#i guess when it comes down to it
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#this is my only safe place where my irl friends aren’t following me#so i can vent ab them in peace#but we had our big halloween fundraiser tonight for my club and i was working the whole time and hardly got enjoy the event#and i was invited to an after party and i was excited to go#and then i got told that (bc the party was being held at a fellow officer’s parents’ house)#that their parents were upset with how many people were going and they were told to make cuts on the guest list#and i got cut :/#i try so hard to be people’s friends and fit in and i thought i finally had broken through and was like. appreciated and valued.#but i suppose not.#i guess when it comes down to it#whatever.#feeling very t swift mastermind rn#nobody wanted to play with me as a little kid#so i’ve been scheming like a criminal ever since#to make them love me and make it seem effortless#like dude. i try so hard. and at the end of the day nobody cares.#makes it hard for me to like.#i just feel like i have no friends.#bex says
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act 4 :(
@chipper-smol and i came to a realization
#THID FUCKING GAAAAAAAMMMMEEEEE#i have more i wanna draw but my hands not working orz.. maybe ill get around to it later idk#i finally FINALLY managed to get inside that star room.. my own clone!! now neither of us will be virgins!!!!#i dont have anything to go off of but when the journal mentions making another 'me' it reminds me of loop saying theyre like a mirror#theyre always able to read siffrins mind without actually reading their mind (or so they say) but maybe it could just be tone matching???#or smth like that.. idk if these two things are connected though so maybe its more like subtext#i hope im not the only one who made the childrens hospital joke when it came around to color lore part 2#im also getting the sinking feeling of watching siffrin toe his way near the deep end like bro is so so close to losing it#i feel like if i knew nothing abt the game beforehand and why siffrin is looping in the first place my feelings abt this would be different#cuz id be pretty angry too if ive been stuck in a loop long enough to feel like everyone around me is pretending nothings wrong#than the fact that i have decided not to disclose im in a time loop and that everyone is living this day for the first time#although i also get hes doing this for a reason and when u believe in the universe i guess it also comes with sunk cost fallacy#'this is the path the universe led me down before i even knew what i wanted so all i can do is double down' THATS THE FATALISM TALKING#puppy plays isat#in stars and time#isat#isat spoilers#isat act 3 spoilers#isat act 4 spoilers#in stars and time spoilers#sona#puppysona#friends#chipper#doodles
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Thinking of what it must be like to be loved by a ship like the Perihelion. I think it must be a little like being loved by a god. A minor god and one with true personality, a god from a pantheon, with limited power and no claims to be all-knowing, all-powerful, all-loving, no claims of being the One True God. And yet, a god. Its mind so powerful it can be present with you and yet in a hundred other places simultaneously, it holds you safe inside of it - or not (as Mother Nature holds us safe on Earth - or not). It can rain destruction when angered or help you if it wishes. Inside of its realm (itself), within its dominion, it sees all, controls all (not other people, but the very ground you walk on, the air you breathe). Outside of it, it can help you if it sees what is happening, but is not in control of everything. If you are within its reach, it is there, present with you always, a voice in your head, a friend (because this god spaceship loves you).
#I don't believe in any gods#but in writing this#I may have come as close as I ever have#to understanding what christians feel when they talk about their personal relationship with god/jesus#i guess at least if you put it like this i can understand the charm#somewhat#anyways#I also have thoughts about what it might be like to be loved by a dragon#in any story where they too are powerful beings beyond mere men#i guess it comes down to that 'powerful beyond mere mortals' sort of quality#the murderbot diaries#martha wells#murderbot
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One of my first digital pieces (2010) versus one of my recent ones (2024)
We all start somewhere!
