#i cant connect w anyone bc of it | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

bunnihearted · 7 months ago

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5 million male chicks per year are brutally murdered right after birth bc they're "worthless" to the egg industry yet im supposed to believe that humans arent inherently evil lmao shut the fuck up

#5 million only in sweden #imagine the number in the entire world #imagine all the other animals that are being slaughtered #god i wanna throw up humanity is so so so evil #we play god #we think we have the right to first make sure animals get raped (breeding at an unnatural rate is rape)#then have these animals in HORRIBLE 'living' conditions (ppl liken their conditions to actual hell!!)#and not only that the human workers more often than not sadistically torture nd abuse them before slaughtering them #on top of that... humans are so fucking useless they throw away most of meat and animal products #they like buy a package of meat then theyre too braindead to cook w it so it goes bad nd they throw it out #i dont know #all of this is unnatural and unholy. none of this is how its suplosed to be #we didnt get life just to put ourselves on top and then abuse and torture every other living being like this #no humanity is a sickness. humans are a cancer. a parasite. the more i think abt it the more im cemented in that belief #ppl act like 1% of 'goodness' weighs up for the profound harm and cruelty humans have set loose on this earth. thats a fucking joke!#god what the fuck is wrong with humanity. it's like everything went wrong .. well from the start rlly #humans (mostly men if we're being honest. women dont have nor act on such depraved desires) been fucking insane #animals arent cruel or sadistic. they follow their nature. the eating and killing isnt more than that #sure some animals like cats have sadistic behaviors. but that is nowhere near the scale humans act on it #like cats dont lock mice in a facility nd force them to breed nd then torture them in insane amounts nd so on so forth #humans are wrong. im certain that we were never meant to live like this. it's all insanity. the worst part it. 99.99% of ppl are part of it #it's so hard to find anyone who's intelligent enough to comprehend this. theyre all braindead megalomaniac sheep w a superiority complex #i cant connect w anyone bc of it #i just get so disappointed when i realize someone's just as braindead as everyone else nd then i stop caring abt them. everyone r this way.#idk how to live with these humans. theyre all fucking insane

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lemongogo · 6 days ago

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oo u want 2 draw soo bad..

#i hate that my ability to draw is so conditional #its soo frustrating but i dont know how to break it. this has been the one thing thats never changed.ill never be free #times like rn i just do studies but its soo fking BORINGGG euuhh...#but if i try 2 draw something for funsies i just stare at the blank canvas. literally immobile. & u know how people r like just draw #something anyways. a line. something. and its like no i cant do that oi cant even do that u underestimate my freak #i want 2attack myself from the pov of someone else #i think im having the realization tht i will never be able to do art stuff frls and its driving me crazy i think.#like im actually sick and unwell frm the thought of it.my friend commissioned me and im ab 2 send the money back #after two weeks bc i cant do it im literally frozen dude.i want 2 cry and die and explode into a million pieces #wait im back to add more.idk if anyone feels the same way but its like. i know its entirely a Me issue its a mental block issue #theres something thats not connecting in my head but its like.why is it so easy for everyone else ykwim...and thats a lie too right #like everyone else struggles w art and its not.it cant exist Without you struggling and practicing hard and trusting yourself #but in my brain im just convinced that like.i cant do this i cant do this like everyone else can do it like second nature and it freaks me #tf out #but also its the one thing i want to do more than anything else in my life and so like if i cant do it i dont know what to do.ughh.#not me freaking the fuck out rn lawl.lols.even #and on top of it i feel like i cant express myself well and i think my friend. < SOOO awesome and well meaning and NICE and legitimately #pushing me to try and believe that i can do this stuff but i feel like they wont understand the sort of like.mental block im struggling wit #like its less that i hate my art or something i dont its more like.i just feel soo physically restrained and incapable of doing it.suddenly #i cant think and i cant do anything.i have no creativity i have no ideas my mind is quite literally blank and empty

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xinea · 11 months ago

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I know i'm new to kdrama and all but I am simply not built for this first male lead vs second male lead formula, especially when the second male lead is an stupid little gremlin dude whose nose snots up when he cries (affectionate)

