#bit of a vent post

[syn0vial]

after attempting to commission art of boba fett without his helmet, i am forced to consider that a good number of artists, subconsciously or not, cannot accept that temuera morrison has always been hot despite his lack of european features, and honestly this explains a lot about the fucking travesty that is every single clone's face in TCW and TBB

[raspberryzingaaa]

My mom just came over and helped me work through my dishes and kitchen counters full of more dishes

with literal rotting food. Like. Almost a month or so of dishes. The dearth of which has in fact contributed to my recent Arfid relapse (shaking my fist at this stupid disorder). Like I walk into my house and it smells mildly like rotting mold. I am literally the epitome of the Damn Bitch You Live Like This meme. Hello world here is the reality of having chronic depression in the Winter! Also it was cold so I didn't want to do the dishes bc WATER IN THE COLD BAD and it all just piled up.

But my Mom. God bless her. In literally half an hour she helped me take out all my trash and recycling and unload/reload the dishwasher and help take all the rotting teabags out of the collection of teacups sitting on my counter. Guys. Guys it has Not been a great year for me so far in terms of like. Kitchen and Hygiene. I mean, it has literally never been good in those categories but gosh. Living alone is a whole other beast. I am so good at ignoring or just plain not noticing things until they become detrimental.

And my mama. She didn't even sigh or lecture or any of the things I deserved. She said lets roll up our sleeves and get it done and we did and I am forever thankful for this woman.

Also she was talking about how the gospel is in all things. How there is redemption even in this. And ough. Just. Ough.

[misscammiedawn]

Never trust anything you think about yourself after 10pm. It's all lies and you'll feel better in the morning.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT'S NOT EVEN 8PM YET?!

[bloodpen-to-paper]

Alright folks, final Qsmp post of the day (--will have mentions of the Forever situation fyi--)

The prison event was very fun and I got some good laughs (especially from the therapy session). I'm glad to be back and have broken the ice after being radio silent for like 3 weeks.

Going forward, I don't think I'll be as emotionally invested with the lore as I was before with Forever's content, and him not being here is still weird for me. There's moments that feel so much like he should be there, and references that I know would've been made if the server wasn't collectively ignoring his existence. I understand why they're doing that, and I'm not saying they shouldn't. I remember seeing some posts after the initial blow up saying it would probably feel off for a while before the server found a way to fully move past it. Its completely understandable, just like I hope its understandable that people like me still feel sad and hurt over the loss. That'll take a while, and I'm sharing this cause I hope this can resonate with anyone who feels the same.

Oddly enough, this whole situation gave me the opportunity to step back and learn a lot about myself. Hyperfixations are a big deal for ND people, it can be life consuming, and as much as I stand by the fact that everything would've been astronomically better if this never happened... I do think it helped me analyze my own brain in a way I didn't before, issues I had been ignoring or hadn't realized. There's a lot to life, and sometimes you lose sight of that when you're zeroed in on one thing 24/7. I'll still think about the cubito and consume content of him until I naturally lose interest (shout out to the other former Forever fans who are doing the same, separating character from CC of course), but from here on the Qsmp is something I'd like to just have fun with. Something for creativity and culture, but as a fun hobby rather than a serotonin lifeline. This may sound dramatic, but you never know what's happening in someone's life, and what they use to keep themselves going when nothing else is going right for them. Its why this kind of content exists, and I'm thankful for what this server provided when I was still figuring myself out. Even with the situation, I don't want to forget about any of it. But I think I'm ready to take a new and healthier approach this time.

Having said that, I'm glad I could be here for today, and I want to continue being in this fandom until the server itself is ready to end. The Prison Event, whether planned in advance or last minute, was honestly a really great way to give a bit of a blank slate for people still feeling weird about Forever's absence. It brought a new premise disconnected from him and gave people like me a reason to come back to livestreams. I'm glad to have broken the ice and to know that I can come back to the Qsmp fanbase and content, even if its different this time, I'm glad its there for me to return to when I feel like it.

There's a billion drafts for other fandoms and topics that I want to get through, and I'd like to be more consistent with them since my Qsmp hyperfixation has calmed down a bit. But I'll be here, sometimes blogging, sometimes just vibing. Its good to be back, I missed all of you a ton. See you at the Inmate Crucifixion <3

[thefroggypond]

deleted all the writing and art you sent me

didn’t even look at or read it for a final time

felt sorta freeing

i can pretend you never existed now :)

[skittish-labrat]

Been a while since I've been on here, sorry for disappearing like that. School made me slow down here, and my social anxiety and repression made it easy to just give up, but recent events (read: the election) have made me decide that I'd rather not die unfulfilled, so here I am!

