#i get sad if i think about it too much bc i really would like for my dad to teach me stuff
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Visit Tumblr Blog
Explore Tumblr blogs with no restrictions, modern design and the best experience.
Last Seen Tumblr Blogs
Fun Fact
Tumblr has 4 main sources of revenue.
Note
I messed up a friendship I had with somebody here on tumblr [Not giving there @ out bc I don’t want them to get harassed] and I feel awful but I know it was my fault I drove them away how do you cope with emotions like these I miss my friend but I know it was me that drove them away.. do you use self-shipping to help with loss ?
Back when I was a kid, maybe around 6-7, I had a best friend who lived in the same neighborhood as me. We both even went to the same elementary and middle school together. But once we were teenagers, we both sorta grew apart and later when we met up again one last time as young adults, we didn’t really know how to interact with each other anymore. I still think about her every day since we didn’t leave on bad terms or anything. And then after moving to a different town I ended up isolating myself for a few years until 2020 and started this blog.
In a way I guess self shipping was a form of coping with being friendless during that time, along with other things.
The sad reality is that people will come and go, and sometimes we have to accept that change, no matter how painful it is. I would say try to reach out, but from my experience, because so much time had passed, it would just end up feeling awkward. But also I try to give folks space too, though I’m just naturally worried I’m bothering people in general whenever I message folks.
But if you and your friend mostly just stopped talking to each other and there wasn’t any fight or anything involved, you could reach out. Just take baby steps.
Again self shipping is a good outlet for many things, because I ended up making new friends through the self ship community and the fandoms I was self shipping in. I do hope you can rekindle your friendship again with the person. But also don’t try to force it either if it doesn’t happen. Be kind to yourself.
22 notes
·
View notes
Text
Ik this post is old now but I'm sharing in hopes that this will help at least one other on their own journey!! I don't think we could ever have enough anecdotes for the arospec community.
I did not realize I was aromantic for a very, very long time. And the tells weren't obvious for me either. I didn't have the wider experience of just never developing a crush or finding an interest in romance. I had crushes (or so i thought), I dated, I had long term relationships and non-stop, back-to-back talking stages. For my entire life. My first kiss was in kindergarten. I have a vivid memory of chanting to myself "i have a crush on __" until I believed it because i felt so bad that i didn't like this boy back in 4th grade. But what I realized after over 15 years of never ending "dating" is that I acted on a desire for attention as opposed to a desire for true (romantic) connection.
The first sign I noticed was that I "dated" (bc let's be real do we really count any of our relationships before graduating high school) every single boy who showed interest in me. Among other things and ofc we all know how the good ol' sexuality crisis goes, I thought I'd finally uncovered it and I was just a lesbian. Because you know what, yeah, I don't actually like men at all. But this never felt right for me.
Because I had never had a girl crush. Not really. I find them so beautiful, and I would love intimacy, but I had simply never met a girl that I was attracted to or would want to take on dates. I was dragging my feet to get on dating apps or go out to meet them. Because honestly I hated dates too. For years my relationships very rarely had dates because of how much I dreaded them. Didn't want to be perceived as a couple in public. I'd cry and tell myself no one will assume we're dating and then I would be overly formal and never touch or flirt with them because of how disgusting and uncomfortable it made me feel.
Compared to how I am with my best friends...aromanticism just made so much sense to me. I have never held my partner to a higher standard or priority than my best friend. I love them so dearly and we hang out all the time and it fulfills me. I have everything I want and need out of my social relationships, and once I realized I could stop searching to fill a hole that didn't exist, I felt so liberated and so much fuller. Life felt brighter for me without a pressure put on myself for my entire life.
It's been a journey. There are highs and lows. It makes me sad that I can't connect with someone the way my fanfic characters do (because I still love love and romance! Love everything about it), and it's weird reframing and deconstructing a belief that shapes whole life experiences. I have not known life without companionship, and although I still don't, I just view my companionship in a better way now that's framed with loved ones who truly care for me and vice versa.
