#its like 5.30 am as i post this

[mcytegg]

i was gonna sleep but no i cant stop agonizing over how jumper's deep attachment and loyalty to her teammates makes complete sense when you consider everything she did and experienced in s5— especially in regards to vitalasy and the abyss. and how her wanting to be completely uninvolved in the conflicts of the server this season is also connected to this.

bc like okay so jumper is obviously incredibly attached to ro and rek. she has made it abundantly clear that they are her priority. they are the only people who matter to her at the end of the day; the people she will do anything for on the server. there is nobody in the server she would choose over them. no matter what rek does in his own time, or how inactive ro is, jumper ALWAYS considers both of them and has them in mind w everything she does.

which i find interesting bc at this point, rek almost exclusively refers to jumper and her alone as his teammate when his team is brought up simply bc ro is never here. they havent seen each other in months and i can count the amt of times rek and ro have been on the server together on one hand, so obviously rek doesnt seem to feel that same attachment to ro that jumper does.

which is very understandable but very interesting in how it contrasts to the way jumper seems to almost cling to that day 1 team up she had w ro. how she continues to include him in everything, and does her best to ensure he will be well taken care of should he choose to login at any point while shes offline.

and i...cannot help but feel that a very big part of jumpers fierce loyalty is her experience w vi. of him being gone. of her choice to not be alone, while he was gone. and her losing him in the end. like ro's absence almost feels like salt in the wound, but it also feels like its her getting a second chance to choose the other option— to wait for ro, to be loyal to him and rek, and to choose them and to continue to choose them no matter what happens.

which brings me to jumper's refusal to involve herself in conflict unless she NEEDS to be involved. i think her refusal to be loyal to anyone except ro and rek ties into this, actually!!! although part of her neutrality may be self interest, i dont actually agree w derap in saying its entirely out of pure selfishness. bc i actually think a large part of it is jumper continuing to choose ro and rek, and refusing to even consider putting herself into a position where she could ever be prioritizing anyone who isnt them. ally or enemy alike.

bc like yes. she is allies w minute. she considers (considered? idk anymore since chief tried to kill her LOL) the empire her allies, and once expressed that she would happily help them kill people and assist them w their schemes when it is requested of her, but i feel like that is as far as she is willing to toe the line of involving herself in conflict and any sort of loyalty to anyone who isnt her team bc shes already played that game before.

rek is always doing his own thing and ro is IA, but this time around jumper isnt looking for anyone else, another connection, or anybody to fight w. shes building a base for her team, supporting reks projects even if she doesnt understand, and she is waiting for ro. there was nothing she couldve done to ever not lose vi; he was always going to part ways w her no matter what decision she made, but she was never able to fully heal or come to terms w losing him in the way she did and mourn all of the time they never had so this time she is making the decision to hold onto rek and ro as tightly as she can, and to cherish every moment she is able to have them as long as she can in the hopes that she will never have to lose them like she lost vi. that she can have the memories w them that she was never able to have w vi.

[bonearenaofmyskull]

Hey sooo sorry that this is irrelevant to Hannibal. Its about this youtube guy you said in one of your old old posts that you enjoyed. He is a bearded ginger guy that sits in front of the wooden wall of a warehouse with shelf talking about politics? Usually wears a hat. Usually his view is around 15-30k i think and he uploads daily.

for some reason I don’t know why i kept remembering him as Shia Labeouf??? And his youtube channel name is 4 words.

thanks to you i discovered his channel but i got uninterested so I unsubscribed, but now in my wee 5.30-6 am sleepless hour i suddenly missed him and was tryna search so hard but you know how that goes looking at my description

thank yew

It's Beau of the Fifth Column, and for the record I NEVER would have associated him with Shia Labeouf. I recommend his channel and the partner channel The Roads with Beau for anyone who wants non-sensationalized, realistic reporting, with a leftist bent, of foreign affairs, domestic affairs, climate change, science news, and occasional pop culture news insofar as it overlaps with one of the other categories. They also do occasional personal advice and are a good internet mom and dad for especially queer kids who need that. And they do charity work, give survival advice and tips whenever there is an ongoing weather event that is potentially life-threatening, and weekly q-and-a.

I'm referring to them as a partnership because Beau has left his position running the channels in the last week and turned it over to his wife because he is a workaholic, and it was affecting his health, charity work, and family. Other than them dropping one of their daily videos from the agenda and his wife (going by "Belle"--"Beau" was also a pseudonym) still being in that stage of finding her voice and comfortability in front of the camera, I haven't seen too much of a change in the quality of their commentary, though the jury is still out on that IMO--she seems a bit spicier than Beau but is still working control the nerves and be natural, and I'm not sure she's quite there with the way he would lay out his reasoning and show it coming around to his conclusions, though I don't think the conclusions themselves have changed in any significant way. It'll be really tested when they cover more foreign affairs because that was where Beau really shined, and it's my understanding he is really NOT involved in the channel at all anymore in any way, at least for the time being. Coverage has been very US election-focused since Belle took over.

My strongest general recommendation would to go back and watch every single video, in order, that Beau made about Gaza in order to understand why things have gone the way they've gone and why the US has made the moves they've made, and why other countries that are nominally pro-Palestine have done some of the things that they've done as well. That includes this dumb-it-down whiteboard video from last year. Most people will find him reporting things that they don't like for one reason or other--hell, he reports things HE doesn't like about the way the foreign policy system works and will occasionally remind audiences of that as well--but it will explain where and why morality fails to gain traction when there is a question of power, and how that limits steps that are taken, how it informs public positions taken on the world stage versus what is happening behind the scenes with actions taken, etc.

Beau's organizational and labeling system for finding topics of interest is an absolute nightmare--even worse than mine--so I'd just recommend browsing in chronological order for likely topics if you're going back through historical stuff.

They're southerners and they drawl and if you're into hyperspeed internet videos you'll have to adapt your brain to want to watch their stuff. Over time you should get used to the pacing, and I eventually found it soothing. Beau is one of those rare individuals that I could regularly expect to have insights and perspectives and thoughts that I wouldn't have had, and he could change the way I view something. There aren't that many people that I run into in life that have that ability, so this was a rare gift for me.

[skijumpingf1]

A roller-coaster weekend (D.Prevc X D.Tande)

So last weekend after Domens win someone (sadly I don´t know who) pointed out that it is sad that Daniel wasn´t in Sapporo to witness Domen’s win. I kinda got inspired by that and started to write something. It was supposed to be a fun cute one shot about Domiel celebrating Domens win the long-distance way but apparently, I’m not good a writing fun stuff so it’s a tiny bit heavier than anticipated but well. The whole Alex situation is mentioned but I tried to keep it vague to not speculate too much. At first, I didn’t think I would post it, since it’s the first time I would share something that I wrote (It’s also the first time writing in English and the first time writing Domiel. So a lot of firsts). But I’m always happy when someone shares their work so here you go.

Wordcount: 4899

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Friday

“Why am I hearing about your revolution from gossip?”, is the first thing that leaves my mouth when my boyfriend finally picks up the phone. It was my third try of reaching him. To his defence it is currently 5.30 am in Norway. So honestly, he shouldn’t be answering the phone, but he does. It brings out a little smile on my face. “Good morning to you too, Domen.”, answers Daniel with his raspy morning voice. I miss hearing it in person. I miss waking up next to him and wake him up with a lazy kiss. Hopefully he will be in Oberstdorf next week. It has been too long since we saw each other. “It’s already afternoon here.” I could practically see his eye roll through the telephone.

The Slovenian cabin is empty here at the hill in Sapporo. My first teammates are on the way up the hill and everyone who jumps after me is still outside warming up. I probably should be out there too but the gossip on the hill was more important. At least today. So, I’m sitting on the slim bench and lean against the heater. Robert, my trainer, can’t be mad when he finds me here cause I’m doing a bit of stretching. At least a bit. But I really need to speak with Daniel about the things I heard. So, no good warm up for me today. This is more important. “I heard it from the Germans, Danny. So, what is going on with your team? Is it true?” Philipp Raimund and Andreas Wellinger were practically begging me to give them insides of the drama in team Norway. But I didn’t have an answer for them because my boyfriend forgot to tell me the big news. Or choose to not tell me. There is a sigh on the others side of the line. “To be honest, I don’t know what to think about it. I can’t even articulate what I’m felling right now.”, speaks Daniel after a short period of quiet. My hand glides through my hair. “It’s really true? You want to get rid of Alex?” “That’s sounds like we want to kill him. We just think our team would function better without him.” Something in his voice and the fact that he didn’t tell me about it, tells me there is more to this story.

Daniel and I, we are together since over four years. I know him. That’s why I keep asking. Sometimes he holds to himself. You would think that would be my part, but I tend to overshare. At least with him. “But you don’t agree?” There is a bit noise in the background. He is probably standing up to go around in circles in his little flat like always does. I can picture it in my head. Daniel running his hand through his beautiful blond hair, pacing around to get rid of the emotions that comes with phone calls like this. “You know I have experience with revolutions against trainers. Rember the ski flying world champions in Planica.” The Japanese sun is shining in the little cabin, and I am praying that the other guys will be out there a bit longer so that we can finish this conversation. I lean my head against the blank wall. “It’s not that I don’t agree. There are valid points why Alex isn’t the right trainer for us. But its complicated.” “He has been your trainer since when? Since you have been in world cup? Of course, it’s complicated.” Alex always seemed close with his jumpers. Daniel praised him so often. I don’t know what caused this fall out. Maybe just the bad results. Maybe something major that he can’t share with me. We are still on different teams, and it could be something regarding his teammates so I can understand why he isn’t telling me. I wish I could be there, or he could be here. Even through his voice I can hear that he needs a hug. Maybe I should call his mom up to go check on him. “He is such big part of my life. If he is really going to leave it feels like I´m losing a third parent.” “Oh Danny.”, was the only thing I could say. “Did you agree with Timi when he pulled that thing?” I exhale loudly. “Partly. But definitely not the way he did it. That was just cruel and bad for all of us. But its not really comparable. Alex has been in your life forever. Have you talked about it with the other guys? Or maybe with Anders or Kenneth?” Outside of the cabin I can start to hear voices. Probably my teammates who played volleyball. My gaze falls on my watch. I should get going soon or I will miss the first jump. “Not really. I agree with them for the most parts so what am I supposed to say?” “Your also part of the team. Your opinion matters as much as the opinion form the others. I´m sorry love, but I really have to get going. Maybe it would really help if you speak to Anders. He knows the team but can give you a bit of a neutral view.” In the middle of my sentence the door of the cabin opens, and my brother enters the room followed by Lovro and Timi. Peter is raising his eyebrow at me. An unspoken question why I am not ready. With my free hand I gesture towards the phone and hope the boys will stay quiet. “Good luck for quali, kjekken. I love you. “„I love you too.” The phone call ends, and I’m absolutely not satisfied with it. I hate that I can’t be there for him and hold him. I hate that there are currently what feels like million kilometres between us. “Yes Pero. I know that I’m late. I’m hurrying up now.”, I say before my older brother opens his mouth. Peter is still nervous when it comes to me being in World cup. As if I didn’t know the rules around here. Even though I have been a part of this circus since I was 16. While I change in my ski jumping suit the boys exchange a knowing look. “So, it’s true, what they tell about team Norway?” Timi was the brave one to ask the question they all had. “Apparently. But I don’t know much more than you do.” A last check through my bag than I went my way up the hill to do the thing I love most in the world.

Saturday

I press my lips together and look at the big screen. 122 meters. Not enough to really help me get a better position than somewhere around place 20. Sometimes this sport could be harsh. After yesterday and even the trial round I was quite hopeful for a good result, a great even if I dared to dream. Sadly, the wind had other ideas. So, I step out of the outrun with my big skies in my hands. The sun is already setting behind the mountains and it’s getting a bit dark. I don’t know if I should feel tired or not. After the US leg and now Japan my inner clock is not working at all. Always tired but not really tired enough to fully get a night full of sleep. My teammates greet me in the outrun, and someone takes my skier. “Tomorrow will be our day.”, says Timi and winks at me. “Let’s hope for good headwind.”, was my dry response. The worst thing now is that I have to wait around the exit gate because my brother was sixth after the first round. It’s not that I don’t want to be there for him but seeing everyone jump better than me still hurts after eight years in world cup. But if it didn’t bother me, I should probably retire. I slip out of my suit and change into my training clothes. As soon as I’m done, I grab my phone from my backpack. A message from Daniel was already waiting for me. Come on Domen, just because there is no headwind doesn’t mean you have to jump that shitty. A small smile builds itself on my face. Daniel always knows how to cheer me up. Well, I was kind off expecting it so … Jumper after jumper came down the hill until we reach the top 10. Lovro who is standing next to me is also on his phone. “Dude, the story in Norway is getting out of hand. Stöckel didn’t know anything about that shit. He was completely blindsided.” By the way he raises his eyebrow I know that he asked me a question with that statement. Sometimes I regretted telling people about our relationship. Especially when someone uses that connection to get information that are not supposed to be for them. Normally I´m glad we were no longer part of a big hide and seek game. Sneaking around is just fun at the beginning but at some point, it’s just annoying. The public still doesn’t know, and we are not planning on chancing that in the near future. But the other jumpers knew to an extent. We are not running around holding hands in the village, but we tend to stick together. So, the rumour spread, and we just went with flow. Our teammates were obviously a bit more informed. If not, we wouldn’t be able to spend as much time with each other as we did. But we try to keep it is much to ourselves as possible. “No comment?”, askes Zak. “No comment.” With that I step a few steps closer to the outrun. Peter is next jumper. I look up the hill and wait for the signal so that Pero can finally jump down that damn hill. “Gosh today your way grumpier then normal. It’s time for Daniel to return.” Timi is grinning towards me. “With that I agree.” The team for Oberstdorf wasn’t finalized but I doubt that Daniel would miss ski flying. Finally, Peters is letting loose and jumps. Right at the beginning I can see that that jump won’t do it and press my lips together ones more. “Well at least we can get going now.”

