#i would wear hoodies all the time and jeans because i used to hate my body a lot

[weezerlvr228]

flippin boobahs!

[aromantic-pantyanarchy]

It's me. I'm the cis, heterosexual, aromantic man. I will never marry, I will never be married, I will grow into middle age and elder age and I will die unmarried. I will be forced to support a household of myself on only my wages alone for the rest of my life. I will be asked about women and marriage and children by my family for the rest of my life (or men, the progressive ones might say). I may not ever come out to them. I feel like I burned my coming out on something stupid. I don't want to explain it. I don't want to run them through the definitions and intricacies. I don't want the acceptance without understanding, placating me with ceased questions and poor explanations to other, drunk adults.

I like my hair to be long, I spent a year with it dyed a golden blonde with dark roots because I like the trashy party girl aesthetic. I want to dye it again with pink tips. I like painting my nails, black and blue are my favorite colors. I like wearing chokers. I also like wearing baggy jeans and ratty hoodies. I like having stubble. I like having chest hair. I like having a square jaw and broad shoulders. I wish I had a flatter stomach and a thinner profile frame. I don't know what this makes me, perhaps this is something no more GNC than Machine Gun Kelly. I think about this a lot, how queer my appearance truly is. I should think about it less. I have thought long and hard about if I could be trans or if I could be non-binary or if I could be genderqueer and the conclusion I ultimately came to is that I most enjoy being a man open to whatever self-expression I want.

I don't date, but I've thought about it. I would like to meet people, and I would like to have sex with them. But I don't want to hurt them. I fear if I explain what I am beforehand it'll scare them away. I fear if I explain after they'll feel manipulated or abused. I don't know how many people in the dating scene want what I want. I fear my own lack of experience will make me a bad lay, an embarrassing story to tell to confidants in hindsight. I fear my own virginity, a boundary to those I wish to be like. All of these fears are baseless, as I've not been able to even begin a single relationship in my life. Despite this I still heavily identify with terms like "slut" and "manwhore" and "thot" because my interests lay so deeply within casual sex, sex without great intimacy or emotion. This may be some form of stolen valor. I hope the true sluts are not too mad at me.

I made this blog several years ago because a mutual of mine reblogged memes making fun of aro and ace people, making fun of the concept of aphobia, and in addition well known aphobes. I didn't feel comfortable talking about aro stuff on my main blog, for as little as I talk about it. Living through the ace discourse of the 2016 era has largely caused me to cringe in embarrassment any time I am forced to discuss my orientation with people who aren't aro or ace themselves. I no longer follow this person. I unfollowed many people I was mutuals with from that time, most of them because they posted too often about how much they hated men and I didn't want to see that, some because our interests simply drifted too far apart, only one for explicit aphobia reasons. (Also one because they became a "both sides are bad, any vote is wasted" libertarian, but that's unrelated.)

I guess at this point I don't care deeply about what strangers on the internet think of me. If a trusted friend told me that they don't think I'm truly queer that may hurt. But I am going to continue to use the word for myself. I take up no resources. I go to events that are open to me. If an event was not open to me, I think I'd not want to go anyways. I am not a hypothetical, I am not a strawman, I am a person with lived experiences both within and exterior to the queer community. If you hate me, I will permit you to continue to do so. But ultimately, I am who I am, I cannot change these facts, and I would not choose to do so even if I could.

[blackreaderfics]

🎃Wildcard | Jason Todd x Reader🎃

↳ Pairing : TitansDCverse!Jason Todd x Virgin!Reader

↳ Rating : E (18+ minors dni‼️)

↳ Summary : A round of Cards Against Humanity gets a little wild during “Game Night” at Titans Tower

↳ W.C : ~3.4k

↳ A/N : welcome to spooky season. this is my first ever fic for kinktober🧡👻 idk if this is controversial buuut I love that actor’s portrayal of Jason🫣

↳ Tags + Warnings: dubcon elements, oral (male receiving), face-fucking, orgy, stripping, degradation (“slut”), coercion, alcohol consumption (beer), teabagging, bullyish!jason x shyish!reader, reader wears glasses, reader is a virgin, jason is kinda a dickhead lol, side characters (rachel, rose, gar, and conner) are there, for sake of convenience they’re all 21+

Part 2

“Oh come on,” Jason groaned exasperatedly as you set your glasses on the coffee table. “Glasses don’t fucking count!”

After a successful mission and saving the world for the hundredth time, the Titans decided to unwind in the best way they knew how: a night in with board games and beer.

As usual, Jason had tried to make the games a little bit more exciting by adding a “fun twist”. Jenga became a drinking game; drink if you make the tower fall. Uno had become “draw or dare”, you could choose to draw four cards or get off scot-free by doing a dare. 

The “grownups” of the team—Dick, Kory, Hank, and Dawn— had excused themselves to do “grownup things” leaving you and the remaining group of young adults in the living room. Currently, you were now in the middle of another particularly heated game of Cards Against Humanity, the interesting twist being the person with the best card could choose for someone to strip an article of clothing.

Jason had been targeting you the whole night; teasing you for the baggy clothes you always wore. Purposely, just to annoy him, you’d only taken off your accessories and your zip-up hoodie.

Admittedly the clothes you wore didn’t really fit you right. You’d opted to wear oversized sweaters over fitted shirts, and unflattering pants over a more hip-hugging and slimming fit. Before you became a Titan, you were shyer than you were now. It had only been recently when you started to come out of your shell and get closer to your teammates. 

“Be for real. Glasses do so count!” You retorted. You had all but discarded your outer layers and were now left in pants and a tank top. You could take up a few turns with your socks and shoes if you needed to.

“Why do you guys wear so many layers?” Gar piped up. All he had on were his boxers and a single sock. Conner, who was sitting next to him, was equally fucked, only, with no socks as a buffer.

“Because we play idiotic games like this,” Rachel remarked dryly while drawing an extra card from the pile.

You and Rachel were the only ones currently safe from any unnecessary exposure. Rachel did wear a lot of layers, and despite having lost multiple rounds, still looked very much clothed. Rose sat far off on the kitchen counter with a bowl of cereal looking on with about as much judgment as a girl with one working eye could. 

“You know, offer still stands. You can still join us, Rose,” Jason addressed the grey-haired, eye-patch-wearing girl without looking up from the cards in his hands.

“Hard pass. I’d rather watch you losers get destroyed.” She then unceremoniously returned to munching on her cornflakes.

Your gaze settled on Jason who’d shed his leather jacket and still remained in a plain black tee and jeans. He was unfairly attractive in the most basic of clothes. And though you hated his playground jibes and dirty humor, you couldn’t help but develop a little bit of a crush on the messy-haired boy. When his eyes caught yours, you could see the wheels in his brain practically turning as his smirk grew wider.

“How about…” He started slowly, “Boys versus girls. If you guys win, then we’ll get naked. If we win, you guys get naked.”

Of course he would suggest that, you thought to yourself glumly. The thought of showing your naked body to your crush didn’t excite you, it only made you more nervous.

“You’re just saying that ‘cuz you’re losing,” you said, masking your anxiety with a chug of your beer, “Conner’s literally only got his underwear left.” 

Conner, hearing his name, suddenly perked up. “For the record, I have x-ray vision. I can already see everything anywa—” Gar nudged him in the ribs to keep him from talking.

Jason shook his head. “It’s no fun if we already know who’s gonna win. Let’s vote on it then. Who here agrees to a wildcard match?” He raised his hand, and predictably the two other boys followed suit. “And who wants to play the way we’ve been playing; the boring virgin Y/N way?” He taunted cheekily.

You felt your cheeks warm again. He was never letting you live down the fact that you had confessed you were still a virgin during a past game of “Never Have I Ever”. You raised your hand and looked around for support. “Rachel,” you hissed desperately when you found she had not raised her hand. 

“Seriously? They suck at this game. It’s not like they’re gonna suddenly win out of nowhere," Rachel whispered back.

“In that case, I’ll play too,” Rose hopped off the counter and plopped on the couch next to you. 

“So nice of you to finally join us,” Jason crooned. “I’ll let you do the honors.” He passed her the deck he’d been shuffling for her to deal and sat back. 

After Rose had dealt all the cards, you looked at your hand. The deck you were playing with was a custom-made deck that Dick had ordered to round out the Tower’s impressive board game collection.

As a collective, you all pooled in ideas resulting in a deck of cards ranging from the peculiar to the mundane; from “taking shots off Nightwing’s ass”; to “Batman’s Worst Nightmare”; to names of each of your superhero aliases including all of the Justice League. For some reason, however, all the cards in your current hand were names.

“Make me laugh,” Rose ordered primly as she set down her card and folded her arms in expectation. It read: 

“If I could fuck anyone right now, I would fuck ______”

“Damn,” Rachel sounded impressed, “that’s certainly one way to start a round.”

Gar immediately threw his card down, followed by Rachel, then Jason. Only Conner and you were left.

“Time’s ticking Y/N,” Jason tapped a nonexistent watch on his wrist. Usually you would fire a comeback at him, but this time you could only frown as you chose your safest option and slid it tentatively over to the pile in the middle. 

“Time’s up, Conner,” Rose said as she gathered the cards. He passed it over face down, obviously not very happy about his choice. 

“Okay, we have a ‘Wonder Woman’,  a ‘Poison Ivy’….” She glanced around the room to see if anyone would give themselves away. “A ‘Robin’—wait...” She barked out a laugh. “I can’t not address this. I pick this one. Who fucking put down Robin?”

The room erupted into fits of laughter rivaling a high school classroom as they watched you sigh and bashfully raise your hand. 

“Oh, would you now?” Jason raised a curious eyebrow at you. 

“I-in my defense, there’s more than one Robin,” you sputtered pitifully before he could tease you further. You watched him stand up and begin to raise his shirt, giving you an eyeful of v-line and toned midriff. “W-what are you doing! I didn’t pick you!” 

Despite being only in a tank top, you felt yourself getting hot. Gar and Conner had equally toned bodies, but they weren’t affecting you the way Jason had been. Just to spite you, he kept his eyes on yours as he raised his shirt as suggestively as possible, bringing it up over his head and tossing it in a pile on his leather jacket.

“Just giving the person who wants to ‘fuck me right now’ a little preview.” He said, smile smug like he was doing charity for letting you see his 6-pack. 

Yea, real fucking Mother Theresa.

“Well, too bad I can barely see it.” You waved a hand in front of your face, “No glasses remember?”

“Come sit on my lap, mama, I’ll give you a closer look.” Jason plopped back on the sofa, abs flexing as he reclined with his legs spread wide, inviting you to sit with a pat on his thigh and a wicked smirk to match.

“Ugh, gross,” Rose made a face but appeared to be humored by Jason’s antics. 

“Anyway,” you interrupted desperately trying to change the subject. “Since I won, technically that means the girls won too. Rules are rules.” 

You had barely even finished your sentence when the boys immediately moved to take off their clothes. Your mouth went dry as they sat nonchalantly before you now, cocks resting against their stomachs.

In any other situation, you’d probably find this extremely inappropriate. They were your teammates. Sure, you lived together and had walked in on the occasional member changing or just getting out of the shower, but you were a bit buzzed off of the booze already, and this was different— you couldn’t help but stare.

“So uh…what now?” Gar’s nervous laugh broke the silence and everyone turned towards him; he blushed under the newfound attention.

“New game?” Conner suggested. He appeared to be just as clueless as Gar but with less of the blushing.

Rose looked over at you and Rachel for guidance, but seeing as neither of you knew how to react, the grey-haired girl merely shrugged back at the boys. “I’m down.”

“Ok, new game,” Jason agreed. “If you can make all of us cum in 10 minutes then the girls can get TV remote control privileges for the rest of the year.”

“All of you including Conner?” You asked brow raised, “He’s a super, that’s not fair.”

“What? It’s not like he has ‘super cum control’ too.”

“Actually, yea I—”

“Don’t answer that,” Jason cut in, annoyed. “Ok fine, I’ll give a handicap. If you can make one of us cum in 5 minutes untouched then the TV’s all yours.”

“Do you think we’re stupid, Todd?” Rachel narrowed her eyes at him. 

“Well…” He paused and tapped a finger to his chin to consider Rachel’s rhetorical question, flinching playfully when she raised her fist to jab in his direction. “Ok ok, but 5 minutes is a long time!”

“I meant the untouched part.”

“Your handicap is you can’t touch us, and our handicap is Logan.” He jabbed a thumb to gesture at Gar who looked like he was meditating to calm himself down. “He’ll probably reach the big ‘O’ before he reaches nirvana.”

“Deal, but if it’s gonna be like that then let’s raise the stakes a little.” Rose countered. “Not just remote control privileges. We get control privileges. Over you guys. If we win, you have to do whatever we say for the rest of the year.”

Jason fished his phone out from the pocket of his jacket and set the timer for 5 minutes. “And if we win, the same for us too.” He started the timer and sat back.

You, Rachel, and Rose made a beeline for Gar, who’d still had his eyes squeezed closed in the middle of the sofa.

“Fuckin’ hell, I should’ve known you’d try ‘n cheat,” Jason grumbled and stopped the timer. “No double or triple-teaming. One to one only and I get to choose the pairs.”

“And why should you be the one to choose that?” You turned toward him, trying (and failing) not to look at his dick. It was long and thick, with a slight curve and a pretty pink color at the tip.

“‘Cuz you wanna fuck me so bad,” he simpered, an impish grin playing on his lips.

“Oh god,” You rolled your eyes.

“Let him choose,” Rose challenged unfazed at Jason’s constant goalpost moving. “Whatever strategy he thinks he has isn’t gonna work.”

Jason ignored her and carried on with making the pairs. “Rachel and Conner, Rose and Gar.” He pointed directly at you, “You and me.”

