#and honestly!! idk if ill like it again this same way when i reread it months down the line but !!! it just !! has a spot in my heart

[nalascat]

writing ask game: 7 11 and 4?

4. Where do you find inspiration for new ideas?

it STRIKES me.

I have a few certain aus and things that follow me from fandom to fandom- ex. Labyrinth or StEx aus- and those often get rehashed by me when I find characters I like or enjoy haha.

But! Ideas can come from pretty much anywhere for me, may it be me rewatching a movie or episode, or learning more about the characters (cough, the amount of barbie rockers stuff ive found in the past few days, cough), or pretty much anything!! If I have time where I'm stuck to think, I often think about silly new ideas and such. :)

7. How do you choose which POV to write from?

This is a hard one. I guess whoever I think I will get more emotion out of OR whoever has my brain at the moment, I guess?

Let's use, for example, my current wip- it's a fake engagement fic, and I started the fic off with the character that the fake proposal is given to. I wrote out their reaction to it, because I felt it'd be more fun for me to write, and probably more fun to read the confusion! Also. POV character is favorite character heehee.

For the same pairing, I've tended to write in the other character's POV, due to the way their character fits in with my writing style/it's more fun to write in his POV, just because.

Depends on the plot and the vibes, haha.

11. Link your three favorite fics right now

RIGHT NOW ???? I'm gonna link the fics that STICK with me omg- i am pretty sure I've answered something like this before, but ill also bet that list is completely different lol- I've read SO much fanfic over my however long I've read fic

Your Fault, My Fault, Whatever - whichlights - Jay/Kai (Ninjago) - if there ever was a fic that I was COMPLETELY obsessed over it's this one. I feel like this is the fic I've read over and over and over, just because I loved it so so so much. It was essentially my lifeblood when I was in the Ninjago fandom and I honestly STILL think about it even though I have not watched any Ninjago recently other than an episode or two.

All is Fair in Love/I Will Love You Better Now- nothingwithoutyouxo - Harry/Peter (TASM) - One I've reread several times and honestly I need to read it again aghhhh.... THESE two are probably the fics that made me love parksborn so much, especially TASM. I love them SO much and !!!!!!! (To be honest I may have read these BEFORE I watched tasm, right after I watched the raimi trilogy. Oops.)

The Two Musketeers - summoner_yuna_of_besaid - Chekov/Sulu (Star Trek: TOS) - okay, now I have to link one I've found and read more recently, haha. (New fandoms wooo!!) This one is so sweet and I DUNNO I love the way the author wrote this one. It's just so them and perfect?? idk aaa

[justkindabrowsing]

Screw it, Tumblr is a void meant to be screamed into, whether or not there are entities nearby to listen, so I'm just gonna start yellin.

I see posts all the time that will be like "Does anyone else [insert something apparently very human and everyone relates]?"

And the world replies with a resounding "Yeah!!"

And I sit here and stare at it because even if it's something common for neurotypical people, or something common for neurodivergent people, I still often fall outside the circle, and I had the same issues throughout my school life and have been seen as Too Different my whole life and--

When I so much as consider sharing my experience on the topic in the replies or whatever, or even consider reblogging and sharing my experience, I get hit with a wave of anxiety because I'm terrified I'm going to be treated the way I was treated back in school.

I think I mentioned forever ago about how "ack, how do I manage to have social anxiety on the internet?" (and furthermore how cyberbullies have the Exact Opposite Problem), and honestly I think I was too spot-on in my assessment.

I'm in a weird process of getting an AvPD diagnosis (I have no idea what that looks like on my psychiatrist and therapist's end, but we've been suspecting AvPD for weeks and despite our discussions and whatnot, I still don't have an official diagnosis, and idk I guess no one can tell me what's going on) and every time I look at what AvPD symptoms are like, and what it feels like and even just the general description of what it is gives me that "Oh no, he might be me" feeling because--

Oh no, he might be me.

All that to say, I'm so anxious and terrified of being rejected or even perceived in a negative manner that I legitimately can't even express myself openly online, even in a space as Delightfully Strange as tumblr.

I struggle to tag people, reblogging makes me feel physically ill, heaven forbid I try to send an ask to someone that isn't anonymous-- The most I've managed to be able to do is send a reply here or there, and even then I reread it a thousand times and ask myself over and over again if I'm really ready to have something "like that" (aka, a single thought) out for people to read and judge and be influenced by -- assuming they happen to be in that particular obscure corner of the internet to begin with.

It took me an embarrassingly long amount of time to even be comfortable hitting the like button on posts, and I can only do so because I can hide what I like -- not because what I'm liking is embarrassing or wrong, but because I view myself as embarrassing and wrong, and if I poison someone else's work with my stamp of approval in a public manner, I have brought them ruin and humiliated myself, says my mind.

I need reassurance, man (<- gender neutral), and I am too scared to ask for even that.

I don't have a "moral of the story" or a real Reason for posting this. I'm just screaming into the void and trying not to cry because I'm tired of living like this and it feels like there's nothing I can do to get out.

Also writing all this down somewhere is good for me to be able to recite to my therapist later 😅

And as I said on a post once before-- I'm gonna post this and just- never think about it again -> and I say that because if I think about it, I'll cringe and hate myself over even this 💀

...Thanks for your time. Have a cookie 🍪

[send-up-my-heart-to-you]

sooooo im 75% done w the first book of kotlc, here are some thoughts i had / theories i came up w while reading (the links to my thoughts for 25% and 50% are here and here respectively)

starting off hot, i did not like keefes dad. ik thats like obvious that hes bad, but hes giving lucius malfoy (i can imagine him w the black swan. not theorizing, but saying that i wouldnt be surprised). i swear if i find out hes touched a hair on keefes gorgeous head—

another thing, the pyrokinetics. that book was obviously planted by someone from the black swan, and i think i know who (i say it in one of the next points.) but i wonder what happens if someone is a pyrokinetic ? i think someone mentioned earlier that abilities can form on their own, so what do they do w someone who just like spawns that ability. also wouldnt it be funny if dex or marella was a pyrokinetic.

speaking of dex, can i just say i love him. i feel like hes sidelined by sophie n i know she doesnt mean it n hes her best friend but hes so left out cmon i feel so bad. also the way hes so jealous of fitz "you just like seeing wonderboy. please dont tell me you have some stupid crush on him" JSWJSHSHEHD I CANT

i can also now honestly say that i like sophie as a mc. like. a lot of books have bland mcs but not kotlc, shes a good person, she has a strong moral compass, hates attention cause she gets so much of it (esp sucks since this seems to be a chosen one trope). i wanna see more depth to her character tho cause a lot of this is just surface shit. but then again this is a middle-grade series n im only on the first book, so ill be patient

okay, look. about the black swan. i get that theyre planting information into her head. she knows abt elementine, she knows the word 'suldreen'. but some things i dont get how they planted. its too broad to be planted all at once like. she can understand a whole new language n she doesnt know it ?? she can read a whole new alphabet (the cipher runes) which is extremely rare to be able to read ?? she knows how the eternalia castles look like ?? howd they plant that in her head? might be a plothole but idkkk

the allergy when she was nine HAS GOT TO HAVE SOME SIGNIFICANCE. i mean, it was thrown in n she mentioned that they never discovered what its cause was ??? real suspicious shit im telling you

now, this ones a lil far fetched n it goes off of barely anything except for my writer instinct but bear w me, at first when sophie started getting notes in her locker n they suspected it was someone from the black swan (i suspect the book was also planted by that someone, tho i suppose its kinda obvious), i thought it was a student or teacher who could get easy access. heck, i assumed it might be keefe for a hot sec bc we know he broke into her locker before. but then he said that he found it opened, n alden said it might be a vanisher... and then alvar, a vanisher, showed up during that same conversation. now, i could be wrong, but wouldnt that make for an insane plot twist? esp since sophies gonna move in w the vackers, n itd make for a cool thing to notice if you go for a reread knowing hes the vanisher alden speculated abt. idk, just a thought

thats all i have, the next one is gonna be a post when im 100% done, n ive found a pdf of the second book so imma start reading that prolly immediately after im done w this one. lmk if i should do posts like this for 'exile', too (i wonder why its called that btw?)

tagging: @tastetherainbow290, @that-multi-fandom-hijabi, @aylin-hijabi

[yozzers]

my opinions on venom #1 because I don’t have any comic friends to rlly discuss this with lol sorry fr inflicting my tumblr followers w this idk how to process all that

this is like a messy mix of a reread with just my thoughts slapped on and some opinions too idk

ok so i could honestly give less of a shit abt eddie rn idk hes not my silly little guy anymore so I just care less abt him i’m actually just waiting fr elwing to kill him off for real bcs he feels soooo soulless these days. like yes some eddie traits are still there but its not the same, so hoo keep that in mind when i talk abt this, anyway

i swear sleeper is the only reason im slugging through recent venom comics, its like (abyssmal emoji face) “venom sucks sm” --> “ :) omg sleeper!”

im going to also assume #1 takes place before extreme carnage since Sleeper is still around and in their cat form. I’m still wondering if Sleeper is going to be treated as the brock family pet or if theyve been restored to a brock family member again i cant really tell... ig ill maybe maybe not find out in the coming issues if RAM V’s apparently plans fr Sleeper are true

also i ... i like that sleeper just indulges sm in being a cat like i KNOW for a fact you arent even like a cat under there thats just a whole symbiote shaped into a cat they say shit like meow mrow bcs they want to

edit: ok i just skimmed through the 2018 run trying to find something else but found this instead... if ewing/ramv are only going by cate’s run then...ig they wont be restored to brock family member status... augeugh but whyyy im understanding why ppl were bemoaning abt dylan’s role as the “blood son” sevrely downplaying eddie’s role as a parent to sleeper im going to take this as “lol no genetically im not related to eddie like YOU are but--” kind of thing for now. im sooo upset realizing sleeper has jus stopped referring to eddie as father :( 

and its funny because it does happen out of the blue, and eddie doesnt even get the chance to really tell his loved ones goodbye or i love you before he just gets blown up

(im glad eddie’s still a little pathetic here... cmon man so much for “trying to convince the universe symbiotes arent to be feared anymore”)

THIS IS REALLY FUNNY FOR NO REASON. DAD SIGHTING, SETPEMBER, 2 AM, HOME.