Aromanticism to me is filled with so much love, ironic as it sounds lol. For me there is just so much love that I want to give, all of it just happens to come out the same way :)
Aros of any kind, can yall reblog this post with your experiences being aromantic please? I’m writing a song about being aromantic and I figured including community experiences would make it more… full? relatable? ykwim
so yeah, please rb this with any experiences and/or grievances abt being aro that you have
#aromantic#aroposting#actually aromantic#aro#aromantic allosexual#im also curious how many aromantics went through severe trauma#ik that sounds weird#but i have ptsd and bc i went thru those events alone i wonder if perhaps#it messed me up a little bit in the human connection department#but regardless i am a proud aromantic#lgbtqia#lgbtq community#ask me anything
38 notes
·
View notes
Text
A big part of the Haikyuu rewatch is watching the characters interact and worrying that I fandomized their relationships too much in my head, particularly with the Karasuno first years because Hinata and Kags keep Yamaguchi and Tsukishima at arm’s length for so long. But then I remember. Oh wait the squad is literally Hinata’s phone background by the end of the story. You don’t put a picture of just some dudes in your after school club as your phone background.
#ane discovers character development takes time who wouldve thought#personally I think wthe change happens when Yachi and Tsuki start tutoring them#It’s around the time that there’s a shift in their bickering so that it’s more. ‘familial’ isnt the term I’m looking for but like#the kind of razzing you can only do with someone you know#Tsukishima for example starts bringing up specific things they studied together to dunk on Kageyama not remembering any of it#And another subtle thing I noticed- cause again I started going like ? did I fandomize my entire perception of Tadashi too much?#cause for the first season he doesn’t interact with ANYONE but Tsuki. Like practically not at all except to brag about Tsuki to others#But I have a sneaking suspicion that this starts to change around the time that he starts getting on the court more often as a pinch server#Probably because it gives him more courage#Cause I remember him having a lot to say in the Shiratorizawa match#and I remember him getting along with Yachi! So like I’m keeping an eye out for those changes#haikyuu!!#Also my favorite part about rewatching Haikyuu is how the reveal of Kag’s backstory really does affect. Your entire perception of him#Like I know its probably cause he’s my fav but I always feel so frustrated when people assume the worst of him and so sad that even Oikawa-#who knew him back when he was a very happy and shy kid- doesn’t even question why his personality had such a sudden shift#but then I realize that the only reason I’m so aware of these changed is because Kageyama has ‘opened up to me’ as an audience member befor#Furudate waited hundreds off chapters to tell us that he’s been grieving a loved onesince a little before the very first scene of the manga#So that it would feel like we earned it#Idk how to explain it like when you meet someone who’s hurting it takes a lot of effort and patience for them to tell you why#in the same way bc we stuck by the story for so long and watching Kageyama learn to be more open#we got the privilege of learning why he was closed off in the same place#but Kageyama didnt give anyone at his old school the chance to stick around- not Kindaichi or Kunimi or anyone#So it makes total sense#kageyama tobio#hinata shouyou#yamaguchi tadashi#tsukishima kei#yachi hitoka#karasuno first years#my post
27 notes
·
View notes
Text
~ Monthly BL Breakdown: April 2024 ~
🌷 Happy May!!! ☀️
Disclaimer: ALL shows can be streamed here or here, as well as on Youtube and other platforms. For more info on where to watch what, check out this post!
New breakdowns are coming at the end of every month - feel free to add stuff! -> previous breakdowns
What came out this month? (green = seen/currently watching)
🌟 Love is Like a Cat - April 1st (South Korea / Thailand)
🌟 We Are - April 3rd (Thailand) ✅
🌟 Memory in the Letter - April 6th (Thailand)
🌟 Living With Him - April 11th (Japan)
🌟 Gray Shelter - April 11th (South Korea)
🌟 Beating Again - April 13th (Thailand)
🌟 Blue Boys - April 15th (South Korea)
🌟 At 25:00 in Alasaka - April 18th (Japan)
🌟 GMMTV2024 Part 2 (lineup event) - April 23rd (Thailand) ✅
🌟 Boys Be Brave - April 25th (South Korea)
🌟 CHANGE2561 2024 lineup event - April 25th (Thailand) ✅
🌟 My Stand-In - April 26th (Thailand) ✅
🌟 City Boy Log Vol. 3 - April 30th (South Korea)
New series & movie announcements
🎥 The Fridge - Date TBA (Thailand)
🎥 Flavor of Us (starring Benjamin B., Dome W. & others) - Date TBA (Thailand)
🎥 Children's Day - Date TBA (Taiwan)
🎥 Blue Time - Date TBA (China, possibly censored)
🎥 Bad Guy My Boss - Date TBA (Thailand)
🎥 Oriental Magician In The Ent. Circle - Date TBA (Taiwan)
🎥 Under the Oak Tree - Date TBA (Vietnam)
🎥 Invitation - Date TBA (Thailand)
🎥 The Love Matter - Date TBA (Thailand)
🎥 I Saw You in My Dream - Date TBA (Thailand)
🎥 I Wish You the Best - Date TBA (Thailand)
🎥 Impression of Youth - Date TBA (Taiwan)
🎥 Meet You at the Blossom - Date TBA (Taiwan)
Other news from the BL world
❗️ The production company Studio WabiSabi announced that their actors Boun N., Prem W., Santa P., Sammy C., Yacht P. and Stamp P. have terminated their contracts and will no longer be artists under the company on April 15th. Shortly after, GMMTV announced the 6 of them as newly signed artists, along with the disclosure that BounPrem's upcoming BL Vampire Project is now being produced under GMMTV, who now also own all broadcasting rights; WabiSabi will function as a co-producer. New S. stated on Twitter that the decisions had been long in the making, as well as the fact that WabiSabi no longer functions as a management agency for actors and is now a mere production company. He also denied the rumors that the company is shutting down. Shortly after the transfer of the Wabi Sabi actors, actor Fluke Jeeratch (formerly Pongsakorn) joined GMMTV as well.
