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realcube · 2 years ago

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YOU GOT: AKIKO YOSANO

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ long matchup for @idoitcauseitsfun

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ if you’d like a matchup, read this!

‘She/her pronouns, Bisexual, ISTP 9w8, Leo.’

𓆩♡𓆪 well it’s great you’re bi because akiko happens to be a girl lol

𓆩♡𓆪 not a girl actually , a WOMAN

𓆩♡𓆪 and ofc she has no canon sexuality but on her wiki , both her dislikes are to do with men .. so

𓆩♡𓆪 Also, according to Personality Database, y’all both have the exact same personality type :O of course, it takes more than similar personalities to be compatible but it’s definitely a good start and a good basis because you’ll both likely be on the same page when it comes to communication (Introverted Type) and when it comes to decision-making (Thinking Type)

𓆩♡𓆪 You’re a Leo and Yosano is a Sagittarius. Firstly you are both fire sign and considering you both have an underlying fire I think that is so accurate and makes you both so compatible.

𓆩♡𓆪 I checked lots of sources and all of them say that Sagittarius and Leos have very high compatibility, here a quote i took from one of the sites because it’s so sweet: “Leo and Sagittarius are a very good fiery combination of signs, and when two people with these Sun signs come together, they inevitably fall in love. This love is warm, passionate and inspiring, and they will have a chance to create, perform and have fun together for as long as they feel this way.”

𓆩♡𓆪 tbh i don’t know anything about enneagrams.. however, i checked and yosano’s enneagram is 8w9 .. so yours but backwards? opposites attract i guess haha

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‘It would be nice to a be boss, but at the same time, I like letting others operate how they want to do so. I dislike group works because even though I don't have a problem with socializing with my teammates thought of not being in charge is unnerving I want to be left alone to do things the way I want to do it.’

𓆩♡𓆪 i think this entirely compliments Yosano’s vibe and demeanour so much since she is seen as being such a strong leader so many times

𓆩♡𓆪 although unlike other members of the ADA, she not really obsessed and insistent on being in charge or focussed on things going her way all the time, and capable of following orders.

𓆩♡𓆪 so because of that, i don’t think there would be any conflict of roles when working with her, because even though she is a great leader, she doesn’t gravitate towards that position, hence you can take charge and she’ll be alright with that

𓆩♡𓆪 so yeah, together you could be such a badass team

𓆩♡𓆪 but also , since she is so calm and nonchalant, if you are very insistent on working on your own, Yosano is gonna be the most accepting of that

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‘I’m very innovative but still, choose the practical route a lot. It’s easy for me to create goals and envision the end results but it’s ridiculously hard for me to remain committed to the process.’

𓆩♡𓆪 Yosano is shown to be very practical as well so y’all are definitely complementary with that

𓆩♡𓆪also, she’s so supportive so when it comes to you creating goals which you might not be able to stick to, Yosano will always be encouraging you to go on with them and help you, even if she is uplifting you in her own.. sadistic way lol

𓆩♡𓆪 “what do you mean you’ve given up on knitting? so what about the cardigan you were going to make me ? ugh. fine. well, we can’t let these knitting needles go to waste. Next time someone is wounded I can use these to sti—”

𓆩♡𓆪 “NEVERMIND”

𓆩♡𓆪 in order to save anyone in the ADA who is inflicted with an open wound from further suffering, you took back your needles and continued knitting

𓆩♡𓆪 so yeah , that’s just an example of a twisted way Yosano gets you to finish projects and brings out the best in you 🌈

𓆩♡𓆪 hell she’ll even start projects and work towards goals with you just for motivation. like she’s got nothing to lose so she may as well try

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‘The good thing about me is that i know when to hold my tongue and temper. I'm a somewhat patient and not easily provoked.’

𓆩♡𓆪 that suits Yosano really well because she probably could not deal with someone short-tempered because although she isn’t short-tempered herself and it takes quite a lot to provoke her, what she’s like when she is provoked is terrifying

𓆩♡𓆪 plus the fact you are both pretty patient in a relationship is really good thing; improved communication !!

