#while never knowing if rent is going to be way too high next year is already too much

[skunkes]

my issue is that 2 weeks ago I was flip flopping on what decision to make while being very convinced that I wanted to try to leave and that doing so would make me happy and no matter how difficult it was it would be worth it. Just like how i wanted my surgery but was still wracked with guilt leading up to it. Now im stressed and obsessively thinking about it while being convinced that leaving would not make me happy at all and would not be worth it. which is a lot harder...

[chimielie]

hockey player!iwaizumi x f!reader, tooth-rotting fluff, like sweeter than cotton candy, slight injury

When Hajime lost his tooth, he hated it.

He’d always privately had a little bit of a complex about his looks. Growing up best friends with Oikawa made it hard not to compare their looks and come up lacking. He tried not to let it get to him, never verbalized it to anyone, knew that he was still fine. Just nothing special.

They both grow up playing hockey—at least he can beat up Oikawa on the ice (and they always laugh about it off of it). Oikawa goes pro, right out of high school, and Hajime spends a little time dicking around playing college hockey in America before he gets drafted.

He had met you at the bars after a game; his first win after being traded to the team Oikawa’s played for for a couple years now.

The memory is clear: It’s great to be back together, but he feels some trepidation in the car the guys rented, some childish part of him reticent about the idea of going out and watching chicks swarm his best friend, just like their teen years.

He doesn’t even really have time to think about that once they’re in, though, because he, the newbie, gets sent up to order. While he’s waiting for the bartender to pour them the first round of shots, you tap him on the shoulder, touch so soft he barely feels it after getting pummeled on the ice. His right shoulder is tender because he’d slammed hard into the railing right after stealing the puck from Ushijima, sending to Tooru, who had pushed it neatly into the net. An assist on the first goal of the night, and he’d gotten a goal in himself by the third period too.

It twinges as he turns to face you, a clear question written all over his face. It’s not like he’s totally oblivious, like he’s never been flirted with. It just somehow always surprises him still.

“You’re fine,” you declare, already a little tipsy, your cheeks warming as he observes you in your night out outfit. He doesn’t notice a single other girl, talking to Oikawa or not, the whole night.

The next morning, you repeat it to him, curled up against his naked chest, eyes unclouded by drink but your words just as genuine.

It was the first time he’d ever thought of being fine as a good thing.

So when the tooth, his right front one, comes out, cracked by a hard high stick to the face, he almost doesn’t want to come home after the game. It probably doesn’t make sense to get it replaced completely—injuries like this are common in his line of work, and it’ll be a hell of a lot more trouble to keep replacing fakes. He opts for a partial denture, something he can take out during games, but the mold takes twenty-four hours to cure.

You attend as many of his games as you can, but he’d insisted that you head home on your own while the doctors checked him out. You’d ceded only on the condition that you’d have dinner waiting when he got back, something soft and good at room temperature so he wouldn’t aggravate the nerves.

He frowns when you see him, crossing the room and hovering your hands over his swollen cheeks and telling him how worried you’d been, how happy you are he’s okay.

“When’s it gonna be technically healed?” You ask, and his heart clenches.

“It’ll probably be sensitive for a few more days, but they’ll have a coverup ready by tomorrow,” he says. Before he can crack a joke like so you don’t have to look at this ugly mug too long, you’re looking at him with a contemplative expression, one he doesn’t know how to read.

“So… will it hurt if I kiss you?” You want to know. “I feel so bad, ‘cause it must have sucked, but you look so cute like this.”

His heart drops straight through the pit of his stomach in relief.

“Yeah, baby, it’ll be fine… Ow! Ow! Okay, little gentler.”

Still, he wears the flipper as often as he can once he gets it. He doesn’t like the way it looks, the gap, he reasons. Just because you say you do doesn’t mean he’s okay with showing up to functions looking even more like a scrub to your perfect ten. And yeah, he’d think you were beautiful with a paper sack over your head, but it’s just different.

He can hear you whispering before he even walks into the kitchen. You beam up at him, as beautiful as that night in the bar, and his face breaks out into a smile before he even registers it.

“Do you wanna…” you nudge your daughter, and she turns to him, smile just as bright as yours. His heart stops.

There’s a big gap in that smile, the right front tooth missing.

“Look, Daddy!” He catches her up in a big hug, hefting her up so he can inspect her face closely. “Now we match!”

It’s all crashing down on him. He’s bubbling up with it, the fizzy feeling you’d given him in the bar, the tears as he vowed until death do us part, the softness as he’d cradled her in his arms for the first time. You stand, leaning your head on his shoulder as your daughter tells him all about the loss of her first tooth, about the importance of being the first in her class to lose one.

“You’re so brave, kiddo.” He kisses her head. “Makes you even cuter. Want some yogurt?”

[pepperyduck]

EXCUSE ME MA’AM but your angst kills me it’s sooooo good. would you ever write anything like toji being really distant and out of it for awhile, but saying he’s fine, and him accidentally calling reader his late wife’s name? and then fear and hurt and sadness ensues 🥰😭🥲

hey queen yes i got u. i was high as hell writing this so apologies if it's bad!!!!

word count: 1.1k

warnings: hurt/no comfort, abrupt ending, age gap, toji's wife is referred to as "mama" cus i didn't know what name to use, female reader.

masterlist

something was off with toji.

you had dated him long enough, at least you thought, to know when something was on his mind, when something was bothering him relentlessly… but he never opened up about those feelings, it wouldn’t matter how much you pestered and pressed him, he was never going to tell you if he had any negative emotions.

that should have been expected.

toji had a good 10 years or so on you, the extra time in his life was filled with family matters and the tragic loss of his wife — that was seven years ago. he only told you these things plainly; there were never any hints behind his words or tone that he even grieved her. he didn’t even tell you her name, simply referring to her as “mama” or “megu”, something you assumed were nicknames he gave her in their time together.

toji loved and grieved his late wife in silence — there would always be a part of her in him. but since she had gone, he had never found a way to express his feelings, simply pushing everything — sadness, grief and pain — to the back of his mind and focusing on what was in front of him.

you had been his focus for a few months now.

you really thought you were something special to be able to have a guy like toji be interested in you. he was attractive, and cold towards pretty much everyone — except for the women he wanted to get with. but you didn’t know how easily he flipped that switch when it came to women. so, you just assumed yourself as the luckiest girl in the world, striding with a big, scary man on your side everywhere you went.

the two of you were like missing puzzle pieces, almost. often, you gushed to him about your feelings and bothered him into doing the same. his replies were stern and short, a simple “i’m fine” made you content. he didn’t talk much, and you seemed to take control of all the conversations. you thought he was a good listener.

toji tried to spare your feelings as much as possible, but he couldn’t help but revert back to his old ways. it never failed, he would always screw up what he had with ease, like he was used to ruining his own life.

but anyways, back to the problem.

something was wrong with toji. it took you a while to place that something was off. you noticed small things at first, a missing bill out of your wallet or toji not coming home until the early hours of the morning. you knew he had a dangerous, time-consuming job, but it never really bothered you at first.

he helped you pay rent — until he didn’t. you wondered where his money was going; where your money was going. the cash you kept in your purse began to disappear slowly, you just thought you spent it and didn’t remember where. you trusted toji enough to not blame him. you loved him enough, too.

yet the late nights and lack of calls began to bother you. resentment grew over time, until you finally had enough. so when you and toji were finally home alone, late at night, you decided to confront him.

and how badly you’d end up wishing you didn’t.

“tell me, toji. you’ve been acting weird.” concern in your voice, you tried to pry an answer out of your boyfriend. he sat next to you on the loveseat of your shared apartment, fist mushed into his cheek as he rested his head on his hand. toji didn’t even look at you, just cut his eyes away from you at every question.

“i told you, i’m fine,” toji sternly replied, his tone was one of those that told you to drop it.

“you’re not, something’s going on,” you look at him with your body turned towards him, and he continues his stoic stare into the wall.

toji looked so bored, with his scarred lips turned into a slight frown. he had begun to form small dark circles under his eyes, too, and the stubble on his face had began to grow to new lengths. he simply looked disheveled.

“toji, please,” you pleaded, not knowing exactly what you were asking for – you just needed something, anything to go off of and help him. you inched closer to him to wrap an arm around him, but he quickly tried to move your arm off him.

“listen, mama – i mean-,” toji stuttered, too fast before he could realize his mistake, “shit.”

you drew yourself away from him quickly, looking at toji with wide eyes. he turned his head away from you in shame, not allowing you to look him in the eyes – as he knew it would only make him feel guilty.

what the hell? –

you knew he didn’t mean it as a cute nickname. he was calling out to his wife. you felt the small shattering begin inside your chest, a painful pang of heartbreak forcing its way into you.

no, it was just an honest mistake, right?

just a small indicator that toji still thought about his wife, maybe a lot, more often than what you hoped.

just a small indicator that you’ll never be the woman he loves.

make no mistake about that.

silence fell over the room, piercing nothingness filled both of your ears as you began to grow upset. upset would’ve been an understatement, though. you were devastated.

toji curled up into his side of the couch in shame for a few minutes, minutes that felt like long, strenuous hours. you just looked at him in shock, then down at the ground, genuinely unsure of how to react to what he said.

everything was clear,

you weren’t the woman he thought about. his thoughts were constantly filled with his wife, he looked for her in every woman he tried to settle down with – but to no avail, of course. toji would never find the woman he was looking for; because the woman he was looking for was gone.

toji fixed his posture after a few moments, “listen, i’m sorry, i just…” he trailed off, raking his fingers through his hair in shame and confusion. he didn’t know what to say, or how to make the situation any better. he had ruined it all by the slip of his tongue.

“it’s fine, toji,” you mumbled, looking back up at toji with sad eyes.

he looked utterly ashamed of himself in that moment, a pathetic mess of a man you hadn’t seen from him before. so much vulnerability radiated from him. he pitifully looked you in the eyes, leaning back against the couch tiredly. he just looked so sad. there was a pain behind his eyes you hadn’t seen over the months of you dating.

the next words he spoke to you broke you indefinitely,

“you just remind me of her, so much.”

taglist: @kundere20000000 @missakward123 @lagataprrr @cherriee-ee @ourfinalisation @shiroganekagami

let me know if u want to be added!

[tragedybunny]

Things my heart used to know, things it yearns to remember - Astarion x F!Reader

Astarion sometimes has trouble sleeping now that he no longer can walk in the sun.

The sun is high overhead, the daylight shining at its brightest, playing off the water dancing in the fountain below the window of your rented room. The inn is nice, the owner a sweet older lady who doesn't ask questions about unusual sleeping habits of guests. Turning back from the window, you draw the drapes over it, shutting off the light from the room. "You need to get some sleep, love." 

Astarion looks up from where he was seated on the bed reading, a safe distance from errant sunbeams and sighs, reluctant even if he's clearly exhausted. "I know, you don't need to fuss over me all the time," he snaps the book shut to accent his peevish tone. You don't respond, giving his temper a moment to cool. Red eyes look down at the floor after a second, "I'm sorry darling, you know I hate it. And it feels worse today."

Ever since he had to go back to life out of the sun, sleeping has been fraught for him. Some days, like today, he's put it off for several days, and he's weary and irritable. "I know." Crossing the room, you take his hands. "It's alright,” your hands squeeze his, “but I really can’t have you on the road to Waterdeep this exhausted.” Despite the way he's changed, Astarion is Astarion, and you love all of him, even the parts that are still hurt and angry. 

“Why couldn’t Gale just teleport us or something? He’s a shit wizard.” You almost retort about him insulting his friends, but then his lips reverently kiss both your hands. "Lay down with me for a little while?" 

"Of course." Letting go of his hands, you wait until he's under the covers and then lay down next to him, arm wrapped protectively over him. 

This has become something of a ritual between the two of you whenever he’s afraid to sleep. Some days he’s afraid he’ll wake back up in Cazador’s manor, some days it’s fear that you’ll be gone when sunset comes, and on others, it’s the memory of faces, lured to their doom in the night. Only once did you make the mistake of walking away after an argument, and leaving him trapped alone in the day. You’d found him after, curled up under a blanket, terrified you’d never come back, knowing he couldn’t even try to find you until after dark. It had taken almost a week to get him to sleep again. Gently, you kiss the top of his head and run a hand through his silver curls. “Love you Sunlight,” his eyes have finally closed and you can feel him relaxing. 

“Love you too, Starry Sky.” Very softly, you start to sing a lullaby, one your favorite Nurse used to sing to you, an ancient tune, passed down for generations. Your noble parents didn’t necessarily make a loving childhood a priority, but you do have more warm memories than him, and this is one of the few ways you can share them. Fingers move from his hair to his back, tenderly stroking it while you sing. The way he responds to the old Elven song, you wonder if someone sang it to him over two hundred years ago, someone who loved him just as much as you do now. 

“Promise you’ll be here when I wake up,” he murmurs, half-asleep at last. 

“I promise Astarion, I’ll always be here.” 

[traincat]

Hi! I was rereading your fics and noticed that in Sticks and Stones you mentioned referencing Claremont's F4 run. Now it's haunting me because I can't find where their origin is brought up 🥲 So sorry if this has already been asked/answered, but perchance do you remember which issue it was 😅 (if not or even so, do you have any other good F4 origin moments?)

No worries, I've got you. It's a little hard to find if you don't know where to look.

This is a flashback from Fantastic Four v3 (1998) #11-12, which recontextualizes the crash and turns it into a horror story for more than just Ben. Claremont is really interesting as a Fantastic Four writer, and he loves thinking through the implications of Johnny's powers. Here, Johnny absorbed the heat from the shuttle crash, but he can't hold onto it and he goes Nova. The only reason he doesn't kill Reed and Sue accidentally is because Ben shields them with his rocky body. It's a really interesting interpretation because it sets up this dynamic between Ben and Johnny where they can fight with each other because they can't really physically hurt each other unless they're really trying. Ben has a degree of protection against Johnny's flames, and Johnny is fast and fiery. Claremont loves Johnny's powers, though, and he puts a ton of thought into what Johnny can and can't do with them. He also writes a very introspective Johnny. He's one of my top writers of all time for Johnny characterization.

(Just don't go into his run expecting the plot to make sense. It won't. But the characters are fun and the interactions are all really charming. He introduces three new female characters who are all great, too.)

In terms of Johnny's relationship to his powers -- specifically a negative relationship, not just the joy we usually see from him -- I also really recommend the Burn! storyline, which encompasses the first six issues of the Human Torch (2003) miniseries. It's kind of an origin story? It starts before Johnny goes to space with the others and then picks up after the crash, when he returns to high school suddenly not the loser weird kid. Fast forward a few years and his old high school enemy looks him up to ask for his help solving a series of mysterious murders involving the victims being burned alive. Fun stuff, really great ruminations on Johnny, his understanding of fire, and the amount of control he has to exert every day.

(Human Torch #3) You're going to have to put up with a lot of very early 2000s art. It's worth it.

Also not really an origin story but useful in understanding Johnny's origins is the Sue and Johnny power swap arc.

(FF #520) To save Sue's life, Reed swaps her powers with Johnny's, but the timing is pretty bad. Galactus takes Johnny as his herald, while Sue struggles with keeping Johnny's powers under control.

But okay, Fantastic Four origin stories, a crash course. This isn't totally comprehensive, just kind of a collection of my favorites and ones I find interesting.

Fantastic Four (1961) #1: The mother of all origin stories. Pretty one and done. We have to beat the commies to the moon! Cosmic rays! Shuttle crash! We've changed in horrible and fantastic ways! The world will never be the same! It's worth reading if you haven't read it before, but it's no Amazing Fantasy #15.

Byrne's retcon: Byrne doesn't particularly do anything interesting regarding the crash, but it's useful to know the changes he did make to the origin, because they were a point of contention for a long time. In Lee and Kirby's run, Sue and Reed are established as next door neighbors and childhood sweethearts. It's all very sweet. Byrne, though, LOVES an age gap with an older man and a younger woman. This is a theme you'll see repeatedly if you follow his work. Byrne retconned things so Reed first met Sue when he was renting a room at her aunt's house when he was in college and Sue was twelve. It's not great, but it does introduce the concept of Sue and Johnny living with their aunt after their father's incarceration. No run previously had ever mentioned such a thing. While the age gap was both immediately retconned out (Simonson did it as soon as he took the reins, establishing Reed and Sue as college friends, but it didn't stick) and eventually retconned out (Fraction retconned it so that Reed did stay at Aunt Marygay's boarding house but that Sue was over eighteen), the boarding house origin stuck. Not much to do with the actual "getting powers" aspect but interesting in terms of where Sue and Johnny were living when they met Reed and Ben.

Fantastic Four Mythos: Now we're cooking. Mythos is a beautifully illustrated oneshot retelling of how the Fantastic Four gained their powers. It's gorgeous, fun, and emotional. It's probably my second favorite origin story after Claremont's take.

Mythos posits that the emotional state the four were in at the time they were cosmically irradiated is responsible for their powers. Sue was trying to hide, Reed was trying to reach her, Ben was shielding Johnny, and all Johnny could think was that it was hot. It's an interesting interpretation. Sidenote, I'm pretty sure the new Fantastic Four movie is drawing inspiration from Mythos, just based on the visuals.

I love him so much. Idiot baby.

Fantastic Four: First Family: Oh boy where to go with this one. I don't dislike it, and I think it explores the origin in a much more realistic way, but I wouldn't say it's my favorite. First Family is a miniseries that takes a more grounded approach to the origin story. After the crash, the four are imprisoned on a military base as they adjust to their powers.

I think there's a lot of interesting ideas in this version, but I wouldn't really recommend it to any new readers as an origin story. I think it's more of an interesting way to examine things after you're already basically familiar with the FF's early days if you want to see a more grounded take on the origin.

Fantastic Four: Season One: Another miniseries retelling the origins. Is it good? Not particularly. Is it shiny? Yes. Does aged up Johnny work as a pinup model before the accident? Also yes.

It's giving the Chris Pine leather pants desert photoshoot. Again, not my first pick for an origin story by far, but if you want to read some mildly campy nonsense, you could do worse. If you don't want to read it, which is like, probably the smarter idea, please note that Johnny registered the domain name hottieonfire.com and that he's obsessed with the whale from the American Museum of Natural History. Samesies.

Ultimate Fantastic Four #1-5: This feels like the equivalent of going "want to make some bad decisions." Ultimate FF is NOT good. I know I've said that a hundred times. I've also read it a hundred times so who's the idiot now. I do think the origin is an interesting take on things, though, and like First Family it's more grounded in the exploitation of the Fantastic Four by the military. So not good, wouldn't recommend it as baby's first Fantastic Four origin, but not completely not worth reading.

Origin stories I don't recommend:

Fantastic Four v2 (1996): This is when the FF got bubble universed. It's basically a retelling of the early days that doesn't add anything new or interesting.

Fantastic Four: Life Story: Life Story was an interesting experiment. The idea was to have a six issue miniseries where each issue took place during a specific decade -- issue #1 would be the 60s, #2 would be the 70s, etc -- moving the characters through those decades aging in real time and dealing with both the major storylines of those decades as well as the real world events that were happening. Like I said, interesting experiment. The actual comics, though, and I'm counting the Spider-Man one here too, were bad. Like so bad. I'm going to give you the only thing of note in it here and then you don't have to read it. (Don't let this fool you into thinking the rest of the comic is progressive in any way; the writer decided Jewish Ben should say pork was "the food of the Gods" and also that Romani Dr. Doom should put people in concentration camps. Whole yikes.)

(FF Life Story #2) That figure sitting in bed with Johnny sure looks like a guy. Interestingly, for your value of interesting, "perpetual bachelor" Johnny dies in 1986 in issue #4, and issue #5 immediately opens with T'Challa creating a cure for AIDS. Take that one as you will.

One final kind of a rec. This isn't really an origin story for the Fantastic Four as characters, but rather a retrospective meta take on the creation of the Fantastic Four as a series. Fantastic Four: Unstable Molecules is an Eisner winning miniseries dedicated to the fictionalized "real people" who inspired the Fantastic Four, positing that one night at a dinner party on Long Island, two comic book creators encountered a family fight so epic it inspired them to create a comic book. Deeply introspective, it's take on Johnny and the Mole Man (yes really) really shines.

(Unstable Molecules #3) Sorry to turn this into a "Johnny is flaming" discussion once again. It just kind of comes up naturally when you look at his origin stories.

[scarletwitchproperty]

Your eyes whispered have we met? - Chapter 1

(i promise the picture will make sense for this first chapter, but like...Taylor in a suit...)

Pairing: Taylor Swift x Fem!OC (I swear I started writing this as a Taylor x Reader but I felt weird writing y/n even if I read xReader fics lmao), Taylor Swift x Joe Alwyn (it's short lived I swear)

Words: 4,9k

Summary: What started as a normal day at work ends in a way you never would've imagined...

Warnings: a little bit of angst I guess?, there's kissing involved and that's about it...I think for this one

masterlist

Enchanted to meet you (maybe?)

Standing out has been the norm for you for quite a while now. You live in a world where people know who their soulmate is just by looking someone in the eye and feeling pain in your dominant hand, and despite having met a lot of people through your twenty-seven years of life, no one was it for you yet. All your friends had met their soulmate, your best friend since primary school having met theirs in high school, your sister already married and having two kids with hers. Usually one would meet their soulmate before reaching their twenty years of age, but people not knowing who their person is was not unheard of, just like you. The longing inside you still wouldn’t disappear knowing others were in the same boat as you. Nobody could tell you how to feel, that’s one thing that couldn’t be taken away from you.  

You just couldn’t quite escape being reminded about soulmates every day, you worked at a nursery after all. All the parents looked so sickly in love it made your heart ache every single time you saw them. 

‘’Charlie? Earth to Charlie!’’ 

You blink, confused as you found yourself looking into your best friend/coworker’s eyes from the floor. Your hearing came back to you, the children’s loud laugh making you wince as one ran passed you and tripped on his own feet, landing right on your left foot. You took the now crying child in your arms and met your friend’s gaze. 

‘’What’s up Sam?’’ 

‘’What do you mean what’s up? I just asked you if you wanted to come with me to the Tonight Show? My friend working there was able to invite me in, and I’m allowed a plus one,’’ Sam prevented another child from falling as she continued talking to you. ‘’Are you on or not? It’s tonight!’’ 

‘’I thought you would take Alex with you?’’ 

‘’Nah, she can’t come. She just texted me that her work scheduled a last minute meeting for tonight,’’ Sam feigned being hurt, hand over her heart and everything, a big grin on her lips as the children giggled at her. ‘’What kind of wife is she, putting her work before her own wife?’’ 

‘’Someone who values rent money?’’ 

‘’Too true friend, too true.’’ Your friend got up to retrieve a little boy’s comforter stuck under a table and handed it back to him. ‘’She would’ve been so happy to go with me too! She loves the artist that they’re about to interview!’’ 

‘’Really? Who is it?’’ 

‘’Good gods Charlie, you were really out of it!’’ Sam rolled her eyes and sat back down next to you. ‘’Only the best singer in the world right now, Taylor Swift! Her new album came out like three days ago!’’ 

It was your turn to roll your eyes right then. Taylor Swift was all your friend could talk about since forever, as she became an instant fan as early as the singer’s first ever album came out. You heard her and so many people talking about the singer that it made you sick and you refused to join in. Of course you heard some of her songs on the radio or on a random Spotify playlist, but you never really bothered to listen to the woman’s songs on purpose nor have you ever seen her face. 

Yes, shocking. Your best friend was one of the singer’s biggest fan and never in her sixteen years of career have you bothered looking her up to see what she looked like. You just knew that she was blonde and had these killer blue eyes that could fold anybody (Sam’s words, not yours), and that she was nice. Allegedly. 

Modern music just wasn’t your thing. 

‘’Alright stop looking at me with those eyes, I’ll come,’’ you relented as you pointed a menacing finger your friend’s way. ‘’But! You pick up my early shift tomorrow, I can already feel the headache coming!’’ 

‘’YES! Thank you Charlie, thank you!’’ 

The end of the day couldn’t come faster than it did, and before you knew it you said goodbye to the last child, an eighteen months old little boy who refused to let go of you when his dad came to pick him up until said parent produced a pacifier out of his pocket, and closed up the nursery. 

Sam was waiting for you outside, claiming that you would be late to the show if you went back home to change. As you situated yourself in the passenger seat of her car, Sam looked at you with a strange look on her face. 

‘’What is it?’’ 

‘’What? Can’t I look at my best friend?’’ 

‘’Not if you’re silently judging her.’’ 

‘’I’m not!’’ Sam protested as she started her car, driving out of her parking spot. ‘’Fine I lied but…Earlier you had this look on your face, I just didn’t want to talk about it in front of the kids.’’ 

‘’Well out with it!’’ 

‘’Are you still sad about not finding your soulmate?’’ Your heart dropped in your stomach as Sam kept on talking, oblivious to your unease. ‘’Your eyebrows were scrunched in the way that they always are when you think about finding the one, and you clearly zoned out on me mid-conversation. I mean I don’t blame you for that, Lord knows how many times I do it too, but are you sure that you’re okay?’’ 

‘’Yeah, I’m sure.’’ You look back at Sam with the least genuine smile you could muster. ‘’I made peace with it. I don’t care how long I’ll have to wait for my soulmate. I’ve waited twenty seven years already, what’s a few more? Besides, I’ve grown used to living alone. I’m fine, I promise.’’ 

