#i had to self diagnose myself before getting a professional opinion

[that-one-ao3-writer]

As a kid (and even now) I was obsessed with organisational stationery. Work desks, pen stands, planners, diaries, the likes of them. They fascinated me in way, like you can organise all your stuff and thoughts so much easily which I could never do on a daily basis.

Now, as I'm older and understand better, I think it was mainly because I wanted to be organised and keep my stuff and thoughts in neat little stacks but I couldn't physically do it. As a neuro divergent person it saddens me that this part, as well as many other smaller behavioural incidences, are mostly overlooked in early diagnosis of children. It is treated as "just a phase" when it could be one of the key points of a mental health diagnosis. The diagnosis is for the person suffering from it, not for the symptoms to fit into perfect little boxes for the doctor. Each individual reacts and copes differently with the symptoms they show and dividing them into categories with distinct boundaries is just unfair to that individual.

[lunarlegend]

vent post.

i'm really fucking sick of the way people use the internet to diagnose themselves with autism.

i used to support self-diagnosis because mental healthcare is extremely flawed, and i understand how difficult it is to find a good therapist/psychologist (not to mention how draining the whole diagnosis process can be). i also understand that there are legitimate reasons for not wanting an official diagnosis, because of how prevalent ableism still is, and how disability is treated in many places.

however.

this current trend of using autism as the latest "uwu i'm so autistic" internet craze is unacceptable, and it's drowning the voices of actual autistic people.

social media has taken all the "cute", "endearing", and otherwise "pretty" aspects of autism and left the rest, so us real life autistics (whose autism is DEFINITELY not always pretty) become overshadowed in our own spaces and get treated like we're weird for displaying actual traits of autism that aren't just "really liking a character" or "getting startled by a loud noise".

i got professionally diagnosed with autism in 2001 at the age of 12, after years of my parents being told i had "emotional problems" because no one knew how else to explain my "temper tantrums", which were actually intense autistic meltdowns that i'd have every time plans got changed or something caused me to get sensory overloaded.

i would lose sleep, tossing and turning in my bed to the point of tears, because i couldn't stand the texture of my flannel pajamas on my skin. i would endure hugs from my mother that were supposed to be comforting, because her light touches actually caused me pain.

i was constantly dragged around, forced into situations that made me overwhelmed and uncomfortable, and then blamed when i became so upset i couldn't calm down. things that most kids would enjoy, like a daytrip to an amusement park, overloaded my senses to the point where i couldn't sleep afterwards because all the lights and sounds and smells would stay stuck in my head for hours.

and that's not even when it got "bad". because as i got older, i started having shutdowns instead of meltdowns. shutdowns meaning, my brain would go into lockdown mode as a defense mechanism, and i'd lose my ability to speak or make eye contact with anyone. this happened anytime i was forced into an uncomfortable situation, and i had absolutely no control over when i'd be able to talk or look at anyone again.

and guess what? all of this came right along with my special interests, and social awkwardness, and all the "cute" parts of autism that the internet loves to romanticise. because actual autism is distressing. it causes you to be misunderstood and isolated. it causes adults to not know how to care for you or react to you. it causes you to hate yourself for no reason, because obviously you must be the problem.

i'm happy to say that, as an adult in my 30s, i no longer feel ashamed for being autistic, and i've long since forgiven myself for the ways i had to survive when i was younger. but i still get sensory overloaded. i still have to avoid certain textures, certain places, certain smells. i still hate to be touched. i still suck at socializing (even though i've become REALLY good at faking it).

the difference is, i have control over my life now, when i didn't before. and i can prevent myself from becoming as upset as i once did. but a lot of us aren't so privileged. there are plenty of autistic adults who cannot care for themselves, and who still experience meltdowns and shutdowns the same way i did when i was a child. because autism isn't pretty. and it's considered a disability for a reason.

all of which is to say, i'm absolutely fucking tired of seeing the word "autistic" thrown around like any old adjective in half the profiles on this site. if you actually think you're autistic, go talk to a professional. if you decide not to seek a formal diagnosis after that, fine. but at least you got an opinion from somewhere other than a fucking tiktok video. and if all you're going by is a fucking tiktok video? then you're probably not autistic and you have no right to go around describing yourself as such.

[drummuso]

looking for advice on buying my self a wheelchair while still living with my parents, and with almost no access to healthcare

does anyone have any advice on how to bring up getting a wheelchair to parents? i feel stupid worrying so much about what they'll think since i'm 21 like. but i still live with them, and we're very reliant on each other. they know about my health stuff, but not every detail. i try to downplay everything, and when scary potential diagnoses are brought up i don't mention them to them.

they know i used a crutch all last college year, and that since april i've needed two crutches almost every time i leave the house. but i know that for how accepting and progressive they try to be, they still see a wheelchair as a point of no return.

i was putting off talking with them about a wheelchair until i had a proper diagnosis or a specialist or anything tbh. i do really worry about doctors' opinions if i source a wheelchair myself without consulting a professional (despite that not being a fucking option for me rn because of the state of the healthcare service in my county)

but i found a custom chair on ebay that is almost perfect. in my price range, good sizing, good make, good shipping, everything. i can't exactly get it shipped to our house secretly like. so i feel like time is much more pressing now. and i really want to have this conversation with them before term starts too.

tl;dr: i live with my parents and need to get myself a wheelchair. how do i bring this up to them? and how do i deal with future doctors opinions on self-sourcing my first chair? will it harm the likelihood of me being taken seriously by them, and is that avoidable?

any advice is appreciated, and even just knowing that other people have gotten through similar situations would be helpful.

[thewindowsystem]

Woooooo psychiatry hot take time!!!

I'm just gonna say it, I'm pro (educated) self diagnosis atleast to a degree, although my reasons don't apply to all places in the world so keep that in mind.

