunter rather than raised (in a scene which implies a similarly strict hunter upbringing to Sam and Dean)

She continued hunting alone after her guardian died

Her grandfather was a Man of Letters, making her a MOL Legacy, just like Sam.

Her mother was a lawyer, so she makes a joke about studying law which prompts further bonding with Sam due to his Stanford law education.

Eileen catches Sam’s eye almost immediately, and it is surprising I didn’t pick up on that on my first watch at the time, but Eileen is literally disguised as the cleaner in order to go unnoticed. Sam had no reason to be suspicious of her, and I think at the time we all assumed that he just wanted to question a potential witness - but even so, there was no need to interrupt Mildred to go speak to her. Could Sam’s distraction have been a bit more than strictly professional? In hindsight I’m gonna go with YES.

Their next meet is cute simply because by this point the audience is misled to think that she is actually the banshee. The ominous music tones, the shots of Eileen watching the Winchesters from a window. We believe that she is the villain, and then when she uses magic to pin Sam and comes at him with a dagger it’s practically a romantic trope used in enemies to lovers fics. A case of mistaken identity (another trope) and Sam and Eileen are able to reveal each of their truths. They bond immediately with both Sam and the audience learning all of the above. the checklist requirements indicating their compatibility is so blatantly obvious its almost too on the nose. But then het romance always seems that way doesn’t it?

The real kicker in this episode that made my heart sing at the time was this:

“Feel free to drop me a line if you ever need anything. Or even if you just wanna hang out”

“you can’t call me though, I mean you could call but I won’t answer.”

(x)

FIRST OF ALL - HOW DARE YOU KILL ME WITH FEELS SAMMY OVER THAT GORGEOUS SMILE

Sam’s line here though was SUCH A LINE. “Or even if you just wanna hang out”

I see you Sam Winchester. Hoping for Netflix and Chill right? I know you have Netflix. You gave Cas your password. :P

This little interaction at the end of this episode was pure flirtation and it was gorgeous to watch (and to rewatch, with hindsight, knowing what happens in 15x06 to totally deepen their relationship. Urgh. I guess I really am a sucker for a good old fashioned Supernatural Love Story!)

The other big takeaway from this episode is that meeting Eileen rejuvenated Sam. He starts the episode unable to sleep, haunted by his Lucifer trauma and feeling so down and broody that Dean steps in constantly to ask if he’s okay and try to engage in talking about feelings (always a bad sign for a Winchester to get to the point where they feel they need to ask the other to talk about feelings!)

But the end of the episode marks a significant change in Sam. He smiles, he opens up to Dean, he textually states that the case helped him. He opens up a keepsake box (that we never knew he had before this episode) and puts the retirement homes leaflet in there - an indication that he actually has hope that he might live to see a happy retirement (a wonderful sign for someone who just 40 minutes ago was acting like a total nihilist.)

The case alone wasn’t some spectacular revelation, so what else could have possibly caused Sam’s change of heart? The answer is obvious. Eileen did. She acted like a beacon of light this episode for Sam, and in a perfect bookend to how the episode opened, Sam curls up in bed, turns off his light, and is able to sleep. It is only Dean who spends the night restless and haunted.

This was the first time that Eileen acted as a “win” for Sam just by meeting him.

Unfortunately, we don’t meet Eileen again until a whole season later in

12x17 - The British Invasion

This episode is a far cry away from 11x11′s layered genius. Messy, overly plot heavy, too many various character stories causing mental whiplash, too much focus on unnecessary side characters, LUCIFER existing in general, an unnecessary sex scene between Mary and Ketch (eww), a bloody death scene, and moments of utter stupidity from the lead characters.

In other words it’s a CLASSIC BUCKLEMING.

Do yourselves a favour and if you ARE planning on re-watching this episode, just skip to the parts with Dean, Sam and Eileen (the Dagon and Kelly stuff is relatively good as well - the rest is utter garbage).

Anyway, pushing aside my hatred for the terrible duo for a moment, I will say that as per usual, what they lack in subtlety and intelligent subtextual layering, they make up for with a sledge hammer to the face in terms of trying to get a point across. So when it comes to Saileen in this episode, well, it might as well be canon already.

Practically every time Sam and Eileen interact in this episode, they are framed as a flirtatious couple in the early tentative stages. The smiles and playful flirting, the smirks when one does something to make the other proud. It is very clear, even if it is still technically subtextual, that both Jared and Shoshannah are playing this like these characters are attracted to one another, and are building on that relationship.

Hell, even Dean teases Sam twice about Eileen in this episode (though once was in a deleted scene that they should have kept instead of the Lucifer crap):

(x)

What we also find out from this opening scene, is that Sam and Eileen have been communicating off screen since 11x11. It is textually confirmed that the two of them have been developing their relationship previously, and we just haven’t seen it. Did Eileen visit the Bunker previously? Because she certainly seemed comfortable there this episode. Have her and Sam cuddled up to watch movies previously? (We know another pairing that textually do this even though we’ve never seen it on screen - Dean and Cas). Dean feels comfortable enough to tease his little brother in that playful typical sibling way, so clearly Eileen at this point has become a more frequent character in Sam’s life. It’s just a shame we as the audience have never seen anything of it until this episode. 

This episode might be the first time we have seen her again since her introduction, but it certainly isn’t the first time Sam has seen her since. This is canon.

The rest of this episode continues this theme of displaying with zero subtlety that Sam and Eileen have something more than friendship. One of the easiest ways to truly see the effect of this is just watching Sam in scenes with her compared to Sam at any other time. Like in 11x11, Eileen manages to light Sam up and have him grinning like a puppydog. It’s kind of adorable and also quite shocking when you realise how rare it is to see Sam smile (or any of the characters in this angstfest of a TV show for that matter.)

Just look at the above cheesy smile in the car scene. Look at Sam’s bashful face here when Dean teases him in front of his girl:

(x)

Look at this smug face when Eileen snaps back at the irritating guy:

(x)

Jared hits every mark playing a loved up Sam Winchester. 

By the end of this episode, a tragedy strikes and Eileen is scared off. Their relationship here ends on a comforting hug, because meaningful relationships in this show are almost always first signified with comforting hugs following traumatic events, and tentative hand holding.

The way he strokes her hair gently is just SO touching and intimate.

(x)

When all is said and done Eileen leaves, terrified of the British Men of Letters. When Dean asks Sam where she was, he tells him she went back to Ireland, and Sam looks so dejected at that thought. I don’t see how anyone can possibly read his reactions towards Eileen as anything other than romantic affection.

As a bonus point - I will mention that due to Bucklemings sledgehammer approach, it is quite clear that Eileen plays a Cas mirror in this episode. All of her scenes with Sam are paired off against Dean who spends this entire episode trying and failing to get hold of Castiel. In the Winchester’s final scene, Sam greets Dean in the morning and immediately asks his brother about Cas. Sam does this a lot in season 12, because Dean’s concern for Cas is present throughout every episode in which he is absent. Dean admits he is worried, but changes the subject, instead asking Sam about Eileen (note that it is the next morning so Dean assumed she had stayed the night).

Both brothers revert to the other when it comes to their respective partners. Sam leaves it up to Dean to contact and worry about Cas, and Dean does the same with Sam about Eileen. By this being a common pattern throughout pretty much all of Carver/Dabb eras, both brothers subtextually acknowledge that they each have a strong emotional connection with their respective potential romantic partners and therefore any contact or communication about each partner must come from the brother closest. 

12x21 - There’s Something About Mary

Another Buckleming episode and the less said about this one the better. I won’t even mention the extremely insulting and inappropriate way to kill off a disabled character (almost as bad as killing off a lesbian by having nazis butcher her) I also won’t comment on the letter that Eileen sent Sam which whilst it did have romantic undertones, was clearly written by a 12 year old girl and did not marry with Eileen’s character at all (Eugenie showing her misogyny again).

The one good thing that came out of this episode (the only good thing) was Jared’s understated grief over Eileen’s death. 

(x)

(x)

His performance dealing with her death in this episode was beautiful. It was understated, but clearly portrayed as heartbreaking. Unfortunately Sam had to push it down and bottle it up. 

Eileen’s death was a huge shocker to us all as it didn’t make any sense at that point to cut short a story that seemed so clearly to be on a specific trajectory. We often talk about how Eileen’s romance with Sam at the time was tied to Dean and Cas, and that their relationship paralleled Dean and Cas’s in the narrative. This is all true, especially the death of Eileen coming as foreshadowing for the death of Castiel at series end. Just looking at that above gif of Sam where he looks at her corpse bears an extreme resemblance to Dean pulling back the sheet and looking down at a dead Castiel in 13x01.

However much I squee and love that these relationships are clear mirrors of each other though, I need to stress how Saileen, how Sam and Eileen’s canon relationship, is so much more than that. They may have mirrored Destiel, but they are also totally different, on a different course, and with a totally different backstory. Eileen doesn’t exist just to give Sam his own version of Cas to run off with. She is not there just to push up a separate ship. Sam and Eileen’s romance stands alone in this story. It may mirror DeanCas at times, but its purpose is not for DeanCas. It’s purpose is for Sam and Eileen. 

Right from the start she ticked all of Sam’s boxes, and the clear attraction between them made it obvious. Yet Eileen was not written to just be a love interest either. She is an ally, a capable hunter, who is written deeply, with her own trauma’s and tragic past. Yet she keeps fighting, all whilst owning her disability and making it work for her rather than hold her back. She is hardly a Lisa, or an Amelia, both of whom had zero depth of character and were more or less written to look pretty and concerned as the Winchester boys basically treated them terribly. Eileen stands out as an individual character far beyond her relationship with Sam. She was full of potential which is why her quick death was an absolute travesty. 

