#sj fic

[skijumpingf1]

Are you flirting with me? (D.Prevc X B. Østvold)

Happy to report that I am finally done with my Domen and Benjamin fic. In my head this was supposed to be way funnier but apparently, I am not that good at writing funny. Also, this was the first time I tried to write third person so I am sorry if somethings feel odd. This is set in Oberstdorf 2025 and features an oblivious Domen, a flirty Benjamin and a hint of desperate team Slovenia.

Wordcount: 4529

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Something always feels magical before the first ski flying weekend of the year. At least it feels like that for Domen. Ski flying is in his blood. No matter how bad he is at ski jumping, ski flying will always work and this time his form isn’t even that bad. The city of Oberstdorf is already buzzing when the Slovenian team arrives with their buses and Domen tries to soak up as much of this atmosphere as he can. He can’t help the smile appearing on his face when he sees a few fans outside his window. “God, I hate how happy you are when we are at a ski flying hill. Makes me miss grumpy Domen.”, Timi states when he catches a glimpse of his teammates face. Domen just shrugs. “As if you aren’t as excited as me.”, Domen counters. He could see the shimmer in his Timis eyes. Those two are rarely on the same page about something but the love for ski flying is something they both share.

Anze is the first to hop out of the car when they arrive at the hill. Domen follows his teammate and is greeted by a cold gush of wind and a pretty blue sky. Almost perfect ski flying conditions. It’s still relative relaxed at the hill. They are one of the first teams to arrive and its only Friday so there is no big media run anyway. “I think Timi is more excited that his girlfriend is here this weekend.” Their oldest teammate wiggles his eyebrows. Domen can’t help the giggle that escapes him. Lovro behind him bursts out laughing. But it is Domen who gets a slap against his arm from Timi. “Ouch!” “Ups, my bad.” Timi puts on an innocent face. “Anze said it not me.” Domen’s teammate just shrugged. He rolls his eyes. Sometimes he hates Timi. He could count on him, sure. If he had an emergency Timi would be the second person in team, after Anze of course, he would call. But sometimes, like now, he would like to throw him in the ditch.

“You are all just jealous that my girlfriend is here or that I even have a girlfriend.”, Timi states and puts on a beanie. The last words are directed in his and Roks direction. Domen ignores the comment like he always does and goes to the trunk to get his stuff. “I think Domen is very jealous. Right Domen?” Lovro appears next to him and smirks. Internally Domen adds Lovros name to the list of people he hates. He turns around out to counter Lovros comment since it is totally baseless. He likes being single. For the most part at least. But before he can answer, Domen spots something more exciting behind his teammate. Or should he say someone? The Norwegians just arrived and a friendly face smiles at him. Thank God. Someone who doesn’t annoy him. Benjamin Østvold closes the distance between the Norwegian and Slovenian busses with a few large steps. “Hello there.”, he announces himself. Domen lays a hand around Benjamins bicep and drags him away from the bus. The Norwegian follows him perplexed. “You are a life saver. My teammates are horrible today.” Lovro snorts loudly somewhere behind them. “I am just concerned that you are alone. We don’t want you to end up as a spinster.”, Domen’s teammate almost screams. Would he be thrown out of the team if he slaps Lovro? And Timi for that matter?

Benji raises an eyebrow at his friend, when they reach the ski jumping village and Domen lets go of his friend. “What was that about?” “Nothing important. Just annoying teammates and you are a good excuse to escape them.”  For a second Domen thinks that maybe it wasn’t a good idea to drag Benjamin with him. His stuff appeared to be still in the Norwegian car and now he has to go back to get it. The thought leaves his head as soon as he looks in Benjis blue and understanding eyes. “Glad I could help. I can be your knight in shining armour any time.”, Benji winks und grins playfully at him. Domen can’t help but blush. “Thank you but I hope it won’t be necessary.” Strong emphasis on hope. That his teammates annoy him is a constant in Domen’s life. He looks up to his friend who still has a teasing grin on his lips. Benjamin takes a step forward and lays a hand on Domen’s shoulder borderline to bis neck. With everyone else Domen would find this strange, but Benji is a touchy guy. He likes hugging or having a hand on the back. So, Domen doesn’t acknowledge it. “In what hotel are you guys staying? Maybe we are lucky and can get Dinner together.”, the Norwegian asks. Benji is so close and it’s so cold in Oberstdorf that Domen can feel his breaths on his face.

Before Domen can answer, they get interrupted. “Thank you for getting my stuff, Artti. You are the best.”, Artti Aigros sarcastic voice appears out of nowhere. He shoves a bag into Benjamins hands who let’s go off Domen. “Yes, Artti you are the best.”, Benjamin grins to his teammate. There is a quick pat on Arttis shoulder from Benji. See Benjamin really is a touchy guy, Domen thinks to himself. “I hope I didn’t interrupt something?” “No, no. I just had to flee my teammates. So, nothing new.”, Domen answers the Estonian. He lets his eyes scan over his surroundings. No Slovenians in sight. His teammates already disappeared in their cabin. Shit he totally missed this. Rob will be pissed that he is late again. He shoots an apologising look to the Norwegian. “I am late, so I probably should get going. Was nice to see you again.” “See you around, Domen.”, Benjamin replies and puts on his signature grin again.

Turns out that the Norwegian team and his team are indeed staying at the same hotel, Domen realizes when he steps out of the elevator with Lovro, Anze and Rok. Benjamin and Kristoffer are standing in the hotel lobby with one of their coaches. “Great now you are going to leave us too.”, Lovro comments when he spots Domen’s gaze on his Norwegian friend. “No, no. Seems like he is busy.” Domen looks at his friend with a raised eyebrow. For a short moment he considers going over there to ask Benji about dinner. It was his idea to get dinner after all. But the conversation looks important, so the Slovene decides against it. “Also, I am not a traitor like Timi.”, he smirks at Lovro who laughs and begins to walk into the dining hall. Their teammate has a date with his girlfriend and left the hotel about an hour ago. Not really dramatic except for Lovro.

“I can’t believe Timi is getting a good steak while we have to eat this shit.”, Anze complaints when he and Domen get back to the buffet. Domen snorts and sits down next to Lovro. “You could have gone out too. We are here every year and every time the food is gross.” That’s why Domen has opted for rice with vegetables and no meat. “You could have warned me. I would definitely have gone out if I knew.”, Rok complaints and stares disgusted at his food. He took the chicken. A mistake from Domen’s experience. “Fine then we are going out tomorrow.”, Domen sighs and shakes his head. Why are they behaving like he is their leader today? Anze sits literally next to him. “And here I was thinking I could invite you on a Date tomorrow.”, a teasing voice appears behind him. Domen turns around to find Benji standing behind him with his signature grin on his face. The Norwegian places a hand on the back of Domens chair. He wears one of the Norwegian thin team jackets which snaps perfectly around Benjamins body, Domen notices. “If you want, you can join us. The food here is hideous.”, speaks Domen and looks up at his friend. Anze next to him can’t help but chuckle. “What?”, he turns around to face his teammate. The older just shakes his head. “Nothing.” Domen raises an eyebrow. “Nothing?” Anze shakes his head. Now Lovro is the one to laugh and Domen changes to his other side but not without giving Benji an annoyed glance on the way. “It’s just that you didn’t even ask us. Maybe we want to prepare super-secret tactics.” “Not that you are not welcome, Benjamin. Of course, you can join us.”, slides Anze into Lovros explanation. Domen didn’t even think about the fact that maybe his teammates wouldn’t want to have dinner with Benjamin. Why wouldn’t they? Benji is a great guy. He focuses on the man leaning on his chair again. Benji still has a smirk on his face. “Great than you, your teammates and I have a date tomorrow.”, he winks into Domen’s direction.

Later that evening, he and Lovro are laying in their bed. Domen is glad that he can share with Lovro this weekend. Timi would be spilling too much info about his date and Anze would spend half of the night talking to his wife. Lovro is calmly on his phone, like usual, and Domen has a book in his hand. Its late and they should probably head to bed considering there is a day full of ski flying ahead, but Domen can’t put the book down. He barely notices when his teammates shifts so that he is facing him. “Domen.”, he hears a whisper. With a sigh Domen closes the book. He turns to face his teammate, who has his head propped up in his hand. “What?” Lovros face changes from curious to nervous. “Nothing.” Domen can’t help but roll his eyes. “Not again. Just spill it.” “Have you ever been in love?” He expected everything but that. What an strange question? They rarely speak deeper about their personal life. Sure, he knows how wonderful Timis girlfriend is, but he doesn’t know if they ever fight or have problems with their age gap. Lovro tells him about date ideas he has but never tells him how they go.

“How on earth did you get idea to ask me that?” Domen raises an eyebrow and watches his teammate run a hand through his blonde hair. “You never talk about relationship stuff. I don’t even know if you do hook ups or if you are secretly in a long-term relationship.” The truth is Domen never tells something about his love life because there is nothing to tell. He is focused on getting the shape back he had when he was a teenager and that takes a lot of time. It’s not like he never did something. When he still was in school, he experimented a bit with a few cute boys and girls. When he was frustrated after a competition once, he hooked up with a guy in Oslo but that is it.

“Just a few crushes.”, he answers the question honestly. When he freshly got into the world cup, he had a crush on Daniel-André Tande, but he never made a move. “And do you have a crush right now?” Domen snorts. “Nope.” Lovro raises an eyebrow. “Really? Nobody you find interesting?” For a second the image of Benjamin comes to his mind, but he shakes his head. Benji is just a friend who is flirty. Of course, Domen enjoys the attention but that’s it. “Can we go to bed now?”, Domen changes the subject before the blonde can press further. Without waiting for an answer, he turns the light off.

Domen can’t help but look around when he enters the German woods for a quick warm up jog. He hasn’t spotted any Norwegians today which seems odd. Normally they are more than punctal at the hill. Hopefully nothing bad has happened, Domen thinks to himself. The buzzing atmosphere of the hill disappears more with every step he takes into the forest. Lovros question from last night still lingers around in his mind. Was it bad that he hasn’t been in love before? Not really at least. He is 25 already. When he was younger, he always imagined having a partner by now but somehow his priorities shifted. Maybe he should be more open towards the idea of meeting someone. He is on the go a lot. He meets new people. But he never considers if they would be a good fit for him.

Domen comes to a halt at a clearing. He looks up in the blue sky. It’s a beautiful day today, maybe a bit cold. No cloud is around, and he can tell that the sky is getting darker already due to nearing sunset. Weirdly the colour of the sky seems familiar to him. “Here you are!”, he hears a voice behind him. Domen lowers his head and spins around. Benjamin removes his headphones and stops his jog. “Everything alright?”, the Norwegian asks when he comes to a halt next to Domen, who nods. “Everything is perfect. Excited to get a good meal today.” Domen can’t help but make a note to the planned dinner tonight or planned Date as Benji said it. Benjamin smiles lightly at him. “Me too. Good idea from you to leave the hotel. I just wish we were alone.”, he says while running a hand through his hair. Domen is never sure if his hair is brown or dark blonde. In this light, it appears more blondish. “Next time. Rok will never forgive me if I uninvite him.” “I take you word for it. Willingen then? Or is that too full? Maybe Japan?” He loves that about Benji. Benji always takes action. A breeze blows Domen’s hair in his face. “Japan would be cool. The food there is great. I –“ Domen gets interrupted when Benjamin gently brushes the strand of hair out his face. His fingers glide lightly over his temple and Domen can’t help the shiver. “Oh, are you cold? We can try cuddling to warm you up.” The Slovene is too stunt to speak because that seems crazy even for Benjamin. When he doesn’t answer, his friend wraps his arms around. Benjamins smell surrounds him all of the sudden and he can’t help but breath in deep when he hugs the Norwegian back. It feels odd and at the same time it doesn’t. Its Benjamin and him, everything they do feels strangely good. Even when it’s a pointless hug, because he isn’t really cold, in the German woods. Benjamin pulls Domen even closer if its possible and rubs gently over his back. “Better?”, he whispers against Domen’s ear, who can just nod. Benji chuckles and Domen can feel the vibration in his body. As if he just understood what is happening and how close they really are, Domen’s heart begins to race, and his face gets warm. Before Domen can say anything, Benjamin lets him go. A hand still lays on Domens side, though. He misses the heat from the Norwegian instantly. “We should do this more often.” What is that supposed to mean? Domen can feel Benjamins observing gaze on him, waiting for a reaction. But Domen doesn’t know how to react.

He gets saved by the ringing of his phone. “Sorry, I have to take this.” His voice feels raspy. He steps away from Benji, who still looks at him with that damn understanding face. As if he knew that he caused confusion. Domen doesn’t even look at his phone to see who is calling him when he answers. “Hello?” “Hello to you too. I just wanted to wish you safe flights today.”, Cene speaks. Another odd thing to add to the list of things that happened today. His brother normally never calls him. Well not never but rarely. “Okay thank you?” He can hear a chuckle from Benji next to him. “Who is that?” Apparently Benjamins laugh was audible over the phone. “Benjamin.” Cene pauses for a second and mumbles something quietly, which Domen can’t grasp. The Norwegian’s gaze is still on him, and it makes him nervous. So nervous that he doesn’t even ask what his brother meant. “Alright than have fun with Benjamin.” His brother sounds amused. Another thing that confusing him right now. First the whole Lovro questioning him, then the hug thing, then the call from Cene and now this answer. It feels like he is missing something. Something big that everyone around him has figured out already. Domen doesn’t get to say something back to his brother. Cene already hung up.

 A look at this phone tells him that he should be already back in the cabin. “Fuck. We are going to be late.”, he says in Benjis direction. Benjamin snaps out of comforting look or what ever and curses. In unison both of them start to jog back into the direction of the hill. Neither fully warmed up. When they reach the village, they nod to each other and disappear in their respective cabins. Lovro is already on his way up the hill, which makes Domen even more nervous. Even Timi is already starting to change. “I was a minute away from being worried.”, the younger one says. “Forgot the time.” Domen slips in his suit and grabs his back. The rest can be done in the waiting area or in the lift up. “I can tell. Did you have fun in the woods?” “What?” The hug with Benjamin comes to his mind again. The way the scent of the Norwegian surrounded him. Timi rolls his eyes. “Just go Domen.”

The smile on his face doesn’t disappear. He finished 3rd. His first podium of the season. Timi finished first but Domen is too pleased with himself to be jealous. They are already back in the hotel, getting ready to go out for Diner. Well, Domen is getting ready while Lovro is sitting on their bed and playing on his phone. “I think I will go to the lobby and wait for the others.”, his roommate says and gets up. “I will be down in five minutes.” In Domens opinion his hair looks extra messy after using the helmet. A bit more time to fix it, is just necessary. “I hope so. The reservation is in 15 minutes.” With that Lovro leaves the room and lets Domen alone.

