#i feel like i need to cry but it wont happen
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Emily cringed: Yeah, fair enough... well, let me know if you need a hand. I'll get started on some dinner.
Adam smiled at his sister. Once she left, he could finally breathe. He enjoyed the silence. And the air smelled normal. Not musty like old wood.
Thankfully, Adam didn't actually feel sore. He thought giving birth leaves you in pain for weeks after. But he felt fine. Like it never happened.
He ran his hands over his body. Nothing had really changed. He thankfully didn't have tits. Well, bigger tits- pecks. His hips were slightly wider, but nothing his usual baggy shirts wont fix.
The only thing that sucks is his dick being gone, which hurts Adam's soul as much as he thought it would. He's devastated. Maybe he can beat that short creep up, make him bring his dick back. Then Adam will kick him in the dick for BEING a dick.
Yeah. That's a good plan. Lots of dicks involved. Just how Adam likes it.
But Adam will focus on payback after doing a few paragraphs of his essay.
Nearly an hour later, Emily walks in with some food, he almost didn't realize because of how in the zone he was.
Emily: ...Addy?
Adam: mm?
Emily: Food.
Adam perked up and looked over at his sister. He eyed what seemed to be pasta.
Adam: Fuck yeah. Thanks sis.
She hands it to him, and he starts eating while reading over what he typed.
Emily: You've done a lot... how is it coming?
Adam: Just have two more bullshit paragraphs- then the conclusion.
Emily: Wow. I didn't think you'd be done so quick.
Adam: I did do some before we left, the car ride here AND the first night here. I know I look like a loser stoner, but I'm not. Sometimes~.
Emily sighs: Mom wants you off the weed, Adam.
Adam: Don't rat me out, man... hey, uh. Can you not tell her what happened? She already worries about me too much, and this will make her chain me up in the basement and never see light again.
Emily: I mean- you are always getting into trouble.
Adam: No, I'm not!
Emily: ...you got kidnapped by a dead witch that YOU woke up.
Adam: Okay, fair. But I didn't know that bullshit would work! It's a fucking candle! Any cunt could have lit it.
Emily: And unfortunately that cunt was my brother. We told you not to.
Adam: ...I'm a cunt. What can I say?
Emily: Just. Eat your pasta and finish your report then shower. You look like you've just been kidnapped by witch and put through a whole day of trauma.
Adam: Ha! Bitch, you don't know the half of it. And I'm not traumatized. I'm fine! I'm ready to go back and kick his little ass!
Emily: Don't you fucking dare. We talked about this. Tomorrow, we're going home.
Adam: Yeah, yeah, I was joking. I'll spend the next five years beefing up, THEN I'll go back and kick his ass!
Emily: ...make that ten years.
Adam: Rude!
Emily laughed and left Adam to it.
Oh, he was going back all right. Maybe not tomorrow or next week. But he will be back, and he'll fuck that dude up. Assuming he hasn't been burned alive again. Stupid bastard.
Adam looks down. He can't help but wonder about the baby. Charlotte. She seemed to be crying when she was born, Adam wasn't really focused on her at the time. But he hopes she's okay. This crazy shit wasn't her fault.
Hopefully, she's a better person than him.
Charlie: Say it.
Lucifer: eh...
Charlie: Dad. Say it.
Lucifer: I-Immm. I'm s... sssss...
Charlie: Say. It.
Lucifer: ssssssooo... sssssooorrrr... charlie! This is hard!
Charlie: DAD!
Lucifer: Agh! Fine! I'm sorry for kidnapping you-eventhoughyoulitthecandle- forcing you to be pregnant with my hundreds of years old daughter, forcing that pregnancy to happen in a day, forcing you to stay in one birthing position, not cleaning you up afterwards, taking your bodily autonomy away AND forcing you to marry me. I'm sorry... A... Aa... Aaron.
Charlie: Adam!
Lucifer: Adam! I'm sorry, Adam!
Charlie: Very good.
Lucifer: Fantastic! Can you tell me where he is, now?
Charlie: No... you've lessened his pull to us, right?
Lucifer: Yes, I have.
