#i feel alone and betrayed and abandoned and no one fucking asked if i was okay they just all…

[germposting]

im going to rant

[charliemwrites]

Woof woof yall.

No content warnings

You’re out in the woods one day, taking photos and going for a little hike. Stupid mental health walk or something; whatever, it’s a nice day and you’ve gotten some good shots. You’re just about to turn back when a huge brown and black wolf lopes out from a nearby thicket.

There aren’t any wolves in England though! Hunted to extinction - it’s why you feel safe bebopping around the forest alone in the daylight. So you see this big fuck-off sized “dog” and coo at the pretty puppy.

“Hello handsome boy, aren’t you just gorgeous! Will you come say hi?”

You do all the right things that you’re supposed to do with an unfamiliar dog but he just barges right through. Trots up to you, nose shoved into your crotch. You startle, bark a laugh, shove at his big stupid head.

“A little forward,” you tease, scratching under his chin, “but it’s better than biting.”

You feel all around his neck for a collar, but no luck. He must be someone’s though, huge blue eyes too intelligent and focused on your words. And his coat is so well maintained, glossy and shedded.

“Do you know how to… sit?”

An adorable head tilt, and the big dog settles onto his hind quarters.

“What a good boy!” you croon. “So smart!”

He licks at your palm and wrist as you scratch at him, huge tail thumping. A canine grin, tongue lolling out as he waits for your next command.

You hum.

“Well, guess we can check if you’re microchipped, huh? Or at least I can get you some water. See if someone recognizes you…”

You make a kissy noise at him. “Let’s go, big boy. Come.”

And to your delight, he falls into step with you. He weaves along the path ahead and behind, but always loops back to you, brushing against your thigh as if to reassure you he’s still there.

You hum as you walk, giggling when you see his ears twitch and swivel towards you. Tease that he should do better if he doesn’t like your version of Jolene.

You only cross paths with two other people on the walk, a pair of guys clearly out for a more serious hike. The dog plants himself between you and them, ears pinning back and a low growl erupting from his chest. You startle a bit, carefully burying your fingers around his scruff in case you need to grab him quickly.

“I’m guessing he doesn’t belong to either of you, then?” you ask.

One of the guys shakes his head. The other gives you an odd look. “He’s not yours?”

The dog barks, loud and rough. You shush him, explain the situation to the hikers. But the dog never stops rumbling and they quickly go on their way, keeping a wide berth.

You huff. “Don’t like men, huh?”

Poor thing. Maybe he was abandoned by a mean owner?

“S’alright, bud, I’ll be good to you.”

He follows you all the way back to your home. And when you open the door, shoulders right past you.

“Ah, shit,” you groan. “You weren’t supposed to come in!”

He gives you an almost betrayed look. You try not to huff in amusement.

“So help me, if you bring nasty things in this house I will shave you. Shave you. You’ll look so silly. Like an overgrown raw turkey.”

The dog turns, trots back to you. You didn’t realize just how big he is until he’s got his big paws on your shoulders. You blink, have to take a step back to brace against the weight of him. In his hind legs he’s taller than you. Really could pass for a pure bred wolf.

A big, rough tongue licks from your jaw to your forehead. You scrunch up your face but end up laying a kiss on his muzzle in return.

“Alright, you big nasty. Down you get.”

You shut and lock the door behind you, brushing leaves and dirt off.

“Okay, shower first,” you say aloud, already tugging off your clothes. “Then we’ll run into town, see if we can track down your family.”

You don’t mind the dog staring, unblinking, as you strip down right there, balling things up to avoid tracking a mess through the house. Nor do you mind him following you to the bathroom, though you do push at his snout when he licks the back of your knee. Just normal dog things, really. They don’t get people stuff like clothes or boundaries.

“Stay out of trouble, bud. I’ll be right out.”

As you wash up, you consider the merits of adopting. Only if you can’t find the dog’s actual family, that is. It’s lonely in your little house sometimes - and a bit spooky at night. A big, protective dog might be just the thing.

Next

Masterlist

[vevobly]

Yellowjackets Jealousy Headcanons!

A/N: This has you being romantically involved with them in mind, but you can interpret it however you want. Devour and enjoy as always!

Jackie Taylor:

Jackie thrives on attention, especially yours. So when it goes to someone else? Oh boy, you are in big trouble.

Jackie would practically be steaming. Whether you're aware or unaware of what you're doing to her, she'd be pissed.

Her jealousy would be subtle but to those who knew her well, it would be clear as fucking daylights.

Jackie would either resort to making passive aggressive comments or trying to one-up the person she's jealous of.

Like, if someone compliments you too much—she would just appear out of nowhere and insert herself between you guys.

Now, I'm not antagonizing Jackie here! But I fully believe the girl has some sort of popular complexity. So when you hang out with someone she deems "beneath" her social circle, she gets especially jealous.

Shauna Shipman:

Knowing Shauna, her jealousy would definitely be felt more than heard. Oh, and she'd probably bottle it all up until she explodes.

She’ll watch the way you interact with others, her eyes narrowing whenever someone else makes you laugh or smiles at you in a way she doesn’t like.

Shauna won’t confront you directly (unless she's forced into a corner into doing that) about it.

But she will subtly manipulate certain situations so you spend more time alone with her.

Shauna will definitely feel guilty about it. And very insecure at the same time that she'll ask you stuff like — “you’re not… bored of me, right?

Taissa Turner:

Jealousy does not get to Taissa. And if it did, she would not be jealous openly. I mean, she's confident in her relationship with you.

But if someone does start "flirting" with you, she's immediately stepping right in. Cool and collective.

She won't lash out or anything like that, she'll just remind them (and maybe you) who's in charge.

If jealousy really does get to her? She'd just go up to you and discuss it. That's about it.

Unless she's extremely jealous, then she might start controlling your time with other people for a bit. No worries! It won't last for too long.

Van Palmer:

Van would act like she’s all cool with it, but she's not. She would get extremely protective of you in a certain way when she's jealous.

Like, this girl will joke about you “breaking her heart” but also hover near you whenever she senses someone else than her vying for your attention.

Now, Van trusts you. But her insecurities have their own little way of just wiggling into her head, especially when someone attractive or successful tries to get your attention.

She’ll become more affectionate with you, using that to ward off any people trying to make their moves on you.

If you question it, she'll just laugh it off. Insist you're being a little silly because she knows better than anyone else just how much you love her.

Natalie Scatorccio:

Natalie's jealousy is explosive, and she definitely would not try just one tiny bit to hide it at all.

She wouldn't be afraid to confront the person making her jealous. And this girl's anger is not something you want to be directed at you (unless you're into it).

Because Nat's anger comes out in sharp words or her just being destructive.

If you’re being too friendly with someone else; she’ll lash out and tell you “why don’t you just go be with them, then?” — better grovel for her.

Since Nat has issues with being abandoned or betrayed, she'd probably pull back from you emotionally. Just becoming distant or reckless to protect herself from being hurt, especially by you.

Lottie Matthews:

Lottie's jealousy would just be strangely calm. Similar to Jackie and Shauna, she'd be pretty subtle about it.

Like, she'd just give off vibes that make the person making her jealous uncomfortable. Just thus quiet unnerving way of making them back off without saying a word.

With Lottie, I feel like you wouldn't even know she's jealous unless she tells you that herself or you just know her too well to know it.

If the person she's jealous of isn't backing off. One way or another, this girl will stir you away from that person no matter what.

She'll make certain stuff up so you go far from this person. Like someone needing you for something and so.

Laura Lee:

This girl would just be battling her jealousy! Like, she'd try so hard to suppress any feelings of jealousy because she sees them wrong.

But she still can't help it get to her sometimes. She'll feel sad, hurt when someone gets too close to you.

Like, she'll pray for strength and try her best to rationalize her feelings, but then it would still get to her and she'll end up saying stuff like “I guess I’m just not enough for you”

Laura Lee would feel guilty as hell when she's jealous, and when she ends up saying those words to you.

I feel like Laura Lee would be the type to go out of her way to be even kinder and more supportive to you when she feels jealous, just hoping that makes you choose her over anyone else because of how loving and faithful she is to you.

Misty Quigley:

Now this girl, you just don't make her jealous ever, okay? Misty’s jealousy is intense and can literally turn dangerous if it flares up through the skies.

When Misty is jealous, she’ll go to extreme lengths. From manipulating situations to outright sabotaging other people trying to get close with you, she will do anything to get rid of any competition.

This girl would manipulate you so much. Mostly painting herself as a wounded person who has no one else but you.

Misty doesn’t like sharing your attention with anyone else. So when you do, she'll become increasingly clingy and demanding of your time.

If you even start spending too much time with anyone else, she’ll guilt-trip you and say things like “don’t you care about me anymore?”

[q1ngqve]

hi!! same anon here you dont have to take this as a request bc i just wanted to get this out of my chest yandere or at least obssesive averatio where both overstim the hell out of reader (lowkey mindbreak if you're comfy about that??) after reader rejects their advances NOT OUT OF HATE or anything but bc their insecurities got the best of them and either thought the two were just messing w them or they have abandonment issues (i do not have the second one whatever do you mean i am not projecting do not percieve me) no offense to these two but they look like the ppl to mess w your heart n leave you to rot

mb some predator/prey (they both hunt you down after you avoid them both and as ratio wisely said "what do you do with a cornered prey? hunt it to death" AUGHAHSGA) aphrodisiacs, drugging, etc. anyways after that you best bet you'll be too dumb to ever think of something as stupid as that, and sure, yes ratio hates idiots but well..... you will be the only exception given how cute you look all fucked out and broken on their bed with their cocks deep inside you <3

SKLDJALSDJAL HELP i feel awfully embarrassed w writing this lmao scuse me while i bleach my head.

i am very sorry this took so long </3 i wrote this as a fic at first but i lost motivation so now it’s just in the form of brain rot :(

oh no :( poor reader with insecurities from your past relationships thinking every man out there is a liar, especially the two that gave their hearts to you :( running away from them is a smart move because we don’t trust men in this household!

but you forget how annoying they can be when it comes to getting what they want, and they want you (´▽｀) so don’t be surprised when you find yourself feeling scared out of your mind walking home alone and feeling like you’re being watched! or when you find certain luxury items randomly appearing in your room! or the slightest hint of their cologne when you wake up every morning! because you asked for this by running away 😵‍💫

this was supposed to be holiday for you — coming to penacony, but the headache and blurry room before you has you panicking! you best know that no one is coming to save you when you’re running through the reverie hotel like a lost bunny when you receive a letter saying they’ll have you tonight! and if you think you had any chance of escape, you’re so wrong 😖

oh, and don’t let them know that you’re afraid, it only spurs them on! hunting you down through the corridors of the hotel is so adrenaline inducing for them <3 running shouldn’t be so hard though, so why do you feel as if your legs are going to give out any second? oh right, the drink! they probably drugged it, seems like something they would do

an exasperated gasp leaves you when you finally let your body fall, eyes closing, preparing for impact. and the next thing you know you wake up, hands tied above you to the headboard, your body completely bare. you’d struggle with all your might, soft whines sounding at the back of your throat when you spot the two of them hiding in the shadows, staring down at you with those bright, lust-filled eyes

oh, you’re so dead

your body feels like it’s on fire, desperately needing release, needing someone to touch you, anyone. your voice betrays you as whimpers leave you when they stalk towards you, their burning gaze not helping with the burning sensation.

you really did think you could escape! so why’re you here, tied and unable to move? tears fall as you lock eyes with veritas ratio, your fight or flight kicking in when he reaches out to caress your cheek, wiping the tears away. laughter sounds from aventurine on the other side of the bed, you’re just so naive! all he wants to do is to love and break you until you’re a sobbing mess beneath him 😵‍💫 so don’t blame him when he kisses you, he just can’t help it anymore, not when you’re already shaking when all they did was drug your drink and reveal themselves to you after months of stalking :(

the aphrodisiac is making you incredibly sensitive to their touch, which is perfect for them because that would mean hearing your sweet cries of pleasure! you best prepare yourself though, because they’re not stopping until you’re about to pass out 🧎🏻‍♀️ they haven’t had you for months, nobody is going to stop them from worshipping you, not even yourself.

you’ll be so overstimulated by the end of the night that even just innocent touches can have you whining and trembling like a leaf (^^)

“you really think you can run from us?” — veritas ratio

“who you knew you were so filthy, hmm? you wanted us to hunt you down, didn’t you? dirty, dirty girl.” — veritas ratio

“missed you so much, pretty girl.” — aventurine

“stop? now why would we do that? you’re clearly enjoying this. look at you, making such a mess on my cock.” — aventurine

[chrystal-ink]

Shadow x GN Reader

Held

Content warning: reader is having a mental breakdown, some self loathing, holding unrealistic standards for themselves and as a result being unkind to themselves is involved. Shadow is there to comfort you. Hurt/comfort if you wish to skip to the comfort look for the ❤️. See my reblog for more notes

Your legs felt heavy with each step you took as the rain pounded against your umbrella.