It takes Domen four minutes until he is pleased with his hair. He grabs his wallet and looks around the room to see if he, or Lovro, forgot something. His gaze lingers on the bouquet he got on the podium. Timi gave his to his girlfriend. Domen never knows what to with his flowers. Sometimes when his sisters or his mom are around, he gives them his flowers. He should really find a good use for them other than throwing them away.

Domen takes the two flights of stairs down to the lobby. He can spot his teammates instantly. They are standing in a circle a bit away from the front desk and talking. Rok looks borderline distress. Anze, who has his back to him, shakes his head repeatedly. With a few short steps he gets over to them. “Do we think he really doesn’t know?” “Oh, come on. You know him. Of course he doesn’t.”, Lovro and Anze say before they notice Domen. He raises an eyebrow. “Who are we talking about?” A guilty look appears on Roks face. So, they talk about him. Anze pats him on the back. “Oh, just Timi and how everyone still talks about his girlfriend.” This supports his thesis even further. Anze never talks like that about Timis relationship.

“What do I not know?”, Domen speaks up. Lovro lowers his head and Rok bites his lip. Dare he say they look caught. He lets his eyes wander between his teammates. “So?” They exchange a quick look that he of course notices. What on earth is going on? Did he forget something? Did something bad happen? “Benjamin is flirting with you.”, Lovro bursts out. All heads turn in his direction. Domen opens his mouth but closes it again. What did he say? Benjamin is flirting with him? Surely Lovro has gone insane in the last five minutes. “No, he isn’t?” Because there is no way his friend has been flirting with him. At least not in a way his teammate is thinking. Benji is a flirty person. From time to time, he makes a comment, but not just with him. “Lovro, why did you say something?”, Anze hisses. The blonde points at Domen, who still shakes his head in disbelief. “He doesn’t even understand it now that I presented it to him on a silver platter. If we won’t tell him, he will never figure it out.” “You are all ridiculous. Benji is just friendly.”

Now Anze turns around to him and raises an eyebrow. “No, he is not just friendly. He literally called the diner a date.” Rok nods in agreement. “They way he smiles at you is insane and he clearly searches your presence. Like yesterday when he leaned on your chair.” Maybe Rok isn’t too far off, Domen thinks. Because Benji is always in his personal space, not that Domen is complaining, but he notices it. And the Norwegian is always smiling around him. But doesn’t he do that around everyone. He lets a hand glide through his hair. Shit now its probably all messy again. Anze puts a hand on Domen’s shoulder. “And if we are right and he is flirting with you. How does it make you feel?” How does he feel? Confused that is certain. If Benji, if Benji really flirts with him, does it mean that the Norwegian is interested in him? Domen thinks back to the hug and how Benjis hand lingered on his waist. He thinks back to all the comments Benjamin made. God. Maybe his teammates are right. Probably not but maybe there is truth in it. “I need to talk to Benjamin.”, he blurts out. Lovro laughs a bit. “Go on that date. We get some takeout.”

The restaurant is just a few minutes away from the hotel. Domen spots Benjamin instantly. The Norwegian is standing there with his hand in his pockets leaning against a streetlight. Apart from the light its already dark outside. Benajmin wanted to stroll around town a bit after the competition, that’s why he is supposed to meet Domens team there. Just that Domens team isn’t with him. He swallows hard. He will probably make a fool out of him if just straight up asks Benjamin. But what else is he supposed to do? Before Domen can think more about all of this, Benji notices him. With a swift motion Benji stands up straight and a big smile is making its way onto his face. Domen can’t help but smile back. Not as bright as his friend, though. “Where is your team?”, Domen gets asked when they are in earshot of each other. He just shrugs and keeps walking towards the taller one. When he is within a meter of Benjamin, he stops in his tracks. “They are not coming.”, he finally answers. His voice feels shaky. Quickly he rubs his hands over his jeans to try to calm himself down. Benji smirks at him. “Even better.” So far Domen hasn’t dared to look into the eyes of Benjamin but now he peaks up. Trying to see the reaction to all of this. Benjamin does the same. Fuck. What is he supposed to say now? He barely even registered what the Norwegian said.

“Are you flirting with me?” Benjamin takes a step towards him so that they within 30 centimetres of each other. He leans his head to his right side and smirks at Domen. “Took you long enough to notice.”, he almost whispers. Domen inhales sharpy. “You are flirting with me? I thought Lovro was crazy.”, shakes Domen his head. Suddenly every interaction with the Norwegian is painted in a new light.

Benjamin brushes a strand of Domens hair out of his face. Slightly he brushes over his temple. Domen shutters again. Like he did that morning. “Oh, are you cold? We can try cuddling to warm you up.”, Benjamin repeats his words with the right corner of lip raised, forming a half grin. “Oh my god.”, the Slovene mumbles more to himself. How did he not get this? He would like to slap himself for that level of obliviousness. “If it helps you, it makes you even more charming.” “It doesn’t.”, Domen laughs and put his gaze towards the floor. His cheeks are getting hot meaning he is probably blushing. He can feel Benjis finger under chin, raising so that he looks at him again. Benjamin is still smiling, like he always does when he is around Domen. “This doesn’t have to change a thing between us, if you don’t want to. I have been your friend, and I will still be your friend, if you are not interested in me like that.” Like most of the time, Domen doesn’t know how to respond. He takes in the man in front of him. With his blond brownish hair that Domen always wanted to run his hand through. The blue eyes that always remind him of something he can’t grasp. Then he knows how to respond. Without thinking too much about its Domen closes the gap between them completely and kisses the Norwegian. Benjamin doesn’t even need a second to react and pulls him closer. Hand on his hip. The feeling is electric. Better than flying down a ski flying hill. Domen wraps his arms around Benjis neck, while he still kisses the soft lips of the Norwegian.

Out of breath Benjamin is the one to end the kiss. Not without giving him another short peck. Domen can feel his heart racing and he already misses his lips. Benjamin has a look on his face that he rarely has seen. He looks pleased, satisfied. “Finally.” Domen can’t help but lick over his lips to get the taste of Benji back. “How long?”, he dares to ask even if he doesn’t really want to know the answers. Too embarrassing. Benjamin shrugs. “Two years. Give or take.”  Domens eyes get big. “God. I am so sorry.” “I mean at first, I was more subtle, but it was my new years resolution do finally really act on this. So, it took you less than a month.” Domen hides his face behind his hands. “Lovro had to tell me. Who knows, how long I would have taken.” Benjamin wraps his hand around Domens and forces them out of his face. “I will say thank you to him, when I see him the next time. But now we have a date.” He intertwines their fingers and presses another short kiss on Domens lips. “Well, if they still take us. We probably missed our reservation.”, Domen smiles at him. “If so, we can just go somewhere else. But that Date in Japan is still on too, right?”

[sketchyorsomething]

Btw guys, I've got a new part of my Lellinger series! You can check it out on Ao3 with this link or just read it below the cut.

As always, thank you so much @skijumpingf1 for beta-reading it

The Ground beneath my Feet

Feburary 2025

 

„Do we need anything else for the training camp, love?“, Stephan hoped Andi had heard him in the kitchen, „I've also packed your book, if you maybe want to read a little?“

„Sounds good!“, Andi yelled from the kitchen. He definitely didn't hear Stephan’s entire question. Well, he's not gonna look for anything else to pack.

Stephan closed the suitcases and took a step towards the window. It had rained quite a lot in the last days, most of the snow had already melted. Stephan hated it. It felt like the winter was already over. He tried to look away, moving his gaze to the unmade bed.

He sighed.

„Lunch's ready, my dear!“, Andi stopped Stephan's bad attempt at distracting himself. Thank God. It hadn't helped anyways.

 

„Oh, that smells nice, thank you love", Stephan placed a small kiss on Andi's cheek.

„No problem“, he grinned in return.

Stephan rested his head in the crook of Andi's neck, wrapping his arms around him. Andi followed suit. He then lifted Stephan's head a little, smiling oh so softly before breathed a kiss onto his lips.

Stephan felt his cheeks heating up. Andi's smile widened.

He kissed him again.

Stephan hid his head again, smiling against Andi's collarbone. Andi's hands felt warm on his hips. He heard his heart beating steadily inside his chest.

Stephan took a breath, trying to come up with the right words. He cut himself off, not daring to destroy the atmosphere.

Andi looks so happy right now. Calm. He hasn’t been this calm in what feels like ages. The time Stephan had to spend abroad and away from him did put a strain on Andi.

Sevi had called him one night (it was early in the morning for Stephan) talking about his worries concerning Andi. Apparently, they had a talk that late in the night and Andi seemed really crushed.

He still hasn’t talked to Stephan about it.

“Is everything okay, my dear?”, Andi’s touch on his chin was lighter than that of a feather. Like he was too delicate, too fragile; like he was something to he needed to be cautious with. Stephan wished for the touch to be an actual grip. He already felt like he was floating, it’d be nice to feel grounded once again.

He felt that wish too deep in his bones. Being grounded, bound to the earth, not feeling like he was falling into an endless pit of air.

Andi gave up on waiting for a respond, it seemed. “I love you, okay?”, he mumbled as he drew Stephan into another embrace.

Maybe that’s good. Stephan wasn’t sure if he could deal with another glance full of knowledge. Knowledge and fear. Sadness and love. It should make it a lot easier to tell Andi if he already anticipates it, but it would make the decision real. He’d stop falling, once and for all. But Andi won’t; and maybe that’s why it feels like a problem.

“Please, let’s eat”, Stephan loosened the hug. “The food will get cold.”

 

 

“Home sweet home”, Andi sighed as they moved into their hotel room. The rooms themselves seemed to be built the same in the entire hotel. This room didn’t differ at all from the room they had for the for hills in Oberstdorf, or the one they had last year. (Or the one Andi had to stay in for skiflying, when Stephan didn’t make the team).

Stephan closed his eyes. Now or never. They'll have the entire evening to themselves to sort everything out. And Stephan needs to tell somebody, and Andi will forever be the first person he approaches for tough decisions.

„Andi, love", he perked up from the pile of clothes he already created, as he ‚unpacked'. „This will be my last training camp, my last championships". He didn't dare open his eyes.

Stephan could hear Andi breathe in the quiet room. „I'm sorry", he said.

Andi came closer, just a few steps and he was probably standing right in front of Stephan. He opened his eyes, looking to his and Andi's feet.

Andi grabbed his right hand and ever so slowly brought it upwards. He pressed a kiss into his palm. Stephan now watched him closely. He wished Andi would say something, anything to break the silence. But time seemed to have come to an abrupt halt.

Andi lowered their joined hands and reached for his other one. Standing in this little hotel room, holding hands, that's when Andi began to smile with love in his eyes. „I already knew", he said, no accusation in his voice. „Or, well- I suspected it already. Your behaviour at the four hills was weird". He looked away from Stephan, as he tried to remember every detail.

„I didn't even know it yet, back then", Stephan realized.

Andi looked at him in confusion, and chuckled. His left hand let go of Stephan's, slowly lifting it upwards to caress his cheek. „I love you, Stephan“

„I love you too, Andi", Stephan smiled.

Andi now cradled his face in both of his hands. He stepped closer. Stephan's smile widened.

And then, Andi finally kissed him.

Way to innocent, way to softly for Stephan's liking. Andi shouldn't have to be cautious with Stephan.

So, Stephan kissed back, with much more fervor. Andi hummed into the kiss. He needed this kiss to make himself feel again, feel the ground beneath his feet. He hasn't felt this security in too long. But now, he finally landed from his flight, safely, on both of his feet. Unexpected, for how much he lost the control over it. In Andi's arms however, there is no space to fall, other than against his body.

Andi ended the kiss, much to Stephan's disappointment, and smiled at Stephan, love and sorrow in his eyes. His thumb wiped away a tear from his cheek. Stephan hadn't realized he was crying. He tried to blink the tears away. Because, really, it felt more liberating than sad. It was just a lot.

So, he hid his face against Andi's neck, placing soft feathery kisses along his throat. He felt Andi's chuckle-turned-sigh deep in his bones. The hand in his hair pulled a little at the strands.

„How about we actually talk about it, dear?“, Andi asked after he positioned their hands in a way that they could look at each other. „And trust me, I hate being the responsible one here right now.“ They laughed together, forheads lightly tapping together. Stephan couldn't help himself but close the small gap between their mouths again, giving Andi a small peck on his smiling lips. They breathed together for a moment before Andi took his hand into his own again and pulled him onto the bed.

 

He sat criss-crossed in front of Stephan now, his full focus on his face. „Okay, so, uh-", he ran his hand through his hair. God, Andi really needed to see a hairdresser again, his hair has gotten quite long. The gesture didn't help make it neater. Stephan grinned at the thought. „Do you have a plan already on what you want to do?“

„I'll need to draw", Stephan smiled. He hadn't realized how much he had missed it. „I'll figure everything else out another day. We will figure it out, love.“. He reached for Andi's hands. „I won't leave you alone“, Stephan added, just for good measure.

Andi's smile widened, a blush covering his cheeks. „I know, Stephan, I know"

[wie-sagt-man-noch]

Adore You - Lellingerfic

Stephan hat Geburstag und wenn das kein Grund ist, einen Lellingershot zu posten, weiß ich auch nicht.

(Es ist ungelogen 4 Jahre her, seit ich die beiden das letzte Mal geschrieben habe sob)

Von Stephan umarmt zu werden, ihn dicht an sich zu spüren, ist mit nichts auf der Welt vergleichbar. Andreas hat schon unzählige Menschen berührt, platonisch und weit darüber hinaus, aber bei niemandem fühlt er sich so gelöst und angekommen wie bei Stephan. Oder: Wer adored hier eigentlich wen? (FF) (ao3)

Die Tür des Hotelzimmers fällt mit einem leisen Klicken hinter Andreas ins Schloss. Er atmet tief ein und hat seine Augen geschlossen, während er sich mit hinter dem Rücken verschränkten Armen an die Türe lehnt. Der ganze Trubel, der gerade noch um ihn herum geherrscht hat, ist verstummt. Stattdessen nimmt ihn eine wohlige Stille in Empfang. Die vielen Fragen der Reporter, die am Ende doch die immergleichen waren, 4,8 Punkte Rückstand vor dem letzten Springen, beunruhigt Sie das? Spüren Sie den Druck, nachdem Sie auf Platz 2 in der Gesamtwertung gerutscht sind, nun deutlicher? hallen nur noch leise in seinem Kopf nach. Andreas atmet noch einmal tief ein und langsam wieder aus, dann öffnet er seine Augen und sieht, dass das Nachtlicht im Schlafbereich angeschaltet ist. Schnell schlüpft er aus seinen Schuhen und lässt seine Jacke achtlos auf den Boden fallen, auch wenn er weiß, dass Stephan später seine Augen verdrehen wird, wenn er das Chaos sieht. In wenigen Schritten ist er im Hauptbereich ihres Hotelzimmers angelangt, wo sein Zimmerpartner mit einem Buch in der Hand in ihrem gemeinsamen Bett liegt. Der Anblick von Stephan, wie er in einem – seinem – ausgewaschenen Shirt und einer schwarzen Jogginghose mit dem Rücken an der Wand lehnt und die Beine entspannt übereinander geschlagen hat, sorgt dafür, dass Andreas' Herz unbeholfen und voller Zuneigung in seiner Brust stolpert.

