#i hate being perceived but i want it more than anything

[thehatboxwitch]

anaxagoras yandere profile. gender neutral, TW // nsfw mentions, yandere. credits once again to cinnamonest. :)

What is he generally like? Is he self-aware, lucid, or obsessive? How does he behave?

Anaxa has the inherent desire to understand, and through that, conquer. It's the reason why he refuses to acknowledge gods as a power greater than himself, and why he believes strongly that the flame-chase is an unnecessary endeavour.

In that vein, he spirals into a sort of delusional, worshipping, yet condescending attitude towards you. He treats you like... a god in his grasp that he can control and own. We know he's obsessive through and through, and he can be blindsided by his own stubbornness and insistence on being right. (Granted, he usually is, which doesn't help your case.)

He's not quite lucid like Phainon or Mydeimos would be - he acts in his own way, and treats you as some sort of experiment. If you end up loving him back, that's the preferred outcome, but hating him is just an obstacle to him. Anaxa is convinced he would have some way to warm you up to him, just another problem to be solved.

How do you meet him?

I imagine the situation to be something domestic and peaceful - maybe you encounter him in the market and strike up friendly conversation. Anaxa is fascinated by the attitudes of the people of Okhema towards life, their ability to carry on with their grocery shopping and gossips like the world is no bigger than they perceive it. You’re bright but not terribly so, just enough to meet him with an open mind and polite curiosity.

He'd like someone sharp enough to bounce off (dull knives bore him terribly), but not really someone sassier or more troublesome than himself. He likes the feeling of being relied on as well, and having someone to come home to after galivanting about and setting Aglaea's temper off.

How likely will he kidnap his darling?

8.5/10 - it does seem quite likely. Be it in his personal home or in the Grove, Anaxa would want to keep you somewhere where he could monitor you at all times, like mould in a petri dish of his making. If he doesn’t kidnap you, be prepared to have people breathing down your neck at all time; students from the Grove, guards, even Anaxa himself. But it’d be easier for him to simply sweep you up and take you wherever he’s going next.

How difficult is it to escape from him? How does he restrain his darling? How does he deal with attempted escape?

If Anaxa doesn’t presently need you for anything, he doesn’t really care if you’re wandering elsewhere in the house trying to avoid him. He has traps and mazes set up to confuse you and keep you occupied, and when you think you've gotten out, you realise you've just been turning in his palm all along. Difficulty 10/10 - he knows you better than you know yourself.

Attempted escape is just another something he takes in stride. Your penchant for trying to get out all the time is something he encourages to an extent. He nudges you in the direction of little clues, like letting slip that a window is unlocked somewhere, then amuses himself watching you scurry around, straining your mind to work out his puzzles like watching a mouse solve a scientist's maze.

Usually 'punishment' is something of an NSFW nature. It's more of a reward for him, really.

How easy is it to trick, deceive, or manipulate him?

0/10. It's not easy, and Anaxa would never let you even think that you've led him on. It doesn't play to his ego. There's no trickery, deception, or manipulation that he lets slide. This is where he draws the line - lies are a big negative for him, and if you want to piss him off, this is probably how to do it. But I wouldn't recommend it. Anaxa has a fearsome temper.

What kind of punishments would he use?

Anaxa's punishments range from evil (academic) to evil (physical). If he so desires, he sticks you with painstakingly sorting through a stack of papers, arranged by year, in alphabetical order. Tiring, mundane tasks like that. It frustrates you so badly to tears that you often think twice before going against him again.

Evil (physical) punishments would be NSFW. He doesn't really mean for them to be punishments more than he means them to be a reward for himself. He'll deny you pleasure, have you serve him until your jaw aches, leave bites and bruises until you're red and raw. He likes the power that he has over you, and he likes knowing that your body can be manipulated to betray you.

How does he deal with rivals, or perceived rivals?

He doesn't quite perceive people as rivals, but rather nuisances that are getting in his way. Be it a brother who's sniffing around too close to the truth, or a colleague who wants to have a meal with you one time too many, they're all the same to Anaxa. Just another obstacle to be overcome.

He's an efficient individual. He can't really be bothered with the patience of having to manipulate and work someone out of your life, so if they disappear, it's likely that they're dead. Anaxa would never trust anyone other than himself with such an important task, so you can trust that he'd be the one with blood on his hands.

How easy is it to make him mad? What does his anger look like?

Fairly easy, if you know where to hit where it hurts, but it also depends on his mood. Sometimes Anaxa finds it amusing how hard you're trying to rile him up, and he plays your game, deflecting and working you into a corner until you have nowhere to go and have to admit defeat. Other times if he's had a long day, he doesn't quite have the patience to play mind games. You'll quickly find yourself pinned down and silenced that way.

Does he see you as above, beneath, or equal to him?

Beneath him, absolutely. He doesn't believe in gods. What do you think?

How determined is he for you to love him, or is he content just having you?

Anaxa isn't really that determined, honestly. He's here to play the long game, not really to win - if either of you die and you've never loved him, so be it. Some projects are simply destined to end in failure.

That's not to say that he won't try, of course. The fun is in the journey!

General perverseness: How sexual is he? What's his drive like? Touchy?

It's not quite about the pleasure for him, but the power. Like I mentioned earlier, he likes knowing that he's able to manipulate your body and have it betray you - which to him is the ultimate, most intimate betrayal.

He's not against all the pleasure of it all, of course. If he so wished, Anaxa might get turned on by just seeing a sliver of your skin or you could be grinding against him with zero reaction. He treats touch as more of a tool, rather than finding comfort in it i.e. holding you close, restraining you, guiding you through whatever pleasure he wants (or doesn't want) you to experience that day.

What body parts of his darling does he like the most?

Waist. He likes holding you around it (even if you're bigger), tucking you into his side and very much unable to get away. Or he holds you as he guides you up and down as you ride him.

What is it with him and power? Poor thing.