Upon his directions, the three of you moved to stand in front of your now-designated partners. Finally satisfied, Jason set the timer again and pressed start. Almost immediately Rachel and Rose set to work on their mission, stripping their clothes down to their underwear. You tentatively followed suit, shimmying out of your jeans and kicking them aside. Jason eyed you, fully reclined in his seat with his hands comfortably behind his head. 

“Well, this is gonna be easier than I thought,” He yawned, looking as nonchalant as ever. 

“I doubt your porn-addled brain has ever seen a real woman before, Jason.” The taunts you directed at him should’ve sounded more confident, but instead were dulled by your nervous fidgeting at the hem of your shirt. 

This was the first time you’d ever been half-naked in front of a boy. And not just any boy, but a boy you liked. But the way he always seemed to tease you and make sexually insensitive jokes at your expense made you anxious. It wasn’t overt bullying, but the little comments he would sneak here and there were beginning to eat at you. If you showed him any more of your body, would he make fun of you even more?

“Trust me, I’ve seen plenty,” He assured, “But how ‘bout you jog my memory and demonstrate?” His gaze moved down your chest and back up to your eyes, daring you to take it off. 

You fidgeted again under his stare, feeling a sensation growing in the pit of your stomach. It was a mix of anxiety, embarrassment, and something else you could quite place. When you glanced over to the other pairs, Rachel had already taken her top off and Rose was in the middle of a strip tease. 

“Four minutes,” Jason announced, with a bored expression. 

Feeling a sense of urgency, you pulled off your tank top, exposing your lacy bra. When his dick twitched, both your eyes shifted to the hardening situation in his lap. You could see him fighting the urge to touch himself now, and that gave you a burst of confidence. 

Rachel and Rose were now in between Gar and Conner’s legs, not touching them, but teasing them by blowing hot air on their cocks. You followed suit, with only three minutes left you had to do something. After all, forfeiting your will to the whims of three boys with raging hormones didn’t seem like a fun idea, especially since you knew how playfully vindictive they could get. They’d probably try and make you human furniture or whatever other sick and twisted thing they could think of. You shuddered at the thought of the kind of torture they could come up with.

You sank to your knees and sat between Jason’s legs. You watched him involuntarily swallow and sit up straighter, pulling his hands down from his head to steady himself and clutch at the couch cushion beneath him. 

“Three minutes,” Jason glanced at his phone, but he wasn’t as confident as he was before. If anything, he seemed much more distracted by your presence at his feet.

Satisfied with his change in demeanor, you only smiled at him, fluttering your lashes at him as you brought your mouth closer to his balls. You opened your mouth and exhaled softly.

He hastily brought a hand to his cock—beads of precum already spilling from its tip—and made minute motions with the pad of his thumb to calm himself down. His chest raised with shallow breaths as he looked down at you now, eyes heavily lidded with lust and wanting. 

“Fuck it—” He hissed and without warning, reached his other hand around the back of your head, pushing your nose into his balls as he began to jerk off. Your eyes widened, taken by surprise at his sudden actions.

From where you were kneeling you could already see Rachel and Rose giving their partners full-on blowjobs, completely forgetting the game they had agreed to earlier. The sensation in your stomach moved down to your clothed sex, and you could feel a tingling sensation as he rubbed your face obscenely against his balls, moaning with need.

“Open your mouth —oh fuck— please.” His voice sounded strangled as he held you at the base of his cock, masturbating desperately to chase his release.

You obliged his request, opening up and taking his balls into your mouth, looking up at him as you felt his grip on the nape of your neck tighten. He was clearly getting off from the sight of you beneath him, massaging thoroughly with the flat of your tongue. He brought your head back and, with his other hand, held his cock by the base. 

He groaned again when he saw your lips now glossy with spit. “Open f’me again, baby?” he asked despite the fact that the tip of his cock was already being pressed to your lips. Your cheeks warmed as he let out a moaning “fuuuck” when you opened your mouth again to allow him inside. He pushed your head down deeper to take all of him in, and your eyes began to water as the tip of his cock grazed the back of your throat. 

“You don’t know how fucking pretty you look with my cock in your mouth, Y/N,” he murmured, releasing the pressure off your head for you to catch your breath. He let out a short laugh as if your gasping for air was funny to him.

“Had no idea you were such a fucking slut under all those clothes. How’re you a virgin when you’re takin’ my cock this good, hm?” His voice was gentle and soft but borderline condescending as he spoke. 

Jason brushed away a tear from your eye and leaned over to bring you into an open-mouthed and sloppy kiss, tasting himself on your tongue. A string of saliva connected at both of your lips when you separated. 

“Gonna fuck that pretty little mouth of yours. Keep it open,” He instructed. Within seconds he was guiding your head back on his cock, bucking up into your mouth and against your throat. You made a garbled sound, which only seemed to make him thrust harder. 

“Oh fu— that’s so fuckin’ good, baby keep doin’ that,” he moaned, though you weren’t doing much except letting your head loll up and down like a brainless doll with the support of his hand at the back of your neck. 

The living room was now filled with the pleasured moans of the three boys and the gagging ‘gluck gluck’ sounds of the three girls as each of them fucked into your mouths, getting off on the lewdly slick sounds of their cocks pistoning in and out in a relentless rhythm. Your mouths became just another hole for them to fuck.

“Shit—” His hips stuttered; he was close. He brought both hands to your head pushing it down so your nose pressed against his base. “You know how to swallow right, baby?” He grunted. 

You couldn’t respond with words readily—your nose was plugged and his cock clogged your windpipe— instead, your throat closed over his tip, as if a Pavlovian response to his question. He groaned and not shortly after, you felt his hot cum shooting down your throat. 

When his softening cock finally left your mouth, you swallowed his sticky release as best as you could with your punished throat. He swiped some of the cum the had dribbled down your lips with his thumb and pushed it past your lips, making you suck it. 

“You’re so fucking hot,” he said breathlessly as he watched you suck his thumb, mesmerized by the way your eyes locked on him. A loud moan from Gar interrupted, making both you and Jason tear your eyes off each other. The green-haired boy was currently stroking his cum onto Rose’s waiting tongue. About a minute later, Conner came too. 

It was only then that you realized that Jason had come the fastest; faster than the “handicap” he’d claimed Gar to be.

“So…I’m guessing that means we won?” Rachel had already started pulling her clothes back on. Since she started dressing, everyone else mundanely followed suit. 

Jason tugged his jeans back on, “Sure. Fine. Whatever, we’re all yours for the next three months,” he sounded less than enthused but still took the time to find your discarded tank top and jeans and toss them over to you as well.

Rose threw her shirt back on and adjusted her eyepatch. “Girls, what are we thinking? Anything we want our new servants to do for us?”

“Hmm…” You tapped your chin in mock thought, giving Jason a sly look that could give one of his own cheeky smirks a run for its money. “Oh, I‘ve got a few ideas.”

©️ blackreaderfics // dividers by cafekitsune & poison-aesthetics

[deathbyyoongx]

stuck with you; part 1 — myg

╭ parts: 1, ...

╭ word count: 5.2k

╭ summary: After your best friend Hoseok told you you could stay at his place for two weeks, you couldn’t help but be more than thrilled. A studio in the middle of the city, away from home, and close to every club you loved to go to? It couldn't get much better than that. However, when you heard the news his roommate's plans got canceled, you soon realized you had to spend those two weeks together with none other than Min Yoongi. It wouldn’t have bothered you if you had to spend two weeks together with a hot guy, but unfortunately for you, you already knew Yoongi from high school. 

And he absolutely despises your guts ever since.

╭ pairing: yoongi x brat!reader

╭ genre: smut, just smut, okay maybe a bit off fluff, can't help it

╭ warnings: enemies to lovers, angry/stubborn yoongi, y/n is an aboslute brat but that's the usual in my fanfics, ex-friends from high school, he hates you but you don't really know why, back and forth bickering, drinking, hair pulling, name-calling, hate sex (?), spitting, hickeys, slapping, voyeurism, being stuck with a hot guy that secretly would love to fuck you for two weeks, ...

╭ author's note: I had to put some fluff into it, I couldn't help it. It's the hopeless romantic in me. Also haven't reread it (24/08) I'm tired.

btw, use InteractiveFics for a better reading experience ;)

“Are you sure about this, Hobi? I mean, the man despises me.” Today was the day you would stay over at Hoseok’s shared studio apartment. It was only a few rooms away from a full-on apartment, which you were not complaining about. The plan was, that both Hoseok and his roommate Yoongi would be on vacation, which meant that you had this lovely space all for your own. But of course, fate had other things in store for you when you heard that Yoongi’s plans got canceled. His friend got a bad stomach ache after eating at some shady place downtown, pity. If this news had come to you a few years ago, you would be more than thrilled. Yoongi and you used to be good friends in high school, so the idea of spending two weeks with him wouldn’t be anything to worry about. But ever since college…things changed between the two of you.

“Look, I promised you could stay over and you’ve already adjusted your schedule to it as well, so he’ll just have to get used to it. And besides, it’s not permanent, I’ll be back in two weeks. He’s usually in his room anyways, so he won’t be bothered by you too much.” Hosoek explained, trying his best to reassure you about the sudden change of plans. “Plus, he agreed to it so-”

“Yeah, when he was still planning to go on vacation himself. But none of us expected his plans to be canceled because his friend ate a bad lobster.” You felt bad for the friend, but at least the doctors said it would be alright. But still, now you were in this sticky situation.

“Yeah, that's very unfortunate.” Hoseok said pitifully. “Plus, how bad could it be” That’s when you both heard the sound of keys unlocking the front door, which made you turn your heads at the same time. While Hoseok didn’t change anything in his behavior, you on the other side tried your best to stay cool and not to think too much about it. But god, did this make you nervous. Especially since it has been a while since you’ve seen Yoongi. The last time you saw him, he was rocking that bowl cut, which did look undeniably cute on him, but that was already five years ago. Where did the time go? Now you were both in your early to mid-twenties, so you knew that he wasn’t going to be the same boy from before. So when the front door finally swung open, you were captivated by Yoongi’s change of appearance over the years. Fuck. He was painfully beautiful. He grew his hair out, and the back of it even touched his shoulders. He traited his bowl cut for a middle part, and fuck, did it look good. And even though he was only wearing a hoodie and a pair of jeans, you noticed how broad his shoulders had become. Yoongi briefly looked up, and that’s when he finally noticed your presence. It was of short due because your eyes only met for a second before he looked back down. “Oh, good. I was just planning to leave-” Hoseok quickly spoke to defuse the obvious tension.

“Enjoy your holiday, Hoba.” Yoongi quickly said before locking himself in his room. 

“Very bad, alright.” Hoseok looked at you, almost apologetic that this was the situation you had landed in. “Make the best of it.” Was the last thing Hoseok said before hugging you goodbye. He grabbed his luggage and headed out of the door. You just chuckled to yourself. If this is how Yoongi wanted to be me, let him. You were going to enjoy yourself, whether he liked it or not. 

Day one went by faster than you expected. The best option for you was leaving that grumpy man alone for the first day, letting him slowly accept the situation on his own. You just went to the bar with your friends, enjoying the fact that everything was so near to you now. You still lived with your parents, but you were slowly earning enough money to move out. It was just a matter of time. That’s why Hoseok did you the favor to stay at his place while he’s on vacation. He only suggested it because he knew Yoongi would be away as well, not knowing that his plans were short-due. Besides the fact that out of all people you were staying at their place, it’s the fact his expensive vacation got canceled that made him extra annoyed. Leading to situations like you bumping into each other, saying ‘hi’ to Yoongi, and him completely ignoring your ass. Nice. But today was day two. Another day of playing another game of: will Yoongi finally speak one word to me, or will he act as if I don’t even exist? Let’s find out!

So there you were, sitting on the couch Tuesday morning, eating your honey cereal as you were watching one of your favorite shows. The sound of Yoongi’s door opening up made your ears perk up, making you turn your head to the right to look at his sleepy figure walking towards the kitchen. "Good morning." You greeted, but without any luck of getting a greeting back. You child. “Hope you slept well.” You turned your head back to the television as you listened to Yoongi grabbing something out of the fridge and heading back to his room. “Great talk.” You said in a sarcastic tone, mouth full as you heard his door slam shut again. You knew he was a stubborn little guy, but you weren’t planning on giving up. Maybe he still needed some more time to cope. Yes, that’s obviously the answer.

[10:18] y/n: Joonie

[10:18] y/n: Wanna go on a coffee date with me?

Namjoon was one of your best friends, who is conveniently enough also friends with Yoongi. You could always go to him for advice or just a good time. I bet he knows what to do with Yoongi, right? 

[10:21] Namjoon: of course

[10:21] Namjoon: I’ll pick you up around 12

“I tell you Namjoon, he just fully ignores my ass whenever I’m there. It’s like I’m a ghost.” As soon as you two sat down in the little café down the street and ordered, you started venting your heart out about this whole ordeal. “I’m real right?!” You started poking his cheek, making him scrunch up his nose and telling you to stop. It made you giggle.

“I just think he needs some time…maybe. He really started disliking you ever since college, you know.” Whenever Namjoon talked, he sounded wise. Even though he wasn’t that much older than you, he managed to sound like he had years of experience. “I never really knew why though, you two seemed to be good friends before.”

You took a quick sip from your coffee and quickly regretted it since you burned your tongue. “I know right?! It’s super weird. Besides Yoongi, is Hoseok the only one who knows, but he doesn’t want to tell me.” You sighed out of defeat and a pout formed on your lips. “I don’t remember having a fight or saying something inappropriate to him, so I have no clue what the reason is.” You took a moment to think and recollect your memories, but there wasn’t one that could indicate the reason for Yoongi’s sudden hatred towards you. You graduated high school one year after Yoongi, you went to college, and all of a sudden he stopped replying to your texts and avoided you at all cost.