❗️ The Filipino BL Gameboys is getting a third season. An air date has not been confirmed.
❗️ P Ekkapop and Pan Jirachot, the lead actors from Kiseki Chapter 2, have announced a new project together. Details are unknown.
❗️ Actor Barcode Tinnasit has announced his departure from his agency Be On Cloud.
❗️ After some confusion, the Korean production company Studio X+U announced that their upcoming series Fragile - which was initially advertized as a Korean SKAM remake - is in fact not connected to the Norwegian web series and is instead a standalone series, which focuses on the life of a group of teenagers. According to ZUM News, there was supposed to be a Korean SKAM remake based on the Norwegian original, which was however cancelled due to unknown reasons. Fragile was created as a substitution.
❗️ GMMTV held their 2024 part 2 event on April 23rd. The following BL projects were announced:
The Heart Killers (starring FirstKhao & JoongDunk)
Perfect10 Liners (starring ForceBook, PerthChimon, JuniorMark)
Heart That Skips a Beat (starring EstWilliam)
Revamp (starring BounPrem, formerly known as Vampire Project)
Sweet Tooth, Good Dentist (starring MarkOhm)
The Ex-Morning (starring KristSingto)
❗️ The production company CHANGE2561 held their 2024 lineup event on April 25th. The following BL projects were announced:
This Love Doesn't Have Long Beans (starring SailubPon)
Goddess Bless You From Death (starring PavelPooh)
I’m The Most Beautiful Count (starring PingSupanut)
Pit Babe Season 2
Upcoming series & movies for May
👉🏻 You Made My Day (starring Tar A. and Bom T. from I Will Knock You) - May 3rd (Thailand)
👉🏻 Inverse Identity / Upside Down - Mary 3rd (China)
👉🏻 Wandee Goodday - May 4th (Thailand)
👉🏻 A Balloon's Landing - May 10th (Taiwan)
👉🏻 City of Stars: Special Episode - May 10th (Thailand, cinema release)
👉🏻 The Time of Fever (Unintentional Love Story spinoff) - May 15th (South Korea)
👉🏻 Blossom Campus - May 16th (South Korea)
👉🏻 OMG! Vampire - May 19th (Thailand)
👉🏻 Manji Reverse - May 24th (Japan)
👉🏻 My Biker 2 - May 28th (Thailand)
#doreens monthly bl breakdown#thai bl#bl drama#upcoming bl#update#bl news#decided to do my likes/dislikes in the tags in case some entitled 'fans' are coming for my throat again#my Monthly Like goes to My Stand-In because sorry but the first ep slapped#the story is really interesting also i missed my boy Up so much??? I havent seen him in like 3 years 🥺#Ming is a red flag lmao but up is doing really well and I also didn't think he would act again since he's been producing lately#but I'm so happy he's back!!!#and I really hope the show stays at that level bc the 1st ep was more than solid#the other guy is pretty good too#another Like is going to the gmmtv lineup bc I feel really good about it!!#so many promising projects it makes me excited 😊#my Monthly Dislike goes to Love is Like a Cat bc wow it's terrible lol#good to know that Mew's lakorns aren't paying his bills anymore lmao#I dropped it instantly#its SO bad#kinda sad for Mew though#in other news this korean skam situation is confusing me so much lmao#like there was supposed to be an adaption but that got cancelled for whatever reason so now they're making a new show that's.....the same?#make it make sense lmao#also what up with all those gmmtv tranfers lol#whos next??#dmd hand over ur gays jhgkfd#or maybe dont#can u imagine the dmd boys at gmmtv#they would get fired for public indecency#jhdsfkd
54 notes
·
View notes
Text
Day 16, final day before the Pristine Cut, my attempt at Ms. Chain Princess (possibly Prison3r but I've seen ppl speculate she's sp3ctre) from the trailer. See you all post pristine-cut 🫡
#slay the princess#stp#pristine cut spoilers#<- for anyone who wants to go in COMPLETELY blind#art#im of the opinion she's prison3r bc of all the chains + face in shadows#(prison3r seems to come from post head-abandonment so it would make sense if she's got some head weirdness going on)#i unfortunately don't really see the argument for sp3ctre#however I do agree with some of the reasoning i saw#i saw someone point out that since there are already assets in-game for a sp3ctre ending where you stab yourself while possessed#it doesn't really make sense for it to get replaced by something new#and i kind of agree tbh. like im prepared to eat my words but i think the possession-stab gambit is going to remain the same#what if we're both wrong and this is somehow dams3l tho. what then#anyway i feel a bit bittersweet about pris cut coming out#ive had so much fun in this community & knowing there's no new content after this (aside from some merch)#is a lil sad#like im sure i'll be revisiting the game plenty & probably continue creating fanart#but i am going to miss there being such active ongoing discussion around it#but I will be picking up scarlet hollow sometime and YOU SHOULD TOO!!!