[hrrtshape]

it’s literally not your fault you have a lot of followers ?????? 😭😭😭😭 like…. you made a blog, posted about your own experiences and started getting followers and questions about your experiences….. you’re a cool girl with a blog. not a god! i fear the only people who may perceive you as a god are the same people sending hate your way. because they’re jealous ??? that you’ve shifted and have followers ???? i don’t know why people are acting like you’re posting that your some god or cult leader. you literally HELP people. SO MANY people. you’ve never once given the impression that you’re better than anyone else. you answer people’s questions even though you’re overwhelmed with the amount of asks just so you can help people feel more knowledgeable or comfortable or comforted or motivated. it’s not like you’re doing anything wrong???? not your fault people love your posts. if someone’s that jealous over you then girl just shift????? go shift to a reality where you have a famous shifting blog ????? stop being so miserable and jealous and just shift. UGHhhHhhHhhhH love u emma

i cant believe i was scared to reblog it just because i dont want to invite hate oh i'm too far in😭😭😭😭😭what do people want me to do

die and take my blog with me ??? be less shifted ??? deactivate because i was perceived ??? i am literally posting. on my blog. that i made. to post

[tirfpikachu]

i think anomalys-bane actually fully understood your point, but i think comparing men who want to kill women who won't fuck them, our oppressors who see us as their property and femme fatales who are hoarding resources (ie, their bodies) away from men, is still inappropriate to survivors of incel assault and murder. it doesn't help.

marginalized people who turn their echochamber group into a toxic mess should not be seen as adjacent to the oppressor groups banding together to hate them like with incels, the kkk, homophobes, etc. i think bitterness from systematic suffering and bitterness from perceived systematic suffering differ greatly. the first one comes with a heavy dose of complex sympathy/hatred for a lot of us female folks, and that's the case with people from other marginalized groups who see people like them band together to make toxic communities out of suffering. i think it's much better to say that the way incel spaces become echochambers and radicalized can overlap with how any kind of echochamber can become radicalized, rather than saying that "femcels" are anything like incels, or that blackpill feminists are wanting power within patriarchal systems instead of them simply wanting to fuck off to another planet and leave the patriarchal world behind and being annoyed when people outside their groups talks about their normal lives to an extreme extent. instead of incel-like, they're more emo-like to a toxic degree. if you've been in emo-adjacent communities you probably know how toxic those can become out of pure doomerism and only talking about negative shit. doomerist leftist communities can become toxic in really fucked up way, but comparing them to the way toxic rightwing/bigoted communities operate in such a 1:1 way, to many of us who have been hurt by incels and rightwing rhetoric (which probably includes you as well) can feel inappropriate, and honestly i think it's pretty unnecessary. there are much better comparisons to other kinds of doomerist toxic leftist communities.

the whole "feminists just want to oppress men" thing doesn't really hold water imo. blackpillers don't ever want to have to look at a dude ever again if they can help it. they think their way is the only way, and that turns into evil middleschool type bullying. i think it's much more useful to examine how female people can oppress one another than trying to make a direct comparison to how male people, especially cis/bio men, oppress us under the patriarchy. hopelessness from the marginalized to a toxic and even dangerous extent differs greatly and it's very important to examine it. i do like delving into these topics and making complex comparisons between how rightwing and male supremacist communities function vs how toxic leftist communities function, but i think comparing the two as though one isn't murdering and raping women and fetishizing about having us as slaves with female people bullying each other and hurting each other doesn't really help anything. and i'm saying this as someone who has faced bigotry and abuse from other gyns. i've gotten death threats, suicide baiting and dead animal pics on radblr, as well as female bullying in school growing up, female parental abuse, etc so i know first-hand how messed up toxic female ppl can be. but i think blackpill communities are more centered on harassing gyns for not being "feminist" enough by creating hierarchies of those who deserve patriarchal suffering by being stupid and reckless or boringly feminine/male-attracted/etc. it's similar to how some mothers hurt their daughters. there's a sense of "i'm just trying to keep you safe." it's in a very twisted way, of course, and deeply wrong. but i wouldn't make a direct comparison to how a father can hurt and oppress his daughter under the patriarchal system. it operates totally differently.

i think overall we all agree that blackpill feminists can be super fucked up and deeply hurt other gyns. it needs to stop being so normalized and it often gets brushed under the rug on radblr. there's a pretty big group of misogynistic radfems that gets ignored under the guise of rooting out "fakefems" and they act like 4chan dudebros. they normalize rape jokes, ableist slurs, suicide baiting, etc. so i understand what you're trying to say with that. i just think the reason why you're getting so much backlash when you're saying these things is that female misogynists and male misogynists operate under a totally different system, and the female misogynists' og motivation is to be completely separate from anything male or male-adjacent. which is the total opposite of what male misogynists want - they want us there, they just want us to be their sex slaves and be nice, pretty and obedient. it just doesn't feel like a useful comparison imo. but i do agree with a lot of what you say, this convo is interesting!

Blackpillers will do anything to twist your arguments, often resorting to semantics or bad faith interpretations to derail the conversation. But the core point behind the statement "Blackpill 'feminists' don't hate the system. They just hate that it didn't pick them" is actually pretty simple: these women are not interested in dismantling oppressive systems; they are angry that they aren't the beneficiaries of them.

Unlike radical feminism, which seeks to abolish the patriarchy and hierarchical structures of domination, blackpill feminism is reactionary. It does not aim for liberation, but for reversal instead. In a hypothetical world where the patriarchy had positioned women as the dominators and men as the subjugated, these same women would likely not oppose the system.

They would justify their power with the same essentialist logic they now claim victimhood from. Their issue is not with oppression itself, but with not being on the winning side of it.

This is what makes blackpill feminism ideologically adjacent to male inceldom. Both ideologies stem from wounded entitlement: a sense that they were meant to win in the dating market, to be desired, to be chosen - and when that doesn’t happen, they don’t question the structure that created those expectations. Instead, they double down on it, demanding that it finally favor them. This is not liberation, it’s a desire for power under the same oppressive logic. They do not seek to burn the system down, only to be its new rulers.