#picked these cause they're in a similar pose lol. i mean not at all. but sort of... more than my other art at least...#oh fuck im so tired im saving this to drafts and coming back later#my anxiety meds wipe me the fuck out so im trying not to take them in the day#and they're like legit borderline a sleeping med for me. i take one and in 30 mins im OUT.#so I'm. i mean i was already only taking 1-2 in the day and then 2-3 at night#anyways it makes me sad when people say they dont have an artistic bone in their body#and especially when they say they could never draw like me :(#dont put yourself down to lift me up! i don't want my art to be used for you to be mean to yourself!!!#lots of experiences of people comparing themselves to me and being mean to themself...#feels bad. it's okay if you're slow it's okay to be learning it's okay!!!#I'm me and you're you and we're here to learn from each other. i just wanna hang out..#y'know what I'm just gonna post without saying anything i WILL forget I made a draft#i have so many things i intend to post and then forget#it's a wonder I post anything#i only do it when i get bored. and run out of stuff to scroll through#like whelp. guess if i want a post I have to make one myself.#also the second one is really good idc that it's a study i still drew it#art growth#this was in 2010 btw#i started highschool in 2011#I've grown a lot and you can too.#also I've never really been one to dislike my old art. like idk I was trying... if it's bad I just won't look at it whatever#like i wouldn't be mean to someone else who made that so i don't get a free pass to be mean just cause it's to me#man my thoughts are bungled. okay sleep time#if my phone made typos you didn't see it
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This is me trying to bypass Tumblr censorship, attempt 1
Just in case, the full fanart is on ao3
Details under the cut! (It's a bit long, I'm warning you)
Here's the frankly too long explaination.
I basically crammed in this drawing all my favourite motifs and all of my studies.
The tattoo on Sam's back is something I designed myself and represents Mater Dolorosa (Our Lady of Sorrows or Madonna Addolorata) with a stanza from the prayer "Stabat Mater" that goes as folows - "Through her soul, of joy bereaved, bowed with anguish, deeply grieved, now at length the sword hath passed."
Then we have Saint Michael slaughtering the Devil on Dean's arm. This is a mesh up of different stock images; usually Saint Michael stands over a serpent not a dragon and has a sword, not a halberd, those come from Saint George (Patron Saint of soldiers, so not a random choice)
Then there's the scripts. (Open the first pic)
The roman numbers on Dean's collarbone: II.V.XCIII = 2.5.83, Sam's date of birth.
The matching latin tattoos on their bicepts: The whole quote actually is "Nec tecum, nec sine te vivere possum" by Ovidius, which means "I can't live with you nor without you" and I thought of splitting it like that because I think it sums up their relationship pretty well. They can't be together, especially Sam imo (forever the runaway), because it's basically self-destructive, but being apart maybe is even worse (suicidal Dean anyone?).
A mandala with a mantra on Sam's tigh: गते गते पारगते पारसंगते बोधि स्वाहा . The Devanāgarī, for those unfamiliar, is a South Asian writing system. Here we have the mantra that closes the Heart Sutra "Gone, gone, gone to the other shore, Awakening, Svaha." (Svaha is the Hindu goddess of sacrifices; in a Buddhist context the term is used as denoument for mantras, espicially duing rites and offerings).
The characters on Dean's bicept, next to Saint Michael: 天罰. Those are technically Hanja aka Traditional Chinese characters used to write Korean (mostly because I first encountered this word in my korean phylology studies and that's how I know it), but they mean the same thing in Korean, Chinese and Japanese, "Divine Punishment", sooo - the only difference is the ponunciation. Korean: 천벌 (cheonbeol) Japanese: てんばつ (tenbatsu) Chinese: 天罚 (tiān fá).
Lastly, on Dean ribs, say hi to my bestie Hammurabi and his famous Code: here we have the Law 196 which actually even rocks know about; An eye for an eye. The full text says: "If a man has blinded the eye of another man, his eye will be blinded." Can't really offer you a transcript but if you're curious here's the transliteration:
" šum-ma a-wi-lum i-in DUMU a-wi-lim úḫ-tap-pí-id i-in-šu ú-ḫa-ap-pa-du " There's this really neat website here that is a digital version of the whole code and it's also my source.
#and I'm also insane#but I guess we alredy got that down with the whole supernatural deal#they already took it down once urgh#the symbols on his abdomen come from the show#when they got x rays after castiel imprinted a sigil on their ribcages#trans!dean#dean winchester#sam winchester#wincest#spn#supernatural#🐭#tattoos
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pygmalion and galatea for aroace people
you should tell your friends what I look like, riz gukgak.
