#that made me very sad nd hurt nd like

[ningningkittie]

im in love w him not only bc of who he is as a person nd how drawn i am to his personality, but also bc i feel like he's the only one who has ever wanted to see me. who i am, like deep down. he's the only one who i feel like i've ever connected with, in an easy nd genuine way. the only one who i feel has ever gotten me. he's the only one who's ever made me feel like we actually have a connection we're both in on, bc i havent had to pretend or put up a fake front for him bc he wanted the real image of me.

[pushingdaisies1]

Kinda hate you, kinda love you . . . ♡

(✧ ˚.) PAIRING-> James "Logan" Howlett {A.K.A} Wolverine x Reader >_< (✧ ˚.) SUMMARY -> Being an X-men was a lot for you to sign up for. Well.. you didn't have a chance to deny this safe haven. The school became your home and the people that made up the X-men like a weird little familial unit. You had many reasons for staying as long as you did, but one was more prickly and jaded. The feelings you harbored for a stern and calloused Logan were.. weird for you to feel firsthand. One day, you are stuck overlooking a danger room drill between Gambit and Logan. With the new member of your world-saving team Jubilee by your side, it's too dull to NOT talk with each other. She was a good kid, hyperactive and spirited that's for sure. You talk, and talk a lot you do to the human embodiment of the fourth of July. It makes you think a little bit too hard about yours and Logans... predicament. (✧ ˚.) AUTHORS NOTE -> Hiii!!! This is my first time writing stuff for Logan so - bee tee dubs it may be complete and utter horse shit. I'd like to thank @velvrei for helping me ignite some well-dead thoughts. Genuinely love ur work sm and reading that and a lot more new/old logan content helped TONS. This is linked to the {♡x-men animated series/x-men97♡} series. I do wanna write more for the Deadpool timeline xmen/early 2000s timeline xmen!! But after seeing the masterpiece that is Deadpool and Wolverine, I lowkey just clung to those shows. I love animated Logan!! He is even more emotionally stunted/sassy sad!! (✧ ˚.) CWS (?) -> Logan nd u are sad ppl who don't know how to voice ur feelings!! , pining from afar/one-sided not so one-sided yearning, UHM HURT/KINDA COMFORT??? MAYBE??? I THINK??? , unprompted suggestiveness from logan , mentions of struggling to connect with other ppl/fears of the future (bay bay jubilee my love) , u and Jubilee just kinda bond, off topic idk cajun dialect so..... , and u infodump as a weird suto older sister/mom in her life, this was all very spur of the moment so uhm - not proofread!!! kinda!!!!!!!

The dangeroom was a room a lot of the X-men team spent their time in. To either train for a new threat or for general movement, drills were a common theme. Especially after world-shaking events, which were always somehow a constant, the professor was the equivalent of an alarm clock. Drills this, always having to run down into the war room. You didn't mind the training sessions if it was one-on-one or even with the whole team. Sometimes though, it was almost nagging. 

Though there were little things you'd do to pass this time. If you were made to overlook it or otherwise. Most of the time there didn't need to be supervision within the training center itself. Everyone was on high alert, and off days were few and far between. Logan had been hashing it out with Gambit all morning and wanted to do a specific procedure setting. You held your head in your hands as you sighed at the grown men's demands. Gambit was a professional sweet talker, Logan wasn't when needed. Of course, you complied, understanding the sudden want for more extensive training. When Jubilee volunteered you started to not loathe the idea of sitting in on Logan and Gambit - literally butting heads. 

Jubilee was a nice kid, you felt bad for her sudden entrance into life within the school. The professor was welcoming as always. With your push and her foster parents wanting her to be safe from threats like the sentinels, she was a bonified member.

Being the "newbie" always had its drawbacks. From day one you made sure to have her back, you could relate to her whole fish-out-of-water point of view. Logan saw the way you attached fast to the kid. He was like a vault of thoughts and feelings. Thoughts and feelings he never wanted to bring up or even let alone talk about. But it made your heart flutter just a tad when he sat his hand on your shoulder, gently rubbing a thumb against it.

He had stopped you before you were about to retire to your room. In the doorway to your personal, pillow escape he made sure to reel you down to earth. "Give the kid some breathing room. I know you want to help but there's no use for you smothering her."

You were almost baffled. What was he going on about? You were just looking out for her? Deep down, you did know what he meant. He might have not been a long-term X-Men member. But he did know you and the fragments of "memories" you held so dearly close to your chest. You two were so different and yet one in the same. Before you could even argue, he gave you a small .. somewhat comforting pat on said shoulder. "Just a friendly word of advice bub, don't take it so close to heart. Oh wait, that's inevitable." He joked at you with his signature toothy grin. You couldn't help but scoff in surprise and laughter as he jabbed at you with his SINGULAR witty remark.

Logan could be many things. Rough around the edges, even a total asshole when he felt like it. But to you, he was your kryptonite. It was pathetic the way you'd always eventually be pulled to bend at that man's every word. He just did that to you, and you had no answer to it. 

Making your way up to the upper room with Jubilee, you watched with tired eyes as the door to the observation room slid open. Cold - walls and floor head to toe with this sleek metal texture. There were two chairs, right behind the control panel where the training sequence(s) would be initiated. Your eyes were trained on the window as you watched Gambit and Logan make their entrance inside the training room itself. Gambit of course was rapidly shuffling a deck of cards. They were almost flying in the palms of his hands as he prepared them. Logan was of course blabbing his big mouth, in his signature suit "lumbering up" as he would call it. Finally, as you just now sat your bottom into the smooth-cushioned observation chairs, Jubilee was already starting the conversation. Thank god for you as you were still shaking the morning off of you."So what? , we just watch them throw around with each other, or what?" She cracked with a curious glance at the two men down below. You rested your chin in the palm of your hand as you leaned back. "Pretty much, we're here just in case the system doesn't shut down in time. Sometimes it does that."

She paused before she gave you a pointed look, her chunky pink sunglasses almost falling off of her black head of hair. "We're babysitting them!?" She retorted with a sort of faux annoyance. "I mean it's 'something' to do but - come on...." She groaned as she crossed her arms, heavy in on the air quotations. Cutting in, you directed your hand to the control panel. "No no no, not just that.”

Gathering your thoughts, you pointed out each scenario on the deck. You couldn't help but crack a smile at Jubilee's small "ohs" and "ah's". With the development, you two were brought into a nice steady stream of conversation. Hunched in her seat, yellow boots crinkling in this position, she poked and prodded you about your style and so on. it was nice to be looked at with such idealization. Her eyes were huge with wonder as she jumped to questions and searched for answers. Though it was only so nice until the two of you were interrupted by the impact of a card deck. As it smacked against the window, you pinched the bridge of your nose.

Hitting the intercom, you cleared your throat. "So sorry gentlemen! You two ready or what?" You retorted as you leaned over the panel. Gambit gathered back the cards into his hands. "Me? , 'course cher! Any day I would love to stick it to da fuzz ball over der." He remarked with a scheming smirk. Logan growled as his claws immediately sprouted from his knuckles. "I'll show you fuzz ball you pest." His lip curled up almost like a predator ready to pounce.

Jubilee sat back quiet as a mouse as she watched you talk through to the two. "Alrighty alright! Save the pouncing for later." You barked with a small chuckle at the end. You couldn't help but feel buzzy at the way Logan reared his head up. Gambit was too busy swapping cards from hand to hand. But all of Logan's attention was just on you, it was always just on you.