Namjoon softly smiled as he gently placed his hand on your arm. “I know he’s stubborn, but he can’t ignore you forever. You’ll get through him one way or another.” His words were warm and sincere, making you feel more at ease about the whole situation. “Besides, you’re stubborn too, so I know the only option is for him to talk to you eventually.”

His comment made you laugh, ‘cause you knew it was true. “We’ll see.” You sighed. “I just feel bad for him that he needs to live with someone that he heavily dislikes. I wanna make it up to him, you know? One way or another.”

Namjoon thought for a second, stirring his little silver spoon around his coffee cup. “Maybe Hoseok’s knows what to do? You can always text him, he won’t mind”

A hopeful smile appeared on your face. “You’re right, but enough about me! How have you been? I heard you started writing a new book, that’s exciting!” After college, Namjoon started writing books. His first one wasn’t as successful as he hoped to be, but he had not lost heart, and luckily for him his last release was a hit. It’s kind of impressive how fast he could come up with new ideas. He also had a very poetic way with words, so to you it was just a matter of time until he got recognized.

“It’s going okay. I have a bit of writer's block, but I’ll get through it. And coming out of the house is fortunately one of the key factors of breaking it.” He smiled, his dimples shining through. The sudden buzz of Namjoon’s phone caught the both of you off guard. He fished his phone out of his bag, letting out an annoyed sigh as he read the caller ID. “It’s Jungkook, this is gonna take a while, sorry.”

Of course. Jungkook, your mutual friend, was known to keep himself busy with things that he knew he shouldn’t. You were just wondering in what kind of trouble Jungkook got himself into this time. 

Day two wasn’t as successful either, but you weren’t planning on giving up. Besides, Yoongi and you used to be friends. Weird, right? Yeah, sure, it was high school, but you didn’t expect him to change his demeanor towards you that much. Besides, what could you have done to make him hate you so much? That’s why day three, you decided to ask for some help. And hey, the third time’s a charm, right?

[17:41] y/n: hobi istg this man doesn’t budge

[17:42] Hoseok: It's that bad huh?

[17:42] Hoseok: Maybe ask him to drink with you? I’ve never seen him say no to alcohol

[17:43] y/n: bet

Now you had a plan and all you had to do was wait until he got home. You just had to ask him to have a drink and he will finally be nice to you, easy right? So tonight, you decided to stay home, trying to socialize with Mister Grumpy. You were patiently waiting for him to get home as you were watching TV again. It was already 22:05, so he would arrive any minute now. So hearing the magical sound of the keys turning in the keyhole made you as ready as ever. “Welcome home, you wanna-”

“I don’t know why you keep on trying, but if it wasn’t obvious yet, I’m not interested in talking to you.”

Excuse me?! “Excuse me?” If Yoongi’s first sentence wasn’t enough to make you offended, his cold tone only added to it. Yoongi however, just ignored you again. He took his shoes off, took something from the fridge, and just went to his room again. You just scoffed before you yelled “Look, it’s only for two weeks. Then you’ll have your precious Hobi back.” But the lack of response made you even angrier. “It’s also not my fault your plans got canceled, so no need to be so mean!” You just pouted in your seat, not sure what your next move could be, if you even had that. Should you just ignore the fact that Yoongi was ignoring you? Absolutely not, you still had 11 days left with that bastard. So when day three arrived, you decided on a different approach. 

“Yoongi, can you-“ And with that, he closed the door in your face. Nevermind. You thought if you were more direct, he would finally be less of a jerk, but alas, you were wrong again. The weather seemed to be in your favor, however. It had been raining cats and dogs ever since this morning, meaning you were stuck with one another whether he liked it or not. You planned to stay in the living room for the entire day, so whenever he needed to leave to get something, he had no other choice but to be in the same room as you. But Yoongi wasn’t naive, he knew what you were doing. So this morning he grabbed enough resources to keep himself fueled for the day. The bastard.

But there it was, a sign from above.

It was already close to midnight when all of a sudden you heard a certain man curse every curse word you could imagine in the comfort of his own room. Not only that, but the living room light suddenly shut off, leaving you alone in the darkness with the only light source being the one from your phone screen. But before you could fully comprehend what was happening, Mister Grumpy had finally left his room. “Did you turn the electricity off?!” 

You couldn’t help but scoff at his accusation. “First of all, I don’t even know how to do that. Second of all, how dare you accuse me of such a thing! I’m not that desperate for a man's attention…” You nagged. “The power just cut off. I bet it’s from the storm from outside, but maybe you haven’t noticed it since you locked yourself in your room all day.”

“I have a window in my room you know-“ A loud thunder interrupted Yoongi’s sentence. “Jesus.”

You placed your phone away, looking sheepishly at Yoongi who was wearing an oversized black shirt and gray sweats that didn’t leave a lot to the imagination. “I guess you’re stuck with m-” But before you could even finish your sentence, Yoongi was already heading back to his room. Oh no, I don’t think so. You bolted out of your seat and jumped in front of Yoongi’s door, blocking his entrance. “Not so fast!” Even though his annoyed expression was enough for you to move out of his way, this was just a perfect opportunity that you couldn’t let go to waste. “You wanna drink with me?”

Yoongi scoffed at your suggestion, crossing his arms as he spoke to you. “Why would I wanna drink with you?” 

You forced a smile. “Because Hobi says you like drinking and we are gonna be stuck with each other for some time.” You explained. “Besides, because of the weather the internet is cut off. So I need some sort of entertainment.”

“So you only wanna talk to me 'cause you are bored.”

This bitch. “Ugh, stop being such a drama queen. You’re the one who keeps ignoring me.” How dare he imply that you were the reason you guys haven’t properly talked the last four days? “Now sit!” You said in a demanding way, making him well aware you weren’t planning on backing down tonight. Yoongi just did as he was told and placed himself down on the couch reluctantly. Pleased with your accomplishment, you quickly headed to the liquor cabinet, grabbing the first bottle that seemed decent to you. You placed it down on the coffee table, together with some glasses, but by Yoongi’s expression, you could tell he was not pleased.

“You got the wrong one.” He spoke softly.

“What?”

“This is the cheap alcohol Hobi picks for parties and stuff. Wait-“ You and Yoongi switched places, you sitting down on the couch and he headed over to the liquor cabinet. He rummaged through it for a few seconds, quickly swapping the previous bottle with another one. “Here, this is the good bottle.” As Yoongi placed the bottle down, together with himself on the couch, a good distance away from you, you couldn’t help but notice it seemed a lot more expensive than the previous bottle. 

“You ignore me for days, but at least I deserve your expensive liquor.” You say backhanded. It didn’t help the he-hates-my-guts situation, but hey, you couldn’t help it.

He just scoffed as he poured a drink for the both of you. “Need to enjoy a quality drink if I want to tolerate talking to you.” He handed one glass to you. “Here.”

“Ah yes, of course.” That made more sense. You accepted the drink, waiting for him to clink it. “To a lovely night.” You said, forcing a smile again. You noticed he did the same before you clinked glasses, simultaneously taking a sip from your drink.

By the way you scrunched up your face as you took your first sip, Yoongi quickly realized that you usually didn’t drink stuff like this. “Not used to the hard stuff, huh?” He said in a cocky manner.

“Absolutely not.” You said, face full of disgust. “But hey, if it makes you hate me less-”

“I don’t hate you.” Yoongi quickly added, cutting off your sentence. “You just annoy me.”

You just laughed as you took another sip. “I guess that’s something.” The more you drank from it, the better it got. “Why though? We used to be friends in high school, but ever since college you started to act…different.” Yoongi didn’t answer, all he did was shrug his shoulders before he finished his drink in one sip, quickly pouring himself another glass. He was hiding something, but you didn’t know what yet. “Fine, don’t tell me then.”

“The fact that you can’t remember the reason why, makes my annoyance to you even more justified.” Yoongi explained as he was swirling his drink around. “But I guess you do have a weird sense of memory. Like that one time, when you forgot what color rose I gave you, but you seemed to have remembered I cut off the thorns so you wouldn’t prick yourself.” He said slightly annoyed. “It was lavender by the way, but I also don’t think you remembered the meaning behind it.”

“Wait, you remember that?” After all those years, Yoongi still remembered that? It was a very early memory of you two, you were both 15 at the time. It was Valentine's Day at school, and since you knew neither of you would have a valentine, you decided to be each others’. He gave you that lavender rose while you gave him a weird videogame that he was into back in the day. You were slowly sipping that nasty drink Yoongi handed to you as your mind was lost in a sea of nostalgia.

He tried to brush it off, not acting as if it was anything special. “Just a random memory I have.” But he couldn’t. “Or maybe I just treasured our friendship more than you did.” There it was.

You forgot to tell Yoongi you were a lightweight, so the dramatic gasp you let out was partially that dramatic because of the alcohol. “That’s not true! You were one of my closest friends.” An angry pout formed on your face. “But then you started to act like a meanie.”

Yoongi couldn’t help but scoff. “Oh, I was a meanie?! You were the one that started forgetting about me ever since she got into college.” 

“Heh?!” You could feel yourself getting more drunk by the sip. “You were the one who started ignoring my texts!” Yoongi’s lips parted for a second, ready to snap back, before closing them again. He was saying too much. There was a reason for his change of behavior, but his pride was the reason he couldn’t say it. “Yeah, now you don’t know what to say, huh?!”

“Whatever.” Yoongi mumbled as he took another sip of his drink, finishing it as well, making him pour another one. He wasn’t planning on staying sober tonight, especially after exposing his feelings too much.

The alcohol was starting to get to you, because the longer you started at Yoongi, the cuter you found him. You also noticed his cheeks were redder than before, but you weren’t sure if it was out of embarrassment or because of the alcohol. Unlike him, you couldn’t handle your liquor that well, making you say things like “You know, you’d be a lot cuter if you weren’t such a dick to me.”

Yoongi stayed quiet for a second, swirling his drink again as if he were searching through all the possible comebacks to that comment. “I thought assholes were your thing?” He scoffed.

You tilted your head out of confusion, mixed with a pout on your lips. “What makes you say that?” 

“Well, by all the guys you’ve been fucking, I can tell there is a pattern-” 

“Are you slut shaming me, Min Yoongi?!” You gasped, a bit over the top maybe, but still justified. “Never expected that from you, I’ve never been so disappointed.” 

Yoongi’s face turned a pale white, not expecting for this conversation to turn out this way. “No, wait-” You crossed your arms and dramatically turned your head away from him. “That's not how I wanted to come across.” 

That’s when you started to overthink this situation, which made a grin appear on your face, making Yoongi even more concerned. “Wait…so are you being an asshole because you thought that was my type?” His eyes were wide and his lips were tightly pressed against one another. He truly didn’t know what he just got himself into.

“No, not like-”

“Waaait-” You moved a bit closer to Yoongi and words escaped your mouth before your mind could fully understand them. “So, you saw me fucking a bunch of so-called ‘assholes’ and thought, lemme do the same? Didn’t know you actually liked me that much, Yoongi.” You teased.

“I think you’re looking a bit too hard into this-”

“So you were not trying to be my type?”

“Not intentionally, no.”

“What if I said that you are my type though?” 

The words came out casually, but you didn’t realize how impactful those words were to Yoongi. “W-what?” he stuttered.

“And not because you suddenly became a dick to me, just for clarification!” You quickly added, we wouldn’t want any misconceptions. Maybe you shouldn’t have had that second glass, what even was that drink? It sure wasn’t anything like the cheap stuff you got at the bars. You looked up at Yoongi and you could tell the red of his cheeks wasn’t from the alcohol. “Hehe, someone’s flustered.”

Yoongi’s body language had changed, he wasn’t as relaxed as a few minutes before, which was understandable. He was more tense and you could tell he was nervous all of a sudden. “You’re just saying things now.” Was all he could say, almost like a defense, like he couldn’t believe you just said that, let alone mean it.

Your sudden laugh caught him off guard. “Why would I lie about such a thing? You know me better than that.” You looked up at Yoongi, his eyes almost as innocent as a deer. His gaze was fixated on you and even though his mouth was shut thigh, you could tell more than a thousand words were going through his mind right now. “Ah, you’re so cute when you’re embarrassed, Yoongi.“ You leaned in ever closer, surprising him with how little distance there was left between the two of you. 

He couldn’t help but look away, this was just getting a bit too much for him. “You don’t mean that.” He said under his breath.

You pouted again as your eyes were studying Yoongi’s features. The way his black hair fell, the fluttering of his lashes, the rosy color of his cheeks, he really was a work of art. “Maybe I can prove it to you?” Yoongi’s eyes slightly widened at your suggestion, making him turn his head back to you. It painted a smile on your face. “What’s going through your mind right now?” You teased, noticing you piqued his interest.

His breathing got heavier, and you noticed the quick glance he took at your lips before he fixed them back to your eyes. “The same that’s going through yours, I hope.”