Charlie: Then he'll come when he's ready. No more forcing. He'll come to us eventually. But when is not your concern. Until we see him, you need to learn some basic human skills. I have a lot to catch up on to! But this will be a great time to learn! So, again! From the top!
Lucifer: AGGGHHHHHI wish I was dead!
Charlie: Well, you're not. AGAIN!
Lucifer: I'm sorry, Anthony.
Charlie: Adam!
Lucifer: Adam!
I know that Halloween is over but I still gotta talk about this Hocus Pocus au I thought up
(Human) Adam just moved to Salem, the witch capital of the U.S and the whole town is telling ghost stories of Lucifer Morningstar, the famous male witch who swore he’d be back to take revenge on the townspeople before he was hung by the neck until dead.
Adam thinks this is a crock of shit, so he and his new friend Lute and his sister Emily sneak into Lucifer’s house (which has since been turned into a small museum) legend tells that Lucifer can only return if a virgin lights the black flame candle and Adam is being less than honest about his sexual exploits to his new friend.
As a joke to freak them both out he lights the candle. Unfortunately for him, it works and the witch appears in a violent gust of wind
That’s all I got but I just like the idea of Adam trying to escape from witch Lucifer
MY DUDE I LOVE THIS!!! @fanofstuff01 @beef-brisket
And I'm going to have him and Lute be like freshmen in college so Adams like 19-20 and Emily is like say a senior in high school her and Adam are a year apart.
And yes they had Emily out trick or treating because she's short en to get away with it and said "teenagers are allowed candy too".
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Lute: Adam come on this isn't funny, the curse is real.
Adam: It's not real because witches and magic aren't real. The trails were just so they could hang a bunch of people who didn't agree with their beliefs.
They looked around the museum house and at night it's creepy especially being in the woods. Emily turned on a light so they could see.
Emily: Can we go?
Adam: No look at all this cool stuff! And that book? Says it's bound in real human flesh...... Gross.
Lute watched as Adam went over to the black candle.
Lute: Don't light that! If a virgin lights the candle it's said that Lucifer Morningstar will come back from the dead.
Adam burst out laughing: Good thing I'm not a virgin then.
Emily raised a brow: You only dated Eve for like a week.
Adam: You can have sex in a week!
The truth was they only made out a little bit and then her folks didn't want her having a boyfriend until after she graduated from high school.
So yes, Adam is a virgin. But his fucking sister doesn't need to know that!
He pulled out his lighter and smirked, curses and magic what a load of shit.
Lute: Adam no!
Adam lit the candle: See, nothing to-.....
The house started to violently shake, the floorboards glowed underneath and a laughter could be heard.
Lute: The fuck!?
Emily glared at Adam: A virgin lit the candle.
Adam: W-what!? It's okay! I'll just blow it out!
He blew out the candle but the flame came back.
Lute and Emily's eyes went wide when they saw a man that matches Lucifer's picture come out from the back room.
Lucifer: And who do I owe the pleasure to? Hmm? Oh, you.~
Adam turned around and jumped, what the fuck!?
Lute: We should go.
Adam: Good idea.
They all turn to run out the door, Emily and Lute make it out but the door slams in Adams face locking him in.
Adam: Fuck!
Emily bangs on the door: Adam!!
Adam tried pulling on the door but it was no use. Chills crept up his spine when a low laugh echoed in the room. He turned to see Lucifer standing there with his book now in hand.
Lucifer: Oh, you weren't leaving already were you?~
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#uuuggggh#my brain feels like its full of water#i feel like i need to cry but it wont happen#i do not remember the last time i like. actually cried more than a few tears#my bodys auto response is just to shut it off whenever i try i hate that lmfao#brain just feels bad and idk what to do about it#i nearly cried earlier bc i let myself think about writing for too long.#i hate that i cant even look at my docs rn without wanting to cry#i feel so guilty for not working on anything#or for thinking i might not ever.#I've highly considered deleting my a03. or at least purging a decent amount of it#idk i just. i dont feel like anything I've made is wroth it.#its all cringey bs that plenty of people have made the effort to tell me how much they hate it so like#i cant really bring myself to be happy looking at any of it anymore.#im gonna take a nap i guess and just see if i can get my brain out of this funk#vent
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merlin being so overwhelmed by everything he’s been put under, crumbling under the weight of destiny and being pulled in so many different directions he’s being torn apart, going to the one person who can offer him the most comfort out of everyone, his best friend, his other half. arthur who doesn’t realize whats happening until he turns and sees merlin’s desolate expression and tear filled eyes. merlin going “i know you are king (or prince) and you refuse to call me your friend, but you are mine and i really, really need my friend right now.” and before arthur can manage a word, merlin is stumbling forward into arthur’s arms and pulling him into a desperate hug, muffling his sobs as best he can but arthur can still feel the tears soaking his shoulder. arthur not asking any questions and just wrapping his arms around merlin while he breaks down.