I come from a country with a massive issue with a lack of medical professionals ESPECIALLY in my city, it's not uncommon to find hospitals that are dangerously understaffed, the only hospital in my city of almost one million people has one emergency unit with typically only around 9 people and the wait times for urgent care on the LEAST busy days are 9-10 hours if you're lucky. And for any kind of medical problem physical or mental even if you have money for something like specialised care you will still most likely have to go a two day drive just to find someone who isn't fully booked. People are dying because of this crisis even those on disability insurance and nothing is really being done about it.

I was born sick and have been going through this medical system my entire life, and another issue I have noticed due to that is incredibly wide spread because in my country especially, doctors are basically being taught they shouldn't believe afab people who are looking for help. It is to a point where 1 third of the afab people who have managed to finally get a booking in with a doctor, some travelling for litteral days just for some kind of help have been dismissed or straight up turned away due to sexism. The likely hood of being turned away increases significantly if you are POC.

People often forget that diagnosis isn't an end goal, it's not just a label for the sake of a label, it's a tool. A tool to help you navigate and approach recovery. And yes the ideal situation is to have a good doctor who can help you navigate that process but unfortunately that's not the case for all of us. Through educated self diagnosis (often through years of constant study) as a afab POC I managed to accurately and safely self medicate for pretty much all of my current diagnosed conditions on average 5 years before I managed to get a doctor to even CONSIDER checking. (The only acception to this is ADHD because I was like 7 when I got that diagnosis)

I'm sick of seeing people getting lectured for trying to help their selves in the time being because currently medical care isn't available to them. I hate the idea that you shouldn't even try digging into your mental health problems or even recognise they exist until you get the magical approval of a medical professional because speaking from experience those ideas HELD ME BACK in my recovery because I thought that researching my issues automatically made me a faker and when I did finally get a psychologist and they asked if I already had an idea of what the issue was I refused to give them any of my own extensive work I had done myself that could have sped up my diagnostic process tenfold. Even though the effects of self medicating have been incredibly beneficial to my recovery previously

Obviously you need to approach it safely and carefully, you definitely shouldn't try and speak for or over people who are clinically diagnosed etc but I feel like the idea that self diagnosis is inherently harmful 100% of the time is flawed and although yes you will undeniably get things wrong while trying to self medicate so do the actual medical professionals themselves! It's apart of the process and I do recognise how beneficial having a professional to help you is (and if you have the option to do that you definitely should) but I feel like it's rather damaging to brush off those who don't have access too those recourses and simply insist they just deal with it.

Honestly self diagnosis and self medicating saved my life by not only giving me something to hold on and work on while waiting to get medical care but it is the entire reason why I am clinically diagnosed today

Obviously this isn't a data filled analysis on the effects of self diagnosis this is just my opinion mainly rooted from my own life experience so don't take it as some factual information piece please. I might make a continuation to this if anyone has any questions about my thoughts on the topic.

[my-autism-adhd-blog]

Hey, um, this feels like a silly question that I should have seen the answer on here somewhere for, but...

What is your opinion on self diagnosing autism?

I really want to seek a formal diagnosis because there are so many signs that I'm autistic; I've taken every single test you've linked on your blog with really high scores, I've realised a lot of common autistic experiences are things that I've had that I just thought I was insane for, and that having so many sensitivities when it comes to food and textures and smells and lights and things not always being exactly as I think they should be isn't just....a thing that I go through, by myself, that I can't get over because I'm not trying hard enough- that other people struggle with the same things all the time, but they have autism and that's something I could never even consider that I might have too until other people asked me because they thought I did.

I'm sorry for going on- all this is to say, I do want a formal diagnosis, but because I'm trans/autonomy is a concern if I were diagnosed, and because how hard it might be to even get one since I don't have anyone around from my childhood to attest to how I was when I was young, I don't know if it's even something I can or should do. At the very least, it would take years for me to get to a place where I could pursue it.

I've been agonizing and doing so much research over the past several months, and I'm so so sure, but I'm also really afraid of diagnosing myself with it, let alone communicating that to the people close to me. I don't want to be one of those yucky people who lie about having autism. All I want is to feel like it's okay to seek community with people who experience the world more similarly to me, and like I'm allowed to ask for resources and utilize things that I need to function better in day to day life without unrightfully claiming something that I might not actually have.

So, um, I just wondered, what do you think about self diagnosis, as someone with autism? Is it wrong to do it- is it wrong that I've even thought about it? I don't know what's okay at all, and I really feel terrible about even thinking I could.

Thank you for taking the time to read this even though I drabble on.

Hi there,

Im not a doctor or a professional, but I’m completely okay with self diagnose as long as you do the proper research. (Not looking things up on TikTok or anything like that. I know there’s some actual neurodivergent there trying to help, but I think it’s filled with so much misinformation than information.

I was diagnosed in 2009, but I I was diagnosed with Aspergers before it was changed into Autism Spectrum Disorder.

And it’s completely up to you if you want to a official diagnosis. Some people find it helpful, other not too much. If you want to try to get an official diagnosis, then you need to find a good psychiatrist/psychologist (I don’t know which one diagnoses disorders).

But that might be a but hard.

Sorry for rambling there. My main point is you can definitely diagnose yourself if you do correct resources and some symptoms that you think you have.

