#cw programming

[howlsofbloodhounds]

Sorry again! Just realized a bit of a plot hole 😅

The black liquid that comes out of Killer is determination right? The DETERMINATION from Chara that’s corroding and eating away at the essence of the ghost child because monsters absorb human souls? So does Chara eventually “die” but Killer hallucinates them, and an example of this is when Killer is kidnapped to work for Nightmare? Or does Chara still remain with Killer but will eventually “die” away?

(I may or may not have to delete at least 5k of things depending on the answer sldhdlfhdke xD)

You can go with any answer you want, Killer’s creator certainly wouldn’t mind. Whenever anyone asked about Chara however, we’ve gotten answers such as “he feels like they’re always watching him,” in Stage 1 he’s able to see and hear and talk to them as if they are outside of himself—like a hallucination. And it’s highly unlikely Killer in Stages 1 or 2 would tell anyone about Chara, so they’ll never be able to reassure him if they’re real or not.

In Stage 2, Killer merely points to his head when asked where Chara was, and he hears their voice from inside himself—but ultimately attempts to ignore and tune out their voice. I don’t recall ever seeing him directly talk face to face with Chara in this Stage, in any of the canon drawings or comics.

Rahafwabas has referred to Chara in an ending where he has turned on them as “not real,” although I highly doubt Killer himself would be able to convince himself of such things consistently. His grasp on reality, if anything is real or not, is tenuous; and he cannot touch Chara to be sure. Neither would he want to.

Basically, regardless of if you view them as real or not, Killer has internalized his abuser as apart of himself, inside himself, watching him and making sure he is still compliant. A part of him that is tied to the Deal, and terrified of the consequences of not upholding it.

On a more headcanon level, this may have even been a deliberate thing, via gaslighting and manipulating Killer at his lowest moments to ensure that Chara is still wins if they arent physically around anymore for whatever reason. (And Stage 4 is referred to as “Chara wins.”)

I suppose you could say the Chara in the head is an internal handler, either deliberately implanted and/or a trauma induced hallucination here to provide guidance and order to parts of Killer that need it to function via fear and commands—perhaps even as a form of self protection, to not allow himself to have hope that escape from his circumstances is possible. Because having hope is viewed to be dangerous.

It’s be easy to control Killer through convincing him that Chara is or isn’t in real, in the latter case. If anyone can convince Killer that they can hear and see and talk to Chara, then it’s an easy way to have control over Stage 4 without the need of a heart locket.

Ultimately, however, you don’t have to edit or change a single thing if you don’t want. Want them to be real? Go ahead. Want them to be a hallucination or something of the sort? Go ahead.

Killer himself is unlikely to ever know for sure. Not unless he meets a therapist, or he finds the courage to talk to someone about them—and this person starts sharing their own thoughts on Chara.

{ @zuzuelectricbugaloo }

[ghosting-plural-userboxes]

sometimes like times like this we HATE having borderline or mild ( i’unno at this point was diagnosed with mild ID but think it’s borderline ID instead ) we really wish we could understand the concept of programming but we can’t ( < since got a request about it on emoji blog and need to make emojis for that ). Not that we don’t think it exists ( it does ) just that we can’t understand what it is or what it looks like ( if makes sense ) and we are really frustrated cuz we want to be able to understand but can’t understand and don’t have anyone to explain it simple to us

sorry for vent :( /gen

( and sorry if requester sees this /gen this is 100% not targeted this is just us being annoyed that we are stupid )

-Link

[disabled-sysboxes]

[TEXT ID: this alter has strange beliefs due to programming, please be gentle]

[IMG ID: a light teal rectangular box with a light blue outline with an icon of a person's head with a thin swirl in it to the left, with the text 'this alter has strange beliefs due to programming, please be gentle' on the right.]

–

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[misty-metropolis]

Content Warning: this post will discuss programming, intergenerational trauma, cult activity, and unsafe / abusive home environments. Proceed with caution.

TL;DR - I am very open about my DID with my friends and family. I've never tried to hide it from them. That has upsides and downsides, and was only possible for me because I fell out of a bunch of communities before eventually building a safe one for myself. Other folks who are out to family; how did it go?

++

I discovered my system while I was still living with my parents. There were a lot of environmental changes that made it very difficult for me to keep ignoring my amnesia, and that led me on a path from Dissociative Amnesia to OSDD1 and finally to DID.

I was very open with my mother about this particular journey. She knows that I have a very complex internal experience that she doesn't and can't fully understand. She knows that I've been looking for answers a long time. Discovering my DID was an important piece of that puzzle.

I eventually told my father about my DID as well, and that went significantly worse. He never outright denied it, but it was obvious that he thought I was a hypochondriac. I stopped talking about it with him for months until I eventually tested the waters again, at which point he said that "when things are hard, the 'system' comes back, because it's a coping mechanism."