And that was the biggest ball of bullshit you’ve ever said. You knew it, and by the look on Sam’s face she knew it too but she clearly knew when and where to pick her battles and right now was neither the place nor the time to do it. She sighed and continued driving for at least thirty minutes before she could find a good parking spot not too far away from the building you were supposed to go in. 

You didn’t know why but as you sat down in your assigned seat in the audience, Sam vibrating in excitement next to you, nerves wracked your entire being. Your breathing picked up as you realized how many people were there, and while you could usually do with a small crowd, the setting was starting to get to you. Too many people made you panic, too many unknown factors, so few exits, so many ways in which it could get dangerous…

‘’Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome eleven times Grammy Award winner and International superstar, Taylor Swift!’’ 

Your heart slowed down as your eyes zeroed in on a tall blonde woman dressed in this black and white chevron suit tailored to fit her body to perfection, watching her like a hawk and your mouth wide open as she made her way to one of the two armchairs next to Jimmy Fallon’s desk. The manner in which she held herself captivated you so much so that you didn’t feel yourself falling forward until Sam caught you by the shoulders and saved you from a very embarrassing drop. 

‘’Charlie be careful, you could’ve gotten hurt!’’ Sam smirks at you as you blink owlishly up at her. ‘’Also you might want to wipe the drool off your face, someone might see.’’ 

You quickly swiped your hand over your mouth, and upon feeling no wetness there and therefore realizing that your best friend was just messing with you, you sock her on the back of her head and look forward to the interview taking place. Jimmy Fallon had his hands on both sides of a vinyl, holding it up and showing it to the audience. You briefly glance at it, fleetingly admiring the simple yet beautiful cover it displayed before your eyes were inevitably drawn back to the singer’s side profile like a moth to a flame. 

Only half of Taylor Swift’s face was available for you to look upon, and yet it was all it took for you to be hypnotized and tune everything out around you. From the line of her jaw, to the shape of her nose and the curve of her lips, the singer was the most gorgeous woman you’ve ever had the chance to set your gaze upon. 

How was it that today was the first time you’ve laid eyes on her? How much time have you lost not gazing upon such a masterpiece? 

‘’In just one day of sales, it became the top-selling album of the year already,’’ Jimmy chuckles as he reads the information on his card, seemingly surprised. ‘’Yeah, in just one day of sales. Of the whole year! ‘Midnights’ broke Spotify’s record for most streams in a day. Today the top ten songs on Apple Music and Spotify are from ‘Midnights’. By the way you can plug your ears because I’m going to just keep going.’’ 

‘’No, I like it too much!’’ 

The genuine joy and pride in Taylor’s voice at her own accomplishment made you feel all warm inside, yourself somewhat feeling proud at the artist’s prowess despite never really taking time out of your day and life to actually discover her work. It’s like the singer was bringing about this unexplained joy in you just by talking and existing just feet away from you. 

You smiled even more as Taylor shyly hid herself while Jimmy rattled off another fact about her brand new album, the artist’s smile peaking out from behind her hand as if it was too large for her to contain. 

As time went on, you could feel your best friend Sam trying to get your attention, but all you could focus on was the singer being interviewed in front of your eyes. There was talk of the re-record of an album called ‘Red’ (you didn’t know what this meant for the singer but the tone of voice she used clearly meant that it had some deeper history behind it), ‘Folklore’ and ‘Evermore’ being described as albums used by the singer to tell a story, and Taylor’s overall feeling of being overwhelmed by the show of love and support that her fans kept bringing her and surprising her with each time she put out a new album. 

‘’When it’s time, we’ll do it.’’ 

You found yourself getting excited as Taylor talked about a potential tour for her new album. Her and Jimmy both chuckled as they looked away from each other, this being your occasion to really look upon the singer’s entire face. How was it possible to look so powerful and delicate at the same time? 

‘’I miss it, I really miss it. You know, when you write songs, and you’re proud of the songs, and you have the fans reacting, the most potent way that you can see them react is when you’re looking into their faces.’’ Taylor makes a short pause as she briefly looks at the floor and once again looks at Jimmy. ‘’Do you know what I mean? I miss that a lot. I really miss that connection.’’ 

‘’Well, they’re looking at you right now!’’ 

Jimmy Fallon gestures to the crowd and Taylor follows the movement, looking up just as you jump from the host to the singer. For a glorious second the singer looks you in the eye and smiles at you, but just as she turns her gaze away to do the same with another fan your right wrist starts to throb like a goddamn building fell on top of it. 

‘’MOTHERFUCKER!’’ 

The effect is immediate. All eyes turn as one, the mounting embarrassment evident on Taylor’s face as time drags on and she realizes everyone heard her outburst. Shame colors her face as she tries to hide it beneath her left hand, and slowly but surely the whispers amongst the audience start again. 

Nobody notices the understanding horror rising on your face as you watch the singer cradle her right hand to her chest. 

No. Fucking. Way! 

‘’Oh my god I’m so sorry I don’t know what came over me!’’ Taylor excuses herself countless times, her entire face turning red as Jimmy Fallon chuckles at her. The singer was trying to rub the pain away, her stunning pools of blue scanning the audience at the same time, looking for someone. Looking for you. Her next words make you freeze in panic, the implied meaning behind them clear to everyone. ‘’I only just looked up and my wrist started hurting.’’ 

Shit. 

Taylor looks at you from across the room, a flicker of hope in her eyes. You could almost see the relief on her face when she quickly glances down to see you holding your wrist against yourself just like she was. She meets your eyes once more, smirking when she sees you look like you just got caught stealing from the cookie jar, and nods imperceptibly to your left where you knew the exit was. It was as if she was trying to tell you something. 

I’ll see you after this, her eyes were telling you. 

‘’Charlie! Charlie, holy shit! Do you know what this means?! The entire world was a witness to the exact moment where the iconic Taylor Swift met her soulmate! They could literally be anyone in this room! I wonder who it could b-‘’ Sam gasps as she finally takes a good look at you, noticing your frozen state. But more importantly noticing the way you are wincing and trying to alleviate the pain in your own wrist, just like Taylor. ‘’You have got to be fucking kidding me! It’s you!’’ 

‘’Shhhhhh! Not so loud!’’ You look around in alarm, noticing one girl two rows in front of you looking on with a suspicious look in her eyes. ‘’Someone might hear you!’’ 

‘’No shit girl! Do you realize what this means?!’’ Sam takes you by the shoulders and crushes you against her. ‘’All the times you bitched to me about not finding your soulmate when you could’ve found her years ago! You literally refused to go to with me to the meet and greet of the 1989 Tour you little shit!’’ 

Tears gather in your eyes as more than a handful of people are starting to take notice of your conversation. If you had felt a minute amount of happiness when you realized that Taylor Swift was, in fact, your soulmate, it was all gone now.   

The interview kept going, and yet all you could now focus on was the people throwing you nasty looks as Sam continued talking. At least half of the audience had their eyes on you, looking you over in silent judgment. 

It didn’t take long for their words to reach your ears.  

‘’That’s her soulmate?’’ 

‘’She doesn’t look like much.’’ 

‘’I bet she doesn’t even know Taylor as much as I do.’’ 

‘’Taylor could do so much better!’’ 

‘’Isn’t she still with that Joe guy?’’ 

‘’Who even is she?’’ 

‘’I bet Taylor’s going to reject her!’’ 

‘’Yeah! I mean look at her, who would want that?’’ 

Your heart was in pieces and you were full on sobbing by the end of the interview. But,  despite the unpleasant things said to and about you, you couldn’t quite bear to have Taylor out of your sight. She had looked up as the foul whispers started with a glare on her face, and had kept her eyes on you ever since. 

You were indubitably scared of what being her soulmate meant, but all that fear went away as soon as you locked eyes with Taylor. The singer had quite literally bewitched you with a single look, and you could feel yourself falling for her the more you looked at her. Not a word exchanged between you two and yet she already had you wrapped around her fingers. 

Fingers, huh? 

‘’Charlie come on, the interview’s finished we have to go now,’’ Sam attempts to shake you out of your Taylor induced reverie. She let out a huge sigh as she saw that your eyes were still on the singer. ‘’Come on girl, we have to be at work early tomorrow.’’ 

‘’Do you know if there’s a bathroom nearby?’’ you get up, ignoring the pointed stares you now received from everyone. ‘’I feel dizzy.’’ 

‘’Yeah, I think I saw one on the way.’’ 

Your best friend grabbed you by the arm and made her way through the people exiting the room. Not even two minutes later and you were standing in front of the women’s bathroom. 

‘’I’ll stand guard if you want,’’ Sam opened the door, fingers up against her face like a ninja.  She stops you just as you go to close the door ‘’Don’t listen to these girls. I know you and I know you’re going to overthink it, but don’t listen to them. They don’t know what they’re talking about.’’ 

‘’I’ll try not to.’’ 

As soon as the door was closed you went to the sink to splash some water on your face. 

A soulmate. You had a soulmate. After all these years you had found them, her. Taylor Swift. What would your mother say? What about your sister, your nephews? Oh god, never mind what your family would say, but what about hers? Would her mother think you were nice enough? Would her father deem you worthy of his daughter? 

You shake your head. There you go, overthinking it like usual. 

Head against the wall next to the sink, you take some deep breaths. What was she doing now? Was she calling her friends, her family? Was she trying to find you? Or did she leave the building already, forgetting about you? 

Panic seized you and you stop breathing for a second. Were those girls right and Taylor was going to reject you? 

You barely pick up the sound of the door opening, too busy crying once again with your arms wrapped around yourself. Would she even want you? Were you even worth her time? Would you be enough for her? 

Soft hands took yours away from where they were tugging on your hair and a warm body wrapped itself around you before you could register what was happening. 

‘’Darling breathe, don’t pass out in my arms please.’’ 

It was Taylor. Taylor Swift was holding you to her body like you were the most precious thing she ever touched. 

You blinked, a blush rising to your face as you looked up and found yourself lost in electric blue eyes. 

‘’That’s it darling, you’re doing good. You’re doing so good for me.’’ Taylor smiled at you, her right hand cupping your cheek as she presses her forehead against yours. You breathed slowly, in and out, just like she told you. She smiled, a smile so blinding that it nearly brought you to your knees. That woman was definitely going to be the death of you. ‘’You’re doing such a good job for me Charlie. Such a good girl for me.’’ 

‘’I just- you just- what?’’ 

‘’I’m sorry was that too much? I’m sorry if I overstepped, I did not mean to make you uncomfortable.’’ Taylor made to step away from you, but you stubbornly held onto her. She felt warm against you, the kind of warm that made you want to wrap yourself in a blanket in front of a fire and take a nap. You never wanted to loose the feeling. ‘’Looks like I have a very clingy soulmate on my hands then.’’ 

You whispered something so low that even Taylor couldn’t hear. 

‘’What was that darling?’’ 

‘’I said-said- dammit. I said are your going to reject me?’’ 

‘’Darling, respectfully, but what the fuck?’’ Taylor seemed horrified by your question, as if even the simple thought of the words were making her sick. ‘’Who said anything about rejecting anyone? Tell me, I’ll sue them.’’ 

‘’Hey no! Don’t do that,’’ you sighed and suddenly looked away from her, your ears picking up on voices from outside the room. You panicked as you recognized some of them from earlier. ‘’I’m not worth it.’’ 

Taylor studied your face intently, a frown marring her own. 

‘’Did someone say something to you that made you feel that way?’’ 

You closed your mouth, looking away from Taylor. You felt a delicate finger on your chin and once again found yourself getting lost in your soulmate’s eyes. 

‘’Darling if this is gonna work, we need to communicate. I’m not a mind reader, I don’t know what’s going on in that pretty head of yours,’’ Taylor once again puts her forehead against yours, smirking at the blush covering your face. ‘’I can’t force you to talk, but I really need to know who made you think I would not want you. Whoever it is clearly doesn’t know me.’’ 

‘’Do they not? I mean, they made some really good point,’’ you sighed as you looked down, hands fiddling with the lapel of Taylor’s blazer, unaware of the glare on her face. ‘’You’re…you. You’re Taylor Swift, international superstar. Up until today I didn’t even know what you looked like. My best friend is one of your biggest fan and for sixteen years she didn’t even succeed at making me listen to your music. You have like a bajillion music out there and the only one I know is ‘Come in With the Rain’, and I don’t even know which album it is from but I know about it because my best friend puts it on every time it rains for some reason. For god’s sake I’m a nobody. I work in a nursery, I get covered in questionable food every day and I come home covered in paint and more often than not children’s snot. I get sick literally every other week. I’m fucking nothing compared to you.’’ 

You expect the glare Taylor has on her face. What you don’t expect is for her to put her hands on either side of your face and pull you towards her. The room, the entire world falls away as her lips cover yours in a soft yet demanding kiss. The world behind your closed eyes erupts into colors you didn’t even see with anyone else before, and somehow you manage to stay standing as Taylor steals your breath away. Her lips are as soft as you would expect, expertly exploring your mouth like she knows what to do to make you react how she wants. Her thumb applies a tiny amount of pressure on your neck and you a let out an obscenely loud moan that would’ve embarrassed you were you not being kissed like your life depended on it. Taylor’s tongue meets your own and it’s like the universe stops, you quickly loosing the battle as you let yourself be played by the mastermind that is your soulmate. Soulmate that is slowing down her movements, languidly kissing you until she pulls away. 

You’re out of breath, this time not out of panic, but you would go back to kissing Taylor if it meant not being apart from her. You tug on her collar, whimpering as she kisses the tip of your nose. 

‘’Did you want me to stop?’’ 

‘’Quite the opposite, please Taylor-‘’ 

You two are forced apart as the door to the bathroom opens with a bang, quite a large group of women and a tall blond man now standing there looking at Taylor and you with narrowed eyes. 

The singer looks like a deer in the headlights before she turns to you with the most regretful look on her face. 

‘’I’m so sorry darling. I’ll fix it, I promise.’’ 

You don’t understand what she means, but all you can do at the moment is helplessly watch as the man grabs her by the waist and kisses her soundly on the mouth. He kisses her and looks you in the eye at the same time, a malicious look to his eyes as he wraps his arms around Taylor’s waist. The man is clearly taunting you, in the same way that a jailer would dangle food in his prisoner’s face, dangling it right in front of you as if saying ‘look, look at what you can’t have. It’s mine.’

You’re physically numb, numb to your own tears running down your face, numb to the pain you still feel in your wrist. Your heart is crushed to pieces and you don’t realize you’ve fallen to the ground until you look up at a commotion and see Sam pushing through the crowd to get to you.

‘’Excuse me, would you just- Please move, I’m trying to get in there to my-Shit.’’ Sam freezes as she reaches the front of the crowd. One look at what’s still happening feet away from you is all it takes for a seething look to take over her face. She’s angry on your behalf, and you know she wants to cause a scene, but she’s not blind to the many people with their phones out, and a single look your way is her dealbreaker. Your best friend rushes to your side and crushes you in a hug. ‘’It’s going to be okay Charlie. Come on, let’s get you up. Tell you what, we’re having a sleepover at my house. Sounds good?’’ 

You don’t react, your eyes locked on Sam but unblinking. She grabs you by your right wrist by accident, but you don’t even react to the pain anymore. Sam curses under her breath as she pushes people away, and you can vaguely hear someone else call after you but you don’t want to look back. You wouldn’t be able to handle it, seeing what was yours for a stolen moment in a bathroom. What should’ve been yours forever. 

The universe is unjustly cruel. Making you wait years for you to find your soulmate, only to get her taken away from you right under your nose by someone who’s name you don’t even know. 

You are so out of touch with reality that you don’t come to until you’re wrapped up in a blanket and sitting on your best friend’s couch in the living room. Sam is trying to provoke a reaction out of you, softly poking you in the cheek, but nothing. Alex, your best friend’s wife, comes in your field of vision with a glass of water in her hand. 

‘’Is she okay?’’ Alex sits down, taking the tv remote and flipping through the channels. ‘’What happened?’’ 

‘’Charlie found her soulmate.’’ 

‘’That’s great!’’ Alex startles as you break into heaving sobs, further burrowing yourself inside the blanket wrapped around you. ‘’Okay, not so great then. Did something happen?’’ 

‘’She-she kissed me. Made me feel-feel things,’’ you manage to say, eyes peeking out of your blanket.  You’re oblivious to the surprised look all over Sam’s face at your admission. ‘’She made it seem as if-as if she would hurt anyone who said that she didn’t want to be with me. She hugged me, and it felt so good. It made me think, even if it was just for a moment, that someone like her would love someone like me. She’s so pretty, I just want to keep looking at her for the rest of my life.’’ 

‘’Okayyy, Sam? If think she lost it.’’ 

You were about to speak, say something in your own defense, but your eyes spotted something on the tv screen that made you freeze. It was her, Taylor Swift, hand in hand with the man that single-handedly broke your heart just by existing. Your soulmate looked gorgeous on the screen, black tights on her legs with a checkered skirt covered by this really soft looking black sweater. 

Sam reached for the remote to turn the TV off, but you snatched it away before she could have it. 

‘’Joe Alwyn and Taylor Swift, breaking up? That’s right folks, your ears are not deceiving you. Late tonight, as the ‘Shake It Off’ singer attended an interview with one Jimmy Fallon, rumors say that a swearword came out of her mouth, unprovoked, and it was later revealed by Taylor Swift herself that the cause of it had been the pain she felt in her wrist as she simply looked at the audience in the studio. 

That’s right guys, you heard it. Taylor Swift has finally found her soulmate. One can wonder if the singer will choose her boyfriend of six years or this mysterious person, a woman no less? 

Sources say that the mysterious woman took off in a run with someone else, fleeing the building before they were further questioned.’’ 

A grainy picture of you getting shoved inside Sam’s car by your best friend herself showed up on screen. 

‘’Fuck. How did they even do that?’’ 

‘’SAM WHAT THE HELL?! You didn’t tell me Charlie’s soulmate was Taylor fucking Alison Swift!’’ 

‘’Well you didn’t give me the chance to tell you!’’ 

‘’This also means that Taylor Swift broke your best friend’s heart.’’ Alex turned to you, saddened by the tears running down your face as you were looking at all the pictures of Taylor and this Joe guy now popping up on screen. ‘’It will be okay Charlie. You’ll see, Taylor’s going to dump his ass for you. She would be stupid not to.’’ 

‘’ALEX!’’ 

‘’What? She could do that!’’ 

‘’But why would she?’’ You felt yourself fall to the ground in front of the couch, eyes still glued to the screen. ‘’I’m a nobody. At least he’s…something.’’ 

‘’Charlie, she’s your soulmate! Of course she’s going to leave him for you!’’ 

‘’You don’t know that Alex.’’ You wiped even more tears off your face, the blanket around you now soaked with them. ‘’She has a reputation to think of. Being with me wouldn’t help her.’’ 

‘’Oh, honey no…’’ 

a/n: yeah so here's the first chapter (there's six in total including an epilogue chapter which totals 30,9k words for the entire story) maybe I'll post the second chapter tomorrow, maybe not I don't know yet (it's finished already but I might get distracted by something else and forget about it XD )

Chapter 2

@moon-witchs-world

[cheolaholic]

SNEAK PEEK 👀 RoL (12)

a/n; small little peek of the upcoming chapter !! read it now on my patreon, or you can wait til 18th Jan 2025 KST for it to be released here & ao3 ~ ヾ(•ω•`)o

You were on a video call with Aki as you told her your plans of visiting Japan during fall break. Her eyes lit up immediately you thought light would eventually shine through them. “Really!? You’re gonna be flying in?”

Aki always said she has a black cat personality. But, you’d like to think she’s more of a golden retriever. “Yeah, we’re thinking of flying in next week.”

“Whoa. We? Are your parents joining? Also, did you move places? Thank God, but please don’t tell me it’s in another shady neighbourhood.”

“Whoa, you,” you laughed, “One question at a time, girlie. I’m flying in with my friends. Yeah, I moved places and no, it’s not in a shady neighbourhood. I’m actually sharing a place with –”

“Whoa, there. You’re sharing a place with someone? Oh my God, is this a character development?”

A knock is heard at your door and it is pushed open, “Hey, pup, Mingyu is asking –”

His words die in his throat as he sees Aki on the screen of your laptop.

Aki blinks once, then twice.

“Is that… Is that Choi Seungcheol?”

Seungcheol snaps out of his frozen state a few seconds later, snorting when he approaches you. “Well, if it isn’t Kim Aki. I do not miss you one bit.”

Aki scoffs, rolling her eyes as she flips him off. “Likewise, you asshole. But, I do miss beating your ass. In fact, I might do that when I see you in the flesh!”

And thus, it was as if the years of Seungcheol’s absence never happened. The trio dynamic remained the same – Seungcheol and Aki bickering as usual, you being the diffuser. “Okay, enough of you two bickering,” you roll your eyes, “What is it about Gyu?”

“Ah, right. Gyu wants to know if you want to book a hotel room or an airbnb,” Seungcheol responds, handing you his phone to show you the multiple screenshots of hotels and airbnbs Mingyu had sent. “An airbnb would be cheaper since we’ll split the cost, but… I’m not sure you’d want to stay in a house with four men. Especially if they’re Wonwoo and Mingyu.”

“Wonwoo and Mingyu?” Aki pipes in, “You mean the famous streamer and model?”

“It’s a long story, honestly… I’ll tell you all about it when we meet. This is something we need to have brunch over.”

“Yeah, given their… hormonal nature, I don’t think you’d wanna hear them if we share a living space.”

“What about Vernon?”

“He sleeps like a log. Literally. There was one time we rented a homestay with a karaoke system, Wonwoo and Mingyu were singing to some Adele song; you know how high notes that woman can go and… super high notes ain’t really their thing. Bro slept through the entire thing.”

“So… if WonGyu were to have a threesome, an orgy… He just sleeps through it..?”

Aki snorts through the skin, “Oh, honey, there are people who can sleep through a lot of things. I dated this one guy who slept through an entire frat party!”

Seungcheol chuckles, shaking his head, “Sounds like something Vernon would do.”

“I don’t understand,” Aki says, cocking her head to the side, “Why can’t she stay with me? My parents are more than happy to have her over.”

Seungcheol narrows his eyes, wrapping an arm around your shoulder and pulls you close, “Listen here, you prick. You’ve had her for the past five or six years. Which I do appreciate that you’ve been there and looked out for her. But, this time, she’s mine to spend time with.”

A knowing smirk tugs at Aki’s lips when she hears the way he says ‘mine’. She raises her hands up in mock surrender, “Alright~ She’s all yours. My suggestion is those three boys can rent an airbnb together or yall can share two hotel rooms. ___ can have one room while you boys share one; or two considering that streamer model duo.”

“That doesn’t sound too bad…”

“Or, you can share a room with Seungcheol.”

You looked at Aki as though a pair of dog ears had grown out of her head. “Look, by all means I am not making this sound like you are at fault. But, considering the whole stalking and assault incident, I’d say rooming with Seungcheol would be the safer option.”

“But –”

“Look, I know everyone out there makes Japan out to be this country with a super low crime rate; which is true, but when crimes do happen, it goes from one to a hundred just like that.”

Aki snaps her fingers to emphasize her point. She also heaves out a sigh, “And, the stalking cases in Japan are crazy, too… I-I just want you to be safe, ___. Plus, that man beside you is a boxer; not professional but he’s a trained boxer!”

You turn to look up at Seungcheol who seems to catch on to your upcoming question, “I’m okay with it, pup. The question is, are you okay with that arrangement?”

You’re quiet for a few moments, weighing the pros and cons (although there aren’t many cons). “Yeah, I’m okay with it.”

[delphiniumblooms]

HI @ninsletamain !!!!

HAPPY NEW YEAR and here is your gift fic! you asked for Roommates/Neighbors, College AU, Angst with a happy ending, Fantasy AU, Recovering in the sick bay, and Fix-It, and I think I've got at least half of these prompts!

Inspired by a true story from my friend Treagus and my own experiences as a college student staying in dorms :)

There is something wrong with Jyn's thermostat.

She's checked the set temperature about ten times already in the past two hours and she's sure it's at 15°C, which is the minimum. The actual temperature it's showing, however, is 35°C. Thirty-five degrees! That's almost human body temperature. And it feels like it, too. She's already stripped down to a bra and shorts, and she's still sweating.

She's opened all her windows and it hasn't even helped. There's zero breeze. It's supposed to be winter, but her weather app says it's 20°C outside. It's absolutely ridiculous. Climate change and all that, she supposes.

It still doesn't explain why it's 35°C indoors, though.

She really doesn't have time for this. She has an assignment due in two hours, but it's way too hot to concentrate properly.

She jabs at the ‘set temperature’ button again and groans. Fuck student housing and its stupid broken shit.

Maybe one of her neighbours will know what to do about it. Even if not, the stairwell has to be cooler than her room.

She crosses the landing and knocks on the door opposite hers. No answer. Bodhi must be out.

Sighing, she troops downstairs. Is she imagining it, or is it getting hotter?

She raps on the door of one of the third-floor apartments, and thankfully, it opens.

“Uh, hi,” she says to the guy who opens it. She doesn't think she's seen him before, but then she doesn't really talk to anyone not on her floor anyway.