1) ignore the first panel i just want u guys to know the general time thing eddies been gone fr dylan

2) sorry the way this tells us the symbiote sometimes fucks off whenever eddie goes back to space is so. the dynamic is giving very “divorce kid and their dad’s gf they dont rlly want to have a connection w and maybe even dislike” vibes

3) dylan being the technical 8th kid after sleeper... like lets just say sleeper is the “first child” in this situation bcs thats the only kid where eddie and symby finally stepped up to becoming actual parents to one of their kids and they were “overbearing as hell”, and now theyre just free-balling with the youngest child (dylan) now. it’s kind of funny if it weren’t for the fact sleeper isnt being treated like symby AND eddie’s kid anymore.

i hope sleeper talks abt their exp being raised by eddie and symby at some point i think itd be a funny contrast to give dylan a look at how eddie (and symby) did their parenting before dylan came into the picture. Like “i was kept in a fish tank and smothered with attention” , *dylan vc* “how does it feel, living MY dream (sans the fishtank part)” i also hope now that dylan will interact w the lifo symbiotes w the knowledge hes eddie’s son, that theres a werid family feud situation. lets gooo daddy issues lets goooo. think of it like this sleeper> dylan > lifo and carnage

4) IT KIND OF IMPLIES THE SYMBIOTE HASNT BEEN SEEN IN DAYS? PROBABLY? WHY DOES IT JUST UP AND LEAVE THOUGHHHH also sleeper is a little too passive in this situation fr me its never mentioned if sleeper is also disconnected from the hive so I assume theyre still sort of connected w eddie?? whyd they not realize that wasnt really eddie... huhhhh

WHY WAS SLEEPER OF ALL PPL SURPRISED ABT SEEING VENOM UD THINK THEYD BE ABLE TO SENSE THEIR PARENT BEING NEARBY AND EVERYTHING? LIKE AT FIRST I ASSUMED “OH SLEEPER IS AWARE VENOM IS BEING WEIRD AND STALKING THEM FRM A DISTANCE” NAURRR THEY DONT EVEN KNOW??? this is so...

___

final thoughts ig, i just didnt really feel much. its only issue 1 so i wasnt expecting to get blown away but it just sort of left me scratching my head. its just sort of jarring where i just finished rereading stuff like web of venom: good sons and then the costa run + first host, and im going into this issue... like i think the parenting stuff is rlly the only thing sticking in my head atm. ill probably reread frm the start when we get to issue #4 which is what im mostly anticipating (bcs im expecting to see flash, andi and or bren cameo). 

we dont get to see much on dylan and symby’s dynamic which sucks, bcs thats what i was mostly lookin gout fr in this issue. we do get some more sleeper and dylan interactions which im always happy fr tho! its... a little underwhelming though, actually super underwhelming. sleeper kind of just follows dylan around and its, fine i guess? but i just expected more quips or interjections frm sleeper.

im honestly more interested in dylan’s side of the story which surprised me like i really have 0 care left fr eddie now. which sucks bcs he endeared me sm as a character, but at least currently, he’s sort of just a husk. 

anyway my theory on the whole “dylan and symby not getting along” that keeps being teased im sure itll just be dylan’s rage “infecting” the symbiote all over again or bcs dylan decided to bond with it despite eddie’s warnings its going to go thru that thing the ringo symbiote which is just. unfortunate. im so tired.

anyway!

all of the venom symbio’s shadowed appearances bcs they look so silly:

[lavenderbexlatte]

Hello!!! Welcome to 🦋 anon's probably-way-too-overthought analysis on the m&m series in light of the new part. I have stopped crying and had about 24 hours to think, and I have discovered I have many thoughts, and this will probably be way more detailed than it should be.

The first thing I would like to address are some of the accusations Chan made at the end of the most recent part. (While I understand that they're supposed to not quite be accurate because of their obvious root in insecurity, and a lot of what I'm saying may just be like "yeah, obviously," I still would like to tell at the character a bit but I can't so this is what I have.)

Claim #1: "You fucking came at us at that party with your little girl-dom agenda and the guys fell for it, hook line sinker!"

This one's fairly self explanatory, no she didn't. They literally came onto her, even him, with his "There’s that pretty blush," and "Whatever you want it to be," lines. (And while yes, it's very likely that he was just trying to play it cool, but there's no way she could've known that, I'll come back to this later.)

Claim #2: "Nobody fucking asked me what I wanted!" "Nobody asked if I was sure that I wanted…"

Also mostly false, but he does have a tiny bit of a point. Yes, reader did grab his hair without asking, which is a little iffy, but she didn't actually rough with him until he goads her on. But I would argue that the reader is actually the ONLY one who asks him what he wants, if he's okay with things. While there may have been a little bit of discussion on the decision to approach the reader that we didn't see because of perspective (him saying this is kind of telling me that there wasn't, or at the very least not enough, maybe even some pressure for this to be the moment), or maybe Changbin said something while reader is with Jisung on the couch, after that, we don't see Jisung and Changbin check in with him at ALL, and there's not really an opportunity any other time for it just not have been noticed by the reader. As his partners, and the ones in the situation who have the full knowledge of Chan's situation, it should've been their responsibility to make sure he was alright throughout the process, even if they're not the ones in control for this situation, ESPECIALLY if they're going to keep this information from their Domme for the night (which really, I would say, wasn't a good idea, but no one is required to out themselves so I'll leave it alone).

HOWEVER, the reader does check with him, several times. She asks for boundaries/hard limits/etc before they even start anything, and while again, he's not required to say "hey, having a sexuality crisis, first time with a girl, kinda nervous," and he may not want to tip off Jisung and Changbin that something's wrong, that would be the time to say something like "I'm not feeling anything rough tonight, if you could be gentler that would be great." She asks them if there's anyone that doesn't actually want to fuck her. Also, she implements a safeword system (which she specifically calls him out to make sure he's okay with), which they weren't even going to USE, and asks them at least twice throughout the scene for their color, and Chan specifically if he's okay at least two more times besides that. Actually Chan almost makes fun of her for asking so many questions, so I think this claim is just another part of his insecurity-fed delusion that she's conspiring to ruin his life, or something, but again I'll come back to that. My point is that despite being the only one who doesn't know his situation, reader is also the only one who checks in with him.

There are a few other things he said that I took issue with, but those are the main two.

Next; Chan's delusion that reader is like conspiring to ruin his life. (Really like how you depicted this by the way, though I may be thinking wayyy too far into this.) I remember watching some video when I had one of my mental health/disorders hyperfixations. The video was about schizophrenia, and while I definitely don't think Chan has schizophrenia, one of the things the video talked about was types of delusions, and this kind of reminded me of one of them. I don't remember what it's called, but it's basically a delusion based around one idea, and then you force the world around you to fit into that idea. One example of this that I can think of is Azula from ATLA. Towards the end of her arc in the TV series, she starts seeing hallucinating her mother everywhere, and you get a peek of her fixed belief that her mother is behind everything that has gone wrong in her life, which is expanded upon a little bit in the books. Obviously Chan's not experiencing delusion to the extent that she did, but I did see some (albeit much less intense) parallels that were interesting. See, if he only talked about how his boyfriends seemed to like the reader more than him, that would be one thing, but he brings up his mother as well, which even though they did speak, it's a little out there to say that your mother likes someone she's talked to once more than you. That, combined with his insisting that the reader is playing some sort of game makes me think of that a little.

Of course this was only at first, when I was like "wtf, where is this 'my boyfriends like you more than me' thing coming from?" And then I reread the first few parts for this monstrosity of an ask that I'm writing rn. While at first I thought that this was entirely out of left field, when I read through the first few parts, especially the second one, with the knowledge that he felt that way, I noticed a few things you had put in there.

For the majority of the scene, or at least the first good chunk, the reader deals with Jisung and Changbin alone, leaving Chan by himself to watch. Obviously, as we see the reader's perspective, we know that it's because she found Chan's attitude intriguing and wanted to be able to deal with that one on one (at least that's what I got from it), it's easy to see now how to someone who's already insecure about their relationship and themselves, that would read as someone replacing you. Especially when Jisung, with no ill intent, but still, outright rejects his help in favour of the reader, and once again, he is left out, only this time it's accompanied with the sting of knowing (or at least feeling) that your partner didn't want you involved.

Now I kinda want to go character by character, and idk, talk about what I think they did wrong? We'll see, I'm not going to edit this so here we go.

Jisung and Changbin : Honestly, looking back on 3racha's first encounter with the reader, they really should have done better as Chan's partners. Like I said earlier, as the ones who knew Chan's situation, and the ones who likely pressured him slightly into he whole ordeal, it was really their responsibility to make sure Chan was okay with everything that was going on. That, and them feeling the need to sneak around with reader behind Chan's back doesn't sit right with me. I get that they have an open relationship, but there's a difference between having an open relationship and hooking up with someone your partner doesn't like, and actively trying to hide that you're hooking up with them. Their relationship boundaries may be fine with that, but idk, something feels off about it.

(I couldn't figure out where to put this and you may have already addressed this but it's my little theory/headcanon that Chan actually suspected it was reader at Jisung's place, and when there wasn't anyone there, he kinda gaslighted himself afterwards, idk. With the new knowledge it feels likely.)

Also, knowing that they were together for a while before Chan joined the relationship I think explains so much about the communication issues they seem to have with him. While I do think Chan has trouble communicating his feelings about things, I think their established communication and knowing eachother really well doesn't help. I may just be making things up at this point, but I feel like they have trouble with communication with Chan specifically, maybe forgetting that he doesn't have the same time/experience thy have with each other? If that makes sense?

Chan : oh boy. I've gone into a lot of detail already, so I'll try to keep this brief. Obviously, I think he has a looooottt of insecurity he needs to work through. If I were reallllyyy analyzing this I would say maybe a past cheating partner(?), but unless that's relevant to the plot I'm not sure if that's just me reading too much into this. Also mentioned before, COMMUNICATION ISSUES. One thing that would prevent half of the issues with this series is Chan communicating with his partners, though I suppose that wouldn't be near as much fun to read. Or just communicating I'm general, like I said, he had a plethora of opportunities to communicate to reader if he wanted something different, and didn't. So, yeah. Honestly I think he causes most of his own problems, but I feel like we knew that.

Reader : Now. I spent most of this series completely on the reader's side. Last night after reading part six, I was like "oh my god. He's right!" But then I took a while and thought a lot about it (as you can see), and honestly, I think reader probably did the least wrong out of everyone. Yes, the hair thing was a little iffy, like I said earlier, but once I went back and realized that he was actively participating and egging her on, I don't think that's necessarily something she did wrong. Beyond that, she did the most in regards of communication (at least during sex, after is another story), even more than the partners themselves. I think she did the best she could with the information that was given to her. She saw three guys approach her as a unit, and while yes, she didn't ask before engaging with Chan, I don't think it's really her fault for assuming that they were all interested as a unit as well. She had no reason to question any of their sexualities, why would she? She sees three partners approach her in unison, why wouldn't she assume they were on the same page? Anyway, all that to say, I think reader is the most innocent of all the main characters so far, though I may feel different after sitting on this for more time.