 "Okay, how are we feeling about the ruined city for today?" You asked the two as Gambit started to twirl a card in between his middle and pointer fingers. "Yes yes yes, dat will do just nicely, right Wolvie?" He asserted - training a hard on the hard-headed "foe." Logan's voice was low and gruff as he found his stance. "Don't get so ahead of yourself Gamby." He retorted as he turned back to you in the window. "Start it up doll, before this one here loses all of his spice." He barked with a laugh as Logan jostled his mask on. You rolled your eyes with a faint smile. "If you say so, bee-tee-dubs .. don't kill each other! Please and thank you." You affirmed as the array of buttons were clicked. As the scenery shifted into a torn-down cityscape, foes were already on the two men. The only fun thing about watching over the training sessions was getting to watch fellow X-Men in action. Just not with the risk of losing your life in the process. Leaning back into your chair, you took in a nice breath of air. Peace, for now at least. Jubilee sat up more straight, letting her bright yellow duster-like jacket collect at the sides of her chair. She brought her legs to her chest as both you and she watched Gambit and Logans fighting. You could feel her eyes wander to you in the quiet. You looked directly towards her, a sympathetic smile gracing your face. "How are you feeling?" Your voice was small but warm, comforting almost. This was the first time someone had even really asked her. "I don't know... it's like everything is just changing at once. I feel like a big Rubix cube." She said with a frown as she got more comfortable where she sat. You nodded your head in almost remembrance. "Trust me, becoming an X-men isn't the hardest part. It's living like one." Admitting with a soft sort of comfort, Jubilee was already warmer than before. The training session flew by as you two just talked and talked. She lamented about what life would be like now, what she would and wouldn't miss. How she was stripped of living like a normal teenager. "I mean everyone here has already been so nice to me, but this is just gonna take a lot of getting used to. ", she would lament to you in honesty. You tried to be as insightful as possible. Telling her that living as an X-men will always be tricky. But there will always be the people around here that'll keep you steady. Her ears perked up when you listed off your so-called "anchors." She immediately butted in after you listed off the Wolverine himself, Logan. "That guy? You two seem to be always at each other's throats?" She cracked at you with an inquisitive grin. "Well I mean yeah - he can be .. overly confident a lot of the time." You were almost reminding yourself. You didn't realize how long you spent talking about your scruffy metal-clawed 'friend.' You went on and on about how he combated with you in the best possible ways. How with his time in the X-Men, he opened up your worldview in many instances. He did so much to you and for you. He was almost like your escape in a way, and he maybe shared the same view. You didn't get into the nitty-gritty details of it, 'cause ew. But the moments away from daily life hecticness within the school you and he shared were your favorite. His arms were the sweetest embrace anyone could ask for. But that's what friends do, that's what friends are for.

 Though you always wondered if maybe you were wrong. Maybe you were holding on to nothing. Maybe there was an intimate connection between you two hiding under the surface. But you had a track record of getting your hopes up. You dashed those daydreams away as Jubilee yanked you back down into the now of things. Time flew by as the training sequence ended. Logan was immediately gloating his way out of the danger room. You and Jubilee met the two halfway. Gambit sang your high praises as he lamented about kicking Logan's ass in the drill. As the two grown men bickered Jubilee made her exit known. Since the professor was already summoning them all to the war room. Gambit waved you off with a small wink and another grand shuffle of his cards. Which just left you and logan ... fun. 

He quirked his brow in your direction as he realized your quiet demeanor. “Can you believe the guy? - come on bub you saw me!” He said in astonishment at Gambit's gambit tendencies. You crinkled your nose in a small giggle. If you were seeing straight, you couldn’t help but notice a small dash of a smile on Logan's face once he saw your mood brighten. His smile always found ways to make your knees weak and arms all jelly. “Yeah yeah, dont get your panties in a twist Lo.” You said with a twinkle in your eye. A grin followed spreading almost ear to ear.

His eyes softened ever so slightly with your jokes. He grumbled out his poorest joke yet. “Oh, I’ll show you.” He retorted before yanking you into him. Your back met his chest plate as you felt his collection of sweat. His muscled arms wrapped around your midsection as he whirled you around like a windmill. You ignited with laughter and “yucks” as you felt his sweat spreading onto you. You fought out his hold with a grimace and a sheepish chuckle, wiping your eye. “Christ man, you got all your .. muck on me!”

By now his claws were already dashed away. So his hands were now placed on his hips. He rolled his eyes as he looked you up and down. “Come on, you’ll live to see another day shrimpy.” He claimed with his eyes slowly wandering. “I look like a wet dog thanks to you.” You frowned jokingly, shaking your arms out. “On and on with you.” He remarked once again with his eyes rolling AGAIN soon after.

Closer and closer the two of you got as you both threw phony insults back and forth. Before your lips were inches away from one another. He drawled his quick mouth up and spat back something that would leave your mind in utter… shock. Was confusion the right word?  “Don’t play around with me, dimples. I know you’d like more than just my arms around you.” You quickly gasped out the pocket of air you were holding onto. A long pause was felt throughout the hall before you two darted in separate ways.

“I need to change!” You sheepishly shouted as you headed in the opposite direction of him. He did the same, mumbling whatever under his breath. “Don’t slip and fall!” He coughed out as you rubbed your face in annoyance. “Eat shit, Logan!” , “That’ll be a long time coming!” The both of you remarked to the other in unison. Both of your voices share the same sort of flustered frustration. You raced into the showers as you soon stumbled towards the sinks.

You splashed your face with cold water as your heart was still racing. Your cheeks were burning up let alone from his words. But you were soon able to catch up with your breath. Regaining your composure you looked yourself in the mirror. Gritting your teeth as you looked at the fool Logan made you. The Wolverine could be a hard-headed buffoon. Always on his way to making a snide insult with whichever X-men member was disagreeing with him. But god damn it was he your poison. You hated him and he hated you. That was the thing that kept you steady as you changed into uniform and raced towards the ongoing meeting. You knew that same smile still lingered on your face once you made your entrance into the war room. Able to brush off the team's sudden accusations as you made sure to remind everyone about the issue at hand. The Professor thanked you as he went back to discussing what new threats plagued human life. Your eyes always made their way back to Logans with small lingers. Making eye contact with you, his eye-line was diverted by you as you turned your attention back to the professor. The Wolverine was a fool, and he had already found purchase in your foolish heart. 

ꔫ✉ reblogs/interaction is appreciated <3 part two - ⭐️

[frvnkcastles]

sorry for being anon but omg!!! i love ur writing so much i always check to see if u have posted, anyway i was wondering if you could maybe write something where reader nd frank have a big argument nd it almost leads to angry sex but reader ends up saying a safe word or something and its just super fluffy and sad and cute… love u

POISON FROM THE SAME VINE ➸ F. CASTLE

Summary: When an argument with Frank escalates, you have to use your safeword.

Warnings: Making out, not quite smut, use of safe word, implied suicide ideation, feminine nicknames, hurt/comfort

Word count: 1.4k

Author’s note: I hope you like this anon!! I’m always happy to write about Frank being a comforting ole teddy bear. Missing him a lil extra tonight :(

You and Frank rarely argued, hardly even disagreed, unless the air was playful and teasing — on those occasions, he made sure to push your buttons — but for the most part, the two of you were in complete harmony and understanding of each other. So, when you did fight, it had to be about something serious.

Tonight, it was the fact that he had disappeared for weeks without a trace, not even a note, not a phone call or a text message to reassure you that he was alive. Maybe you could have swallowed that, but when you heard from Curtis that Frank had contacted him, you had seen red. Why hadn’t he bothered to get Curtis to relay a message? Why hadn’t he put in the effort for you?

It hurt all the more when you thought back to the night you had told him about your struggles with abandonment and always feeling like you were gonna lose your loved ones. Like you’d never be good enough and somehow you’d push him away. And he had nodded, kissed the back of your hand and promised that would never happen.

And yet, here you were, reminding him of that very night while angrily fighting back tears. You were sad, but more than that, you were angry, and you didn’t want him to get out of this too easily.

”I couldn’t risk it”, he repeated what he had told you countless times already, his tone loud but not yelling, his eyes trained on his hands while you stood across from him, heartbroken and betrayed. He couldn’t bear looking at you, well-aware that he had done you dirty, but at the same time, he had very little regret in him. If going no-contact was going to keep you alive, then he’d do it all over again.

”What if it didn’t keep me alive, Frank? What if I was convinced you were dead and I— what if I—”, you began, but choked up before you could get the words out. Frank understood what you had implied, though, and finally, he looked up at you with wide eyes.

”Promise me it won’t come to that. Promise me that no matter what happens, you’ll keep going”, he insisted, but scoffing, you wiped your eyes again and sniffled.

”You’re in no position to make demands right now”, you reminded before crossing your shaky arms. ”I’m really hurt, Frank. You could have given me some kind of sign”, you continued, and with a huff, Frank lifted his hand to pinch his nose.