#so yeah this is about #castaway diva #and how much i am rooting for woohak #like i don't necessarily care about the ship i just want him to find joy and be appreciated #kang woo hak #ok w/e might as well vent about this in the tags #its the unhealthily attaching your past and identity to a single person #its the realization that you cant do that actually bc she's off learning the same lesson and also its your brothers past not yours #underlined by the fact that he gets to swoop her away without consulting anyone but mainly you #which yeah its not your place but where is your place now??#its the returning to the feeling of bereftness when your entire family would tell you nothing #and NOW the only thing connecting to your past are the wounds of abuse #that you know you are also entirely capable of inflicting because given the chance you ALMOST DID #then you're telling the man you consider dad but implied to have only recently called himself your dad that he should've told you sooner #bc hes supposed to stop you from hurting yourself (and moreover from hurting your brother and friend) with jealousy #but there are things you can't be protected from #and now youre left with a lighter that you only get to keep because it means more to you than to the person who left it behind

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phagodyke · 4 months ago

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was gonna say smth else but this turned into a vent sorry everyone just ignore. typical weekend post on this blog u know how it is here we go👍

#wild ik so many ppl getting married meanwhile im over here struggling to convince myself my friends even care abt me or want me around #pathetic to admit but i cant even fantasise abt someone loving me bc im too insecure n emotionally unstable #my mind just shoots the idea down like whoa. unrealistic. ur incapable of expressing or receiving affection in any way that matters #no matter how badly u want to... and even if someone did well u wouldnt believe them most of the time #gotta get out of the fucking labyrinth first i couldnt inflict this shit on anyone i cared abt #but it makes me so desperately sad sometimes i dont know how im ever going to get out of this ive been trying for years and years #and im a little better at it snd i dont feel like this all of the time i know it just comes around and itll pass again #but im tired of being in so much emotional pain so frequently. and shouldering it so alone. theres such a disconnect between myself and #others and i dont know how to bridge that i don't know how to stop feeling so isolated and unwanted !!!!!! im trying so hard #it doesnt even bother me w relative strangers in my life like i dont get insecure at all around them i like meeting new ppl #bc theres like. no expectations i guess. like ik they dont care abt me personally and idk them well enough to do that either #and its fun but it doesnt satisfy needs that i have like i need to feel close + connected to ppl i need to care abt them + feel cared for #but as soon as i do start to care abt ppl it gets all tangled and i end up getting rly badly hurt over and over. thru no fault but my own #bc im constantly alienating myself and bc i struggle so much w shit like physical affection which is frustratingly rly critical for me!!!!#it wouldnt fucking matter if i didnt like or want affection ik some ppl are fine without i wish it worked like that for me #but nope instead i have to be constantly messed up over my complete fucking inability to express myself in any form #and ik it makes everyone around me so uncomfortable so it just becomes self reinforcing and eventually they drift and leave me behind #and i just do that over and over and over and every time ill tell myself ill do better ill try harder and itll get easier and someone will #and it happens again and right now im at the stage where the abandonment fear is starting to kick in which is awful n paralysing #and usually a precursor to actually being abandoned ehich is always my own fault bc i start behaving so erratically out of fear or defense #its self fulfilling and im trying. im trying so hard not to let it overwhelm me again and not to start acting out and freaking ppl out #and im coping with it okay i think but just hurts me a lot its all internal my rejection sensitivity is gradually ticking up and up #and argh!!!!!!!!! and some days im okay and some days its like this and i dont know what todo when its like this im so tired and in pain #its not even that bad today tbf. once im done typing this to get it out ill be able to do smth else and distract mysrlf for a bit #and then calling friends later too so exposure therapy innit. but itll be fun and i love them but i will probably also feel very bad after #or even possibly during but thats okay ill still manage fine im not going to let it interfere i dont want it controlling my fucking life #i am going to have a nice time and be okay despite it all. even if i do have to fucking battle this every day forever #and even if it stops me living my life to the extent i want and feeling as ok as i want i just have to come to terms with and be ok w it #and im not going to be!!! a fucking asshole abt it!!! i dont want to hurt anyone else thats the most important thing no matter how i feel #thr rest is all secondary and ik i cant help a few little bumps here and there but trying hardest to keep it separate its not negotiable

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swdgf · 5 months ago

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certain qidian authors shld start a side hustle writing dnmei actually 🙂‍↕️