I more than thankful that Lovro, with who I’m rooming this weekend, left to play a round of cards with the other boys or maybe jumpers from a different nation. Honestly, I didn’t really paid attention to what he was telling me. As fast as I can, I fix my hair. Then I´m pressing the facetime button on my phone and Daniels face appears on my screen. “Hi.” I probably sound a bit breathless, but I don’t really care. Daniel still takes my breath away. Even after four years of being with him and close to a decade of knowing him. Even on my tiny screen. His blonde hair is a bit messy, the way I like it the most, and a bright smile was on his face. “Hi you. I missed seeing your face.” “I missed seeing yours more.”

I lay back on the bed and cuddle myself under the blanket. “Oh, that kind off face time call.”, smirks my boyfriend. A small giggle escapes my mouth. “I wish but I don’t know when Lovro is coming back.” Daniels face forms a grimace. “Then back to the good old talking. How was the comp? The jumps didn’t look too bad.” A deep sigh comes from me. I roll onto my side in the small hotel bed. This hotel room was more on the depressing side. Grey walls, no good art and the floor was carpet that definitely has seen its prime. “Normally a 19th place is alright, but I like the hill and I know that I can do better here so that’s why it’s a bit frustrating. But tomorrow …” “Tomorrow is headwind so I´m expecting more from you.” Daniel raises his eyebrows and looks me death in the eye. He can’t hold his composure for long and he burst out laughing. My favourite noise in the world. “I will try a podium just for you.” “You know that just wins turn me on.”, he winks at me. I nod sarcastically. “Then we should probably break up. I haven’t won in ages.” Daniels laugh increases and his hair falls in his face. What would I give to be able to push it back now. Seeing him so happy opens up my heart. “For me team wins count as well, so you are good.” I cuddle myself deeper in my bed and switch the hand that’s holding my phone to warm it a bit under the blanket.

Outside its pitch black dark and my eyes are slowly getting heavy. The small light next to me is doing barely enough to keep me in enough light for the facetime call. But we are not even at the point where I want this conversation going. That why keep my eyes open and push the sleep away. “How generous. Then I suppose we can stay together.” Daniel is sitting on his couch, the phone between his knees so he has the hands free to eat a bowl of cereal. He looks happy but I can see that something is bothering him. “Have you talked to someone about the Alex situation?” I am probably silly to shift the easy conversation to a heavy topic when we haven’t had time to properly speak to each other since last week. But he needs to talk and for reasons I still don’t fully understand I’m his favourite person to talk to. “I called Johann and said that we probably should have talked about it with Alex first before sending a letter to him and the federation. I mean we did it before, its not like he doesn’t know something is up, but we should have tried to tell him how serious we are. Alex wants to talk to us when the others are back from Japan. So, we will see how that goes but honestly the damage is done. Alex can´t take the things he did back, and we can’t unsent that letter.” Those situations are always a bit uncomfortable to say the least. I experienced it as well. The relationship between a trainer and an athlete is one of the closest you can experience. There needs to be a level of trust and understanding between them for it to work. Its strange when the dynamic changes. I can´t even imagine how hard when its with a trainer like Alex who has been through thick and thin with his athletes, especially Daniel. Alex was so supportive after Dannys fall and everything else that happened.

“I´m so sorry, Love. I know he means a lot to you. But just because he maybe won’t be your trainer anymore doesn’t mean he won’t be in your life. If you want to you can still be close to him.” Daniels is quiet for a few moments. Chewing on a bit of cereal and looking at the distance. Maybe I should ask Rob if I can fly to Norway instead of Slovenia. It wouldn’t be there first time that Daniel or I flew back home with the opposite team. After some long conversation Robert and I agreed that Daniel can train with us when he is with me, and Alex and Daniel have the same agreement. Honestly a fresh perspective helped me with my jumping once or twice which was a nice benefit. But as much as I want to it would not be right. My presence would be even more a hustle for Daniels Team and also, I want to enjoy training with a brother as long as I can. Daniels gaze focuses on the screen again. “I will think about it, when its final. Right now, I can’t do anything so why stress about it. Now its your turn. How are you doing?” I chuckle. That’s so typical Daniel. “I’m fine. Just a bit worried about you.” Daniel is shaking his head. He places his bowl on the couch table and takes his phone in his hands again. Now I can see his beautiful face even better. My gaze falls onto his full lips. Again I´m condemning the distance between us. “No. We talked enough about me. Now it´s your turn. Have you made peace with Peters retirement?” I groan. Not that topic again. Everyone wants to talk to me about the retirement from my eldest brother. Trainer, Teammates, other colleges, the press and Daniel. It´s being too much so I rather not talk about it anymore. I told Daniel right after Peter told me. I needed to talk about it then. It’s strange that I’m suddenly alone in world cup. Long time I wished for it to be honest. Peter is constantly watching over me but now that he is leaving it fells strange. Cenes departure from world cup was a hard hit and now that I´m going to be completely without them is just strange. Somehow, I always pictured my brothers in world cup with me forever. I probably need more than two weeks to shake that feeling off. “I promise I talk to you about when I need it. Right now, I am just annoyed with that topic. And you will talk to me about Alex when you need it. Deal?” “Okay we have a deal.”

Sunday

You are still leading! That message arrived when I made my way into the Slovenian cabin where nobody is. Timi is probably somewhere fuming after his disqualification so I’m glad that I don’t have to bother with that right now. I type: I know. Crazy but the best aren’t down yet. It’s the truth. The best three were still up there. But regardless it was a great jump and a great result after the first round. Secretly I am hoping that there will be a spontaneous storm so that we can cancel second round. I don’t know if I can deliver a second jump on that level anyways. I´m still to inconsistent. I put my back on the bench and quickly scan through it if I have everything. My telephone rings and I know who is on the other side before I even look at it. “You’re not inconstant on this hill with headwind. Stopp being a pessimist and start being a realist.” “I am realistic! But I told you I´m aiming for a podium for you so you bet I do everything I can.” I hear a loud cheer from Daniel, and I don’t know what it means. In the cabin there was no tv so I couldn’t watch the rest of the competition. Normally an assistant of Robert or Robert himself would be here soon to talk about adjustments. He would tell me where I finished so I can prepare and be in time. “Nobody should be that cheerful at three a.m.”, I say and sit on the bench. Peter should be here any minute. Before that I should end the call, or I can get a lecture about concentration. Especially today. “Its just that my boyfriend is first after the first round. That’s something I want to cheer about.” I open my mouth and close it again. “Really?” “Stefan is sixth, Ryoyu is fourth and Andi jumped pretty badly. Ah I´m so excited to see your top 10 video.” Oh my gosh. I am leading. When was the last time I lead after first round? “Well, that is a bit unexpected.” “Oh, come on. Your form is getting better and better, and you love the hill. Have a bit of confidence.”, is Daniel hyping me up. The door of the cabin opens, and a smiling Peter enters, followed by Robert. “I need to go, love you.” “I promise. You have got this. I believe in you.” With that the phone call is ending. Peter comes up to me and gives me a big hug. “You’re leading!” “I know, Pero. It’s just the first round.” He pats me on the back before he lets me go. My brother is still smiling like a maniac. The retirement made him so much more emotional. “That was a very good jump, Domen. Honestly no real adjustments are necessary.”, nods my trainer. I rather had a little mistake I could fix to concentrate on. “Can I do a few simulations? I have to much time left.” Peros raises his eyebrow. Even Rob looks a bit concerned. “Is everything alright?” “Yeah, but there still is a second jump. I won’t celebrate anything before I’m not down that hill twice.”

It’s strange to have that much time between the rounds. I am not really at the front of the field. I jumped twenty minutes earlier than the best. The FIS calculates that the best have enough time to get up the hill again even if they place badly. It’s a long wait. And one thing about me is that I hate waiting. The first time ever I am early on my way up the hill. Some other athletes are congratulating me which is just silly because I could still end up being last. Well 30th. Not dead ass last but still. My phone buzzes. Normally I wouldn’t check in the middle of comps, but I hoped that message was form Danny. I honestly need more of his reassurance. As a professional athlete I should be able to deal with this situation alone. I could but with him it was so much easier. As is everything else. I trust in you, kjekken. You got this! I know it’s hard but don’t think about it too much. It’s just another jump. I am instantly a bit calmer when I step into the small elevator that brings one up to the waiting room. It’s a beautiful day outside. Sunny and barely any wind. Better conditions don’t exist. I start typing when I hear a scream. “Can you hold that?” I look up from the screen and see a rushed Lovro, who was fifth after first round. With a reached arm I hold the door open so that my teammate can get in the lift with me. “Why are you so early? I thought we could go together.” I shrug. “I was done with everything and waiting up there is more relaxing than in the cabin.” Lovro looks me up and down. He gazes lays on the phone in my hand with which I´m tapping against my leg. My teammate is not the best when it comes to social interactions. Not that I am better. Lovro and I are on a similar level. I raise an eyebrow because I know he wants to say something but doesn’t know what. Until he figures it out, I reply to Daniel. I will try to win for you, babe. Apparently, it turns you on. “Don’t be too nervous. It is just another competition.”, is the comment my teammate came up with. “I´m working on it.” The elevator is finally at the top and we step into the waiting area. A bunch off other guys are there and it brings me a bit of comfort that I´m not practically alone up here.

I step outside directly behind Kristoffer, who is second after the first round. It was weird enough being in that room with him alone. Alone in there and I would probably get flashbacks form when I was 17. I take a deep breath and try to focus on the jump. The way down to the gate takes longer than I remembered. It takes ages for me to get to the gate. Daniel comes to my mind while I wait until it’s my turn. I still remember the number of times we stood up here together. It feels like an eternity away. So much has happened in between then and today. We fell in love, and he is now the most important person in my life. I trust him with my whole heart, and he believes that I can do it. So, I believe it too. I want to win this. For me. For him. Therefore, I sit on that gate with determination. And with that determination I’m letting loose and just jump. My first reaction after the landing was relive. I didn’t mess it up. It was as good as I could bring it today. If someone else is better than so be. I did everything right. That thought brings an even brighter smile to my face. It took me years to get to this point.

With a big smile on my face, I break as best as I could and stop next to my brother in the outrun of the hill. “I think its enough.”, he says. It was close with the green line, but my landing was pretty good. The better grades could decide between first and second today. I open my bindings and take my skis in my hand. FIS is making it exciting with the blue bar but when it moves fast, I know that I won. “Fuck yes!” I raise my skier in the sky and start to laugh. My teammates are all cheering for me. “Good job, Domci.” My brother pats me on the back, and I start to beam. I really just did that. I won again. After nearly five years I finally won again. And I hate to admit it, it was nice that my brother was still here to witness it.

As soon as I go through the exit gate a bunch of people are around me to congratulate but I just want to get to my phone. I quickly thank everyone and get to my bag as soon as possible. While I change, I simultaneously open my phone. There are already a dozen messages but just one is important. See I told you, you could do it. But honestly, I’m so proud of you. You absolutely deserve this. I don’t have time to reply properly. The first little podium ceremony is happening soon. That’s why I just sent a heart. Daniel will get it and the first thing I will do when I’m back in the hotel is call him.

 Ryoyu, who ended up being second, comes up to me. “How does it feel to be back on top?” “I haven’t even realized it.” It takes it time to fully understand situations like this. In 2019 I understood the meaning of my victory after a few days. Obviously, it was different when I was 17 because everything is so much easier when your 17 and not thinking much. My colleague laughs. “Enjoy it. But don’t wait another five years for your next win.” “Next week is ski flying. A week sounds better.” I grin at him. Then our names are called, and we get into the inrun.