He looks at her quizzically.

“Um, I live directly upstairs. I think my thermostat's broken. I was wondering if you know what to do about it?”

“No, sorry. I just moved in yesterday,” he replies, frowning. “I'm here on exchange.”

“Oh,” she says, then it occurs to her to ask, “Is yours working? It feels kinda hot here too.”

He looks over his shoulder, presumably at his thermostat. “Yes, I think so.”

“What temperature do you have it at?”

“25,” he says.

“Oh my god.” Everything is clicking into place now. “Why do you have it at 25? That's hotter than it is outside! No wonder it's a fucking furnace in my room. Are you insane?”

“No. I'm just cold,” he snaps, scowling, and closes the door in her face.

“Dude!” she yells. What is with this guy?

She balls her hands into fists and stomps back upstairs. Screw this. She really needs to work.

She heads back upstairs to grab her laptop and makes a quick trip to the vending machine on the first floor for a cold drink. Alternating between taking swigs from it and holding the can against her neck, she balances her laptop on her knees in the stairwell between the first and second floors and tries her damndest to bang out something halfway decent. It’s still warm here, but it’s better than upstairs.

She clicks the ‘submit’ button three minutes before the deadline and waves her hands around in an attempt to dry off the sweat on them. At least this is done.

She shuts her laptop, tosses the can into the recycling bin, and climbs the stairs. Sure enough, it’s still 35 in her room. How is she going to get any sleep tonight?

Where is that guy even from and what’s his problem? Honestly, she didn’t even know you could turn the thermostat that high. She’d complain to the resident advisor, but he’s never in. This is what you get when you pick the cheapest apartment that can’t pay its staff. Next year, she’ll save on something else and rent a nicer place.

For now, all she can do is cuss the guy downstairs out while dabbing at her armpits with a damp towel. She’s a computing student. She can handle a night without sleep.

She spends the next day asleep in all her classes, but mercifully the temperature outside dips to 5 at night, and even if the floor is a little warm it’s a lot more bearable.

A couple days later, it occurs to her that she should probably apologise to Third Floor Guy. The weather is better now, and she’s getting used to the slightly heated floor. Being hot always makes her irritable and angry, but that’s not really a good excuse to be mean to some poor exchange student. She is under no delusion that she’s a good person, but she feels like she should try. After all, when she first moved in here two years ago, it helped that Bodhi was nice to her. She knows it’s partly because her dad told him to, but that’s fine.

She tells him as much over chips in his room, and he nods. “Yeah, I think you… you should. Doesn’t hurt to… be nice.”

“Now?”

“Yeah, okay. I'll… I'll leave the door… open. For moral… moral support.”

She takes a deep breath, reminds herself that it's normal if he reacts negatively, and troops down to the third floor.

Her hand hasn't even touched the door when she realises that it's been left a little ajar. She raps on the doorframe instead, and there is a soft, pained sound in reply.

“Hello?” she whispers, a little frightened. When she gets no answer, she pushes the door open.

Third Floor Guy is lying on the floor, and oh goodness fuck there is a lot of blood.

Shit shit shit shit shit fuck. She rushes to his side and touches his face. “Hello? Hello? What the fuck happened? Are you okay?”

He doesn't respond, and she looks around in panic, trying to figure out what he did to himself. There is a smudge of blood on the corner of the desk above him, and it looks like he hit his head on it. Holy shit.

“BODHI!” she bellows. “BODHI, CALL A FUCKING AMBULANCE!”

“WHAT?” his voice echoes down the stairs.

Third Floor Guy has a head wound, and it looks like it's still bleeding.

“GET YOUR ASS DOWN HERE AND CALL AN AMBULANCE!” She tries very hard to recall whatever first aid knowledge she has, and gets up quickly, grabbing the quilt off the bed and wadding it up, pressing it to the guy's head.

Bodhi comes crashing into the room. “Ambulance called. Ho… shit.”

“Yeah,” she replies. A thought seizes her. “Oh god, what if he dies thinking I'm an asshole?”

“Don't say that!” Bodhi snaps. “Is he breathing?”

She checks. “I think…?”

“Okay. Okay. How… how long—”

“They should be here in seven minutes,” she says. “If BBC Sherlock wasn't bullshitting.”

Bodhi stares at her and takes a deep breath.

“Don't you start hyperventilating, or I'm going to too and we'll use up all the oxygen in here.”

He breathes out. “Right.”

In a few minutes the room is awhirl with paramedics and Bodhi's looking like he really wants to get out of here, but she feels compelled to make sure this poor bastard is all right.

“I'll go with him. Help clean up later?”

Bodhi grimaces and nods.

She wedges herself into the ambulance with the stretcher and studies the pale, wan face atop it. He is dark-haired, moustached, and very thin. He looks ill, and small, and she starts to feel really bad about shouting at him for being cold.

“Will he wake up?” she asks the paramedic who's fitting an oxygen mask on him.

“Depends,” they say, and she wants to throw something.

They make her stay in the waiting area while they bring him to god knows where, and she paces nervously, then looks up a Wikihow article on getting blood out of carpet and texts it to Bodhi.

Will come back to help once he's ok.

Third Floor Guy ends up needing a couple of transfusions and a huge bandage covering one eye, but the stare she receives from the uncovered one when she's allowed to see him is very much alert and hateful and immediately makes her shift uncomfortably.

“I wanted to say I'm sorry,” she tells him. “And then I found you in a pool of your own blood.”

He continues to stare at her the same way, and she wonders if he didn't understand or he's sustained some brain damage from the fall.

“You're a university student?” a nurse asks him.

He nods.

“What's your name and major?”

“Cassian Andor. Political science and mechanical engineering.”

“Oh no,” Jyn moans. “He's still addled in the head.”

The nurse completely ignores her, checking this against a file they're holding. “No cognitive impairment,” they say. “You're all right,” they add over their shoulder as they leave the room.

“Seriously?” She can't help herself.

Cassian Andor shrugs. “Double degree.”

“I'm sorry—”

“They say I have iron-deficiency anaemia. Which is why I feel so cold. I never noticed because I come from a tropical country. It was a bad fall, but I got lucky. I'll get better.”

“Oh,” she says, feeling even more idiotic and terrible. “I am so sorry.”

“I'm sorry,” he says. “It's okay that you're hot.”

“Don't apologise. It makes me feel worse.”

But he turns his face towards her and gives her a small, lopsided smile that does things to her insides, and it registers in her head what he's said.

“Bodhi from my floor is cleaning your blood out of your carpet,” she blurts, because she can't think of what else to say.

“Okay,” he says, and his smile widens. He is a sight to behold, she thinks. The white bandage in his dark hair, the smile on his pale lips, the flirty joke despite the gravity of the situation.

“I'm not sure you don't have cognitive impairment.”

He shrugs again. “Who cares?”

[insomniac4000]

Right Person Wrong Time A Willne fic

Will sat there, his blue eyes brimming with tears as he stared at the photo. You were there, big smile on your face, eyes listening, nails manicured to perfection as the diamond and sapphire ring sat on your forth finger of your left hand you held up so proudly. The problem? The man in the photo next to you wasn’t him. He was tall and with dark hair but that was where the similarities ended, his eyes were dark not only in colour but Will always thought there was a dark tone to them and he didn’t like the way he was holding your left wrist in the photo, it was possessive in nature like he was telling the whole world to back off, it was like it was a specific message to Will to leave you alone.

The first time you had introduced Will to David it was a polite meeting but awkward, it would have been obvious to anyone else that the pair took an immediate dislike to each other but were putting aside their differences for you. That was only eight months ago, a month before Will and Mia broke up and now only eight months later you two were engaged, it was moving quick, too quick for Will’s liking but he knew he had to be the supportive friend, the role he had played to you since you first met at uni.

“Come ‘ere,” Will managed to say when you had come home after your weekend away where the engagement took place. He opened his arms and you fell into them giggling, still on a high from all the excitement.

“All we need to do now is find someone for you, we’re thinking of getting married in December so you’ve got a little while to find a date,” you explained to him as the pair of you let go of the hug and made your way to the sofa.

“December?” Will asked his voice going a little high.

“I know, I know it’s soon but David said it’s doable.”

“I thought you always wanted to get married in summer,” Will replied crossing one of his long limbs over the other, his grey tracksuit bottoms riding up his ankles as he did so.

“I did, but David said doing it on our first anniversary would be sweet, and he doesn’t want to wait,” you shrugged.

“What about what you want?” Will asked. For the past few months he had grown tired of watching you bow down to David’s every whim. He knew he didn’t like David but this was more than that, he had slowly started seeing you change and he was worried for you, he had never thought David was right for you and now other people were starting to see the same thing which had only increased his worry, it had proved it wasn’t just Will’s dislike of David clouding his mind there was something happening and it only increased his concern.

“It’ll be fine, it’s just a compromise,” you explained fiddling with your hair, a habit you had since you were very young.

“Y/N a compromise means you both have to give up something. Look I’m not going to dictate anything to you but it just seems to be you’re the one giving up stuff more. You’re moving in with him even though that means giving up your dog, now he’s planning the wedding? Something just makes me feel really uneasy,” Will told you earnestly. You looked at your lap in embarrassment, Hercules was your six year old black Labrador whom you adopted four years ago. David had managed to convince you it was the best thing for you to move into his rented home rather than he move into your house which you owned, you can’t remember how it made more sense to do this but it did. The saddest part was there was a no pets rule so in a couple of weeks time Hercules was moving in with Will.

“If you’re having second thoughts about taking him then I can make other arrangements..” you suggested causing Will to shake his head furiously.

“No, I’d much rather have him here where you can see him and know he will be looked after, I just think it’s sad you’re having to give him up,” Will told you in earnest, you nodded in both understanding and in agreement as you let out a small sigh. Your life had changed so much in the last few weeks, you remember pleading with David to let you keep him, you had even argued about it, in trying to make it up to you he had booked a last minute get away to the Maldives which is where he ended up proposing. Your mind was in a spin, you had so much you needed to do and sort out and very little time in which to do it in, you didn’t know whether you were coming or going most of the time now and spent a lot of your days confused. Usually it was spending time with your friends including Will which gave you some much needed down time but right in this moment you were feeling more confused than ever.

You had cut that visit short, you genuinely had a headache but there was also a slight discomfort being on Will’s sofa that you hadn’t felt before. It was a mix of feeling there was something wrong with you being there mixed with not feeling as welcome as you had before but you couldn’t put your finger on it. Really you had mainly gone there to pick up Hercules as Will was looking after him during your break. When you got to your house you were a little surprised to see David sitting on the sofa on his laptop, he had told you he was going to work most of the day so assumed he would be at his own flat.

“Hey babe, great news,” David smiled. You frowned at the sight of his feet with his brown shoes on resting on your coffee table, it was one that you had picked up from Marketplace and had antiqued yourself. You house was small, two bedrooms and one bathroom but it was yours. You had scrimped hard to gather enough money together to buy it and you had a hobby of making furniture and interiors unique so everything in that house meant a lot to you, now you were thinking about it you were very sad that you were going to have to say goodbye to all of it.

“What?” You asked clipping off Hercules’ lead before sitting down next to him, you tapped his legs in an attempt that he would get the hint and place his feet down but he never did.

“I’ve found our wedding venue, although the only date they had was November 20th which is a little earlier than planned but we’ll sort it all out.”

“What?” You managed to choke out, to say you were in shock was an understatement, you had only been engaged for less than twenty four hours and hadn’t even talked about potential venue ideas.

“It’s the country club a friend of my uncle owns, I didn’t want to wait considering we want to get married so soon, it’s an old family friend so we can get a great deal but still need a deposit to secure the date.”

“David, please PLEASE tell me you didn’t put a deposit down?” You asked, you ran your hand down your face as you watched his mouth slightly twitch into a scowl. A country club would be way down on your list of places you wanted to get married, not that you had anything against them say but you preferred old buildings, or something a little bit different, something with character.

“Why wouldn’t I?” David replied nonchalantly not seeing the problem.

“I would like to think we would make big decisions like that together!” You exclaimed raising your voice a little, you were angry and hurt. All of the excitement over the engagement had just washed away from you, it was like all of the fun, joy and anticipation had been taken away from you.

“Well I’d like to think that my fiancée would be a bit more fucking grateful I’m actually helping out instead of sitting on my arse!” David snapped back, causing you to physically step back a little, you had never heard him that angry before and in your opinion he didn’t have a right to be.

The following day Will made his way into the office, he was filming with James which he loved, despite the challenges that came with it but he was struggling to muster up any excitement.

“Hey man, how are you?” James asked with a concerned look on his face as the northerner walked in and slammed his backpack on the desk.

“Fine,” the Geordie sighed but the musician frowned and placed a hand on Will’s shoulder.

“I saw on social media. How are you doing?”

“I was okay, she came over to get her dog and she was just so different, he’s going to control every aspect of that wedding and then her life and then I’m never going to see her again.” Will sighed in despair.

“Do you really think he’s that bad a person?” James asked, he had only met the guy once and although David seemed a bit stuck up there were no major red flags.

“He’s making her give up her dog James, the guy’s a prick. Let’s film this video,” Will added sadly taking off his hoodie to start the shoot.

Everyone in the office was worried about Will, from Mikey and Orlaith whom he saw for multiple hours a day, to Jim who saw him once a week when he travelled up to film, to other people he shared the office building with such as Chris, Theo and Chip. On multiple occasions Chris asked Will to go out with him to see if they could get him a girl and he could forget all about you but Will never took it up. Will was honest when he went onto The Fella’s podcast and said all he did was go to work, go home and watch the TV. His mind was always clouded by you, mostly the thought was were you okay as he had a feeling that deep down you weren’t happy, and Lord knew he was miserable. The two of you had met first year of uni in the halls, he had the room opposite you. He was a hapless eighteen year old who didn’t know much of anything, you taught him to cook just a few basic recipes but it stopped him from living off kebabs and vodka. When you had to move out of halls the two of you moved into a house share together with two other friends but Will then broke your heart when he  announced he wasn’t going to pursue his degree anymore. The two of you had one drunken kiss one night but when the two of you both admitted it was a mistake and you were better off friends in order to save face and that was that. Will then got a girlfriend and from that moment the pair of you had never been single at the same time. When Will got with Mia you honestly had thought that was it, they had drifted apart a couple of months before the split but by that point you had started to date David and you assumed that they would get back together. The moping shocked you a little as you had never seen Will like that before but little did you know Will wasn’t just mourning his relationship with Mia, he was also starting to mourn his friendship with you.

Will sighed when he heard a knock on the door, it was seven pm so he assumed it was some kids messing about or something wanting to sell something, the sound of the football match flowing in the background, Will wasn’t sure what the score was or who was even playing, his mind too preoccupied with other things. His phone buzzed, to his surprise he saw your name flash up, he scrambled off his sofa when he read the words ‘it’s me I’m outside’.

He opened the door, the rain hammering down causing your hair to be stuck to the side of your face, Hercules was by your side and similarly soggy.

“Come in out the cold, what’s happened?” Will asked rushed, noticing the suitcase by your other side.

“We had an argument. Will…” you started but couldn’t continue as you watched the tall man walk straight over to the kitchen. He placed the kettle on before shuffling to the bathroom, not a minute later he reappeared with two towels, throwing one in your direction before placing the other one over Hercules who thanks Will with a good shake.

“Did he hurt you?” Will asked not looking at you once, he couldn’t take it if you said yes and he could see something.

“No, well he grabbed my wrists to try and stop me from leaving,” you explained. If Will wasn’t touching your dog right now he would have balled his fists up, you continued to talk after some silence, it being evident Will wasn’t going to fill it.

“You were right Will. He’s all wrong for me, he tried to tell me it was because you were jealous but I don’t care of that’s true or not. He organised the whole wedding without me, I can’t believe I almost let him give up Hercules, I mean how stupid can I be,” you started wail, you weren’t just upset you were angry at yourself. The mullet haired man embraced you as quick as he could, the pair of you stood there swaying from side to side for a while enjoying each other’s company. You two hadn’t hugged like that since your grandmother had died.

Very few words were exchanged that night, one of the things they really treasured about their friendship was they could be in each other’s company and know exactly what the other person wanted. The spare room was offered without question, tea was drank and coffee was purchased the next morning. You thanked Will as the pair of you sipped your beverages, hot for you and cold for him.

“Can I ask you a question?” Will proposed as he swivelled in his seat to face you.

“Shoot,” you replied giving him a small smile, so much had happened over the past few days all you wanted to do was cry but you were determined to keep a smile on your face, it was just who you are.

“You said yesterday that you didn’t care if I was jealous of that arsehole or not, I just want to know what you meant?” Will felt guilty for doing so but the thing that made him up most of the night was because he was playing that part of the sentence over and over in his head, he needed to know.

“It’s not important,” you shrugged it off taking another sip of your coffee.

“It is to me. I know I was right about him but I have to be honest, part of me was jealous,” Will admitted sighing, he felt like he was going to burst if he kept it in much longer. Your eyes widened and jaw dropped as you took in the information.

“Why are you telling me this now?” You exclaimed, you’d had enough of men lying to you and using you and never thought Will would be part of that list.

“Because I’m a selfish bastard and can’t wait until you meet someone new and I go through all of this heartache again. I’m also a gentlemen and know you’re far from in the position to go down the road again, I just need you to know.” There was silence after Will spoke which was deafening to him.

“If only you had told me this five fucking years ago. You’re right Will, I need some time to get over all of this, but when I do you’ll be the first person I call,” you said placing a hand on his knee. The right time will come.

[mountttmase]

Cherry Earrings

Note - okay before we start I need you to listen to this song first, or have it on it the background cause this fic is heavily based on it. Thank you to the anons I spoke to about this a while back as it got me back into writing when I was struggling. I really hope you all enjoy and feedback is appreciated as always ❤️

Pairing - Mason Mount × Reader

Word count - 3.3K

Warnings - fluff and some suggestive content

There was something about England in the sun that always picked your mood up drastically. After months of grey skies and wind so forceful it nearly knocked you over most mornings, waking up to blue skies and the heat of the sun on your face made you happier than you ever thought it could.

It was one of those rare days that you and Mason had to yourselves. No where to be and no one to answer to but yourselves so when Mason suggested the idea of a picnic in the park near by that afternoon you were happy to agree.

You were currently in the small Sainsbury’s near your house, basket filled high with snacks and drinks for your afternoon of soaking up the sun when you realised how much crap you’d both picked up so you dragged him back to the front of the shop.

‘I think we should get some fruit Mase. What do you fancy?’ You asked, hearing him groan at the thought of something healthy.

His eyes scanned over the shelves, seemingly disinterested until his eyes lit up when they landed on what he wanted. A cheeky smirk on his face as he bought his lips to your ear and his hand that was perched on your shoulder suddenly moved down carefully to the back of your arm.

‘How about some cherries?’ He whispered, a shiver rolling down your spine at his words as his thumb lightly stroked over one particular spot. Sometimes you thought he could point out where the tiny drawing was in the dark but you suppose it helped with him having the same thing in the same place on his own body.

You laughed, picking up the box before turning to him. You knew you were blushing by the way he was looking at you and even though you were in a public place where people knew exactly who he was, you let him dip his head down to kiss you sweetly.

Matching tattoos was something you’d never thought about until that fateful night in Portland a few years ago. You hadn’t been seeing Mason that long in the grand scheme of things, the pair of you meeting when he’d accidentally stolen your taxi but since you were both going the same way you decided to share. it was very unlike you but you gave him your number when you’d both arrived at your destination, him asking to see you again and you were too blinded by his smile to disagree.

You both told each other you weren’t looking for anything too serious, but that was out the window by day three. Not able to keep away from each other for too long and you loved getting to know every inch of him. You weren’t official but you knew it was coming soon, so when he invited you away for a long weekend with some of his friends and their girlfriends you jumped at the chance.

You figured Portland was an odd choice, but after Mason explained it was out the way and hopefully they could keep a low profile you understood why and couldn’t wait to go. You’d never done anything this exciting before and the fact you got to do it with Mason made the whole trip even better.

You and Mason were sharing the loft room of the huge house you’d all rented and were using the fact that no one could hear you from all there way up their to your advantage. You couldn’t keep your hands off of each other and most nights it felt like you barely slept but on the last night things had taken a weird turn when you’d gone out for some some celebratory drinks before heading home the next afternoon.

Reece’s idea of going to bar for ‘a few’ had turned into a mini bar crawl and whilst on your way to your fourth at nearly 3am, Ben had spotted a tattoo shop tucked away in a alley next to where you were just about to enter.

‘We should so get tattoos together’ he exclaimed, throwing an arm around Masons shoulder as he pulled his date along by the hand.

‘Is that not a bit weird?’ Mason laughed, dragging you through the door and into a small booth at the back. The bar wasn’t overly loud or crowded but the boys always liked the space since they never knew who was around and you liked how they could just be themselves for a bit without constantly watching over their shoulder.

‘They don’t have to be matching, just something to remember the weekend by’ he told you all and even though everyone else seemed on board, Mason looked at you with curious eyes. Unsure of if it was something you’d be up for but you just smiled at him before giving your drink order to Ben who’s round it was.

You never seen Mason this drunk before. Not that he was hammered by any stretch of the imagination, but his little tipsy smile and soft bleary eyes were pulling at your heart strings and you couldn’t help but lean over and kiss him.

‘You two need to learn to keep your hands off each other’ Ben laughed as he made his way back, drinks for everyone and a shot as extra but Mason just pushed his shot to you.

‘Mase? Don’t you want it?’

‘I’ve had enough. You have it’ he smiled

‘Why won’t you drink with me?’ You pouted and even though you’d just been told off for not keeping your lips to yourself he lent back in to kiss you quickly.

‘It doesn’t matter. you’re having a good time right?’ He asked and you nodded at him enthusiastically. ‘Look I would, I just know there’s a long walk home. I want at least one of us to have their wits about them and I’d never forgive myself if something happened to you just because I didn’t know my limit’ he told you softly, feeling your heart thump at sweet words. Thinking about your safety when it had completely gone over the top of your head to think about anything else but what was happening in the moment.

The others had abandoned you at the table now, Mason pulling you in closer so he could kiss you again and you let him. Cupping his jaw to keep him close as his kisses were more addictive tonight and you didn’t want to be away from him. You weren’t too sure of it was the alcohol making the pair of you a bit more carefree but it’s like you didn’t care who could be watching you, you just wanted to be close.

His kisses were slow and sexy, pulling a content hum from you as he continually brushed he tongue against yours. His hands were planted on your waist as he carefully skimmed his thumbs across your skin, feeling his gentle touches through your clothes and you shivered at the intimacy of it all. You’d never kissed anyone how Mason kissed you, real kisses that made your head spin and when he bit your lip you had to stop yourself from moaning too loud. You could of kissed him forever but the sound of Reece’s laugh pulled you apart from each other.

‘You two coming?’ You suddenly heard behind you, turning to see Reece and his girlfriend looking at you with giant smiles. You’d wondered if time had suddenly passed by really quickly but a short glance at the clock behind the bar showed you’d only been here around 15 minutes or so.

‘Where?’ Mason asked as Reece began to walk away but he quickly stepped back so you could hear him.

‘Bens convinced us to get tattoos so we’re heading out. You coming?’

‘We’ll meet you in there’ Mason told him before they swayed out, holding onto each other for dear life as their legs struggled to carry them away. ‘We don’t have to, not if you don’t want to’ he said seriously.

‘Fuck it’ you laughed, downing the rest of your drink and pecking his lips again before grabbing your bag. ‘Whatever, let’s do it’

‘Promise me you’re sure’ he laughed, turning your face to him and you gave him what you thought was a reassuring smile but the alcohol pumping through you right now meant it could of looked like anything.

‘Promise. Now come on, they’re waiting’

You followed him inside the tattoo shop, noticing Ben already getting ready for his whilst Reece stood looking at the wall, trying to pick something to add to his collection. You were all going small, something silly and random but all the designs were starting to overwhelm you and you were glad you had Mason behind you for support.

‘What you thinking?’ Mason asked after a while, his chin resting in your shoulder as he held you by your waist.

‘I’m not sure, I don’t want it to be too random’ you told him, but he wasn’t listening fully. His lips on your neck placing wet open mouthed kisses that were making your tummy flutter. ‘Come on Mase, help’ you laughed, tapping his hand and he smiled into your neck before his eyes glanced back up at the wall. ‘What are you getting?’

‘I was thinking the little cherries’ he told you, nodding to the small drawing and you fell in love with them instantly.

‘Why the cherries?’

‘Cause it reminds me of the cherry earrings you’ve got in. I think they’re my favourite’ he whispered in your ear, referencing the small cherry shaped studs you’d bought in duty free on the way over and you followed his eye line to the tiny cherry symbol on the wall so you could take another look. ‘Why don’t you get it too?’

‘What, like matching with you?’

‘Yeah, I don’t see why not?’ he told you, turning your head to look up at him and he was looking back at you with a wide grin, pulling you closer to his body as he let out a little chuckle.

‘Are you sure you’re okay with the same though?’

‘Of course’

‘But what if…’ you started to ask, gulping down a nervous lump as your words trailed off. You looked down at his chest but his lips on your forehead settled you as he began to sway you from side to side softly.