#男频不写男同还写什么 <- golden words to live by #*#fan xian/li chengze (qing yu nian):#written to be foils.. the mirror inverse of one another..the zhen baoyu to his jia baoyu #dislikes him on sight perhaps bc they r too similar souls #asks him not once but twice to bow out of the succession struggle bc if he does he promises to give him a lifetime of peace #“我许你一世平安” which in some contexts would be so romantic #begs him to live after his failed rebellion and of course lcz being who he is kills himself in front of him #更香的是他们还是同父异母的亲xiong dei😇#and bc u cant have enough hong lou meng references during their first meeting lcz’s delicate looks also remind him of lin daiyu..#and he wonders why he keeps thinking of him when he’s not even gayy (and i quote 好龙阳)#li huowang/zhuge yuan (dao gui yi xian):#his 白月光. his fleeting moment of respite in a truly horrific world #who sacrifices himself to save him from the powerful eldritch being after him #who he then strangles w his own two hands bc anyone who dies by his hands becomes part of his hallucinations so #at least he’ll still be with him in some capacity #hallucination!zgy tricks lhw in exchange for the survival of his country (所以T_T在渊子��里其实家国天下>>>🔥)#and feels so guilty abt it that he dissipates (perma death) leaving lhw to cry for three days straight at the bottom of a well #pulls himself together to fulfill zgy’s final wish of saving the people and when they ask his name he says zhuge yuan #builds a white jade buddha statue w/ zgy’s face for the ppl to worship #also he carries around a sword made from zgy’s spine and that brings him comfort #oh how could i ever forget pingxie (dmbj):#his lifetime in exchange for ten years of his innocence #“im a man with no past or future. if i disappeared from this world no one would notice” “at the very least i would notice”#“i’ve thought abt my connections to the world and it seems the only one i can find is you”#many such cases………..#if these were on jj literally吊打秒杀 the girlies (me) would EAT IT UPPP #QIDIAN YAOI📣📣📣📣

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dutybcrne · 7 months ago

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Me BSing hcs like: The fact that Kae is not only able to create a shield when he is dangerously low HP but also the fact that he is able to regenerate HP when he hits opponents with Frostgnaw is definitely due to him receiving his Vision when Diluc had tried to kill him in their Confrontation...but could it be possible that his familial ties to the Abyss Order could have influenced that HP drain of his-

#//And that's without mentioning the fact that Glacial Waltz's duration increases FOR EVERY OPPONENT DEFEATED #//Between that and his lil teleporting trick like an Abyss mage's (minus the flurries of ice); I have SO many thinkings #//Deffo love the abilities of his being an amalgam of Vision based and Abyssal energy imbued #//Deffo love that fact meaning it hurts a bit to use his Vision at all; esp with the teleporting being such a Staple to his combat style #☆ ┆ ( .ooc. );#//Sidetracking a bit; but I also like to think that even after the Abyss is defeated/beaten back enough to not be such a threat; he'd still #keep his abilities from it/some connection to it. Bc he's so used to it being such a big PART of his fighting style/assets to use in a pinc #//But also bc keeping that connection means it'd help him keep track of any remnants of the Order far easier #//He could track them down with far more ease; sense if they are growing stronger; get intel from Domains/abyssal traces #//Of course being very mindful to keep it a secret & trying to not involve his loved ones/fellow knights of it all #//But he very much is careful esp bc of risks of him being corrupted by it; keeping a keen eye on his mental/physical/emotional states #//Deffo has plans to leave Mond and/or end his own life if he starts seeing the Abyssal corruption affecting him irreversibly #suicide mention tw #//Kind of but also kind of not; considering some of the ways how he'd go abt it #//Knows it'd be harder to the further it goes; so he has particular criteria he keeps tracks of to ensure if they come to pass #//he; in a clearer state of mind; would either 1) use his Vision to try & purge the energy out of himself (extremely painful; COULD kill #if the corruption runs deep enough & save him the trouble) or 2) use the aggressiveness of the corruption to provoke someone (esp Luc)#into taking care of him &thus ending the problem all together. Bc he KNOWS he's strong; only a handful of beings could actually kill him #//& actually be WILLING to; without hesitation. Luc comes to mind first bc of their Confrontation. But also bc Kae'd be happy w him being #the last person he ever sees. Thinks it'd be comforting more than anyone else. Esp since a lover would just break his heart to see them #//Worst case scenario is him falling to the corruption & sb breaking it out of him in the moment #//Bc the Instant he realizes what's happening; esp if they are crying and/or angered at him; he WILL fatally wound himself #//And make SURE it's not something he can come back from; save by a miracle (or 'curse' as he'd see it)#//Probably making an icicle and slitting his own throat; if not jamming the thing into his heart #//he won't hesitate; wont offer explanations; final words or apologies; he cant risk that moment of clarity being too short for it #//he HAS to make sure he can't hurt anyone any further; no matter what it means for him #//Which is partly why he'd be so keen to make sure it's not found out; bc he KNOWS he can be talked out of keeping those abilities #//Or worse; he'd fight them on it; and thus make for a fucken MESS in the aftermath if he's been too far along in the corruption #//But he KNOWS that even with the risks; the powers are a VALUABLE asset to him; &thus desperately wants to keep them #//'sidetracking a bit'; I said. Proceed to write a wHOLE FUCKEN NEW HC IN TAGS; I did; kjfbgkftg. Whoops lmao

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ningningkittie · 7 months ago

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im in love w him not only bc of who he is as a person nd how drawn i am to his personality, but also bc i feel like he's the only one who has ever wanted to see me. who i am, like deep down. he's the only one who i feel like i've ever connected with, in an easy nd genuine way. the only one who i feel has ever gotten me. he's the only one who's ever made me feel like we actually have a connection we're both in on, bc i havent had to pretend or put up a fake front for him bc he wanted the real image of me.

