#i feel like im going to get yelled at for this post. but this is the getting yelled at site | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

sahrii · 1 day ago

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hey sahri im so proud of you congratulations on 100!💘

can i please do a round bouquet of 9 flowers and can they be iris’

that’s all thank you! (again congrats pookie)

coincidence is a funny thing !

daichi sawamura x gn!reader

warnings! second chance trope, exbf!daichi, post timeskip!daichi, blind dates, i tried to make it as fluff like as possible and idk if it worked.

word count! 939 words.

here is the event, feel free to request

you were nervous to say the least—it’s been a while since you’ve been on a date, hell, a blind date at that, because you’ve not dated anyone since breaking up with daichi.

and it’s been roughly about 152 days. 152 days since you’ve last seen the love of your life, 152 days since you’ve last spoken to him, 152 days since you’ve last heard of him. 152 days since he left and took a big chunk of your heart with him. the thought is of that in itself tugged at your heart a little because you felt incomplete without him.

you let out a sigh to calm your nerves down. your head hung down slightly, looking directly at the fiddling fingers in your lap.

“Uh, hey. sorry i’m late,” you heard a familiar voice, an awfully familiar voice mutter. you could feel your heart stop, and maybe your insides inverted a little. you snapped your head to look at him. the guy who’s seated in front of you. your ex boyfriend.

his eyes were open and wide—you could see shock and confusion painting a thin layer over his irises. and you were equal parts of shocked and confused, maybe even more. “d—daichi?”

his name rolling out of your tongue made you feel something, though you couldn’t really tell what that something was. it left a sweet yet wistful taste in your mouth, you almost said his name again just to get a feel of it one more time.

he blinked. once, then twice. you could see how tense he was, and you really resisted the urge not to get up, walk around the table and place your hands on his shoulders like you always used to do. but that stopped 152 days ago, so you really couldn’t.

“i—uh, i didn’t know you were the blind date in question,” he sheepishly mumbled, eyes roaming on everything but yours. your stomach churned a little.

you little out an awkward, dry chuckle. “y—yeah, me neither, haha, coincidence is funny,” and he returned an awkward smile while agreeing.

“so—how—how have you been?” his mouth spoke but his heart spoke in another language. one that you could only decipher. it said, i missed you. your heart responded by skipping a beat. i missed you too.

“yeah—i’ve been living, i guess,” you shrugged. “and you?”

“same, nothing really new. i—uh—i’m on placement now, y’know. patrolling and stuff,” he chuckled, scratching the back of his hair as the corners of his eyes crinkled. your heart swelled with pride and a small smile made its way to your lips.

“i’m glad it’s working out for you,”

“yeah, thank you”

it was then silent. the occasional clatter of plates from other people around you both went unnoticed. it all faded into nothing. it felt like it was you and him and your beating hearts. and it continued being silent for a while.

“I—uh. can we leave?” he asked and you looked up to meet his eyes and nodded.

“you took the words right out of my mouth,”

𐙚˙⋆.˚ ᡣ𐭩

you don’t know why the both of you end up in quiet places, but for some reason, you always do.

the sun was slowly painting it’s goodbyes across the sky with vibrant oranges and heart warming pinks. daichi walked slightly ahead of you, his footsteps seemingly calm and calculated and his hands contrastingly clenching and unclenching into frustrated fists.

all of a sudden, his footsteps halted without giving you enough time to stop as well. the after math was a collision of your nose with his toned back.

“oh shit i’m so—“ your hands flew up to your nose, slightly rubbing it to shoo the pain away and you were cut off by him.

“i’m—i—i still like you!” he yelled, taking you aback. “i feel so stupid for letting you go and—i don’t even know where i’m getting at but like, i still like you—i always knew i liked you, even after breaking up, but seeing you again. see you again made me feel more strongly and—“ he stopped to breathe and turned to face you.

“i understand if you don’t feel the same way anymore, this is selfish of me to say but i had to get it off my chest,” he looked you in the eyes. he really looked you in the eyes for the first time this evening. “you don’t have to respo—“

“i still like you,” you beat him to it. he blinked at you. one time. two times. it was as if he didn’t process what you just said, his mouth slightly parted and eyebrows shot up.

“you—you do…?” he questioned, disbelief intertwined with his voice. what he doesn’t know is the days you drifted off to sleep thinking about him. or the amounts of text messages sent to suga and asahi asking about him, if he ate well, if he slept well.

“yeah, i never stopped really,” a soft smile tugged on your lips, an attempt to hide the fact that you felt like burning stars were being born inside you.

the disbelief vanished into a similar smile to the one on your lips. “i really—i don’t know what to say,” he admitted.