#fantasy high#fantasy high sophomore year#fhsy#riz gukgak#baron from the baronies#fh class quangle#class swap babeyy! bard!riz that's whats goin on!#I really need tags for these now I think lmao#ask to tag#I feel like this should be tagged something. but I dont know what#in my brain after the initial kidnapping class swap baron's thing is every time riz keeps his story abt them up in front of his friends#they get a little bit closer. they send him pictures of where they supposedly are n stuff#theres a scene in my brain only of kristen and riz on top of the van and kristen is like everything kinda sucks rn can u tell me abt baron#cause what you guys have is so nice and beautiful. and riz almost doesn't but he ultimately can't deny kristen a little peace#lmao I feel like dipping into baron stuff with the class swap is like showing my whole ass online again I just. I'm a#horror person before all else... I cant stop myself. canon baron is Great and Cool but that is kind of the thing. for a horror thing theyre#Too Cool. I think cool is kind of the neutralizer of scary. when a monster is a certain amount of cool it overrides the scary#and now u just have a Cool Monster#its so fucked for bard!riz this year bc he doesn't have an office (he's mooching off the school wifi from the AV club room lol)#so there's no buffer between adventure and home life. so baron just shows up in the strongtower apartment lmao#sophomore year bard!riz looks like a slasher protag so I just leaned into it I guess. he gets a mr. x if mr. x is made up by leon kennedy#well. its worse actually. they can show up where he is at any moment theyve proven this. but they dont#they choose to punish him slowly as he lies to his friends instead. baron is mr. x if mr. x is made up by leon and also a bitch#I think its gonna pop up if class swap baron ever speaks in a comic I do but their voice comes from like. inside their hollow face#it sounds like it's a lot deeper in there than that skull should be#tbh what I have rn is kinda like a bag of loose pieces that Can fit together into something great but I dont have the energy to#really sit down with them yet lol. Im doing this inbetween other things#it comes or it doesn't! it's fine. funny how today's bad comic day also. I wont say this is for bad comic day bc all my comics are#flawless and beautiful and perfect and awesome and beautiful and the best#but u should. if u havent drawn a comic today or at all ever u should draw a comic
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Standing at the Precipice...
<previous - next>
#Final Fantasy XIV#FFXIV#Dawntrail spoilers#ffxiv spoilers#WoL x Erenville#wolship#Erenville#X'vahl Tia#Erenvahl#erenwol#sorry I slowed down so badly#trying to draft these ones when I'm in a precarious headspace myself is kind of rough#but they're something I look forward to making#and there are parts coming up that I am ready to put my whole heart and soul into#so uhhh... please look forward to it I guess.
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I guess the ultimate thing that kills CF for me - or at least nudges it away from me saying I definitively like it - is just how much Edelgard is clearly written with the player in mind before she's written with her character in mind.
Because on all of the other routes, there's a power to Edelgard's presence. Even on BE, there's a sense that for as lonely as Edelgard might be, she still ultimately will do whatever it takes for her to get what she wants. Be that be killing her citizens (or otherwise letting them be killed), endangering her friends, assisting in kidnapping people, allowing Byleth to support her only when they have the Sword of the Creator, covering for TWS - no bar is too low for her to limbo under if doing so means she's even a step closer to her goals.
She's manipulative! She's deceitful! She doesn't care for the lives of her people! Even her friends are forfeit if they try to stand in her way! And this happens no matter how close you, the player, get to her, in the case of BE - C+ ain't stoppin' Remire, and going to the coronation ain't stopping the Holy Tomb.
And in the war phase, she is dominating the field. She has the Kingdom completely on the ropes, down to a few houses standing against Imperial rule, and the Alliance is stuck in neutrality - she may not be able to do much to it, but neither can they do anything to her (to say nothing of the Alliance houses who stand with her). She's far from the underdog in this race, and she shows off how threatening she can be.
CF? Her route?