The day had dragged on particularly long today, you were exhausted both physically and emotionally. You were finding it harder and harder to put on your usual happy face, the same one that kept others at bay, that made them think that you're okay, that nothing was wrong.

It wasn't any particular thing that made you feel like this, you suppose it was just something that had been built up over time. The world threw One thing at you, and another, and another until finally it had become too much to bear.

You had to keep going, no matter what. You didn't have time to cry, you couldn't let others see it, then they would know.

They would know that you weren't okay. That you were broken, and they'd hate you for it.

"This wasn't you. " They'd say. " You are a happy person, your joyful demeanor makes us feel better. How could you betray us like this? We need you to be happy. So be fucking happy damnit!"

The thoughts swirled around your head making you dizzy, you needed to get home as soon as possible so you could be alone.

You picked up the pace only focused on the path ahead of you, the one that would lead you home. There you could take off your mask, there you could be sad, or angry, feel all of those ugly emotions and no one else could see it. You were safe from the world and it's prying eyes.

You were so focused on getting home that you didn't notice that Shadow was in your path. Before you could even register what was happening you bumped into him.

"Hey, watch where you're going y/n you could have gotten hurt"

A soft "sorry" escaped you're lips.

Of course you ran into him now, right when you were on the edge. He was going to hate you now wasn't he, or worse pity you. you refused to look him in the eye, you knew that once you did it would all be over, he could see right through you, he would know that you were a liar, that behind you're cheerful facade you were just a sad pathetic child crying over nothing and you needed to suck it up.

"Hey. what's wrong?" Shadow asked with a gentle tone.

"nothing, I'm fine." You responded.

"No you're not, I can see it in your face, tell me."

"No."

"Did someone hurt you?"

"No"

"Did I do something to upset you?"

"No"

"Did something happ-"

Tears started to form in the corners of your eyes stinging you with their saltines. A lump grew in you throat that you tried to swallow down to no avail.

"NO, JUST STOP OKAY, NOTHING IS WRONG I'M FI- ...I'm fine."

❤️

Shadow reached out his had and held your cheek lifting your face to meet his. His crimson eyes staring deep into yours full of worry.

That was all it took for the dam to break. Tears flowed out of your eyes cascading down your face your breath hitched as you began to shake abandoning your umbrella. Your knees gave out, Shadow catching you before you could hit the ground wrapping you in a tight embrace before gently lowering you down.

Shadow's arms were tight around you refusing to let you go as you cried into him your tears wetting his ebony fur.

Finally giving into him you wrapped your arms around him and clung to him for dear life. His embrace was warm and tender as he rubbed small circles into your back, he rested his head on top of your's protecting you from the rain as you cried.

You could feel the strength of his arms around you as he pulled you in closer. He didn't say anything, he didn't pull away he just held you as you finally released the emotions that had been building up for months. The two of you sat intertwined for what felt like an hour, only when you were ready did he even consider releasing you from his arms.

You let go cool air entering your lungs as you took your first breath away from Shadow. Looking around you noticed that at some point Shadow had chaos controlled the two of you into your room giving you some much needed privacy as well as getting you two out of the inclement weather.

Your face felt hot and swollen, your mouth felt dry as thick saliva clung to the back of your throat. Your exhaustion grew deeper as you came out of your breakdown.

Shadow stood up grabbing a throw blanket and your favorite plushie that he insisted you were "too old for". He wrapped you up in the blanket and handed you the beloved stuffie.

"hold this I'll be back in a minute" his tone of voice was so gentle that if you hadn't seen the words coming out of his mouth, you would have sworn it was someone else.

He left you alone in your room just you and your thoughts, or at least would be your thoughts. Your breakdown had taken away your ability to think clearly, the only thing that could really register now were your senses, the warmth of the blanket around you, the way the plush toy squished in your arms, the smell of your room, the sound of rain pattering against the window. the way the carpet felt against your legs.

Shadow quickly returned with a glass of water, a wet washcloth, an ice pack wrapped in a towel, and a box of tissues. Handing you the glass he ordered you to drink which you happily complied, the water cooled your throat and brought you some much needed hydration. He then proceeded to wipe your face with the cloth the cold water felt refreshing as he cleaned off the your face wiping away any remaining tears. He pressed the ice pack against your cheeks the cold instantly relieving the discomfort around your eyes.

You had finally gotten up the strength to reach for a tissue and clear your sinuses, taking a deep breath you began to feel a sort of calmness rush over you.

Shadow sat next to you wrapping his arm around your shoulder pulling you to lean on him. Shadow finally broke the silence.

"Whatever it is that's bothering you, you can tell me. Do it in your own time if you'd like and know that there isn't a single side of you that's too dark or terrible for me to love. I love you for all of you not just the good parts. Don't think you're burdening me with anything, I want to know your problems I want to share the pain with you. You've helped me through so much it's my turn to help you with whatever you're dealing with."

You felt relieved at Shadow's statement, knowing he wouldn't lie to you to keep you pacified. His actions spoke for themselves and they showed that he truly cared and he wanted to help in any way he could.

You weren't ready to voice your feelings just yet but you knew he would be patient with you.

You were able to manage a quiet "Thank you" for now.

"Of course my love anything for you"

[scekrex]

Love your writing!!

Can I request an Adam x Lucifer’s Ex! reader? Reader is basically the same rank as Lucifer was (so he’s the same strength as him too) Basically, they split up after he and Lilith got together and gave Eve the Apple. Reader is extremely depressed about it but then he meets one of the humans from Eden, Adam . And they find solidarity and comfort in going through the same/similar situation.

Lowkey giving that one scene from Steven Universe (No idea if you’ve watched/like SU so, if you’re not sure what I’m talking about, I’ll link it here. (If you want, you can probably just skip to the time stamps or watch all of it, either’s fine, but it starts at 2:33 and ends around 3:11

Spoilers for Steven Universe, if you even care.

https://youtu.be/PnlRR0rX_Q0?feature=shared

(The context for the SU scene is ofc different, but just the overall vibe of it is what I mean.) but just 2 people abandoned by someone who was supposed to be their soulmate (Twice for Adam) and them finding love in each other in the end.

(Like, imagine both the fluff AND angst potential.)

Also!! If/After you write this one, I might request a Part 2 of this with angst for the aftermath of EP.8. (ONLY if you’re ok with it OFC! If not, just tell me in your A/N for this one and I won’t send it!!)

I hope you have a great day!!!! 💙💙

Okay first of all: gimme that EP 8 request right now, I need it soooo badly °^° I haven't seen SU but I've watched the scene you linked and it helped to get the vibe right so much, this is a lil short but dragging it out just to make it appear longer felt wrong. I hope you like it though. Also friendly reminder: this is set in Eden before Adam became a douchebag.

Part 2

I'm a jester and I'm yours, call me your fool

pairing: Adam x male!reader

warnings: language, hurt (with comfort)

note: not beta read bc fuck you I don't have beta readers

Eden had always been the place for you to ge whenever you felt sad or upset, it calmed you down, eased your mind, made your thoughts shut up for only a couple moments. Lucifer had betrayed you, you knew that, you also knew that it had been for the best to end things with him before he would take it too far with his wish for free will and with the things that were going on between him and Lilith. And before you even realized how sad that made you feel, to be betrayed, to be replaced by a mortal soul that would never be as pure as you were, you started crying - it wasn’t loud and if someone wouldn’t have paid attention it was also not visible but Adam did pay attention. Lucifer and Lilith had given Eve the apple, the forbidden fruit, how much further would heaven allow them to go? You weren’t sure. What you were sure about though, was the fact that you missed Lucifer, you missed his warmth, his chaotic yet gentle way of handling things, no matter what it was. You missed his creative mind, his joyful character, the love he had held for you that he had never been able to hide. You missed your clumsy blonde little angel - you shook your head, no, he was no longer yours.

And while you tried to sort your emotions out, the brunette human carefully creeped closer, he noticed your sadness and despite the fact that he didn’t know why you were crying, he felt like he understood without knowing the true reason - he had heard them whispering about it. About how Lucifer had left his boyfriend in order to get together with the first woman, his ex wife, Lilith. And while one loss alone had been seemingly impossible to carry, Adam had not only lost Lilith to his former best friend, he had also lost Eve. Eve, who had tried to talk him into eating the apple as well, he had refused to though, he wanted to remain pure, if she decided that wasn’t for her though, then that was her deal and not Adam’s.

Once he had reached you, he quietly sat down next to you, he wanted to take the sadness away from you, a creature as gorgeous and heavenly as yours should not sit in Eden and cry. He wanted to ask you why you were crying, who caused all those tears but he felt like it wasn’t his place to do so - you were an angel after all. Was he even allowed to sit next to you? The first man didn’t know, but he was sure that if he wouldn’t be allowed near you, you would tell him so. Lucifer might be disobeying heaven’s rules, but you? You looked too pure to do so.

You quickly wiped your tears away as soon as you noticed the presence next to you, when you turned your head to look at the person that had decided to take their place by your side, you were quite surprised to see the face of the first man there. “You look so sad,” the brunette hummed as he reached out to gently touch your cheek. Your golden, broken looking eyes met equally broken brown ones and you somehow found comfort in them, even though they belonged to a total stranger. “Yeah,” you softly chuckled at his words, a small smile forced itself onto your lips, “I guess that’s normal when you get dumped, though.” So the rumors had been true, Lucifer had left his boyfriend for Adam’s former wife. He inhaled deeply, “That’s what love brings.” And yeah, he had a point. Love was able to bring joy and happiness, but it could also take those feelings away from you within seconds. Carefully you leaned into Adam’s touch and closed your eyes as you breathed in the scent of the brunette. “A creature as beautiful as you shouldn’t be sad over losing someone like Lucifer though,” the first man continued and gently caressed your cheek with his thumb, wiping away all remains of your tears. “That’s so easy to say, Adam,” your voice cracked when you said his name and you opened your eyes again, “He was everything.” Adam nodded, he understood, “So was Eve. And Lilith. But sometimes they choose a different path than you do and there is nothing you can do to change that.”

And looking at it that way made you realize that Adam was in the same situation as you were, a situation that tore apart everything just because Lucifer had made a reckless decision. You had lost everything and so had Adam, you were sitting in the same boat, sailing the same ocean of sadness. But now you had found each other, so at least you weren’t sailing alone anymore. “Adam?” you asked quietly as you looked at the first man, making sure you’d get nothing but honesty when your eyes met his, “Can you stay?” And without hesitation the first man nodded, this would not only bring you comfort and take a little bit of the sadness away from you, no, the brunette would also find comfort in this, you would keep his mind busy and that he was very thankful for.

[rere9500-18]

Miles and his abandonment issues/not wanting to be alone.

Something I’ve always thought about Miles was that he has abandonment issues. This clip here is only a scene that shows apart of that.

Gwen’s “I’ll never see him again” makes him panic, with not seeing her or Peter or anyone of his spider friends for a year or so now. Hearing that from Gwen alone probably is what mainly encouraged him to jump through that portal and follow her. Because if that portal closed, there’s a big possibility he’d really never see her again.

Even in the second half of the video where Miles is walking to his dorm/new school and he walks past his old school with everyone he knew chatting it up with him as he passes. It’s clear while Miles attended that school, he’s been friends, or at least acquaintances, with a lot of the people there. He has and still does leave an impact on them, if it wasn’t noticeable by the amount of people simply happy to see him walk by.

At the end of it, the last girl asking how the new school is and that they all miss him, Miles responds with a “Wait… you miss me?” with a smile on his face. Now, I’ve seen some of the comments on that bit on YouTube and it’s mostly people thinking it’s Miles being cute with the ladies, but I don’t believe that’s what that was at all.

It’s clear to see Miles is cool with most people in that scene; of course keeping in mind he’s spent time with them at some point in his life if they are telling him they miss him. That little smile Miles had and the question that followed was an exact reaction to truly realizing that nobody at his old school has forgotten him, nor intend to, in theory, leave him anytime soon. It’s that warm feeling of knowing that maybe you truly do have people by your side. It’s actually a little intense with Miles since I think he sort of needs that feeling more than you’d usually need it.