#bbc merlin#merlin emrys#arthur pendragon#platonic or romantic merthur#both fit#merlin shouldve gotten the chance to break down in front of arthur at least once#merlin was always there for arthur when he was feeling down#merlin always picked up the pieces#arthur shouldve been able to return the favor#i need arthur seeing this extremely vulnerable merlin who is weighed down by something arthur doesnt truly understand#but he is stil lthere for merlin#they were friends even if they (mostly) refused to admit it and i feel like they shouldve had moments like these#like yeah these moments happened when arthur was breaking down but i wouldve loved to see it from merlin#arthur noticing that merlin has so much going on that arthur has no idea how to help or fix or how to protect him from it#being so helpless that all he can do is wrap merlin in his arms and let him cry#merlin doesnt ever tell him why he broke down. when he finally pulls away he wont meet arthurs eye and is wiping away his tears#then he apologizes and leaves#fanfiction#fanfic#fic idea#prompts#head canon#headcanon#hc#angst 😋
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if life is categorized by Before Loss and After Loss then I exist in the before but with a countdown to the after. and the countdown is always always present and debilitating. the loss will be debilitating too but i cant help myself. i will always suffer twice.
#i cant let go of it. i cant even enjoy good moments without thinking about how they'll just be memories one day#how they're already memories since moments pass so fast#everything is I'll Miss This and i already miss it and i cant believe once you're gone you're gone forever#and ill never ever see you again. and your shell is in the ground but where did the rest of you go?#should i look at your body one last time? on one hand itll be the last time i see you.#on the other hand it will be the last time i see you.#and the memory of you will die with me too. as if neither ever existed#it impacts me so much too bc i dont feel close to anybody really...and i dont make friends easily#so whats going to happen when the people who have always been there arent there anymore?#im going to be alone for so much of my life.#i will record your voice so im ready for when i cant hear it from the source while also knowing it wont be enough and one day#ill be wishing it lasted longer. it could be 12 hours long and ill want more.#how do you surpass this? it hasn't even happened. when it happens i don't know what ill do. considering my whole life has been#the timer. the countdown. hours and hours of anticipatory grief#and then ill be next. me. some of all thats left of you. it cant be true.#sorry. this gets worse every single year and its been going insane lately#id surprisingly been managing it well for months somehow ! it wouldnt cross my mind...and now its there again#like it accumulated and its all coming out right now. ive been crying for hrs tonight and last night#one day his things will just be things. things ive made and given him will be in my hands again.#talkys#i want to go hug my dad but then ill just cry over how one day i wont be able to....! how do i store it? how do i save it?#how do i preserve it forever....even as i take my own last breath....#i cant believe im the only one of me. and my dad is the only one of him.#i wouldnt want to be reborn as anyone else. i cant believe one day i wont get to draw or eat or be comfy in bed anymore.#i cant take it !! im so scared. ill be scared until the end. and you wont be there to hold my hand. im going to be alone.#and none of those years of grief and joy and memories will matter.#i wonder if it would help to tell him about this. i need something to hold onto for when it happens. anything. but i also know it'll make i#hurt more; obviously. just another piece of him that'll be gone one day
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Since writing the affirmations and starting manifestation again, I've actually been in a much better headspace. It's crazy how things align, and you end up where you need to be, especially through pain
#txt#have been reading the affirmations every day twice a day sometimes#doing my intentions and manifesting what i wsnt#which is mainly independence#also a good relationship with my ex from here#mainly stuff for me tho#and the full moon on Wednesday which is in scorpio which is his sun sign#will be a big release and maybe i can let go a bit or a lot lol#i need to move on and focus on myself and what i want in life and doing it all on my own#with support obviously but ive never been fully independent and im so ready for the blessings and the open doors#i dont know if ill truly ever be over him but i have to try for my own sanity at this point#i dont want to manifest anything selfish like him coming back to me because it probably wont happen anyway lmao#i hope i dont sound crazy lmao but coming back into my spiritual journey is definitely what i need#connecting with myself and my purpose feels like the only thing i can do rn#have a driving lesson tomorrow but in all honesty i could just go do the test and pass cause ive been driving forever and im good at it#just need to practice certain things but im nearly there! so close i can feel it and see it#anyway i hope i can keep this energy up and continue to head in a positive direction because it feels really good#if i need to cry about him and the loss then i will but im not going to dwell on it too much#i just need to take it as a lesson and let it go :)#cause at the end of the day i really did lead myself here whether it was his choice to end it or not#blah
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God I'm so fucking annoyed how come she gets to treat me however she likes and then gets to say she didn't mean it?????
