#I remember people coming to talk to me about this clip the day it dropped bc they were happy about it and I was like…

[zoennes]

30 NOVEMBER, 2019 • ZATERDAG, 09:41

[jreads]

Not sure if this is where we submit requests, but i’d kill for a fic where reader’s having debilitating anxiety attack in Jackson (like where your vision blacks at the edges and you can’t breathe) and suddenly a strong force is keeping you up and you look up and it’s Joel; and he’s concerned bc he relates (but you don’t know each other) and you take a fistful of his shirt and suddenly they feel the symptoms retreating - and that’s how you meet, and you’ve found comfort in each other since. :’)

Sorry if that made no sense it’s word vomit LOL

Also sidebar: unexpected constellations will stay w me forever thank you:’)

Of Memories and Mealtimes (Joel Miller x F!Reader)

Word count: 2.5K

Warnings: Mentions of blood, Mentions of anxiety and panic attacks, Mentions of death, Foul language

A/N: this prompt was so cute, I hope I did it justice!

It’s been getting colder recently. No snow, not yet, but the breeze has a certain nip to it, blowing burnt orange leaves to rest on the ground like a natural carpet. The days are grey, and the nights are long, and that creeping feeling has been looming ever closer recently. You’ve found solace in the comfort of the kitchen. The air here is warm and humid and smells of frying garlic and onion. You perform repetitive, menial tasks and it staves off—to some extent—the ever-present penetrating feeling of loneliness. 

Since arriving in Jackson, you’ve struggled to find a place, a sense of belonging. You’re coming to the conclusion that maybe you never will. You thought you had one… but that was a while ago. 

It’s selfish to think you’re the only one in this town with a painful past; it’s clear that everyone is trying just as hard to find reasons to get through each day. You’re not alone. But you do feel like it. Often.

Maria has taken pity on you, stationing you in the kitchens because she knows you like it there. Knows you like to watch the people sitting at tables and soak up sounds of laughter in an attempt to steal a moment of second-hand happiness.

It’s late now, pitch black outside, and your shift is almost over. You’re cutting fruits and veggies for omelettes in the morning: spinach, olives, tomatoes. There are maybe five people still sitting, a table of three, one woman at a booth, and a man sitting alone at the bar. Sometimes, you like to eavesdrop.

The trio are talking about their old lives. They seem to have found something in common, street racing. Moding their cars, evading the cops… back when you could just drive into a gas station for petrol.  One used to have an old Charger, stolen in the looting. He reminisces over how the purr of the engine felt, how the lights of the highway would turn to a blur as he accelerated. From the corner of your eye, you see the man from the bar get up to leave, dropping some coin on the counter. You used to like to drive fast too. When it was for leisure and not for survival.

“I’m scared.”

The familiar voice sears through you like a branding iron, bringing with it flashing images of memory. Fuck. No, no, no. Not now. 

The freeway is peppered with stationary cars, and you’re swerving, as fast as humanly possible, trying desperately to navigate the mess. The Jeep behind you is gaining, and the little boy in your passenger seat is rigid in fear. If you can just make it through the overpass, it clears out after that. Their car is good offroad, but yours is faster. You upshift.

There’s gunfire, and your rear window shatters. He screams. You use your right hand to push his head down. He needs to stay low. You’re almost there.

Another gunshot. You try to ignore the popping of the rear tire; try not to think about what it means. The vehicle swerves and you fight against it by correcting the wheel. It’s no use. You clip the side of an abandoned car, and your own flips. You’re thrown through the windscreen. It’s the last thing you remember before your vision goes dark.

There’s pain. But not from the onslaught of old memories. You’ve slipped with the knife in your distraction, cutting a deep line into the side of your thumb. It’s dripping down, coating your fingers in a slick red. Your heart is pounding out of your chest, lungs constricting so hard you can barely get a breath in.

“Could I take five?” you manage to gasp to the other lady. But you don’t even wait for her reply before dropping the knife with a clatter and banging gracelessly through the back service doors. Your vision is blurring, darkening at the edges and your head is spinning. It feels as if you might die. You’re going to die.

Your hand is now coated in blood and—with little thought—you try to brush it off with your right, only succeeding in spreading the scarlet until it’s all you can see.

You wake in a ravine. How long have you been out? There’s pain in your cheek and you reach up to pluck a piece of glass from it. The crash. The kid. Oh, no. Oh, god. You call his name, voice hoarse. No reply. Your legs are too weak to support the weight of your own body, so you scramble up from the ditch, back onto the freeway. The car lies a few meters away on its side. Scraped and destoyed. And beyond it, a small body. No.

You crawl to him, sobbing at the bones bent in unnatural angles. And the bullet wound through his chest. You scream. You wail. His lifeless form is so small in your arms, leaking blood over your palms. You were supposed to protect him. You were supposed to—

His body is going cold. Limp and lifeless. But you can’t let go. Maybe, if you just hold on tight enough, the force of your love can breathe life back into his lungs.

You’re covered in his bood, figuratively, literally, it’s everywhere. Stumbling as if you’re drunk, you cry so hard that the tears only blur your vision further. It’s been a while since you’ve had one this bad. If you could just get back to your house. God, why did it have to happen in public? You can’t see where you’re going, so it’s no surprise when you run into something.

No, someone. There are hands on your shoulders and a comforting voice, gravelly Texan accent. What is he saying? You can’t tell. You’re going to be sick.

Something blocks out the lights of the streetlamp. There’s a body beside you.

A fragile body, broken and empty. Leaking life onto cracked pavement.

No, but this body is warm. Strong and gentle. A calloused palm cradling your head into a broad chest, a steady heartbeat. Alive. This body is alive. You clutch onto the fabric of his shirt with desperate hands, forgetting for a moment that your own blood will stain the fabric. He’s speaking words, low whispers, but the sound of them vibrates through him and into you. He’s telling you to calm down.

But you can’t. How do you tell him you can’t? You’re choking on air, hiccupping in a way that hurts.

“Come on now, breathe with me.” He smells nice, like cedar and whiskey. You can feel him smoothing circles onto your back, the rise and fall of his chest as he inhales and exhales. You try to copy him, lungs spasming with the effort. “That’s it. Keep going.” You’re heaving loud, ugly, uneven breaths, but it’s all you can manage. Past and present are flashing before you, your own blood, someone else’s, unseeing eyes and dead silence, a thumping pulse and soothing voice. It’s getting easier; you’re synchronizing your breaths to his own. But as you lean into the comedown, that exhaustion starts to creep up behind you. You melt into him in relief, but he doesn’t shy away. “There you go. I got you.”

Pieces of your surroundings start to fade back into view. You’re under the awning by the barn, shrouded in shadow. He’s practically holding you up by himself, and you feel a sudden deep stab of embarrassment. You can’t look this stranger in the eyes.

“I’m sorry,” you mumble into his shirt.

He doesn’t loosen his hold. “You got nothing to apologize for.”

“Probably got… blood on your shirt.” It’s taking effort to even form the words.

He laughs lightly and the sound is like warm caramel. “I’ve dealt with worse.”

The nausea is ebbing, but you find you don’t want to leave. Caught in his arms, you feel the safest you’ve felt in a long while.

“You should probably get that finger bandaged.” He steps away, pulling your arm into the light to examine the cut and you almost sob once more at the loss of contact. “I got supplies back at my place, if that’s alright by you?”

“Okay,” you say because you feel too weak to walk back to your own house alone right now. And also because in the glow of the streetlamp, you can see the rugged handsomeness of his face, etched with sweet worry, dark curls interspersed with shots of grey. You’ve seen him before. The man at the bar, so often alone. 

You’re shaking now, visceral, wracking shudders. He sheds his coat and swings it over your shoulders before leading you down the laneway.

His house is not far, a five-minute walk at most. He ushers you up the front porch, opening the door to a dim-lit living area.

“Joel?” A shrill voice calls down from above. 

Joel Miller? This is Joel Miller?

“Yeah Ellie, it’s me.”

A little girl comes bounding down the stairs, dark hair pulled back into a messy ponytail. She stops dead when she sees you, noting the jacket around your shoulders, the blood on your hand.

“What happened?” she says, with a kind of fascinated wonder that comes naturally to kids. Oh god, she reminds you of—

“Kitchen accident.” Joel replies smoothly. “You mind getting the med kit, kiddo?”

Her big eyes blink once, twice. “Oh, yeah.” Then she’s running right back up the staircase.

Joel sits you on the couch, grasping your wrist with a tender motion so at odds with all the things you’ve heard about him. Then again, you never knew he had a kid.

“Is she yours?”

He doesn’t look up from your palm. “In the ways that count.”

The girl, Ellie, is back down in record time with a worn first aid kit that she extends to Joel. When he takes it, she looks again at you with blatant curiosity. You feel guilty for barging into the warmth of their home like this.

“Ellie, why don’t you go boil some water for coffee.”

“Can I have hot chocolate?” she asks, and the hopeful joy in her voice is enough to finally make you smile.

Joel does too. “Sure.” And she’s off once more, rounding the corner to where you assume the kitchen lies. “But don’t go putting extra sugar in it,” he calls after her. The soft domesticity makes you ache with loss.

“Well, good news is you won’t be needing stiches.” He pulls an array of supplies from the box: disinfectant, gauze, a bandage. “But you should tell Maria to take you off kitchen schedule for a couple days.”

“How’d you know I was on kitchen schedule?” 

“Lucky guess,” he replies easily, but you swear there’s pink travelling across his cheeks. 

The disinfectant stings and you hiss. He falls into silent work, and you find yourself watching him, trying to understand how the man in front of you is the very same that garnered such a ruthless and cold reputation. 

He breaks the silence first. “I don’t mean to pry but…” Joel fastens the bandage securely around your finger. “…if you want to talk about what happened…”

You don’t. Not now, maybe not ever.

When you don’t reply, he nods his head. “I get it.” You watch him cast a glance toward the sound of a boiling kettle, to where Ellie is. “Trust me, I do.” 

You sit with him and Ellie—quiet with a warm cup of coffee—until late into the night. Ellie makes a face at the smell of it and quips back and forth with Joel about how he can ‘drink that piss.’ The girl has a mouth on her. She’s clever, sharp-witted, and the banter between her and him seems to dig a needle and thread into your gaping heart and sew one single stitch into it.

Past midnight, despite your repeated refusal, Joel insists he walk you home. Seeing your own house, cold and devoid of light makes your shoulders slump and heart race anew. Joel seems to note the behaviour.

“You’re always welcome at ours.” You know you’ll never take him up on the invitation. From the sadness in his eyes, you think he knows it too.

There are miles between you. “Thank you.” He only nods. You leave him standing on the lawn.

From behind the safety of the porch window, you can see that he waits for the light to turn on in your living room before walking back down the street.

Maria has insisted you take a few days off. Damn it. Joel must have said something. You try to busy yourself in the garden instead, but the gloves fit awkwardly over your bandage. You don’t last long anyway. The sound of school children heading home hits your ears around 3:00PM, and within minutes, a small shadow blocks where the sun hits your face.

“What’re you doing?”

Just seeing her face is enough to put a small smile on your own. “I’m planting basil.”

“What’s basil?”

You laugh. Actually laugh. “You want to try some?” You offer her a leaf and she chews it thoughtfully. Gives it an approving face. A thumbs up.

“You should bring some for Joel.” The forwardness of her suggestion is almost shocking, but she seems like the type of kid who says whatever comes to mind. You like that about her. “His cooking is pretty bland.”

Two laughs in one day. This kid is like medicine. “You think so?”

“Mhm. You could come over now. I think he’s on patrol, but he’ll be back soon.”

You think about turning her down, just on reflex. But you like how it feels to laugh, just the way you liked how you had felt in Joel’s arms the other night. So you agree. Her smile is brilliant. 

Minutes later, when she loops her arm through your own, she says, “Hey but don’t tell Joel what I said about his cooking, okay?”

You promise.

Around 7:00PM, he comes through the door, a weary sigh giving him away. “Ellie,” he calls.

“In here!” She’s excited. You’ve prepared a meal: pasta, sundried tomatoes, and the basil plucked from the garden. She’s been picking at the penne with her fingers, unable to wait until he arrives.

Seeing the surprised look on his face when he rounds the corner makes you feel suddenly shy. “I wanted to do something to thank you for last night and, well… Ellie found me in the—”

“Joel, it’s so fucking good.” At this point the muscles in your face are starting to hurt from smiling. 

Over dinner, you actually start to engage in the conversation, and somehow you seem to get along like you’ve known each other for years. In tandem, they work to bring you out of your shell. Your voice is hoarse and face warm by the time you go to leave, but Joel stops you at the door.

“Let me walk you back again.” Your selfish streak is only getting worse. You say yes. You think you see Ellie’s face in the top window as the two of you leave, a devious grin on her face.

Conversation flows on the way, about food, wine, Ellie. It’s comfortable, familiar, but there’s something… 

A yearning, buried under layers of friendly formality. He walks you up your porch and you think, for just a moment, about inviting him inside.

But you’re not quite ready for that just yet. So, you rise up to kiss him on the cheek instead, relishing the stunned look on his face.

Shy again, you back away across the threshold. “Good night, Joel.”

He says it back, and the way your name rolls of his tongue ignites something long dormant within you. You think he might be looking at your lips.

When the door closes, you let out a shuddering breath. And for what seems like the thousandth time that night, you smile.

[love-killed-the-superstar]

mikey ask game, 8 and 13!

(these answers will be about 2k3 mikey unless stated otherwise because he's ~my~ mikey. i apologise for the length of these answers, it seems i had a lot to say?! i also apologise for how much i bring up fast forward here, it seems that i'm fixated on it really hard right now.)

8. what’s your favorite dynamic of him and any other character? what makes it your favorite?

It's so hard to pick just one!!

i thought a lot about this, but i think splinter? he's exasperated that his son can be a bit lazy and distracted from ninja training, but still had him specialise in nunchaku, showing that he believes in his ability to master a difficult weapon. splinter surrendering in the battle nexus so that mikey could advance was so heartwarming and honestly makes me emotional to remember. in the first turtle titan episode even though he doesn't understand why mikey admires superheroes so much he acknowledges that his intentions are noble and he needs to follow the path truest to his heart. veering a little more into headcanon territory, i do think that being the most openly affectionate, baby mikey was a master manipulator in terms of melting his rat dad's heart. i can picture him climbing onto splinter's lap every time he sits down and being the most reluctant to go down for naps. and in a particular au i'm cultivating that delves more into mikey's potential romantic life, i think he would go to his father for advice. splinter may not be well versed in romance outside of his soap operas, but he will always be here for his kids when they need him.

(this, of course, makes me very bitter over the flanderisation of their relationship in fast forward. ff!splinter might as well walk around wearing a shirt that says "i hate my lazy video game addicted son" and it breaks my heart.)

honourable mentions for other characters i think he has a great dynamic with: leo, silver sentry, klunk, serling, angel, april, renet and turtle titan ii.

13. what’s something about mikey that nobody seems to talk about that should be talked about more?

tbh i think a lot of people love mikey and have analysed him in just about every way possible and what i end up saying is probably not the most groundbreaking take, but here is something that i've thought about a fair bit but haven't really seen from anyone else?

in fast forward, mikey is depressed. it is handled by the narrative about as delicately as a bull in a china shop, but it's there.

5 seasons of being bombarded with trauma-inducing storylines culminates in temporarily dying, going full dragon avatar mode to defeat the demon shredder and then finally they are able to relax, breathe easy, process some of these emotions - but noooo, instead they get ripped out of their timeline and dropped 100 years in the future with no way home and the studio execs wouldnt let them rightfully lose their shit at cody so instead we see the turtles bottle that rage and slowly descend into semi-flanderised madness. /lh

mikey in particular becomes very sensitive to rejection (see: losing his goddamn mind and going on an all out offensive against turtle titan ii, after being talked down the first time he raged out, because raph made One Comment about how his successor is better at heroism than he is), prone to emotional outbursts, especially anger (remember that iconic clip of him beating up cops and stealing their cars because they pissed him off?), loses interest in his ninja training, maintains very poor hygiene/living conditions, grows addicted to video games, and in rare moments of vulnerability (namely in graduation day of 2105) he expresses that he sees himself as lazy, unfocused, a 'goofball', and undeserving when it comes to being recognised for his ninja skills like his brothers. my man's self-esteem is in the toilet, he is craving normalcy after years of constantly fighting for his life, and his dopamine is clearly critically low because he is dependent on all the fancy material goods of 2105 to be happy. his method of coping with the difficult emotions being stranded in the future has brought up, while still maintaining the silly funny guy routine that his family expect from him, is to bury himself in VR. and why wouldn't he, when among the uptick in mikey roasts over the course of this season we literally hear splinter say the words "where did i go wrong with that boy?" THOSE WORDS STAY WITH YOU WHEN THEY COME FROM YOUR PARENTS. THEY HURT.

he's very empathetic to leo's own depression in season 4, being the voice of reason at the beginning of samurai tourist when raph is ready to fight him. we also see at several points in seasons 1-5 that his loud ego is a front and he is actually very aware of his shortcomings, especially seen in grudge match. in a different timeline where 2k3 wasn't neutered following insane in the membrane, i do wonder if the turtles would have been able to explore their turbulent feelings regarding the 2105 situation. since mikey and leo are often paired up for adventures in 2k3, it would be an interesting parallel to see leo recognising signs of depression in his brother and helping him, imparting some of ancient one's wisdom (and, in the great year of 2105 where mutants are equal citizens and cody has money to burn, finding him a good cognitive behavioural therapist).

i don't think the writers INTENDED to code mikey as depressed / struggling to cope in season 6 - i think it was a toxic combo of writing more 'mikey is lazy/immature/irresponsible and needs to be taught a lesson' episodes than the usual season average + thinking it was a funny social commentary gag to make him obsessive over video games. but i saw a lot of those traits in myself when i was deep in a depression hole. the show has already told us that the turtles' mental states have been impacted by the ridiculousness they have gone through. why would mikey be any different?

I DIDN'T MEAN TO WRITE AN ENTIRE THINKPIECE, BUT IF YOU REACHED THE END, THANK YOU FOR READING. AND THANK YOU FOR THE ASKS!