A smirk formed on your lips as you looked at his. “Is that so?” Yoongi wanted to say something back, but he couldn’t. “Is that why you’re so nervous all of a sudden?” You moved your hands up to his cheek, slowly caressing it with your fingers. “Because a lot of dirty things are going through my mind right now.” Yoongi seemed to be starstruck, unable to make a move. “You really can’t find your words, huh?” That’s when you noticed…“But your little friend says more than enough.”Your eyes drafted towards the tent in his gray sweats, making you smirk out of satisfaction at the sudden surprise. You moved your hand away from his face, laying them down on his thighs. “Can I?” You asked as you slowly caressed your fingers on his thigh, just inches away from his ever-growing erection. Yoongi took a deep breath before slowly nodding, almost seeming like he was fighting himself to give in. His response made your eyes twinkle, and you moved your hands up to caress his aching bulge. Your eyes were still focused on his’ as your hands were doing it’s own thing. You loved seeing his reaction to you touching him. The look of annoyance slowly faded into pure lust. His breathing got heavier with every caress your hand made, making his dick twitch out of response. Yoongi’s eyes moved down at your lips, almost looking desperate to have them against his’. “If you want to kiss me, then do it.” You teased. You wanted him to give in to his desires. You wanted him to admit it to himself how much he wanted you right now. And oh, did it drive him mad. You could see the hint of frustration in his face, his pride and desires were arguing, but one was obviously the winner since it only took him seconds before he leaned in to kiss you. His lips hesitated a bit to move as they touched yours, but when you were the one to start the motion, he had no choice but to follow along. You felt his hand creep in around your waist, pulling you in closer. A raspy moan left his lips since your hands had found their way underneath his gray sweats. “Nice to hear you haven’t lost your voice.” You whispered teasingly.

“Shut u-fuck.” With circular motions, you spread his precum all over his tip before giving him a hard stroke. “Please, y/n-” You never expected Yoongi to moan your name so desperately, but here you were. The man who had been ignoring you for the last couple of days was now more than desperate for your undivided attention. You couldn’t help but chuckle as you pressed your lips against Yoongi again, the sweet taste of his liquor still lingering. For a brief second, you let go of his twitching dick, leaving the comfort of the couch to sit on the ground, just the right height for easy access. You grabbed Yoongi’s sweats at its hem, dragging it down, making his erection even more visible. You were surprised by his size, making you even more excited to touch him. Saying you never expected to be in this situation would be a lie since you’ve fantasized about it multiple times during your college days. But unfortunately for the two of you, that’s when Yoongi decided to start ignoring you…

Yoongi’s eyes were fully focused on you, admiring the view you had given him. You tucked your hair behind your ear before grabbing his cock by its base, giving it a slow lick from there all the way to the top, without breaking eye contact. You circled your tongue around his tip before fully taking him in, making him let out a long heavy moan, almost sounding like a sigh of relief. Your hand followed the motion of your lips, starting out slow. The sound of you sucking Yoongi off in combination with his heavy breaths filled the room, which for you, was music to your ears. Occasionally, he would let out a small whimper, making you ever so proud of what you were doing. Yoongi’s head was thrown back in his seat, unable to continue looking at you as his hair fell in front of his eyes. He was getting lost in the pleasure, moaning your name under his breath mixed with cuss words. You removed your lips from his cock, making him let out a moan out of reflex. You quickened the pace of your hand as you kissed the inside of his thighs, eyes fully focused on him. “Don’t stop-” Managed to come out of his mouth as his heavy breathing became full of moans, making it clear to you that he was getting closer. You wrapped your lips back around him again, making him let out a raspy moan. “Fuuuck-“ You felt Yoongi’s hand finding the back of your head, grabbing a fistful of your hair, moving your head even further down so he could enjoy the gagging sounds you made. “Just like that.” Like the good girl you were, you went along with the pace Yoongi had set for you, not caring that the tears in your eyes were ruining your mascara. “You’re taking me so well.” You looked back up at Yoongi, noticing he had his eyes back on you. How could your eyes look so innocently up at him as you were absolutely ruining him at the same time? “Where do you want it?” The twinkle in your eye and the lack of response as you continued to suck him off made it clear to him where you wanted it. He threw his head back again and the subtle twitch in his legs made it obvious he was nearly there. “Shit-I’m gonna-fuck-“ You made it hard for him to speak as you increased your speed, making it all harder for him to suppress his orgasm. A raspy groan left Yoongi’s mouth as you felt him filling your mouth with white ribbons of his cum. The feeling of it against the back of your throat made you whimper for a second, but you tried your best to clean it all up. But fuck, was there a lot of it. You tried your best to clean every drop of Yoongi, and when his dick left your mouth, it was already turning limp. You couldn’t help but smirk as you wiped the excess off of the corner of your lips, enjoying the view of Yoongi being absolutely worn out. Yoongi gathered the last of his energy to sit up straight, leaning towards you to kiss you again. “I wanna make you feel good as well.” He whispered in between kisses.

A menacing grin appeared on your face, however. “Hmh, no.” You whispered back before pulling away.

“Wait, what?!” Your answer made Yoongi snap out of his high, not sure why you would refuse his offer.

You stood up from off your knees, feeling them being red from sitting that long. “Maybe if you’re a bit nicer to me the next couple of days, I’ll let you. But for now, no.” You said nonchalantly and full of attitude, even though this didn’t seem to be in your favor, ‘cause shit were you horny. You walked away from the couch and towards Hobi’s room. “Goodnight, Yoongi.”

Yoongi was dumbfounded and confused for a good minute, not sure what just had happened. All he knew was that he wished had made you cum first.

[cherriesformatt]

Hi could I request Matt x reader

They are in their senior year of Highschool and it’s prom season.The reader is sad because she never had any romance in her life and dreams of a promposal.Matt really likes the reader and even though he doesn’t like bring attention to him he surprises the reader.

promposal || matt sturniolo

matt x fem!reader

warnings: none, fluff!

word count: 1,1k

a/n: I hope you like it and I did not ruin the idea!

I came home and tossed my bag and car keys on the cubby.

"Hi! I'm home!" I yelled to check if anyone was back from work or in case of my brother from school.

Only echo answered me and I sight of relief because the last thing I wanted was to small talk with everyone how my day was.

I went to my room, stripped from my clothes and wrapped my body in white, fluffy robe. I took change of clothes, my phone and dragged my feet to my parents master bathroom. They had huge bath tube and my mom had all those fancy stuff from TikTok to make a relaxing bath.

I made myself one with lots of bubbles and got in. I didn’t put any bath bomb or candles because it would give me a headache. The only thing I did was putting music on from my phone on the speaker in the bathroom.

I hated today. And all of this week to be honest.

It was this time of the year again. Senior year to be specific. Thats why I hated it even more because it's the last time ever for that.

For prom.

Everyone including my best friends were proposed to go to prom by their boyfriends. In every cute way possible. I was only there to fake smile and be happy for them but also a little jealous. Because here is the thing.

I was always so focused on school and soccer that I never, ever let any boy near me. It is a miracle that my best friends are still my friends. I was single through all high school, never went on any date and when I rejected some boys no-one asked me again. Which brings us here, I also was never asked to go for a prom. This time it was a little sad because it is going to be my last prom.

"I hate myself" I said and made my body to go under hot water while Frank Ocean was playing in the room.

I stayed like that for a second but I heard my music stopped for a massage notification so I sat back up and took my phone from the ground next to the bath tube splashing some water on the floor.

I checked the massage and I was a little surprised. It was from Matt Sturniolo. I knew him because his brother Chris was dating my best friend Maggie. He sometimes drives us to parties or games. He and his triplet brothers played hockey and lacrosse in our school. They were pretty good. Nick also did our yearbook this year. Matt and I never really had any class together and beside knowing him as Chris's brother I didn't really spend time with him. He didn’t usually stay at parties after games and even if he did he spent time with his team mates I did with mine.

I smiled a little. Was he kind of asking me out? What should I do?

Wasn't I just complaining that nobody asked me out?

And I said yes.

What am I even going to wear? It’s march and it’s going to be cold on the beach.

I spend and hour in the bath and than I ate early dinner and started to get ready.

I did blow out on my hair and put a light make up on. I didn’t want to look like I care too much. I put some jeans on and a hoodie with white Air Force 1. They had blue flowers custom painted for me on them by one of my friends.

When I got a text massage from Matt that he is waiting outside a little before 7 I told my parents I’m leaving and took my purse and locked the door behind me.

He was leaning on his car and smiled when he saw me. He looked nice. We kinda matched the outfits. He also was wearing a hoodie and jeans and white air forces.

“Hi… it’s nice to see you not on the field next to mine” he said.

That’s true. We usually just had practice or a game next to each other.

“Same to you… you stole my outfit tho” I laughed as he opened car doors for me.

“I can live with matching your outfit” He smiled looking at me and he closed the doors and went to the driver seat.

We drove to the beach talking about everything and nothing. Mostly about sports and music and the midterms.

“We’re here let’s go?” He smiled when we parked.

I got out of the car and he came to me.

“Okay I know it will sound weird but can you close your eyes? And not peek?” Ha asked me.

He was nervous?

“Okay…. But if you want to kill me my dad is going to find you and probably kill your brother for accident” I said closing my eyes and sticking my hand out for him.

He giggled at what I said and toon my hand to lead me.

Sun was setting already so it is going to be dark soon. I’m not sure what we are doing here.

I heard some sounds as we were walking on the sand but mostly it was sound of the ocean.

“Okay I’m going to let go of your hand… don’t open your eyes just yet” he said.

He dropped my hand and I stand waiting for him to tell me to open my eyes. I heard some voices too.

What the hell is happening.

“Okay… you can open your eyes now” Matt said from somewhere in front of me.

I opened my eyes and they automatically widened.

There was some lanterns going up into the sky. Like I my favorite movie.

Tangled.

I looked at them and then down to see where they are coming from. Whole lacrosse and hockey team were putting them up.

There he was standing in the middle with a poster that said:

Light up my night at prom?

And there was a painting of the tower from the movie. It was beautiful. I bet Maggie did it.

Nobody ever did anything like that for me.

“Matt what the hell?” I said coming up to him I’m pretty sure I had tears in my eyes now.

“Sooo?” He looked at me unsure of my reaction.

“Of course..” I said looking at him and wiped my cheeks with my hoodies sleeve.

Whole teams started cheering and I laughed.

“How did you even know? That I like the movie…” I asked.

“Well I talked to Chris and Chris talked to Maggie and you know…” he scratched back of his neck.

“Gosh I feel like I could kiss you right now…” I whispered.

He smiled and put one of his hands on my cheek and the other one wondered on my back to pull me closer to him. He looked deep in my eyes looking for reassurance but I just connected our lips together.

It couldn’t get any better. The best promposal I could ask for.

[cheesecakeislazy]

JEFF THE KILLER HEADCANONS BECAUSE FUCK YOU! (Jk I love you and hope your life is great)

1. Him and BeN are besties for life, ride or die, would suck the poison out of each others dicks (not gay though)

2. Jeff has eye drops on him 24/7 so he doesn’t go fucking blind

3. Jeff has anger issues, one moment he’s chill as fuck and then EJ told him something that pisses him off- and now there’s a stab wound in Toby, a hole in the wall, and an angry Slenderman.

4. Jeff is totally straight. He totally thinks boobs are awesome. And totally only boobs. (He’s bisexual and swears on god he’s straight.)

5. He wakes up at 2 pm because he hates being awake in the mornings

6. He’s a metal head. He blasts music from his room so loud you can hear it across the mansion (slender mansion AU)

7. His deep gravely ass voice is perfect for metal songs

8. He likes to paint his nails black, and black only any other color is fucking gay

9. His vocabulary is 90% cuss words

10. He rarely showers. Ironically the gamer showers more often than him. Jeff prefers to be a stinky son of a bitch (take that fangirls)

11. He makes up for it with his dental hygiene (kinda) he brushes them twice a day and they look perfect (mostly)

12. He has extra sharp canines

13. He named his knife “Knifu” aka his knife waifu

14. The knife has been used so much that it constantly reeks of bleach and blood; it has permanent blood stains on it

15. Jeff bites his nails pretty often

16. Jeff isn’t good with throwing knives- he also isn’t that good at stabbing…

17. Jeff literally just stabs and stabs until he thinks his victim is dead, he doesn’t know any major artery’s (did I spell that right?)

18. Jeff is dyslexic

19. Jeff is horrible at math but refuses to admit it

20. Jeff wears eyeliner but refuses to admit it

21. He secretly loves the color pink but refuses to admit it (see a pattern here yet?)

22. Jeff is super sensitive to light due to the fact he doesn’t have any eyelids

23. He wears black gloves because he has burn marks on his hands and hates it when people look at them (fingerless gloves as his fingers aren’t burnt)

24. Jeff really wants tattoos and piercings but can’t get any due to his skin being extremely sensitive and fragile

25. Jeff hates the sun, it hurts his eyes and skin

26. Jeff likes going to playgrounds at night because 1. Fucking swings are awesome and 2. Creepy

27. Fucker is 5’11 and constantly calls BeN a midget

28. Jeff had a small crush on Toby for a while and lowkey has a small crush on BeN but…

29. Jeff is highkey downbad for EJ (it’s one-sided)

30. If Jeff ever tried to cook, he would burn everything

31. Jeff is fucking terrified of fire

32. Sometimes Ben likes to scare Jeff shitless by lighting a small fire inside Bens hands infront of Jeff

33. Sometimes Jeff throws Ben inside a kiddy pool and watches him panic about drowning (he is fully above the water)

34. Despite the fact Jeff and Ben both fuck with each other and their fears, they do it in tame ways to ensure the other doesn’t actually have a panic attack of any kind