”I told you, I coulda gotten you killed and nothin’ is worth that”, he argued back, and waving your hand to dismiss him, you moved away from him but he reached for your hand. You reacted quickly, pushing him off of you with a glare, and for a second, you both just stood there, staring at each other, inches away from one another with the air warm and heavy between you.

Maybe it was the anger amplifying the longing that you had both felt for each other, but within a blink of an eye, you were rushing to meet in the middle in a fiery kiss. You closed your eyes and clamored to push his jacket off of his shoulders while his hand came to rest on your neck, not squeezing but only holding you close to him. You had missed the taste of him, and concluding from the groan rumbling from his throat, the feeling was mutual.

In a flurry of movements, the two of you found yourselves in the bedroom, your hands pushing Frank’s jacket off of his broad shoulders while his landed on your hips to firmly hold onto you. His lips were on yours without pause, his scent in your nose and all your senses overwhelmed with just him.

It escalated quickly, your back suddenly against the mattress and the buttons of Frank’s shirt open as he climbed on top of you, and when he lifted your leg around his hips, you didn’t protest.

But something about the hot air started to feel constricting, something about his mouth on your neck making your heartrate pick up in a way that wasn’t so exhilirating. Your eyes opened and you stared at the ceiling while your hands clamored up to Frank’s shoulders, just to rest there while you waited for the anxiety to pass. But your stomach kept turning and you weren’t quite sure how to keep breathing and before you knew it, you were opening your mouth only for a hoarse sound to come out, one that didn’t even remotely resemble your voice.

”Sa—safeword. Frank—”, you stuttered, and within an instant, without even a shove to his shoulders, the man was off of you, his eyebrows knitted together as he sat back on the bed and looked at you. With quick, rapid breaths, you sat up against the headboard and looked down at your shaky hands, losing your ability to speak, and Frank quickly picked up on the seriousness of the situation.

”Shit.” He cleared his throat before looking down at you, lowering himself to be on your level. ”Hey, sweetheart, it’s okay. I won’t touch you anymore, alright? You’re okay. We don’t gotta keep goin’”, he reassured, his voice level and calm and the opposite of everything you were — a trembling, panicking mess.

”Listen to me, aight? It’s okay. Breathe with me, sweet girl. We’re just sittin’ here, you and I. Nothin’ else has to happen. I just wanna make sure you’re okay, yeah?” he went on, the rumble of his voice sending something familiar and calm through your system. Slowly, you managed and nod and you finally looked up at him — and as soon as your eyes met his, you burst into tears.

”I don’t want to fight, I don’t want this”, you stammered through sobs and brought your hands to your face. ”But I was so scared, Frank. You mean everything to me and I thought it was over. I didn’t appreciate you enough while you were here with me”, you continued rambling, everything pouring out of you as you cried, and with his heart breaking in two, Frank frowned.

”Can I hold you, sweetheart? That okay?” he asked quietly, and with an immediate nod, you climbed onto the foot of the bed where he didn’t hesitate to wrap his strong arms around you. He held you tight, shushing you and closing you in the warmth of his embrace with a litany of kisses left on the top of your head.

”I love you. You hear me? I love you. I can’t fuckin’ bear the thought of somethin’ happenin’ to you. I know it was shitty but I thought it was the best I could do, y’know?” he whispered, a tear sliding down his cheek as he licked his lips and interlocked his fingers with you. ”I never wanted you to be scared. Sometimes… I think you’re better off without me.”

You wiped your eyes and looked up at him. ”Frank, I’d rather be in danger with you than be safe and alone. I don’t want to be without you. Please, don’t do that to me”, you pleaded, and for a moment, he looked at you before chuckling.

”You think you ain’t appreciatin’ me enough? Shit, girl, I barely survive without ya. You give me so much and—and what’s more, you make me feel like I deserve it”, Frank shrugged and looked down at where your hands were joined. ”If you want me here, then… I’ll be here. Or if I have to go, then I’ll take you with me.”

Smiling, you reached up to kiss him, your lips connecting in a much softer way this time. His finger caressed your cheek, and it widened your smile as you rested your forehead against his. ”Thank you.”

You were both quiet as Frank continued to hold you, but eventually, he spoke up in a way that seemed almost meek, so unlike him. ”Did I hurt you? When you…”, he began, and with a thick swallow, you shook your head.

”You didn’t hurt me, baby. I just… I don’t think either of us were in the right mindset, huh?” you pointed out, and with another chuckle, Frank nodded. Still, he leaned down to kiss you again, gentle and careful.

”Will you let me stay tonight, anyway? Been sleepin’ like shit without you”, he murmured, and breaking into a grin, you nodded.

”Me too.”

[bloodpen-to-paper]

Alright folks, final Qsmp post of the day (--will have mentions of the Forever situation fyi--)

The prison event was very fun and I got some good laughs (especially from the therapy session). I'm glad to be back and have broken the ice after being radio silent for like 3 weeks.

Going forward, I don't think I'll be as emotionally invested with the lore as I was before with Forever's content, and him not being here is still weird for me. There's moments that feel so much like he should be there, and references that I know would've been made if the server wasn't collectively ignoring his existence. I understand why they're doing that, and I'm not saying they shouldn't. I remember seeing some posts after the initial blow up saying it would probably feel off for a while before the server found a way to fully move past it. Its completely understandable, just like I hope its understandable that people like me still feel sad and hurt over the loss. That'll take a while, and I'm sharing this cause I hope this can resonate with anyone who feels the same.

Oddly enough, this whole situation gave me the opportunity to step back and learn a lot about myself. Hyperfixations are a big deal for ND people, it can be life consuming, and as much as I stand by the fact that everything would've been astronomically better if this never happened... I do think it helped me analyze my own brain in a way I didn't before, issues I had been ignoring or hadn't realized. There's a lot to life, and sometimes you lose sight of that when you're zeroed in on one thing 24/7. I'll still think about the cubito and consume content of him until I naturally lose interest (shout out to the other former Forever fans who are doing the same, separating character from CC of course), but from here on the Qsmp is something I'd like to just have fun with. Something for creativity and culture, but as a fun hobby rather than a serotonin lifeline. This may sound dramatic, but you never know what's happening in someone's life, and what they use to keep themselves going when nothing else is going right for them. Its why this kind of content exists, and I'm thankful for what this server provided when I was still figuring myself out. Even with the situation, I don't want to forget about any of it. But I think I'm ready to take a new and healthier approach this time.

Having said that, I'm glad I could be here for today, and I want to continue being in this fandom until the server itself is ready to end. The Prison Event, whether planned in advance or last minute, was honestly a really great way to give a bit of a blank slate for people still feeling weird about Forever's absence. It brought a new premise disconnected from him and gave people like me a reason to come back to livestreams. I'm glad to have broken the ice and to know that I can come back to the Qsmp fanbase and content, even if its different this time, I'm glad its there for me to return to when I feel like it.

There's a billion drafts for other fandoms and topics that I want to get through, and I'd like to be more consistent with them since my Qsmp hyperfixation has calmed down a bit. But I'll be here, sometimes blogging, sometimes just vibing. Its good to be back, I missed all of you a ton. See you at the Inmate Crucifixion <3

[invaderpinnecone]

Rant about California from WTTT

Tbh honest if you look more into his cannon character there's a good reason why he doesn't have friends and I'm not saying it not sad that he's lonely bcz it still is tbh but when you look into his character he's very pretentious and self centered he kinda of believe that he can't be wrong and force his ideas on to other an example of this is him trying to get the states to be vegan and if someone else tries to force their ideas he start to argue with them not to mention he's a performative ally but through all this you can tell how him having no friends hurts him an examples is when he said that he's used to ppl leaving him so he probably acts the way he does bcz he knows their just going to leave him again also another reason the others probably don't want to be friends with him is the fact he has been trying not to relapse since the 1995.he can't go a day with out arguing with ppl he has ruined things for the other state to the point they look down upon him for that not to mention he desperately trust to make friends and just won't leave Washington and Orgeron alone even tho they hinted at him they don't want to talk like some ppl r forgotten that he's not an uwu smol bean nd he's actually just a loser whos pretentious nd won't leave ppl alone nd over does things not to mention if someone is wrong then their bad according to him nd he tries to make himself look good also he's just rude for no reason sometimes if something his fault he'll brush it off or completely ignore it

nd this isn't a post about say how it not sad he doesn't have friends bcz it is sad but when you look into his character there a good reason why he doesn't have any friends

