#i cant connect w anyone bc of it
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oo u want 2 draw soo bad..
#i hate that my ability to draw is so conditional#its soo frustrating but i dont know how to break it. this has been the one thing thats never changed.ill never be free#times like rn i just do studies but its soo fking BORINGGG euuhh...#but if i try 2 draw something for funsies i just stare at the blank canvas. literally immobile. & u know how people r like just draw#something anyways. a line. something. and its like no i cant do that oi cant even do that u underestimate my freak#i want 2attack myself from the pov of someone else#i think im having the realization tht i will never be able to do art stuff frls and its driving me crazy i think.#like im actually sick and unwell frm the thought of it.my friend commissioned me and im ab 2 send the money back#after two weeks bc i cant do it im literally frozen dude.i want 2 cry and die and explode into a million pieces#wait im back to add more.idk if anyone feels the same way but its like. i know its entirely a Me issue its a mental block issue#theres something thats not connecting in my head but its like.why is it so easy for everyone else ykwim...and thats a lie too right#like everyone else struggles w art and its not.it cant exist Without you struggling and practicing hard and trusting yourself#but in my brain im just convinced that like.i cant do this i cant do this like everyone else can do it like second nature and it freaks me#tf out#but also its the one thing i want to do more than anything else in my life and so like if i cant do it i dont know what to do.ughh.#not me freaking the fuck out rn lawl.lols.even#and on top of it i feel like i cant express myself well and i think my friend. < SOOO awesome and well meaning and NICE and legitimately#pushing me to try and believe that i can do this stuff but i feel like they wont understand the sort of like.mental block im struggling wit#like its less that i hate my art or something i dont its more like.i just feel soo physically restrained and incapable of doing it.suddenly#i cant think and i cant do anything.i have no creativity i have no ideas my mind is quite literally blank and empty
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Wrench looking at Literally Anything and Anyone: (Rage. Disgust. Trying to kill with his gaze alone.)
Wrench looking at Numbers:
(Well listen. Ok. This is Wrench we're talking about so still some rage and still some killing-gaze but. Softer....Soft....Reserved only for This One Guy. I know it's subtle, he's Mr Wrench. But look, see hims face.)
#jay talkin#fargo#wrenchers#see hims face SEE HIMS FACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#i got the ability to access high enough quality of my shows to screenshot so i hope we r all ready for what that means#yall yr gonna see my BOYS from my TEEVEE#n e way can i talk abt russell's performance as wrench for a bit. well im going to and you cant stop me#there is so much he does with the subtleties of expression as wrench that truly is one of my favourite pieces of television acting#i already knew he was incredibly good at conveying something as simple as the light behind his eyes changing from his role in TWBB but like#we get so much more time w wrench and hes got a lot going on under that carefully constructed persona#that i feel like his ability as an actor shines soooooooo well#hes playing a man who is making a concentrated effort to be very reserved w his expressions imo. yet you see SO much emotion#hidden in slight changes in his eyes and the smallest movement in his face. he has absolute control and awareness of such minute details#its really astounding!!!!! i cant think of many actors who have that level of skill in the face!!#there are scenes where russells face does not perceptably move and YET his entire expression changes somehow#like he can change the light in his fucking eyes he can just EXUDE a feeling so strong it can hit u like a truck#which ofc makes any more outward shows of emotion from wrench even more palpable#and part of that performance being so good is you CAN see him change his expression towards numbers vs everything else!#whatever connection these two have be it purely coworkers or romantic or what it is SOLD in wrench's subtle expressions#(and for the record im team 'married couple' bc it was innnnn the damn script. but however anyone interprets is cool no worries ok)#i couldve pulled even more examples if id gone thru more scenes but i just had this one open at the time so. <3#koff koff hack hack who said all that. mustve been a ghost. can u tell i rlly like this guys acting. i mean what. who keeps saying things
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aouuugh my uterus......