Whether it be his mom, his dad, his uncle (RIP Uncle Aaron 😔), or the spiders who he thought were his friends.

That’s why it hurts so much when they’re taken away from him. Either by death or because of needing to pick a side. Because that warm feeling slowly turns into dread that no one’s by his side anymore. That the people he love may not love him anymore. That he may have to face something he’s been trying to hide from: being alone.

Because being alone means you’ll have no one to care for. Being alone means no one’s gonna give you their warmth when you’re in the freezing cold. Being alone means you’ll be left in the dark by yourself with no one to encourage you to break out and run free.

Miles followed Gwen to avoid having to be alone, like he was for the past year after she and the other spider-people left. Because, while it doesn’t make it right to follow someone and then go invisible to see what they’re doing, he wouldn’t have ever known this would have been the last time he’d see his best friend if he hadn’t followed.

At the end of the movie though, I feel that Miles is put at an even harder spot due to him trying to prevent his father’s death. He wanted to be with the rest of the spider people so badly that it blinded him to the fact it wasn’t all it seemed to be cracked out to be. At the end of the movie, all Miles wants is to go home. Yes, it hurts to lose everyone you’ve worked so hard to see, but in his mind, if the people you call your friends can’t understand that it’s fucked up to let an innocent person die, his dad no less, for a so-called ‘greater good’, then maybe that warm feeling of them being by his side isn’t what he wants right now.

Miles feels betrayed by Peter B., Gwen, and most importantly, by himself because he soon realizes that he was so determined not to lose them again, that he never realized he’s lost himself in the process. Gwen, Peter, and everyone else basically said (through their actions) that they’ll never see Miles again. Who is Miles to stop them?

He doesn’t care what happens afterwards. He just wants to go home, HIS home, and stop the one thing that will truly make him deeply and utterly alone.

The death of Aaron and Miles being Spiderman only encourages Miles to want to do these things. He wanted to surround himself with people he can trust, but he soon realizes those relationships can die, either by actual death or by lies and secrets.

Idk. This is all just my view of what Miles feels even in Into the Spiderverse. If you’ve finished reading all this, idk; eat a cookie or something.

[honeyscara]

-Akaashi Keiji

A/n: it's just a short fic I thought about and it's a little bit related to something I was feeling recently

The noise of the party was overwhelming, a constant thrum in your ears that made your head pound. You’d been abandoned by the one classmate who convinced you to come, left to fend for yourself in a sea of strangers. It was your first college party, and it was already turning into a nightmare.

You clutched your drink awkwardly, your eyes scanning the crowd. You recognized your classmates, but they all seemed so at ease, laughing and chatting like they belonged.

Meanwhile, you were rooted to the spot, a solitary figure in the middle of the chaos. Was it your fault for keeping your distance from people? Probably.

The thought made your chest tighten, and you needed air—needed to escape. Without much thought, you slipped outside, leaving behind the pounding music and stifling atmosphere.The cool night air hit you like a balm, and you inhaled deeply, finally able to breathe. You wandered a bit, finding yourself in a quiet alleyway. It wasn’t the safest choice, but you didn’t care. You needed the space to let out your frustration.

“Why am I fucking like this?” you muttered angrily, kicking a glass bottle that had rolled out of a nearby garbage bag.

“I should really make more friends,” you huffed under your breath. Another bottle caught your eye, and you kicked it harder, watching it clatter noisily against the pavement.

“My stupid, stupid anxiety,” you grumbled, kicking yet another object, a small cardboard box this time.

“Why am I so damn uncool—”

“You know it’s risky to be out here alone.”

The soft voice startled you, and you froze mid-kick. Turning around, you found yourself face-to-face with none other than Akaashi Keiji, one of the most popular seniors in college. Fuck

Did he just see you have a mini-meltdown? Panic flooded through you.

“Uh…” You froze, words caught in your throat. Of all the people to witness your embarrassing tantrum, it had to be him.

“Are you okay?” he asked gently, his calm tone doing little to ease your panic.

“Y-yeah…” you stammered, your heart pounding as you struggled to compose yourself.

“You could’ve gotten hurt,” he said, gesturing toward the shattered glass bottles. His stoic expression didn’t betray any judgment, but that only made your embarrassment worse. He saw everything. Akaashi Keiji saw everything.

“Ah—sorry,” you muttered, looking down. “I was just…”

You trailed off when you saw him glance away, almost as if he were annoyed. His gaze returned to you, and you swore there was a flicker of curiosity in his otherwise calm demeanor.

“What’s your name?” he asked suddenly.

“Y/N,” you replied softly.

“You’re a freshman?” he guessed, and you nodded.

“Thought so,” he murmured, more to himself than to you. “Do you want to come back inside, or should I drop you home?”

“Oh, no, it’s fine! I came with a classmate—”

“Where’s your classmate?” he interrupted, tilting his head slightly.

“I… don’t know.” You fidgeted with your sleeves, suddenly feeling very small under his steady gaze.

“Do you want to leave?” he asked, his voice gentler now, as though sensing your discomfort.

“I guess…” you admitted quietly, pulling out your phone to text your classmate that you were leaving. After sending the message, you looked up at Akaashi, who was waiting for you patiently.

“Thank you,” you said softly.

He nodded in acknowledgment, falling into step beside you as you began the short walk to the bus stop. You trailed slightly behind him, still grappling with the fact that Akaashi Keiji was helping you. The idea of him joking about your meltdown with his friends later made your stomach churn.

The bus ride was quiet. Akaashi sat next to you, busy with his phone, while you stared out of the window. Guilt gnawed at you. He’d left the party to help you—he probably had better things to do. Was he annoyed with you? Did he think you were a waste of time?

~

When you reached near your house, you stood and bowed politely.

“Thank you so much, and I’m really sorry for disturbing you, Akaashi-san,” you said earnestly.

“It’s alright,” he replied, his tone as soft as ever. You were about to turn and leave when his voice stopped you.

“Y/N.”

You turned back, surprised. “Yes?”

“You don’t have to fit in,” he said, his gaze steady but kind. “You’ll find people who appreciate you for who you are. Just give it some time.”

Your face warmed with both gratitude and embarrassment. So he had heard you earlier.

“R-right,” you mumbled.

“Give me your phone,” he said, holding out his hand.

“What?”

“Don’t worry, I’m not going to steal it,” he said, a faint smile tugging at the corner of his lips. Hesitantly, you handed it to him.

He typed something in before handing it back to you. “That’s my number. If you ever need help… or just someone to talk to, message me.”

His fingers brushed yours as he handed the phone back, sending your heart racing.

“T-thank you, Akaashi-san,” you stuttered, clutching your phone tightly.

“Goodnight, Y/N,” he said, his tone warm and calm.

“Goodnight,” you replied before hurrying inside, your face burning.

Once inside, you collapsed against the door, your heart hammering. On the outside, you’d kept it together. But on the inside, you were freaking out.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

Aita for having a foursome without my partner while in a committed relationship?

I, 18f, am in a relationship with my partner who I will call Mike, 21m. Our relationship started in January when we meet on a hookup sight, and we liked the hookup enough to keep seeing each other and then we developed feelings. I'm from a pretty rural place and therefore the pickings of good men are slim so it felt like I hit the jackpot when I met Mike cause he was funny and didn't pressure me sexually and could actually make me cum.

But as our relationship became more serious I noticed things that were bothering me like how he's hardly on his phone so he doesn't text me back for anywhere from 2 to over 24 hours at a time.

He also in the beginning wasn't very good at communicating which lead me to not knowing what he wants from our relationship. He also wouldn't tell me he couldn't make plans until right before, or even after, the plans were meant to start. This happened often because he doesn't tell his parents that he has other plans when they ask him to do something (he still lives with his parents) and it even happened a couple times with his friends.

This is a slightly big issue to me because I have trauma based abandonment issues and BPD, and I will get upset and have an episode. Obviously it's not his fault I have these episodes and he's not causing them on purpose, but having episodes that often was negatively effecting my mental health.

My best friend Ken and roommate, 18n, and our two other friends, Julian, 18n, and Mac, 20n, had to witness the toll these episodes had on my mental health as I grew more depressed and anxious during the 5 months I allowed this to happen. They continuously encouraged me to either speak to him about his behavior or break up and I ended up talking to him and his behavior seemed to get better. (For context I only can see him about once a week because he has a job with long hours and works on his dad's farm on top of that)

Around this time my friends starting having threesomes together (Mac and Julian are ex fuck buddies and Mac and Ken are engaged) and they kept making jokes about how it should be a foursome/I should join then.

I brought these jokes up to Mike one of the times he was going to hang out with my friends incase made the joke in front of him as i didn't want him to go in unprepared. He said I should just "have sex with them to get the joke to stop" and I was like "??? We agreed to be exclusive, that would be cheating. Also if I wanted them to stop I could just ask" and he was like "yeah I guess but I still think you should just have sex with them. Just do it" I changed the subject cause I couldn't tell if he was joking and it made me uncomfortable.

I told my friends later when we were alone and they told me that was him giving me the go to have sex with them.

So I did, even though I held some reservations that he might have been jokinh. I had a foursome with them, and as I am the photographer of the group, took lots of photos and pictures and even sent the photos and pictures to the groupchat we share so the others could have them.

Then after it ended I started to second guess myself and deleted all the photos from my phone and texted Mike that I really needed to talk to him, like sooner then we usually would (since I had just seen him typically I wouldn't see him until next week). I felt gross like I had cheated, which is something I have always vehemently been against, and betrayed Mike's trust as we're in a committed relationship. I admitted these feelings to my friends and they said it wasn't cheating cause he told me too and even if he hadn't he was still horrible to me and he deserved it.

Only the last part made me feel even worse cause I don't believe anyone deserves to be cheated on.

I ended up telling Mike everything and he told me that it wasnt cheating because I "was basically just a promoted camera man" and that he had told me to do it anyway. But them he started making jokes about it. Like if I asked if he wanted to watch a show, he'd say "I don't watch TV shows with dirty cheaters" or things like "oh yeah, Mac, your other boyfriend" or "yeah i know how close you and Ken are" and just generally seems to get quieter when i bring up those three friends. I would originally think the comments were teasing as he's a playful guy but he started to say it enough that I can't tell if there's actually truth to it and a part of him thinks I'm a cheater, or all of him thinks I'm a cheater and he's lying that he's fine about it to not hurt my feelings/ruin our relationship.

Every time I voice my feelings to my friends (even the ones I didn't have sex with) they tell me that I'm not in the wrong but I feel like I definitely am in the wrong and a cheater, and I think that Mike might feel that way too. So I've come to Tumblr to look for unbiased options on whether or not I am and asshole and a cheater for having a foursome while in a committed relationship?

What are these acronyms?

[m1ssunderstanding]

hi! do you know anything about the whole paul-nearly-drowning-story? I never knew what actually happened. Thanks!

Hi! Thanks for asking! I don't know more than the average Beatles account on here about it, but here's what I know.

John and Brian go to Spain while Paul, George, and Ringo are sent to Tenerife (and Cynthia is left with her newborn baby and her healing body)

Paul is acting pretty pouty during this trip (imo he has a right to be but not half as much as Cynthia. Anyway)

George, Paul, Ringo, Klaus, and Astrid go to the beach

Paul goes swimming alone in the ocean and gets pulled out by I'm assuming a rip tide and can't swim back and he's terrified and yelling for help but nobody notices

He finally drags himself out and he's angry enough at the others for not trying to rescue him that he's about ready to start using his fists

Nothing happened, everyone's fine

This story i have a hard time empathizing with because this happened to me when I was eighteen and it really wasn't that scary and normally I'd be like "well I'm just not that in touch with my emotions it probably should be scary" but this is PAUL we're talking about, the literal king of not being in touch with emotions.

So here's what my theory is. I think Paul's projecting. I think Paul's feeling betrayed and abandoned by John. (It's not very good partnership to go on a romantic holiday without your partner with both of your manager, possibly with the partial intent of earning special treatment. Additionally, Paul may have felt hurt in a more personal sense the way he was with John and Stu.) I think Paul is the kind of person who so badly doesn't want to feel those things that he'll completely put them away until he's in a more concrete, physical situation he can filter those feelings into.

Do I even matter to John at all -> they aren't even noticing that I've been gone too long for safety

How could John be so selfish -> they're so busy having fun they're not thinking about me

I shouldn't have trusted either of them as much as I did -> I shouldn't have taken a stupid risk swimming so far out

I'm completely fucked now in this partnership, in this group, in this management, in my career -> I'm really going to die out here, I'm going to drown no matter what I do

Because I think Paul would rather channel all those negative emotions into this one incident than actually sit with them and figure out what they mean.

