#nyarla dni

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romantic fakiru is so much funnier when you think about drosselmeyer's perspective like. oh damn. i just looked at that bird and went "lol seems manipulatable" i didn't think she and my great great great etc grandson would fall in love. ew they never would have met if it weren't for me. i accidentally made them happy yuckk

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majima "no one can kill you except for me" goro vs terminally ill kiryu kazuma. guys. guys is he gonna pull the plug on him. they wouldn't do that to us right that's like evil

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look i know the violence we saw from mine in y3 was largely caused by him losing daigo but i think it's way way funnier to imagine him doing regular tojo stuff with his beloved chairman and also being just an unfathomable and kind of unstable person only moments away from doing something drastic. like one good morning from rokudaime = one reset to mine's orphan-bulldozing doomsday clock

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UGH daigo who pretends to wanna see strip shows and go drinking as a 12 year old because he knows everyone around him isn't cool with him being a kid, so he tries to be less lame, to be more convenient. yeah, you can take me anywhere. in fact, you have to. i'll show you just how grown i am.

daigo who sheaths himself in black clothes, all bark and some bite, all dark and mysterious. all touch me and you'll get burned. playing hard to get. not that he doesn't want to be alone, but he sure as hell doesn't want to be lonely. and for that people have to like him. want to follow him. he's got to be a magnet. leave me alone, i'm not worth your time. so whoever picked him up from the gutter would really have to want him.

daigo who struggles to get his men in line as sixth chairman. daigo who only took the job because kiryu finally needed him. daigo who's never as good as the fourth chairman (who retired after a day, who never had to be chairman). daigo who never holds that against kiryu.

daigo who does what needs to be done, daigo who makes impossible decisions. daigo who rises to the occasion and swears in, daigo determined to be a better man than sohei ever was. daigo who sees the clan as his family, and tries to protect everyone in it. daigo who refuses to screw over kiryu's new family, and daigo who is shot for it. daigo who keeps the clan from tearing each other apart, whose absence brings out the worst in them. daigo who wakes up from a coma and saves kiryu and mine, daigo who comforts mine after, unable to even sit up properly. daigo who takes on a whole baseball team to protect his high school baseball team, daigo who's expelled and thrown in juvie for it. daigo who takes the hit because he knows he'll be yakuza someday anyway. daigo who protects his city. daigo who protects his men. daigo who works a way to offer his broke high school buddy millions of yen and another chance at his dream into his plans. daigo who shows his enemies mercy, daigo who rushes out injured to save the people who've helped him. daigo who tries to get kiryu off charges, who tries to push him to stay with his new family. daigo who loves his father fiercely, daigo who can be relied on. daigo who takes care of people.

daigo who kiryu gives the guidance he needs. daigo who kiryu pulls from depression, daigo who kiryu comes to rescue. majima comes back to the yakuza for, and kiryu who makes him, so he's not alone. daigo who shows mine what it means to care for others, why that's a trait worth dying for. daigo who mine feels he is not worthy of, daigo for whom mine sacrifices himself. daigo whom kiryu covers up mine's betrayal for because he didn't want to hurt him, and because mine was better than that. daigo who's forgiven for selling out majima, for getting caught in something stupid. daigo the "little chef". daigo who kiryu nearly jumps off a building to reach when he's shot, and saejima who holds him back. kiryu who leaves a letter for him, and not haruka, the always-chosen. daigo who's joined by saejima and majima when the tojo crumbles and they have to hide. daigo whose men follow him in the security company afterwards.

daigo who needed to be loved. daigo who loved anyway. daigo who was loved.

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yes BUT there's also mine lives au where he has his change of heart and kiryu comes to respect him (hence telling daigo he'd never betray him) (at least that's how I interpreted it) and so he and mine start to actually get along bc mine softens up

but you know who doesn't? you know who's givin him the stink eye at the family picnic?? HARUKA

the comedic potential of kiryu as a father-in-law figure to mine through daigo is so priceless. like. they can’t fucking stand one another. both have qualms with one another that will never really be resolved. they hardly speak but when they do it collapses into bitter jabs at one another in like thirty seconds. but they’re both stuck at the family picnic because daigo said please and how do you say no to those big brown eyes