I am and always have been very open about my DID. I honestly don't think I could hide it if I wanted to. Every community that I join learns about it eventually, somehow. I believe that I was trained by my cult to be open about it, so that I would face rejection, ostracization, and invalidation from the people closest to me. This worked well... for a period.

When I first came out as a system, my boyfriend told me to my face that he thought I was lying. The woman who served as my mother figure was highly skeptical but, in her own words, "played along." My closest circle dissolved about six months later, in large part because no one believed I actually had DID.

But then I moved on into DID communities. And yes, I faced some rejection there as well. Some even for how my system functioned. (You would be astonished at the number of people who think I'm fabricating my programming history.) But a few years ago, I created a new community, and I built a new family for myself, all of whom have DID or OSDD1. These people trust me unconditionally and support me through periods of denial. They believe that I am a good person, and that I am trying very hard to be a good person, and they call me in when I'm out of line.

...This got kind of off-topic.

My whole family, including my stepdad, knows about my DID. On the one hand, my mother has done her best to support me, and my sister kind of ignores it at the best of times. On the other hand, my father has taken the opportunity to trigger my programs, putting me in physical danger up to and including risk of suicide.

I didn't know I was programmed when I first told him I had DID. If I had, I wouldn't have said anything. Honestly, I don't really know what I would have done. I probably would have tried to keep quiet about it, because much as I love my mother, she doesn't often keep secrets from my father, even when doing so is a matter of my safety. But I needed her support. And I needed my father's support, even though he didn't give me any.

It's been very hard being out as a system, especially because being a system is such a core piece of my identity. It feels strange to interact with non-systems without mentioning it. It's like hiding one of my limbs.

Friends, feel free to share your experiences with coming out as a system! I'd love to hear them.

[syscultureis]

hc-did culture is being programmed to not be allowed to fall in love with anyone but your cult leader so you end up pushing anyone you like away

:(

[dreary-clouds]

i feel bad for him, really. because he knows what happened to him, and he isn’t supposed to. but he knows and he was created for the sole purpose of craving that treatment. so of course he “wants” to go back, even though he does not actually want to.

and so he tries to fill that void with anything that he possibly can, and a combination of brain chemistry and upbringing have made him dependent on other people to fill it for him.

he is working on it, and we don’t say it enough but we’re all proud of him for it. he hasn’t tried to contact that man in a few years. he unblocked him on facebook last night but didn’t send any sort of message; he blocked him again in the morning. he would never have been able to do that, before.

and i know that it’s because he fused with other parts, parts who were, understandably, more scared of that man than he was. but the fear that he absorbed from that is probably a good thing, even though it makes him miserable, because it keeps him safe. it keeps him safe in ways that we can’t, because this disorder is supposed to protect him, but the way that it was forced onto us makes it do the opposite, sometimes.

he’s scared, and he’s hurting, but at least he is here. at least we are all still here, instead of back there.

[a-timeless-illness]

do you tips on how to disclose RAMCOA trauma with someone? we have a really bad silence (or maybe shutdown? I forgot the difference genuinely) program where even thinking that we could be programmed makes us shut down and it gets hard to think and impossible to talk. typing is okay as long as we can organise our thoughts (which is really hard but we manage) and so we thought of typing it to our closest friend and partner

sorry if this is not something you're equipped to answer, we're just really confused right now

Hello! Thank you for the ask, if you have any RAMCOA questions please refer to @ramcoa-info ! I'm not mad about this ask but it can better direct the focus of this blog versus that blog.

I've been in therapy for over 7 years and can personally tell you that you WILL need a therapist for the programming. I have been working deprogramming our system for over a few months, and even then, it's still hard, and it's a slow process. Considering you do have a shutdown program, I advise you only to take it to a professional as this can cause a sh or sui prog to be triggered.

However, I find that having: a safety net, a safe space where I can't harm myself or others, safe people, comforting items, etc can help when disclosing some small aspects of our trauma. However, I can only advise so much without recommending a therapist.

Hope all goes well, sorry if this wasn't too helpful.

[the-hydra-sys]

Saw it on your spam, but "transprogrammer" and "transprogrammed" is exactly what it sounds like: radqueers who think they were meant to be/want to be programmed/a programmer

We saw this but have been letting it sit in our askbox for a while because. Jesus Christ /neg.

[seenthisepisode]

no offence but the reason tumblr is “dying” is, well, yes, of course the cursed like/reblog ratio and the change in user behaviour (because of people being used to how instagram and tiktok work) BUT also the lack of weekly shows. i say it with my whole chest, they don't produce captivating and engaging stupid weekly tv shows anymore because streaming killed that so you have spikes of activity here when Something happens in general fandom or up to three days after a new season of whatever drops and then it's a wasteland. this is obviously an old woman yelling at a cloud missing supernatural and the vampire diaries and pretty little liars and all these other shows type of post but honestly give me back weekly tv shows where i have something to watch for 40 minutes almost every day of the week after work so then i can read and reblog it on tumblr give it back for the sake of my sanity

[howlsofbloodhounds]

If Killer were to gain another alter/stage what would you think about it or how would you think Color would take it?