[theforesteldritch]

my ramblings on transness, intersex-ness, childhood and growing up

i'm four. somewhere around there. i tell my mom i hate my name. i want to change it to robin, i say. she tells me i can when i'm an adult. i tell her i want my name to be robin now, today. not later. i don't get to change my name. eventually i forget wanting to be robin, or drop it, or stop talking about it. either way, i don't ever get to be robin.

i'm five. i feel wrong. i feel out of place in my own skin, i think. i feel like a poor shadow of a girl. i decide i want to be a princess when i'm older. in my mind, to be a princess, i need to wear a dress every day, even when it snows and i have to stuff the skirt into my snowpants to play outside. princesses must feel like real girls. if i was a princess, i would stop feeling like a snake writhing around in my own skin, desperate to shed. i tell myself that. at recess, we play some running game. i don't remember which one. boys vs girls. i don't want to play anymore.

i'm six or seven. i still feel wrong. i've stopped trying to be a princess. i'm off in my own world a lot of the time. i use the classroom scissors to cut tiny holes in the sleeves of my long sleeve shirts or to clip off a tiny chunk of my hair. during carpet time, i try to touch the hair of the people in front of me without them noticing. my best friend tells me she's a tomboy. i say i want to be one too. she tells me im too girly.

i'm nine. i've sworn off dresses. i reject pink clothes and sequins. i'm wearing a hat that covers my hair and the school custodian calls me young man in the hallway. i don't know why i like that so much. i try to fit in with the boys. i play grounders with them every day after school. i don't know why, but they don't like me. they make fun of me. i still play grounders with them every day.

i'm twelve. the girls around me have started growing breasts and getting their periods. they start getting acne and thicker hair on their legs that they shave off. none of these things are happening to me. i ask my mom for a bra. i don't want to be the odd one out. i feel a mix of relief and shame when i get one. now, i can pretend i'm like them. now, i can try to hide the growing feeling gnawing inside me that something's wrong, that i'm a freak.

i'm thirteen. i still haven't gotten a period. my mom is convinced it'll come any day now. she got hers at eleven, i must be a late bloomer. she makes me bring pads to summer camp. they lie unused in my bags. she does this next year, too, and the next. i try to feel normal. i sneak and use my mom's razor to shave the baby hairs on my legs that still haven't darkened and grown thicker like anyone else. i want to feel normal.

i'm fourteen. the girls in the locker room stare at me with funny expressions on their faces when i say i haven't gotten a period after they badger that information out of me. i ask my parents for deodorant, like the other kids. they tell me no, i don't smell enough to need it. i steal my dad's old spice amber deodorant. it smells like how i want to be seen, i think. i read magnus chase. i see myself in alex, how his gender shifts and changes. for the first time, i have a word, maybe, to describe myself. i'm like her, i think. i'm genderfluid, maybe, like alex fierro. i test the waters and come out to some friends as genderfluid, and then a boy. but i find myself still feeling the same itch under my skin. i'm not just a man, or just a woman, maybe i'm both. i go back in the closet.

i'm fifteen. my doctor is starting to get concerned that i haven't gotten a period yet. he orders blood tests. they think the results are a mistake when they see the testosterone levels. i don't have the symptoms that should come with those levels. i should be going through a male puberty with those levels of t, but i'm not. they do them again. it comes back the same. i'm diagnosed with complete androgen insensitivity syndrome. i feel alone, and like a freak. my doctors want me to get a gonadectomy. i push away how i feel like a snake ready to shed my own skin for a moment. i can't search myself for my gender when i'm trying, i'm trying so hard to get through this. knowing that going on testosterone hrt wouldn't work on me, it would break me right now to admit to myself the truth i already know.

i'm sixteen. i'm sexually assaulted by my doctor while under anesthesia for a biopsy of my gonads. without any hint of remorse or even knowledge of what she did to me she tells my mom that my vagina is still very short, but not as short as she thought on an earlier examination. i will continue to see this doctor. i push her assault down. i push this down. i feel like a freak. i feel so alone. god, i feel alone.

i'm seventeen, i'm eighteen. i know now why i feel like a snake trying to shed a skin. i'm not just a woman, i'm not just a man. i'm both and something in between. but i'm too male to be a girl and too female to be a man. i'm not allowed to be either. i cry sometimes. over how unfair this feels. over how i'll never look in the mirror and see myself staring back. i don't know how i'll get through this. i have to get through this. i have to live for the kid who wanted to change his name to robin. the need to live for her weighs me down like atlas holding up the sky. i know that one day, my grip will slip and the sky will fall. but i'm trying desperately to make that day not today.

[lordeemailarchive]

A note from Lorde

(27/03/2024) ("Take Me to the River" cover release)

Hey you, it's me

Today my version of "take Me To The River" from the Stop Making Sense compilation comes out. Do you remember the first time you ever heard Talking Heads? I'll tell you my story.

Ok, it's 2008. I'm twelve years old, eyes painted black, jaw blasted with acne. My bedroom is a nest of posters, broken toys, street signs. I've kissed with tongue.

Something's happening to me: i am beginning to ooze out in every direction. I feel a constant burning urge to express myself, to draw a map that leads to who l am. I can't get it right; there's deep discomfort in this, and I have no choice but to keep trying.

At the same time, I'm realising that if I look at a picture or listen to a song sometimes a surge of feeling will take over my whole body. In this way, I can remove my strange-feeling insides and replace them with whatever I want. I can't predict what exactly will do this to me, so I have to try everything. Things are either corny, or they're cool. Occasionally, the thing that replaces my insides is a total mystery to me, not corny or cool but somehow both, and through this feeling I have my first experiences with the divine.

My mother, an artist herself, sees the ooze. She brings her laptop into my room one night and puts on a Youtube video. It's grainy, 240p at best. In the video I see a band from another time performing on a TV show. The lead singer wears a suit, has high cheekbones and slicked-back dark hair. To his left a blonde girl plays bass. They stand in pools of light. The dark haired man is singing a song about wanting someone, not being sure why. He is a preacher, a controlled fire, a wild animal. He's moving like ive never seen anyone move, and his eyes are rolling back in his head. He knows how it feels to kiss with tongue. The wifi signal drops in and out from downstairs.

I feel a portal open between me and the screen. Humour, lust, rhythm and ritual course through me. I don't understand what I'm feeling, but I do understand that the band in the grainy video live with the same strangeness that I do. My palms tingle. My insides are replaced.

This version of the first Talking Heads song I ever heard was done in a few days in Echo Park, L.A. with my friend Jimmy. It's my interpretation of that pixellated spiritual experience. We did it fast, I didn't let myself tidy it up too much, it had to feel young and imperfect, the peeling posters, the jaw of acne. It's beyond a great honour to be part of this compilation. In doing so, I am reaching back through time and pinning something to that kid's wall.

Hope you like it

PS* Immediately after that Top of the Pops clip finished, I had my first of many, many viewings of Stop Making Sense. I am truly changed as I know you were too by that group of people on the Pantages stage moving together with warmth, strangeness and pure cool. It was so great to go to the theatre and feel that again on a big screen. Love to DB, Tina, Jerry and Chris, and to Lynn, Edna, Alex, Steve, and Bernie Worrell.

(source: A24 newsletter)

[mrs-monaghan]

well, i see that your blog is cock friendly, and even tho its a jikook blog, there is something that i think we should adress (i'm not saying that this could be a reason for jk's crush, im not saying it could not), but...

Namjoon's cock!!!!! I suare, if everything in that body is proporcional, you know, i mean YOU KNOW he is fucking big!

Oh anon I really wish you hadn't gone there.

Now we must talk about JK and his anti Minimoni agenda. We now need to delve into this and get to the root of the issue. We must!

Jimin's hand on RM's lap.

JK: 👀

Love it. Okay let's take a look at some photos, shall we? Jimin's type.

Oh wait, before we proceed, JK's crush on RM i have never thought of it as an actual true crush. I think its played of as such for laughs. But I think JK just really admired him for his talents and what not and I don't think JK is attracted to RM in the slightest. Not even a little bit. Imo.

Now back to Jimin's type. 😁

Number 1) Wonho

Number 2) Black interviewer

Number 3) Usher

Number 4) JB who is basically JK's doppelganger in some of his photos 😅

Number 5) Gonna casually drop Tony

And last but not least Number 6) The main topic:

Jimin has a type. Okay? He likes them muscles and them thick men and them hot men and them arms and chests...and thighs... anyway, Mimi has a type. And while none of the men above hold a candle to his actual boyfriend, you can see the similarities.

Jungtiddies. Check

Thighs. Check

Arms. Check

The whole damn body. Check

Where I'm I going with this you ask? In short what I'm trying to say is, RM is Jimin's type. My friends and I disected this the other day and concluded the JK Minimoni thing probably has something to do with the fact that RM is Jimin's type to a T. JK looks at RM and sees himself. And then add the fact that RM is a genius and JK's insecurity goes through the roof!

(And like anon mentioned, JK has that Jungkonda, yes but on this post I also share what RM is working with so.... like I said. JK & RM, same thing basically 😂)

See, yeah, JK comes between Yoonmin and hates that Suga thirsts over his man. But, he is not threatened by short, skinny legged, with an ass almost as big as Jimin's, Min Yoongi. He knows Jimin will never see Suga that way. So he can dislike how Suga behaves with Jimin, but sometimes he even ignores it and doesn't look bothered at all. But when it comes to Minimoni he just has to insert himself. For eg, I saw something today.

Look at Jimin's face after JK adds in his 2 cents because of course he did

Minimoni moment, JK is like "not today Satan" He refuses for the audience to associate Jimin with RM and its the funniest shit. I mention here how JK inserted himself when Minimoni were practising the own it dance. Even though he wasn't really supposed to be there.

Disclaimer: The following opinions are my own, I will give them but please feel free to form your own

So listen. I will be the first person to tell people to stop treating the Tannies like characters in a fanfic. And I have mentioned many times that there has never been any in house dating (sans Jikook) That just wouldn't work and BTS wouldn't be together if that was the case. So please, please try not to read too much into the following tiny analysis. It's just something a friend pointed out to me and I couldn't believe it myself. It's short and quick, easy to miss. But it shows just how deep this thing with JK and Minimoni goes.

Okay so In the Soop season 2 episode 3 around 6 minutes in. (Thanks @serendipitous-sky)

Jin tells JK to go wake up either Jimin or V. Of course JK goes to wake up Jimin. Duh!

Sidebar, this isn't the point of my post, I just feel the need to point out that Jikook look at cameras ALOT. The whole time he climbed the stairs on the way to Jimin's room he was staring at that camera

If you guys remember correctly, Jimin was kind enough to switch rooms with RM the night before. RM couldn't sleep in the main house due to all the noise. So they swapped. But JK forgot this. So off he goes to what he thinks is still Jimin's room (he cheated/helped Jimin to get this room btw, but that's an analysis for another day) Anyway, back to JK looking for cameras.

If you're looking to mess around with your boyfriend and not get caught its important to find blind spots. So yes, Jikook are always making sure they know exactly where those cameras are. I'm sure y'all get it. 😏😏

Anyway, off he goes into the room and he's surprised to be greeted by RM's snores.

He forgot this wasn't Jimin's room anymore. But guys, here's my thing. JK is here, right? He has heard and seen that that is RM asleep in that bed, right? So you'd expect him to leave, right?

Wrong!! JK goes further into the room!

But why 🤭🤭🤭 that's my question. He had already established that was RM in the bed why did he need to go further into the room? What did he need to see? He literally has no reason to confirm it's RM in that bed when he already knows it is. So my guess is that he wanted to confirm RM was in that bed alone.

Now hear me out, even if Jimin was in that bed lying down fully clothed just shooting the shit with RM, it would not have gone down very well. At all. Shit, would have hit, the fucking fan!

We definitely wouldn't have go10 a season 2 of ITS or anymore BTS for that matter 🤭🤭 I'm just saying, for the sake of a million things, I'm glad RM was in there by himself.

JK as he's leaving says;

And off he goes to look for Jimin. We already know what happens after this. Nothing, coz we were robbed.

But anyway, conclusion: RM is the only one who actually threatens JK. And no this doesn't mean he doesn't trust Jimin. He knows Jimin would never but it doesn't stop him from wanting to make sure everyone most especially RM, remembers who Jimin 'belongs' to.

The End. Stan Namjikook for clear skin

[amywritesthings]

SILVER UNDERGROUND / deleted scene 02.

the first face i saw. :: an alternate version, aka the first draft, of that forest moment in chapter nine.

welcome to my segment of deleted scenes, levi's pov, and alternative 'almosts' that didn't quite make the published cut. this scene was the very first thing i wrote for this story! this is the earliest know blurb of SU. originally it was quite abrupt, and i much prefer the buildup that ended up happening in the story. may this be a lesson to writers: write the dang thing, don't agonize about a perfect scene, because when you go back to edit the epiphany of how you really want the scene to go will just come naturally! this is unedited. 1.2K words / explicit language, fighting. :: please remember: this is additional deleted content, not tied to the current canon of the story.

“I’m not going back.”

Levi is expressionless, but there is a hint of anger in his clipped question. “So you’re disobeying direct orders?”

“You didn’t order me, sir,” you reply. “You only suggested I go back. There’s a distinct difference.”

“Don’t be a smartass.”

Except the murmur is a thinly-veiled threat and nothing more. Somehow you’re confident enough about it that you take a few steps forward into the wide gap between you.

“You need the numbers,” you urge.

“No, shithead, what I need is for you to leave.”

“Why?”

“Disobeying orders and questioning your superior. Are you trying to rack up all possible offenses in one night?”

“I am trying to understand why you’re so adamant about giving the squad one less body in the lineup when we’ve already lost so many people—”

“Enough.”

“—and back-up would be at least a day away on horseback, which means we’re sitting ducks until we work together to get out of the forest with as many people alive as we—”

“I said enough, cadet,” Levi barks, and something ignites in you.

Something toxic that leads you to take another step forward, teeth bared.

“I’m not a fucking cadet, Levi, so stop pretending I don’t know what I’m talking about.”

The swear is not as surprising as hearing his first name on your tongue. If you didn’t know any better, then you would swear Levi is just as surprised. A tick of his brow is the giveaway: both move from their typical neutral position, and suddenly the air feels thick around you.

“Do you?” he challenges, low and dangerous as he mirrors your step forward. “Because last I checked, you were just some dumbass with a fucked up memory.”

The insult stings its intended target. You wince, but hold your ground.

“I was once on this squad, sir.”

“That doesn’t mean shit in the present.”

“It does to me,” you confess. Your voice raises to shout. “It matters that I fought! It matters that I’m here. I don’t know why you hate me so much—”

“I thought it would be obvious by now,” Levi flatly interrupts.

You trudge closer towards your captain, but he minds the gap for you: one step of his boot and he’s eye-to-eye with you, here, in the middle of this clearing.

The green flecks in the gray of his eyes bring some sickening softness to your belly, quelling a fraction of the fire within. It reminds you of summertime and darkness. A dichotomy of things you once loved — and things that once scared you.

Levi stares head on, seemingly disinterested in your shouting.

Yet when your eyes drop to his arm, you see the most obvious tell of all: his fist is pale, fingers gripped in a white-knuckle ball of restraint.

So you ask the first question that comes to mind:

“Then why do you want me to live so badly?”

By the sound of his breath hitching in his throat, it’s safe to assume your question has caught Humanity’s Strongest off guard. Painfully earnest, the words are woven in a confusion threatening to choke the life out of you. And Levi — Levi is four shades of enraged, glaring straight through you.

“I don’t give a shit if you live,” Levi corrects with a snarl.

“You don’t?”

“No.”

“Then allow me to stay.”

“No.”

Your chin tilts. “Then why—”

“Why do you want to die so fucking bad?” he snaps, his spit hitting your cheek. “Why bother waking up in that fucking rubble if all you wanted to do was throw away your second chance?”

His anger almost leaves you speechless.

Almost.

Except this feeling, this mindless fight, is the most familiar with the world as you’ve felt since waking up in that hospital. As if you like shouting, ready to throw fists.

As if you enjoy Levi yelling at you.

“Yours was the first face I saw when I woke up, sir,” you bite in response, forcing his jaw to clench. “I didn’t receive the recommendation for reinstatement out of thin fucking air. I went through modified training. I watched you visit the camps between missions. You didn’t have to check up on me, but you did.”

Levi’s mouth twitches.

“For someone who claims they don’t give a shit if I live you sure have a mighty big hand in the pot to ensure my safety, so what the fuck is the real reason behind ordering that I go back to the Walls?”

You manage to relay your monologue of grievances uninterrupted. Something dark brews behind Levi’s stormy eyes, stuck on your wide-eyed gaze.

“You’re insufferable, you know that?” he asks, low and steady, but there’s a glimmer of something else in his voice.

If it was anyone else, then it might have been something close to fondness, but it can’t be.

“Yeah?" you challenge. "Well, trying to keep up with your snarky ass, I couldn’t—”

You're pushed back by the sheer force of his lips.

His...

Your eyes open, then widen, at the sight of Levi Ackerman pressing a kiss to your mouth. Your body responds before you even understand why -- you drag him closer, hands buried in his hair, and respond in kind.

Everything feels too hot and too cold. Everything feels... good. You kiss back with such intensity that you feel his teeth.

Your world goes blank.

.

.

.

.

“What was that all about?” Petra’s voice comes out monotone, awaking you for a moment of dissociation.

Truthfully? You wish you had an answer.

You barely remember Levi telling you to go back to camp to rest.

You can't think of anything else except that:

The tingle of his lips pushed against yours lingers long after he’s departed.

There is a haze in your brain that takes over the fog of your amnesia, settling on a feeling beyond all else: warmth.

Even if you nearly went fist to fist with the Captain — a stupid, costly mistake — everything in your body is warm in the cool midnight air.

Maybe it was a mistake.

No, it was a mistake.

(One that the squad cannot know about, for both of your sakes.)

“We fought,” you provide just as flat.

“I know,” she says. “I heard. You used to do that a lot.”

You turn to study the glow of green on her back from her cloak.

“Argue to the brink of a fight,” she clarifies. “With Levi.”

When you say nothing, she cranes her chin over her shoulder. Although she doesn’t smile, her tone is melodic. Cheery, like there’s something funny between the lines.

“Before, you didn’t mind getting in his face if you two disagreed. I’ve never seen Levi get so angry. It’s a wonder he never punished you.”

So this was a common occurrence.

Did he always end it with a kiss?

Your warmth begins to fade as Petra’s words catch up to you, and you squeeze the fist at your side. “How much did you hear?”

“Don’t worry,” she assures, poking the dying embers with a stick. “I didn’t eavesdrop.”

[unseededtoast]

Turtle Doves | Joel Miller

Part Sixteen

Chapter Directory

Series Summary: In which two broken souls connect so deeply, that if one should perish, the other would surely die of a broken heart. (slow burn, timeline changes. After TLOU1, before TLOU2, assumed knowledge of infected, uses elements from both show and game)

Series Warnings: Graphic depictions of violence, death, and sexual content.

Also cross-posted on Wattpad and AO3. Link to my masterlist for everything else I’ve posted!