 I forgot how long it takes when you win. Waiting for the podium, dozens of interviews, people that want to congratulate you. It all takes so much longer than I remember. Or maybe I´m just more eager to get back to the hotel to make a phone call. On the way to the hotel, I try to answer a few messages. Nika is the first person I reply to. We joked a bit around that I´m now chasing her seven wins. Then there is Cene who is apparently a bit sad that he couldn’t be here to see me win. His fault. He wanted to end his career early.

Finally, we pulled up to the hotel. We won’t stay long here though. The flight back home is departing in five hours. I look at Lovro who is sitting in front of me. “Hey man. How far are you with packing?” He turns around and smirks. “No worries. I´ll give you a bit of privacy but not more than half an hour.” I nod and mutter a thanks before I hope out of the van. I gather my things and practically sprint into the hotel. The people in the lobby give my funny looks but I don’t care. As soon as I´m in my room I call my boyfriend who picks up instantly. As if he has been waiting for my call. “You did it! You fucking did it!”, Daniel cheers and I chuckle. I run my hand through my hair and shake my head. With a few steps I´m sitting on my bed. “Said I would win for you.” It was a cocky response but after today I was definitely allowed to be a bit cocky. “I never doubted you.” My smile widens. “You helped me win it. Before the jump I held myself together because I knew that you believe in me.” “Domen that was all you. You jumped that good. I just gave moral support.” I roll my eyes because that is a typical Daniel response. It would be so much better if he was here. Since I have been down the hill, all I wanted to do is get a hug from him. I would give everything to share this moment with him. “We will definitely celebrate this when we see each other again.”, says Daniel as if he read my thoughts. “I can’t wait for it.”

[drew-mga2022mi6021]

Research | Moments of the Morning

Pettah Market - Luis Alvarez

In order to add some more flavour to my project, I decided to look into more morning activities that could take place in my film, both common and uncommon. One of the obstacles that I had planned for this film was the sequence in which our main character must ditch their bike and begin trekking through a market district. One of the most famed in Sri Lanka, is Pettah. This sequence could involve a location inspired by Pettah, or Pettah itself - which might be more interesting. The location in particular is important, as this could inform the route the protagonist takes to their destination, and what kind of areas the protagonist would travel to.

Pettah Trivia

Here is some general information that I have learned about Pettah, through me being there and things I have heard from those who frequent the area. What sets Pettah aside from other market districts is that it is famous for its great deals on most things you would want to buy, particularly if you are seeking items in bulk. It is also known for its cheap (build-wise) appliance stores. The merchants in Pettah are quite crafty, and if a buyer seems to be of a well to-do background, they tend to jack up the prices. Similarly, if one were to dress more low profile, they are likely to get a better deal from the merchants.

Pettah is also big on barter culture, and offer the best deals in the early morning (particularly between 5.30 a.m and 7.00 a.m, I am told). This adds even more incentive for the market district in my film to be crowded, in addition to this society being brought about from hard work. This also begs the question of the nature of the people. If they are such hard workers, would they willingly try to swindle their customers? Or would they offer their wares at a lower price? As mentioned in an earlier mind map, the lower wage earners are likely to be those who distribute the wares of the hard workers - in other words, vendors. Although the world is idyllic, would each and every person be "truly good" as well? I think this project warrants a trip to Pettah to gather further information on its people, and the area itself.

Uncommon Events

Sunrise Malibu Couple Photos - Carrie Rogers

If one were to look for uncommon happenings at any time of day in Sri Lanka, there is no better place to search than Galle, the Southern hub of Sri Lanka. Galle is widely known for its popularity with tourists (so much to the point that there is a running gag that Galle is filled with more tourists than locals). Thus, there are things that happen here that may not necessarily happen in Colombo ordinarily, but could happen in my version of Colombo due to the nature of the world.

One of these things are wedding shoots, especially during the mornings. The popularity of Golden Hour, when the sun just touches the horizon and bathes the sky in a golden light, was mainly relegated to evenings in most peoples' minds. However, to capitalise on this at a less crowded time, people gravitated towards morning shoots. Additionally, the morning sky tends to have a more pink hue than that of the evening, which adds a more interesting and uncommon look to these shoots.

I had noted this in passing in older blog posts; sunrise jams. This would be when bands play during the sunrise. This is most common on New Year's Morn; bands that play from midnight to sunrise or from early morning until the sun rises. In this society that prioritises community as well as hard work, this could be an interesting aspect to add to the culture of these people. Perhaps as a means to boost morale, the people of this world partake in the arts in the morning. Public gigs like this could be helpful to brighten everybody's mood.

The Daily Commute

Bambalapitiya, 8.24 a.m

One of the core parts of Sri Lankan culture is road rage. Sri Lankans love to complain about things that make them mad, and apart from Government processes, the biggest contenders are things that happen on the road. Since the ground to cover here is incredibly vast, I have decided that I will create a survey to collect more data from people during their daily commute. I will provide updates on this in more detail as time passes.

[opens-up-4-nobody]

Friendship to me has always been a strange thing. I would say I make friends pretty easily. I like to think I'm not a terrible person to be around. I'm quiet and ask a lot of questions so I'm "nice to talk to". But I tend to view friendships very functionally. Having friends is useful, therefore I should have friends. Something internal doesn't connect. I feel more like I'm studying them. Trying to figure out how their brain works. And once I get a grasp on what their deal is, I tend to get bored because no one has the type of conversations I'm looking for and the information about them is no longer new. Then maintaining friendships is near impossible once a person leaves my immediate surroundings. I remain curious about them after they go but in the same way I'm curious to see what happens next in to a character of a story I'm not really invested in. And I'm not saying any of that is inherently bad. I just wonder what it's like to have friends you don't feel detatched from.

[letarasstuff]

Get-Along-Shirt

(A/N): This was requested by an anon and is based on this post. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did writing it :)

Summary: The Hotchner-Siblings get their own ‘get-along-shirt’. What kind of chaos is going to happen?

Wordcount: 1.4k

✨Masterlist✨ ________________________________

Some days Hotch asks himself why he and Haley thought it would be a good idea to have two children this close in age.

Just a few weeks prior (Y/N) turned 13 and it seems to the single father like it was the beginning to endless teasing, arguing and fighting between her and her one year older brother. Without a fail they constantly clash against each other and drive the other one up the wall. Hotch swears he grew more grey hairs in the past two weeks than in the years prior.

“I tell you one more time, Jack Hotchner, and if you once again choose to ignore my advice I’ll get up tomorrow morning and choose violence. Do. Not. Touch. My. LABELLED. Food. OR I’LL CUT OFF ALL YOUR FINGERS AFTER PULLING OUT ONE NAIL AFTER ANOTHER. DO YOU UNDERSTAN-” “(Y/N) Hotchner”, Aaron cuts her off, “If you continue screaming like that your eaten meal is the least of your problems.”

Huffing the teenagers drops the sentence and sits down on the couch in the living room with her arms crossed over her chest. Jack looks at her and sticks out his tongue. “Wow Big Brother, didn’t pick you out to be that mature.”

“At least I’m not the one, who gets bitchy about food”, he responds. “Well, because you had food that was not yours an you aren’t bitchy, because you are not hungry”, she retorts. “I’m not the one, who gets craz-”

Suddenly Hotch groans. “You know what. I am done. You two stress me more than a hostage situation with a psychotic alpha male.” Then he gets up and leaves the room. Confused the siblings look at each other until their father comes back.

“This is your ‘get-along-shirt’ and I want you two to wear it together till it’s time for you to go to bed. No cheating, no fighting. You learn to get along in it.” With that the father tosses them a monstrous big white shirt with the words written in black Sharpie across the chest area. Unwillingly they slip it on, knowing better than to argue with him in his pissed state.

The rest of the evening goes relatively well considering Jack and (Y/N) were pressed to each other and only have one arm they can use. This is until they go up the stairs to their rooms.

“Jack, when you use your left leg I have to step on my right. It is that easy!” “No”, he declines, “It’s the opposite. When I go left, you go left. Think (Y/N), think!” It is a trial and error for straight five minutes, which Hotch watches amused. This is better than the evening program on the tv.

But the fun doesn’t last long. After the two teenagers get halfway up the stairs, they suddenly lose their balance and roll the whole way down. Immediately the father is right by their side, but they both swim in the fabric.

Due to the closeness and sudden darkness (Y/N) begins to panic. In her frenzied state she thrashes and scratches around her to get out. When Hotch finally gets them out of the shirt he is able to calm her down. Then he assesses the damage that is done.

Jack has several scratches and bite marks, left by his younger sister in her panic. She on the other side cradles her left arm and looks like she is close to crying. “What is it, Honey?” Aaron asks as he sees the state she is in.

The boy looks worried over to her, giving her a run down with his eyes. “My arm, I heard it snap I think. It really hurts.”

And so the Hotchner family find themselves in the ER at 12 in the night. A nurse gives (Y/N) painkillers at first, but they have to wait for their turn due to it being very busy on a Wednesday.

The whole time the older brother hovers over his sister, asking her if she needs something to drink or eat every ten minutes. As they are nearing 2 am on the clock he lets her curl up on his lap to get some sleep (the painkillers make her a bit drowsy) while watching her like a hawk. Or mother hen, choose your own take.

A doctor looks over her fracture at 3 am. Then she gets sent to get her x-rays at 4. At 5.30 am the teenager gets a cast in her favorite color. Jack, Aaron and (Y/N) are finally able to leave the ER at precisely 6 in the morning.

Now one can assume that the father has the mercy to take the day off and let his kids stay at home from school. But one assumes wrong.

“Ok, we are going to drive home, you are gonna change and get your backpacks and I bring you to school. After work I’m gonna pick both of you up, alright?” Both teenagers groan, but still know better than to argue with him, especially since they brought this upon themselves.

A quick change and wash later the three are back on track and right in front of the school. “(Y/N) if the pain gets too much go to the nurse and get her to call me at work, you understand me?” “Yes, sir”, she mockingly salutes and gives him a kiss on the cheek before stepping outside. Hotch holds Jack back.

“Watch after her. We both know that with that cast she is more likely to get herself hurt now than ever.” Jack nods confirmingly, remembering all the times his younger sister injured herself due to her clumsiness.

Not long after this he sits at his own desk at Quantico, rubbing his eyes and sighing constantly. The lack of sleep and the adrenalin crash from last night's event suddenly catch up to him. The team worriedly looks at him from the bullpen.

“He looks like he hasn’t slept in weeks”, JJ remarks. Spencer glances at the Unit Chief. “Maybe he hasn’t slept. I mean he has two teenagers at home and a huge workload on his desk. I don’t wanna live with his sleep schedule, but I’m also a blinker.”

“Why don’t we ask him if he needs some help? I mean we can divide his paperwork between all of us and he can go home early”, Emily suggests. But Morgan laughs at this. “Prentiss, we know Hotch. He wouldn’t give us any more work voluntarily. You have to claw it out of his hands or get it over his dead body.” 

Penelope sighs. “I’m so sorry for him. He doesn’t deserve any of this. Did you hear the rumor that Strauss is again up his back? Can’t he get a breather?”

“You all are profilers for god’s sake.” Rossi mutters and climbs the stairs up to Hotch’s office.

“Hey, are you alright? I think you groaned more the last half hour than in your first two years here. What is it?” Dave takes a seat across from him. To his and the team’s surprise Aaron lets out a hearty laugh.

“You know how I told you that Jack and (Y/N) are arguing non stop? I took your idea and made them wear a ‘get-along-shirt’. This ended in a night at the ER, because (Y/N) broke her arm while falling off the stairs with Jack. But they both are fine and the shirt did its trick. Though I’m counting on getting a phone call in the next hour, so I’ll go get her and bring her here with a few heavy painkillers. She’ll be knocked out on my couch, so there won’t be any disturbances.”

Aaron continues to laugh every few minutes, whenever he thinks back to the angelic fall of his children, making the team worry even more. But they guess that a sleep deprived Aaron Hotchner is a less strict Aaron Hotchner and they aren’t going to complain. And like predicted, they get to see their favorite teenage girl less than an hour later, sporting a cast with many signatures.

It’s needless to say that they all fight each other off to be the first of them to sign it.

All works:

@agentshortstacc

Criminal Minds:

@averyhotchner

[worldserasingandcreatinginmymind]

The Intern | Part Seven

Series Summary: You move to New York to focus on your art but end up working as an intern at Stark Enterprises

Chapter Summary: you begin your training with Natasha and start to feel the effects of the serum

Pairing: Tony Stark x Reader, Natasha x Reader (friendship), Bruce Banner x reader (platonic)

Word Count: 2190

A/N: this story does not follow the same timeline as the movies. Also, spelling and grammar is not my strongest skill so please be kind :) *really sorry how long this took me to post and that its quite short*

Part Six | Masterlist 

- - - - -

You're woken up the next morning by the sun suddenly shining on your face as the curtains opened themselves and the sound of an alarm you definitely didn’t set. You pull your pillow up to the sides of your head to cover your ears.

“uh..? FRIDAY?” 

