#i cant describe it right but i mean.
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YEYEYEYAHAHHHHHHHH emily blunt cocking that fucking shotgun at the end of a quiet place. the dopest move everrrrrr
#so good. so SAD and touching and badass and SCARY!!!!!#calling it a horror movie almost feels like downgrading it's cinematic quality#not because of my own feelings on horror movies but the societal like. stigma we have#where calling something a horror movie makes its only purpose to scare you#like. i feel like there's this idea that horror movies are just something that people watch to get the thrill of fear#like going on a roller coaster or something#instead of an incredibly varied and complex art form#i cant describe it right but i mean.#sometimes it feels like the 'horror' part separates it from other movies in their capability to be masterpieces#can anyone understand what im saying. im high but I understand what I mean#anyway all this to say a quiet place is an incredibly well done movie. the pacing. the emotion. the sound design.#THE SOUND DESIGN!! the cinematography. the acting. the writing.#all brilliant.#god i wish i was still in film classes#a quiet place#film
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also like i partially found out i might be intersex because i was looking at trans stuff and there was like "(however many) months on t and finally seeing some bottom growth" and like pictures of t-dicks and i was like.... um.... that's kind of just what my clit looks like anyways. so i was like "hey google give me a quick rundown on this" and learned what clitoromegaly was and then i was like. hm. intersex resources. and it's like a sign? symptom? side-effect? of certain intersex conditions
#i mean like pcos runs in the mums side of my family but i dont have all the symptoms of that#i do also have like. more hair?? than the average afab person#like dark hair on my stomach and chest and back#and my face. whats disappointing about the face hair is that it isnt enough to be able to grow a beard#so i cant even fuck with gender that way#tagging as nsft just because of like genital mention#genital mention#nsft#shoutout to transmascs on t who show their t-dicks on the internet it was really helpful#also i dont know how to describe it but like. my natural face shape is kind of masculine??#like it would be plausible for a cis amab perisex man to have my face without looking feminine#if you get what im saying??#if it sounds like im reinforcing sex or gender essentialism please say i am struggling to find words#unshoutout to the boys in primary school who made fun of me for having hair under my arms and starting a whole decade of insecurity-#-about having hair on my body lmao#for the record i dont think certain face shapes are indicative of gender and all im just going by like. patterns?? in afab vs. amab faces#also not that i think afab vs. amab is the entire categorisation of human sex characteristics but um. working with what vocab i have here#i think what also really kicked it off. was relating to a fair few experiences intersex people have socially#particularly intersex ppl who were afab and faced a lot of pressure to make their bodies conform to feminine beauty standards#and it was like.... oh lol.... my mum did that to me!!#it comes from her own internalised shit bc she has pcos (idk if she identifies as intersex even tho she could if she wanted) but still.#dont project that onto a 10 yr old lmao. she keeps buying me hair removal products#ALSO floored by an experience i have. in which apparently half my friends dont feel pressure to shave their legs#because the hair on their legs is like. light and thin and barely visible and i was like?? huh??#what do you MEAN your legs don't look like your brothers/fathers if you dont shave??#im starting to think they dont shave their arms. their arms might just naturally not have a load of hair#i dont shave my arms though. cannot be bothered with that and also like. why would i do that#also you know that like. happy trail i think its called?? on “men's” stomachs??#yeah i have that naturally yeah thats right im naturally sexy#if you cant tell i am putting “girls” “mens” “boys” “womens” etc. in quotes to indicate that is just the normal society way of saying it
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// sometimes I think about how many times in bg3 you get conflicts that don't have an objectively "best" outcome. I think about freeing the 7000 vampires, for example. Freeing them is the ethical thing to do, because they are all innocent victims, but it remains true that leaving thousands of vampires loose, even in the underdark, is a bad bad idea. Not only are they traumatized people, but they're predators who have only their instincts to help them survive in an unfamiliar land that isn't exactly bountiful in terms of wildlife. If they don't do well, they'll die or be slaughtered, and if they do they'll ruin entire communities or ecosystems, depending on whether they feed on people or animals.