"Either they're lyin' or they don't know what's out there."

The material of the map crinkles in my hand as the wind blows, folding the corner down so that I can't see. With a huff I straighten it back out and try my best to see what, or who, we should be expecting next. So far the map has been pretty accurate and I have no reason to question it, not yet at least.

"Doesn't look like there should be anything for a while." Skepticism is evident in my voice and I pass the map to Joel, who has his hand reached out for it. He looks over the map with his signature scowl plastered on his face.

"Hm. Either they're lyin' or they don't know what's out there." He hands the map back to me, and I fold it back onto itself and put it back in my bag.

Before we leave the farm, Joel insists that he scours the property for another vehicle. He's convinced these people had some sort of transportation. I told him that I don't think they did, that they were entirely self-sufficient here. So now he's looking extra hard just to prove me wrong. We've trekked back into the fields on both sides of the house and have come up empty handed, and unfortunately I don't think that's going to change.

"Hey you think we should just get going?" I ask and stretch my back out, feeling the ache from my uncomfortable sleeping arrangement. The sun is already up and it's probably around noon. Joel sighs and rests his hands on his hips.

"We probably should. I was sure they'd have something." He sounds disappointed as we walk back towards the road. I wish we had found another car but we can't seem to get that lucky.

Once again the two of us are on the road, baking in the afternoon heat. Sweat falls down my back in beads and it negates the cleanliness of the shower I took only a day ago. That farm is sure to be heavily on my mind for a while, and it'll make it difficult to return to Boston on my way back. I'll definitely miss the shower and the berries very much.

And like all the other days of our traveling, my mind begins to wonder out of boredom.

"What did you mean earlier, when you said they didn't know what's out here?" Joel's head turns and he squints in the sunlight. His shoulders shrug,

"Exactly what I said, they don't know." His answer is unsatisfactory and so I press further.

"Do you know what's out there?" I ask, feeling nervousness bubble inside of me with what horrors he could be talking about. Joel sighs and wipes the sweat from his brow.

"Bad people and infected." He keeps it simple, but I know his words are nuanced.

I know Joel well enough by now to know when he doesn't want to talk about something, and I think this is one of those moments. His words become more clipped, his answers as short as possible. Just like yesterday when we were talking about our lives before the fall of society. I drop the subject but the worry is blossoming in my mind.

Bad people can mean a lot of different things. Some may even consider me a bad person for drug running in the QZ. There are too many degrees of bad, but I'm almost certain he's not talking about lowly pill smugglers. There are people like the T group and the deranged men from that town, and I know we're probably going to run into more before our journey comes to an end, it's just inevitable.

But I remember the promise I made to myself back at the campground; I will be stronger. I have to be. Back when I used to run patrols in the QZ I was able to compartmentalize my emotions, and through that I was able to gun down people and infected indiscriminately. Obviously I don't take pride in that, but I know I have it within me to do so.

Out of the corner of my eye I look at Joel and appreciate his broad, strong form. After everything he's done for me, I know that I would kill for him in a heartbeat.

I tear my gaze away from him, not wanting to stare for too long, and move to hold my hair up off of my neck. My hair is wet from sweat and it makes me want to gag, I hate the feeling of being so sweaty and gross, and I'm sure I no longer smell of homemade soap. A hair tie would be a godsend right now, but unfortunately I have none on me. Instead, I opt to just hold my hair up and let the breeze cool me down to the best of its ability.

Joel shoves the sleeves of his shirt up his arms, bunching them around his elbows. From here I can see the sheen layer of sweat that covers him, his golden skin shining subtly in the sun. He reaches around and grabs the bag off his back and the two of us pause in the road as he crouches down. From his bag, he pulls out two water bottles.

"Grabbed these before we left. Here." He hands one of them to me and I waste no time in unscrewing the cap and drinking the warm water. I'm sure I could down the whole thing right here, but I know we have to conserve what we have. Once I've savored a little bit of it, the cap is screwed back on tightly and I put mine in the side pocket of my bag, where the dried bouquet of flowers once sat.

"Thank you." I say once my mouth doesn't feel like sandpaper. Joel only nods his head and we keep moving forward.

The rest of the day passes uneventfully, the two of us too hot to say something or focus on anything but putting one foot in front of the other. Luckily, once the sun sets on the horizon, the air loses its humidity and cools down immensely. I'm not sure I'd be able to handle a hot night too.

My hair falls back around my shoulders and the sweat has dried up on my skin, leaving a gross feeling residue. Thoughts of the shower float around in my mind and I wish I had appreciated it more.

Joel and I sit across from each other in the dark, both of us too exhausted to say anything. The heat practically sucked the energy from my body and I'm using most of my remaining strength to stay upright. Neither of us want to attempt a fire tonight and that's fine with me. The cool breeze is a welcome feeling, and I don't necessarily want to breathe in smoke right now.

"I can take first watch." He speaks up as I resituate, moving my bag to my side. My mouth opens to protest, but Joel shoots me a pointed look through the darkness, the moonlight showing how his eyebrow arches.

"Fine. But wake me up after a few hours so I can take over." I give into him, my body feeling wrecked from low amounts of sleep and the uncomfortable couch.

"Sure." He answers as I move my bag around to use as a makeshift pillow. My arms wrap around my body to give myself a sense of safety, even though I know that I'm safe with Joel here. As soon as my head hits the lumpy backpack, I'm dead to the world.

Bright red light shines through my eyelids and I squint from the severity of it. My arm comes up to block the light and I sit up from the ground, noticing that it's morning. Joel never woke me up for my turn. Looking from side to side, I don't see him anywhere, nor do I see his bag. My heart rate increases and my head swivels around to see if there's any sign of him. But there's nothing, it's like he just disappeared.

Quickly, I rise to my feet and shrug my bag back on my shoulders. My mind is still groggy from waking up but I know I have to find him. He could be in trouble. The sound of my breathing invades my ears as I start pacing in circles, a solid plan not coming to mind. Trembling fingers rake through my hair, unable to keep my panic at bay.

Where do I go? What do I do? Why didn't he wake me up? When did he leave?

Questions swirl around in my head, keeping me from being focused and rational. Finding him is the only thing on my mind, driving me close to insanity in such a short period of time. A branch breaking in the woods beside me causes my breathing to cease and I watch, grabbing my knife. The brush rustles around, thick green foliage concealing who, or what, is coming towards me. The smooth handle of my knife cuts into my palm from how tightly I'm grasping it.

I see a blink of something through the greenery and my body involuntarily lunges towards it. As if I'm operating on autopilot my body goes into attack mode and I swing towards whatever is in the brush. My blade cuts through small twigs and a hand catches my arm as I wind up for another offensive move.

"Hey what the hell?!" Joel's voice booms out and he steps forward from the thicket, my arm strongly in his grasp. He's got a deep scowl on his face and my mouth falls slack, eyes blinking rapidly.

"I- You weren't- I thought." A coherent sentence can't be formed in my mind right now and Joel drops my arm and walks past me, back to where we spent the night. I turn on my heel and follow him in shamed silence.

"I was gone for five fuckin' minutes." He mumbles with a shake of his head, and my fear quickly burns into anger. The knife finds its way back into its holster.

"I didn't know how long you had been gone, Joel. I woke up and you weren't here, your stuff was gone. And you never woke me up to take watch. So tell me, what was I supposed to think? As far as I could tell you either up and left me or something bad happened." My skin heats up with my anger. Joel adjusts the straps on his bag and he huffs.

"I was tryin' to let you get a good sleep for once, and I went into the woods to look for a stream or somethin'." His voice is tinged with annoyance which only fuels me further, and I want so badly to fight back, but deep down I know I'll regret it later. So instead, I take a second to compose myself a little before I speak.

"Which is fine, but please, before you do something like that again, tell me. I was scared out of my mind, Joel. If someone had taken you they could've come back and taken me just as easily." My voice is strained as I try to keep the fire of annoyance under control. He stares back at me with a blank expression before nodding.

"Sure." His words aren't quite the apology I was hoping for, but at least he acknowledged my fears.

It's probably hard for him to understand this world from a woman's perspective, he doesn't have to worry about facing the same dangers. There's not a lot of people out here that would imagine trying to take advantage of a grown man like they would a girl or woman.

We start off for the day and I hope we can make good time before the sun gets to be unbearably hot. I love the summer, but I cannot stand being out in the heat like this. It's times like this where I really miss air conditioning and ice. For the rest of the morning I try to keep my thoughts positive and look for things that bring me joy, I don't like starting the day off on a sour note.

The wildflowers growing along the ditch lines are brilliantly colored, though some of them are withered from heat exposure. And the birds are singing their beautiful melodies, some reside on old telephone wires next to one another. Cool breezes blow my hair around and it carries the sweet scent of tree blossoms. My eyes flutter shut as I appreciate the scent, but my peace is soon interrupted.

"I uh, I grabbed these back from the farm." My eyes open and look over to Joel, who holds my gun and hunting knife in his hands. I had forgotten all about them. My eyes flicker from the weapons to his face before I grab them and tuck them into their respective spots.

"Thanks, I guess they just slipped my mind." I say, tightening my thigh holster. The pants from the farm are just a touch too loose on me, and the holster helps keep them up on my hips in tandem with my belt.

"Figured you'd need them back before somethin' happens." He says, pushing some loose curls off of his forehead.

"I've only got a few bullets left, let's hope nothing bad happens for a while." I say, remembering the small number left in the magazine.

"We still have some in the boxes from my store stash." He answers, but I know that when we took out the Fireflies that we ended up using a lot of that reserve.

"Yeah, we should probably keep an eye out for more though." I answer, feeling the heat of the day slowly start to creep up. Joel nods as we continue west.

After a few hours of walking, I'm unable to take the heat. The black shirt I'm wearing is drenched in sweat and my head feels light from dehydration. My hands are on my head, keeping my hair off my neck again, but I feel like my knees could give out at any second. I briefly drop my hair and grab the hem of my shirt to tie it up just underneath my bra in an attempt to cool myself down.

Joel looks over to see what I'm doing and I watch his eyes trail over my bare midriff as I pull my hair back up. He probably thinks it's disgusting how much I sweat, and I would have to agree with him. His eyes quickly avert away from my body and he tries to push his sleeves up even more, his arms covered in sweat as well.

"Up there we can take a break." He points to a large tree that shades the road and I nod, my feet dragging on the asphalt as we trudge over to it.

Once we reach the tree I collapse in the tall grass and sprawl out so that my body can air out. Joel keeps his composure better than I do, he rests against the rough tree bark and sips out of his water bottle. My eyes close when a gust of air breezes past us and I wish that it would cool off. There's no way we can keep going like this.

"Here." Joel's voice causes my eyes to open and I see him grabbing my bottle from the side pocket of my bag. I push myself up to rest on my elbows and take it from him, unscrewing the cap and greedily drinking. The water is hot and disgusting, but my body needs it. I see him out of the corner of my eye, his gaze follows a stray drip of water that runs down my mouth and along my throat, but he quickly looks away.

After I'm satisfied and my bottle is put back away, I lay back on the grass. If I could lay here and never get back up I think I'd die happy. The two of us savor the shade for what feels like hours.

"What if we started walking during the night, when it's cool?" I ask, my throat rough and still dry despite just drinking water. Joel shift his weight around,

"We could, we'd just have to be extra careful." My eye peeks open and I watch as he pushes damp hair out of his face. He's covered in sweat too, I can see the dark stains on his chest and back.

"I'd be willing to take the extra precautions." I push myself back up onto my elbows and notice Joel's eyes flick down towards my bare stomach once more before he makes eye contact with me.

"Then rest up, we've got a long night ahead of us." He says and rests back against the tree.

My eyes close again but I stay alert to every sound around us. In this heat it's likely we'd smell the infected before we see or hear them, but people on the other hand can be quite sneaky. I listen for patterns, or any sound that's too out of the ordinary and the task keeps me from falling asleep.

After a while I sit up, feeling reenergized and notice that Joel has fallen asleep. His neck is twisted at a weird angle, and I'll know he'll feel it when he wakes up. So I get up and carefully slide my bag onto the ground before gently laying him down onto it, as a makeshift pillow like I had done last night. Joel is a lot heavier than he looks, and I'm just thankful that he didn't slip out of my hands. I'm sure he'd be pissed more than ever if I woke him up by dropping his head on the ground. I'll let him rest for a while more until the sun starts setting before I wake him up.

While I waste the rest of the day away I braid grass into little ropes, split some of the blades in half, and just do anything to keep myself from complete boredom. Thankfully my skin has dried off for the most part, leaving behind the sticky residue but I'll take that over being drenched any day.

My gaze ends up falling to Joel and I can't help but wonder how he crossed the country with a young girl. If we struggle to agree on a sleeping schedule then I can only imagine how much he sacrificed to make sure she was taken care of.

Part Seventeen

[insomniamamma]

Tessellation: Cee and Ezra

A/N: written for @oonajaeadira and @yearofcreation2023. Year of kisses. The prompt is kiss while sleeping. This one ended up being far more about Cee than Ezra. As Stephen King says "Memory is the basis for every journey."

Warnings: medical trauma, drug abuse, illness, angst, Damon is a terrible father but he wasn't always, death.

He looks small. This man who has upended her life. Ezra. She doesn't even know his family name or where he hails from or which ship he dropped down to the Green on. She's known him two hands of cycles, much of that as he is now. What's left of his right arm is buried in white bandages, strapped to his chest. Tubes snake beneath the nest of blankets, draining murky pink froth from his lungs into oddly prissy containers hanging below, dust infection measured out into fill lines, blood and puss and Kevva knows what. Tube stuffed down his throat and taped to his face. His left arm turned palm up like a gesture of supplication, large-bore IV line spiked into the crook of his elbow, pulsoxometer clipped to his index finger.

He looks small. And deathly sick. His skin has a grayish cast she doesn't care for at all, the dark stubble on his cheeks screaming out like exclamation points. Cee's seen this before. Seen her dad pale and sallow-grey, breath slow, tucked some stim gum between his parted lips and smacked at his arm until he reflexively started chewing.

"I was sleeping, Cee." "but--" "Do NOT do that again. We've got a big drop coming up. We need to be sharp." "but--" "Just hang with me. This job pans out the way it should and we'll be out of the shit for good. Back to Central. But you've got to trust me. You've got to trust me and do what I say, clear?" "but, Dad--" "Are. We. Clear?" "Yeah. clear."

That familiar knot coils itself in her belly. The long greyed out days in between drops ending with her dad doped up to the gills, I need it to sleep, Cee. You'll understand when you're older, nodding off to leave her with his soupy snores and the endlessly shifting light through the pod's tiny rounded windows, little nights and dawns as the freighter spins. She'd copy out what she remembered of The Streamer Girl and listen until she felt confident that he wasn't going to die in his sleep.

"Can he hear me?" She'd asked the medic when they finally allowed her to see him. "Hard to say. We had to put him down pretty deep. He's got a lot of fight in him." "That's a good thing, right?" "Look. Your dad's real sick. He got pretty well dusted. If we can get him to the Pug he's got a shot. But that's a long haul from now. Clear?" "Clear."

She doesn't bother to correct the medic. Maybe things will play better for them if people take them as kin.

Ezra wasn't waking up. But he wasn't dying either. He just stayed stone still, swaddled in white, his stump buried in med-gel and bandages. His eyes flicked back and forth, caught in some endless looping dream. Cee takes his hand sometimes, careful not to dislodge the monitor clipped to his finger, always surprised at his warmth. She tells him about the endless days, doing whatever odd jobs need doing on the freighter, which she understands as charity disguised as work, a way to square their room and board until they hit the Pug. "--channel rat crawled up into the aft intake and died it was just bones and dust, I wanted to keep the skull but Leroy said it was bad luck so it just went in with the rest of the swill--"

Ezra starts twitching, small choking sounds around the tube down his throat.

"Easy," says Cee, "you're okay." And lays her hand on his forehead, smooths the taught skin there, presses the furrows down with her thumb, "You're okay."

"Did I tell you about when your mom used to hypnotize you?"

Cee slides her music player off. She knows by his tone that he is going to have his say. This has become something familiar. He puts the drops in his eyes and then talks. Sometimes it's names and places that she doesn't know and sometimes it involves her. If she doesn't at least make a show of listening he'll yell sometimes, his slurred out voice why don't you ever listen? So it's best to keep her ears half-cocked until sleep claims him.

"Mom used to hypnotize me?" "Mmmh-hmmm. You used to cry so much. You were colicky. We used to have to rub your belly to get you to fart--" "Ewww. Dad--" "They were baby farts! They didn't--they didn't smell--" "But mom?" "Yeah, she'd do this thing--" Damon sits up and lurches towards her and she flinches back a little, and even in his fuzzed out state she registers the hurt in his eyes. Damon smooths the pad of his thumb up and down between her eyebrows "She'd do that?" Cee can't help smiling a little. Damon rarely shows affection these days, and the feel of calloused thumb on her forehead is nice, makes her think of better times, makes her think of being small and Damon picking her up under her arms and covering her face and head with loud smacking kisses while she shrieked in delight, three of them instead of two, a job on some soft, barely remembered world a place of gentle grav and cool breezes, a hand held in each of hers and they'd swing her high, almost flying in the low grav-- "See? I hypnotized you." Cee breaks out of her reverie. "Did not." Damon lays back on his cot. "I freaked out. I told her don't you hypnotize that baby and she laughed and laughed--she--you--miss her…I miss.." and then he's gone. Drawn down into whatever relief the drugs give him, an ill rhythm of slow snores. And Cee waits, waits for the short term sedation of the drops to wane, for his breathing to even out into something more normal.

She remembers being sick. Got bit by a drill worm, Damon told her later, spiked a fever. Like touching a hot engine skirt. She remembers her mother's voice singing low and soft, can't remember the words, she was too small for that, but remembers the cool washcloth on her forehead, removed and re-wetted, Mom kissing her there, right between her eyebrows, where the pad of her thumb once passed.

Ezra sleeps swaddled and small and pinned by machinery, her hand folded around his, careful, fingers tracing the lines of his calloused palm. For now he is still, soothed by her touch. "Ezra? You need to wake up. I don't know what's going to happen when we get to the Pug."

Cee leans over and kisses him, presses her lips against that little space between his eyebrows.

"You need to wake up."