So there's my armchair psychology for the day, obviously it's just my theory. Thanks again for asking!

[sokacoke]

Compiling some questions and information regarding indigo park from unique geese's live streams.

Some clips might not be long enough for the full answer due to YouTube only being 60 seconds so just keep that in mind.

A bit of the older ones could contain stuff that aren't up to date that I forgot to remove because I was making this in my notes for like 3-5 weeks so lets uh. ignore those!! (ill delete them later maybe)

IF I SCREAM THE STREAM ENDS

'I think comparing Issac to fucking Willam afton is such a sad comparison'

Credits to @lunozapp for the clip

INDIGO Q&A 

“Will there be any boss fights?”

‘That’s a hard thing to say. I’m gonna say no.’

“How old are Rambley and his friends?”

'They’re all over 18. Probably around there early 20s at oldest.  They’re younger but I don’t really have set ages for them.'

“Would Indigo park be rated M?”

'I would argue indigo park chapter 1 could get away as teen but I’d like to rate it up as a M by chapter 2.'

“Is chapter 2 going to take place under the park?”

'No. There might be parts under but chapter 2 won’t.'

“Rambley has been left alone since the park closed. Has he practically sat alone for that long?”

'In all technicality, he was sitting there alone and abandoned for many years. He’s not fully aware of what’s going on, but he is you know?” 

“Do you have any plans for future chapters?”

'The entire greater story has been set in stone for months and we don’t have any plans to change it.'

'There’s stuff in chapter 1 that people won’t realize are important to the plot until chapter 5.'

“Is mollie macaw an antagonist?”

'Depends what you’re saying when you say mollie macaw. Antagonist is a strong word.'

LAUNCH STREAM

“Is the raccoon evil?”

'No. You guys just buckle up. you’ll see.'

REACTING TO YOUTUBERS 

“Did you expect for Rambley to be popular with the furries?”

‘I made a joke that it would be popular within it but nothing in the game was designed to be furry. It was just like “hey we need parody’s of Mickey Mouse and Disney characters” ending up creating characters I really liked.'

“Do you know that there’s already NFSW art of Rambley?”

'It’s the internet sorry. If you make NFSW stuff I just ask you don’t send it to me or inject it to the rest of the community. Keep it separate, these are like my children.'

“How many versions of the railroad did u go through?”

'It took quite a while. We would get to a point where we kind of liked it and then be like “oh I don’t really like this it doesn’t flow really well.” I think the great thing going into chapter 2 we have a better understanding of what we want the game to look. Chapter 2s going to be mainly a lot of the rides. It was kind a deal where I wanted you to feel claustrophobic but it was hard to deal with those open environments. I’m not gonna announce anything crazy but chapter 2 will start in the queue and lobby for oceanic oddesy'

“How many chapters will there be?”

'The game plan is five.'

“Is this the last time we will see Mollie? Her death screen mentions she can copy voices but that wasn’t shown. Will be shown again to do that mechanic?”

'The voices were less of a mechanic and more of showing going on when she’s talking throughout the game. All the dialogue is something she’s heard during game,behind the scenes of the park or something that a guest has said.'

“Is Rambley the bad guy?”

'What part of the game made you think Rambleys the bad guy? No.'

“I trust Rambley with my life. If he betrays us I’ve already forgiven him.”

'Yeah, you don’t need to worry about that.'

“Whys the main character so jacked?”

'It’s just the character model I had I was using. We might change it.'

Critter cuff

'I was big against the idea of having one mechanic. They saw poppy playtime and instantly thought “every mascot horror needs a mechanic.” The critter cuffs important but I also want different fun mechanics that can be worked into it.'

“Do you plan to add more characters?”

'There will be more characters added into chapter 2. There may some returning characters. Obviously Rambley will be the focus of every chapter he’s ur buddy through ur journey. We do have a new set of characters.'

“Will there be another credits song in chapter 2?”

'We don’t want to start planning stuff until we know for sure how much money is there budget wise.'

“Where’s the cat?”

'There originally was just a regular ass cat that was in the and was in the game for quite a while. The model we had didn’t look like it fit the world and the animation looked stiff. Maybe we bring it back.'

“What were the stealth things in the files for?”

'Originally there was a section where Lloyd would follow you and you’d hide. I definitely want to do some stealth stuff where you have to hide under stuff I think that’d be a lot of fun.'

“Will Mollie return?”

'Do you think Mollie will return?'

“Is Rambley sentient?”

'He’s fully aware of everything around him but he’s programmed to behave a certain way. The best comparison would be GLaDOS or Wheatley from portal. Programmed to act a certain way, but also aware and able to see stuff around them and react.'

“How long will chapter 2 be?”

'We’re aiming chapter 2 to be just a little bit longer then chapter 1. We want each chapter to be a bit longer than before. I’d say for chapter 2, two and a half

'The only character that won’t have much influence is clearly Mollie.'

“What about Lloyd?”

'Lloyd’s cool and Lloyd will be important. That is all I can say.'

“Will there be other AI companions?”

'No. It’s just Rambley the main mascot.'

“Is there a possibility of a major overhaul of chapter 1?”

'There’s room to improve it a bit. In the future, I can see us doing a full on remaster of chapter 1.'

“Never make Rambley a creep I will not forgive you for it”

'You got it.'

“What’s the estimated gap between the chapters?”

'Year to Year and a half, maybe two. Chapter 2 is definitely 2025.'

“Don’t be fooled?”

'There was a lot more potential do something with that. If we had more budget then it would be really cool where you’re running through the pipes and you have to listen for Rambleys voice through the pipes and sometimes it would be mollies voice. It would be Rambley guiding you and then you hear Mollie trying to sound like Rambley.'

“It hurts Lloyd”

'That’s the funny thing. I don’t wanna get TOO deep into it but this was kinda just random text. I’ve seen 5 or 6 different interpretations of what people think it says.'

'Without spoiling anything I do think multiple ending’s for the final chapter would be kinda cool.'

REACTING TO MATPAT

“A lot of sexual tension between these guys”

'Shout out to the furries because I’ve seen every combination of characters being shipped and it wasn’t until today that a single female character was involved that all. Not mollie not Nonbinary with Salem it was literally just the 3 men'

“Does Rambley canonically sing Rambley review?”

'Yes he actually does. It’s in between chapter whenever ur going into chapter 2. The player could turn around and find a way out now but he actively wants to keep going with Rambley.'

TALKING ABOUT INDIGO PARK,FNF AND MORE

“The voice and creator of indigo park”

'I don’t voice anyone expect for Jackson and another character that no ones found yet.'

“Are you ever going to get a console support?”

'So we will eventually but to be honest with you I don’t want to do that until we have like chapter 3 out. At earliest if chapter 2 becomes massive then maybe as a bundle, but I don’t know.'

“Is chapter 2 free?”

'No it won’t be.'

FUNKAST THEN FNAF

'Other then a few minor tweaks we have the first few minutes of Rambleys dialogue at the beginning of chapter 2 written out.'

'I don’t think we’ll ever do a fox character. We were brainstorming some of the characters in chapter 2 and thought “oh maybe a fox would be cool” but we were looking at the role that this character would have to play if they were a fox and thought “at some point we’re just making knock off foxy from fnaf”'

“What the species”

'I cant disclose that sorry chief. There are other animal based cartoon characters in chapter 2 if that satisfies you. Furries rejoice I guess? I feel like it’d be harder to do a human villain.'

“How hard is it to make an idea of a character?”

'All of the characters we make need a purpose. It’s layers of talking through stuff and ideas to get stuff we like. The designs for them aren’t done but the idea for them is there and i am in love with them.'

“So the character design isn’t finished but have you made actual development of the game?”

'No. We’re working on chapter 1 right now. Again we’re looking at a year and a half or two years until chapter 2 cuz I’m not gonna rush it or my team. We’ll have little animations stuff and between yeah we’re not gonna do anything with that.

“Update is bug fixes, trying to get controller support working,revamping some of the environments and I’m bringing on a new modeler for some of the monster designs. Not confirming but i think Finley is going to get a full on redesign for chapter 2.”

“What chapter are you most excited for?”

'To be honest with you, i think chapter 3 is where we’re going to start doing the crazy shit possible and then chapter 4 is planned to be the most bad ass chapter i could ever think of. The story gets moving chapter 4.'

NEW FNAF GAME + INDIGO PARK NEWS

'It turned out that jakeneutron who’s my head animator, was going to Disney at the same time I’m at Orlando. We met up and we took so many pictures for reference. We went to universal studios and it was my first time we ever went to universal so I took so many pictures'

“Refs for what?”

'For indigo park bro. Dude I needed anything theme park and I got so many ideas for the future of indigo and stuff.'

“Salem news or I’m not here”

'Do I wanna put out Salem news..Salem is important 👍'

'I’ve kind of teased it a bit but we are working on some minor chapter 1 before chapter 2 just so there’s a bit of a quality jump so it’s a little bit more in the realm of where we want it to be.'

'We are working on some environmental updates. Working on some new assets to put into chapter 1. Which should make stuff feel cooler in my opinion? '

'To accompany that one thing we didn’t have a lot of is that environmental music in regards to what they would have in a real theme park. Like if ur waiting in a queue in a theme park there’s a lot of music and stuff that they play that is custom to that. Let’s say you were waiting for Rambleys railroads, what would that sound like? So maybe a little bit of new music?'

New potential song in clip link

FINISHING INTO THE PIT & NEW INDIGO PARK PLUSH LAUNCH PARTY

“Character hints?”

'I think you will be soft introduced or at least see the character designs before chapter 2s out. Right now at this point of development there are four new characters planned.'

“Is there gonna have a obby theme?”

‘Probably not really. I’ve talked about a little about a mechanic that we started to workshop and figuring out how it’ll work in the lore and gameplay elements but I probably won’t talk about it again.'

“Will there be a haunted house ride or a dark ride?”

'I want to do a haunted mansion parody hopefully chapter 4 or 5. Not in chapter 2 it wouldn’t fit.'

“Space mountain?”

'I have ideas for a space mountain and I can’t tell you what chapter that one will be in.'

'It’s funny cuz I’m reworking all of the chapter 1 environments and I’ve been thinking about it. There’s a fair enough of stuff that theorists haven’t caught onto yet that I hope will be super obvious in the future. I’m super excited to see what people do with chapter 2.'

HORROR GAME NIGHT & TALKING INDIGO PARK

“Will you be selling art prints maybe with posters?”

'We might do posters. There’s some new poster art coming for chapter 2 and I’m gonna leak, the (chap 1) update.'

“Now will they all have villain roles?”

'I dunno. I’ve already told you guys about some of them actually you guys just haven’t figured it out yet'

Talking about the 4 new characters

'I will say the chapter 1 update will have new secrets for you to find and some of it will help you figure out stuff in chapter 2. We are cooking is all I can say.'

“Whats ur favorite out of the 4 originals we know about since u said 4 new characters”

'Yeah let me just reveal one of the characters. No. You guys won’t- actually? You guys will know about some of the characters WAY before chapter 2 comes out.'

BACK FROM PAX! - WATCHING JACKSEPTICEYE PLAY INDIGO PARK & CATCHING UP ON FNF MODS

'there’s a little bit of the new queue! A little bit of a step up. I mean hot take but. Looks a lot better I think.'

Queue in clip

'We’re still working on it but this is what Mollies landing pad looks like now. This feels more themed.'

New mollies landing pad in clip

“Can you make an update trailer for the indigo park update so people know it exists?”

'Yea we will. We’ll change it.'

Extra notes worth mentioning:

it’s been said that there will be a meme ending for chapter 3 though I’m not able to find the clip at the moment so if anyone somehow has it u should tots send it my way

When he's talking about the 'Other character he voices that no ones found yet' it might be possible he’s yapping about the reverse Llyods Limos line Context:

Video is from forgottenstudios1987 on YT

The cat been brought back!

Another part of the new rambleys railroad queue song.

More of the New Rambleys Railroad Third link is just a very subtle railroads gift shop but it counts i think

Other landing pad clip

FEEL FREE TO ADD ANY OTHER CLIPS I MIGHTVE MISSED!

[riotwritesthings]

An Agony We Deserve (Throwing Off Sparks)

WinterIron - M, 4.8k, WIP - reluctant soulmates, thriller/horror?, Bed sharing, accidental cuddling, guilt, flashbacks

There are legends. Soulmate bonds have started and ended wars, they used to reshape the world without any warning. People would change in an instant, abandon and betray everything, become completely unrecognizable, but those are just legends- It can’t be- But they are.