‘Not gonna happen’ he spoke against your hairline quietly, making you smile that he seemed you know what you were thinking before you’d even said it. ‘And even if it does, then we’ll always be connected’ he laughed before making you look at him. ‘How I feel about you, I could never feel this way about anyone else. Known if from the moment I saw you naked’ he teased and you tapped his chest playfully. ‘If it’s too much or too soon I can pick something else’

‘No’ you smiled, shaking your before kissing him softly. ‘I think it’s cute. Let’s do it’ you told him, letting him know you were happy with your choices before you changed your mind. You knew it was crazy, you weren’t even his girlfriend officially but the thought of having tiny matching tattoos with him was an offer you couldn’t pass up.

Mason did all the talking, even offering to go first as you weren’t quite comfortable yet and you held his hand as the artist started, choosing to get it done on the back of his arm so it would be less seen. He didn’t need to as he was wearing a short sleeved top but you didn’t complain when he took it off, letting you stand and look over his perfect torso as he looked at you cheekily.

Mason eventually pulled you in between his legs so he could kiss you after a minute or so and the tattoo didn’t take much longer than that with with being so small. He hadn’t even flinched the whole time and you weren’t sure if it was the alcohol or if he just had a high pain threshold but it was sexy as hell and you knew you were giving him your come to bed eyes. You were just hoping he could see it through all the alcohol clouding your vision.

‘Last chance to back out’ he laughed as the man wrapped him up but you shook your head, determined to go through with it just as Mason had. Mason carefully helped you up onto seat where he had just been and he held onto your thigh with one hand whilst linking your fingers with the others.

‘Where would you like it?’ The artist asked and you pointed to the same place Mason had his, feeling Masons chest rumble before he placed a kiss to your cheek.

‘You guys are cute’ your artist laughed, getting settled behind you and you felt Mason squeeze your hand. ‘How long have you been together?’

‘Its funny you should ask that, It’s our four year anniversary tomorrow’ Mason chirped and you almost choked on your own breath as Mason winked at you. ‘Think it’s about time I popped the question soon huh?’

‘I mean I think I’ve waited long enough’ you replied, watching his face lighten at the fact you were going along with his silly drunken joke.

‘We pretty much know how we want the wedding to be though, don’t we babe’ he smiled and your tummy flipped at the pet name, not one he’d used on you before.

‘We sure do. Private ceremony with all our family and closest friends’

‘And then a massive party afterwards for everyone with an open bar’

‘And I’ve love a chocolate fountain’

‘And personalised cocktails. One for each of us’

‘In the evenings we’ll let everyone set off a lantern just like in tangled’

‘I definitely want our dog to be the ring barer and wear a little suit’

‘And Summer can be my bridesmaid, Mila too if she’s old enough by then’ you laughed and his whole face changed into the most loving look you’d ever seen him give you.

‘I’d love that so much’ he whispered, his drunken eyes getting a little glassy and you reached up with you free hand to cup his jaw. Kissing the tip of his nose to hopefully make him smile and lucky for you it worked.

‘Right, you’re all done’ you suddenly heard, not feeling a thing as Mason had distracted you the whole way through and you laughed as you caught sight of it in the mirror before you were all wrapped up.

Mason refused to let you pay for yours, calling it an early engagement present which no one else seemed to understand but you didn’t care. You were in your own little bubble with him and the fact you had this weird private joke going on now made you even happier.

You all compared tattoos on the way home, the others going for smiley faces or stars and they were all pretty shocked when you revealed that yours and Masons were matching but the six of you ended up in a fit of giggles when it finally hit you what you’d all done.

By the time your head hit the pillow, you were too far gone to be intimate in anyway with the man next to you so you curled up into his chest and fell asleep to the soft feeling of his fingers dancing over your back.

The next morning you didn’t want to move in fear of your brain possibly falling out of your head as it was thumping so hard. You turned to look at Mason though, still asleep beside you but he was turned with his back facing you and the first thing you saw was the two little cherries that now sat proudly on the back of his arm.

You couldn’t help but laugh, the realisation that the pair of you were now bound by a piece of fruit that was permanently etched onto your skin was funnier than it should of been and Mason eventually turned to give you a confused look.

‘You alright there?’ He smiked, pulling you flush against him and you nodded into his neck, trying to calm yourself so you could form a coherent sentence. ‘Hey, what’s so funny?’

‘Why the fuck did we get matching cherry tattoos last night?’

‘It seemed romantic at the time’ he shrugged, the smile in his voice evident but you felt it against your skin when he kissed your forehead. ‘Why, do you regret it?’

‘Not even a little bit’ you whispered, kissing his chest as you felt him relax.

‘Well thank god for that. Would of been difficult to explain to my dad that I need a tattoo removal booked in for me and my girlfriend’

‘What?’ You breathed, pulling back to look at him properly and he was giving you shy smile.

‘Well, I don’t know about you but I don’t get matching tattoos with just anybody. Figured the girl i love could do with an updated title’

‘Are you love bombing me?’ You laughed, shuffling up carefully so you were now eye level and even in his hungover state you could of sworn you’d never seen anyway look better.

‘I’m just letting you know how I feel’ he smiled but you saw his face faulted ever so slightly. ‘Thought it might of been the alcohol making me feel things last night but I still feel the same now. Why is it too much?’

‘Not at all. For the record I was hoping the boy I loved might ask me to be his girlfriend soon’

‘Oh yeah?’ He laughed, hiding his face in the pillow before peering back at you through one eye. ‘You should tell him to hurry up’

‘Nah, I’ve got you now. He can wait’ you teased, both laughing as you held onto each other. ‘Although if you make me wait four years before you propose I’m off’ you winked before leaning down to kiss him gently. ‘I mean it though, I love you’

‘I love you, too’ he smiled, pushing your head down lightly so you’d kiss him again and you shivered as you felt him lightly brush over the small tattoo as he smiled into your mouth. ‘Maybe that can be my name for you. My little cherry’ he laughed before his hand travelled down to your bum to give it a gentle squeeze.

‘I guess it’s lucky I didn’t get the banana earrings. I don’t think that would work the same’ you told him and he laughed loudly as he pulled you on top of his body.

‘No but you can call me that if you like’ he winked, tickling your sides as you buried your head in his neck. ‘It’s not little though’

‘No, Mase. You have a very big banana’ you reassured him with a roll of your eyes and he tickled your sides gently as you felt him press his hips up into you.

‘You don’t sound convinced, maybe I should remind you’ he whispered in your ear before rolling you onto your back, your finger absentmindedly tracing the new tattoo on his arm as a warm feeling rushed throughout your body. Mason was yours, and in your gut you knew this could be a forever thing. Your matching tattoos only making everything feel more real.

Thank you so much for reading, I hope you enjoyed :) I’d love to know what you thought so please feel free to comment or drop me an ask, l'd really appreciate it, much love 💕

[oddinary4bts]

The Forgotten Spaces | ch 5 (jjk)

☆summary: you've been dancing on the same dance crew since your teenage years, and you finally have an important role in it. It feels like life is taunting you when your rival comes back after disappearing for a year, ready to tease you every chance he gets. Will the teasing turn into more, or are you going to take him down with you?

☆pairing: photographer and dancer!Jungkook x dancer!female reader

☆rating: 18+ (minors DNI)

☆genre: slow (SLOW) burn enemies to lovers, college!au, slice of life!au, angst (oop), smut and fluff

☆warnings: a cancer joke about eating a burned marshmallow, mentions about Jungkook's injury/scars, alcohol, curses, a hot tub, a game of Truth or Dare; explicit content: hickeys, grinding, fingering, jerking off, big dick!Jungkook, unprotected sex (please don't be stupid), choking; angst

☆word count: 15.7k (oop)

☆series masterpost here

☆a/n: SMUT IS HERE EVERYONE. I hope you enjoy reading this one!! Thank you to @moonleeai for her beta reading on this fic, I won't ever thank you enough, you're the best <3

☆Read What Was Hidden here, the fic that inspired this whole story, written by @daechwitatamic, one of my fav human beings on this app <3 It follows the story of Jo and Taehyung before The Forgotten Spaces

☆☆☆☆☆

For this meeting of our end of the world

It's with you that I want to sing

On the threshold of the memories the dead of today

Them that breathe for us

The forgotten spaces

Je t'écris - Gaston Miron (rough translation by me)

☆☆☆☆☆

Friday, July 6th

                It’s a strange thing, how when you’ve been working on something for months, the concretisation of it passes so quickly it’s like it never happened. The auditions were like that: you barely remember yesterday. All you remember is the moment you stepped out of the scene, breath ragged, and Jungkook high-fived the whole crew.

You don’t remember listening to the results. You remember the bubbling excitement as the name of the crew wasn’t said until the very last. But you don’t remember hearing the mention you got. The highest of every crew that auditioned from your state.

Because auditions for nationals are also a competition in and of itself. An innerstate competition, and you still can’t believe you got the highest mention of your level. It’s like a dream, and everything has been moving too slow, or too fast, for you to interpret.

Yesterday was a fever dream indeed. And the whole crew knows that it’s thanks to Jungkook. He refuses every congratulation you’ve all offered him, but it’s him. You wouldn’t have gotten the diamond mention without him.

Diamond… a perfect score. You landed a perfect score on your auditions to nationals.

You will get ripped up to pieces at nationals, won’t you? It makes you anxious, but then again, you’re not sure if it’s because you will have to perform at the top of your art in a few months, or because you’re sitting between Jungkook and Heather on the backseat of Hobi’s car.

Probably the latter.

You’re lucky. You were able to rent a cottage an hour and a half outside of the city, next to a small artificial lake. It was previously rented by another group, but they cancelled a few days ago, which let you have the cottage for the whole weekend.

But you don’t think you’re lucky to be sitting between Jungkook and Heather. Though both of them have been dozing off for a while.

  You’ve just been clutching your phone for dear life, because Jungkook’s head lolled to the side until he found your shoulder to be a pillow. It’s not that you mind it. You mostly mind the way Jiho’s been looking at you with the biggest shit-eating grin on her lips. She’s already taken pictures, and you’ve been planning her murder for the last fifteen minutes.

[2:37 pm] Jiho❣️: attached photo [2:37 pm] Jiho❣️: u’re so mad lmao [2:38 pm] You: delete this picture immediately or i’ll end ur miserable life [2:38 pm] Jiho❣️: 😘😘😘😘😘 [2:38 pm] You: 😤😤😤😤😤 [2:38 pm] You: and Scottie deciding not to come???? Even worse [2:38 pm] You: he’s a traitor😩 [2:39 pm] Jiho❣️: u’re just mad bc now u and jk are the only single people attending [2:39 pm] You: last i checked heather and bridget weren’t official official🙄

Jiho snorts on the front passenger seat, and Hobi throws her a curious look. She shakes her head to indicate that it’s nothing, and you watch as she types her reply.

[2:40 pm] Jiho❣️: bitch plz😂 [2:40 pm] You: besides u’re gonna share a room with me🥺

Jiho laughs out loud this time, and you wonder if the glare you bore into her profile has any effect at all. She just glances at you, an eyebrow cocked prettily. You know what that means: no. No she won’t be sleeping with you. You’re going to have to sleep on the couch, because couples get the rooms. Lance made that rule, and even though you were desperate to not let it take effect, everyone but Jungkook was against you.

You’re not usually in agreement with Jungkook. But for that you were, and you hoped the others would take it into account. You’re stupid for thinking that they would.

Jungkook sighs in his sleep, readjusting himself until he’s even closer to you. You gulp, glancing at him with a scared look on your features. You want to push him away, but he looks so peaceful you just let him be.

[2:44 pm] You: why is he sleeping on me tho [2:45 pm] Jiho❣️: i’d sleep on u too [2:45 pm] You: u can if we share a room👉🏼👈🏼 [2:45 pm] Jiho❣️: nice try but no😇

You whine, and Jiho chuckles.

“What’s up with you two?” Hobi asks, and you meet his gaze in the rear view mirror.

Jiho shrugs. “Y/n is just mad that she’s going to sleep on the couch.

“I can let her sleep with you,” Hobi says, ever so the pacifist and kind man that he is.

“Yes!” you burst out.

It gains you a whine from Jungkook and a glare from Heather, before she rests her head back against the window and dozes off again.

“No,” Jiho refuses. “I want my sexy time.”

Hobi burns bright red as you let out, “Ew”.

Jiho winks at you over her shoulder, and then you all fall silent again. The cottage is still at least fifty minutes away, so you steel yourself as Jungkook shifts again. He mumbles in his sleep and you almost let out a startled yelp when his hand moves on your thigh. He’s not holding you, just resting his closed fist on the top of your thigh. But it’s still way too much touching for your comfort, so you push him away.

He frowns but doesn’t wake up, resting his head against the window with a sigh instead. His mouth falls open a little, and you keep a laugh in. He looks stupidly cute like that. It’s a disgusting thought – Jeon Jungkook is anything but cute – but you let it slide for today. Maybe because you can’t bring yourself to care.

You eventually fall asleep, the low music Jiho’s been playing lulling you to sleep. It’s much deserved sleep after all the anxiety of yesterday, and you only wake when the car comes to a full stop, and car doors slam shut.

You wake up with a start, ready to fight whoever made the noises, and you realize you’re alone in the car. With Jungkook, who has a tight-lipped smile on his lips when your gazes meet.

“You drool when you sleep,” he tells you, and you furrow your brow as you wipe your cheek.

Sure enough, you were drooling. It takes you a few seconds to realize he’s got a wet spot on his shoulder, and you reckon you woke up with your head rested against something. Something that suspiciously felt like Jungkook’s shoulders.

“Mmh,” you sleepily let out. “Sorry.”

He smiles. Sweetly. It starts with his eyes, as you’ve realized it usually happens when he smiles genuinely. “It’s all good. You looked peaceful, I didn’t want to wake you up.”

You echo his smile, nodding your head once before stretching your arms. It makes you yawn, which in turn makes him laugh. “What?” you ask.

“You slept like thirty minutes and you’re still tired.”

You glare at him. “I’m always tired.”

“Right.”

It’s a weird conversation, and it’s even weirder that you’re still sitting in the car. So you motion towards the door as you unbuckle your seatbelt, and Jungkook has a light tint on his cheeks as he nods and opens the door before stepping out. He stretches when he’s outside, and you scooch out of the car, imitating him as soon as your feet touch the ground.

“Gosh,” you let out, and he laughs.

“Yeah.”

You glance at him, and then your gaze slides to the landscape surrounding you. To the picturesque cottage that looks even better than what you had pictured, all made of logs. It looks straight out of a fairy tale. It’s cozied up in a little forest, and the wind that picked up earlier today still makes the leaves dance. It’s loud, like the sound of waves at sea, but it’s more constant. It doesn’t recede, and it creates a background soundtrack to the summer afternoon. The sun is still high in the sky, shining bright with not even a single cloud in sight. The air smell of the woods, and bugs fly around aimlessly, or following an aim only they know. The car is parked in the shadows, but you still feel the heat, and you’re glad there’s a breeze.

You take it all in with a bright smile on your lips, and it only grows wider when Jiho and Hobi rush out of the cottage.

“This is heaven,” Jiho declares. “I’m never leaving this place.”

“She says that because she saw the hot tub from the balcony,” Hobi says as he motions over his shoulder to the cottage.

It makes you laugh, and it turns into a giggle as Jiho grabs your hand and pulls you behind her. “While you men unpack the car we’re going to take a walk to the lake.”

“How is that fair?” Jungkook complains, but he’s grinning when you meet his gaze over your shoulder. You offer him an apologetic shrug of your shoulders, and he just chuckles before turning towards the car.

Lance’s car is pulling up the dirt road when you turn on the side of the house. You wave at Chaeyeon and him, but they don’t notice you as Jiho only keeps pulling you behind her.

“Look at this!” she says giddily as you walk to the back of the house. “It’s so pretty.”

It really is. The house is nestled right next to a small lake, with a few trees separating the building and the water. There’s a hot tub on the right, and a small rock path that leads to a quay in the water. You notice a fireplace area, though it’s not a circle of rocks like you had imagined, but an actual metal fireplace with a door that’s currently swinging on its hinges in the wind. Logs are piled beside it, just waiting for someone to ignite a fire.

Jiho’s giddiness is contagious, and you find yourself giggling as she pulls you towards the lake. There’s a small shed down by the lake, and a look through the window shows you two kayaks. It makes you even giddier, and you clap your hands before turning towards the quay.

The quay moves as you step on it. Fortunately, the water is not very deep and the lake is relatively calm even with the wind. You’re able to make it to the end of it without it shaking too much, and Jiho closes her eyes as she tilts her head back. “We should come here every weekend.”

You laugh. “As fun as that sounds like, we can’t skip practice every weekend.”

“We can practice here,” she points out, shrugging.

She’s not wrong, so you just smile and nod before imitating her, taking in the sun. But you feel a little bad for those inside that are setting up the house, so it’s not even a minute later when you say, “We should go help the others”.

Jiho whines, and she opens one eye to look at you. You cock an eyebrow and she rolls her eyes. “Fine.”

You walk back up the little slope until you reach the cottage. When you make it to the front, you see that a third car has arrived: Jin, Valeria, Taehyung, Jo and Bridget are all stretching outside of it. Jo notices you and waves happily.

You think it’s funny that she is here. It’s weird to think that even though she isn’t part of the dance crew, she’s still made her way into the friend group. Like Jin, Valeria and Taehyung, you reckon. Though you barely know Jin and Valeria. But you needed more people to rent this cottage, and considering it was the only one available, you didn’t really have a choice.

You move to their group to greet them, and then you help them unpack the car. You also help Lance, who was the one in charge with food and speakers for music. It takes a moment, but soon enough everything is settled. You’re all already hungry though, so you prepare the first meal of the weekend.

Well, you watch Jungkook, Jin, Valeria and Heather prepare it. You’re on washing dishes duty though, but you’ll only do that after you eat.

It’s fun. Cheerful. A little bubble outside of the seriousness of practice and nationals and auditions that you really can’t remember, can you? The light atmosphere is much needed, and you drink as you eat, and drink some more after washing the dishes. Then you all set out to explore outside, and Lance and Jin have a fire running by the time Jungkook figures out how to get the hot tub working. It’s still hot outside though, so you decide to wait before going into the tub, but Bridget, Heather, Chaeyeon and Jo all move to it. You stay with Jiho and the others by the fire, listening to the cracking of the logs as you talk and talk and talk.

There’s laughter. A lot of it. Laughter that turns more drunk as the evening unfolds, and the sun has set by the time you get up from your spot to go pee inside. The girls have come out of the tub, and they’re taking turns in the shower upstairs, so you head to the downstairs bathroom. You’re on the way out when Jo stops you.

She says your name, offering you a bright smile. “Are you in for some shots before we head outside? I’m taking some with the others.”

Sure enough, Chaeyeon, Bridget and Heather all look at you expectantly, and you don’t hesitate even a second before agreeing. You go outside with Jo and Chaeyeon after, as you all laugh when Bridget and Heather say they’ll take a shower together. You figure it’s better to let them have the house for a time, and you all join the rest of the group by the fire.

They’ve started playing some music and singing over it, and you laugh as Hobi belts a tune as if his life depends on it. Jungkook joins him and your eyes widen a little as you hear his voice.

Jungkook can sing. His voice is melodious, clear and full and round. It’s beautiful, the voice of an angel. You feel struck as you watch him, and he bursts out laughing when Hobi messes up the lyrics next to him.

You’ve stopped walking. And Jungkook meets your gaze, offering you a small smile before returning to the action around him. It strikes you, in a weird kind of way. It makes a weird feeling form in your chest, that same feeling you felt last week when you saved his number in your phone.

It’s not a feeling you like. So you push it aside as you join Jiho in her chair, sitting on her lap and stealing the bottle of soju she’s been drinking from. You need more alcohol in your blood, and soon.

It’s night by the time the group moves again. Some of them decide to go to the lake, but you stay by the fire as Valeria and Jin bring marshmallows out. Heather and Bridget never came out after their shower, and you don’t quite feel like going inside to find them.

Instead, you start roasting marshmallows, and soon enough you’re the elected marshmallow roaster, because you’re the only one who’s managed to not make them catch fire. You make some for everyone, before roasting one for yourself.

Since Jungkook has been the one feeding the fire for the last hour, it also makes it so you’re sitting next to him. The conversation is lively around you, but you’ve noticed he’s silent. He’s just staring at the fire, and it casts a dancing glow on his features.

He notices you looking at him, and his features soften as he turns to look at you. And then he bursts out laughing, and you do too as you notice your marshmallow has caught fire.

“Oops,” you mumble.

“I know I’m pretty but you should focus on the job at hand,” he teases you.

You punch him in the shoulder, before blowing on the fire until it dies. “Still edible if you ask me,” you say as you eye the burned thing on the branch you’ve been using since you started roasting marshmallows.

“Oh, clearly,” he agrees. “If you want to get cancer, that is.”

You glare at him, and he only laughs. “What’s life without a little risk?”

“Boring,” he answers wisely, face falling serious, though he only manages to keep the serious look for a few seconds before he’s breaking into yet another fit of laughter. One you echo before taking a bite of the marshmallow. You hum in delight, and Jungkook says, “What the fuck was that?”

You have the decency to blush. “What?”

“You’re not really the kind of person that moans when they eat good food?”

“I wasn’t moaning,” you let out outrageously.

It gains everybody’s attention around the fire, and Jungkook laughs at you. You shove him in the shoulder again, but he annoyingly barely moves in his chair.

“Who’s moaning?” Lance asks.

Both you and Jungkook look startled for a time, and you glare at him. “No one, Jeon’s just being a little shit.”

“What’s new?” Jiho jokes, and everyone laughs.

The trio that went to the lake comes back – Taehyung, Jo and Hobi. Jo scans the people around the fire, brows knitting together.

“Where are Bridget and Heather?”

The whole group laughs. “They never came out,” Chaeyeon admits. “I’d advise to not go looking for them.”

Jo snorts. “Oof yeah, that’s a no for me.”

It’s not even that funny, yet everyone laughs as the trio settles around the fireplace. Hobi and Jiho share a chair, and you realize there’s no chair for Jo and Taehyung. You’re about to offer yours when they just sit directly in the grass, giggling like the two idiots in love that they are. They lie down after a few seconds, and Jo points up at the sky.

It makes you look up, and you suddenly feel very small, under the immensity of the night sky. It sobers you up, just a little, and you sit back in the chair to get a good look. You admire the stars and constellations, searching for those you know. It leads to everyone doing so, and it also creates a calmer atmosphere, until half the group is dozing off in their chair.

Someone changed the music to softer tunes, and you really listen to the night sounds now, as the melody entwines with the cracking of the logs. Soon enough, Jin and Valeria decide to go to bed. Jungkook immediately teases the older guy, saying that only elderly people go to bed so early. Jin just throws a marshmallow at Jungkook, who receives it right on the forehead. He looks stunned, and he raises his middle finger at Jin as he just laughs where he’s leading Valeria inside. Chaeyeon and Lance are the next to go, and your gaze trails them until they stop to kiss. You give them privacy then, focusing on the fire instead.

It leaves only you, Jungkook, Jo, Taehyung, Jiho and Hobi by the fire, and you sigh in content as Jungkook throws another log into the fire.

“Last one, I assume?” he lets out.

The group mumbles in agreement.

“We’ll party harder tomorrow,” Jiho promises before yawning.

It makes everyone yawn, and you laugh tired laughs as you watch the flames licking up the log.

“We should set up a beer pong table,” you suggest.

Taehyung seems to spark to life at the idea. “I’m so in for some beer pong.”

“What about a tournament?” Jungkook proposes. “Losers have to jump in the lake.”

Jiho winces. “I hope Hobi’s good because there’s no way in hell I’m jumping in the lake.”

“I got you, babe.”

You notice them exchanging a long look. It’s filled with love, grossly so, and you roll your eyes before settling your gaze on the stars above once more. You let out a happy yelp when a shooting star crosses the sky.

“Oh my God!”

Jo is just as happy as you are. “Oh shit!” she echoes. “We have to make a wish.”

You laugh, nodding your head repeatedly. The four others just look at you curiously, before Jo explains that there was a shooting star.

Everyone’s eyes are back on the night sky in no time, and you reckon you might fall asleep like this.

Stargazing, and wishing that you’ll find your own person soon enough.

Saturday, July 7th

                “I’ll kill you.”

Jungkook smiles, and the breeze of the afternoon catches in his hair, making a strand fall in his eyes. He pushes his hair back. “I’d like to see you try.”

Something changed. He knows something changed between the two of you. It’s exciting, in a childish kind of way. He feels young next to you, and he’s been following you around all day, claiming that he wants to avoid the couples. Which is not entirely a lie, but he mostly wants to be around you.

It’s a new feeling. Or almost entirely new, because he felt like that around you once before. The night after he told you about his accident. He’s pushed that away since then, but it seems being here, at this cottage in the middle of nature, brings it out.

He’s been failing at pushing it away since last night, and he reckons he doesn’t even want to try anymore.

You put your hands on your hips, tilting your head to the side. Your hair sways in the wind, and he wants to brush it behind your shoulder. He resists, because he’s pretty sure you’ll bite his head off if he does.

“You’re the one that suggested kayaking.”