[majaloveschris]

I would have a different opinion if they seemed happy or comfortable around each other, but to me, they don't. I can't imagine my boyfriend or somebody who is happier than ever with me acting like this, and we all can see that this is not his body language, not just around people he's been in love with but around people he just simply likes. //

But no one in the public has seen enough of his body language around her to judge. The videos that have been shared publicly are:

- The two pap walk clips; the official one where they’re outside the church that Page Six included in their article and the accidental fan video of the awkward handholding walk through the park

- The scare compilation video where each clip is a couple of seconds long and he’s literally doubled over on the floor laughing in one of them

- The chin video where he was very happy to have her lying on him in the couch and covering half her face with his hand to create the illusion of the face on her chin

- The brief interaction at the Ghosted premiere where she’s laughing with him

There’s also the Mario Bros video where you can’t really see him but you can hear him laughing and the Powerpoint Presentation slideshow, but there was no video in that.

If you’re judging through the videos listed above alone and the slideshow photos that isn’t really enough content to gain a genuine picture of his body language or what their relationship is like or how comfortable he feels around her. Is it really fair or sensible to judge their whole 1-3 years of knowing each other/dating/relationship and his feelings about it on content that amounts to less than 5 minutes in total?

You would need to actually know them or have reliable, trustworthy sources to have any real insight to that information. Many actual language experts will say it’s difficult to accurately tell someone’s body language from a still image because it’s literally a split second in time and it’s harder to get a sense of the actual context. Remember how a lot of people were saying he looked so happy and excited in the Four Seasons Portugal Hotel video that he made for the teacher? And then the context was revealed that he was 99.99% only there in the first place because he was visiting her? Yeah.

I respect that you have your opinion and I’m not trying to change your mind. I’m just offering another perspective. Mind you, I definitely feel like his energy has been off for a long time now but I objectively don’t know enough about the man or the situation, nor am I in his circle to be able to form a meaningful opinion to say that it’s because of her or their (I guess you would say “alleged” 😭) relationship.

To me, that NYC pap walk seemed incredible awkward. The way they were standing and walking next to each other (I'm talking about the staircase video and picture) seemed unnatural, like they were forced to be there. To me, the fact that he was holding her hands when he knew they were being photographed and when he didn't know they were being recorded (I'm talking about the video that the girl uploaded to Twitter), he wasn't holding her hands and didn't even pay attention to her, and when she saw that they were being recorded, she tried to grab his, but he didn't want that, shows that it was for the show. I know a lot of people say it was because of the pap walk, because they were in NYC, and because they knew what was coming next. Nobody asked them to make their relationship public by parading in Central Park, because I think we can all agree that that wasn't a natural sighting. They could've posted a few stories indicating they are at the same place; they could've posted a picture where they are together (getting one from the photo dump); or anything that would've indicated that they are in a relationship. But they wanted them to do that on the day her show premiered. For the show.

I don't think dropping on the floor was a natural reaction from him. We saw him getting scared by Scott, and he's never done that. During those videos, he either overacted (dropping, stamping) or didn't react at all (when he just walked away from her in his MA home). I don't think those were genuine reactions.

The chin video was too much for me. Trying too hard, same with the Mario Cart video; her acting was good in that one. It's not like it was any better in the scare videos; her fake phone dropping and her fake reactions weren't any better. Two actors, and they can't sell a relationship.

In the Ghosted premiere video, she was the only one laughing and smiling. Chris wasn't facing the camera, and Megan had a mask on, so nobody can tell for sure if they were smiling or not. To me, it didn't seem like they were.

Just because he was smiling on the teacher's video doesn't mean he was happy. He can fake a smile for a few seconds, especially if it's for something work-related or good cause-related. I'd also like to mention that you can see in those photos and videos, which they most probably took in the earlier stages, that it looked like he was trying a bit harder or more.

I'm also not trying to change your opinion, I just wrote down my takes on these things. Thanks for being respectful! ❤️

I think we've seen enough, or, should I say, even more than we wanted, or that we did of his previous relationships. You can see him acting way differently with those women, whom he was surely together with. I'm not saying we can tell everything for 100% sure about their relationship based on what we've seen, but to me, they seem unnatural and uncomfortable around each other; they don't seem like two people who are extremely in love with each other and happy together.

And one more addition: four pictures to compare two relationships of his:

[blizzardsuplex]

Roderick Strong Primer Part I: The Portion About Personal Connection

Part I (you are here) | Part II | Part III | Part IV

[So...I've been jokingly kicking around the idea of doing a series of meta posts on Roderick Strong for a while now. As usual with me, however, one late night conversation with @scissormedaddyass later it no longer stayed a joke.

This will be split into four parts: this one, where I talk about some of my personal experiences concerning his work (and PWG, because I can never get away from that promotion when talking about my faves ever); the second, which will dive into what I know of his history; the third, which will talk about his character arc - yes, even he has one - and finally a match guide, because by God he wrestles real good.

I'm not saying this'll be the most in-depth dive into his character and career in the world (for one I'm gonna miss a lot of early ROH and most NXT things), but until someone else makes one my little offering will have to do. If even just one person comes out of reading this understanding a little better the brainrot I occasionally have for him, then I think I did okay. Content itself under the cut!]

As I am sure absolutely no one who has talked to me about professional wrestling for longer than ten minutes knows, the promotion that made the greatest impact on me in my teen years was 2014 to 2016 Pro Wrestling Guerrilla (PWG). Beginning with night one of the 2014 Battle of Los Angeles that took place on August 29, 2014, I saw most of the shows they put out for a decent stretch, getting off the train after All Star Weekend 12's second night on March 5, 2016. It was there I saw the full potential of my first favorite wrestler, Chuck Taylor; there where I was first exposed to both talented up and comers like Speedball Mike Bailey and veterans like Chris Hero; there where I first saw the work of my favorite wrestler ever, Zack Sabre Jr.

In other words, for nearly two years it was my favorite promotion; as people well know, though, even as late as the mid-2010s it was not very easy to watch, and living half a world away with no credit card to pay for exorbitant shipping meant that to keep up to date I had to get extra creative. Knowing that I definitely wasn't going to be able to attend a live event, I followed what was happening as closely to real time as I could though social media posts, forum threads, and the occasional YouTube clips or official preview. As soon as news of the DVD releases dropped on the company's Twitter, I would Google search through pages of trash results for a couple of minutes every day until I found someone who'd uploaded the actual full event in glorious 240p and immediately watch it—more often than not, I knew, it would make my day.

I'm not saying PWG was perfect (God no). In fact, back then I don't know if, had I been more active in wrestling discussion circles, there would have been a safe space for someone like me. Still, spending all that time and effort to keep up and watch it was a really important time for me as a fan. It opened my eyes to how fun and creative pro wrestling could be, especially with the freedom independent status provided; sure, oftentimes it would be dizzying or even dangerous to give that kind of power to the wrestlers, and they lacked the multiple levels of safety and security that proper contracts provided, but there was just so much sheer entertainment I got from spots and shenanigans that would have never be cleared or work with the constraints of sponsors, copyright, or other corporate concerns. Making to suck your opponent's dick in the middle of the ring? An invisible remote that magically makes everyone, including the chanting fans, act in slow-mo? "The legendary asshole of Jushin Thunder Liger"? All hilarious, all fondly remembered. There's a reason that for years my top wrestling dream was to attend a show in Reseda—a dream that'll never be realized, but the Globe Theatre is a beautiful venue that seems to actually have working AC, so that's nice!

But, as mentioned: after Zack won the PWG title, a result I spoiled for myself via Reddit thread with much screaming, I stopped watching. It wasn't that I was any less interested in it—I was very much excited about the prospect of my boy on top, actually! It was simply that, between the sites I used all getting nuked and not knowing how to torrent, I just couldn't find it anymore. So I fell out of watching PWG, then the American and British indies, then NXT and what little main brand WWE I still watched, and finally I didn't watch much wrestling at all for two years, from 2016 to 2018. I only came back, actually, when I found out where my old fave Zack ended up: this large promotion called New Japan…

But that's a ZSJ story, and (as is hopefully clear from the title of this post) this series isn't about him. Instead, let's set the scene:

On July 29, 2016, two events and about four months after the last PWG I'd been able to watch, Roderick Strong had his last indie date before going to WWE. Having watched it back, the entire sendoff is pretty elaborate: after champion Zack fends off his latest challenger, Kyle O'Reilly, in a grueling 20+ minute match, Roddy comes down to the ring and demands his rematch. What follows is a less than six minutes breakneck fuckfest with several run-ins and foreign object usage; but, of course, Roderick loses. Afterwards, inviting his friends then that night's locker room down to the ring, he makes his speech about how in 2014 (which was, of course, the year I started watching) he'd made a commitment to reinvent himself as a wrestler—a move that ended up contributing to him being signed to NXT after a 15+ year career. He's thankful for everything PWG had given him, though (especially his then-fiance, now-wife Marina Shafir); as he says to cap things off, he loves the crowd, doesn't hate them!

Honestly, I wish I watched just two more events than I actually did back then, because it might have made my path to becoming a fan of Roderick Strong way more flattering to me. Instead, I have to admit: after Zack tapped him out for the belt and Roddy slunk off to the back, and for a long time during and after my two year break…I forgot about him.

It's a bit of an awful thing to say and is, on top of that, admittedly hyperbole; I never dumped anything of him in my brain down the memory hole. What I mean is that he never really came to mind unless I thought about it really hard. Even during my lull period, when people asked me about pro wrestling I could talk about my favorite people and my favorite moments and my favorite matches, and Roderick was never really there in anything more than a passing mention. In my defense, at first it was because I was even more of a massive hipster back then than I am now, and since I knew he was in NXT I assumed that when (not if; those were more innocent days) he'd go up to the main roster and get lots of fans he wouldn't need me vocally being one of them. Sure, he was probably going to be misused and I wasn't really going to watch to find out because this was 2016 WWE, but he'd at least get that money and that fame on Raw or Smackdown. Why wouldn't he? He was fucking Roderick Strong, a fantastic wrestler and someone I didn't realize for years people thought was bland as hell. Surely he'd make it. Surely.

But slowly and steadily he began to fade from my thoughts, until it came to the point that even after I started watching prowres again from 2018 and into the pandemic I didn't talk about him at all—even when I began looking back nostalgically on my time watching PWG.

Then, completely by chance, the week I decided to get back into All Elite Wrestling—I watched for a while in 2019, but lapsed during the pandemic era; it was hard enough to watch one major wrestling company with no crowds, much less two—was the week Roddy Strong debuted there. Buoyed by other people's excitement and name recognition, I felt generically happy watching the clips. "Oh, yeah," I said to myself. "Roderick Strong. What's he been doing for the past few years?" 

(Yes, I completely missed his Undisputed Era period, and was shocked at the belated news that he and everyone else in that faction never officially made it to the main roster. Yes, this also means I mostly know what happened thanks to Drea fighting the good fight with all her Era boys fics. No, I don't think I'm gonna watch his NXT run any time soon, LOL.)

After therefore deciding not to really dive into his recent past, I decided to, for the umpteenth time, think about when I first became familiar with him in that era of PWG…and something funny came about. If you're familiar with the trope called "Once More With Clarity", then that's what honest to God happened: eyes wide and memories superimposed above a shot of the aforementioned eyes at around 50% opacity, I realized that so many of my favorite moments and matches had him there the entire time. Person ZSJ won the belt from? Roddy. One of ZSJ's best matches until that point? When Roddy beat him the first time Zack challenged for the title. Speedball's real coming out party with the Reseda faithful? Them answering Roddy's open challenge at Mystery Vortex. That (in)famous, ridiculously overbooked, ridiculously memorable Guerrilla Warfare match at All Star Weekend 11? The heel aggressors was Mt. Rushmore 2.0, Roddy's faction with the Young Bucks and Adam Cole. Even outside of PWG, I ended up finding out he was involved in several other promotions I followed; I saw him several times in EVOLVE for instance, and what little Ring of Honor I watched Mr. ROH himself was, of course, there as well.

I'm probably forgetting something, but here's what I'm trying to get at: the more I combed through my good memories of pro wrestling the more I realized Roddy'd not only always been there, but that he was a key player in them, not just in matches but in the angles as a whole—and, yes, even promos, his forever dump stat. At the time it was all going on, I just…never really noticed him. And that's the story of much of his career, isn't it (at least in kayfabe)? Always considered an excellent hand, but even when he held the big belt he never seemed or felt like the most important person there.

"Okay," I then said to myself those months ago. "So he's a great wrestler. He's in all these great things I like, wrestling-wise. But who is he, really? Is there enough for me or anyone else to chew on from a character perspective?"

The fact I'm dedicating a four part series to this man, along with all the GIFsets and fanfic I've made, might spoil my answer to that. But for now, brave reader who's actually read all of this (or clever reader who's skipped to the end), stay a little in suspense for a bit if you’d like while I write part two. :')

[bloomboxygo]

ARC-V Month Day 15: Salt for the Salt Lord: Yuzu's Exhaustive, Exhausting Elegy

@arcvmonth

(How amusing that I'm doing this prompt on the Yu-bois' Day.)

WARNING: This post will contain a thorough analysis of the downfall of Yuzu Hiiragi throughout ARC-V. Expect spoilers regarding all the series, very harsh criticisms on her handling as well as surrounding matters, yet I implore you to not mistake these for hate for the character. Despite everything, Yuzu is still one of my favorite characters after all. But I need to be thorough here. I won’t pull my punches.

Do not read past the “read more” if you don’t want to feel bummed in this month of celebration. However, do please understand where I come from with this.

Salt comes from many possible places, but above all, comes from a place of passion.

I had decided to hold off on the prompt a bit to see if someone else would cover the obvious topics first. The Bracelet Girls’ treatment is still fairly debated to this day. It all ended up with the Salt prompt not being popular at all, which is understandable. You fans must have been tired from confrontations with others who disliked the series overall and didn’t hesitate to show it. You’re tired of the hatred this show gets. But salt and hatred are not the same thing. I’ve scoured places left and right in search of opinions and answers regarding the show while it was airing. While there were people dismissive of the show and concept from the start, there were also a lot of fans who were captivated by the concepts, the world, and the characters, who were just angry that it all ended up in flames for them. The Niconico votes which dropped the ratings of ARC-V to near rock bottom? That was salt, not hatred. That was anger at all the wasted potential out there, and that was a way for these people to express it.

Why am I saying all of this? Because I want to be fully sincere on my opinions and where my passion comes from. And for that, I cannot hide what the show has done, and I cannot hide my opinions and frustrations. Yuzu is integral to ARC-V, and is emblematic of the show’s shortcomings.

Now, if I haven't lost you by this point, last warning. I will be thorough and relentless here. I will sprinkle in some positives here and there, but that’s to strengthen my points in the salt, so I don’t believe it’s off topic.

Without further ado, let us get started.

Prelude: The peak clarity of the Musical Maiden

For there to be a downfall, there must be a high point. And Yuzu’s high point was among the highest anyone could get in this show. I’ll just pull up this thing you might not remember.

This is the chart, used to declare, half-jokingly, Yuzu as the protagonist of ARC-V during Standard. I stand by that opinion wholeheartedly, as she entered both a character arc and the story arc, and those were somewhat intertwined. I already talked about this somewhat during my Day 9 entry, about how Yuzu’s character arc was about clarity, a thing that was heavily tested and doubted of hers at first because of Yuto (Admittedly, it was rather stupid with her first Duel with Masumi, relying heavily on symbolism and putting logic aside). Again, the rematch (Only rematch she ever has BTW) was her highest point. But… My feelings on that were already expressed so… Here’s a DBZA clip that’ll perfectly sum it up instead.

(Ignore the 16 please)

Sidenote: it always felt weird to me that Yuzu’s greatest accolade was considered that she beat Yuya, the protagonist. While unprecedented, that really wasn’t the point of the Duel, AND it was considered a failure on her part because of her role. She wanted to bring the Pendulum out of Yuya, after all, and try to understand it… And she failed. Now this all makes me think that… These two never really dueled at the same time to win, like… Not as partners, or as opponents. That’s a dang shame, there were some opportunities… That we’ll come back to.

But now, she’s established, and has a couple of great traits that make her a strong character and the delight that she was:

Bad temper hiding great kindness, with quite a bit of bark in her

Strong and numerous friendships, and some rivalries

Great involvement in the world and its ways, headstrong and active.

An established Duelist with above average skills for the setting

The finding of being a little fish in a big pond, spawning insecurities about herself and the world, that strives to improve and protect, not without difficulty, and because of that, adapts to a greater world around her and grows.

And now, slowly but surely, we see how each point gets taken away throughout the series. Oh, it’s not just one moment that did her in… It was slow and agonizing.

Act 1: The Shining Songstress starts to dim

Let’s keep it chronological and address the points as we go.

After Yuzu and Masumi’s Duel, we got Masumi giving her opponent, and now acknowledged rival, Crystal Rose, blossoming a new beautiful friendship!

Oh wait, but Go Zappa’s gone. Aaand Masumi shortly after. That sucks right away.

Yuzu and Mausmi bounced off of each other very well, in part thanks to that writer’s efforts, because Masumi was also an active player in the grand plot, buuut got kicked out by Reiji via brainwashing, and soon enough by that point, she’ll get kicked out of the show.

Well but now’s not a concern. After all, the Maiami Championship has just started, and is providing us with great Duel after great Duel, capping the second day off with Sora vs Shun, THE one Duel that drew the most people in. This is a strong revelation for Yuya, Yuzu and You Show School in general as their friend was just revealed to be a psycho. So they try to figure things out afterwards, and… The plot is now focusing on Yuya’s actions during that chaotic night of Fusion vs XYZ. Yuzu and Gongenzaka just couldn’t be there in time as they ran off in other directions, and there’s… Something off about that. A thing which I couldn’t find at first.

No one really has an opinion on Sora turning bad… Or rather, the only one who did is now knocked out cold for a bit.

Yuzu… Has no opinion on her Master being a psycho?

This isn’t THAT much, but it’s a clear sign that Yuzu as the main character, even as a half joke, is no more at this point; her title is now “main girl”. Now it’s Yuya who takes center stage as he explains everything to Yuzu when he wakes up. It’s… Really weird that we hear no self-reflection from Yuzu, HIS STUDENT.

Would she question HER Fusions now? Would she even think for a moment about how these were used for War and apparently Fusions are the bad ones? Would she think back to Yuto’s words about Fusion not suiting her? It probably wouldn’t amount to much because, like everyone else, she thinks Sora is still their friend deep down, and won’t believe what happened that easily. But… It would have been nice just to see some moments with her, as Yuya wasn’t available.

