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bellaaldamas · 3 days ago

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The "mistagging" was clearly not accidental, sadly. This person deliberately used the ship tag (freytos) so that the fans, myself included, would find it. Whereas the "progressive left" has demonstrated yet again how they embrace patriarchy in it's most primordial form by claiming Freya's development and "freedom" from abuse will be "downplayed" if she enters a healthy relationship with another man. This same person never received any kind of aggressive backlash or trolling when it comes to their own, completely AU and fanon headcanons about Atreus and the yaoi involving him. But they cannot extend the same courtesy to other people in the fandom, in this case freytos shippers, and refrain from using the appreciation tag for their outburst.

And as much as I absolutely hate going into that territory and playing the "Greek woman" card I cannot help but be disturbed and appalled by how Lysandra is being used as a weapon against Freytos by the people who do not - nor have they ever - cared about her. Beyond her being a "proto" Greek wife who has "fulfilled her duty" of carrying a brooding and violent man "forward" before he could find a more "advanced and developed" Nordic woman Faye who "finally fixed him". Thus, Faye has also fulfilled her duty of making Kratos into a better person and being the perfect wife and mother before dying on him. Those same people do not even recognize how misogynistic it is to reduce both Faye and Lysandra to the accessories in Kratos's story.

@rhythmsmith and @freytos already covered most of the issues with the anti-Freytos rhetoric in the replies. Therefore I will just copy and paste my own responses to their eloquent summary (you can read their comments in the reply section to this post):

This attitude stems from misogyny and the idea that women become reduced to sexual objects the moment they get involved with men. This is normalizing the society's sexist notion that romantic/sexual relationship mean an automatic loss of autonomy and agency - but only for a woman. Same notion does not extend to men and THAT is why the anti-Freytos types support all manner of ludicrous Yaoi with Kratos involved. Including Kratos and Atreus of Sparta which is absurd because Kratos would never name his son after a man he supposedly had a "crush" on let alone a relationship with. Or Kratos and Tyr and Kratos and Thor where the former has zero basis in canon and is even more fanon than Freytos (which had allusions and direct mentions of the possibility of their involvement in Valhalla). Whilst Kratos/Thor is an outright toxic ship where antagonism between two characters is being fetishized and sexualized. Those same people would bend over backwards calling an M/F ship such as this "abusive" because "dumb women" cannot resist "bad boys'" charms. But men totally can and should be paired with such bad boys.

Finally, there is the greatest evil in the form of the idea that platonic and romantic relationship should be held to a different standard.

This is why the Baldur issue only EVER comes into play when the subject of Freytos romantic involvement comes into play. This is especially offensive in the context of Freya's story where Odin's abuse of her did not exist in vacuum and was enabled and made possible by her community, her own people and both the "evil/misguided" Aesir and the "good/confused" Vanir.

Freya's own people, for whom she had entered the marriage with Odin in the first place, denounced her - including her own brother - and wrote insults on the walls of her realm in order to humiliate her for daring to exercise her agency. But both the fandom and the narrative expected Freya to just forgive and forget because this is what women ought to do.

Then the anti-Freytos types spit on abuse victims from their victim blaming, pseudo-feminist high horse when they pair Freya with Sif - a woman who raised her own daughter to consider Freya a "treacherous ex wife" of her genocidal granddaddy (but Thrud is still a "feminist icon" and should totally be friends and even "more" with Atreus who made it clear time and again he is not interested in her and who, mind you, killed her brother in cold blood; but it's totally ok, because Thrud dismissed Modi's death in an outright sociopathic manner of "we're better off without him").

Most of the anti-Freytos misogyny is repackaged patriarchy from yaoi shippers which suggests a woman loses her individuality the moment she gets involved with a man. Particularly atrocious is the rhetoric of "let Freya just be Free" after her separation from Odin and his abuse, as if commitment and romantic/marital involvement means an automatic loss of freedom and autonomy but only for women. This is both misogynistic and absolves men like Odin of responsibility for their abusive behaviors by implying that the problem was/is not them but the fact of a woman choosing to enter a relationship and marriage. And, by doing so, supposedly "signing up" for marital and domestic violence. This is a progressive version of "she had it coming".

This is also where another misogynistic claim comes into play: the idea that Freya being involved with Kratos "destroys her entire arc, their beautiful friendship and Freya's liberation from Odin's abuse". Yet again the mechanics of abuse against women is being misrepresented and implies that involvement, for a woman, comes with the inevitability of being A) abused and B) losing her freedom/autonomy. By arguing that, the anti-Freytos camp is placing the responsibility for those occurrences on women.

But a man can totally be involved with any other man because men in general have "evolved beyond" losing their individuality and freedom when they have a relationship. Only "hormonal and gullible women" do. Hence the assorted yaoi with Kratos passed off as "progressive".