#have u considered not constantly comparing me to ur abusive husband who hit u??????#since i was like 8 its really fucking weird#like who in their right mind tells their child theyre naturally destructive just like their father and then says ohhhhh but i didnt mean it#are u fucking insane#doesnt help that i look like him too everyone tells me that#and now she acts like me raising my voice once means she needs to walk on eggshells around me wtf#what about how u treated me from ages 13-16#freak#i cant believe this shes treating me like im some scary stranger as if shes not the one with full financial control and that im this horribl#person go kill yourself omgjdjsjsjwjwwhwhhw#fuck u#last year was the worst year of my life and that was wholy bc of u you showed me what place i really have in this family and that it was not#hing. how is sveryrone so ready to throw me away??#yet everyone else gets to say shes sooo proetctive and loving fuck off you wouldnt even tell them youre treating me badly diedie diediediedi#i want to cut so bad bro#but i promised myself i wont so#i mean i dont even have any way of gettibg blades so whatver#just remembered her reaction to me cutting#nothing. yeah absolutely no reaction. i thought the worat thing that could happen was her gettjbg mad at me again but no#i realised there was somwthing worse. she just straight up doesnt care#useless mother#im fine w u treating me like shit ive accepeted it that i have no place in anyone's life unlesss i hive into this but at least#at least stop trying to confront me like this#just let me rot in peace#i really dont want to do this anymore#any time now she'll ask me if i was pretending to cry so i wpuldnt have to go out w her now#as if that isnt insulting#and then she'll say i wasnt trying to be rude!!! as if she hasnt always treated me like none of my feelings r real. i only ever overeact. ok
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working with children really will make you examine your thought processes and emotional reactions like nothing else. I've found myself being so much more thoughtful in my daily life about how I respond to my emotions and environment, as well as the reasoning behind why others behave the way they do
#yesterday i got really frustrated and overwhelmed at one point because this one little girl keeps getting really upset when she cant help me#like shell ask to help and i wont have a task (or ive run out bc shes already helped) shes capable of so i tell her that#and thank her for being thoughtful and helpful. admittedly the first time this happened i was really frustrated w her already#bc she had made a huge mess doing something i told her not to do and then didnt want to clean it up and she only came back#and asked to help because her friend had been helping me. so i was like girl. you didnt even clean up the last mess#but i also had nothing for her to do. anyway she started screaming and hid under a table so then her friend did it sith her just. because.#idk kids will see their friend freaking out and they do it too. and i understand it but my god. i dont deal well with really loud noise#and she did it again yesterday. i let her help me and then i ran out of tasks and she started crying and saying i never let her help#and for some reason there were like 6 other kids in there all wanting to help so then several of them started freaking out#and i could not handle it. i literally told my coworker like im about to cry right now lmao#and later the little girl was like wanting to hug me and talk to me and acting like nothing happened and i found myself wanting to withdraw#like i was feeling like i wanted to avoid her and not speak to her or be cold but i also knew i didnt want to treat her that way#and i took a couple minutes by myself and thought about why i felt that way‚ what the effects of that would be‚ and how the kid felt#and i really just had to remind myself that she was feeling just as many emotions as i was but that shes only had 6 years#to learn how to manage them and deal with them in a productive way. she wasnt trying to upset me. she wasnt trying to make me mad#she was just dealing with her emotions in the only way she knew how. and im an adult and if she can get over it i really need to get over it#long ass tag story sorry
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hmm i like actually wanna kms