But… Enough about that: after Yuya’s woken up, there’s some bigger fish to fry for her. Some edgelord is out and about putting people in the hospital while dueling, and Yuya has to fight him. Long story short, he tries to convince the dark boi, only for that to fail and he becomes a darker boi, annihilating him and heavily regretting it. That was simplified, but the matter of fact is: Yuzu is after him and he’s still down and confused, so she decided that she’ll do her best, also to console him. And hey, she’s up against an Idol Duelist! Neat, do we get to see a music battle, or-

Naah, we hardly see any of it. We get snippets of the Duel that made it sound like a mess (FYI, I had to redo this Duel accurately in my fanfic and it was not easy), and after Crystal Rose is Summoned (For the last time, BTW), we get a Bloom Diva for lethal, a cute wink, and the confirmation that Yuzu’s dueling had brought Yuya back from his berserk-induced slumber.

That’s… Somewhat understandable. After all, Reiji hadn’t dueled for a good 27 or so episodes, and people were just waiting for him to smack fellas with his D/D/Donger. Oh yeah, there was another Yuzu who was the focus with Reiji. We’ll get to her later.

Still disappointing, but it’s hardly the end of Yuzu. Actually, right after that, she does declare that Yuya and her are rivals now (wonder how that will go). After all, now she’s in the battle royale, and started her matches off with a double kill when teamed up with Gongenzaka after all! She’s on a roll! She’s going places- AAAAND there’s Dennis.

That’s where her winstreak ended. Dennis won because he stole Bloom Diva, who became too strong for Yuzu to handle. Perhaps some reflection could have been done on how reliant she grew on her, but there are bigger matters.

Case in point, Yuzu 2 has arrived! It’s Serena, and she’s out there to hunt XYZ peeps. After some scuffles and some escapes, we arrive at an admittedly really nice moment for Yuzu. That’s her actual first encounter with an Academia student. And here is where you realize just how blind the Fusion soldiers were, and just how caged Serena was. Yuzu… Effectively sacrifices herself (and the “main girl” role indirectly) just so Serena could know the truth. It’s funny to think that unlike Yuya and his counterparts, the first counterpart that Yuzu encountered was the hostile one. But… Yuzu convinced her to see the truth for herself. That’s a really, really nice moment…

BUT THAT’S ALL WE GET OF THEM TOGETHER!!! (uh-uh-uh… We’ll get to another thing eventually, don’t fret)

Seriously, we have some great bases for a great friendship! Yuzu needs to become stronger, while Serena needs to open up more and become less rigid! If they would have been together for more episodes, they could have built a bridge that allowed them to both grow together by learning from each other! That could have been a great dynamic!... But nah, it’s a swap instead. Bleugh.

It also really sucks that this is the only proper interaction Yuzu will have with another Bracelet Girl. Seriously, the series has a stigma of separating people to an insane degree, and Rin and Ruri pretty much have zero contacts in the present, which is… Astonishing!

But that’ll come for later, as we get to Yuzu’s encounter with the Obelisk Force! She’s actually fighting Academia? The main force? HOLY MOLY she’s- Wait, there’s Yuri now.

Act 2: The misadventures of the Defiled Diva

So yeah… The Yuri encounter. By some people, this is what killed Yuzu’s character. But no matter how damaging, her assassination just cannot be contained in a singular moment. Still, I’d argue that it’s the one that did the most damage to her.

The short version is, Yuri tries to capture Yuzu as it’s his job, and Yuzu runs away like a wuss.

Now, on its own, this is more than justified. Yuzu thought that only Serena was the target of Academia at the moment. And now she’s learned that she IS a target and they’re coming to do who knows what to her (really, not even Yuri knew).

However, there's a thing people seem to forget with that encounter. At the start, Yuzu learned that she was a target, and stood down a complete psycho who's job is to take her to the one that started an interdimensional war, who carded two people she dueled previously and completely scared away the soldiers she was supposed to fight.

AND SHE BACKHANDS THE PSYCHO, DOES SEVERAL BACKFLIPS, GETS INTO POSITION AND ANGRILY DECLARES TO FIGHT HIS ASS.

This is by far the most badass entrance Yuzu ever did for a Duel! That was Shun tier! Arguably, this backlash and response was one of the most badass intros in ARC-V (alternate god states not counting because they’re cheating).

And yet… We see nothing of the Duel. The only things we know is that Yuzu’s field and hand is empty, Yuri has the then unnamed Starving Venom on his side, and Yuzu ran away apparently for a whole night, crying out for her hubby and begging him to save her.

Sigh… Just what did Yuri do that was so scary to Yuzu? It got so bad it kind of traumatized her apparently, and we never see what it is. Moreover… Yuri’s only really scary things he did with his Duels were beating 5 opponents at once and the Destruction Flower and Fruit combo he did, but neither of those scenarios are applicable because he needed Clear Wing for the latter! SO WHAT HAPPENED THEN?!

It's completely plausible that Starving Venom destroyed Bloom Diva, after his anime effects were revealed. My point is that they should have shown just a tad more, just Bloom Diva getting destroyed when she was touted as the Yubel, the invincible Monster at the time, would have been something.

Heck, Red Screen of Death showing Bloom Diva getting skewered COULD have been enough. Because apparently the other Melodious Fusions really deserved it despite pretty much no other Monster getting that treatment. (Seriously, the hell is up with that…)

Anyway, let’s move on, after all, Yugo came to unknowingly save the day here. So finally, after some explanations, some genuinely touching moments and conversations, and a high speed sequence that has Yuzu yelling a lot, scared spotless, we finally got to a point in which Yuzu is out of danger.

So what's her current situation? She has established herself as a competent duelist, but she got put into a situation that's much bigger than she is, and there are still many questions unanswered, all brought down by a fierce Fusion Duelist that annihilated her. However, she can rely on a friend to push forward and grow.

And…

SHE DOES NOT IN THE SLIGHTEST.

She was put in the exact same situation as she did against Masumi, and during the whole time Yuzu and Yugo were in Synchro (Estimated to be a couple of days) she does not make an attempt to learn it!

WHY. DOESN’T. YUZU. LEARN. SYNCHRO?

She could at least try and fail, maybe momentarily putting her as a Fusion Specialist, but NOTHING AND THAT WAS ALL BECAUSE OF-

Intermission: Melodious Maidens Marred by Marketing

Before we continue with Yuzu specifically, I have to mention the Melodious Monsters. I alluded to this in the past, but Yuzu learning Fusion was exactly what put the Bracelet theme on the map with flowers representing the pinkette. I’m sure, SURE that the plan was to have her learn all the summoning mechanics and have those be Bloom themed, as from Standard, all Extra Deck Monsters can be born.

But Melodious weren’t popular and didn’t sell well. At all.

And I believe that the Melodious Monster lineup was cut… Right there. This is the point where Konami decided to stop creating new Melodious Monsters, because they simply don’t sell.

Now, there were a few Monsters shown after, those being Score, Solo, and Bloom Prima. It was more than likely that they were ideas some time after the Fusion wave of support was introduced, which included Tamtam and Opera. Cards can take a lot of time to make, after all.

It could all have been avoided were it not for the people at the OCG just having their brains turned off while porting all the later effects, because SO MANY fail to take this lady into account.

 I guess I could have talked about it in Day 3, but that was dedicated to Bloom Diva. Anyway, to make it brief, Aria’s one of Yuzu’s more common Monsters, and her first Monster shown on screen. In the anime, the effect is very bad, inflicting 800 damage once per turn to the opponent should they fail to take battle damage from Aria’s attack. Eugh. In the OCG, it was changed to provide effect targeting and battle protection! Except… It’s all kinds of effect targeting, including your own.

SO MUCH of the Melodious support after that fails to take that into account, rendering those effects useless when she’s on the field: Canon, Fortissimo, Pianissimo, Tamtam, MELODIOUS ILLUSION WHICH HAS ARIA IN THE CARD ART.

This is just… A tremendous lack of foresight or a spiteful joke on the creators’ part. Had they thought of making it better, perhaps they wouldn’t have decided to end it so abruptly. Which is relevant for Yuzu considering how Monsters can relate to a character, especially in ARC-V, and she’s just… Unable to actually demonstrate her supposed strength and importance because Melodious just won’t sell.

Back to Act 2

Uh, so where were we… Alright, Yuzu not learning Synchro from Yugo. This point alone greatly hurts one of Yuzu’s previously established strengths: growing in order to adapt to the bigger pond she found herself in. She still fights at this point, but she never considers if she’s good enough at that and has to improve, which would be warranted considering YURI BODIED HER NOT TOO LONG AGO TO THE POINT OF BEING TRAUMATIZED. And yet… He’s NEVER brought into discussion during their time together, and I just… WHY? DID SHE FORGET ABOUT HIM?!

Truth be told, it’s not just that which I find issue with regarding Yuzu’s time with Yugo. It’s that… Other than that strong first appearance in which they get to know each other as people who remind the other of whoever’s dearest to them, there really isn’t much that comes out of this. They attempt to warn people about the interdimensional war with no success, and pretty much no acknowledgement, effectively wasting their time. So, naturally, in order to spread that message, they need to get to the Friendship Cup.

For all intents and purposes, for explanation and conversations… Their relationship ends here, after they witness Jack bodying Yuya and throwing him to the hounds during the ceremonial intro. Sure, they’ll meet again later, but it won’t have anything of importance.

Then again, Yuya getting bodied did lead to one of Yuzu’s genuine highlights.

That’s right, it’s what Mikiyo (the Idol Duelist)’s Duel should have been! A Duel focused on Entertainment Duel to send a clear message to Yuya: that he’s not alone, and that they will get through this together, that everyone who’s important to Yuya is praying for his success, for his return.

And for that… She really duels like Yuya. Extensive descriptions of her Monsters and their state, bold, risky gambles and acrobatic tricks to reach for Action Cards, ACTUALLY USING ACTION CARDS FOR ONCE (did I mention that she had so much trouble with Action Cards that she NEVER resolved one prior to this Duel… AND SINCE!)... Yeah, Yuzu became Yuya in that Duel, and for a very good reason. A great, great moment by Yuzu overall, and a unique and genuine highlight of her character (it really helped that Jack thought she was the best Duelist, possibly because of how sincere her message was.)

So now she’s established as a competent Duelist in the setting she’s in, even got her own fanbase, Melissa’s fanboyism and Jack’s approval! Awesome! I wonder what’s next foOOOOOOH NOOOOO!

Act 3: A Composer’s Chanson, Crushed

Sergey… Good lord, where do I start? In all honesty, given what the others have put out here, talking about this topic alone would be sufficient enough for a prompt, but I need to be thorough.

This whole heap of praise and action is getting is… Really sad and frustrating in hindsight because it was merely a setup to her getting absolutely demolished by this monstrosity. Yeah because a creepy giant hourglass man fighting, cackling like mad at a certain point, and beating a relatively little girl wasn’t bad enough (Ahem-Videl vs Spopovich-Ahem), we just need to have her on her highest high in popularity beforehand.

Let’s dial it back a bit. How is this all set up? Well, Roget, the Security exec, wants to take Yuzu for himself, thus he orders Sergey to do it. I’ll leave it at that for now, because there’s an issue with how his mystery was handled: how can you keep a Duelist mysterious, and a setup for the second round of a match, with a first match that they have to partake in? Well… You make it look like everyone’s an idiot.

I know, I know it’s supposed to be mysterious for us, thus some concessions need to be made for the surprise. But Sergey’s a bad case because he had his previous Duel shown against some nobody. His deck was shown to be really weak until suddenly turning the tides and one-shotting the opponent.

This sounds like an incredibly gimmicky strategy… WHICH IT IS, and the characters don’t know jack about it for the sake of the mystery. HECK, MELISSA, the one who’s supposed to see how these Duels play out and WHO DID, is surprised that Sergey uses that same gimmicky strategy during the Duel.

Like… The setup for putting Yuzu out of commission was done in the most contrived way they could, making EVERYONE look like an idiot. Off to a fantastic start.

So, how does the Yuzu vs Sergey Duel actually go?

Well… Let’s just say that Sergey’s strategy only worked because of the Melodious’s famous win condition known as: “Get a bunch of Fairies on the Field and attack with them” being the only one available in that case.

And BOY nobody came out unscathed from this. Not even a single Melodious Monster because they are… Victims of bondage play. Thorny bondage play. I’m not showing them in that state again, just watch my meme if you are so curious.

In more technical ways, what Yuzu is up against was a strategy in which Sergey summons Monsters with 0 ATK in ATK position, then damages himself for set values to protect himself so he can get his LP as low as possible (200) to deal the finishing blow, and has a secondary tactic that immobilizes all Monsters while slowly burning their user (the burn effect never came into play)

This strategy was to be used against Yuzu and Serena, and to be fair, both of their styles are straightforward and had to play into that strategy. However, had Yuzu done so much as respect the Gorz rule of attacking with the weakest Monster first, she would have actually completely disrupted that strategy.

But of course, people believed the mistake lies somewhere else… That being Bloom Prima. She got all the blame, and it was just the biggest bomb on stage. May I remind you of a fun fact:

This. She’s the only Melodious Monster featured in a VJump, and Yuzu’s Duel with Sergey was to be her debut. How did it go?

HORRENDOUSLY. Bloom Prima facilitated the opponent’s strategy due to her multiple attacks leaving the opponent at 200 LP exactly after everything, which was the point where Sergey was at his strongest. And would you look at that, her offensive capabilities were nullified and she got Yuzu one-shot, knocked off the course and PRESUMED DEAD. This not only was another major blow to Yuzu’s character, but also set Bloom Prima to be ridiculed worldwide as a worse alternative to Bloom Diva.

Then again, Bloom Diva wasn’t the apparent option for Yuzu. She had just gotten Polymerization, and Bloom Prima was the only Fusion she had that could get everyone off the Field so she wouldn’t suffer burn damage. It was an apparent decision… But clearly the wrong one in the long run.

Oh and morally, she is also destroyed. Bless her heart, she even wants the best for her opponent as he was hurt, and tries to spread the message of the Friendship Cup being wrong if it allowed situations like this, when she thought she won so she could spread her message. Of course, classic anime trope, this ends up being the biggest mistake anyone can make, and her kindness and concern got repaid with a speech about beauty in destruction, and a home-run off the course towards a building, courtesy of Sergey.

Oh, and BTW, just so we’re clear…

THIS IS YUZU’S LAST 1V1 DUEL!

Like… Sure, there’ll be something for her to do some time soon actually, but any full Duel, any 1V1 with a single character… THAT’S IT!

And I could only imagine how painful that wait must have been for Yuzu fans back in the day… Because not only did she not Duel, she also grew… Weaker overall. Yeah, this really was another harsh blow to her character. However… That didn’t kill her. Not yet. Not figuratively…

And not literally because the next time we found her, she’s saved by Sora and has pretty much… No thoughts about her situation. Really, she probably got dealt the harshest loss in her life and there’s no reflection, no nothing. Her time while waiting for Sora was spent being a nanny to three kids she had no connection with and won’t matter in the long run. Great. She’s not allowed to think anymore? Are the lowest points in her life, signs of starting to grow, now simply brushed off as if nothing happened?!

Really, that time of hers is pointless, and it doesn’t help that there was potential for a genuine interaction between Yuzu… And Shun! During the Crow vs Shun Duel, Tanner (the smallest one of the kids) gets blown away due to his recklessness and Shun stalls the Duel a bit to save him and bring him back to the group… Which included Yuzu. They were near one another… And there were no words exchanged. No thoughts, no nothing, no glances even. Yuzu is now confirmed not dead in Shun’s eyes and he has nothing to say about it. …What even.

After more hijinks, the cops show up to apprehend Yuzu, but Sora was quick to stop them. Here we get what I feel is a genuinely wonderful scene. That’s right, it’s the Fusion Fright Waltz, in which Frightfur Chimera and Bloom Prima just dance on the floor, ripping it and everyone else to shreds in the weirdly cutest way imaginable. It’s… Genuinely an astonishing scene in concept, and it really took me in.

But this was the last we ever saw a Melodious Monster battle. It was in a battle royale carried by Sora (BTW, nitpick, but Yuzu didn’t even receive the intrusion penalty despite entering later). It’s really sad that this whole dancing sequence’s purpose includes giving Bloom Prima a pity win.

But the other purpose is to establish that now Sora is on Yuzu’s side. Sooorta. He’s still affiliated with Academia, but doesn’t want Yuzu and Yuya involved. It’s an overall nice scene with Yuzu showing that she’s still in this by refusing Sora’s offer to teleport her back to Standard, to her friends and family, because at the time Yuya was imprisoned and she couldn’t bear it if she couldn’t see him again. She, of course, also tries to convince Sora to defect. It’s all handled alright, but… Sora doesn’t end up defecting NOW, but some episodes later during Yuya and Crow’s Duel, which is… Just weird! Why wouldn’t he have defected by this point?

Maybe because Tsukikage came in to interrupt, and after some discussion with Sora, he offers to also save Yuya while bringing Yuzu to the Underground. Yep. The slave camp is the safest option right now.

We… Don’t get much out of that period as well. You’d think we could get something about Yuzu finally reuniting with some of her friends. Could she actually talk to Shun? Maybe some less heated talk with Sawatari? Chojiro? GONGENZAKA? No. Nothing. What we see of her in the underground is her working with the kids and her bracelet acting up as Yuya’s going Ber-Zarc. Well, at least it’s stopped, and it all seemed quiet until- uh oh there’s a breakout and a revolution coming underground.

This is gonna get chaotic.

Act 4: Ceaselessly Captive Contralto

So with all this confusion, Yuzu kinda had only one thought in her mind: ensure that Yuya was safe. And she needs to be stopped multiple times so she doesn’t run off on her own without a clue on where she’s going.

Honestly… Fine. It’s clearly a stupid decision by Yuzu, but since all of that happened and big bracelet glow means big bad news, of course her mind would be clouded by that.

What happened after she got held off the second time by Gongenzaka is… Less fine. Essentially, while they were talking, a horde of men… Separated the two. Didn’t really trample them or anything, just… Separated them and they couldn’t see each other again. That… Defies logic and was used as a setup to have Yuzu on her own. After the setup for Yuzu’s loss at the hands of Sergey, I’m only slightly miffed by this one.

Well, she’s now alone, but her bracelet is acting as a GPS for Yu-boy activity. Naturally, the way that she is now, she takes that chance to finally reunite.

Aaaand… Sidenote, but according to my scourings and light research, this might just be the point where people started hating Yuzu. To tell the story from their perspective, generally it seemed they found the whole Friendship Cup dull and derailing, and now Academia arrived and there was action. Fights started to break out outside the tournament, the revolution started, and the four Yu-boys were reunited, had their Dragons out, and were starting to reunite with a big rainbow spiraling sky signaling danger. Buuut Yuzu runs in at that moment and kind of stops it all, only leaving Yuya there.

People really started hating Yuzu for this, for killing the hype when that meant she saved the world. Or rather… Her bracelet did. None of this is her fault, really. It’s just that her bracelet is a plot device whose purpose is to delay or contrast the final boss. It was too early to have that happen, but people really blamed Yuzu for being a hype-killer here, and I think it’s unwarranted.