That's right we made it to chapter 2! can you believe it. anywhere here you go plz enjoy

Chapter 1

~~~

Chapter 2: if I think things through

Stark is pretending to sleep.

It’s been an hour since he’d stood up from the floor, declared himself “Too exhausted and not nearly caffeinated enough for this shit,” then collapsed face-down on the single mattress. He hasn’t moved a muscle since.

But Bucky knows he hasn’t slept.

Just like he knows that Stark is hungry, and that his head is pounding. That he’s uncomfortable in his suit and shoes but too stubborn to take them off. That it’s only intense focus keeping his breathing slow and steady as he fakes sleep.

He has no doubt that Stark knows the same things about him.

And Stark has to know that Bucky has been staring at him on and off for the past hour, but he hasn’t reacted. Bucky isn’t sure if it’s more stubbornness, or if he’s still in denial.

Bucky doesn’t know how the other man can deny it, he’d realized from the first instant-

From the contradiction of Hydra’s ice-cold conditioning and the warmth of Stark’s eyes. The hollow echo of his orders interrupted with the thundering of Stark’s heartbeat ringing in his ears. The usually steady, mechanical beat of his own pulse jumping to meet it while everything else fell away.

Straight away, he’d known.

He’s starting to get twitchy. He’s painfully aware of every second ticking by and the fact that he’s- they’re being hunted.

Its so weird, thinking in terms of they- He’s not alone, but it’s-

Bucky’s breath hitches and he forces it to steady again.

After decades of shit, what’s one more thing he doesn’t have a choice in?

He shoves his fingers through his hair and tells himself he’s not chasing the feeling of Stark’s hands grabbing him, grounding him. He can still feel the warmth of Stark’s skin against his palm.

Tension is building in Bucky’s chest, aching and nearly burning. He’s too aware of the irregular buzz of the bare bulb above his head, but he doesn’t trust himself to get up and turn it off. Not when every other thought he has is about crossing the room and-

At least with Hydra, he knew where his orders were coming from. Now the impulses come from nowhere, from him but not him, and he can’t decide which is worse.

Bucky shifts on the couch again, and the squeak of the springs is once again painfully loud in the small shack.

Stark still doesn’t react, and Bucky can tell that he’s doing it pointedly.

He can’t take it anymore.

Bucky clears his throat, but his voice still comes out hoarse as he says, “Stark-”

“Tony,” the man cuts him off without lifting his face from the bed, the words muffled. “You might as fucking well call me Tony, at this point.”

It catches Bucky off guard, and he forgets what he was going to ask. “Kinda hard to tell if you’re talkin’ to me or th’ mattress, honestly,” he says instead.

Stark rolls onto his back with an angry flail of limbs. He lifts his head enough to glare, and for an instant Bucky is right back in that first moment, everything falling away in the face of even a hint of warmth.

He- Stark- Tony-

Even thinking the name sends a shiver down Bucky’s spine, has his breath catching again, and the man is still glaring at him.

“Why aren’t you sleepin’?” Bucky demands, annoyance in his voice that he doesn’t actually feel.

He wants to be annoyed.

Frustration and annoyance are easy, familiar, and at least Bucky knows they come from him.

All he really feels though is exhausted. His eyes ache and his head is throbbing. It feels like his entire body has been replaced with heavy metals and he can’t even think about moving unless its to-

“Maybe,” Stark says sharply, pulling him from his drifting thoughts, “I can’t seem to fall asleep because someone is staring at me.”

Bucky blinks slowly, still staring at him.

Stark’s warm brown eyes are bloodshot as he squints against the light. His shoulders are slowly falling away from their curled, defense position, like he just can’t hold them up anymore. With a sigh he scrubs one hand over his face and then pushes it up into his hair. Bucky wishes he had the man’s hands in his hair instead, wishes he could run his fingers through-

“No defense?” Stark asks with a weak smirk that just as quickly falls away.

It takes Bucky a little too long to answer. Shaking off the hazy numbness of being activated is always a slow process, and he doesn’t really have a defense.

“Not much else t’ look at,” he finally replies, and doesn’t add that he’s barely been able to tear his eyes away.

“Excellent comeback,” Stark scoffs. He runs his fingers through his hair again and the strands of silver scattered throughout it catch in the light. When he looks up at Bucky again- warm- there’s a determined set to his jaw. “Get over here,” he says shortly.

Bucky blinks slowly again. "What?

“I know you heard me,” Stark snaps, and Bucky tries not to get distracted by the fact that he’s started shrugging off his jacket with clumsy motions. “We are both useless right now,” he says, “we need some fucking sleep, and that’s only going to happen if-”

Stark huffs, throwing his jacket carelessly into a corner. Then he starts working on his tie.

Bucky is hyper aware of the silk falling away, the exposed hollow of Stark’s throat as he undoes the top couple buttons of his fitted shirt. There’s a shine of sweat on his skin that Bucky can practically taste, and if he sunk his teeth into that spot-

His line of thought comes to a screeching halt. He didn’t- Bucky doesn’t even know where that came from- He hasn’t thought about anything like-

It’s been decades since he’s wanted anyone like that, like this, and it throws him off balance almost as badly at that first moment he met Stark.

And he does know where the thought came from. It’s the same reason he’s here, The inexplicable connection that had him fighting beside Stark instead of killing him, following the man away from the rooftop that he’d been ordered to. It’s worming its way deeper into his mind and he barely even recognizes it happening. It’s so different than the cold grip of the conditioning, so much more subtle. He may not even know all the ways it’s affecting him, and how the hell is he supposed to resist that-

Through the ringing in his ears Bucky slowly becomes aware that Stark is still talking, stumbling over his words in what could be nerves or exhaustion. Maybe both.

“We- if we’re really- I just- I don’t think I can sleep unless-”

“What?” Bucky asks again when Stark trails off. His voice comes out rough, and he realizes that he hasn’t been breathing. He’s not sure if it’s actually working to hide his returning panic.

Stark huffs again and there’s a flush rising in his cheeks that could be anger. Bucky doesn’t think it is.

“I’m- I can’t sleep with you sar far away,” Stark bites out, glaring at the wall over Bucky’s shoulder. “So would you just- please get over here and shut up?”

Bucky is on his feet before he even realizes he’s moving. He doesn’t know if he could stop himself if he wanted to, and he doesn’t want to.

The thought that he’s the reason Stark can’t sleep, that he can do something about it-

It’s like a pull in Bucky’s chest that he doesn’t want to fight. He’s crossed the couple steps to stand beside the single mattress before it even occurs to him to try, that the pull isn’t coming from him, and he finally hesitates.

“What, you want me to sit on the floor?” He demands and considers just going back to the couch. The idea makes his chest twist.

Stark is still glaring at the wall. He grinds his teeth for a second before he slowly starts curling his legs in and clearing a little square of space at the foot of the bed.

“Oh good, like a dog,” Bucky says with a snort even as he lowers himself to the corner of the mattress. The end of the bed frame sags a little more under his weight, and as he carefully shifts to lean his back against the wall he asks, “D’you want me to read you a story, too?”

“Dogs don’t read, you’re mixing metaphors,” Stark huffs as he drops his head down onto the flat pillow, eyes falling closed. “And again, shut up.”

Bucky hums noncommittally.

Part of him wants to keep antagonizing the man, and he’s not sure why. Maybe because its easy. He’s not second guessing everything before he says it, wondering what he should say, what he would have said, before.

When it comes to Stark, he doesn’t think through anything. He moves and speaks before he realizes he’s doing it and it’s easy but it’s-

It’s not real.

So Bucky keeps his mouth shut, even when Stark mutters “fucking K9 Poppins over here” under his breath. It looks like the man is already halfway to actually falling asleep and Bucky has to tear his gaze away from the line of his jaw.

There really isn’t anything else to look at in the tiny farmhouse, and Bucky’s eyelids get heavy as he feels all the tension that had been building inside him fading away.

Stark was right, being over here makes a huge difference. They’re still being hunted, Bucky still has no idea what he’s- what they’re going to do next, but suddenly he’s finding it difficult to care.

He can feel the warmth coming off of Stark’s legs where they’re curled up near his hip. The way the bed shifts slightly as Stark takes slow, even breaths. It’s hard to think about anything else.

Bucky’s eyes drift back to the other man, watching the rise and fall of his chest. His shirt has fallen open a little more and Bucky can barely see the curve of his collarbone.

Stark kicks one leg out, knocking his shin against the side of Bucky’s thigh.

��Starin’ again,” he accuses, his voice slurred. He doesn’t pull his leg away.

With a snort Bucky looks away again, tipping his head back against the wall. His fingers itch to curl around Stark’s ankle, feel the warmth of his skin directly, so he crosses his arms instead.

His eyelids are getting heavier and heavier. Maybe he just needs to rest his eyes for a second.

~~~

Bucky wakes up with his face pressed against soft fabric and the feeling of fingers gently running through his hair.

For several long seconds, he doesn’t remember where he is or why.

For a moment all he knows is peace, and comfort. He’s so warm.

Someone is carefully working on a tangle in his hair, and his pillow is moving gently with someone’s even breath.

It all feels so right.

But as he continues to wake up, Bucky slowly remembers why.

Stark-

Tony.

Bucky has hazy memories of dry lectures about soulbonds throughout history and the debates surrounding them. He doesn’t remember if he really believed any of it, at the time, but he definitely never expected to find himself with a soulmate of his own.

Fingers pull a little harder at his hair, like Tony can tell he’s awake, and Bucky reluctantly cracks his eyes open.

The sun is creeping through the countless cracks in the walls, but it’s not as overwhelmingly bright as the light had seemed when they were driving out of Germany. The sound of the wind through the overgrown plants outside isn’t as deafening, and Bucky feels like he can finally think.

Everything feels more- settled. Even if it’s settled into a different place.

It probably has a lot to do with the fact that he toppled over in his sleep. His head is resting on Tony’s stomach, and at some point Tony threw his legs over Bucky’s so he could stretch out on his back. Tony’s fingers are working at the same spot in his hair.

Bucky drags in a deep, shaking breath. He still doesn’t know what they’re supposed to do next.

Tony tugs a little harder at his hair, and his voice is sleep-rough as he asks, “Have you ever heard of the Gordian Knot?”

“Do not go Alexander The Great on my hair,” Bucky grumbles back.

Tony’s stomach jumps beneath his head as the man makes a noise that sounds an awful lot like a repressed laugh. It’s a pretty drastic change from the angry denial and snapping Tony was doing earlier, and Bucky wonders if it’s just because he’s slept.

He knows he’ll have to actually face Tony at some point, so Bucky props himself up just enough that he can turn his head without actually lifting it. It makes something in his chest pull painfully tight to see a pained wince on Tony’s face.

“You need to shave,” Tony says flatly, the muscles of his stomach twitching beneath Bucky’s stubbled chin.

Bucky hums. Then he presses his chin down a little harder, making Tony jerk with a yelp.

"This is an expensive shirt, do not sandpaper it,” Tony protests and yanks at the stands of Bucky’s hair still caught between his fingers.

It sends a shiver through Bucky that he doesn’t know how to- doesn’t want to deal with right now. So he props himself up a little more and does his best to ignore the sense of loss that hits him when Tony finally releases his hair.

Tony stares at him for a second, considering, and then says, “Not that I’m not a catch, total s-soulmate lottery here-”

Something about the words strikes Bucky as- off, but before he can figure out why Tony is continuing.

“-But why aren’t you more upset about this?” Tony asks, his eyes searching Bucky’s face. A weak attempt at a smirk pulls at his lips as he adds, “Or were you just waiting until I was finished with the full-scale freakout? Very polite of you.”

“Figured you wouldn’ want to share that either.”

“Quick learner,” Tony says with approval, his smile getting a little more real.

Tony watches him as Bucky considers how to actually answer the question, considers why he hasn’t reached the same levels of panic and denial that Tony did. It’s not a hard question to answer, and he figures there’s not much point in lying.

“Kinda used to not being in control, at this point,” Bucky admits slowly, dropping his gaze. He gets caught up staring at the hollow of Tony’s throat again.

He can see it when Tony swallows hard.

“Fuck,” Tony finally says, his chest hitching. "That’s- you should be more upset. This whole thing is- it’s kind of really fucked up." When Bucky’s eyes flick back up to him, Tony grins a little and adds, “No offense. I’m sure you’re a ‘swell fella’ or whatever, when you’re not in murder mode.”

It startles a rough huff of laughter out of Bucky.