She scweams at scawy rats. She gets embawwassed when you find her dwawings. She's just so wonewy, and she's just so gwad that you chose her. She somehow fails to capture Rhea, or frame Dimitri for regicide, and so now has to deal with that on the Kingdom's side of the war. But that doesn't stop Elly Welly-kins fwom twying to find her pwecious teacher, because you're just so important to her. She cwies and hugs you when you meet her in the Goddess Tower!! Because she missed you so much!!
It's like... Dimitri and Claude certainly show different sides of themselves on their respective routes. It's the whole point! You grow closer to them and thus see how they treat those close to them, as opposed to being the Kinda Neat Teacher they see run along every now and then. But, like... Claude doesn't become a blushing maiden whenever Byleth speaks with him on VW. Dimitri doesn't scream at scary rats and get called cute for it on AM. They don't get Basic Bitch Gap Moe Traits slapped onto them that are only ever shown to the player and only on their routes. Unlike Edelgard.
Dimitri's endearing trait is that he's this big huge dude who can bench-press forests and arm-wrestle god who still wants to learn to sew and who teaches kids to protect themselves and who buys candies for his friends. Claude's endearing trait is that he's this mastermind planner who has contingency and lie and obfuscation as three separate legal government names who still wants everyone to be safe and happy and hold hands and be friends.
Edelgard is strong, confident, and willing to do some of the shittiest things known to man for her goals. Her endearing trait is that her screams are cute. She's shy about her drawings of the player character. She blushes over the player potentially joking about having sex with her per her JPN version of her C support; you know, the one about how Byleth walks in on Edelgard muttering in her sleep from a nightmare about her tortured family? Perfect time to joke about fucking her! Dimitri and Claude's endearments are, well, endearing; Edelgard's are all straight up embarrassing for her.
Hell, even the smaller stuff is affected! Claude's passion for poisons and mushrooms are things he has no qualms about having others know about, despite how weird they are. Dimitri laughing at shitty jokes brings him no personal discomfort or embarrassment, despite just how loudly he laughs at them. They have traits to them that can easily be uwu worthy, and they don't care! Of the lords, only Edelgard does! Because, it feels like, the only way for a strong, resolute female character to come off as approachable is if she's knocked down a few pegs for specifically and only you, the player.
And that sucks ass! I'm sorry, but when I'm playing Edelgard's route I don't want to deal with her hiding herself away in her room for a month IN THE MIDDLE OF HER FUCKING WAR because she's just so embawwassed! It is so fucking insensitive that Edelgard is literally the only lord of the three who can have her trauma openly belittled at any point in the story by Byleth, all to have some cheap cutesy uwu moment about her fear of rats (calling her screaming in fear cute and INSISTING that it's really cute which is just. Fucking ew man)! Why can we fucking mock Edelgard's manner of speech during the MASSACRE OF REMIRE?
This shit doesn't happen to Claude or Dimitri! And saying "oh just don't pick those options then" is bullshit because no equivalent options exist for the male lords! It's piss-boilingly annoying that the second you choose to see things from the strong confident villainous ambitious female lord's perspective you can reduce her down to this bumbling moeblob just for you (sometimes unavoidably!) like!! Dude!