SHE’S TOTALLY TO BLAME FOR WHAT HAPPENED NEXT.

Now let’s see the situation.

Yuya is fighting Barrett and is on the ropes, being floodgated to oblivion so he couldn’t do anything, pretty much.

Serena is almost knocked out, begging Yuzu to leave.

Barrett is sighting Yuzu as his target now that she’s come to him

Sora’s fighting the Obelisk Force, or rather… He’s trying to but he can’t Duel because his arm got blocked by a Hunting Hound’s mouth.

So… Considering the situation, what did Yuzu do?

Not only did she not pull out her Duel Disk and duel Barrett to help Yuya,

Not only did she not attempt to break Sora out of the hold with a Monster or something,

NOT ONLY did she not run away in general,

NOT ONLY did she not at least try to help Serena up and gauge what’s going on,

SHE JUST STOOD THERE LIKE A LEMON, COMPLETELY TRUSTING A HELPLESS YUYA WHO COULDN’T, AND WOULDN’T, DO JACK SQUAT ON HIS OWN, ESSENTIALLY WAITING TO BE CAPTURED!

YOU SENSELESS STRAWBERRY!

YOU DECIDED TO BE THERE IN THE MOST UNHELPFUL WAY POSSIBLE, POSSIBLY DAMAGING EVERYONE’S CAUSE BUT THE ENEMY’S.

Oh and Sergey’s here again. Fantastic.

Before we go on, DON’T TRY to point out the fact that she has no Duel Disk. That’s proven wrong by her having it back all the way to another dimension as she kept it, and there was no occasion in which a Duel Disk was given back to her during Synchro. The only reasonable outcome is that she always had it on.

Well, thanks to him, Yuya actually has a fighting chance… And the opportunity to sorta avenge Yuzu actually. Not the best time to do it, and not the right Sergey, though. He’s changed.

Oh yeah, and the first thing that happens is that Yuzu gets put in a cage via Field Spell. And then Sergey beats Barrett, who brings Serena to Academia despite having lost. Hurray for pragmatism I guess.

Yuya doesn’t even get his moment to avenge Yuzu. And he never will, because Yuya gets beaten and… YOU GUESSED IT… Yuzu gets kidnapped by Sergey.

Well… That sucks. And begins a new trait that will be OH SO INFAMOUSLY related to Yuzu… Her being Princess Peach. And not in the more positive ways she’s being portrayed recently with the newer games (seriously, the latest Nintendo Direct was fantastic for her), but as a perpetually kidnapped and stranded girl who needs to be saved.

SIIIIIGH…

That moment of Yuzu standing there also is greatly damaging to Yuzu’s character traits I talked about in the beginning. Mainly:

Her prowess as a Duelist is pretty much never shown and thrown out the window. Bear in mind, she will never Duel again after this, which means it would be 65 EPISODES OF NOT DUELING STRAIGHT. Her prowess is going to be mentioned, but in the worst way possible which I will cover soon enough.

Her connections and friends are ever dwindling as she gets separated all the time. And will continue to dwindle as the show goes on.

Her active involvement is greatly put on a leash as she’s the prime target, and she will struggle to ever display another moment of genuine courage or agency… With one exception.

We’ll soon get to that exception because next time we’ll really see her, will be her being invited by Roget to “assist City’s downfall” via the Jack vs Sergey Duel. I can’t really see any reason to do this besides spite.

This, of course, presents her a handful of opportunities to talk back to Roget’s absurd plan and try to argue for her own ideal, smiles. She’s kinda meek about this, and pulls back in fear if Roget ever steps forward though, so…

WAIT NEVERMIND.

Turns out, as Roget’s plan crumbles, he gets desperate and declares martial law so that he has complete control. IN A LAST ACT OF DEFIANCE, she shoulder tackles the guy as he was doing his speech, told everyone that he sucks and to not believe him, and encouraged Yuya to finally win the whole thing and spread his message. It was a short lived moment, but a great one by her, and it showed that she had some frickin’ bark and bite left, despite her position.

She gets put into a smaller cell for her efforts, and soon gets bailed out by Sora and Tsukikage- NEVERMIND, Roget comes in which the most bizarre tech of “THE ROOM OF INFINITE ROGETS”, beats the two right after he kidnaps Yuzu in a way that… Nobody knows, honestly. Apparently she was just gone as the first Roget was defeated.

Not to derail much here because the sequence is logically deaf, but in Yuzu’s perspective, she was kidnapped there, brought to the elevators, dragged by the end and assaulted, Reiji confronts Roget and she gets dragged back in THE ROOM, Reiji figures that out and embarasses Roget, but because he’s stubborn as a brick, the guy drags Yuzu away again to Academia to use her as a bargaining chip. Jack comes to PUNCH THE ELEVATOR WITH HIS SYNCHRO THUS MAKING IT EXPLODE AND ENDANGERING YUZU WHAT THE F- Oh nevermind, Yuzu’s actually saved by Yuya.

It took a lot of pain and endurance, but it’s finally over. Yuya and Yuzu are properly reunited at las-

Wait no, Roget walks from the edge to the center of the room, slowly, without anyone stopping him, so he can activate his transporter device just so City gets essentially erased.

Ah, but it just sent him away to a wormhole and it stopped working.

Phew.

NOW it’s over. Now Yuya and Yuzu are finally reunited at last, and they will go through this journey together. They’ll end the interdimensional war and go back home with every-

SURPRISE WORMHOLE!

Act 5: Fickle Flattery for a Fallen Flower

Yuzu and being separated has to be some sort of fetish for the showrunners at this point. After a long awaited reunion, they just had to yoink Yuzu away, ALONE, in the most contrived way they could. Oh yeah and she ended up in Fusion Dimension. The WORST Dimension for her.

Now, as she tries to explore and figure out what’s going on, some lady mistakes her for an escaped student and calls agents to subdue her. She eventually gets cornered and has no choice but to Duel 1v3. Finally, she gets to Duel!

Sike, she ain’t allowed to!

Asuka frickin’ Tenjoin jumps in to save her, all to promote Cyber Angels and have one pity win. Neat! Good intro!

Well at least she’s a friend, and seemingly Yuzu’s able to settle down for a bit. Heck, she even found Yusho. Minor nitpick here, but I’m surprised Yuzu isn’t even a bit angry at Yusho for leaving at the worst possible time. But that’s, I think, more of a viewer thing because boy Yusho couldn’t choose a worse time to do what he did. But that’s not the point of this rant, it’s almost becoming an essay.

Unfortunately, this doesn’t amount to much. You’d think a good friendship would form between Yuzu and Asuka, with the latter as the “big sis” of the two. Heck, she even lends her clothes. And after some backstory on how the Students were goaded to do war crimes, Yuzu even offers to help-

SIKE! She ain’t allowed to!

Turns out, news of a guy beating a You Show student popped up and Asuka and Yuzu come to see what’s going on and SURPRISE, it’s Yuri, who promptly scared Yuzu spotless. So yet again, Asuka has to do the work here of actually saving he- Nevermind, Yugo comes in AGAIN to warp him.

There’s a silly moment between Yuzu and him, but their time together really doesn’t amount to much. Shame… Next time we see them together, they’re at You Show School with a plan of attack before Dennis comes from behind them and Yuzu gets scared yet again. Sigh…

This ends up in an escape with Yuzu and Yugo on the motorbike. Despite Yugo’s protest, Yuzu actually wants to fend for herself! Maybe we’ll see her-

SIKE, SHE AIN’T ALLOWED TO!

Turns out, Yuya makes Yuzu warp Yugo away. Right after that, the kicker edgelord returns for revenge against Yuya. At the same time, some goons sent by Dennis are trying to fight Yuzu, Gongenzaka and Sawatari.

Yuya was concerned, but Yuzu told him not to worry, because she is a capable Duelist that can fend for herself, and now’s the time for her to demonstrat-

SIKE. SHE IS NOT. ALLOWED TO.

The goons simply STOP DOING ANYTHING to watch Yuya and Kachidoki’s Duel! They simply stop doing their jobs for nothing. Because the showrunners couldn’t be arsed to even show the others besides Yuya duel a little! Not even a faraway screenshot of Monsters being out and about! NOTHING! All to let Yuzu not Duel or do anything of note, just after they praise her informed skills.

This is a sour point of Yuzu’s later appearances that isn’t really talked about much. She is constantly praised and talked about as a strong duelist, and a person who wants to be active. But it’s all a farce. She’s simply not allowed to do anything of actual importance as an individual. “Show, don’t tell” is simply inverted as all of Yuzu’s abilities are now informed!

Then again… It won’t stop here. The biggest example of this is about to come up soon.

So the Duel between Yuya and Kachidoki ends with Yuya as victor, and the group runs away to find a ship for Academia, where Yusho is also headed. They can’t find one, so HEY! Serena’s back! And she has a ship for them to ride on! And finally Yuzu and Serena reunite! Maybe they can-

Aaaand that’s it. That’s the killing blow.

From this point on, Yuzu is no more.

After a cruel journey, this is where the life of Yuzu as herself ends. I mark THAT as the point of the character assassination.

So, what was the method employed for this? Well… Let’s dial it back just a bit.

The ship was a pirate ship led by a filler character, all used as a trap by Academia so that both the pirates, the helicopter, and Serena could capture Yuzu. Serena proceeded to do it by GENTLY MOVING YUZU ASIDE AND SEPARATING HER, THEN CUFFING HER WITH ONE HAND AND NO RESISTANCE.

That marks her bark pretty much gone. Her toughness? Her courage? Dead. Roasted. To never return. Actually, not really… It’s only implied now, never shown. They will tell you she is still a strong asset and Duelist. But they show her as helpless as they possibly could. All because the status quo of “boy saving the girl” for shounen needs to be preserved or some crap. DESPITE HER FUNDAMENTAL ROLE IN THE STORY (We’ll get to it).

In fact, let’s jump ahead just a bit. Yuzu’s never escaping that. Once Serena caught her, that was the end of it. She’ll be brought to Academia, brought to the creepiest man and second worst character of ARC-V, and will have a Parasite in her head. You’d think this could be a set up for Yuya to duel her actually. Maybe he’ll duel to save her and has to struggle with the Doktor’s influence, and with Z-ARC awakening from within him from his anger. Perhaps his bond towards Yuzu can make sure at least the berserk form tries not to hurt her directly… But nah. You already knew the answer.

Yuzu never duels while controlled by a Parasite, and she’s the only Bracelet Girl with this distinction. Not only that, but the other girls also displayed a vicious side thanks to the Parasite, other than the emotionless one. Yuzu? JUST emotionless and helpless. To the point that the Doktor uses that as a means to provoke Yuya which… WHYYYYYYYY?!?

Nah, this is sheer contempt towards Yuzu displayed right here. Some people there hate her guts and hate the fact that she’s supposed to be strong. So they’re mocking us. Mocking us with this display of utter obscenity.

As her agency and toughness are gone, so are her connections too. She pretty much lost every friend she could, besides one. Admittedly a very important one. That conversation and warmness she felt towards Serena? She displayed it to a parasite controlling her. It was never real, never resolved. While Serena COULD hear Yuzu’s kind words and see her warm smile… She sure as heck didn’t talk about it.

Jumping ahead again, the final Parasite battle was Yuya vs Serena and Ruri. That ended up in him winning, but it didn’t matter because the Parasite girls still awaken and get brought into the ARC-V (the construct built by Leo)’s tanks. The girls eventually come back to themselves because the Doktor got carded, thus turning the Parasites off. Do they come off better because of it?

ABSOLUTELY NOT.

This is the first time Yuzu has met Rin, Ruri, and Leo in person. Rin won’t have much of an impact on her, but Ruri was the one Yuzu was mistaken for all the time by Shun and Yuto early on, and Leo’s the one who’s responsible for all that happened to her.

Yet she displays no strong emotion, no surprise, and doesn’t interact with really anyone sans Yuya in the most flaccid of ways. We can chalk it up to all the Bracelet girls because they got homogenized, to the point that “Dimensional Lamps” as a term for them was rampant at the time due to their sheer lack of agency and sense of selves. (Also because when the reactors lit up they looked like lava lamps)

The homogenization comes to a head when the girls all pRay at the same time with sad looks on their faces and tell Yuya they fully believe in him.

Then again, this might be fully intentional…

Act 6: The Requiem of Ray’s descendant (and “rebirth”?)

Now, it’s known by the fandom, but the Bracelet Girls’ role is all tied to Ray Akaba, the daughter of the Professor, who tried to revive her and thus kidnapped them in order to do so.

Without getting into Ray too much (Another can of worms that I don’t want to cover right now), I’ll say that she used the four En Cards constructed by her dad in order to fight the big bad Z-ARC, the Yu-Boys’ original form. Each Card then became a bracelet as the moment of the split happened that defeated Z-ARC. Yuzu got the Pink Bracelet, symbolizing En Flowers, and Ruri, Rin and Serena got En Birds, Winds and Moon respectively.

This gives Yuzu a potentially game changing role in Z-ARC’s defeat! And she… Kinda did, but here’s how I view it. My apologies if I sound too cynical at this point.

Fast-forwarding to THAT MOMENT, because the presence of the Bracelet Girls is near zero as they got absorbed into ARC-V with tears in their eyes. And they apparently all converged into Ray, without any sign of struggle, discussion, reflection, or any kind of individuality.

There is one moment of Yuzu’s that comes shortly after Ray is “revived” (possessing Reira’s body thus ruining them in their entirety BTW) which can be a reasonable argument against her character death. The En Cards are all activated, and Z-ARC’s greatly hurt and he returns to his demon duelist form instead of the giant dragon that wrecked everyone. However, the fight’s not over and Ray has actually placed herself on the verge of defeat, as Z-ARC could just summon and attack for game… 

Were it not for Yuzu, who came out of Ray to plead Yuya to take control and come back from Z-ARC’s clutches. And it sure works, leaving Yuya to lead to Z-ARC’s loss.

Conceptually… This sequence is overall really nice, with quite a lot of symbolism (Which I’m honestly not the biggest fan of). Showing how the closest bond can overcome a soul that’s been conflicted overall, and change them for good. And Yuzu got to save the day, right…?

My problems… Lie elsewhere.

This… All felt empty to me due to how it was delivered. It’s a nice concept surrounded by a sea of filth, and all the setup completely shatters my suspension of disbelief.

Yuzu’s speech carries little weight to me because of this sequence, and I’m not even entirely sure of why. Was it because of how they’ve treated her before, to the point where all her individuality was lost? Is it how everyone in that sequence kind of assumed they’d win despite the circumstances? Is it how flaccid Yuzu’s speech is, without any tension besides the minimum on her part, without any tears, but with her pRaying and looking serene as if she’d won already? Is it whatever remained of my suspension of disbelief being scattered on the floor as crumbs? Was I just tired? Did my blood boil when she said “I became stronger because of you” DESPITE WHAT SHE’S BEEN LIKE SINCE THE PAST 50 EPISODES?!

I could understand one thing however… They just didn’t care anymore about anyone besides Yuya… And Yuzu has merely become his motivation fuel.

OK since I know I’ve struck some nerves with that last sentence, I feel I need to summarize my views on Fruitshipping, or Yuya/Yuzu.

It’s always been a great part of their characters, admittedly, since the beginning. You’d be insane to suggest that the ship isn’t valid in any way because it’s always been there since before the start: it starts off extremely valid as a childhood friendship with Yuzu and Yuya supporting each other through their many problems (though it was Yuzu supporting Yuya mostly) and bringing each other up as best as they could.

At first, it was just that, a genuine strong connection that inspired both of them, and made them support each other through thick and thin, and it was something great.

Then, as the story went on, it became a story of Yuzu getting kidnapped and wanting Yuya to save her. It’s something that became more and more frustrating as time went on, but it was brought upon them by the horrendous circumstances so they’re more than fine there.

But when lastly, it became evident that Yuzu got reduced to so little in every aspect of her character, that only Yuya mattered, and here’s where it gets sickening for me.

In the last stretch, she no longer was Yuzu. She became Yuya’s girl.

That’s why I have such conflicted views on the ship, because it seemed that the show tried to put the ship on a higher and higher pedestal… While treating it like garbage as a relationship at the same time. And it wasn’t like this then. It had remained solid since shortly before this point.

And again, Yuya’s the one that matters in the show’s eyes, so… Yuzu saved him! Hurray! Now what’s her payoff for doing so?

…Being stuck in a crying child with a Dark Dragon boy throwing a temper tantrum.

That’s right, the entire post-ZARC segment is just so Yuzu (and the others) can become a rescue mission for Yuya. I refuse to elaborate on it.

Except the ending, of course because it all went well and… Yuzu came back. And the others are inside of her.

And again, we get a reunion between Yuya and Yuzu which… Kind of was nothing. Yuzu just pops up from a portal, says two words, and holds hands with Yuya for a bit before he takes off to duel his papa. After so much separation, so much turmoil… that's it. Not even a hug or anything like we had in Synchro.

I… Hope you see my point here.

I feel sorry for Fruitshipping fans on the show's behalf, because… That was less than nothing! I'm pretty sure anyone who knew and cared about these two, were they to write that scene, would have had Yuzu glomp Yuya. 

Again… I do not recognize whoever came out of that portal as Yuzu. It's easier for me to talk of her as Ray (heck, apparently some sources do due to how she is conceptually).

And… Again, I know, but how's the sudden presence of multiple people inside your body not at least confusing? Imagine for a moment Yuzu feeling like this: now she has three girls inside of her and she's technically a prison containing them! That would stress her out so much, as she not only knows of Ruri and Rin's status as prisoners of Academia, she effectively freed Serena from the cage that was that faction! AND NOW SHE'S THE CAGE!

But nope. All happy, all good because Yuya got his girl… See you all in VRAINS, where we stray away from Pendulum as we possibly can.

…SIGH.

Conclusions

Yuzu's situation... Really hurt me. It's gotten to a point where I cannot praise her greater moments without thinking about how it all went so wrong later in the show. But at the same time... I son't ignore that greatness that made me like her so much.

Scouring fan sites and forums regarding ARC-V’s run was… Painful to watch. Of course I did it for Yuzu, as I was most interested in her. And the reception… Is truly harsh. Such a fall from grace only made the Yuzu fans suffer… The ARC-V fans too. It’s tough seeing all the negativity from the distance, to the point that there are such scathing opinions written out there such as “Yuzu is the worst YGO girl because her good run early on was never good. It was all an illusion to hide a useless character. At least Kotori’s uselessness was honest.”