#long long day at work codeine wasnt helping with cramps and my meds are less effective on my period :(#ive been doing okay most of the day tho just starting feeling kind of miserable omw home bc such a long wait at the bus stop in pain#and im kind of lonely at the moment but wont be able to climb tomorrow bc of cramps so thats my main social source gone :(#and it always feels worse at home bc if im having a hard time like in physical pain or feeling down my roommate cant rly handle it#like she cant rly be in the room with me the headphones go straight on. which is ok im realising its just how her type of autism works#so im trying not to get as upset at her abt it. with varying degrees of success but it just takes time#i mean i dont get upset AT her like ik its not her fault and i dont want her feeling like it is. I keep it internal + cry once im alone#just different social needs n boundaries innit. we're a bit incompatible is all#but its still hard. I'd like support from other ppl when I'm struggling i mean i think thats a fairly normal thing to want#but of the friends I would be comfortable talking to abt how i feel none of them have that kind of emotional availability#which again is ok like its not on them. and im very capable of dealing w my shit myself one way or another so its not a Need#but idk. it would just be nice. I feel like I've had to be so independent most of my teenage and adult life and I wish I could take a#break from that sometimes. even just a hug would be nice man#sorry i always come on here and talk abt the same problems... well youll see me do it again no doubt abt that 🫠#ughh and i feel so guilty for wanting things ppl cant give even though i know its not really my fault either and im allowed to want things#and i dont cross boundaries or make them feel bad abt it. i really hope i dont anyway. but still ahhh...#its so hard for me to feel connected to anyone if they cant rly engage w me emotionally at all like its a non negotiable#factor into closeness and trust for me and i get so frustrated bc i feel so distant and alienated from the ppl i care abt most#and ik i overreact bc of my rsd so maybe its just that its probably not even a real issue. but its real to me bc im the one who gets upset#man. anyway its okay just a really really long day. im gonna wash my dishes and then shower#and finish my book. maybe i should play some dead cells i miss it. i dont really want to think abt how i feel anymore#maybe ill see if anyones free to hang out tmr evening so i dont have to feel as lonely even if i cant leave the house after work#all good nice to have a plan anyway. done sniffling. my hot water bottle is helping thr cramps a littlr i think#.diaries#oh i dont think its helping actually ow. i took more codeine an hour ago why doesnt it do anything. not fairrr 😭
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I know i'm new to kdrama and all but I am simply not built for this first male lead vs second male lead formula, especially when the second male lead is an stupid little gremlin dude whose nose snots up when he cries (affectionate)
#so yeah this is about#castaway diva#and how much i am rooting for woohak#like i don't necessarily care about the ship i just want him to find joy and be appreciated#kang woo hak#ok w/e might as well vent about this in the tags#its the unhealthily attaching your past and identity to a single person#its the realization that you cant do that actually bc she's off learning the same lesson and also its your brothers past not yours#underlined by the fact that he gets to swoop her away without consulting anyone but mainly you#which yeah its not your place but where is your place now??#its the returning to the feeling of bereftness when your entire family would tell you nothing#and NOW the only thing connecting to your past are the wounds of abuse#that you know you are also entirely capable of inflicting because given the chance you ALMOST DID#then you're telling the man you consider dad but implied to have only recently called himself your dad that he should've told you sooner#bc hes supposed to stop you from hurting yourself (and moreover from hurting your brother and friend) with jealousy#but there are things you can't be protected from#and now youre left with a lighter that you only get to keep because it means more to you than to the person who left it behind
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certain qidian authors shld start a side hustle writing dnmei actually 🙂↕️