„Hey“, grüßt Stephan ihn, während er sein Buch zur Seite legt und ihn mit einem warmen Lächeln, was seine Grübchen zum Vorschein bringt, willkommen heißt. Anstatt zu antworten, überbrückt Andreas den Abstand zwischen ihnen, lässt sich neben ihn sinken und umarmt ihn kurzerhand. Die Position ist nicht ideal, aber das stört ihn nicht. Sein Kopf ruht zwischen Stephans Halsbeuge und Brust und wenn er sich etwas streckt, berührt seine Nasenspitze Stephans Hals, während er seinen rechten Arm so gut es geht um den warmen Körper seines Freundes geschlungen hat. Stephans Brust vibriert, als dieser leise lacht und seinen freien Arm ebenso um ihn legt. Fest und warm spürt er die Hand seines Freundes auf seinem Rücken und kann das zufriedene Brummen nicht zurückhalten, während er seine Augen abermals schließt.

„Rutsch mal n' bisschen rüber“, sagt Stephan ruhig, aber bestimmt, während er versucht, seinen rechten Arm unter Andreas hervorzuziehen. Andreas nimmt das zum Anlass, sich noch weiter auf ihn zu schieben, sodass er letztlich komplett auf ihm liegt.

Es ist kein Geheimnis, dass ihm Körperkontakt wichtig ist – dass er ihn aber regelrecht braucht, um sich nach einem anstrengenden Wettkampftag zu sammeln, überrascht ihn selbst immer wieder. Immer, wenn alles um ihn herum laut wird, er im Mittelpunkt des Geschehens steht und ein Interview nach dem anderen gibt, ertappt er sich dabei, wie in ihm die Sehnsucht nach einem Ruhepol aufkommt. Nach jemandem, der ihn im Hier und Jetzt hält, auf den er seinen ganzen Fokus richten kann. Dass er in Stephan eine Person gefunden hat, die genau das für ihn ist, lässt sein Herz noch immer höher schlagen. Von Stephan umarmt zu werden, ihn dicht an sich zu spüren, ist mit nichts auf der Welt vergleichbar. Andreas hat schon unzählige Menschen berührt, platonisch und weit darüber hinaus, aber bei niemandem fühlt er sich so gelöst und angekommen wie bei Stephan.

Der hat inzwischen seine frei gewordene Hand in Andreas' Haaren vergraben und massiert mit den Fingerspitzen sacht seinen Kopf. Mit jeder Bewegung spürt Andreas, wie die Anspannung des Tages Stück für Stück von ihm abfällt. Er selbst festigt den Griff um seinen Freund und konzentriert sich voll und ganz auf das wohlige Gefühl, das sich in ihm ausbreitet.

Andreas hat jegliches Zeitgefühl verloren, als er schließlich langsam blinzelnd seine Augen öffnet, den Kopf hebt und aufsieht. Stephans Blick ist noch immer unglaublich warm. Seine dunklen Augen beobachten ihn aufmerksam, während sich feine Fältchen um diese herum gebildet haben. Die Muttermale auf seiner Wange tanzen, als sich ein liebevolles Lächeln auf seine Lippen legt und sich eine feine Röte auf seinem Gesicht ausbreitet. Auch nach so langer Zeit wirkt er noch immer ungläubig und etwas peinlich berührt, wenn Andreas seinen Blick nicht von ihm abwenden kann.

„Hey“, murmelt Andreas schließlich und räuspert sich, weil seine Stimme rauer klingt, als sie es sein sollte. Er schiebt sich etwas nach oben und drückt Stephan einen federleichten Kuss auf den Mundwinkel.

Stephans Blick ruht interessiert auf ihm, „alles okay?“

Andreas hält inne und hört in sich hinein – aber außer Entspannung und Ruhe ist da nichts mehr. Keine Stimmen, kein Trubel. Er nickt schließlich. „Ja“, lautet die schlichte Antwort. Stephans Mundwinkel zucken leicht. Andreas weiß, dass dieser jetzt am liebsten noch einmal nachhaken würde, sich das aber verkneift. Deswegen schiebt er ein „wirklich, ich fühl' mich gut“ hinterher und rutscht schließlich von Stephan hinunter, bis er dicht neben ihm sitzt. Seine Hand hat die seines Freundes dabei fest umschlossen, während Andreas ihn vorsichtig anlächelt.

„Ohne dich wär's heute zu viel gewesen“, gibt er schließlich zu, „deswegen danke, dass du da bist. Das alles geht nur, weil du da bist.“ Seine Stimme ist fest und er weiß, dass es kitschig klingt, aber letztlich ist es nur eine Feststellung. Andreas weiß, wie es sich anfühlt, wenn Stephan nicht an seiner Seite ist. Deswegen ist er umso dankbarer, jetzt hier mit ihm und vor allem bei ihm zu sein. „Ich will das", setzt er nach, weil es die Wahrheit ist. Er will den Trubel, die Aufmerksamkeit, die Siege und die knappen Niederlagen und vor allem will er diese Vierschanzentournee gewinnen. Er will alles, auch wenn ihn das manchmal an seine Grenzen bringt.

Stephan mustert ihn eindringlich und schnaubt kurz auf. „Andi - es ist okay, wenn nicht alles in Ordnung ist, das weißt du?“ Andreas nickt nur stumm und etwas hilflos, während er bemerkt, wie unter dem intensiven Blick die Hitze in seinem Gesicht aufsteigt.

„Du packst das. Schließlich bist du dafür geboren“, zitiert Stephan sich selbst und schmunzelt dabei. „Das Interview hab' ich vorhin gesehen, gut zu wissen, dass ich bewundert werde“, steigt Andreas sofort mit ein und stupst sein Gegenüber spielerisch mit der Schulter an. Stephan zuckt daraufhin nur mit den Schultern und versucht, ernst zu bleiben. „Hätte schlecht was anderes sagen können.“ In seinen Augen blitzt der Schalk, während er seine Hand aus Andreas' Umklammerung löst und schließlich seine Arme vor der Brust verschränkt. Seine Mundwinkel zittern verräterisch und es dauert nicht lange, bis er das Lachen nicht länger zurückhalten kann. Andreas kann nicht anders, als mit einzustimmen. Hell und befreit bricht es aus ihm heraus und er kommt nicht umhin zu denken, dass Stefan wirklich das Beste ist, was ihm jemals passiert ist.

Es dauert eine Weile, bis aus dem Lachen ein Glucksen wird, beide schließlich verstummen und sich angrinsen. Von der vorherigen Anspannung ist nichts mehr ��brig und Andreas spürt, wie sich eine tiefe Dankbarkeit in ihm ausbreitet. Mit Stephan kann er alles sein, egal ob ernst oder albern. Er muss sich weder für seine überschüssige Energie noch für die Melancholie, die sich nach solchen Tagen über ihn legt, entschuldigen oder erklären. Selbst die Stille, die sich nun zwischen sie gelegt hat, fühlt sich nach Geborgenheit an.

Stephan räuspert sich schließlich und nickt in Richtung Bad, „hab vorhin übrigens die Dusche für dich vorbereitet – dein Lieblingshandtuch und das Entspannungsduschgel liegen bereit.“

Zum wiederholten Mal an diesem Abend setzt Andreas' Herz einen Schlag aus.

„Ich liebe dich.“

Ohne eine Antwort abzuwarten, greift er wieder nach Stephans Hand und drückt einen sanften Kuss auf dessen Handgelenk, genau dort, wo der Puls schlägt. Dann lässt er ihre Hände in seinen Schoss sinken, während Stephan ihn mit leicht geöffneten Lippen und einem Funkeln in den Augen ansieht.

„Kommst du mit ins Bad?“, durchbricht Andreas das Schweigen rasch, während er Stephans Hand leicht drückt. Erwartungsvoll blickt er seinen Freund an, den Kopf hat er dabei etwas schief gelegt.

„Du spielst unfair“, antwortet Stephan nach kurzer Zeit mit belegter Stimme, während Andreas seine Unterlippe leicht nach vorne schiebt, was sein Gegenüber wie erwartet grinsen und schließlich nicken lässt.

Enthusiastisch und etwas ungeschickt steigt Andreas aus dem Bett und zieht einen überrumpelten Stephan dabei mit sich, sodass dieser gegen ihn stolpert. Reflexartig schließt Andreas seine Arme um den anderen, um sie beide zu stabilisieren. Stephans Hände liegen fest und schwer auf seiner Hüfte, während sie so dicht voreinander stehen, dass Andreas Stephans warmen Atem spürt.

Sein Blick huscht über das ihm so bekannte Gesicht und Andreas verliert sich einmal mehr in dem Gedanken, wie schön sein Freund tatsächlich ist. Als Stephan sich etwas von ihm wegdrückt, festigt Andreas seinen Griff instinktiv, nicht bereit, die Nähe zwischen ihnen aufzugeben. Stephan scheint das gar nicht zu bemerken, stattdessen sieht er ihm voller Zuneigung in die Augen, dann streckt er sich etwas und verschließt ihre Lippen zu einem sanften Kuss miteinander.

„Ich liebe dich auch“, murmelt er gegen Andreas' Lippen.

Die Endorphine jagen durch seine Adern, das Glück breitet sich schwallartig in jeder Faser seines Körpers aus, bis da nichts mehr außer Stephan ist. Stephan, dessen Herzschlag er an seiner eigenen Brust spürt, stark und gleichmäßig und unglaublich vertraut. Stephans Hände, die inzwischen langsam, beinahe suchend über seinen Rücken wandern und unter denen er sich so sicher wie nirgends sonst fühlt. Stephan, der ihn immer noch behutsam küsst und dabei leise aufseufzt. Alles fühlt sich unfassbar intim an und Andreas spürt das Verlangen nach mehr, näher, intensiver in sich aufsteigen. Ehe er dem Drang allerdings nachgeben kann, hat Stephan ihren Kuss gelöst und schiebt ihn stattdessen bestimmt in das angrenzende Badezimmer. Wie so oft scheint er zu wissen, was Andreas fühlt, was er braucht, ohne dass sie ein Wort darüber verlieren müssen.

Zum zweiten Mal an diesem Abend fällt eine Tür mit einem leisen Klicken hinter Andreas ins Schloss und zum zweiten Mal lehnt er mit geschlossenen Augen an dieser. Sein Kopf allerdings ist herrlich leer und alles, was er spürt, ist Stephan.

Jetzt gerade ist wirklich alles mehr als okay.

[milktrician]

(what the. who threw a wife plot device in the middle of a peak lord meeting)

i thought about this bit at the end of the airplane extras the other day. bro why are you looking at your coworkers like that rn

[rikan-oo]

I had trouble finding the right words to describe what exactly I like in SY and SJ until now

So, my favorite Shen dynamics:

Alternatively:

[10thmusemoon]

Making myself cry thinking about SJ’s disembodied spirit watching the ending scene of SVSSS where SY runs toward Binghe, leaving yqy in the past.

SJ’s eyes widening at the resigned expression YQY is wearing, more vulnerable than it was when he was at death’s door a few days prior. SJ’s head swiveling back to where SY is running past him, words tumbling out of his mouth before he can suppress them.

“Wait! Stop!”

Trying to grasp onto the back of SQQ’s robes, spectral hands phasing through his body. Desperation clawing its way up Shen Jiu’s throat when he turns back to see YQY’s solitary figure.

“Don’t you dare leave him! You can’t—!”

But SQQ can and will happily leave behind YQY for a monster. And Shen Jiu is left grasping at black robes, hands slipping through fabric and flesh, all too aware of how long YQY stared at SQQ’s retreating form until it was just a speck in the sky. Ignorant to the nails trying to dig themselves into any part of him to let YQY know he’s not alone. The fervent whispers of a name long forgotten going unheard. YQY meditates throughout the night, completely unaware of the form curling around him and silently weeping.

[peachhcs]

plz write a cute celebrini x fem reader 🙏🙏 ur writing is beyond amazing

oooh i've never written specifically for mack before so hopefully this isn't bad 😅

after mack’s face injury, his gf is quick to look after him once the game is done

masterlist

she waited impatiently near the doors of the locker room awaiting her boyfriend's arrival. y/n's mind couldn't stop replaying the horror on her features and everyone else's when they saw the blood trickle down macklin's face after a nasty high stick hit. she knew he was okay because he was right back on the ice once the bleeding stopped, but the image wouldn't shake the girl's brain.

lingering after the game felt so long this time around and y/n wondered if it was just because she was anxious about seeing her boyfriend and properly checking up on him. she swiped through twitter and instagram continuously while video replays of the rookie's hit filled her feeds. she just shut her phone off all together for now, not being able to watch the play anymore.

finally, the players began trickling out. y/n's head popped up, searching for the eyes of macklin in the crowd. she spotted him with will near the middle of the pack and he immediately found her gaze. will sensed that they probably wanted to talk, so he split off from the boy once they got closer, giving a small nod to y/n as he passed.

"hey," macklin began, but was caught off guard when y/n jumped into his arms.

"let me see it," she grabbed ahold of his chin, turning his face to the side to examine the new scar.

"it's really not that bad now. they cleared it up really good," the brunette tried reassuring his girlfriend knowing she probably had a hundred thoughts running through her.

"you scared the shit out of me when i saw all that blood. it looked a lot worse," y/n stepped back, arms crossing over her chest.

macklin frowned at the sudden distance between them, "i'm sorry, baby. i promise i'm fine. see?" he gave his best grin hoping to further prove how he was doing.

"well, if i see wilson, i'm gonna punch him myself," y/n huffed, looking around like she would catch the older player lingering somewhere.

macklin laughed, tugging y/n into his side and kissing the side of her head, "you're so cute when you're upset. i promise i'm fine though. i mean you saw me play afterwards."

"yeah you fucking power played. i guess that was your redemption," the two exchanged a laugh and macklin enjoyed finally pulling a smile from her.

"can i come back to your place tonight?" the boy wondered as they moved themselves closer to the exit.

"i thought that was a given already," y/n chuckled.

macklin went to tell will they were leaving before rushing out of the SAP center so he wouldn't have to do any press. most days he didn't mind, but tonight the boy was itching to get out of there and spend some much needed time with his girl. they hadn't seen each other since last weekend—school and hockey keeping them way too busy.