I wouldn’t think that in the slightest, but knowing that there were people that either were so hurt by what happened, and some that capitalized on that to insult Yuzu even more and feel justified about it… It hurts to watch from a distance, so I can’t imagine what fans who remained fans had to get through.

Yet still… It all stemmed from the fact that there was contempt later on in how they’ve written Yuzu. Contempt is simply what I felt.

Now… I’ll admit, I know as little as anyone here how troubled the production at the time really was. I heard it was bad. I heard there was quite a bit of rushing and ARC-V was supposed to be 200 episodes, 50 per Dimension. But I cannot excuse what they’ve done. Not when they’ve included the Captain Solo episodes, blatant 5Ds padding, the frickin’ Battle Beast and the Post Z-ARC arc. It wasn’t just a matter of rushing.

But luckily it’s not all doom and gloom.

Duel Links is to thank for this. It might be legitimately the best place Melodious has ever been in, and Yuzu is treated the way she deserves to be. All the ARC-V content we got as of late did benefit her! Yugo’s stories and funny conversations reinforce that dynamic that made the first conversation so great. AND SHUN’S EVENT. A Yuzu that actually is severely worried about her soul companions’ fate, and stood up to Shun to tell him right away what happened with great concern for him is… Already so much better than the last 30-40 episodes with her.

AND SERENA IS COMING. That is HUGE for Yuzu because of how she was the first to properly interact with Serena and they trusted each other, after that sheltered life of hers made her so blind. It would FINALLY bring more Bracelet Girl conversations to the table, with added anxiety, then comfort at the fact that they all shared a body or that Yuzu interacted with the Parasite, but Serena was warmed by her words despite all of that, and how sorry she felt to not being able to do anything about bringing her Friend like this- THERE’S SO MUCH POTENTIAL HERE!

Well… That’s it for the story. I must admit, I got carried away. But I won’t subtract any bit from this, if I need to go out, I need to go out swinging.

If by any means, you have lost some respect for me for all that I’ve written… Then I hope you can forgive me. I expected this to be overkill for some, but I had put warnings beforehand. Hurting any feelings is not something I want to do.

If you want to debate some points I’ve made… Then by all means, feel free to do so. Something fruitful might always come out of this, after all.

If you’re asking me “Who hurt you?” I’m answering with “The show did. Physically.”

If you’re now calling me an ARC-V hater for this you are dead wrong.

How do I prove it? I don’t need to… I’m here, and that’s enough proof that I’m not a hater: trying to bring something to ARC-V month whenever I feel qualified enough to do so; trying to enjoy what you guys have to offer out of your positive experiences; trying to see all the good that ARC-V holds brought to light, because it has A LOT OF GOOD. While there’s a lot of frustrations that have hurt me, even physically, there is also a lot to gush over, to wonder, and to be warmed by.

I didn’t write a fanfic just so I could “fix the ending”. I wrote a fanfic to see what spin a little what-if might bring and how much more it could bring out from the wonderful characters. Granted, I took more liberties as time went on, but I wanted to preserve ARC-V’s core message because, while… Somewhat simple, it’s a good message. It’s just that the ones running the show stopped treating it well.

Yuzu simply deserved much better than what she got, is all I’ll say. 

I promise, that’s the last of my salt right there. Perhaps there will be some snide remarks here and there, but it’s only a matter of me being sincere, perhaps to a fault. My next posts will all be about bringing you smiles, trust me.

If you’ve read this far… Thank you for listening to my salt. I hope I haven’t made your day worse with that whole thing, but if I did… I’ll make it up to you. (Except when I’m sleeping, which should be shortly after I post this. In that case... As soon as I'll wake up, OK?)

Until then, fellow performers.

[pandorafallz]

Vampire AU | A New view of Life

“Jake?”

Jake picked at his food, eating slowly with his head leaning against the glass of the shack. Pausing only to look to Nadine who was more or less sitting on his lap with how closely she was watching him. Her expression pulled in, her brown eyes watching him carefully and concerned.

“You’re kinda acting weird,” she remarked, “You okay?”

Jake nodded lightly. “Long night.”

Nadine’s head tilted. “What happened? I know Neytiri appeared but…didn’t hear you come back to bed.”

Jake exhaled out slowly. “She let me connect to Eywa from a very sacred spot to the Na’vi.” He answered. “It was….” He had no words to finish, so he just airily filled his mouth with his breakfast with a deep sigh. “I felt…whole. Like… I was part of something. Like I was missing something…more than just the losses I’m accustomed to and this…connection seemed to fill that gap. I…felt wanted. I don’t remember that feeling since after my parents died.”

Nadine’s expression didn’t change but she leaned back to give him more space, her hand coming to his arm. “Was it like…an acid trip?”

Jake chuckled dryly. “There were no drugs involved. While I do like them, Tommy was the smart one and never wanted that shit; he was scared of seeing weird shit.”

“Ironic for him to have weed seeds in his collection…and had planned to come here where there was a ton of weird shit to see without the drugs.”

“He had colleagues.”

Nadine reached up with her warm hand, touching his forehead. “You sure you’re okay?”

“As good as anyone who’s just become more… spiritually enlightened.” Jake shrugged, but her look didn’t change so he reached forward and patted her shoulder. “I’m okay. I’ll be okay. Just…need some time to settle.”

Nadine’s concern dropped away. “You’ll tell me if something is wrong, okay? I can’t lose you here, Corporal.”

“Yes, Sarge.” He gave a two-fingered salute.

When Neytiri arrived to pick them up, her expression was also alarmed at his change of demeanour as they rode. He didn’t…feel like talking too much on the trip and while the others went their ways, he was instead led up the spiral to Mo’at which was becoming a more common trip than Jake ever intended.

Mo’at eyes narrowed a little as he stood, watching mostly Neytiri as she greeted her mother.

“What happened?” Mo’at asked, rising to her feet.

“He is…unharmed but his behaviour is different. Vastly. I don’t think he’s suitable to train today.”

Mo’at approached Jake carefully, examining him carefully. Her hand touched at his shoulder, another to his cheek before she clipped her finger at his ears; testing the reflexes. “You took him to see the Great Mother last night. Has he been like this since then?”

“Yes.”

Mo’at nodded, “He’s most likely become understimulated over the Great Mother’s overwhelming presence. Na’vi can balance fast, it must take a few days for human souls to balance out.”

“You gonna send me back?” Jake asked, idly looking around rather than at the Tsahìk. His interest peaking more at the tools along the walls—he wondered what they all were used for. He never asked.

“No. You’ll need to stay. You’ll adjust quicker with a few people around but you’re not currently suited to handle anything heavier than a bowl of fruit. You can sit here and help make some dyes and paints.”

Jake quite promptly sat cross-legged on the floor, his fingers coming to fiddle at the fraying hem of his shorts. He was eyed though Mo’at nodded her daughter out.

“Go start the other Dreamwalkers and human training. I will remain here.”

It was odd, being out of sync with everyone else but putting his hands to mediocre tasks felt pleasant. Ruby had to be sent away from trying to ask about some big project with link shacks so Jake offered Nadine as his go-to instead. He officially met the Doc from Harper’s camp and while the doc was concerned he had hit his head and was suffering a concussion, Eliza had gotten to work with talking to Mo’at.

The doc was nervous at first but she warmed up at Mo’at’s questions.

It was nice, just listening in as they talked about human biology, the scanners and screens helped show Mo’at more of what was under the surface; muscle placements, bones and for the sake of covering a basis with a spiritual healer, papers on Chi and Chakra.

“You have these but you do not believe in them?” Mo’at asked, very interested in the photographs of what looked like Chinese Meridians for acupuncture.

“I don’t personally,” Eliza spoke, her hand awkwardly scratching the back of her head under the mask strap. “But it was and is traditionally used in our eastern counties and cultures that founded these methods of understanding. I knew spiritual things were your area and while I don’t know what holds true to humans, I don’t know how different human spiritual stuff is to Na’vi if it is real. Other human cultures have other spiritual methods but…this was what I had on hand and in bigger quantities.”

“Your culture does not have these processes yourself?”

“No, at least not one that’s practical in America.”

“The Native Americans had those practices.” Jake pointed out airily, gently grinding up the bones to make it into a fine powder for black paint.

“Yes.” Eliza agreed, though turned her attention to Mo’at at the Tsahìk’s curious head-tilt. “Our county, America was originally a vast land that belonged to Native American tribes that was…colonised by areas of counties called Europe. The Colonisers won the…major conflicts and settled on the stolen land. I will be honest, the Native Americans suffered greatly. Still do. They had their own culture and treated the land well, much like your people. The colonisers did not understand their differences or tried to; saw them as lesser because they did not have the same ideology of life or advances. In relation to our previous topic, the typical American does not practice any of the spiritual healings or try to understand. I…may be a descendant of colonisers nor share spiritual beliefs but I will respect those who have them. I won’t go too much into the Native American culture given my ignorance on the matter. The last thing I want to do is tell you the wrong thing or mix up things. That’s not my place.”

Mo’at allowed Eliza to download the data onto her tablet, which Jake had slowly realised the Tsahìk had still kept, which…he was okay with; a useful tool of information. She might as well keep it for good. He should really make or find something to go with it; a proper case for it; one to look more Na’vi or at least worthy of a Tsahìk. Hell, maybe even decorate the plastic side so it looks less cold and sky-peopley.

“How long will it be before Ashelysloan will join in her native body?”

“I’ll clear her to leave once her cheekbone fractures healed fully to allow her to leave. If we didn’t have to wear masks, I would have allowed it earlier but with masks as a factor, she can’t have that pressure put on for long periods of time. It takes six weeks for it to heal completely, it’s been about… two-three weeks so she has just under a month left. The stab wound itself is still healing as well as her windpipe. She may still have some permanent vocal damage, but we’re seeing on how she heals up first.”

“Are you training her human body while she is not here? Jakesully found it hard to translate skills between the bodies that had not been present for learning.”

Eliza looked at him in interest. “Could that be because the other body doesn’t have the forming muscle memory?”

Jake shrugged, uncommitted.

“I suppose you’re an observer in one body, not in the other.” Eliza turned back to Mo’at, “Don’t worry, we are taking these skills home with us. She has some warrior training back from the RDA to stay in shape and keep her body healthy while she’s not linked up but her avatar will need that training. Since it’s more Na’vi, it makes sense to train it in the Na’vi style given how different Na’vi and human muscle structures are.”

“Are you well acquainted with Na’vi or Dreamwalker bodies?”

“Not much. Human bodies were my speciality. I’ve patched up only external wounds on the avatar when they’ve needed it.” Eliza said.

Jake turned his attention back to his task, realising he had just been sitting there watching. Still, he was sure once he…balanced, as Mo’at put, he could get more involved.

In the week that followed, it took a day before Jake had really…come back to himself. Neytiri had been glad to see his sense and energy return which gave her an opportunity to estimate that each Dreamwalker would need the same time each to balance out after a great experience. Each of them had now connected to the Great Mother and found a sense of harmony. Rubycarr had been deeply affected by Eywa’s love, more so than Jake. A sad tale as Neytiri had heard that the woman had had a poor upbringing on Earth. She hadn’t been told details but she could see the overwhelming love was foreign.

Neytiri hadn’t known what sort of life that was and yet Rubycarr had presented as well as any other human despite that.

‘A closed heart wears a passive mask’ Her mother had said.

Neytiri pondered if it would be wise to seek other areas that they could connect to as they were no longer permitted to the Tree of Voices. There were many plants that The People could access. The distant stories of the lost Sarentu people had many Tarsyu plants that only they could connect to Eywa through, the Omatikaya had the Tree of Voices but also the Tree of Souls. The Kame'tire clan had the Cove of the Ancestors for a similar purpose.

The Tarsyu plant would never open for a Dreamwalker. No clan would allow outsiders to their sacred sites. They had their time with their first communion. Neytiri wondered if the Great Mother would forge a new plant for those outside to become part of her. If she had accepted them now, then it was possible for the Great Mother to see to their future connection to her; providing her with views and memories of the RDA; how to help and the alien mind would show her how to balance Na’vi and Sky people. To offer balance to the Dreamwalker at their need…. If the Tarsyu plant was grown to open strictly for the Sarentu…

Neytiri sighed in wonder. They would have to wait and see what the Great Mother would do in these changing times.

Jake’s training had since started and seeing a fully grown man wheeze like a child over small tasks offered some amusement in her tight schedule of training. He hadn’t been able yet to stay on a Pa’li which was another source of amusement but he was staying on longer which was an improvement. What he lacked in maintaining a bow stance, he somehow had been better aimed than expected. It had seemed Morganlangley had been teaching Jake how to use a rock sling. It was still a curious weapon but it was hardly suitable for the forest. On the Great Plains, maybe.

Neytiri’s attention pulled sharply from her mulling as she heard an unusual roar of sound. A sound not made by Eywa’s children but a metallic roar that was all too familiar to sky people.

Her eyes flickered around, turning down through the trees though remained carious; it was a single sound—not like the echoing clunks of a metal walker that typically carried many armed warriors with them. But she didn’t let her guard down to be fooled; this could be anything.

Seze landed in the treetops, above the sound which had turned into a soft gluteal echo and Neytiri stepped off silently but encouraged Seze to take off to avoid detection but remain close should she need a quick escape as she climbed silently down the tree, pausing to peek through with her bow ready to grab.

Two women looked to be settled underneath the tree; one was clearly a warrior with her muscular build and serious nature that seemed to waft from her as she looked to be butchering a large animal—an Yerik with surprising skill with her knife; the Yerik had been fully skinned and by the looks of it, the hide was off to the side for now as the woman catered to its flesh. A gun looked to be attached to the woman’s leg. Someone to be weary of.

The second woman was younger—far younger than Neytiri had seen of Sky People who come here. Either a fresh adult or still in her adolescent years. By observation, they shared a similar appearance to Kendramirdori but there were elements of their facial features that were a little more delicate but stronger jawline and their cheekbones were more pronounced. If she had to guess with what she knew of Earth, their ancestors must have lived in close regions of each other.

There was a similarity between the women that seemed to suggest they were related. A mother and daughter, perhaps. The woman was clearly well mature to have a child of the girl’s age. The girl was busy, with a wrinkled nose, organising and wrapping the organs into leaves and deciding what would be of use and what would not. She did not like her job, it seemed.

Both had long dark hair, the older one was tied up out of her face, but the second girl had a highly intrigue dark braid going down her right shoulder.

The sound looked to be coming from a small….metal beast that seemed to be resting and another machine was plugged into it and both had solar panels on.

Neytiri pondered her options, if only briefly but with the woman’s weapon so close to being grabbed, she’d not do well with surprising them.

“Bree, turn off the Sidewinder’s engines. We can’t waste more fuel for this.”

“Ma, the predators—“

“Now.” The woman paused to fix the wonder woman a stern look.

The girl, Bree stopped but rose to her feet and walked away to the metal beast and leaned over it. Then abruptly its growling stopped silence returned to the forest. Bree returned back, pulling out a knife to the emptied intestines and began to scrape away the unnecessary meat upon it.

Neytiri slipped lower but made herself known to the two with a snapping of a branch which echoed. Their attention was caught immediately up to her; the woman’s gun was out and pointed and though it made Neytiri’s heart skip in a moment of fear, she kept herself calm; her hands in sight as she reached the soil and roots.

“I am not here for conflict,” Neytiri stated, eyeing the weapon. “You are not at a camp of the sky people, which leads that you are—and I believe this is the right term; ‘squatting’ on Omatikaya lands. As the Olo'eyktan’s daughter, I have the right to know who is on our lands.”

The two glanced at each other, the woman’s face more stony and unreadable.

“Mama, let me.” Bree held a hand out, gesturing for her mother to lower the weapon.

After a moment, the woman lowered it towards the ground but did not let go but there was trust in the girl at the nod.

Neytiri eyes Bree for a moment, the girl setting down her tools and getting her feet properly; not that it gave her much height; the girl was…smaller than the others.

“<I apologise if we’re unwelcome. If you give us time, we’ll be happy to leave.>”

Neytiri was taken aback by the girl, in most by how fluent the woman’s words were in Na’vi and with a correct accent that sounded like the girl had grown up talking. It was mildly unsettling as many Dreamwalkers and sky people often, while fluent, lacked a clear accent or weren’t in tune with the flow of sounds. This girl spoke like it was her first language, switching the accent of the sky people to Na’vi in an instant.

“<I am not asking you to leave, but I am curious as to why you are here. Sky people have metal homes. You are under a tree. Is this where you are staying?>”

“<No, we’re a short walk away. We’re tending to our catch first before we move it in. We’re small, we can’t drag a dead animal and…well it’s easier if we butcher out here and let nature take what we have no use for. Burying too much around our home will bring unwanted predators to our hide-out.>” The girl said.

Neytiri shifted, examining their set up but it made sense; they were aware of the dangers of the forest. Temping flesh was easy for bigger things.

<Why are you here?>”

Bree spared a glance at her mother, who was frowning so it indicated she didn’t know what was being said. “<It’s…a long story. The RDA…hurt me, had a…hand in my sister’s death and tried to arrest my mother for treason. I got her out so…the only place we could go was to the forest. We cannot go back.>”

“<So you are like the others we have come across?>”

Bree visibly perked up. “<You found the others? Like Sully and that pilot?>”

Neytiri tilted her head, “<We have crossed paths with them. I cannot confirm much without consulting. Not many people wish to be known and I have no reason to trust who you are as of yet.>”

Bree shrugged softly, awkwardly even, “<We don’t want trouble.>”

“<I can see that. There are only two of you here, Yes?>”

“<yes>”

Neytiri nodded, “I will inform my father of your presence here on our lands. It will be judged if you’re to leave or if you’re to stay. Anyone who stays in the Omatikaya territory has an agreement to work with our people. Learning ways of survival and providing a few days of the week. It is not unreasonable. Other humans have agreed to follow such arrangements.”

It was still a risk to mention it but… it would be wise for these two to consider their options; she feared for the moment that the soldier mother would pack up and leave as soon as she had left so… it seemed prudent to let them see the options, that humans had taken it as well. A…opening of connection. It was known that humans, in most cases, were as social as the people. They needed company or a connection, no matter how small.

“Thank you. We’ll…think about it.” Bree said before her mother could speak. “I’m Bree Kung, this is my mother, Zoey Kung.”

“Just call me Kung. No one calls me by my first name.” The woman spoke.

“Alright.” Neytiri nodded, though spared a glance down. “Don’t stop on my account on your butchering.”

“Oh, right. Yeah, we need to sort this out.” Bree spared a look down. “Do you want to stay for a bit? I’m going to make sausages but I need to get the intestines properly cleaned.”