#big oof 🥴#if i try to talk im dramatic and emotional and only met with judgement ....#if i try to push it all down and pretend everythings fine i feel like im slowly dying#if i try to ask for help ppl only slap my hand away and dismiss me#if i complain im a negative pos who everyone hates#if i stfu and dont talk i feel miserable and like i have this big lump in my throat and i cant breathe#im never right or ok or valid or anything. im always wrong.....#im sad and lonely bc all i want is for someone to really truly love me and hold me#but truth is nobody cares that much if i would actually kms#but then im pathetic and whiny for crying in pain since i feel so alone and worthless#like honestlyyyy u can never win in life and esp if you're mentally ill and disordered and traumatized#and also just extremely sensitive even if u could choose u would choose to feel nothing#but ppl always complain no matter what i do :// im always doing smth wrong smth bad#like i didnt ask for everything that happened to me to happend and i didnt ask for it to shape me#and i dont want this or be like this bc my life is nothing but a miserable worthless waste of space#but im trying but im all alone in a dark hole like 12ft underground#and people who might see me wont do anything to help or just walk on their merry way#they will take a shovel and shovel even more dirt on top of me and make it even harder for me to crawl out of this hole#and like idek what im talking abt but this world is insane and people are fucking insane#and all everyone has is judgement and cruelness and calousness and like#ppl are just mean and they get personally attacked and angry if you dont live according to their standards and views and idk#ppl are insane and i feel so alone and im lying here knowing that my life is absolutely nothing#and im tired and i just wanna not exist. but really all i want is for someone to look me in the eyes and tell me i matter bc ive never#wanted to be saved. i've only ever wanted to be seen and known and like idfk.... i just dont#feel good but as always... i have to lie here alone and try not to kms bc i dont have anyone to ask to just talk to me for a little moment#like i cant even imagine... asking someone like hey i wanna kms pls talk to me for a moment#and have them reply immediately and idk i wouldnt even need long just like 10 minutes.#sigh idek what im rambling on abt im just so sick and tired and exhausted and i dont wanna die not really#but im so exhausted bc i have to carry this pain every day and people are so fucking awful but i dont wanna be alone and i just dont know
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god i. am literally gonna explode
#i wont even be home for 2+ hours rn i sjgjhbkfjhbvksjfhvksjh#i need to have space to have a meltdown#like crying in the shower or something#but i cant :)#i just feel like. i have too many feelings and emotions happening rn so i cant feel Any of them properly#like im a clogged pipe or something LOL
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#some reflections on 2022 as a year bc im bored and tired mostly prob bc my hormones r fucked up#ill b real. it was not a great one. not the worst i guess. that award goes to 2016 when i was a junior in undergrad and i was spiraling#and i did kno y it was happening so it was scary. now at least i kno why mostly but i think ive experienced the most soul rattling cosmic#despair in this year just bc i pushed and pushed to the point of destruction and i mean i have a history of doing that but i never wanted#to like quit before like as in fucking quit my job and just fucking break things. its weird. and ive got that panic feeling now#its the same one i get when ive been in therapy for a while and nothings helping. and i keep thinking: help me help me someone make this#stop bc i dont want to b like this anymore and i dont kno what to do. bc i was hoping a break would heal me and that would b enough but#the fears been creaping in the past few days bc deadlines and projects snd i havent done anything i need to and i still just want to give#up. ugh. im probably just feeling melodramatic bc i overextended socially yesterday. but idk what to do. hope for a better year i guess#at least i kno i wont b living where i am in 8 to 10 months. so change is coming but things r still up in the air#and i mean 2023 wont b off to a great start bc i have to go to lunch with my grandparents and i dont want to#why? bc i think theyre bad ppl. and itll just b me. and i dont kno for how long ill b there.#my last day home and i have to spend time with them. i shoulf b working on a manuscript. i should b doing that now#but instead im laying here trying not to cry. i just wanna go to sleep. less than 48hrs and ill b back to the desert#feeling a little better maybe but idk all is not well#so yea hopefully 2023 will b a bit better#unrelated
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I cant keep up with this