#legit not even sure what to tag this because for once I'm going to bat for Edelgard LMAO her writing treats her BAD when it comes to this#this is also a huge thing that fucks me off from liking Edel/eth because Byleth can be SUCH a huge fucking dick to her for no reason#and can be UNIQUELY mean to her for no reason. off the cuff i can't think of another character you can have Byleth act like this to#and most of this shit is well before Byleth as a character has any real reason to actively dislike her so they're just.#bullying Edelgard for fun?? I guess??#among uh. other reasons the ship doesn't exactly Work Out lmao#but yeah for CF it really REALLY brings down my ability to enjoy it fully despite me REALLY wanting to#because it encapsulates just how like. shallowly Edelgard can be written?#because it's not just that no character can meaningfully react to everything she's done (though that is a huge factor too)#but also as SOON as the writing wants you to REALLY like her it goes out of its way to diminish her powerful presence and UwU her#and not to say that she doesn't have her powerful moments - she does! and they're really great to see!#but that her cutesy moments stand out SO much BECAUSE the other two lords very noticeably have nothing akin to that for them#like. you can't jokingly call Claude a loser for having no friends growing up due to the racism he faced#you can't pretend to be one of voices Dimitri hears to fuck with him#you straight up CANNOT joke about their trauma which like. duh?? why would you??#but Edelgard just woke up from a horrible nightmare and that's just the perfect setup for a sex joke#and it's perfectly fine to joke about forgetting what Edelgard said about her trauma she opened up to them about cuz ''she said to forget''#and it's a-okay for Byleth to brush off her opening up about why she has a rat phobia to embarrass her over drawing them#WHY CAN YOU DO THIS. or better yet WHY *CAN'T* YOU DO THIS TO THE OTHER TWO.#it is just so brazenly sexist and i hate it every time i think about it 😭
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Happy fix-it AU where Padme leaves Anakin anyway because she realizes how bad he is for her, and she ends up retiring because she REALLY doesn't want to be a Senator anymore (it was also maybe encouraged by her Queen after her secret marriage to a Jedi was discovered) and she goes back to Naboo to be with her family. She's left behind her responsibilities but she doesn't know what to do now, she's just... adrift, sort-of in limbo and mourning her relationship with Anakin. She has to keep convincing herself not to go back to him because she KNOWS she doesn't want that anymore, she KNOWS she doesn't want to be the person she was with him again, but the thrill of the secret marriage to someone who was so passionate about being with her is also sort-of like a drug.
Her parents both offer to let her come help them in their respective jobs, but she doesn't really have the energy for that right now. She DOES like helping Sola with her nieces because their energy and innocence seems to be a balm for her heart. One day, Sola asks if Padme can take the kids to a local festival in Theed one day while she and her husband go do something else, and Padme agrees. The girls are old enough and Theed is safe enough that they can wander off on their own away from Padme as long as they know not to go TOO far and come back to her after a little while. As she peruses the different artwork on her own, one artist's work stands to her more than anyone else's, it just hits at the core of her and she's not even sure why. She stands in front of a painting of a bird in flight for what seems like hours, though it can't be more than a minute or two, before the artist himself comes over to speak to her.
He addresses her as Senator Amidala, and she quickly tells him that she's not a Senator anymore and she doesn't really want to go by the name Amidala either, she prefers just Padme these days. He agrees, and something about him, maybe his eyes, seems familiar but she can't quite put her finger on it. They talk about his art for a while and everything he says about his inspiration feels like it's speaking directly to her. Eventually, Pooja and Ryoo come up to her and start pulling at her hands, demanding that she come see something with them. Before she leaves, she finally realizes she didn't even know his name and asks him.
It's Palo. The first boy she'd ever loved. The last time she'd seen him she'd been twelve in the Legislative Youth Program. She knew he'd left politics to become an artist instead, but she'd never actually seen any of his art before or ever tried to get back in contact with him. Now she wishes she had. Pooja and Ryoo are still pulling her away so she doesn't have time to really get over her shock at this revelation before she has to leave him behind and someone else comes up to ask him a question in her place.
He shows up at her parents' door the next day with the painting of the bird she'd so adored, and offers it to her as a gift. He refuses to accept any payment for it no matter how much she insists, but asks if she'd be willing to take a walk with him instead. She agrees. They end up spending the whole day together, just talking. For the first time, Padme doesn't feel like she's drowning in her own feelings or floating with no direction. She feels a lot like she's finally come home.
