#then he apologizes and leaves
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merlin being so overwhelmed by everything he’s been put under, crumbling under the weight of destiny and being pulled in so many different directions he’s being torn apart, going to the one person who can offer him the most comfort out of everyone, his best friend, his other half. arthur who doesn’t realize whats happening until he turns and sees merlin’s desolate expression and tear filled eyes. merlin going “i know you are king (or prince) and you refuse to call me your friend, but you are mine and i really, really need my friend right now.” and before arthur can manage a word, merlin is stumbling forward into arthur’s arms and pulling him into a desperate hug, muffling his sobs as best he can but arthur can still feel the tears soaking his shoulder. arthur not asking any questions and just wrapping his arms around merlin while he breaks down.
#bbc merlin#merlin emrys#arthur pendragon#platonic or romantic merthur#both fit#merlin shouldve gotten the chance to break down in front of arthur at least once#merlin was always there for arthur when he was feeling down#merlin always picked up the pieces#arthur shouldve been able to return the favor#i need arthur seeing this extremely vulnerable merlin who is weighed down by something arthur doesnt truly understand#but he is stil lthere for merlin#they were friends even if they (mostly) refused to admit it and i feel like they shouldve had moments like these#like yeah these moments happened when arthur was breaking down but i wouldve loved to see it from merlin#arthur noticing that merlin has so much going on that arthur has no idea how to help or fix or how to protect him from it#being so helpless that all he can do is wrap merlin in his arms and let him cry#merlin doesnt ever tell him why he broke down. when he finally pulls away he wont meet arthurs eye and is wiping away his tears#then he apologizes and leaves#fanfiction#fanfic#fic idea#prompts#head canon#headcanon#hc#angst 😋
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do skully have pokemon?
Pumpkaboo is the obvious one, but y'know, sometimes the obvious one is the right one! (we'll say SUPER SIZE Pumpkaboo, just for fun. big pumpkin for big skeleton boy.) and another person actually also suggested Greavard, which I somehow hadn't considered, but feels so perfect that I feel like I should have. dangit.
(they can also have little Nightmare Suit costumes :D)
#art#twisted wonderland#pokemon#poketwst#twisted wonderland spoilers#lost in the book with nightmare before christmas#hajimari no halloween#(sorry for leaving anon off for a while! i've gotten a rash of spam and i'm gonna wait it out a couple days before turning it back on)#also apologies for the rest of this not really being pokemon related#i don't have anything right now for part 4 of the event so i'm gonna use this space to go off about it#because. oh man.#a sad lack of the scullsman but a FEAST of everyone else#gotta love malleus and leona uniting in the common goal of hunting trey down for trying to game their whiny pettiness#(trey doesn't know what to do with someone he can't easily distract with cake)#also further confirmation that malleus WILL kill a small child and leona WILL point and laugh the whole time#also sebek's plans revolving around what he knows he's good at: screaming extremely loudly and hoisting nerds#and let us not forget what i consider to be the crowning jewel#which is jamil figuring out IMMEDIATELY where scully has taken his prisoners#only for everyone else to just. literally refuse to do anything about it.#jamil just standing there and going 'WE KNOW WHERE THEY ARE! WE CAN JUST! GO GET THEM!!!! WHYYY AREN'T WE GOING'#visibly losing his entire mind and it's beautiful#top 10 twst event moments honestly#also some delightful character consistency from jade being all#'actually my dicking around is a sign of my immense trust in your abilities to get things done :)'#'but also consider: there are currently two housewardens chasing a child'#'alternately angrily screaming poetry and begging them not to sue'#'and if you will pardon my city of flowers...there is no fucking way i'm missing that'#lock shock and barrel did not sign up for this. how did these idiots turn out to be somehow weirder than the three of them.#twisted wonderland must be a frightening place indeed
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SILENT HILL 2 (2024) — "it's time to let it go."