He did. But throwing you in the water seems like twice the fun, so he’s been teasing you about it as you stand next to the shed.

“Maybe it was just a trap?” he says, winking at you. He takes a step towards you, and you immediately take a step back.           

Jo and Taehyung are sitting on the quay, watching the water and talking in hushed tones. Jungkook feels Jo’s gaze on him, and he resists glancing at her.

He knows what she thinks. She’s made it pretty clear in the last week. Maybe it’s contributed to the softness in him whenever he watches you.

Maybe.

“You’re annoying.”

“But yet you came with me?”

You squint your eyes, shaking your head. “Not with you. I came to kayak.”

“Right.”

“I swear.”

He bursts out laughing, and it’s his turn to shake his head. “Of course, of course.”

“Why are you…” you start before letting out a strangled sound. “I’m going back to the house.”

“No!” he immediately says, a little louder than necessary. This time, both Taehyung and Jo look at you two. “I’m just teasing, let me bring the kayak out.”

He’s blushing. He feels it coming up slowly from deep within his chest, so he quickly turns towards the shed and goes in. A few spiders are hiding in their webs, and he swats one away from the first kayak. He almost hesitates to leave it in just to spook you, but he doesn’t really want to spook you right now. Not when his heart is beating just a little quicker.

He doesn’t know if he likes it. But he’ll roll with it for the rest of the weekend, because he doesn’t think he’ll have the opportunity to do so after that.

He brings out the two kayaks before going back for the paddles, and a moment later he’s helping you to sit in yours, holding your hand while you step in it before sitting. Jo and Taehyung are watching now, barely even talking, and Jungkook can’t wait until you’ve moved away from the quay.

He hates the way the couple has been watching you both. It feels like he’s under pressure, and he knows he doesn’t do well under pressure. Except when it came to dance, but that’s long gone now.

He gets into his own kayak as you’re already starting to move away.

“Bye losers,” you say towards Taehyung and Jo.

“Try not to drown,” Jo replies as she waves you off.

You laugh, a crystal clear laugh that makes Jungkook very aware of how Taehyung is looking at him. He catches his older friend’s gaze, furrowing his brow.

Taehyung glances down at Jungkook’s attire – a pair of pants. He looks like he wants to say something, and Jungkook knows what.

He’s not going to wear shorts. Not when it’d put his scar on display to the whole crew. He hasn’t gotten the courage to tell everyone yet, and he doesn’t want to be forced to explain anything. He just wants to focus on being in the present, because he hasn’t done that in a while.

So he glares at Taehyung, clenching his jaw. Taehyung sighs before looking away. Just like that the moment passes, and Jungkook settles in his kayak before quickly following you.

“Is it a race or something?” he asks as he moves closer.

You look at him over your shoulder, a bright smile on your lips that turns mischievous as soon as your gaze finds his. “It is and you’re losing.”

Now, bringing out his competitive side is a bad idea, but that’s who you are, isn’t it?

Jungkook pushes the paddle in the water harder, accelerating his rhythm. It makes you screech, and you quickly do the same. Your lean arms are nothing against his though, and he’s caught up to you in no time. Unable to resist, he splashes water on you.

“Jungkook!” you scream. “I’m trying not to wet my hair!”

“Oh are you?” He does it again, this time purposefully aiming for your head. You dodge but to no avail.

“I’ll murder you,” you threaten, and you send water flying his way.

He barely gets any on himself, and he cocks an eyebrow arrogantly. “Is that the best you can do?”

It pisses you off. He sees it in the way resolve fills your face, and he’s not surprised he’s thoroughly drenched by the time you finally stop. He’s just accepted defeat and let you splash him as he laughs. You laugh too, and he reckons it’s his favourite thing about you.

The way you laugh when you’re being a brat. It’s endearing.

He’s endeared by you. That’s what the feeling is. He’s been trying to put words on it since last night. Last night it was struck. He was struck as you spoke to him with that soft edge to you. And then it turned to endearment.

He reckons he missed you, while he was hiding from all of the crew because of his accident. He really did. Something about you was missing from his life.

He pushes the thoughts away as you stop splashing him.

“Oops,” you say when he meets your gaze.

His hair is wet, and he puts the paddle down to push it back. He doesn’t miss the way your eyes follow his motion, and the furrow of your brows before you frustratingly look away.

“I’m debating making you fall in the water,” he teases, pursing his lips before playing with his piercing.

Your gaze widens. “You wouldn’t dare.”

He moves his paddle in the water to get closer to you, and you quickly move away.

“I would definitely dare,” he tells you. “I’m all wet because of you.”

His brows knit together as he realizes what he just said sounded suspicious. Of course you burst out laughing, before saying, “That’s what she said”.

He rolls his head to the back of his head. “Lame.”

“You’re lame,” you counter-back.

It’s like that for the rest of the time you spend on the water. Even though he threatened to throw you in the water many times today, Jungkook doesn’t really want to do it. He likes the peace between the two of you: he’s not going to do something to fuck it up.        

You eventually get bored of kayaking, and you switch places with Chaeyeon and Bridget when the two of you return to the quay. Jo and Taehyung have gone back to the house, but Lance, Heather, Jin and Valeria are there, and you sit with them for a while, just talking.

Mindlessly, Jungkook pulls his shirt up to dry his face from the last of the water you splashed on him before getting out of the water.

He realizes his mistake only when the shirt falls back in place, and Lance is watching him with round eyes.

“What’s that scar?”

Jungkook stills. Unmoving, barely even able to breathe. The air is suddenly less warm, and he can almost see the snow again. His heart constricts in his chest, and he just stares back at Lance as if he’s a doe caught in headlights.

“You don’t just ask people why they have scars, Lance,” you grumble.

It surprises Jungkook that you said something. But then again you’re not the type to back down from a fight.

Lance seems startled by the tone of your voice. He frowns as his gaze slides to you. “It was just a question?”

“It could make people uncomfortable?”

Jin is looking at Jungkook. He’s got a careful expression on his features, and he looks between you and Jungkook a couple of times. As if this moment matters, and truthfully it does matter to Jungkook, because you’re bickering with Lance and it entirely shifted the attention away from him.

Jungkook manages to shrug his shoulders at Jin, who offers him a no-bullshit look. Valeria punches him in the arm, and Jin lets out a startled sound that has everyone looking at him.

The moment passes, and it’s dinner time when Lance moves closer to Jungkook, clearly having waited until you aren’t around to actually approach him. Jungkook steels himself for the questioning, but Lance only says, “Whatever happened, I’m glad you’re okay, bro”.

It renders Jungkook speechless, and all he can do is nod his head at Lance. Lance claps him on the shoulder, and he immediately walks away, as if his job here is done.

And maybe it is, and all he wanted to do was prove that he’s Jungkook’s friend. It makes Jungkook appreciate him ten times more, and then he takes a moment to really look at everyone. The girls are all laughing about a story Jin is telling, and Taehyung is just shaking his head in disbelief where he’s grilling the meat for dinner. Lance moves towards Taehyung to offer help, and Jungkook just stays alone for a moment, enjoying the scene.

The sun is setting, the air is warm and the light breeze from today has fallen. But the air is not still, and it smells of the rich soil of the forest, and of the meat Taehyung is grilling. The sky is still void of any clouds, and it’s turned to a rich golden glow from the setting sun.

Jungkook is stricken, once again, by the fact that he is alive. He’s alive and breathing and even though his leg hurts, he’s standing. He’s standing and walking and yes he can’t dance anymore, but there’s so much more to life than dance, isn’t there?

His eyes slide to you as he thinks the thought. You’re looking at Jin with a little smirk, the one he knows you use when you’re judging someone. But you feel his eyes on you and your gaze meets his. The smirk falls into a small, secretive smile, and Jungkook breathes in sharply.

His heart is beating a little louder, and this time he does push it away. He does try not to think of it, but it’s hard when you look at him like that. With that soft edge he saw yesterday. It fills him with wonder, the same wonder he got from watching the night sky the day before.

You’re like a star in a bleary night. It’s hard to look away from you, and he only does so when Taehyung says the meat is ready. It’s like someone cut the string between you and him, and he almost stumbles forward as he glances to Taehyung.

He gulps, taking a deep, steadying breath before he moves to help Taehyung bring the food to the table. Lance helps too, and the three of them together make quick work of filling everyone’s plate, and Jungkook soon settles down in a chair next to you, right in front of Jo.

Dinner is fun. Cheery, with lots of laughter. Everyone is already a little tipsy from the day-drinking you’ve all done, and Jungkook feels like there’s more than alcohol in his blood this evening. There are feelings, joy and happiness to be here in this moment.

He should live in the moment more often.

“Hey JK,” Jo says, and he raises his eyes from his plate.

His fork is halfway to his mouth when he lets out, “Uh?”

“How is it going with Laura?”

Everything inside of him stills, like it did earlier today with Lance but for a completely different reason this time. He freezes, and he doesn’t miss the way your head immediately snaps towards him at Jo’s question.

Jo has an insufferable smile on her lips, and Jungkook just can’t move.

Laura. She’s a girl from his class that started texting him a few weeks ago. He’s seen her once, just because she said she had questions about her camera and it would be easier if Jungkook answered in person. Laura is a sweet girl. Pretty too, but Jungkook doesn’t know if their talking will lead anywhere. He doesn’t feel like he’s ready to jump headfirst into a relationship.      

Especially not as he feels your expectant gaze on his profile.

“Laura?” he repeats.

“Didn’t you go on a date with her?” Jo asks.

Jungkook frowns, shaking his head. “It wasn’t a date,” he points out. “She needed help with her new camera.”

About that. Jungkook brought a camera with him this weekend. He’s been taking pictures once in a while, mostly of nature. Because he’s always been more of a landscape photographer. Maybe because landscapes tend to change less than people. They feel unbreakable, immovable, and it’s reassuring in some way.

“That sounds like the lamest start of a porno,” Lance jokes.

Everyone laughs. Everyone but you and Jungkook. Jungkook only shrugs, before saying, “I didn’t sleep with her”.

You scoff next to him. It aggravates him, something you haven’t made him feel in a while now. His brows knit together as he turns his head toward you.

“You want us to believe you didn’t sleep with her?” you let out.

It’s bitter. And you seem to realize it quite at the same time as he does, because you flush red, and you look away from him to glance down at your half-empty plate on the table.

Jungkook’s features relax, and a smile even tugs at the corners of his lips. He knows what Jo is doing. Especially as he sees the knowing smirk on her lips.

She dared him to find a way to make you jealous earlier this week, when he invited her and Taehyung to the cottage. As if making you jealous is a good idea.

He now sees what she meant. Because you’re playing with your food, a look of confusion creased into your features. It’s cute, and it makes the same feeling arise in him.

Everyone starts talking again, but Jungkook feels the weight of Taehyung and Jin’s gazes on him. He avoids them like the plague, focusing on trying to keep his smile in. He doesn’t want to infuriate you by making a comment.

Especially not when you’ve been forced to team up for the beer pong tournament. Which, turns out you’re a lot better than he thought you would be. Than you said you were, because you make it to the final round, getting beaten by Bridget and Heather out of all people. The two girls celebrate to the sounds of everyone whooping and cheering, and Jungkook can’t keep his smile in.

Tonight promises to be quite the party. And it is. With lots of drinking, and Chaeyeon and Lance having to jump into the lake because they were last in the tournament. It’s funny, but it leads to them deciding to go to bed early, saying something about being cold from the lake.

Jungkook knows exactly what they have in mind when he sees them staring at each other the way that they are. Like they’re alone in the universe, and maybe to them they really are.

He’s surprised when the rest of the group starts to follow Chaeyeon and Lance. The night is younger than it was yesterday when it came to an end, but there’s something in the air. It brings the couples closer together, makes them exchange secretive glances and stolen touches. Jungkook finds Taehyung and Jo making out outside of the bathroom when he goes in to pee, and they never come out after that. Jin and Valeria move in not even five minutes later, right before Hobi and Jiho, and it leaves Bridget, Heather and you alone with him outside.

He’s not surprised when the two girls decide to go to sleep too, even though Jungkook has just started the hot tub at Bridget’s request. It leaves him alone with you and the red solo cup in his hand. It’s filled to the brim and, quite frankly, Jungkook doesn’t feel tired at all. He feels alive, awake and ready to conquer the world if need be.

You look exactly like that too.

“Wow,” you let out once everyone is gone.

Jungkook feels awkward for half a heartbeat. But then his eyes slide to the house, and he notices Jo in the window. She quickly dips out of his line of sight, which makes him understand exactly what happened.

You’ve been left alone outside on purpose, and Jo’s the one that schemed the whole thing.

“They’re boring,” Jungkook says, though he feels like laughing. He hopes you don’t notice.

“They didn’t even go into the hot tub,” you point out. “What a waste of energy.”

He glances at the tub, and an idea forms in the back of his mind. He doubts you’re going to say yes.

*****

                You don’t know why you said yes. Going into a hot tub alone with Jungkook sounds like a very bad idea, and the more you think about it the worse it seems to you. Yet you make your way outside after having put on your black two-piece swimsuit, wrapped in a white towel you fished from the bathroom.

The house was eerily quiet when you and Jungkook went in to change. It is still just as quiet as you get out of the bathroom, and aim for the kitchen to make yourself a glass before you go outside. You notice Jungkook is already out there, testing the temperature of the water. He’s wearing trunks, and he got rid of his t-shirt, discarding it on a chair next to the slowly dying fire. He turns towards the window as you’re pouring a glass, probably to see if you’re coming. It’s not your fault when your eyes dip down to his leg.

Even in the darkness you see the angry knot of skin that runs from below his knee and disappears in his swim trunks. It’s ugly, and your heart stops beating for a few seconds as you see it. Jungkook was right when he told you about his accident the first time – the scar on his leg is far scarier than the one on his stomach.

You wave back at him as he waves, a dumb smile on his lips. You focus on that smile, because you don’t want to be thinking of the scar. Don’t want to be thinking about the pain Jungkook must have endured. The pain he is still enduring to this day.

You’re hesitant when you step outside, though you make sure to bring a glass for him too. He’s still smiling when you arrive, and it only widens when you hand him the red solo cup.

“Thought you might want a refill.”

He tilts his head to the side, winking at you as he grabs the glass. “Always.”

You move towards the tub, ignoring the way you feel his gaze on you. It makes you self-conscious, and you don’t want to peel the towel from around yourself. You reckon you can’t get in the water with it though, so you carefully put your glass down on the side of the tub before taking the towel off, leaving it on the same chair where Jungkook’s shirt is.

“It might be a little hot,” Jungkook warns as you move back to the tub. “I adjusted the temperature a little while I was waiting for you.”

You dip your fingers in the water, shrugging your shoulders. “Seems good enough to me.”

He laughs, and his eyes follow you as you climb into the tub. The water is hot, extremely so, but you’re drunk and the jet of the tub looks far too inviting for you to wait.

“Alright then, guess I’ll get in too.”

You watch as he does so, and your eyes once again fall to his scar. It stretches weirdly as he bends his leg, as if it doesn’t really allow him full movements anymore. It explains why his dancing has turned mechanical now, and why he can’t move the way that he did before.           

He’s noticed your gaze on the scar while getting in. You know it, because his features have fallen serious by the time he sits in front of you.

“I know, it’s ugly,” he says, and his eyes get lost in the bubbles in the water.

You remain silent for a time, waiting for his gaze to meet yours. When it does, you finally say, “Nothing about you is ugly”.

It’s smooth, the way you say it. It makes his eyes widen and a laugh bursts from his lips. You don’t even know why you flirted with him – you just had an inkling it’d make him fall back into his usual cocky self.

And of course it does.

“You think I’m hot?”

You roll your eyes, before grabbing your red solo cup from where you left it. Jungkook grabs his own, and it takes a few seconds before you’re settled back into your seat. You take a small sip from the glass, letting the rum and coke swirl in your mouth for a second before you swallow.

“I’m not going to answer that question.”

He smirks. “Then I’ve got my answer.”

You squint your eyes, fake glaring at him, and it only makes him laugh.

“You’re insufferable.”

He shrugs his shoulders, and he takes a sip from his glass. He winces then, before raising his eyebrows. “How strong did you make this?”

“Strong enough to have you shut up?”

“Oh please.” He laughs once more. “You know that won’t make me shut up. As a matter of fact, it’s probably just going to make me talk more.”

You chuckle, shaking your head a little. “My mistake.”

Jungkook really is hot, sitting there. His hair is fluffy around his face – it really is a lot longer than it was before. It curls a little at the ends, making a crown around his head. He’s buff too, and it makes you wonder how he manages to work out at the gym even with his injury. And it’s hard not to let your gaze wander to the tattoos on his shoulders, the ink that goes from his hand up to the top of his arm.

He’s attractive, damn him. You hate it, so you say, “So, Laura uh?”

He holds your gaze, his tongue darting out to play with his piercing for a time. “What about her?”

You cock an eyebrow. “You tell me.”

He’s smirking now, and his eyes dip to where your chest disappears in the water before moving up to your features again. “Why do you want to know?”

You feel hot. Not because of the water, though you reckon it really is hot. No, his gaze is burning you, in a way that makes you feel naked. You don’t know if you like it. But two can play this game Jungkook seems to have chosen.

You shrug your shoulders, wetting your lips before smiling. “Just making conversation, Jeon.”

His gaze has moved to your lips. It stays there as he says, “Seems to me like you got a little jealous earlier”.

You refuse to admit that it was jealousy, when Jo mentioned Laura at dinner time. To you, it was just surprise, and you’ve been repeating it to yourself ever since it happened.

“Why would I be jealous?” you ask, brows knitting together as a smile plays on your lips. “You’re nothing to me.”

“Right.” He chuckles, and he drinks from his cup, his gaze burning into yours. “I’m nothing and yet you’re in this hot tub alone with me.”

He’s arrogantly cocky, isn't he? It used to piss you off, but tonight it just makes your blood boil.

“Wasn’t going to waste the opportunity for a hot tub session,” you say, shrugging your shoulders. “Unfortunate that it had to come with you though.”

He fakes offence. “You offend me.”

You snort, and his features relax into a small smile. There’s a moment of silence, where you find yourself too much of a coward to keep holding his gaze. It’s your turn to let your gaze wander down to the spot where his chest disappears in the water, and you drink from your cup.

“Do you want to play Truth or Dare?” he suggests after almost a minute without any of you speaking.

You chuckle. “Are we twelve?”

He shrugs. “Just thought it could be fun.” He pouts a little, and it really does make him look like he’s twelve. “Unless you’re too much of a coward for it.”

“Me, a coward?” you scoff, rolling your eyes playfully. “Truth or Dare, Jeon?”

The cocky smirk reappears. “Truth.”

You don’t know what to ask. At all. Your mind goes empty, until he lets out a laugh that gives you an idea. “What’s the deal with Laura?”

“You really want to know, uh?”

You shrug. “You chose truth, now answer the question.”

He laughs a little, and then plays with his piercing for a few seconds. You watch him do so, eyes falling to his lips.

“We hung out once”, he says.

It’s the same answer as earlier, but you feel like a brat right now. So, you press him by saying, “And that’s it? You’re not going to see her again?”

He ponders for a time, making you wait before he replies, “We’re supposed to go on a date sometime next week”.

You feel like maybe you shouldn’t have asked the question. Because his reply makes you clench your jaw, and you take a sip from your cup to hide it. “Jeon Jungkook on a date? Are you having a fever?”

“She’s nice, just thought I’d give it a try,” he says, shrugging his shoulders. He’s still smirking, and this time it’s knowing.

He knows that the thought of him going on a date with Laura is pissing you off. And you don’t even know why it makes you feel like that. You’re not sure you should be feeling like that when it comes to Jeon Jungkook. He’s barely even a friend.

“Hope it goes well for you,” you say, though it sounds tense.

He shrugs, winking at you. “I’ll let you know.” He pauses for a moment, before asking, “Truth or Dare?”

So the conversation about Laura is over then. And he’s a fool if he thinks you’ll say truth.

“Dare.”

He looks far too happy about your choice. “Chug your glass.”

You frown. “But then I won’t have anything to drink if I don’t want to do some of your dares.”

“Oh, we’re playing adult Truth or Dare? Had I known I wouldn’t have answered your question.” You glare at him, and he laughs, shrugging his shoulders. “Just drink, you can always drink from my glass later.”

Your glare intensifies, if that’s possible, but you still give in. You’re not one to back away from a challenge, and you chug your glass in a few long swigs. Your nose scrunches up as you finish, and you put the cup down.

“Happy?” you let out, and he nods with that same insufferable smirk on his lips. You want to wipe it away, but you don’t really know how. Instead, you only ask him, “Truth or Dare?”

“Dare.”

You hate dares. You never know what to suggest. You don’t feel like making him chug his glass, so you cock your head to the side as you survey him, mind reeling for an idea.

“Go get me another glass.”

He’s surprised. So are you, but you think it’s a brilliant idea.

“It’s so far,” he complains, with that same childish pout he used a moment ago. “Can I change for Truth?”

“You’re annoying”, you say, though you don’t really mind.

Something in the way he’s been looking at you makes you want him to stay anyway.

“You’re the one that wants me to go all the way inside.”

You chuckle, before shaking your head. “Alright then, let me find you a truth.” It takes you about half a minute before you come up with an idea. “How many girls have you slept with?”

He snorts. “Wow, straight to the body count I see.” He falls silent again, and his hand plays with the bubbles in the water in front of him.

“So?”

You think he’s blushing. It’s hard to tell in the dim light – indeed, the only light illuminating the scene is the one from next to the door, and the tub’s purple light.

“I’d say…” he trails off, scrunching his nose as he thinks. “Like twenty-five?”

It’s a lot, but not as much as you expected. Jungkook has a fuckboy vibe to him, and you were pretty sure he had at least fifty.

“Only?”

He furrows his brows. “Only?”

“I thought you had more,” you admit, chuckling as you shrug your shoulders.

He sips from his cup. “Sorry to disappoint.” His eyes glint with mischief, and he adds, “Truth or Dare?”

You hesitate, maybe because something in the way his eyes sparkle makes you think he’s got something in mind. You feel it – anticipation is building in you, and some parts of you can already see the outcome before it unfolds. Like a web of possibilities, and the longer he looks at you like that, the more it closes in to the anticipated one.

“Truth.”

He’s silent for a time. His face falls more serious, darker, and he’s so hot sitting there you really have to look away. “If everyone was single here, who would you fuck?”

You refuse to admit his question makes a drop of pure magma roll down your spine, before it moves forward and settles in your core.

“Jiho.” It’s a lie. You both know it, but he lets it slide – for now. “Truth or Dare?”

“Truth.”

You hit him with the same question he’s just asked you. His reply is far more cryptic.

“You already know the answer.”

You breathe in shakily, and something tightens inside of you. “Do I?”

His mouth is a little parted, and his tongue darts out to wet his lips before he takes a sip from the cup. He seems to reconsider it, because he chugs the whole thing before putting it down on the side of the tub.

“Do you?”

It confirms the answer. And you don’t know what to make of it. It scares you, somehow, but makes the fire in your burn brighter.

“Truth or dare?” he asks then, and a smirk tugs at the corners of his lips.

“Dare.”

You don’t even hesitate. You’re afraid he’s going to ask you stuff you don’t know the answer to if you choose truth.

“Why don’t you come sit closer, mmh?”

Still no hesitation from you. You’re like the moth and he the flame – you know it’s a bad idea, but you haven’t looked away from his eyes in too long. You’re in a trance, and you think so is he.

You settle next to him. Far enough not to touch, but close enough for every inch between you to fill with electricity. Not that it wasn’t already before – you are just way more conscious of it now.

“Truth or dare?” you ask, and it’s a little breathless, the way you speak.

“Dare,” he says. His eyes are on your lips now, and all you can do for a time is to observe his features. He’s got a mole under his mouth, and a scar on one of his cheeks. It looks old, and it’s so faded you can barely see it.

You have no dare in mind. You feel like you don’t even have any thoughts. You’re stuck looking at his lips, where your gaze settles as you watch his features. “Uh?” you let out.

He chuckles. It’s deep, manly, and it makes you look up to his eyes. “No idea what to ask?”

“You already chugged your glass.”

“There’s nothing else you want me to do?”

There’s a whole lot you want him to do, but a whole lot you don’t want him to do. It’s confusing, and your heart is beating too loud for you to think straight.

“Is there something you want to do?” you ask.

He’s bold. His hand moves up, his fingers lightly touching the side of your neck. “I could kiss your neck.” They trail down until they find a home on your shoulders. “Or I could massage your shoulders, you seem a little tense.”

You are. You are because there is a war of conflicting emotions in you, and you don’t know which side will win. “Massage my shoulders then.”

He laughs, before making you turn. It’s easier to breathe once he’s not in your line of sight anymore, though the moment his hands start working on your shoulders, you tense up again. “Relax,” he murmurs, adding your name at the end.

“You’re making me anxious,” you admit breathlessly.

He stays silent as he works on your shoulders, for so long you think he won’t talk. But then he says, “Why?”

“I don’t know.”

His hands are big, and his fingers are skilled. In a matter of a few minutes he’s undid every knot in your shoulders, and you find yourself able to breathe. You still don’t want to risk looking at him though.

“Truth or dare?” he asks.