#男频不写男同还写什么 <- golden words to live by#*#fan xian/li chengze (qing yu nian):#written to be foils.. the mirror inverse of one another..the zhen baoyu to his jia baoyu#dislikes him on sight perhaps bc they r too similar souls#asks him not once but twice to bow out of the succession struggle bc if he does he promises to give him a lifetime of peace#“我许你一世平安” which in some contexts would be so romantic#begs him to live after his failed rebellion and of course lcz being who he is kills himself in front of him#更香的是他们还是同父异母的亲xiong dei😇#and bc u cant have enough hong lou meng references during their first meeting lcz’s delicate looks also remind him of lin daiyu..#and he wonders why he keeps thinking of him when he’s not even gayy (and i quote 好龙阳)#li huowang/zhuge yuan (dao gui yi xian):#his 白月光. his fleeting moment of respite in a truly horrific world#who sacrifices himself to save him from the powerful eldritch being after him#who he then strangles w his own two hands bc anyone who dies by his hands becomes part of his hallucinations so#at least he’ll still be with him in some capacity#hallucination!zgy tricks lhw in exchange for the survival of his country (所以T_T在渊子心里其实家国天下>>>🔥)#and feels so guilty abt it that he dissipates (perma death) leaving lhw to cry for three days straight at the bottom of a well#pulls himself together to fulfill zgy’s final wish of saving the people and when they ask his name he says zhuge yuan#builds a white jade buddha statue w/ zgy’s face for the ppl to worship#also he carries around a sword made from zgy’s spine and that brings him comfort#oh how could i ever forget pingxie (dmbj):#his lifetime in exchange for ten years of his innocence#“im a man with no past or future. if i disappeared from this world no one would notice” “at the very least i would notice”#“i’ve thought abt my connections to the world and it seems the only one i can find is you”#many such cases………..#if these were on jj literally吊打秒杀 the girlies (me) would EAT IT UPPP#QIDIAN YAOI📣📣📣📣
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im in love w him not only bc of who he is as a person nd how drawn i am to his personality, but also bc i feel like he's the only one who has ever wanted to see me. who i am, like deep down. he's the only one who i feel like i've ever connected with, in an easy nd genuine way. the only one who i feel has ever gotten me. he's the only one who's ever made me feel like we actually have a connection we're both in on, bc i havent had to pretend or put up a fake front for him bc he wanted the real image of me.
#unfortunately he has his own shit to deal w#so bc of one thing that was actually a mistake from me#he misjudged it nd saw it from his own perspective nd didnt understand mine#nd thus concluded that he saw me wrong nd didnt actually know who i am#nd then he had decided that so strongly he wasnt wven open to hear me out or try to understand what that situation was for me#that made me very sad nd hurt nd like#he doesnt actually like me as much as i like him#bc i would always always ask him nd hear him out before jumping to conclusions#i have asked him abt this but he is a wall nd doesnt wnna talk abt it#nd i cant force anyone so... yeh. it is what it is#i wish that we had the connection where he wanted to understandwhere i was coming from#instead of being like ughshe isnt the perfect image that i had constructed#so now im writing her off completely bc she doesntlive up to my expectations#but... my heart just loves him sm i can look past that#however... that is meaningless when i dont even know what he feels for me nd i cant get an answer out of him#maybe he doesnt wanna tell me bc he doesnt return my love nd he knows i'llbe hurt nd he'll risk losing me as a friend#i'd never stop talking to him tho.. that is the worst part#if imginna get over these feelings#i need to hear it straight from him. i need him to tell me thatno i am not in love with you#then i need to never talk to him again nd never lookat his social media#then it will hurt a lot but after a year or so i will only feel empty nd not hurt when i think of him#but i am tooweak to be the one to stop talking to him now#my entire day revolves around him nd i know its unhealthy but idk how to stop#since this obsession is unrequited i dont actually wanna feel it#but i have no idea how to stop#god this is driving me insane wtf is wrong w me??
