nitroish

[nitroish]

[nitroish]

wrote something.

^ ao3 link.

just for fun, out of impulse really. i havent written in a few years, so apologies if its a bit of a mess. cw for violence, strangulation and reference to self harm. will put the full thing under the cut.

-

Mind awoke with a start.

This alone wasn't atypical for him; When he slept, in times like these, it was fitful. Nightmares plagued him with specifics that frequently vanished in the morning, soaking him with a sense of dread that dampened his day all the way through 'til the next night, and even in the rare moments without that dread, one of his... roommates... would swiftly repair the lapse.

Mind, of course, was not one to play favourites. Of course. Soul and Heart alike held a keenness in their actions, along with their mutual antipathy. when one so chose to drag themselves out of the tombs of their rooms, it was rarely due to a good mood.

...Although, Mind would be remiss to not acknowledge the clear and blatant fact of the matter.

Heart was worse.

There exists many things to evidence this. Heart was cruel. Heart was unreasonable. Heart was unrepentant. Heart left barely a tablespoon of milk in the bottle and put it back in the fridge without just using it and throwing the bottle out, and despite whatever lies and excuses that pathetic man gave him, Mind knew it wasn't Soul. Soul barely left his room. Heart left his room often enough to start fights, and to set things where they would most inconvenience Mind, and to bloody the few good knives they had in the kitchen.

Mind was growing tired of washing purple and blue from blades. The dull reddish-brown that occasionally muddied the otherwise cool-toned water in the sink was, most likely, from the meals Mind occasionally prepared.

Heart was worse.

Many of these complaints flashed through Mind's thoughts, practically habitually, and then were quickly replaced with the sudden awareness that he wasn't actually breathing.

He wasn't... breathing?

Other sensations struggled their way past the panic to contextualize.

He couldn't breathe.

There was something around his neck - Something soft pulled taut, like fabric.

He couldn't breathe.

There was something on his stomach - A heavy warm weight, shifting slightly. It had his bedsheets trapped too, pinning his arms down painfully so he couldn't flail much of anything.

He couldn't- His eyes were clamped shut, another habit formed from poking fingers and a strange sense of guilt, and they flung open as soon as the slightest thread of air made its way down his lungs. His vision was black for a long, terrifying moment. Blood rushed past his ears with a pounding beat that matched the sharp pain of his head and all he could hear was his own frantic wheezing as vision resolved to form a staticky shadow leaning over him.

The shadow, which had thus far been silent, broke into a hysterical laugh that Mind's addled thoughts could barely process as laughter. It sounded like crying. It leant closer, a hand shifting to press down heavily on Mind's chest for balance, and it was only once that laughter resolved into words that Mind realised it was Heart.

"Are you awake?"

The something around Mind's throat loosened further as Heart lifted his other hand to pat at his face with an unsettling gentleness that matched the careful tone of voice.

"Mind?"

His blindfold - That's what was around Mind's neck. The delay in realising that would be embarrassing, and with Mind not all there enough to control himself, embarrassment was felt with no reprimand. Heart, as if sensing Mind's momentary failure and not wanting to distract, was silent until the panic reinstated itself.

"Mind. I know you aren't dead, I can feel you breathing."

Out of spite for that murmured statement, Mind coughed hard enough to jostle the man atop him. He continued coughing, harsh and painful. Unable to curl in on himself for the knees digging into his side, each spasm was met with a sharp spike of pain through his chest. Phlegm rose to line his tongue. It was swallowed down with the acid.

Heart's hand was still patting his face, as if trying to comfort him. Mind would push it away, but his hands were twisted strangely under the sheets, one starting to go numb from where it was trapped under his own hip. He wriggled slightly, to no gain. Finally, he managed to speak.

"Did you just try to kill me?"

It felt like gravel to say, and sounded it too.

Heart laughed again in response. "Like you haven't done the same?" The words lilted like a joke, but there was no smile. More silence. As if that at all constituted in answer.

Mind tried to keep the waver out of his voice with his next words. Tried to sound firm, commanding and confident. "Ge- get off me. My arm's going numb." There was a small squeak on the third syllable.

A huff from the man above him, petulant and sounding exactly like an irritated dog; Heart leant back, and Mind almost had the stupidity to believe that was him listening. Mind wasn't stupid. Instead, the hand that had been on his face slid down to his neck, still soft and so, so gentle as fingers and thumb curled gracefully around the fragile shell of cartilage. Like they belonged.

"Why should I care, Mind." Same tone as always, but this time with the coldness of a statement, not a question.

Mind took a breath in to answer anyways, and found himself unable to breathe out the moment he tried, Heart's fingers tightening like a vice.

It didn't hurt this time, not at all. The noose of fabric was far less forgiving, and so it had hurt, but this was controlled. Mind felt a bit light headed. He'd have grit his teeth, but his jaw was relaxed in the failing instinct to gasp and he instead let out a weak little croak.

"I bet you look like a fish right now." Heart leaned in close again, searching eyes squinting and wandering past their intention until they focused just enough for him to exclaim, "Hah! You do!" A pause, hand loosening as Heart thought, and tightening again for a short moment as he clearly came to a conclusion. "You'd probably be a sunfish. Bloody useless. What do you think?"

Mind was given his voice back to respond, Heart's fingers tapping patiently along the side of his neck as he caught his breath. "Sunfish? The..." Spoke before his lungs were full. Tap, tap, tap. "I- I hate those things. Can't I be a squid or... or something?"

As if Mind needed Heart's permission. Maybe the oxygen deprivation was causing some sort of brain damage. Maybe that's what Heart was wanting - The skin at the corners of his eyes crinkled slightly, and he tightened his grip again, as if it was just for the fun of it. It probably was, for all Mind knew.

This time was held for even longer, the static filling Mind's head mixing badly with the static filling his arms. The pressure Heart was putting on his throat grew harder suddenly, as if Heart had had a particularly bad thought and was responding to it. It didn't let up until the roaring filled Mind's ears again and his vision went empty, long enough for Mind to squirm in fight and then start to fall limp. Only then did heart let go.

The blindfold burnt slightly as it was pulled away from around Mind's neck, a feeling he only vaguely registered while he wheezed in recovery. Heart moved away and off the bed. Finally Mind could curl up, turning onto his side with a hiss and a grimace at the pins and needles shooting their way up his arms.

"What- was the point in that?"

"...Don't tell soul."

Footsteps, and then Mind's bedroom door clicked shut with a quiet finality.

Heart was worse.

[nitroish]

i am exhausted. he fell into one of those bodies of water that exist on the surface in sky's era

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late night anatomy practice that turned into a little more

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judge him.

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art i drew before i got ill :) legend linked universe in the flesh

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i havent drawn in awhile so heres some doodles for yall :)

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sumn for @quirkle2 because she deserves it :)

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hands, and how they can make you experience emotions

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escape escape escape escape

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escape escape escape escape

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this isnt how i remember the story going.

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To all the trans people who see this tonight, no matter what happens, we will survive. Trans people will still be here 4 years from now and 10 years from now and 100 years from now and tomorrow. We have always existed and we always will. The world cannot unlearn about us; we are too public, too loud, too beloved, too present. Ill be here tomorrow. Please stay here with me.

[nitroish]

do something, ANYTHING else.

[nitroish]

this isnt how i remember the story going.

[nitroish]

do something, ANYTHING else.

[nitroish]

this isnt how i remember the story going.