“good morning miss Y/L/N”

“whats going on? What time is it?” You ask as the alarm stops.

“it’s 5.30am. This is your wake up call.”

“its 5.30 in the morning?!” You sit up, rubbing your eyes.

“Miss Romanoff is waiting for you in the training room. There are clothes in the closet.”

When Tony said Nat liked to train early, you didn’t realise it would be this early. 

“okay thanks FRIDAY” you say, swinging your legs over the side of the bed. You rub your hands over your face then lean forward, resting your elbows on your knees and your chin in your hands. You are so tired. You don't realise your eyes closing. Then the alarm starts again and you jump up. 

“okay! okay! I’m awake!”

The alarm stops. 

You walk over to the closet and find the training clothes that have been left for you. You quickly get changed, tie your hair up and head to the elevator. FRIDAY sends you to the right floor and before the doors open she tells you to walk to the end of the corridor and take a left. You thank her and follow her directions. 

When you walk into the training room you find Natasha stood at the shooting range, gun in hand. She pulls the trigger twice, hitting the target in the head and right in the heart.

“wow” you gasp and she spins around to look at you.

“don’t get too excited, we’re not doing gun training today” she says locking the gun back in the gun case. You let out a small sigh of relief. You didn’t want her to know, but the thought of handling a gun was terrifying to you. 

She picks up some boxing gloves and walks over to you. 

“you ever boxed before?” She asks, you shake your head. She hands you the gloves and smiles. “then this is gonna be fun”

An hour later you are soaked with sweat. Nat was right, boxing was fun but it was also exhausting. After teaching you some basic moves on the punching bag, Natasha grabbed some punching mitts. She put them on and instructed you to try hit them as she moved around. You were worried about accidentally hitting her but she assured you she could take it. You were surprised at how much you were enjoying training, and how good you were at it. You feel a sudden surge of energy and as you punch you miss Nat’s hand and hit her in the stomach. You must have hit her harder than you thought because you send her flying across the room straight into the weights rack.

“oh my God Nat! Are you-“ you start but suddenly feel your energy drop extremely low, to the point where you're swaying and cant even finish your sentence. Natasha gets up out of the mess just in time to see you fall down to the floor. She runs over to you, shouting your name. She rolls you onto your back, you can barely keep your eyes open. 

“y/n? Can you hear me? y/n?! FRIDAY! Get Tony down here now!”

She stays kneeling next to you, trying to keep you awake until Tony comes running in, followed by Bruce. 

“what happened?” Tony sounds slightly panicked

“We were boxing. She was doing really well; she threw me across the room…” she points to the knocked over weights rack “…and then she just fell”

“we need to get her to the lab, now!” Bruce instructs. Tony immediately scoops you up in his arms and carries you hurriedly out of the room. Thankfully the lab was on the same floor so you didn’t have far to go before you were placed gently down on the same hospital bed you woke on in yesterday. Bruce grabs some sort of scanner off the table and waves it over you, looking at the screen. Your eyes flicker open slightly.

“Tony?” You whisper breathlessly.

“shh, its okay y/n. You're going to be okay” he responds, squeezing your hand. Your eyes shut again and everything goes quiet. 

— — — — 

When your eyes reopen you're still in the hospital bed in the medical lab. Tony is sitting on a chair next to the bed. He’s deep in thought and you note the look of turmoil on his face. He spots you looking at him and instantly his face changes, he smiles at you.

“Hey you're awake. You gave us all a fright. Nat thought she broke you.”

“she thought she broke me?!” You ask shocked, as you sit up in bed “I’m the one who punched her!”

“about that, why didn’t you tell me you were New York’s strongest woman?!” He jokes standing up to sit on the edge of the bed. 

“because I’m not” you shake your head “I don't know what happened in there. It’s like I had this, sudden burst of power come through me and I couldn’t control it. Then as soon as it came, it left again. Only it left me completely empty.” You pause and Tony watches you closely. You take a breath. “does this have something to do with Professor Randall’s serum?” 

“yes” comes another voice, you look and see Dr Banner stood in the door. He comes in, holding more papers like the ones yesterday. “the serum was supposed to have given you super strength all the time. But you only had half the dose which means-“

“I only get half the strength?” You finish. 

“Kind of. Your body is fluctuating between having powers and having none. That’s why your strength left as quickly as it came. The problem is when it leaves, it leaves you with nothing at all. And thats why you passed out.”

“so what do I do? Am I going to just be stuck like this forever?” You ask fearfully.

“there is something we could try-” Bruce starts.

“no!” Tony suddenly interrupts, standing up and walking over to Bruce “I told you yesterday we cant do that, there has to be something else” he takes the papers from Bruce and looks through them, looking for answers.

“do what?!” You ask, frustrated at being left out of the loop.

“we could inject what’s left of the serum into you, complete the dose. The powers should come though properly then.” Bruce explains.

“not an option” Tony states.

“don't I get a say in this?” You say.

“no! This is too dangerous, we’ll figure something out.” Still frantically reading though the papers you now realise are results of tests Dr Banner has been doing. 

“like what Tony? We don't know how much worse this could get?” Bruce says.

“and we don't know what else is in that serum” Tony replies.

The two continue arguing with each other, and you find yourself zoning out as you stare at the floor. You think for a while and come to a decision. You stand up out of bed and walk closer to the boys. 

“I want to do it.” You interrupt them. They stop arguing and look at you. “i want to take the rest of the serum”

“absolutely not!” Tony starts

“this is my body!” You argue back. “I didn’t get a choice when those guys broke in and injected me, but I do get a choice now. And I choose to take the damn serum.” You say forcefully. Dr Banner looks slightly shocked. 

“okay… I’ll, uh, I’ll go get things ready” he says slightly startled by your decision but he leaves the lab. You watch him leave then take a seat on the edge of your bed, processing what you're about to do. Tony silently takes a seat next to you. 

“y/n-“ he says quietly but you interrupt him.

“please don't try and talk me out of this” you say, staring at the floor. He pauses. 

“I’m not going to” he finally says and you look at him. “i just want you to be 100% sure that this is what you want”

You think for a moment before answering. You nod. 

“I am. I don't ever want to feel the way I felt today again. I had no control over my body at all. It was terrifying.” You take a shaky breath. Tony places his hand on your knee and gently squeezes. “so I’m taking back control.” You say suddenly sure of yourself. Tony nods.

“well I’m not happy about it, but I support you.” He says.

“Thank you” you whisper smiling, before resting your head on his shoulder. He leans his head on yours and you stay like that until Dr Banner returns with the serum and a needle. Tony stands up to move out of the way. When you see Dr Banner preparing the needle you feel a sudden wave of anxiety. 

“is there really no other way of taking this thing? Never been very fond needles, especially ones that inject unknown substances” you say and Dr Banner shakes his head. 

“remember you don't have to do this” Tony says.

“no, I want to” you say, trying to convince yourself more than anyone else. 

Dr Banner rolls up your sleeve and you look over to Tony, trying to focus on anything other than what’s about to happen. 

He sees the fear in your eyes and rushes to your side, sitting next to you and putting his arm around your shoulder. 

“I’m right here” he holds your hand with his other hand.

Dr Banner picks up the needle and as pushes in into your arm as gently as possible you squeeze Tony’s hand tightly. He empties the serum into your arm and removes the needle. 

You take a deep shaky breath, relieved its over but also apprehensive of what comes next. The last time you were injected with this stuff you felt immense pain and passed out. Would that happen again?

“now I need you to stay here tonight so I can keep you under observation” Dr Banner says as he guides you to relax into the bed and attaches various monitors to you, one of which starts beeping quietly in sync with your heart rate. Once he’s finished he puts the needled and empty serum bottle on a tray and carries them out of the room. Tony stands up off the bed and you think he’s leaving too. You grab his hand.

“please don't go” you say and he turns to you in surprise. 

“I’m not going anywhere” he smiles “ill stay here as long as you want me to y/n”

“thank you” you reply.

You start to feel a tingling in your fingers and toes. Then it moves up your arms and legs. You look down at your arms, wiggling your fingers as the feeling gets more intense. 

“y/n?” Tony asks, noticing your movements and hearing the heart rate monitor starting to beep faster. “y/n? Are you okay?”

“I.. I can feel it…” you say shakily as the tingling turns into a burning sensation, like before. “its happening again” your heart rate becomes rapid as the sensation travels through your chest.

Dr Banner returns and comes straight over to you.

“y/n? What do you feel?”

“burning” is all you can say, clenching your fists and bringing them up to your head. Your eyes are shut tight and you hold your breath, you're trying not to scream. 

“this is normal, this is your body reacting to serum. Your DNA is adapting. y/n? Listen to me, you have to breathe. It will be over in a minute” he tries to reassure you. Tony stays unusually quiet but doesn’t leave your side, keeping is hand firmly on your shoulder as a reassuring presence. 

After a few minutes the sensation starts to die down and your heart rate slowly returns to normal as you steady your breath. You open your eyes and immediately look at Tony who gives you a small smile. 

“at least you didn’t pass out this time” he says and you give a small tired smile.

“no but you should get some rest now. Your body has just been through a massive ordeal. I’ll come back and see you later” Dr Banner says before leaving. 

“he’s right, you should sleep” Tony says and you nod. “do you want me to leave you alone?” He asks and you shake your head. “do you need anything?” He asks. 

You think for a moment before replying. 

“I’d really like a hug” you say, and Tony smiles. You move over to make space for him and he climbs up onto the bed next to you, putting his arm around you. You lean into him, resting your head on his chest. You can hear his heart beating and its strangely comforting. You allow yourself to drift off to sleep and Tony kisses the top of your head.  

Part Eight

Taglist: @brownbuble​, @shookie-shookie​, @thebuckysoldier​, @chai--chae​, @ilovespideyyy​, @sunflowers-and-snowdrops​

[transrightsjimin]

@softkoo​ ok im replying here bc tumblr doesnt allow me to write in the replies bc instead it makes me like and unlike posts and its very frustrating

i do not understand est and whatnot bc thats all american nd im used to the '+1'. '-1' or '[city] time zone' usage which is much easier but uhhh im confused no bc i converted the times you mentioned to amsterdam time and that showed these times??? which confuses me bc i thought the mv and album would drop at 6 am here?

and @zhujieqiong​ said the live drops at 3 am est which is 9 am here, so i guess thats meant on the 21st? no wait 20th bc it’s abt est, not kst. its making me very confused how u both reply to me abt est timezone bc i keep thinking im reading the time for kst and that the converter is doing smth wrong.

im very confused if its at 9 am or 5.30 am now but uhh ill do my best to wake up in 6 hrs to hopefully watch and listen some stuff before the vlive if it didnt already happen before 9. urgh im so fed up w myself for going to bed so late every day

[annegaellethiriot]

Contact Improvisation online and without touch?

COVID-19 UPDATES -

Like most artists in the UK and world-wide Freelance Dance Sector, since mid-March 2020 all of my activities in person have been suspended for the time being due to the Covid-19 pandemic and the health and social crisis ensuing. However, I have decided to keep running CI@Goldsmiths and CI@Laban, now rebranded as New X Deptford Contact Improv, online! Obviously you cannot get the feeling of touch that often is so key in this practice. But I am proposing that you try it anyway, as there is much more to learn through the approaches  stemmed from Contact Improvisation than you might think!

My forte is in using a combination of materials that build improvisation and compositional skills through embodiment, technicality, physicality and sensitivity and in bringing an artistic standard in an accessible way promoting well-being.

The material of the classes relates to Releasing Techniques, Contact Improvisation (that I usually teach quite “old school”), somatics, choreology (embodied practices of dance and performance developed by Rudolf Laban and his successors)  and martial arts. A lot of post-modern artists I have worked with: Nancy Stark Smith, Lisa Nelson, Julyen Hamilton, Kirstie Simson, Simone Forti, Angus Balbernie, etc. as well as Steve Paxton, have influenced my practice and will get referred to.  

I run two Monday evening ZOOM sessions every week until 6 July (with the possibility to be renewed). Feel free to join one or both!!

5.30-6.30pm (UK BST time): SOLO SKILLS

This session is a 1h taught class which aims at bringing us back in touch with our dancing and explorative body, and at learning new skills. It features learning patterns or movement principles (gravity, momentum, flow, sensation, directionality, 3-dimensionality, etc.) which help us making space in the body, having agency, freedom and reflexes in our movement, as well as engaging with open-ended tasks or puzzles which open up our improvisational self and our realm of possibilities. It is recommended to have a 1.8/2m x 2m space to move available, but not necessary. I also include your homely environment, and adaptations to space and to your individual body and its condition.