I honestly made this post cuz I h8 how missed characterized he is by the fandom

Honestly o feel like some1 might get mad at me for this post for some reason but idc cuz this is just my 2 cents on California so thxs for reading this

[burgycreeper405-blog]

*passes the microphone to you* so what is your fav ii dark fic about m8

super duper glad tou asked and didn't have to make you asked that bcuz no one was asking me about it/hj djfh

but my fav darkfic is simple actually

it's about mephone4

shocker i know sjdhsj

i started reading this when i wasnt even that into mephone yet lol

i was still doing the mp4 stock image meme dance lol

i m very sad that im not sure if this would get updated cuz this was published in april and updated in april, just a few days and aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa i am hurt in two ways jfhdjddj

caution, there are gorey stuffs there that even if there's tags there, it still shooketh me that i was like, *"holy sh1t, what am i reading?!"* (but not in a negative way) snfhsjf

like it went from 1 - 100 real quick (spoilers, or, warning,, it's about a animal that made me go "wtf" bcuz they're robots, it's fine lmao, but animals mmmmmmmm not sure about that sirmadam djdhsjj, and it's in chapter 4)

anyways, my explanation is gonna be very messy and short so bare with me here, i just wanna get this out now bcux most darkfics are just bad/mid/weird

so, this fic is mostly a what if/au

and that what if is a "what if mp4 failed to escape meeple hq" and ii doesnt exist bcuz, mp4 never escaped,, and the sad part about it is mp4 doesnt try to escape again bcux he forgot about it, cobs made him forget everything that makes mp4 want to leave

did i mention cobs is an absolute bastard here/neg didhjs

like dude, at the start of the fic, he is drunk, and he gave mp4 a smol task

but mp4 failed that task and since he was hella drunk, he smashed mp4 using a wrench, almost breaking him permanently

the brotherly bond of 4 nd 4s really makes it feel all wowie zowie, the author wrote them greatly like holy crap bruv

there's more in that fic, i think theres like 9 chapters and it took me 2 hours to read it in one go djdha

and i think that's the end of my explanation bcux my brain is all over the place rn and i just wanna get this out so bad

i might add more in the future but sheezus, yall should read it if you haven't/nf

i want it to continue so bad but i think it’s forgotten maybe,, hopefully not cuz it was just getting more juicier jhgfj

long story short, i love this fic and im still geeking out about it, i hope i can do fanart for this soon bcux i very much want to but brain says do it later, and you should read it/nf

[stormblessed95]

I'll tell you a story you did not asked for. So i have two frnds both of them are like besties who were bench partners in college so they're pretty close to e/o. One of them is close to me too say the name as A. Now since A nd B were from same class and bench partners everyone knew they're pretty close and always together so they used to say anything to e/o and all used to joke all the time and now in that B has many times said things which hurted A but A never ever said anything about that to B so the things always continued like that. Thing is even tho A and B are Clearly very close to e/o there are still many things which B said to A that made A angry, sad and hurt many times and A still never said that to B but A used to tell me those things so i know what things hurted A nd all. But whenever they meet e/o they're still besties who used to be bench partners in college and talk all the same. Point is just because someone never says something about your some insulting remarks as a frnd does not mean they don't feel hurt or insulted. Everyone needs to know their limit and should stay in that cause you never know what could her the next person.

All the things you linked in that post... there's nothing in there that I haven't seen before since that has my bias in it so yes i do watch og content Cause I'm not interested in watching bickering content on YouTube.

There's a limit to some of the things you say which count as bickering but when it crosses that line it becomes insulting more than just bickering.

Since you put together all of the times yg praised jm let's do how many times yg has praised jk or hobi and see which list out of these three goes longer.

Despite him wanting to do a song with jm, jm still wasn't the one he did the vocal guide from and yes he praised jm's vocals yrs back but does that change the fact he currently thinks jungkook is the best vocalist? No. thing is now if i start pulling out receipts from the times jm was complimenting other members and was being supportive of them you and I we both know that the list will be the longest one cause it doesn't take much for jm to praise his members. if he can he would praise them for simply existing cause that's how he is. in comparison to what jm does for others i honestly don't see anyone can stand against him when it comes to praise them so if they praise him once in a while I'm not gonna gag over that but it's appreciative. Those thing you listed are the things in between 10+ years so i don't find big deal. I didn't say he never compliments jm i said it's hard for him to compliment jm when he does a good job at it when it comes to others like jk.

Anyways, idt you'll post this ( that is if you even read this) infact I'm saying don't since I'm off twitter from tmrw so yeah.

Sorry you have bad friends. Don't project that onto BTS and their relationships together though. Your friend told you that the other guy makes them feel bad. Has jimin told you the same thing? No? Then you are still assuming things. So don't be an ass and let it go, okay?

And regardless of how you are phrasing things, you are still wrong. He doesn't have a hard time complimenting Jimin. Just like Jimin doesn't have a hard time and thinks it's funny when Yoongi teases him. And Jimin also doesn't have a hard time teasing Yoongi either... like for example....

"Since you put together all the times yoongi praised jimin..."

No I didn't. I gave a FEW examples. Just a few. That I thought of off the top of my head. Bro, you gotta unclench.

"It's examples over 10 years, so it doesn't matter to me"

your examples are also over 10 years, so they don't matter to me either I guess? Lol cmon. Grow up. You don't get to belittle their relationship. It's not your place. They don't have to be your favorite duo, but sit down and let it go. They love each other and they support each other so fully and when one isn't in the mood for teasing or needs geniune words and support, they have it in each other always. They are constantly showing up for each other. That's what matters too. Their relationship and friendship is not yours. So don't be so worried about it, okay?

Enjoy your break from Twitter, try taking one from here maybe too. Sounds like it could be good for you. You sound like a tkkr bro. Like I have exact messages in my inbox at times from tkkrs just like this. Except instead of shitting on jikook, you are shitting on yoonmin. Aren't yall tired of being unhappy?

[supermightyglue]

omgg im so obsessed with your jackass oc’s. i dont have a specific headcanon request but could you write more about a main cast girl?

yesssss yes !! & thank u sm that means the world <3 i have many more ideas and am gonna post actual headcanons and stuff but for now take this very random and very specific shit

her nickname is pissbaby. i have said it before but i must say it again so everyone is aware. she got it growing up and tbh there isn’t a real reason for it other than the fact that she has pissed herself a few times

went to the met gala with knox (was def invited before he was tho)

braids pontius’ hair a lot. does his hair in general. she’s good with hair styling nd even cuts her own

was the one to receive the off road tattoo

is always paired with knox (and tremaine sometimes) for press shit

has a lot of modeling/movie offers but tbh she just wants to skate and do stunts and travel and hang out with her guys

ik i said she cant cook but i changed my mind. cooking is lowkey her love language. she’s a vegetarian but doesn’t mind cooking meat if someone wants it. a long day filming? invites everyone over and cooks for them.

doesnt cook for herself tho. the queen of struggle meals. buys a lot of cereal

also always let’s ppl crash at her place. pontius is there a lot cuz the whole living in his van situation. he and steve were in her (iconic) cribz ep

present for most of the wildboyz trips even if she didn’t appear in the episode. she loves animals and traveling and learning about other cultures so it was like heaven for her

CRAZY stupid .. like, almost as bad as knoxville. she somehow was able to get in the bullpen and it scared the shit out of everyone (especially steve o)

honestly she doesn’t like fucking with animals and doesn’t wanna do anything to hurt them. she feels bad for certain things they do and regrets stressing them out

and she can be really sweet, but with animals? she is practically a different person. she turns into such a softie

has a few doggies. all rescues and with disabilities because she gets sad when people don’t want them

probably closest to the wildboyz, especially pontius. but knox too, and dunn <3

super fond of preston too. he’s so sweet and she can’t help but adore him

ppl swear either chris or pj is her soulmate (myself included nd i cant decide who pls help me)

always down for skate sessions

is sponsored by powell peralta (and is kinda at war with bam because he thinks his element sponsorship is better)

very fashionable. an it girl. (again, i picture her as devon aoki)

super scrappy and will fight a grown man

she knows how to fall because she’s a skater but she also has gotten some GNARLY injuries. usually to her head. always has bruises

knows first aid and she isn’t a medic obv but she has been SUPER helpful in certain situations

literally unable to drive, and yet, she drove for part of the gumball rally .. she managed to genuinely scare the guys. she doesn’t have her license for a reason.

