mad-angel-menhera

[mad-angel-menhera]

[mad-angel-menhera]

forever obsessed with dynamics between vampires, specifically that of a maker and fledgling, as a way to explore abuse. the creation of a vampire itself can so easily be a literalization of the lasting impacts of trauma and also much more simply the ways a perpetrator might shape their victim’s very identity. the extremes of isolation in the way that the new vampire, in most narratives, must cut all ties to their mortal life, or else go through an elaborate charade to maintain the facade of humanity, while forever still being removed from it. and the sheer dependence and vulnerability of being in an entirely new state of being, wholly uncertain of what it entails, and relying on another person to define… everything.

[mad-angel-menhera]

it fucks me up so bad that thinking you're the scum of the earth can lead to you acting like a Bad Friend. my avoidant behaviours can easily come across as arrogantly, or laziness, or uncaring-ness. like god

[mad-angel-menhera]

[mad-angel-menhera]

notes for my impostor syndrome:

• no, it's not painful to walk for abled-bodied people

• no, healthy people don't usually use every chance they get to lean against walls or sit down

• no, ableds don't dream about shower stool

• no, ableds don't celebrate days when they're not in pain. because usually they're not in pain

• no, ableds don't want to stop walking mid-way, lay down on the ground, curl up and cry and whine from pain

• no, ableds aren't exhausted by their own bodies 24/7

[mad-angel-menhera]

(through gritted teeth) sometimes what's good for your mental health isn't another do nothing day or a little treat sometimes what's good for you is putting in some of the work. Not all of it at once but sometimes you have to finish that essay or at least take the next step or you have to clean your room or at least dust the shelves or you gotta do the laundry or at least put it all in the hamper and it's not fun and it sucks and it sucks and it sucks and it sucks and it sucks and it sucks and it sucks and it sucks and it sucks and it sucks and it sucks and it sucks and it sucks and it sucks and it sucks and it sucks and it sucks and it sucks and it sucks and it sucks and it sucks and it sucks and it sucks and it sucks but you have to because i read a post on the internet that told me that's what being nice to yourself is sometimes

[mad-angel-menhera]

Autism and ADHD Gift Guide

Neurodivergent_lou

[mad-angel-menhera]

Damn my times in the hospital as a kid really fucked me up

I constantly feel like a dumb dying kid. People are mostly annoyed with me but can't say much about because I'm so weak and pathetic. It'd be like kicking a dog. I need to be sick to be loved.

[mad-angel-menhera]

I constantly feel like a dumb dying kid. People are mostly annoyed with me but can't say much about because I'm so weak and pathetic. It'd be like kicking a dog. I need to be sick to be loved.

[mad-angel-menhera]

the author's barely disguised lack of socialisation and profound sense of alienation from all other human life

[mad-angel-menhera]

everyone be cool about my horrible vibe please

[mad-angel-menhera]

What if my eating disorder isn't bad enough to have all these symptoms and it's actually Crohn's disease lol

[mad-angel-menhera]

[mad-angel-menhera]

*showing visible symptoms* oh my god i need help desperately

*symptoms go away for one day* what if im just faking it

[mad-angel-menhera]

adhd paralysis sucks bcuz im just sitting there and my brain is like

YOU ARE WASTING TIME YOU ARE WASTING TIME YOU ARE WASTING TIME YOU ARE WASTING TIME YOU ARE WASTING TIME YOU ARE WASTING TIME YOU ARE WASTING TIME YOU ARE WASTING TIME YOU ARE WASTING TIME YOU ARE WASTING TIME

no work done no rest gained. literally no point of this at all

[mad-angel-menhera]

you do not have to “contribute to society” to be valuable or protected from the things that hurt you.

[mad-angel-menhera]

maintaining relationships, any type, feels like treading water. it's something that I'm capable of, but the second that I stop Actively And Conciously Making Myself Do It, I start to sink, and everything floats away. I have to drag myself back to the surface to get it all back, and if I get tired again then I lose it all again. Another metaphor could be the guy whos always rolling that boulder up that mountain. idk. Its just so easy to suddenly lose everything and watch relationships fall apart and not know how to fix them and keep them fixed