I hope this answer your question. Thank you for the inbox. I hope you have a wonderful day/night. ♥️

[ambsash]

I’ve been wrangling pretty hard with the idea that I might be neurodivergent, either ADHD or ASD or both. I look at these stories people tell, I talk to my neurodivergent friends, and I see so much of myself in them and their stories that it genuinely scares me. I feel like I should be happy to potentially be discovering something so significant about myself—but I’m afraid. I’m afraid of being alone forever, I’m afraid of never being understood, and I’m afraid of being judged before being given a chance to prove myself. All my life there has been this pattern of people meeting me and thinking I’m a weird person because I just don’t know how to present myself. I mask so much of who I am and I didn’t even realize it for most of my life. I’ve gone through life with such difficulty fitting in no matter how hard I try. It feels like the harder I try the weirder people think I am. I feel like an alien. My best friend is autistic (bless her heart for putting up with me). We’re so much alike and I see so much of myself in who she is and it’s unlike anything I’ve ever experienced with neurotypical people. Idk if that’s any kind of sign of what I am but it’s supplementary evidence that I think about a lot.

That isn’t even to mention the actual genuine health issues I’m having that make me lean towards either ADHD or that AND ASD. I struggle so fucking hard to do things, things I know I really enjoy doing. I am writing a novel, a story that has been in my head and developing for at least 2 years. I can fantasize about how great it’s gonna be in my head, and I’m almost always thinking about it and planning constantly. I’m like actually genuinely obsessed with it...and then when it comes time to put words on paper I can’t fucking do it. No matter how hard I try, how badly I wanna do it, I cannot fucking bother even opening google docs most of the time. I feel like I’ve wasted so much time that I can’t get back or make up for and it makes me so upset sometimes. I can typically manage stuff like washing the dishes or helping out around the house but only because I feel completely awful not pitching in at all since I’m almost 26 and still living at home. I’m afraid of many things but there are few things I fear more than giving up and making people think I’m a deadbeat. God, and the fucking memory issues.

I wish undiagnosed neurodivergency was a more inviting topic of discussion. It’s so hard to bring this shit up to people without them implying I’m faking it to be “quirky” or am already going as far as self-diagnosing myself. It makes understanding myself a lot harder when I’m afraid of seeking second opinions before deciding to persue a diagnosis. It isn’t my fault that neurodivergency has become so romanticized online. I just want to improve my quality of life. I don’t want to be this way but I very well might be anyway. Idk. I’ll seek out a professional.

Edit: Lmao side-tangent I’m editing in later because I just remembered this and thought it was funny. I had a job interview walk-through thing a week or so ago and one of the guys I met made a joke that he was the CEO of the entire company and I didn’t realize he was joking even a little bit until someone else told me. I truly believed this random person joking about being the CEO of Goodwill was the CEO of Goodwill. What that says about me and my place on the spectrum, I will leave up to interpretation /j

[ofmymuses]

heads up! below the cut is long and personal (probably oversharing too KSDFJH)—

hi friends!! i'm in the mood to word vomit about the past few months so, here goes nothing~ if you have any comments or questions or anything like that, both my dms and inbox are open ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ ♡

so, i've been in a transitional "era"(?) for the past few months as i try to navigate a whoooole lot of change - too much change almost. i won't get super into it rn but one of the changes is that i've recently made the decision to stop my antidepressants.. and let me tell you.......... it's been an experience; like i said above, i'm trying to navigate all of these new thoughts and feelings since coming off

obviously i've noticed a big change in myself - mostly with how i think and how i feel emotions. i can't afford therapy right now so i've been talking to my best friends and my fiancé instead and we all agreed that i have bpd (they're diagnosed with bpd so i very much trust their opinions). despite this, i'm still going to get professionally diagnosed once i save enough money to do so. regardless of what it is, i've known that my brain's wiring is different for some time now so i can't say i'll be very surprised

i don't think i ever really showed symptoms of bpd before because i was medicated, you know? but now that i'm off of it, my true self is shining more. it's been interesting learning new things about myself. it's honestly really cool learning things about myself that i didn't know before. but i (desperately) need to learn how to manage all of these new experiences because i've never dealt with them before. i'd been on meds for....... god. a very long time. if anyone has any recommendations for videos or books or posts about managing bpd or anything along those lines, i would appreciate them being sent my way!! i probably won't publicly answer them so that i can save them so thank you in advance to anyone who sends resources my way ♡♡

something i also wanted to quickly note is my fiancé.. so, as you may know, i broke up with my long-term boyfriend back in the summertime and shortly after that, i met the literal light of my life. we met at school but how we "met" was just us looking at each other across the room and smiling. i eventually wrote him a little note that i liked his art and when i went to the washroom, he slipped one back saying that he really likes my smile and the rest is history 🥺 we just recently moved in together into the cutest little apartment we went to the mall not long ago and we were looking at one of the merchandiser's jewelry and he jokingly said something along the lines of: "i would ask you to marry me with one of these $10 rings, i don't care" and i said back "and i would say yes" so he told me to pick one out and i picked up the first one that caught my eye (it resembles a tiara with a blue heart in the middle + white crystals going across).. at this point, the cashier was almost done ringing up his order so i had to pick quickly and it turned out that the one that had caught my eye fit perfectly on my ring finger. so i took that as the biggest sign of approval and went with that one. later that night, i got him to help me adjust it and as he was giving it back, i told him to ask before giving it back (mostly as a joke) so he got on one knee and "proposed" before sliding it on my finger. technically, it was a proposal and i did accept but we're seeing it as more of a promise ring until he can get an actual ring. but i still like to call him my fiancé and he calls me his girl + his wife and i'm just :'')) very happy

sooooooooooooooo, yeah! that's pretty much all i wanted to dump DFGKHGJ this year has been the biggest transition of my life but i finally feel like i'm where i'm supposed to be. i don't know if this is going to make any sense but the person i created myself to be in order to fit in growing up doesn't fit the environment i feel i'm supposed to be in so unlearning everything and letting my authentic self come out has been challenging but so rewarding. it has made me a bit sad that a few of my family members have been worried about me because imo, there's nothing to worry about. but anyway

i feel like i could go on and on about the shit that's been going on but one or two topics is enough for now. so thank you for reading my brain dump! i hope you have a lovely rest of the weekend 🥰

(also i didn't proofread this so please ignore any mistakes)

[nagichi-boop]

(Not adding an option for “don’t support and am self-dx” because that’s contradictory.)