Maybe you can be bold too. Maybe you can just focus on every spot where his fingers are digging in your skin. Maybe it doesn’t have to mean anything.

“Dare.”

“Give me a hickey.”

You snort, mostly because it takes you by surprise. “What?”

His hands fall from your shoulders. “You heard me well.”              

“Aren’t hickeys bad for you?” you say, though you’ve never really cared about that. You care about it even less when you hear him move in the water.

“I think everything about you is bad for my sanity right now.” He whispers the words directly into your ear, and goosebumps form on your arms.

“Please don’t think this is going to lead anywhere,” you whisper back, right as you tilt your head to the side. You feel the ghost of his lips on your skin, but he straightens before he’s really done anything.

“Then why are you afraid of giving me a hickey?”

It is a challenge, and you don’t back down from challenges. So you turn around, say fuck it, and lean towards his neck until your mouth finds the spot where it connects with his shoulder. You suck, hard, and he hisses as one of his hands moves to your back, as if he wants to pull you closer.

You run your tongue on the spot you’ve sucked, before straightening. He’s got a deep purple mark there now, and you smirk in satisfaction. “Happy now?”

His chest is moving up and down quickly as he breathes. He’s out of breath, and the insufferable smirk is gone now. He seems a little angry, with a crease between his brows. “Yeah.”

You’re about to succumb to insanity. It’s taking a hold of you, choking you up until you say, “Truth or dare?”

“Truth,” he answers.

He seems just as conflicted as you. But the web of possibilities from earlier dwindled down until there’s only one left, and both of you know it.

“Do you want to fuck me?”

Your heart beats once, and then it stops in your chest. Because you meet him halfway, crashing your mouth on his so hard you think you taste blood. You don’t care: insane people do not care about anything. All you want is to feel his lips against yours, and damn him he’s a good kisser.

It’s intense, languid, and his hands don’t take their time before he’s pulling you on his lap. You straddle him, your own hands finding purchase on his shoulders, before moving up until you’ve cupped his face. And you hold him in place as you kiss, never once breaking away for air.

You don’t need oxygen when you’re kissing Jeon Jungkook. All you need are his lips, and he gives you plenty of that. And when his tongue finds yours, you moan in his mouth.

He swallows it like a man starved.

His hands are on your back. Respectfully so, even as he’s devouring your mouth. It frustrates you, because you want more. You want to feel all of him. It makes you grab a handful of his hair, and you pull his head back.

“Fuck,” he hisses.

“I’m not going to fuck you in a hot tub.”

It’s the only intelligent thing you could think of.

“We can –“

Your lips are back on his before he finishes his sentence, and you suck on his bottom lip, tongue darting out to play with his piercing. This time, he grunts in your mouth, and his hands lose their fight against his will not to touch you more. They move down until he’s cupped your ass, and he makes you grind on him.

You moan, and he breaks away from the kiss, just so he can bend down and leave a trail of hot, wet kisses on the column of your throat. You just let your hands loose in his hair and on his shoulders, nails digging in his skin when he decides to suck a hickey on you too.

You grind again then, and you feel the bulge of him press against you.

“We can’t fuck in the tub,” you say, and your voice is unrecognizable even to yourself. It’s lustful, sinfully so, and you’d be embarrassed if he didn’t meet your gaze with his half-lidded eyes.

“We can go in the shower.”

You’ve never been a fan of shower sex, so you say, “As much as that would probably be a good idea, I won’t fuck you in a shower either.”

He’s confused. You can tell by the way he tilts his head to the side. “Where do you want me to fuck you then? In the middle of the living room?”

It makes you chuckle, and an unexpected smile appears on his lips.

“I don’t think we should fuck.”

His grip on your ass tightens as his features turn dark, and he makes you grind on him again. Your eyes roll to the back of your head, embarrassingly so, as you let out a breathy moan. “Right,” he says.

“Fuck,” you curse.

He leans forward again, and this time his lips find a spot right over the top of your bikini. He sucks on your skin, and you moan as you grind again.

It’s uncomfortable. Not his lips on you, no, but the water of the tub mixed with the fabric of your swimwear. If you didn’t know how unsanitary it is, you would let him fuck you right then and there. But you don’t want to get an infection.

“Let’s go inside.” This time, one of his hands moves from your ass, trailing up your side until he’s grabbed one of your boobs. “Please.”

“Anything for you,” he mumbles against your breast, before straightening.

You kiss him again, just for good measure, and then you push away from him, reluctantly so. You feel his heavy gaze on you as you get out of the tub, and you’ve wrapped yourself in your towel by the time he’s followed you.

You forgot how tall he is. Because as he steps closer to you, towering above you, your mind goes blank again and you just let him crash his lips against yours. He’s holding your face, and his thumbs brush your skin gently before he pulls away. He stays close enough for you to feel his warm breath on you, but far enough so that you can’t reach his lips anymore.

“I need to take a shower,” you murmur.

He nods, and you feel it more than you see it. “Me too.”

“Yeah.”

He chuckles lightly, and he straightens to look up at the sky. His hands are still delicately holding your cheeks, and you watch his sharp jawline for a few seconds before he speaks.

“The stars are beautiful.”

You’re not looking at the night sky when you reply, “Yeah”.

He lets you go, then, but his hand falls until he’s grabbed one of yours. His large hand wraps around yours, and you let him do it, heart settling to a calmer beat in your chest.

“Do you want to dance?” he asks.

You stiffen. It feels strange to have him ask that. You almost forgot that he is a dancer too, in his soul, even though his physical body doesn’t permit him to let loose anymore.

“You want to dance?”

He has a soft smile on his lips when he meets your gaze. It’s miles away from the intensity it held just a moment ago, and you can’t help but offer him a smile of your own.

“Yes.”

You don’t want to refuse. Not when it feels like this moment matters. As if you’re about to create a core memory, and maybe you are.

Maybe you are.

The night sky is filled with stars. Distant burning constellations, and they wink at the two of you as Jungkook leads you through a slow dance. His steps are sure tonight, albeit a little mechanical, and his hand on the small of your back feels like a weight anchoring you into the present.

Up above, the stars just shine on and on, endlessly, for eternity. And you feel like eternity. You feel small and big, unimportant yet cataclysmic. He is cataclysmic. He is the start and the end, like the story is weaved into the tapestry of the universe itself.

And maybe it is.

“Thank you,” he murmurs after you’ve moved in time with him for a little eternity – your little eternity.

His voice is heavy. It holds the weight of the universe, and you reach up to cup his cheek, to anchor him in this moment with you.

“I’m happy to be here with you.”

His eyes are shining. Like the stars above, and the ones you’re starting to see behind his pupils. He hasn’t looked away from you since you started dancing, and you from him. You don’t think you can.

“I forgot how it felt to dance,” he admits.

Though he has danced since the accident. You’ve seen him dance, but maybe his heart wasn’t into it. Maybe his heart is in the moment now, maybe it’s beating in sync with all of your steps.

“How does it feel?” you ask, smiling up at him.

“Liberating. Like I’m just one of the stars in the sky up above.”

You don’t know what that feels like. It makes you realize you’ve never truly felt free. Jeon Jungkook looks at peace now, and you can just hope you’ll get to feel like that one day too.

A cool breeze rises around you, and you shiver as it moves on your skin. Jungkook notices, and he dips his head to kiss you again. Softly, gently, and when he pulls away he says, “Let’s go inside, you’re cold”.

You nod your head, even though you never want the moment to end. But nothing lasts in life – not even the stars above. One day they’ll die too, until all that’s left of them is an empty husk of life.

To you, that’s what love has always been like. It hits and leaves nothing of it behind. Maybe that’s why you step away from Jungkook.

“Yes.”

*****

                The shower you take is short. Scalding hot, until your skin has turned bright red. Only then are you satisfied, and you step out to dry yourself with a towel. You’re gentle with the towel, and you can still feel Jungkook’s hands on you. Can still feel the weight of his eyes on you.

If you could, you’d leave the cottage now. You’d run while you still can, but you can’t.

You can’t, so you step out of the bathroom and make your way to the living room where you both slept the night before. Where he snored softly until the noises he made were entwined with your dreams.

He’s already sitting on his couch when you arrive. His hair is wet from the shower he took in the downstairs bathroom, right next to the room where Chaeyeon and Lance are sleeping. He’s wearing black joggers and an oversized dark grey t-shirt, and he looks inherently comfortable. As if he’s comfort personified. He pushes his hair back as you come into view, offering you another one of his soft smiles.

You didn’t know Jungkook has softness in him. You feel it now: it’s in the way he looks at you, in the curve of his lips and the openness of his gaze.

“I have an idea,” he says, a little cryptically, and his smile turns mischievous. Childish, playful, and you chuckle.

“What is it?”

“I noticed your couch is tiny,” he says, motioning to said couch. “I thought…” He flushes red, before chuckling.

A blushing Jungkook is not a thing you imagined you would ever see someday.

“You thought?” you press on.

“I thought we could put all the cushions on the ground to make like a bed?”

It feels like you shouldn’t. Like you’re not supposed to be sleeping in the same bed as Jeon Jungkook. Especially not after what just happened outside – both the tub and the dance.

“Sure,” you agree nonetheless. “As long as you don’t steal all the blankets.”

He grins. “I would never.”

It’s cute, and it makes you gaze away.

Jungkook makes quick work of creating a bed for the two of you. You help him to move a coffee table away, and soon enough all the couch cushions form a mattress on the ground. You place the pillows you used last night on one end of it, and you’re sitting down just to test the makeshift bed when Jungkook throws the blankets on top of you.

“Jungkook!” you yelp, though you try to keep it to a minimum level so you won’t wake anyone.

He just laughs, and a few seconds later the room falls into darkness. While you’re disentangling yourself from the blankets, you hear a thump, and Jungkook lets out a series of curses that makes you burst out laughing, probably way too loud.

You don’t care.

“Fuck,” he finishes, and you can barely distinguish his silhouette when you’re free of the blankets.

“What happened?”

“I stubbed my toe,” he hisses through his teeth. “Fuck.”

You just laugh again, before moving until you’re on the side you chose for sleeping. “Just come here.”

“I was trying to,” he grumbles, and it sounds like he is pouting.

You’re starting to know him well enough that you know he is pouting.

Once you’re settled on your side of the bed, lying on your back staring up at the ceiling, Jungkook finally moves towards you. He lies on his side of the cushions, pulling a blanket over him. You both have your own blankets, so sleeping right next to each other doesn’t feel too indecent.

It takes your brain only three seconds before it produces an image of the hot tub, and you’re pretty sure the same thing just happened to Jungkook, because he chuckles lowly.

“What?” you ask.

“Nothing.”

You frown in the darkness. “Doesn’t sound like nothing.”

“Mmh.”

 You turn until you’re facing him. His silhouette is dark against the lighter background behind him, but you can barely make out his form next to you. You see it when he moves though, as he turns to face you too.

“What are you humming about?”

He chuckles. “Do you like cuddling?”

“You’re not going to get me to cuddle you,” you immediately reply, and you sound just as flustered as you feel.

“You grind on me in the hot tub and then you don’t even want to cuddle me? Outrageous.”

You scoff, and if you weren’t in the dark he’d see your cheeks turning scarlet. “We both know where cuddling would lead.”

His voice is husky when he speaks. “You think you can’t resist me?”

It makes the ‘never back down from a challenge’ part of you tickle until you find yourself replying, “I’ll be the big spoon”.

He snorts, but he turns until he’s facing away from you. You hesitate for a time, but you eventually move closer to him, until you’ve wrapped an arm around his stomach. You rest your forehead against his back, and you hope he can’t hear the loud beats of your heart.

His body is warm. Comfortably so, and you know you could drift to sleep easily just lying next to him like this.

Why then are you unable to fully close your eyes? Why then do you decide to move closer, until his ass is pressed against you? It makes you gulp, and some wild and foolish part of you wishes you could be under his skin.

You don’t think you could ever be close enough to him to satiate the hunger that’s forming in your core.

Jungkook moves his arm, and a second later he’s wrapping his hand around yours. You let him do it, and you’re surprised when he brings your hand up to press a light kiss on your knuckles.

You wish you were still drunk. Because then you could blame your next words on the alcohol.

“Actually, can you be the big spoon?”

He sounds like he’s smirking when he says, “Yeah, of course”.

A few seconds later the positions are reversed, and Jungkook molds his body to yours, wrapping his tattooed arm around your frame, putting his other one under your head. It fits too well, like it was meant to be, and maybe this moment really was always meant to be.

Maybe you were bound to hate him until you found yourself cuddled up to him in the dead of night at a cottage on the countryside.

“Your hair smells good,” Jungkook says, and he shifts impossibly closer. You feel his lips on your head as he inhales, and the arm around your waist tightens as he pulls you flush against him.

“Thank you,” you answer, breathlessly. Because you are breathless in his arms, you are breathless feeling all of his firm body against all of yours.

Breathless enough so that you shift, and your ass moves against him.

“Uh,” Jungkook lets out. He laughs a little, and his tattooed hand moves up until he’s brushing his thumb on the side of your jaw. “You shouldn’t do that.”

“Isn’t that exactly what you want me to do?”

He thinks for a time. “What I want you to do and what you want seem to be two completely different things.”

It’s a little somber, the way he says it, and you bite your lip. Because he’s right, sort of. You’re not sure you want to have sex with him. But what started in the hot tub is bound to finish someday, is it not?

“You’re confusing me,” you admit. “You’ve been confusing me all weekend.”

His hand leaves your jaw, and he moves your hair out of the way as he leans. His lips press a tentative kiss on your neck, and your ass immediately shifts against him again.

“So have you,” he declares. “You’ve been confusing me for weeks.”

His revelation only makes you want him even more. And you’ve rarely wanted someone the way your body has been craving for Jungkook. Because that’s what it is: your body has been craving for him since the hot tub. And you’re about to succumb to your desires, aren’t you?

“Jungkook…”

He sucks on your skin, but not hard enough to leave a hickey. It still makes heat pool at your core, and you push your ass back against his dick once more.

“Fuck,” he curses. “We should go to sleep.”

Though this time he grinds against you, and you can feel the start of his erection on your ass.

“Right,” you agree.

And you move against him, earning a grunt from him. He murmurs your name, before saying, “I don’t have any condoms”.

All your nerves set on fire. “I don’t care.”

“We shouldn’t…” His sentence is cut short as you grind again, and he sinks his teeth in the soft skin of your neck. It hurts a little, and you know he’s going to leave another hickey on you as soon as he starts sucking.

Your hand shoots behind you, and you grab the back of his head, fingers getting lost in the strands of his hair. His own hand moves down until it settles on your hip, and he guides your movement against him.

He moves away from your neck, pressing a kiss on your shoulder this time. “We shouldn’t have sex,” he says, completing his previous sentence.

“I know.”

“We’re going to have sex,” he adds.

“I know.”

You circle your hips, and his erection is turning hard by the second. You’re soaking your panties, and you just want more of him. You want to get rid of all the fabric between you two and feel his skin directly against yours.

“Oh, Y/n…” he breathes, and then he’s back to kissing your neck.

No sucking this time, just his tongue drawing circles on your skin as you continue moving your ass against his dick.

“You’re already hard.”

“The hot tub got me real horny.”

It had the same effect on you, and you shiver as he bites at your ear. Gently, not to hurt, especially not as he presses a kiss under your ear next.

“Fuck,” you say.

His breathing is warm against the side of your face, and you decide to dive in. To say fuck it with what you should do and what you want to do. You only have one life to live anyway.

The moment your lips touch feels like a dam broke inside of you. Your tongue meets him halfway between your mouths, and he swallows the moan you let out as his fingers move under your shirt. You’re not wearing a bra, and the moan turns to a hiss as he pinches one of your nipples, rolling the sensitive bud between his thumb and index.

He pulls away from the kiss to say, “Can I take off your shorts?”

Because you’re wearing baby blue PJ shorts. Nothing really attractive, but it has no hindering effect on Jungkook’s desire for you, has it?

“Yes,” you answer and he’s back to kissing you in no time.

His fingers do quick work of the knot holding your shorts in place, and he immediately slides his hand in. He slides it under your panties too, and he starts rubbing circles on your clit right away.

You’re going to go insane. He’s worth going insane for.

You grind on his hand, and he moves lower so he can dip his middle finger and ring finger inside of you, up to the first knuckle, before pulling out and rubbing circles on your clit again. Your slick juice renders you oversensitive, and you buck your hips as he starts a hellish rhythm down there, with just the right pressure.              

It’s like he knows his way around your body already.

You try to reach between you, but the way his arm is positioned keeps you from being able to palm him. You whine and it makes him stop his ministrations on your clit.

“Is something wrong?”

“Take off your pants,” you tell him.

“Please?” he taunts you, as if he wants to let you know who’s in control here.

“Please,” you hiss through your teeth, because somehow it infuriates you.

“Good girl,” he praises with his low husky voice.

You’ve never been called a good girl before, and something in the way he says it makes you grind hard against him.

“You like that, uh?” he asks.

“Just take off the fucking pants, Jeon.”

He chuckles but obeys nonetheless. You take off your shorts at the same time, and think about it for half a second before you’re taking your panties off too.

Once you’re both naked from the waist down, you return to the previous cuddling position. Only this time his dick is resting against your ass, and from what you can tell, it really is big.

“Should I finger you to make sure you can take me?” he asks, but it’s rhetorical.

Indeed, he doesn’t wait for you to answer before he plunges two fingers inside of you, arching them to hit a spot inside of you that makes you see stars, shy constellations that add light to the darkness of the cottage. You find purchase on his forearm as he starts thrusting his fingers in and out of you, and he reaches deep inside of you. His palm hits your clit every time he pushes all the way in, and you’re starting to see a whole damn galaxy of stars in no time.

But you want to feel him, want to jerk him off while he’s making you feel good too. So you reach behind you, and this time you’re successful. You’re able to wrap your hand around his cock, and you moan at the feeling of the large girth.

“You’re so fucking wet.”

You moan, nodding your head. “It’s all for you.”

“Oh, I fucking know it is,” he says.

It’s cocky, but you’re too far gone to give him shit for it.

You start jerking him off, slowly because you can’t really move quicker in this position. He stills bucks his hips, fucking your hand, and he starts moving his fingers even faster, hitting your clit even harder.

“Fuck, please play with my clit,” you beg.

“Can’t say no when you ask so nicely,” he says, and he’s back to rubbing circles on your clit.

You clench around nothing as you jerk him off, before you decide to position his dick between your legs. You grind against him, or maybe he makes you grind. You don’t really know. All you can feel is the way his length moves against you. But he never aligns with your entrance, as if he just wants to tease you, and knowing him you’re pretty sure he does.

It stays like this for a while, with him just coating his dick with your slick juice as he keeps rubbing insistent circles on your clit. Your walls clench around nothing, and you whine as he just moves his hips back and forth.

“Fuck me, Jungkook,” you say.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” he asks.

You just whine again.

“I want to hear you say it.”

He’s infinitely infuriating, isn’t he?

“Yes, I fucking want your dick inside of me.”

This time, when he pulls his hips away from you, he makes sure to align with your entrance before pushing forward. And he pushes forward hard, sheathing all of his dick inside of you. Or all of what fits inside of you, because you’re pretty sure he’s way too big to be able to entirely fit.

The moment he hits the back of your pussy you let out a moan. It’s loud, and you immediately put a hand on your mouth to muffle the next noises you’ll make. You think better of it after a few seconds, and you grab the blanket, rolling it in a messy bundle just so you can press it against your face.

“You feel so fucking tight,” he says, and then he grunts when your walls clench around him. “Just relax, baby.”

“I’m just so close,” you admit.

You don’t know when he stopped rubbing circles on your clit. Only know that he starts again now, and you feel the familiar knot of an orgasm starting to form deep in your core.

“Such a fucking good girl”, he praises. “You’re going to come all over my dick.”

You immediately hide your face in the blanket as you moan, unashamedly loud. And then he starts fucking into you, slow and hard, and you lose it. You lose it as the knot uncoils, snaps inside of you, turning every inch of your body into an oversensitive land of pleasure.

Jungkook fucks you through your high, steadily, never once faltering even as your walls pulse hard against him. His fingers keep on rubbing circles on your clit, and he kisses a spot on your neck that makes goosebumps erupt on all of you. It feels so good you could cry, but your high still just keeps on going. Even though you’re in the dark, your vision is white, blindly so.

You don’t know when your hand found its way to the side of his face, only that once you finally come down you have a handful of his hair in your grip.

“That didn’t take long,” Jungkook teases, whispering the words directly into your ear.

He’s not wrong. You don’t think you’ve ever come as hard and quick as you just did.

“Holy fuck,” you mutter.

He has stilled inside of you, and his lips are littering small kisses on your neck. So you feel his smirk against you, and it makes you move. Circling your hips, trying to give him something in return for the orgasm he’s gifted you.

“You’re going to let me come inside of you, mmh?” he asks as you keep on going, a little sloppily from the remnants of your orgasm.

“You think you can come for me?” You’re embarrassingly breathless, still panting because of your high. You take a deep breath as you prop yourself up on an elbow, just so it’s easier to fuck yourself on him.

Jungkooks hums. “I need a little more than that, baby.”

You bite your lips as his tattooed hand finds your breast under your shirt again. “What do you want me to do?”

“Ride me?” he suggests, right as he plants a soft peck on your shoulder.

You moan as he fucks into you hard, unexpectedly. “Anyone could see.”

He whines, but then his hand moves to your hip before he starts pounding into you again. You hide your face in the blanket again, trying to muffle your sounds. Jungkook is not faring a lot better than you, and his grunts send shivers all over you. He doesn’t talk again until he’s slowed down.

“They can already see us.”

He’s not wrong, and you hate it. But you doubt someone will get up at this hour of the night, closer to the morning than to yesterday. He pushes in once more, hard and rough.

“Fuck,” he curses, and he entirely stops moving.

He even pulls out, and you turn to look at him. Your eyes have adjusted to the dark a little now, and you can see his features enough to see him wincing in pain.

“Is something wrong?” you immediately ask.

“My leg hurts.”

His three words fall softly in the night, the way a feather falls. It shifts the atmosphere, making your heart ache in your chest.

“Oh, Jungkook…”

“Ride me,” he says, and it sounds begging.

As if he needs it to forget the pain. You don’t think you have it in you to refuse, so you straddle him. Before you sink on his dick, you lean down to press a kiss to his lips, hoping to chase the pain away. Your hands hold you up on his shoulders, and his move to your hips, before sliding down until he’s holding your ass in his large palms. He massages the muscles of your ass as you kiss, tongues meeting in a deep and languid dance.

When you’re out of breath, lungs burning for oxygen, you straighten and sit on his dick. You circle your hips, teasing him a little and also making sure that he’s still hard. He is, his dick a rod of steel, and you bite at your lower lip as you grab him with one hand to align him with your entrance. He’s looking through half-lidded eyes as you do so, and his eyes shut as you sink all the way down on him, until his dick reaches your cervix.

His mouth falls open and he moans softly. It’s a pretty sound, meant for your ears only, and it makes you feel powerful. You feel powerful as you move up and down, slowly, feeling every vein of his dick on your walls. You clench as you sink back down, and his hands on your ass tighten their hold for a few seconds before he moves to your hips to guide you.

He makes you go faster, and as if he can’t resist he’s soon fucking up into you.

You put a hand on his cheek, brushing his cheekbone with a thumb. His eyes flutter open and he stills, seeing the look on your face.

“Are you okay?” he asks.

“I can do the work, don’t hurt your leg,” you tell him. You grab his hands from your hips to move them to your breasts under your shirt. And then you start moving, for real this time, quick and hard. You add a little bit of circling of your hips, just to make sure he stretches you wide.

And he does. Jungkook is huge, and you don’t wonder why he’s so cocky anymore. He’s got the kind of dick to be cocky about.

“Alright then,” Jungkook lets out between two soft moans.

You smirk, but it dies when one of his hands moves from your breast to your neck through the collar of your shirt. You grab his forearm, and your eyes flutter shut as he digs his fingers in your arteries, cutting the blood supply to your brain. It feels good, far more than it should, as all you can feel is his dick in you.

You let out a breathy sound, walls clenching on him again.

“That’s it, baby, you’re so good,” he praises, and he sounds different than he did before.

He’s more out of breath, as if he’s exhausted. And maybe he is, as he’s nearing his orgasm. It only encourages you more, and your nails dig in his forearm, hard enough to mark him.

“Fuck,” he curses, and he releases his hold on your neck. His hand doesn’t move, but it’s now just resting on your throat, and he’s not squeezing anymore.

“Fill me up, JK,” you say. “I want to feel you come inside of me.”

“Let me fuck you a little,” he replies. And he pulls you down by the neck, until he’s satisfied with the angle.

You want to say something about his leg but he’s already pounding into you, so hard your face falls in the crook of his neck as your hands get lost in his hair. Your lips meet his skin, and you suck hard, fully intending to leave a mark there. At this point you’re pretty convinced someone’s ought to know you’re fucking anyway, so why not show that he’s yours?

The thought sobers you up. But Jungkook is already coming, so you hold on strong sucking another spot on his neck as he groans and releases ropes and ropes of his cum inside of you. And he comes a lot, painting your insides white. You like it far more than you should.

Another thought to sober you up.