#gamingnetwork#vgedit#videogameedit#gamingedit#dailygaming#gameplaydaily#silenthilledit#silent hill#silent hill edit#silent hill 2#silent hill 2 remake#mysh2#mysh#shedit#sh2edit#james sunderland#maria#sh2 maria#i rly like this take#i think the leave ending is rly the ending where james has got the most growth#as compared to like the maria ending where he never takes responsibility in any real way#so to have leave!james capable of rly SEEING maria#and sincerely apologizing that theres nothing he can do for her is very sweet#whereas i rly do think that like. the james in the other endings arent capable of seeing her in any real way#let alone acknowledging her suffering and apologizing
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apocalypse doodlings aka We Couldve Had Grey Hair Erik And Charles Is There Too I Guess
#mcu#xmen#xmen movies#xmen apocalypse#erik lehnsherr#magneto#charles xavier#professor x#cherik#not really but sssshh theyre in the same post#snap sketches#anyway Be Surprised If You Will i just intended to do practice drawings of charles tonight#charles doodle is a vague redraw of the first charles doodle i made so thats fun i GUESS#its been a hot minute and james' face still eludes me but we're getting somewhere Probably. i hope.#but then i remembered micheal said originally they were going to make erik's hair go white in apocalypse and i crumbled#and i was JUST gonna leave it at the first erik drawing but then i was like 'can i draw him chilling for once' so. pseudo screencap redraw#it was so funny drawing the first two back-to-back on the same canvas cause i had Charming Charles in one folder#and i open the second one and its. Rage. Anger. and then to round it off He Got Better :) vjealkeajvLK#sorry i made the charles drawing look like a dating sim screenshot i was gonna leave the bg blank but i got mad at it being blank#so i cobbled that together. i cobble a dating sim appropriate bg together vjelkjea#its so funny a lot of times ill be like 'i wont draw a bg' and then ill make a quick one anyway i cant resist i apologize#ok im so sleepy so goodnight team my head hurt
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Market based mistakes.
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#wen chao#wen zhuliu#Apologies for how much I skipped in the last part of this episode.#I do love the scene of Jiang Cheng regaining his will to live and the ensuing scenes of Wei Wuxian seeing him off at the mountain base.#At the same time I very much want to keep pressing on with the story.#The notes I have are for scenes I did not draw:#I still think a lot about the symbolism of food in both consumption and giving - especially in regards to the Yunmeng Trio.#Prior to JC leaving we see WWX out buying food for him. Something that initially falls through as JC runs back to Lotus Pier.#But here it comes back full circle. WWX gives away a part of himself to be 'consumed' by Jiang Cheng.#It is about being led by desire (JC wanting revenge to losing his will to live to wanting his core back)#and about being bound by duty to do whatever it takes to see those desires through to the end.#JC can't eat until he has his desire to live back. WWX carves out his own ambitions to help another reach theirs.#And it isn't held up as noble! Not even once! He is routinely punished and criticized for this sacrifice.#Being thrown into the burial mounds really is just symbolism for how we can give away every scrap of ourselves to others-#-and find ourselves at rock bottom. Alone.#When you hollow yourself out it just leaves room for something else to fill it. Something worse.
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Spite
Danny made himself known to the world by hacking into the Justice League's communications line. Amity was safe but he was so tired of being ignored that the moment he figured out how to isolate his small town from the rest of the world he decided to let the heroes know they had failed.
He posted all the ignored calls, the GIW legal documents, the experiments, everything that would let them know that they had failed. Because he had saved himself and the others but never got help.
In a very short time Amity declared itself independent, similar to Atlantis or Themyscira; they didn't need anything from the rest of the world anyway.
At first the League thought it was the attack of a villain or some new organization.
It became very obvious that this was not the case the more they confirmed the information presented, from a law passed under their noses to the threat of exterminating an entire race of beings that were much stronger than them but decided to chose a peaceful route instead of just destroying everything.
For the first time in years, the League felt useless. The weight only increased when the last piece of "evidence" turned out to be the death certificate of Daniel Fenton, the first victim of the whole mess.
#dpxdc#ghost king danny#Danny was tired of being ignored#and maybe he's being unfair to the League#but they never answered his calls#all the times he needed a helping hand#or someone to help him heal his wounds#a guide to follow#he never got that#and that is a hundred times more unfair in his mind#dp x dc#dc x dp#Amity survived well on its own#and the Infinite Realms have infinite things to offer#so they don't need more allies#The League doesn't know what to do#Should they apologize or leave them alone?
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(loosely) that scene from potc... its so Them i think...
#apologies for the low quality scribbles i simply couldn't be fucked!! <3<3<3#and they're a lil funky.... i havent drawn em in a while....#but geez. man. oof. ough#the potential of the pining + Names ouagshashjafkanvfla#THE RITUALS ARE INTRICATE#scribble salad#franklydear#welcome home#ever since finding out how they call each other by last names my brain has been Mush over that#the layers!!! the potential for development!!!#what would the transition to first-name-usage look like#i feel like they're gonna be on first name basis Before they actually refer to each other by their first names#and maybe frank will call him eddie first.... maybe....#leaving eddie to be the one maintaining a sort of 'professional' distance#but in the process making their interactions Way more intimate and emotionally Charged than they would've been otherwise#its about the suspense... about the 'am i allowed to know what your name feels like'....#the 'i want nothing more than to know what my name sounds like in your voice'#receiving your mail and waiting for the time he finally allows that little distance to be closed with one simple syllable#or delivering the mail and waiting for him to open both doors w/ hand & name#both an allowance and a confirmation and an answer and a promise wrapped up in one little word#Im Just Speculating & Rambling at this point#OUGH FRANKLYDEAR <3<3<3<3#i cant wait to watch them really go Through the Horrors while falling in love#bc when nothing is real or certain what else can you cling to but each other#so abnormal about them....#wh has opened my eyes to the inherent romanticism & pain of mail carriers#they will always come to your door but they will also always leave#and the gifts they give you are always from someone Else#all you can hope for are those Moments where your fingers brush as they hand over letters#where the only true words between you are the ones hidden away in ink and belonging to neither of you
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Just caught up with Natlan's archon quest and lord help me, I have a burning need to see Alhaitham and Ororon interact.