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‘I like horror genre [movies, books and etc], watching movies, listening to true crime and music[especially indie and rock music]’

𓆩♡𓆪 it’s evident by now that Yosano is a big fan horror herself; y’all would totally go on the best horror movie dates ever, even marathon

𓆩♡𓆪 and since she is a surgeon, she likely has very adept manual dexterity which translates well into video games. although isn’t a massive fan, if you are ever playing a horror video game and she is watching and there is any particular point where you are struggling, she will definitely insist you give her the controller so she can do it for you

𓆩♡𓆪 and knowing her she will get it in one or two turns

𓆩♡𓆪 but she’s not cocky so she won’t rub it in, she’ll literally just go back to watching you play like she didn’t just speedrun an entire level in record time

𓆩♡𓆪 also.. true crime 👁👁 she literally works for the ADA! her life is a true crime. she likes listening to them as well but only with you. but after y’all get more comfortable with one another and after each podcast she’ll either go on a rant about the ADA would’ve been able to solve a case that is currently unsolved or talk about how that podcast reminded her of something she experienced at work but what she did was ‘much cooler’

𓆩♡𓆪 i don’t think yosano would be that into music herself but if she comes over and you start playing some indie/rock, she definitely wouldn’t be opposed

𓆩♡𓆪 in fact she might even ask you to play that sorta stuff more often or even make y’all a playlist to share

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‘I hate quiet places [i have trouble sleeping in quiet environment].’

𓆩♡𓆪 that is literally perfect

𓆩♡𓆪 see if you tell yosano this, she will offer for you, on your down time, to hang out near her surgery. you don’t even need to be on the same floor, the screams of fear her patients is loud enough to be heard from across multiple floors in the ADA building.

𓆩♡𓆪 but if you are maybe sleeping in the same room and it’s too quiet, she will be completely okay with you playing loud ambient noise to help you sleep

𓆩♡𓆪 or fnaf jumpscare noises, what ever floats your boat

𓆩♡𓆪 she’d offer to record the patient screaming noises for you but that is malpractice and everyone knows she prides herself in professionalism and empathy..

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‘LOVE LANGUAGE: Acts of service & quality time - giving, Physical touch & gift giving -receiving’

𓆩♡𓆪 as a busy lady, she would definitely appreciate your love languages; she’d adore the change of pace from constantly doing stuff to actually being able to spend time with the people she loves

𓆩♡𓆪 and if you do something to help ease her workload, that would be even better ! she’d be so grateful

𓆩♡𓆪 and it’s obvious that yosano is a big fan of shopping, so she’d be exceptional at gift giving. whenever she is shopping and sees something you might even remotely like, she buys it.

𓆩♡𓆪 perhaps not the most financially responsible decision, especially now that you have the same hot water bottle in 4 different colours because you said you used to own a similar one that you mentioned you really liked.. but now you can have hot water bottles on rotation

𓆩♡𓆪 as for physical touch, it would probably take her a bit to become more affectionate, but if you are open to it, she will be as well

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for @idoitcauseitsfun: after your request i immediately thought yosano however i began to waver between dazai and her. literally just because he’s a bit edgy as well. but i feel as though you have a more complementary personality with yosano, and a deeper level. well, as deep as anime matchups get.

#matchup #anime matchups #matchups #match ups #bungo sd #bsd

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hopeswriting · 1 year ago

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okay so i didn't plan to ramble so much, but should have actually expected it because i've been thoroughly consumed by a 10th gen and especially a tsuna brainrot lately lol. so yeah, have said ramble under the cut.

and tl;dr is that i totally agree with this and so i wrote an essay about it no one asked for. <3

SAY that!!!!!!! you're so right and you should say it and i hope we all know it. also i was literally just talking about this too, like. tsuna IS a loser and it's a fact and the truth and it's the POINT. it's entirely by design, it's intrinsic to tsuna's character and it's the foundation on which everything else about him is built upon. and it's not who he is at his core, obviously, but because he's a loser and grew up one, and was perceived through this lens in other people's eyes and was given what they decided was the warranted and deserved treatment because of it, tsuna ends up with the personality he has and the outlook on life and people he has. he ends up with the convictions and principles and beliefs he has about life and people, and ends up with the wants and wishes and needs he has about them.

tsuna being a loser is absolutely fundamental to what khr is all about and to what tsuna's character especially is all about. and taking that away from him doesn't change the message of khr to an unrecognizable or significant degree, but to me, it does absolutely do that to tsuna's character, and so i inevitably lose non-negligible interest whenever it happens.

there's a reason why to the very end amano made it a point to show us and remind us that tsuna only barely changed. and not in any of the ways he's been and has been considered a loser all his life. there's a reason why he looks at friends, knowing that he only barely changed, and goes "but now i have friends anyway". because the thing is that he's just as deserving of them now as he would have been even if he had gotten them from the very beginning. even without him having to "prove" himself worthy of it first through all the mafia things he goes through throughout the manga.

which is the point. which is the point. do you get it?

tsuna is a loser. tsuna will keep being a loser even as he keeps growing and keeps becoming better and more capable and confident in his strengths. tsuna has to remain a loser for the message of khr to stay true to what it is. do you get it???

because tsuna IS bad at all the things that makes him a loser, and so what of it? it's completely insignificant when it comes to what kind of person he is. it has absolutely no bearings on or affect in any way the worth and value he has as a person, nor the respect and decency he should be treated with as such. which are all something he's (and everyone else) inherently due for no other reason that he IS a person too. that he's been born another fellow human being just the same as everyone else.