It takes Jungkook a little longer before he finally stops moving, and he lets out a content sigh as he wraps his arms around your waist to hold you close.

“We should have done this before,” he murmurs.

You try to sit up, but he keeps you from moving. “We shouldn’t have done this.” Even as you’re saying that you press another kiss to his neck. A soft one, just because he tastes too good, and you know the moment is about to come to an end.

“Uh?” he lets out.

His dick is still deep inside of you when you say, “We shouldn’t have fucked”.

He pushes you away now. Not hard, but it’s like your touch burns him and he needs to be away from you.

“Why?”

You sit next to him, and your cheeks burn as you feel his seed spill out of you, only to stain the blanket you previously used to muffle your moans.

“We’re barely even friends,” you point out.

He’s not watching you. His eyes are fixed on an empty spot on the cushionless couch next to which you’re laying. “Okay?”

“It’s just weird, no?”

You reckon you don’t know what you’re saying. You don’t know why you decided to say it right now either. It’s as if the words just need to get out.

“It’s just sex,” he says, and it sounds a little angry. “People have sex all the time.”

“But not us. You know, I don’t like you like that.”

A big fat lie if you’ve ever said one. You did like having sex with him. You’re just panicking, your fight or flight instinct having been suddenly triggered.

“Chill, Y/n,” he mutters, and he sighs heavily. “We just fucked. We can pretend nothing happened, if that’s what you want.”

You don’t know what you want. Some part of you wants to take the evening back, but at the same time not. You’re confusing to yourself, and your teeth dig in the tip of your tongue for a moment as you think.

“What would you want to say this is?” you ask after a little too long for the silence to be comfortable.

He finally looks at you. “Nothing, honestly. We just got horny and we’re the only single people here, it was bound to happen.”

Now, his words hurt a little, but you can see the truth behind them. “Right,” you say. “So, just friends?”

He holds your gaze. It’s too dark for you to be able to interpret anything on his features. “Sure.”

You feel bad. Remorseful. And you think about the hot tub, and the fucking too, but also about the dance outside. You reckon your fight or flight was triggered then, you’ve just been ignoring it ever since you came in.

Ever since you got out of the bathroom to see Jungkook and his softness. The softness is gone now, and he looks away from you before sitting up too. He searches around for his pants, and puts them on as you scan the scene for your own clothes.

“Can you…” you start, but he’s already throwing your shorts and panties at you.

He’s pissed. It’s evident now, clear as spring water, and you feel even worse. You didn’t want to upset him. There’s just too much history between you, too much individual history on your part too.

You’ve never been in a relationship. You’ve never been able to even imagine being in a relationship. And it usually leads to scenes like this: the men you sleep with getting upset with you. You don’t blame them, can’t blame them.

But it feels different with Jungkook. Worse, as if you don’t want the outcome to be him being upset with you. You just don’t know anything else, and so you put your clothes on. Even as he gets up to go clean up in the bathroom, muttering that he’ll be right back.

Even as he comes back and settles on the makeshift bed again, his back turned to you. The message is clear then: he doesn’t want to talk to you. You reckon you can always talk to him tomorrow. Can always let the night pass, and with it the fight or flight. It’s not like he’s going to be gone tomorrow, and you won’t be either.

You get up, sighing heavily as you go to the bathroom to clean up too.

 Jungkook is dead silent when you come back. If he was asleep, you know he would be snoring softly, as last night showed you. But no, he’s dead silent, as if he’s just ruminating in his corner.

It makes you feel too bad to remain silent.

“Jungkook,” you let out softly, his name barely over a whisper.

“Mmh?” he hums.

“I’m sorry if I upset you.”

He sighs, long and deep, before turning on his back. “Don’t worry about it.”

He’s stupid if he thinks telling you so will make it so you don’t worry. You’re always worrying anyway.

“Okay,” you still say. “It was great though, don’t take me wrong.”

He chuckles, and it’s bitter. “Listen, if you want us to pretend like it never happened, let’s start right now.”

He’s closed off. He was open earlier, a book for you to read. Maybe you’ve ripped the pages away, or maybe you’ve thrown the book off a cliff.

But it’s safer this way. It’s safer to keep Jungkook at an arm’s length. It’s where you keep everyone besides Jiho anyway.

“Okay, sorry,” you apologize. “Good night?”

He sighs once more. “Yeah, good night.” And then he turns away, and it hits you.

You won’t ever be the one to see Jungkook’s softness again.

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.............................. please don't hate me <3 how was this chapter? How was the smut? I hope it hit good haha! Let me know what you thought!

All rights reserved to @/oddinary4bts 2023. Do not copy, repost or translate.

Taglist (strike-through means dumblr is not letting me tag you, my bad):

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[dual1pa]

sneaking in

!!! 18+ ONLY !!!

steve harrington x reader with she/her pronouns

warnings: smut-ish - nothing too graphic, heavy makeouts, reader stops before it gets too "R rated", steve being cute as always

request something here :)

This was a typical Friday afternoon for her: looking over the notes she took during the week in preparation for any pop quizzes or tests coming up.

After graduating Hawkins High, she decided to stay close and go to a community college to get credits to transfer to a four-year college later on.

Her boyfriend, Steve Harrington was a major contributor in deciding where she went.

She desperately wanted to get out of Indiana — and she definitely wanted Steve to go with her.

When they met in sophomore year, she just felt a spark she never felt with anyone else — she knew he was the one for her — and he felt the same.

When Steve wasn't working at the local video store, they spent hours at the Starcourt Mall showing off major PDA, making out at the local drive-in movie theater, or at Lover's Lake.

Bringing her out of her own thoughts, she heard a light tapping on her window.

She turned around to see her boyfriend waving to her while squatting on her roof.

He got lucky that her room was in the front of the house and all he had to do was climb a not-so-sturdy plant fence and onto the roof of the garage.

She smiled, walking over to her window to unlock and let him in.

"You know Friday is my study night," she giggled, grabbing him by his jacket and pulling him in for a kiss.

He knew that. He typically worked late on Friday nights for obvious reasons.

"Keith let me leave early. We were dead tonight."

"Really? On a Friday night? The most popular night to rent movies?"

He shrugged his shoulders, "I think it's cause everyone is at the Metallica concert tonight."

She nodded, "Oh, right. That was tonight."

"Anyways, I just missed you, so I wanted to surprise you," he gripped her hips and admired her lack of clothing - a pair of sleep shorts and one of Steve's old Scoop's Ahoy t-shirts.

He continued: "And... I thought that since it was so late, that you would be finished. You've probably been studying for hours. Look at all these note cards!"

He walked over to look at her messy desk.

"I'm taking all the really hard classes first to get them out of the way," she said.

"I'm no genius, but I feel like you may have overwhelmed yourself with that move," he said with worry in his voice.

She shooed him away from her desk: "I'll be fine."

He took his shoes off and placed them by her bed on the side closest to the window, just in case her parents knocked on the door and came in.

The tall boy plopped himself on her bed and flipped on the small TV she had on her dresser.

She reminded him to keep the volume down as her parents were sound asleep down the hall.

She took one last look at her desk and decided to give up for the rest of the night and join her handsome boyfriend in bed.

He held his arms out for her to cuddle with him - which she gladly obliged.

She laid her body on top of him while straddling his left leg. He gripped her waist, pushing her - his - shirt up to feel her soft skin.

"I'm glad you stopped by," she said between kisses.

"I can't stay the night?"

"Yeah, and get caught by my parents? I don't think so," she chuckled.

He protested: "What if I left really early in the morning? No one would know. We'd be rebels!"

"You being here right now, in my bed, with me on top of you wearing next to nothing, is rebellious enough. I don't want you to be banned from my home," she said.

He continued to disagree with her but knew he would lose.

As their kisses got more passionate, her hips thrusted against his leg, desperately wanting to relieve a bit of tension, but ultimately knew she couldn't go too far.

Steve, on the other hand, enjoyed her motion and most certainly wanted to go all the way.

His hand massaged her ass while pushing down so she got even more turned on.

"Wait," she chuckled, "We can't do it here, not when my mother and father are just rooms away. It's weird."

"I bet they're fast asleep and won't even hear, I could hold your mouth shut so you won't be so loud when I fuck you."

She clamped his mouth shut and felt herself grow wetter than she was, "Shh!"

"What's wrong? Is that not what you want?" he flipped her over and found himself snug between her legs.

"Oh no, I want it so bad, but... with my family in the home? I don't know, it seems weird."

"Well, if you feel weird about it then you won't enjoy it," he rolled off her and brought her to her chest.

"Pick me up after your shift tomorrow and we can go to Lover's Lake, then you can fuck my brains out."

His eyes widened at her choice of words: "Anything for you, my love."

[sweethoneyrose83]

90s-inspired dialogue prompts

"Dude, did you hear? The new Nirvana album just dropped. We have to hit the record store before it sells out!"

"I swear, if I don’t beat this level in Mario, I’m throwing the controller across the room!"

"You've got mail! Wait, hold on, my dial-up is still connecting."

"Why would you spend $50 on a pager? Just call me on my landline, duh!"

"Have you seen the new episode of Friends? I need to talk about Ross and Rachel!"

"I'm telling you, AOL chat rooms are where it's at. You can meet people from anywhere!"

"Whatever. As if! Like I’m gonna wear that to the mall."

"Let’s meet up at Blockbuster later. I’m thinking about renting Clueless again."

"I just recorded that new song off the radio onto my mixtape. It's going to be on repeat all day."

"Mom said we could use the car, but we have to rewind the VHS before we return it!"

"No way. I heard they're working on something called a DVD. I don't get it. Why change VHS?"

"The Tamagotchi is dying again. I don't know how many times I can save this thing."

"I just got my first Walkman. CDs sound so much better than cassettes!"

"We should totally prank call that radio station and request Backstreet Boys for the hundredth time."

"Okay, I got a quarter—I'm gonna use the payphone and see if anyone wants to hang out."

"I'm recording TRL later. I can't miss that new Britney Spears music video."

"What do you mean you don’t have a MySpace account? It’s, like, the thing right now."

"If my parents pick up the phone while I’m online, it’s going to cut me off. Don’t call the house!"

"I just burned you a CD with all the best songs from the radio. You’re going to love it!"

"If this Y2K thing actually messes up our computers, I’m never trusting technology again."

"Dude, you won’t believe what I just found at Blockbuster!"

"No way! Did they finally get 'The Matrix' in stock?"

"Why do you always hog the phone line? I’ve been waiting for my AOL dial-up for like, forever!"

"Chill out, I’m trying to finish this important call on my pager."

"Man, you’re dressed like you just walked out of a Nirvana concert."

"It’s called grunge, bro. You wouldn’t understand."

"I’m telling you, Tamagotchis are like, the future."

"Yeah, if the future is taking care of a digital pet all day."

"I just taped the season finale of ‘Friends,’ wanna come over and watch it?"

"As long as there’s pizza, I’m in. Could I be any more excited?"

"My Tamagotchi just died because I was too busy playing with my new Game Boy Color!"

"You need to get your priorities straight."

"Can you believe they canceled 'Saved by the Bell'? Zack and Kelly forever, man."

"Yeah, but the new season of 'Fresh Prince' is all that."

"I just bought a stack of CDs, now my Discman’s set for the road trip."

"As long as you don’t hit a bump and make it skip!"

"I got an email from this girl I met in a chatroom last night."

"Email? You should’ve just asked for her AIM screen name."

"I heard they're coming out with something called a DVD next year."

"Pfft, like that’ll replace my VHS collection."

At the Mall:

Character 1: "Dude, if we don’t get to the food court soon, I’m gonna pass out. I need a slice of Sbarro pizza, stat!"

Character 2: "Chill, we'll get there. But first, I’m grabbing this Nirvana shirt—Kurt would want me to have it."

Dial-Up Drama:

Character 1: "I was this close to beating my high score on Pac-Man, and then someone picked up the phone and killed the connection!"

Character 2: "Ugh, the struggle is real. Why do we even have one line for the internet and the phone?"

Movie Night:

Character 1: "Blockbuster was out of Jurassic Park again! I had to settle for Space Jam."

Character 2: "As if that’s a problem! Michael Jordan and Looney Tunes? That’s a classic, man!"

Mixtape Meltdown:

Character 1: "I made you this mixtape—front to back, all the jams you love."

Character 2: "Wait, you recorded over my TLC album? You’re gonna be scrubs to me forever!"

School Day Crush:

Character 1: "He passed me a note in history class! I swear, it's love."

Character 2: "Let me see that… it just says 'Wanna hang at the arcade later?' So romantic…"

First Cell Phone:

Character 1: "Dude, check it out, I finally got a cell phone!"

Character 2: "That’s not a cell phone, it’s a brick! You gonna carry that in your backpack?"

The Internet:

Character 1: "I just spent an hour downloading one song on Napster. Totally worth it."

Character 2: "Better hope the FBI doesn’t show up at your door. They take that stuff seriously."

Fashion Emergency:

Character 1: "What’s up with the butterfly clips and platform shoes? Are you going for the full Spice Girls look?"

Character 2: "You say that like it’s a bad thing. Girl Power is forever."

After School TV:

Character 1: "Hurry up! Fresh Prince is on in like five minutes!"

Character 2: "Not until I’m done watching Sailor Moon, this episode’s a big deal!"

Computer Lab Chaos:

Character 1: "Why does this computer keep freezing? I’ve got to finish my PowerPoint for tomorrow."

Character 2: "You’re probably running too many programs. Close Oregon Trail before you get another 'Your ox has died' message."

[mvnvgedmischief]

unremarkable days: Sirius black is trying to be a good man, a good brother, a good person. Sirius has a steady job designing book covers for a publishing house, a flat he never leaves, and a traumatized brother who was just removed from the custody of his parents. All in all, it's wildly unremarkable.

archive tags: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Regulus Black & Sirius Black, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin, Regulus Black, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, Marauders, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Modern Marauders (Harry Potter), Marauders Friendship (Harry Potter), ok so this is mostly just sirius trying to take care of a traumatized regulus, Modern AU, Sirius trying to be a father figure, to his brother who was just removed from his home, Alternate Universe - Modern: No Powers, Artist Sirius Black, Writer Remus Lupin, Young Regulus Black, Past Child Abuse, Trauma, everyone is sad, Custody Battle, Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence, Past Domestic Violence, Child Abuse, Anorexia, Eating Disorders, Domestic Violence

words: 103,104 chapters: 27/?

this is kind of my baby in terms of fics i’ve written, i love it so much. it will probably end up around 30 chapters, but lord knows. artist!sirius x writer!remus in a modern take on a high society young adult recovering from his fall from grace while trying to hide his sexuality, take care of his brother, and fall in love. will his secret self destruction be the only thing that stands between him and the future he wants?

read it on ao3 here!

It was stressful to figure out what he needed, in the way of treatment. He had finally gotten things sorted today after several hours of meeting with Vincent Square and then following up with Orri. He would be spending the next weeks in the Orri PHP program, while he was working through supervised visitation with his parents, as well as the holidays. If, during that process, he needed a higher level of care, he had to take a bed at Vincent Square. If they decided, upon the completion of the holidays and the scheduled return to his life, January 15th, that he needed a higher level of care, he needed to take a bed at Vincent Square. None of this was binding or anything, but it was something he agreed to, so it wasn’t like he would be comfortable backing out. He wished he would, somewhere in the back of his mind, because he was just so much more comfortable at home, making the same disordered decisions he was making right now. He wanted to keep avoiding meals, expelling his demons with his purges, and destroying himself. But he couldn’t. No, if he wanted to continue to be Reggie’s guardian. 

It was a long fucking year.

Sirius had crashed on the couch. If he was honest, he crashed on the couch more often than he slept in his bed. He was sure that it was overwhelming to Reggie upon his arrival here, but they were coming up on a milestone soon. Almost a year of the two of them living together, almost a year of his parents trying to ruin him. He almost wondered when they would start trying to laud him with money, considering nothing else had worked in strong-arming Sirius into giving them what they wanted. The worst part, if you asked Sirius, was that he would consider it. He would be a liar if he said that the amount of money he could surely get out of his parents could really change his life. He could buy his flat, and instead of worrying about rent each month, he could take the time off he needed to make sure that he got his head on straight, he could finally maybe stop feeling like he was a ghost haunting his own life. That would be nice. 

Going through the motions was becoming exhausting for the artist. He was struggling desperately to be an active participant in his life, too bogged down by the static in his brain. His tether to reality had been fraying for a long time, and it had become dangerously worn. How easy things would be if he could give up. Sure, Reggie would be left in the lurch, which was why he didn’t. But giving up had a level of appeal to him that nothing else could. An end to his exhaustion, to his fear, was so far out of his reach. The only way out he could see from where he was right now was his end. As of now, he was staring down what felt like an unending torment of visits with his parents, meetings in court, stacks of work, appointments with therapists, and answering to Severus somewhere in the middle he would have to find time for maintaining his relationship with James, even though he was still resentful, trying to be supportive to Pete in the absence of his father, hopefully building a relationship with Remus– fuck he was overwhelmed. To die felt so much easier, but so completely unattainable. 

The loud buzzing of his phone vibrating on the hardwood floor pulled him out of his restless sleep, and he answered without taking a moment to check the caller ID. He would regret that he was sure. 

“Why did you answer, it’s four am?” No greeting. Typical Severus. 

“Most people start with something like alright, mate? Greetings are a part of a civilized society.” 

“Are you not sleeping again?” 

“I cannot imagine you called me at four am to confirm I wasn’t sleeping, Sev. And for your information, I was sleeping.” 

“And you’ve never heard of the do not disturb function?” 

“What do you want, Sev?” 

“I wanted to leave a voicemail.” 

“Why can’t you just tell me?” 

A pregnant pause met Sirius from the other side of the phone call. Sirius didn’t want to think about what it meant that Sev wasn’t answering the question. He wanted to let his brain keep blurring out of his understanding. He wanted to go back to living in his isolated, foggy brain. He didn’t want any of the struggle of actual interaction. “Please don’t make me humiliate myself by actually telling you to your face.” 

“This is a phone call.” 

“Close enough.” 

“Why are you calling me, Severus?” Sirius was sure that the other man could hear the way his silver eyes were rolling back in his head. He wanted to go back to sleep. It felt as though Sirius was constantly in sleep debt, even when he had hours of sleep. Any number of hours greater than one felt like a win to Sirius. He was so exhausted, his eyes permanently half-lidded and glassy with his deprivation. 

“Please,” Severus responded, and Sirius felt like he could taste the other man’s desperation. Maybe that was why the universe never let him sleep. Maybe his vigilance was some kind of superpower he unlocked when he didn’t sleep. He found his mind wandering back to the past, whirring on his time believing in something. He was never one for faith, never a true believer in god. He remembered the way his family forced him into itchy, uncomfortable dress clothes to sit on a pew that was far too uncomfortable. He remembered being eight, and the way that it would hurt to sit on that pew. He remembered the way he would shift, and be smacked by his mother for moving too often. 

“Would you prefer I hang up and let you call back?” Sirius responded, pinching the bridge of his nose, “I somehow find that would be more humiliating.” 

“Whatever,” Severus mumbled, and it was then that Sirius tasted the saltiness that was the tightness in the other man’s voice. 

“Shit,” Sirius mumbled, sitting up on the couch. He was sure Severus could hear the crinkling of the couch around him. If he wasn’t full of a toxic mixture of existential dread and sleep deprivation, he would be confronted with how awful it felt to make such a noise. God, it was so stupid when he thought about it all honestly. How pathetic, to know that the way a couch moved would be enough to send him reeling. “ Areyoualright ?” The words stumbled out of his mouth all as one, for fear of leaving too much space in between them for the acrid taste of even more emotions. If he were on the other end of the phone, he may have heard it the way Severus did. He would’ve heard the way his voice was heightened and the way anxiety seeped into his voice. But he couldn’t hear that, it was drowned out by the ringing in his ears, and the way his blood was rushing up to flood his vision with stars. If he were like Remus, if he were a poet, he would say that the stars couldn’t wait to meet him, and he couldn’t wait to meet them. That all of his issues were an outward expression of his soul’s desire to take his rightful place amongst Canis Major. If he were a scientist, like Severus, he would say that he was starving his body of necessary nutrients and that these were the standard consequences of that. But he wasn’t a poet, and he wasn’t a scientist. He wasn’t even sure he was an artist anymore. Artist implied some level of care, compassion, and vision. He didn’t have any of that anymore. All he had was a hollowed-out gnawing in his stomach, a desire to be swallowed up by the earth, and the pathetic rocking back and forth of his anxiety. 

Whatever Severus said in response fell on deaf ears because Sirius couldn’t anything over the loud sounds of his stars falling all around him. It felt like they were careening into the leather around him, burning up on entry to his atmosphere and crashing to the tune of his heart hammering in his ears. 

“– about you. I care about you a lot alright? I know I’m not Remus and I know you love him, but I just–” 

“Severus?” Sirius interrupted, “You called me about this at four in the morning?”

“Couldn’t stomach the idea of you dying without knowing....” Severus mumbled in response, “Couldn’t stomach the idea of you dying at all.” 

“I’m not going to die, Sev,” Sirius sighed, as shaky footfalls carried him out to the fire safety window. 

“Could’ve fooled me, Siri,” Severus sighed, voice tight on the other end of the line, “are you seriously going out for a smoke right now?” 

“You have a problem with smokers now?” 

“Christ,” He mumbled, “I hate you.” 

“Oi,” Sirius chuckled, “I thought you were calling because you didn’t want me to die thinking you didn’t care about me.” 

“Fuck off.” 

 This was off-limits, and they both knew it. The easy banter between them wasn’t something they could have, and they both knew it. It was too much history, too complicated, and involved far too much of their shared trauma. Even if Sirius had wanted it, which he didn’t, it required sacrifices Severus could never make. He was too close to his mother to distance himself, and Sirius was too far from him to reintegrate. Severus had a tight, bitter, and stiff relationship with the Black family. Sirius couldn’t remember anymore how, but he was sure Severus’s mother knew his mother somehow. He knew that the Snapes were also very close with the Rosiers, and if he thought back on it enough, Sirius had fuzzy memories of Eileen, sitting in on the book club, or whatever it was, that his mother ran on Sundays after church. 

“Sev,” Sirius mumbled, “Do you ever wonder....” 

“What if?” Severus responded, his voice tight with desperation and disappointment, “What if it was all different? What if we met at school instead of at your mum’s house?” 

“What if they didn’t hurt us?” 

“Maybe, in that world, we would’ve ended up together.” Came Severus’s watery whisper, like he was afraid to even say it out loud. It wasn’t like Sirius never thought about it. Of course, he thought about it. He had thought about it when he was younger, more naive, trapped in both the literal and figurative closet with Severus. He had even thought about it before he met Remus when he first gained custody of Reggie because maybe it could’ve made everything make sense. But he never took it seriously, especially because back then, they were still hate fucking, as far as Sirius was concerned. He knew, sure, that Severus was all over him, and would get jealous about him, but he thought that they both viewed each other as a prize to be won, a conquest to be made, a dance they did before they fell into a familiar pattern. It was easier for Sirius that way. Finding a new partner, someone who he viewed as more than a sexual conquest, was something had long since given up on until he met Remus. Love had gone out the window a long time ago, and new sexual conquests had been abandoned since he welcomed Regulus into his home. It made everything easier, especially when he thought about the idea of someone new seeing his body under the soft, warm lighting of his bedroom, or the harsh overhead lighting of someone else’s. The thought of someone new seeing the twists and turns, hills and valleys of his body had made Sirius feel physically ill, and it was only when Remus came careening into his life that he considered welcoming someone new in.

“Don’t cry, Sev.” Sirius replied, his own voice sounding tight, “Maybe someday, it won’t hurt to think about it anymore.” He mumbled, “You’ll find someone who can love you the way you deserve. I could never do that for you, no matter how much I wanted to in the past.” 

“I know, I see your family too often,” Severus mumbled back, with a tight chuckle. Sirius felt a tension in the pause between them before Severus’s voice came through the phone again. “You’ve wanted to?” The question hurt in a way he wished it didn’t. He had wanted to when they were younger. He wanted to, but he wasn’t brave enough to ask. He wanted to ask Sev to put distance between himself and Sirius’s family, he wanted to stop the game they played of irritating each other in front of their respective friends so they could storm off and meet in a broom closet, but Sirius was so insecure. He had been so scared of asking for something he couldn’t have, so he settled into their routine and never said anything. Eventually, he grieved what he knew he couldn’t have, and found his way into his life now.

“Sixth form...” Sirius mumbled in response, feeling his chest bloom with shame and his cheeks break into a blush. 

“You never said...”

“Of course not. You hated me.” Sirius chuckled, his own eyes welling up with tears at the thought of their youth, a youth that was so broken and marred with problems. “Even if you didn’t really, I couldn’t fathom that.” 

“But you should’ve –” Severus began before Sirius was quick to cut him off. 

“Oi, I’m pretty sure you didn’t say anything until three months ago. Glass houses and all that.” 

“I don’t know, Siri. Thinkin’ it’s probably time for me to give up on love.” 

“Sev, we’re way too young for that,” Sirius responded, taking a long pull of his cigarette. “I think it’s probably time you give up on me.”  That pulled a broken sob out of Severus, which the former aristocrat hadn’t anticipated. 