6.30-8pm (UK BST time): JAMMING REMOTELY

In this lightly guided session, which features a live musician every two weeks, you are invited to find your dancing body and relate to others through movement, the intermediate of our screens, and a bit of imagination. Proposing frameworks through which reading our movement and letting a collective feeling emerge, the session usually ends with a short structure which gives us a chance to witness and appreciate each other's presence, dance or experience. Payment for these sessions is on a sliding scale

You do not need to have money to take part, I really value having a mix of trained and untrained participants in my classes! Pay as little/ as much as you can (£0-10) IF you can on: paypal.me/angathiriot/

Email me at ci.goldsmiths@gmail.com for more information and Zoom ID meeting and password.

before (Photographer Tim Summers, Dec 2016)

after, for now (Photographer Matan Barack, Feb 2008)

[imagine-loki]

Do You Fear the Devil?

TITLE: Do You Fear the Devil?

CHAPTER NO./ONE SHOT: Chapter 2, A Temporary Truce

AUTHOR: unofferable-fic

ORIGINAL IMAGINE: Victorian London AU. Imagine that you are one of the many working women roaming the streets of Whitechapel when a madman begins to murder your comrades one by one.

RATING: M

NOTES/WARNINGS: Descriptions of injuries/violence, gore, language, angst.  Playlist: “The Medic” — Foxing, “Little Sadie” — Crooked Still, “The Last of Us (Cycles)” — Gustavo Santaolalla

31st August 1888, 5.30 am.

“I apologise for having to pull you out bed for the second time this morning, Dr Banner.”

Loki would be the first to admit that his relationship with fellow doctor Bruce Banner was somewhat strained. Upon their first meeting some years ago, they both got into a drunken bar fight, one which resulted in each of them sporting black eyes and split lips going into work the following morning. They were, unsurprisingly, suspended temporarily. He could barely remember what the argument had been about — possibly in relation to Dr Banner’s consorting with prostitutes — but he definitely recalled his comrade being a very angry drunk when provoked. All that being said, the pair had come to have a mutual respect for each other given their similar professions.

“It’s alright,” Dr Banner reassured him as they met him in the front yard to the mortuary. “I know you would not call me if it wasn’t urgent.”

“I can assure you that it is,” Sgt Rogers added, his lips set in a grim line. “I’ve never seen anything like it.”

“Well, take me to her then.”

Just as the trio turned to enter the building, a man opened the door and lazily threw a bundle of bloody clothes into the yard. Loki quickly gathered that he was a pauper given his appearance, but his eyes immediately fell to the clothing of which he had disposed. He recognised it immediately.

“Where did you get those?” he barked, halting the employee before he could return inside.

“Off the body in there,” the man replied with a raised brow. “We’re washing ‘er down to prepare ‘er for burial.”

“She was not to be touched!”

Sgt Rogers looked to be losing his patience. “We were told that the body would not be disturbed until Dr Banner here had conducted a full and detailed post-mortem examination!”

Loki growled in frustration and addressed the man again. “Do not lay another finger on her before we complete the examination, otherwise more evidence will be tampered with.”

Dr Laufeyson grabbed the clothes from the ground and barged past him in irritation, followed closely by Dr Banner and Sgt Rogers. The trio quickly entered the mortuary and dismissed the other senile workhouse parlour who had just about finished washing the body down. The sergeant made a show of getting their names — Robert Mann and James Hatfield, which Loki would later read in his case notes — and dismissed them. While Dr Banner attended to the body, Loki took an inventory of clothing Polly had worn during her demise, as well as the possessions on her person. Despite being washed, the blood had done its work, leaving irreversible stains in its wake. On her petticoats, he noticed a marking beneath the blood. He quickly recognised the marking as that of Lambeth Workhouse.

He called Steve over and pointed to the emblem. “You should reach out to the women in the workhouse, Sergeant. Someone may be able to help identify her.”

“I will have Wilson look into it,” Sgt Rogers replied. “Once he has dealt with the lead given to us by those other women.”

Loki thought back to the street-walkers he spotted on the scene, pointed out by PCs Wilson and Barnes. When they reentered his mind, he couldn’t help the intrigue that built up within him. “Were those women questioned any further, Sergeant?”

“Not beyond the identification of the victim.”

“They might be worth a conversation,” he explained. “They were clearly on the job that night given the men in their company. If the killer committed the other attacks and is indeed targeting prostitutes, then they might have seen or heard something suspicious.”

Steve’s blue eyes pierced into his, a frown forming on his lips. “You’re right, Doctor, but we never thought to ask their names.”

“They appeared to be well looked after, so my best guess is that they reside in a decent lodging house or brothel.”

“They work at the White Swan,” Banner stated without looking up from the body. Steve and Loki turned to look at him in surprise. It was only when he was met with silence that he looked up nervously. “I, uh, know one of the midwives employed with taking care of the brothel’s workers… I recognised them from visiting her.”

“Right,” Dr Laufeyson drawled, easily sensing the lie. “You were always a terrible liar, Bruce.”

Dr Banner broke out into a series of unintelligible mumbles before giving up and turning his attention back to the examination. Loki simply rolled his eyes as Sgt Rogers spoke up. “I think you and I should pay a visit to the White Swan tomorrow afternoon.”

“I didn’t take you for that kind of man,” Loki said wryly, and delighted in his superior’s ears turning red. “You can hardly pay a woman while on the job, no?”

“To interview them,” Steve hastily added, looking unamused with the suggestion that he might consort with prostitutes. “While Bucky and Sam work on the other leads and Dr Banner finishes up here. I’m afraid we’ll need you back here again before seven, Doctor. Inspector Stark should arrive thereabouts and will need to be filled in.”

“I will see that it’s done, Steve.”

“Thank you.” The blonde turned to Loki and nodded to the door. “Shall we?”

“You are the man in charge. Lead the way.”

Leaving the good doctor to his work, the men left the mortuary and briefly met with PCs Barnes and Wilson who had finished interviewing the neighbours. Oddly enough, no one had heard a single thing.

“Neither did the Night Watchman,” PC Barnes elaborated with a shrug. “But he’s a known dozer…”

The lack of any leads did little to improve the mood of Steve or Loki, but they hoped that the Thrawl Street and Lambeth leads would offer them more information in the morning. At the beginning of September, after they acquired some much needed information through their investigation, they turned their attention to the White Swan and two particular employees.

 ***

LONDON DAILY NEWS

Saturday, 1st September, 1888

BRUTAL MURDER IN WHITECHAPEL

“A murder of the most brutal kind was committed in the neighbourhood of Whitechapel in the early hours of yesterday morning, but by whom and with what motive is at present a complete mystery.

At a quarter to four o'clock Police sergeant Rogers, 97J when in Buck’s-row, Whitechapel, came upon the body of a woman lying on a part of the footway, and on stooping to raise her up, in the belief that she was intoxicated, he discovered that her throat was cut almost from ear to ear.

Assistance was procured, a messenger being sent at once to the station and for a doctor.

Dr. Banner, of Whitechapel-road, whose surgery is not more than 300 yards from the spot where the woman lay, was aroused, and proceeded at once to the scene.

He hastily inspected the body where it lay and pronounced the woman dead.

The police ambulance from the Bethnal-green station having arrived, the body was removed there.

A further examination showed the horrible nature of the crime, for the lower part of the woman’s body was found to have been horribly mutilated by three or four deep gashes. Any one of the wounds was sufficient to came death.

After the body was removed to the mortuary of the parish in Old Montague-street, Whitechapel, steps were taken to secure, if possible, identification, but at first with little prospect of success.

The clothing on the body was of a common description. It was discovered that the skirt of one petticoat and the band of another article bore the stencil stamp of Lambeth Workhouse. The only articles in the pockets were a comb and a piece of looking glass. The latter led the police to conclude that the murdered woman was an inhabitant of one of the numerous lodging-homes in the neighbourhood.

As the news of the murder spread first one woman and then another come forward to view the body, and at length it was found that a woman answering the description of the deceased had lodged in a common lodging houses in Thrawl-street, Spitalfields.

Women from that place were fetched, and they identified the deceased as “Polly” who had shared a room with three other women in the place on the usual terms of such houses - nightly payment of 4d. each, each woman having a separate bed.

She had frequented the house for about three weeks past. When she presented herself for her lodging on Thursday night she was turned away because she had not the money.

She was then the worse for liquor.

A woman of the neighbourhood saw her later, she told the police - even as late as 2.30 on Friday morning - in Whitechapel-road, opposite the Church, and at the corner of Osborn-street, and at a quarter to four she was found within 600 yards of the spot murdered.

At about half-past seven last evening a woman named Mary Anne Monk, at present an inmate of Lambeth Workhouse, was taken to the mortuary, and identified the body as that of Mary Ann Nicholls.

She was a married woman, but had been living apart from her husband for some years. Her age was 36, and she had been an inmate of Lambeth Workhouse off and on for the past seven years.

The matter is being investigated by Inspector Stark of Scotland-yard.”

With a sigh, you set the newspaper back down on the table. You briefly thanked your valuable ability to read as it meant that you could stay informed about the gruesome murder while keeping your fellow illiterate workers aware as well. 

Despite how the evening of the 31st of August had began, it ended relatively well for you and Natasha. James and Scott were kind enough to walk you both back to the brothel, paying you for your time despite the events of the night having somewhat killed the mood. Even still, they insisted that they were unwilling to leave neither you or Natasha short for money. Now, you were sitting in a lounge area of the White Swan, relaying the article to Natasha and Wanda. 

Wanda Maximoff was another friend of yours and one of the younger workers in the brothel. Like Natasha, she wasn’t from England and originally resided in a far off country called Sokovia. After severe political unrest and the threat of oncoming war with neighbouring countries, she fled her home a few years ago with her twin brother, Pietro, and soon found herself working in the brothel to make ends meet. Pietro had even acquired a job as the brothel’s bartender, using his time to serve the customers and keep a watchful eye on his sister. They were both little spitfires, and more than happy to tell you to jog on if you disrespected them on the premises. Considering the establishment was one of the more expensive ones, there was a general ‘no cheeky bollocks’ policy, and the twins were more than happy to enforce it. The madame of the brothel, Pepper Potts, loved their fiery attitude, mostly because she agreed with its sentiment, and also because some customers paid good money for a woman with a dominant streak.

“I think I have met her before,” Wanda pondered when you finished reading the article. “She was a nice woman with far more friends than enemies, if she had any at all.”

“What a horrible way to go,” Natasha added with a frown. “Especially when she was only trying to earn a few quid to get a bed for the night.”

“It just makes me feel even more lucky to be living in here,” you said, glancing around the room. “And I’m also glad that we stick together when we go out at night.”

The Sokovian nodded in agreement. “We should definitely keep that up.”

Before you could continue the conversation, the door to the lounge opened, revealing Madame Potts on the other side. “Natasha, Y/N, you have visitors.”

“Customers?” you asked curiously.

“No. They are of the more investigative variety.”

Natasha let out an audible groan. “Don’t tell me it’s the bloomin’ mutton shunters…”

“I’m afraid so. Realistically they should not even be on the premises, but they came in normal clothing to avoid affecting my business. They just wish to speak with you both about the murder of Mary Ann.”

“Swell,” you muttered under your breath as the three of you were lead from the room, following Madame Potts to the bar where the apparent policemen were waiting. When you arrived, Wanda moved to take a seat at the bar while Pietro stood behind it, cleaning glasses ahead of the evening rush of clients. You looked at the table in the corner that was currently housing the policemen and recognised them from Bucks Row.

“Looks like Sergeant Handsome and Doctor Dreamy couldn’t get enough of us,” Natasha said to you under her breath. “I shall take the blonde.”

“No you will not,” you replied with a small snort. She wasn’t exactly wrong about them being quite attractive though. “They’re here to question us, not to do business. Plus, you are telling me that you would sleep with a policeman?”

“Money is money, and I am already fucking the good doctor friend of theirs. He is basically a policeman without the ridiculous helmet.”

You chose not to reply. Instead, you merely looked at her in amusement and delighted in the fact that she could always put a smile on your face.

“Gentlemen,” Madame Potts announced, grabbing their attention as the three women reached the table. “These valuable ladies are Miss Romanoff and Miss Y/L/N, and they said they would be willing to answer some questions for you both. Try anything other than that, or threaten them in anyway, and I will see that you’re removed from the property. Are we clear?”

“Yes, ma’am,” the blonde replied calmly and removed his flat cap. As Madame Potts retreated and left the room, he gestured to the seats opposite them with a polite smile. “Please, sit.”

You and your companion followed his request, all the while eying the pair across from you. 

“I’m Sgt Rogers,” the blonde continued before nodding to his friend. “And this is Divisional Police Surgeon Dr Laufeyson. We wanted to ask you both some questions with regards the murder of Mary Ann Nichols.”

As you cautiously studied Dr Laufeyson, Natasha spoke up. “I doubt we’ll have any helpful information. We did not know the women, and we spent most of our night with company in the Frying Pan.”

“On business?”

The redhead smirked playfully. “Obviously.”

“Why venture out of the brothel in the first place?” Dr Laufeyson asked with his hands clasped together on the table. “Is it not a safer option to remain here? Especially with all the attacks of late.”