"just so you know, i am gonna baby you the whole night," y/n informed once they were securely in her car.

"mm, i can't wait. a face mask is just calling my name," the hockey player leaned back in the passenger seat, hand falling to the girl's lap as she pulled out of the parking lot.

luckily, there was no early morning practice tomorrow, so macklin was gonna use that to his full advantage and spend the night in y/n's dorm. the couple rode in comfortable silence into santa clara university, a convenient 7 minutes away from the arena so y/n never missed a home game.

she parked her car again and the couple hurried into her building. the few students wandering around the lobby caught sight of macklin's suit he put back on, a few of them recognizing him from as a sharks player and as y/n's boyfriend because he was over so much.

they lucked out with y/n's roommate hanging out with her own boyfriend tonight, so they had the whole dorm to themselves. macklin immediately thew his backpack onto the ground and shoved his suit jacket from his shoulders.

"gonna shower. i didn't really before we left. you're welcome to join me if you want," the brunette winked at the girl who flushed.

"wow, so classy of you. i did already shower this morning, so i'll have to pass this time," y/n laughed.

"damn, i thought you'd say yes. you sure you don't wanna shower again?" he winked again. y/n groaned, pushing her boyfriend to the bathroom.

"i'll be out here with your face mask."

the rookie accepted his lonely shower fate and disappeared into the bathroom. y/n took the opportunity to tidy up the room and get all the things she needed for their face masks.

20 minutes later, macklin came back out of the bathroom freshly showered and in more comfortable clothes. y/n hung up his suit jacket on the door of her closet, instructing him to do the same with the rest of the outfit so it wouldn't wrinkle.

the boy climbed into her bed a second later, positioning himself against her pillows, "i'm readyy," he sang.

"i've never known you to be so excited for a face mask," y/n grinned.

"it really makes my skin smooth, so i like it," the boy explained.

y/n handed mack her headband so his hair wouldn't be in his face or in the mask. he didn't hesitate to slip it over his head and expose his forehead. the girl giggled at the sight.

"are you laughing at my big forehead?" the boy raised his eyebrow, hands finding places on y/n's hips as she straddled his waist.

"maybe," she hummed, leaning forward to begin rubbing the cream on his skin.

mack admired her focused expression while just really taking the time to take in every part of her as she applied the mask. this was his favorite part of face masks because he could stare at her without shame and she hardly noticed because she was too focused on the mask.

"have i told you how beautiful you are?" the brunette wondered softly. he watched the way y/n's cheeks heated up into a deep blush.

"you have," she muttered.

"well, i'm gonna say it again. you're really beautiful," mack grinned.

"you're sappy tonight," y/n flushed.

"what? can i not say how beautiful my girlfriend is?"

"no, you can. thank you," she finished spreading the mask, leaning back to admire her work.

"how's it look?"

"great. i'lll let you know when five minutes are up," the girl set a timer on her phone and then mack grabbed the mask cream from her hands before she could set it back on the dresser.

she looked at her boyfriend quizzically.

"can i do yours?" he wondered with a soft expression.

y/n blushed again, "just don't get it in my hair."

"promise, i won't," macklin agreed and y/n let him have at it.

his touch was gentle as his fingers began rubbing around her skin. his lip poked out from his lips as he focused on doing it right. y/n loved how much he wanted to do it correctly for her sake and his expression really was just to die for.

"okay, did it," macklin leaned back to admire his work the same way y/n did. she loved the proud little smile on his lips, pulling her camera up to examine how well he did.

"wow, looks great, mack. your best one yet," y/n agreed.

"what can i say? practice makes perfect," the boy hummed, placing everything back onto her dresser.

"so how's your lip doing now?" y/n wondered as mack's hands wandered across the expanse of her hips and waist.

"i can't even feel it anymore, so good. i told you i'm fine," he eyed her.

"i know, just let me be a worry wart."

the sharks player smiled at her words knowing how much she liked to worry about things, especially the things that didn't need to be worried about. he reached up to quickly peck her lips, tryng to avoid getting face mask on one another.

"i love you," the brunette said.

y/n's smile grew, the whole i love you still new to them but heartwarming to hear, "i love you, too," she kissed him again and now they didn't care about getting face mask on one another.

[rhiangalaxy]

Shen Jiu and his plant son Shen Yuan <3 (ft. a bonus of YGY and LGG's very different methods of babysitting)

[ID: A Scum Villain Drawing. Shen Jiu holds Shen Yuan is his arms, staring towards the audience with a slightly scary, unamused expression. In his arms, Shen Yuan, dressed in Qing Jing teals and greens, appearing to be around the ages of four-six with a darker skin tone, a mole on his forehead and a green sprout popping out of his head, is gazing and reaching out amazedly at a demonic butterfly. End ID]

[ID: A Scum Villain Drawing. The top half depicts Yue Qingyuan, cradling a Shen Yuan that is wrapped in blankets and smiling. Then leaning in to give him a forehead kiss. The bottom half depicts Liu Qingge lifting SY by the ankle, much to SY's delight, and then moving him around to the back of himself with a faintly amused expression. End ID]

[777bae]

BETWEEN THE STARS WILL SMITH

Summary :: You slip away from the noise of the bonfire, seeking peace in a hammock under the stars. As you share quiet moments with Will, his presence grounds you, his touch comforting. The world fades, leaving only the warmth between you, as you both find stillness in the night and in each other. (REQUESTED :: prompt 1)

Word count :: 3.1k

Warnings :: kissing, reader being introverted?

Notes :: Loved this request so much as it gave me an opportunity to nerd out about the stars

The night air had a crisp, almost tangible quality to it, the kind that makes the edges of your thoughts sharper and clearer, cutting through the fog of the day. It was a welcome reprieve from the sun’s lingering warmth that had bathed the earth earlier. Now, the air felt like a secret, a cool embrace from the world around you, steadying your breath as the sounds of life continued on, but with a different rhythm.

From a distance, you could hear the crackling of the bonfire, the flames licking the air in sporadic bursts, sending flashes of orange light darting across the tall, thick trunks of the pine trees surrounding Will’s family’s lakeside cabin. The fire, alive and roaring, cast long shadows on the ground, dancing across the grass in unpredictable patterns. The laughter, the chatter, the clink of bottles, and the occasional hum of music—voices that blended together like a chorus of different lives intersecting in the same moment—felt suddenly louder, almost oppressive. The warmth from the fire was inviting, but with each moment, the noise felt like it was pulling at you, tugging your thoughts in every direction, making the stillness you craved seem further out of reach.

You needed space—needed it in the quiet way a person craves air when the walls of a room are closing in. It wasn’t that you didn’t enjoy the company, or that you weren’t grateful for the moments of shared laughter with Will and his friends. But the energy of the crowd had started to feel overwhelming, as if the sound of voices was beginning to swallow your own thoughts, drowning out the peaceful rhythm you carried inside. You slipped away without making a fuss, gliding through the shadows toward the far side of the yard, where the night’s cool touch promised quiet refuge.

The walk away from the group felt almost ceremonial, like stepping from one world into another. As the faint light from the fire grew dimmer behind you, the landscape opened up. The trees here seemed older, their trunks thicker, their branches sprawling high above, curling into the sky like the arms of silent giants. The gentle breeze whispered through their needles, a soft sigh against the coolness of the air. The sounds of the yard—the conversation, the music—became muffled, replaced by the soft rustling of leaves, the steady, rhythmic pulse of the world exhaling.

And then, nestled between two towering pines, you found it—a hammock, swinging gently, a forgotten piece of heaven. Its fabric, worn but soft, seemed to be waiting for you, swaying lightly as though in anticipation. You let out a soft sigh, a breath of relief, as you slid into it, your body sinking into its embrace. The moment you settled back, everything around you fell into place. The sway of the hammock was slow, deliberate, like a whisper, and as it rocked gently, it cradled you like a secret. You closed your eyes, feeling the coolness of the breeze kiss your skin, the scent of pine and fresh earth filling your senses. Everything around you felt alive, but at the same time, utterly still.

The sky above was an expanse that seemed to swallow everything. You tilted your head back, eyes tracing the darkness, finding your place in the universe again. The stars stretched out above you like glittering diamonds scattered across a dark velvet canvas, pinpricks of light cutting through the vastness. The constellations you knew by heart were there, waiting, familiar, their outlines etched across the night. You smiled softly, lost in the quiet awe of their endless distance.

The Big Dipper. The stars were so bright tonight, even more so than usual, their clarity cutting through the dark like an old friend reappearing in your life after years of absence. The group of stars pointed the way to the North Star, a steady guide in the night, its quiet brilliance always grounding you in the chaos of the world. You traced the shape in the air with your finger, as though the constellation could feel the weight of your thoughts. You let your mind wander—how many generations had looked up at the same stars? How many people had seen the same patterns, told the same stories, felt the same pull?

Orion, too, was there—his belt a line of three bright stars, his body a silhouette of light in the dark sky. You loved how his form stretched across the heavens, forever hunting in the vast nothingness, forever striding through the fabric of time. Lyra, too, stood out to you, her shape smaller but no less majestic. You could almost hear the whisper of the lyre, the soft music that the stars seemed to hum in your ears. Vega, bright and sharp, sat at the heart of it all, a reminder that even the smallest light can burn the brightest when given the space to shine. You imagined its light reaching you, over six hundred light-years away, so ancient yet so vibrant, like a message that had traveled through time just to find you here, under the same sky.

You didn’t even realize you were tracing the constellations in the air, your fingers sweeping through the space above you, creating invisible lines, connecting the dots. The air was thick with the sound of your own thoughts. It felt like a communion with something much larger than yourself, something that was vast and infinite. And yet, it was intimate—this connection, this understanding that you were a part of it all.

The hammock creaked slightly, and you glanced over, seeing a shadow approach. Will’s silhouette was outlined by the distant light of the fire, his form steady and unhurried, like he was moving through the world with ease, a quiet kind of confidence that had always seemed to draw you in. He paused just at the edge of the hammock, his presence a comforting weight in the cool night air. For a second, he simply watched you, his gaze softening as he noticed the way you seemed to be wrapped in the sky.

“Hey,” he murmured, his voice low, yet it seemed to carry a warmth that wrapped itself around you, easing the restlessness in your chest. His eyes were searching you in the dim light, as if seeing something beneath the surface. “You alright?”

You looked up at him, offering a small smile, your chest swelling with affection for him. “Yeah, just needed some space. It’s kind of loud over there,” you explained, nodding back toward the group by the fire. You didn’t feel like you had to say much. Will seemed to understand the language of silence better than anyone.

He nodded, his lips quirking into a soft smile. He didn’t push, didn’t try to pull you back into the noise. Instead, he slid down to sit beside the hammock, his broad frame stretching out across the cool grass. He leaned back slightly, tilting his head up toward the stars as if seeking the same peace you had found.

For a moment, neither of you spoke. There was something calming about his quiet presence, like the world had paused, and all that mattered was this moment you were sharing. Then, Will shifted, pulling his legs under him, so that he was sitting beside you, and before you could even think to ask, his arm slid around your shoulders, pulling you closer to his side. His warmth, a stark contrast to the night air, was a balm against the cool breeze.

You sank into him, his solid presence grounding you. As you leaned your head against his shoulder, his lips pressed softly against your hair, a light, tender kiss that made your heart stutter. He held you close, the steady rhythm of his breathing anchoring you to the moment, making everything feel safe and still.

“So, what are you looking at?” he murmured, his voice barely more than a whisper, as though he didn’t want to disturb the quiet magic of the moment.

You smiled, grateful for his presence, for the comfort of his arm around you, and for the way he seemed so naturally attuned to your needs. “I was just thinking about the stars.” Your voice, though soft, felt full of warmth, both for the stars above and the man beside you. “See that one?” You pointed toward the Big Dipper, tracing the familiar pattern in the night sky. “It’s part of Ursa Major, and you can use it to find the North Star.”

Will leaned in closer, his eyes tracking your finger as you moved from one constellation to the next. He didn’t just glance at the stars; he watched them with purpose, as if he wanted to see them the way you saw them. “Yeah, I think I see it,” he murmured, his breath warm against your skin as his gaze shifted from the sky back to you. “And that one?”

You smiled, heart swelling as you began explaining the next constellation, your voice flowing more freely now, your earlier sense of uncertainty melting away. Will’s presence, the way he held you, made everything feel easy, natural. As you spoke, you noticed him looking down at you often, his eyes filled with admiration, his hand lightly brushing against yours as he tried to keep up with your explanations.

After a few more constellations, you fell silent, content to simply exist in the quiet of the night. But as the silence stretched on, you suddenly became aware of your own voice, wondering if you were talking too much. Maybe he was getting bored, or maybe you were just rambling on.

The self-doubt started to creep in, and for a second, you hesitated, worried that you had gone on for too long.

Will noticed the shift in your energy almost immediately. He turned to you, his brow furrowed slightly, and his hand gently brushed against your shoulder as he fiddled with your hair. “Hey,” he said, his voice soft, as if he could feel the sudden hesitation in you, “why’d you stop?”

You looked up at him, unsure whether to explain the sudden insecurity or simply let the silence stretch between you. But before you could say anything, his eyes locked onto yours, steady and warm. “Keep talking,” he said, his voice low, the words wrapped in affection. “I love your voice.”

It was simple, but in that simplicity, you found a kind of comfort that soothed your nervous heart. His words, gentle and sincere, felt like the warm embrace you hadn’t realized you needed. Each syllable he spoke seemed to wrap itself around you, settling against your shoulders, like a soft blanket keeping the chill of uncertainty at bay. It was as though everything had quieted, the distant voices of the fire and the hum of the crowd fading into the background, leaving just the two of you in this cocoon of stillness. The knot of tension you hadn’t even known you were carrying started to loosen. Your chest, which had been tight with unspoken thoughts, finally exhaled a breath you didn’t know you were holding.

His fingers, warm and reassuring, slid gently into yours, his grip a quiet promise. It was simple, but it held meaning—comfort, steadiness. You let the moment settle around you like the cool night air, giving yourself permission to relax into the feeling of being seen, of being understood without the need for words.

You felt his presence beside you, calm and steady, grounding you like the trees towering above the hammock, like the earth beneath you. And when you finally spoke again, your voice no longer carried that hesitant edge. The words came easier this time, flowing like a conversation you had always wanted to have.

“Okay,” you whispered, looking up at the vastness of the sky above, a renewed sense of confidence in your voice. “I think the best part of stargazing is knowing how far those stars really are. Like, Betelgeuse, the one in Orion’s shoulder? It’s over 600 light years away. It blows my mind every time I think about it.”