one of those ppl who genuinely does not need deodorant but unfortunately the smell of jackass clings to her

has a lot of girl friends. she is a girl supremacist. we don’t blame her.

she can be really mean sometimes but most of it is on accident. she just doesn’t have a filter. the guys don’t really care tho, she fits in

ska music enthusiast. and a deadhead

so she doesn’t puke and doesn’t get grossed out HOWEVER she refuses to take part in that yucky shit. hell no. that’s what crosses the line.

once the guys collected a cup of their mixed sweat and poured it on her and she has never been so mad. like, she gets mad, she has a temper, but she lost her shit in a way that she never has before. made them turn off the camera. knoxville was the one to pour it—no one else was brave enough. tremaine was even on the fence about it. she ended up breaking knox’s nose. he was a good sport about it. they didn’t fuck with her in that way ever again

she can be kinda mean but it’s usually on accident cuz she has no filter. but for the most part the guys don’t give a fuck and it’s funny

interviewers and paps can be really really rude and sexist and the guys can’t help but get pissed and say stuff because they love her. BUT they also know that no one is better at defending her than she is. don’t fuck with her. ever. she will practically end someone’s career. she does not give a shit

[relaxxattack]

hwy so i saw ur poll ab arasol and f they were matesprits or not and ive been into homestuck for about 7 years and its a special interest and im autistic and thwy are my first and tbh only otp anf so if this is ok i wld like to infodump my opinion/hcs ab them bc i just 🥰 i love them sm 🥰 (def not frothing at the mouth at the idea of an audience for my opinions bc everyone irl is sikc of me lmao /lh)

ok so i deffo think they ar e matesprits BUT i think they never liie. clearly confirmwd it while aradia was alive. and once she became ghost aradia i think she got so distant and aloof (i think thats the right word?) about everytuing that it made sollux feel like she disnt love him anymore, and he eventually just had to move on, even thouvh it hurt. and feferi was there, not necessarily as a "rebound" but as a shoulder to cry on. someone for sollux to confide in, and to listen to him because he didnt have anyonw else he felt like woild. and i feel like feferi was def nto him and wanted to be his matesprit but i think sollux wasnt really. and i think they developed a kind of mixed/blurred lines relationship and the whole ghost and aradiabot phases pushed him and aradia furhter apart because aradia was dealinf wth so so much and in turn sollux was dealinf with the loss of his presumed (unofficial, wtv) matesprit, because that wasnt the aradia he knew and had fallen in love with. the ghost thing wasnt a bother - he loved her, not her physical form - it was the personality shift, i think.

and so when she reached god tier and regained her body nd her sense of identity, ithink they started to rekindle what they had nefore, if that makes sense? like aradia was his aradia again, an aradia interested in life and adventuee and archaeology and not this stupid, stupid game and suddenly not everything felt like it was collapsing around him and he felt like things could be okay again. and she helped him and he helped her and together they did make thinfs okay again. with each other.

and i think aradia's living>ghost>aradiabot>godtier timeline is a good allegory for depression and how it can absolutely shatter your sense of self and strip your world of colour and how that can make you push people away and self isolate and whatnot. idk thats just how i see it but :3 yea

i havet checkwd out the epilogues or homestuck^2 btw so this is based solely off of andrew hussie's homestuck bc i love it sososo much anyways yea !!!! tysm if anybody took the time to read this i love u all!! and ty for letting me drop this in ur askbox lolz and yea :3 srry if this isnt v comprehensive i just got off an 8hr closing shift at work lmao <3

this is a REALLY good analysis and i really love it, thank you for sharing! this makes complete sense to me.

aradia's depression being the catalyst for their split is very true! especially since she then sort of broke his trust with the whole sgrub thing-- and before that interacting with her was hard because sollux felt so guilty about what he did to her. it's just sad on all accounts, and i'm glad they both got better

honestly my poll was more to ask the question; "so we all agree that aradia and sollux were matesprits right because they do NOT act like moirails lol but it's funny because if they're matesprits that makes the feferi business weirder", but i don't think it came across in the post correctly, pfft

yes i definitely agree that they were matesprits, and also the idea that feferi was more into sollux than he was her is a really interesting one-- i also wonder if maybe feferi was maybe less into sollux than she thought, herself-- it's possible she threw herself into that relationship because she was just so relieved to be finally cut off from eridan and "allowed" to have relationships like that. but that's just my thought!

at the end of the day they're all just kids trying stuff out and it's kind of adorable and not that serious. i'm an arasoler at heart but there's nothing wrong with solfef either

[ningningkittie]

honestlyyyy i just rlly miss when i was deeply nd profoundly in love with all the bts members. i listened to their music everyday, i had folders where i saved my fav pics of them, i read fanfics all day, i wrote fanfics abt them, i watched their mvs and compilation vids of them all the time, i had a twitter fanaccount where it was sm fun talking to my moots, i wrote letters to the members, i had dreams abt them, daydreamed abt them... etc etc. tbh i had this sort of detached attachment. like i deeply loved them, but i knew that it would never be anything more than a fan loving their idol that dont even know you exist. it was comfortable that way. i would never be heartbroken by them, they didnt knew i existed. i'd never get to talk to them and build a real connection. it was shallow yet deep at the same time. i actually miss it so much. they brought me so much comfort, they supported me thru tough days at school, when i had social anxiety outside, when i had to do things that scared me i just thought of them and repeated their names. when i was lonely i talked to them in my daydreams. they were always there for me. and they would never let me down, bc they would never ever know me and be disappointed by me and leave me. they still feel like family to me in a way. this is smth that is very pathetic to ppl, but like idc. it isnt sad or pathetic to me, esp when i knew where the limits and lines were. i daydreamed abt them being my boyfriends but i knew they were never gonna be and that was safe to me. never knowing them was a comfort and security. it's like having what i needed the most without the fear and discomfort. there was a time where all i wanted was to just have a job and my apartment and spend my days at work and then my freetime reading nd writing fics abt them. listen to their music and follow their careers. but.... i grew out of it. i was attached to them for almost 4yrs, which is the longest i've ver liked anyone or anything. but i cant control what i feel connected to or not. it just happens. sometimes i try to get back that feeling, but it just wont spark!!!! i mourn my connection for them sometimes. it was so so so comforting and safe and they saved my life once upon a time. they made life less scary for me. they made me feel a desire to live. that love i have for them is still there, it's just duller and softer. i wish it could be just as bright and intense as back then bc they helped me so much, but i cant force it. i havent had anything like that since then or before. my latest connection and attachment to an actual person i have a real relationship to and talk to has just hurt me. idk i miss it... just wanna go back to my life as an army fangirl

[izzy-b-hands]

I know everyone on here only knew her via my occasional posts about work (back when I worked at the clinic in ND), but I wanted to post a small something about Pam, in honour of her passing today.

Pam had been at the clinic longer than any of us. And she was truly one of those employees that helped keep things running. She knew each doctor (but the MDs in particular, always the pickier and more needy than the ODs) like the back of her hand, in both scheduling requirements and overall likes and hates and needs. At first, she scared the ever-loving fuck out of me. She could be gruff, and occasionally outright mean, though I will always be grateful to her for the kindness she showed me compared to other trainees. Some of that may have come at first because she knew/worked alongside my mum for a few years prior to my being hired, but in time I found out that she simply did like me. Appreciated that I wanted to work hard and be better at everything in my life. Understood that life hadn't necessarily been kind or fair to me or my family and understood that well, because it hadn't been to her either.