Some personal context below if you’re interested.

Asking this because I feel horrible labelling myself with BPD as someone who doesn’t have a diagnosis (though not from lack of trying). I was told by two separate people they thought I had it before I believed it and have since researched it, and heavily relate to the experiences of others. But I’ve tried for literal years to get a diagnosis and doctors just tell me “we don’t diagnose BPD” and won’t even assess me, so I’ve sorta given up trying for a professional diagnosis, at least for the time being. (Added context but I’m in the UK and have been trying through the NHS, so if anyone has any tips on how to be assessed, please let me know. All I’ve heard is they only really diagnose BPD if people make a sui attempt or something, but I don’t really want to have to get to that position just to be heard.) I’ve seen a lot of posts saying that people need to stop saying they have BPD as a trend, and although most of these are directed at people deliberately using the label for attention rather than because they genuinely relate to the symptoms and experiences, I always tend to personalise it and become self-loathing. That and I have seen a post or two saying BPD shouldn’t be self diagnosed.

[bluravenite]

I assume you make little silly noises cause you did something cool

Bold of you to assume I don't make noises for LITERALLY no reason.

Wanna know which ones?

I meow (on accident) don't ask how,, it's always unintentional

I squeak A LOT sometimes meows ^

I definitely growl at myself

Huff and sigh REPEATEDLY

Bark but like a small Chihuahua that lost it's voice (awa awa dog/ref)

I also make the pop bubble sounds with my lips courtesy of @spiiral-sins bc they make it all the time on call and i keep saying I hate it but now I do it too so I am a liar and a fraud /lh.

IK THAT THERE'S MORE but sometimes they change and i also tend to mimick any that people do around me if I've known that person for a while!!! ^^

CW: mental health/illness discourse

To clarify though, I'm not claiming to be autistic, the meme picture i just find funny lol, but I'm case it wasn't clear. I am not diagnosed!! And while i do have similar "symptoms"/qualities I'm pretty sure my behavior comes from a mixture of undiagnosed adhd, cptsd, and bad coping mechanisms!!

This does mean that I have several vocal plus physical stims and I DO stim A LOT when I get excited, but when it comes to diagnosis I would rather have a professional opinion (even if not a diagnosis) before i self proclaim!

^ countless school counselors/therapists have told me that I act/sound like I have adhd and definitely cptsd triggers and I agree bc it's the only way I can explain the way my brain works and why it hurts me the way it does!! I also 100% know I have had depression since I was 13.

[welcometothenightcourt]

is it possible to somehow actively "fake" DID/OSDD/other similar illnesses without actually meaning to do so via recognizing symptoms and slapping the label on yourself, fueling making you think you have it even if you dont? not sure if thats the right term. asking for myself because in 2021-2022 i learned about DID/OSDD. researched it heavily and thought i had it because of "alters" & a whole bunch of "fictives" which i think were just some form of heavy daydreaming episodes where i believed i was that person/character. i DID have trauma from before the age of 9, but the only trauma i can think of that would qualify to form it happened during and after the age of 9. im fairly sure i saw the symptoms and recognized that most of them are symptoms i had (& still have) and slapped the label on there because it made sense at the time. i feel super guilty about it because i interacted with a bunch of systems during this time and only now realizing i DONT have did/osdd and some other illness with similar symptoms that made me believe i did have it.

Okay so this is a lot, but I have three primary points:

1. You can't "actively fake" a disorder accidentally. To fake something requires knowing that you did not have it, and actively choosing to present yourself as having it. If you genuinely believed you had it, you weren't faking it, you were questioning your identity and ended up being wrong. That's fine. Relatively healthy, actually. Nothing to be guilty about. See point 3 and subsequent paragraphs.

2. There is no trauma that is not "qualifying." This isn't the trauma-comparing game. This isn't "the price is right: trauma edition." You can't just assign value or pain to certain kinds of trauma to rank them from least to most traumatising. So much goes into how an individual is affected by traumatic things, that all trauma, even the same event, is incredibly individual. If you had "severe" and/or consistent and/or repetitive trauma as a child without proper support, it's possible that it's enough. So without a professional's opinion, I wouldn't discount your childhood trauma like that.

3. Getting to what most of this was about--you can absolutely be influenced by what you see and research and become involved in. It happens all the time. That's (part of) why getting someone else's perspective, preferably that of an unbiased professional, can be so important.

Know that you're just doing your best to define your experiences, find belonging, and help yourself with the resources and knowledge that you have access to. It's okay to do that, and it's also okay to be wrong sometimes. There's no need to feel bad if it turns out that you were wrong, either. You learned more about yourself, a disorder you might not have ever learned about otherwise, a whole community of people, and probably a lot of coping mechanisms for the symptoms that made you think you had it in the first place. Even if you were wrong, you were respectful and honest, and it benefitted you in your development of self and awareness, which is fantastic.

This whole culture of "you genuinely and respectfully self-diagnosed/self-identified wrong and are therefore a terrible person and appropriated our culture" is ridiculous and needs to die. It's healthy to question yourself, to explore your experiences and mental health, to research your symptoms and feelings and communities you can relate to. It's healthy to try and define yourself to the best of your ability, and it's just as healthy to realize that you have grown and learned more about yourself and that perhaps that disorder or identity or label doesn't quite make sense now. This goes for all labels btw--sexualities, disorders, gender identities, etc. You have nothing to feel guilty about here. But if you still feel bad or like you unintentionally hurt our community, from a system, you're forgiven.

I hope this helped.