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it only lasted like 5 pages but I really prefer dustfinger's scars being disfiguring rather than "drawn on with a pencil"
#meggie being like 'looks like you got attacked by godzilla' then 'i didnt mean that' when shes less pissed at him later#i WOULD have accepted that as part of meggie's coming-of-age and learning she needs to not be a bitch about people's appearances#except that everyone else in the series from then on agrees w her that the scars are barely noticeable#boring!!!!#would have been nice for her to be like 'yeah you healed rough (i mean. as well as expected considering you probably had 6 total stitches)#but im growing up out of practical isolation and learning that facial differences dont play a part in whether someone is good or bad:-)'#WHICH!! is a belief i would expect from someone who loves roald dahl and jekyll n hyde which she does#whatever ms funke does have a problem with equating happy endings with being abled and ~looking normal~#resa getting her voice back bc shes good but cockerall getting a limp bc hes bad and darius losing his stutter for some reason#violante's skin clearing up bc people realize shes a sweetheart but balbulus losing a hand when we realize he sucks#and dustfinger's fkcing scars changing in severity depending on whether hes the good guy or bad guy in the scene#bleh#i also headcanon he has p bad nerve damage aint no way basta cut so deeply he looked freshly gored for months afterward#and still has full use of his facial muscles#meggie's like 'never seen anyone that smiles like he does' girl the bottom half of his face is not connected to the top anymore hes trying#also good explanation for why hes always touching his face if he cant fkcing feel it#dustfinger#inkheart#im gonna try so hard to make more inkheart posts i literally feel grief in my heart seeing that person say#they havent thought about it in years#it's my sole responsibility to fix this#says kenna
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ommggg i cant wait to read the third part of your stendy fic!!!!!! need them to talk it out so bad 💔💔💔💔
me too :) unfortunately I’m still editing it so I’m hoping by Sunday I’ll have it done.
and spoiler note: they won’t be doing any talking 😭
but I know y’all will love it >:)
#otp: I cant do it alone#viv answers#I love asks#have I told anyone how much I love asks ? bc I love them#I love connecting w the teeny tiny community of stendy enthusiasts :))))#but I PROMISE ITLL YOU’LL LIKE IT PINKY SWEAR
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im so happy for you that fiction doesnt effect your reality. thats not the case for all of us though ✌️
#and intentionally trying to fuck with people or fuck them up bc you know theyre sensitive about what they consume- makes you evil!#sorry! not taking any nuance on that particular thing today <3#no reason to psychologically torment anyone ever especially not a trans guy online you were told to dislike <3 <3 <3#like some of yall only like saying 'fiction doesnt effect reality' SOLELY so you can harass and fuck with people for whomst it DOES effect.#and i think that makes you evil yeah. i feel p confident about that one. get a life seriously and get over your edgy bully teenager persona#genuinely some people are endlessly searching for an excuse to treat other people like shit#if you do this- only say that shit to excuse harassing someone else- you should prolly do the world the favor and off yourself.#or stay as far away from humanity till you can get over your desire to be a smug piece of shit that cant offer ppl basic human respect#we get it you can make up 'logical' sounding reasons for why you get to treat THIS particular person like shit. like i get it i rly do#but you really gotta get over that urge. maybe theres no acceptable target. and maybe thats what scares you most.#bc the only way you know how to express and release your anger rn is by hurting other people...#and if theres no acceptable targets... and you're hurting people.......#you might actually be doing something wrong! that would warrant valid criticism you cant as easily ignore w/o your excuses!#and lord forbid you ever see yourself as being someone who does something wrong *gasp* Blasphemy to even suggest such right?#hey trust me- its not a new thing to vent your anger by hurting people at all. you should know that. thats prolly how your dad treated you.#and thats why you hate the assertion so much- bc you might end up being more like the person who abused you than you thought#but instead of confront that and break it down and work on it- you stubbornly deny it. so then you keep repeating the abuse.#bc your oh so perfect ass could NEVER do wrong surely not. you've built pride on seeing yourself as a better person than your father.#so i get why it might all crumble down and make you pissy if someone asserts that you're not too different........#to be clear bc this post got super hyper specific n even tho i connected everything its still weird how i got from point a to b but-#you're like your father in the sense that you hurt people to relieve your anger. got it? got it. bc i dont think i was clear sdgkjgdshjbk#the conclusion to my thesis wasnt conclusioning yknow
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hi
#everyone call out of work tmrw challenge#how r u all.#does anyone else think its fucked that laios fav food is cheesecake#ppl who enjoy cheesecake cant keep getting away w it#anyways .#im bored . and my eye hurts#and im staring at my computer bc i want to draw but i also want to keep laying down#sigj . sighing#i wish dmesh had trgn chara depth#not to say dmesh charas arent deep or developed but#i like when fucked up things r happening in universe and they r messy a sa result and u have more emotional connection to whats happening#like yeah im sad ab falin for a while but does laios know what vash and knives and wolfwood had to go through. livio or elendira . does he#right… right#smth ab the visceral hatred and despair shared among thr trgn cast.. im obsessed . give me 14 more