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yu yu hakonstruct intricate rituals which allow you to touch the skin of other men.mp4

crossposted to youtube

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look i know dethklok is a quaint little menagerie of dudes with mad parental baggage (minus nathan he's in the control group) and that the fandom also gravitates towards those conflicts and themes and stuff because fuckin duh obviously but like. well. um. does anyone else get just like.. Absurdly emotional at murderface calling skwisgaar his strong and brave little soldier or is that just my particular brain poison

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AAAAA THIS IS SO GOOD LEMME RAMBLE A BIT OK BECAUSE LIKE. he's ALWAYS trying to make himself fit this box, right? he's always thinking and talking about appearances and what you have to do to get ahead (the suits you wear, the girls you entertain, etc) because he's been studying it. not just to get ahead, but because he knows he's got to do more to get people's approval than kiryu. I think there's an interesting tension there. he keeps trying to give him advice on how to mask and how to fit in because he's put a lot of effort and thought into it because it's how he stays afloat here and he tells kiryu to protect/help him, and then kiryu gets to disregard it and be fine anyway. he doesn't need it like nishiki does

and while nishiki loves kiryu dearly i think there's a sort of jealousy that often comes with that dynamic (speaking from my experience, ohoho). kiryu's allowed to be himself and not even try to be Correct or Normal and people let him because they like who he is as a person more. nishiki masks because he knows the base version of himself, who he is at his core, would be unacceptable... but if kiryu isn't and he is then there has to be something wrong about the way he is. something shameful he has to hide. or at least a liability he's got to always be accounting for, always stepping in front of to obscure.

and he loves kiryu. he really does. but maybe it annoys him when kiryu does things that are blatantly autistic because he wouldn't let himself do that. he has more self control. he's more aware of things than kiryu is. and nobody seems to see that advantage (one of the only ways he's better than kiryu) nor that effort. how bad he's trying to fix himself for them. they don't care. but the lesson he takes away from that isn't that he should stop trying because he's never going to please them, but that he needs to try harder and harder. he's going to pass. he's going to sneak it by them this time. he'll be the son kazama always wanted eventually if he keeps stuffing himself in this damn suitcase.. even though he knows kazama already has the son he wants. it's kiryu.

i think a lotta this is because neither are ever diagnosed (maybe kiryu is later in life, but nishiki? no chance), and because nishiki's not masking consciously. there's a part of him that's annoyed at kiryu's blatantness, and i think it really is rooted in jealousy, because he wants to be free like that. he wishes people would accept him if he were like that but he's on thin ice as it is. but i don't think he's necessarily conscious of it as jealousy, he just thinks kiryu needs to get a clue or get his act together or whatever.

and the thing is, i don't know if nishiki would have been liked better if he unmasked. people think of him as a snivelling kissass, y'know? and i think that comes from the masking. but i think he probably would be more chatty, more open. more inconvenient and more annoying, as far as his peers are concerned. strong and silent type? sure, they have a place for that. but that's not nishiki, and he won't be if he unmasks, either. and not knowing what the problem is (autism) nor what the outcome would be to fix it this other way (unmasking), he doesn't have much of a shot at it either. but if he did he'd probably stick with masking, because shit, it's better than nothing. he's gotta have armor. if people hate the mask they hate the job he's doing at fitting in. if people hate him without the mask, they hate him. he can't risk finding that out even if he already suspects it's true. it would break him.

but they'll always hate him anyway. nishiki, at the end of the day, could never win. that's his place in the narrative and in his own life. he fought a losing battle and he lost and they hated him for it. he just wasn't cut out for this. but the wheel keeps spinning, because if he stops trying, he'll fall apart completely.

[kicks door down]

Autistic Nishiki whose special interest is fashion and not only considers what's trendy but also looks out for fabrics that aren't a sensory nightmare, however sometimes he will force himself to wear something that isn't comfy for appearance's sake, which leaves him more vulnerable to getting overwhelmed and therefore 'emotional' Also means he has his collar popped like Kiryu's for sensory reasons too and slutty reasons, which would once again make me correct in saying if he undid his collar in Kiwami he'd be normal again because if I were constantly experiencing sensory discomfort I too would be fucked up and evil.