[actuallyautisticaba]

hi. i am fully aware my posting may upset, conflict, or anger people. i am posting because i want to get the word out that ABA can and will change for the better. a lot of people have had horrible experiences with ABA. i feel for you. i mourn for you. i want you to know abuse and assimilation is not what i will stand for. i will fight for advocacy and autistic voices. i am autistic and never experienced ABA as a child because i was diagnosed late. if not for my job i would have never known this part of myself.

i want to share some of my own experiences in the field, what i hope to do and advocate for once i am credentialed in the future, and open up myself to hear other people’s opinions and viewpoints to learn and grow.

1. my company is incredible. we are neuroaffirming. we are trauma informed. we fight for inclusion and acceptance. blocking stims is reason to get fired. yelling at, physically harming, or otherwise traumatizing a child is reason to be fired. there is no tolerance for harming a kid. i have seen BCBAs fight with insurance companies to give children access to life changing AAC. i have seen RBTs get down on the ground, stim with, and bond with the kids. i have had a kid cry and tell me they never felt accepted at any other school they attended and that now they wake up every day excited to come. i’ve seen kids taught self advocacy, taught how to tell people NO and have it listened to, to make people respect their bodies autonomy and consent, and learn independence. i see my kids proud of themselves. we ask before every physical prompt and do not force them to “comply”. i see smiles every day. i have memorized my kids scripts and will not force them to communicate with me in a “natural” or neurotypical way, i will sit down and learn as much as i need to to join them in THEIR world, not force them into another. the amount of research i’ve done on my little pony and thomas the train is crazy— i memorized parts of the shows in order to script alongside them and show them i care about their interests. when they stim, i stim with them, instead of telling them it’s wrong. neurodivergent as well, my workplace is inclusive to me, allowing me to wear noise cancelling headphones to prevent sensory overload, accommodate my need for extra time due to executive functioning struggles, mental health days, and more. the world of ABA is changing.

2. in the future i want to be a BCBA. i want to carry my same values into this position and my insight as a neurodivergent autistic person. i want to fight against harmful organizations like autism speaks. i want to be knowledgeable on the trauma of people who have been victimized by ABA and work to improve the field and remove the things that make it harmful. i want to boost autistic voices. in my schooling i have already done many research papers and assignments on opinions of ABA, harmful organizations, and i have taken time to research and listen to the people speaking against it. i want to teach the importance of prompt fading and the use of non-intrusive non-physical prompts. i want to teach about what autism is and that we shouldn’t be trying to cure it with ABA, because autistic people don’t want to be cured and don’t need a cure, there is nothing wrong with them as they are. we need less people in ABA trying to make autistic people fit into a mold of neurotypicalness and focus on inclusion. i think there are benefits to ABA, like reducing self-injurious or aggressive behavior to others through the teaching of communication skills (not just vocalization skills, but through PECS and AAC also) or other alternative behaviors. teaching kids skills like brushing teeth, feeding skills, self advocacy skills. there’s a lot of good i see in ABA and when i see something wrong, i have been and will continue to be the first one to advocate and fight. especially when a person may not understand what they’re doing is harmful.

in summary i want us to do better as professionals in this field. i will continue to research and listen to those who have been harmed by ABA. i will advocate and i will fight for what’s better. i will be trauma informed, i will be neuroaffirming, i will be inclusive. i will call out harmful practices. i have been and will continue to be the first one to advocate if needed. i am proud of my job, i am proud of being autistic, and i will do everything i can to lift voices that need to be heard. i want to hear what other people have to say so i can continue to learn, but also so i can validate experiences and apologize. if you’ve been hurt by ABA im sorry. i’m sorry that they did that to you. you did not deserve it. it is not your fault. there is nothing wrong with you. i am here to listen and i am here to make things change. no child should have to undergo harmful practices like what some of you have been through.

i want people to know that the professionals in ABA are trying to help and we believe in doing no harm. a lot of us want to learn. we want to make lives better. please be understanding with us while we unlearn and do everything we can to learn to do better. we are here to uplift you and will do everything in our power.

[rotationalsymmetry]

Hang on gonna put thoughts in reblog chain:

*When trying to consider whether to self diagnose YOURSELF, it's worth considering things like "how much do I actually know about this?" and "is there a reason to not get a diagnosis from a medical professional?" given that if you have something unusual going on and give it the wrong label, you might not get useful info or tools that you would get if you had the right label. (But also, sometimes people get hung up on things like "is it ok to buy this item marketed towards autistic people/parents of autistic children if I'm not autistic myself?" and...you can just buy the thing, if you're not autistic whatever, that just means a thing that helps autistic people has a bigger market.)

*if it's someone else's life, chances are it's none of your business. If it's a close friend or something and you think there's actual harm you can try talking about it, but be prepared to listen as much as you talk and consider the possibility that you might be wrong.

I actually have extremely strong opinions about this from my experiences with trying to get a diagnosis for what turned out to be CFS (if I'd waited for an official diagnosis before doing my own research I would have had worse symptoms for longer) and the very odd experience of never having had a doctor ask me about depression when I was actively suicidal (I mean, not that I was telling them this but still) but having it be multiple doctors' first thought both with what turned out to be CFS and earlier when I had anemia. Doctors have expertise, but they also see patients in 15 minute increments and they can miss things and jump to conclusions as easily as anyone else and basically, the main issue with self diagnosis is it can be wrong, but...so can professional diagnosis.

*unless you're engaging in self diagnosis discourse as a way to call some people fakers, which is as shitty here as it is in any other context. *specifically "self diagnosis is ok if you clarify you're self diagnosed" as a position implies this is a matter of community self-policing and not, y'know, advice to people wondering what's going on with them.

Finally, my two cents for whether someone else should get a professional diagnosis if they want my opinion: only do it if you reasonably expect more benefit than harm.

in most cases with physical conditions, it's more likely to be worth if than not, if you can afford the visit and some other significant ifs. With mental illness and autism and ADHD, it really depends. There's more stigma and more risk that you'll get future medical problems taken less seriously. I don't want to scare people away when it makes sense to do it (eg sometimes you need accommodations and this is how to get them, or you need meds and ditto) but if it's just for a sense of validation, that's probably not by itself worth it.