#gamer txt.#vent#i guess? thats my intent anyways#im just. so tired all of the time#im stressed to the point of wanting to cry nearly everyday now#and i know thats not good to hold in so i keep telling myself 'ill cry when i get home ill cry when i get home'#as if that isn't multiple hours from then when i wont feel like crying again#when id have to make myself cry#but i cant do that i know how i get it'll go too far and I'll spiral#but i cant keep holding it in#and i cant just cry in the moment because im in public#and it keeps happening. everyday#i get so stressed out and upset and i cant do anything about it#and now theres been a sudden role swap and ill be essentially performing in front of my whole class first thing in the fucking morning#and because im babysitting tonight ill only have 3 more days to work on the sonic plushie#if i have the motivation to work on the sonic plushie#and theres the prelims next month and all my teachers telling me study study study as if ive always been able to do that#as if i have the free time currently to do that#and i just i cant keep doing this i need to stop i need to take a break but im not going to get one and i dont know what to do
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Being vague about it bc things can and will go wrong for me at the very last second but I might finally experience a Win tomorrow. 🧿🧿🧿
#talkys#im going to have to bust my ass again to remake all the money im gonna lose but this is#in fact one of the things i was saving for. and i do need it.#i hate having mental illness brain though bc im convinced im using up all my luck for the year already#like ive been begging for something good to happen every day and universe is like okay you get the One and thats it#wah ...we will see. i hope it leads to better things...i really really hope#i hope things get better for everyone in general i feel everyones been having an awful yr so far#anyway i might cry when it happens bc im still convinced it Wont bc things keep going bad for me#i really really want it....
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I feel like the idea of "forgiveness" for people who've hurt you is like... Pretty christian based? Bc ngl. Why tf am i forgiving someone who abused me a lot. If we're talking "mental peace"... Well bud i kinda just gotta not think about it or when i do to work on my emotions around it so i can cope better with my trauma. Literally why am i forgiving people who dont regret hurting me and who would never apologize and how exactly does that bring more "peace"? Bc personally id feel like im ignoring something that bothers me a lot just so i can tolerate being around it when idk. Theres people who i definitely dont need to tolerate being around lol.
#forgiveness#quote unquote#some of these people would actively continue trying to hurt me if i was still around them and literally wtf is the use#of forgiveness then???#being unfazed by their presence seems to be the better alternative as well as ignoring them..?#or idk. literally fucking leaving the room if they arrive.#'forgiveness' is what christians do towards non christians who fail to fail to be christians. its patronizing. its assumptive.#as if those people are somehow spiritually crying out that theyre sorry. thats how christians are w forgiveness.#how tf is what id be doing if i 'forgive' my abusers any different#its 'forgiveness' with the assumption that some day the person whos hurting you or in this case simply not christian will actually#decide you were right and 'apologize' for going against them#idk about you but i dont want to live in a false reality daydream that my abuser will someday be normal and nice and empathetic#how is that a useful belief at all in the long run. im just convincing myself somethings gonna happen that wont.#i think more ppl should go about the world assuming their abuser doesnt give a fuck and never will bc quite honestly that seems more likely#ive never felt peaceful when i attmept to forgive people knowing inside im still upset with them#however i feel much more peaceful when i embrace the fact they dont care and thus i dont have to care about them either 🤷#like accepting the current facts brings me more relief than speculating on the future.#idk but i kinda refuse to forgive people who dont regret their actions towards me and who dont give af about me#if getting caught up in resentment is the issue... then you need some therapy of sorts to work on the resentment so you can get to a point#where you dont give a fuck if they do apologize. not assume someday like a pretentious asshole that theyll apologize#literally im nowhere near that important to my abusers for them to do that