In that way, blackpill feminism is not feminism at all. It is a mirror image of patriarchy, with the same values, domination, desirability, hierarchy, but with the genders swapped.

[shabbyshoebox]

Texting in theory: communication with friends! So fun! Memes! Talk talk talk! ❤️✨

Texting in practice: Oh god I don't have the energy to reply right now, I'm currently in Task Mode not Talk Mode so there is currently no battery allocated for socializing atm. Oh it's been too long, do they think I hate them? If I reply will I have to stay engaged in conversation for a few seconds? Half an hour? How long will this conversation be? When is it okay to step away and do something else? Will they think I hate them if I go too long without responding again? I don't hate them, I love them, I need to figure out how to do this. What tone did they intend this in? How do I ask what tone they meant without coming across as rude? How can I respond in a way that cannot possibly be construed as passive aggressive/rude/dismissive? I want to stay engaged with the task I'm doing, I don't want to go back and forth and back and forth and back and forth. I really really enjoy it when I'm in the right "Mode" but each notification feels like an obligation. Why does this feel like a chore? I like talking to my friends, why doesn't it feel like talking to my friends? Why do I feel trapped? Why do I avoid people I love? Oftentimes I'm not even "doing" anything when I don't respond, I'm just in "non social" mode. Even if I know I'll enjoy talking once I get started every unopened message feels like a burden. I shouldn't see texts from people I love this way, I should be happy, they want to talk to me and they love me. Why can't I just be normal about this, why can't I stop avoiding every damn thing?

[theres-whump-in-that-nebula]

Interesting. Don’t necessarily think I’m autistic but I have more going on than just ADHD and I’m not sure what that is.

[taketheringtolohac]

:/

[1o1percentmilk]

thanks for answering everyone that helps a lot oTL

[quietwingsinthesky]

sometimes i think about my spn oc and how i rewrote everything about amara to interact with the story i was trying to tell about her. there were some really neat ideas in that i need to recycle for something one day. like, in the show proper, they just let amara take over a human baby and that’s fine, but amara’s not Meant To Be Here. this entire universe is one constructed in her absence. saying she can possess a human body should be like saying if you took a person and sent them to a universe where 1+1=3, they could just figure out how to function within that.

which in story took the form of Amara being something that could not be Understood, only Rationalized. a force locked outside the narrative who could only get inside and destroy things if given a role within it. by the Winchesters as A Monster To Face. by Chuck as Wayward, Unreachable Sister. and by miss oc as. simultaneously a projected creature to be saved, an amalgamation of injustices done to herself (and others) that would never be righted but could be made up for by being a part of this. and as something impossibly powerful that could be both protection and purpose.

and the Darkness wasn’t any of those things, really, but to have agency in her own story required new shackles, but ones she was always straining against. she wouldn’t fit inside the confines of a human mind, let alone a body, at least not well enough to leave it Intact. like lucifer burning through nick, but Worse. because the burns were an expected outcome of skin not strong enough to hold him. humans were built for angels, some were built better and some worse, but they’re meant to work. putting amara in human skin should disconnect the skin and mind and soul from the reality her brother built itself, i think. slowly. bit by bit.

and at the same time, i’d gone and written the kind of wild scenario you really can only write for your thirteen year old mary sue, given that spn oc the part of herald/high priestess/failed vessel. which she pursued with wild abandon like that would fix anything wrong with her <3

in the end, running alongside the borrowed family theming of the original show was my own theme of “how much self-annihilation will you accept to make your point. are you accepting it, really. or are you seeking it.” not just physically, in letting something unmake the base components of what you are as it tries to fit inside you or in it constricting and suffocating itself beyond self-recognition to get inside in the first place, but, obviously, it’s supernatural, how much selfhood do you cede to your family. is it worth it.

it was interesting, if nothing else. let thirteen year old me cook. she had ideas.

[kdices]

two girls have been talking shit about me at school because of how much i hadn't gone to school this year ( i barely had the motivation to live ) and got in a fight with my friend who wanted to defend me.

[drowningroane]

Reading the tag made me think of how Shen Jiu was a Worse Version of Severus Snape due to the Trauma Shang Qinghua drafted out for Shen Jiu's backstory.

i love that sqq is such a good teacher. i love that by just being in qing jing peak he changed it from a dreadful place to what airplane hysterically called a daycare for adhd children. i love that thanks to his intervention and mentoring ming fan and ning yingying grew up to be upstanding disciples that took care of everything while sqq was dead. i love that one of the reasons lbh got out of the abyss earlier was thanks to sqq's teachings and training. i love that the qjp disciples all come to receive their shizun at the mountain gate and cry for his attention, because they clearly adore him. i love that sqq LOVES teaching, to the point he takes a teaching post at an academy just because he can't stand doing nothing.

i just. love shen qingqiu so much

[hearmyvoiceoftreason]

.

[tori-artemis]

Oh this is a great question to think about! Tbh I had a lot of hopes back when the series was premiering (and before when it was just announced), so to go off of those... well first off, I really really wanted an exploration of Loki's trauma, his past and even his psyche. Like I know a psychological thriller/horror probably wouldn't have been in the cards for a Disney+ show, but tbf I feel like the creators of Wandavision touched on aspects found in those types of genres (if in a PG 13 kind of way) so I don't think I was too off base for hoping to see something like that for Loki. (Not to mention the ridiculous comparisons to films like Se7en and The Silence of the Lambs that Mike Waldron kept making... but I'm not gonna get into that rant again.)