25 notes
·
View notes
Text
30 NOVEMBER, 2019 • ZATERDAG, 09:41
#wtFOCK#Skam#Zoë Loockx#Senne De Smet#Zoenne#LOVE HURTS#Veerle Dejaeger#Nathan Naenen#wtFOCKEdit#SkamverseDaily#SkamRemakesEdit#s3#3x08#I remember people coming to talk to me about this clip the day it dropped bc they were happy about it and I was like…#have we watched the same clip? excuse me I’m still picking up the pieces of my broken heart from the floor#no but really I understand them both so deeply here it’s the worsttttt 💔#first she’s making the right decision but that doesn’t make it a happy moment. it’s SO SAD SHE IS HAVING TO MAKE THIS DECISION SHE’S 16!#OFC if we were still in Zoë’s POV this would have never been an issue but the writers really thought they’d convince me +#my babies had unlearned how to communicate SMH they were the best at it okay? this right here is EFFING BULLSHIT#but considering it’s what they were going for I get why they’re acting the way they’re acting and it hurts#because Zoë thinks Senne wants for her to make Viktor pay for everything he’s done wrong in his life and she’s feeling like her own trauma#and how hard it still is for her to talk about it isn’t being acknowledged by him…#and Senne oh he really wants her to do it bc 1- he feels that what went on is his fault & he desperately needs his half brother to PAY +#FOR WHAT HE DID TO HER! HE’S KNOWN THE GUY HIS WHOLE LIFE (PROBABLY KNOWS THE ACCIDENT IN THE PAST MIGHT NOT HAVE BEEN AN ACTUAL ACCIDENT)#they have history and that makes everything even more awful bc he doesn’t understand why Zoë doesn’t feel like testifying#I don't believe that Senne would have been this incisive hadn't he ~known~ her ab*ser#I mean I think he would have accepted her decision way more easily if he didn't feel responsible for what happened 😔#she’s been feeling all alone in her anguish and at the same time starts pushing him away#it’s painful to see how the two of them are trying here. He’s so trying to support her no matter what#and she’s so trying to be strong for herself but her eyes are teary she can barely look at him it’s too much 😭❤️🩹
16 notes
·
View notes
Text
erm…..posting about an OC via a rushed shitpost was not on my 2025 bingo card!! 😂😂😂😂😂😂get it??? 😂😂😂because his name is bingo??(GETS SHOT)
these are all things he has done or has attempted to do so consider this the full intro post for that freak for now. he’s still too undercooked to fully introduce but damn I love him
#pdbc#I love him. he’s the sole descendant of a royal family and. if you’ll pardon the pun. is royally fucking things up for himself#he could do so much in life and instead decides to be the next Gordon Ramsay……..such wasted potential#did. did I ever mention that part of him. his clan is called the Ramsay clan after all#he wants to be Gordon Ramsay sooooo fucking bad…….#big theater kid gone wrong energy from him#so many of my posts this year have been pdbc related. it Will happen again.#< (in my defense I’m working on other non-pdbc stuff !! but pdbc stuff is easy to make because I don’t have to think about it)#once I’m not so burnt out I’m really excited to design bingo….not even going to attempt to rn#I hate designing outfits but I’m actually looking forward to his bc he has a horrid mix of royal garments and astereotypical butcher outfit#speaking of butchers. butcher vanity? great song absolutely fits him. cannot stop listening to it#surprisingly him being like. a literal cannibal isn’t even all he does. that’s just a…little quirk of his#like ya’d think him eating people would be more important but nah. he’s a POET and a MAGICIAN 😤😤#I’d say he’s one of the most evil characters but…..kinda all of my characters are#sure bingo tries to eat people and bomb people’s homes but there are side characters who put acid in the water supply and aren’t punished#so bingo’s just par for the course honestly#the best thing he’s ever done is install an air conditioning unit. there wasn’t one before bc Mole (his mom) didn’t like them—#—which resulted in people keeling over from heat exhaustion a lot so. good job for fixing that bingo#it’s the bare minimum but that’s pretty good for him so he can have a round of applause for that#I think I might have mentioned Gerbombs in passing but I love them sm#they’re gerbils genetically engineered to blow up when pressure is placed on them#they’re adorable. thankfully they have no concept of death so they’re just chilling with no worries in the world#before you get sad. Sushi rescued most of the Gerbombs and now cares for them so happy ending#no Gerbombs shall die under her watch. I don’t think I could deal with it if too many Gerbombs died#although they’re called Gerbombs they’re actually more physically close to jerboas#they’re so cute. I should draw a Gerbomb sometime#(I should also probably rename them jerbombs considering they’re not gerbils but ehhhhhhhhhhhhh)