Will’s eyes were wide with awe, and the wonder in his gaze made your heart swell with something akin to joy. It was a shared moment of discovery, of shared fascination, and in that, it felt like you weren’t just pointing out constellations—you were opening up a piece of yourself to him, something that felt deeply personal. “That’s wild. I never realized just how big the universe really is,” he said, his voice full of a quiet admiration that made you feel like the sky itself was a little more beautiful because he was seeing it with you.

A smile tugged at your lips as you pointed out the constellations you knew by heart, your fingers tracing invisible paths in the air. Each constellation felt like a piece of history, like a story told across generations, woven into the fabric of time. You could see Will leaning in, his eyes not just scanning the sky, but following your movements, soaking in every word you spoke, like each fact you shared was something valuable. His gaze was fixed on you as much as it was on the stars. It was as if the constellations, though beautiful, were secondary to the way you were explaining them—your voice, your passion, your connection to the night sky.

And there it was again—this moment of quiet understanding, where the stars didn’t seem so far away. With Will sitting there beside you, his hand intertwined with yours, the universe felt a little smaller, a little warmer. You weren’t just stargazing. You were sharing something sacred, something that grounded you both in the same place, at the same time. The conversation ebbed and flowed, the words now effortless, now playful, now full of wonder. But eventually, the talking slowed, as if the night itself had gently urged you both into a space where silence could exist just as peacefully.

You found yourself falling into that silence, a calm settling in that was deeper than anything you had experienced before. It wasn’t awkward or empty. It was a kind of quiet that spoke volumes—a quiet that felt full, like the air around you had thickened with unspoken things. Lying side by side in the hammock, the weight of Will’s arm around you was grounding. It was a presence that enveloped you without ever feeling forced. His warmth seeped into you, the heat from his body mingling with the cool night air, until there was no space between you. His breath, steady and deep, moved in sync with yours, and for the first time in a long while, you felt like you could just be, without the pull of the world around you demanding more.

And then, without breaking the rhythm, Will shifted, his arm pulling you closer still, his body curling into yours. His lips brushed the top of your head, a soft touch that sent a ripple of warmth through you, before he whispered in a voice that seemed to vibrate with tenderness, “You’re pretty incredible, you know that?”

The words were so simple, so raw in their honesty, but they felt like an anchor. They held you in place, wrapped around you like a promise that neither time nor distance could undo. You looked up at him, heart skipping, caught in the tenderness of his gaze. His eyes were dark, soft with something that left you breathless, something that made you feel as though you had just been seen—not the surface version of you that the world recognized, but the quiet parts, the real parts that only he seemed to know.

And then, without missing a beat, he added, his voice growing softer, more intimate, “You make everything feel special.” His lips curled into that smile, that familiar, genuine warmth that seemed to make the world tilt a little toward the sun. “I don’t know what it is, but with you, everything just feels like it matters.”

Before you could even gather the words to respond, Will closed the space between you, his lips finding yours in a kiss that was slow and soft. It wasn’t hurried, or frantic. It was the kind of kiss that seemed to make time stretch, slow down, until the whole universe paused, just to allow the moment to exist. His lips were warm against yours, tender, and you found yourself melting into it, caught up in the calm that seemed to flow between you. Your hands moved to his face instinctively, tracing the familiar angles of his jaw, feeling the softness of his skin, the warmth that radiated from him, pulling him closer as though there were nothing in the world that mattered more than this.

The kiss deepened, his hands moving gently to cup your face, as if memorizing the feel of you, his thumb tracing the curve of your jaw, as though to imprint the sensation of you into his memory. The quiet continued around you—everything still, everything at peace. For a long while, there was only the kiss, only the rhythm of his breathing matching yours, only the steady pulse of warmth from his body against yours. The hammock swayed lightly, the distant crackle of the fire a soft reminder that the world still existed outside of this space, but for now, it didn’t matter.

Will pulled back, just enough to rest his forehead against yours, his breath warm and steady. You stayed there, eyes closed, his presence anchoring you in a way that felt like it could last forever. There was no rush, no sense of time pressing in. Everything was perfect, the night cocooning you both in its stillness, the stars a distant, silent audience to this moment.

Eventually, your breaths slowed, your heart beating a little more quietly in your chest. You shifted just enough to settle into his arms, curling up against him as the cool night air swept around you. His warmth was a comforting contrast, a gentle counterpoint to the chill that hung in the evening air. For a long while, the two of you simply lay there, wrapped in each other’s presence, the stars above casting their quiet glow over you both. The distant lapping of the lake against the shore seemed to fade away, as though the world itself had leaned in closer, listening to the soft symphony of the night.

As the minutes stretched into hours, the warmth of his embrace, the steadiness of his presence, lulled you into a peaceful drowsiness. Your body, tucked safely against his, grew heavier with each passing second, the weight of sleep finally pulling you under. You didn’t fight it. The stars above, the lake, and Will beside you were all you needed. With him, this moment felt like the kind of stillness you could rest in forever, as though time itself had slowed, allowing you to simply exist in the quiet joy of the present.

And as sleep overtook you, wrapped in his arms, you knew without a doubt that this, here, with him, was exactly where you were meant to be.

[tinynerdycthulu]

tbh i dunno why so many sj apologists are anti-yqy. because like????? he is your mascot. he was the originator. the head honcho of excusing sj's levels of unmitigated villainy. look into my eyes and tell me that qi ge wouldn't blush and kick his feet if he saw xiao jiu commit murder. actually we don't NEED to imagine bc jiumei did just that and yue qi just grabbed his hand and ran, no thoughts head empty. arson? child abuse?? yue qi doesn't care. whatever makes xiao jiu happy <3

[biinaberry]

Did I make an au just for a rarepair? Yes, but heres my idea of a shen twin au

In my version Shen Yuan transmigrates into the body of 5 yr old Shen Shi, twin of Shen Jiu. It is very important to note that in this au SJ and YQ refer to SY with "A-Shi" and "Xiao-Shi" respectively, and SY takes up the identity of Shen Shi. SY is also fully cognizant when he migrates so he has the complete thoughts of a 20~ yr old while in the body of a 5 yr old. This causes some major dysphoria and also anger at the helplessness of being in a body that does not fit him and also the fact that he has no social nor physical power because he is a child. He also views SJ and YQ as his little brothers even if he is actually the youngest physically.

He eventually is taken in my the Qiu family alongside his brother. It is when SJ starts to bond with Qiu Haitang that it finally pieces together that his brother is going to be SQQ and grieves for the events that he knows is going to happen to him. The building rage and anger at the helplessness of the situation culminates in Shen Yuan starting the massacre with SJ instantly jumping in and causing the majority of deaths. When SJ carries out the unconscious body of Qiu Haitang SY realizes the opportunity in front of him. He knows that she is going to be the kickstarter of his brother's downfall and in that moment grabs the nearest weapon, and with a heavy heart, kills her as SJ watches in shock. He turns to SJ telling him "You can't leave any witnesses, they always eventually spill" before both run off. I dont know what to do with the Wu Yanzi so I'm ignoring it for now. And im also unsure if he gets a system but we'll see.

Eventually they meet up with Yue Qi now Yue Qingyuan and the anger SJ has towards him. SY is also angry but its more so for SJ's sake than his own. The two of them become a part of Cang Qiong sect and while SJ is taken in by the Qing Jing peak, SY is taken in by the beast and flora peak (which I do not have named). They both become head disciples and later peak lords. SY also is able to clock that SQH is not the original version due to airplane saying a modern phrase and a friendship forms. SY is also the one to start biting and defending his brother when QQQ or LQG take potshots at him. It's while they are still disciples that SY meets Su Xiyan while hes on a mission and they worked together for a bit before SXY split. They continued to meet up until eventually a friendship formed and SY meets TLJ a "companion" of SXY. SY clocks who the two of them are goes to SQH to learn all he can about them and their future. SXY and TLJ eventually fall for each other and SY makes sure to prevent the palace master from finding out as long as he can. He also warns them about the palace master and to not trust any letters not hand delivered by SY as he will act as a middle person to make sure no one intercepts them. It is also during this time that SXY and TLJ both gain interest in SY. Neither can explain fully why but his autistic swag, photographic memory and ability to name drop paragraph long information in seconds intrigued them. They start courting him, shen yuan is of course oblivious. It is also important that SY introduced himself to TLJ and SXY with the name "Shen Yuan" so only the two of them refer to each other as such. He also clocks when SXY is pregnant and tells her as such when symptoms start to show and again, not to trust the palace master. By this time he is now a peak lord alongside his brother.

Eventually the old palace master finds out and instead of targeting TLJ, he first targets their lynch pin, shen yuan. He sends letters to SJ and YQY about SY being a traitor. Showing him being a demon sympathizer and hanging out sect secrets that actually SQH was leaking due to the system. SY is captures, a trial occurs and SY is charged as guilty with the punishment of execution, but YQY and SJ object. Since it was CQ secrets he was sharing they have the official say. So instead of execution they instead lock him up on the beast peak using talismans and sigils. He is not allowed to talk to anyone besides fellow peak lords and his head disciple. He cannot leave the peak without another peak lord monitoring him and this also applies when teaching. This lockdown completely breaks him as he lost trust with his family and the confinement dives him crazy as a peak lord he commonly left to document and work upon his bestiaries. This leaves him in a depressive state and constantly paranoid as he cant trust anyone. And No One has told him definitive news if SXY and TLJ are safe, SQH has confirmed that TLJ was not captured and helped SXY but he has no clue where they are now and if baby LBH is with them. As SY is confined on his mountain he stops caring about appearances and starts wasting away seen in image 3. I havent figured the rest out with LBH but he does become a part of cang qiong sect under Qing Jing, the abuse he faces stays the same. If he is raised with TLJ and SXY or by the washer woman I do not know yet. LBH hearing about the rumors of a monster on the beast peak heads out and comes face to face with SY who is delighted to see him but also horrified that about 14+ years have now passed. This pushes him a little out of his depressive episode because now he has a son to take care of and he can't waste away in front of him. He needs to act strong. He teaches LBH the best he can while contained and tells him about his parents. The two form a father son dynamic where both cant really escape the situation they are in but at least have each other for company. SY also holds onto LBH's jade pendant so it isnt lost. He also tells LBH that if he meets a demon named TLJ, to mention the name Shen Yuan.

While on a mission LBH meets up with TLJ and tells him that he's met SY and TLJ loses it (pos). He asks where he is as SXY and TLJ have been trying to find him with no success. He is told that hes on the beast peak in cang qiong and has been contained there for the last 16 years. TLJ then hatches a game plan to free him and the decide to use the immortal conference as a distraction. Most of the cultivation world will be at that conference so minimal security will be held at the sect. They use this to their advantage. TLJ strikes a deal with MBJ to cause a distraction to keep the cultivation world on the two of them even if alarms go off that SY is escaping. MBJ agrees to this as TLJ allows him to target any huan hua disciple he sees (they dont tell SXY this). While they cause a distraction by appearing on the 7th day of the conference, SXY sneaks into cang qiong peak and works on the talisman and sigils. This works and eventually she gets to SY he sees the bad shape he is in, but it was better than what LBH originally saw. The two of them start crying and SXY activates a 2 way communication artifact with TLJ telling him it was a success.

TLJ then turns to MBJ and MBJ teleports, appears in front of SXY and SY and teleports the two of them to the demon world. TLJ then turns to his son who's demon seal now broke and decides to do some father son bonding and the two both go into the eternal abyss together, as this is a tradition for heavenly demons. The two of them return after 1-2 years and have MBJ teleport them out rather than using Xin Mo.

[skijumpingf1]

Suddenly meeting you felt different – 2019 Engelberg (D. Prevc X D. Tande)

While we all are going through it with Stephans retirement I can offer you a tiny bit distraction with a Domiel fic (I hope). This is a prequel to my other Domiel fics (first one is here) and its where Domen and Daniel got together in my head. It has lots of oblivious Domen, a bit of Peter and Domen stress and a charming Daniel in it. I hope you enjoy it.

Wordcount: 5318

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“If someone has the right to be mad today it’s me. Your 13th place is good. So, why are you looking like you want to murder someone?” A voice appears next to me and gets me out of my thoughts. A voice that I can recognize everywhere. Daniel- André Tande is standing next to me, fully changed, and he is watching me as I bind my shoes. We are still at the hill. Around us there are thousands of fans who are cheering for the best jumpers. There are all sorts of people in the changing area next to us. A German physio, a Swiss pr person and obviously our colleagues. Colleagues that are changing or waiting for their teammates to jump. I look up to Daniel and all the noise around us disappears. “Peter beat me again.” Is my answer to his question as if it would explain my mood for anyone but me. Objectively I should be happy for Peter. He is my brother after all. But after the season three years ago my sense of brotherly proudness is not as strong as it should be. Not, when I know how it feels when your better than your legendary older brother. I stand up. Daniel is a bit taller than me, so I still tilt my head to look him in the eyes. To my surprise Daniel nods understanding. “It must suck to be constantly compared to him.” Before I can say something in response, my brother shows up and pats me on the back. “Come on. We have to get back to the hotel.”, he speaks in Slovenian. I roll my eyes because Peter is standing behind me and won’t see it. Daniel however notices and smirks at me. “Oh, Daniel. Such a shame today. I´m sure tomorrow will be better.” My brother finally let’s go of my back to shake Daniels Hand, who is still smirking at me. I shake my head and press my lips together to repress the smile that’s building on my face. It was nice that someone wasn’t in awe whenever the big Peter Prevc talks to them. “We´ll see. But I’m optimistic.” I put my backpack on and straighten my beanie. Shortly my gaze lands on the hill. One of Daniels Teammates is jumping. His last. He missed Marius while speaking to me and Peter. I can see that the jump from Forfang wasn’t that good, but Daniel should be there in the outrun to congratulate him. “You should probably go to your teammates.” Everyone else from team Norway is already waiting for Johann. Daniels eyes widen when he sees his teammate. “Oh shit. See you later.” With that Daniel is running away. I look after him until he is blocked by his teammates. Peter glances at me and gestures in the direction of the exit. “We should really get going.”