Let yourself be unsure. the doctor might be wrong anyways.

I’m most definitely autistic but I’m not sure if I want to pursue a professional diagnosis because…

-many professionally diagnosed people regret getting a diagnosis because it as jeopardized their rights or harmed them in other ways

-many professionals and autistic people have shown the diagnostic criteria in my area is inaccurate

-I theoretically have access to a diagnosis, but I feel my psychiatrist really doesn’t take me seriously

[gunsli-01]

Wanna hear how incompetent mental health care is in my state? Too bad I'm gonna explain anyway.

Recently a friend and I were discussing how people have a habit of going well you don't seem autistic maybe you actually have ADHD when it comes to certain types of people even if they have a diagnosis. Then she told me that a secialist told her it's very common for certain practitioners to try to diagnose black people that have autism with adhd as well but that was certainly not the case in her situation and to be wary of people trying to do that.

So, I was like huh weird. As I'd just undergone testing for autism last year with this one pretty terrible psychologist and on top of diagnosing me with Autism she diagnosed me with ADHD as well. Then immediately begun to try to get me medicated for it without really explaining how she tested this. Me being me I'm like well okay she's probably right but I don't want medication for this. She kept pushing it and then I cut ties with her for that and another reason.

So, after this talk with my friend I go home and reread my diagnosis forms from last year and guess what?! Apparently, the lady who diagnosed me with Autism and ADHD didn't ever properly test me for that second thing before trying to have me get medication for it.

The test she administered which was a self-report cannot be used to diagnoses ADHD with certainty.

Like this person fucking knew this it says so in the forms why was she trying to give me medication for it???

X

Bro I'm in hell- How the fuck does someone just go whelp here's this thing that should not be used as the sole basis for diagnosing this but since you have autism might as well say you got this too it's more likely. Bitch just do more testing before telling me to get a life changing medication on a hunch how about that. Like got damn...

This is my Interpretive Considerations- Yeah, no they weren't. This professional after getting their interpretive findings basically went at the end of these forms you have ADHD as well and referred me for a medication evaluation-

That is beyond an interpretation at that point but what should I expect from a clinician that refused to actually administer therapy until they discovered if I had Autism upon figuring out I had it told me to go to rehabilitation for it and lacked the professionalism to take the first time I told them no I did not want to seek medicine at this time as a good enough answer then kept hounding me every session after to get some.

Like yeah, they might as well have just been fucking around with this as well. Why the fuck not. This combined with my asshole of a sister claiming I was faking having these things like last month really makes me go bet fuck you guys. I went through way too much trouble finding a place that took my insurance that would test for Autism. Just to know if I did have it.

Just to literally spend the last half of 2022 getting tested and treated like an invalid for behaving as someone that has autism in the opinion of this clinician before my testing was even done. Then called out for masking after they brough that to my attention like it's lose-lose situation and I'm sick of people trying to tell me about myself. Before I even got tested my sister wanted to go isn't it enough if you think you have it you don't need to get tested just to go well you were faking you tricked that trained clinician.

Man I'm tired but at least I got some form of an answer and I avoided getting medication that was recommended to me on what was basically a baseless assumption made based upon the fact I had autism. Mental health care in this state really needs to get better.

[system-of-a-feather]

hi, I think I might have DID, but I also don’t know if I’m for some reason faking it for attention, though I haven’t even told anyone of my suspicions? and i’m a minor so i can’t really get myself screened and i don’t trust my parents enough to tell them. if you could provide any guidance or anything, i would appreciate it so much <3

I strongly do not recommend doing much digging into DID or potentially having a system as a minor unless symptoms are overtly getting intrusive because processing and working through DID is a lot for someone who is still living in an unsafe environment and limited tools to help their own situation out. If you do some personally digging into your experiences, I VERY strongly do not recommend doing trauma work without a professional as a minor living in an unsafe environment.

I know that sounds possibly like me saying "don't try to heal". That is not what I mean, I would recommend focusing on learning and establishing fundamental coping skills - grounding techniques, trying to learn what makes you feel safe, trying to find safe ways to handles increased emotions and symptomology, trying to establish healthy and safe friendships and peers, looking into less-trauma centered symptoms that might not be related to DID but play a role into how you are experiencing things.

Personally, I was aware of having a system around age of 14 and that led to a lot of compounding issues and unfortunate situations because I was 1) incapable of doing much about my situation and 2) overloaded with my age-appropriate identity issues and the stressors of middle school and highschool and 3) had little room to actually have people to support. I didn't really know much of DID until I was like 16 (beyond that I totally couldn't have it I just have people in my head), and didn't actually really think I had it until I was diagnosed.

With that being said, I am very very thankful I was able to get two years of foundational therapy before I even really addressed the DID too directly to get some understanding on how to cope with OCD, PTSD, and to just have someone who could help me navigate surviving highschool and living at home.

I'm very very much of the personal opinion that minors who think they might have DID should probably hold off before jumping into the DID community or digging into it too much, because going through being a mentally ill teenager in an unsafe environment is already a lot to process and deal with and I think its much more important for those teenagers and minors to focus on being a teenager and trying to get through that hard period rather than focusing on the intense complexities that comes with DID.

Additionally, if you do have DID, the first stage in most professional treatment is stabilization which involves learning and gaining a lot of coping tools and self awareness as well as communication with parts. Trauma work and intensely trying to understand every part and all the trauma all parts hold is something we - having been in treatment for 6 years and DID focused treatment for 4 - are only just starting to actually open up.