Anyway, here's this unedited brain dump, loved the new part, enjoy. Or not ig - 🦋

i've been sitting on this for like a week bc it's just so long and amazing??? and i have no idea what to say?? 🥺🥺

the bit about chan having a sort of delusion that reader is out to ruin his life in a pointed, conspired way is VERY interesting. their dynamic is actually something that i pulled from myself, in a way. i'm really superstitious about dumb things. i hate, like, bumping into someone or accidentally saying something that hurts someone's feelings bc i know that that karma/vibe/intention (whatever you wanna call it, i'm not spiritual just paranoid) is gonna come back around.

reader is the opposite. she's just walking around doing things and thinking about herself, and then being shocked when there are equal and opposite reactions to the stuff she does. i overthink everything, so reader doesn't think nearly enough.

but lemme say

that the best thing you said is how jisung and changbin are absolutely not the innocent bystanders that everyone seems to think they are 🤐🤐 most readers LOVE those two. but think about it...what are they trying to accomplish, here? 👀

[threeletterslife]

NO BC I HAD A WHOLE FOUR PART ASK READY TO GO AND WHEN I WENT TO SEND THE NEXT ONE IT GAVE ME THIS BLUE SCREEN SAYING "ask denied" AND THEN TOLD ME I SENT A BAD ASK??? LIEK WHAT?? BUT YKW IM GONNA KEEP TRYING CUZ I REALLY WANNA TELL YOU MY THOUGHTS. ANYWAYS! I WAS SAYING I GOT GOOSEBUMPS BC IT WAS SO WELL WRITTEN? AND THE FACT THAT I FOUND MYSELF SIDING WITH OC ANDD YOONGI DURING THE FIGHT? YEAH. THAT’S WHAT GOOD WRITING IS. AND IM SO HAPPY IT HAD A FLUFF ENDING BC IT FELT MORE COMPLETE (CONT)

NOW ONTO TTTP. CAN I JUST START OFF BY SAYING HOW WELL YOU DID THE WHOLE “repeated death and someone tries to fix it” KINDA STORYLINE? I WAS SO SCARED THAT IT WAS JUST GONNA END WITH OC AND TAE NEVER MEETING BUT YOU MADE IT SO CUTE? THE LINE YOU CHOOSE TO END IT WAS PERFECT AND OH MY GOD THAT LINE WHERE TAE WAS LIKE “ofc you matter, i didnt do this for 389 times for nothing” MADE ME SO EMOTIONAL PLEASE YOU LITERALLY UNLEASH SOMETHING IN ME EVERYTIME YOU POST A NEW STORY (CONT)

ANYWAYS AGAIN IM SO SO SORRY FOR ALL THIS UNORGANIZEDNESS AND THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING SO PATIENT WITH ME WHILE TUMBLR TRIED TO BULLY ME OFF THE APP :’) AS ALWAYS, YOUR STORIES MANAGED TO MAKE MY ENTIRE DAY SO THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ALWAYS BRINGING SUCH INTERESTING AND BEAUTIFULLY WRITTEN CONCEPTS TO THE TABLE, ILL ALWAYS TREASURE YOUR BOOKS! I HOPE ALL IS GOOD WITH YOU!!- WEEKLY ANONN <3333333

ALSO ITS SUCH A COINCIDENCE THAT ONE OF THE ANONS JUST BROUGHT UP THE LY TRILOGY (WITH THEIR HILARIOUS RUNDOWN ON YN AND JK LMFAOOO) BC I REREAD IT A FEW MONTHS AGO AND I FORGOT MANY COOL PLOT TWISTS YOU USED also not me crying while i re-read it because it felt so nostalgic to when i first read it PLEASE I REMEMBER MY ANNOYING OVER-THE-TOP SELF WOULD MAKE A WHOLE CUP OF TEA TO SIT DOWN AND READ THE NEW CHAPTERS EVERY TIME LIKE??? HOW EMBARRASSING CAN I GET???? -WEEKLY ANON

THE AUDACITY OF TUMBLR TO SAY THE ASKS YOU SENT WERE BAD??? WHAT IN THE FUCK 🤨🤨 BUT THANK GOD EVERYTHING SENT THIS TIME OMLL

AND I’M SO GLAD YOU ENJOYED STICKY NOTES!! i can’t believe you sided with both yn and yoongi in their destructive argument! (but honestly same. i think they were both right in their own ways!) AND YES I HAD TO MAKE THE ENDING FLUFFY??? I COULDN’T JUST END ON AN ANGSTY NOTE 😩 THE CHARACTERS DESERVED BETTER!

ALSO SCREAM I LOVE THAT YOU LOVED TTTP! IT WAS DEFINITELY A CHALLENGE TO WRITE BC I NEVER DID A TIME TRAVEL!AU BEFORE LOL. BUT I THINK(?) I PULLED IT OFF??? BUT MAN OH MAN TAE IS SUCH A ROMANTIC 😩 LIKE HE COULD’VE JUST MOVED ON BUT NO HE HAD TO END UP WITH THE LOVE OF HIS LIFE 😩 MAD RESPECT FOR HIM. FIND YOU A MAN WHO’S SO WHIPPED FOR YOU THAT HE’LL TURN BACK TIME 389 TIMES TO SAVE YOU 😩😩(writing perfect fictional male characters makes my standards unattainable for irl men. it’s so bad i need to stop LMFAO)

I WILL NEVER LET TUMBLR BULLY YOU OFF THIS APP. LITERALLY OVER MY DEAD BODY 😤😤 AHHH YOU’RE MAKING ME BLUSH YOU’RE TOO SWEET I’M GONNA GO SOB IN MY CORNER OVER THERE BC IDK HOW TO HANDLE YOUR COMPLIMENTS 😩😩😩

AND OML NOT YOU TOO!! IT SEEMS LIKE EVERYONE’S FAVORITE ON THIS BLOG IS ILLEGIRL BYE 😭 AND PLEASEEE WITH THE EXCEPTION OF Y&MB, THE LY TRILOGY IS SUPPOSED TO BE SOFT 😭😭😭 NOT YOU CRYING LOL. but i digress, sometimes, nostalgia brings tears to my eyes too 😩😩 i just can’t believe you would make a cup of TEA to sit down and actually read the chapters!! that is NOT an embarrassing thing at all. it’s actually a fact that LITERALLY made my whole day. it’s such a honor??? to see people reading the stuff i write?? and dedicating so much time to even READ IT AGAIN??? it’s a concept that i still have trouble grasping sometimes 😭😭 i am so SO grateful to have such kind readers like you!!

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR LOVE AND SUPPORT. YOU ARE AMAZING <3

[ladyalice101]

jonsa fic recs

alright, i’ve had a couple requests for recs, so here is my list. these are all fairly recent fics, all written this year i think. all of them are from my bookmarks on ao3, but i picked the recent ones which are my god-tier recs, my oh-my-god-i-love-this-so-much-i-think-i’m-going-to-die, the ones i reread. they have very little in common, but if you don’t find anything on here that tickles your fancy, then feel free to check out my bookmarks. i have just over 100 on there, and every single one on there are fics that i think are absolutely phenomenal.

for @abi117 @why-cant-i-be-careless and @orangeflavoryawp

canon divergent

Victory by moutainsbeyondmountains. one-shot, 5489k.

“You won already, Your Grace,” Tyrion said mournfully. “Enjoy your victory. There are no lands left to conquer. And there are no more dragons.”

if you read no other fic on this list, read this one. seriously. it’s d.ny pov, and glorious. genuinely, i couldn’t give this high enough praise. i reread this A LOT. like, a lot a lot. i could probably quote this fic.

I Want Something so Impure by @asilentfrenzy. one-shot, 10166k.

“You have caused this, you and your queen. You allowed her to speak to me that way, allowed her to order my obedience in my own home as if I’m to be her new dog to train. I am the Lady of Winterfell, and your inbred aunt has no right to-”

“Aye, you are the Lady of Winterfell,” he growled, his eyes flashing with an added flame of fury at the mention of the woman’s newly found relations to him. “The same Lady of Winterfell who not too long ago advised me to be smart, yet it seems that you can’t follow your own advice.”

“Be smart,” she repeated, filling her face with a look of mocking humor. “By kneeling? By allowing her to seize my title and command my people? Perhaps I should offer her these chambers as well. Better, I’ll just offer them to you again, seeing as I’m sure you’ll be sharing a bed. Shall I fuck her as well? As I want to be just as smart as you, Jon.”

so if you couldn’t tell from the summary, this one is sassy af. it features darkish/dominant!jon, which is my jam, and is pretty much just 10k of smut, which is also my jam.

it’s a small crime, and i’ve got no excuse by mxash. 5/5, 8214k.

“did you see her?” sansa snarled, a hand come to pull at his collar, pulling his mouth down only hairs from her own. “your targaryen queen has dressed as though she was a whore to catch your eye.” jon smirked as she bit his lip. what was this? dany had almost recoiled in her disgust and shock, but she hadn’t been able to pull herself away from the horrific sight. my lover and his own sister.

this one serves some dark!jonsa realness, and it deserves more comments/kudos. it is written entirely in lowercase, but don’t let that distract you. the characters are dark, and devoted, and who doesn’t love d.ny catching jon and sansa fucking? seriously, this one is a must-read.

Dark in Bloom by @orangeflavoryawp​. oneshot, 8304k.

"His gravity wavers, the axis of his world tilted to the measure of her lips." - Jon and Sansa. The stain of desire bleeds slowly between them.

yeah orange, i’m reccing one of your own fics to you. seriously though, this is just like ... mindblowing. i cannot overstate how much i love this one. i literally will just randomly remember it sometimes, when i’m just going about my daily business, and i’m like “shit, that fic by orange was a masterpiece. love it.” so, yeah, if that doesn’t tell you how much i love it, then idk what will.

what i’m asking by @amymel86​. oneshot, 1173k.

"I'm not here to talk about that," Theon says, setting off another, thankfully smaller coughing fit. "I'm here to talk about Sansa."

Jon can feel the blood drain from his face. "Is she ill?"

Theon shakes his head, lifting his eyes to Jon as he coughs into his fist. "No," he finally says, his lungs giving him a small reprieve. "The Queen is in her prime. Which is why you are needed."

okay, ya’ll obvi know of amy. she writes so much fantastic fic. but i feel like this one kind of flew under the radar? which is a CRIME tbh. this fic was so ... it was so heartbreaking, but in the best way. it’s not that divergent from canon, bc the main thing that is truly different is that theon lives. seriously love this fic.

A Toss of the Coin by Paige242. one-shot, 3793.

Years after the war, the Queen in the North and the pardoned Queenslayer welcome their first child. Old traits emerge, and Jon worries about this Dragon in a den of Wolves.

ok, so this is a future fic where jon and sansa married. i don’t even know how to describe this one. it isn’t jonsa focused, but that doesn’t make it any less brilliant. it is so unique, and i’m yet to read another fic that explores the idea of one of jonsa’s kids inheriting some targaryen madness. there IS a part two, which was just as amazing. pls do yourself a favour and read this!

Choose by @esther-dot​. oneshot, 5630k

“I know the cost of our loves. I know too well how they fall on the scale, one outweighing the other. I know what you tried to tell me. I know.” She was looking at him now, and he was afraid, but he would say the words that he had been unable to silence. “I never had the chance to choose you, but I would. I would choose you every time.”

THE DIALOGUE IN THIS IS INCREDIBLE. i just reread this to try and find my fave quote, but i actually can’t even pick. there are just so many amazing conversations, between sansa and jon, sansa and d.ny, arya and jon .. ugh, the list goes on. love this, please read.

Wink Wink, Nudge Nudge by alltheshinywords. one-shot, 3187k.

Post 8x03, slightly AU. Tormund and Jaime inexplicably find themselves becoming matchmakers when they notice a certain chemistry between Jon Snow and Sansa Stark. Extreme fluff and silliness.

this one is the least angsty on the list, and honestly it’s just such a good time. i remember reading this while s8 was airing, and honestly it was just so light hearted that i laughed out loud several times, despite being heartbroken over what happening in the show.

canon, but alternative universe

leave behind a love story by aetherae. one-shot, 9562k.