“I don’t understand why you don’t even try it. You could make dreams come true. The girls on the hill would fold if you made a move on them.” I forgot my headphones in my hotel room, and I never missed them more than right now. Since we left the hill in this cramped minivan, Anze and Tilen are practically cornering Timi. They are trying to convince Timi to start hooking up with girls on competition weekends. Apparently, both of them just want to help Timi find his true love, but I know that they just want a bit of drama. The season is long and it’s much more fun when you have something to gossip about. Poor Timi is trying everything he can to change the subject, but he is failing miserably. They sit in the middle row, while Peter, Rok and I are in the back. Rok and I exchange looks here and there but we try to avoid getting to much attention on us. We both don’t want to be the next target. One of the positives of having Peter as my brother and teammate is that I´m typically excluded by these kinds of conversations. But today he has other plans. “Domen, when are you bringing a girl home?” I nearly drop my phone when Peter speaks up. Suddenly all eyes fall onto me. I can see that Timi is muttering a quite thank you in my direction. “What?” Peter raises his eyebrow at me. Thank God Rok is in the middle of us and a physical barrier because I know that Peter would like to put his arm around me now. “Right Domen. How is your love life going?”, says Tilen and grins at me. Sometimes I hate this guy. I lean back in my seat and cross my arms in front of my chest. “What love life?” There is a collective sigh from Tilen and Anze after my answer. I can feel Peters gaze on me, but I just ignore it. It´s none of Peter’s business. “Come on, Domen. You are 20. When I was your age, I was already with Mina. And I know how it is when your 20. You can tell me that you don’t have someone.” To my surprise Peter presses the topic further. I don’t know what happened today that he suddenly feels the urge to get into my love life. It can’t be something good. I look at my brother who frowns his face.  For a quick moment our eyes meet before I turn me head to the front again. “Well, I don’t. And considering Timi is also still single it doesn’t seem too uncommon.”

I never have been more thankful that we arrived at the hotel. Peter didn’t get another shot at pressing that topic. Tilen, my roommate for the weekend, notices quickly that he shouldn’t mention the conversation from the car once we stepped into our small hotel room in Engelberg. My facial expression is enough to keep him quiet. I don’t spend too much time in our room. Just the usual procedure of putting the suits and other equipment away. “I´m going on a walk. If my brother shows up just tell him its none of his business where I am.” I zip my jacket up. Engelberg is always one of the world cups with winter feelings. Probably because Christmas is just around the corner. And there is rarely a year where it didn’t snow. So, I take my gloves and my hat with me. “Oh, come on Domen. It wasn’t that bad. Peter just wants the best for you. No need to be grumpy all evening.”, is Tilen´s response. I shrug. Objectively he is right. It were a few silly questions but what Tilen doesn’t know is that Pero found a sore point for me. “No worries. I promise I won’t be grumpy for the rest of the day. I just want a few moments of peace. Maybe I call Nika and Ema. I haven’t spoken to them in ages.” Tilen doesn’t look too convinced but lets me go.

The way through the hotel is quiet. Barely any other guests are around. I would guess that two thirds of the rooms are occupied by ski jumpers and my colleagues are busy with getting settled in. Lucky for me then, I can slip out of the hotel without anyone notice. The cool fresh air hits my face, and I can finally breath again. I love this kind of weather. Clear sky with minus degrees. Nothing is more peaceful. It’s almost dark in the Swiss alps and I can spot stars once I tilt my head towards the sky. Slowly I wander into the forest next to the hotel. The trees are loaded with snow. The atmosphere here is just magical. From my short jogging trip this morning I know that there was a bench not far from the hotel but deep enough to get a bit of silence. I am not keen on getting lost in the alps during a competition weekend, so a long walk is off the cards. My orientation always sucked and long walks in an unknow area would just challenge my luck. When I take the turn in direction of the bench, I spot someone in the dim light of the streetlamp. Great now I couldn’t even have my peace here. Before I turn around to go back to the hotel, I examine who stole my bench. To my surprise it is someone I know. Daniel-André Tande spots me at the same time as I spot him. He raises his arm and waves at me. A small smile appears on my face while I go to the bench. Daniel is one of the few people I could tolerate right now. He grins at me, and his lovely smile brings me to smile even brighter.

“Who is responsible for your bad mood? Not me I hope.”, speaks Daniel as soon I was close enough to hear him. Apparently, my face is enough to tell that I am still pissed. I shake my head. “No not you.” The Norwegian pats next to him and I sit down. He is similar dressed as me. We both wear our team jacket with the matching beanie. But he didn’t bring his gloves. I bet his hands are cold. It’s so cold outside that I can see my breath. Daniel eyes me up from the side. “It’s your brother again?”, he guesses correctly. I sigh loudly. “Am I that predictable?” Daniel gives me a half-smile and leans back against the bench. “Well, normally you are not very emotional. When you are there are usually two reasons. The first has to do with ski jumping but your jumps weren’t that bad for you to still be mad. Option two is always Peter.” I press my lips together. He is right. Just Peter has the ability to make me really frustrated. “What did he do?” With crossed arms I also lean back against the back of the bench. I kick a stone in front of my feet while I try to come up with words that explain the situation but don’t let me look like a maniac. “He wants to know stuff that’s none of his business and he doesn’t take no for an answer. I mean, when I say I don’t have a girlfriend, why press the issue? It’s just annoying. Sometimes I wish -.” Daniel raises an eyebrow at me. I don’t want to continue my sentence. Not in front of Daniel who lost a brother. I lower my head a bit. He notices where my thoughts are. A small smile appears on his face. I can see that it is not really a happy smile, but he tries. “It’s okay. I know how it is with siblings. I understand.” Still, it’s a bit insensitive complaining about my perfectly healthy brother in front of Daniel. Especially since I don’t know how he is coping with the loss.

“How do you know when your attracted to someone?” It is a radical change of subject. Even I know that, but it was the only way out of the difficult situation. I can feel my cheeks burning up which means I’m probably blushing. As best as I can I try to hide it by sinking deeper into my jacket, but I don’t think it is helping much. Daniel next to me is starting to laugh. So much that he is throwing his head back. This is making me blush even harder. When Danile is done with his outburst his face is as red as mine. A few of his blonde strands came loose under his beanie and are now falling in his face. I feel the urge to brush them out of his face but keep my hands to myself. “Did you really just ask that?” I shrug. It is a valid question for me. Even if timing and the person I’m asking it too is a bit strange. “Yeah, I suppose I did. But honestly, how do you know? I mean of course, I recognize a pretty girl somewhere but like what is the next step? Is that it? Or are there deeper things that come to attraction?” Daniels smile softens a bit. “Oh, you are really serious. Sorry I didn’t mean to laugh. I just thought that was your bad try at changing the topic.” “True. It was a bad try at changing the subject. The question was the only thing on my mind. It’s just that I´m 20 now and I thought by now I would have figured out how everything works. But to be honest, I have no clue. When Peter asked about a girlfriend earlier it just made me realize it.”

With a quick motion I remove my beanie and let my hand go through my hair. It is my way of giving me a bit of comfort. I don’t know why I started to tell Daniel of all people one of my most private thoughts. Maybe it is just the way Daniel is. He always seems so genuine and like he really cares. Daniel shifts a bit so that he is facing me. His hands are buried in the depth of his pockets. Maybe I should offer my gloves to him. Its freezing cold out here in the Swiss alps. It would only be fair when he listens to my problems. Before I can do it though, Daniel starts to talk. “Attraction to me means that I want to be close to another person. Physically and mentally. You just want to be with them, get to know them and touch them. You know there is a difference between sexual and romantic attraction. As far as I know someone can be just attracted to someone sexually or romantically but not the other. That never happened to me so far so I can’t really differentiate between those two.” So, it’s more than just to find someone pretty. I suspected that. Did I ever had the urge to get closer to a person? Like really close? Daniel tilts his head to the right and looks me over. My hands are firmly clenching onto my beanie. “Don’t worry about it, Domen. It’s perfectly normal if you still trying to figure things out. In your teenage years you were busy with leading the world cup. Of course you didn’t have time to think about stuff like this. Heck, even I am trying to understand everything, and I would say I´m pretty secure in my sexuality. And if you never feel attraction, it’s also perfectly normal.” Hearing my friend say those words gets me to release a breath I did not know I was holding. If I talked with Peter or any other teammate about this topic, they would have never made me feel normal about this. “Thanks. I think I just needed to hear that I’m normal. I am that kind of person that always assume the worst so it nice to know that other people are also unsure about stuff like this.” Daniel places his hands around mine. A nice warmth is spreading through me. The first time since I started this conversation, I look into Daniels light eyes. “Domen, everything about sexuality and attraction is normal. I know that everything outside of the norm is scary at first, but I promise you will eventually come to terms with it. Trust me I have experience with it.” I raise an eyebrow. What is that supposed to mean? He notices what he said and presses his lips together. I can see that he considers his options. What to tell, what not to tell. Before he can say something, I start: “You don’t have to feel obligated to share anything with me just because I did. On another note, do you want my gloves? Your hands are probably freezing.” I give Daniel an escape if he doesn’t want to talk about it but he just chuckles. “Oh, I promise you if I don’t want to talk about it, I wouldn’t. I would appreciate if you kept it to you, though. The reason why I can guess how you fell is because I had similar feelings growing up until I realized that I’m into guys. So yeah, I’m gay.” I open my mouth again and close it again. What are you to say when someone comes out? I have never been in this situation. Somewhere I probably read ways to response to a coming up but right now nothing comes to my mind. I try it with an understanding nod and smile at him. “Thank you for sharing it with me. Of course I will keep it a secret.” Daniel grins at me. “How hard was it for you coming up with an appropriate response?" I cover my faces with my hands and the beanie. Why is Daniel the one person that can read me like a book? All of my other friends, my teammates and even my family could just guess what is going on in my brain. But not Danny. He always knows what I´m thinking. Sometimes even before I knew. We´re not even that close. Sure, we talk here and there but normally he isn’t my vent.

My phone rings and delays my need to answer. I don’t even have to look at it to know that it is Peter who is calling me. I raise from the bench and shot an apologizing look to my colleague. It was unnecessary to walk a few steps away from the bench since Daniel doesn’t speak Slovenian, but I still do it. Without the lamp that lights up the bench and its surroundings it’s pretty dark in the forest. “What?” My voice is pretty harsh. So harsh that even I feel sorry for it. “Where are you? Tilen said you went on a walk but apparently you are already gone for over an hour. It’s almost time for dinner.” In disbelief, I look at my phone screen. It was almost eight. It didn’t feel like I was out here for that long but with good company time can fly. I gaze over to Daniel who tries to not look to invested in my phone call. The light of the streetlamp is shining directly at him and makes him glow. He seems a bit cold. Since I left the bench, he cuddled himself in his jacket. He probably did not think to be out here that long. It was my fault that he was freezing. If I just turned around, he would have been back in the hotel already. “I forgot the time to be honest. I met Daniel and we talked for a bit. But I promise I´m on my way back.” “Daniel?” “You know Daniel. He is blonde and from Norway. You met him before.”, is my sarcastic response. Which other Daniel would I spent time with? Even Peter would know that. I slip out of one glove and throw it at Daniel who frowns. Then the second one hits him in the face. “Well, we can talk about it later. You really need to come back to the Hotel.” I roll my eyes. Even I am not dumb enough to miss diner. “Yes. See you soon.”

“What´s up with the terror attack?”, raises Daniel one of my gloves in the air. “Be thankful I´m concerned for the wellbeing of your hands. In other news, we have to get back to the hotel. Its nearly eight.” The Norwegian grabs his phone from one of his pockets. “Shit. You’re right.” With a little jump he hops from the bench and catches up with me while he simultaneously slips into the gloves. He is a bit taller than me, and I have to look up to see him in his eyes. “Was my response even appropriate?” We start to walk into the direction of the hotel. The forest looks even more wintery then on the way here. Everywhere is snow. “No worries. It was very proper. But back to you. Did our conversation bring you any clarity?” “It’s nice to know that I´m normal but other than that not really.” I wish it would be clearer now, but I am still confused. I don’t know if I ever felt more for a person than just platonic stuff and just didn’t notice or just didn’t feel that way. If I don’t feel the need for a romantic or sexual relationship, would I just be alone for the rest of my life? Because I certainly don’t want to. It was nice talking to someone. “If I was you, I would start to look into sexuality in general. It’s not black and white. Not just straight or gay. You could be bisexual or pansexual. Maybe you are Demisexual, that’s when you just feel attraction to someone who you already close to. Asexuality is also a possibility but I´m 96 precent sure that you are not asexual.” We come closer to the hotel. Its already getting lighter out here. We walk relatively fast. Both of us need to get to diner on time. “Why are you sure I´m not asexual?” My hands are deeply buried in my jacket when we step out of the forest. Daniel gives me a half-smile. “You will figure it out.”, he winks at me before he opens the hotel door for me. I narrow my eyes. “That doesn’t help me?” Inside the hotel we are greeted with hot air. Daniel grins at me and shakes his head. “I will see you, Prevc.” Then he disappears into the dining hall.

When I enter the dining hall my teammates greet me with a curious look. Even some other tables with different nation are interested that I´m late. As if this was uncommon. I am late fifty percent everywhere I go. With fast steps I get to the table and sit next to Tilen and Timi. Sadly, it is the place directly across of my brother. A plate of food is in front of me. My teammates already ate most of their food. I can feel that this dinner will be an awful experience. “Nice that you finally decided to join us.” Instead of answering my brother I put a fork with rice into my mouth. From across the room, I can feel Daniels eyes on me. For a quick moment I look over to him. He is laughing with his team but here on there he is looking at me. His expression is a bit worried, but he smiles nearly shyly at me. “Domen?” Timis voice gets me to pay attention to my team. All eyes were on me. “What?” Tilen chuckles. “How was your walk?” “Cold.” I don’t know why they tried to start a conversation with me. Clearly, I need to catch up with eating. They should talk to each other. Pero seems not satisfied with my answer. “How did you meet Daniel?” I repress the urge to roll my eyes. “He was sitting on a bench. It would have been rude if I didn’t talk to him.” It is none of Peter’s business that I actually really enjoyed talking to the Norwegian.

In record time I finish my plate. Thankfully the others understood at some point that I just wanted to eat in peace and talked to each other. Rok was the next victim of Tilen and Anze. I listen to them pressuring Rok to get a dating app. The Norwegians are quicker than us with Diner. Daniel waves at me as they leave the room. “Since when are you and Daniel that close?” Timi steals a tomato from my plate as he waits for my answer to his question. I shrug. “We have been friends since I joined the world cup. He was one of the only ones who took my serious and did not compare me with Peter every five minutes.” Also, he is interesting. It is fun talking to him even if it is hard topics like today. It rarely gets awkward with him. Even after his coming out, we continue to talk about it normally. I bet if Timi for example would come out to me it would have been awkward. Obviously, I would support him but something in our dynamic would make it awkward. But not with Danny. “He interrupted your precious alone time, and he is still alive? I just want to know the trick.” Timi says after he steals another tomato. “Maybe it´s just because he isn’t a dickhead.” My plate is finally finished, and I stand up. Last to arrive, first to leave. A motto that I like to follow. I feel Peros eyes on me when I leave the dining room. Tilen would probably spend the evening with Anze and Timi and I could go to my room. Technically at least. The thought of spending the evening in my tiny hotel room alone makes me anxious. After today I could you use a bit of training. Just a light jog on the treadmill. Maybe a short ride on the trainings bike.