“me neither, but do we really have to say anything?”

he chuckled, and your heart melted into your stomach. “no—we don’t”

𐙚˙⋆.˚ ᡣ𐭩

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ii-evil-confessions · 2 days ago

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ooc: [alright gang. i get a lot more attention when i post stuff on this blog so here we go: ]

[i need to get my math homework done. there's a lot and while it IS due in april of next year. i swore i'd get at least 5 of em done this week. surprise, surprise! i didnt. i didn't even get started.]

[procrastination is my biggest friend and my worst enemy. so im crying out for help here. here's how this is gonna work: ]

[starting from RIGHT NOW, i am not allowed to make any posts on tumblr, like any posts, reblog, whatever. i need to get my shit done. if you see this account or my main @skekthesilly liking any of your posts or making a post, i'll have failed my task. i'll announce it publicly as my own punishment. I'll also announce when i finish. but here's where you guys come in.]

[when i fail, i want ALL of the ii confession blogs - yes, all of them, or as many as possible - to come together and make the most batshit insane child for electron. and this won't be just one it has to babysit. no, this is going to one that zap has to KEEP. and while electron IS just a character i play, i really tend to get in character and REALLY get into its mindset and lemme tell you. lemme tell you right now. electron is threatening me with death right now. zap's banging on my cranium and yelling obscenities at me. zap HATES this and its about to give me a headache]

[so. that will be the punishment for my procrastination. i have 5 pieces of homework to get through today - if not today then at least get it finished by tomorrow - and the punishment's gonna be fucked up and crazy and oh boy i am dreading it and at the same time looking forward to it]

[spread the word. spread the word for me. go. spread. spread. spread.]

[im only gonna ping blogs that i know and seem to know me. the rest of you can spread it yourselves because i'd feel bad pinging so many people just to deter my procrastination. skek out!!! blehhh :p]

@ii-oc-and-fanfic-confessions @ii-fan-confessions @ii-sad-confessions @ii-confession-confessions @ii-confessio-wait-wrong-show

#not a confession

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writing-biting · 1 year ago

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Okay, so I saw a couple of people say that we should make Zepotha out of spite. The main thing that keeps popping up is summer camps and aliens (I think someone also wanted lesbians, but I mean who doesn't want lesbians?)

But I'd like to say that this really points out the difference between Goncharov and Zepotha.

Zepotha, in a very tiktok fashion, is being made based on a popularity contest. Zepotha will exist. It didn't already exist.

Zepotha is treated like it's being made, rather than like it already exists. It's an 80s movie not because it was made in the eighties, but just based on the vibes.

Tiktok is trying to make a movie, much more than they're pretending the movie already exists.

Goncharov on the other hand, is treated like it always existed. Tumblr made a fandom and not a movie. The clarifications and contradictions are just a normal product of fandom, especially a fandom of a lost media. It's normal for people to mix up details.

The details of Goncharov depended on people seeing a mentioned plot point and going along with it, 'yes, and'ing the bit. If there was a common plot detail you didn't like, you'd just talk about how much you didn't like that that happened in the movie.

Since Tiktok is writing a movie, the contradictions are more prominent, because people want Zepotha to be the story they want it to be, rather than the story it is.

Like, I find it some of the religious symbolism in Goncharov annoying, I feel like they overdid it with two 'eating the forbidden fruit' scenes, but I'm not going to say 'that didn't happen in Goncharov', because it did!! And there's nothing I can do about that.

#i feel like im going to get yelled at for this post. but this is the getting yelled at site #goncharov #zepotha #unreality #im also gonna say here that Zepotha is too similar in tone to me to Zootopia and Sephora #anyhow this is my two cents on this

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daisybell-on-a-carousel · 2 months ago

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Still very wild to me when people try to gotcha Jason with the whole "if you can kill other people for being evil why can't they kill you" when jason is like. One of the most passively suicidal characters I've ever seen. What if man