Cause like here's the thing, autistic Kiryu and Majima headcanons are more obvious (especially the former), whereas Nishiki probably comes off as the most 'normal'; he can likely maintain eye contact and talk to people 'normally' and not like, go off on some random tangent about a special interest or hyperfixation. And then you remember masking is a thing.

And okay, so I actually think it's unfair a lot of fandom considers him a 'crybaby' right, cause he's cried in situations MOST PEOPLE WOULD RIGHTFULLY CRY OVER! BUT, I can use this to my Autistic Advantage and have this be he actually struggles to regulate his emotions, and considering he's been exposed to the yakuza world since a young age where ANY emotion that isn't 'respectable stoicism' or 'righteous fury and indignation', he's seen as even MORE overly emotional. Hence the need to start masking so early, PLUS having to protect Kiryu who couldn't mask if his life depended on it because he doesn't realise he may HAVE to (speaking from personal experience, Kiryu definitely went his whole life unaware there was anything ""wrong"" with him (for lack of a better word) and had people just like "oh yeah he's just Like That dw bout it" and went on with his life), so Nishiki takes up the mantle of I'm The One Who Knows What We're Doing Lad's desperate to gain acceptance and will change whatever he has to but people still somehow pick up that Something's Off About Him and so they tend to be disdainful or brush him off. It's easy charisma that can win over hostesses and brief encounters with civillians but can't carry across in the yakuza. Kiwami is him trying his DAMNDEST to act neurotypical even at the cost of his own comfort, and the worst part is it's not working

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skimming through the ryokira tag for shits and gigs and these posts being tagged like #satan #Jesus Christ (<- like they're tagging him as a sorta character not as a like omg jfc thing) is so fucking funny. like. struggling to explain it but it's like if someone tagged their yaoi #george washington carver like we're not gonna distinguish these concepts at all??? jfgskshsg

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have a kuwameshi fic on the house. tl;dr yusuke comes back from a mission zonked as hell and kuwabara lets him sleep on his leg. and also kuwa future plans strugglefest. also he's in love with yusuke. yeah

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y'know that scene in kiwami/y1 where nishiki and kiryu finally reunite in serena and talk about mizuki's death and whatever? gonna talk about it rq

what i didn't remember was that nishiki still shows some loyalty to kiryu. he seems conflicted about it, though. when kiryu asks him if he hates him for not having lost the things that made people gravitate towards him (namely yumi. unspoken is the them choosing him over nishiki part of it), he says I don't even know. but I already betrayed you and kazama, so it's too late now. and i think if kiryu hadn't been so upset to learn that nishiki was the one who shot kazama, he would have assured him that it wasn't too late.

anyway the point of this meeting is for nishiki to try to get kiryu to give him haruka and the pendant, that he'll be good to him if he does, which he'll need in the middle of the tojo's war. he slips in little distant references to how they used to feel about each other, how nishiki probably still feels a little. warm. but kiryu tells him he doesn't care about the tojo conflict, nor the space nishiki carved out for him, nor anything he could offer him. that pendant means a lot to haruka (it's the only thing she has of her mother's, and now mizuki's dead it'll likely stay that way), and he's not going to take it from her. and nishiki says man i was prepared to welcome you back... but if that's how you're gonna be, we're not kyodai anymore. and i just.

kiryu chose haruka over nishiki.

whether or not that's true or fair to say, i think it's how nishiki perceives it.

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hey im going to throw up. when do you guys think mine figured out he was in love with daigo. that he was sweet on him and it wasn't just admiration or loyalty likee. ggaughghhhh

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going through my drafts and i found some of the initial notes for And who do you think i'll be (without you)? (aka the eikichi fic)

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kiryu you were not about to write that on your bucket list you lying faker you gay ass homosexual man

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HI IT'S SQUISHY fic ask game time:

F: Share a snippet from one of your favorite dialogue scenes you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it.

I: Do you have a guilty pleasure in fic (reading or writing)?

R: Are there any writers (fanfic or otherwise) you consider an influence?

X: A character you enjoy making suffer.