9 notes
·
View notes
Text
I need to try harder to get out of bed but augh
#🤖.txt#aghhfjg i really need to catch up on sleep. but i also want to do stuff but idk. this is dumb but nothing i do really feels worth the effor#anymore. Thinking like this is sad bc drawing is one of the few things i like doing and make me happy but idk#i might just go back to the way things were before. Just wait for the weekend and spend as much time drawing then#genuinely dont want to do anything at all this is so frustrating and im so tired and sad all the time#i know i should be using my break to focus on studying but with what time#Idkkkk i just really hate living like this#thinking about dropping out again but that would just mean house chores + babysitting full time while job hunting and idk if i can handle#that. I cant handle anything anymore and this is making me so sad . I want to be useful and do so many things but i reached my limit months#ago. I just wanted a week or two to just rest its all i need . But i know im never gonna get that again and at this point i might as well#just die but i cant do that neither bc i have shit to do#Everyone is always talking about how i have it so easy and how things are just gonna get worse bc they think me being home = me not doing#anything and idk. I cant take anything anymore and i think the most upsetting part of this is that i know theyre right#im not doing barely anything and i dont know. How to do more im just useless and ungrateful for the things i have#Really stressed and tired and literally nothing happened. Its gonna be 2pm soon and im supposed to wake up Earlier#But yeagh. this wasnt supposed to be this wall of text i just wanted to say that i might give up on art again for a while#aughhh i dont know how to do anything right idk how to live or take care of myself how am i supposed to raise someone .#this is. too much i think. I reallyyyyy need to relearn how to just talk to myself . I cant keep dropping these everyday and being . This t#evsryone around me. Everyone in my life deserves so much better than ill ever be#vent
10 notes
·
View notes
Text
Oden's prophecy of young pirates coming to save wano becoming yamato's hope for his freedom.... and him becoming oden because of it.... it's just so good... on the other side luffy taking ace's spot for liberating yamato... I think I hauve covid
#the spades pirates in wano to save children... omg... deuce.... i have heard so much of you....#yamato complaining about how eveyrhing is his father's fault and ace getting violent...#it is so sad that in the end it was (partially maybe) his father's fault... if not roger then whitebeard..... maybe both#the hibiscus flowers..... rouge....#yamato telling ace he talks too much about luffy.... omg.....#NAMI TELLS TAMA LUFFY LOST ACE TOO!!! AND LUFFY CAME BACK TO WANO BC ACE SAID HE WOULD!!! OMG...... THE LINGERING.....#talking tag#watching one piece#episode 1014#pink haired samurai is still alive and kicking... hell yeah....#ODEN WAS THE SECOND COMMANDER FOR WHITEBEARD??? OMG???#whitebeard dealing with his rebellious son ace akshaksjak.....#ace wanting to save wano for his husband and child but wb wouldn't let him bc he is still caught up about his ex husband's death... complex#TEACH GO TO HELL!!! FUCK YOU!!! DIEEEE!!!!#they can't put luffy crying about ace dying here again.... tama feeling bad about yelling at luffy....#YAMATO KNOWS ABOUT THE D????#big mom wants robin.... i mean of course.... curious about pudding and her third eye.... we will meet again i guess...#PONEGLYPH!!!! kaido little borther to mom...... god valley.... rox.... i remember.... she gave him his power omg...#episode 1015#ace face down smiling after whitebeard beats him up reminded me of ace dead smiling. hell on earth this is my last straw. goodbye.#the animation <3 ace i love you <3 yamato you are great <3#omg... little ASL with the big pirates saying he will become pirate king omg...#PAUSE!! ACE HEARING GOOD THINGS ABOUT ROGER AND SAYING HE SOUNDS NICE THIS IS CRUCIAL TO MY ACE LORE OMG#yamato didnt say who it was... did ace really die not thinking his father was good this is my roman empire... critical hit to my brain#yamato made aces vivre card.... should i end it all for realsies this time....#his cunty skate boat 😭😭😭😭 i could cry#he really is looking like a beautiful dead wife this episode.... yamato......the vivre card omg..... NOT THE FLASHBACK ENOUGH#THE TRANAITION BETWEEN ACE FALLING OFF LUFFY AND HIM FALLING TO THE GROUND OMG AKFBSKDNDKSKLWKWNSKWK NOOOOOO#OH FINALLY THEY ARE ALL THERE TO FOGHT BIG MOM AND KAIDO!!! FUCK YEAAHHHHHH a good drag for the mugis for good measure#episode 1013