Eileen should not have been killed off. I believe even the writers are well aware of that, and this is why they brought her back. 

Which brings me to:

15x06 - Golden Time

We knew long before this episode aired that Eileen would be back as Dabb revealed her return at SDCC. He made comments at the time ensuring that any characters he brought back would not be fanservice, that they would be characters chosen because the writers felt their stories ended too quickly, and that they had more stories to tell. Something I believe that DabbBerens are doing in particular in this season is righting the wrongs of the past. Eileen’s death was a clear “wrong” and I think its highly likely that DabbBerens’ were aware of this and saw Eileen as a no-brainer to bring back. As I said at the start of this post, Dabb is course correcting, getting his endgame plans back on track, and ensuring that he hits certain markers in order to do that. 

Once again, we are at a place in the story where Sam is grieving, and suffering deeply from all of the loss and trauma that he has faced. Being God’s personal puppet, losing his mother, losing his son, and losing someone he was close to in Rowena by his own hand, has left him in a dark place. Sam’s arc in early season 15 plays out very similarly to Dean’s arc in early season 13. A Winchester in desperate need of a win.

Eileen was Sam’s win in this episode.

Given the time that has passed since Eileen’s last episode, and how the narrative has progressed since then, I was worried that Eileen’s return would seem like fan service, and would therefore fall flat (I felt this way with AU!Charlie and never warmed to the character because of it). I was also worried that whatever potential relationship might have been building between her and Sam in seasons 11 and 12 might not have shone through in this episode. But thankfully the writers played it pretty damn perfectly and Eileen’s return wasn’t just a small side plot to an otherwise jam packed episode (like Kevin’s return in 15x02). No, her story was the A plot as Sam devoted himself to finding a way to save her from a terrible fate.

My concerns about their potential romantic relationship not being played as it was in 12x17 were also completely unfounded. From the moment Sam saw Eileen’s ghost whilst on a jog the romance was immediately back and I have no doubt that Jared and Shoshannah are once again fully playing up the connection and romantic attraction between the two. 

I am so convinced of the romance being put across here, and I want you to see why I adore this so much (in case you don’t already see it). So here are my biggest and most important takeaways from Eileen and Sam’s scenes in this episode and WHY I feel these stand out as significant elements towards proving the writers intentions for this to be an endgame canon relationship:

1. Aside from the obvious similarities between Sam and Eileen that were written into 11x11 in order to ensure that Eileen was able to stand as Sam’s equal, the one other thing that we have long discussed that Sam needs in a partner is someone who at least somewhat understands the trauma and pain that he has experienced in his life. Sam has predominantly bonded with people via shared trauma. Before her death, Eileen had had her fair share of traumatic experiences growing up in the tough hunter lifestyle, but spending an eternity being tortured in Hell is a different level of trauma entirely.

This episode cleverly once again elevated Eileen to the same level as Sam. They are equals now, both through good and bad experiences. Eileen was dragged to Hell, and only escaped when Chuck released the souls. Given that 1 year on Earth is 100 years in Hell, this means that Eileen was in Hell for 250 years give or take. Her trauma, her pain over this, is something that she can’t talk about just yet, but this significant connection between her and Sam was textualised clearly:

SAM: “I’ve been there too. Hell… long time ago. You try and forget but it gets inside you. Talking helps.”

EILEEN: “I can’t. not yet.”

SAM: “I understand”

And he really does. It is something that we can argue is a shared suffering that can create a (forgive me for this) profound bond between two people. The only other people who can understand just what he has been through were Dean (via years of Hell torture), Cas (via shared Lucifer possession), and Rowena (via shared Lucifer torture). Eileen now makes that very small list.

2. The other big factor that this episode made clear to point out textually was that this is not a Chuck manipulation. This really is Eileen, and her return from death is not part of Chuck’s story: 

SAM: “Rowena got it, she didn’t know the details but she knew the game was rigged so this. Magic. This is how she kept control.”

The reason I do not believe that Eileen is part of Chuck’s manipulations is this very pointed line right here about Rowena. Along with many other things in this episode that indicate that it isn’t guided by Chuck, Sam specifically clarifies that Rowena used magic to maintain control over her own universe.

Whilst I fully believe that Rowena will be coming back as Queen of Hell (because whatever happens to Heaven and Hell at the end, they will need balance, and someone to play caretaker and Rowena has just been set up for this role far too perfectly for me not to at least consider the option), this episode so beautifully respects and honours her character, to the point that Rowena, even in her absence, is able to control and play architect to all that happens. Rowena effectively is given Chuck’s role over this particular narrative, but instead of being framed as something villainous, it is portrayed as a precious gift that she has given to her protege Sam.

Rowena rigged the system for herself, as Sam textually explains. Her use of magic, was her way of escaping Chuck’s control, and it is through Rowena that Sam is also given this power. The power to bring back someone he loves - who was most likely taken from him by Chuck’s own dark and poorly written story (yes I do believe that Meredith was throwing shade at Buckleming in the deep subtext - pretty much all the other writers do this all the time if you pay close enough attention :P)

Rowena’s journey from villain, to reluctant ally, to friend and then finally to family, is one of the most beautiful and epic journey’s on the show (rivalled only by Castiel in my opinion). She remains one of my all time favourite characters, and her tribute in this episode, that even after death she could bestow such a precious gift to Sam, is one that I think will remain one of the more touching stories this show has given us. This is yet another reason why I believe that Sam and Eileen are endgame. Because it is a gift from Rowena, and I believe it is a gift that will be honoured by the writers.

3. It’s a small moment, but it is IMPORTANT. Sam confirms that he was teaching himself ASL after he met Eileen. In a moment of adorable flirtation Eileen beams at him and a bashful Sam smiles and bounces on the spot like a giddy schoolboy. This is yet another reveal of moments in the lives of the Winchesters that we just don’t see in 40 minute episodes. That it is canon that Sam spent hours of his life teaching himself ASL so he could more effectively communicate with Eileen is so precious. There is no way to argue how much she meant to him. 

But it isn’t just evidence of Sam’s affections, it proves to be a useful tool to the hunt in this episode as well. When Sam is unable to speak due to the witches curse, he is instead able to sign “My brother” to Eileen so that she knows to go and get Dean. It is Sam’s knowledge of sign language, which he learned due to his affection and interest in Eileen, that saves his life in this episode. 

One point that I HAVE to mention here is how the writers gave so much thought to their depiction of Eileen as a deaf person, and how wonderful her return is as representation for deaf and hard of hearing people everywhere. In both this episode, and also in her first episode 11x11, her disability was not treated as a set back, but as a tool that enables her to get ahead. The only time the writing displayed an insulting and frankly ableist light was Bucklemings 12x21 which isn’t really surprising. We expect such things from Buckleming. The other writers have proven how much more compassionate and caring they are.

The idea that Sam Winchester could end up falling in love with a beautiful, deaf woman in Eileen is practically unheard of in TV media. When do the protagonists ever end up with anyone less than “TV perfect”? It is groundbreaking that Supernatural in it’s 15 seasons has grown so much and come so far. That it started with the fridging of two women, that it’s cast remained predominantly white men throughout its entire run, that it was blackened by excessive misogyny in its early days, as well as ableism via the treatment of Bobby Singer’s paralysis in season 5. 

Supernatural has faced heavy criticism throughout it’s run, but it seems like the writers have listened and are learning. By allowing Sam and Eileen to have a happy endgame, they are doing a wonderful service in truly putting this show on the map for progression and representation - They just need to make sure that they follow through on that other big important thing too…

4. Rebirth and new beginnings. I am reminded of 13x05 and the brilliant Steppenwolf song “It’s Never Too Late To Start Again” as I rewatch the bathroom scene for the hundredth time. If the rest of the episode hasn’t already had you crying out how desperately these two should be together I fully believe it was Meredith’s plan (along with the entire production crew and Shoshannah and Jared), to have us all bawling our eyes out in happy tears that Sam and Eileen get to be together now!! (well, I certainly cried. A lot. and ruined my mascara. and squeaked at such a high pitch only dogs could hear me. The only other time I have had that reaction was in 13x05… oh, and 12x19. It’s RARE okay!)

I think the most significant point here is the touching of hands, which calls back to an earlier painful moment in the episode when ghost Eileen reached out to try to comfort Sam as he despaired about being a cosmic joke, and found she wasn’t even able to touch him. 

It is a romantic trope that was most famously used in the film Ghost, where touch was a big part of the on screen relationship. Supernatural displays this same trope rather perfectly here when the big win of the episode takes place, and Eileen emerges from the bathtub alive and whole, and tentatively reaches out to take Sam’s hand again with vastly different results.

(x)

Sam is so hesitant to touch her back, so fearful that this isn’t real, that he isn’t being allowed this. The overwhelming sense of relief and warmth that radiates from him when he finally does take her hand was exactly what made me burst into tears. The moment is so extremely breathtaking, so intimate and touching that your heart just aches for them to have that happy ending. It’s rare that Supernatural gives us moments like this, but when it does give them, when it allows its characters a win, they are immediately memorable and stand out as bright spots in an otherwise dark show. It’s moments like this that make watching these characters suffer so much worth it in the end.

The hug that comes after the touching of hands is just as intimate. This is portrayed as a lifeline. Something for Sam to grasp onto and breath. Something that inspires him to change his outlook, to gather his determination, and to convince his brother to join him and fight for the happy ending that both of these boys so desperately deserve.