#augh i dont want to cw this because im just talking about The Character and i feel bad when i do it for characters but i probably should #suicide mention #ask to tag #while im here i do absolutely believe hes been suicidal since jaybin times. maybe even before just in different ways. but like #going into that building with shelia? yeah #now. i DONT think he was aware of it and if youd ask him hed say no fully believing thats the truth #but like if a ghost jaybin had some introspection time i think he'd maybe eventually be like yeah #his outcomes to him were have a loving parent or die and hes a very big fan of ultimatums like that.#but he doesn't fully see it like that as jaybin because oh hes a hero and saving others when no one else can is what heros do :)#ramble. ivee been feeling it lately yknow how it is #ive once saw a post saying jason was planning to die after the joker was dead in utrh and yeagh i can see that #he puts A BOMB in his HELMET #suicidal characters in the context of hero stories are so fascinating to me. the self sacrifice.#the not caring about your own safety as long as you save someone else. the pushing yourself #the way itd be so easy to make it look like they just fell in battle. to be considered a hero in the end #anyway ive been glancing at suicidal jason todd fics. how bad is it that im still getting mad about characterization #because theyre not killing him right #AND ANOTHER THING. since im here and i try to avoid making posts about The Character like this so might as welk get it all out #think about suicidal jaybin as well as the fact 80s bruce very much considered suicidal people/people attempting like #weak and lazy? yells at them? i think thats about it. Very Much. je seems to straight up just hate them #again very much feel free to ask me to tag this one ^-^'#and i hope no one thinks im being callous here im very worried about that. i just its a very important part of his character to think about #and its fun to explore as someone who is passively suicidal myself #jason todd analysis #anyway no one look at me i am in my corner just rotating him #WAIT to clarify i dont think jaybin fully realized Just becauceof the heros sacrifice thing. i made it sound like that i believe #anyway. if you read him as suicidal since jaybin times and go to ditf with that lens like i did. well. the post death victim blaming..

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dropoutfailure · 2 months ago

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ok, enough wholesome dadson. time to sexualize terrible fathers. (cw for: dadson incest + FtM son POV + transphobia / misgendering / fetishizing / forcemasc)

transphobic dad: doesn't approve of you transitioning or taking T, but isn't stopping you and doesn't seem turned off by the changes, even after you pass consistently as a man. doesn't know how T even works, always lowkey curious about the changes. he does like that you're so much hornier on T and don't even have periods anymore. tugs at your facial hair (ow? wtf :/) and goes "huh? it's real? I thought you drew it on every morning!" with a hearty laugh. dad joke? he might have actually thought so. backhanded praise, mean jokes at your expense, and moments where he genders you correctly, by accident.

thought you would eventually change your mind and give up transitioning "when you realise that being a man is hard," as if he's not the one making it hard. he might actually think of you as a son at some point, but he was never taught to apologize, he's "always right," he's stubborn, so he will keep calling you a daughter because a father can't show weakness. wants to call you homophobic slurs sooo bad, but that would be admitting defeat.

gets angry when you bring up surgery bc he likes to squeeze your tits and fuck your pussy. won't do any anal because it's gay. and clearly, he's isn't, he says. definitely closeted.

trans boy chaser dad: for better or for worse, only took an interest in your life when he found out you're a trans guy, fixed his relationship with you by treating you more like a date than as his son.

excited, touchy-feely, even creepy. eager to please. just pathetically horny for the way your body's changing from T - he won't misgender you. you get aggressively reaffirmed to the point of it getting annoyingly patronizing actually. regardless, he fucks you hard, encouraging you to moan with your cracking voice, and is too horny to feel bad about the incest. it's a welcome change from the previous emotional distance, but you feel used, like he's taking advantage of your newly high libido.

fixated on your body and everything "clockable," would rather you didn't get any surgery... says you're already perfect as is, from just testosterone... it does feel nice that he takes some sort of pride in having a son now, fully embracing you, the way he finds even all the awkward changes (sparse facial hair, voice cracks etc) not just endearing, not just attractive, but really fucking hot. and it's a relief for your body which craves that release. but. dad might just completely lose interest a few years into T, if you pass consistently.

bisexual, he says. but of course not into cis men.

transmed dad: thinks he knows what's best for your body, forcemascs you in his own ideals, pushing you to work hard to speed up your transition, to become a "real" man. you were so happy that dad accepted you being a trans guy so wholeheartedly and proudly, but the acceptance seems to have turned into overbearing surveillance...

dad insists on doing your T injections himself, because he doesn't trust that you'll actually do them. "no son of mine will be a fucking embarrassing softboy pansy who never transitions for real, have some dignity, god damn it! either you transition fully or you don't transition at all!" ...he pushes you to consider top and bottom surgery asap, to become a "real man," regardless of what you might want. he very excitedly looks forward to the day you can top him with your real cock, like a son should. :)

he makes you like anal because that's how real men do it. you're absolutely not allowed to derive any pleasure from anywhere but your ass and T-dick, and the phantom sensation of a strapon. he's good at working your T-dick though, it's all almost worth it just for that...

love, validation, and praise only when you've "earned it." if you fail to live up to his strict expectations, the things he says fucking hurt. misgenders you as punishment and threatens to withhold your testosterone "since you want to stay a girl so bad."