Why was Sev crying? He couldn’t understand that, even if an outsider would have to be blind to miss it. There was so much subtext in that kind of statement. Everyone knew that Sirius wanted them to give up on him, to let him starve himself off and die in peace. You’d have to be an idiot to miss that the statement twisted the knife in Severus’s chest, making him yearn just that much more for the world where he could have exactly what he wanted. Too bad Sirius was an idiot, and he couldn’t read his own subtext, let alone someone else’s. 

“Why do you insist on saying that?” Severus snapped. Once again, Severus was beyond his understanding. “Why do you insist that everyone should just let you destroy yourself?” His voice was tight with his tears, but his tone was harsh. “The people in your life care about you, you fucking dickhead. I love you for fucks sake, and I keep tearing myself apart to be here for you even though you’re an arsehole, and your brother because you’re losing your shit. I let your tosser of a best mate run around saying I’m into his girlfriend, just so that nobody asks you a godforsaken question you don’t want to answer. Why do you have to beg me to give up on you all the time? Don’t you know how that feels?” A broken sob ripped out of Severus amid his rant, and Sirius couldn’t help the way he felt guilty. 

“Severus, hey–” He tried to interrupt, but it was fruitless. Severus was going to keep saying his piece until he got everything off of his chest, and it seemed like he really needed to get the rant out, despite however much it hurt Sirius to hear. “Sev, it’s okay...” Sirius whispered into the phone, “I’m okay. ‘S not what I meant, mate.” He would be a liar if he said that none of that was new information. He knew Severus was into him, and always had been decently intro him enough to sleep with him, but he had been under the impression that Severus was in love with Lily, as was the widely held belief in his friend group. It never occurred to him that Severus would be trying to protect him. It never occurred to him that everything he said sounded like a veiled plea for everyone to just let him go. 

“I wish you could see yourself the way I see you, Siri,” Sev whispered. Sirius could practically feel the earnestness in his bones, the whole conversation had grown bitter and sad. 

“I wish you could see you deserve more than endless pining,” Sirius responded in kind, prompting them to sit silently. It was an unfair response because even though they both meant exactly what they said, they were subtle digs at each other. Severus knew Sirius couldn’t fathom anything but his own bitter hatred for himself, just like Sirius knew his endless chaos kept Severus’s wrapt attention.

He heard his door buzzing inside, which was his cue to wrap this up. “Thanks for calling, mate. I’ve gotta jump somebody’s buzzing and I dunno who could possibly be here at this ungodly hour.” 

“Cheers, mate” Sev responded, although Sirius could tell he wasn’t happy about it. Granted, Sirius wasn’t exactly shocked by that. 

He collected himself and made his way back into his home. It wasn’t the most comfortable for his tired joints, but he ignored their loud protests and climbed back into his living room, taking notice of the clock on the wall, when had it become 5 AM? 

“Oi, do you know what time it is?” Sirius mumbled into the buzzer’s microphone.

“Can I come up?” Remus’s voice garbled through the speaker, and immediately Sirius was buzzing in the other man. God, he was glad Remus was here. He didn’t remember asking Remus to come over, but if Remus was here then he was sure he must have. Either way, he was glad Remus was here. He wanted to be held, to be loved, to be touched. He just wanted to feel okay again, even if he knew he wouldn’t any time soon. He unlocked his front door in preparation for Remus arriving at his flat. Sirius was overtired and he knew it, he was practically buzzing, and as he looked around his home, it struck him that his living room made him look like a slob. There were cups everywhere, his couch cushions were all kinds of fucked up, and his blanket was crumpled up in a ball. Bleary, wide eyes remained unfocused as he collected the dishes around the room, hoping to make his home look slightly less like a pigsty and more like a legitimate home. 

Remus walked into Sirius’s home, his rambling steps ringing loudly in his ears, and the man felt ashamed. His voice cut through the white noise in Sirius’s mind, and he felt himself sinking deeper into himself. 

“Shit, Siri,” Remus mumbled, “You alright, love?” 

“Yeah,” Sirius mumbled, silver eyes cast down on his hands. God, he should’ve cleaned up more. He should’ve kept his home nicer, he should’ve kept himself together, he needed to be better. The subtext in his mind was always that better was thinner.   “I’m fine,” He shrugged, “just tired.” It took him a moment, to step outside of his own selfish mind and notice what was going on. Remus’s eyes were rimmed with red, his skin had adopted a pallor, and his frail body was shivering. 

“Re–” Sirius said, eyes trained on the other man. God, he wished this was easy, He desperately wished he could keep himself from spiraling or getting too worried. “Are you alright?” 

“‘M fine,” Remus responds, grey eyes trained on the tile.

“I’m fine...” Sirius trails off, his eyes blown wide with a desire for the floor to swallow him up

The two of them were both sitting there, across from each other, trying to distract the other from just how out of it, and how fucked they felt. Neither was going to be able to shake this discomfort or fear. Sirius didn’t realize that Remus didn’t ask again, his mind too busy elsewhere. 

Maybe he was distracted by his fears, his stress, or the ever-looming holidays. Maybe it was everything, maybe it was nothing. Either way, in an instant Remus was clamoring into his lap, pressing a hungry kiss to his lips. Sirius responded in kind, scabbed and angry fingers tangling in Remus’s golden hair. If he was just a bit more with it, just a little bit more aware of the world around him, maybe he would have noticed the way Remus’s hands shook as they tangled into the hair behind his neck or the fact that he only had a jumper on and it was freezing outside. It took Remus’s cold hands on the back of his neck to snap him back into the dark reality of the moment. “Moony, you’re freezing.” And my heat was off was a silent understanding between them.

“Then warm me up,” Remus responded, pulling on Sirius’s hoodie to bring them closer together. He was daring Sirius not to take exactly what he wanted, and god, was it hard. But Sirius could taste some kind of desperate fear in his overtired hypervigilant state, and he cared too much for Remus to wholly ignore it. “How did you get here?” He whispered, before pressing his lips to the hollow beneath Remus’s ear. In between leaving hickies in his wake, maybe he could get some information out of the smaller man. 

“Ran,” Remus responded, a small gasp escaping him as he leaned into Sirius’s attention. However, the response prompted Sirius to pull away and stare blankly at the other man. “You ran over here? In this weather? With no jacket? From your flat?” He asked, voice blown with shock, “Fuck, do you need a cup of tea or something, love?”  

“No,” Remus responded, his voice still dripping with a desperation that was starting to feel like one Sirius didn’t recognize. The fear that he could previously taste at the back of his throat was starting to creep further and further to his awareness, and he was starting to pay more attention to what was happening around him. Remus’s cold hands met the waistband of Sirius’s boxers, where it stuck out from his pajama pants, and whined, “I want to blow you.” 

“Re–” Sirius mumbled, trying not to let his resolve to figure out what was going on crumble because of his desire for the older man. “Why didn’t you ask me to come get you?” He asked, steely eyes looking over the smaller man.  

“What’s with the twenty questions, Sirius? Don’t you want me?” His voice was sharp with his insecurity. Sirius felt like he was watching in slow motion as Remus’s golden brown eyes welled with tears, and he whispered, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to–” This time it was for once Sirius’s turn to hush him and press a gentle kiss to his forehead like Remus had for Sirius so many times before. 

“What happened, love?” 

“Nothing.”

“Moony, something must have happened...” He replied, his arms wrapping tighter around Remus. 

“It’s fine, Siri...” He responded, “Just leave it.” Once again, he was closing the distance between them with a crushing speed. He let his hands wander down to Sirius’s waistband once again and pulled Sirius’s lower lip between his teeth. 

Sirius pulled away, which elicited a high-pitched whine from Remus. “I’m serious, Moony. Something’s wrong.” It tasted like metal.

“If I wanted to talk about it I wouldn’t have run over here unannounced.” Remus snapped back, “I don’t want to talk.” He mumbled, “Did you get bored of me?” He whispered, golden brown eyes cash down and brimming once again with tears. 

“No,” Sirius replied, a sad chuckle pulling from somewhere deep within him. “No, Moonshine, I’m not bored of you. I just want to know what made you so upset you ran several miles in freezing weather with no jacket.” 

“I can’t have just wanted to see you?” Remus replied, pulling a smug smile. 

“Not without a jacket, you can’t,” Sirius replied, “Let me get you a cup of tea, love.” He replied, scooping up the smaller man and carrying him to the kitchen. He knew he was pushing it with his body. He knew that this was a bad choice for him, as far as risking passing out again, but Remus was so cold he could feel it radiating off of him. He sat Remus down on the counter walked over to the thermostat and turned the heat on. When he returned to the counter, Remus pulled Sirius into another kiss. “Turning on the heat for me? How romantic,” Remus chuckles. 

“Of course,” Sirius responded, leaning into Remus once more, “Moons, please talk to me.” 

“Fen called me,” Remus replied, his eyes drifting off behind Sirius. He couldn’t look the other man in the eyes while he talked about this. Those three words made Sirius’s heart drop into his stomach. He immediately pulled the smaller man into his arms.  “I didn’t know it was gonna be him. It was a Bangor number.” Remus mumbled, burying his face in Sirius’s chest and tightening his arms around Sirius’s waist. 

Sirius wished he wasn’t reminded of how awful he felt about himself, about his insecurities about his body. He didn’t have time to dwell on his thoughts, about what was going on. So instead he focused on pressing kisses to the crown of Remus’s head and whispering sweet affirmations. “You’re safe. He can’t hurt you here. He can’t find you here.” 

“I just feel so awful.” Remus whimpered, “and weak.” 

“You’re one of the most resilient people I’ve ever met,” Sirius responded.

“I’m so scared, Siri.” Remus replied, “What if he finds my flat?”

“Why don’t you stay with me until you go up north?” 

“What about the PI?” 

“They called off the PI when they won visitation. Now it’s up to if Reggie wants to keep seeing them and how Social Services feels.” 

“O-okay...” Remus whimpered in response, “I don’t wanna put you out... I just– he knows Lily and I moved in together. I know he knows.” 

“Baby, you should stay here.” Sirius responded, “I’ll keep you safe.”

It felt like the conversation was stretching on in a way that Remus hated. Sirius saw him bristle every time he asked a question, and every statement sounded like a whimper from a beaten dog. He knew that in Remus’s position, he wouldn’t want to talk about it anymore. He would want to talk about anything else. But he and Remus were different. While Sirius would run in this position, Remus had always been touch-motivated. Maybe that was something that happened before Fenrir, maybe it happened in the touch-starved years since, but Sirius noticed the way his brain stopped whirring at spiraling out of control when Sirius’s hands met the smooth expanses of his pale skin. Sirius put a finger under Remus’s chin, lifting it to pull him into a kiss. He didn’t mind that Remus’s eyes were rimmed red, or the tear tracks staining his cheeks. He found an overwhelming love for the other man, and all he wanted was to fix things. 

“Let me take care of you,” Sirius mumbled, met with a hungry and desperate response from Remus. “Please, Siri. Please .”

It was explosive and beautiful and wild, and when the sun rose on that late December day when Remus’s thighs were covered in hickeys and his mind was fuzzy from pleasure, Sirius felt like things were finally unremarkable.

[footprintsinthesxnd]

Who Hurt You

Pairings: Bradley Bradshaw x f!reader (80s au) Summary: this was a request from @roostette with the prompt ‘who hurt you?’ for my 1K celebration. They kindly let me choose the time period so we are rocking 80s Bradley today. Thank you @callsign-phoenix for proofreading Warnings: cheating, heart break, Bradley being the guy every girl needs, implied sex, minors dni

Bradley groaned, leaning against the counter of the video store, running his hand through his brown locks. Sundays were always slow. No one wanted to rent movies on a Sunday. The sun was shining, the warm summer breeze blowing the front door open occasionally, bringing with it the hope of a customer as the bell above the door clanged.

Bradley looked up at the clock, the time reading half past three. Another groan left his mouth when realised he still had two hours to go. He’d always hated picking up shifts, he didn’t know why he did it as no one ever swapped shifts with him, but when she’d come to him and beg to swap their Sundays he just couldn’t refuse. (Y/n) in Bradley’s eyes was the most beautiful girl in town. She was smart, funny and perfect in every way. The only problem was that all the other guys thought that too. Bradley had been nursing his crush on (y/n) for years, and when she’d come to work at the movie store with him, he’d thought this was his chance. It was not, and now while Bradley was stuck at work the girl of his dreams was off on a date with none other than Jake Seresin, the town's golden boy. He was a jock having been captain of the football team and class president during his high school days. He got good grades, not that Bradley didn’t, but he’d spent most of his senior year caring for his sick mother. While Jake had gotten a high up job at his father’s expensive car dealership, Bradley had jumped from job to job, from comic book stores to the supermarket to the video store.

Looking back up at the clock and realising only five minutes had passed caused Bradley to groan again in frustration. He picked up the box of returns that the Saturday workers hadn’t reshelfed and busied himself, walking down between the isles of videos and records before placing each into its respective section. He grinned as he picked up his favourite movie from the box, running his thumb over the cover of the all too familiar cassette of ‘Back to the Future’ when the bell above the door chimed and the noise of loud footsteps followed.

“Hello?” Bradley made his way back up the isle to the counter to come face to face with a teary (y/n).

“(Y/n)? What are you doing here? What’s wrong?” He asked worriedly, he reached out to her but she backed away behind the counter, sinking down next to the cobalt records with a whimper.

“(Y/n)?” He called softly, raising his hands as a sign of surrender as he took a seat on the floor beside her. “Who hurt you?”

(Y/n) mumbled something into the sleeve of her jumper that Bradley couldn’t quite make out.

“Who hurt you, (y/n)?” He asked again, this time laying his hand reassuringly on her arm, she didn’t flinch away this time.

“Jake,” she choked out, rubbing her hand over her cheeks. “He cheated on me.”

Bradley sighed, if he had it his way he’d be straight over to that asshole's house giving him hell for hurting (y/n), but right now she needed him more. Shuffling over he pulled her into his arms, wrapping her in a tight hug. They remained silent for a few moments before (y/n) spoke up.

“Why are you so good, Bradley? After everything you’ve been through and all the shit everyone gives you and yet you’re still so good.”

Bradley shrugged, he didn’t really know if he was good, he just tried to help other people out when he could. He’d never consider himself good though.

“I don’t know.” He replied eventually after contemplating his answer.

(Y/n) shuffled around in his arms, cupping his cheek in her hand, “well I sure am glad that you are, Bradshaw.” She leant in placing the smallest kiss to his cheek and watching as a deep blush grew over his cheeks.

“You get off at five thirty, right?”

“Yeah,” Bradley whispered, not daring to say too much considering their close proximity.

“Well I can’t see many people will be coming in now. Wanna close up and watch ‘Back to the Future’, I know it’s your favourite?”

Bradey was stunned. He never really thought she noticed him let alone took an interest in something he liked. He quickly agreed, afraid that if he waited she’d change her mind.

“Good,” she reached down her hand to pull him up. “Come on then, Bradshaw. Let’s give you a night to remember.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Tag list: @callsign-phoenix @imjess-themess @averyhotchner @mayhem24-7forever @green-socks @alexxavicry @a-reader-and-a-writer @topguncortez @maggiescarborough @callsignmaverick5 @ssprayberrythings @smoothdogsgirl @xoxabs88xox @luckyladycreator2 @abaker74 @elenavampire21 @classyunknownlover @okiegirl24 @flashyourgreeneyesatme @sunlightmurdock @airedale17 @callmemana @shadowolf993 @t-nd-rfoot @topguncultleader @flyboyjake @soulmates8 @desert-fern @roostette @marchingicenotes7 @mayhemmanaged @shanimallina87 @jstarr86 @starkleila @bradshawseresinbabe @wkndwlff @shadowsintheknight @cherrycola27

[hotcryptidsinyourarea]

Falling for the Frogman of Loveland, Ohio

story synopsis: Molly is a 30-something cookbook editor who has decided to move from New York to Loveland, Ohio after a bad breakup and a desire for a fresh start. She is instantly attracted to her neighbor Jeremiah's midwestern charms, but this local guy is much more than meets the eye...

human (she/her) + interdimensional humanoid frogman (he/him)

cw: aint-shit brooklyn hipster ex-boyfriend. millennial real estate angst. Ohio.

Chapter 1

I never thought in a million years I would end up in Ohio of all places. I’ve always fancied myself a real City Girl type. I grew up in the Houston metro area where I was more likely to be perusing the Galleria or eating sushi than I was engaging in any of the more agrarian behaviors outsiders assume Texans are wont to do but largely don’t. And then as soon as I graduated, I made my way to New York to officially start my life in the city I would never leave, as far as I was concerned.

But after 14 years of scraping by, 14 years of overpriced rent and skipping meals in order to afford the bills, I’ve had enough. I sold my furniture, wrapped up my loose ends, and made a break to escape the rat race. 

Okay, maybe I’m not some maverick refusing to buy into the capitalist hustle. My grand escape from New York is a little less Snake Plimson and more desperate-slash-dumped. I was supposed to move in with my boyfriend Mark, the gorgeous and brilliant photographer I had been seeing for three whole years. My lease with my last roommate was coming to an end, so Mark and I decided to do what grown ups supposedly do and finally get a place together to embark on the whole domestic bliss thing. I was absolutely looking forward to having someone to split expenses with, but even more so it felt like I was finally becoming a real adult. Moving in with your boyfriend in New York is, as far as lifestyle accomplishments go, the equivalent of getting married and having kids for people in the burbs. And I was ready to start this next chapter of my life knowing I was on track with the milestones expected of me. 

Unfortunately, Mark was not ready. At the big age of 36, he came to the conclusion that he didn’t know himself well enough to get tied down to a life of commitment– or even the eighteen months our lease would occupy. “There’s so much I still want to do,” he said. “It would be unfair to you if I was here physically, when my heart and soul are somewhere else,” he said. I wanted to deck him.  

Honestly, I can get over the rejection from a man who was self-admittedly only half present, but his dumping me put me in a position far more precarious than heartbreak: sitting there with just six weeks to find an affordable place to live in New York City. Not impossible, mind you, but a significant burden where I will absolutely be forced to make concessions regarding what I want. I was looking down the barrel of a too much for too little housing situation that I’d be stuck in for the foreseeable future. It wasn’t out of the realm of possibility that I would end up in a street level roach motel with a toilet in the kitchen for no less than $4000/month. 

But after a few hours online searching for options, the algorithm gods smiled down upon me. I was scrolling through my feed having just double tapped on a high school friend’s baby announcement when I saw it: a targeted ad that read: GET PAID $30,000 TO LIVE AND WORK IN OHIO. 

$30k is not going to make me a wealthy woman, by any means, but it’s a hell of a lot more than I stood to lose trying to find acceptable lodging in the city. And while I had a decent social circle I didn’t want to abandon, my desire to go out and spend my free time (as well as my not-so-free-money) had dwindled as of late. I found myself avoiding the parties and bars where I more often than not spent the evening straining my voice just to have a simple conversation with someone I can barely even hear in favor of staying in to read with a glass of wine while brainstorming fan theories with other members of one of the several fandom Discord channels I belong to. And my job has essentially become 100% remote as of late. Any essential meetings I may need to attend could be covered as a business trip, but considering most of my job involves research and grunt work versus client-facing duties, it likely wouldn’t come up at all. I was free to leave New York. 

That is to say, my curiosity was piqued. So I clicked. And I applied. Then in what felt like a whirlwind courting, I was put into contact with a state worker who walked me through the grant application with the kind of midwestern charm I found refreshing after over a decade of city cynicism. I was then presented with a selection of eligible properties, mortgage options, and even connections to discounted moving services. Seemingly quicker than one could say “buckeye state,” I had a home lined up for me. 

A month later, here I am: driving west to Loveland, Ohio. I would never admit it out loud to my friends in New York, but when I saw the option for the little single story bungalow in a town called Loveland, I was instantly drawn to the romanticism of the name. I’ve never considered myself a romantic. After all, my last relationship was built more upon a desire to live a D.I.N.K. lifestyle than some sort of deep, burning passion between two souls made of the same. But finding this opportunity to start anew in an actual hand-to-god house that I could feasibly own felt more like a whirlwind case of woo than dating men ever did. After all, having a place of one’s own to which she can safely escape has been an unattainable dream for women throughout the recorded centuries. 

I am not so jaded as to deny the appeal of true romantic love; the security of a trusted partner and the comfort of consistent, pleasurable sex is not something I would turn away if it presented itself. But I also accept the fact that those ideals are born from a rather modern mindset born from the emergence of the bored middle class who desired a genteel way to express their own horniness disguised under the veil of “art.” 

Well, I mostly know that. Maybe it’s all I’m allowing myself to believe in order to keep myself from being disappointed when I inevitably never experience the kind of love that makes one write poems and paint portraits. I mean, there’s ample evidence in this world that some people truly do fall in love  I recently read that the English poet and surrealist patron Edward James was so in love with his dancer wife Tilly Losch, he had the impressions of her footsteps woven into the stair’s carpet in their home together, creating a tribute to their shared intimacy and the love he held not just for her physicality, but her contribution towards turning their house into his home. 

Of course, Edward and Tilly ended up divorced. To his credit, James didn’t destroy the carpet upon the dissolution of his marriage and her subsequent campaign to pin it on his bisexuality rather than her infidelity. Instead he ended up donating it to an arts’ college and replaced the one in his home with a new commission– this time, featuring the pawprints of his beloved dog. C’est l’amour! One day you’re in love with your gorgeous dancer wife and her elegant footsteps, the next, she’s outing you in divorce court and you’re making lobster telephones with Salvador Dalí. 

So with all that in mind, I find myself here in the Cincinnati suburbs, heading directly to my new life in a land of love smack dab in the middle of The Heart of It All. But despite how it sounds, I’m not holding out for a hero. I will happily settle for falling in love with my new life and my new house. 

I may not be in love, but I am definitely crushing on my new place. As I pull into the driveway, I feel my heartbeat quicken in excitement. It’s so BIG! I mean, I’m from Houston– I know how big houses can be and this isn’t a mansion by any means. In fact, the listing called it a “modern cottage” style, insinuating that it’s on the smaller side of homes. But I’ve been apartment dwelling in New York for so long, I feel unsure about what to do with so much space to myself. I don’t have even close to enough furnishings to fill this place. There shall be much shopping in my foreseeable future. And there isn’t just a yard– there’s two! I might take up gardening. Maybe I’ll get a dog. My head is swimming with the possibilities. 

I grab my bags from the car and saunter up to the front door. It’s not my first time across the threshold– I flew out here before closing to oversee the inspection and get to know the area. But none of that diminishes my excitement. After all, this is my first home! I get to have a little bit of romanticization within the experience. As a treat.

The first thing to notice when walking into the house is the spacious open-plan kitchen and living area. The kitchen is what really excited me about this house. As an editor for cookbooks, I spend a lot of time there developing and testing. And now with all this room, I can fill it with every specialized tool and rare ingredients my little heart desires. The kitchen island fills the space and features a dozen or so drawers and cabinets of all different shapes and sizes to accommodate all my storage needs. And the appliances are perfect. The refrigerator is a pistachio green color with a design that looks like it came straight out of the 1950s, but it’s actually brand new and energy efficient. The stove features a gas range as well as a griddle top– the kind my Nana used to make us pancakes whenever we’d stay with her over Christmas. There’s also plenty of room for me to set up a desk for when the actual writing needs to occur. I’m going to get so much done!

The rest of the house is perfect for me. The master bedroom faces the east, so the sun pours in as soon as it rises. The connecting bathroom has a huge clawfoot tub AND a corner shower with rain-style fixtures. The second-largest room features floor-to-ceiling built-in bookcases that basically called to me when I first saw them in the listing. I was planning on converting it into a dual-use library-slash-guest room, but now that I’m here, I wonder if I’ll be willing to share it with any guests. Is it considered gauche for a grown woman to commit an entire room to house her hardcover romantasy collection? Well, they might just have to call me fucking gauche because I am seriously considering it.

Besides, the smallest third bedroom could serve as a perfectly adequate guest room. It can barely fit more than a bed and a dresser, but it would work. Between the future library and future guest room is the second bathroom. It’s not as nice as the master bath, but all the fixtures are new and the tiling is a really cute black and white subway style that will go well with the modernist decor I have in mind. 

But decorating, working, filling up bookshelves– those are all to-do items for the near future. At the moment, I should really focus on the tasks at hand. First, I need to unload the rest of my things still in the car. The storage pod I have the majority of my possessions in is scheduled to be in my driveway in a couple days, but I brought the bare necessities along with me. After that, I will need to get some food in me. I make a mental grocery list while I unload the car. 

I got the entire $30k from the grant, but I only needed $20k for the down payment, leaving me with a nice chunk of change to invest in a new-to-me hybrid sedan. I haven’t owned a car since I sold the one I drove in high school after graduation. But considering I grew up in a city that is mostly a collection of zig-zagging freeways and pavement, I am pretty comfortable behind the wheel even after all these years of living by the graces of public transportation. The autonomy granted with a personal vehicle is not lost on me. No more showing up late due to MTA delays or having to avert my eyes from strange male passengers whose hands are conspicuously not in plain sight, though still in visible motion. Instead, I now get to enjoy the comfort of a working air conditioner and the freedom to belt out Beyoncé songs at the top of my lungs. Which is exactly what I do on my drive to the supermarket.