#i was thinking again of that line minthara says about how the patriars should have the refugees work for them and have them defend the city#and tav is like 'um that's slavery you're describing?'#and she's like 'call it what you want but would you rather have them die of starvation stuck outside the city walls?'#and i mean the player doesn't have much to say in that matter but there is still a complex situation being presented with no easy solution#because bg has been the destination for refugees for a long time already#like it was already in a state of crisis after the descent when many people who could not return to their homes#massively started to arrive to the gate#right when their duke was gone and left the city without a ruler and the military without a leader#now the government is even WORSE and so is the refugee situation since they're now coming from everywhere#it is painfully true that the guild is still the only truly functioning organism in the city#and they're also having trouble with the absolute#like bg objectively doesnt have the space or the means to sustain the refugees#the patriars may#but in the end gold cant feed a family either#but eating the rich does sound like the most sensible option still-#ooc#the only objectively good ending i think is if you could leave the githyanki egg with lae'zel#also i think of the quest zevlor gives for killing kagha#which sounds like a sensible option when he says it but it prompts the grove massacre#but you can explain it to halsin and he understands that they forgot their principles and attacked defenseless refugees#and you merely defended yourself and them#then again if you look in the right places you can see dialogues suggesting that the refugees are indeed damaging the grove#like chopping trees without the druid's consent#so.#yeah i just have a deep appreciation for some aspects of the game's writing#that show there often isn't an objectively best choice#and you are just doing your best with the information you have and what your morals dictate
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no guys you dont get it itager isnt sweet and tender in the domestic gay lovey dovey way theyre sweet and tender in the BRO way
#im a crazy bitch okay i will be like yes theyre lovey to eachother yes thats true#yes i only get gay and shit for itager bc theyre true love and then see something sappy and gay of them and go THAT AINT RIGHT#im a freak okay im such an asshole about itager bc i think theyre lovey to eachother in a very specific way and all other ways are cringe#me when the only itager i consume is the official goddamn hetalia manga#and them doujins made by corolla that mf was the only person ever who understood them (even if they were misguided and believed in gerita)#i like to think in my heart of hearts corolla knew the truth it was just the wrong time.#like how i know bill and ted wouldve loved touhou koishi song its just they were born in the wrong era#but yeah like germany and italy are gay in that BRO way like. its hard to describe but its not gay its more like.... friendship adjacent#like when you deeply care about your bro and act gay with them in that way they arent about that silently looks at the moonlight shit#they look at the moonlight and italy goes 'germany is right now a good time to tell you i fucked your car again' and germany goes 'What.'#ITS A BETTER AND MORE AWEZOME FORM OF LOVE IN MY HUMBLEST OF OPINIONS.... I PERSONALLY PREFER IT#its domestic in the way of having your average daily life of dicking around with your bros and throwing grenades in cars n shit#instead of domestic settling down and being all serious and sappy all the time#its lovey dovey in the way of being like AHAHA IM HAVING SO MUCH FUN!!! yeah bro... i really like you too *hug* im glad youre in my life#i just think thats so much more swag because settling down just does not sit right for me#i think settling down sucks tf you mean theres no more adventures and always sunny shit?#i think fruk can get into that settling down domestic shit but im a firm believer itager cant#because their entire dynamic hinges upon italy coming in and making germanys boring ass lonely life fun by ruining it everyday#its not itager if they arent grabbing eachothers balls and acting like bros#ive said this to wiener but its the itager itapan juxisposition#itapan (japans onesided crush ofc) is great because they act gay but are just bros#and itager is great because they act like bros but are gay#idk its hard to explain the nuances of it all but just trust me when i say canon content and corollas sfw doujins are the only true itager#content#robooty asshole moment sorry guys somethings wrong with me#robooty kun
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1 month ago today my exes mom died is it too soon to tell him I unfriended him and ignored his message because I kind of think he raped me
#i never planned on telling him cuz honestly even tho i dont want him in my life anymore i dont know if what happened was actually rape#theres been a lot of debate over whether or not my specific situation was rape or what the feminists like to call “maintenance sex”#so it feels rather cheap of me to call it rape when our collective idea of rape is so much more sinister than what happened to me#but anyways i didnt want to talk to him about any of this because i dont know what to say about it and i think hes too sexist to listen#but i Did get a very funny and wholesome snap memory of him and one of my besties so i sent it to him#and thats how i found out he reached out to me exactly a month ago to tell me his mom died and to ask for support#which of course i cannot provide cuz i feel too conflicted about him to put aside my ego + i feel that he doesnt deserve that from Me anywa#see also my resistance to cutting him out of my life to the point that i didnt block him or delete all of his pictures#i didnt even get rid of all of his things i kept the sweater his mom gave him cuz i Knew she was going to die too soon#and i knew he would miss wearing this sweater which is the one from his favorite picture of him and his mom together#so not only is the context of this situation very ambiguous but also i dont really feel the way i think a rape victim is Supposed to feel#i mean i have my moments when i really think about it where im hurt and im angry and i cant help my reaction to it even years later#but otherwise im fine and even when it comes to him i was mostly chill and stayed with him for a year after it happened#so i dont feel i have any right to call it rape and yet it was definitely not consensual sex#and theres just no other word to describe ambiguously nonconsensual sex