(x)

The entire bathroom scene was a testament to how well Supernatural can work romance into its narrative. How these talented creators can easily provide us with a romantic scene to tug on our heart strings. Anyone screaming that romance doesn’t belong in this show I will now point at this scene and tell them exactly how wrong they are. This scene is EXACTLY what this show needed. 

For anyone denying the romance here (yeah funny how the bronly’s are so anti Saileen - I wonder why...) I’ll spell it out for them:

This is how you set up a romantic scene in TV Production:

1. Candlelight. Check.

2. Soft focus (dates back to the 1930s when films would use soft focus to portray the dreamy emotional uplift of happy couples in love - see Meet Me In Saint Louis for a very clear example). It is almost always considered a filming technique to portray romance. Check.

3. Chivalry. As if any of us didn’t expect Sam to be a perfect gentleman! But the fact is that the way he turns his back and waits with bated breath to see if the spell had worked is shown as anything other than platonic. He is almost shy, knowing that if and when she emerges from the water she will be naked, but he turns to preserve her dignity. Check.

4. Leading on from that, this is literally a naked woman emerging from a bathtub whilst Sam awkwardly stands in the room. It could have been highly sexualised. They could have used that god awful 70s porno music they like so much in this show. Sam could have made a joke to dispel the tension. If this was a platonic friendship, any of these things would have given it away. The fact that none of this happened, that the scene remained tense and intimate but not overly sexualised only further validates the romantic reading. I mean LOOK AT THIS:

CHECK

5. The music. Music is such an important part in any story. It always plays a vital role in signifying the correct atmosphere, and the correct tone of a scene. We talk about music a lot in relation to Dean and Cas and the sweeping melodic notes that usually compliment any heightened emotional DeanCas scene. The music during THIS scene though? Well it was beautifully romantic in every way. If in doubt, just go back and listen to it with your eyes closed. Play this music track over another random scene of two people sharing a moment, and it will make the scene read as romantic. I guarantee it. 

CHECK AND MATE.

Overall, this episode was the most romantic and most intimate Sam and Eileen have ever got yet in canon. It is a clear indication that their relationship is heading in a positive direction. I couldn’t be happier with how the writers are portraying this and am jumping for joy at the thought that Sam might actually get what he desired all those years ago during 11x04 when he tried to bring up the topic to Dean in the Impala.

We know from promo photos, that Eileen is still staying with Sam in 15x07. That she comforts him. With images like this to go on:

I’d say with some confidence that we will get to further watch their relationship grow, and I couldn’t be more excited for it.

I fully expect there to be darker moments coming up, and potentially Eileen will be sent away for a period of time (my money is on Chuck “dusting” her the way he did with Becky in 15x04 because I don’t believe that kills people and I do believe that they can be brought back from wherever he sends them too - plus “dusting” makes me think of Avengers Endgame which I find amusing because the “dusted” all returned at the end. I wouldn’t be surprised if Supernatural played around with that as it so often likes to play with pop culture references). I think that post Mid Season Finale we will be back to a period of utter loss and despair for the Winchester boys, and that therefore those who they feel strongly for (aka Cas and Eileen) will have to be separated from them.

However, the point is that it is always darkest before the dawn. In this story, 15x06 has laid the groundwork for Eileen to be Sam’s romantic endgame. It’s now up to Sam, and Eileen, to make sure they fight to get what they both so desire.

Bring on the finale show.

(If you liked this meta run through of Sam and Eileen’s building relationship, please leave a comment for me. It took forever to complete! Also, please click the links under the gifs and go give the gifmakers some love! The gifsets I have used are all wonderful and deserve your reblogs. (Gifs that don’t have links are my own)).

:)

[winchester-fantasies]

Lean On

Summary: Sam finds you years later after leaving you for Ruby. Set early in season 5. Inspired by the song “Lean On” by Major Lazer & DJ Snake.

Word Count: 2405

Warnings: angst, swearing, fluff

Pairing: Sam x Reader

Winchester Fantasies’ Masterlist

     You sat on the side of your bed. Your shoulders slumped as you held the picture frame in your hands. A tear slipped down your cheek onto the glass. You wiped it away with your finger, a smear appearing across it, warping your face...and Sam’s. It was a picture from a long time ago. Before Dean came looking for his brother, before Jess died, before Sam’s powers, before Azazel, before the Devil’s Gate, before Dean’s deal.

     You had known Sam since Stanford. In fact, Jess had been your best friend when she had first met him. You and Sam got along famously, and you three soon became inseparable. Some people would say you had been the third wheel. But you didn’t mind. You loved them both.

     When Dean had shown up at Stanford, you had begged to tag along to help them find their dad. Sam had refused, saying you should stay with Jess, but you had been hardheaded and stupid. You had snuck into the Impala when they weren’t looking and only made your presence known when you were well away from Stanford. Sam had been livid for you directly going against his wishes.

     It wasn’t until after Jess died that you understood why Sam had asked you to stay behind. Maybe if you had listened to him, you could have saved her. If you had stayed, maybe Jess wouldn’t have died. You had blamed yourself for years after that. You still did sometimes.

     Although Sam was angry and distant for a long time after Jess’ death, you started to see him soften towards you. Especially after he heard you begging God for forgiveness and saw your continual nightmares. It hadn’t just been Sam who had seen Jess go up in flames that night. You had been right there when Dean had pulled Sam out, kicking and screaming as your best friend and his lover slowly perished. It wasn’t something that you had gotten over easily, and Sam had begun to realize that.

     Instead of continuing to hold you at arm’s length, he finally started opening up to you. Your mutual grief and heartache drew you even closer. Things began to change. Feelings you hadn’t realized either of you had began to blossom. And everything simply evolved from there.

     You realized just how hard the hunter life could be, and it caused you to have even more respect for the man you now called your own. But you were happy. Despite everything the Winchesters went through and the constant fear and stress of hunting, you and Sam were content. Living in your own little blissful bubble, just you two against the world. Nothing seemed impossible.

     But that was before Dean had been dragged to Hell. That was before Ruby. You gritted your teeth as you thought of the demon. The bitch who took Sam away from you and left you with nothing but distant memories.

     At first it was Sam coming home late at night. You figured it was his grief, driving him to drink and waste himself away. He never really let you help him. God knows you’d tried. But every time you’d attempt to get him to talk, his temper would flare, and he’d tell you to just shut up. You’d finally stopped trying.

     Then it was Sam not coming home until the next morning. Your heart had seized up when you smelled another woman on his flannel. But you had ignored it, trying to convince yourself that it was just a phase. He was hurting, uncertain of what to do or how to process his brother’s death. He’d come back around, you’d told yourself.

     One day Sam just didn’t come home. You had called his phone, frantically trying to get ahold of him, worried that something horrific had happened to him. On your sixth try, he finally answered. He’d told you to stop trying to reach him. He didn’t need you anymore. He was better and stronger with her. You were just holding him back. Your heart had ripped in two.

     It’d been years since you’d spoken to him. You had packed up and left, never once looking back. You told yourself Sam was a dick. He hadn’t really loved Jess, and he sure as hell hadn’t loved you. You never wanted to see him again. Deep down you knew that was a lie. Every time your phone rang, your heart would skip a beat, hoping against hope it would be him. It never was. You’d see a tall man in the crowd, shaggy hair falling below his ears, and your breath would catch in your throat. But it wasn’t Sam.

     You had finally given up ever seeing him again. You found yourself a job at the local grocery store. You had tried to stop hunting. But hunting was addictive, like a scratch you couldn’t quite reach. You began to understand why they had said hunting wasn’t something you retire from. In a weird and messed up way, it was your release. You could forget about Sam and your broken heart for a few days, even if it was while killing.

     At last you could breathe again. You were finally starting to feel your heart heal. You were finally able to look at pictures of Sam without crying. “At least most of the time,” you thought, as you swiped at another tear. You had come to the conclusion that maybe it had been for the best anyway. Love and relationships didn’t mix well with hunting. It never lasted.

     But fuck. Sometimes you just needed someone. Someone to come home to after a rough hunt. Someone to tell you you’d done good. Someone to promise it’d be all right. Someone besides the bar flies and one-night stands that always seemed to go hand in hand with hunting.

     You were brought out of your reverie by a knock at your door. You wiped the rest of your tears away and grabbed your pistol from the bedside table. You weren’t working a case, and you didn’t have very many friends. There was no reason for someone to be there. You made your way quietly to the door and moved the curtains before you looked out the sidelite. You silently swore when you couldn’t make out the figure well enough. You huffed in irritation as you realized you’d have to swing the door open and hope to god it wasn’t someone or something out to get you.

     Another knock sounded at the door, heavier this time. You gingerly unlocked the door and stared at it for a moment, willing your heartbeat to slow. You swung the door wide, your pistol at the ready.

     There was shuffling feet and everything was happening so fast. Before you could register what was going on, you felt strong arms around you, your face plastered to a firm chest. You stiffened as you breathed in his scent. The scent you had so desperately tried to rid yourself of but one you still dreamed about at night.

     “(Y/N),” he whispered in your ear, his warm breath ruffling the hair at your temple.

     You finally felt your shock fade away, and you pulled away from him, your hands pushing against his chest so hard he was forced to take a few steps back.

     “Get away from me,” you growled.

     He looked the same, but in some ways he was different. Maybe it was because his hair was slightly longer or maybe because his eyes were tired, and his face was worn like he had been through hell. You hadn’t seen him in so long, and you questioned if it was even him.

     “(Y/N),” he said again, taking a small step towards you. You backed away this time, your pistol once more raised.