#star wars#padme amidala#palo#palo star wars#anakin critical#anakin skywalker critical#anidala critical#anti anidala#i guess these two would be palodala#palodala#palodala au#i don't think artists on naboo would ever struggle for money#i feel like naboo is so committed to investing in its artists of all kinds that that just doesn't happen#but i kinda want padme to be palo's sugar daddy anyway#“padme sweetheart i make plenty of money i don't need you to keep giving me more”#“i am going to dress you in the finest fabrics and give you literally everything you have ever wanted just because i can”#“will it make you happy?”#“deliriously”#“fine”#they have like 6 kids together because padme wants a big family and he's super happy to oblige#all of padme's handmaidens THOROUGHLY support her new choice of beau#he has no ambitions beyond what he's already accomplished for himself#he likes to tell padme that he had only had one major life goal left and that was to paint a portrait of the queen#and now he gets to paint portraits of the queen everyday if he wants#and he's supportive of whatever padme wants to do#if she wants to just settle down and be a housewife that's totally fine#if she wants to occasionally go out to help with the refugees in some sort of grassroots organization that's also fine#between their two families and the handmaidens there's no shortage of help taking care of the kids#and she's never gone for that long when she knows she has something so beautiful to come home to
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*me immediately after going through a terrifying and traumatic experience* haha yeah I guess it was rough but I'm fine now like I'm totally chill. It was kinda funny actually if you think about it
#GUESS WHO GOT A PIERCING INFECTION SO BAD OVERNIGHT SHE HAD TO RUSH TO THE HOSPITAL#AND GET SURGERY TO REMOVE IT BC THE METAL WAS BURROWING ITSELF INSIDE HER LIP#yep that was meee :3#man. it sounds so silly now. like that probably shouldn't have made me panic nearly as much as it did#but you have to understand at the time it was terrifying#I noticed my lip was a bit swollen earlier in the night but I was like ok it's probably nothing serious#I put some ice on it hoping it would be back to normal after I got some sleep#then I woke up at like 5:30 AM with my lip super swollen and my lip piercing literally burying itself inside my flesh#I tried pushing it back out a bit and blood and pus started coming out so yk I started panicking#so I went upstairs and I asked my mom to drive me to the hospital#luckily we have free healthcare in brazil and the hospital was basically empty(this was on sunday)#but when I got there they told me the doctor wouldn't arrive until 8AM and it was like 6:45 at that point#so I REALLY started panicking 🫠 bc I could feel like the piercing kept burying itself more deeply like#I felt like the skin inside my lip was going to close around it and I was terrified bc I had no idea what to do#and I was scared it might make things worse#but all I could do was sit there and wait and so I started having a panic attack#luckily my mom was there with me the whole time so at least I didn't feel alone#and then I just. waited for it to end. and then tried to keep myself distracted until the doctor got there#I got treated by military doctors! sjdjcjck the army has been giving additional support for hospitals in my city#bc of the floods some health units are currently closed and demand got higher so they needed extra support there#so an army doctor performed my surgery(inside an army tent no less ajfjjfkf maybe not ideal but. functional)#he was so nice?? like probably the calmest most careful doctor I've ever been treated by#I still had a bit of a nervous breakdown again after the surgery but that was bc I'd never been through something like that before#I got anesthesia obvs but I still felt the tug when he cut into my skin to remove the piercing and did my stitches#so my mind started cooking up all these horrible scenarios of how everything could go wrong and I was gonna die#cried on the doctor's table. 👍🏻 awesome#but he and his assistant were super nice about it she even offered me a hug#but anyway in the end I finally calmed down and got some medication#now I'm all stitched up with my little bloated lip eating soup out of a straw 👍🏻 but I'm ALIVE and I'm just glad it's all over fjjvjkf#sleep.txt
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of late ive come to the realization that im not so much of a touch-oriented person as i thought, but damn getting bitten in the neck was really really nice and its the one thing i keep thinking about
#text#100 would recommend to everyone#i wish i just had access to neck chomping services like 24/7#also bruises don't last very long on me for whatever reason... :')#oh so when it comes to this my regenerative abilities are off the fuckin charts i guess#its nice at the moment and not that nice when i have to carry a bag or sth and the straps press down right on it (but its also kinda nice)
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Need to write a fic on what Zane did immediately right after Dr. Julien turned off his memory switch and he “awoke” again. Imagine waking up in this place that you do not recognise and you turn around and there’s a guy in the bed behind you who seems to be dead and oh god you realise you can’t remember anything at all from your life. What else is there to do but to run away?