Occasionally she'd be gone from work due to her Crohn's, and other chronic issues, and that was only what she'd tell you about. The implication was that, while she overall was quite happy with how things had ended up, there had been a lot of rough shit in between that had toughened Pam up a lot. It made her seem impossible to get to know to some, but I can say it was worth the work. Underneath the shell she'd had to grow to get through, there was a very kind, understanding woman who genuinely wanted the best for those she saw as doing their best in a world that's not easy for anyone to live in, even in the best of times and circumstances.

I admit, we did all encourage less than ideal parts of each other. She smoke too much and drank too much (and during the time in my life when I drank, we overdid it on her favourite long island iced teas more than once during happy hour after work.) But it helped to deal with things as work at the clinic got harder and things changed, unfortunately for the worse both for staff and patients (but I digress on that. The place is still running with Pam and I and many others gone, like any other privately owned rural clinic. When they're one of the few places open for care, they always straggle on no matter what they do to anyone else.) None of the above mentioned changed how fucking hard she worked though, and how she'd put her own job on the line to help out coworkers and patients alike whenever the chance arose.

That said, we helped get each other through the rougher days, and she gave me fantastic life advice in the times in between. Advice that finally helped get me out of ND, in fact, when it became clear that living there was no longer safe. Some of her best bits that I've engraved into my head are: 'there's always another job out there, another place to live, another person to meet that might be a friend to you. Don't let despair override your chance at something better, kinder, or easier. Take the treats that you can in life, whether that's a good drink or a favourite food or outing (she enjoyed the casino herself.) Don't worry too much about overindulging, because the time here is too fucking short anyway for it to matter in the way you think it will. Live your life, and feel it all in full, because it'll go by you faster than you expect.'

So tonight, with Housemate, I'm going to try and take her advice. I'm going to let myself be sad and miss her. I'll let myself be sad that it happened the way it did (barely a few days in hospice, from a cancer that it seems she didn't know about until very near the end. I only hope they had good meds to help her not hurt so much and that they let her have a few drinks and cigarettes if she wanted them.) We'll eat a good dinner, with food and drink that we like, and we'll look to see what we can send for flowers to her funeral (her sisters and nephews, I'm told, are doing their best to set it all up, but aside from that and past coworkers, I don't know if there's much of anyone else left to go to it or send anything. The least I can do to thank her for treating me with kindness and care when others didn't is to send flowers, I think.)

And I'll have a little, non-alcoholic, toast to her life and memory. May her memory be a blessing, and may whatever there is after this life be kind to Pam. She deserves that and more.

[brokenbones-tellstories]

I’m getting sad again. I don’t know if its the SAD or purely circumstantial, but I’m sad. I’ve spent a lot of time over the past several days thinking about a lot of things I’ve tried very hard to put to rest and I simply can’t. I’ve been cursed with this thing about me that makes everyone fall in love with me and as self centered or pompous or whatever you wanna call it that it sounds, it’s true. Ever since I graduated high school it’s been this constant thing that’s followed me around and I can’t shake it and it’s happening again. I swore I’d take it to my grave so I won’t go into details and give it away, even here, but it’s a thing and I don’t know what Im supposed to do with it.  I’m not mad at the person for it happening, not even close. I just wish I could be different. Not as....not whatever it is. Likeable, kind, patient, empathetic, understanding...something, anything, whatever it may be.  How do I explain that its this very personality that’s gotten me where I am? That someone fell so hopelessly in love with me that it near destroyed both of our lives for years on end and just when I thought I had learned my lesson, my best friend went and fell in love with me too. Since then he’s quite literally told me on more than one occasion that he wishes he never had met me and his life was better off without me in it. We barely talk about anything these days and whenever I find the courage to try and share anything with him I think he would like, I either get a simple “okay?’ back or ignored entirely.  I knew from day one that no matter what I did or how hard I tried nothing would ever work out between us. It wasn’t through any fault of our own, we’re just two very different people and life has made us volatile in ways that would never be compatible. We’ve hurt each other in near unforgivable ways with our wayward feelings and there’s a lack of patience and a disrespect that cannot go ignored. We are each others worst nightmares relationally and yet the best of friends at the same time. And still I love him I love him I love him. It’s a constant never ending thought and everything, every. single. fucking. thing. goes back to him. How we were in the city together every single time I was up there whether we even knew it or not. How our paths almost crossed before we even knew the other existed. How the very first conversation we had about a new show coming to broadway was the same one we watched the final performance of, together, four years later.  He, my endlessly frustrating, infuriating best friend who hates the very ground I walk on and still would come back to me, no questions asked, if I ever allowed him the chance. A

nd then there’s the rest of everything.  My best friend dipped out of my life without a word spoken and even after a year and I half I still don’t have an explanation from her. We’ve spoken cordially since, but when I threw out the olive branch asking for lunch or dinner, hoping for a chance to talk, she said no. The anger comes and goes like the seasons. I don’t always feel good enough to be her friend and I often wonder if it’s my own insecurities getting in the way, or if its my new found self respect telling me that I deserve better.  Whatever the case may be, I miss her more than anything. I wonder who her daughter is growing to be. I want to ask her what happened with her ex. I want to know if she’s okay. I wanted her to meet my son and to be happy I’m happy. To breathe that sigh of relief with me when I realized I was happy and okay and I had survived the single worst year of my life. She was supposed to be there forever. The champion of all my insane ideas and my adventure buddy. That girl would’ve gone anywhere with me until she didn’t.

Then there’s the world itself. Our crumbling economy and inflation that’s gotten so out of hand we’re barely keeping afloat. I can’t even afford to put lights on the christmas tree that was gifted to us this year. It’s my sons first christmas and I cant buy him the things I want to.  The tags on my car are years out of date and I have an outstanding ticket from it that if I Got pulled over again I’d be arrested.  My license is expired and I can’t renew it without paying for the car which means I can’t fly to chicago for my best friends wedding next fall.  I don’t have enough money to pay my bills each month as it is. How can I save hundreds of dollars for the car and a license. And why the fuck was I so stupid two years ago and let it go ignored? I was only out of work for three weeks. I could very well have handled it then and I didn’t.  I’m 27 years old and I’ve amounted to nothing I wanted to. I work part time in a coffee shop and I don’t know anything different. If I work full time, all my extra money would go to childcare and negate the entire point of working more. I Literally can’t win for losing. I dropped out of college twice because of finances and an inability to cope with life. I want to go back so bad it hurts. I want to be the first, and likely only one of us siblings to obtain a degree. I want to do it for myself.  For my son. I need to. I need to accomplish this thing to know it can be done. I need to check it off my bucket list if only for spite because there was a time I didn’t think i’d even live to get my diploma....why stop there? The ultimate fuck you is a life lived and lived well. I’m just tired and tired of everything and I hate that I can’t stop thinking even for a second.

Make it fcking stop.

[rabbitindisguise]

Something important to note (to back up OP with an additional primary source) is that like . . . the ADHD/autistic community knew about this (other folks being able to identify as nd) for a long time. The thing was that mentally ill people didn't want to associate with us because they identified strongly with the sickness/illness/cure narratives. That was my experience in 2012-2014. So every time I see a post bashing autistics and people with ADHD for policing the term I'm just so incredulous. People didn't want it! They made fun of us for it! I was there for this, and now that we're having fun in our corner of the internet uplifting each other and rejected the medical model of neurodivergence, people want to play in the sandbox and kick us out. I've even heard that people with psychosis "deserve it more." Than autistic people. I'm not sure they've heard the horror stories of ABA and shock therapy used on elementary schoolers, among many other things, but autistics are anything but undeserving to understand autism in the positive light.

And lately I've seen people saying that being neurodivergent wasn't and never been about rejecting the medical model, it was just an umbrella term for everyone who could identify as neurodivergent (which this post does not, I'm just adding this for people who are interested in using the term). The fundamentals of neurodivergence as a movement as it exists today is about there being nothing wrong with us which was the bedrock of the idea of self advocacy (the idea that we could have the autonomy to know what we wanted and needed is actually novel and radical even though it's commonplace today). I think that gets lost sometimes, and it's very sad because I found that very important growing up to know that ADHD wasn't a bad thing it was just part of myself that I needed to accept. It was also very unique to the autistic community and it was the positive influence of the autistic community that has helped me had much healthier understandings of my neurodivergence.