Maybe if things had been different, they wouldn't be like this. They would be worse.

ok, so, despite the summary, i naively went into this expecting a happy ending. yeah, so, no. however, this was one of the most interesting fics i’ve read in a while, because each universe it explored was so different to the ones i usually see floating around. and the writing was SUPERB.

i fell in love with a war (and nobody told me it ended) by mountainsbeyondmountains. one-shot, 18752k.

In which the North and the South have been at war for years, and Sansa unexpectedly finds herself on the run with a certain Targaryen bastard.

this is an avatar/bender au, and it is GLORIOUS. after i read this, i promptly devoured every other fic this author has written bc i loved it so much. the bending is just a backdrop to the amazing enemies-lovers this fic delivers.

modern au

Fuel and Fire by @zarahjoyce​. currently 4608k, 4/?, WIP.

"You see?" Sansa says, smiling now. "If you really have to have a room far away from me, seems like you need to move into a different hotel." As an afterthought she adds, "Or to another planet."

"Bet you'd just love that, wouldn't you?" Jon asks her.

"Loads," she snarls.

He takes a deep breath, all the while just looking at her.

Truth be told Jon will give anything in the world to be able to just-- just--

-

Jon and Sansa, and all the tropes applicable to them.

All. The. Tropes.

ok so zarah in general writes AMAZING fic, they’re always so creative and inventive and i’m always genuinely shook by the fic they write. but like, this one is the god tier one BC TROPES.

when we kiss: mmmm, fire by @dancemajicdance​. 8/8, 39705k.

Sansa might be seeing someone casually, but thanks to Arya, Robb, and Theon, it’s Jon who’s got the inside track on how to get Sansa to take him seriously.

aka: the one where jon finds out that sansa has a daddy kink, and he uses it to seduce her away from the dating scene and into his arms, heeeey-oh!

yes yes, it’s a daddy kink fic, and it’s fucking glorious alright. if that’s not your thing though (even though i’m pretty sure this fic is EVERYONE’S thing) then please, for the love of god, check out the rest of their stuff on ao3. you won’t regret it. even though they don’t write much jonsa anymore, the prolific contributions they HAVE made will go down in history as some of the best jonsa ever written imo.

As Long As We're Going Down by @alienor-woods​. 9/12, currently 42228k, WIP.

Four years after Stannis Baratheon wins the Battle of the Blackwater, Sansa Stark finds herself summoned back to King's Landing to serve as a bridesmaid at Crown Princess Shireen's wedding. When King Stannis tries to marry Sansa off to his illegitimate nephew, Edric, she thinks quick and tells him she's already married--

--to her bodyguard, Jon Snow.

i actually don’t know how to explain how much i love this. it’s written so beautifully, and it’s so realistic and just ugh. read it. the adaption to modern royalty is the best i’ve ever read, and the characters are very raw, and very realistic. (also, yes, the characters have gotten together at this point in the story, in case you were scared of committing to a wip without the satisfaction of some hot and heavy scenes).

[leviathiane]

OH 41 👀👀👀👀👀

sajdkhbsfkd since you deemed fit to go Feral in my inbox ill Oblige 😘

…….However im realizing this is long as fuck and I went a lil unhinged myself bc i got Serious at some moments (apologies to everyone) so WHOOP stickin it under a Read More 

9) Read 

…….This is full of negative energy to ask Me of all people asjndbhfdnj YES please read. Read all the time. Read everything and anything you can get your hands on. Read to write the same way you listen to speak and watch to draw. Read and read and read and read and read. The first step to writing is reading. also who doesnt read……… who doesnt just hunker down and frantically absorb text like a starving raccoon………………………….

13) Less is more

This can go either way! Sometimes you need a little extra to whats going on, and this is largely dependent on the situation and style. Less is definitely more when it comes to action. However, less is not always more when describing the environment– setting a scene takes a bit more than just “they were there”, you feel? Unless youre going for vague to make a certain mood– again, it all ties largely into tone and style for most cases

17) Rules are made to be broken

LANGUAGE ISNT REAL. WE MADE IT UP. FUCK EVERYTHING. SHAKESPEARE INVENTED A SHIT TON OF WORDS AND NOBODY SAID ANYTHING. FUCK CRINGE, INVENT A WHOLE GENRE! STAR WARS AND STAR TREK AND LORD OF THE RINGS INVENTED THEIR OWN LANGUAGES, FREEFORM POETRY KICKS THE SHIT OUT OF EVERYTHING POETRY IS “MEANT” TO BE–– BEING ILLITERATE IS IN BABY. YOU ARE THE GODLESS TODDLER WITH A ROOM FULL OF LETTER BLOCKS AND YOU ARE MORE VALID THAN ANYONE WHO TELLS YOU YOU’RE WRONG! EAT THE CONFORMING LAWS OF LITERATURE ALIVE AND MOMMA BIRD THEM INTO THE MOUTH OF YOUR OPPRESSORS 

18) The first draft of everything is shit

FUCK THE FIRST DRAFT. do what you have to. my first drafts look like a groupchat with 13 people all trying to explain whats going on as theyre typing and none of them are reading the others texts. Write it drunk. write it at 5am and fall asleep on the keyboard. Write it full of spelling errors and wrong punctuation and characterization that will make you scream later because it doesnt matter. Bad writing can always be fixed, empty documents cant. Act like its an alien parasite you have to violently dig out of your stomach and stitch it up later– just get it out 

24) Don’t edit as you write

This one is also a big yes or no for me, since it works really well for some people and not at all for others. I lean more towards Don’t, since its best to just shove it all out before you try to perfect it– but sometimes that push to have a Perfect product is too strong to leave a typo or the wrong word or whatever mess was made. Do what works for you–– HOWEVER, do not do FULL SCALE edits in the middle of the draft. it will twist up your plot, and leave you frustrated and confused. Nothing stops progress like being forced to stop and reread your entire piece because it changed so much along the way you can’t remember where it was supposed to go. 

41) The only way you can write the truth is to assume that what you set down will never be read

Yeah! Honestly, idk what to say for this but ….. yea h asknbhkdnsdkf. Its not a secret at this point that i write MASSIVE amount of OC-self-insert fic as a means to practice characterizations of canon characters, but hoenstly?? I find that stuff to be some of my best fic. That’s the stuff that I get lost in, because I know it’ll never be posted. There’s nothing more honest than what’s only for your eyes. There’s none of that panicked “will my readers like it”. No subconscious (or conscious) pandering for anyone except you. That stuff can be raw as hell. Ive tackled mental health issues i might NEVER touch in actual fics within stories i wrote just for me. 

44) Everyone has a book in them

I want to say yes, but I also need to have the disclaimer of do not take this lightly. In ratatouille Remy says anybody can cook but do i Look like gordo mcramsay? Everyone has a story, but not everyone has a book, if that makes sense. We are all capable of writing and publishing something brilliant, but its not something you sit down and just decide and do. Its the same mentallity with fic authors, in that people assume this is easy, fun work. It is not. writing is grueling. Sometimes It sucks. You do it over and over and sometimes are never satisfied, and more often than not you have to just live with it. People will hate or love what you make regardless of your skill, your ideas, your execution. All creative work comes at a cost. It takes time, and practice, and sleepless nights, and sometimes even the criticism you ask for makes you want to curl up and cry–– and thats not even mentioning criticism you didn’t ask for. Anybody can write a book– but good is subjective, and it takes so much more effort than popular media/culture acknowledges.

[dulharpa]

this is for hayley! @whistlingwillows a dear friend <3333

it’s meant to be a birthday present haha. i just want to shower you in love;;; so thought maybe i could go through as many of your fics and comment on them :^)))

(TO EVERYONE ELSE: please go to @whistlingwillows blog and read her fics!!! they are SO FCKIN GOOD AND AMAZING AND UGH HER MIND (it’s a lot of mcu and her bucky and steve fics are a*. i DEFINITELY RECOMMEND))

i wish you a VERY happy birthday and i hope we stay friends for many more years <3333333333 

i’m going through your masterlist heehee ;)))

ah first off, nice theme! i never could rlly see it before because i’m always on mobile heehee. also sorry for not reviewing them before??? i don’t usually read fics on tumblr as you’ve probably guessed;;

anyways, IM GON REVIEW THE SHIT OUT OF THESE >:DDDD

far from home -  bucky x stark sister!reader

firstly, i like how youre introducing the reader from buckys pov, like you can sort of already gather what shes like from them

‘Bucky can hear Tony’s soft inhale, feel the intensity of the man’s glare directed at Steve. He shouldn’t be eavesdropping, but a twitch of muscle would be enough to alert both men that he’s here. With the amount of tension crackling in the air, a brush against the wall would be equivalent to a thousand cymbals crashing in cacophony.’

IM CRYING ALREADY. the imagery in here is GLORIOUS. your tone here is so fitting! oo and the alliteration here is perfecto

ooooooo!! the backstory coming in  👀👀

‘despite what some people think that Steve and Captain America are two different personas, there will always be parts of Steve in the Avenger, and parts of the Avenger in Steve. They both want to believe in something good. They are, after all, one in the same.// Just as how Bucky and the Winter Soldier are the same man despite everything. HYDRA simply amplified the hate, fertilized the seeds of rage, curated the quiet thunder within his soul, within James Buchanan Barnes so that the Winter Soldier could thrive.’

yIKES! lol this is very character study like! nICE. it hurts tho, my poor children, i love you both 

oo ‘starlight eyes’ that is a very nice way of describing them

‘“Then what was London?” The protesters. “São Paulo?” The earthquake. “Vancouver?” Freezing cold water.//“Look, I care if Stark’s gonna run us over trying to find her. I care enough because she’s part of our team. Come off it, Steve. I know she can take care of herself. I’m gonna take a nap. Dr. Cho said no partying post-Singapore and what do you know, we throw the biggest party ever.’

ooo singapore uwu and london? (coincidence? haha jkjk) and the hints abt reader and buckys background are so good?? but so annoying??? like i just wanna KNOW yknow?? 

‘The water runs copper and the sting bites at his palm as he tries not to think. Tries to focus on the numbing cold that runs over his skin.’ 

your imagery is so vivid?? im actually in awe??? i am so regretful i havent kept reading your fics. like i know they are amazing, i just keep putting them off??? idk man. hopefully this makes up for it (gd tho, im still not done with commenting on one fic. this is what im doing with my motivation teehee ;)

‘ He feels weak. Tired. He wants to go back to bed but he also wants to stay out in the sun for a few hours more. The sun kisses his skin through the windows and he squints against the blue sky, wondering ‘

mood during this quarantine lol

‘“Oh, right.” Your voice is flat, uninterested, cold, as you stare at him. “You killed my parents.”Shit.‘

 OUCH LMAO THATS C O L D, O GOT +100 PHYSIC DAMAGE FROM JUST READING THAT

ooo robin as a nickname noice. very much gives me batman vibes lol

oh! and the way of doing the ‘flashback’ is neat! very original. it both tells us what happened AND buckys reaction to it again. he can re-analyse himself and reader. very cool

‘If you walk away now, don’t bother coming back!” Silence. Bucky can hear his own strained breathing, your soft sigh as you soaked in his ultimatum.’