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Actually devastated by the amount of people I know that use ChatGPT as a therapist. Devastated. It's "fuck AI, AI is destroying the planet" until it's convenient for you huh
#maybe its bc im an artist and am very aware that that data doesnt just vanish into the AI ether as you send it but#why doesnt this concern you!!!! first of all now p much anyone w a crumb of computer skill can access ur trauma and personal info#second of all ITS KILLING THE PLANET ITS BAD FOR THE PLANET#i dont understand how you can rally against AI use and understand how AI negatively affects jobs livelihoods passions and the environment#then turn around and use ChatGPT to roleplay. stop being a coward and make a RP post like the gods intended#FROTHING. at the mouth. i hate ai. i hate chatgpt. i hate replacing human relationships and connections [even connections you pay to have-]#being replaced by a robot :(#anyway i know not everyone can afford therapy#but thats why insta/YouTube/tumblr/any social media EVER#is stock mf full of mental health advice and videos and rants and people who will LISTEN#but youd rather skip past that. you look at the human connection and decide chatgpt is better.#gtfo with that shit#you are rallying against the machine killing art while feeding the machine#“i cant afford therapy and i cant talk about this with anybody” liar. you can. you just wont
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i have never felt more isolated.. idk what it is lately i just feel so alone
#its bc i hate myself so much i cant be genuine and so i cant make connections with other people bc my self esteem is literally so shit#i cant even approach someone to just casually talk w/o feeling like a huge burden or like im bothering them i cant bring myself to reach ou#to anyone anymore bc i cant comprehend in my head how anyone even baseline likes me let alone loves me#i feel like im dying though bc..human connection
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was gonna say smth else but this turned into a vent sorry everyone just ignore. typical weekend post on this blog u know how it is here we go👍
#wild ik so many ppl getting married meanwhile im over here struggling to convince myself my friends even care abt me or want me around#pathetic to admit but i cant even fantasise abt someone loving me bc im too insecure n emotionally unstable#my mind just shoots the idea down like whoa. unrealistic. ur incapable of expressing or receiving affection in any way that matters#no matter how badly u want to... and even if someone did well u wouldnt believe them most of the time#gotta get out of the fucking labyrinth first i couldnt inflict this shit on anyone i cared abt#but it makes me so desperately sad sometimes i dont know how im ever going to get out of this ive been trying for years and years#and im a little better at it snd i dont feel like this all of the time i know it just comes around and itll pass again#but im tired of being in so much emotional pain so frequently. and shouldering it so alone. theres such a disconnect between myself and#others and i dont know how to bridge that i don't know how to stop feeling so isolated and unwanted !!!!!! im trying so hard#it doesnt even bother me w relative strangers in my life like i dont get insecure at all around them i like meeting new ppl#bc theres like. no expectations i guess. like ik they dont care abt me personally and idk them well enough to do that either#and its fun but it doesnt satisfy needs that i have like i need to feel close + connected to ppl i need to care abt them + feel cared for#but as soon as i do start to care abt ppl it gets all tangled and i end up getting rly badly hurt over and over. thru no fault but my own#bc im constantly alienating myself and bc i struggle so much w shit like physical affection which is frustratingly rly critical for me!!!!#it wouldnt fucking matter if i didnt like or want affection ik some ppl are fine without i wish it worked like that for me#but nope instead i have to be constantly messed up over my complete fucking inability to express myself in any form#and ik it makes everyone around me so uncomfortable so it just becomes self reinforcing and eventually they drift and leave me behind#and i just do that over and over and over and every time ill tell myself ill do better ill try harder and itll get easier and someone will#and it happens again and right now im at the stage where the abandonment fear is starting to kick in which is awful n paralysing#and usually a precursor to actually being abandoned ehich is always my own fault bc i start behaving so erratically out of fear or defense#its self fulfilling and im trying. im trying so hard not to let it overwhelm me again and not to start acting out and freaking ppl out#and im coping with it okay i think but just hurts me a lot its all internal my rejection sensitivity is gradually ticking up and up#and argh!!!!!!!!! and some days im okay and some days its like this and i dont know what todo when its like this im so tired and in pain#its not even that bad today tbf. once im done typing this to get it out ill be able to do smth else and distract mysrlf for a bit#and then calling friends later too so exposure therapy innit. but itll be fun and i love them but i will probably also feel very bad after#or even possibly during but thats okay ill still manage fine im not going to let it interfere i dont want it controlling my fucking life#i am going to have a nice time and be okay despite it all. even if i do have to fucking battle this every day forever#and even if it stops me living my life to the extent i want and feeling as ok as i want i just have to come to terms with and be ok w it#and im not going to be!!! a fucking asshole abt it!!! i dont want to hurt anyone else thats the most important thing no matter how i feel#thr rest is all secondary and ik i cant help a few little bumps here and there but trying hardest to keep it separate its not negotiable