Having recently cleared "stabilization" for the most part, I very very very very firmly support that it is a very very very important stage in recovering with DID and its very very very important to not skip that stage. Obtaining the coping skills, internal trust, and secure base within yourself is very very important to being able to handle the brunt of the trauma that comes with DID.

So with that said, my best advice would be to probably try to not think too much about having DID or not having DID, but to just look at what things are distressing you and focusing on self care, coping, and how to better care and help yourself because regardless of if you have DID or not, it is something you will likely need to do and at your current age and place in life, that is probably a much more effective, healthier, and safer form of healing to focus on with the resources you have.

I know it isn't easy or always possible, because I too was a mentally ill minor with parents that I could not trust, but if there is a way to get to see any professional for any mental health condition, I would really suggest giving it ago. I was talking to some friends about this, and some therapists suck, so if you do get one bad one, I am sorry and please don't write treatment off, but having a therapist is often better than none.

If you aren't comfortable saying "I think I have trauma" which is completely understandable for many reasons, a little "I was a minor who had abusive parents" trick that worked for me was to pick the LEAST offensive LEAST image breaking (for them) and most beneficial (for them) disorder / mental health issue and pushing that very very hard to just see someone.

We got into therapy first by leveraging a situation that made them more prone to being concerned for once, honestly intentionally played up our distress massively, and insisted that we were really severely distressed about our Trichotillomania (compulsive hair pulling) and that I really couldn't cope with it on my own and I really really needed a professional's help because "it is causing permanent damage to my skin / hair follicles and I might never be able to grow them back and if I never do that then I can't get a job because I look mentally ill" and the "can't get a job" sold my parents enough that they put me into "temporary therapy for 13 weeks"

I'll just tell you that I've been in therapy since.

Anyways, I hope that helped and I hope you can get the help you need sooner than later. Being a minor is hard. Being mentally ill is hard. High school is very hard. You are in a really really difficult place at the moment and I'm proud you are keeping strong. Take care of yourself, you deserve it. ^^

-Riku (Host)

[laululintuseni]

i sort of agree but at the same time, i think it's important to note that to self-diagnose responsibly, there needs to be more research done and not just taking tests, even if those tests were developed by professionals. in my opinion, not because "self-diagnosis evil and inherently bad". but there's a reason why there's usually a disclaimer that the tests should not be used on its own for diagnosing, but as a potential indicator that it might be worth further looking into.

the first time i filled the autism spectrum quotient my doctors handed me, i didn't score that high to raise "significant enough concern". this was before i knew about what autism was, beyond "some type of developmental disorder".

i actually am autistic; it's just that i didn't understand the questions, and i didn't fully know myself either. i started doing more research: including reading the DSM-5, research articles and papers on the subject. i talked to my family as well as other autistic people. i had to examine myself, my early childhood, etc. quite thoroughly. after some time and a lot of begging, i got a second chance to fill the quotient. this time i finally got diagnosed.

a person with adhd could score a "high enough" score on the RAADS test. not because they have autism, but because the symptoms overlap. not to say that they "truly" overlap, as the similar traits in adhd and autism are caused by different things, but the tests (usually?) do not specify that stuff.

for example, my sensory issues are caused by the fact that certain sensory input is physically painful, thus making me feel overwhelmed. but for my allistic brother with adhd, his sensory issues are about how the sensory input makes it impossible for him to focus on anything else, thus making him feel overwhelmed.

it's easy to misunderstand when many of these tests ask questions that sound weird and nonsensical if you don't understand why they're being asked. especially if you are a very literal thinker like me, some questions seem completely ridiculous! plus, if you're not even fully aware of your autistic behaviour, it probably won't help a lot with recognizing what things apply to you and what don't…

that's why i feel like it's important to read up on stuff, and properly understand what the questions are getting at, specifically in the context of autism. and if possible, do talk to people, friends, family, autistics, basically anyone who can give you valuable input. otherwise, i feel like something could be missed. i get that research will likely be boring if you're not into it, but i believe it to be important enough that self-diagnosing autistics should at least read the proper diagnostic criteria and about other autistic people's experiences.

Hey just letting you self diagnosed autistic people know as a medically diagnosed person.

All those approved tests online made by doctors on self evaluating yourself for autism were used in my ACTUAL medical testing as well. They put the RAADS and Cat Q on me, they gave me “strongly agree-strongly disagree” questions. (Most of) Those tests are just as valid and just as accurate as a medical diagnosis that not everyone has the privilege and access to. You are valid don’t let anyone tell you those tests are “online propaganda for attention seekers” (my mother told me this)

(AlsothisisfromanaustralianIdontknowhowtheamericansystemworks)

[finelineborderline]

Hi! I uhm have not yet been diagnosed but I’m pretty confident that bpd is the answer to it all as shitty as that is. I’m almost more afraid for it to not be bpd cause nothing has ever made this much sense. But I’m really scared. And you’re in no way obligated to read this or respond but I don’t know. Just, do you have any advice for someone just now realizing and getting diagnosed with bpd?

hello, anon! first, i apologize ahead of time for how long this will be, but there's a lot i want to say. obligatory disclaimer that i am not a professional nor am i a qualified doctor to diagnose anyone, and these thoughts are mine and mine alone and do not constitute a professional's medical opinion/advice. all i can do here is speak my truth and explain my experiences with BPD in hopes that you and maybe others find it helpful.

second, at least with BPD, if you think you have it (i.e. you know you fit 5 or more of the 9 current diagnostic criteria), while of course obtaining a professional diagnosis is great, in this case, it's my personal belief that if you think you have BPD, there's a large chance you do have it. of course there will always be outliers, but for most people, pretending to have BPD or forcing a diagnosis just doesn't make sense. BPD is not something that makes people quirky and it makes life more difficult, not just from a personal standpoint as the person who has it, but the resulting reaction from friends, family, and even strangers you don't know and never will who have something to say on the internet. i don't know many people who'd lie about that and be okay with the negative stigma that persists around those diagnosed with BPD.