“Bree, I’m sure the daughter of the chief has better things to do than to do play-chef with you.”

Neytiri bent down. “Sausages?”

“Oh right, Sausages are a type of preservation and food style technique. We mince up meat from either flesh and-or with organ meat so it’s mouldable and stuff it into an edible tubing that’s typically intestines and tie them off in segments as portions. I’ve got together some spices to flavour the meat before I pipe it in but...gotta prep it together.” She gestured to the intestines resting between a clay bowl of water and a smoothened rock where her knife was.

“You are attempting to clean the skin of these organs?”

“Yes, I’ve got a little used to it but…”

Neytiri eyed the knife she was using. “You lack practice but you are using the right tools and methods.” Clearly the mother’s teachings. “How old are you, child?”

“Eighteen.”

Neytiri paused at that, her ears perking up a little as she eyed the girl who didn’t meet her eye as she picked up her knife again. “I have seen many sky people. You do not look like a young adult. I am eighteen. You are younger.”

The look that Bree gave her mother was all that she needed to know that there was a lie about her age. Why, she didn’t know but she didn’t intend to have this group start off with a lie between them.

“She’s sixteen,” Kung said, after a moment of hesitation.

“Ma!”

“Look, there’s no reason to hide it now,” Kung said, putting her gun away to attend back to the meat. “The RDA believed she was 18, to allow her to come to Pandora. No one under 18 was allowed. I needed to come but I didn’t want to leave my daughters behind on Earth. I changed their ages and they’ve stuck to the lie since.”

“Is…the age resection for a reason.”

“Yes, but I didn’t listen. Sixteen is the youngest anyone can go into cryo safely.” Kung shrugged, rather bluntly. “I wasn’t going to leave my children behind. They were fine.”

“Mostly,” Bree muttered softly under her breath.

Neytiri made no comment but instead decided to at least help Bree; curious to see how these…sausages came out. They’d hopefully relax a little more if she helped as well.

It was almost disappointing when she had to return to Hometree a few hours later. Neytiri knew her parents would be worried but she hoped her reasons why would suffice enough to not be in too deep of trouble for missing out on her duties.

“<Did you get lost, daughter?>” Her father spoke as Seze landed. His eyes were sharp and his expression cautious.

“<I apologise for my absence. I…found two new sky people that have left their village. A mother and daughter. I spent the afternoon with them after I discovered them. They were butchering a caught Yerik and I assisted and watched them create food supplies with the meat.>”

Her father’s head tilted. “<Another two?>

“<Yes. Their reasons are sound. I made the same offer as we have the other groups, the girl is…very adapt with learning, despite her young age.>”

“<A child?>”

“<No, a teenager. Sixteen years old, by their years.>” Neytiri said, “<I am impressed by her. She is no warrior but her language and learning skills are impressive. She speaks Na’vi as if she was born hearing it, despite only having learned the language six months before she arrived in our world. As I stayed with them, we talked. I learned she has also mastered sixteen other languages if you exclude Na’vi. She picked up my teachings on how to cut meat more efficiently and very quickly.>”

“<A sharp mind.>”

“<Indeed>” Neytiri agreed. “<I said I would return tomorrow with your answer if we open our deal to them as well>”

Eytukan nodded thoughtfully. “<If we have opened our home to others, I do not see why we should turn them away. You should inform the other groups as well so they are aware. If they know the two, then we should be prepared in case they desire to be reacquainted with each other or if there’s personal tension. I doubt all the sky people that leave would be…all friends.>”

“<I will>”

-

“Fuck!” The woman hissed, her breath ragged as her friend’s hand came to her side to try and control the bleeding as they lifted her up from the cold metal floor where she had been left to bleed out from. “Shit…shit! Fuck!” Her hands could feel the flow was fast. Faster than anticipated. Not a good sign.

“Come on, before the soldiers wake up. Once we’re at Refuge, you’ll be fine, Alma.” The man spoke, trying to sound calm as they began to move.

Alma scoffed, almost immediately regretting it as it flared pain through her abdomen but she tried to keep in step but the sensation of her legs was coming and going so her weight sagging as her second companion moved from holding her other side to get the doors open.

“Not after what I’ve done, Alex.” Alma grunted, “Getting the children safe is one thing but… this? How can they live?”

“Right now, you’ll need to save your strength. Don’t let your guilt kill you. They need you alive.”

“I’m already dead.” Alma breathed, her head beginning to spin a little. “I can’t live. Not now.” Not with her wounds. One shot had struck through her side; no doubt injuring her intestines and a mess in internal issues there and she had felt the second one at her back. She knew one bullet had passed through but the other remained lodged in her spine no doubt.

She was dead without a medical suite; or a team of doctors. They had none; only a handful of medics that were willing to leave with them. Not enough.

“You have your avatar and a cryo pod. We’ll get something going for you.” The chirping voice echoed, despite being serious. “We can save you. We can’t help them without you. They trust you.”

“Thanks, Pri.” But she had little faith, even as Priya joined her side again as they made their way out of the TAP Facility on onwards. Her legs gave fully as a jolt skidded Alex’s foot and twisted her more in his arms, a sharp cry passing her lips as well but it didn’t stop them. She could taste the blood in her mouth now. Her vision becoming hazy.

Moments felt disconnected. She could feel the mask being fitted onto her face one second, the next she was on the back of some vehicle, leaning up against Alex’s back…

Her sense returned more as a dark room of Refuge was lit with cry pods that were drastically cold, which brought her around as she felt them enter it and her mask removed. There were other pods, all empty but Nalin was there, opening one up for her.

“The…children..”

“They’re safe. Exploring the outside for a bit.”

“Don’t….don’t let them see me…like this.” She begged, her eyes fluttering a little as her head spun too much, gasping out sharply as she felt herself being laid down upon the pod’s solid surface, the rise of blood passed her lips in a weak gurgle.

“Hang on, Alma…” Alex’s voice echoed off as the lid of the pod seemed to rise over her like a wave, her eyes flickered about, barely focusing on the faces before she felt the chill…. then the darkness.

-

Selfridge liked order. He liked maintaining control to ensure efficiency in both manpower and finances. He wasn’t put onto this planet to sightsee or ogle over some new discovery. His priority was to ensure that they maintained their stronghold on Hell's Gate to mine. To claw out their future from the very ground.

The only reason they were here.

The Avatars had their uses for a time, like keeping the Natives off their back and for a time, it worked and it kept the more people-focused people content to do something useful. The soil was good so that was good to go back to Earth to stop their species from dying out of starvation. Everything here could be turned into money and for their well-being as a species.

They had to be here.

His priority was Hell's Gate and his mines and he was fine with that. It was stressful enough trying to keep people working to meet their daily quotas and it was harder to do that with less people and the fact that they were down a dozen more people was alarming.

MineOps was an important sector for the RDA. He had gotten the profiles of all the people that failed to return from their MineOps Shift and he had made sure the new Head of MineOps knew to keep a goddamn close eye on things.

Selfridge couldn’t understand why they were leaving. Anyone, aside from the first lot. The maintenance two had virtually no complaints against anyone or medical reports that would interest Quaritch. Only one harassment report but that was handled swiftly and years ago. They weren’t even due to leave for another year.

The MineOps? God only knew. Most were here for years and had a good rapport with people, not just in the MineOps department but also SciOps and SecOps. It was a very open department. Sure, he could count a few who had injuries sustained in their work but…there had been a compensation payout for it. That should have dealt with their qualms quickly. Wasn’t more money not enough?

Why would people leave their homes here? They had everything they needed; warmth or cool air on demand, running water, god damn electricity and even, and the most important part; the ability to breathe. He didn’t see the appeal of spending all day, every day with the possibility of never taking the mask off. Sure, the masks were built to last but they could be temperamental at the worst of times. Everyone here had spares or spare emergency oxygen tubes in their pocket. What happens when even the spares run out?

No, thank you.

The missing people weren’t just part of the problem he was new expecting.

The dozers were failing repeatedly.

Barely a week into their new path, sticky tar in the tread gears blocked some vents that heated up the engine, causing a fire and damaging the antenna, sometime later, a puncture to the oil line caused some leaking and another fire, which caused a near disaster so that had to be recalled for repairs then there was the Slinth mating season had apparently made itself known and making it unsafe for them to continue with escorts which were still when the other dozer was damaged so they had to wait.

Now two dozers had accidently overstimulated themselves by the sensors being knocked askew in some stingbat fight that had occurred during the night leading to a minor meltdown on a software level before Selfridge had them rip out some systems used for in-depth terrain scanning. So what if a few artefacts got run over now?

The second one had spent a day being cleaned off from what looked to be…. Ikran fluids. A dozer was not a suitable fuck-place and yet, two went right at it; scratching up the front of the windscreens and plating, catching a few wires in the process as well as one of the cameras and he had heard few of the SciOps Zoologists laughing about it when they got the footage.

Overall, he was pretty frustrated at why bad things were happening.

He doubted any Na’vi were involved for the obvious reason; they couldn’t work out human technology. They were big and blue, so easy to make out on the cameras. They were far too primitive to know how to work things and it wasn’t like they knew they were making their way to their village anyway. They were too far out and never tried to come their way if they could help it.

Today, he had almost been having a good day, aside from the inventory report. Despite the loss of 12 people, they had enough people to cover the basis so work hadn’t stagnated. His order had a purpose.

It wasn’t until he got a ping from Frontier West Base that he got concerned enough to redirect his attention away to see what they wanted.

Hell’s Gate was his domain to control and to distribute staff where he saw fit. It was the oldest base and the biggest and the best.

Frontier West was… not as old but it had been a distant base meant for other contacts of the RDA without conflict with the savages and an oil plant as the western front was a lot more stretches of land than forest. It was run by John Mercer who, by all accounts was the same level as him; they had the same boss and so, they both had their work cut out from them. Aside from supply runs and basic updates at their usual time, Selfridge had otherwise left Mercer to his base. Frontier West was Mercer’s responsibility. He didn’t like talking to Mercer; he was so demeaning.

However, the fact he was getting an urgent ping on a day that wasn’t due for an update was not a good sign.

“Ah, shit.” He hissed angrily as he opened up the report. “Fuck, Fuck, fuck!” he slammed his hand into his desk but immediately regretted it with a soft pathetic whimper as he shook the pain from his hand and hurried straight from his office.

“Get me Colonel Quaritch. Now.”

Masterlist

[safedistancefrombeingsmart]

Hello again ~ This is the same Anon from last time, I went through stuff you mentioned and all I can say is Martin is a person who talks without a care in the world which could be offending but not intentionally I guess. The length to which most of it were taken out of context, smh(Especially the n-word 🤷). I ended up seeing some clips from his interviews and everyone around him were all smiley and bright, so if he was that problematic then the whole industry must be the same for being buddy buddy with him 🤔 Anyways, I won't look past his inappropriate comments(he could be mindful, I pity his publicist 😐) but not to the point of cancelling him whole. I can list many other A-list celebs doing way more offending stuff and still roaming free. So again I'm sorry for bringing this into your feed making you and your followers uncomfortable.... I seriously didn't think you would respond, I was embarassed after asking and thought of dropping this altogether and focus on some other stuff, so a big Thank you for taking your time for this ☺️

Hey again,

thanks for taking the time to read the stuff I linked and for reporting back to me. 🙂 I love how you describe Martin: a person who talks without a care in the world which could be offending but not intentionally. I think you're spot on there.

And I understand that you can't look past some of the stuff he said. I mean, the rape joke was... yeah, it wasn't good. Still (and think about me what you want), I thought it was funny. It was a very bad joke and I get why people are offended by it. Humour is very subjective. Every joke is offensive to someone.

And don't worry about sending me this ask. If I had been upset about it or thought it would upset some of my followers, I would have deleted it. Simple as that. But it was a genuine question. I would prefer not to answer a similar thing every 3rd day or so. But if a question like this comes up every now and then, I am more then happy to answer. I wish more people were like you: curious and in search of more information before forming an opinion.

Just this morning I read a thread on Twitter (still refusing to call it 'X') which was infuriating:

Person A: Martin Freeman is a shit person. Person B: What? Nooo, I love him. Person A: Yes, he is a racist and a bunch of other shit that I can't remember and his wife is a TERF. Person B: That sucks, ok I hate him now.

(time to whip out this gif again xD )

Thanks again for your ask(s). 🙂

[eriexplosion]

Clone Wars - Clone Cadets

DOMINOES DOMINOES DOMINOES.

Bravery, valor, unity, the lifeblood of victory on the battlefield

This is very funny because I think they put this bit over a clip from Hidden Enemy which, no matter how you look at it, is certainly not an episode about unity.

Anyway there's a lot dropped into this opening including that all of the clones teachers were bounty hunters, surely a group of people well known for their patience and gentle handling of children. Also, "Bred to be perfect soldiers, these cadets must first be subjected to intense physical and mental training before heading off to war" is simply a sentence that gives me the heebiest of jeebies.

The different vibes the chronological order gives to the clones existence continues to be blatant though. Like I know I've pointed it out several times in these but like, it really is front loaded with some truly terrible content when it comes to clone mistreatment, and having Slick's episode lead into clones dropping every five seconds in the movie into this episode about their training from birth to almost inevitable battlefield death is just a lot. I CARE A LOT ABOUT CLONES AND I WANT SOMETHING BETTER FOR THEM DAMN IT.

MY CHILDREN ARE HERE THOUGH. And god but baby Echo is so stressed all the time. Nobody is in formation. They don't like their nickname. Everyone is shouting. They insist on calling Fives by his full CT number and it makes thank yous a very intensive process. Don't worry, if you think your team is difficult to keep track of now it won't be long until you find yourself with and even crazier one. The audacity of this simulation being The Citadel though given what happens. AUDACITY.

And 99 ;A; Treasure.

"YOU'VE NEVER EVEN MET A GIRL" remains one of the funniest throwaway lines in the show.

Baby Echo though has one (1) thought and it's WE NEED TO FOLLOW ORDERS, PLEASE DEAR GOD. And instead all they get is punched. Team Cohesion? Never heard of it.

Leave my man alone he's just fucking standing there why you gotta bring him into it? Anyway this line makes me really wonder why we haven't heard ANYTHING about 99 in TBB, like it just seems that in two seasons we should have gotten something about the guy that they're named after in two different ways.

Ma'am, I think that you've been here long enough to have noticed that Lama Su does not care about petty things like 'the rights of living beings.' Shaak Ti is one of my most Complicated Feelings Jedi, though, because she'll say things like this and later talk about Fives as property and kind of treat him like it too. (Permanently thinking about when Fives was trying to see what the hell they were doing to Tup and Shaak Ti closes the shutter on him without a word.)

I do think she sincerely feels empathy for the clone troopers but I'm not convinced that translates into '100% believes they are full human beings" just going by actions through the show. "You Jedi show too much compassion" sure but Lama Su thinks literally anything is too much compassion, it's not a high bar.

Every day I am caught in the conundrum of what's likely just writer inconsistency.

GOD THE ABSOLUTE AWKWARD SILENCE AFTER COLT ASKS HOW THE DOMINO SQUAD IS. RIP BOYS.

Still love that they named that poor bastard Droidbait. Do you think it puts a damper on things when Echo and Fives look back and remember their squad like you can be normal about mourning Hevy and Cutup but you try to memorialize Droidbait and shit gets awkward. You'll never believe what happened to their good friend. Droidbait.

It is interesting that leaving a man behind is an automatic fail only because every other thing we see with the clones is that the mission comes first and individual clones are expendable. But still, not the vibe they were going for with this episode so the rules change accordingly.

Bric is definitely on the list of most unlikable characters for his whole scene with Cutup. Fuck this guy throw him into the ocean. Complete counter to the sweet scene with 99 trying to encourage Hevy.

"Stop calling me that. We're just numbers 99. Just numbers." "Not to me. To me... you've always had a name."

LINES THAT MAKE ME WANT TO FUCKING SOB EVERY TIME. I absolutely adore 99 and we do not get enough time with him.

Do not like that Shaak Ti validates Bric's assholery by letting his actively trying to fuck over the cadets slide. Yes Jedi wisdom or whatever but genuinely fuck this guy.

And of course... the Hevy and 99 scene at the end. "We'll see each other again. How else am I supposed to get this back from you?" Agonizing. AGONIZING.

This is one of the episodes I think works much better in its original order. Watching it chronologically is interesting of course, but can't bring the unmatched brutality of seeing them try so hard for a victory knowing that in almost no time at all three of them are going to be dead anyway and that Hevy is never coming back for that medal. So yeah, not too far in and we've hit at least one that definitely works best as a flashback.

[wegonbealright-09]

i saw a clip of th and yg’s interview where they talked about “all of them” getting together after 7’s #1 and “shedding tears” or smth like that and it kind of has me spiraling

did nothing like this ever happen for LCs #1? are they not bringing it up for some reason? why mention jk’s celebrations but not jm’s?

the idea that for some reason jm’s #1 was somehow not perceived as significant by them or even jm himself is messing with my head. when jm got his #1 he was sick that day so obv he did not have much time for celebration then but after that it was never spoken about again. i know jm is not the type of person to make things a big deal for himself but the fact that despite being sick and being home he still posted multiple times and went live shows how happy, proud, and grateful he was that day.

that leaves me worrying that he might’ve felt the second week drop reflected badly on him instead of just being a result of b🖕🏽b sneakily changing their rules.

or even worse, that th and yg are being fed a script that intentionally excludes jm to fluff up jks image. that would go against everything i expect from them and would honestly break my heart as silly as it may sound.

i would like to think that given all of the nice things they’ve said about him in the past (e.g. like calling him sweet or an angel) that the members are actually proud of jimin and his achievements and not jealous or resentful. no one can deny that so far he’s had the most success with the least amount of industry gimmicks (which should be every artist and label’s dream but i digress).

idk if im overthinking it or what but all of their dynamics seem so off and unpredictable lately it gives me this feeling like i don’t know them at all anymore which is sad considering how much they’ve done for me as a group in the past.

*sighs* i just hope whatever jimin is doing he knows that there are so so many people who are supporting him and are proud of him for all that he’s achieved.

Oh anon this is exactly how I feel. You literally put my thoughts into words.

That last part anon omg. I hope you're doing okay. Don't think too much about it. I know that BTS said to trust them but I'm finding that very hard to do lately. And everytime I start to doubt their bond I remember the golden days. Because the current BTS makes it even hard for me to believe they'll ever come back as a band.

I don't know what's up with Tae lately he's just all over licking JK's ass. I don't even believe that they got together and celebrated that number one what is there to cry for. They one he'll get that number1 even jk himself was not surprised. So I don't believe they got together and celebrated. Some members cried but it was not tears of joy.