......

so, all of these options leave you feeling unsatisfied and degraded in one way or another!! yippee! no, there's no option for a Normal About Trans Men And Masculinity Dad, this is the Terrible Fathers dadson poll. you must choose.

#dadson #dadcest #forcemasc #shipcest #cw for cringe kinks 😔#transphobia kink #ftm misgendering #toxic forcemasc #transmed kink #fauxcest #poll #can't decide if it's more fun for transmed dad to be cis or trans himself #cis transmed dad is like ''let a real man show you how it's done'' and tries to make you as close to a cis man as possible #trans transmed dad is more like ''I've gone through this. I know exactly what you need. I'll make it easier for you.''#I like inventing dads who kinda suck #boomer old men often hold terrible opinions and refuse to change #writing #transphobic dad #chaser dad #transmed dad #truscum dad #wanted to go all in on the personality and characteristics rather than physical attributes but um. duh. they're hot and exactly your type #for me? chubby-muscular with thick eyebrows and dark hair that's going silver. all over. feels comforting to the touch #even if they are anything BUT comforting #jerk. creep. cruel.#yea transphobic dad could be more violent but im not personally into physical violence or forcfem. just casual unceasing disrespect #although there IS nothing more manly than getting into a yelling match and then a physical scuffle with your shitty dad. rite of passage #long post #fic

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spaciebabie · 2 months ago

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at first getting diagnosed with cptsd was like, "yay my trauma has been validated (it always was valid)!" and i really thought that was going to be it, but then i started to do research as i do whenever i realize i have something and learned that!! the way i experience socialization is!! quite horrid actually!!

#i have had this stupid fucking rule for myself for years since i was little #''dont speak unless you're spoken to or else something bad will happen. nobody wants to hear what you have to say unless they ask''#I TELL MYSELF THAT ALL THE TIME????#AND I DIDNT REALIZE IT WASNT NORMAL #thats not something that healthy people think to themselves whenever they want to talk to people. they just talk to them #they dont tell themselves not to speak to people for fear of what may happen to them jesus christ spacie #i get so scared when i message anybody ANYTHING #bc everything and anything i wanna talk about feels so stupid why would anyone give a shit #staring at a funny joke i want to send someone for 30 fucking minutes before deleting it b/c my brain is like ''errmm who cares?''#''also they're going to yell at you for wasting their time!!!''#i sent my friend a meme once and had a panic attack (or maybe a flashback?? im still trying to figure out what they are) immediately after #this shit sucks dude. it sucks #at least im processing what happened to me. thats why it hurts so bad rn its been stockpiled for like.#2 decades #im not looking for any sympathy here im just putting it out there #so that anybody who feels the same way i do know they're not alone #ive been struggling everyday for like 2 months now (actually DEFINITELY longer)#it will get better. things just need to be taken one step at a time #i have gotten thru my worst days i have a 100% success rate #how many days have i been alive #7930 #lightwork #lets keep it goin #vent #trauma tw #trauma mention #wrote this post thru a flashback btw!! dealing with them is getting easier #before i would be unable to function for days at a time!!!#with one of the most recent ones i had i was so in the thick of it i avoided everyone i knew for a week cuz i was convinced #i was an evil unlovable freak that only wanted to hurt people

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lilaccatholic · 1 year ago

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Physically I'm here but mentally I'm clawing the eyes out of everyone who talks crap about their children on the internet and posts them in their most vulnerable moments for clout

#i just saw a video of a like eleven or twelve year old girl approach her mom's car when she got home from work and without even saying hello #to her kid she yelled at her to go inside so she could talk to her husband first and then shouted at the kid when she said her dad put her #through hell that day. is she probably overreacting bc shes a kid and she doesnt have get emotional regulation yet? absolutely. but also?#as the kid who knew that if i didnt get to my mom with my side of things first that my dad would twist things to make himself look like the #victim in a situation i promise you that baby girl isnt feeling heard and that would be sucky but normal on its own. the type of thing #families work through together yknow? but to post that on the internet??? to be recording when you come home knoeing there are problems in #your house and wanting to put online forever a moment in time where there are really strained relationships among members of your family??#especially when it's the relationship btwn your husband and your child??? nope. im sorry. uh uh.#that kid deserves better than that. your husband deserves better than that. everyone deserves better than to have their really vulnerable #moments shared on the internet with strangers #like. i think about how i felt as a kid when i found out my parents had told a relative something i considered private. how embarrassed and #betrayed i felt. the thought that EVERYONE would see that instead of just my dad's relatives or w/e?#bby girl im incandescent with rage #anyway #lilac rambles

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skrunksthatwunk · 1 year ago