35 notes
·
View notes
Text
my issue is that 2 weeks ago I was flip flopping on what decision to make while being very convinced that I wanted to try to leave and that doing so would make me happy and no matter how difficult it was it would be worth it. Just like how i wanted my surgery but was still wracked with guilt leading up to it. Now im stressed and obsessively thinking about it while being convinced that leaving would not make me happy at all and would not be worth it. which is a lot harder...
#talkys#and its extra hard bc the surgery is the only thing in my life I've been 100% sure about.#also my brain is doing the extra steps stuff and im already exhausted especially since i once again dont really have#family on my side or excited for me#thinking about having to have them drive me up for the job interview then having to get apartment#lease and then having to organize and throw away and pack my stuff and then unpack it#while never knowing if rent is going to be way too high next year is already too much#knowing that i love being alone but would be very lonely and not have any extended time to come home and spontaneously#go to the movies or some local event with my siblings makes me sad#the only friend id have in the new location has her own life and partner and such. id just be alone and not#wanting to leave my apartment bc i hate driving#the good times here are rare but they'd be non-existent in an empty apartment#and id likely be too tired to do hobbies after work and chores and staying alive#the color rly has drained from me not even the thought of being able to transition is saving me#nothing would change for the better
16 notes
·
View notes
Text
ii quite enjoy cooking although i dont know a whole lot about it but it is fun and i like to experiment and just wing stuff.. i also dont have a lot of like, resources bc my house is fucked up and nothing works and we own one pot, ive wanted to try baking out for a long time but the oven doesnt work yadda yadda yadda But well one day, whenever i live somewhere else, i can try it out.. but i liike doing what i can do here and it is so nice when i make food and its yummy :] esp if other people eat it too and also like it. i made cinnamony soft apple thing and my momma said is really good she liked it
#i get sad if i think about it too much bc i really would like for my dad to teach me stuff#but he cant due to how he lives within the soil of the earth these days. but he was a chef and made rly good food always.. well its ok#i also always regret that i was such a picky eater when i was younger#and i became much more courageous w trying new food and realized i like eating just about anything#around when i was like uuh.. idk 15 or 16 or so but#there was always a lot of food my dad would make that i wouldnt even try bc i was picky and i didnt stop being picky until years#after he died. i wish i could let him know. hed be happy about it i think#only slightly related but when i was little and would see in like#movies or at school and stuff how the mom/women stereotypically do the cooking in households it confused me#bc my dad cooked everything at my house like the only thing i can rmbr my mom making ever is like#Box mac and cheese
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
friendly reminder that self harm is lying to you
#the worst is when it promises you'll feel better and then you simply. do not. you feel worse and then you want to harm again bc surely that#will make you feel better right? THAT WOULD BE A NO. IT DOES NOT.#anyway today i went to spotlight cause i was sad cause i got the result for my 35% assignment i really struggled with. 32.5%. failure.#and at spotlight i made the foolish error of buying without knowing price. but like who makes a book a normal softcover crochet pattern boo#$55?! anyway it's a lovely book and am excited to try a few of teh patterns but the guilt is eating me alive#and also im super stressed about the assignment i have to turn in on thursday and haven't started#anyway i was literally four and a half hours away from being seven days clean#and i am just so sad right now#and i reopened one of the scars on my wrist too while on shift this morning so that's fun#not badly but it's just gonna mean it scars even more isn't it because of course#i was feeling incredibly awful for some reason i can't even remember and i kinda clawed up my arms. and no i don't count that as#breaking my streak bc it didn't cause much damage#i just. placement is so wonderful but life is so so hard#i don't know i want a hug and the assignment done and everything bad unmade#and the scars i have to look at every day on placement gone.#i want to talk to s but i haven't responded to her last message and i don't know how to respond but i need to respond to that#:((#honestly actually i think i want to talk to aunty. friend's mum. in person. and get a hug. i want a hug.#im just. So Sad. and i want my brother and Ransom and this is not helpinga nd i don't know what would if anything