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#im so so so so tired#i want good things happening to me#im tired of saying “well at least ---” or “it could be worse” bc i want it to be better#we all deserve that#it shouldn't be always this difficult or fucking unbearable#i know there are people who have it worse#but see???#i dont want to feel ungrateful for thinking “my life sucks in several ways” and being afraid of things getting worse because of that#i feel like if im ungrateful things will get worse#but they're pretty fucked up anyways lol#so whats the deal#anyways I'm in a bad mood#my grandma died and i miss her so much and i feel kinda numb like “it was expected” and ???#i want to cry my eyes out because of her but no#i guess my grief for my father's passing made me normalize a bit death idk#but it's not okay that my grandma died no matter her age#and im mad that the world keeps spinning#and im mad that im not better#and im mad because my fucking computer wont turn on when i need it the most#i wanted to writeeeee#to stop thinking#i also wanted to start considering the idea of playing dnd online but i guess i wont be able to for the foreseeable future#ugh im mad#i want to sleep forever bye
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vent tw, if you have depression please please just dont interact-
#ok so. to preface this for anyone with depression going past this point. im not gonna be nice. this isnt about you#this isnt about you in particular or how your secretly constantly a burden to everyone you love or how you just cant get it right#its not about having to deal with a person with depression but more how the social climate has made it so its so hard to deal with every#thing. thats all. if you read more do not blame me for feeling bad.#that was your only and last warning#okay so! now that hopefully all my homies with depression out there are ok- it is hard being surrounded by people with depression#sorry like. i am the only one in my imediate family without depression. and its. its hard a lot#like i care so much about these people and yet i cant help them because their either sad or tired or angry or numb most of the time#and i cant do anything. i cant do anything at all. and thats fucked!!!!! i think. sorry i am not one for curing mental illness but i really#really wish there was just a cure for depression so the people i care about could be happy and have energy and be ok#i dont want to constantly worry in the back of my head if what ill say next will lead them to going quiet and sad#or worry about how a few too many wrong moves and a hard time could push them off the edge. i know it wont happen.#but i worry about it constantly especially with the political climate#and i care for them so much and i just wish they could feel happy most of the time. just more than half is enough. more than half#gosh its gotten to the point a sertain tone of voice or someone saying their tired can make me feel bad#like bad enough i need to leave the room and go cry. everyone is alwase tired and i dont know what to do#i feel like a little kid being so sensitive by others emotions- but i cant help it. i cant help it when im surrounded#again this isnt a bash against anyone with depression. this is a bash against depression because of all the pain its given my loved ones#if i could fight depression as a just. thing i would mawl it alive. tooth and nail til all that was left was either bones. cartalige.#blood and flesh that hadent somehow made it into my stomach. and id keep it alive for a long as i could as i killed it#it would suffer 10 times the amount its made others suffer if i could. i can be a cruel bitch and i will if i ever got the chance.#and u h ya! sorry lil bit of silly moment i am just. sick of the tired. if i could id honestly never hear the phrase im tired again
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Me when RitaOhio tells me I owe them $1200 and I have until the beginning of next month to pay it or I owe more or go to court
#HELLA SPAM WARNING IGNORE MY ASS im just ranting vvv#its just bc i live in ohio??#and im so fucking frustrated bc i already talked to them on the phone like a week or two ago and i was only supposed to owe about $500#and i was like damn but okay i can do thay#but i check the website this morning. and its saying i owe fucking $1200??? just from the past 2 years??#something similar happened to my bsf and my other friend but they weren't getting a specific tax taken out of their checks. but i AM.#im actually getting about 3x more taken out of my check from that tax than my best friend (we work together)#so??????? what the actual fuck??#i may gave to go to court and get the shit figured out bc i dont understand at all#i already pay a fuck ton out of each of my paycheck so what gives?? i paid my local taxes.#i hate taxes#apparently everyone hates ritaohio bc theyre super shady and do this kind of shit all the time to get more money#i need to stop crying. im working the drive thru rn and these customers have to deal with my sorrowful ass#somethings obviously wrong and im sure i wont actually have to pay that much but its just extremely stressful#i love ranting in the tags ❤️ i feel a little better but HFWIWJVDIAKSVEHIWIA FUCK YOUUUUU RITA OHIO!!!!!! >:(((🖕🖕🖕
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