35. Jeff lives in sweatpants, jeans are for losers and shorts are gay

36. T-shirts and hoodies, Jeff literally does not own a single sweater, long sleeve, or tank top.

37. His favorite T-shirt says “Fuck me in my ass (but not in a gay way)”

38. His second favorite says “Emo metal loving slut”

39. Both and almost all of his t-shirts are black with either white or red/pink writing

40. It is Jeff’s goal to have every photo taken of him (with permission) to have him flipping off the camera

41. Jeff watches South Park but thinks Family guy is stupid

42. He tries really hard to get on Liu/Sully’s good side but his anger issues usually get in the way

43. Jeff and Nina are actually really good friends that lowkey view each other as family

44. Jeff and Nina love to piss each other off constantly (Ben will prank whoever he is asked to)

45. Jeff has tried to kill Jane quite a few times, and Jane is constantly trying to kill him

46. Jeff personally isn’t into weed but he doesn’t judge BeN for being a stoner lowkey

47. Jeff is a virgin but he wouldn’t be nervous at all about having sex

48. Jeff is a kinky bastard

49. Jeff likes a good bowl of strawberry ice cream

50. Jeff likes banana smoothies

51. Jeff owns a few Nirvana T-shirts

[send-up-my-heart-to-you]

heres a change from my usual depressing posts: here are a few of my happy memories :)

when i was nine years old my grandma and my mom picked up me and my siblings from school. i was so happy bc its usually just our nannies who picked us up. we went straight to the mall together and played games, and then when my siblings got tired they went home but i stayed with my grandma and mom. we just walked around the mall shopping for clothes and i was happy bc i had my grandma and mom all to myself

when i was nine years old i moved schools. on a national holiday, i visited my old school to say hi to my old friends. the moment i stepped into the classroom i was swarmed with a flurry of hugs and tears. thats the last time i remember truly feeling like i had friends

when i was thirteen years old i hated how i looked. my mom would buy clothes for me and i’d hate them because they werent my style and werent really flattering. one day we went shopping and i bought myself this turtleneck and pair of jeans. i wore it and looked into the mirror and grinned so hard to myself because it was the first time i realized i was pretty

when i was twelve years old on new years eve (dec 30), i woke up to my cousins yelling at me to get up. i very groggily got up and got dressed. their mother took us to the zoo together and it was so fun. we were all happy. it was one of the last times we were all together and smiling

when i was eleven years old my mom took me to parents evening. my favorite teacher called me a gem and said my english grades are better than that of most native english speakers. i’ll never forget that. (me n her used to talk about percy jackson and shadowhunters together after i first picked them up)

when i was fifteen i was dressed up for a school event. when we walked outside i covered my face with my hijab. the girl next to me looked at me confused and i explained to her that i didnt want the guys to see me wearing makeup for religious reasons. she just nodded understandingly and said matter-of-factly “you dont need makeup to get stared at.” and when i laughed and said no one ever stares at me, she just looked at me very evenly and said “you wanna know something? i catch myself staring at you a lot. makeup or no makeup.”

around that time when i was fifteen, on a random tuesday at school i realized i actually have friends. i’m actually popular. i dont get bullied anymore. i’m not the “weird kid” sitting in the back of the classroom anymore.

when i was sixteen (this was back in april) me and my sister @txna-blxckthorn stopped by a fast food place at a gas station to grab dinner for our family. we were wearing pajamas under our hoodies. we were just talking about deep stuff while rain beat the windows and the smell of hot food wafted thru the air

[reigningqueenofwords]

Be Both

Pairing: Dean x plus size!Reader Word count: 939

Read on AO3

Part 1 of Fat and Beautiful

Sam furrowed his brows when he saw you on the couch. “Uh, Y/N?” He asked, moving closer.

“Yeah?” You asked without looking at him. You were in a baggy hoodie, lounge pants that covered your feet, and you had one knee against your chest, your chin resting on it.

“Why aren’t you with Dean?”

Shrugging, you sighed. “Just because, Sam. Drop it.” You told him, shutting off the tv and tossing the remote to the side. Getting up, you shoved your hands in the pockets of your hoodie. He could tell by your voice that something was wrong, and it was because of his brother.

With a groan, he got up and made his way to the room you shared with Dean. Knocking, he didn’t have to wait long for the door to open. There stood Dean in a pair of blue jeans, drying his hair off, not wearing a shirt. “Yeah?” He asked, not a care in the world.

“What’s wrong with Y/N?” Sam asked.

Dean shrugged. “Nothing. Why?”

“Because she’s wearing clothes that are practically eating her alive, refuses to look at me, and just walked off telling me she wasn’t with you ‘just because’ and to ‘drop it’.” He explained.

He thought for a minute and shrugged again. “I don’t know. We were hanging out, she was in one of my shirts, curled up next to me, and I got up to shower.”

Sam nodded. “I’ll try talking to her again later.”

“I could.” Dean told him. After all, you were his girlfriend. Had been for years now. “You know where she is?”

“No, I don’t, Dean.”

Neither of them saw you for a good bit. Dean was starting to worry when he was on his way back to the room he shared with you when he heard you crying. Furrowing his brows, he tried to walk into what had once been your room- before the two of you got together. However, he found the door locked. “Babe?” He asked, knocking. He was worried, and didn’t like not being able to help. He knew that you hated crying, and he’d rarely seen it, but he still tried. “Please open the door, baby.” His forehead was resting on the door, his eyes closed.

“Go away, Dean.” You sniffed.

He sighed, going to find Sam. If anyone could get to you, it was him. Sam was the one that had saved you. Sam was your best friend, and the one that you opened up to when it was Dean that had pissed you off. He was also the one to make you open up to Dean most of the time.

“Sam, I found her.” He told him as he walked into the kitchen. “She’s locked herself in her old room, crying. Won’t let me in.”

Sam got up, taking the second half of his sandwich with him. “I got it.” He told Dean, taking a bite and walking by. Sam made his way through the halls, taking his time. If Dean tried to get you to talk, you’d likely like a few minutes to yourself, because chances were, this had something to do with his older brother.

By the time he reached your door, he was done eating. He knocked gently. “It’s me.” Sam told you. “Can we talk?”

He could hear you moving around on the other side of the door. Hearing a click, he walked in, shutting the door behind him. You were sitting on the bed, your back against the headboard, knees bent. Sam sighed, sitting next to you and pulling you close. As he kissed the top of your head, you sobbed softly into his side.

“What’s going on?” He asked gently. “Something is seriously bothering you.”

Wiping your cheeks, you sat up. “Dean.” He groaned, knowing this was going to be interesting. “I don’t think he’s attracted to me anymore, Sam.” You looked up at him, your eyes red from crying.

He shook his head. “Dean loves you. More than pie, and that’s saying something.”

You shook your head. “Just because you love someone, doesn’t mean they’re attracted to you…” Which was true.

“Why do you think that?” He asked, honestly curious. While his brother’s sex life wasn’t something he wanted to hear about, this would help you, so he could deal with it.

Leaning your head back, you closed your eyes. “He used to be so into me, ya know? Like, I get that after a few years, it won’t be as much…” You sighed. “But I tired to get him interested before. He just got up to go to the shower, and when I walked by I know that he was jerking off in there. I can walk around in next to nothing, and get no reaction. Not even a passing glance.” Your head went back to his shoulder. “Is it because I’ve gained weight?”

Sam looked down at you, making you look up at him. “Why would that change how he sees you?”

“I’m fat, Sam. There’s no way around it. I’m not beautiful like other girls.”

“Why can’t you be both?” He asked you. “Just because you’ve gained some weight doesn’t mean you aren’t beautiful. Who says you can’t be fat and beautiful? Fat isn’t a bad word, Y/N. Not at all.”

You wrapped your arms around him. “Maybe. It’ll take more than just that to feel okay, though. I think I’m going to move back in my old room for a few days. I can’t take sleeping next to him in next to nothing and him not touching me.”

Sam nodded. “Anything you need, sweetheart.”

[hannah-h-pleb]

Some general headcanons about Eric Cartman because he’s my favourite little shit disturber

This is my first post and first time writing stuff like this so be nice 🙏 I am tagging @h-harleybaby because she asked me to when I finally decided to post. Please check her page out, she’s awesome 💕

Also note that Eric is 18+ here, so yea, let’s get it!

Creds to the artist who drew this picture below. I don’t know who drew it though :((

Eric Cartman: Basic Headcanons

Now, I totally get why some people say he would be gross af, but I mean, this boy has suuuuch a massive ego that he would WANT to look and smell his best. Because he’s the best looking and he wants everyone to know, right?

Dude probably has a whole skincare routine. Washes his face regularly, uses moisturizer, facial scrubs, hell he even uses face masks. What a diva 🙄

He literally has perfect skin despite his eating habits and it pisses Kyle off beyond belief.

He’s usually clean shaven. As he gets older he grows out his facial hair somewhat but it doesn’t get very long, just some stubble. Anything longer than that annoys him. He would hate getting food or crumbs in a beard so usually, he stays clean shaven

Showers every other day, or everyday if he can. His hair is usually very fluffy and soft to the touch

Probably smells like cheap cologne and Mountain Dew. That man drinks Mountain Dew like it’s water soooo

He’s not overly tall, he’s about 5’6 or 5’7, maybe 5’8 at the most. Despite being one of the shortest guys, he would rip on someone who’s even an INCH shorter than he is

Still wears his usual red jacket with a t-shirt underneath, but likes to switch it up more as he gets older. You may catch him in hoodies more often because they’re comfy. Wears jeans more often too

Even though he was overweight as a child, he grows into his weight more as he gets older. He’s still not skinny by no means though. He’s got quite the belly on him but he’s not dangerously overweight. He’s chunky. If he’s a wrestler or a boxer, he’s got more muscle in his arms for sure. All in all, still a thicc boy

His relationship with his mom is neither here nor there but it has improved. He still likes to push his limits but he does respect her more. Super protective of her as well, and won’t hesitate to punch you in the mouth if you say anything bad about her. It’s giving momma’s boy fr

Now the big question is: Does his personality change much? The answer is yes AND no

He has calmed down somewhat in terms of his “scheming”, but not a whole lot. Most of his “schemes” consist of trolling tf out of people and finding ways to get a reaction out of people for his own amusement. He still likes to use blackmail against people though, and wants to feel like he has power over people, so what better way to get the upper hand than to piss people off and watch them fall apart and get angry? Or to hold their deepest, darkest secrets over their head? Knowing he can get any kind of reaction out of someone makes him feel superior. Despite calming down A LITTLE BIT, mans is still chaotic af. He loves getting under peoples skin anyway he can, whether it be by saying something completely out of pocket, or by using blackmail

At the end of the day, he’s still Eric Cartman, he’s not the nicest person

Still holds some of the same bigoted views as seen in the show. However, he may warm up to someone of a different race if he likes their company enough. It may not happen right away, but eventually, he’ll come around and try to learn

Honestly, he’s mostly just a general, bitter asshole with anger issues. It’s so funny to him when he makes someone else angry, but if HE gets angry he’ll make it everyone’s problem

Which btw. Drama. Queen. If someone even lightly shoved him, he’ll throw himself on the floor and exaggerate how hard he was pushed. Also gossips a lot, whether it be about his own friends or some rando he doesn’t even know. Attention whore for real 🙄

So there ya go. That’s what I think Eric would be like as he gets older. Still the same chaotic, obnoxious, foul-mouthed asshole we know him to be, but not into killing people on the regular anymore. I might make a part 2 or something because I could go on forever about this dude

[oatmealmika]

FEM! TRAFALGAR LAW HEADCANONS BECAUSE I LOVE WOMEN

a/n : sometimes i just wish law was actually written as a girl cuz DAMN

first off, CLOTHES SHE'D WEAR!!

i'm getting major streetwear/chola style vibes from fem! law

like i mean ripped up baggy jeans, croptops, hoodies, oversized t-shirts, sports bras, long clickity clackity nails (if she really wanted to but very occasionally), and of course (his? her?) their hat

she got her earrings done when she was too little to remember so it's just annoying to have to redo them every so often

i have no clue who'd do her tattoos since she most definitely wouldn't trust some sketchy guy to do them

maybe herself but i don't think that's it either

and whenever you ask her, she makes up a different story (like that one blond guy in "ratatouille" who has a criminal record)

"woke up with it" "they're stick n pokes" "this guy i knew who would only wear bucket hats" and of course "nunya"

she is half german and half mexican (may or may not be self projection with the mexican part)

i get HUGE ymir from aot vibes with fem! law

she appears rude, hardheaded, and pessimistic, but she really does care about others and does have some hope in her (wishing her crew likes her horrendous hawaiian shirts)

her music taste is rock, rap, indie dream pop (tv girl), and then sad spanish songs that slap way too hard (i'm thinking "no me queda mas" by selena, a bunch of vicente fernandez songs my mom loves to play at full volume, and "amor eterno" by rocio durcal)

def not straight i mean just look at fem! law fanart on tumblr bro like honey... and man, am i glad she isn't straight cuz GODDAMN

if you go out with her, you need to order for her pls she can't do it on her own

but she will take the bill, no excuses

i think the type of person she needs as a partner would have to be okay with silence, they have to be outgoing and fun but mature with intense situations, and yeah

plays the bass guitar and has been for years

also plays the drums but her main instrument is bass

really wants to be in a band but not really since she hates the idea of having to be nice all the time for the public

at a mall, she either hangs out at hot topic, barnes and nobles, or justice the whole time

got a bunch of piercings all over her but that's a secret lol nobody knows...