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why do peopelt alk about personality types like that
#What if we were all just people!!#cos all that mbti stuff And the extent of a someone's persoanlioty is impossible 2capture#based on a 20 question online test That offers no context/reasoning behind the situations and answers it gives you#it just assumes why you chose those things u did and gives you a generalization that might be wildly inaccurate !!!!!!!!!!!!!!#but just because something is a whole load of baloney doesnt mean it cant be fun ^_^ heehee#it's silly sometimes. 2 see people describing The result i got like.. Ooooh .. they're cold unfeeling Machines... they're Evil genuis..#and all coprrect Btw but not in the right way!!!!!!!!!!!#im an unfeeling machine the way im always on my grind and dont give a shit! And im an evilgenuis because im sexy and awesome basically#also thats all super minor stuff Personalitytypes shouldnt be 4 letters it should be about 4986534262357e^10 Letters#cos theres so much shit n overlap and basically its pointless To try n fit that into something as simple as that#Thtas like trying 2 put every color paint from every gradient from every hue and shade onto a single palette#simply impossible n you'll get paint all over yourself trying!!!! and the colors will all smudge together#and then you'll ahve to burn your clothes#but NOT if you have fun with it ^_^#you don't wear a tuxedo while you're painting You wear that silly shit of which itdoesn't matter if it gets paint on it!! a colorful apron#basically trying to put anything in2 a binary In Sincerity is a waste of TIME but it can be fun !!!#NAYWAYS THIS IS STUFF PPL HAVE ALREADY TALKED ABOU IM SURE i just got carried away#*rubs the back of my head *Well.. heh#fuck how do u#do that thing anime boys do#where they do that. that thing i just tried to roleplay as#i forgot how#anyways this is not me being a hater Do whatever the hell u want ^_^ all tha power to u + i love u
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me: oh im goimg to have a nice little aesthetic profile and a nice calming cozy feel and certainly give off fall vibes!
mind: what if i fixated on a circus. with bright, popping colors. what if i made your favorite one the neon purple rabbit. what then huh
#yes yes this is about digital circus yes i watched it to give into tje trend and now i cant claw my way out of computer animated hell#i really like the absurdist themes. i know the series is described as existential right now and i can definitely see how that#will tie in eventually with the characters having to process and find a meaning to life in the circus without abstracting#but the whole thing is so. so. so absurdist to me#like how can you look at a world with completely unidentifiable (if any) meaning at all with characters whos reasons are either unknown or#and not think#wow absurdist icon
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ash and a.qua, as told by pokemon since I was digging up some old writing about them
#ash rambles 💚#a heaven full of stars 💙❤️#you see. ash was a little too depressed to do anything for ten years after bbs so whenever shes working with r.iku and co??? she is SOOO#confused!! whats an organization xiii??? huh??? whats a nobody???? HUH????#shes so lost#anyways a.qua is literally so piplup coded#and. well. I'm obsessed with pikachu#i mean it#its kinda concerning#i have one of my plushies right next to me rn actually#but hehe yeah! i love a.qua sooo much!#i know i dont talk about her as much as i should. shes my wife after all! i just love her so much you know? cant think of any words to#describe a love like that#(also I've seen a lot of other people ship with her and part of me feels inadequate but i swear its like 98% the fact that i start blushing#super hard and lose the ability to form actual words whenever i think about her too hard since she's my lovely wife and i love her muah)
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#i just want this whole thing to be over#i know its mean to push him away like this#but the way our relationship was going. i was just so uncomfortable with the whole thing#i feel so awful because i know im the only person he really has to talk to#but i cant be that for him#its too much#it isnt fair to either of us if things stay they way they were#i still want to be friends but. not in the way he wants. i really cant be that close with someone ive only known a few months#it just doesnt work that way for me#i feel so awful for doing this but theres nothing i can do that would make anything any vetter#i really cant describe how uncomfortable the whole situation made me feel.#it sounds horrible and a bit ridiculous but being that close with him made me feel so shitty.#i hate this it really sucks.#vent#sorry ive been posting so much about this its just. a whole thing right now.#ill delete this later but right now im gonna go watch a movie and probably cry
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the comments/tags on the recent col fic are so so sweet and so lovely 🥺 aaah thank you so much everyone 🥹 i’m so happy you love the col couple as much as i do!! 🫶🏻