I truly feel that they would vibe perfectly. Not in a ship way, but like, in the way of Kaveh quietly wailing: "For archons' sake, he's brought another tacky thing into the house. Traveler, please do something; they've been staring eye to eye over the coffee table for like an hour now but haven't said a single word. I don't know what to do. Send help."
#genshin impact#alhaitham#ororon#they can bond over being raised by their grandmas!!#Ororon will bring his best aphid to share#Alhaitham will get Ororon some gardening book recommendations from Tighnari#this is how I get Ororon some gay uncles to go with his granny#look do I fully understand that the lore says Natlanese people can't leave Natlan?#yes#do I care?#no#insert “People with incomplete souls can go where they want” lore apologia here#okay here's how it happens#Ororon learns that his garden is infected by a rare and dangerous fungus that will kill all his precious vegetables#if he doesn't find a cure#so even though he doesn't have the protection of the Wayob and it is very risky#he takes off (without telling his granny... oops...) to the land of dendro to search for a way to fight the fungus#but with an incomplete soul he's even more vulnerable to the abyss's effect on Natlanese people#and ends up pretty much face down in a sand dune in the desert#Alhaitham on a research trip ends up finding him and lugging him back to Sumeru City#Kaveh is screeching internally; “You can't just kidnap unconscious people Alhaitham!”#“This is a person not a stray dog!!! WHY DIDN'T YOU TAKE HIM TO THE BIMARSTAN!”#“I figured you'd handle it.”#“You figured I--you--that *I* would handle it?!”#“What am I going to do Alhaitham?? Draw blueprints on his face until he wakes up?!”#“That worked on me once.” “YOU'RE THE WORST--”#“Are you two arguing because of me? I'm sorry...”#“DON'T APOLOGIZE ON ALHAITHAM'S BEHALF RANDOM STRANGER!”#“Okay. I'm sorry for saying I'm sorry.”#“AUGH!!!”
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ranma's really here ;vv;
#just uber happy they kept this#slight difference is the 2024 anime leaves out the first apology#(nc about how the first thing he says after his self-introduction is an apologyy :))))DDD)#ranma#saotome ranma#fave chara
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House M.D. but it's when a character says the name of the episode
#house md#prince's talk tag#flashing#repitition#so as i was watching this show i noticed they'd say the episode title in the episode#so i wanted to see how many times they did it#the people on livejournal who made transcripts of the episodes are my saviors and without them this would of been so much harder to do#thank you all for your service and i hope wherever you all are you're having a great day#sometimes they would use a variation of the word like in the episode poison they would say 'poisoned' or 'poisoning'#i did not include those instances#there was an instance in 'merry little christmas' where they do play the song in the show#but since ella fitzgerald was not a character in the show i did not include it#where as in the episode 'joy to the world' the students are singing it in the concert so i did include that#i apologize for the tonal whiplash when you get to that part but it did make me laugh#one of the times kutner says 'locked in' is overshadowed by the POTW's voice over but i assure you he says it and thats why its in there#out of the main characters from the one who said the title the most to least are#House > Foreman > Wilson > Chase > Cuddy > Adams > Cameron and Taub > Kutner > Thirteen and Park#this took a bit to do lolol its probably been done already but i wanted my own#there is a chance im missing some on technicalities but idc. im fine with this#there are two more i wanna do but with a character saying another character's name but ill do that some other time#EDIT: When I was making this video I was unaware that the Pilot episode went by two names: 'Pilot' and 'Everybody Lies'#Basically everywhere I looked the first episode was only referred to by 'Pilot'#which I found weird bc i remember seeing somewhere that the last episode was paired with the first episode in terms of title#but i couldn't find hard proof so I decided to leave it out at the time#well i checked again last night and yea the pilot IS also called Everybody Lies so I updated the video#I also think it goes well with the fact that House does say 'Everybody Dies' in the finale so another reason to fix it#AND he says it without Wilson while he and Wilson say the title of the pilot sooooo yea hehehehehe
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North and Simon: (shaking hands on killing Simon potentially)