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whining hours . sry
#like idk i try to like. imagine a future where i have like. friends. you know. Bare mimimum i have People i talk to. who arent lamp. and i#just cant imagine it happening again#like. i genuinely feel like i cant connect to ppl anymore and idk how id like. i dont see a way for me to do that ever again since i cant g#to school and like. sny job im able to get wouldnt be the kind where i like. meet people or make friends. and last year when i eent out wit#the express purpose of Making friends i literally couldnt. speak to anyone. like i just sat alone with my headphones on until it was time t#go home ... i dont know how to like. initiate casual conversation#+ like. i worry i get way too invested in any potential friendships bc i want so badly to be Normal and have friends and then i freak out#rly badly over something trivial. and thats entirely my fault like I need to work on not letting my freakouts effect the person im freaking#out abt. yk. like its my stupid brain that just gets rly rly overly defensive and weird abt everything its not like. I need to work on that#and thats another reason i dont knowif ill ever be able to make friends again is bc i genuinely dont trust myself not to get overly attache#way too quickly and then explode or something. idk#i also think maybe im just not meant to have actual lasting relationships with anybody ever. yk. like maybe im not meant to ever have roots#and maybe i just wont ever get to have stability and my life will always be entirely transient. Perhaps thats for the best so that i dont#have t like. lose ppl. and ppl dont have to deal with me#+ if i make bad decisions there r less ppl to care abt it. you know. which is a plus. idk#theres like. some parts of me r like desperate for friends and for love and to just . feel like i exist and Talk to people and like. have#stability. and then the rest r like No this is good bc we cant hurt as many ppl like this and also we dont deserve any of that so this is#for the best. and i just have to sit here like ok ! bc if i seek out friendships that part shuts it all down and if i dont the other part#makes me feel miserable and lonely. like damn i am destined for misery. but whatever. it doesnt rly matter DHRNFJFN im just being whiny#it just feels like i need like. ok this is my abdicating responsibility and is the reason i dont have friends disclaimer. i know that. very#aware. but i like. i need somebody to be the one to reach out to Me bc i like. i cant reach out to ppl like. i cant Try to initiate#conversations . but i think if there was a person who like. initiated conversations w me and started a friendship with me i like. i think#itd help me get used to Having a friend again and then id like. id be better at maintaining it and eventually id be able to pick up th#weight. but Obviously nobody wants to like. put in all that effort for somebody whos incapable of returning the favor possibly ever. yk#i need to just bite the bullet and humiliate myself and reach out even if its embarassing and even if it makes me have to throw up#<- happened one time when i tried to talk to someone new. which is so. oh my god. there r ppl who have avtual fucking issues and then im#just like boohoo i tried to think abt a conversation starter and got so anxious i fucking threw up. GOD. i hateit i hate it i hate it. but#wtvr. ik i cant actually expect that from anybody basically like. ik its a stupid wish. idk. i just wish i had somebody who could help me#like. remember how to mask and how to socialize Like a real person. and wouldnt mind that im like. weird right now. and would be willing to#talk to me until i got normal and stuff. wtvr. idk ... 10000 lashings
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Nate never said that his intention was to imply that Dominator has a crush on Sylvia. Their relationship in that episode was strictly platonic with "shippy undertones" at best. All he said was that he personally shipped them together because they were the only two women in the show, which is not the same as wanting/forcing them to be a couple in canon, and that him liking the ship and headcanoning Sylvia and Dominator as both being lesbians was his inspiration to write an episode putting them together, in which he could queercode them to his (and other crew members') heart's content. To say that a lone staff writer can just hijack the writing in a show that isn't his own to "make two of the main characters a couple" is just ridiculous, man... or at the very least, it is when Wander Over Yonder is the show we're talking about. Nate was open about all of this to the point that the show's supervising producer even talked about it, so literally nothing in that episode was done without McCracken's (who involves himself in pretty much every level of the creation of the show, if the hiatus video they made is any indicator) approval. If Nate Stevenson singlehandedly made Lord Dominator a lesbian it would've been because the guy in charge of it all said, "please do."