#unfortunately he has his own shit to deal w #so bc of one thing that was actually a mistake from me #he misjudged it nd saw it from his own perspective nd didnt understand mine #nd thus concluded that he saw me wrong nd didnt actually know who i am #nd then he had decided that so strongly he wasnt wven open to hear me out or try to understand what that situation was for me #that made me very sad nd hurt nd like #he doesnt actually like me as much as i like him #bc i would always always ask him nd hear him out before jumping to conclusions #i have asked him abt this but he is a wall nd doesnt wnna talk abt it #nd i cant force anyone so... yeh. it is what it is #i wish that we had the connection where he wanted to understandwhere i was coming from #instead of being like ughshe isnt the perfect image that i had constructed #so now im writing her off completely bc she doesntlive up to my expectations #but... my heart just loves him sm i can look past that #however... that is meaningless when i dont even know what he feels for me nd i cant get an answer out of him #maybe he doesnt wanna tell me bc he doesnt return my love nd he knows i'llbe hurt nd he'll risk losing me as a friend #i'd never stop talking to him tho.. that is the worst part #if imginna get over these feelings #i need to hear it straight from him. i need him to tell me thatno i am not in love with you #then i need to never talk to him again nd never lookat his social media #then it will hurt a lot but after a year or so i will only feel empty nd not hurt when i think of him #but i am tooweak to be the one to stop talking to him now #my entire day revolves around him nd i know its unhealthy but idk how to stop #since this obsession is unrequited i dont actually wanna feel it #but i have no idea how to stop #god this is driving me insane wtf is wrong w me??

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lostandbackagain · 1 year ago

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it only lasted like 5 pages but I really prefer dustfinger's scars being disfiguring rather than "drawn on with a pencil"

#meggie being like 'looks like you got attacked by godzilla' then 'i didnt mean that' when shes less pissed at him later #i WOULD have accepted that as part of meggie's coming-of-age and learning she needs to not be a bitch about people's appearances #except that everyone else in the series from then on agrees w her that the scars are barely noticeable #boring!!!!#would have been nice for her to be like 'yeah you healed rough (i mean. as well as expected considering you probably had 6 total stitches)#but im growing up out of practical isolation and learning that facial differences dont play a part in whether someone is good or bad:-)'#WHICH!! is a belief i would expect from someone who loves roald dahl and jekyll n hyde which she does #whatever ms funke does have a problem with equating happy endings with being abled and ~looking normal~#resa getting her voice back bc shes good but cockerall getting a limp bc hes bad and darius losing his stutter for some reason #violante's skin clearing up bc people realize shes a sweetheart but balbulus losing a hand when we realize he sucks #and dustfinger's fkcing scars changing in severity depending on whether hes the good guy or bad guy in the scene #bleh #i also headcanon he has p bad nerve damage aint no way basta cut so deeply he looked freshly gored for months afterward #and still has full use of his facial muscles #meggie's like 'never seen anyone that smiles like he does' girl the bottom half of his face is not connected to the top anymore hes trying #also good explanation for why hes always touching his face if he cant fkcing feel it #dustfinger #inkheart #im gonna try so hard to make more inkheart posts i literally feel grief in my heart seeing that person say #they havent thought about it in years #it's my sole responsibility to fix this #says kenna

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yuridovewing · 1 year ago

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“oh ha ha the theory where ashfur is dovewing and ivypools father is so cringe”