#detroit become human#north wr400#simon pl600#markus rk200#josh pj500#jericho is just... so funny to me as like. how they function (or dont)#like im v glad that i did a Good Job my first run and no one hated me but i also felt like a very distraught parent#in regards to how markus is just able to either hurt them (by suggestions OF THE OTHERS IN THE GROUP)#or help them because hey what the fuck i just dragged simon to safety and now north wants me to kill him#and then simon like oh no north got shot you should leave her BUT ! i saved her and made simon happy#so its like you know what they have to have some animosity but also respect#i feel like i wanna see more of north and simon being buddies ... and i might have to do that myself#but i also apologize if this is ooc for them because i really did only just play through once and got a not good end#i probably missed a lot of lore and stuff so im v sorry if im Messing Them Up#its currently just me liking their designs and vibes and hoping im not ruining other fans lives by being wrong#and i honestly dont know when north would kill simon but hes on her possible victims list#so since both of their victim lists include themselves for suicide it just reminded me of the meme#with im so mad im gonna (remembers suicide jokes are bad for my mental health)#and it was like yeah watch north be like im gonna (well if i cant kill myself because markus said no suicide) murder someone
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Post Episode 8x08 CODA/Continuation
Content: Light angst, Buck spiralling, Buck's abandonment issues/running thoughts/(has ADHD), BuckTommy hints at the end.
Word Count: 1,965
Started writing this when the episode ended, please enjoy!
---
The sign goes out front of Eddie's house two weeks later, Buck helps to dig the hole. Buck helps talk to the realtor. Buck talks Eddie down from a three-bed home with an attic office in a HOA suburb and helps him find a respectably sized two bed that will leave him with money to renovate the bathroom and add a ramp up to the door.
Buck bakes a million cookies and eats them while Eddie has meetings with realtors. He sets out sweet breads and muffins when Eddie has an open house, and he happily serves them to people, "yes, there is a gluten free option! I was playing around with xanthan gum, so it shouldn't- oh, you're too kind."
All through it all, Buck focuses on Eddie, and he tries to ignore the ball of panic that's growing and growing and growing, as Eddie calls his mom and dad, and talks to Chris, and they're discussing going to view the home together and-
"I'll be there in two days, buddy!" Eddie says to Chris, a smile wide on his face while he put the autographed picture of the Hotshots cast into a wallet to keep it safe. "I can't wait to see you; we can talk without it lagging."
Buck takes a deep breath.
"Buck's not coming, LA won't survive if we both are off work."
Buck takes the butter off the heat, starts mixing in the sugar.
"I was talking it over with Grandpa, and we can go to the aquarium while I'm there. I'll even get to cheer you on in your chess match."
Chris groans. "You don't cheer during chess matches, dad, you have to be quiet."
Eddie laughs, and Buck needs to savor that sound. Needs to bottle up the sound of his best friend, and the kid he loves to the moon and back, teasing each other because he doesn't know how long he'll have this for. "Well, okay, you'll just have to teach me what to do, Mijo. I've never been to a chess match before."
The flour comes out of the microwave and Buck mixes that in, the soothing fold-fold-fold making his raging heart beat easier to ignore.
"You've never played chess before," Chris teases.
Buck spares a glance at Eddie, and he's fondly smiling at the tablet, and he says, "Well, you'll have to teach that too. Need to understand how you're winning, kid."
Buck is trying his best to be happy for Eddie, desperately putting his issues to the side, he hasn't even mentioned Tommy with all the baking he's been doing.
Eddie, graciously, hasn't mentioned how Buck has gone back to how he was the exact week after Tommy dumped him.
Or perhaps Eddie hasn't noticed with all the preparation and the legal jargon and clearing out everything to make the house look pretty for viewings, and Buck-
Buck really wants to talk to someone.
Eddie's leaving, Bobby is busy building a house, Hen, Maddie, Chimney-
Everyone's moving forward towards something happier. And Buck's stuck trying not to tie his best friend to a city with his sad puppy dog eyes and a pout, all while missing his ex so much that focusing on Eddie leaving drowns out that pain and fills it with something different.
"Buck?"
Buck jumps, dropping his spatula into the bowl. "Huh? W-What's-"
"Chris hung up, he's got school tomorrow."
Buck picks his spatula up, continues mixing his cookie dough. It's as he folds a third time that he notices he forgot the chocolate chips.
"More cookies?"