Either one of being more unstable in need of comfort type of stage or more disoriented violent stage etc.

Well, if we’re going with the interpretation that killers stages are something like alters or that it’s possible for him to develop other stages, then I’m assuming it’d have something to do with tampering his soul or codes. Or in the case of systems, stress or trauma.

Or just something that killers other stages aren’t able to handle, so his mind/soul work to develop another—in this case of being similar to an alter, it’d be “split,” but in case of something like OSDD2 (not OSDD-1B, they are different) it may be moreso something killer feels he needs to develop to survive or someone convinces or coerces him into thinking he does. (which is likely to involve very abusive and violent things, such as torture, gaslighting, and perhaps drugging.)

Of course disclaimer that I am not a system, so don’t take my word for all this. Systems are welcome to share their thoughts and opinions, or just add some information or correct me, however you please.

If it were a more scared, or angry stage, it may be the results of something that pushed killer more than he was capable of handling in terms of trauma. such as a specific moment during a punishment or while out on a mission, maybe. we’ve seen how dangerous killers stage 2 can be, stages 3 and 4 even more so. color may have to focus on preventing damage to himself, killer, and others, and attempt to switch him back to a lower stage. so he and killer can come up with ways to navigate this new situation.

if it were a more unstable, in need of comfort stage, I suppose it matters on what exactly triggered this, and if color would be recognized as someone comforting and trustworthy.

even “simple” things can cause splits for systems, I’ve heard. every system has different stress levels and coping mechanisms and splitting frequencies. perhaps this type of stage could be formed from the unbearable stress and anxiety and uncertainty of trying to navigate a life with color. A “normal” safe life.

perhaps this stage is either better equipped to handle it, or this stage holds all the emotions about it so other stages can handle the situation. if it’s the latter perhaps color wouldn’t be a source of comfort exactly, because the stress comes from things around color or perhaps color himself (unknowingly, unintentionally, not colors fault), but he may feel familiar. so perhaps just sitting with this killer in this new stage, talking to it, letting it come to him when it’s ready would be a better approach.

Now if we go with the idea that this new stage is here because of tampering with his soul and his codes, that begs the question. Who did it? Why did they do it? Was it intentional? Was there a purpose? What was the circumstances surrounding what’s basically the equivalent of reprogramming or adding on to killers existing codes.

If there was a purpose, then this stage is likely to do whatever it has to, in order to carry that out. whatever it may be.

[slushglow]

where are my edward elric fans in the crowd tonight

[disabled-sysboxes]

[TEXT ID: this system is a system with programming]

[IMG ID: a light blue rectangular box with the OSDDID flag - a flag with four stripes, black, blue, green, and yellow - to the left, and the text 'this system is a system with programming' to the right]

[TEXT ID: this system is a system with programming]

[IMG ID: a light orange rectangular box with the original OSDDID flag - a flag with three stripes, white, orange, and black - to the left, and the text 'this system is a system with programming' to the right]

–

(A) System with programming: A term for systems who, at first, weren’t programmed into being a system, but were programmed later in life.

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[ilariel]

Red alert

[nyuheartbreak]

fuck it we ball FUCK IT WE BALL FUCK IT WE BALL

[a-timeless-illness]

-multigram

Etymology

Multi ; multiple

Gram ; program

A suffix to describe a programmed system or group of headmates (2 or more). This could be dedicated towards fragments, programmed headmates, and general headmates.

This is a RAMCOA system ; HC-DID system exclusive term.

[Image ID: A five horizontal striped with a circle that holds a symbol in the middle. The middle stripe is larger than the other stripes but is cut in the middle by a thing black line that reaches the circle. The colors are medium gray, light-medium gray, light gray, light-medium gray, and medium gray. The circle is filled with the same light gray, and the outline is black. The symbol is three flat characters that have a semi-oval as a body and a circle as a head. The characters are color black. Below each character is a box, where the side characters connect to the box higher up in the middle. There is a middle box below the higher one. End ID]

-unigram

Etymology

Uni ; one

Gram ; program

A suffix to describe one individual programmed headmate. This could be dedicated towards fragments, programmed headmates, and general headmates. Used to describe one headmate or the role of a headmate/headmates.

[Image ID: A five horizontal striped with a circle that holds a symbol in the middle. The middle stripe is larger than the other stripes but is cut in the middle by a thing black line that reaches the circle. The colors are medium gray, light-medium gray, light gray, light-medium gray, and medium gray. The circle is filled with the same light gray, and the outline is black. The symbol is a flat character that has a semi-oval as a body and a circle as a head. The characters are colored black. Below the character are three boxes, where they connected to a larger box above them. End ID]

To note: I am an HC-DID system ; RAMCOA survivor. I'm unsure if that is updated on my intro.

[labyrinth-walls-tiny-worm]