     “I said, get away from me!” you shouted.

     “Whoa, whoa, whoa,” you heard a familiar voice say. You faltered as Dean walked through your door. You hadn’t seen him in almost two years, and your knees buckled. Sam caught you right before you hit the floor, but you didn’t have enough strength to fight him off.

     “I’ve been known to make girls weak in the knees, but I have to say, this is a first,” Dean said with a playful smirk.

     “H...how?” you whispered as Sam helped you to your kitchen table.

     “Long story, sweetheart,” Dean said, sitting across from you while Sam took the seat next to yours. “Short version is Sammy’s no longer Ruby’s little bitch, and Lucifer’s out of his cage.”

     You gaped, your shock only intensified. Sam glared at Dean. “You thought now would be the perfect time to tell her? She didn’t even know you got out of Hell, Dean! And she and I didn’t exactly part ways on the best of terms.”

     It was your turn to scowl, your gaze spitting fire at Sam. “That’s all you have to say about how you treated me?” you spat.

     Dean’s eyes widened at your venom-laced words. Sam paled, and he looked to the ground, words escaping him.

     Dean cleared his throat uncomfortably. “I, uh, I think I’ll just go check on....” He left the sentence unfinished as he hurried out your door, slamming it behind him.

     You sat staring at Sam, your ears ringing from the anger raging in your chest. He finally looked up at you, and you were surprised to see remorse and even a few tears threatening to spill over. “(Y/N),” he said, his voice cracking. He cleared his throat and tried again. “(Y/N), I’m so sorry.”

     “Sorry doesn’t even begin to cover what you did and how you made me feel, Sam,” you said, you voice icy, words more vehement than you had intended. He flinched at your words but didn’t break his eye contact.

     “I know it doesn’t. God, if I could take it all back...” he said quietly, running his fingers through his hair roughly. “Look, I don’t expect you to understand. And I’m not using this as an excuse to justify how I treated you. You sure as hell didn’t deserve that. But...it wasn’t just Ruby using me and getting inside my head. I.... Fuck, why is this so hard to get out? I...I was drinking demon blood.”

     He looked at you, his eyes filled with trepidation. Your eyes widened at his confession, and you sat in silence for a moment, trying to process what he’d just told you. “You...you what?” you finally snapped incredulously. “Why would you do that?”

     Sam’s eyes fell in shame. “Ruby said it was making me stronger. So I could go up against Lilith - the first demon Lucifer ever created,” he explained when you frowned in confusion at the name you’d never heard before. “But Ruby was only using me to help Lilith free Lucifer.”

     “So basically...you started the apocalypse,” you stated.

     “Yeah, basically,” Sam said sheepishly, rubbing a hand on the back of his neck.

     You were both startled when a laugh resonated from your throat. Sam stared at you, flabbergasted at your reaction. You couldn’t stop, though. Even with you being a hunter, his story sounded absolutely batshit crazy.

     Your laughter abruptly turned to sobs. Sobs that wracked your body as tears streaked down your face and drenched the top of your t-shirt. Sam looked even more shocked, but he suddenly pulled you into his arms. You curled into his body, feeling for all the world like a child again who wanted to feel safe. He held you tightly, his chin resting on your head, his large hands rubbing circles on your back.

     Your tears finally stopped, but Sam didn’t let go. You didn’t want him to either.

     “(Y/N), I’m so sorry. I know I’ve already said it, and I’ll continue to say it for the rest of my life,” he said, his voice sounding as if he was now the one on the verge of tears.

     “I know,” you whispered back, you voice raspy.

     “Ruby had my mind so twisted. She told me you were holding me back. That you would only distract me. Stifle my potential.... I stupidly believed it.”

     You were silent. You weren’t sure what to say. You knew Sam was trying to be sincere. You could tell he was just as fucked up from all this as you were. But your heart was still smarting. And you couldn’t quite find it in yourself to forgive him.

     “You don’t have to answer me now,” he whispered. “But I’d like to be yours again.... If you’ll have me.”

     You felt butterflies in your stomach despite the bitterness in your heart. You smiled slightly, but you didn’t want Sam to see. Not yet.

     “How do I know you won’t run off and do something like this again?”

     “I’ll have you to keep me in line,” he said matter-of-factly.

     You sighed heavily. “Sam, I tried that when you were with Ruby. You didn’t listen,” you said. You paused for a moment, contemplating your next words carefully. “I need someone I can count on, Sam. I need someone that even when they’re gone on hunts, I know they’re going to come home. I need to know they’re not going to abandon me again.”

     Sam’s hold on you tightened, and he sucked in a deep breath. “I can’t promise I’ll be perfect. I can’t promise that I’ll never cause you to worry again. But I can promise that I’ll never let go. I’ll never leave you again. And I’ll always, always love you.”

     You were silent as you weighed his words. “(Y/N),” he said. “You’ve never deserted me. You’ve always been there. Through everything with Jess, up until now. You’ve been my sanity, my rock, my everything.” He paused for a moment, and you thought he was done, but then he spoke again. “Please don’t leave me now,” he plead, a kind of desperation you’d never heard come from him before.

     You leaned back and looked up into his hazel eyes. They were misty, and a single tear escaped, sliding down his cheek before you caught it with your finger. You smiled gently before you leaned forward and placed your lips softly against his. It was a cautious kiss, but you knew Sam understood as his arms held you impossibly tighter. You were still hurt. You both knew that wouldn’t be easily fixed, but this was a start. And right now you were in his arms. And this had always been your favorite place to be.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thank you for reading!

***Please do not share my content on any other platform without my consent.

[mittensmorgul]

Why has Chuck resurrected Cas so many times if he doesn’t want him to be part of the story?

I don’t think Chuck didn’t want Cas to be part of the story. I think he realized how useful Cas was to Sam and Dean. Which is painfully, wonderfully, what a lot of us have been saying about Cas and his own personal issues for years.

Cas has struggled with his purpose. But there are some things Chuck can control (ooh people will like this cool new monster!), and things he can’t (Cas struggles mightily to understand Free Will and humanity). So after all that, I think the bigger question is why DIDN’T he bring Cas back after 12.23?

Chuck has entirely lost the emotional thread of his characters, precisely because he can’t control characters exercising their free will. He can control scenarios, not people.

Like Lilith, for example. She had very precise limits literally written into her character. Like Chuck handed her a character sheet and a specific mission goal, and sent her off to accomplish the task (weirdly, seduce Dean and destroy the Equalizer). She failed at the first bit (Dean is Not That Guy anymore, he didn’t take any of the random drugs she left out, Lilith literally had to knock him unconscious to arrange the second half of the plan). She needed the ability to improvise like that, to “go off script” to complete her tasks, so Chuck infused her with insight into his “writing process.” And even as a limited character within the story, she criticized his story and her part in it. Including her bitterness over how her “original purpose in the story,” back in s4 where she sacrificed herself for the Grand Plan she believed in with her entire being-- to free Lucifer from the cage-- and then nothing even came of it. The promised glory never came to pass, the apocalypse failed. So... why did Chuck “resurrect” her now (because I don’t think he literally pulled her from the Empty, but basically brought a character sheet to life... SHE was the puppet, but in order to play the role, she needed to know enough and have enough flexibility to adapt to a changing situation, or it would’ve been like interacting with a robot pre-programmed with a few dozen set lines). Why bring HER SPECIFICALLY back to the story now? Because of how she functioned in his story before. He doesn’t write “people,” he writes plot devices.

And to Chuck, for a long time, had written Cas as a plot device, instead of as a person. Because Chuck has proven he’s not terribly interested in the actual humanity and emotions of his characters, but in the endless drama he likes to watch unfold. The rest of what *WE* see, of what *BECKY* sees and then writes about, well, Chuck ain’t writing that. That’s all TFW.

I mean, what is the ONE REASON we ever got Cas in the story at all, after Kripke insisted for YEARS that there were no angels in Supernatural? He needed a plot device to free Dean from Hell, because he’d written them into a corner right before the writer’s strike, and had their 22 episode season cut to 16. They just... ran out of time to have Sam save Dean before he ever went to Hell. Which had been his original plan. Oops? Except... Cas didn’t STAY a plot device. He was supposed to be gone after a few episodes. I’ve even heard it suggested that the entire angel plotline was only supposed to last MAYBE a season. And yet... here we are.

Partly BECAUSE Cas just... isn’t and hasn’t been a tool for years. He’s so much more than that, because of the choices he’s made along the way. Look at s8, how desperately the plot circled around Cas’s “brainwashing” by Heaven into literally being the good little soldier to accomplish plot for them again. And then he was manipulated by Metatron because of his need to feel “useful,” to solve the problems he blamed himself for. And then Metatron showed us EXACTLY how Chuck “writes” in s9, using the angel tablet to power his typewriter. Metatron didn’t write every little detail, and his story DID fall apart anyway. He was using Chuck’s template exactly, though, and the one thing he couldn’t account for 

Unfortunately, it’s led to some painful failures of communication, especially when Chuck hasn’t left room in their mission for them to actually step back and process-- like the 7 episodes between 14.17 and 15.03 where they barely had a chance to stop at all. That would burn anyone out. But Cas is left feeling “useless,” and Dean is left feeling adrift and desperately trying to find one thing in his life he can anchor his broken self-identity to, and pushing Cas away SPECIFICALLY because he couldn’t be sure Cas WASN’T just Chuck’s plot device, because of the entire nature and history of their relationship.