The Freytos opposing crowd is so miserable they believe their "progressive misogyny" gets a pass for invading freytos tag with their "hot takes". Of course said progressive misogyny involves an insulting anti-women claim that woman's separation and freedom from her abuser (Odin in this case) would be downplayed if she enters a positive and healthy relationship with another man. And no, you do not get to play the "but Kratos killed Baldur!!11!!" card if you still "Wuv their Bootiful Friendship" and don't want it ruined by the "dirty romance" which supposedly turns women into sexual objects and robs poor men of the ability to still respect them and acknowledge their needs. Holding platonic relationship to a different standard than romantic relationship is offensive, especially when talking about a character like Freya whose marital abuse at the hands of Odin was only possible because it was enabled by the people she had platonic connections to (including her own people and her brother who had denounced her). Kratos was the only one who did not enable it.

Needless to say those progressive misogynists are totally on board with Kratos being a part of some completely fanon yaoi such as Kratos/Mimir or Kratos/Tyr or Kratos/Thor. Because men are "more complex and deep" than women and THEIR progression, development and "journey" can never be undermined if they take romantic interest in one another. Only women become servants to their hormones if they do, didn't you know?

Predictably, in order to make this progressive misogyny work and get support from the fellow "progressives" the anti-Freytos types proudly establish themselves as the "not like other girls" of the fandom who do not need to learn proper tagging.

One good thing to come out of their sexism, entitlement and lack of tagging ethic? It gives a perfect opportunity to block everyone in the notes.

#reply #text #stupidrant

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rufflesandbows · 2 years ago

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How They React: to you patching them up

You notice someone close to you has been injured. Perhaps without their knowledge, or they tried to hide it from you, knowing you would worry. Whether they fight your assistance or welcome your care, you pull them aside and right their wounds.

Characters: -Daemon, Jacaerys, Lucerys, Harwin, Rhaenyra, Baela- -Aemond, Aegon, Criston Cole, Larys, Alicent, Helaena-

Blacks

Daemon He’d fuss at you to leave him alone, at first. It’s a small cut, comparatively to what he’s had before. So he’s leaking blood all over the floor. So it’s soaked through the (not well applied) bandage. Daemon simmers down when you grip him and force his hand on your lap, your touch abruptly softening as you begin to clean him up, chiding him all the while. But he’s not quite listening; he’s watching you. When it’s done, he starts teasing you mercilessly. What, do you care about him or something?

Jacaerys Genuinely didn’t notice he was wounded. You point it out and he gives a “Oh, would you look at that!” You drag him off and he seems almost bewildered before you start patching up the cut. The air gets quiet, and the light blush in his face grows a shade darker the more you touch him. When you glance at him, he gives you a shy smile and his fingers curl to touch you back. He’s having a hard time facing you directly. You just look so beautiful under the sun.

Lucerys He tried to hide it but he’s the worst liar you’ve ever met. You demand he show you and bashfully, he pulls his hand from behind his back, looking at you like a guilty pup. It amuses you, not teasing him though it would be easy to. Instead you lead him aside and patch him up. Listening to him, huffy but proud as he defends himself on why he shouldn’t have gotten wounded at all. You listen intently, smiling and nodding as you work. When it’s done, he knows how ridiculous he sounded, politely thanking you.

Harwin Teases you endlessly. You’re a flustered mess trying to patch him up. He’s not fighting you or making it physically difficult, but he’s calling you out that you care about him and, well, yeah. But he doesn’t have to make it sound like you’re stumbling over your own feet in his presence (which you sometimes are). You are a professional. You can patch up a small cut, even though your hands are shaking you're so damn flustered.

Rhaenyra She tries to laugh it off. You can tell just by the look on her face she wants to tease you for insisting on cleaning it up. However that want fades quickly. She admires your focus, as well as the feel of your hands gently but firmly holding her and inspecting the area. She watches you, you know she is but you try to remain on task before she throws a cheeky remark your way. Chuckling at your clearly flustered response. Baela Much like her father, she’s annoyed you’re worrying so much, until she locks eyes with you. It’s so clear that it matters to you that she’s hurt. It makes her cheeks hot, all her annoyance simmering down quick as she nods and allows you to lead her. She’s insistent that it’s nothing to worry about, though now a bit more shy in her approach. She appreciates how gentle you are with her, admiring your skill as well. By the end she can’t stop smiling and doesn’t know why.

Greens

Aemond Is never going to tell you he’s been wounded in any way. You’ll have to spot it for yourself and even then, he’ll try to shrug it off and claim it doesn’t hurt. But on your insistence, he’ll cave and follow where you lead, impatiently allowing you to fix him up. Overtime, he gets comfortable with the idea. Looks forward to it even. He’ll ask you for little things. Rubbing sore muscles or ointments in over the bruises and burns he gets from training and riding Vhagar. Checking in with you becomes apart of his everyday, even when he doesn’t need anything.

Aegon He is always getting into brawls in Flea Bottom. Often coming home with cuts and bruises and scrapes. It’s become routine that the start of your day is cleaning up these wounds because he won’t do it himself. Yet the entire time, he appears like he’s being endlessly pampered on. Smiling and obedient as you gently clean the area and bandage him. You since gave up chiding him, now you simply ask what happened. Sometimes he has a wild tale, sometimes he can’t remember, but most of the time is spent with him quietly savoring your touch.

Criston Cole Tells you not to worry about it, but the moment your hand touches him, he freezes. He can’t say a thing and leaves you to lead him. He doesn’t resist, but you’re gentle because you can feel the tension in him. His eyes scan around for others as you clean and patch up the cut. Neither of you say anything, and you smile at him when you’re finished. You can practically feel his heart racing in the look he give you. Before it’s shuffled away and he quickly leaves your presence, forgetting to thank you until later.

