#not really happy or sad abt it. it is what it is. kaiidth | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

opens-up-4-nobody · 3 years ago

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Friendship to me has always been a strange thing. I would say I make friends pretty easily. I like to think I'm not a terrible person to be around. I'm quiet and ask a lot of questions so I'm "nice to talk to". But I tend to view friendships very functionally. Having friends is useful, therefore I should have friends. Something internal doesn't connect. I feel more like I'm studying them. Trying to figure out how their brain works. And once I get a grasp on what their deal is, I tend to get bored because no one has the type of conversations I'm looking for and the information about them is no longer new. Then maintaining friendships is near impossible once a person leaves my immediate surroundings. I remain curious about them after they go but in the same way I'm curious to see what happens next in to a character of a story I'm not really invested in. And I'm not saying any of that is inherently bad. I just wonder what it's like to have friends you don't feel detatched from.

#maybe im just not meeting the right ppl but i think its more that i dont make connections properly which is meh #not really happy or sad abt it. it is what it is. kaiidth #it does freak me out when ppl start mirroring tho. like b ur own person. dont encroach on my things. which is unfair bc i prob do it too #idk maybe im just feeling weird bc ive been playing mommy fwiend to ppl. which is nice bc im nosey but ppl like to talk abt themselves #and if the more they talk the more they like u if ur sympathy #so then the relationship feels out of ballance #bc i dont feel anything and theyre like ur a good friend #and i dont kno what to do with that #damn my lack of empathy. i mean its useful i guess but probably makes everything more bland than it could be #ugh im procrastinating doing literally anything. the brainfog is drowning me #it better be over tomorrow. ill get up at like 5.30 or some bullshit to force myself out of it #bc i live a very healthy life and am a very normal person #unrelated #edit: i posted this and the 1st thing on my dash was someone saying how they lov their friends lmao

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