Messed up, right? And CHUCK doesn’t CARE! Because I don’t think he really sees Cas as much more than a plot device, despite having “watched the story” all these years. I mean he still somehow thinks Dean’s a 26-year-old dude who would actually seduce the victim of a MotW that was now under his protection. His conversation with Becky was actually super enlightening. He doesn’t actually care about any of the characters, the way Becky has come to. She was obsessed with them, and with Chuck, for a while, but she’s had some counselling and GROWN. Chuck, for all of this, hasn’t. He either needs to let go of his need to control the “story,” allowing his characters full agency by not meddling in their lives, or he needs to be stopped.

And we know Chuck’s favored storytelling style, how he crafts the “mytharc” plot, which we’ve had pointed out to us in 15.04 is what he really cares about. And he’s trying to reach the ending by going back to the beginning. He’s writing an ouroboros, and I’m not sure he’s really aware enough of how much his characters have evolved, how much the story has changed them all, and the fact that he can’t just erase all of that while trying to tell the one story he’s never really been able to get Sam and Dean to provide him-- which is Chuck’s OWN “origin story,” of shoving his sibling into a box to generate all of creation oin the first place. Chuck wants people to side with him. He wants to feel “big,” when if you look at him longer than five seconds, you can see he’s entirely self-obsessed and willing to tell any lie, manipulate any story, to frame himself as the Hero, when just like Metatron he’s actually the petty villain of the piece.

I mean sure, we wouldn’t have creation at all if it hadn’t been for his actions, but the fact he can’t “let the story go” and let creation tell its own stories (and even Metatron understood that to a degree, his obsession with human storytelling an integral part of his arc), but feels the need to vindicate himself as if he was the unproblematic fave is just... creepy, you know? And it’ll probably end up being his downfall.

And I think it will take all of Team Free Will working together to bring that about, because Chuck long ago lost the thread of ANY of their stories. Because he’s not writing THEIR story, he’s writing HIS. He’s just using them all as proxies to pat himself on the back, except TFW aren’t actually his proxies. Chuck created free will, but he doesn’t understand it at all. :’D

[misha-moose-dean-burger-lover]

Sabriel + "you snuck a cat into your dorm room and I won’t tell anyone if you let me come over to pet it when I’m stressed out"

For the Love of the Feline Fur

There’s a knock, and Sam looks at the door with great concern. It’s past dinner, and he definitely isn’t expecting anyone. He doesn’t have a roommate - perks of having the scrawniest room on the campus, Dean says - and his friends are all supposed to have gone out tonight; some farewell party thrown by a graduating senior, that is, exactly the kind of university-wide affair Sam doesn’t want to spend his evenings at. Sure, the Lucifer guy did invite him, but he’d had to excuse himself. It couldn’t be Kevin, either - he’s pretty sure he wasn’t back from Oregon yet. A fleeting thought claimed it might even be Dean - but the probability was a quarter in a million. Ever since Dean landed the job at the salvage yard, he’s hardly gotten out of Kansas - or so, he says. Sam can totally tell it’s got way more to do with the blue-eyed prudish dude Dean didn’t want to explain from his laptop’s screensaver. 

The thought that follows, is edged with the lingering fear of an inspection. In all his months here, it’s never happened, but every freshman has a fair bit of uneasiness, associated with the surprise checking of their rooms, as instilled by their seniors, like it’s a tradition. And obviously Sam’s inclined to be more terrified of such a possibility than others, now that he’s basically living on the other side of the law. 

In his own head, the situation worsens, his hope dwindling - fuck, what if word had gotten out, and that was the warden? What will he even -

Whoever it is, knocks again.

Sam grits his teeth, breathing tentatively, and decides he can’t waste any more time - especially if it’s the campus committee or whoever does these so-called checks. He pushes Amelia’s box further under his bed, and prays that she doesn’t wake up - as he goes to open the door with his most innocent look plastered on his face. 

Contrary to all he’s imagined, and all the various turnouts he’s considered - it’s just a guy from somewhere on his floor, that he’s seen around a couple of times in the manner that everyone at a college has seen everyone, but never had a conversation with. He’s short, so he’s looking up at Sam, and has a serious crease in his forehead. Sam can’t tell if it’s sincere, though. He waits for Sam to finish giving him a once-over, as he peeps through a slightly ajar door, before he asks. “Can I come in?”

“Hey.” Sam blinks. “What do you need?”

The guy raises his eyebrows, really noticeably high, till they’ve started to disappear in his blond hair, just as his make-believe frown. He looks at Sam pointedly, as if Sam is supposed to infer something from that bit. 

“Uh.” Sam mutters, confused. “What does that mean?”

“It’s the universal gesture for ‘I know’, Samsquatch.” He frowns, and Sam is taken aback by a lot of things at once. The way he managed to get his eyebrows that far up - and how they’re curving as they come down, to frame his grinning eyes. The fact that he somehow knows his name - or at least enough of it to give him a nickname. And what he said. About knowing.

When in doubt, play dumb. “Okay. Uh. Well, what does that mean?” He crossed his arms across his chest. “What do you know?”

The guy rolls his eyes. “You don't need to keep that act up, okay? Lemme in, and we can talk.” He lowers his voice, because Sam’s giving him a properly weird look. “I’m looking out for you, dumbass. I don't think you want me telling what I know out here in the hallway either.”

Now that makes sense to Sam, so he lets him inside, parallely worried that this stranger might actually know. He does all he can to not pull him in, except he can’t exactly come off as frantic. “Fine. Come in.”

He walks in, with his hands shoved in his wide hoodie pockets, and a Marvel jacket tied around his waist - looking around Sam’s tiny room as he does. It’s almost like he’s looking for something.

Sam never learned to do any better, so he keeps doing his ‘I-have-no-idea-what-you’re-talking-about’ bit. He gestures at the guy to sit, and he immediately chooses the red beanbag which Dean bought Sam as a joke when he started college, but which is also the only place available for guests in his room - and settles down, cross-legged on his ankles. Sam sits on the bed, because they’ve run out of sitting-spaces already. He holds back a sigh, as he feels the warm basket against his heel, as his legs hang off the edge. “Now, what?”

The guy goes for the frown again, and is apparently about to say something before he stops, and goes for an introduction instead. “I’m Gabriel, by the way. I live diagonally across the hall from you.” He grins. “There’s a Freddie Mercury cutout on the door?”

“Cool.” Sam swallows. Yeah, he knows that room. Always thought it was pretty cool, but then he has a very traditional ‘do not enter’ sign on his that he wouldn’t want to part with.

“And please stop looking at me like that.” He requests, going on. “I don't bite people, on first meetings. Unless they’re asking for it. And just to put your heart at peace, I’ve heard that you have a cat.”

“Heard?” Sam revolts. “Who else knows? How many people -”

“Figure of speech. Sorry.” Gabriel apologizes, cutting him off. “I didn’t hear it. And trust thy neighbor, nobody knows.”

“Then, how do you -”

“I was awake when you were smuggling it in.” He shrugs. “It’s regular for me to awake at 3 in the morning, of course -” He pauses, and shoots a sympathetic look at Sam. “But you didn’t know that, did you?”

“Why would I -” Sam started, and stopped himself mid-sentence, getting riled up. “Obviously I didn’t know! I would’ve used the other hallway!” He shrieked. Hell, he’d worked so hard to get her in. He’d bought her just before the store closed, running all the way there from his Economics class ending at 5 - and then left her with Garth, the friendly pharmaceuticals guy he’d convinced the day before, till he could come back to retrieve it. He’d even gone out twice before nightfall to make sure she got used to seeing him, and didn’t make much noise when he finally brought her into the building, disguising her box as a really fluffy pillow. To keep up the act, he’d even bought the only cushions available at Garth’s store - old, pink ones with the AIDS ribbon on them. 

“I have a cousin who’s been bred the same way as me, and he lives on the other side of you.” Gabriel tells him, cutting into his reverie, and Sam can hardly tell if it’s supposed to be a joke. “It’s really rather me than him, though.” Gabriel deadpanned.

“Why?” Sam frowns, flailing on the inside, but trying to keep it together. “You both would just rat me off to the warden.”

“See, that’s where you’re wrong, kiddo.” Sam scrunches his nose at that bit, but Gabriel doesn’t seem to care. “Balthazar? He, uh, has a bit of a crush on you. My bet is, he would’ve used that information to blackmail you into going out with him - and his dream chick-flick would end with the both of you co-parenting your cat, and his dog. Who I totally didn’t just tell you about.” Sam’s eyes widen. What does he even say to that? “But me? I’m a simple man, seeking simple pleasures.”

Sam gathers the courage to ask. “What are you going to do?”

“I’m obviously going to let you retain full custody of your cat.” Gabriel declares, solemnly. Three fourths of the time, Sam can’t tell if it’s a joke. “And I’m obviously not going to tell that bitch of a warden.”

Sam relaxes a little. “Thank you.” He says, smally.

“But I do have a small condition.” Gabriel now breaks into a gummy smile with zero warning, and it’s almost blindingly adorable, and Sam is almost unprepared. “I won’t tell anyone - and I mean, anyone - if you let me come over and pet it when I’m feeling stressed.

Sam looks at him in bewilderment. “What?”

“What?” Gabriel argues, folding his arms on his chest stubbornly. The smile is gone. “I explained it fairly well, so you know what I mean.” A little softer, he added. “Are you in?”

It may be a weird choice, but it’s not really a tough choice to make. “I - yeah. You know what? I am.”

“Wow.” Gabriel leans back, and visibly relaxes himself. “I didn’t have to beg.” He laughs, and suddenly it’s very clear that all the seriousness was just an exterior. Sam looks at him, captivated. 