He’s the assassin turned fugitive who can barely be trusted with his own mind. He’s pretty sure the most fucked up part is that Tony got stuck with him of all people as a soulmate.

And Tony has no idea just how fucked up their situation is. He doesn’t know what-

Bucky’s stomach rolls and twists as it comes rushing back to him. The sound of Howard’s choked final breath- the feeling of Maria’s throat under his-

Both of them- He killed them. He remembers the snow falling around him, not feeling the cold of it. The crunch of it beneath his boots-

The tacky feeling of blood-

He doesn’t know what his expression is doing as the waves of memory crash over him, but Tony has been watching all of it with eyes that suddenly seem much more alert.

Tony is opening his mouth, eyebrows pulled together in what might be concern, and all the fake peace that Bucky woke up with is crashing down around him.

His blood is running cold, breath catching in his throat, and he- What if Tony asks-

They’re way too close for Bucky to try and claim nothing is wrong, in every possible way. Tony can feel his breathing picking up. Tony can probably feel the complicated mess of emotions trying to choke him.

The guilt is overwhelming. It’s filling his lungs, crawling up his throat.

“Are you-” Tony starts, slow and careful.

Bucky’s entire body freezes, like he’s finally feeling the cold of that night. He wants to look away from those clever eyes, too warm, but he can’t.

What if Tony already knows-

But what Tony asks is, “Are you taking your turn with the panic attack?”

“No,” Bucky croaks out even though he probably is. Panic is the least of his problems.

What kind of fucked up universal powers would do this? Would forceTony to be here like this, with him?

“No, I- I’m-” he stutters. He has to find some way out of this situation before- before Tony reads the truth all over his face- “I- bathr-room-”

“Sure, I also hyperventilate when I need to pee,” Tony says dryly. But at least he starts pulling his legs up, untangling them from Bucky’s.

Bucky sits up too quickly. The shift of his weight causes the bedframe to creak beneath him, and then two of the feet give out.

The end of the bed hits the ground and Bucky has to quickly adjust his weight to remain upright as he slips to the floor.

Tony isn’t as quick.

He slides down the mattress in a flail of limbs and lands practically in Bucky’s lap. His elbow collides with the side of Bucky’s head, but then his arm wraps around Bucky’s shoulders and they’re-

They’re pressed together from hip to chest and he can feel Tony’s startled huff of breath ruffling his hair. When Bucky can’t help but look up at him, Tony is so close.

His eyes are still so warm.

At least Bucky isn’t hyperventilating anymore. He’s not breathing at all.

Tony’s eyelashes are so long. His calloused fingers catch at the shoulder of Bucky's shirt and then grip tightly.

When Tony takes a shaking inhale his chest presses more firmly against Bucky's, warm skin and metal hidden beneath his shirt.

What else was Bucky doing, before he found his arms around Tony’s waist in an attempt to steady him? What else could possibly be important?

He can’t remember now.

Nothing is more important.

All that matters is the fan of Tony’s breath across his lips, and if he gets just a little closer-

The steady thump of Tony’s heartbeat jumps a little, obvious when they're pressed so close together.

It’s nowhere near the frantic racing of Bucky’s pulse, still struggling against all the guilt pulling his chest tight-

Reality comes crashing down on him again, snapping him out of his daze.

Bucky jerks back, away from Tony and the inexplicable urge to get closer.

He shouldn’t- he should be getting far away from Tony, none of this is real-

After what he did-

The back of Bucky’s head collides with the wall, stopping him in place before he can get very far.

Luckily Tony seems to have woken up from the haze as well, and he lurches away in the opposite direction. Even if it doesn’t feel lucky, even if it feels like the loss of contact is tearing something open in his chest-

No, it’s not real-

Tony slides himself haltingly across the uneven floor, putting a couple of feet between them. He’s still staring at Bucky with wide eyes.

Bucky scrambles to his feet and starts backing towards the door. He needs-

He just needs a second, needs to breathe. He doesn't need to be wondering what Tony's lips would feel like against his, what they would taste like-

Most of all, he needs to figure out how to handle the fact that his soulmate is Tony Stark, after what he did to Tony’s family.

And Tony doesn’t know.

It takes all of Bucky’s effort to tear his gaze away, to force himself to ignore the tearing, burning feeling in his chest as he turns and reaches for the doorknob.

“Be back,” he promises as he pulls the door open with a loud creak.

He’s talking to Tony, but he’s also talking to the yawning pit that’s opening wider in his chest with every step he takes. He will be back, even the thought of leaving- of leaving Tony-

He just needs a second to himself, needs to fight down the guilty panic before it comes spilling out of him.

“Don’t tell me it’s an outhouse situation here,” Tony calls after him. His voice is shaking despite his obvious attempts not to let it. Like he’s also struggling to breathe through the growing distance.

The thud of the door shutting between them makes Bucky waver on his feet.

He only makes it a couple of steps away from the shack before his knees give out. He slumps to the ground as the memories overwhelm him.

Snow. Blood. The smell of gunpowder and burnt rubber.

The unfamiliar sound of his own name, spoken by a man he should have recognized.

Howard and Maria are two names on a long list of lives Bucky has taken, but now he has to look their son in the eye and-

And Tony will find out. Bucky can’t avoid the truth when he can’t avoid Tony, when Tony is already under his skin and they-

They’re soulmates. Whatever that ends up meaning.

Bucky has to- has to tell him. Or he won’t be able to look at Tony without the guilt trying to choke him, and he- he wants to look into those warm eyes.

He has to tell Tony. And then- and then Tony can decide. And fuck, maybe it’ll make Tony hate him enough to overpower this bond that neither of them chose.

Even if the thought of- if Tony leaves, if Bucky doesn’t know where he is, within arm’s reach-

A pained noise tears its way out of Bucky’s chest as he curls in tighter around himself. His face feels wet and every breath wheezes out of his lungs.

He can still smell blood.

Bucky wants to go back inside and wrap himself around Tony again, let the rest of the world fade away, but- that’s not real.

And when he goes back inside, he has to tell Tony. He has to ruin the tiny sliver of peace that he has, and even if it is fake-

He doesn’t want to lose it.

But he might. He has to.

By the time Bucky’s breathing returns to something approaching normal the sun has climbed higher in the sky. He slowly becomes aware of the hard ground beneath his knees, the wind stirring his hair. His hands are shaking where they’re fisted in the dirt.

The warmth of the sun on his back is nothing compared to the warmth of waking up with Tony’s legs thrown over his-

Bucky sucks in a shuddering breath and begins slowly pushing himself to his feet.

Even with the conversation that’s coming, the confession, every step he takes back towards the farmhouse is a relief. He can feel the distance between him and Tony closing in the loosening of the knot in his chest, the irrational steadying of his pulse.

He pauses at the door, wipping at the tears still covering his cheeks. Time to possibly destroy their bond before it can even really take hold.

Why is he disappointed by that thought? Bucky has to remind himself that he should want freedom- He does want it-

As soon as he steps back into the shack Tony’s head jerks up to look at him, a complicated mix of emotions on his face. Bucky can identify relief and what might be concern, but the rest of it is a mystery he wishes he could solve.

Tony quickly drops his gaze again, apparently returning to glaring at the old landline mounted on the wall. The tension strung through his entire body is obvious, his hands shaking until he clenches them together.

They fall into a silence that hangs heavily, filling the air with what Bucky can’t bring himself to say. He needs to, he knows that, but he can’t force the words out. Tony’s next breath shakes slightly on the inhale, like maybe he knows that he’s waiting for something.

Or maybe Bucky is projecting. It’s impossible to know, and he’s pretty sure that would have bothered him more even yesterday.

Bucky opens his mouth, but what comes out is, “Pretty sure th’ phone doesn’ work.”

His voice is raggged, thick with emotion, and Tony’s gaze flicks back up to him again.

“I fixed it,” Tony says dismissively. He slumps back further into the couch, crossing his arms tightly across his chest.

“By glarin’ at it?” Bucky can’t help asking as he shuffles a little further into the room.

Tony huffs and his lips pull up slightly at the corners, like he’s trying not to smile.

“While you were definitely not panicking,” Tony says, finally looking up at him again, “I’ve been thinking about how completely fucked we probably are.”

Right. They’re still being hunted.

All of the different people looking for them had been all he could think about last night. And between waking up to Tony’s warmth and the realization of what he’d taken from Tony, he’d managed to completely forget.

Tony is watching him closely, no doubt taking note of Bucky’s surprise despite his best attempt to hide it. Bucky is sure that he’s going to ask, and he’s trying to prepare himself to just say it-

“So I glared at the phone until it started working again,” Tony says instead, returning to doing just that, “and surprisingly, it even still has service.”

Bucky immediately misses the weight of his warm eyes, no matter how heavy.

“We- I need to figure out what’s happening,” Tony continues, uncrossing his arms and flexing his hands, “who our biggest concern is, what they’re saying- I need to call Rhodey, he’ll know, but-”

When Tony trails off to scrub at his face Bucky can’t help drifting closer, his heart twisting in his chest.

“But?” Bucky prompts. He stops moving when something occurs to him, and he reluctantly asks, “Do- should I go so you can-”

“No!” Tony says quickly, half-rising from the couch with the force of his answer. His eyes go wide and he sits back down, mouth working for a second before he drops his gaze and grumbles, "Don’t- don’t leave the room again. For a bit."

Bucky doesn’t let himself sigh in relief and takes a couple of steps closer. Tony is still grinding his teeth, like he has something else to say, and Bucky waits.

He doesn’t think about the things he needs to say.

"I don’t know what to say," Tony gets out in a rush of air, dropping his head back against the couch and closing his eyes. "I don’t- how the fuck am I going to explain this? How do I- even start to explain what- what it’s like?"

Bucky doesn’t know how to help. He can barely make out all the things the bond is doing, all the ways it’s already affected him, he can’t explain any of it to himself, much less anyone else.

“Blame th’ contagious Hydra brainworms?” He suggests weakly, trying for a grin, and Tony’s weak huff of laughter is gratifying.

“Somehow, I think that might be even worse,” Tony says dryly. He pushes himself to his feet and waves a hand at Bucky, saying, “Go- go sit somewhere and pretend you’re not listening. I’m going to call him and I’ll- I’ll figure out what to say.”

He can tell how nervous Tony is to make the call, but Bucky doesn't actually know him well enough to know exactly why. Tony could be worried about how 'Rhodey' will react, or how bad their situation will turn out to be, or any number of other things.

Bucky wants to though, wants to know everything about Tony, more than anyone else. Even if it's not real, even if he doesn't deserve it-

Tony swerves on his way to the phone, bumping their shoulders together casually before stepping away. He firmly doesn't look at Bucky while he does it, but there's a hint of color in his cheeks.

The brief contact sends a bolt of- of something through Bucky that makes his breath catch, makes his steps falter on his way to the other side of the shack. It’s comfort and familiarity and a hundred other things he doesn’t want to look into right now.

He tries to remind himself that it’s not real, but it’s getting harder to care.

Chapter 3

[animentality]

Do you think Gortash would still love Durge even after their bad ending (you know when they betray Bhaal and choose to surrender themselves to prison at the end) and they’ve gone mad?

For example, let’s say in an alternate scenario where Gortash survives at the end of the game. All the other companions have abandoned Durge, do you think Gortash would step in and try to help them? Do anything?

I've wracked my brain at night thinking about it.

On the one hand, the part of me that looks exclusively at in game Gortash says that Gortash wouldn't love them without power and without reason.

Because the more canon aligned Gortash is more pragmatic than emotional and although I do think his feelings verged into the impractical, he still fundamentally needs balance.

He's a domineering kind of guy, he gets along with Durge because they refused to be cowed in any way by him, and he dared not pity them or treat them with anything less than the utmost respect.

He can't sweep them under his tidal wave of personality, he crashes upon their shore, and they chip away at each other, grain by grain, in a tumultuous but steady balance.

they had a tango, you know. two partners working together. sex and love stemmed from something other than practicality, but it was practicality that brought them together initially.

He loves the Dark Urge for their power and reason, and without those two things... maybe he wouldn't seek them out.

especially not after they betrayed him.

and I don't know. the more assholish Gortash would see their alliance as having reached its inevitable conclusion. the more... emotional but distant Gortash would say, goodbye, old friend.

I wish you could've escaped your master, as I escaped mine.

and he wouldn't see them again.

but canon aligned Gortash is underwritten anyway.

so I'll do Larian's job for them and say...

well.

it could go either way.

I can see Gortash abandoning them because he is literally unable to look upon his former love, completely without freewill, and not feel soul crushing, life ending despair.