Buck forces a smile on his face, ignores the floundering puttering in his heart that tells him he needs to call someone before this becomes unsustainable. Baking isn't distracting him, it's not-
He wants Eddie to stay, he wants Chris to come home, he wants a barbecue in Bobby's backyard with his family-
He wants to call Tommy.
"It's for the viewing tomorrow," Buck says, proud of how even his voice sounds, how it doesn't even sound like a lie.
Eddie sidles up to the counter, looking into the bowl. "You don't have to try buttering up potential buyers with sugary goods. I know you set a precedent for the first one, but I don't want you to feel like you have to."
Buck puts the bowl and spatula down and bumps his hip into Eddie's as he starts greasing up the pan. "If I sweeten them up, maybe they'll actually buy, and you can leave quicker."
The free-sounding tease is easy, it's easy to fake, it's been easy to fake since that day he picked up the tablet and saw the houses. It's been easy to fake since Tommy dumped him, and he had to crawl out of his home and go to work and look somewhat put together, so no-one was scared on their calls. It's been easy to fake since Abby left him at the airport, and with a home that wasn't quite his, and an uneasy feeling in his heart that she wasn't coming back. It's been easy to fake since he was sixteen years old, and Maddie was leaving and-
Maddie, Abby, Tommy, Eddie.
People leave, and that's okay, and it's selfish to force them to stay. No matter how much he wished they would choose to stay.
Buck scoops out a glob of dough and drops it onto his pan.
Eddie rolls his eyes. "Okay, bud, I'm gonna have a beer while you finish with...that."
Buck sets up the mixer to bake a cake after he puts the cookies in the oven.
---
Buck drops Eddie off at the airport and spirals.
The goodbye wave feels robotic, despite knowing that Eddie will be back in a week, even if it's just to start packing up his life to move it hours away. His phone sits in the dock on the dash, and Buck-
Buck doesn't have anything to distract himself from the yawning emptiness inside him.
Nothing to put his mind to, nothing to focus on, just a whole lot of nothing.
The nothing that has been eating away at every positive thought and coping skill he'd put into trying to ignore how much he missed Tommy. The way Tommy would rub his arm and pull him in for a hug when he was feeling low. How Tommy would sarcastically tease him when his anxiety spiked, until Buck couldn't even remember he'd been anxious. How they could sit in silence and not have to chat, and it was just peaceful, and it put Buck at ease, and Tommy wouldn't even mention when Buck's leg started tapping, he'd just put a hand on Buck's knee and lean his weight into-
Fuck.
Tommy would have been a rock through this, platitudes about Eddie not being dead, stop panicking. "I can fly a helicopter, babe, just say the word and you can visit."
Except, Tommy isn't his rock anymore. He's a hurricane that has Buck unmoored and swirling in an abyss of panic and loneliness and, fuck, shit, fuck, Buck has to talk to someone. Or bake something. Or go to the middle of nowhere, with no reception, and scream at the sky.
Everyone's busy. Eddie's on a plane. No-one...he has-
"Buck?"
Buck jolts, staring down at the phone now in his hand, Tommy's face filling the screen, his nose scrunched and looking confused, concerned and cold all in one expression.
So closed off.
"I-I didn't mean to call," Buck whispers, his voice weak and thready even to his own ears. "Hi. Uh, I'll just, uh, hang up."
Except Buck doesn't, he stares at Tommy and feels his heart stutter.
Tommy raises an eyebrow, and Buck watches the cold melt off Tommy's face, leaving only confusion and concern.
"What's happening, Buck?"
"I...just dropped Eddie off at the airport, and I'm sitting at the drop off spot in the taxi ranks, and-"
Tommy's confusion disappears, and his eyes soften, and he's openly concerned and it's like a knife in Buck's chest.
Buck lets out a hoarse laugh. "I've held it in for weeks, not calling, and my best friend leaves and it's like I can't help it- Jesus." Buck runs a hand down his face, he feels like a mess.
"Why did you call me, Buck?"
Because it was habit for six months straight, because every time Buck's been sad since the breakup he's had to physically remove himself from his phone to stop himself from calling Tommy, because Buck just wants to have Tommy as his, and he can't seem to move on despite everyone else seeming able to.
"Everyone else...is moving forward, making families and living their lives, but I'm-"
Buck should hang up, forget about this, say 'sorry, bye asshole', and block Tommy's number once and for all.
Except-
"I'm stuck, stuck on that day in my loft, wondering what happened and how that occurred, and all I've wanted since the day it happened was to call you and fix it or-or, I don't know...I just feel so incomplete here. Unsatisfied. Nothing-nothing makes sense."
Buck rolls on.