Larys He was keen to keep it to himself. He was used to keeping quiet when it came to pain. But you caught him and asked about it, worried about the light swelling around the cut. He smiles and tell you it’s nothing. However you do have everything nearby, so you offer to clean and patch it up for him. He opens his mouth to refuse, but stops, before quietly nodding. Larys is almost mystified by your work, making your face heat with his focused attention. Mistaking it for discomfort, he strikes up conversation, it lasting long after you’ve finished.

Alicent It isn’t often the Queen finds herself physically wounded, but shes always so distracted that she never notices. It shocks you to see a cut on her, rushing to her aid. She’s just as surprised, assuring you it must have been an accident from earlier. You want to fix it immediately, but you have to ask first. She looks at you with confusion, it’s not even bleeding anymore, before softly agreeing. She’s almost too shy to look at you as you work, but she can’t stop stealing glances, feeling a heat in her at your gentle and careful touch.

Helaena Blood quickly drips down her finger and she can’t take her eyes from it, until you wrap her hand in a cloth. A big wave of relief washes over her and she sits with your lead. You handle everything and Helaena continues her conversation without pause, trying to expel the nervous energy. She blushes and apologizes for rambling, but you smile and assure her you enjoy hearing all the things she knows. Every time she looks at the cut now, she thinks of you, long after it's healed, and a smile graces her lips.

#hotd imagine #how they react #daemon targaryen imagine #jacaerys velaryon imagine #lucerys velaryon imagine #harwin strong imagine #rhaenyra targaryen imagine #baela velaryon imagine #aemond targaryen imagine #aegon targaryen imagine #criston cole imagine #larys strong imagine #alicent hightower imagine #helaena targaryen imagine #i hate tagging so much why did i do this to myself?#my writing #I jus wanna hold em #fluff

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idontmindifuforgetme · 11 months ago

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I’ve always loved medicine bc it’s the perfect intersection of science and humanity—the two things I value above all else in this world. Truly adored it since I was in the cradle. But now I’m thinking about how so much of my journey to neurosurgery will have to involve KILLING my feelings essentially bc how do you survive otherwise

#Not to mention the surprisingly high suicide rate of surgeons that’s been brought to my attention lately #Honestly I just started my neuro internship and just saw my first patient in clinic #And on the day I did I was critical of my neurologist for being so robotic about it #Now I can see why #I’m still at a point where I can’t even do a chart review for a patient without feeling so fucking sad #And I can see how that can get unsustainable after a while #But it’s like if I kill the feelings that drive my passion for medicine to begin with then what’s the point #It’s not like I’m in it for the money or prestige bc that’s so dumb considering how long the schooling is #But literally how to deal #My supervisors at the clinic very much all speak about the dementia patients w a learned impartialness #But I don’t wanna be that way one day :( but how to be anything else and still survive #I’m pre med so I still have time and maybe my opinion will change and I’ll wanna do another specialty #But when it comes to this every specialty will involve human lives and navigating that regardless #That said I can see why surgeons are at higher risk or depression suicide etc #The whole point of this internship is to teach myself how to navigate this stuff but. Hate it #p #med tag

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bunnyboy-juice · 3 months ago

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spent the first hour and change at work deleting some old files and am having a grand ol time laughing at myself for not realizing i was a lesbian sooner

#vulnerable tag rambles ahead please be kind abt them i didnt intent to ramble this much but i dont wanna delete it eitehr #me to every single man i have ever dated after 6mo-1y: yeah hey this really isnt working out i dont really know why but i really hate mysel #and i dont want to blame you because i dont think you did anything inherently wrong here; i think this is something about me but i need #space to figure out why im feeling this way [every single one reacted by telling me No i wasnt allowed to leave btw]#i hold very complex feelings about these relationships esp bc of them ending in very violent/chaotic ways most of the time #but its interesting to look back at it all and realize ive left every man for the same reason (which is that ive hated myself Every Single #Time ive dated a man) and its funny bc i recognized the self hate pretty early on w/ cishet men but when it came to queer men it was #much more confusing (esp w/ nto knowing Any lesbians at that point in my life). im so happy im a lesbian tbh #i have a lot of issues w/ the racism fatphobia and transmisogyny present in lesbian groups #and also coming out as a lesbian really truly saved my life. before i met my wife i was quite literally in a 3yr abusive relationship that #definitely would have died in if i hadnt realzied i was a lesbian and ran from him #its also weird seeing liek the hard evidence of the things that happened to me btween 2016-2020 tbh #cause that was such a bad time of my life. i truly dont know how i survived it but im so glad i did #like the three major relationships in my life b4 meeting my wife was: guy who was in college when i was in HS who stalked me when i left;#guy who was a year younger than me who cheated on me the entire time while telling me he was being victimized (he wasnt; this was very mess #guy who saw the very messy toxic ldr i was in and helped me dump my ex then decided that meant we were in a relationship [insert 3 yrs here #and admittedly all 3 years with him werent the same level of abusive but it was definitely unhealthy from the start considering I Didnt Kno #we were together until he wanted to celebrate vday and got mad i didnt know our anniversary - and like this isnt including the other stuff #that happened between those Relatonships[tm] (cause ive never been monogamous; these were just the Major Relationships)#like i genuinely think if i hadnt come out i'd be dead rn given just how dangerous my relationships were/continued getting #i am also so tired now that ive seen all this cause like. fuck i can barely believe it and i not only lived it but have PTSD about it #i should write about my life sometime. i feel like it'd be cathartic to try and make a tangible timeline and stories from the years ang stu #anyway yeah. be nice about the tag rambles. dont message me with pity or curiosity or anything about this. i dont usually talk abt this stu #publicly bc i hate the ways ppl start tryign to baby me when they realize my life has been extremely fucked up until only a few years ago #n im still working on accepting kindness from others bc of [insert life traumas here] but its a long process so pls respect my need for jus #being heard rn w/o too much pressure< 3 (but ig if u do read this can u like it cause i feel a little crazy seeing all the evidence of the #stuff i experienced now also cause fuck ik logically it was but also i cant believe it was all real still yk)