[infacheezit]

I’m watching Mob Psycho. I feel so connected to Reigen in a weird way. Just the fear of not being able to be anything without other people and seeing his cycle be the exact one that I go through is just concerning. I swear this show feels like watching a fragment of me and what I could become.

[coots-and-bats]

On tumblr bc I wanna ramble but man,

Christmas really isn’t a happy time for me, it’s just kinda, there?

Abstaining from the family secret santa bc one, catching covid meant I wasn’t able to shop for a gift anyway and two, there’s no theme and bo assigned people, it’s the kind where you buy a gift and put it in the middle and you go around and pick a present/steal and I can guarantee like, over half of the gifts will be alcohol and I! Don’t drink!

And I’m gonna sound so ungrateful but like, I know dad’s mentality of gifting money is ‘aw I don’t know what you want so here you go!’ but man it just kinda…makes me feel very unseen.

I know it’s not about what you receive but the thought and season of giving but what to do when there’s so clearly…zero thought behind it, like it’s just done bc we feel like we ‘have’ to.

Dad and I don’t even put up any decorations anymore, idk I just get a bit melancholy hearing about how festive other households get

[hel-phoenyx]

It may be because of my period but my emotions are having ups and downs so quickly

I was angry af some hours ago, re-reading content on my characters made me so happy and now I'm just

Hurt

Tired

Feeling like the biggest scum on earth

I don't know

[starscream-is-my-wife]

Sometimes a day makes you want a Starscream to bite and squeeze

[the-infamous-cowardlion]

I love when people from first world countries decide to share on tumblr for the bilionth time that they're using animals products since they're "sooo enviromentally friendly and use the WHOLE animal uwu"

Meanwhile, 80% of the deforested area of the amazon rainforest is used for cattle ranching. But sure, feel free to tell me how eco-friendly your leather is as the tanning poisons our rivers or how important meat is for european culture while latin america burns for your double cheeseburger.

Don't worry, I totally understand it's too much to ask for you to stop eating meat in the name of the planet, animals, and us third-worlders who will be affected the most by global warming.

[darkmuffinstudios]

Whenever I’m struggling (physically, emotionally, or psychologically), I would always put a pen to my screen and just let myself draw.

Messy lines for messy feelings

I hope I captured it well. Killer and Nightmare were always a perfect muse for these kinds of moments.

[theredqueenandthebloodwyrm]

Bout to start gnawing and biting motherfuckers on here, istg. Fuck you third party voters, fuck you "I didn't vote because that would taint me", fuck you holier-than-thou moral purity fuckers. Fuck anyone who voted for Trump.

[s0fter-sin]

pt.2 of my horror au! you can find pt.1 here!

cw mild horror, descriptions of a dead animal (not riley)

to say johnny’s gotten used to the man living in his walls would be the biggest lie he’s ever tried to spin. he doesn’t have a choice but to get used to him

he won’t let johnny leave

he’s always watching him, even if he can’t see him; the walls and ceiling groaning with his weight as he follows him throughout the house during the day, only ever peeking through the vents when the sun’s gone down. if he even gets close to the front door, the vents shake like he’s sprinting towards him and the sheer panic is enough to make him stumble back; his heart pounding in his chest

he was paralysed the first night he saw the man, clutching riley to his chest in the middle of the bed, just waiting for him to come back and do god knows what to them- but the walls were silent

if it weren’t for the lingering damp on his hand and the slight scrape on the side of the vent, johnny could almost convince himself the whole thing was just some twisted waking nightmare

it was only when the sun crept over the horizon that he dared to step off the bed, riley tight in his arms, and held his breath as he escaped out the front door-

only to feel smug eyes on the back of his head when he saw his car tires slashed and random pieces of the motor ripped out and strewn across the yard

the message was clear

johnny can’t leave

the man won’t let him

the next few days passed in a haze of dread. johnny kept waiting for the man to come back, never eating or sleeping except for the snatches his body forced him to take. he can fight but from the glimpse he caught of the man and the weight of the sounds in the walls, the man was big. even if he did knock him out, where could he go? it would take hours of running before he reached another house

he never let riley out of his sight, feeding him in his room after he tipped the wardrobe over in front of the vent. it was only then he realised his phone was missing too

he was utterly trapped; a rabbit with his leg broken, waiting for the jaws to close around him

but the man didn’t come back

johnny’s panic turned into rage. then after another week of nothing turned into confused acceptance and determination

if he can’t leave, he’s not going die in a house with moldy baseboards

“i’m going out the back!” johnny announces loudly in the dining room - the room with the most vents - and almost flinches when he hears the slight reverberations through them. “i’ll come back in when i’m done but i’m not gonna let you stop me from workin’!”