When I leave my hotel room in direction of the gym, Tilen hasn’t shown up yet. He really went to the room of Timi and Anze. Sometimes I get a little jealous thinking about the close bond my teammates had. I know that I´m not helping the relationship with my behaviour. Sometimes I tried being a little nicer, but it is hard to connect with them, I think while stepping into the elevator. I look into the mirror in the elevator. Somewhere I read that elevator often had mirror to make them feel larger and not so cramped. I couldn’t relate to that. Seeing my face, my stressed face, everywhere makes me want to throw up. Gosh, what is wrong with me. One diner with the team and my good mood from talking to Daniel was gone. I run my hand through my hair.

The training room is surprisingly not empty. I can hear the rhythm steps on the treadmill before I enter the hotel gym. “Is this becoming a habit?”, jokes Daniel when I walk through the door. He is on the treadmill. His face is a bit red from the workout but in a weird way it suits him. With every step his hair is bouncing up and down. I remove my towel from my neck and put it on one of the benches. The gym is lightened by a few ugly neon lights. For my liking it´s a bit small but for just Daniel and me it should be alright. “Is everything okay?” Daniel stops his run when I don’t answer. Honestly, I didn’t even realize that I gave no answer. For a few seconds I consider lying but it is Daniel. He will figure it out. “I don’t want to vent on you again.” He moves from the gym equipment and takes his blue towel. With a few steps he is next to me and lets himself down on the nearest weightlifting bench. But instead of using it, he just looks at me. “We are having a conversation, Domen. Also, I like being your vent. But I will promise you, when I have something to talk about, I will come to you. Then we will be even.” Daniel always looks so kind I couldn't say no to that face. So, I start talking. “I don't know what it is to be honest. Everything me team does or says annoys me. I know it’s bad. Especially because I feel like an outcast already. I just feel like they don’t get me. When I try being honest with them, they always look at me like I’m crazy, but when I keep to myself, I’m getting grumpy.” Obviously, they are also very competitive. They are professional athletes so they should be. Ever since I was that good with 17 my thinking towards results was a bit damaged. I knew that. Honestly, I should work on it. My jumps should be more important than the place in the ranking. It’s hard when my jumps feel almost as good as when I was 17 but I’m not first. They just don’t get it. It makes communicating with them harder and not just on sports level. Personally, it’s very different for them then for me. I am in the spotlight since I was 16. 16! I was a child back then. My behaviour back than was chaotic to say the least. I learned to keep to myself to not embarrass myself in front of the press and even my team. To say it’s hard to get rid of this is an understatement.

“Have you tried talking to them?” “Sure. Of course. It´s so easy for me to talk to people.”, is my sarcastic response. I nod energetic before I shake my head. “But honestly no. I don’t talk to them about anything.” I let myself slide down the wall until I sit on the naked and cold floor. Daniel is leaning forward a bit. He is just half a meter from my away. I can see a few stubbles on his face. He bits his lips and my attention is drawn to his mouth. Daniel has beautiful lips. “But you talk to me.” “It is easy talking to you. You understand me and don’t make me feel like an idiot for my idiotic thoughts.” And then suddenly it makes click. On the cold floor in a gym in Engelberg I realize it. The reason why talking to Daniel is just so much easier than talking to anyone else. The reason why I like spending time with him. The reason my attention is on things like his lips or his blonde hair. I open my mouth and close it again. What am I supposed to say now? I can’t tell Daniel that. Just because he is into men doesn’t necessarily mean he is into me. I lower my head and stare at the floor. “Stand up, Domci.” He uses my nickname. I didn’t even know that he knows it. Daniel is raising from the bench and is walking towards me. He holds a hand for me out, and I take it because he is Daniel, and I trust him. When I stand in front of him a little half-smile appears on his face. A few centimetres are between us, but we are basically touching. My heart starts racing. Slowly he raises one hand to my cheek. I simply watch. My eyes follow the movement until his skin touches mine. A pleasant prickle runs through my body. So that’s how attraction feels. Without thinking about it, I close the gap between us and kiss him. Daniel lets out a surprised gasp before he pulls my closer with his other hand. My whole body is on fire when I press myself against him. I let my hand go through Daniels hair. A motion that I wanted to do so often, and I never realized. Breathless Daniel is parting our lips, but his hand stays firmly around my waist and on my cheek. “See I told you; you aren’t asexual.” I punch him lightly into his shoulder. Gosh, he really knows me better than myself. “How long have you known?” He smirks at me and raises his shoulders. Then he leans in and gives me another kiss. “I know it since like five minutes ago, but I suspected you had a thing for me since you were 16.” “I am so stupid.”, I laugh, and Daniel joins me. “A bit.” He takes one of my hands in his and intertwines his fingers with mine. “Just to be clear. You like me too? Because these social norms aren’t really my thing.” Daniel rolls with his eyes, which is normally more my thing to do. “Yes Silly. I like you too.” With that he kisses me again.

[sketchyorsomething]

A Shoulder To Cry On - Fic

(This is crossposted on Ao3, so click this link if you prefer to read it there! Over there you'll find a more detailed conclusion/explanation in the end notes, but it's not neccessary to understand this fic. The Tags are mainly friendship, Angst and Hurt/Comfort; if you want to stay on tumblr you can find the fic underneath the cut)

Author's Notes: It's a little crazy that I'm already able to post this, but it felt like the fic wrote itself. (And more are maybe coming, depending on how much I have to do in the next weeks; Though I can't really say they're all that much happier, somehow all of them end up a little angsty and I don't know what to do against that)

I feel like I should put a disclaimer here that I obviously don't know any of them personally and also - seeing that the topic is quite a difficult one - never went through the same kind of questioning and fearing, simply because of different cultural and social backgrounds than I think someone in their situation would have gone through. (Read: I didn't grow up in a catholic bavarian household in the 90s/early 2000s)

And again the biggest thanks to my wonderful beta-reader @skijumpingf1

Oberstdorf, January 2025

 

 

Deep breaths. Breathe in, stop thinking for a moment. One, two, three. Breathe out. How is Stephan-

 

Stop thinking, Andreas thought to himself. Stephan is doing fine, you know that, idiot. He told you this morning.

 

Andreas took another breath. Will Stephan watch this competition? Probably not, it'd start around midnight for him. Though Andreas could use some encouragement. He could use some love right now, when everything seems to fall apart around him.

 

Normally, Stephan would anchor him into the present, would calm him down and tell him that his worries are irrational. But Stephan's not here, not part of the world cup team. The last time that happened was because of their injuries. But now no one is injured and no one knows why Stephan is suddenly doing so bad. (Andreas knows why. The safe world they grew up in is ripping at the seams, a bubble about to burst. Stephan just doesn't want to talk about it in the way Andreas himself does, but it affects him as well)

 

They are supposed to be professional, Andreas should start and act that way.

 

But how could he when he still feels the same anxiety his 18-year old self did, all those years ago. When he still tears up in the same way he did, back when he first told his team, before the Olympics in Sochi.

 

He remembers how much he worried about his team mates' reaction, even about landing in a russian prison. Sometimes, the fear still haunts him. Sometimes like right now. Arguably, not the best moment, when he should be preparing for ski flying and definitely not professional behaviour.

 

Slow breaths, Andreas. Calm down. There is no need to spiral right now. And definitely no need to panic . No one will know, unless he actually tells the public, tells everyone that he isn't straight – that's what Stephan always says to him. People are oftentimes too focused on their reality, their truths, that those who disapprove of gay relationships won't see him as gay. See them as gay, as partners, boyfriends. They will be known as colleagues, team mates, friends. But not as lovers.

 

Andreas hopes there is some truth behind Stephan's words. He doesn't need more negative attention than he already gets.

 

Whether it's the usual „What was up with that jump?“ or the classic „You had such a good preparation in summer, how do you explain your current performance?“ it doesn't help his situation. Because he knows why. He knows why he can't focus, why he doesn't jump on the same level he used to. But he won't be able to tell the press why. They won't like hearing that he fears the future, fears his rights being taken away, fears the Worldcup taking place in more and more countries who hate people like him.

 

It makes him feel so helpless.

 

Which really isn't the best feeling to have right before bolting down one of the steepest hills known to mankind. But alas, here he is.

 

He fixes his glasses one more time and Stefan lowers the flag.

 

Maybe the whistling of the wind will finally silence his thoughts. It's worth a try.

 

The inrun is incredibly loud, he doesn't even hear the thousands of fans down the hill.

 

The edge is coming closer and closer. He jumps.

 

The wind is pushing him downwards, right into the awaiting arms of gravity.

 

His jump is garbage.

 

Worse than in the first round.

 

Andreas is glad, Stephan isn't watching this right now.

 

He lands and just shakes his head in disbelief. He doesn't even know what he’s gonna tell the media later.

 

Maybe Sevi will already wait for him. It's horrible. Sevi's time worrying about him should be long gone, his performance shouldn't be something Sevi has to continue to justify. But he will. He is simply too good of a friend to talk badly about him.

 

 

 

„Germany had big hopes that you, as the vice-world champion, would recover from your little slump of form here in Oberstdorf.” Andreas just nodded along the introduction of the question. He had hoped that as well. And then Stephan was taken out of the team, more or less permanently at that, and he knew that this hope was really just a dream. „Is there an explanation as to why team Germany is currently so bad?“

 

He grimaced. „Well, I know that for me personally, there are a few little details that I need to work on. My position in the inrun was too high up, so that I couldn't really feel the edge.“ Look at him, talking about mistakes in his technique instead of missing Stephan. Very professional.

 

(Judging by Sevi's sceptical glance, he can see right through it)

 

„But as you already said, that is such a little mistake! Does that alone really make the difference between landing on the podium and barely making the second round?“ That's a mean question. Andreas closed his eyes for a second, really more blinking than anything else. He needed to collect his thoughts or he'll say something stupid.

 

„That’s really the way it goes sometimes. Especially nowadays, those little details do make the difference between place 1 and 30.“ Severin, you are a blessing. Andreas should really tell him that more often. „Although it feels very extreme this season, there is almost no midfield.“ Andreas just nodded along.

 

„Absolutely, though I can't really pinpoint what changed to make it seem like that.“, he agreed with Sevi.

 

„Are you in any way affected by all the discussions around the material, like stuff aside from just the hill?“, Severin asked. Andreas should take back what he has thought earlier. That question is definitely targeting Stephan. Sevi knows. Why does he need to ask again?

 

„Well, sure, these discussions, those which aren't directly related to ski jumping itself, can be very exhausting and in the current case, upsetting and frustrating.“ Andreas tried to keep it as vague as possible. „However, I wouldn't go that far and accuse anybody of cheating. Everybody tries to gain some sort of advantage above the other nations, and in the current situation it seems to work better for the austrians than for everybody else." That's good, he’s very professionally avoiding Severin's actual question. He can see a grin spreading on Sevi's face. He outplayed him. Ha, loser. Andreas always likes interviews with Severin, they are great.

 

„But what about the Slovenians? Do you think they are cheating, since three of them got disqualified in this competition but still one of them won?“, the Journalist asked, effectively ending their silent conversation.

 

„I wouldn’t go that far and call it cheating.“ Andreas answered truthfully. „Everyone knows that the Slovenians are really good at ski flying and everyone knows that they're willing to risk a lot with the sizing of their suits. A Slovenian disqualification isn't a new phenomenon. We've got the controls, and I trust them, if they make it through. And I mean, we just saw that even a Stefan Kraft isn't infallible".

 

„As we can see there seems to be understanding for one another in the Ski Jumping Family", the reporter concluded, „Thank you for the interview, Andi Wellinger".

 

„Thank you", he responded.

 

Sevi was smiling in his direction, but that was just for the camera. He could see his question in his eyes. Andreas should get going.

 

He turned around to finally go away, as the woman next to him started shuffling in her notes. He already exited the booth when he heard Severin calling out his name. „Andi!“

 

He paused, „What?“. Andreas felt like he was shrinking. His whole posture collapsed. He felt like the boy again, who confessed his biggest secrets to Severin, simply because he needed support on the road.

 

Severin was smiling at him, eyes crinkling in concern. „We’re meeting up for dinner, right?“

 

Or, if Andreas may translate, 《I'm staying in the same hotel as you are, so come to me, and tell me what's going on. I'm worried about you》

 

„Yeah, sure. See you there.“ Andreas answered and turned around. He hoped Sevi got the hint that, maybe, he'll think about telling him. Not definitely agreeing, but also not declining. His answer is rather a plea for more time.

 

---

 

It was quiet when they ate dinner. Nobody really said a word, or asked a question which required more than a vague noise of agreement. Severin was clearly bothered by it, Andreas could tell. He has always been keen on talking everything out.

 

His phone beeped. Stephan? No, he should be sleeping.

 

It wasn't Stephan.

 

《How about we go for a drink in Willingen next week, you look like you need a hug》

 

Wanki !

 

《Shouldn't you be sleeping as well? But yeah, that sounds nice 》 Andreas answered.

 

《Shouldn’t you be celebrating podiums?》First of all, rude. But before Andreas could even be angry, he received another message. 《I'm too jetlagged, so no, I'm not sleeping. You wanna talk about it?》

 

《I'll tell you next week, please just tell me that Stephan's taking this better than I do. Also, I think Sevi will be disappointed if I don't talk to him tonight; and who am I to bear Severin's disappointment?》he let his friend know.

 

《That's good, please talk to someone! And I do think Stephan takes the decision way better than you do, so no worries here.》

 

《He doesn't want to take somebody else's place, right? He’s just too good for this world, tell him, I love him》

 

《Tell him yourself, he is your boyfriend, not mine》Meanie. 《Good night, try to get some sleep tonight》

 

《Says the right one, go to sleep. I don't want you to fall down the coaching tower :P》

 

 

„Andreas?“, his coach looked at him expectantly.

 

„What?“, he asked confused. „Sorry, I needed to respond to that.“ Using his phone while the others were eating (he should be too) was really impolite. Still, his coach's expression softened.

 

„Was it Stephan? Shouldn't he be asleep by now?“

 

„No, it was Wanki. But I'm not sure if that makes it any better“, Andreas shrugged.

 

His coach just shook his head in disbelief.

 

Andreas grinned and picked up his fork again.

 

 

 

„I'd like to ask you to finally tell me what's bothering you", Severin started as he sat down next to Andreas. „But you seem a little happier since you texted Wanki".

 

„I'm not, exactly. But I feel a little lighter just knowing that I will – eventually – talk about it.“ Andreas tried to shrug it off. „Though I promised him that I'd talk to you tonight.“

 

„Well, then, go ahead. I'm listening"

 

Andreas found that actually saying all the right words was harder than he wanted them to be. Deep breaths, Andreas, deep breaths. He had a lump in his throat just thinking about it.