I could see it being too painful to see them when he knows he can't help them and they can't be helped by anyone, and they're gone, and he has to accept that.

again.

but I can also see...

a determined Gortash.

who has nothing now, except perhaps a desire for revenge against Durge. but as they are, mad and alone and insatiable, why even bother, right?

Bhaal has tortured them more than Gortash ever could.

maybe he keeps them locked in a basement somewhere, and at first it's just to lord it over them. mock their failure, their inability to prevent themselves from becoming like this.

in the beginning, he's still bitter about his plan failing and he blames them. to him, maybe it's a cosmic justice...

he says you could've ruled the world with me at your side and Bhaal and Bane at our backs.

but you chose this instead.

but as time goes on, his heart softens and he starts wondering if they're in there somewhere.

the only person who could understand him.

whom he could understand truly.

and maybe they're down there somewhere, trying to be understood again.

so he shows them things he hopes they remember about the life they shared together for a brief but important time. maybe books they talked about. blueprints he showed them of his future inventions. their notebooks, left behind. their old clothing, left over after long nights spend fucking and arguing.

maybe he tries to find a cure. he has some medical expertise, right? from dissecting people. maybe he tries to find a solution, some way to bring them back. maybe he pours himself into studies of bhaalspawn and deeper magic, trying to find some way to bring back a person whose mind has been ravaged into nothing.

but worst case scenario ...

he has to give up on all that... and give them the death he knows they would've asked for, had they been conscious.

so.

yeah.

anon. I've thought of it.

[peachyfnaf]

gamers its like 11 in the morning and im being unwell over nexus again /pos

They are just a walking tragedy and I love it. They have been pushed and pulled in every which way since creation, a ticking time-bomb made for the narrative to string along with promises of being enough, like a pig being led by a carrot on a stick. They make me JKFHSDF RAHHHHH

From the moment since being made they had to fill Old Moon's shoes. Whether or not the other celestial's wanted them to do that didn't matter to them because that's what Nexus felt like they had to do. They had to live in Old Moon's shadow and walk along the path his much bigger footsteps treaded, even if he has no idea how. And he has to do all that while still being better then him, in almost every way.

And things were going well, for a while!!!

But then Solar died. His chosen Sun. (and Nexus' and Sun's relationship w one another is a wholeee other thing I could get into because I also need to study that like a bug under a microscope kfhdsffs). So, as any Moon does when they lose their Sun, he started spiraling.

And he wasn't going to ask for help- no other Moon he's seen asks for help. Why would he ask for help?? Besides, he doesn't want to burden the other's with his problems when they're obviously suffering from Solar's death, too. And ofc Dark Sun was prolly doing something at this time as well- the hallucinations conveniently starting when Nexus was starting to tip, Dark Sun putting those virus chip things in Eclipse's/Ruin's heads, Nexus being open and vulnerable whenever he went to visit Old Moon in his head for the first time, the perfect timing of Dark Sun being there to scoop up Nexus at his lowest moment, when he was alone and floating in space.

AND now what Nexus is doing now. How do I word what I wanna say about him... He is like a walking unhealthy coping mechanism. Ik a lot of people (me included) have said they can relate to Nexus in some way, and what is going on rn truly makes me think of a "What If" scenario, a "What If" of what if everyone who relates to him chose to cope in a much worse way instead. He is choosing to do the wrong thing because it makes him feel free. Because it brings him comfort, in a way where he doesn't have to feel remorse about what he's done and what he's going to do. He is, to be blunt, going apeshit.

AND I LOVE IT BECAUSE WHO HASN'T WANTED TO GO APESHIT IN THEIR LIFE BEFORE??? He is making the wrong choices. And I want him to be stopped from doing that. I want him to be saved. I don't care if it's Solar or Sun or Ruin or whoever else, I want him to be smacked in the face with being alone again after Dark Sun inevitably betrays/abandoned/leaves him, and I want his ass to be scooped up and dragged back into the family kicking and screaming. And I want apologies from all sides, because while Nexus fucked up, so did the celestial's in their own way. I want him to feel the hurt he caused by betraying the family. And I want the family to feel the hurt they caused by locking him in a cage and throwing him into space. I want them all to feel regret and remorse for things they've done and can never take back.

Oh and I want him to cry. points at nexus. wail, motherfucker /aff

[leslie-lyman]

Menagerie

Part of the Euclidean Geometry ‘verse

Summary: Early on in their relationship, when everything is new and exciting and uncertain, Pero introduces their girl to his work as a glass artist.

Pairing: modern!Pero Tovar x Frankie x Jack x nameless!OFC/f!reader (written in third person, reader is only referred to as she/her, with no physical descriptors)

Word count: 3.9k

Rating: Explicit 🚨 absolutely no minors!

Warnings: smut; mentions of sex between everyone in this polycule (Frankie x Jack x Pero x reader), but the actual smut is just Pero x reader; unprotected PIV; completely unregulated POV switching; that thing where I write all the dialogue in italics instead of using quotation marks because it just feels right for this series for some reason?; everything your author mentions here about glassmaking she learned from YouTube/Google

a/n: look mom, I actually finished a fic again! Maybe my ability to write hasn’t abandoned me after all…?

Masterlist.

———

She notices the sculptures the very first time they take her home. (Though not, she must admit, until the morning after, having been awfully distracted the night before by the attention Frankie, Pero, and Jack lavished her with on the way to their bed.)

Three glass animal figures sit together in a proud display in the living room built-ins next to the fireplace: a falcon, wings spread wide and claws poised to attack; a rearing horse, tall and magnificent; and a bull, one hoof raised and head lowered as it prepares to charge.

They are Pero’s work. In his post-Army career he now runs a small but highly regarded workshop of glass artisans, all veterans like himself.

His talent is obvious. Each feather in the falcon’s wings is rendered in exquisite detail. The horse stands on just his back two feet, perfectly balanced. The bull’s pose denotes a gracefulness underlying all that brute strength. They feel alive.

It’s the three of them, they tell her.

Frankie, the pilot, is the falcon. Precise, controlled, deadly. Vigilant. Protective.

Jack, the cowboy, is the horse. Proud, independent, wild. Confident. Courageous.

And Pero, of course, is the bull. Strong, stubborn, fierce. Masculine. Powerful.

There’s evidence of his work elsewhere in the house the three of them now share. Their kitchen cabinets are full of mismatched glasses, bowls, and plates, many of them early versions of new techniques or designs Pero worked to master before offering them as options to clients. The base of an end table in the den is a cresting glass wave nearly three feet tall. Brilliantly colored vases that sell for thousands at the workshop line either side of the back deck steps, filled with impatiens and begonias carefully tended by Frankie.

Pero asks her to come to the workshop with him one day, and she can sense without being told that such an offer is significant. It’s still early on in…whatever this is between her and the three of them. Early enough that it hasn’t solidified yet, it hasn’t settled. She wants them, all of them, and they want her (all of her), but whether the fantasy can manifest as reality is uncertain. Can they all rearrange their lives enough to build something lasting, something real?

Pero has been the hardest to figure out. He is the quietest of the men, the least quick to laugh, the last one to betray what he’s thinking. He fucks like he wants to consume her, devour her, and yet he can be as gentle as Frankie or Jack when he’s done, silently cradling her to his chest as long as she wants as they come down from their highs. He’s much less forthcoming about himself than the other two are, and she’s far less sure about what he wants.

It’s a chilly Sunday morning when she meets him at the workshop. It’s the first time she’s spent any real time with him alone, her stomach full of an odd combination of excitement and nerves.

He takes her in through the gallery of finished works at the front of the building. Bright lights and mirror-backed shelves show off the many pieces, from large imposing sculptures to tiny coupe cocktail glasses that sparkle and glimmer. The middle of the space is dominated by a sculpture of a dragon-like creature larger than she is, its many-fanged mouth open in a roar and its skin a rich rippling green.

Pero doesn’t give her time to linger, however, leading her quickly into the back where the workshop itself is housed. A tension in his shoulders loosens when they enter, and she gets the sense that he isn’t interested in showing off his finished pieces. It’s the process of creating that he likes, that he needs.

If the gallery is bright and shiny and polished, the workshop is a dark, gritty warehouse-like space. Multiple forges line one wall, and it is clear each artist has their own space set up here. Pero’s space is near the back, tucked into a corner. Various tools and implements hang from the walls and rest on tables: blowpipes of every length, tweezers, pliers, clamps, paddles, torches, molds. It looks a little like a medieval torture chamber.

Despite the cavernous feel of the space, it’s warm inside; the forge nearest Pero’s corner is already lit and glowing. She sheds her jacket, leaving her in a soft chambray button-down shirt and black leggings. Pero gives her a gruff explanation of safety basics and insists that she wear a pair of enormous clear safety glasses.

Really, Pero?

Do not argue with me, querida.

The endearment is new, and makes her shiver.

You make all the girls you bring here wear these, hm? She says it playfully, but there’s curiosity behind it.

I have only brought two others here, and Jack and Francisco wore the glasses without complaint.

That pulls her up short, but Pero merely hands her the glasses and busies himself with his tools.

She’d assumed at first that this would be entirely a demonstration on Pero’s part, with her as mere spectator. Normally the idea of a date spent watching a man show off some skill to try and impress her as a one-woman audience would make her roll her eyes. But Pero isn’t boastful about any of this. This isn’t about his ego. He’s letting her in, showing her things that are important to him rather than telling her.

And, she quickly discovers, she’s hardly expected to sit idly by and observe.

Pero loads the tip of a pipe nearly as tall as she is with a glowing lump of molten glass the size of a softball.

Glasswork is rarely a solo endeavor, he tells her. Large pieces often require an entire team of people working in sync. Even small pieces necessitate a partner. It takes not only speed and skill, but also constant communication and trust to successfully bring a piece to life.

As he speaks, he rests his pipe against the edge of a table and rolls it back and forth, helping the glass to keep its roughly oval shape.

Give it a try, querida. He offers the end of the pipe to her.

It’s heavier than she’d anticipated, the heat of the glass sinking through her clothes like the rays of a tiny sun. Her first few rolls of the pipe are too fast, but after a minute she begins to get the hang of how to keep the glass from bending and morphing under its own weight.

Good, Pero says, and suddenly there’s a flare of heat in her stomach. Keep that steady turn all the while, and bring it over here.

There’s a large tray set out on the end of the table, filled with tiny squares of glass in shades of blue and green and milky white. Pero instructs her to roll the glass on the pipe through the squares like a lint roller until there’s a rough coating covering it. It’s an oddly satisfying sensation, the molten glass acting like putty or taffy that grows steadily less pliant as it cools.

Now we take it back into the forge, Pero says, and she gives him room to take the pipe from her, but he merely gives her an encouraging nod of his head toward the forge.

The opening into the heart of the furnace isn’t terribly large, maybe a foot or so in diameter. But the heat roars from it with a power she can feel, rather than hear. It throbs and beats at her like a warning.

She hesitates, but then Pero’s arms are around her, gently but firmly grasping the pipe on either side of her hands.

Like this, he murmurs in her ear as he guides the ball of glass into the belly of the forge. She’s intently aware of every inch of him pressed up behind her, the firm wall of his chest and his slightly softer belly, so close she can feel him breathe.

He likes to fuck her from behind, she’s found.

Every time they’ve had each other, in the handful of times they’ve been intimate thus far, Pero’s put her on her hands and knees, his impossibly big hands holding her down as he fucks her with his impossibly big cock. He likes to wait until Frankie and Jack are done and spent, their cum dribbling out of her or dripping down her skin, before rolling her over and sinking deep into her heat. His grip is firm and possessive, his fingers insistent at her clit. He never fails to make her come with a pace just the right side of too much, the other men soothing her with soft praises of good girl and you take it so well for him, sweetheart.

It’s an automatic response now, the fire that blooms in her belly when she feels him at her back that has nothing to do with the flames licking the molten glass in front of her.

————-

She somehow manages to concentrate on the tasks at hand enough to safely move through the rest of the process.

Fire the glass, roll it, shape it, fire it again, push, pull, fire, roll, shape, fire…

How did you learn to do this? She asks Pero, holding the pipe steady for him while he plucks at the glass with a massive pair of pliers.

My father, is all he says at first. She lets the ensuing silence be, lets him decide if he wants to elaborate. He does.

My father was a glassmaker. When I was a boy in Spain, I would spend every spare minute in his workshop. He taught me everything he knew. I would watch him craft beautiful things out of nothing, shaping and coaxing the glass to his will in an act of creation. He was like a god in my eyes.