"And Eddie told me not to call, so I didn't, except then Eddie decided he wanted to move to Texas and I couldn't be selfish and ask him to stay, so instead I've been helping him, helping him leave my life, because then at least I helped control it."
Buck chokes up.
"Because he's an adult with different priorities, and he can make his own decisions and it's my job as a friend to support him, and I guess you'd know that too if you still talked to him, or hey, maybe he would have stayed for you." He's fucking it up, finally got Tommy on the phone and rather than giving Tommy all the reasons they could work, and he should stay, he's dumping all his fears about Eddie leaving. "And I- I'm not making sense, I'm all over the place, this is not what I wanted to say at all, I had a whole speech about how I love you, and I deserved better, and-"
"Are you safe to drive?" Tommy asks, his voice cutting through Buck's monologue.
Buck bites his lip and nods his head. Of course, Tommy doesn't want to hear about his problems, they're broken up.
"Yeah, yeah, I..." Buck sniffs, wipes at his face despite it being dry, and forces a smile on his face. "I'm just a little sad, sorry for calling."
Tommy shakes his head, and he looks like he's in physical pain, and God, Buck feels like an asshole. He's so selfish, and he should have just thrown his phone out and got a new number after the breakup if he knew he was just going to trample over boundaries.
"No, don't be s- I mean, okay, okay. This sounds like- Eddie left? No, this is a conversation for in person," Tommy sounds just as confused and lost as Buck, which isn't nice, because Buck expects Tommy to be a rock, to be steady, to be- well, that went out the window the night they broke up.
"In person?" Buck wonders aloud.
Tommy hums, and his nose scrunches up, and he puts a finger to the bridge of his nose. The video feed is shaking like the phone in his hand is shaking. Buck swallows and waits for whatever emotional turmoil Tommy is experiencing to pass.
"Drive yourself to mine," Tommy orders.
Buck stares at the screen in shock. "W-What? Tommy, I- no, I-" A taxi starts honking their horn behind him.
"Mine," Tommy repeats, sure, and despite everything it makes that emptiness in Buck feel a little smaller, like Tommy is filling it with just the promise of a conversation. "Sounds like you need to get going. See you soon, Evan."
Tommy hangs up, and Buck spirals, but he starts the car anyway and drives to Tommy's with a spark of something in his chest.
#911 season 8#911 fanfic#911 spoilers#bucktommy#bucktommy fic#bucktommy fanfic#8.08 coda#911 8.08#evan 'buck' buckley#eddie diaz#tommy kinard#wallabywrites#my writing#i just keep thinking about Eddie leaving being a catalyst for Buck finally calling Tommy because he hates not having closure#he's done that once before and he refuses to repeat it#and with no best friend to steal Buck's phone or anything to put his energy into...habit kicks in#Tommy picks up because that is *his* habit - to always go when Buck calls#(i haven't localized this so if words like “taxi rank” are incorrect i apologize)#I don't even fully know what this is lol
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It's actually so important to me that the first time we see Ed actually cry in Fullmetal Alchemist (Brotherhood and Manga) - apart from the automail surgery - is when Hohenheim offers him his life to bring back Alphonse.
Throughout the entire story Ed doesn't cry because of his misguided love-filled promise to Al. No matter how horrible their odds, no matter how traumatizing their journey, Ed refuses to cry. He comes close. So, so close. When Izumi tells them it's okay to be sad, offering comfort after a long time without. After Nina dies and Ed and Al let the rain wash away their sorrow. When Hughes dies and guilt becomes an even heavier cloak weighing their shoulders down. When death comes knocking on Ed's door and he decidedly sends it packing.
Ed laughs and rages and smiles and screams.
But he doesn't cry.
Just because Al can't.
Ed was eleven when he made that promise. He was a child suffering through something truly horrific when he promised himself and the world that he wouldn't cry as long as his brother wasn't allowed to do the same.
Which is painful to watch - especially since it tells us that Ed knows how much crying is a part of life. He gave something up, not out of some misguided idea of masculinity, but because he knew it would be a sacrifice to keep himself from crying. A punishment since his brother could no longer offer his tears in the face of sorrow.
But by the end of the story Ed has cried. And it's not tears of joy, like the ones he promised Winry. No, Ed is angry when he cries - and Alphonse is no longer there.
In a way Ed kept his promise to Al - he only cried when the person he made this promise to (be it silent and secretive) was gone.
As far as they knew Al was dead.
But that truth alone didn't bring tears to Ed's eyes, though it certainly shattered his heart and made him quiver in desperation. No, in the end it was Hohenheim who finally allowed Ed to spill tears kept locked away for four long years.
And I love it.