I think I would've put a lot of focus on what the hell actually happened to Loki when he fell into the Void and disappeared for an entire year or so, and how he ended up encountering Thanos and the Black Order, how that all went down, etc. Either through flashbacks, or (possibly altered) memories, or Loki recounting those events interview/interrogation-style (and being an extremely unreliable narrator in doing so, like for instance saying something like "I made a deal with Thanos and worked with him willingly" and then at some point you see into his head through flashbacks/night terrors and realize that clearly wasn't the case, just stuff like that). The possibilities were endless tbh, like there's just so many creative opportunities to explore that one aspect of Loki's backstory. And since that's such a burning question to me (and many other fans tbh) still to this day, I feel like that'd be the first thing I'd want to tackle.

Another important thing I'd want to include would be Loki's gender fluidity and his bi identity. Like I don't think it necessarily has to go with Loki referring to himself as bi, like I don't think he has to say the actual word "bi" in order to give any meaningful kind of rep?? Especially now that Agatha All Along has come out, I feel like I'd want to approach Loki's identity in a similar type of way, just unapologetic, and as authentic as possible to his comic book counter part. Like hell, he can have hang ups with those parts of his identity (which would actually make sense, being from Asgard and since he already has a lot of self-loathing issues in general due to being Jotun).

I wouldn't mind that, especially if it was done in a non-typical way, like maybe it's not being sexually intimate with men/males that's looked down upon on Asgard, but - similar to the Norse apparently - it's on what role they play, or basically who's the "bottom" - that gets shamed, or maybe same sex relationships aren't looked down upon at all on Asgard, but giving birth/getting pregnant while being/presenting as male is, bc it's seen as unnatural, and then let Loki go through an experience where he develops deep rooted insecurities about those aspects of his identity due to Asgard's cultural prejudices. And like this doesn't even have to be explicit (tho after the birth scenes in both Wandavision and especially Agatha All Along I can't help but roll my eyes at ppl having a hang up with Loki going thru something like this, especially if they were totally okay with Wanda and Agatha having birthing scenes, but anyways). It can be something as simple and as subtle as Loki finding out he's pregnant (maybe he can magically feel the fetus growing inside him, or he can hear the heartbeat/etc, or maybe it's as simple as having morning sickness and/or a change of diet). And it just ends up with him drinking tea/potion (due to pressure from Odin/Frigga/society, or maybe he's not ready and seeks it out himself) which gets rid of the baby, but again it's done in a very non graphic way. Of course the whole mpreg thing is just an example, and doesn't have to be in a series about Loki (that's what fanfic is for!) but basically: let Loki be queer, he can have hang ups about being queer, and tbh I'd want the hang ups to be kind of different from the usual discussions/portrayals of queerness in media mainly bc Asgard's an alien/fantasy society so I'd want their cultural norms to be pretty different from ours (human society in general), but overall just let Loki be queer, goddamnit!

Furthermore, I'd want to explore Loki's self loathing in particular, and see his view of himself change as he develops and grows throughout the series. If he encounters other versions of himself then I'd want to see what that would look like... and preferably done differently from how the show approached it (regarding Sylvie). Like I don't want him to just, I don't know, praise his other self up the way he ends up doing in the series (I know he also fought with Sylvie at the beginning but tbh I couldn't really take their rivalry seriously, it felt very sibling-like - which I actually enjoyed at the time, mind you, but a reflection of one's internal self-hatred it certainly is NOT, and like overall the whole dynamic just didn't work for me bc I find those two characters so undeniably different from each other and therefore it doesn't really work as a metaphor for self hatred/self love, but that's neither here nor there).

Like - let it be messy! Let it actually be vitriolic and hateful if that's what the series is trying to convey. Let Loki be angry, let him rage, let him lash out - at versions of himself and at other characters, like c'mon! This is a character that has a lot of inner darkness and has suffered through a lot of trauma and has difficulty trusting others due to said trauma (especially if we're going with Avengers era Loki) so how about we Show That.

Tbh I wouldn't have minded for Loki's main villain (both in the series overall and wrt the lead character) to be a version of himself. (As long as it was portrayed in a thoughtful way, like don't just make him evil please, in fact he doesn't even have to be evil at all - he doesn't have to destroy or conquer other worlds, he could literally just be out there destroying all versions of Loki, which would force our protagonist to fight/confront this person hunting him down). Like I think there would be so many possibilities for all of the ways a protagonist could deal with a "villain" - or rather, an antagonist like that. Some far more darker than others, depending on how you want your story to go. Like it could end similarly to the Agent of Asgard comics (where I believe Loki ends up forgiving and embracing his "evil" self... tho I've not read the comics so please feel free to correct me if I've gotten something wrong). Or if I were writing this series, I would've just had Loki forced into a position where, after being worn down to reaching his emotional breaking point, and in a fit of sheer rage, he'd end up brutally murdering the antagonistic version of himself, in the ultimate form of self destruction, and then I'd have him reeling from the internal consequences of such an extreme form of violence done against himself - but that's just my ridiculously morbid psychological-horror-loving ass for you. I'd just want to completely unravel him ngl, before having him overcome the impossible by rebuilding himself once more (w/ a little help from his newfound friends)...

If the TVA had to be involved in some way, I'd want to approach them as an ominous totalitarian organization, and if Loki were to be tortured by said organization, it most certainly would NOT be portrayed as some throw-away-attempt-at-comedy-type-of-scene (AHEM). I'd go for a darker tone overall, and Loki's torture at the TVA would be portrayed with all of the horror demanded by those types of scenes dealing with that kind of subject matter.