👀👀 yikes that ultimatum. :// not good bucky. tbf theyre both trying to hurt each other but Yikes

eyy!!! readers pov!! finally! and the switch after we find out the outsiders pov? brilliant

oh no :(( more angst

‘When’s the last time you saw your therapist?”“Don’t have one. I’m perfectly capable of taking care of myself.”’ they BOTH need therapists;;;;

very good fic!!! :DD they rlly do hate each other! i definitely like how you went back and forth with the timeline! it gave me a v strong idea on what yn was like even before we rlly got introduced. i am now very curious on where reader is? i love your characterisations! 

i will read the 10k+ fics but heck the last one took me ages lolol (i will comment in the future tho!! i promise <3 ) (that took me over an hour jjhghgdjh)

slipping away- amnesiac modern bucky x reader

omg,,, AMNESIA! >:DDDDDD

‘ Put your fucking seatbelt on’

oh no, istg theyre going to have a car crash arent they (’ doesn’t put the seatbelt on to spite you.’ NO PLEASE PUT IT ON U DUMBASS)

ok,,,,, at LEAST he put it on before he got hit, thank heck. but still. youre so cruel to your poor characters lmaoo

oh gosh

‘You fall apart slowly, like pieces of you peeling away until you’re nothing more than your broken heart. The sobs that wrack your body are relentless and you shove your forearm into your mouth to muffle your cries. You want to bite into your skin. You want to distract yourself from the agony tearing you to shreds. You want to feel anything but the pain.///Tears sweep into your hair, cloud your vision and your whole face floods with heat as you try to breathe through the pain. You’re cleaved into pieces on that bed, eyes squeezed shut as the tears keep flowing, and your throat burns’

this hurts damn, it is so vivid?? i can really feel it 

i am so glad you got into writing yk?? so glad

NO PLS, TELL HIM. TELL HIM :((( ‘shes nice once you get to know her?? shes known nat for years now!! years!!

oh god ‘he looks younger without the burden of your time together’ this is so angsty omg

‘Well, he was stumbling through his apology and I just let him finish.” Your body fills with warmth as you remember his embarrassed smile, the way he shoved his baseball cap farther down his head, chin tucked to his chest, trying to hide that face. “When he was done, I opened my mouth to say something polite but what came out was ‘You look like someone I’d very much like to kiss’.”

this is so soft i stg im crying in the club

OH SHITTTTTTTTTTT , you left it off like that!!! thats so cruel!!!! i can’t!!! how dare you!!!! :””””””((( im typing this with tears in my eyes ill have u know!!

anyway!!! very good fic!! you could honestly make that into a longfic very easily lol. i felt too many emotions :(( 

i was just about to say where is the fluff!! where is it!! when i saw the next one and yay :))) pls i cant have more angsty stuff rn

.

cookies and rings and things bucky and reader

‘how much do you love me?’ ‘count the snowflakes, multiply by a million’

did you have to start the fic off with such a SOFT line? its so soft! so TENDER 

‘He wonders what kinda insane person wears socks without any clothes on, but then decides that it’s the kind of person who’s fallen in love with him.’  jesus, the soft moments filled with love are the greatest <3

you can write fluff so well, whyd you have to pain me with all that angst ;””””) (1/10 hurt, 9/10 comfort is the way to go lolol) (jkjk ill read the angsty ones too when i have the spoons) (gonna reread that hydra steve one and ik thatll fuck me UP)

‘ Then, he can feel the cold metal of the ring she slid onto her own finger less than twenty-four hours ago and realizes that he had thought a lot of things shouldn’t be possible, and yet they still are. ‘

you literally brought me to tears reading this softness, you have truly found my weakness

‘ She’s so damn gorgeous with flour on her face and eye bags beneath her eyes that he’s sure she will inevitably make his heart burst ‘

he already likes her so much! i can’t believe this is affecting me so much :’)

‘Bucky is quite sure Sam is in love with his girlfriend in the fact that he’s in love with the fact that his girlfriend is possibly in love with Bucky’

this is so soft??? sam loves reader bc reader loves bucky sm. pls my hear <3333

you do fluff SO WELL DAMN 

‘F.R.I.D.A.Y.’s voice echoes in his small little perch and he still thinks it’s weird without having the side effect of Stark in his suit chasing after him to hear the A.I. but he shoves that uncomfortable feeling of the dead man out of his head. That is too much regret to unpack right now on a mission. ‘

yike bringing back that reminder oof

but thats so soft??? (i am def overusing soft but,,,,, i love it and the vibe) she sent him cookies! god i can feel the love  

‘She expresses her feelings through cooking, which Bucky has learnt the hard way. One time, they got into an argument over something stupid—he can’t even remember what started it—and came to the kitchen at 2AM to see her sitting at the kitchen island crying her eyes out and surrounded by baskets of muffins.’

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 my hEART

you show how much they love each other in so many ways??? i am dying

“Alright, I like it.” Rolling his eyes, he pecks her forehead and she smiles victoriously. It’s so adorable that Bucky, with less than three hours of sleep, adds, “God, I want to marry you.//”“What?”//Oh.Shit.

oh my god! i am literally tearing up!!! AGAIN!!!!!!!!

oh shit o am literally crying

your fluff got me crying harder than your angst i hope youre happy

I really hope you enjoy reading this?? i keep forgetting to like text you but i wanted to do something for your birthday. especially in quarantine when everythings gone crazy. one year i swear ill do something REALLY good for you. not making promises bc i hate if i dont. but ill like, learn how to podfic because you D E S E R V E  I T 

ive spent like three hours doing this lolol 

thank you so much for everything hayley!

[yoonia]

Lol actually i toldu not to mind my first ask, because i kept reading n then understood that she was sick not because of thw illnes, but it was actually the moment after the loss of the baby. That's why Taehyungs presence confused me. They finally had the talk with Y/N /Yoona as i call her/, but still he didn't tell her what's the problem TT, honestly I'm really waiting for that moment. He must be inlove with her, or he really has big personal problems, that doesn't want to bring to her.. I mean

I mean i do understand him if he acts like that, because he is big friend of her, because she is going to give Jk another chance n he knows it, after all done, but most friends won't ditch u for that after all, he must have feelings for her.. Or will she ditch him, because of Jk? For Jk? After this chapter weirdly i feel the real deal here is Jimin, not Jk 😂 which at the moment probably seems very illogical... I'm feeling how I'll send u 6 more messages about About Time😂 You will hate me by

The end of this fic lol So, where was I, oh, yes.. Today i thought to submit to u pictures of Jk, the way i picture him in the fic, but i see u posted that urself n it's killing me, he is really the Devil, gorgeous n dangerous. About my previous asks i said i wish, because of the foolish romantic i am for her to give another chance to Jk in the second life, but the last chapter made me remember he got already his second chance, so im team Jimin now on n that's it lol

I did reread the chapters not long ago, but maybe i should again if u have changed something more :/ idk, but i feel im up to date. I can't believe we have left only part 13 n 13.5 i'll cry when i read the last chapter. I want to send u some moodboards about it, i should do some these days, since i really want to ~

Oh, right! Yeah, I get it. It might be a little confusing if you only focus on the time lapse sequences and don’t pay attention on the year when the scene is happening. That’s why I always put them all together, including the places. I’m glad you were able to keep up tho :) The changes I made were mostly on the timeline and years (I made the OC or Y/N, as you call her, to have the same birth year as JK instead of Jimin as I originally did), add a bit of details into the scenes between OC and Jimin that I had initially deleted first, and changed the writing style a bit so you won’t be finding heaps of run in sentences that makes it hard to enjoy the reading. The rest are pretty much the same, really.

The scenes with Taehyung happened when she was tracing back to the moments when she was losing him. And the time jump happened while she was reminiscing those moments during her time she spent back home after she got sick with her illness. The talk they had then was the start and the actual reason will come up later. I’m actually considering of making it clear through Taehyung’s special chapter to make it less confusing and to limit the amount of time jumps we are having towards the end of the story. 

Oh, trust me, I was literally screaming when I saw that photo of JK he looks like the fuckboy JK was at their past life it was too perfect. I welcome any kind of moodboard anyone could think of for my fics. Anytime. I always love getting them and it’s always such a pleasure to see how everyone else are picturing the stories I have written through pics or edits and stuff, so send away :) And don’t worry about sending me loads of messages. I won’t hate you at all! Trust me. I enjoy reading them all, especially when they contain theories or random rants about AT hahaha 

Oh, speaking of which, we still have a few more chapters after 13.5 is out. Remember that chapter 11-13 were originally written as one full chapter (chapter 11) that I had to split up so you won’t have to read 30k words of angst /sobs/ so the actual chapters of 12 and 13 are still in the works. I won’t be surprised if they end up being split to parts again (I’m so sorry) but I can’t help myself. I’ve planned the ending since a long time ago so now that we are getting close, I can’t stop myself from writing every idea I had in mind into those scenes. Anyway, thank you for reading and yay for Team Jimin! :’)

[archive-of-my-mind]

While honestly these posts are a waste since I don't really feel as strongly about the situation as I did closer to when it happened. I don't want what I wrote down to be wasted. I'll probably delete these posts about the situation later. But here goes another.

Slipknot: Snuff

"Bury all your secrets in my skin

Come away with innocence and leave me with my sins

The air around me still feels like a cage

And love is just a camouflage for what resembles rage again":

- You shed a lot onto me from your personal life, that's what changed my tune as I grew away from the relationship. The what I describe as rage I got that night came from a place that was originally love and tons of strong feelings that you had for me when I let you make me a safe space.

"My heart is just too dark to care

I can't destroy what isn't there"

- I left it be without saying more to leave you with your peace and I ended what I had going on with others as I realized if I don't delve into love I can avoid the pain it brings.

"Deliver me into my fate

If I'm alone I cannot hate

I don't deserve to have you

Ooh, my smile was taken long ago

If I can change I hope I never know"

- Same as before. Realized I need to step away from love so I ended things that night I chose that fate with your guidance. I won't say I don't deserve to have you but I did give you up before and you're entitled to whatever life you choose. If I can change my ways and feel or think differently I don't want to know. I have to accept this version of history and how things played out.

"I still press your letters to my lips

And cherish them in parts of me that savor every kiss"

- When I moved back I saw the letters you wrote me still sitting on my shelf on my books. I reread them a few times. It motivated me to come back.

"I couldn't face a life without your light"

- Literally made a post on my other tumblr using almost those exact words so it fit to me.

"But all of that was ripped apart when you refused to fight"

- Maybe these are your words to me since I didn't allow you to get better for the sake of us when you asked me to idk, it's how it feels.

"So save your breath, I will not care

I think I made it very clear

You couldn't hate enough to love

Is that supposed to be enough?"

- I feel like this was you to me that night. You were direct and definitely made it clear how you felt and how I left you. Me saying what I came to say originally probably would have been a waste of breath. It would of made no difference. I think I said that too.

"I only wish you weren't my friend

Then I could hurt you in the end

I never claimed to be a saint

Ooh, my own was banished long ago

It took the death of hope to let you go"

- You said you didn't wish ill on me maybe if things were different you would of but i should take comfort that you feel you shouldn't. We both weren't saints we both had our issues, and with all you said that night it definitely took the death of hoping things could be rekindled to finally let it go, and I think your hopes died way before mine.