UNTIL I TELL YOU: bellybutton, industrial, conch, ear lobe, tragus, bridge, middle tongue, hip, nipple, and then a bunch of genital piercings i will not be discussing any further XD

her most used apps are photos, notes, tumblr, pinterest, depop, and....... ao3

OKAY OKAY as hard as it might be to believe this, this is NOT self projection it is TRUTH

she doesn't religiously read fics or anything, just occasional oneshots about her nerdy crap when she's bored or something

my girl out here reading her "sora, warrior of the sea" 10k+ fics 💀

if you take her home to meet the family, at first they'll be thrown off by her intimidating looks, but soon enough they'll realize what a little loser she is! the cutie patootie she is <3

LOVE LOVE LOVES cringy 70s/80s/90s movies (think "grease", "the princess bride", "pretty in pink", "10 things i hate about you", etc.)

she doesn't know why. she hates the dumb stereotypes and all that stuff, but she just can't help it! she's so real for it too

idk why but i feel like she'd LOVE spiderman???? like as an obsession?

she is pretty normal about the live action movies, it's just SPIDERVERSE THAT MAKES HER GO CRAZY

she also wants to be good at art but never has motivation to do it

she def has an upside down smile (that what it's called? i think of it more as a "oh that's cringy look and stare y'all" smile)

is she scrawny? muscular? i can't decide honestly. like yeah guy law has some brawn, but he is still a pretty lanky guy, so that's why i see fem! law as a lanky chick. but i love muscular women... goddamn she is just lanky. she obviously has some meat on her bones, but not much.

that being said, i don't think she's very curvaceous either (let's pretend oda didn't draw her the way he did). she is no doubt an a cup, and while her butt is fairly larger, she's still pretty flat.

she also only ever wears sports bras since she thinks regular bras are uncomfy and a hassle.

for a va to replace masc! law's, i would say for japanese romi park. for english, i'd say either trina nushimura or elizabeth maxwell.

for one piece live action, i would want like zendaya as fem! law 😭 aye anything for queen zendaya

only bepo knows this, but she wears socks and sandals on sundays no fail.

has a tattoo somewhere of bepo's name inside a heart with an arrow through it (think those tattoos that tough guys get, with instead of bepo, "mom" is what's written)

fem! law still wears ugly ass hawaiian shirts, don't get it mixed up ✊

that's all for now :)

likes and reblogs are appreciated <3

have a good day!!

[elacular-kink]

Hicvember 17: Midnight

Bringing back the girls with some primo Maya idiocy.

Content: Hiccups, drunkenness, very boobs, very mush, discussion of sex.

"LII-*IC*–IIIV! SUUUUUSIIIIEE–*HEEK*–IIIEE!"

Our dorm burst open in the middle of the night, and I could hear Olivia growling from my bed. "Why haven't we started locking that door yet?" she grumbled.

"Because you hate carrying keys, brain genius," I said, then looked over from my desk and squinted at the hiccuping shadow in our doorway. "Hi Maya."

"MY GIRLS! *HIULK!*" Maya threw herself at my bed, but I just barely managed to intercept her so that she didn't touch Olivia. I did this by throwing my body between her and the bed and getting squashed. Acceptable losses.

"I'm going to sleep at Kiran's." Olivia said, climbing down from the foot of my bed.

"Oh come on, don't wake her up. You can make a square chair cubby in Dedication."

"I'd have to put on shoes for that though...wait, I'd have to do that for Kiran's too." Olivia stood still for a moment, rocking on the balls of her feet as Maya kept hiccuping against me and making my brain stupider. "Fine. But only if you agree to switch your bedsheets and get them in the laundry first thing in the morning. Maya smells gross."

"Y–*HOUK*–you smell gross!" Maya slurred. I didn't think Maya smelled all that gross, mostly just like fruity sodas and vodka. But Olivia was the boss as far as scents were concerned, so I gave her a thumbs up. She nodded, slipped on some shoes, and left, leaving me and Maya on the floor. After a few hiccups, Maya sniffled. "I di–*cup* didn't mean that. *HMK* Can you make su–*URK* sure Liv knows? Tell he–*URK* her that I don't th–*HIUK* think she smells gro–*HOUK*–oss."

"She knows that, Maya. Get off of me." I was surprised that she actually listened, and I missed having her weight on top of me, even if my back appreciated it. "You're the one who's gonna be cleaning my sheets, by the wa–aaaAAAY!" I'd barely started sitting up before Maya fucking scooped me up in her arms and body slammed us both onto my bed. So now I was in her arms and trapped in her boobs while she hiccuped against me. Great.

"Bru–*HUK*–uh, why the fu–*HIK-ulk* fuck do you think y---you're bad at ru–*HUK*–gby, stupid? *HMK-lp*" Maya grinded her fist into the top of my head and I made a sound that was supposed to be words, but that I was pretty sure wasn't. "You ju–*HUP* you just stopped a ra–*HMP*–ampaging Maya!"

"Don't talk about yourself in the third person."

"God, I lo–*UCK* love you so mu–*HUCH*, Susie." I felt her kissing the top of my head all over and figured I should probably shower tomorrow to get lip gloss/vodka spit out of my hair. "Why do y–*HOUP* you wear hoodies a–*UCK* all the time? You're so pre–*HUP* pretty! Your face *CUP* is so pretty a–*UCK* and your hai–*URK* is so pretty and *HNK* your arms are so pr–*HIP* pretty and..."

"Maya, do you need some water?"

"Noooo–*OUK*–ooooooo, I have the h---hiccups!"

My face burned and I buried it a little more firmly in her boobs. "Most people would think that's a reason to say 'yes', Maya."

"But you liii–*uck*–iiiike it!" Well shit, I couldn't exactly argue with that. "You like i–*UCK* it when I get th–*HUP* the hiccups, Su---Susie Q. *HMK!*" One of her hands moved lower and grabbed at my butt, and I was glad I hadn't bothered taking off my jeans yet, since they were stiff enough that she couldn't really get a good grip. Not protected by my jeans was my face, which Maya pulled up out of her boobs so I was looking up at her. "You like it whe–*cup* when I get th---the hiccups. *HUP*. It turns you on. *HMK-mmp*"

"I-I mean yeah!" I wondered if I would ever get used to hearing that stated so fucking bluntly. "But that doesn't mean you're, like, obligated to have them or anything!"

"I waaaa–*UCK*–aanna though!"

"...yeah. I know." I sighed and turned around so she was spooning me instead of drowning me in her tits. "But you're too drunk. I wouldn't feel comfortable doing anything right now."

"...oh. *HULP* Didn't you sa–*UCK* say that was ho–*OCK* hot though?"

"Yeah, and..." I could feel myself blushing more. "A-and I'm definitely turned on, not gonna lie! And, uh, if you were to, uh...were to be kinda more tipsy and hiccupy I'd, um, I'd probably...fuck, whatever!" I shook my head. "B-but not tonight! Tonight I feel like you're too drunk."

I could feel Maya's lips pout against the back of my head. "That su–*uck*–s. I'd feel safe doing it."

"Maybe I would too if we'd had sex while you were tipsy before or if I'd spent more time around you drunk, but not now."

After a moment, Maya sighed and buried her face in my hair. "You're a good girl, Susie."

I wriggled back against her. "Shut up."

"No, you are. You're such a good girl." Her voice got less and less articulate as she started feeling heavier against me. "You're a good girl. And a good friend. And a good girlfriend. And a good person. You're so good, Susie. You're so fucking good."

Even though her hiccups had gone away, Maya managed to keep me blushing until she fell asleep, still mumbling about how good I was into my hair. "Fuck," I whispered once I heard her snoring. "Jesus, Maya. You can't just say shit like that." I was smiling in spite of myself, and even though it wasn't even one yet, her warm weight on me was making me sleepy. "You keep saying that kind of shit and I...I just might start believing it."

"Good," I thought I heard her mumble before my eyes slid closed and I slipped off into my dreams.

[gepperl]

TRANS MALE PASSING PROTIPS

Targeted specifically at trans men who have not begun medical transition, but for anyone. Of course, this is just what works for me and everyone is different.

Shorts that fall mid thigh and are baggy can work really well to make a more masculine figure. This is a trendy style with cis men, and if they are looser on your thighs you can look more rectangular. Basketball shorts are always fine, but for bigger people can end up sticking to your thighs and making you look like a masc lesbian. Looking like a masc lesbian is so so common guys this is what we are trying to avoid. See here for reference

2. WALK WITH YOUR SHOULDERS. Walk like your shoulders are the widest part of your body. Move them kinda forward and backward. Watch a video of a man walking next to a woman for context on what I mean. Women walk with their hips, and it makes all the difference for you in someone's head. Practice in the mirror before doing it so you don't look like a fool.

3. Hair!!!! I know you guys don't want to let go of the 2020 fluffy boi haircut and that is ok. If you don't want a skin fade short haircut, there are other options. Also, if you belong to a subculture, like punk/emo/whatever else there is, look at male styles as it can be very different than what is normally accepted ( for example, men have long hair in metal subculture, you can style it like them). In general, hair is very meticulous, as for some people too short is masc lesbian and too long is woman.

This kind of hair can do wonders. For men of color/curly hair people, if you are not out locs are a very good option as they are typically read as masculine but are gender neutral. Afros, braids, even skin fades with a lot of hair at the top can read feminine. Another style option could be short cornrows that end at the neck, twists, or a fade with less hair at the top like this.

I am not black, so I cannot speak for how this would be read in a black community, but this is how, from my experience, I would view the hairstyles. Sorry if this is not appropriate. Also, I am not here to tell you not to dye your hair. It can work if you style it with masculine clothes and are dressed in a specific style like emo or scene or something. Do what you will with that.

4. If there is ANY peach fuzz on your face, make the most of it. I know I have high testosterone levels naturally, so I grow facial hair a little, but if there is enough to dye it, dye it. If there is like barely any, if its not visible in the mirror if you're really looking (not INSPECTING), it's probably not worth it, and that is fine. use your judgement, and if it is not enough, just shave it. It's better to look clean shaven than desperate for face hair. Eyebrows, mustache hair, sideburns can all be darkened with eyeshadow, brow brushes, and just for men beard dye.

5. LAYERS. I know you guys have seen this one before. Flannels, button ups over black t-shirts, zip up hoodies. It might get a little hot, but it covers your sweat stains anyways. I promise guys it helps so much with shoulders, hips, boobs, it makes you look more masculine. Don't get that ugly ass red and black checkered one though. Think if you would see a masc lesbian wearing it and use your best judgement. I heart layers.

6. Pants. Woah. Pants. I HATE pants I know you fat trans men get me. Old navy women's jeans...and you guys won't like this one...are actually pretty good. SPECIFICALLY the sky high wide leg ones. Get those a size up and cuff them, wear them low on your waist, perfect. Other than that, jeans are shit. I don't really waste my time with men's pants anymore because of my hips but cargos are great, baggy sweats with the band at the bottom are great, PJ pants good, dress pants are a struggle but I've heard dickies work well for people with a smaller body. Not sure though. My tactic is I go to a thrift store for hours and try on all their pants, then find similar ones online or take pictures of the brand for the ones I like and find more.

7. Accessories and jewelry. Iffy. Anything you could describe as dainty, if it's not a family thing or important to you, probably not. Friendship bracelets are good, pendants are good, earrings depends on where you are and what you are wearing. Studs in men are common where I am, so I wear them. Observe the cis men at your disposal. Accessories, bags don't really matter unless they're like the strawberry hot topic mini bags. Don't get those at all those are fugly. Mini bags are not great in general, just better to get something else. Watches are heavily loved here they look very male and also you have the time always even a cheap watch is fine just not a woman's watch. It has to be a men's watch. You can tell when it is a woman's watch don't get those. Nail polish is fine no one cares, it's more popular now with boys. Especially if you're a little girly pop already. Of course that also depends on your environment.

8. Stance. Sitting with your ankle on your knee is comfortable and way more masculine than crossing your legs. Confidence. Fake it until you make it because cis men are so arrogant guys. This is what I mean btw

9. Don't be afraid of being feminine. Don't give up being yourself in order to be masculine. Your happiness matters the most. Love you bye, I'll update this if I think of anything else.

[princesspastel8]

Chapter 42

Third POV

Jeff lost track of time at this point, but he can tell the month is almost over. This time, he followed Toby's warning. He stopped shouting at the camera, stopped his mindless fits of laughter, and reframed from attacking anyone who tried to give him food. However, the killer couldn't stop throwing himself at the cushion walls as a form of entertainment. He found it hilarious that no matter how much force he puts into it, he'd bounce right off with no injuries.

His black eye and bust lip have healed as well as his bruised cheek, thanks to EJ's aid. But because of his antics, Jeff has been moved to a chair and strapped to it with leather belts. To say that made things much harder would be an understatement. Maybe it's because normally the killer wouldn't care how long he'd be forced to spend in the white room, but now he has someone he desperately needs to get back to.

At this thought, the door to the white room opens. There's stands Hoodie, without his cloth mask, which is odd. His stoic eyes look at the camera, then at Jeff. He grumbles as he quickly goes to Jeff and undo his restraints, much to Jeff's surprise.

"Its normally the faceless fucker doing this after some drawn out speech on if I learned my lesson." He said mockingly, rolling his eyes

Hoodie doesn't answer, making the killer raise a brow. "Brian. Why are you doing this? Any idea how much trouble you'll be in with that octopus?"

Hoodie finishes, straightening himself as he eyes Jeff for using his real name. "Toby." Was all he said before rushing out of the room.

Confused, Jeff rushes after him. "Hold the fuck on Hoodie! Just saying the ticking shit's name doesn't answer my question!"

Hoodie once again doesn't respond nor shows any sighs of slowing down. He rushes up the stairs and forces the wooden doors leading above ground open. Once to the surface, he runs into the woods, leaving Jeff little chance to catch him. The smiling killer grumbles, kicking a rock, then whence - realizing he's not wearing any shoes.

He sighs heavily, walking to the mansion that's only a few meters away. Jeff opens the door with his hands instead of kicking it open. He ignores the stares and walks straight into the kitchen. He makes himself a sandwich and gets a water bottle. The smiling killer scoffs it down rather quickly, sighing in satisfaction.

"You are looong over due for a shower." BEN said, holding his nose as he entered into the kitchen.

"Slenderman, finally let you out?" Eyesless Jack ask, opening the refrigerator.

"Nah, it was Hoodie. Shit was fucking weird. He let me loose then took off in the woods. What's happening now?"

"No idea. I remember seeing Toby about to set out on his mission but looked frazzled after getting some type of message from that witch girl."