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james-spooky · 3 months ago

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this is a test

#i’m bored i just wanna see how many words i can put in the tags like will it just keep going on forever or will they stop me like i know th #the tag limit is 30 ok so the iindividual tag limit is 140 characters that’s actually so rude i wanted to keep going forever and see how lo #g this could be but i guess we can do this 30 times ok what the flip should i talk about hm i was playing the guitar today but i rage quit #ause the song was hard and hurting my fingers! ermmmmm it was sunny ok this is boring let’s think of more exciting things to type hmmm acco #ding to all known laws of aviation- jk i’m not doing the bee movie script but can you imagine i think that would be funny hmmmmm words i lo #e podcasts so bad that’s a fact no one has ever know before my blog definitely isn’t all about audio dramas the people are definitely not a #ready aware of this jesus christ this is only the seventh one of these this is actually quite a lot of space i underestimated how much i ha #e to type btw there’s probably spelling mistakes in here somewhere or autocorrect has been annoying but i cba to retype anything so i don’t #care lolllllllllllll how do you feel about oscar malevolent i feel a normal amount actually (lie) yk what i really miss sam and colin alrea #y like i’m actually not okay i really hope we hear from sam again in s2 and also colin ngl i hope ur in the computers soz or not dead miss #im like a bastard my paranoid it king ok erm im running out of things to say um heartstopper s3 was crazy good i cried lmao i love gay peop #e so much it’s crazy i hope it gets renewed for s4 i need to reread the comics lowkey and the books they’re all so talented for being so yo #ng it scares me ngl !!!!!! the tmagp hiatus is getting to me slightly like february in reality is soon and not that far away for how podcas #ts go but seriously how am i supposed to live until then without knowing what happened. please colin be alive. ive only just realised i can #use fills stops. sorry that’s made everything a bit messy. i should’ve been doing this before. whoops. anyways. hi mutuals i love you all s #much i hope you enjoy my rambles and shitposts cause i enjoy yours very much! never think you’re being annoying i literally don’t care be a #annoying as you want posts as much as you want i am ur biggest fan <3 im getting a bit fatigued from typing like my mind is blank basically #now it’s just turned into a. stream of consciousness but i don’t really have any thoughts to put here idk if we’re halfway ermmmm omg it’s #lmost halloween how crazy is that time is flying by i kinda forgot it was october lmao. it’s wild how it’s basically almost christmas. like #what. that’s illegal. how is it wintertime again. what the flip. i miss summer already take me backkkkkkk. i hope my phone doesn’t crash or #smth cause i’ve not saved this as a draft and i cba to do any of this again. maybe i should save it. ok i will when i reach the next tag bc #ok it stopped me but i’ve saved it and holy jesus it’s a lot of text im just sat here giggling there’s really no point to any of this other #than me being bored sooooooooooooooooo (imagine if i just did the letter o for every character wouldn’t that be crazy) so wait there’s 140 #haracters and 30 tags so what’s 30 x 140. someone hurry. i haven’t done maths lessons in two and a half years i’ve forgotten everything wai #let me get the calculator app ok im back it said 4100 characters so. i dont know how many words that roughly is but its. a decent amount. o #what the flip why am i wasting tag space with maths. i hate maths. my screen time has been actually soooooooooo bad recently like damn some #one put my phone in a block of ice please joshua gillespie style. my mind is running out of things to say. do i talk about myself. im james #im 18 which is weird cause wdym im an adult go away. ive run out of facts. i love podcasts and procedural dramas that stupid firefighter sh #w is my life unfortunately. i think chappell roan should be the queen of england instead of king charles. i dont like having a king cause #ho needs men in power not me. ok um this is the last tag equal rights for all. yolo. the time will pass anyways! thank u boredom ok bye gn:

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derpinette · 9 months ago

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SPERG YOUR HEART OUT

#EVERYONE #NOW !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#& FOREVER #i love it when my friends &/or mutuals post about their interest & Passions i will like your posts but really i Loved them.#i deleted some tags because they might be interpreted as weird(er than usual) but 0_0 i am ♯Passionate about ♯Passion (for fashion - Bratz)#still kind of feel like a worthless human being but i secured another hangout in like a week so yayyy ^_^#I GET TO BOTHER SOMEONE TOO NOW i just wish people did that to me too why am i like always the one raving #literally have to beg my friend to give me updates on her things even if i normally hate it even i go out of my way to look for things #for us to discuss -_- GIRL please i am for real not just faking for politeness who do you think i am I WANT TO KNOW #so effin excited OMG i have like so much to say & the greatest thing is that this girl has no knowledge at all about my Thing #so i can explain from the very beginning You literally have no idea how much i practiced the conversation in my head #ever since she told me & she said she wanted me to go on & talk about it more i have been Devising My Plan #OMG YAYYYY ^_^_^_^_^_^ AIMU SO HEPI AAARRRGHHHHHGSJDJSHSJDHSHSG #& OFC i had to plug it in the first time i met her in person i just could not help myself there was an NF on that day & i told her i wanted #to catch it i had to go in the end for a different reason & BTW it was such a whiplash the show itself was so fun but the winner... 0_0 NO.#next i will ask her about berserk & maybe even read it so we can talk about it because she really likes it #i dropped it when i was 14 because the laptop i was using to read it was complete crap Just like mine is RN #like a section of my keyboard is completely dead T_T so i have to use the on-screen one...

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theofficialceoofbricole · 2 months ago

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Park that car, drop that phone, sleep on the floor, dream about me

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inkats · 3 months ago

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having a crush is like poison status effect whenever u have to think.

#my ocs #hello yes see i draw #I hate this so much ???????#what the fuck ??????#do u know how much effort I have to put in to not think about it. Like. Should I just kill myself at this point tbh.#and there’s people around me who are purposely trying to get a crush for like. Fun. Why.#this is psychological warfare.#though I guess their goals w crush is have one and never speak to him huh 💭 they just want a guy to think about when bored.#This happened to me by accident 💭 and I am. speaking to him often. I didn’t today though. hashtag winning 💪 (?)#I will get over it. I will speak to no one over midterms week and I will get so over him.#and then I will be so normal platonic about it.#this was supposed to happen in highschool I think I was supposed to get comfortable w this way earlier in life.#I don’t know I don’t care I just need to survive this at this point Jesus Christ.#and hey guess what I was just about to start gushing in this tag it snuck up on me wtf.#I do not want him. (<- affirmations)#I can never let anyone have my Tumblr or my art socials ever god imagine. Anyone seeing this.#it would suck so bad. Guys. I would have to kms.#why did I meet the most attractive and nicest and coolest guy immediately. why is this my first friend in 5 years.#sorry that is gushing huh. god this sucks so bad. I hate. having emotions.#well it’s not gushing it’s like objective fact people will not stop saying he’s won the genetic lottery to his face.#And I get crazy 2nd hand embarrassment every time but also not wrong.#they’re not wrong. ugh. killing myself.#guys why does every tag ramble end this way. guys. why. why am I becoming a real boy I want to be a puppet again actually.#ok. normal time 4 minutes left in movie clean bathroom then sneepy time and I will do so good not thinking about him and will sleep immedia

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talkorsomething · 6 months ago

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want to cut my hair again like you wouldn't believe. What are the possible consequences of going bald

#100% секретный дневник левы НЕ ЧИТАЙ #actually i dont mean bald i just mean all one guard length #but hhhhh maybe i'm in an awkard stage maybe not i just CANNOT live like this #middle part is frustrating because it's not perfect in the way it sits side part is frustrating because i look like a girl #i feel like i could go all in with the 4 and then sorta texture a bit with the 2 guard HOWEVER having used the 4 previously. i know #how short that is. it might not look good so i worry #the bright side is it would grow out a bit by the time of the parade but augh i hate this #i'm currently a tightly wound ball of rage sorry. i didn't eat much of anything 2day #tried to call the hospital to get help with the letter/consulation thing preceding top surgery and they were NOT OPEN so idk if they will #be open tomorrow or not. the passage of time has gotten very vague all of a sudden #iiiiiii do not think i am doing well. lol. idk why though! god forbid any of it have a reason #i almost wish i'd relapse just so i could like. eat food again #idk i don't think it would solve it but i feel in my heart it might make things easier #buuuut because relapse is Bad For Me i guess i have to avoid it. well i want to anyways.#one bad day would not a reset make but my previous day happened this year already so...#i dunno it's been so long that i feel like it's not valid or whatever cause it was at an age where i can say it was a 'phase'#.............. i dunno what to do with that information. anyways.#i mean so what if i went all in on it again anyways? i kinda miss it lol. it's not like i could do any serious harm??#(potential infections aside.)#i just want to be creative and i CANT because my stupid brain will NOT think of anything #and the majority of what i have concretely written of this was written... get this .... right when i was trying to stay clean at first #correlation does not equal causation ........ sighs #i feel like i'm fighting a losing battle because i WANT IT to be that bad again #i've never really regretted it & it's never really been because of anything #i just started because i was curious about why someone would do that. that's all #i dont think i've EVER had any of the mental distress i see people in when theyre in these spaces #in one journal entry i made this big deal about wanting to kill myself but *i didn't want to*. i never did.#like sorry old me but it is REALLY hard to believe i've ever been depressed depressed #i just want things to be better and they never are :/ this should be everything i wanted and its just ... not #i'm not really sure how to ....... oh tag limit ok hold on