"So break yourself against my stones

And spit your pity in my soul

You never needed any help

You sold me out to save yourself"

- Maybe you're saying I sold you out and left you in a bad way just so I could go off and feel better. I can see that. But also I feel like you sold me out and paint me in a bad picture to make things feel better.

"And I won't listen to your shame

You ran away, you're all the same

Angels lie to keep control

Ooh, my love was punished long ago

If you still care don't ever let me know

If you still care don't ever let me know"

- Definitely your words to me. I came back to tell you how I felt and how I wanted to try again, like I said before it would just be best to save my breath. If I still care don't waste my time telling you that. I let it go, I ran away. I gotta accept that now.

[scoops404]

consciousness streaming ! (i love saying this it just makes everything sound more dramatic, like it's out of a medieval times movie idk)

but anyway, i have finished reading inffqth

and altho im not crying anymore, i did cry through like, chapters, 10 to 12, maybe more in 11 and 12, but specially 11

i said this dream was beautiful, and i still mean it, probs even more now that i saw him completely, i have like, a list with my favorite dream's in fanfics and urs just kicked everybody to be number one

this george too,,, god how much i wanted to fight him, at some point i said out loud how i was gonna take that "stupid" box of feeling and throw it on a river so he finally opens up, but honestly, i probs got mad at him bcs he was taking decisions i would have also taken

when he was talking abt how he was too much and nobody wanted that, i was like "ok well no need to attack me like that"

but im so happy they got to solve it in a non tiring way? like usually the communication just goes the wrong way or never happens and it gets so frustrating, like just TALK alr pls

+ very random but when this scene happened

—"George," Dad says with a nod.

—"Dad," he says back, "Drive safe." Another nod,

LISTEN I, i wanted to be petty, i wanted george to say "Jim." just out of spite, ik it doesn't change a lot but in my way of seeing it it would have been funny but petty iguess

i have like, many more screenshots of the story, since i cant ever reread a whole fic cus i hate knowing what's gonna happen, but at the same time i love rereading bits of it so pictures it is, kinda sad i can't like, send them here all marked up like they do with printed-out books, i like doing that a lot

ALSO, gotta give the biggest kudo's trophy to kate, even though she was the one making me cry cus jfc why is she such a nice and healthy mom, she was so understanding and caring and god, building her a pedestal, she deserves it

i think ur way of writing a parent k worded me, reading kate just suddenly made me think of these exact dream and george as parents and my brain shut down, i really thought "god a kid fic of scoops would totally destroy me" (i am very weak for kid fics, have a soft spot for them)

now i am probably gonna read iwywah, (cus i realized ive read everything else of urs thats dnf and that's the only fic left) and ill probs cry again, who knows,

scoops just really going for that "makes readers cry" trophy smh /lh

anyway, again, thank u for writing this

also saw that u mentioned u have a friend that's like this dream and im so happy for u!! u seem to be deserving of lots of nice things, sending love to u guys :] <3

I almost forgot to answer you because i was just staring in wonder at this ask--I love it!

Chapter 11 was a doozy, don't blame you for crying there. lots of growth and realizations and decisions. I'm so glad you still love my Dream. As for George here, I'll admit, he's hard to love for a while, but that's mostly because I see myself in him so much (like you said, same decisions I would make) and I want to bang his head against a wall (or in this case, his mother).

The thing about his dad in this fic-- like chapter 11 got completely re-written because it disappear on me, yeah? well, the original chapter dealt way more with his dad. George and Neve go straight to Brighton first instead of London to Kate, and George has an awkward encounter with the new lady friend where we realize, she's just a woman and just as messed up about all this as everyone else and it really humanized his dad and the whole situation but when is got deleted, I was like okay this is a sign. This story is not about George's family that much, like it's about Dream and George getting together and this is a fun side trip and sheds more light on things, but at the end of the day, we didn't need that light.

I think it's so cute you screenshot your favorite parts! My friend (the dream friend) does this and every once in awhile will send me an unhinged screenshot from a fandom im not in and it takes me out.

I love Kate in this fic, she's my fave. I'm proud of how she turned out and how real she seems. Definitely not perfect (in the epilogue where she tells everyone but george about the guy she's dating--proof that it's harder to change than we realize, but she apologizes to george and makes it right), but the kind of adult I want to be as I age--not afraid of life but living it. I guess I did some projecting there.

If I ever write a kid fic, I will count on your kudos, lol. I've thought about a non-traditional one but I'm not ready to commit yet.

Let me know how you like "Accomplice" I uh think you're going to have some more family feels in that one. I think i have themes I like to explore.

Thank you for your beautiful message--sending you all the positive vibes and good things <3

[dykeserket]

.

puttting this under readmore cause im just gonna be ranting

SO i decided to write my aravris ghost au, super self-indulgent and its literally just had all things that i enjoy. like its gonna be written in second pov which i know a lot of people hate but like. idk it feels natural, the pov should be chosen based on the story in my opinion. like some stories just need to be told in a certain way to express certain ideas

which is why most of my stories are first person, second person, third person limited, its all very personal to the character, which is exactly the story im trying to tell!

also the ending is very bittersweet but its honestly perfect. i struggle a lot with ending stories since it just makes me sad to think about but for this. i know exactly what im gonna do

i made the initial draft which is just listing out all the events

ok wait the way i write stories goes like this:

PHASE ONE: drafting

inital draft: just writing everything, not detailed, from start to finish, usually only a page or so

first-first draft: going back and writing everything but this time in bullet points and going into details, not really writing yet but if certain lines or dialouge comes in mind ill jot it down

first draft: going through and writing everything in actual story format, no bullet points. not polished and should not spend a lot of time agonizing over word choice, just get it down as a story

PHASE TWO: editing

so at this point i have a complete draft, start to finish, of the entire story. its obviously not very good right now but thats ok. go through and seperate them into chapters, from now on i usually go through the rest of the process chapter by chapter instead of all at once

second draft: go through and rewrite everything, the previous paragraphs are merely guides and are deleted as i go through. this will usually end up with 1 page turning into 2-3 pages or more

wait: time to stop and put it aside for a few days. at this point i might go work on some other chapters or i might just cool off from writing, depends on my mood

editing: now that a few days have past come back to the draft and rewrite again! usually i read it aloud as well. but when i rewrite i might just be writing the same thing again with no changes but it helps to really understand what im saying

PHASE THREE: polishing

now i have my chapter and usually im pretty happy with it at this point. i might go back and rewrite a few scenes but overall it should be fine

'final' edits: usually i just run it through some word / grammer program to see if its ok. i used to have grammerly since my mum went to college and used it for her papers but idk if she has it anymore i might log into her account to check

reread: im guilty of not doing this even when its in my, should do list, but whatever. just reread or have some program read the story out to you. this should catch any weird phrasing that your brain has subconciously gotten used to

after that i just post it!

um anyway i want to at the very least get to the first draft stage. that would be very cool and i have a lot of projects to work on right now but i think just finishing one story is a good start.

[ciceroisthefamilycat]

My Fiery Heart reread response (my Indigo Spell one here, my first-time Fiery Heart one here from 7.5 years ago)

before I get into it, I remembered looking up the Iolanthe coven name Sydney used; that wasn’t something I looked up until after reading it the first time though, so I didn’t realize the fairy court connection to Sydney recommending Zoe do her literature assignment on Midsummer Night’s Dream... I’m very certain it was an intentional reference to that opera now (even though the purple flower meaning was enough on its own)... if they get around to adapting this one, I half want to see Amberwood Prep put on a production of MND where Jill is helping with the costumes and Zoe gets to play Titania or something; I never got around to reading Richard III (Zoe’s original pick) but it’s interesting that free will/fatalism is apparently a major theme, and that Richard contrived to have his brother Clarence sent to the Tower of London...

also, I’m not sure if I cared about “White Rabbit” by Jefferson Airplane all those years ago, but I got a thrill seeing it referenced this go around.

we get the first namedrop for Cicero (though we had heard about his propensity for killing birds and some other mention in the earlier BL books ETA, 7/19: “My family had a cat back in Utah that I was pretty sure was more responsible than Angeline” pg 31 TGL

Anyway, gosh Sydney makes bad decisions in this one. And it’s not because she has too much to do- she has no real outside strenuous challenges to protecting Jill or her group this go around. The friend group actually had to decide “yeah let’s go hunt down a Strigoi in LA” for there to be a major action scene. I realize she’s in her late teens and the burdens put on her are unfair, but she’s a great example of someone who thrives under pressure and falls apart when she’s given too much free time.

The switch to dual narrators was unnecessary. It wasn’t bad, but it was clearly only to set up for the big cliffhanger at the end, and so feels a bit pointless in this one. Btw, Rose didn’t lose her spirit link into Lissa’s mind after Lissa went on antidepressants. Now admittedly, the chemicals in Adrian’s mood stabilizers would have probably worked differently, or maybe Richelle was trying to retroactively make things more consistent (since alcohol could affect the bond), or maybe it was “Adrian and Jill’s bond is less established, so Jill can’t break through like Rose could”... but the sudden decision mid book (with no repercussions- Adrian doesn’t even bring it up to Sydney to be like “hey, one of your main concerns about having sex is taken care of”) is so pointless and really goes to the minimal page-time of the larger ensemble. I said it the first time I read the book, the absence of Kristin and Julia, and Micah, and even more important characters like Angeline or Trey is so frustrating. I realize Richelle couldn’t write a book that was 900 pages long, but I would have gladly taken any of those characters instead of the completely unnecessary Terwilliger/Malachi romance. Especially to see Jill’s reaction to getting to be a more typical high school human, since I think she would have gotten even more attached to Amberwood than Sydney did. I also just... really, the Alchemists decided to have Sydney’s bio sister on campus... pretending to be a cousin... while she was playing sister to Jill? I get they kind of backed themselves into a corner, but weird. That being said, I was happy to have Rowena and Cassie around. (give me Adrian and Rowena being wlw besties excellence to make me really happy)

Sydney’s coven initiation taking place in chapter 2, then she meets Inez (who gives her the books on charms)... and we never see a witch other than Jackie again in this book? Honestly, why bother with writing the initiation at that rate? I still like the cloak they made Sydney though. On reread, there’s the randomest bit where Trey’s like “is Neil even really British” and I wonder if that was a dropped storyline where Neil was faking. Olive and Nina are still pleasant characters, and I liked that they had a “unique” background, but knowing how those stories end was kind of a buzzkill on reread. Olive, especially, deserved better.

This is another one where I forgot quite a few events- Adrian getting drunk and the pawnshop (I think I remembered that obliquely, but not so much on it), or the trip to Texas (which actually came before the pawnshop but oh well). I was happy to finally get some actual Christian content again, although I regret we didn’t get more from Sydney & Rose or more Sydney & Lissa. On Adrian’s mental health storyline... I am less impressed by it than I was the first time (though I didn’t remember being super-impressed, but according to my first review?). I do actually like Adrian being insistent, once he’s started taking meds, that he’s going to continue, but the diagnosis of bipolar disorder doesn’t actually feel like it fits? I will say, I find Adrian’s “chicken or egg” pondering over whether spirit causes mental illness or mental illness means a predisposition to specializing in spirit is fascinating (though it’s probably for the best Richelle never actually answered it).