“Sometimes business is slow,” you explained. “If we want to make money, we might have to go out and entice some men into coming to visit. Other times, we meet with regulars with whom we know we are safe.”

“I did not think such men existed, Miss Y/L/N.”

Your eyes narrowed, unafraid to meet his green ones in a stare that instantly brought you back to the lane where you first saw him. “You do not need to tell me that it’s exceedingly unsafe to be in my line of work. But not all men are monsters, Doctor, and not all men despise prostitutes.”

He watched you carefully, holding your gaze. “It would seem that the man who murdered Mary Ann Nichols certainly did.”

If there was one skill you had gathered from your work, it was learning to read people as best as you could. It was an important aspect of picking your customers — if any men made you feel uneasy, you didn’t go near them. The two men in front of you were relatively easy to figure out. Sgt Rogers held himself with a certain amount of pride. He didn’t strike you as overly confident, but he was certainly settled in a leadership role. He was good at taking charge and equally comfortable doing it. He lacked arrogance and appeared genuinely concerned with the attacks. He probably wouldn’t be here talking to you if he wasn’t. And Natasha had been right — with his chiselled jawline, penetrating baby blues, and neatly combed blonde hair he seemed like a poster boy for a handsome gentleman. 

Dr Laufeyson was a little harder to figure out. They were both reserved men, but where Sgt Rogers was determined, the former was quietly arrogant and proud. He regarded himself highly because he believed it to be true, but you had to agree that he was elegant in how he looked and how he carried himself. He was a doctor who was obviously intelligent, and oozed a charisma that his colleague did not. There was a certain… mischief, about him. That was the perfect word to describe the glint in his eyes — mischievous. He was, much like the sergeant, attractive, but possessed a different kind of appeal. His features were sharp, his cheekbones high, and his thick black hair slicked back out of his eyes. He was certainly your type, bar the arrogant facade. 

“You think she was targeted specifically?” Natasha asked, bringing you out of your daydreaming.

Sgt Rogers answered. “For her profession, yes, but not her personally. Her estranged husband and friends could confirm that she had no enemies, and the recent rise of attacks of women of your profession leads us to believe that there may be a killer about; a killer who specifically has it in for you lot. We are here to ask you questions, but also to advise you both with regards your safety.”

This grim information did nothing to ease your woes. You had had a bad feeling about all the murders in the last few weeks. Not many people cared about sex workers because of who you were, but you were still human and you could feel fear and pain. You shouldn’t have been surprised that there was someone stalking about trying to murder as many women as he could. You shouldn’t have been surprised that he hadn’t been caught yet, given the lack of people who actually gave a shite, and the lack of manpower within the police. It was obvious that they were in a pickle purely because they came to you for help.

Sgt Rogers removed a fountain pen and a small notebook from his inside coat pocket as he spoke. “Now, we wanted to ask if either of you saw Miss Nichols that night? You said that you visited the Frying Pan Pub — there are witnesses that claimed to see her leaving there at about 12.30 in the morning.”

“We did not get to the pub until after 2.30,” Natasha elaborated with a raised brow. “So we saw no sign of her.”

“Ah, I see. Did you drink heavily there?”

“Just a few gatters, so no.”

“Did you see anyone of note that stuck out to you?” Dr Laufeyson asked, directing his question to you. “Maybe he looked like he did not belong, or gave you a bad gut feeling?”

“There were the usual dippers and rampsmen about,” you said. “Who shouted some colourful words at us, but that is nothing we are not used to. We recognised most people about because we know the streets like the back of our hands.” You paused and thought back to the night, remembering how you had strolled through the stinking lanes with your friend. Only then did you remember a detail. “Well, there was that one man, Natasha. You thought he seemed odd.”

She looked at you curiously. “Who?”

“Remember the lad with the tall hat in the lane? Right before we met James.”

“What lane was this?” the doctor inquired.

“Gunthorpe Street.”

Natasha suddenly recalled your story and nodded in agreement. “Oh! Yes, he did seem a little bit odd… I would not have thought much of him otherwise. We thought he was out looking for women considering he was waiting at the archway.”

“I thought he was the wealthy sort at first,” you added. “But only really thought he was unusual when he approached us. I assumed he would ask us for our services, but he passed by when our friend appeared from ’round the corner and called our names.”

“He just tipped his hat,” Natasha said, mimicking his gesture. “And then went on his way.”

“What did he look like?” Dr Laufeyson pushed while the sergeant was quickly taking down notes. “Any details would be useful.”

You sighed as you recalled the appearance of the man you had met, though you could say little. “Eh… He was ’round 5’6, 5’7? A bit stocky, but had a fair complexion. He also had a moustache. It was dark that night, so I saw little of his appearance.”

“What of his clothes?”

“He had a dark overcoat and a dark top hat on his head.”

“That all sounds about right,” the redhead concurred. “I can agree with that description of him. I do not know why I thought him odd, because his appearance was quite normal. I had not seen him before though, might I add.”

“That is a possible lead at least,” Sgt Rogers said to Dr Laufeyson as he finished taking their statement. He quickly turned back to you. “You have been very helpful, ladies. Both here and on Bucks Row and we appreciate the assistance.”

“Just catch the bloody lurker quick,” your friend implored. “If giving you lot information to catch this devil means we will be safer out there, then we will do what we can to help.”

You noticed the dark-haired man sitting opposite you, thoughtfully tapping his slender fingers on the wooden table top. “That may not be the worst idea.”

“Excuse me?”

“It might not be a bad idea to employ the help of some local prostitutes, Sergeant. After all, they said they know these streets and the civilians well. They may see things that we miss while out soliciting.”

“First of all,” Sgt Rogers began, looking slightly miffed. “Soliciting is still illegal. Secondly, I do not think we are allowed to—”

“If it means catching this madman faster, then where is the harm? That and you had no qualms with coming here to question them in the first place! What do you say, ladies?”

“Assisting you lot with hunting down the man murdering our fellow workers?” Natasha broke out into a full tooth grin. “Sounds like fun. You in, Y/N?”

Working with the London Police? That wasn’t exactly something you foresaw in your future. Then again, you didn’t foresee fearing for your life either, and you refused to lie down and let more of your comrades die. The people of this city didn’t care, but you sure as hell did! “If it means he’s caught sooner rather than later, then yes.”

You and Natasha looked at the exasperated sergeant expectantly as he ran a hand over his face. “Ugh, fine! So be it! But if this gets too dangerous for them, we will dismiss the arrangement. And you will not be out ‘hunting’ him. For now, you will be offering information on suspects, locations, and possible victims, of which we hope there won’t be anymore.”

“We also want to get paid,” you added, clasping your hands together atop the table. “A fair amount.”

“Done,” Dr Laufeyson announced without giving Sgt Rogers a chance. “You ladies have yourselves a deal.”

As you shook the man’s outstretched hand, Sgt Rogers tried to intervene. “Loki—”

“Lighten up, Rogers,” Natasha giggled as she gave the doctor’s hand. “You are no fun, are you?”

“I take my work seriously, Miss Romanoff—”

“And there will be none of that last name or ‘ma’am’ bollocks. We are all on a first name basis now.”

“I believe I heard you refer to each other as Y/N and Natasha?” Dr Laufeyson asked and introduced himself and the sergeant once his question was confirmed. “I am Loki, and this is Steve.”

“Why did I even bring you here?” Steve mumbled, very much done with this exchange.

Loki shrugged in response, feigning innocence. “Because I am the fun one?”

Natasha smirked at the pair and got to her feet. “It was a pleasure doing business with you boys. If you even wish to engage in more pleasurable business, do let us know. We would be happy to oblige.”

The wink she sent Steve had him clearing his throat as the three of you joined her in standing up. Loki was quick to prolong the banter. “I will inform you both if Steve desires some much needed practice.” 

“That’s enough!” the sergeant insisted, his jaw tense. “Where can we find you both if we need you?”

“Either here or the Frying Pan,” you answered, trying not to laugh. “We usually stick to one or the other considering we live here.”

“Right.” He coughed and placed his cap on his again. “Thank you again for your assistance, ladies.”

“You too, Stevie,” you chuckled while Natasha sent him a flirty wave. “Have a pleasant afternoon, Loki.”

“I shall try, Y/N. Natasha.” He tipped his hat to you with that familiar glint in his eye and left the establishment with Steve. 

Once they were gone, the Russian gave your shoulder a little nudge and scampered off towards the bar. “How about that, Y/N? We just got promoted to Assistant Detectives.”

“I’m quite eager about the pay rise,” you admitted and took a seat at one of the bar stools. “And about, you know, catching that nutcase…”

Wanda and Pietro stared at you both in disbelief, while the former spoke first. “What the hell did I just witness?”

“An adventurous business deal, dear sister,” Pietro explained, his accent thick. He cast a somewhat proud glance at you and nodded thoughtful, setting the clean glass back down on the counter. “Yes. Those two are jumping from the frying pan straight into the fire.”

“I do love a good manhunt,” you joked, all the while looking forward to helping out your peers. That, and you weren’t exactly disappointed with the thought of seeing Loki again. “This should be an eventful experience, girls.”

[alwayssillybluebird]

vent post woooooo!!!!!1!1!1!++!!!!!

ok so it's currently summer as we all know. Let's start from the beginning: it was the end of June, finally summer break. I had an army cadets annual camp thing (basically q summer camp but 108392x worse) qt the end of July. so I had <3 weeks of ""relaxing" (it was boiling and I had to take care of my sister) and eventually it was late July so I started packing for Camp. Then on the night before I was supposed to leave my mum decided that im not going because it'll be like 40 degrees+ where im gonna be staying. So I end up not going. Then literally 5 days later she gets really drunk qnd decides that I qm going. so the next morning I got on the car with her and my sister and drove for 6 hours and of course I got yelled at because I didn't know the directions or whatever even tho she had 2 sat navs under her nose. so i finally affive there and I hate it. I have no friends in cadets so you can imagine how that went. I tried to talk to people but they just ignore me. I had to wake up at 5.30am EVERY. SINGLE. MORNING. because my disabled roommate set her alarm to 5.30. although the previous night, when me qnd my other roommate are trying to sleep, she'd always talk to her dad and she wouldn't even bother to go to the bathroom or out headphones on! No, she decides to scream, cry qnd complain to her dad qt 11pm every single night qnd not even apologising to us. then fast forward to the last day, we wake up at 5 am again qnd then we are forced to clean our rooms but my roommate stayed outside of course because she "kept on fainting" even though she had no problem going to the disco the previous night qnd twerking on the picnic tables. then we finally get on the bus and I have to sit next to the little bitch named isla hutchersob or whatever and she's a Christian so she's super annoying. She's also rude to me for no reason even though I gave her £1 so she can buy snacks qnd I gave her the rest of ny chocolate and cookies because I felt bad that she had to drive for another 3 hours. of course she ate ALL of it the moment I gave it to her so she probably starved for the rest of the trip. LMAOOO SHE DESERVED THAT she acted like a cunt to me for no reason the whole camp and on the bus ride. L

Ok so I finally get home and my parents make me dinner and stuff qnd im glad to finally sleep in my own bed. But then 2 days later by parents decided that we are going to TURKEY on holiday without even asking me. So then the next day we wake up qt 5 am, drive for 7 hours to Leeds for the airport, sit there for another 4 hours, then get on the plane (another 4 hours) which was horrible. Then we finally get to Turkey qnd I couldn't even breathe outside as it was HOT. then we wait for a taxi for like 30 minutes and drive for 1.5 hours and we finally get to the hotel by like 12am. I was starving and exhausted at that point so jsnshahauzhhs

Then the next day (day 1) it was even worse. I had to get up qt 9 AM even though I went to bed at like 3 am last night so I only got less than 6 hours of sleep. then we go have breakfast which was pretty mid and it's literally SCORCHING outside. then my parents force me to go to the beach and I nearly die of heat exhaustion - my feet, head, eve dry thing is burning. then we get back to the hotel by taxi which was good. Then I spent the rest of the day sitting in my room because its too hot, I can't breathe outside, and I hate swimming and getting q sun tan (internal racism moment mmaooo) so fast forward to afternoon and my mym is angry at me for no reason. she forced me to go outside and play fucking poop with her which was shit (I hated every second if it) but of course i had to be happy. then my mum has a whole tantrum about something idc about and then there was an argument which lasted about 2 hours and then my parents had their 10th drink of beer and they decide to go to some retarded kids "performance" ofc I HAVE to go there and I HAVE to watch it and I HAVE to smile and enjoy it. makes sense, parents! then they get pissed qt me qnd start threatening me because im not smiling. they're piss drunk at this point so im even more pisssed off at them. then I finally get to go to my room and they follow me for some reason so there was another short argument so my dad lef tfor about half an hour qnd then we all went to bed and I couldn't sleep because my dumbass father was snoring so now im here.

im gonna go to sleep now bye. ill update 2morrow

[irljessicawardcap1]

Branxholm Park House - First day of placement. 23/12/21

8am - pick up and drive down to the borders for todays venue at Branxholm. Its a 2 hour drive so we discuss todays venue and possible ideas for the shoot and locations around the venue. the weather is very clouded and dark so that could be a potential challenge. the ceremony time is also later in the afternoon so we need to take daylight into consideration for the couples shoot as we wont have long before the light starts dipping.