I love that Hohenheim trying to do something truly loving, something completely selfish, something absolutely sacrificial was the thing that pushed Ed over the edge.
Because Ed never forgave his father for leaving, but by the end of the story he understands why he left.
Because Ed is so unbelievably angry with this man who abandoned him, and he still cares for him - partially because he knows Alphonse does.
Because Ed was never forced to forgive Hohenheim, but we still know that Hohenheim loves his children and his wife and would do everything for them.
Even, no, especially if it means dying.
And Ed can't take it.
So many others have died by this point, they are all painted in blood and pain, and Ed has lost his only constant - and now his father wants to make an ultimate sacrifice?
No.
So, Ed gets angry. And he cries. And he saves Al on his own - with the help of all of his friends, and Hohenheim.
Because no matter Ed's feelings on the man who gave him life, he doesn't want to see anyone else die. He doesn't want anyone else's blood on his hands.
And he wants Hohenheim to get a chance to be a rotten father - because at the end of the day Hohenheim is someone worth crying over even, no, especially by the boy who promised he wouldn't cry.
(there is something to be said about Hohenheim crying on their family portrait, only to be mirrored by Ed grinning while holding his own child - there is something to be said about Hohenheim willingly offering his life, only to be stopped by the tears running down his son's angry face - there is something to be said about Ed's anger and Hohenheim's soft grief and their shared past)
#fmab#fma#edward elric#alphonse elric#van hohenheim#fullmetal alchemist meta#fullmetal alchemist#fma meta#fullmetal alchemist brotherhood#fma brotherhood#i love them your honor#like... i dont think hohenheim would ever win dad of the year#but like... this is SUCH A TORTURED SOUL#and i think him trying to die#by saving Al#was his way to apologize for all that#for leaving and not coming back#for being awkward and not knowing what to say#if he could die for Al it would all be worth it#only Ed wouldnt let him#because he knew it wouldnt be equivalent#and because he couldnt watch someone else die#not even a rotten father#(especially not a rotten father Ed somewhat cared for)#they never made up#the show never asked Ed to forgive Hohenheim#but I do think Ed understood him by the end#they are very similar after all#and Hohenheim truly loved their mother#and he truly truly loved his sons
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You mean to tell me this is not how the opening scene to Episode 6 "A Mercy" goes?!?
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#i apologize for blurry dundy but my boy will just not be in focus#i was debating between this shot or the one of him LURKING behind jfj#that what he gets for being a follower#A FOLLOWER OF BAD DECISIONS BOY WHY DID YOU LEAVE THEM TO DIE#the terror#the terror amc#john irving#james fitzjames#stephen stanley#alexander macdonald#george hodgeson#henry le vesconte#the terror shitposting
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Apologies that Billy Hargrove will never get:
"I'm sorry I left you behind" and "I'm sorry I didn't come back for you" (his mom)
"I'm sorry I hurt you" and "I'm sorry I made you feel worthless" (his dad)
"We're sorry we didn't see or care what was going on with you" and "We're sorry we didn't do anything to help you" (his teachers)
"I'm sorry I just stood by and watched" and "I'm sorry I looked the other way when you were hurt" (Susan)
"I'm sorry I got you in trouble with your dad" and "I'm sorry I didn't notice how he used me against you" (Max)
"I'm sorry I acted inappropriatly towards you" and "I'm sorry I treated you as a piece of meat when you're just a boy the same age as my daughter" (Mrs. Wheeler)
"I'm sorry I lied to you" and "I'm sorry I didn't tell you about everything that was going on" (Steve)
"We're sorry we only saw you as a monster when you were a victim" and "We're sorry we didn't try harder to save you" (the Party)
"I'm sorry you had to go through all of that" and "I'm sorry you didn't have anyone to turn to when you needed help" (me)
#billy hargrove#I'm having Feels#in many fics I read (and write) a big point is always when billy apologizes for his actuons#and like i get it#its a big step in the right direction#but it always leaves a taste of ash in my mouth when he's the only one to apologize because#he is owed some apologies too#why is he always the one to be forced to apologize#why is the pound of flesh always carved from his body?#ihni writes
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"Stolas shouldn't have portalled out Blitz during Full Moon" this and "Stolas should have stuck around and listened to Blitz in the garden during Apology Tour" that. Do y'all not realize how it sounds to demand that a domestic abuse victim stick around when someone is yelling at and insulting them? And on the flip side of that, do the other half of y'all not realize how it sounds to demand that someone, particularly someone from an oppressed group, never get loud or demonstrably angry just because it might scare someone?