Tbh I have so many ideas for a Loki-centric show, some that involve the TVA and some that don't, but there's just so many threads and I don't want to make this any more convoluted than it already is, so to put it simply: I'd want the focus to be on Loki first and foremost. If it's called Loki, then it should be about the main lead, similar to how Agatha All Along was about Agatha, and Wandavision was about Wanda. (Which means, if the TVA has to be involved, then they would be secondary to the series' main focus - which would be on Loki and his relationship with himself.) Secondly, I'd want to see his trauma not only brought up, but fully explored. Which includes his traumatic upbringing (Odin's A++ Parenting, Frigga's enabling, family dysfunction, Asgard's toxic social/cultural norms) as well as the horror he experienced in the Void and on Sanctuary, maybe even some events in the first Avengers film, but seen through Loki's eyes this time. And I'd just want Loki to be queer, so if he's bi then let him have previous (or current!) relationships (or flirtations) with men (or attraction towards men) as well as women, if he's gender fluid then Show. That. Whether he physically transforms into a woman at times, or through his inner monologue where he refers to himself with different pronouns even if his gender presentation hasn't changed, or even his ambivalence towards being trapped/labeled in a one-gender-ticked-box, but Show. It. That part of his identity deserves to be shown, especially in a series where Loki's the central character.

If you yourself could’ve directed/wrote the Loki series, what would you have done differently? What would you have wanted to see in a series about Loki? What would you have focused on? Would the series take place somewhere other than the TVA? Which characters would you include? What would be the end goal? What aspects of his character would be explored?

[snowballseal]

Insecurities - Rafayel

Summary: Here is the portion of Rafayel reacting to your insecurities. And you best know this man goes big to prove a point. Much fluff.

Here is the original with the other LADS boys

Word Count: 1831

Notes: Reader has insecurities about they way they look, so just keep in mind. It ends fluffy and happy though.

---

“Rafayel, do I look okay?”

The artist immediately drops whatever he was doing, twisting around to peer over the back of the couch as you step into the studio.

His iridescent eyes scan over your figure, his voice lilting with teasing affection, “I’m not sure I even want to go if this is what you’re wearing. I think everyone would think you’re the art and ignore my hard work.”

You wrinkle your nose. Partially because he’s being ridiculous. Partially because you don’t really believe him. The dress is gorgeous of course, he did a great job of helping you pick one out, but it doesn’t change the way you’ve been feeling for the past few days.

Before you met Rafayel, you never paid much attention to how you looked. Not in a bad way, you kept yourself neat and dressed up whenever you went out for special occasions, but it was never on your mind much. But now…You don’t know. It’s not Rafayel’s fault, the man has never been shy in complimenting you, but you can’t help but notice the type of women that like to approach him. All gorgeous enough to be models, with the confidence to match - seeing as they always have to gall to flirt with him even when you’re holding hands.

And you wish it didn’t get to you. It shouldn’t. Rafayel doesn’t even bat an eyelash at them, always focusing on you or making more obvious shows of affection to chase them away. Still, the more it happens, the more you find yourself caring about how you look, or not liking the way you look. 

And wearing a lovely dress only seems to highlight your self-perceived flaws.

“Do you really think it looks okay?” You ask again, fiddling with the satin self-consciously. 

Rafayel’s brow furrows a little. He tilts his head, looking almost like a confused puppy, “What is it? Do you not like the dress? Do you not want to go anymore? Please don’t make me go alone. These galleries are sooo boring without you, I hate them.”

“They’re your galleries,” you point out, shaking your head with a small smile, “How can you hate them so much? It’s your work, they deserve to be celebrated.”

“Why go stare at my own work when I can spend the night staring at you?”

Heat creeps up your cheeks. Usually you’d have a witty comeback to his flirting, but you can’t find anything tonight, not with how you’re feeling. So you just ruffle his hair fondly, avoiding the intense affection in his gaze.

“Come on, Thomas will be mad if we don’t show up. We need to go.”

Rafayel’s eyes narrow. Before you can pull away, he grabs your wrist, keeping you anchored to where you are. Your heart jumps to your throat at the serious expression he suddenly gives you.

“What’s wrong? You’re acting strange.” 

Being an artist, Rafayel knows you, your face, your body, better than anyone. He’s always looking at you, holding on to every new detail he finds. Like the way your eyes crinkle when you laugh. How the tip of your nose turns rosy when you’re even a little cold. Or how your lips twitch before you lie. Like they are now.

“I’m fine, Raffie, just…tired,” you sigh, tugging against his hold, still trying to avoid him, “Now come on, we should go.”

“Hmmmmm…no.”

You squeak as Rafayel unexpectedly gives your wrist a sharp pull. The momentum sends you tumbling over the back of the couch, right into his lap, and before you can escape, he has you wrapped in his arms. Stuck.

“Rafayel-! Let go of me,” you growl, squirming around hopelessly. The man is surprisingly strong, and with your feet still tossed over the back of the couch, you can’t get enough leverage to escape.

“Nope, not until you tell me what’s wrong,” he hums, arms tightening around your waist.

You huff and give him a solid glare, “This isn’t funny, Rafayel.”

“And neither is hiding something that’s obviously bothering you,” he snips back softly, “You’re a horrible liar, miss bodyguard.”

“I just…” You cross your arms, face feeling warmer and warmer the longer he stares at you. Why does he have to be so stubborn at times like this? “I haven’t been feeling good about myself lately, okay? That’s it, now can we go?”

“Nope.” You resist the urge to groan.

“Thomas is going to throw a fit-”

“He can handle it tonight, I’ll give him a bonus. What’s more important is fixing this.” Rafayel props his chin on your shoulder, a contemplative frown pulling at his lips. “It’ll have to be something creative, which I’m great at, of course. But what?”

“Rafayel, this really isn’t necessary,” you grumble, “I don’t think it’s something you can fix.”

The artist shakes his head, pressing a faint kiss to your shoulder, “I think you underestimate me, cutie. But that’s okay, I think I know exactly what to do.”

Lifting you up, Rafayel sets you back on the couch gingerly and darts off after giving you instructions to not move. A heavy sigh passes your lips as you fix your dress, though it seems a bit pointless now. It doesn’t sound like you’ll be going to the gallery.

A part of you is secretly relieved at that. You love looking at Rafayel’s work, but since it’s his gallery, all the attention would be on him, and, consequently, you as well. It’s a bit suffocating. Still, you’re a little wary of whatever plan he has concocted. Rafayel is as unpredictable as he is talented.