38 notes
·
View notes
Text
I would like to know exactly how luke asking annabeth to run away with him went down.
#annabeth🥺#it's sad to think about how it'll be so much harder for annabeth to unpack and heal from that relationship bc he's dead#it's hard enough to come to terms with someone you love/held in high esteem hurting you so deeply#but she's also grieving him too so it's even harder to hold him accountable to herself and recognizing the good and the bad#she may struggle to not romanticize the memory of him#sorting through what about their relationship was pure and genuine and what was fueled by other stuff#both of their trauma really played into it in some of the worst ways...#but to even recognize how her trauma played into it she'd have to identify what her trauma even is and how it's affected her life#it's really complex and difficult work#and bc he's gone she'll never get to question him on stuff like what he was thinking at certain points and why#so certain things will never get the best closure#MAYBE SOMETHING WE COULD HAVE EXPLORED IN HOO RICHARD???? BUT NO#and it would have been perfect too bc she'd also be dealing with issues caused by both of her parents triggered by the MoA quest#like her mother's conditional love#and trauma from her mortal family#and her fear of spiders relates to both of these things bc it's a phobia that's passed down from her mom's actions#so she's being punished for something she's not responsible for and also being burdened with a quest simply for being her mother's daughter#and it also represents her mortal family's neglect bc they ignored her needs and all that...#AND THEN the only person she's received actually pure and good unconditional love from was snatched from her for 6 months#and the MoA quest could have been a way to confront some of these fears and wounds...so she's a little stronger by tartarus which#should bring out the best in her and the worst in percy#or maybe the best and worst in both of them#and then he can work through some stuff too down there#HoO could have been a journey for them where they're undone and then healed#bc at the end of everything they have the medicine to literally everything which is real love (which they have for each other intensely)#the rant I could go on about this...I have so many thoughts about what HoO should have been. maybe one day#annabeth#luke & annabeth#luke#m
15 notes
·
View notes
Text
My roommate and I had a conversation last night and I keep rotating it in my brain and I Don’t Like It
#blue chatter#they called me a resilient person. and no the fuck I am not. I break down so easily over everything and my body is falling apart on me.#I scream in terror when someone knocks on the door too hard the fuck you mean I’m good at handling adversity#I pointed out that I freak out whenever my grade gets low even a little bit#and they were just sitting there like ‘yeah. and then you pick yourself up again and you do the work.’#and no? not always? oftentimes I give up and don’t try hard enough to fix it and let points go that I could have earned#I barely ever go for extra credit opportunities and I’ve never gone to office hours of my own free will#I can’t even think about talking to a professor about a bad grade without wanting to cry? hello?#but they were insistent that even with those things I am still managing Incredibly Well in class given the circumstances. which made me#uncomfortable. like. I don’t think of myself as resilient At All and I feel a bit like I’m lying or tricking them.#I start shaking like a chihuahua when people are upset and I’m In The Vicinity. even when they’re clearly not upset with me.#I really struggle to advocate for myself ever and even when I do I usually feel guilty and walk it back partway so I don’t cause a fight#and I always get way too emotional for the situation when someone has anything they’re upset with me for. which isn’t fair to them bc I need#to be able to take constructive criticism without taking it as a personal attack on me.#like what the fuck do you mean *resilient*. I can’t even handle seeing a bug flying near my face or getting a B in a class. or being told#that I did something wrong. I’m actually significantly worse at handling adversity than I used to be. high school me was a resilientish kid.#and it’s not like I was ever *good* at handling my emotions. even when it was essential for my safety. I’ve always cried way too easily#even when it actively made the situation I was in Much Worse. even when I knew better.