Before he can think of what he’s saying, he’s let out a, “You kidding? I’d thought I’d have to at least plead. And give you something that wasn’t petting rights.”

Gabriel easily winks at him and Sam has to fight off the slight urge to blush before it shows up. “What would you have given me?”

“Peace.” Sam shrugs, sidestepping the innuendo. “Done your assignments for a month, or something. Got someone to do it, maybe. Whatever, dude. I would’ve figured something out in exchange for your valuable silence.”

“I now feel bad for accepting the first offer on the table.” Gabriel has a baleful expression, and Sam can’t help his own smile.

“It was your offer.”

“Yeah, fine.” Gabriel scowls. “I’d take an emotional support cat over no homework anyday.” Then he pauses dramatically, with a look befitting a questioning of one’s entire existence. “Wait, would I?”

“Yep, you would.” Sam tells him, not bothering to question his own conviction, but the smile coming to him way more easily now. It could honestly have gone a lot worse. And if this Gabriel guy truly only wanted to get to spend time with a cat, in return for not telling on him - how bad could he even be? Also, he’d only asked for permission for when he’s stressed - and though Sam doesn’t mistrust the abilities of college to stress a student, that probably, hopefully means that Sam’s not going to have to share a lot of his cat either.

“I probably would, yeah.” Gabriel sighs, and he sounds so deeply moved by the realization, and is sporting such a doleful sadness, Sam is laughing again - already warming up to the guy.

***

Somehow, time flies by with them getting to know each other, and it’s almost midnight when Gabriel is preparing to leave, and says one last time. “It’s been a pleasure dealing with you, Sam.” He drops the serious tone almost immediately. “Also, there goes the literal last time I ever call you by your actual, full name.”

“It’s actually Samuel, and shut up and please call me Sam.” Sam jokes, before adding. “And I suppose you’d want to shake on it now?” Referring to their deal. 

“How did I not think of that?” Gabriel looks positively ashamed of himself. “I’m so proud of you, Samphire. Awesome. Now bring her out!” Sam stares at him in confusion, till he imitates the frankly adorable motion of holding a tiny paw, and Sam laughs, nodding.

“Fine.” He reaches under the bed to pull out Amelia’s box, and she’s not very asleep apparently, because she almost immediately opens an eye when Sam picks her up. It’s a groggy look she spares in his direction, before looking at the new person. Some part of Sam wonders if she’d like Gabriel - and most parts of him are sure that she would. But a small part of him says that if she doesn’t, the deal would be off, and Gabriel would just have to make do with no homework instead.

She’s not very large, and Sam had big hands - so it’s an adorable contrast to Gabriel, who instantly holds out his hands for her. 

Sam feels a beat of hesitation in handing her over, he’d not thought he’d be doing it to anyone - not recently, anyways - but Gabriel has such an expectant, excited look on his face that Sam’s unexplainable walls melt off enough for him to hand her over. “Meet Amelia.”

Gabriel instantly cradles her in his arms, muttering in Sam’s general direction. “Come on, you can do better than that when you’re introducing her.”

Sam rolls his eyes, but holds his hands out for her. “Fine, give her back, I’ll try again.”

Gabriel doesn’t make any moves to give her back. “You need to practise first.” While he focuses all his attention on the small cat he’s holding. Crap, she fits so much better in his arms, she manages to look average-sized. When Gabriel spontaneously meows at her, she purrs back, and Gabriel’s eyes go as wide as saucepans. “Oh my god, she’s perfect.” He whispers, completely sincere, before meowing again; but this time she doesn’t oblige him with an answering purr - probably more asleep than Sam had thought - though she noses slightly against his palm and Gabriel audibly gasps. 

Sam finds himself smiling at the two of them. He clears his throat, and repeats, uncaring of how goofy it sounds. “Gabriel? Meet the lady of my life, Amelia Catheart.”

Gabriel turns his eyes up to Sam’s unpainted ceiling. “Jesus, what a nerd I’ve managed to unearth.”

Sam swats at him. “It’s a clever pun, okay?”

“It’s the most cliched pun to ever exist.” Gabriel swats back. “You call that clever? You would’ve just as soon named her J.R.R. Tolkitten.”

“That’s pretty good.” Sam mumbles, under his breath. “But that’s more like a guy’s name. But hey, before the whole twitter discourse, JK Meowling was on my list.”

“Of course, it was.” Gabriel sighs. “You wanna hear cool cat names, Samwise? I’ll give you some.” Amelia doesn’t make a single movement, probably dozing off again, as he lists off his fingers on his other hand. “Catsanova. Meow. Uh, Fuzzinator. Shakespurr.” He looks incredibly proud of himself.

“Why does Shakespeare get to be on your list?” Sam frowns.

“Hey, hey, hey. Old Bill wrote a lot of gay romance, so he gets a wild card entry.” Gabriel informs him, knowledgeably. “Also, the list goes on. There’s so many wonderful names! There’s even customized ones. Cat-vak. Nocat?” He laughed breathlessly. “Wait, what’s your last name?”

“Winchester.”

Gabriel gasps theatrically, pulling at Sam’s sleeve as the idea comes to him. “Pawschester!”

Sam blinks. “Wow.” He squirms. “We could make that her last name, you know. Amelia Pawschester is awesome.”

“Oh, but it’s too late.” Gabriel smirks, annoyingly.

Sam scowls. “It’s not too late, she’s not gotten used to Catheart, I never call her that - I’m sure she wouldn’t mind if she’s named -”

“Nope.” Gabriel teases. “It’s too late, Sammich. You lost your chance at having your cat’s name match her dad’s. And at having a cat with a cool name. What’s done is done.”

Sam flicks at him, frowning. “Shuddup.”

“The time has gone by,” Gabriel laughs, egging him on. “Alas! Even you know, in the depths of your heart, that it is too late. Don't you wish you met me before? Before your cat lost her chance at -”

“Everything about my cat is perfect, you shut your mouth.” Sam jutted his chin out boyishly, crossing his arms tighter on his chest, and Gabriel throws his head back and laughs.

“Okay, now that I can agree with.” Gabriel loses the edge, and shoots Sam the cheesiest smile ever, making him melt into a mirroring grin, before returning to being fascinated out of his depths by the completely asleep cat in his arms.

***

It’s only been a couple of days, that there’s a knock on Sam’s door at eleven in the night - followed by a voice singing his name, which he recognizes almost immediately. He may have been thinking about it. 

But, safety first, and just to be sure, he decides to put Amelia down in her box. “I’ll be there in a minute!” He calls, urgently, getting up from his seriously comfortable spot on the bed. She mewls softly, but doesn’t do much else to object when Sam mumbles an apology and pushes her box under the door, and goes to the door.

Sure enough, it’s Gabriel. He’s wearing a jumper, which is strange because Sam’s only in a v-neck. But then, most things about this man are strange. Gabriel looks up at him with a wide smile. “So?” He draws out the vowel. “Were you, like, doing your homework completely naked, or just cuddling with your super secret cat?”

Sam gives him a look, one which he hopes manages to convey how much of an inconvenience it was to get up for Gabriel’s sake, as he lets him in with an exaggerated shushing gesture - he doesn’t want word to get out that he has a cat to cuddle with, in the first place. 

***

Almost a week later, after Gabriel’s spent around two hours in his room, talking to Sam about what a crappy day he’s had because of his ridiculous group for a Community project; and talking to Amelia about how she’s really, really soft and how he loves her very much - just before he leaves, he turns to Sam with a playful look in his eyes. 

“Guess what I was thinking of in bed last night.” He starts.

“No offense, but I don't think I want to know.” Sam returns, grinning.

“Oh, wait. You mean, like that? Well, I was absolutely all over Sirius Black.” Gabriel threw back, letting out a dreamy sigh which made Sam snort. “But this is different, you perv. I was thinking about us having a password.”

“How do you mean?” Sam frowns. 

“Like, I’ll knock and say the password, and then instead of you having to get up and put her in her box and wrap up your designated quota of anxiety, you just say the word and I could let myself in.” Gabriel suggests.

“You really did watch too much Harry Potter last night, didn’t you?” Sam teases. But he doesn’t hate the idea. Would save him a lot of effort, really. “And, I don't think I mind us doing that. As long as the code’s only known to us.”

“Obviously.” Gabriel nods.

“So, what will it be?” Sam asks, as Gabriel stands up and hands his cat back to him. Amelia purrs a little - he’d specified needing a quieter cat at the shop, and such a wise decision that’d been - and gets comfortable in his arms, as he cradles her. Fuck, he was never going to get used to this feeling of bliss associated with having a pet who loves you. 

“How about ‘Gabriel and Amelia Forever’?” Gabriel laughs.

“How dare you,” Sam scowls, but doesn’t mean it at all. “It should rather be, ‘Sam and Amelia Forever’.”

Gabriel instantly furrows his brows. “Nope. That makes her sound like your girlfriend - I’m sorry but you’ve got a name that totally sounds like some human-Amelia’s type - and I don't think I like that very much.”

What do you even say to that, so once more, Sam nods. He’s absolutely not turning pink. That would make no sense at all.

“You know what? We’ll decide it later.” Gabriel picks up his stupidly neon jacket, goes to leave. “I’ll text you or something. I think I should get back to my room now. Because someone revoked their offer to do all my stuff for a month.”

“It’s still a fair deal.” Sam counters, as Gabriel waves at Amelia in particular. 

“I know.” Gabriel agrees, emphatically. “You let me pet your cat, and rant to you.” His voice grows thoughtful. “Wait, did I ever thank you for all of it, Sammich?”