Time seems to tick by slowly as you sit on the couch. You eye the clock, noting each minute as it passes by. Your nerves only continue to rise the longer you’re alone. What on earth is he doing?

On the tenth minute, Rafayel reappears, a mischievous spark in his eyes. He offers you a hand.

“The gallery is ready for you to attend, cutie.”

This time, your eyes narrow, though you still take his hand, allowing him to help you up. “I thought you said we weren’t going?”

“Oh, this is a different kind of gallery,” he hums, looking quite proud of himself, “I think you’ll enjoy this one a lot more. And I’ll be your personal tour guide.”

“How kind,” you muse, fighting your own smile. You might as well humor him, even if it doesn’t help. As long as Rafayel is happy, you can count the night as some kind of success.

Rafayel leads you to one of the spare rooms of the studios. You vaguely remember him telling you at some point that it’s a room he likes to keep his sketchbooks and unfinished projects in. You cast him a curious glance, but his eyes are set ahead as he touches the door, that smile still painted across his lips.

“These works are some of the most important that I’ve ever done, and you’ll be the first to see them. My heart rests in your hands tonight, so be careful, otherwise you might mortally wound me and I’ll never have the courage to paint again.”

You roll your eyes at his antics, about to make a sassy remark, but the words get lost when he presses the door open. Your eyes go wide at the sight before you.

The room is lit by candles, flickering with the flames of his evol. Their light dances across countless artworks spread across the room, hanging on every surface, each one depicting the same subject.

You.

Most of them are sketches, their strokes simple and spontaneous but laden with care, like he had wanted to capture a precious moment for himself. There’s one of you dozing off on the couch, another of you dancing in the kitchen. There’s even one of you holding a stuffy, from one of your many trips to the arcade.

The further you walk into the room, the more detailed the pieces become. 

A charcoal drawing of you in your uniform, gun drawn on something off page. The lines of your body are like water, fluid and graceful, the look in your eyes somehow burning with a fierce determination.

An oil painting of the night you spent at the market. Your image is looking at a sparkler, the light reflected in your eyes like stars, your cheeks painted a soft rosy color that seems to glow. It’s impossibly delicate, each stroke placed with such intention, it’s almost like you’re there again.

The final painting you come to make your face go warm again. It’s of you, curled up under a familiar set of sheets, mostly focused on your face. Your hair pools against the pillow, messy yet somehow charming in its unruliness. The morning sunlight dapples across your skin, highlighting the soft color of your lips and the gentle curve of your smile. But it’s your eyes that really make your breath catch. You can practically see the sleepy fog in them, like you had just woken, but also the undeniable warmth. The love.

It’s…beautiful. They’re all beautiful. And they’re all you.

“This is…” You swallow around the lump in your throat, suddenly feeling off-kilter. “I can’t believe you did all of these.”

Rafayel, who had been following behind you silently, hums softly and curls his arms around your waist. You lean back into his touch, letting it ground you and your swirling emotions.

“It’s been difficult even focusing on my work for the gallery. Everything else seems to pale in comparison when I have such a beautiful muse in front of me all the time,” he murmurs the words against your temple, voice quiet to match the atmosphere of the room. “I could devote lifetimes to painting you and never grow tired of it.”

You bite back a bashful smile, unable to resist the urge to tease him a little, “I didn’t realize I was so distracting.”

“Just ask Thomas. I think this is the most he’s ever had to remind me to finish my work,” Rafayel chuckles, giving your waist a squeeze. “But it was worth the missed deadlines. Afterall, isn’t it my responsibility as your employer and lover to make sure you understand how much I cherish you?”

Your heart flutters wildly as the brazen affection in his tone. It seems to melt away your doubts, replacing them with an overwhelming feeling of fondness for your artist. Only Rafayel would do something like this for you, how could you deny it?

Turning around in his hold, you lean up on your tiptoes and press a kiss to his cheek, which you notice is an absolutely rosy shade of red. It makes you feel even more fond. You really really love this man.

“Thank you, my pretty fish. I feel much better now.”

That dazzling smile lights up his face again, and he leans down to scatter kisses all over your face, whispering between your bouts of giggles, “Anything for you, my queen.”

---

All the smooches. I love this man. I will die on the hill of using the nickname "fish" or "fishie" with him, I think it's soooo cute.

[im-not-a-ghost]

You through their eyes

This reading is written in first person / from the POV of the person you’re enquiring about. I tried to keep the text as neutral as possible so that anyone could relate to it. This can apply to any type of romantic connection, whether you are in contact with this person or not. It can be a past person or a future person.

Group 1 - Deer

Cards : 4 of wands, King of pentacles, 9 of pentacles, ace of wands, 2 of swords, 6 of swords

Right from the moment our eyes met, I knew. I knew that you had my heart wrapped around your finger. I knew that you were the one. As soon as I saw you, I felt the urge to ask for your hand. To claim you as my forever person. My ride or die. I knew that I wanted to have a home with you. That I wanted to build a legacy with you. I knew that you were the one. That you had it all. The good looks, the brains, the strength to keep up with me through thick and thin. I knew that I couldn’t get rid of you even if I wanted to. That no matter how hard I’d try I could never forget you nor get you out of my system. You were just engraved in me like a tattoo on my skin meant to remind me of my truth : that I was meant to be yours just as much as you were meant to be mine. That true love is real and is in the shape of you. I knew that I had to have you right away. And by God did I want you. I craved you more than I could ever fathom and it scared me. I never wanted anyone so bad. The reactions you birthed in me my love, were so sweet and addictive I feared I couldn’t hold myself back if I were to cross the line. I didn’t want you to hate me. It’s just visceral. The way you get me. The way you come under my skin and tease me. The way you look at me with those innocent eyes of yours. Those beautiful orbs that I drowned myself in. How your lips tremble at the vulnerability of your unexpressed emotions. How your tongue slips through your lips when you get nervous. How soft your tone is whenever you are around me. God, you make me crazy. Right from the start I was stuck in a dilemma. Fighting with my head and my heart, trying to figure out which way to go, what the hell to do to get to you without hurting nor scaring you. How to live on knowing that I couldn’t have you. Knowing that I would have to stay away from you. The moment our gazes embraced each other, you had my fate in your hands and my heart held hostage. And I wouldn’t have had it any other way. I tried to move on and shield both of us from the hurt this could provoke. But being away from you is nearly impossible. You’re as essential to me as the air I breathe. Every minute I am reminded of you. When I met you, I knew I had to do right by you or you wouldn’t let me in. It was obvious that you were well educated and mature enough to cut me off if I ever tried anything you deemed as wrong. It was obvious that you didn’t need me and were doing very well on your own. That you could have anything and anyone you wanted at the snap of your fingers. But I just couldn’t ignore you. Something about you called to me and made me want to pursue you like no other, no matter how you could have perceived me, no matter if people thought I was a fool. I wanted to take the risk and chase you because a part of me was convinced I would never get the chance to see you again if I didn’t.