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vulpinesaint · 2 years ago

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mkay not to be like. a little insane or anything. but god i've been going crazy over religion (catholicism) and blood lately. did anyone else drink blood as worship every week since they were seven. was anyone else inundated with images of open wounds as holy. is anyone else consumed by the thought of holding onto a crucifix tightly enough for the edges of it to draw blood. i turned in a poem about drowning in communion wine in an empty church while bleeding from crucifix-inflicted hand wounds and trying to talk to god and my creative writing professor gave me extremely normal critiques i feel like i'm losing my mind

#is ANYONE ELSE here.#also i made my poetry insta and i was gonna backpost but i think i might just sit and stare at it until april sfkghsd #it's me and my few hundred tumblr followers on my poetry acc. and the five thousand pornbots on this one ig #life is so. like.#i CONSTANTLY think that being raised catholic didn't do that much to me but obviously it did SOMETHING #you know what. yeah. cause i didn't end up with guilt over being queer but i did end up having my whole world view torn away from me #cause when god is the fundamental building block to everything...#my parents were extremely reasonable about things all things considered #but losing trust and faith in god is like having the bottom block pulled out of your little tower #and since i was fifteen i feel like i've been trying to either get it out fully without letting it all crumble #or trying to push it back without causing more damage #and the tower's never gonna be the same no matter what. you know.#i suck at self reflection so i never actually think about this stuff but dear god does it consume me #like no i did not end up with catholic guilt really. however being asked to examine yourself as a sinner at 7 will do things to you #HATE myself why am i still awake. so fucking upset i need to be up so early tomorrow skdjfgh #screaming and crying. anyway anyone else up thinking about catholicism and blood???#valentine notes #catholic tag

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weezerlvr228 · 4 months ago

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flippin boobahs!

#weezer #rivers cuomo #brian bell #patrick wilson #scott shriner #OKAH HI CHAT #i’ve been thinking #this tag will be just a rant not really weezer related #yk laufey ?#i was listening to her song ‘letter to my 13 year old self’ and just started overthinking about myself when i was younger #i just think about my younger self and get so sad thinking about her; i wish i could’ve done more for her #i was a huge introvert and talking to anybody made me super super anxious; so much so that my teacher noticed and had me join a ‘social #emotional learning’ group where we spoke about low self esteem and how to raise it and everything like that #i only left it in 8th grade because i didn’t wanna keep missing class for it; but it made me so sad to think i thought so low of myself #i would wear hoodies all the time and jeans because i used to hate my body a lot #which is awful to do in socal heat!#i think it started because in my family i was always stereotyped as the fat one; yk how mexican families are? they called me gordita for #the longest time; which made me incredibly insecure and only in 10th grade did i start showing my arms 😭 IK ITS DUMB BUT ITS SO WEIRD #i still can’t do it entirely; i’ll wear shrugs and things like that because i still am insecure about my arms sometimes but ive been better #i only really had one friend but she had a different lunch; so i was alone for most of the time on the swings by myself or sitting at the #lunch tables alone waiting for lunch to end and this noon duty came to me a lot and would talk to me since she felt bad i was always alone #while everybody else played with each other ; and i don’t know why i just broke down thinking about how lonely i was at the time #i’d go to the school’s friendship room everyday after that because it was just a teacher who let kids come inside her room to play games if #they didn’t wanna be in the heat and soon i became friends w the teacher and she’d play uno with me everyday; mainly because the room was #relatively empty until they got loom bands! and i was an expert on loom bracelets so i would help others make them and that was a confidenc #e boost; i remember being proud of myself for socializing like that LOL #i just get sad thinking about that time; i like to think that if little Lyss saw me; she would be so proud because i have friends;#a boyfriend ; good grades ; and i’m well liked and regarded. i hope she’s proud of my progress socially because it was such a leap #i wish i could go back in time and tell her how much better things get and how she won’t be lonely forever #…and to not online date. definetly don’t do that one.

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impostorsshow · 7 months ago

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I would never have thought that playing Disney: Dreamlight Valley would make me ship Merlin and Ursula but here we are they're definitely a divorced couple you cannot change my mind