He’s so serious that Sam doesn’t know how to reply at all. Words cling to the insides of his mouth. But he clears his throat, and mutters, “You know we don't mind it at all, right?” He turns to Amelia, who just blinks, to reinforce his point. He doesn’t want to go into details, not about how he truly does enjoy every bit of this - and doesn’t want to turn sappy randomly, so pretending your cat sought all your attention all at once is easily the best way to deal. 

Gabriel is quiet for a while, probably contemplative, but Sam only looks at him properly after a moment has passed. “Right. Yeah. Thanks.”

“You don't have to say that -”

“Nah, this is for the part about you not minding it.” Gabriel tells him, and though he says it so simply, it’s wonderfully difficult to comprehend. “Just - I should go, okay. Goodnight, Samwise.”

“It just keeps getting worse.” Sam rolls his eyes. Because it was true. It was almost amusing the first few times, and a few of the names were cheesy enough to earn a smile, but it just kept on growing more and more ridiculous. 

“Goodnight, Amelia Catheart.” He adds, ignoring Sam.

“Sure. Her, you call by name! I might not, but she gets the basic right of being called by her own -” Sam begins.

Gabriel cuts him off with a smile so happy that Sam is temporarily stunned, and definitely thrown off enough for the latter to make his escape. Sam swears under his breath, though he doesn’t really know why he does it - and lets out a breath he doesn’t know he’s been holding.

***

They do decide on a password after all. It’s ‘The Tin Man’, because that’s from the Wizard of Oz, just as munchkins are. And Amelia’s a munchkin, so that worked out.  In fact, Sam is very impressed when Gabriel justifies it to him later - especially by how unobvious it is - and the both of them are very proud of themselves for it.

For a week.

Then, Gabriel says that he thinks Harry from the room next to Sam’s has been looking at him weird - probably because he heard him giggling out ‘Tin Man’ more than once, outside Sam’s door. Sam thinks that makes sense. They decide to reconsider their choice. And this time, go with something that’s easier to justify.

Sam agrees, and they set about thinking again, till Gabriel suggests that the best code is not just one which is unobvious, but one which is completely random. Again, this makes perfect sense to Sam, and he instantly suggests something which Gabriel claims he’ll always be able to justify.

So then, as one does, they start using ‘ramen’.

***

 Amelia hasn’t known many people since she started living with Sam - only Garth, and that one afternoon of Dean. But now, there’s Gabriel, and not only does he adore her - he’s terrific.

After a while, it becomes sufficiently clear that Gabriel doesn’t only come over when he needs to feel better - he comes over, more so because he wants to be with Amelia and her parent. He asks Sam questions about her, and Sam has never enjoyed having a pet so much before - because now, he gets to share these little things with someone. He gets to tell someone, that for some reason, Amelia loves it when he pretends to have gotten hurt, because she’s always prompt in stepping up to meow at his “wounds”. Gabriel corrects Sam when he calls it offering condolences, with a snicker, and a, “Your cat may be a sadist, Samantha.” Sam justifiably swats at him.

He now gets to show someone how Amelia totally dances to November Rain. He gets to think aloud and what he’ll feed her for dinner, and how she’s earned a treat - and all those things that he used to have to keep to himself.

He also gets to have someone to crib to, when one fine morning, Amelia tears through his new textbook in her exploration of her claws probably - but it’s a textbook that costs more than a fortnight of meals, so that’s that. Gabriel, angel that he is, offers to come and take Amelia to his room for the day, because Sam stubbornly claims he doesn’t want to see her right now - but then Sam pleads him to take her away to just another corner of Sam’s room, and Gabriel agrees with a rather understanding nod.

Initially, he used to be a little bit jealous - of how easily Amelia fell in love with Gabriel, but Gabriel and Amelia can have so much fun together, that Sam goes back to his habit of turning on the music unless someone hear her purr - like he used to do, during the first few days of having her. But he’s far from envious now, and happily joins in. Pretending to be the victim, of course.

Gabriel brings her treats too, because he happens to go out for some reason or the other almost everyday, while Sam stays in with his assignments and pet, after their classes. He doesn’t want to leave her alone for any more time than he absolutely has to. So Gabriel brings back cookies, and they smell so good that it’s useless trying to convince her it’s an empty box, so that she could be surprised later.

One of the best parts is when Amelia does something absolutely fascinating randomly, and he doesn’t have to be the only one gushing over it. The other day, she managed to get herself inside Sam’s pencil stand, and kept peeking at him from there as if keeping a check on him - and Sam didn’t have to think twice before taking a picture and sending it to Gabriel. Who replied with an involuntary keysmash, several heart-eye emojis, and proceeded to show up outside his door within two minutes, urgently whispering, ramen. 

All in all, Sam kind of loves having someone who loves Amelia around. More than he would’ve imagined, but that’s probably owing to the more particular fact that it’s Gabriel. And Amelia certainly doesn’t mind having another kinda-sorta dad around either, so there’s that.

***

Almost a month later, when Gabriel falls sick, Sam realizes he misses him more than a lot. They text, and Sam sends him pictures of the more mediocre things too, but it’s not the same thing as spending your nights regularly staying up with someone, sitting on the floor and discussing your respective lives while playing with your absolute darling of a cat - a schedule that makes sense, because this way she sleeps for most of the time, they both have college. 

It’s not the same thing at all. So, he figures out a way to make it work. 

The next morning, when he’s only just leaving for his lectures, he doesn’t persuade Amelia to go back to sleep. He instead starts prepping the pillow thingy from how he first brought her in, pulling a large pillow cover on her bed - yeah, Amelia’s not sleeping in a box now, they’ve bought her a proper basket - and setting off with his bag slung over one shoulder, trying to be nonchalant about carrying such a large, floofy thing while on his way to class.

He wants to surprise Gabriel really, so he hasn’t told him anything about this idea - though it feels infinitely weird to be on the other side of the door, knocking and whispering ‘Ramen’.

Almost on cue, Harry - who just fucking happens to have been walking by - gives him a weird look. 

Sam has no idea how Gabriel does it.

It’s easier soon, when he hears a surprised, ‘Come In!’ In a voice which is definitely Gabriel’s, though it sounds different, probably because he’s sick. Sam walks in, excited to show Gabriel what he’s brought with him, and finds Gabriel all piled up in a bed under a couple of blankets. “Morning, Samshine.” He greets, smiling - and instead of looking miserable, he manages to look so goddamn comfortable - that Sam just wants to take his cat-containing-pillow and get in bed with him. 

“Wait.” His eyes widen. “Is that -”

“Yep.” Sam announces. Gabriel’s eyes visibly light up, and his eyebrows disappear in his hair. Sam feels proud of himself. “I figured you missed her.” He adds, and it’s not a lie, but it’s definitely not the complete truth. But Gabriel nods so enthusiastically, that Sam sets her down on the bed and begins to excavate the cat from the cotton. 

Soon after, Gabriel shoos him away, reminding him that he’s got classes to get to - bringing in a mention of Professor Zachariah and latecomers as his final card, and Sam leaves. He suspects Gabriel’s more excited to get rid of him because he’s never gotten to spend time with Amelia alone - the closest he’s got to that is when Sam’s studying on his desk and he’s playing with her on Sam’s bed. He’s a little surprised how little he minds leaving Amelia with Gabriel now, because he had totally anticipated some first-day-of-preschool parent-blues. But he isn’t worried about her enough to bunk his lectures, and get back to the latter’s room - though it’s a temptation he has to fight; the chance to spend the day with his cat and his - uh, well, Gabriel. 

That night, Sam works on his midterm paper in Gabriel’s room, and later brings them both dinner from the mess. It feels strange to be the one ‘providing’, in a twisted sense of the word, but he suspects it’s just the feeling of entering a room that’s not as cramped as his, and seeing the two of them curled up in bed. It was a good thing Amelia was a cuddler sort, otherwise Sam and Gabriel would’ve tired her entirely.

After dinner, he decides that it’s probably too much work to take Amelia back for the night - and it’s a risk he doesn’t want to indulge in needlessly. Gabriel supports this decision wholeheartedly, and for the first time in months, Sam’s going to sleep in his room alone. 

(It’s not that big a deal at all, but again, it feels weird enough that a few hours in, Sam moves back to Gabriel’s room with an actual pillow this time. It’s only because Gabriel is sick and won’t be able to take care of Amelia, he reasons, and Amelia might get feisty during the night and make his condition worse - and it’s several such excuses he makes to no one in particular, because Gabriel just hums his affirmation within a minute. He settles on Gabriel’s couch for the night. Yeah, Gabriel has a couch, while Sam uses a beanbag to welcome his guests. It’s not large enough, but it’s comfortable, and he wakes up, breathing laboriously, only to find his cat curled up on his chest, and a weighted stare from Gabriel, which makes him pink, because he just might have been watching them sleep.)

***

A few more weeks go by, and it’s closer to finals now. Sam’s at his desk, with Amelia warm in his lap, not making a sound because she’s brilliant like that when Sam’s working - and it’s one of the favorite parts of his day. He’s already finished his first draft, and is skimming through for the first time of necessary edits before he’s done for the afternoon, and can watch a movie when Gabriel arrives. He sips from his travel mug, because he’s been putting off washing the regular one - and is almost too concentrated when there’s a knock on his door. 

“Ramen,” follows in a singsong voice, and Sam is smiling as wide as ever as he saves the changes, and resolves to come back to it later, before closing the file. The door opens, and sure enough, reveals Gabriel - he’s in an orange turtleneck, which would look ridiculous by itself on a rack, and he’s carrying multiple packets in his hands. 

