twyella

[twyella]

i know we’re both just messing around pretending to be whole but look at me. if the train was coming would you move. if the ground was falling from under your feet would you even notice or would it just be another tuesday for you. if somebody stabbed you could it hurt worse than you already do. what i’m saying is that i love you but i think we both drive over the speed limit when it’s raining. what i’m saying is that i want to hold your hand and i understand about how you sometimes have to sit down in the shower. what i’m saying is that i’m here for you and if the train comes please move.

[twyella]

[twyella]

I have been on Tumblr just long enough to find this an extremely funny choice of business name.

The company caters to caring for babies and toddlers.

[twyella]

This is the /an/ post that keeps on giving.

[twyella]

As far as I can tell there are a few different types of dog, independent of sex or breeds but occasionally correlated - including among others -

eccentric roommate (lives here. does stuff. when you're lucky you know what it is before they do it.)

dubious peasant (generally agreeable but on the verge of plotting revolt if not handled appropriately and regularly)

adorable ward (is Baby, makes up for immaturity with cute looks)

sworn knight (serve you till the end of your days. plz give task. take on quest. affirm is good dog)

confused auntie (wants you to make good life choices, mostly just sits on chairs and judges you)

No Thoughts Just Vibes (average golden retriever in my experience and also borzoi)

[twyella]

fucking hate texting dracula i'll send him a funny meme and he'll call me to be like "i need to take a SCREAMshot on my HELL phone" like oh my god we get it youre scary

[twyella]

i love how inextricable the word "premeditated" is from associations with murder. like you can use it in other contexts, but you can't help instinctively thinking of murder regardless. i love it when words have a little buddy like that.

[twyella]

i now pronouns you husband/wife

[twyella]

I know that elon owns way more things so I understand the sentiment, but when I, a poor person not in the market for a new electric vehicle, sees 'boycott tesla,' it's kind of like.

Ok. Done.

[twyella]

many of you

[twyella]

I got a bumper sticker for Christmas

[twyella]

Stop Making Psychosis A Villainous Trait Challenge

[twyella]

“I don’t learn this in school :(“

Hey here’s a question what steps have you taken to increase your education and knowledge since graduating?

[twyella]

This morning my child (soon to be 3) requested that I make him toast "with creamy peanut butter on the bottom and crunchy peanut butter on the top."

ME: You mean put peanut butter on both sides?

HIM: Yes.

ME, getting into "sometimes kids have to experience the natural consequences of their actions" parenting mode: Okay, I'll do it, but you know that's gonna be really messy, right?

He insisted, and then when it was, indeed, really messy, he sobbed inconsolably on the floor. I offered to make him regular toast, or a sandwich of peanut butter toast, or a triple-decker tower of toast slices, or any other iteration of peanut butter and toast, but nothing made it better. His vision had not come to fruition. He was crushed.

His dad was in a Zoom meeting upstairs—we're all home because it's a snow day—and came down to find out what terrible ill had befallen us to cause so much wailing.

"Oh," he said. "I see. You wanted non-Euclidean geometry. Hypertoast."

[twyella]

[twyella]

SIR.

What are you doing to that chocolate

[twyella]

traveling wingman