nothing answers him. not a creak or a groan or a scratch. just complete silence

he wishes it didn’t make him feel so much worse

johnny takes a deep breath and wills his hand not to shake as he reaches for the doorknob, wincing at its obnoxious creak, and waits

and waits

nothing

johnny blows out a long breath. “alright, then,” he whispers and looks down at riley waiting obediently at his side. “let’s get to work.”

so he keeps fixing it

he builds new frames for the windows and purposely doesn’t acknowledge the heavy gaze on his back every second he’s outside. he replaces the outlets and pulls out the phone line that looks like it’d been chewed through with teeth far too big to be a rat

definitely too big to belong to the skinned rat he finds in the dumbwaiter after following the smell of gored meat, bled dry and spread out like a gift

a gift offered after a day spent repairing the roof, riley sitting diligently at the base of the ladder. a day he didn’t step a single foot inside

a day he didn’t eat at all

johnny looks at the rat, really looks at it. the skin had been cleanly removed, the meat left undamaged; the guts removed from the abdominal cavity. it’s been perfectly cleaned and dressed like it came from a butcher

from a hunter, prepped and ready for eating

it sends a shiver through him. he swallows and gently shuts the dumbwaiter cover, sending the rat back down to the basement then knocks politely on the wall for good measure. he then takes a bunch of fillings from the fridge, some bread and a cutting board, turns off the light and sits in front of the nearest vent

and waits

his breath is so loud, his instincts screaming at him not to have him back to the room. but he knows the only threat in this house will come from directly in front of him

johnny flinches at a distant thud and an immediate scratching starts, starting in the basement and barreling straight towards him

he’s angry

he swears he can hear his heart racing in his chest as the vent in front of him thunks, something heavy and fast weighting it down- then everything abruptly falls silent

he can’t see him

but he knows he’s there

he’s always there

johnny swallows again and lays out the two pieces of bread on the board, the moonlight coming through the window the only illumination he has. the vent remains silent as he layers on deli ham and a few slices of cheese, finishing off with a couple pickles and mayo

he closes the sandwich up and, eyes flicking to the shadows in the vent, picks it up and takes a bite

he chews slowly and lets out a deliberate hum before he takes another bite, dragging it out like it’s the best damn sandwich he’s ever eaten

johnny swallows his last mouthful, sucks a drop of may off his thumb and braces himself. he stands up and turns his back on the vent. he putters around, puts the food away and fills a glass of water and at some point while he’s washing off the cutting board, the vent lightly groans as the man slowly climbs away

he shivers and wonders how crazy it makes him that the rattle almost sounds thoughtful

💀🧼

there’s a sandwich on the floor

johnny’s still trying to catch his breath after hauling all the old moldy baseboards outside, frozen in the action of wiping sweat off his forehead

the bread’s torn, ham and cheese and pickles clumsily and excessively thrown on with sauce dripping out the sides

but it’s a sandwich, sitting on top of his cutting board

johnny tugs off his gloves and slowly walks up to it. the walls are silent. but that doesn’t mean the man isn’t watching

he picks up the cutting board and a voice in the back of his head screams at him as he brings it in front of the kitchen vent and sits just like he did the other day when he made his own sandwich. he hides a preemptive grimace and picks it up-

but it’s not soggy

despite the amount of sauce piled on it and the juice from the near fistful of pickles, the bread is still soft

fresh

you waited for me, johnny realises and something in his chest catches. you waited until i was done and made sure it would be ready for me.

johnny blinks a few times and bites into the sandwich

he can’t remember the last time someone had a meal waiting for him

his ex certainly never did; he always had to be poked and prodded into cooking, never wanted to eat anything they already had or waste time making something when they could just order in. even in other relationships, sure they would ask if he was hungry or make an extra portion when he wasn’t home so he’d have leftovers

but no one’s ever cooked something just for him. just because they wanted to

johnny thickly swallows the last bite

and doesn’t flinch when he looks into the vent and sees the shine of eyes looking back at him

“thank you,” he whispers

the eyes twitch back, almost like the man flinched, then they cock to the side and sink down into the very edges of the darkness, blending into the shadows like a ghost

but he doesn’t leave

and neither does johnny until riley pokes him with his nose, looking for his own dinner

[olive-man]

early years

and more stuff down here

just doodles, and a very stressed out me. thought this was a perfect time to post since i’m actually going back to school tomorrow for my last semester of high school lol. happy late new years btw (oh and brony headcanon i got from @bonkerbuster69 . you are cooooollll)

[o-mellowy]

Post sob-session glow 🌟