most (if not all) people with BPD don't want to have it, but understand they fit the criteria. with certain other mental illnesses and ailments, getting a professional to diagnose them is of course better than self-diagnosing, but i had self-diagnosed with BPD for years before i ever ended up in a psychiatric ward because i 5150'd myself and got professionally diagnosed with BPD. i had quite a strong hunch i had BPD years before a professional came to the same conclusion - but not in a "oh my god yay i'm so glad i have this horribly debilitating illness, woo!" more in a "holy fuck this all makes so much sense, and i wish it didn't, but i know myself, and i know that this is what i have". and getting the professional diagnosis was great in the sense of getting that final confirmation, but even without it, i'd have still considered myself as someone struggling with BPD.

it's okay to be scared. i think i'd be scared of you if you weren't scared - i was downright terrified when i figured out that what i'd been feeling, dealing with, doing, could be attributed to BPD. i hated it, wished it was something else, but the more i read, the more i watched, the more i took notes, the more i realized that BPD was the answer to a question i wish i didn't have to ask in the first place.

before i was diagnosed, i took notes as if i was in a class about BPD. i wrote down the criteria for a diagnosis, and put a check next to every one i fit into with specific notes of how and why i felt i checked that category. chronic feelings of emptiness? check. emotional instability in reaction to day-to-day events? check. frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment? check. unstable self-image/sense of self? double and triple check. impulsive and damaging behavior in regards to spending/sex/substance use/reckless driving/binge eating? i did all of those things, where only 2 were required to hit this bullet point. quadruple check. anger? checkity check check. unstable interpersonal relationships? fucking check. suicidal behavior/threats? check. paranoid ideation/dissociative symptoms? check. i hit all 9 of these and it "only" requires 5 to hit the diagnosis. so for me, i knew i had it because like you, nothing else made this much sense.

and you know what? i fucking hated it. i got angry at myself for being so fucking broken that my personality had apparently shattered somewhere in early childhood due to my trauma and left me with a gaping, angry hole that i had constantly tried to fill with something, anything. i was beyond angry, i was seething with rage. why did it have to be fucking me? why? i still grapple with "why me?" on the daily with my BPD. i didn't want BPD to be what made sense, but it did. and while i am still incredibly fucking angry with my diagnosis, i've also reached a level of resignation about it. almost a sense of radical acceptance.

my advice is gonna sound fucking stupid because i know how hard much of it is to do and a lot of it takes serious introspection, patience, and kindness (to yourself). my advice would be to truly try to practice self-compassion, self-love - when what you want to do is beat yourself up internally over anything - having BPD in the first place (hell, even thinking you have BPD in the first place), or something you did/said in reactionary anger/rage/sadness/impulsiveness, something you didn't do - anytime you want to emotionally flay yourself over this, the best advice i can give you is to practice the skill of forgiving yourself. of giving yourself compassion to learn and grow as a human who is struggling with something very difficult to live with.

and i'm going to be upfront with you - most times, you will fail. you will not give yourself the compassion, love, and kindness you truly deserve. it's hard to break the cycle of self-rage, hard to convince yourself that you're worth recovery, worth getting better, worth learning to live with BPD and all it entails. but there WILL be times where you catch yourself in moments of compassion and acceptance. they might be few and far between, and they might not feel like much at first, but with time and practice, you will notice moments that you are less critical of yourself and your perceived failures relating to BPD.

for instance - i've been in DBT for a few months now. some of it really doesn't help me specifically (some "action steps" just don't work), but there's a few things that have been pivotal to my growth and have helped. one of those being the not-so-simple act of radical acceptance. of forgiveness. of understanding that you are not the worst person to ever walk the face of this earth, no matter how much your brain will try and try and try to convince you that you are. i have caught a few very very very SMALL moments where i've internally said to myself "well, it's okay that i failed there" or "alright, so i didn't do XYZ, i'll move on and do better next time" instead of beating myself up emotionally/internally over it. and the first time i noticed that happened, a tiny light bulb went off in my head. it was weeks and weeks into my DBT, where i felt i wasn't seeing any changes in myself. but that one, tiny instance where i showed myself compassion? it gave me a faint spark of hope that maybe BPD isn't the death sentence i so often feel it is. and i still do, in a lot of ways, and i'm working to try to manage and cope better, but it's not smooth sailing and more often than not, i am being mean to myself, or unforgiving. but my advice is to try to be aware of those moments, whenever they may come, where you can sense yourself forgiving yourself or being nicer to yourself than you otherwise might have been.

i'm not gonna bullshit you and act like learning to live with BPD is a walk in the park, or that somehow after DBT (should you choose to ever go that route) will result in you being "cured" or "fixed" - at least in terms of DBT, it's not a cure so much as it is trying to instill new habits and coping skills that you will strengthen by repeated use and practice. (and remember, practicing a skill still counts even if you fail to correctly use that skill. practice does not mean you always do things right/correct, it simply means you tried.)

again, it's okay to be scared. please allow yourself to feel that emotion. but leave room for that fear to dissipate at times, leave room to challenge that fear on occasion.

most of all, allow yourself to be. however you feel isn't bad. emotions are messengers, so next time you're angry, ask yourself: what is my anger trying to tell me in this moment? if you're sad, ask yourself: what is my sadness trying to convey? with repeated practice, perhaps you can identify triggers for certain emotions.

practice observing how you're feeling physically in your body, and remember that emotions are not facts. and remember that emotions will come and go, no matter how much your brain will convince you they won't.

that's all i've got for you now, but to you and anyone else who made it this far down - my inbox is always, always open, for anyone and anything. you don't have to be alone. we can be alone together, and i'm just a message away.