#ninjago#lego ninjago#zane ninjago#ninjago zane#zane julien#i’m thinking of also introducing a retcon where zane was there when they took julien#maybe he heard them coming down the stairs and hid himself away#and saw them take this old guy who is still totally limp#so he thinks these random ass skeletons just picked up a dead guy and carried him away for unknown purposes..#the reason why he doesn’t seem to remember the actual ‘’treehouse’’ is because he has fully blocked all of this from his memory#canon repression my beloved#fic prompt#i guess? i need to get back at my fic game fr
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adhd is when you shoot for the moon but you forgot the rocket fuel and by the time you realize it everyones already on the moon and then you panic and crash into the sun and it explodes
#my meds stopped working and i didnt know thats something that can fucking happen apparently???#like i knew eventually my body can get used to medicine that the effect kind of dulls but for some reason this time around i thought#that my body just decided to become lazier since the meds were already working anyway. cuz thats the thing as soon as smth is made#easier for me even if its the thing thats supposed to make the disability less disabling i get too relaxed and end up fucking up anyway#so i assumed my fucking cells worked the same way LMAO. they still technically work like i can feel my energy spike when it kicks in#but everything else like focus and memory went down and i thought oh so its just a me problem then. my habits are getting worse#even though ive been doing everything the same like setting reminders checking my schedule. hell ive been setting MORE reminders#to make up for the memory thing and i didnt even realize i just knew i had to compensate since it feels like my memory is getting#worse again. and i only figured this out bc my brother showed me an icecreamsandwich video with him talking about the EXACT FUCKING#THING IM GOING THRU WORD FOR WORD#i have to bring this up with my doctor next week so maybe i have to take different meds. i wonder if this will be a recurring thing#i guess one thing that hasnt changed is that im still slow as hell and stuff only comes to me 5 hours after the fact#its 6 in the morning and i only JUST realized that the word froyo is probably short for frozen yogurt#yapping#adhd
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i don’t know if i’m ever gonna write the fic but i’ve been thinking abt like. the eternal stockade. the implications. lup, a lich who was trapped in a dark featureless cell for a decade completely isolated with nothing to keep her sanity but her own mind. she has to put people in the eternal stockade. how many liches does she see herself in. how many liches started out just like her. how many liches are truly too far gone. and the only liches we ever see other than her and barry are edward and lydia. they’re certainly evil, but mad? they seem pretty sane. they’re not, like, tattered echoes of souls, they’re definitely still people. even as much of a grudge as lup surely has against them, wouldn’t they remind her incredibly strongly of herself? do they deserve to be trapped just like she was? for eternity? isn’t eternity what turned john to existential despair in the first place?
#mine#taz balance#taz lup#lup#like idk i think lup’s down to kick necromancer ass but when it comes to being like. WARDENS of a PRISON. would that not be uncomfortable??#but like taking the job is the only way to avoid HER being thrown in prison??#idk the raven queen being a cool & chill goddess boss is definitely fun but when you actually think abt it#i don’t think i’d agree with her. i think if i lived in that world i’d think she were sort of evil#which like also to get into the hunger vs authority its not very explored because its not at all the point#the hunger is meant to be nihilism and despair and dissatisfaction its at its core an emotional story about joy & love#but like john starts out rebelling against laws. laws of the universe; except that it turns out a being wrote those laws (jeffandrew)#so the hunger is also sort of a force of rebelling against unjust constraints in the pursuit of freedom?#and the heroes end up preserving the status quo and saying you just have to find joy within those unjust limitations#which again. like. the point is that life is unfair and you can find joy and meaning despite it. which is true to real life.#i’m not saying the hunger was right or that despair is the only way or w/e like#yk like taz balance is not a story about society its more about. philosophy i guess#the point is that life’s really hard and you find meaning anyway and that’s preferable to despair and death#thematically for the audience we understand these are standins for ways of viewing reality#and in the real world reality is what it is. its just the world. there’s no authority that writes the laws of nature#like its not a ‘man vs authority’ story its a ‘man vs nature’ story#but IN UNIVERSE nature IS an authority. jeffandrew and the gods. regardless of how much joy you can find in an unjust world#if i lived in it i’d want to make it more just! but anyway like yeah barry & lup working for the raven queen#is kinda an extension on that idea of preserving the status quo#although i guess you could say gods are just forces of nature. theyre not PEOPLE theyre just personifications of existent natural laws#and it ties in w istus and fate as well#although fate is like a comforting guiding force rather than restricting & horrifying#^ pay no attention to any of this i don’t think it really means anything i’m just like. writing thoughts as i have them#not like a hard stance i’m taking just exploring some ideas#any ways#THERES A TAG LIMIT??