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you go to a lesbian blog and find it says women only!! no men allowed!!! and go oh! excuse me, um, what about other lesbians? plenty of lesbians are genderqueer... and they go well, okay, go fuck yourself tim chop off your sweaty dick and stop calling yourself a lesbian. you do not have a dick, actually. you think about that fact often, even though it does you no good. you do not tell this person that.

you go to another lesbian blog and it says women only and you try again, and this time they change it to wlw + nblw only (non-men who love non-men :D). and you'll say hey i appreciate that but gender's not really that cut and dry for a lot of people. someone could be both a man and nonbinary, for instance. i just worry that you're looking at nonbinary as a generic third gender, or an extension of womanhood. i mean yeah you include nblw in your tags but all your posts are about pussy-havers exclusively. what's with that? and they say go fuck yourself you pervy man pretending to be a lesbian. you tried to sneak in but i won't let you.

so you go to a lesbian blog with a dozen or so posts about queer people needing to be more weird about it and you sigh in relief. but you still see the men dni. that's odd. hoping for the best, you say hey! i know you mean well but please maybe don't put men dni at the end of the lovely posts on your lesbian blog bc some lesbians are men. and they'll be like ok!! well you're allowed ;) and you say no that's not. no. some men are lesbians not just me. you think about your own dicklessness and wonder if that's why you were given entry. and you add that even if male lesbians are allowed, there's no indication of that. how would anyone know without asking? and they're like ohh gotcha gotcha well men dni + this is for sapphics only!! and you'll be like ok well that treats the concepts of men and sapphics as mutually exclusive identities and i just told you that's not true and you agreed with me so.. i don't think that solves our problem. and they're like. ok. fine. men dni but genderfluid and multigender people are allowed! and you're like no see that's. that's still the same thing.. you're saying the same thing just with different words. if you don't want men to interact but you're fine with multigender/genderfluid/etc ppl interacting then you either don't see them as Real Men (because they don't reach a standard of Full Manhood) or Complete Men (because they're only Part-Time Men), both of which suggest that they are, in some way, not men or less-than men, which is invalidating and defeats the point of the exception in the first place (accommodation) OR that you don't really mean the dni which is confusing and inconsistent and makes guydykes feel weird and uncomfortable and excluded from the lesbian space you're trying to cultivate. and they're like um. ok. so. cishet men dni? and you're like well i think that makes more sense, but what if someone identifies as both a cishet man and a sapphic? again, if we're trying to accommodate the genderfucky populace then that has to be a possibility that is considered. and they say god you people are never happy. what do you want me to do? what am i supposed to say to keep the right men out? and you pause. you empathize with the need for a space free from dudes trying to fuck you straight and feminine. dudes who watch lesbian porn and joke about what they'd do if they were allowed into girls locker rooms. who look at you like a piece of meat, and like someone who looks at women like pieces of meat in the same way he does. you get it. you know. you want a space where you can be sapphic, too. that's why you came to these blogs in the first place. you brace yourself and you say well i don't know that there are "right men" to keep out. i don't know that there's any single label that would accomplish whatever it is you're trying to accomplish. you could go for "sapphics only" or "queers only" and i think that might be the closest thing to what you want, but it's never going to be perfect. creating any exclusive space is going to shut out people you didn't account for, and the broader the label, the more people will be shut out that you didn't want to shut out. and what about people who don't know if they're allowed? what of questioning transbians, where are they supposed to go? and, frankly, i think i might rather my dykey posts get read and appreciated by a gay guy who sees me as a man than a woman who only sees me as a sacred womb, pure from male perversions or violence or whatever. i think community might just be more complex than a dni can handle. and they look at you and say i don't want to not have a dni. i think you're too permissive. you can't just "what about" or microlabel your way into everything. go fuck yourself, i bet you're not even a lesbian anyway. go find a real problem to get mad about.