The way Adrian spoke (or thought) about Zoe really pissed me off. Like, one, you’re an adult, stop antagonizing the sister of the girl you like and just be cordial (which is less suspicious than suddenly acting like you and Sydney don’t get along at all), and two... Adrian’s super protective over Sydney after realizing the emotional abuse Jared heaped on, but somehow doesn’t realize that this fifteen year old has been spending time with said father’s attention solely focused on her for ages now, and he has no sympathy for her? Instead of seeing Zoe being like “Sydney shouldn’t have to provide for you all the time” and being like “aww, that’s a nice protective sister instinct even if she needs an attitude adjustment” he taunts a 15 year old about drinking from her the way he did to 20-something actual-predator Keith. He could have engaged yet another Sage sister in talking about his awesome car on the drive over, or at least made other good faith efforts.

The dabbling stuff made me more uncomfortable this time around (I think). Especially Sydney comparing her getting Keith’s eye ripped out to Adrian’s assault of a human girl... that was some real false equivalency on Richelle’s part. But other parts of it, like “oh here comes Adrian to save the day and at least he’s changed from these guys he used to hang out with (oh, look at that convenient statement that even back in the day Adrian wasn’t on the same level of bad as them)”  was really frustrating, or the fact that Adrian was very deliberately withholding information from her in his own chapters and it made me question his trustworthiness in her chapters. Or the “oh, hey, he made the concession of getting treatment for his mental illness, so all is forgiven” handwaving. Like, Richelle brought this in to be an obstacle to their relationship, but it’s addressed so quickly (with maybe a pittance effort of later being like “oh, at least Adrian didn’t take advantage when Sydney accidentally absorbed some Moroi endorphins- he learned his lessons!) that it doesn’t merit the actual consideration of so important a topic Idk. I do feel like I enjoy the Sydrian relationship more in this book than the others, but I also have some huge issues with it.

Adaptation-wise, I think genderbent Adrian would definitely mean a change to the dabbling storyline (yes, women can be sexual predators, but I don’t think this storyline would be maintained with different social expectations). Honestly, give me an Adrian who, instead of having victimized someone, doesn’t immediately fully grasp how upsetting this idea of vampires preying on her species (and risking exposure) is to Sydney... Adrian being like “it isn’t sexual, those guys would never consider sleeping with a human” but the consent even to give blood still being critical to Sydney. And you know what? Let Lissa “compelled a guy to almost hit himself over the head with a baseball bat for molesting a Feeder” Dragomir have a spirit freak out moment of rage and go off on these subjects of hers the way that was deserved (and then once she cools down, maybe she can’t punish them fully, but she uses it to leverage their royal families’ agreement to the Family Rule amendment). And just finish that law by the end of the season, so that when the Alchemists pull out Sydney and Zoe, they’re actually closing down the whole Palm Springs operation in a rage. (if I remember correctly Alicia kidnapped Jill between books 5 and 6, but that was a stupid plotline imo- let Sydney and her coven take care of Alicia in the downtime of this book instead) Let Rose figure out that Sydney and Adrian are in love- she’s smart and she would pick up on that; let her celebrate them and encourage them to be happy together. Also the “Sydney and Adrian get three days at an inn to sex it all up” was stupid... like I’m happy for them but am I really supposed to buy that they could afford all that time away from Palm Springs?

As bad as I feel for Syd, and Adrian, and Eddie, and Jill, and Jackie at the end of TFH, I do remember that I’m going to feel worst for Hopper. I’m sorry that demon dragon Calistana has my heart and I remember one scene from Silver Shadows featuring the little guy prominently...

[jooheongif]

it's theory anon,hi!!how are YOU?i'm really good rn thanks:)) thank you for your kindness again,i'm really happy i could somehow help to help you feel even a tiny bit better and hope you're doing well now,too(and it's ok to not rest on your day off but it's also ok to do so if that's what you feel is right for you atm!).about the mf(ilm), i thought the same thing, it felt like a parallel universe type of story!i also really love plotlines about friendship, (again cont.i'll try to be briefer!)

(i’m so sorry i wrote a rly long reply so i’m gonna put this under read more !!)

2. friendship is beautiful and i feel oftentimes underappreciated(but not mx!there they go again being amazing) so i love the concept. personally i like not knowing what exactly the producers were thinking because having my own interpretation of something and seeing other ppl have their own fills me with wonder,like,that's art!so many people think so many different things and no one's wrong i love it!!your thoughts about them appreciating everything they've done so far,you're absolutely right(cont) 3. i hope they are able to bc everything's so hectic for the.i get lost just looking at their official schedule,i don't know how they do it but i also hope they are aware of all these things bc those are all mindblowingly huge accomplishments in my opinion and i just want them to feel like their hard work is worth it,yknow?(is this comprehensible?)and i know they feel pressure because as you said the business is nasty but yea i hope at the end of the day they can feel like (cont.???again 4. everything they've put so much of themselves into is worth it,i love their energy and fierce determination and i just don't want them to lose it but maybe as you said feel less pressured..but then the only way would realistically be to make sure they get awarded in the Real World so we're all doing our best in the system&hating it as you said:/ they just mean so much to so many people i want them to feel that too!i try to contain myself but here i go again! sorry it's so long AND i have more(con 5. also!thank you for your big reply and sharing your thoughts i mostly just agreed with (but you're right so what else can i do),i don't have mbb friends to vent to and fanperson(is there a gender neutral term for fanboy/fangirl?) over mx with and this is really nice and fulfilling(again,if i'm boring you,you can just delete the messages and not reply!) so THANKS!it's great to strive to be a better person but i feel like one(you) should also acknowledge the good things they're already doing(cont?) 6. you showed such pure kindness and really melted someone's(my) heart and that's a Big Deal!djkghddgwe can agree that we both inspired each other :') also please i feel like you're such a wonderful soul and you really deserve every bit of gratitude and appreciation i managed to express(i feel a lot moreprobably) so!yeah!reminder that you're lovely and deserve to be appreciated and i'm also very,very happy you're here!you made my day brighter for the 2nd time now wow!thanks! i hope you and(cont.:() 7. your gorgeous heart are taking good care and enjoying your day/night! and this cb!i really like it i haven't had time to listen to the entire album but jealousy!is a bop honestly it's my type of jam and the choreo is stunning and so are their voices!iwas so skeptical about the lyrics(they could've been like hero or stuck and those made me a bit >:/ honestly) but i really should've known they wouldn't fail me in any way ever!i can't wait to hear the rest of the songs i hope you enjoy them too!bye

hi theory anon, it's nice to hear from u again ! firstly, i am so sorry for the slow reply to this ! but im rly glad to know that u are doing good :-) i'm doing ok too thank u !! how are u ? kfjjfdsjfdf sorry that u had to read my tags but thank u for saying that !! i just feel so guilty when i do nothing bc im absolutely terrified of time passing too quickly ? just the thought of letting a few minutes go to waste is overwhelming ? even though i know it's not rational to think like this but ??? theres just this constant feeling that im running out of time so i try to get rid of it by always doing smth ?? and feel bad when i dont ? idk ?? but anyway im working on it and ill be ok ! sorry..not to be dramatic and tmi and all that kjdfdj istg this blog gives me too much freedom to say...too much :( (hope the internet folks that collect metadata never read the garbage i write bc..yikes they aren't gonna hav the best time) anyway..yea. what a paragraph to start off this reply :( sorry for the honesty and saying so much all the time btw :( not that being honest is necessarily a bad thing but ! idk every time i write smth i suddenly feel extra self conscious and feel like deleting it bc im rly embarrassed and always end up having big regret later when i reread anything ive typed up !! but i just keep writing them anyway bc...idk ?? i'd rly hate it if someone got discouraged from sharing their thoughts/worries/feelings which i think is a rly important human thing :( so  yea im rly embarrassed w anything i write but i'll keep doing it anyway bc i'm all for that kind of stuff and sometimes i know its not easy and it takes someone a lot to share that and its a good thing and i dont ever want anyone to feel discouraged from doing that ! anyway i just felt like i rly needed to say all of this..but pls dont feel obliged to reply to this mess !! anyway back to mx ! you are right :( i also hope mx feel like what they've done is worth smth w/e their definition or standard of that is :( like.. all of the hard work they've put into being mx it certainly means so much to fans but i hope all the hard work they've put into being mx also means smth to them at the end of the day and they are happy w what they're doing and what they've achieved so far :( and yes we'd love mx to always be rewarded in the real world :( though we love them and we want to get them a win, i know that everyone has their commitments, means and different circumstances and we can only do so much :( but even if u think its just a small contribution, everything adds up and counts and i know that all mbb hav contributed in some way in helping them get another win for this cb ! there are some mbb who can't buy albums or streaming passes and things and i hope they don't feel bad for this :( even if all you can do is watch the mv once or twice, even if you could only vote, i hope you know that it all counts and matters !! abt mx's schedule, i get tired just by looking at their weekly one idk how they can even put up w it all ?? after this they'll hav their japanese album and things and then they'll have their concerts and on top of all that apparently [some of them are also studying] ????? they are so hardworking :( HOW do they do it !! just..thinking abt their schedule is overwhelming !!! also pls dont think that you're boring me or anything like that :( im so thankful for any msg i receive and the fact that u actually took the time to type out smth to send to me ?? im so grateful ?? u are never boring !! honestly even if u sent me a stainless steel dishwasher manual w the page length of like..23 bibles, i'd still love u for it and i'd prob read all of it :( btw thank u sm for saying all those kind things !!! receiving kindness for the 3rd time is rly !!!!!!! and once again i've done nothing to deserve it :( i dont even know what i can say to you that will ever be enough to thank u again or to top what u hav already said ! if there was like a...maslows hierarchy of kindness of smth, ur at the very top of that triangle and anything i say will never be as kind as what you have said !! for you, i can agree that we both inspired each other :-) but really thank u so much from the bottom of my heart :( i hope you know how kind and lovely u are too ! if nobody told u this today, i wanted to say that im rly grateful to know u and i'm happy that you're here !! thank u again for being so kind and thoughtful and for making me smile !! :( same, i havent properly listened to the whole album either bc ive just been letting it stream in the background (but i dont count that as a proper listen unless i listen w headphones tbh) ill give it a good listen one day ! also im a repeat 1 kind of garbage person until i feel the need to listen to a new song ?? and rn jealousy to me is a song that gets better w every listen ??? shes too powerful atm :( one day ill listen to another song but today is not that day ! Actually.....I think jealousy is my fav mx song ???? before this cb i didnt hav a fav bc i couldnt pick the song i liked most out of blue moon/blind/fighter/incomparable. i was just gonna base it off the one w the most play count out of those 4 but now i know its jealousy ! what are ur fav mx songs ?? btw i know im always saying that anything mx releases is always a masterpiece no matter what, but in all seriousness its ok if u didn't like smth they released. i don't think it makes u any less of a mbb if u didn't enjoy a certain release or if u only liked one aspect of a thing but not so much the rest of the thing. anyway not to sound so...stale and commonplace but for lack of a better word/sentence, at the end of the day your own reactions and feelings to a piece of art like music...it's all just subjective isnt it ?? not liking that thing doesnt mean that its not a masterpiece or its any less of a masterpiece to someone else either so !! it's ok !! anyway this is rly....ive written a lot and its all over the place and incoherent probably :( i'm sorry !! feel free to reply whenever u feel like it, or no pressure on never replying at all btw ! also feel free to disagree w anything i say ! thank u sm for talking to me abt mx bc ive also got no mbb friends so !!! thank you :( theres so many times where i rly want to start a conversation w someone but im too scared and also i've got no clue abt how to initiate conversation ! and the times when i do manage to...i get stuck on how to keep the conversation going ? but when i figure smth out then im coming for u @ friendship !! i hope u had a good weekend and that you got some rest and that ur doing ok wherever u are !! until next time, take care ❤️❤️❤️

[deadmanzp]

aftg asks; questions by triquetrine

these are so interesting so i did all of them.. i want to come back after a year and see if id still answer the same! 

op is the post before this or also tagged “misc” 

neil josten: favorite/most iconic line?

first one that comes to mind I’m not sure is a favorite or iconic line? but it’s a line i think about a lot and it always hurts to read. it’s when they're at the cabin in TKM. 