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spartacus and crassus :)
this is actually a rejected panel from a much longer comic I’ve been fucking around with on and off for awhile- I had plans to do a long form spartacus comic for a long time, I just keep missing the last book on my research list in second hand stores 😔 I always have money when the last copy sells out aughhh
anyway! I might call crassus my girl in the group chat, but I’ve actually spent more years wishing that spartacus got to run crassus through on his sword and then read the fate of rome out of his entrails. ALAS. on that note, isn’t it kind of interesting how spartacus’ funeral games for crixus turn roman order upside down and feel like both a foundational sacrifice and a curse? isn’t it kind of fun how crassus will not die in rome, and neither will pompey, who came in like a vulture to take credit for crassus’ work? (it’s VERY fun)
Plutarch, Crassus
#Spartacus and Crassus have a very specific kind of narrative foil dynamic with each other that I find extremely compelling#Team spartacus bc I love to see rome eat itself like the horrible machine of violence that it is#and then cower in the face of what it created#That one doc that dramatized the starting spark was spartacus not being able to turn away from a Roman soldier#raping another gladiator. That’s what it all comes down to. Christ#Team crassus when the cast is just Romans because oh you are weird. Crassus you are so fucking weird. What is happening there.#BLAH anyway. panel rejected bc the scene needed to be bigger. grander. more bodies on the ground#Spartacus still get to call him a dog tho. Tahol Crassus! Tahol!!!#usually I have more to cite. Like. Most of my gladiator stuff is backed up on a flash drive! but guess what is not compatible with#An iPad. My flash drives. Bc I literally only use this for drawing work 🥲 also reading/researching on a screen like this is hell#spartacus#marcus licinius crassus#spartacus tag
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MORE THAN ANYTHING - REPRISE ↳ from Hazbin Hotel Season One (2024): 1x08 - "The Show Must Go On"
#hazbin hotel#charlie morningstar#vaggie#hazbin vaggie#chaggie#hazbin charlie#KILL ME KILL ME NOW ACTUALLY LOOK AT THE WAY THEY LOOK AT EACH OTHERRRRRRRRRRRR#AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA#the fact that they integrated the familial love song into a romantic love song makes me think.... makes me THINK THAT THIS TUNE#can be the ''Main'' Theme for the rest of the show. PLEASE tell me im guessing right i will literally die it can apply to SO MANY SITUATION#more family love. more romantic love. more platonic love. more of ANYTHING ELSE. scenes with any flavor of affection and connection.#IT CAN BECOME THE THEME OF THE CONNECTION FOUND BY THESE WAYWARD SOULS AND THE UNIQUE BOND THEY'VE COME TO FORM#*slams hands on table* THEY CAN ALSO BE EVIL AND USE A SLOWED DOWN VERSION AS A SAD SONG!!!!!!!!! WHEN A CONNECTION IS BROKEN!#WHEN A FRIENDSHIP IS LOST OR CALLED INTO JEOPARDY! WHEN A TIE BETWEEN CHARACTERS IS SEVERED#BY EITHER CHOICE OR TRAGEDY.#THEY CAN PLAY A DRAMATIC ORCHESTRAL VERSION WHEN SOMEONE STEPS IN DRAMATICALLY TO SAVE THEIR FRIENDS. AAAAAAAHHHH!!!#FUCK ME UP!!!!!! JUST FUCK ME UP!!!!#my videos#music vids: s1#song: more than anything (reprise)
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