10.30am - we arrive at the venue and check in with the bridal party. as we haven't been to this venue in a while and at Christmas we scout around and identity any interesting locations for the dress/accessory and couples photos. its pretty dark inside but light with fairy lights which will create a romantic atmosphere but will also be challenging for me to work with on manual. I spend my time before the ceremony helping Sarah (Sarah Smyth owner of the company) with setting up shots. This involved moving furniture, arranging accesories, hanging the dress from various places, making sure that guests dont interrupt and make sure the groom steers clear of where we are. I then take some videos of Smyth whilst she is working for her socials and my own photographs. I found the lightening really difficult to work with but when checking and talking to Smyth i found that she was also having the same difficulties. She explained that the yellow glare can be fixed post production and helped me with some settings on my camera.

1pm - we then returned to the bridal suite and finished photographing the bride and helping her with anything she needed. I filmed more reels and took photographs. I wanted to focus on closer shots of the bride zoning in on the details of her dress or jewellery. Smyth is really great at giving me creative freedom when i work with her which helps me find my own creative style in photography as even though i may not want to go into wedding photography i still really enjoy it and finding a new take on it. i was also in charge of capturing a first look with the brides father for social media.

2pm - ceremony - i knew the ceremony space would be difficult as it was in a small dark enclosed space (glorified shed with fairy lights) so i had prepared my settings before we entered. what we hadn't expected however was how small it was and that we would be stuck at the end of the aisle. standing on the pews at the back i again took videos for social making sure to capture the essential moments and then practised taking photos in the difficult lightening and adjusting my settings to find what worked best. even though none of my photos worked i got to know manual better for future times.

3-5pm - couples photos. This is the part i enjoy the most and have more freedom. Smyth takes charge with the poses and locations of where she wants and i will work around her, taking my own photos at different angles and details. At the same time i am also filming behind the scenes. Another job of the second shooter is to assist with the dress and positioning so i would 'fluff' the dress and make sure the veil is sitting. These tasks heavily involve good communication between myself and Smyth and i need to really listen as most times she far away from me. We also communicate before hand with positioning and where and what direction she is shooting from. Iv started to think of it as a dance.

5.30-7pm - Meals and Speeches - Again my main roles during this is filming reels for Smyths social media and to take any photos if i want to. I normally dont take many during the speeches as my lens isnt strong enough so i mainly focus on the filming aspect and then will practice with my settings (especially as it was so dark again) and just listen to the speeches. This time myself and Smyth were thanked and praised for our work during the wedding speeches which was really lovely although embarrassing but it made me feel like i was part of their day. We do work really hard and its nice to have that recognised by the couple.

7pm-8pm - BREAK during our dinner break we discuss tge day and plan for the first dance. Smyth has a look through my photo roll (mainly because shes nosey) and praises any good work iv done.

8.30pm - 9 pm - the day in general has overran due to day with the meal and the bride being slightly late which is normal for a wedding. Again my main role for the first dance is to film, filming teh first dance is important for the socials as it always gives the overall impression of what the wedding is like to outsiders. I normal find somewhere central or high to stand to make sure i capture it and then i will go in amongst the dancers for a couple other dances. We say our goodbyes and congratulate the couple again and leave about an hour later and drive back home. exhausted but happy.

Overall i enjoyed this wedding however photographically it was challenging with the lighting inside and out. I clearly need more practice with darker settings and movement as a lot of my photos are blurry or have a lot of noise in them.

[nataliesnews]

Yom Kippur

16.9.2021    Bliss. The weather is cooler and I need not fall out of bed by 5.30 so as to get in some walking before the heat.

   Again this year there is a service for Yom Kippur in the park. I walked up yesterday and was reminded of how, so many years ago, 1963, Yom Kippur and I am not sure if it was from Beit Hashita, a bunch of us from the ulpan walked to one of the moshaviem in the area for the evening service. It was a Sephardi service according to what I remember of the people there They were very surprised when a bunch young Ashkenaziem walked in but I remember they gave the men an Aliyah and we were warmly received and also invited to come back to break the fast. I had not thought of it in years. Shosh Serxner if you are reading this do you remember. It may have been from Ein Hashofet.

 Even there a mechitza was set up, dafke as if to protect the table on which the Torah was placed from the gaze of the women….though I was glad to see that most of them sat where they could see. Dafke it is because of these mechitzot (to separate the women from the men, heaven forbid that one of the men would not be able to control his desires) that I stopped going to shul here in Israel. At home the women had sat upstairs but you could see the rabbi and the men. Here maybe one tenth of the space in the room was reserved for the women, most of whom had to sit outside and even those who were inside could see nothing because a thick covering was hung from the roof. I don’t know if in those years there was a reform congregation here…had there been I would probably have gone. Now I have no interest.  

 I photographed the pictures from a distance as I did not want to offend.

  I have really been worried about putting in the hearing aid but this afternoon I managed. Yesterday when I was coming from the market I did not have them in and there was this terrible whine. I thought maybe something had really gone wrong with my hearing as it went on the whole street. Only when I got to the top did I realise that there had been roadwork. Then today after I put them in, I heard this tick tock tick tock and thought oh damn until I realized it was a clock I had never done before. I have not spoken to anyone since I came back from my walk and put them in so I don’t know who that will be but I notice that even when I change a shirt I hear the sounds. I am not sure if this is normal…but I have to first wear them a few days. I am so nervous about losing them as the clinic only covers most of the payment once. No one seems to know about insurance.

 I have been watching a two part series one what happened to soldiers after they came back from imprisonment after the Yom Kippur war. It is shocking. I was horrified to hear the South African accent of a doctor called Leslie Karpel who interrogated them.  They hardly had time to be with their families when they were told that they were being taken to a recreation centre only to find that they had been brought there to be interrogated. They were injected with a drug which took them back in time and this was aggravated by this monster banging on the tables and playing audios from the war. One sees the men in agonies of fear, even hiding under their beds while the doctor is banging things right next to him and one can feels the fear the man is again feeling . It was all to get every last bit of evaluation out of them. Some of them said that what they went through in that “recreation” centre was as bad as the interrogations by our enemies. I think he only died a few years ago. I wonder if he ever regretted how he had treated his Hippocratic oath. More like an oath of hypocrisy.

 By the way when we were at the Bethlehem checkpoint the billboards as the Palestinians exit after a long wait are ….ironically??? sarcastically????? jeeringly?????greeted by this post. This to a people who when they leave their houses never know if and when they will arrive at their destination and when they will return home and if the police or army is deciding that sort of day they should have

  You must all have heard of our prison break. Basically it is thanks to Netanyahu’s mismanagement over the years. But there is another reason.  Amir Ohana, the minister for public security was appointed by Netanyahu , and Katy Perry who is the Commissioner for Prison Services by Ohana.   Many think with the thought in mind of the former might land up in a jail cell and for the same reason he saw that Herzog was appointed President. And by the way Perry also had two brothers who served prison sentences and whose sentence she tried to make more comfortable. An unholy trinity. And just as a little extra:

 I must admit that when I read this report underneath the first thought that came into my mind was…..need I say it. It was a private plane. I didn’t say anything but a friend wrote and said that if she were any of the witnesses against Netanyahu she would be very careful in the future. I am not normally one for conspiracy theories but I would put nothing past, maybe not Netanyahu, but definitely I would not put it past his crazy wife and son. Since then many friends have remarked on how convenient this accident was.

 Two people were killed on Monday when a light aircraft crashed into the sea close to the Greek island of Samos, Greek authorities said.

The two were identified as Esti and Haim Garon, the latter of whom served as the deputy director of the Communications Ministry and was a prosecution witness in Netanyahu's trial. 

 This is shades of fascism……when Germans were forbidden to marry Jews and gays were put in concentration camps

Prominent rabbis protest planned designation of far-right Lehava as terror group

Leading spiritual leaders say the organization, which works to stifle intermarriage and LGBT rights, 'must be allowed to continue its important activities'

https://www.timesofisrael.com/prominent-rabbis-protest-planned-designation-of-far-right-lehava-as-terror-group/

    Don't Say We Didn't Know 763

On Sunday, September 5, 2021, at 2:30 a.m., Israeli soldiers broke into Palestinians' homes in Sa'ir (north-east of Hebron) 

and arrested seven schoolchildren (ages 13-14). Two of them suffer health problems even prior to this arrest. 

One of the children is hard of hearing and is supposed to have surgery in the coming days.

They were questioned without the presence of an attorney or their parents. One was released the next day, 

and all the rest are still in custody by the time this item is being written (September 12).

[dezeriell]

Hi There!

I thought I would make it to post my other blog post before this, but I had few days less than expected as my baby did come earlier. As from my other post you might know that I had less fluid in my cervix. 39th week – I already had more contractions and I was bleeding again. As long as I still remember everything I wanted to write down how my labor was, as it really was not easy for me!

(this is like a remembrance for myself too..)

19th of June 2018

I left the house for check up, somehow I knew it’s going to happen very soon. The days before I have been in contact with the hospital already as I was bleeding which they said is normal as my body is preparing.

The heart of baby Aria was doing good and the movement of the baby was also fine. They could still not tell where the blood came from and the placenta could not be seen on the ultra sound as usual (there will be a point on this after birth!!) Telling the doctor about what happened the last days and how I feel, they decided that I should stay there and I shall get induced later in the afternoon. I had lunch, informed my boyfriend and then I walked up to the labor room.

ca. 3 PM

I was prepared and got this needle thing in my hand (for the IV) and was checked with the CTG again.

4:30 PM

I got this medication to induce the labor. It looked like a tampon which was actually the strongest of all medication, but was suggested by the doctor.

5 PM

My boyfriend arrived with the hospital bag and we had dinner and we went for a walk outside and facetimed with my family in Berlin.

  9 PM

We had to go back to the room for the first check up.  I already felt the pain coming. While walking I already had contractions.

9:20 PM

The first real contraction came along… I was laying in bed already and breathing it away. This was still fine. I was about 1 cm dilated. Another midwife came in for the night shift.

10 PM to 12:30 AM

This was the most extreme time I had in labor, except the birth later on. I was in such pain, I had very strong contractions around every 3 minutes which shoot up high so fast that I was like having an electro shock every time. This is what I heard that contractions with inducing are very different to natural contractions. I don’t remember everything only that I was crying and said I can’t do this. I was only dilated 3 cm and still had to go on for the next 7 hours this way?! I was like nooo!! Screaming into the pillow trying to breathe and hanging myself on this rope that was attached to the ceiling. It really took all of my energy and I was so in shock about this pain. I knew that it will be very different to what I have ever known in my life and I needed to go through this. My baby was doing fine and already in position moving down. Then I asked for some pain reliever as I just wanted to have a break from this pain. It held on for like 2 contractions… I asked for something stronger. This was also injected and it held for like 3-4 contractions, but then it went on again. I still tried to breathe it all out with each contraction with the midwife. I was asking for a PDA, but then I was explained maybe to keep it this way and more naturally or the next option was laughing gas. My boyfriend was like – the PDA they will put a needle in your back.. I was like yeah I know I just want this to stop until I give birth and was begging. I couldn’t even finish a sentence in that hour. They gave me the laughing gas and I really hated it. It made me feel high and like I am losing my mind. Every time I was breathing it in I should breath it out in the same thing..it made me feel having asthma. I just remember moving my head around eyes closed, crying.

  12:30 AM

Next step – PDA! Finally the anesthetist came in and explained everything to me and my boyfriend – with some breaks as I had contractions. She just came from another room where some else got the PDA too. I was hold together by my boyfriend and the midwife so I won’t move during a contraction. The whole procedure was done and after around 5 minutes I could tell the difference!! I was me again and could speak out whole sentences.

  1 PM to 5.30 AM

My boyfriend and I could finally take a rest. I was still checked every hour. I had an IV with something to hydrate me and I had this little remote to press the button if the pain comes – there was another bag hanging for the IV. In between I had to change positions and we were good as I was dilated like 8 cm already. I was bleeding which they said is normal. These hours saved my life I thought.. it was an unreal feeling, but I knew I am about to see my baby.

  Around 6 AM

My boyfriend was awake, I was dilated 9 cm and they were about to get everything ready for birth. I was explained that there will be a certain pressure and its the contraction. This is what we need to work with for pushing, but I will be told later on.