She tries to square this information with the little she already knows about Pero’s life.

Why did you leave Spain?

He plucks the pipe from her hands and returns to the forge. His grip is so sure, his movements so fluid. When he returns to her, he passes her the rod and picks up the pliers.

My father died. I was fourteen. My mother moved us to America, and I was full of grief and teenage rage. A combination I was all too happy to let the US Army exploit.

This part she’s heard. Twenty years in the Field Artillery, operating mobile rocket systems and infantry support guns, leading men and their weapons into combat zones across multiple tours in Iraq and Afghanistan. A life lived under fire.

But you found your way back to this, she says.

He looks up at her from where he crouches over the glass, now taking shape as a small vase.

It is the only other thing I know how to do.

She frowns at his modesty, but before she can respond he beckons her around the other side of the table they’re working at. He’s rolled and pulled the glass until no more than a slim column connects the bottom of the base to the pipe. He puts on thick heat-resistant gloves and cradles the vase, instructing her to tap ever-so-gently at the connecting sliver of glass with a small mallet.

With a barely perceptible chink the column breaks, freeing the vase. Pero then fires the bottom of the vase with a handheld blowtorch to smooth it out, and settles the vase into the bowl of a large round kiln for the final cooling process.

The vase stands maybe ten inches high, vaguely v-shaped with a flat bottom. The once bright orange ball of molten glass is now a brilliant turquoise, speckled with the tiny green and blue and white fragments she’d rolled it in. The rim is uneven, pulled and twisted by Pero’s pliers and it makes her think of the edges of a crashing wave.

She stands next to him and looks down at it before he closes the lid to the kiln. It’s small and simple and doubtless less polished than what Pero could have made with a more experienced partner, but it’s theirs.

We made that, she says, turning and giving him a shy smile.

His lips quirk up - not quite a smile, but there’s a softness to his expression that makes her breath catch.

A satisfying process, no? He asks. She nods. The moment stretches between them, the silence not awkward, but instead full of a warm, quiet intimacy.

Come on, pretty girl, Pero murmurs, reaching up to gently remove the safety glasses from her face. Let’s clean up.

Somehow she finds even the sight of him returning every tool back to its proper place, knowing exactly where each piece goes so that it’s ready for the next time he needs it, terribly attractive.

She catches his hand after everything’s put away, pulling his focus.

Thank you, she says, for this. Thank you for letting me in, for revealing this part of you, she doesn’t say, but hopes he knows that’s what she means. I’d…I’d love to do this again sometime.

He brushes his other hand across her cheek.

Anytime you like, querida.

She moves in to kiss him and it’s soft in a way she hasn’t felt from Pero before. He pulls her flush against him and simply holds her there, lazily exploring her mouth. He smells like sweat and heated metal, and she turns her head to lick the salt from the skin of his neck. A sound rumbles from deep in his chest, and the moment goes white-hot in an instant.

Touch me, Pero, she whispers. Put your hands on me.

He doesn’t need to be told twice. He slides one hand to the back of her neck to yank her lips back up to his, the other disappearing into her leggings to grab a fistful of her ass. He swallows the pleased little gasp she makes, greedy for more.

He backs her up against the side of his workbench, moving to unbutton her top. Once he has access he pulls down the cups of her bra and turns his full attention to her breasts, kneading the soft flesh with his hands and laving his tongue over her nipples.

Her fingers run through his hair, longer than Jack’s but with curls less unruly than Frankie’s. His hips press against hers and she squirms against the bulge in his jeans, searching for friction.

Need more, baby? He coos up at her, a wicked glint in his eye.

Need you, Pero, she whines.

He straightens and turns her around to bend her over the workbench, curling his fingers in the waistband of her leggings to yank them down and expose her gorgeous ass to him…

Wait.

He freezes.

Could we…I want…

He runs a soothing palm over her hip.

What do you want, pretty girl?

She twists back around to face him. He lets himself be nudged backward until he feels the edge of a nearby chair behind him and sits. She towers over him now, and he looks up at her with one brow raised.

I want to see you, she says shyly, and his blood heats. He slowly spreads his legs in invitation.

She slips out of her shoes and shimmies her leggings and panties off, then similarly loses her shirt and bra. He reaches for her with a growl and hauls her into his lap. She goes willingly, wrapping herself around him as his hands rove over every inch of her skin. This time their kiss is messy and desperate, and when Pero trails a hand down her stomach and finds the soft hair of her mound to pet at her clit, she whimpers into his mouth.

You want it? He rasps. She nods frantically, their noses brushing.

Then take it out, pretty girl.

She undoes his jeans and frees the stiff length of his cock, pumping him slowly, drawing bead after bead of precum from the tip.

But then her grip falters.

This is okay, right?

Pero frowns at her, confused.

What I mean is…I know we talked about it, and you all said it was okay, that we don’t always all have to be together, but…

Ah, so that’s her concern. Something wild and beastly claws at his ribcage in triumph at the realization that he’ll be the first of them to have her all to himself.

It is more than okay, he reassures her, smoothing a thumb over her kiss-swollen lips. We told you we can each take our pleasure from the others whenever we wish, and none of us is a man who says things he does not mean. Least of all to those we care for.

He can feel her body relax at that, and he tilts her chin and draws her in for another kiss. Her hand starts to move up and down his cock again, the tip of him grazing the pillowy skin of her inner thigh with each pass, and a hiss leaves his mouth at the sensation.

This will not go the way you intend if you keep that up, he warns her. A newfound deviousness unfurls itself in her grin.

Maybe this is what I intend, she says. Maybe I want you just like this, hard and aching in my hands until I make you come all over yourself -

He cuts her off by crashing his lips to hers, stilling her movements on his cock and hooking one hand under her ass to push her up until his length prods against her entrance.

Perhaps, he murmurs, perhaps one day if you’re a very, very good girl, I’ll let you have such a way with me. But for now - he notches himself just inside the slick rim of her pussy - put me inside you.

She obeys, working herself down on him inch by inch. When he’s fully seated inside her she sighs as if in relief, a dazed look in her eyes. There’s a distant thought in the back of her head that despite the workshop being closed today, one of the artists could still walk in unexpectedly at any moment, but she can’t bring herself to care.

They make twin sounds of pleasure at the first swirl of her hips. As her body adjusts to his size she finds her rhythm, bracing her hands on his shoulders as she rides him.

And god, what a sight.

She knows what sex with Pero feels like. She knows what it sounds like, smells like, tastes like. But none of those things has prepared her for what it looks like. What he looks like, as they move together, face-to-face for the first time.

The clench of his jaw, teeth sinking into his bottom lip. The tendons that pop and strain in his neck. The dewy sheen of sweat across his brow. And his eyes…

She could fall forever into the endless black abyss of his eyes, she could lose herself entirely in their depths and never look away and would be thankful for it. How could she not be, when he looks at her with such unrestrained want that she feels it like a physical thing…

She brushes a thumb over the scar that bisects his left eye, as if she could soothe the long-ago wound with present tenderness. She knows it’s far from the only scar he carries, and would that she could heal them all through sheer force of will.

Pero swirls his thumb around her clit, bracing his feet as he begins to meet her hips with thrusts of his own. Her movements stutter as her control over her body wavers. She becomes nothing more than molten desire in his hands, to be molded and shaped and consumed by flame as he sees fit. The pressure he puts on her clit is unrelenting, and this is familiar, the way he doesn’t coax an orgasm from her, but demands it. It builds and builds in between her legs and when she would close her eyes and tip her head back to welcome it he grabs her chin to stop her.

Look at me, he pants. Look at me when I make you come, querida. Look…

It starts as a command, but ends as a plea.

The tension bursts inside her, and her cry of his name and the way her climax tightens her pussy around him like a vice pulls him headlong over the edge with her. He cums with a roar, pulling her down on his cock as he empties himself as deep as he can inside her.

It’s a long minute before they both fully come back to themselves, breathing hard as their bodies milk every last drop of pleasure from each other. She collapses into his chest, and he’s content to hold her there for as long as she wishes.

We can do that again anytime you like too, he says quietly in her ear, and she smiles into his neck.

——————

There’s no big reveal, no fanfare or presentation when it happens. She simply comes home one day (and funny, how she’s started to think of it as home, how her apartment has become merely a place where most of her things are, including the vase she’d made with Pero, but not where she lives) and there it sits on the shelf, catching her eye immediately.

The falcon, the horse, and the bull, now clustered around a fourth statue.

A lioness.

She moves towards it as if pulled by gravity. The beauty of it steals her breath. The great cat is posed sitting, tall and elegant, her body at a three-quarters position but her head turned to look straight out at the viewer. Her tail is wrapped neatly around her, and her tiny delicate ears are alert.

What do you think? says a soft voice behind her. It carries an uncharacteristic hint of uncertainty.

She doesn’t turn, doesn’t need to look to know the man behind her is the one who made this.

She’s gorgeous, she murmurs.

Pero hums low in his throat, and comes to stand over her shoulder.

You can ask, he says. I want to tell you.

Why a lioness? she whispers.

Pero is silent for a moment.

She is strong, and graceful. Clever, and brave. Loyal. Beautiful.

A tingling warmth floods her chest. It feels like too much, the implied praise too high.

They’re remarkable creatures, she replies.

They ain’t the only ones, darlin’, Jack drawls from the doorway. He’s flanked by Frankie, who has one arm wrapped casually around Jack’s waist.

I don’t know what to say. Tears prick her eyes as she turns to face them.

You don’t have to say anything, Frankie tells her.

Just be ours. Pero says it so softly she almost doesn’t hear him. As we are yours.

She pulls Pero in for a kiss, her answer whispered like a vow against his lips:

I already am.

———

Fun fact I learned about glassblowing equipment during my research for this fic that I wasn’t able to work into the story but absolutely need to share with you anyway:

Did y’all know that the furnaces like the one Pero uses here to heat the glass are called GLORY HOLES?!?!?!? Swear to god. Be careful googling that if you don’t believe me. 😂

[bots-and-cons]

Hello,I dont remember if I have sent this before but could I get tfp ratchet x human reader angst headcannons where when the base is attacked and everyone gets scattered the reader gets assigned to ratchet(they were under optimus wing).Ratchet however abandons the reader in a fit of rage.Even when everything goes back to normal the reader cant let it slide.They feel betrayed,like they cant trust anyone and they fall into depression.

*Also for the character (something to include only if you want/can):The reader is intelligent like raf but due to ✨the marvels of the educational system✨ they have been led to believe that they are not good enough,so they secretly always seeked the same validation ratchet was giving raf but never felt like receiving it.

I really liked this idea and enjoyed writing this. Ah yes, I love writing angst. HCs as requested

•You found yourself sitting in Ratchet’s front seat in a parking lot who knows where

•The base had been destroyed, you couldn’t contact anyone because the comms could be traced and your phone was out of battery, so you felt like you were pretty much fucked

•”What are we gonna do now?” you asked Ratchet

•He didn’t say anything, and you got the vibe that he was sulking

•”Ratchet?” you knocked on his dashboard, trying to get his attention

•”Get out” he grumbled

•”Sorry what?” you asked, blinking in disbelief

•”Get out, I can’t be responsible for you anymore” he said

•He couldn’t possibly be serious? Was he actually going to just leave you in some parking lot in an unknown town?

•Ratchet didn’t know what to do, and he certainly didn’t know what with you

•It would just be better to leave you here, away from the decepticons and all the danger

•And he was honestly done with the whole situation in general and didn’t want to deal with taking care of a human

•”Get out!” Ratchet raised his voice, which surprised you

•”Fine!” you yelled, trying to cover your hurt feelings by acting angry

•Ratchet drove away and just left you there, in the middle of some mall parking lot, in the middle of the night

•You were mad, but more than that you were incredibly hurt

•You felt like you had been abandoned, which was not far from the truth

•”I guess I’m not good enough for him either” you muttered

•You managed to hold back your tears and walked to a nearby store to borrow a phone to call your family

•When you eventually reunited with the team, you refused to talk to Ratchet and he was so busy he didn’t even really notice

•You honestly didn’t want anything to do with him

•You slowly became more withdrawn and depressed, and no one understood why

•You resented Ratchet for leaving you there and you felt like your trust had been broken like never before

•None of the other’s abandoned their human companions alone in an unknown town, which made it even worse

•Was there something wrong with you? Were you really that bad that Ratchet didn’t want anything to do with you? Were you really not good enough to even check in on?

•Ratchet was too busy with everything to try to mend things with you, and it eventually sort of slipped his mind

•You ended up not talking at all anymore, and you drifted apart quickly