A very major part of Lord Dominator's character is the fact that she isn't interested in ANYONE romantically, and, no, The Night Out does not contradict this! Her interest in Sylvia was platonic. Writing a character as lesbian does not inherently go hand-in-hand with giving said character a female love interest, or even a crush, or anything in the realm of romance. That line of thinking is how we get people judging queer romantic relationships as the end-all-be-all of queer representation. (Tbh, all queer characters needing to be Representation is also a bit of a problem.) You can have a female character who loathes it when men take an interest in her, who likes to be gnc, who only cares about hanging out with women when it comes to keeping anyone in her company, and whose writing was significantly influenced by a lesbian writer, and have that be the sole ingredients used when deciding to let the fact that she's been envisioned as a lesbian guide the creation of the final product. A character can be a lesbian just because she's a lesbian and because different crew members threw nods to it here and there throughout the show.
.......and Sylvia is no more a horse than Wander is a chicken leg 😭
She's just an alien woman whose species is well-suited for carrying travelers around if they'd like to!
Ughhh ok, I'm gonna start this off by saying that I am all for more queer rep, especially in kid's shows. Ok? Ok. Now, Nate wanting to make Lord Dominator lesbian was such a dumb choice. So, basically in one episode "The Night Out" Nate said it was his intention to show Lord Dominator as a lesbian in that episode, by implying she has a crush on Slyvia...d-does he HAVE to add a toxic lesbian romance in whatever show he touches? First we have Catradora, now he's trying to make Dominator and Slyvia a couple, when they both HATE EACH OTHER, and when Dominator attempted to KILL SLYVIA showing no guilt. Dominator just very clearly has no romantic feelings towards Slyvia. Also Slyvia's a literal horse sooo...I don't get what his obsession is with toxic sapphic romances, but he has got to stop.
#rq apologies if this just reads as like. an insufferably long/rambley reply. i know way way way too much about This One Thing Specifically#the one thing being lord dominator and everythjng that crew put into making her#ragging on Nate's love of toxic yuri is super fair game#but saying that he made it a thing that dominator - the most 'no romo' character ever - had an implied crush on sylvia is just. no.#the episode ends by showing us that they could never be actual friends because dominator is fucked up and evil and abusive#and sylvia knows that that's all kinds of wrong and shuts that shit down the instant the red flags pop up#dom not even being able to form a genuine friendship with the person she had the most in common with-#-drives home the point that she CANT be made friends with. nobody should have any form of relationship with her#she's just a sadistic selfish abuser who you should run for the hills from#that's the lesson we learn through the addition of Dom as an antagonist and it's consistently reemphasized as we spend more time on her#The Night Out changed none of that; it gave us all the more evidence of that! It's one of the most crucial episodes wrt fleshing out Dom!!#The writers have spoken before about this being a really important ep for the character bc it really gets into the fact that-#-she's lonely. She's hypercompetent. Needs no help w/ anything. She's evil and abusive. Has no social connections. She destroys EVERYTHING.#Of COURSE the biggest piece of her character when you strip all of her power is the fact that she's utterly alone /and for good reason/#The Hater crush arc and Awesome's tomfoolery drive home that nobody should want to date her#Wander's attempts to 'get through to the good in her' & Sylvia's short-lived friendship w/ her drive home that she shouldn't be befriended#The Night Out is an episode we were going to get no matter what. Nate was decided to be the best person to write it.#Apparently a significant amount of the crew saw her as lesbian/sapphic so he may have been the loudest about it but#Nate Stevenson was not a rogue crew member forcing the character to be a lesbian who wants to get with the show's one other female main#he may have gone ham with the lesbian untertones between dominator and sylvia or whatever (literally with permission dhfsbvds)#but. again. dominator is not a character who's interested in *anyone* like that. nate didn’t throw out that fact. he worked within it.#he wrote the ship-fodder-y ep that he wanted without sacrificing the fact that dominator wouldn't crush on sylvia#the show always hits you over the head with it when a character is romantically interested in another. TNO was very clearly not like that.#they were quite literally just gals being pals lol
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i was gonna sleep but no i cant stop agonizing over how jumper's deep attachment and loyalty to her teammates makes complete sense when you consider everything she did and experienced in s5— especially in regards to vitalasy and the abyss. and how her wanting to be completely uninvolved in the conflicts of the server this season is also connected to this.