#the comments are all saying how they like how gentle their love is !! and how patient col reader is w gojo and im sniffling!! 😭#i cant describe exactly what it feels like!! but it’s kind of like!!#when someone sees what you see in someone/something you love!! that feeling!! like!!#i loveee the love that col reader has for gojo and its so weird!! cos i write them to be that way!!#but sometimes (a lot of the time) it still feels like its out of my hands yknow? almost like#once i start typing they take me away on this lil love they have !! and im just here recording it !!!#i felt this so strongly while writing ‘—will i ever bring you peace?’#i initially wanted them to sit down and talk abt it!! like for reader to reassure him some more#sometimes i still think of it!! and whether it was right to remove that from the final fic (if i was robbing reader satisfaction from…)#(… being able to catch a glimpse of that!!)#but i think!! i settled on it being done behind the scenes maybe the next day or whenever bc that wasnt rlly the point of the fic anymore ?#i think . i wanted to highlight a lot of the trust between them !! not just reader for gojo but gojo for reader that#whatever reader says he takes it for truth#and its the way he tries to play it off—asks if reader is sure jokingly but means it seriously#how he plays it off as a joke that thatll mean reader’ll be stuck with him forever#and its the subtext!! that he’s still insecure abt it a little just not saying it but reader gets it and comforts him#not outright !!! but in the same way that matches his but is still so honest and purely /reader/ and !!#i think !!! its the relief gojo feels . that i kinda wanted to emphasise on too. that when you carry a feeling that heavy sometimes#the relief leaves no room for words!! and just !!#i dont know i dont knowww#that piece pulled my hair and was truly me coming right out of a slump where i questioned every single col piece i had written#its close to my heart bc of that#and honestly!! idk if ill like it again this same way when i reread it months down the line but !!! it just !! has a spot in my heart#thatll always be the fic that speaks more than the words ive written down on it#yeah#sorry i rambled!!#shotorus.process#i talked so much again
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The evolution of yourlocalabstraction!Mind is insane. I was pulling up references from back in May and the difference in how i draw him now compared to back then is absurd
#i cant really describe how but#you see what i mean right#i think i woobify him plenty more than i used to /hj#cj rambling#cj mind
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Every time I see this comic, I read it and I think "this is important, this is moving, this is something I should pay attention to" but like from my expression you wouldn't be able to tell what if any emotions are going on
...until, every time, I reach the last line, because every single time I read "but I'll try to get the one for next month" and promptly burst into tears
#i dont know how to describe the feeling more than 'this is important i need to pay attention to this' but yk what i mean right?#its. big emotions. cant be looked/scrolled past
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sometimes im sad and then i remember that me and my friends were put on shinees ig story for their seoul world tour VI concert
#biggest moment of my life i cant believe it really happened#it mean so much to me being there to support them#being there was hard to describe othet than that it was so right#like i couldn’t have been anywhere else in the world that day and time bc i was fufilling some weird inevitably#honestly that was just me being delusional but i have loved them for so long and it was so special#they probably perceived me on their story 🤧#like that’s actually insane#this media lady just came up and asked to film us and we were like ok figuring theyd put it into a fan collab or someth#but no we were on their actual story#mine#shinee
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Me all day long: why are you doing that. Why is this happening. Why did you spill that? WHY are you playing w that? What are you doing? How is that enjoyable?
My lead every time: they're 1.
#FUCK THIS IS HARD FOR ME#which is SO funny cos this is the age group i STARTED w#i mean. i started w babies. but i did that for 5 months and then was w 1-2s for like 8 months or something#i know more abt wobblers than babies#and even more about toddlers now i would say#i do think toddlers may actually be my sweet spot unfortunately#skfjfhKSJDHFHAKGJ theyre the hardest. but they're like...right in the right zone for me idk how to describe#but the 1s will just spill their milk and splash it cos their worlds are still so sensory driven#and i cant COPE#UR MAKING A MESS IT'S MILK IT'S NOT FOR PLAY STOOOPPPPPPUH
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huh. growing up seeing 9/11 jokes being the low hanging fruit of shallow edgy sources like south park and family guy, especially as a non american, and then seeing them being mainstreamed/more frequent sure is Something
#*deep space noises*#youd think with more time it would stop being shoved in everyones faces but apparently not#and not the dark humour wrt the us government response#or the frankly absurdist jingoism that followed#i mean like. where the punchline is these real planes hit these real towers with real people inside#a lot of people died horribly and a lot more so afterward as a result#like call me boring or whatever but i just think its in poor taste to spam 911 memes esp when there are still families living w this#idk maybe im just haunted by that time i watched a documentary and they played a newsreel#and there was this strange… banging sound and i kept thinking what the hell is that?#is it a gun? it doesnt sound quite right though and the camera person isnt running#and then i realised it was people. is was the sound of bodies smacking into the fucking concrete and echoing through the streets#after people had fallen or jumped from the buildings#i cant rly describe the ice cold horror i felt when i realised what i was hearing and its stuck w me
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txt cb had me astro projecting and photosynthesizing 
#idk what either mean but they sound right for this#likw... i cant even pull out words rn to describe how i feel#and beomgyus recent pics... holy fuckinf ahit#thw wrap shirts (?)#can we wven call tjem shiets#IM A WHORE.
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