“He didn’t care how much it hurt so long as he could pull Andrew closer, and he let Andrew take him apart until he couldn’t think anymore.”

that comes at the very end of Chapter 14 and gosh just the paragraph that line comes from and the paragraph before…. the fact neil thinks andrew doesnt care about him the way he cares/feels about andrew is like….. CMON MAN but also i just love the pining angst of it. i like this line especially because the line right before it mentions neil working his “bandaged fingers into Andrew’s hair”. so the “he didnt care how much it hurt” to me always carried a double meaning of 1. the physical pain he felt bc of his injuries but also 2. the pain of unfamiliarity abt his feelings towards andrew and thinking it was unreciprocal AND THAT HED HAVE TO “WARN” ANDREW like the implication.. of neil thinking abt their “relationship” possibly ending bc andrew doesnt feel the same and maybe wouldnt want to be entangled in whatever neil was feeling …… IM LIKE neil knows andrew so well and him being so sure abt this but hes like …. WRONG …. e

nathaniel wesninski: one thing you would change about the books? (plot, characters, etc)

there is very little id change about the books if at all. mainly bc while i know there are upsetting things that happen/the charas do, i think all of those things make the series really interesting to analyze and talk about. i will say a moment i hated was when neil touches andrews scars when andrew makes it clear he doesn't want neil to pry about them. i know neil offers his scars in turn when he's trying to convince andrew to let neil look over kevin but that was controlled. he let andrew touch them and find out about them of his own volition. neil touches something directly related to the trauma andrew had just experienced again when he had 0 permission to do so. while i always get mad at neil for this when i read it i still dont think id change it or get rid of it. im not really sure how id change it anyways and i think andrews relationship with his scars (and himself in general) is probably what allows him to brush it off(?)/never bring this up (plus maybe neil offering his scars was enough for andrew) but i havent thought too hard about this. but ya i remember i got rlly angry w neil the first time i read this scene and i still get mad abt it when i reread.

andrew minyard: if you could be friends with one of the characters, who would you pick?

i mean realistically i wouldnt be friends w jocks ILL BE REAL LOL and i think as much as i love the monsters, theres no way id be friends w them haha uhm but prob dan would be most realistic! maybe even katelyn tbh.. 

kevin day: if you played exy, what would your position be?

oh i think dealer! in sports i liked being able to do both defense and offense bc it made me feel i had more control over the field, like i could always do something if there were any holes

dan wilds: favorite moment/scene?

definitely the hotel reunion scene. theres so much to it; it drives me nuts!!!!! but honestly there are probably a lot of really good moments im forgetting. to me the whole series is really enjoyable and every scene has something i could say about it haha

matt boyd: song you would love to see in a live-action adaptation?

Oggghh this is so hard… esp since it takes place in 2007???? Idk.. iconic artists then i suppose ghfgkjhf BUT i think general vibes i think itd be so cool if paramore (time relevant), ptv (also time relevant), and mitski were on the soundtrack……. Ya…….. 

nicky hemmick: which made you more emotional, neil at evermore or neil in baltimore?

neil in baltimore for sure… neil at evermore i can't remember what i felt the first time i read it (maybe pain LOL bc he was doing it for andrew and i felt like riko wouldnt keep his promise) but in my latest reread i was unimpressed by it (mostly bc i think riko is boring and unimpressive). i think i mightve said evermore in the past though….. maybe... neil in baltimore is like … GOD neils emotions are so strong during all of that its really juicy haha. i think like him being angry bc he was on the cusp of having everything he couldve ever dreamed of; the desperation of wanting to fight back and get away; even just the fear of being in the same room as his father for the first time in so long... all really juicy 

aaron minyard: a character you will defend to your death?

defend…. im not sure is the word i would use and i dont think i really believe in defending any of these charas “to death” bc of how flawed and complex they are; id like to acknowledge when they did wrong. i think id “defend” any of the characters if i saw anyone misinterpreting or misunderstanding them.. theyre all really interesting even if they didnt get too much spotlight. except maybe riko. hes incredibly boring to me. and also nathan ig and any of his crew just bc there is Nothing abt them rlly...

katelyn: which minor character do you wish you could see more of?

uhhhmmmmmmmm hmmmmmm….. idk maybe… jeremy…. gjfjgkdngmdghs just bc him and kevin r so funny.. i was thinking maybe jean too but…… idk a diff kind of kevin relationship lol (yikes) (pain) but really im satisfied w jeans screen time. i think ichirou is interesting but again i think he didn't rlly need more. maybe erik actually. im interested to know what nicky is like with him :0

allison reynolds: favorite headcanon about the foxes?

actually something i recently thought abt was neil and photography. iirc? andrew gives neil a camera in the ec and i also imagine kevin eventually gets another camera too (i loved that detail when we saw his room at the nest) so i thought abt neil and kevin sharing/trading pics they take of (mainly) scenery. i imagine neil takes pics of anything he wants to remember/keep while kevin is more prone to taking pics of subjects related to some nerd history stuff (lol) so thats why they trade scenery pics mainly. but i like this small connection bc i want more to their relationship than their exy obsession and i imagine they have room for more now that riko is gone and i just like this other commonality btwn them. i think maybe they mail the developed pics to each other maybe w small descripts/notes but thats it. and i also imagine it kind of just is something that started happening.. neil and andrew r on a roadtrip and some building reminds neil of kevin so he snaps a pic and eventually sends it to kevin w some note. kevin replies 1. either a text being like that is nothing. > neil: shrugs brushes it off but figures he is welcome to send more when kevin sends his own picture back or 2. kevin simply replies back similarly w his own photo. i dont know.. maybe this goes beyond what their actual relationship would be like but i do like the idea of them just bein like… dude friends u know so i want them to have more than just exy and a traumatizing experience between them. 

as for common headcanons within the fanbase…. i do like the allison + neil haircuts thing.. although im not sure if i imagine it the same as most haha i feel neil would know how to cut his own hair from his life on the run (though theyre not Good or bad just like ok u know like passable generic w/e) i think hed definitely be tense the first couple times but he has experience w allison being close from needing to be covered up w make up after winter break so i think she would be allowed. 

renee walker: favorite non-canonical ship? (renison, jerejean, etc)

uhmm to be honest none really… im way too attached to canon to be able to dismiss any established relationships. i think kevemy (??? is that the name) is rlly amusing but i dont want them together necessarily haha i used to rlly like renison mainly bc im a lesbian and i want “main” chara wlw relationships lol but i recently read something abt how bi allison doesnt rlly sit well w some bc she outs andrew and neil during the hotel scene.. i also agree this is kinda :/ if she was bi Mainly bc i feel a lot of ppl (or at least this is what i gather from renison stuff ive seen) portray allison already being established bi? if this makes sense. i think if renison/allison realizing shes bi is a later development id feel better abt it but usually renison is already established so ya her outing them does bother me…. BUT aside from this, thinking about them as characters and what their partners (would) look like… im not sure if theyd rlly choose each other.. but i still enjoy seeing them together in art and in fic bc in the end…. im a sucker for women lol….

seth gordon: most underrated dynamic? (matt & neil, wymack & andrew, etc)

my first thought was wymack and andrew bc i rlllllyy like their dynamic especially after reading their ec stuff. i loved their first meeting (andrews terrible sandwich??!?fhdhfjd) and when andrew breaks into wymacks apartment BUT i think ppl mention them enough its not underrated. i Actually think renee and andrews dynamic/friendship is rlly underrated/overlooked!!! especially after reading the son nefes ec i love their dynamic a lot… 

some son nefes moments of them i liked:  tw // rape

renee convincing andrew to go with her to see matt after his trip to edens

how many knives do u carry / one more than u IS SO FUNNY and just andrews persistence abt fighting renee is also rlly funny to me

tw // rape : the moment when andrew asks renee if she killed her rapist/abuser that whole convo was good… 

their convo in the rain w their tea

i cant remember when this happens or rlly exaclty what was said but renee offers andrew something (some help??) and he says i dont need (w/e it was) and she says something along the lines of  i know but it wouldnt do any harm or SOMETHING like that.. i like this bc she acknowledges their abilities while showing shed still like to offer some help. im p sure she does this another time too (w neil???? or someone i cant remember maybe it was andrew again) and i remember liking it too. she has a way w words and talking (also seen in her convincing andrew to see matt)

BUT regardless of ec stuff i think their relationship/dynamic seen in the books is rlly good too. theres def enough to be intrigued by them and i always have been? so i'm reeeaallly happy son nefes exists i loved reading it..

david wymack: which ncaa team would you play for?

oh to be honest i dont rlly remember many of them but of the Three (ravens, foxes, trojans) prob trojans. i remember i even got them in a uquiz once… 

abby winfield: which character was the most realistically written?

first that came to mind was aaron actually.. i remember before when i didnt rlly like him or care abt him it was actually bc he was too “boring” to me. i always thought he had the most realistic reactions to things which is what made him boring to me amidst the ridiculousness of, well, everything in aftg lol… i still think he is really realistically written but now i dont think hes boring haha

besty dobson: how many times have you read the series?

fully i think…. only 3 times… i wish this were a higher count but i actually feel guilty everytime i try to reread it.

riko moriyama: coolest exy moment? (kevin’s last-minute point against the ravens, andrew shutting down the goal, etc)

uhhmm uhmm i def think kevin during the final game against the ravens…. hes so cool haha but i KNOW there were a lot of game moments that i thought were really cool so i cant rlly say…. oh also i love neil being defense in that game too rlly juicy wish i could pull up obscure moments bc i know i rlly enjoyed reading the games but terrible memory...

jeremy knox: which do you like reading more, domestic!foxes or chaotic!foxes?

uh i guess chaotic? not rlly sure exactly what that could entail but i do like… their chaos.. when they have fights and squabbles and stuff… this includes the high tension moments. ALTHOUGH i do like the tiny lines in the books when we see the monsters just doing like random basic everyday life stuff like playing video games or whatever. i like…. imagining them... fhdjfjshfjs… as for fic def chaos. i feel domestic is usually too softened….. 

jean moreau: favorite friendship?

oh i think this goes back to andrew and renee. but other than them… i do like neil and matts friendship.. though probably not the same as its typically portrayed