Like Blitz had every right to air his grievances in Full Moon, and being angry when you're treated poorly is a perfectly normal, reasonable response. It's not inherently abusive to yell and stomp when you get mad, and it's completely unreasonable to say that Blitz is just because he did. But at the same time, Stolas does not have to sit there and take being yelled at when he's already had to suffer though someone doing it to him maliciously for at least 17 years. He does not have to take being grabbed, being screamed at, or having his clearly stated boundaries ignored either, like at the beginning of Apology Tour. Him getting upset when someone does that to him, when he's only just gotten away from his abuser and was almost murdered for it, is not some failing on his part or him playing the victim.
Blitz's trauma doesn't care that Stolas wasn't actually going to abandon Blitz, and it doesn't care that that the hurtful things Stolas has said and done have come largely from a place of ignorance rather than a lack of care. He's protecting himself the only way he knows how and is blinded by the sheer intensity and longevity of his self-loathing, but frankly it was a good thing for him to finally speak up about how some of the things Stolas does makes him feel, and it's a very good thing that he's actually trying to fight to keep Stolas rather than just booking it and throwing a grenade behind him on the way out.
Just like Stolas' trauma doesn't care if he knows Blitz is different than Stella and wouldn't actually hurt him, and it doesn't care that Blitz's anger comes from a hurt, scared, and traumatized place as opposed to the pleasure Stella took in hurting and scaring him. Stolas hasn't had any time to even begin to heal from the damage she did to him, and frankly if he's scared and breaking down like in Full Moon it's actually a step up if he's removing himself from whoever is triggering him, even if it wasn't fair to Blitz who was, in his own way, attempting to work things out.
Neither of them is the bad guy here, they're just very reasonably upset and having clashing trauma responses. You can be compassionate and understanding of both sides without saying that either of them should have to just sit there and take it when someone is greatly upsetting them. It's normal to get angry when you're scared and upset, and it's normal to cry and run away when you're scared and upset, and neither are wrong or bad just because in the moment when emotions were running high they each did several things that accidently set the other off, especially when they had no way of knowing it was a trigger beforehand.
None of this is say that the way things shook out was great or productive, and they definitely need to work on healing so that they're not letting their fear and trauma control them. If they're going to get to place of real understanding, then at some point these two need to sit down with the intent to talk things out and have an honest and open conversation with each other, without Blitz yelling or Stolas running or either of them letting their preconceived assumptions and biases get in the way of actually listening. Blitz needs to not self-sabotage and Stolas needs to not shut down, and that's going to be really fucking hard for both of them, because that's how they've been coping with their trauma for literal decades.
And to his major credit, Blitz got it right at the end of Apology Tour, the only thing he got wrong was the timing because Stolas was so drunk that I'll be honestly surprised if he remembers most of it in the morning. He wasn't in any state of mind to listen or pay attention, but at the same time, to his credit he's already been reflecting on what Blitz has been saying to him and trying to figure out where and how he fucked up and hurt Blitz. And also, he kept saying things like "right now", which means he will be ready to talk things out eventually if he's just given a little bit of space to put himself back together and think about things.
And guys, please. Just because some people will start crying to try to manipulate and guilt trip those around them whenever someone gets upset at something they did, doesn't make that what Stolas did. He was trying to get away so Blitz wouldn't see him cry. And just because some people like to fly off the handle and rage at every perceived infraction, doesn't make that what Blitz did. He had justifiable cause to be angry and in Full Moon he didn't think Stolas was listening, so he tried to make himself louder and bigger in an attempt to make himself be heard and his hurt be acknowledged. If one of their reactions made you uncomfortable, that's fine, there's nothing wrong with that. But the story isn't about those kinds of people, it's about two fictional demons who aren't trying to hurt or manipulate each other, they're just struggling to juggle trauma, ignorance, and the desire to be together. They're not able to yet, but that's what character arcs are for.
And just to head off any comments on it: no, the narrative is not villifying Blitz and it's not babying Stolas or trying to sweep any of the shit he's done under the rug. Blitz being angry and self-destructive doesn't make him a villain, and Stolas crying a few times and still being pretty ignorant of how he's come across doesn't mean they're trying to say he's done nothing wrong.
#helluva boss#stolas goetia#blitzo#text post#meta#long post#my post#it's incredibly tone deaf to get mad at Stolas for leaving when Blitz was hurling insults at him#it's so blatantly obvious that Blitz yelling and slamming open the door triggered the fuck out of him in Full Moon#why would he *not* remove himself from the situation when he had no cause to believe Blitz would stop yelling and insulting him?#he probably didn't even hear Blitz's attempt to apologize because he was already halfway out the portal#and you can faintly hear Stolas giving his own apology before the portal closes#no one is the bad guy here
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