bc like okay so jumper is obviously incredibly attached to ro and rek. she has made it abundantly clear that they are her priority. they are the only people who matter to her at the end of the day; the people she will do anything for on the server. there is nobody in the server she would choose over them. no matter what rek does in his own time, or how inactive ro is, jumper ALWAYS considers both of them and has them in mind w everything she does.
which i find interesting bc at this point, rek almost exclusively refers to jumper and her alone as his teammate when his team is brought up simply bc ro is never here. they havent seen each other in months and i can count the amt of times rek and ro have been on the server together on one hand, so obviously rek doesnt seem to feel that same attachment to ro that jumper does.
which is very understandable but very interesting in how it contrasts to the way jumper seems to almost cling to that day 1 team up she had w ro. how she continues to include him in everything, and does her best to ensure he will be well taken care of should he choose to login at any point while shes offline.
and i...cannot help but feel that a very big part of jumpers fierce loyalty is her experience w vi. of him being gone. of her choice to not be alone, while he was gone. and her losing him in the end. like ro's absence almost feels like salt in the wound, but it also feels like its her getting a second chance to choose the other option— to wait for ro, to be loyal to him and rek, and to choose them and to continue to choose them no matter what happens.
which brings me to jumper's refusal to involve herself in conflict unless she NEEDS to be involved. i think her refusal to be loyal to anyone except ro and rek ties into this, actually!!! although part of her neutrality may be self interest, i dont actually agree w derap in saying its entirely out of pure selfishness. bc i actually think a large part of it is jumper continuing to choose ro and rek, and refusing to even consider putting herself into a position where she could ever be prioritizing anyone who isnt them. ally or enemy alike.
bc like yes. she is allies w minute. she considers (considered? idk anymore since chief tried to kill her LOL) the empire her allies, and once expressed that she would happily help them kill people and assist them w their schemes when it is requested of her, but i feel like that is as far as she is willing to toe the line of involving herself in conflict and any sort of loyalty to anyone who isnt her team bc shes already played that game before.
rek is always doing his own thing and ro is IA, but this time around jumper isnt looking for anyone else, another connection, or anybody to fight w. shes building a base for her team, supporting reks projects even if she doesnt understand, and she is waiting for ro. there was nothing she couldve done to ever not lose vi; he was always going to part ways w her no matter what decision she made, but she was never able to fully heal or come to terms w losing him in the way she did and mourn all of the time they never had so this time she is making the decision to hold onto rek and ro as tightly as she can, and to cherish every moment she is able to have them as long as she can in the hopes that she will never have to lose them like she lost vi. that she can have the memories w them that she was never able to have w vi.
#lifesteal#lifesteal spoilers#the sticklers#amethyst duo#jumperwho#vitalasy#roshambogames#rekrap2#sorry if this is incoherent#its like 5.30 am as i post this#i started playing nothings new and started typing#idk if anythjng ive said is of substance#but i needed to yap#and cry abt jumper and vi and ro#and how painful ro and jumpers themes of loneliness are#theyre so different yet also so similar in their loneliness :(#i love the sticklers so much godddddd
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