 

„You remember the night I first came out to you all, right?“, he finally began. Severin just nodded, frowning a little in confusion. „I was so afraid back then, afraid of what you guys might think and afraid of what could happen if the wrong people hear about it, because, you know, it was forbidden during the Olympics in Sochi. I wasn't allowed to be myself, even if no one knew about who I truly was. I hated that I was gay, had been even way before that, and I hated that I couldn't fully concentrate on jumping because I could never change that part about me, so the fear of being discovered would always stay.“ He rambled.

 

He still feels so much like the boy he was that night, and that is his problem.

 

„I don't think I ever really coped with that fear, I've always been afraid of that part of myself, no matter how much good stuff happens.“ He let out a breath. And another one. And another one. He doesn't even know when he breathed in for the last time.

 

He heard his blood pumping through his veins, felt his hands shake, saw his vision blurring with tears. The lump in his throat made swallowing hard, he felt like vomiting.

 

Sevi's hand was on his shoulder, embracing him in a side hug. If Andreas forced himself to listen through the blood roaring in his ears, he could hear the soothing sound of Severin's voice.

 

„I hate it", he gasped.

 

„Shhh, it's alright", Severin tried to calm him down. „What do you hate?“

 

„I hate that-", he forced another breath into his lungs, „that I’m still the same, after all these years.“

 

„Yes, you are.“ Severin agreed with him. Not exactly what Andreas needed right now. „You are still one the most open-hearted, most loving people I know. That hasn't changed, you're right.“

 

„Thank you for the compliment", Andreas grinned through his tears. „But I hate that I still have the same fears and the same reactions to when one of them comes true – or even if it just might come true"

 

„What do you fear, then? What do you think will happen?”

 

„It's just with everything that happens right now-", Andreas tried to find the right words. „You know, I think we as a society really made some big steps forward in the last couple of years. And I became so optimistic about it and finally ripped the metaphorical bandaid over the fear of coming out, of my sexuality off. And you know, I became very happy, finally confessed my feelings for Stephan and so on. I finally felt like I was living in a safe world. But now that safety, the security, seems like it will be torn away from me again.“

 

„I don't think I can quite follow", Severin admitted. Andreas chuckled.

 

„Politics, Sevi. I'm talking about the shitshow that is our current politics "

 

„Oh", was all he could say to that. „Which-", he paused. „Which party do you fear most?“

 

„Are you really asking that? Shouldn't it be obvious?“ Normally Severin wasn't this dense. He knows, or he should know at the very least. „The Firewall is crumbling, and everything more to the right from that wants to ban same-sex marriage again.“

 

Andreas took a breath. He could feel the cold creeping into him, but the crisp air helped a little to calm him down. The stars sparkled above him. „I want to marry Stephan one day, Sevi"

 

„I know, and you should.“ Severin agreed. Andreas could feel he wanted to say more. „I wish I could tell you that I get it, that I understand what you are saying, but I don't want to presume that. I didn't experience what you did, both your fears and the joys. But I will tell you, that I'm always there if you need a shoulder to cry on. And that I’ll obviously try to stop your fears from becoming the reality, but in my mind, voting for democratic parties really is more common sense than anything else.“

 

„Thank you, Sevi.“ Andreas smiled sadly. „I appreciate it".

[wie-sagt-man-noch]

Lellinger: The way I love you - Part 10 /10

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With a soft sigh. Past exhaustion and frustration and despair, like it’s the only good thing left. Sometimes it is.| 1.1k

April 2020, Weißbach

Der Himmel über seiner Heimat ist strahlend blau. Die Sonne scheint, der Wind gleicht einer lauen Brise – für April ist es ungewöhnlich warm. Der Garten seines Elternhauses erstreckt sich vor ihm, gepflegt sieht er aus. Die ländliche Idylle wird von Vogelgezwitscher begleitet, während Andreas auf dem hölzernen Balkon sitzt und missmutig die Augen schließt. Eigentlich sollte er die Ruhe und das gute Wetter genießen – unter normalen Umständen würde er das vermutlich auch tun. Von der gewohnten Normalität ist derzeit allerdings nicht mehr viel übrig, auch wenn die malerische Szenerie, in der er sich befindet, etwas anderes vermuten lässt.

Die Welt befindet sich seit einigen Wochen in einem Ausnahmezustand, Corona hat die Nachrichten und das Leben aller fest im Griff. Das Virus grassiert und hat alles bis dato Gekannte auf den Kopf gestellt. Kontaktbeschränkungen, überfüllte Krankenhäuser, leere Straßen – nichts ist mehr so, wie es vorher war. Er selbst wäre beinahe nicht mehr zurück nach Deutschland gekommen, als er seine Schwester im März in Australien besucht hat. Die Zeit dort war wunderschön und unbeschwert – zum ersten Mal seit langer Zeit hatte er dort das Gefühl, endlich wieder im Moment zu leben. Er konnte abschalten und seine eigene Verletzungsmisere des vergangenen Jahres ausblenden.

Zumindest so lange, bis Stephan Anfang März gestürzt ist und sich ebenfalls sein Kreuzband gerissen hat. Die Nachricht hat ihn jäh auf den Boden der Tatsachen zurückgeholt. Er hat seinen Freund umgehend angerufen und war bereits dabei, seinen Rückflug vorzuverlegen, aber Stephan hat darauf bestanden, dass er in Down Under bleibt. So entspannt wie die letzten Tage hab’ ich dich lang nicht mehr gesehen, bleib'. Bitte. Dabei hat er ihn fast schon flehend angesehen, als sie gefacetimed haben. Hier kannst du eh nichts machen, bleib' so lang wie geplant – ich lauf' nicht weg hat er gesagt und Andreas musste tatsächlich schmunzeln. Andreas ist geblieben, auch wenn zu diesem Zeitpunkt bereits die ersten Reisewarnungen wegen des Coronavirus ausgesprochen wurden.

Ernst genommen hat er sie nicht, wie so viele andere auch. Was soll schon passieren, hat er zu seiner Schwester bei einem gemeinsamen Abendessen gesagt. Sie sehen sich ohnehin viel zu selten, seit Julia in Australien lebt. Er hat die nächsten zwei Wochen mit ihr mehr als genossen, die neu gewonnene Leichtigkeit hat ihm unfassbar gutgetan.

Vermutlich hätte er dennoch abreisen sollen, aber später ist man immer klüger, heißt es. Im Nachhinein betrachtet ist es auch nicht sonderlich klug gewesen, bei stärkerem Wellengang surfen zu gehen. Andreas hat es trotzdem getan und dafür die Quittung bekommen. Eine Welle hat ihn unvorbereitet erwischt und ihn von seinem Bord geworfen - dabei ist unglücklich mit seinem Schlüsselbein auf dem Bord aufgeprallt und hat es sich prompt gebrochen. Der heiße Schmerz hat ihm im ersten Moment den Atem geraubt, dann war er auch schon unter Wasser. Zum Glück war er bereits relativ nah am Strand, sodass er sich schnell aus dem Wasser begeben konnte – aber ihm ist in diesem Moment klar geworden, dass die Verletzung ernst sein muss.

Stunden später ist er bereits operiert worden. Als er später aus der Narkose wach geworden ist, war ihm zum Heulen zumute. Wieder ein Rückschlag, dabei wollte er diesen Sommer doch endlich wieder voll ins Mannschaftstraining einsteigen. Wieder Schmerzen, wieder Reha, alles wieder von vorne. Dazu noch Stephan, der ihn dieses Mal nicht mit seinem unerschütterlichen Glauben unterstützen können wird, weil der seinen ganz eigenen Leidensweg vor sich hat.

Hinzu kam, dass sein geplanter Rückflug wegen des Virus annulliert wurde und er deswegen beinahe nicht hatte ausreisen können. Ja, Andreas hätte seinem ersten Impuls nachgeben sollen. Dann würde er jetzt nicht mit geschientem Arm bei seinen Eltern auf dem Balkon sitzen, sondern fit bei Stephan sein und zur Abwechslung mal für ihn da sein können. Hätte ihm im Alltag helfen können, weil er weiß, was Stephan gerade durchmacht und an welcher Stelle er ihm das Leben leichter machen kann. Er hätte ihm Tag für Tag sagen können, dass er an ihn glaubt und dass das alles wieder wird, hätte Stephans Launen ausgehalten und ihm gezeigt, dass er sich auf ihn verlassen kann. Dass er ihn liebt – in guten wie in schlechten Zeiten, egal wie kitschig sich das anhört.

Andreas hätte so vieles tun können, aber die Realität sieht anders aus. In ihr hat er jedes Mal starke Schmerzen, wenn er seine rechte Schulter nur leicht bewegt und Stephan hat er seit über einem Monat nicht mehr persönlich gesehen – Andreas fühlt sich schlicht und ergreifend miserabel. Er ist erschöpft, kann nachts kaum schlafen, weil seine Schulter dumpf pocht und seine Gedanken rasen. Seine Laune ist unfassbar schlecht, er spricht mit seinen Eltern häufig nur das Nötigste, obwohl sie die Letzten sind, an denen er seinen Frust herauslassen sollte. Andreas weiß, wie privilegiert er eigentlich ist. Seine Eltern kümmern sich liebevoll um ihn – er ist nicht allein wie so viele andere Menschen in der aktuellen Situation. Er weiß das alles, aber es ändert nichts daran, dass er unglaublich enttäuscht und wütend ist. Auf sich selbst am meisten, was ihn nur noch frustrierter werden lässt. Dazu kommt, dass er Stephan wahnsinnig vermisst und ihm gegenüber ein unglaublich schlechtes Gewissen hat. Der wiederum hat ihm vorhin am Telefon gesagt, dass er das nicht haben muss, Unfälle passieren, Andi, und war wie immer unglaublich verständnisvoll.

Sie telefonieren oder facetimen täglich und Andreas ist unfassbar froh über diese Routine. Manchmal witzelt Stephan darüber, dass sie ab nächstem Jahr das Kreuzbandzimmer sein werden. Er plant voraus, glaubt an sie beide und lächelt wissend in die Kamera, wenn er davon spricht. Ohne Stephan würde er durchdrehen, da ist Andreas sich sicher. Andreas bewundert ihn für seine Stärke, seine Ruhe und seine Zuversicht – vorhin hat er ihm genau das auch gesagt. Stephan ist ein wenig rot geworden, während sich ein Strahlen auf sein Gesicht gelegt hat. Bei dem Anblick hat sich eine bekannte, wohlige Wärme in Andreas' Bauch ausgebreitet, während sein Herz etwas schneller geschlagen hat. Das leise geseufzte Ich liebe dich konnte und wollte er nicht zurückhalten, weil er es genau in diesem Moment überdeutlich gespürt hat. Ich liebe dich auch hat Stephan ohne zu zögern geantwortet, bevor sie sich kurz darauf voneinander verabschiedet haben.

Inzwischen hat sich ein leichtes Lächeln auf Andreas' Lippen gebildet. Er öffnet die Augen, blinzelt der Sonne entgegen, atmet tief ein und wieder aus. Zwischen all dem Frust glimmt zum ersten Mal seit seiner erneuten Verletzung ein wenig Zuversicht. Wenn alles um ihn herum zusammenbricht, nichts mehr so ist, wie es war, und alles schief zu laufen scheint, dann ist da immer noch Stephan. Stephan, den er liebt und der genau dasselbe für ihn fühlt.

Wenn das am Ende bleibt, ist alles mehr als okay.

[milktrician]

didn't think i'll also get this done today, but some cover art for my fic Shang Qinghua's Reincarnation Survival Guide.

[10thmusemoon]

Rotating yueyuan where the light bulb goes off In SY’s brain first and he’s like, “wait DO you have feelings for yqy??”

SJ, being himself, immediately denies it in the most insulting way possible. To which SY’s response is to be pissed on YQY’s behalf and defend him until SJ snipes “sounds like YOU’RE the one with a crush.”

Hahaha what a gotcha moment!! Shen on Shen petty violence ensues!!

Except….this little argument is what has SY’s self reflection system booting up.

YQY is a reasonably handsome and nice guy! There’s no reason he should be single! Even he, a certified straight man, has noticed how certain fabrics cling to YQY’s form or the way he bites his lips when concentrating. Objectively! He’s a hot man! The kind that anyone would have wet dreams about at least once during a formative point in their lives! SY sure did!

But does that mean he likes YQY Like That? It doesn’t! It shouldn’t!

Except, well, shouldn’t someone? But no…thinking about yqy with someone else doesn’t quite sit right either. It would make the most sense for it to be SJ, after all he was YQY’s friend first. But after their mysterious little friend break up that neither seems too keen to talk about, and might not even be That Serious since yqy still helps SJ when called, it’s highly unlikely to be a thing. Which, rude! YQY is a dependable guy! Even if SJ is ‘mad’ at him, it’s normal to feel some affectionate for a guy like that!! Right??

Maybe he asks LQG about it, phrases it some kind of way that sounds like he’s asking if it’s normal to crush on an older male friend.

Lqg, who has crushed on yqy, sy, and now reluctantly LBH to the point that he possibly believes it to be a normal stage of friendship. “Yeah, doesn’t everyone?”

He rephrases the question again, thinking LQG didn’t hear the “male friend” part and gives up when the answer doesn’t change.

If he goes to airplane about it, SQH would be mean mugging from across the table, muttering something about how the heavens give everything to those least deserving. SY is pretty, rich, and has a line of hot babes trying to dick him down. The last thing SQH wants to do is make life easier on him. Suffering builds character.

“Idk bro, go ask Binghe, or better yet, Shen Jiu.”

Binghe is all on board, enthusiastically agreeing that yes it is SO normal to develop feelings for an older brother figure, perhaps even someone seen as a mentor. It DEFINITELY WOULDNT BE WEIRD for those feelings to be reciprocated, and they wouldn’t know until some one makes the first move, RIGHT!??

Binghe is practically crawling into his lap with how excited he is about this, it’s all very cute and actually makes SY feel a little better about the whole thing. Luo Binghe is leagues smarter than SQH and better at reading people than LQG. If a normal, hot blooded, young man like him seems to think this, then it must be true.

He gives binghe a head pat and delivers the final blow, “well if binghe seems to think so, maybe there’s something to it after all. I’ll let you know what he says after I confess.”

LBH’s inconsolable wailing is heard from down the street.

I think SY would try to check in with SJ one last time, just to be sure.

“You really don’t want to be with Qi-ge like that?”

“Stop calling him that,” SJ uses finger quotes derisively, “like that? What are you, a child?”

Without missing a beat, SJ goes back to the heavy book in his lap, pointedly turning a page. “Of course not, who would?”

A pause.

“Me.”

Somehow, SY doesn’t hear the kill bill sirens suddenly going off. He does, fortunately, dodge the book.