Ever since it came out that brain chemistry wasn't what mental illnesses were based on, just a backwards model developed to try to explain medication with no current proof (and science starting to adopt the idea that inflammation might be a cause), and on top of that people were lied to be pharmaceutical companies, people have been searching for a narrative to describe the context of their brain weirds, their mental illness, their diagnosis. I think neurodivergence is appealing because it allows people to have compassionate views of themselves and encourage their own independence in their medical care, or lackthereof.

At the same time, I don't think it's fair to act as thought autistics are somehow privileged to have needed to build this community space, nor do I think it's right to be dishonest about how autistics have spearheaded the progress of the neurodiversity/neurodivergence community. The resistance to rejecting allism means that when autistics built a community space for autistics, by autistics, people didn't want to join because to associate with people even they didn't see as human would hurt their own respectability. When autistics had the resources to self dx, learn to stim freely and include people not forced through ABA and other abusive practices, autistic people began to become more palatable in the eyes of the public (because the neurodivergence became less of a problem to them, even if the internal experience and needs is exactly the same between autistics they don't like and autistics they do like because they don't notice they're autistic). To punish autistics for a change in the views of respectability (though I'm not confident it has reached very far) is incredibly cruel.

it makes me sad to see so many non-ADHD allistic neurodivergent people be shocked when they find out they do in fact "count" as neurodivergent (or even autistic or adhd people who are shocked to find out their other things Count as neurodivergent) bc they have been convinced by online communities that only ADHD and autism (and maybe anxiety) are neurodivergencies

[elliewlums]

hi hi this has been sat in my drafts for weeks and i hate it but here it is regardless

content warnings: not really angst but a bit sad, fluffy ending, gareth is mean to reader, crybaby!reader, eddie is super sweet, whole lot of hurt/comfort.

“does he not get tired of you?”

“hm?” you ask, distracted by the novel you’re buried in. you don’t register gareth’s snide, and a little bitter, tone, too engrossed in reading to listen attentively.

“eddie, i mean.” he clarifies. “i mean, there’s no space between you two, like at all. does he not get tired of you being around all the time. does he not want space?”

your heart pangs and you raise your knees to obscure the rapidly gathering tears. your eyes sting as the fluid mixes with your eyeliner and seeps into your waterline. it’s a question you’ve been asking yourself since day dot. what if he is tired of you?

“i-i mean, i never thought so. i guess he could be, though.” your voice comes out small and high and very audibly distressed; he starts backtracking. truthfully, he only made the snide comment because he’s a little envious of how much time eddie spends with you. he’s supposed to be his best friend, not yours.

“no, no, that’s not what i meant! i just meant that the two of you- you know- spend a lot of time together. it’d just make me antsy, you know? i need space.” you don’t reply, instead pressing fingers to your eyes in an effort to push the tears away. “y/n,” gareth tries again.

“no, no, you’re right. maybe he is tired of me,” you say. suddenly the book in front of you isn’t interesting, your shaky hands discarding it as you stand and gather your things. “you’re right, i- i think i should go. you know, before he gets sick of me for good.”

“wait-“ gareth murmurs. he feels exponentially guilty when he catches the tears weighing down your lashes, pushing them to kiss at the corners of your eyes. eddie will be so mad when he sees what he’s done; your whole body trembles ever so slightly and your eyes are wide and doe-like. you’re distraught at the possibility of eddie not loving you anymore.

“i really don’t want him to get fed up with me,” you mumble, half to yourself. “i know ‘m sort of full on, clingy i guess. you’re right. need t’stop bein so fuckin’ full on. ‘m so stupid.”

“wait, i’m sorry,” he says; you harbour no ill will whatsoever against him, and he just made you cry. you startle again as eddie’s bedroom door swings open and he saunters out, immediately sensing your unease.

“babe,” eddie splutters, long legs eating the space between the pair of you quickly. “baby, what- what is it?” you stumble back.

“i need t’go home,” you say, scrambling for the door.

“no, you don’t.” he’s not impressed. he steps towards you again, crowding you against the wall, his dark hair falls in frizzy waves around his face, wide eyes alight with concern. he’s warm against your body. you hiccup a sob. “woah, woah. talk to me, sweetheart.” gareth watches the situation unfold, a pit of dread forming in his stomach. you shake your head fervently, trying to swipe the tears away. he catches your hands, smoothing out the tense muscles with his thicker fingers.

“bein’ silly.” you press your face to his chest and hide. “so silly.”

“c’mon, it’s not silly if you’re upset.”

“jus’ thought that maybe- maybe i should go t’give you space. you should spend time with people that aren’t me.” you cover your face with your hands when his grip slackens and he tuts, peeling at your fingers that obscure your features.

“lemme see that pretty face.” he’s so warm, always kind and gentle with you. you feel so guilty— guilty for pulling away from him, but also for taking up his time, for monopolising his attention.

“why would i want that? i’m not mad at you and i don’t want space. i spend time with everyone but you’re my girl. you’re my priority, babe.”

“i don’t wan’ you to get tired of me, ed,” you mumble. “what if y’get tired of me ‘nd then you don’t want me around anymore?” your voice breaks and patters out into silence and eddie shushes you as more tears pool and ruin your mascara. he surrounds you with his body, his smell: cigarette smoke and cheap cologne and weed.

“hey, what’s put this idea in your head?” your eyes flutter shut as he holds your face between his hands, thumbs gathering the tears from under them and wiping them away.

“nothin’.”

“sweetheart.” he’s chastising, pulling your arms over his shoulders to coax you closer. his nose touches yours. “it’s jus’ me. when have i ever been mean to you, hm?” your eyes flit away from him and then back again.

“hey, gareth,” he says suddenly, honeyed eyes not breaking contact with yours. “do you know why my girl’s so upset?”

gareth inhales a quick breath.

“i swear i didn’t mean it like that, man. it came out all wrong.”

“well, what did you say?”

you wrap yourself around eddie then. “doesn’t matter, ed. he was right ‘nd ‘m being stupid for gettin’ so upset.” he pinches your chin.

“you’ve never been stupid in your whole life. and he’s not right. i don’t want space and i’m not gonna get tired of you. i want you here with me.”

“‘m sorry,” you whisper, brows pinched and nose scrunched. he kisses your pout.

“no sorries.” grinning, he tugs you back to the couch and smushes you into the worn fabric, pouncing on top of you; his weight presses you down until you’re practically melded into the couch like clay. you grumble.

“you’re heavy,” you moan, “get off!”

“shut up, you little baby.”

“i’ll hit you!”

“yeah, go on then,” he goads, pinning your arms behind your back in triumph. he licks a broad stripe up your exposed neck and you squeal.

“i’ll kill you!” you screech, writhing in his grip. he lets up somewhat and you squirm out of his hold, sitting up and panting.

“that was a little harsh, sweetheart,” he laughs.

“‘s your fault.” you accuse, “you held me down!”

“yeah, yeah.” he kisses you again. “you wait right here while gareth and i go for a little chat, alright?” you cringe, suddenly quiet again.

“‘kay.”

“good girl.” his lips are soft and comforting against your forehead.

it’s safe to say gareth is never quite that mean to you again.

[ablednt]

While I'm at it, and I made a longer version of this a year or two ago, but the racism in the ND community is still really bad even just based on what I've noticed and I'm white so I don't even know the half of it.

Anyway @ fellow white people stop weaponizing your neurodivergence against people of color especially when they're also ND

You have RSD? Yeah that sucks but if you don't learn to suck it up when people of color are informing you of racist shit you've said or done (no matter what their "tone" is) then you're a violent piece of shit. You don't get to punch someone in the face and then go "you can't get mad at me for this 👉👈 I'll cry 🥺" (metaphor) that's fucking absurd. Yes being criticized sucks but you still have to listen to people you're hurting! Find healthier coping mechanisms it's not that hard!!!

You've got Autism? Hey guess what!! Not getting social queues isn't the same as being racist! If your response to racism is "I'm too disabled to understand this 😩 so i can't be racist" then guess what... you are! You are racist!! Stop it lol!