At the mention of Luna, the thought of Eboni falls heavy on him. He feels a gut, twisting feeling settle onto him. He ignores the rest of the conversation and walks up the stairs to his room. He greets smile dog briefly. He takes a quick shower, brushing his teeth and letting his hair air dry. He places on his classic outfit - white hoodie, skinny black jeans, and boots.

Once done, he grabs his phone from the nightstand, glad it's been left on the charger this whole time. He raises a brow at the many messages from Eboni, worry setting into his heart - it almost makes him gag. He still hates these types of emotions no matter who they're for. He still views them as weaknesses.

Nevertheless, he opens her messages, the first text making his heart sink into his stomach. Text after text makes his heart sink further down until he can no longer breathe, realizing he's been holding his breath. But the last text, sent today, causes his blood to run cold with panic and dread. He dials her number, pacing back and forth in his room. After the third attempt, he rushes out of his room, running down the stairs.

"Whoa! Damn Jeff, what's wr-"

EJ couldn't finish his sentence, Jeff running out of the front door - not bothering to close it. There's no way she couldn't have. Eboni wouldn't take her life. She wouldn't go against her moral code even after all that's happened to her. Jeff refuses to believe his girl would go so far as to kill herself.

"Fuck..FUCK! PICK UP DAMNIT!" he shouts, still calling Eboni as he runs through the woods and towards her home.

With each miss phonecall, brings little hope that Eboni didn't end her life. He didn't want to think about it, didn't want to face the fact that Eboni took her life because he wasn't there. Because he couldn't protect her, because he couldn't save her. But the sight of her open front door does very little to ease his unsteady heart.

Jeff rushes inside, breathing heavily but taking no time to catch his breath. That last message was sent within the early morning hours. It's midnight. The killer doesn't have the option to catch his breath. He runs up the stairs, hearing the loud music blast from behind Eboni's door.

"Princess? Shit! Open the door!" He shouts over the music, body trembling when he didn't receive an answer.

So he throws his body to the door, trying to break it down. After a few times, he's successful. Upon entering her room, he's shocked to see it in this state. Everything is completely destroyed, damaged behind repair. He runs his hand through his hair in frustration when he notices she's not there but pauses at the sight of her close bathroom door.

With unsteady feet, he speed walks to the door, placing his shaking hand on the doorknob and twisting it - slowly pushing the door open. Time seems to stop around him, his lips trembling and eyes widening in horror. This can't be happening.

"EBONI!" he screams, "Oh..oh my god, Eboni!"

Eboni's body is in the tub full of water that is now completely red. A bottle of alcohol and pills are stationed next to the tub and a pair of scissors on the other side. Jeff lifts her limp body out of the water, her body cold - lifeless. Jeff shakes his head at the sight of her slit wrist. A pained sound leaves his lips, surprising himself. He forces his breathing to calm down as he places his head against her chest, desperate to hear a heartbeat - almost praying.

Slow. Faint. Fading.

Time. It's there. It's still beating. Time....there's still time. Jeff stands, holding Eboni bridal style - close to his chest. He doesn't bother to drain the tub nor to shut the front door. His foucs is to run racing against the clock - to win.

The killer sees the mansion, relief almost filling his heart. He kicks the door open, stumbling inside. He scans the room - chest burning, breathing heavy, and eyes burning.

"EJ! ANN! FUCK, SOMEONE!" He screams, voice scratchy and rough. "SHE'S DYING!"

EJ is still in the living room, ditching his food and rushes to Jeff's side. He looks at him, shock at the sight. "What happened to her?"

At this point, Jeff is hyperventilating, eyes still burning and vision becoming blurry. "I-I don't know! The messages...shit! I don't know, EJ just FIX HER! I can't...I-I can't...."

EJ tries to take Eboni from Jeff's grip, but it's too tight. BEN comes, zapping Jeff in hopes it'll knock some sense back into him. "You're babbling. EJ can't help if you can't explain things more clearly. Now let her go so he can do his job."

Jeff gulps, gently handing Eboni over to EJ. The three of them rush to his private infirmary. The Eyeless creature places Eboni's body onto the medical bed, quickly cutting off the soaking hoodie so he can examine her better.

"BEN, go get nurse Ann. Jeff explain everything you saw."

"I...I found her in the tub. Th..The water was completely red. I saw an empty case of pills and a bottle of Jack Daniel's."

EJ looks at her wrist, trying to determine what was used to cut them. The wounds seem to wide more than deep. "What else?"

"Sisscors... I saw a pair of bloody sisscors.."

With information scarce and time limited, EJ is going to need more than Nurse Ann - X Virus. Thankfully, BEN knew this and returned with both of them. EJ explains all that Jeff told him, both of them understanding the situation. Nurse Ann goes to get a machine that sets Jeff on edge.

"The fuck are you doing? What's happening? Someone explain already!" Jeff shouts, yanking his hair in distress.

"Jeff. Her stomach needs to be pumped. Her heart rate is low, and she's barely breathing. Her blood count is low, and her brain is close to shutting down. We can't take you through everything we're doing it's best if you wait outside." EJ tries to reason while focusing on hooking Eboni to a breathing machine.

"No... NO! I CAN'T- I won't leave her side again! You can't make me!" He shouts.

"She's going to need a blood transfusion. She'll eventually die without one. There's too much blood lost." X Virus explains blankly, already operating on Eboni's left wrist.

Nurse Ann looks at him, her eyes asking if he knows her blood type. He doesn't look her way but answers, "Type O. Very rare. I doubt anyone here has that blood type. They'll have to be human, too."

Knowing everyone medical records by hard, EJ looks at Jeff. "So?"

Jeff already has his sleeves pulled up, holding both his arms out. "Take all of it if you gotta! Just hurry up!"

Once Eboni is hooked up to everything needed, EJ begins drawing the right amount of blood based on how low Eboni's blood count is. That's also still dropping rapidly. Once done, he steps away and goes back to the operating table. The moment he does, Eboni's heart flat lines.

No.

No.

NO!

The sound is enough to send Jeff into complete hysterics. He begins screaming to the top of his lungs, rushing over to Eboni's side - but BEN holds him down, struggling to keep him in place. Other proxies had to come and keep the smiling killer at bay, which becomes a distraction to the three that are trying to revive. her.

"Get him out! He's getting in the way! All of you are getting in the way!" EJ shouts over the commotion.

The proxies drag Jeff out of the room, keeping him down within the halls. Eventually, Jeff loses his strength, body sagging as he slames his fist repeatedly onto the tile floor. It's then that he realizes his eyes are still burning, and his cheeks are wet. He reaches up to touch it, liquid staining his fingers.

Tears?

When was the last time he felt so much guilt? So much remorse? So much lost? And so....so worthless? Selfish. Jeff, the killer is selfish. He knows this and has always embraced it, basking in his narcissistic ways. But look where that's gotten him. He didn't consider Eboni. He never did, not even when she was wailing in his arms that night. His anger, what he wanted, trumpeted above all else. His need for violence. His need for blood. His need to kill. It's because of Jeff that she endured so much. He knew she wouldn't last long without him. He knew and still did what he wanted, prolonging his time within the white room instead of taking Toby's advice the first time. Jeff can point the finger as much as he wants, but he has to face the truth. All of this is his fault.

The killer thrives on living his life to the fullest, never letting anything hold him down. He has no regrets and lives with no remorse. But now? All of that is put into question. He longed for a sense of freedom, craved it, and desired it. Yet once he gains something along the lines of it, he ruins it - destorys it. Everything he has ever touched crumbled, and Eboni is, unfortunately, no exception. She begged him to stay, not to leave her. But he did, without a second, thought. Even no, he still can't feel any regret for abandoning her that night to beat Masky.

Jeff sobs in anguish, gripping and pulling his hair as he rests against the door, keeping him apart from Eboni - the sound of the heart rate machine flat lining haunting him.

Useless.

Pitiful.

Worthless.

Despite his skills in killing, his strong and stubborn will, and his view on life, nothing will change the first and only regret he will carry, the remorse he allows himself to feel. A young girl meant to be just another victim. A girl that has turned his fucked up mind and life upside down. The only person to grant him a sense of freedom.....

Jeff the killer, regrets aiding in Eboni's death.

[beaker1636]

First Christmas - Vinny Mauro

Background: Y/N is the newest drum tech for Motionless and they are on tour, only having 2 days off for Christmas it was spent away from home and in a hotel.  I also made her dad a famous musician in this but never said who so…. Theres that.

Also Welcome to Christmas in September thanks to @tearfallpixie and @nerdraging4point0 encouraging my unhinged ass to post a Christmas fic in September. Also please be gentle, this is literally 3 years old so back when I first began writing fanfics so while I think it is cute and love it I also can recognize that I have come a long way and would have changed a lot if I wrote it now! Enjoy!

Well, like usual you were awake before the boys, not that it bothered you any as it gives you some peace to yourself before you are forced to figure out whatever is going on this time.

“We all are still gathering in Rick and Vin’s room this morning, correct?” You send in the group chat before walking into the hotel lobby to grab some coffee from the in house coffee shop.  In doing so you accidentally bump into Gabby, Rick’s girlfriend who just flew in and he has no clue about.

“Hey y/n,” she says, pulling you into a hug. “Has Ricky figured any of this out yet?”

“Not a single person has a clue that I arranged with you to fly in for Christmas.  I figure we can still do the secret santa thing with it… just like we planned hence me paying for your ticket,” you tease, smiling at her and happy to help make her and Ricky’s Christmas special.

Both of you grab a coffee and then make your way up to your hotel room, she didn’t book one as she figured she could stay in your room with you and then with Rick once he knows.

“Do you mind if I jump in the shower quick? It was a long flight and I could really use it,” she asks you, the hint of jetlag visible on her face but still not outweighing the excitement that is there.

You nod and as she does so you quickly get dressed, not bothering to try much because it is just the guys and they have all seen you in your lounge wear so you just throw on jeans and a hoodie… that you are pretty sure you stole from Vinny but you don’t remember anymore honestly.

Your phone dings and you finally get a response from someone in the group chat, Chris.

“Yeah, we are all planning on it in like an hour, still correct?” he asks.

After multiple replies that say that is correct you set your phone down when Gabby steps out of the shower, getting to work on her hair and makeup as she wants to look decent for the first time she is seeing Rick in months.

“I’m anxious and we have a little time left, can I do your makeup y/n? I know you hate doing it yourself,” she asks you, already coming towards you while hoping that you will say yes.

“Sure if you want to, it will kill time,” you respond as you get your makeup bag out, avoiding her eye contact when your mood falls slightly.  “Honestly I didn’t plan to do it  because I know at some point today I will probably cry being the first Christmas since losing dad.”

“It will be a rough day for you for sure, but you still will have all of us here for you today.  We all love you and are here for you.  The boys already have said that they aren’t going to let you leave if you try.  I also think there is one that really loves having you here… close your eyes,” she says, teasing you about your not so hidden crush on Vin.

“Yeah, only because I keep fixing all his broken shit,” you respond as you do as she asks, closing your eyes,

“We all know that is not the only reason why he likes you, but whatever, keep lying to yourself.  Open up and I’ll finish with your lashes,” she says to you.

You choose to ignore what she just said but do open your eyes, glad that she is almost done and that you can get away from this awkward conversation.  You love your best friend and love that she got you this job… but she definitely can be irritating when she chooses to tease you about things.

“Well, get your bow on Gab, it’s time to be there and I can’t wait for everyone to find out my secret santa gift for Rick,” you say, helping her put her bow in her hair before you sneak off ahead of her towards the hotel room you are all meeting in, she follows behind you keeping back so that when Vin let you in the door nobody sees her.

You instantly walk in and demand that you get to give Rick his gift first as you had to leave it in the hallway as you find a seat on the floor, Vin taking a seat next to you.

“Okay, so clearly my gift is for Rick and I am not trying to rush anything but even if we wait for everyone elses he has to go get it like now.  Sorry, it was too big so it’s in the hallway still,” you say with a smile as you watch the confusion on his and everyone else's faces as he makes his way towards the door.

“What the fuck could you have gotten thats too big to bring in?” Ryan asks you softly as everyone watches the door.

The second the door opens you hear a gasp and look up to see Rick pulling Gabby into a tight hug and kiss, clearly happy that he gets to see her for the holiday.  Everyone starts chatting to let them have their moment, waiting for them to come into the room before continuing.  

Rick instantly pulls you into a hug when they do, whispering a thank you in your ear which makes you blush and smile, excited that you did something that he really appreciated.

They all slowly make their way around the room, everyone passing out their secret santa gifts, laughing and having a great time before it’s finally your turn to open yours.

“Okay y/n, last gift is yours and clearly it is Vin who drew you so,” Chris trails off glancing over at you.

“Wait, give me a second to start recording before she gets it… okay and go,” Ricky says, you now embarrassed about the fact that for some reason Rick is recording only you opening your gift.

“Can I ask why the hell you are only recording my gift?” You ask, looking up and annoyed about the prospect of being recorded.

“Your sister helped me with your gift and made me promise that we would get a video of your reaction.” Vinny says as he hands you a rather big box.

“Oh god, should I be scared about this?” You ask, trying to make a light joke to make things less awkward.

You slowly remove the paper, slightly disappointed to see that the box is plain.  Opening the box it takes you a second to register what is going on, but when you do you can’t help the gasp that escapes your lips as you slowly pull the blanket that is in the box out, instantly tears are flowing down your face.

“It’s…. How did you?” you can’t even get your words out as you look closely at all the details of the quilt that is in front of you.