:3

YAHOO HI SQUISHY TY FOR THE ASK >:33

ok uhhhh uh uh

F: i think if i had to choose anything, it'd probably be the cat petting circle scene from and who do you think i'll be (without you)?, because i am. really really bad at juggling more than like 3 characters in a scene and this has FIVE and it's still really fun to read, at least for me. it's dynamic, though admittedly the attention still mostly falls on kuwabara and yusuke (sorry keiko </3 i wish you were more prominent in this one but alas) everyone carries some weight. i'm also not great at understanding (and thus writing) anger, so yusuke's bubbling frustration through the scene is like.. kinda cool to me. (a/n: eikichi is kuwabara's cat lol)

i'm also including another two from this same fic bc i think they're neat as well :)

(i'll put a transcript of the screenshots at the end under the read more)

honestly, i love writing yusuke's dialogue no matter what he's saying, so this fic's got a few moments i'm very fond of, but didn't include. anyway it's the only good thing i've ever written (<- exaggerating, but it's probably my favorite fic i've written, and maybe favorite prose piece)

i also remember enjoying some of the dialogue between sagawa and majima in tough love for loveless things, and i assume i liked a lot of the stuff for i long for you and your expert hands, but i... haven't revisited that one in a long time (idk why but i'm a little afraid to?? i haven't forgotten it though), so i couldn't point to anything specific really ^ ^'

I: hm... i think i overindulge in characters just talking about nothing, at least when it comes to my writing. if i like them, i like hearing them talk about nothing, and it tends to bloat scenes and drag on, i figure. i also tend to gravitate towards really specific intensely described points of imagery that barely come up again and totally break the flow of the scene (oops). in terms of guilty pleasures in reading, uh...? i'm kind of a sucker for werewolf stuff because i got that dog in me. im drawing a blank ig sorry <3 OH i've always been hopelessly fond of whump / hurt/comfort / sickfic STUFF. legit since i was a child. i like it when they're out of it i like it when they're woozy. and anything with dumb hijinks and/or slapstick is good to me. comedy's hard and i like seeing idiots be idiots. and really introspective/inner monologue heavy pieces are mmmmwah for writing and reading

R: oh man. whatever i'm currently reading often ends up influencing my writing in noticeable (to me) ways. one time i was writing smth for my fiction writing class and i typed out a sentence that felt at once like smth dr seuss would write (you'll never guess what unit my children's lit class was on) and a line from lolita (because that's what i was reading at the time). it's a mashup that worked weirdly well. ANYWAY to actually answer the question, the little prince ruined me as a kid, and a lot of the way i express sadness and emptiness is channeling saint-exupery there. currently, arkady martine and andzrej sapkowski have been influencing my scenery descriptions in particular, because that's what i was most recently reading, but earlier this year i remember cormac mccarthy's the road finding its way under my pen a lot. for really flowery stuff (i don't think you see it much in my fics, but it's not Never), i think of alfred tennyson's maud quite often. this is not a conclusive list im just empty brained :P

X: ohhohohohohhh. god help me but i love making all of them suffer. to love something is to vivi/dissect it. currently kuwabara is the one i'm putting through the most though (<- channeling personal issues into this orange guy), but majima and kiryu were always lots of fun to break down >:). perhaps that's the real answer to the guilty pleasure section

[SCREENSHOT 1]:

“Hey, why’s she goin’ to Kurama and you and not me?” Yusuke complained, pouting at Keiko.

Kuwabara piped up. “Maybe it’s ‘cuz they have manners, unlike some of us.”

“Or patience,” Botan offered.

Yusuke stuck out his leg and prodded Kuwabara’s arm. “Yeah, and how’re your manners workin’ out for ya? You still look like someone’s been playin’ tic-tac-toe on your hands or did she become a saint overnight?”

“Shut up, Urameshi.”

Keiko spoke up from her spot on the floor. “Aw, I think she’s just sweet. Right?” She put her chin on her folded arms and gently rubbed at Eikichi’s cheek. With a warm smile, Keiko turned her head into her arms further, squishing her face, openly endeared. “Even if she bites sometimes.”

“Finally, someone gets it,” Kuwabara moaned. “Keiko, tell Urameshi that for me, will ya?”

Yusuke didn’t buy it. “If she was sweet she’d be sweet to me, too.”

“Benevolence is nearly always conditional,” Kurama said, leaning over to rub Eikichi’s ears. “Perhaps she senses your standoffishness and simply chooses not to engage with someone who does not seem to want her.” Kurama’s brilliant green eyes swept back to Yusuke for emphasis. “You two may have that in common.”