#but…. my melodrama….#real talk i like the theory but dislike whiteash. im not a believer bc i ship them im a believer bc its interesting to me #i see it as like. ashfur had a bruised ego and whitewing had had a crush on him since she was young #and he basically just. used her to restore his ego. bc hes a creep. he went to her not out of love not even as a second choice #but to go ‘’see? SOMEONE loves me so why cant that bitch love me? shes missing out on me #but he ofc wants squilf as a mate. so hes not official with whitewing he wont let her tell anyone #bc he wants her to come back to him and she cant do that if hes not available #so yeah means to an end situation. and when whitewing gets pregnant ashfur ditches her bc he wants REAL kits with squirrelflight #and whitewing is pretty sick of him but she still doesnt want to say who the dad is bc shes grossed out by him now #bc cant imagine he was exactly nice to her #and birchfall decides to be their adoptive dad bc he and whitewing are besties #and hes also in love w one of the shadowclan cats he traveled with so like lol works for him #and its not bc i want to put whitewing through that or something its bc i think the repercussions would be interesting #lionblaze and jayfeather try to be kind to dovepaw. but they look at her and see their murderer in their sisters place #dove and ivy being abandoned by their dad and only existing out of spite really. how that connects to the prophecy #and when it comes out that ashfur was an attempted murderer and they suspect hes their dad it just gets worse #and then in tbc two of the protags would be ashfurs grandchildren… they exist bc of him #and he uses both of them for his plans. may as well use his bastards for something in his eye #‘’oh but whitewing is cloudtails daughter and hes ashfurs foster brother-‘’ ashfur is already a creep lol #hes closer in age to squilf’s dad than he is to her so would u really put it past him #like the point isnt ‘’awww this ship would be cute’’ its ‘’ashfur is a sleazy asshole lets play with that’’

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thelovelybitten · 1 year ago

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ommggg i cant wait to read the third part of your stendy fic!!!!!! need them to talk it out so bad 💔💔💔💔

me too :) unfortunately I’m still editing it so I’m hoping by Sunday I’ll have it done.

and spoiler note: they won’t be doing any talking 😭

but I know y’all will love it >:)

#otp: I cant do it alone #viv answers #I love asks #have I told anyone how much I love asks ? bc I love them #I love connecting w the teeny tiny community of stendy enthusiasts :))))#but I PROMISE ITLL YOU’LL LIKE IT PINKY SWEAR

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haemosexuality · 1 year ago

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these past few days i have been uncharacteristically. emotionally open. w my friend and it has me thinking about how truly for all of my life i just did not expect anything from anyone

#like since i was a kid i just accepted in my head that all the ''friends'' id have were ppl who either were just putting up w me (probably #bc they had no one else and i was like. what was available) or ppl who cared ab me yeah but i was still their second or third choice #and i was just like. yeah ok. i can survive w that. like consciously i made the choice to hang out w people i knew didnt really like me #bc it was better than not having anyone to talk to #did it hurt any less when those ppl eventually stopped talking to me or i learned theyve been talking about how annoying i am to others?#no it didnt. bc i still cared about Them and had Them as my first choice. but i just thought. thats just how it is. im jist not really #likeable. so ill take what i can get #when i was like 7 or 8. i had one friend at school. and she had like some issues at home or smth idk but sometimes she would just start.#treating me badly or just ignoring me for months at a time. and its not like it deeply traumatized me or anything i honestly didmt remember #this fact until like last year but the thing is that i just. accepted it. i was just like yeah ok for half of the year or so my only friend #will act like she hates me and ill have no one to talk to. thats fine. ill just wait until next year when she likes me again. at age 7. and #now im just like what the fuck man why did i just accept that as my life. through all my childhood and then with other friends in my teen #years why did i never not once try to do better for myself. yknow?#when i was 11 and in another school my best friend suddenly started not talking to me. after a month or so of this i decided to invite her #to my house to play like we had done so several times before and she just looked at me like she was confused i was talking to her at all #and said ''why?''. and i was just like. ok. thats that i guess. genuinely why did i just accept these things #and like yeah i have friends that i feel Get me now and one i love just so much and i can tell loves me back but theyre online. i dont talk #to anyone irl. i dont know how. and im happy im so happy but im also scared that im just doomed to be extremely lonely forever irl #because i am legit just not likeable. not to be a weird a weirdo but yeah im just too different from ur average person my age i cant #connect with them in any way. and i also dont know how to talk to people or make friends or to find people that are like me. ill just #not have anyone forever #i guess #especially bc now i dont hate myself enough to hang out with people i dont like so like. i dont even have that as an option skdbskdjks #Every friend i ever made happened bc the other person reached out to me first and insisted on it. all the friendships that stuck were the #gay autistic/adhd weirdonerds who can relate to my hyperfixations and dont expect me to act Normal™. idk how to find the former group irl #and have never once iniciated a friendship. my fate is to be someone who has online friends only and exclusively #and dont even get me STARTED on the topic of having a girlfriend someday-#anyways. certified magnus archives moment

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bunnihearted · 2 months ago

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being too weird and unlikable and off putting and always being shunned and turned into an outcast everywhere i go and not having felt the connection and healing friendship has on you for so many years has really done a number on me