#psa i did not buy the game fuck disney #my nama bought the game forever ago and i had to do some finagally bullshit to play it because disney is fucking stupid with their weird #cloud save id thing whatever it was a whole thing of figuring out how to play on my acc on my switch w/out buying the game #the answer was just to transfer “primary console” control to her acc on my switch - now we can play it at the same time #the bad news is she bought literally every dlc EXCEPT FUCKING OSWALD. LIKE IM NOT GONNA ASK HER TO BUY IT BECAUSE AGAIN /FUCK DISNEY/#BUT IM SOBBING CRYING ROLLING ON THE FLOOR MY GUY THATS MY LITTLE GUY PLEASE GOD PLEASE MY LITTLE GUY I WANT HIM PLEASE GOD SOBBING #talk talks #disney dreamlight valley #dreamlight valley #ursula #im not tagging merlin because all the suggested tags i dont recognize ans i fear its like a character in an underground tv show #also mother gothel is like exactly like my mom and i hate it i completely forgot that i related to tangled too much #overly sheltered kid with a narcissistic hoverparent mom? noo totally not. my life FUCK #but i caught myself going “oh shes not so bad shes fine to live in the valley shes just bad to her kid :]” and then had whiplash #that is probably why everybody except me likes my mom isnt it. god i hate charismatic narcissists #not gonna get into it if anyone with npd follows me thats fine its just that my mom refuses to go to therapy or improve her actions at all #its like entirely a personal issue your a person too whatever whatever its 2 am #i am aware pds are stimatized especially npd but i think living with an emotionally abusive narcissist for 10+ years is enough to justify a #/bit/ of a negative bias. i dont want to encourage treating narccissists like shit but i do think people need to be held accountable

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itsalwaysdark · 5 months ago

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i just fucking hate having ptsd all of it. so many stupid fucking things send me into fucking hysterics it sucks and i hate it and i dont want itttt anymore i dont want it.

#i literally like. i didnt tell u guys bc it was embarassing #but i had to hype myself up to eat a fucking orange the other day. like i was shaking and crying and i nearly threw up.#bc it fucking reminded me of All that and also bc its one of the only foods i got to eat outside ofm my one meal a day #while i was living there. bc my coworker gave me oranges sometimes #and one time she gave me a whole bag of cuties which was wonderful of her i miss her #but i pretty much like. bc during m-f i had a meal at work #and i could get something from the vending machine if i needed to #but on the weekends i had to either order food (which would always make me insanely nauseous bc of. the money stuff. yk) or just eat #what i had in my room bc i couldnt use the kitchen bc the roommates would be mad at me #and they might kick me out and id be actually fucked. its so crazy looking back that i genuinely the entire time i fucking lived there even #b4 the breakup the entire time i was in terror that theyd evict me. bc i wouldnt have been able to do anything abt it #i mean thats why i didnt like. leave him after he . and stuff. both bc i thought i didnt deserve anything better and bc i was terrified #theyd evict me and i wouldnt have any way to get home. it was terrifying #but ya. so for a couple weeks i rationed myself One orange per day lol. and on weekends that was all i was able to eat rly #idk. i hate ptsd. basicalllyyyy is the gist of ittt. and i keep thinking abt random fucking things they did to me #me when they jokingly tell me to starve myself when i literally have a fucking eating disorder. and when i told The Only Person i knew in #that fucking house abt it he told me i was being dramatic and i was just being greedy and etc. and then later when i got off work today i #saw on their fucking whiteboard in the kitchen i wasnt supposed to use Eat more <3 as one of their goals. while i went to sit in the garage #for the weekend eating a single fucking orange a day. god #idk. ive gotten better with eating i still have the scale but i ws able to go months without using it until the medical call the other week #and i havent used it since but. everytime i think abt all that itmakes me want to go back to it. i cant tho everyone would notice #i do still eat a wholee lot less than i did b4 washington but idk. idont remember if i even ate today i probably should but i dont feel #hungry but i cant even fucking trust that bc i Starved myself for so fucking long im too good at ignoring hunger. and i never was super in #touch with my body but im constantly numb now. idk.#ed ment #a2t #i ws gonna say more but it ws tmi + tag limit anyway. its just insane that my fucking ed wouldnt have happened if it werent for him and it #graduated i wouldnt have been isolatedinever wouldve had an ed. like 50% of my ptsd would be Gone if i just hadnt joined that discord. lol

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listen-to-the-inner-walrus · 9 months ago

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making art truly is just hating making art but hating not making art more.

catch me spending the past hour saying "i hate this pen. why did i choose to use this pen?" every other minute whilst also forcing myself to acknowledge that ive chosen a pen that will look really cool but oh my god i hate the pen

#kai rambles #this is my mini break from The Art™#so imma ramble in the tags of my own post #see when i got my first tattoo the other day/some time ago #my mom and brother also got tattoos at the same time in the same place (the semi colons for suicide awareness)#and while we were waiting for the preparation and all that #and whilst my mom was getting hers #me and my brother were looking through the sample books because hes slowly getting a sleeve done with flower tattoos #and weve talked a couple of times about him maybe having one of my original art pieces as a tattoo #and i have a rose sword design i drew years ago that i love #and my brother liked it #so im now redrawing it since i have more experience with digital art than i did back then #which was about a month? i did not have much experience #and im drawing in clipstudio instead of sai #and im really enjoying it and also really hating it because ahhhhhhhhhhhhh #roses are fiddly little bastards to draws and im real bad at drawing long lines?#like it takes me a good ten minutes to draw the outline of a sword because im so bad at getting the angle right or the line being wobbly #so its fun #also i hate perspective why did past me draw thorns going round the sword why did i do this to myself

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undermostcorgi · 10 months ago