“Wh—?!” Yusuke spluttered a bit, before settling on, “Watch it, fox boy.”

“Aw,” Botan giggled, “Yusuke, it’s alright, you know. Some of us just have an animal-like charm. Meow meow!” She hooked her hands like paws.

“Right, and I’m saying Eikichi’s not so charming. I mean, she’s been ignoring you, too, Botan, whaddyou think?”

“Oh, she’s just lovely! Simply adorable,” Botan cooed.

“Heheh, looks like you’re outnumbered, Urameshi!”

[SCREENSHOT 2]:

Rocking his chair back lazily, Yusuke noticed Kuwabara’s scratch-laced hands and whistled. “Damn, Kuwabara. It’s kinda beating you up, huh? That cat o’ yours. You look like you just fought me, only smaller.”

“For the last time, Urameshi, Eikichi’s a she! Quit it with the it crap or I’ll knock you into next Sunday brunch.” He jabbed his chopsticks at Yusuke pointedly. “And I don’t think you could get any smaller.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. She’s beating the shit outta you. But what’s with that? I thought kittens were s’posed to be all cute n’ cuddly.” Yusuke swirled his drink thoughtfully before taking a swig.

“You’ve never had a kitten, have you, Urameshi?” Kuwabara deadpanned. He had the right to do that now that he was a cat-rearing expert, as if he hadn't learned it very recently himself.

“No. ’M not really crazy about animals. Neither's my mom.” Under his breath, Yusuke added, “Knowing her, that’s probably for the best.”

“Wh—? How?!” 

Yusuke shrugged.

Kuwabara huffed. “Ugh, she’s teething right now, okay? And I haven’t got her a scratching post yet. She’ll grow out of it, you’ll see.”

“Whatever you say, man. Just try not to lose any limbs waiting for her to get manners, arright? Don’t wanna make our fights even more one-sided. That’d just be sad.”

“Yeah, right, Urameshi.” Kuwabara puffed out his chest. “Eikichi could take two o’ my limbs and I’d still wipe the street with ya.”

“Hey, try beating me with four limbs first, tough guy.”

The conversation devolved into threats and bickering from there, culminating in little more than wrinkled uniforms and mussed hair-dos, and one final exchange.

“You haven’t even met her, Urameshi, so how could you know what she’s like?”

“‘Cuz you’re carryin’ the proof right there, stupid! Look, don’t take it so personal. I just don’t feel like spending all day roughhousing with someone that far beneath my weight class, even if she is the precious little angel you say she is."

[SCREENSHOT 3]:

Yusuke lounged on the floor, Eikichi sitting on his chest and staring down at him.

“What’re you starin’ at, Stinkass?”

Kuwabara scoffed loudly, fluffing out the pillow Yusuke would use.

Yusuke smirked at him. “Oh, I’m sorry, your highness, I left my manners at home.” He cleared his throat. “What are you staring at, Her Royal Majesty the Queen Stinkass?”

“Man, why'dya only pick mean pet names to give ‘er?” It came out a bit harsher than he meant.

“What?” Yusuke began to sit up, but stopped when he remembered Eikichi’s place on him. He dropped back down and shut his eyes lazily. “These aren’t pet names, they’re, like, insults. That I don’t mean.”

“So ‘Stinkass’ is your idea of an affectionate nickname?”

“Gee, you don’t have to make it sound so damn girly. I’m just callin’ her that ‘cause I like her.”

“Ooh~ so you like her, huh?” Kuwabara sat up on his knees and—once Eikichi got the hint and clambered off—smacked Yusuke’s face with his pillow, holding it over his face. “Whatever happened to not bein’ mushy, tough guy?”

Yusuke wrenched the pillow from his grip and lazily swung it at him, not bothering to get up. “Hey, you told me she doesn’t judge about that sorta thing, right? And I’m learnin’ there’s benefits to bein’ mushy, like kicking ass better.” He shifted to crack his back, then sighed, relaxing into the floor. “I’m just sticking to my way, and sometimes that means calling her Kuwabara’s Favorite Little Shitblaster or whatever.”

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just posted a new fic if you wanna read about kuwabara being sad and junk