#I would get angry and scared and sad and start shaking and crying and even screaming at my parents when they were mad at me even though#I knew that it would always make my life much worse. and extend an already beleaguered argument.#I brought this up with my therapist and she was like ‘well. anybody would have done that if they were treated like you were’.#which. okay. maybe so. I still feel like I should have been able to handle it and just shut up and move on and not make it worse.#but I am aware that this is probably a cognitive distortion. even so. that definitely doesn’t make me resilient.#I just. I feel gross being called resilient. I’m not. I’m weak and easily scared and unable to handle even small amounts of adversity.#the fuck is my roommate even *seeing*.#the annoying part is that they’re generally an insightful person about other people and I know logically that they’re probably right#which is why I’m not going to complain any more about this to their face bc I should just drop it and not make it a Thing#I talk too much about myself and my problems anyway. not every conversation has to be about my brain worms.#but the discomfort is Distinct and Unpleasant. and now I’m just having to sit with it. and Feel Uncomfortable. and try to accept what was#definitely intended as a compliment. I know it’s draining to talk to someone who doesn’t accept any of the kind things you say about them.
5 notes
·
View notes
Note
My mom told me the other day that it was gonna seem like I was trying to date my friend if I payed for her ticket to a show, so maybe you should try and pay for his food and that’ll indicate your intentions lol 😅
LMAO fuck maybe I could try that 😂
#not snz#i feel like it would work better if i didn't like. pay for literally everything most of the time ahskaksk#but i can try#unfortunately that's my medic and if nothing else i was taught to buy/bring food for my partners especially if they're a medic#which is fucked up if you think about it bc they get paid more but i digress lmao#but maybe it'll work if it's not fast food 👀#god is that gonna be too obvious if i wanna go somewhere decent and not like fucking taco bell#fuck he's seen me eat taco bell tho there's no way he'd ever be into me after that 😭#tho to be fair one of my fire coworkers asked me out immediately after seeing me do much worse than spill half my taco on myself#so maybe I've got a shot ahskamska#this is literally so stressful ahsakms how do people do this lmao#also why do i want him so bad now after knowing him for two years#this is so fucking sad for me lmao#like maybe i was in denial for a while there But Still#like is being nice to me when I'm like a sickly little victorian child really all it takes to make my ovaries explode 😭#i need to raise my standards fr 😭😭#partner posting
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
i literally can't think about life or the future for more than a few seconds without getting so distressed that i shut down. surely this is a good sign for things to come
#true about any aspect of those. personal life. local politics. world disasters etc#i can't focus on one and approach it first bc even that's already too much for me#i was genuinely truly literally not made to be alive. i am not built for this. i shouldn't have survived this long#i feel like an error in the book of fate. like i accidentally dodged the grim reaper for too long#there is too much of me inside my brain. if that makes sense. i am long overdue. etc etc#what is that even called is it still depression at this point 😭😭😭 it's like a whole new thing fr#seriously tho how the fuck does one even get over it. being in a state of mind like that means no therapist would even try working with me#(bc well if i don't think i should be alive how am i supposed to work to get better. esp when i don't see any reason to)#(kinda like a festering wound in a body part that should've been cut off ages ago)#everything feels pointless bc of how shitty the future will be no matter what. like there is truly no hope at all#this isn't pessimism it's just facts. there is no good ending here no matter what. unless you overhaul reality completely#vent#:/ i should probably try to sleep but i'm doing really bad#idk if i'll have nightmares or just a very sad dream like i had last night. i don't seem to have much else going on there in my brain#negative //#sorryyyyyy#i'd ask for help but idk what help to even ask for. what anyone could even offer. like there is no solution or a way to forget it#best i can do is distract myself all the time but that's really hard to do when a lot of what i have going on makes me feel bad too#. rambling in nonsensical ways atp sorry. brain is being mean and stupid
5 notes
·
View notes