you go to a lesbian blog. you ignore the men dni because you know you probably don't even count to them. or maybe you do count and, out of respect for your manhood, they'd shun you accordingly. you try to feel okay about that. you scroll past dozens of posts about mediocre men and gagging at straight friends' boyfriends and how gross and undeserving men are of the beautiful women they couple up with and how all women should be gay so they can get treated right and and and and and. you finally find a post about curling into someone you love and feeling at peace and try to lose yourself in it. you know that feeling is what unites you, what makes you belong. you try to focus on it. you think about carding your hands through a butch's hair or lacing fingers with a femme and feeling warm and loved and more yourself than you ever have before. like this is who you're meant to be. you read about lesboys and butch boytoys and genderfucky dykes and big hairy deep-voiced wonderful women (like you want to be someday, like you wish you could make yourself) and you try to ignore the men dni underneath each and every post. and you daydream about meeting someone kind and earnest at a lesbian bar even though you don't think any such bars exist within three states of you and you can't drink and don't want to drink because you need to be in control of yourself at all times so you don't fuck up like you're always about to and here in the nonexistent lesbian bar you feel wanted and safe and in good company. you picture your ideal, happiest self. it is a mistake. ideal-you has a goatee. not the mascara one you smear on and call drag even though you know it's not drag, not really, the beard you call drag because you think everyone would look at you sadly if you told them it was just to pretend you had something out of your reach. a beard that's soft and that you grew and that cannot be smudged away if you get too comfortable with it. the dream shatters. your people pull away from you, their scoffs mixing with the mind-numbing gay girl bedroom pop you learned to settle for just to have something that almost resembled you, they all pull away and turn their backs and do not look at you. you're too close to being a man now, even though you're the same amount of man as before. and they know you're not supposed to interact with men, not as you would with dykes, at least. and it sours. it's all your imagination, all in your head, but it sours.

you sigh. you think about how small you are. how short, how narrow, how feeble. how your voice pitches up when you talk to strangers because it's easier to speak quietly when it carries more, and because you're nervous. because it's a chore to talk, like everything is. you think about testosterone. you think about how your family would look at you, the questions they would ask, your answers they would only pretend to accept. the uncomfortable glances and whispered questions they'd try to hide from you. you think about how small you are, and how small you will always be. how you don't know of a way to fix it, but even if there was one, no one would want you anymore. you'd be the only one thinking it made you a cooler dyke. you think about how you don't even want a T-voice all the time, how you'll never be able to switch it at will, because you don't know how and can't bring yourself to figure it out. you think about how your throat closes around every hint of your own attraction. how wanting is perverse, how wanting is invasive, how wanting is embarrassing and too vulnerable so it must stay anonymous, as an online witness, and how you can barely manage to form or maintain friendships because your brain makes you pull away, always spinning out and struggling to recover from the simplest of interactions. how they'll all leave you and you won't chase after them at all and how that will hurt them. how stuck you get. how it looks like nothing's holding you back, how that frustrates everyone who thought you were going to be more than you were. the people you love who understand except when it comes to being ghosted, being shut out. how you don't want to hurt them. how you can't tell them that because you're stuck. how you turn to stone when touched, how you never reach out, how you lose your speech and can't look at people, how your autism is fun and sexy until it becomes real and you never see them anymore, how much you longed for someone who knew everything without you having to explain, and who loved you anyway. how unreasonable you know that is to expect of anyone. you think about that not-even-real lesbian bar. you think about how you still can't drive. how you can't leave your home on your own, without dragging somebody into helping you. how you can't leave your body. how you can't leave your manhood behind.

you think about finding another lesbian blog and ignoring everything. about skimming it for the parts you can juice some meaning from. the parts men ignore and don't understand, and how typical of you it is to do so. or the parts where you're not welcome and you should accept that, because it's for lesbians only. how you are a lesbian anyway. how you're meant to choose lesbian or man, how each is a betrayal of some kind to yourself or your people, your family, your lovely strangers, your rare friendly acquaintances. about the parts that tell you you're not wanted, that you're ugly and lazy and gross and insert yourself everywhere without even asking. about the parts that tell you you are hated, and how lesbians are above it all by rejecting men. how lesbians are each blessed miracles. about the parts that say you should be ashamed of being whatever twisted confused freak you are, of everything, of looking and wanting or not looking or not wanting, of picking and choosing instead of taking it all in with a smile. after all, shouldn't you take it? or is your ego too fragile, as men's so often are? aren't you tired? good. we're not here for your consumption. and we sure as hell don't want your company or "community" or whatever. didn't you read the sign? no boys allowed. and if you want to come in you have to make up your mind. as if you haven't told them the only answer you have. you're both. you're both.

you know you broke the rule by interacting.

but it gets lonely sometimes. you wonder if they know.