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the media which consumes your entire soul at age 12 will forever be a part of you. this is an unavoidable consequence of living and you have to accept this fact. no matter how old you get, no matter how long it has been since you last saw its smug face peeking out from the bushes as it follows you, no matter if you think you have outrun it for good and that you're finally finally safe and you hardly even remember it exists anymore and your brain knows a few brief moments of true peace, it WILL catch up to you in your moment of weakness. and listen you don't want to hear this but sometimes this is necessary for your mental health. you will on instinct want to reject it and run away again but sometimes. sometimes you just need to watch that old show or listen to that silly song or read that weird book again as an adult and it will hurt you a little bit in various little ways but it will also heal you a little bit. you can call it nostalgia you can call it connecting with your inner child or whatever you want but just listen to me it WILL HAPPEN TO YOU TOO AT SOME POINT AND YOU HAVE TO BE PREPARED FOR THIS (i am forcibly dragged off the stage by security)

#heed my warning boy #it seems i am not well today #recently made the reluctant decision to revisit what was probably my VERY FIRST real hyperfixation #something that i don't necessarily want to mention by name right now because. well #its pretty objectively bad LOL like i dont think i know of ANYONE still posting about it or really proud of having liked it back in the day #i dont think it is as well known to the general public so it wont get me hunted down for sport even if i did name it probably hopefully #but for those who know its. probably not the best thing to be revisiting lmao (even though i think it might still be being made?? wtf)#but i felt i had to because i was about to start my period and was going crazy insane like you do you know how it is #and i randomly remembered a fanfic i loved and then remembered my fav character and how much i loved him #my actual first ever blorbo oh my GOD he was everything to me #so i reluctantly decided to rewatch “just the first few episodes” just to see how much i remembered and also to prove to myself it sucks #but surprise surprise: nostalgia and hormones are making me actually kind of enjoy it #and now i am suffering from fucking Catholic-like Guilt for not hating it which i think is pretty silly lmao #so im kind of posting this in an attempt to convince myself that its like. FINE and cringe is dead and all that #and that sometimes i gotta be nice to my little mentally ill brain and give it the junk food (bad media) it craves #ESPECIALLY when im on my period LMAO #anyway completely unrelated: why the FUCK do i still remember almost every single fucking word to the delicious tomato song SDHJFKSAJF #i hope no one actually reads this far in the tags bc i know that reveal will probably deal psychological damage to some of you LMAO SORRYYY #ok yeah posting this and then immediately going to bed so that the Haters cant reach me LOL SEE YA

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peapod20001 · 2 years ago

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In my...✨ depression bed ✨ phase <3

#vent #oho five hours babeeee hungry AND hot AND depressed?? what is this?? my birthday?#hahaha yeaap. it’s cool it’s cool I’m chillin #just vibin. head feels. weird. but I don’t entirely know what up with that it could be a few things if I’m being honest lol #hmmgf when was the last time I just. laid here this often?#laid? layd? layed?? whatever lol #hmm I found a fuckin uhh. vent diagram thing that showed BPD ASHD and Autism and their specific traits and overlaps #is uh. uhm. too close!! like sir!! who gave you!! permission!!!!#oofy anyways uhmmmmmm. realized that I!! don’t interact with people!! as much as I did when I was younger!!#like I had my classmates. my friends. my family. the ppl on tumblr and stuff. yknow #I was talking to someone and shit like!! every day!! for multiple hours!! a day!!!!#now it’s like. wow boy howdy. what are the chances I y’all for more than an hour with LITERALLY ANYONE today :)#uhhghgh gross ew ew nasty. I totally. don’t care that I’m not getting my enrichment #I’ll jus read tags on my art and look through old messages in place of actually. talking to anyone #mmm. conversations hard. hate talking about myself. don’t know anything besides myself. hate certain topics (but won’t say anything bout it)#anndd yeaa!! I don’t understand ppl and their motives and why they like me specifically. I put on my best personality for youu #I’m playing off of you and mirroring how you act so you’ll be ok with me <3 but that’s ok I suppose. I don’t think anyone here is out for my #guys so I’m doing good at least somewhat lol. ahmm. you ever not care about being something special to someone else. and then they kindaa.#squash that idea? and in theory you shouldn’t care since you didn’t want it in the first place but. them saying it hits? different? like oou #oh and question I don’t expect anyone to answer. you ever cried cus. someone aid you were their friend? best friend specifically? idk man #2 ppl have said I’m their best friend an I had to literally force myself not to get emotional at the first one and then I legitimately cried #with the second one LMAO like. how ridiculous is that yea? yeah #it’s. yeah. I’ve called ppl my bffs or whatever before but. it’s different when someone says it to you first ig. before I think they only #gave me the label out of convenience. not that we weren’t actually friends (at least I hope we were DHHDV) but. idk!! I literally yearned #for like!! basic shiittt!! I got put in time out like beginning of kindergarten cus I cried over my 1st best friend partnering with a new #girl instead of me!!! 😭 woof. that was the ONLY time I ever cried in public EVER. didn’t matter how many time I got hurt physically or #emotionally or how stressed I got or how confused or embarrassed and humiliated I was!! I’m NEVER letting people look at me like I’m stupid #for caring EVER. AGAIN. woof ok getting off the rails here I was like at least sort of ok when I started writing this but now I’m very much #NOT lololol so uhhhhhhhhhhh. anyways. let you get back to scrolling or swiping or whatever. I’ll be finnee totally. just. here

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