Confirmation signs : Taurus, Aries, Gemini, rainbows, important bodies of water such as rivers and seas, long distance connections, feeling like you’re the yin to the other’s yang, number 14, Sagittarius, Jupiter, travels, sunsets and sunrises ✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

Group 2 Tree

Cards : ace of pentacles, tower, 10 of cups, 6 of cups, knight of cups, king of swords

You came into my life at the perfect timing. Like a breath of fresh air in the middle of a storm I didn’t realise I was stuck in until you arrived. And boy did you make some noise. You were like thunder. I was immediately electrified. You uprooted everything and anything I thought I knew. You completely changed the course of my life and to this days I still believe that is for the better. Ever since I met you I have never felt so happy and fulfilled. My life feels like a dream. You were so beautiful and pure it was impossible not to love you. You took my hand ever so gently, offered your help and guidance without expecting anything in return. You kept giving and giving, surrounding me with your warm and loving embrace I just felt so good. You are an angel, a miracle that I still can’t believe I met. I feel so lucky to have you by my side love. So happy. My love for you was already strong and kept growing as I got to know you. I was in awe with your soft demeanour, your tender touch, your caring approach and empathy for others. You were like royalty. So radiant and calm that for a mere second I thought I was in Heaven. Such a wonderful being like you surely cannot be real, I thought. But you are as real as the coin in my pocket and I was the one lucky enough to have you in my life. Can you believe that? To me you were like a life line. I didn’t know I was drowning until you took my hand and pulled me out of the mess I was in. I don’t know how you did it nor how you saw so clearly what I couldn’t but I am so grateful you did. Never once did you judge me nor hurt me. Never once did you question me nor doubt my essence. You kept supporting me and loving me even at my worst. When I couldn’t give you what you wanted you looked for it out on your own and patiently waited for me to catch up. When my heart was guarded and in pain, you cautiously weaved your way through the cracks of my armour and helped me heal. You soothed my fears and mended my wounds with such grace and humbleness that I fell in love harder than before. Your tender heart got the best of my reserved nature. The more time goes by and the more I think God sent you to lift me up. You are Heavensent. You are my other half the one I’ve been missing for so long. With you by my side I feel at peace, finally. I fell in love with your romantic side and your pure good willed heart. With your little dances whenever you’re happy and how you hum to our favorite songs to make yourself comfortable. How you bake in the kitchen with that little smile on your face, thinking I don’t see you. How you so effortlessly get me every time, even though I try my best to shut you out. You never give up on me though I am hard on you sometimes.

Confirmation signs : water signs especially Scorpio, letter K, meeting by the river, love at first sight, believing in soulmates, late night conversations, spiritual ramblings, water lilies and butterflies

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

Group 3 - Daisies

Cards : The World, 7 of swords, 7 of cups, page of wands, 4 of wands, Death

You were so different than me that at first I felt like we were miles away from each other and had nothing in common. You seemed like the world was laying at your feet yet you wanted none of it. You seemed dangerous and so bad for my health and peace of mind. Yet, I couldn’t help but feel drawn to you. You were so mysterious, so intense that I had to dig further, dive deeper. You were so intriguing and in your presence it felt like the world was opening before me and my options were suddenly much better. I felt braver, more optimistic, successful. It felt like with you by my side I could conquer the world. You were so smooth, so supportive. So sensual and strong I felt so little next to you. There was a depth to you I couldn’t explain. An air of someone that was wiser than what they let on. Someone that had been through hell and rose out of it without a scratch. You were so precious and powerful. I had to have you. I thought my minds were playing tricks on me when you told me “I love you”. I didn’t think someone like you would want someone like me. I felt like a scam. However you didn’t seem to care. You kept moving on expecting for me to follow you and I did. You never once looked back because you knew. You knew I wouldn’t let you down. It’s like you could predict my every move and saw right through me. I was mesmerised by you. Bewitched. I felt like a clown but I couldn’t help but to love the feeling. You made me want to be more and expand in ways I never thought possible. You triggered a passion I didn’t know I possessed. Suddenly I was getting jealous imagining that someone else could have you and that made me furious. I would have done anything for you. I still would. God you make me crazy with how much I want you. I desired you so strongly I thought I was possessed. At some point I even thought you were manipulating me. I felt trapped and like I had no other option but to be yours. And then I gave in and realised there was no point in fighting this feeling. The more I fought and tried to repress my desire the harder I fell. You were so beau and I felt like a frog trying to hang out with a Queen. I felt so ridiculous. But in my heart I knew that I would spend the rest of my life with you, until my last breath. Because at the end of the day, that’s what I wanted and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I would chase you around the Earth if I had to if that meant being by your side. You are my muse.

Confirmation signs : fixed signs especially Scorpio, number 7, letter S, song All of me, cultural differences, beauty and the beast trope, red roses, ennemies to lovers trope

[impish-baby]

Yandere Omega father x beta reader how would you perceive this?