#before i maybe get yelled at:#1) no i do not think ppl are evil for having men dnis no i do not think these are all equal transgressions even #though there is an overlap that should be examined that i think is based in a degree of lesbian separatism + exclusionism #2) yes there are lesbian blogs and people that are cool about genderfucky people. i'm not talking about them #3) this is a stylized vent post about trying to find lesbian content on tumblr that isn't like this. all these dnis/rules are ones i have #encountered. no i do not literally tell these people to change their dnis to suit me. the conversations are symbolic and ideological in #nature. if i find a blog with men dni i generally go somewhere else. it's about emotions. it's about my feelings on that it's not literally #about dming someone demanding they change things. it's not about demanding that You change things or else you're a bad person.#4) it is about the conflicts and hypocrisy and inconsistency of strict and exclusive sexuality labels persisting in gender-diverse spaces #and how it affects me as a lesbian who is a man who is a woman who is fucking whatever else. and yes it is about transphobia too.#5) it's about how lesbians feel the need to exclude men and how i think efforts to do so fail and hurt ppl and are often misguided #tht i think also comes up in like. bi lesbian/mspec lesbian/gaybian discourse. i'm not any of those myself but it seems like there's overla #6) if this post seems whiny and sad and insecure that's because it probably is. i have a right to be all of those things.#7) no i do not think all lesbians are man-hating assholes. i am a lesbian. i love lesbians. i love dykes and most of them are fantastic ppl #i just think the general bullshit of the world leads to this defensive thing that ends up hurting others in our community y'know?#8) i get that my perspective/experience is a bit unusual and many lovely ppl haven't considered it. that's part of why i'm sharing this #nyarla dni #<- sorry man it's too vulnerable. gonna keep this one to the internet-only folks #adding this wayy later but a crucial part of the experience i Almost talked about it this but never explicitly did was that like #the measures ppl take to 'defend against men' are often deeply transmisogynistic as well. obviously #and when i see that it hurts me too. not that it hits me the same way when strangers assume im a trans woman and hate me for it #but it doesn't feel good to see transphobia at all. i focused on how that relates to other kinds of transphobia #namely transandrophobia here but like. it's all connected. lesbain separatism + exclusionism relies on both and they aren't always #distinct experiences. ime. anyway trans ppl i love all of you forever #i just thought me writing “*turns to the camera* and trans women exp this too.' wouldve been too much even for this post #i figured the audience would like. know that. and so far it hasn't been an issue. i have not been yelled at thanks guys 🫶

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ratatatastic · 1 month ago

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do you write fic on ao3?

unfortunately for everyone involved i do!

#ask #and if youre wondering about my handle i write on anon so its doesnt particularly matter (shrugs)#and also i think its pretty easy to figure out which fics ive written because i want to makeout mad sloppy style with an em dash #anyways (waves offhandely) it doesnt really matter much because i have like posted an ss on here before so you know #its not like im trying to hide it like eh #but also because of my disposition that would put a tranced rabbit to shame i dont exactly yell it from the hilltops either #the moral of the story is if you ask me what im working on ill yap about it maybe like post an excerpt #and months later youll find something posted on anon and youll be like oh! so they finally posted it!#so to spare you all (lies on my tummy like we're at a sleepover and giggles) you wanna hear what im working on #haha of course you do youre a prisoner in my yap box #and i want an excuse to talk about it hidden in the tags so people skim over it and not read it <3 #SO the earliest wip is from like early october about a magical realism au because i rewatched lwa as i usually do and well theres this one #ep about a magical animal if you will... and you can kinda guess what it is from that lol its sashaforsyekky #because the dreaded @/tungpin infected me with the brainworms about this trio specifically #and it really is ekky going 🥺 at whatever sashaforsy have (persumably) got going on woe is him its at 5k rn but uh ive stalled progress #because puppyekky has consumed my every thought which leads me to my second wip that ive been labouring over since the start of october #that also just broke 5k and not even remotely done lol whoops but its puppy ekky in a team environment with a heavy emphasis on the euros #rn there are scenes scrabbled out with sasha (multiple) mikksy luosty lundy and forsy. i know i have an idea for bobby.#and really lets see where the muse takes us i have vague ideas that are mmmhmm but we'll see when we get there!#the third one isnt the most likely to get finished but uh it is sashamaffhew global series stuff because it stemmed from #“it really is funny that sasha is treating the finland trip like he knocked up a girl #and is trying to make her meet his parents so it doesnt feel like a shotgun wedding when he you know marries her to take responsibility“#and i just think a maffhew pov with that thought in mind because of the whole touchy at e11even thing is funny to me like think mundane #slice of life oh i feel like im being wined and dined i hope i dont fuck it up jfc i think im fucking it up oh god this feels romantic #anyways it feels remotely ooc to me and it really was more of like a writing break from the wips stated above so (shrugs)#might not see the light of day but its 2k as of now so i do feel its a shame if i dont /try/ to finish it you know? its just low priority #anyways thats my writing check in and i am a prisoner to my own mind i will go insane haha these wont be published anytime soon #because i am slow and get distracted soooo easily so you know <3

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phosphorescentspaceman · 10 days ago

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A disc, in a shoddy rocket that’s been cobbled together, in a chest with random bits of machine and meat and who knows what

With about 10 seconds of actually recording saved to it

Static, muffled noises, “…did you miss me, Xephos?”