Special interests/hyperfixations can be retired, kept out of public spaces, and you're morally obligated to at the very fucking least acknowledge when something you like is racist. This is not even remotely difficult actually y'all just don't want to hold racist creator's accountable because you refuse to cope with the guilt you have for having agreed with them once. This is literally a you problem mk?

You've got face blindness? I feel you that sucks. Anyway people of color are still allowed to get upset when you can't tell them apart and also if you ever even think about inserting yourself into criticisms of "all POC look the same" bullshit views to go "well actually some of us are disabled" I am going to attack you actually. Shut up!!! Face blindness has nothing to do with that!!!

Hyperempathy? Still don't get to cry to people about how sad their oppression makes you. Also you can't actually empathize because you've never come close to experiencing this. This is just white guilt actually. Deal with it on your own time.

Hypoempathy? Just cause you don't understand how someone feels doesn't mean you get to ignore their problems completely!! You are part of this problem too you have to help whether you feel like it or not lmao.

[There's a million more, as a white person I'm obviously only aware of the most blatant ones, people of color in the ND community feel free to add on if you want to and feel safe. @ fellow white people if you try to be a piece of shit on here you're getting blocked actually]

[introloves]

Aone having a FAT crush on a tiny quiet barista at his new favorite cafe, they’ve memorized his order and even makes sure to keep his favorite seat open every morning for him- maybe they go to his school too but they never really talk? They kinda smile at him and wave in the hallways but never talk?

THIS IS SO CUTEEEE!!!!! nd bc im me i turned it into smut :( sowwy

— first times + big dick aone, embarrassed abt his size + size kink + brief summary of aone x reader’s relationship before we get to the smut + hard smut towards the end + f! reader

he wouldn’t say anything, he couldn’t say anything but you’d know by the way he he’s always mumbling when he gets to the counter, eyes shying away from your own, hands shaky everytime he’d hand you money, 2.25, every morning for his favorite cup of tea.

it’d always take you a couple seconds to put yourself back together, your own shaky hands tenaciously putting together his drink, perhaps making it with extra care.

he’d usually come alone, but on rare days there’d be a couple other faces. one in particular with brown sleek hair, would push him to mumble out words other than, ‘thank you’.

the teasing laughter and bright red coloring to his face was a dead giveaway. you’d only mess with your friends like this if there was crushing involved.

it’d make you burn up at the thought that he had a crush on you, he’s so big and intimidating and at first you’d have your guard up everytime he stepped inside, a looming presence not hard to notice.

but as the days went by, you’d see how much care he’d put into things. he’d take time to clean up his booth, make sure to recycle his cup, and always shyly nod his head towards you in a silent goodbye. on days where he feels especially brave, aone leaves a flower, one that he thinks most closely resembles your beauty.

on those days, when its your turn to clean the tables and you see a single, delicately picked flower, your heart thumps loudly in your chest.

you’d started falling for him before long.

and of course the dating starts shortly after.

you swear you’ve never felt love before him. he’s everything you needed, a nice security in an otherwise tumultuous and very scary world.

he holds you with arms that are twice as thick as yours, could squeeze you tight enough to hurt so very easy, but instead cradles you to sleep with so much care.

hands that work tirelessly, calloused, veiny and wide touch your face with a delicacy that doesn’t come naturally to someone of his size. he works at it, works at making sure he’s careful.

and you appreciate it, you do, but when you see him open jars for you with ease, reach over your head to pluck whatever you need from the top of shelves in stores, pick you up with no groan or strain, it makes your mind wander.

everything with him is so easy, so you don’t know why, when you’re slick between the thighs, throbbing with want for him, he makes it so hard.

he refuses your advances, pulls you off with a sad smile and jumbled words of,

“he’s not ready.” when you can clearly see he’s hard behind his pants.

it makes you cry, wondering if you’re not good enough. was the flustered flirting, kisses, and confession all just a big joke?

your tears break him, he hurriedly explains that it’s him. he won’t hurt you, can’t, refuses to.

“what are you talking about.” you hiccup, whipping away the tears.

“i just...” he sighs, running a palm down his face.

“i’m too big.”

your jaw nearly drops at that. the heat of embarrassment and lick of something hotter burns at your neck and tummy.

you’ve never heard or seen a man shy away because of his size, usually they boast and brag and have very little to boast and brag about.

you tell him it doesn’t matter, you want him. eyes wide and pleading, hoping he doesn’t shy away because you want him so bad.

his resolution is broken, he’s attracted to you after all. but you’re so small, so cute and plush and curvy in all the places he wants to sink his fingers into.

“i’ll be gentle.” he thinks when he finally grabs you, pulling you onto his lap.

he doesn’t miss the way your mouth shuts closed when you feel him, hips giving a small push against him to make sure you aren’t imagining him like this.

the kissing starts, fevered lips painting eachother in spit, shy moans leave the both of you.

foreplay is skipped, you’ve both held back long enough, and you wouldn’t let him anyways.

“not a good idea.” aone mumbles, but you don’t listen. you want him now.

one again you push at his weak spots, everything he does, he does to please you. but you make it seem that it’s quite the opposite, you want what he wants.

and aone is anything but an aroused man with a cute, soft, tiny girlfriend beneath him.

the first meeting of his cockhead against your leaking, twitching hole has him clench his teeth, hand placed heavy over your tummy to still your hips.

“it’s going to hurt.” he reminds you, but you still don’t care.

“i want you.” you breathe, it makes him hiss.

there were many steps you’d both taken together to get where you were.

from the first time he saw you at the café, bustling around with a smile that tugged at his heart, to a couple minutes ago, when you panted wantonly into his ear about how much you fantasized of him burying himself in you to the hilt, watching your eyes roll back as he pushes in is his favorite so far.

he’s not that expirienced, but knows that the growing wetness dripping onto his thighs with every squelch of your pussy as he sinks in is a good sign.

“g-god. nobu, you’re so big.” you chant.

he knows, he warned you.

but it’s not a bad thing, he thinks, because with just a few pumps in, the stretch he gives you, along with hips brushing against your clit, you’re already creaming around him.

he doesn’t blink the whole time you do, zeroed in on the shake of your thighs, fat squishing him against you, pussy equally trying to milk him of his own.

he thinks the best thing to do is to stay still and wait until you’re okay.

aone knows you are when the talk starts back up.

you can see the sweat glisten against his chest, you know he’s holding back, giving you shy thrusts once more.

it’s good, the same shy, tentative thrusts just made you cum so hard you couldn’t hear for a second, but there’s a hint of raw power he’s holding back.

“takanobu.” you call to him with a shaky voice.

he responds with a worried glance.

“use me.”

he looks at you in disbelief,

“n-no. i’ll hurt you.”

your hips rut, swiveling around the very hard cock of him in absolute desperation.

“i want you to hurt me.” you say. and he sees red.

there’s a tinge of fear at the hardened gaze he gives you, he moves you with an ease, making a show to grab your hips in both hands, lifting you off the bed as he kneels down.

he does as he’s told, moving you how he wants, impaling you down on his big cock over and over, watching the soft parts of you jiggle with the intensity of it, meeting the fat of your ass and thighs with harsh slaps. he digs already darkening splotches the shape of his nails into you.

you can do nothing but scream, trying to hold on to the bed so you don’t slam into the creaking headboard. but you don’t really have to worry, even now he makes sure to keep you from moving away from his pounding.

you can’t feel your legs with the second orgasm that takes you, knees lock and pussy once again creaming all over him while he drills into you.

this is what you wanted, your own pleasure being driven by aone. just like everything else, he makes sure to take care of you so good, your cunt numb and fucked open by the time he’s done.

he pulls out to cum all over your pussy, there’s so much.

he finally comes back to you with a noise that sounds apologetic.

“i’m sor-“ you cut him off before he can say anything, grabbing his face in both hands with shaky arms thanks to him.

“don’t.” you begin, telling him that it’s okay to not be careful, something he’s always been.

you let him know that with you, he doesn’t have to tip toe, that in the safety the two of your shared, he was free to do everything those who didn’t know him whispered about him. he was allowed to be mean, allowed to use those muscles he’s built, allowed to be scary.

finishing with a kiss to his lips,

you’ve loved him since he left you flowers at work, and you’d still love him even after drilling your pussy into submission.