“I got your sisters phone number from Gabby so I could ask if she had one of your dad’s band tour shirts so that I could have one of those bears made with it for you and she mentioned that she had an entire tote full of old merch shirts that he kept over the years.  So I asked my mom who sews a lot to help me make a t-shirt quilt of all of them for you.  I knew that having something of your dad’s for Christmas would mean a lot more than something stupid from the store,” he says, watching you with a big smile when he can clearly see how much you love it.

You glance up at him, meeting his eyes with tears still falling from yours. “I-I love it, I.. thank you,” you say softly, leaning over to pull him into a hug. 

He moved slightly, pulling you into his chest while you cry, a hand moving to brush through your hair to comfort you as you cry. 

“Okay so can I look at it? I haven’t seen it yet,” Gabby asks, you nod your head without moving, still needing another second to compose yourself.  Listening to everyone around you talk while you gather yourself.

Slowly you get yourself a bit more composed and lift your head away from Vin’s chest, wiping at your eyes with the sleeves of your hoodie before realizing that some of your makeup is on Vinny’s shirt now from where you cried.

“Shit, sorry Vin, I didn’t mean to stain your shirt,” you mumble glancing down, embarrassed.

“It’ll wash off, I don’t mind,” he responds softly with a smile. “You on the other hand, why don’t we go wash it off your face now that you look like us after a show.” 

You can’t help but giggle at his awful joke as you get up and make your way to the bathroom, grabbing a washcloth to wet in the sink, unaware that Vinny has followed you until you see him in the mirror behind you. 

“Here, let me help you.  After all I am the reason that you are crying,” he says  as he gently takes the washcloth out of your hands to begin cleaning your face with it, careful not to rub your skin too roughly.

Once he is done he pulls you into another hug for a minute, just standing there holding you for a moment before you both make your way back out to the main part of the room towards everyone else, both of you standing in the doorway for a second while you watch everyone talk.

“Hey guys look up,” Chris says with a smirk as you both glance up at the ceiling.

You instantly blush bright red when you realize that what he was trying to show you was mistletoe that is hanging from the bathroom door frame, no clue what you should do in the moment.

“What the fuck? I don’t remember us putting any up?” Vin asks, glancing at Rick with a confused expression on his face.

“That’s because there wasn’t, I just hung it up while you both were in the bathroom so we can trap you guys.  Figured the two of you deserved a second gift,” Justin says, winking at both of you when you look at him as he speaks.

“And you did ask us how you should make a move so we decided to make it for you,” Ryan adds with a laugh.

“None of you are going to shut up until I actually do it are you?” Vinny asks, glancing around the room while avoiding your gaze as everyone nods at the two of you. “Fuck, please don’t punch me for this.” he says softly.

Next thing you know his hand settles on your cheek, lightly making you look up at him.  For a second he hesitates, and you aren’t fully sure what you expect until you feel his lips gently on your own.  You hesitate yourself before you start to kiss him back, shy and unsure what to think when he pulls away, both of you quiet as you process what has just happened between the two of you.  

“You’re welcome,” Chris says loudly. “Now stop being shy and admit that you both want to be with each other so the damn tension is finally gone…. And then we will figure out Christmas dinner.”

Feeling shy you go and take your seat on the floor again, embarrassed but honestly happy with what just happened.  Even more so when Vin rejoins his spot next to you and takes your hand, pulling you into his side as his way to confirm that Chris was right and he does like you without saying it out loud.  You can’t help but think that you should probably talk about everything but decide to enjoy the moment while it lasts, the two of you can always talk about this at a later time when you are alone. 

[kaipler-22b]

I wrote a story thing?

Anyways it's about me being trans and what it's like / has been like - only the positives because I couldn't be bothered to add all my issues into it anyway it's under the cut it anyone wants to read it. It's quite long so I'm sorry about that If anyone does want to.

The wrong body.

The day was young, as was I. I never felt the same as everyone else, like I was an alien in disguise. Pretending to be someone I wasn't. Growing up forced into wearing dresses and skirts and doing 'girly' things just like every other girl my age. Except I hated it every little bit, I wasn't a girl but I wasnt fully aware of it yet, it never felt like truly me. I didn't properly know who I was. I felt so lost amongst other girls my age. I was so different compared to everyone, nobody felt the same way as I did nobody even understood not even myself. Whenever I played with my friends on that school playground no matter what I had to play the male character in it. Nobody realised why again I was so clueless.

I grew older day by day, still so confused on why I was feeling this way, why I wasn't like the other girls my age, why I didn't enjoy dressing like a girl, why I didn't like girly things. I started pretending to like everything everyone around me liked because I didn't know what else to do. Forcing myself to be someone I wasn't but I wasn't aware that it wasn't me. For years I hid who I was because I just didn't know. I didn't know what was 'wrong' with me.

Slowly I started to dress slightly more masculine. Always in hoodies and jeans. Only thing I felt slightly better in. Everyone around me dismissed it so I did too. In everyone's eyes I was just a tomboy and that it was a little phase that would only last a month or so, I believed that too because that was what everyone was saying. It felt so right being in more masculine clothing but I didn't think anything of it. It was like that for ages. Until everything started to feel wrong. Like there was something different about me and everything about me was wrong, especially my body.

After time I started to figure out that I wasn't like all the other girls my age, at all. I was so far from like them. I was the odd one out. All my friends loved everything remotely feminine, and then there's me repulsed by it all. I didn't understand why I was feeling this way. Everything started to change. I still had my long hair but always covering it with caps, occasionally using my ponytail to make it look like i had a frount fringe then wearing a cap to make it look like I had short 'boyish' hair. I wanted to look more like a boy but couldn't figure out why. Was there something wrong with me? I didnt know.

It all started progressively making more sense. I started showing a close friend at the time that I would make it so my hair looked like a boy and went by the name Sam when we where playing at our break and lunchtimes. It felt almost freeing. But everyone thought I was weird because of it. I always hid myself away from people because I was constantly judged for it, I was only young. But everything started to feel so wrong. Like I wasn't supposed to be born a girl, I started to ponder perhaps I was supposed to be a boy since I felt so much happier presenting as one.

I still wasnt sure, I didn't understand anything. Until I gained a small understanding. It fit me so well, described me perfectly. I figured out I was transgender. I was ment to be a boy all along. I didn't tell anyone for awhile because I was terrified for their reactions and how everyone would see me. I hid the real me away from everyone. I wasn't sure what to do or why I felt that way. I always thought you had to be either a girl or a boy but clearly not.

There's so much more to just being a girl or a boy.

After years of hiding away from everyone, I finally built the courage up to come out as transgender to my friends and family. After the long awaited time of not feeling like me. I started to explore names and pronouns. It felt like me. I got my first gender affirming hair cut. It felt so amazing, like I was letting the real me show himself after hiding behind a mask the whole time. I landed on the name Kai not long after looking at names that might suit me. Kai. I loved that name. It felt like my true self. I started going by They/them pronouns at first, but slowly changed them to he/they and then finally what they are now, He/him. Over the past 3+ years I've started to discover who I really am. And who I have always been, it was just buried underneath for awhile.

Everything is so different now. Everyone in school knows me as Kai and it's amazing. It feels so peaceful being known as Kai. I may not have many friends, if any at all but that's fine. I don't need them. I finally learnt who I really am. Even though I still feel like I'm in the wrong body I'm slightly happier to be presenting and passing as a male. Just the other day I was asked if I was my little sisters older brother which I got to reply yes too because I am her older brother and I always have been even if I didn't understand that at first. I hate the way my body looks because I feel it still looks so feminine but some days are better than others and hopefully soon I can fulfil my dreams of medically transitioning, also considering I'm ** next year... Crazy right?

After years of thinking there was something wrong with me, I came to the realisation there isn't anything 'wrong' with me I was just born in the wrong body and now I am slowly changing that step by step so it becomes the correct body. My body. My true self. The person I have always been. Kai Pritchard, that is me.

[purplesurveys]

1906

Are any of your friendships on a fine line? No, I feel very secure with the circle I have, as much smaller as it's gotten over the years.

If I search your room will I find birth control? No but from my room you will hear my neighbors who for some reason seem to have 10 fucking kids under one roof just screeching all day, which also works as birth control.

Do you expect any of your ex’s to call or text you? Her, setting her pride down to reach out first? Not in this lifetime.

Have you ever witnessed a birth? Nope.

Where’s your favorite place to be when you feel depressed? I like being either in my bed, in my car parked somewhere away, or in a coffee shop.

Are you currently looking forward to tomorrow? Only because it'll still be the weekend then, but we don't necessarily have any plan set for tomorrow.

When was the last time you held someone’s hand? Maybe a few weeks ago when I held Angela's hand.

Have you ever faked sick? Sure but very sparingly. I hate lying, and since I don't file many leaves anyway I usually just use my normal vacation leaves.

Do you wear hoodies to bed? Absolutely never, unless it's Jan/Feb.

Are you currently wearing jeans? No. The weather here is constantly hot and humid so after a day of wearing jeans I usually want them off of me as soon as possible lol.

Do you buy eggnog around the holidays? I've never had eggnog and it's not at all a staple in this part of the world. I personally find it appetizing though and would like to try it at least once.

Have you gone to a coffee shop within the past week? [i.e. Starbucks] Yes, I was just in one a couple of hours ago.

Would you like to be able to read thoughts? It would be terrible if it ran 24/7 lmao, but it would be convenient to have that ability when I need to understand someone better.

Are you often the last one to understand a joke? Hehehe, sometimes yeah...

Your first black eye: Did you give it or get it? What's with black eyes and why is this the second consecutive survey to mention them lol? Anyway, I've never had it and I've never given it.

Do you think baseball is a dying professional sport in America? I don't think so? Isn't the Ohtani guy still huge over there? In any case, at least in the eyes of a foreigner, American sports still scream baseball and American football to me.

Does playing the guitar make a guy more attractive? Not to me.

Have you ever slept in a tent, indoors or out? I've slept in a tent outdoors but it was super tame. It wasn't in the middle of the forest or anything like that, and it was just held in school as an overnight activity lmao.

What does your hair look like at the moment? Acceptable.

Are you mad right now? No, just tired.

Who did you spend your summer with last year? My work.

Did you eat a cookie today? Not today but yesterday.

Have you heard of wreck this journal? Yes. I so wanted one when I was a teenager, but I never got one because I knew I was nowhere near creative enough to make something artsy out of it.

Do you know any one who lives in California? That's like one of the migration hotspot states for Filipinos lmao. I know tons of people who've moved there or who vacation there.

Have you ever been told you were a good writer? Yes.

What do you put on your baked potatoes? Uh, just bacon and cheese. I don't have baked potatoes much.

Have you ever been on a farm? Sure.

Last three texts on your phone are from? All related to work as I don't use text for much else.

What are you listening to? I can hear my fan whirring and birds chirping while taking refuge on my aircon. :)

Are you one to take naps? No. I find sleeping to be a waste of time looooool; my free time is very very precious to me and I want to spend as much of it as possible catching up on the things I like doing the most.

Did you ever have braces? I had them but didn't wear my retainers frequently enough so they got crooked again, so I currently have them again for round two lol.

Have you kissed anyone in the last five days? Nope.

Are you afraid of flying? No. I like being on airplanes. Of course watching videos of plane crashes makes me feel terrible, but I try not to think of the possibility when I do fly.

Do you have freckles? I don't.

Do you have plans for today? Just this and maybe playing my game. I just want to do nothing for as long as I can hahaha.

Would you rather date someone five years older or five years younger than you? Older. I don't know if I can manage a 21 year old...

Why aren’t you texting the last person you kissed? We haven't talked in nearly four hours; we just don't need to anymore.

If you had to live off one type of fruit, which would you pick? Probably avocado.

What were you doing at 7:45AM this morning? Fast asleep.

What was the last thing you drank? Coffee that was way too strong haha. My chest was on overdrive for a while but fortunately it's mellowed down a bit now.

Where did you get the shirt your wearing? Zara.

Do you plan on sleeping in tomorrow? No. 

How often do you drink Monster? I've never had it.

Are you easy to get along with? I try to be, but I understand how I could be difficult to crack at first. I've just learned to be more guarded with my boundaries, that's all.

Are you short? 5'1".

Can you ever get enough of mac ‘n’ cheese? The taste does get tiring eventually, especially if I got a big serving; but it's great while I'm still enjoying it haha.

Are you allergic to nuts or dairy products? Not allergic, but I am lactose intolerant so I always need to get alternatives for my milk.

Do you have trust issues? Yes.

Is there someone you want to let go of? Nobody. I've never had a problem cutting off who needs to be cut off.

Do you think age matters in relationships?  Personally, it does.

Do you have any regrets? Sure.

Has anyone ever called the cops on you? Nope.

How old are you? 26.

Did you talk to someone until you fell asleep last night? Nah.

Do you go to church every Sunday? I do with my family. I don't really have a choice until I'm able to move out. I never pay attention though and just use the hour to daydream.

Can you recall the last time you liked someone? I guess, yeah. It was four years ago since I last had feelings like that.

Do you like your height? It'll be cool to be a little taller, but it's not something I'm actively conscious about.

Is the last person of the opposite sex you texted single? Discounting work texts, the last guy I talked to isn't.

Could you go a week without brushing your teeth? Absolutely not.

What day is it? Saturday.

Are you usually awake at midnight? I am, yeah.

Does it get really cold where you live? Maybe in like January or February, but that's it.

When you get home from school / work do you change into your pjs right away? Not always right away, because sometimes I'm too tired to do anything else. Those times, I'd just change right before I go to bed.

Have you ever been peer pressured to smoke pot? There was never any peer pressure; me trying it once was my own decision.

Have you ever played the game Sims 3? I don't think I have.

What is the temperature currently in the town you live in? 29C.

Do you ever actually drink milk alone? Nope.

If you don’t have one already, would you consider getting an iPhone? Yeah, it's what I've had since high school.

What year were you born in? 1998.