“Surprise!” He announces, latching the door behind him. 

Sam gets up, after Amelia has jumped nimbly from his lap and pattered over to Gabriel - and follows the route his cat took to Gabriel. “What’s this?” He asks, reaching out to glance at it, when Gabriel holds it out. 

They’re cat toys. A whole damn lot of them. Sam doesn’t even recognize most, he’s sure, as his eyes widen. He registers the things which he does know of - catnip, chew toys, a scratching pad, many plush colored mice which are also chew toys, and, “Oh my God.”

“Do you think,” Gabriel gushes, excitedly. The happiness is contagious, and Sam has a smile as well. “Do you think she’ll like it?”

“Of course,” Sam mumbles. Amelia never had many cat toys - only the most traditional ones, which Garth and Dean contributed to, actually. With buying a cat, and then having a pet to feed - his expenses had gone up fairly enough, so he hadn’t been able to spare much thought to buying them. “This is ridiculously too much, Gabriel.”

“Oh, shush,” Gabriel said, cheerfully. “I blame Pet Empire, for having such a cute cat section, and you, for making me want to make your cat happy!” Sam chuckled. “I didn’t even get the big stuff, you know, because it would be slightly harder to explain if I dragged a Tower of Toys through the hallway.”

Sam pales a little at the thought, but nods. 

“If you want, though, we can go get one of those assemble-at-home kits, and put it together on a sunday and -”

“This is too much.” Sam repeats, feeling a sort of happiness for Amelia that mostly beats the embarrassment at having her treated to so many things by Gabriel. “Ridiculously.” He adds, as before.

“Oh. Shush.” Gabriel repeats, laughing, as he holds out another packet specifically for Sam to hold, and puts the rest of the things on the floor for Amelia to examine now. 

Sam peers inside, and frowns. “Gabriel. I’m not going to make her wear clothes.”

Gabriel frowns back, harder, like it’s a challenge. “But you wear clothes, don't you?” He nudges, and it’s not a challenge again, but his frown deepens. 

“Gabriel, I’m not accepting any-” He begins, but brings out the garment and let out an involuntary gasp. It’s a grey sweater, and it’s so soft, and there’s a cat’s whiskers and eyes on the front, and it’s absolutely adorable, and it is making him melt on the inside. “Holy shit.”

“I got one for me too!” Gabriel tells him, beaming at him. “They sold it in pairs, and it was just the best thing ever!”

A his-and-his kitten sweater, Sam’s brain instantly goes to - but he makes it stop before he can externally lose it. “I -” He tries to find the words in which he’s going to ask Gabriel to take it back, because this is completely off-occasion, and he hasn’t ever gotten Gabriel anything and Gabriel bought his cat so many toys and him the nicest sweater he owns and -

“You can’t not like it.” Gabriel boasts, and he looks so terribly certain of himself, in that typically smug way of his - that Sam loses the fight in him. 

“Just - uh. Thank you, okay?” He mumbles.

Gabriel waves his hand dismissively, but he’s wearing a huge smile and Sam doesn’t know what’s wrong with him, but he’s blushing, and it’s just - a really great moment, okay? Right before Gabriel perks up and says, “Guess what I did for the size, though? Just asked for the largest size in the boy’s section.”

Sam rolls his eyes. “Like I’d have asked for the smallest, if I were shopping for you?”

“Yeah, exactly.” Gabriel replied, not even bothering to look offended and Sam huffs a breath.

He grins back, and with another glance at Amelia on the ground with all her toys in the bag and her trying to paw them out, remembers his resolve. “Okay, smartass. Thanks, again, I guess. But I mean, why this stuff? What is it today?”

“See, now I want to say that it’s our anniversary because I dig cheesy, but I don't remember what day it was when I first assaulted you for petting rights, and in case you do, it’ll just be embarrassing when I get it wrong.” He snickered, and earned a snorting laugh from Sam. No, he didn’t remember either. Just knew that it’d been April. Because he’d been reading something for English, and he finished his semester in May. It must’ve been a tuesday, because he was weirdly sure it was meatloaf day at the mess. And - it doesn’t matter, does it? 

 “Well then, what is it for?” 

“I guess,” Gabriel starts, seriously. “I didn’t want Amelia to think I’m only using her for her stress-relieving fur.”

“I’m almost a hundred percent sure that she doesn’t think that.” Sam consoles him, sincerely.

“But like, just to be sure.” He winks at Sam, and Sam feels the tension from before returning. “And even if I’ve only been using her for selfish purposes, I should at least be a sugar daddy right.”

Sam chokes. “How do you come up with this stuff?”

Gabriel shrugs, a smirk playing on his lips. “Your cat’s stress-relieving awesomeness-inducing magic fur.”

Sam throws his head back and laughs. “Do I need to get Amelia checked for growing drugs on herself, or something?”

Gabriel sighs. “You know, you just might.”

“Shuddup, my cat is perfect.”

And yeah, those words have definitely been said before, but Gabriel is solemnly nodding and Sam doesn’t mind being an unoriginal, ardent admirer of Amelia. At all. 

Amelia seems to acknowledge their existence at this point, and claws at Sam for help in getting the things out of their plastic packaging. Sam gives her a look for the clawing, but she meows back stubbornly. Almost too loud, and Sam winces.

“Look what you did.” He glares at Gabriel. “Spoiled my perfectly nice cat, is what you did.” He adds, because Gabriel doesn’t look guilty at all.

“I’ll deal with her.” Gabriel tells him, kneeling down on the floor, so that he can give all of his attention to her. He begins to undo the wrappings. “We’re just two attention-seeking peas in a pod, aren’t we, Amelia?” He looks up at Sam with a wink, because she’s gone quiet almost immediately as Gabriel brought out the cat wand, trying to learn how to play with it, maybe.

Sam sighs, but it’s mostly pleased. “Fine. Justify her behavior. Let her make noises now. I’ll drop her off at your room at night, and see how you like it then.”

“Well, it’ll guarantee you sleeping there too, so I don't think I’ll hate it very much,” Gabriel returns, like it’s on the tip of his tongue, and Sam swallows at the remark. 

“Shut up.” Ignoring his turn to contribute to the bickering, he instead offers, “Well, I’ll just put on some music in case she makes noises too catlike for me to justify as you doing impressions.”

“I’m really doing wonders for your sense of humor.” Gabriel tells him, snorting loudly, and Sam rolls his eyes before getting up like a good host, to go through what he has. He easily finds a playlist for popular songs of the decade, because he’s not in the mood to look for songs specifically - and puts it on shuffle. 

Justin Timberlake comes on, and music fills the room loud enough to drown out all sounds Amelia could make. Like it’s supposed to do, really.

But Gabriel stares at Sam, wide-eyed. “I don't think you want to be playing that song right now, Sambo.”

Sam raises an eyebrow at him. “Why not?”

“How do I put this?” Gabriel pursed his lips. It wasn’t clear if he was stifling a smirk, or his discomfort. “Everyone on the floor already thinks we’re banging, so playing sex songs like that doesn’t help.”

Sam almost objects to it being a ‘sex’ song, before realizing simultaenously that maybe it was one, and also that that wasn’t important. Gabriel has his hands shoved in his pockets.

Sam blinks at him, incredulous. “They think what?”

“Wait, you had no idea?” Gabriel actually looks taken aback, as he goes on. “Come on. We lock ourselves in your room, blaring music loud enough to drown out any sounds, practically for hours every night.”

“We spend afternoons together too.” Sam mutters, short-circuiting, and focussing on the dumbest part. And moving to another. He isn’t really thinking about what he’s saying right now - it’s coming from his lips, but he can’t truly be thinking these things, can he? He should be thinking things like how disgusting that is, how he instantly needs to go out on a date with someone else, not that he’s ever gone on a date with frigging Gabriel! Just - 

“Sam?” Gabriel asked, looking just a little bit concerned.

“How could anyone have so much sex?” Sam blurted, unthinking.

But Gabriel didn’t seem to mind his off-topic comment, and replied smoothly. “See, you’ve not had sex with me yet, so you don't know just how easy it is.”

And Sam blinked at him - not knowing what to freak out about, or in what order. The fact that everyone thought he was doing it with Gabriel, or the fact that Gabriel had just casually slipped in a ‘yet’. In any case, Amelia meowed at him pointedly, as if asking him to turn his attention from these pieces of information handed to him back to her, so that they could play with the toys Gabriel had bought her together - because Gabriel was already picking out mobby mouses, lattice balls, caterpillar teasers and whatnot; ignoring Sam’s gaze with just that hint of a smirk. 

***

Okay, so I took a terribly long time with this, but in my defense, it turned out super fucking humongous. The original prompt got messed up, and I’m sorry to everyone who was subjected to it. It’s a prompt by @rauko-is-a-free-elf and I loved it! I hope you had a good time reading that giant schmoop of fluff, and here’s my dear taglist: @awkward-penguin-in-a-trenchcoat @styggtroll @adventurous-blob @petrichoravellichor @all-or-nothing-baby @iamcharliebradburylevelperfect @moderatelypanickedbiromantic @elvenlicht @legendary-destiel @a-mess-of-many-fandoms @trenchcoatsandfreckles @noemithenephilim @naitia @ladywaywarddsc @zoerayne2426 @hellfire37 @3dg310rdsupreme @thekidsmaybealright @impulsivedandelion @galaxy-charm I think that’s about it. If I’m missing anyone, I’m so sorry, but I keep forgetting to update my damn taglist. I’ll do it soon!!! Bye, and have a nice day!

~ Sheya