6:30 to 7 PM

I was fully dilated. Another midwife came in for the morning shift. I was about to push and concentrate on the pressure what I was explained and to move on giving birth soon. Now here comes the shocking point or disappointing moment: I was given medication per IV to get the contractions back. Pushing on the button against the pain from the PDA didn’t work anymore and nobody reacted to that. I was completely in pain as I was before just worse and as my baby was already deep down where my pelvis was stretching. I was back on trying to hold it, trying to be strong, but the pain was so extreme through this medication that I couldn’t concentrate on my baby, on breathing and pushing. This was horrible. At the same time so disappointing as I was told different and then this happens. For what did I let someone stick a needle in my back when this was not the purpose not to have all this pain while giving birth??

7:30 AM

I was pushing and pushing..then I was told to leave out pushing for maybe 3-4 contractions.. just breathe!  They had a meeting with the doctors and we had to wait. The pain got worse. Then an assistant doctor came in to check and make an ultra sound how the baby is doing. The baby pulse got higher whenever I started pushing, so they let me pause again 3 contractions. The pain and my emotions came together and I started crying again. The assistant doctor saw that it would not work this way and let anesthesist come in again to give me something to lower the pain level through PDA. My boyfriend and I where nervous and didn’t know what exactly was going on as we were told, my water broke 12 hours ago and this means there is a possibility of an infection of the baby.. I already had fever. Another doctor came in checked the ultra sounds again. They suggested to move on with a suction cup. They said normally it takes around 2-3 hours until birth after being fully dilated. I was pushing 2 1/2 hours already. I said to my boyfriend yes, please let us do this because this takes way to long and if it helps her… some minutes went by they got all the tools together and I was still having contractions. The assistant doctor was placing the suction cup… wrong! Had to take it off and place it again!! First contraction pushing and pushing and pushing… taking a break waiting for the next contractions to build up my boyfriend already saw the head and said her hair is black!  At this point everything was so tight down there this was such a weird feeling.

9:58 AM

I pushed again and again and again… THERE SHE WAS!! I didn’t hear anything, the pediatrician took her right away and there finally I heard her voice!! This was the moment I started crying I was longing for her she was so far, yet still in the room. My boyfriend went over as he was worried not hear her voice. He wasn’t even able to cut the navel as they had to handle fast – because of the infection, I thought! (coming back to this later/ other blog post!) Finally was she checked and everything was fine and she was healthy no infection, thank the universe!! In the meanwhile everything came out of me what was still in there..

The Placenta

The past months I had problems with the placenta and we were not sure where the blood came from. I was sick off earlier than I thought, I was not allowed to move too much..I was at home getting used that I can’t do much. After giving birth to the placenta they cut it and where looking if everything is fine with it and then looked after some bruises BECAUSE this actually caused the bleeding months ago. Even I was looking at it! NOTHING was found!! Everything was good with it I mean I am thankful for that..but in the end we will never find out where it actually came from.

My Baby Aria was born – 50 cm and 3110 KG 

I was finally with her, she was laying on me, staring at me! This is an unforgettable moment – my heart grew bigger for her and I had a face to the movements in my bump. I love her so much and I was so happy, I could not believe a little human came out of me. After all that what happened … after all we went through and we stayed so strong! Everything is worth it, I swear! I didn’t really care about me I just wanted her to be good and healthy. I started to give her my breast and I got an ice-cold coke and it was so good!!

Tearing down there!

Yes, this happened due to pulling her out with the suction cup, first the assistant doctor was not sure if it was that or if the blood came from the inside. Then she started sewing I didn’t really feel anything.

My bladder was over filled

I couldn’t go to the restroom, either during the night or after birth. I had 1 1/2 L of urine in my bladder. I had to get a catheter during the whole stay at the hospital and now also at home. As this could get dangerous. But I didn’t mind as long as this helps my bladder to get smaller. I called the urine sack Alfredo for some reasons.

Inducing labor is something different.. than a natural one:

The main difference between a natural and artificially started labour is the intensity of the contractions. In a natural labour, oxytocin works to stimulate your uterus to contract and dilate the cervix. … Natural labour usually begins slowly, with a gradual build up of spaced out contractions that are short and mild

Read more about it here!

made it through the 2nd night

3rd day

Our first night together

3rd day we changed her clothes 🙂

next morning

During the day of birth

one day old Aria

IN ALL!!

This was an experience which was crazy, madness of pain, emotions and a wonder having my baby finally in my arms. The days in the hospital were going quiet well we had all the help we needed the midwives were so kind. Her first check up went good and I got breast pump to take home for a week and all information. Next week I will go back to get Alfredo my catheter out.

I will be posting a blog for how our first week went at home and a post about what I found out through my midwife who visits me at home, which is shocking what actually caused my baby having a high pulse and not screaming when she was born!

This is quiet a long story, but I wanted to keep all in details so I can have flash backs later on 🙂

I don’t know if other women were in such pain too while the labor was induced? There are women saying no to another child after the first one.. some women don’t remember the pain.

I think you can never compare all births and judge. I think everyone has a unique story..

and this was mine!

XOXO

Désirée

Baby Aria – Labor & Delivery Story Hi There! I thought I would make it to post my other blog post before this, but I had few days less than expected as my baby did come earlier.

[parulsheth1]

The Flow of Impermanence

Its Sunday 6th September, 4pm, as I sit to write this piece. As I look for words I realise what a strange time this has been. Lockdown. Pandemic. Unnatural word. Unreal times. Yet, it is what it is. I had had a similar surreal feeling. On the morning of 8th September, 5.30 am, when I returned from the hospital. Alone. To a deathly calm house.

It’s a quiet Sunday. Calm. Noiseless. Filled with things I like to do. Chose to do. Read the papers. Some TV. Read my political philosophy course.

Over time, I have created my new normal. Like we are doing today. Feeling our way around, slowly, testing the water, pushing, pulling back and finding our balance. New normal. What an oxymoron. This is just life. For a change, we are all in this crisis at a global level. Like a war, I would think.

Like before, I question my need to write this commemorative piece. Do I need to? No. Do I want to? Yes. Why? Every year I have a new reply to that same question.

I have come to understand that forgotten moments are the price of our continued participation in life, a force indifferent to time. Left alone in time, memories harden into summaries. The originals become almost irretrievable.

Occasionally, a memory retains its stark original reality.

Like the morning of 8th September, 5.30 am, when I returned from the hospital. Alone. To a deathly calm house, when I was compelled to play life’s wild card. I understand now — it wasn’t the beginning or the end of anything. It was simply a continuum. The thought that moments are beginnings or endings, is illusory. Quoting Manguso, an American poet and author, “History doesn’t begin or end, just continues.”

Someday I might rediscover some of the moments that I’ve forgotten (seeing old photographs, triggered by some music or such), moments that I’ve allowed myself to forget, that my brain was designed to forget, that I’ll be glad to have forgotten, but glad to rediscover as I write. The experience is no longer an experience. It is writing, just me- writing- and I can put it to rest.

The stability of time is inherent to continuity.

Thank you all for being my unchanging constants in this world of constant changes.

when we went to see Yanni perform at the Taj, 1997

8.30 am, 8th September

I am just back from my speed run at Priyadarshini Park with Russa.

I sit to complete this post, on this new setup (created by Sanjana) in this new Locked-down world.

The thing about speed is, it draws you into the moment. Everything is amplified. I can hear my heart beating. Feel the heavy breath. In the rests, the world around you becomes saturated. The sky is bluer, the birds chirping fill the air, I can tell the difference in the way the breeze changes every few minutes- from still to balmy to a soft soothing one.

Speed work just bares my feelings- and boom- they are in my face. I am forced to face them (they are usually hidden under mundanity).

Yes, I miss Ketu. I think of him sometimes. Less now than before. And I do wonder how life would have been. But it is hard to imagine that now.

The world has changed. We have changed.

Maybe this is a new way of measuring life - not by its constant changes but by its unchanging constants.

[sunshineweb]

Long Term Investing in the Age of Small Attention Spans

My 8-year-old son Chaitanya, like most kids his age, paid little attention as I showed him how to make a paper elephant for what seemed like the hundredth time. I said, “Fold the paper into half, then fold here, and then here.”

As I was talking, he kept looking at everything except at what I was doing. He fidgeted and played with his pencil. I kept pulling his attention back to what we were doing and my constant refrain was, “Pay attention!”

Ultimately, I lost my patience, and moved on to reading a book.

It’s not that Chaitanya is uninterested all the time. He is completely focused when he reads his favorite books, or when he is playing with his Lego blocks. But at other times, asking him to focus is an exercise in frustration.

Now if you think kids with their terribly short attention spans are tough to deal with, consider this. In 2000, the average human attention span was 12 seconds i.e., we could focus on any one particular thing just for 12 seconds before being distracted or allowing our minds to wander. If you think that was terribly low, please note that this number has now fallen to just eight.

When I look back to that time when I lost my patience on Chaitanya and moved onto reading a book, I realize that I was onto a second book in the next five minutes.

As per scientists, the goldfish does better than humans on this account – it is able to hold its attention for, hold your breath, nine seconds.

Now, if you think that attention spans don’t really matter – after all who is bothered about what happens in a few seconds – note that the implications of having such a short attention span are immense.

Look at the stock market. As per the NYSE Factbook, the average holding period for stocks in 1960 was 100 months (8 years). By 1970 it had dropped to 63 months (5 years). By 1980 it had dropped to 33 months, by 1990 to 26 months, by 2000 to just 14 months, and in 2010 just six months.

Even in India, when I look around to see what most people in the stock market are doing, I see them considering two-three months of holding stocks as painfully long.

I met a gentleman in my Mumbai workshop who recently held on to his “high conviction” idea for five months, before losing patience as the stock cracked post demonetization.

Then I met a high net worth someone in Chennai, who has been “playing” the stock market for the past fifteen years, but has never held a stock more than six months. “I take concentrated bets,” he told me, “and then book my profits or losses in under six months. Beyond that is, like, painful.”

How much ever I wish more people would invest sensibly and for the long run, and whatever I want to drill into their minds through my posts, courses, and workshops, I deeply believe it’s a permanent change.

I can see no influence that would revive most people’s interest in holding stocks and mutual funds through times of trouble. Sure, the number of people who believe they would practice long term investing even through bad times has increased over the years. But most of such people just need one extended bad market to shake their belief.

If you think a long period of good market performance would lead more people to invest for an extended time, you are mistaken. We have had long bull markets a few times in the last few decades, but the decline in holding periods has been steady.

And this – reduced attention span and thus reduced stock holding periods – has led to a lot of people lose a lot of time (that they could have used to focus on lesser but deeper learning) and money (opportunities they may have lost out on by selling their high-quality stocks sooner).

So What’s the Solution? Frankly, I don’t know a solution to help people improve their attention spans or increase their stock holding period. I mean, it seems asking a goldfish to stay with something longer is an easier task in today’s times than asking a fellow human to do so.

But still, here are a few things that I have implemented in my own life that have helped me improve my attention span at most times, and keep my stock holding period high –

Looking at businesses from a 7-10 years’ perspective before and after investing in them, instead of how I may benefit from information asymmetry in the short term and how much money the stock may earn in the next 1-2 years. Read this post on how thinking and acting long term is your “only” edge as an investor.

Not maintaining my stock portfolio online – I use Excel, where I must punch in the stock prices every time I need to update my portfolio. And because punching stock prices is hard work, I don’t do it often.

Not reading newspapers – I find them a great distraction (I would rather set up Google Alerts to receive the type of news I want)

Not having social media apps on my mobile handset – It becomes an issue at times when I wish to post something on Twitter etc., but the pros outweigh the cons.

Not participating in any Whatsapp stock discussion groups – Vicarious experience tells me these are super noisy places, and induce a lot of greed and envy.

Switching off all notification reminders etc. from my smartphone (which often induces me to dumbness with every beep it makes)

Not checking my mobile first thing in the morning – helps my brain avoid exerting a lot of energy first thing in the morning. Instead, I start my day reading a book for around 30 minutes.

Waking up early (between 5 and 5.30 AM) when the noise and distraction are at their lowest. Helps in building a greater focus.

Meditation – Just the act of sitting and “doing nothing” for 30 minutes every day has helped me tremendously.

Implementing one trick I learned recently from reading Roger von Oech’s book A Whack on the Side of the Head is to take an object about the size of an apple and then play with it, like flipping it back and forth from hand to hand. It helps me relax my mind. I often use tennis ball for this activity. You may use a Rubik’s cube. Try it. It may help stimulate a different part of your brain, and may get your creative juices flowing.

Working some time standing instead of sitting. I realize that you are more focused when you are standing than when you are comfortable in your cushy chair. I don’t know how it works, but it has worked for me.

Despite doing all this, I am sure a goldfish would beat me on a few days. But the results I have received from practicing most of what I have mentioned above on most days have been amazing. Both in improving my attention span at most times, and also in my practice of being a long-term thinker and investor.

Over to you!

P.S. If you have read through this entire post, congratulations! You beat the goldfish this one time.

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