I am thinking..single omega father that is completely out of mind, the only thing he knows for certain is that he loves you more than anything!

You're his gift, his pride and joy, the one blessing he was given out of years of strife

He doesn't mean to make things hard for you, truly, it's just that you're his baby! You shouldn't have to lift a finger around the house, don't worry, dad has it covered (and if you have a tough time getting a starter job because you're embarrassed that you don't know how to do basic tasks, you where silly for wanting to work in the first place)

Dating has been a no-go for him for a very long time, omega father needed all his attention to be on you, it's important for pups to have lots of care! Really, he just despises the idea of anyone else taking on a parental role in your life

If he were to ever start dating again, he's so nitpicky that there's rarely a second date if he even got through the first. He gets so anxious being away, his poor puppy is home by themselves :(( they have to be devested that he isn't there with them, he can just imagine them curled up in his nest waiting for him to get back like a good kid.. (insert shot of reader having the time of their life chugging energy drinks and watching all the movies that were 'too inappropriate'... jk, the weirdo probably has nanny cams everywhere)

He isn't above the worst kinds of manipulation to get you to stay with him

Sobbing, choking on air breakdowns that make you worry to the core.. bawling his eyes out about you not caring about him, hating him (you just wanted to visit a friend)

Escalating, especially if it's about you eventually moving out. He's desperate, fear clawing at his chest as he sobs that he should just die then, that he'll wither away because his precious baby doesn't want their dumb father anymore

Sometimes, the bouts swing into fits of anger that have you crying. He doesn't yell, not really, but who wants the only parent they have telling them that they gave up their entire lives for them and now you're throwing all that away? That it's your fault your dad suffered for years, didn't eat because he had to make sure you did, and here you are walking away like he means nothing to you, ungrateful brat..

He never means it, of course! It's just that.. dad gets really upset when you talk about things of that nature, sweetie, and it is true to an extent that he sacrificed everything for you, weren't you being a little selfish now that you think about it? Come here, he'll dutifully wipe away those yucky tears so you can go cuddle and forget what a stupid thing you said, it's like nothing ever happened! :D

[genderqueerdykes]

In a weird way, it feels like this is the only blog I can ask this and know that I'll get a 100% honest answer to my question, without having to worry about reading subtext. (Thank you for that) you've mentioned you don't want man hating lesbians here (valid) and if that applies here I'll back off 100% but like.

What if I specifically hate Cishet men. What if I don't take issue with queer men at all, just the cishets? Geunine question, just in case, because I know this could read as like trolling or something, and I do understand that basic language dictates yes it'd apply but I'm stupid & not sure, and I know that even if it's a harsh or brutal reply, you'll still give it to me straight. (Thank you for that too, my autistic ass struggles with subtext a lot.)

While I have reasons for feeling the way I do, I'm not sure they matter in this context. And that's okay.

i'm glad that you want to have a genuine conversation about it, i really appreciate that! the only way to learn and figure things out is to ask questions

at the end of the day, this behavior still affects queer men. cishet men can be queer- they can be intersex, aromantic, asexual, genderqueer, gender non conforming, drag artists... "cishet man" does not inherently mean someone who is not queer. there are many ways to be queer outside of being gay, bisexual, and/or trans. and even then, this behavior gets dangerous fast because strangers you perceive to be cishet men very well can be anything but that. someone you clock to be a cishet man may be a closeted trans girl, a trans man, a non binary person, a butch lesbian, and so on. you treating that person like they're an inherent danger causes a whole host of issues

this attitude is also why trans men, trans women, and non binary people are being forcefully removed from queer communities. if a queer person reads or passes as a "cishet man," they are treated with hostility and asked to leave in a lot of cases. we cannot allow the concept of manhood and perceived manhood to be viewed as something to be avoided and cast out, because it affects so much more than just cishet men. this attitude affects a LOT of closeted and non-passing trans women. honestly, that's who this hurts the most. it hurts trans men and enbies, but it really hurts trans women. it creates a standard where they have to overperform femininity and womanhood in order to be seen as "safe", and it's not okay.

projecting your issues with a small handful of people on to an entire group does not help. you have not been harmed by the concept of cishet men- you have been harmed by specific cishet men. in permanently labeling cishet men as bad people, this creates an ultimatum where they can never improve. hating them by virtue of them being cishet men creates a standard that cishet men will ALWAYS be terrible, and that they can't improve or learn. this creates an environment where no one challenges these behaviors and it makes the cycle even more toxic and abusive

it's okay to not want to spend time with cishet men, but saying that you hate all cishet men really isn't a good look. it's not the way to go about living a happy life. assuming that every single cishet man on this planet will hurt you or be a bad person strictly by virtue of being a cishet man is exactly what cishets do to us. this is how queerphobic cishet people look at trans women. there's no reason to do it back. we have to learn not to stereotype entire groups of people, no matter who they are

the concept of cishet men has never hurt you, and it never will. cishet men are not your enemy- patriarchy is. not every single cishet man benefits from patriarchy, either. intersex men, men of color, gender non conforming men, ace men and aro men are treated like absolute shit for not conforming to the toxic masculinity that patriarchy pushes. patriarchy also harms men- we must stand alongside men who are being chewed up and spat out by this machine. cishet men are not inherently bad people- we are grooming boys and men to be hostile, emotionally closed off, and violent. this is not an inherent trait of cishet men, but rather a societal issue

i hope that makes sense! in general it just really sucks to stereotype an entire group of people. it doesn't help anyone. the concept of cishet manhood hasn't hurt you and it never will. cishet men can still be allies. i've had lots of cishet male friends who weren't transphobic or even homophobic. the first person in my irl life to switch to using my proper pronouns at the time was a cishet man. he never screwed up my pronouns once, he never questioned my gender identity. cishet man does not mean inherently violent, dangerous, and evil. the more we teach men that they don't have to be this way, the more they will follow.

hope that helps! take care!