"Admit it - you missed me ~" Barry flinched as the audio recording stopped with the screech of metal on metal, their phonograph reduced to so much scrap copper by the battered iron sword Xephos had been carting around for the past month, too stubborn to make anything better.

"Xeph, what the hell man -" Barry started, before he actually turned to look at his friend. Lalna lay a hand on his shoulder, but he'd already shut his trap - Xephos looked scared. Xephos never looked scared, it was a running joke between him and Lalna that he'd never met a concern he couldn't express with anger, he hated looking scared.

His ears we pinned back tight against his head, his normally soft blue glow harsh as he'd ever seen it. He looked small. Pale. Guilty.

"Xephos, who was that?" Lalna's voice was gentle, but it still made Xephos flinch violently enough he stumbled, eyes wild with animal fear. A scared Xephos normally leaned into Lalna, an instinct Barry empathised with - Lalna was broad, tall, decidedly on their side and with just enough violent tendencies to really ruin anyone who fucked with you. But not now; it was subtle, but he'd almost hidden himself behind Barry, shaking slightly as he fought to regain control of himself.

Something in Barry's mind was stuck, ticking over a puzzle he didn't quite have all of the pieces for. The recording, Lalna only a moment ago -

They'd both said Xephos' name exactly the same way.

#asks #jf2 #yogfic #i love them your honour #yes im quoting bill cipher at the start im so sorry #hes still The Villain to me after all this time #xephos is the friend that yells at you when he's patching you up after you almost get yourself killed #this is a thing that only developed for him post soi - he needed enough self confidence to let himself feel mad!#and then he was like 'oh this is a lot better than fear lets use that'#so he really only looks scared when he's so scared he's past thought? or if he's intentionally letting himself show it #masking babey lets go

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theclearblue · 3 months ago

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I'm gonna get into a brawl with my mother one day don't be surprised when I get on the news

#long rant incoming lol but #so my birthday is in like 2 weekends from now and my mom asked me for a list of things i want #so i compiled a list of six things with like 2 $10 options 2 like $17 options and one $25 and $60 option #and i wanna be clear i dont really care to make one but she gets pissy if i dont and its meant as more an ideas list #i dont need everything on there and its meant for my entire family #or ignore the list! i don't care!#FREAKED OUT on me saying i was being selfish/too expensive and im like....i never expected all of this stuff epseically from one person...#i am happy with one of the $10 options or a gift card or something else entirely so like #it kinda feels bad to get asked for a list of stuff i want and then get called selfish for it and then for her to talk behind my back about #me to my sister lol #also asked me if i was available for a bday celebration on a certain day and i was like yeah i got a thing in the afternoon but i can #still make it #get yelled at AGAIN bc she said oh u can leave that early and i was like...uh...no i cant lol im sorry....i paid to go to this thing already #and its like why ask me if u are gonna get mad if im unavailable (which im not even lmao)#idk it's just it's always been an ideas list in my family so i dont get why she's freaking out on me and acting like im asking for so much #espcially cause she just changed out all of her kitchen appliances and redid all of the landscaping in her front and back yard like 😭😭😭#truly didnt think a $10-20 gift was like crazy if u did wanna get me a gift lol #not really looking forward to it now ngl #chen.txt #rant post

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0809sysblings · 5 months ago

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the council has spoken

#milgran't #council posting #the council has spoken. literally #but no sorry im just. celebrating a mild(ish) victory #i think i like. shared food? with another part?? for the first time??? like. Ate Together???#idk i always heard/saw other systems talk about doing stuff like that. like doing Things Together.#and i was just kinda like... :/// when i'd see it bc i didnt know what the Fuck they were talking about because we dont communicate for shi #so. I Suppose There Was Some Envy There. Perchance. (<- you cant just say ''perchance'' /ref)#usually ''doing things together'' means one alter doing something while another yells from somewhere about how much they want to die lmao #or the ''thing'' we do together is fight about what we want to do #but now.... i have experienced..... the mythical ''system bonding''............. feels good...................#..... i hope they come back again soon to share food again... 🥺#idek who it was so. i guess ill just get the same food out occasionally and be like ''pspspspspspsps''--#going to achieve internal communication via feral cat techniques

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fadeintoyou1993 · 6 months ago

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having to explain to people things like. if i have to go out to do something and run errands i need to have it all mapped out and planned w like. at least a week in advance. and if i go out that day i cannot do anything else because That will be it. if i have multiple commitments that cannot be put on the same day i need one full day in between those commitments so i can rest and be recharged for that next thing otherwise i might have a breakdown in the middle of the street (again) and then That will render me unable to function for like a whole three days. and then people look at me like i choose to live like this?