tsuna's a loser and it's been held against him and he's been harshly punished for it and it shouldn't have. it's wrong that it happened and that everyone around him let it happen. because sure, tsuna's a loser at these specific things, but so what of it? he's good—he's great at other things that matter so much more and are the only things that matter when it comes to, like. the things we owe to each other as human beings sharing the same earth and reaching for the same happiness. and the ways we owe each other to treat each other because we're all human beings capable of inflicting pain and being hurt the same way.

tsuna sucks at studying and at sports and at talking to girls, and he's clumsy and awkward and a coward and lazy and doesn't want to have to try hard in life, and he doesn't know how to approach people, but he's good at people. he's good at kindness, at understanding. he's good at mercy and compassion and forgiveness and giving second chances. he's good at seeing the worth in people despite all their imperfections and flaws, no matter how obvious or deep or seemingly unforgivable they may be. he's good at loving people for all their imperfections and flaws too, making it easier for them to love themselves too. he's good at making the most out of the happiness within the little things in life, helping others realize that maybe this is all they need out of life too, that maybe it's enough and they don't have to work themselves to the bones to be more and better and perfect, and reach some arbitrary greater height. he's good at knowing what is right and where to draw the line, and what should be fought for and protected to the very end.

tsuna's great at all of those things, which becomes more and more apparent as you read the manga. and he could have learned to be great at these things so much sooner if he was just allowed to, because he's always had it in him to be great at all these things at the same time as he was bad at the other things. and part of why he's a loser and remains one is, of course, because he was harshly and cruelly and unfairly bullied for it for years, to the point it destroyed any kind of self-esteem in him before he had the chance to show he also was much more than that. and another part of it is that he's thirteen years old when the manga starts and should have been allowed to be. but yet another part of it is that it's also just who tsuna is and it's okay.

tsuna wasn't secretly or unknowingly super skilled and talented and better than everyone else all along, and it's okay. and he felt bad about it and thought lesser and lower of himself because of it because he was made to, but it's still okay if he doesn't feel like changing that part of himself even once he grows out of it. it's still okay if he still feels at peace being the way he is in that respect, because it just has no bearings on what he calls happiness and his abilities to find it. and i firmly believe that even if reborn never showed up in his life and brought everyone else along with him, happiness would still eventually have found its way to him. people—his people, people who'd have been able to see him for who he truly is in all his imperfections and who'd have loved him for them and for everything else he also is, would still have found its way to him. and maybe, in a scenario where life is a little kinder to him once he's out of school and allows him the time and peace to pick up the broken pieces of his self-esteem and self-worth off of the floor, tsuna would be even brave enough to be the one to look for them first, to reach out to them first.

i firmly believe that even if reborn never showed up in his life, another reborn would have eventually showed up in his life anyway, because—

because this is the point of tsuna as a character. because khr is all about growth, about it never being too late to do better by yourself and others than you did yesterday, about you never being too far gone to start learning how to do that, and about how, despite undeserving and unworthy of it you think you are, there will always be people who eventually and inevitably will be willing to love you anyway, healing the pain away and making it worth it and making you a better person for it. and of course, tsuna's journey throughout the manga is the embodiment of all that more than anyone's else, but khr is also about how you're deserving of kindness and love and happiness even right now, in all your flaws and imperfections. even before you start doing anything about it. it's also about how you're still deserving of people to have your back, to support you, to help you back up on your feet and help you heal the bruises from the fall. how you're still deserving to have people to hold your hand and stand by your side right where you currently stand, making it more bearable and kinder and loving and happier until you're ready to walk on a less harsh path. hand in hand and side by side still.

tsuna's a loser, and it's no personal or moral failure of his in any way. it's not a flaw of his or something he ever has to overcome if he doesn't feel like it. and it's not something that should have ever taken anything away from him where it matters the most for so many years. it shouldn't have been allowed to, and it's wrong that it was--tsuna was being unfairly and cruelly wronged every moment it was allowed to happen.

tsuna's a loser, and still went on to love people and to be loved back just as wholly and fiercely, as it should be and should have been all along. tsuna's a loser and remained a loser through everything he achieved throughout the manga anyway, proving (even if he should never have had to) that happiness and love was still within his reach all along. as it should be and should have been all along.

tsuna's a loser, and he's still loved for being one too, not in spite of it, never in spite of it, and it's only right that he is. it's the only right way it should be.

and it's so, so important to me that tsuna carries this message within him and embodies it so relentlessly and unyieldingly and proudly throughout the manga, and it's absolutely the one thing i personally love about him the most.

(also on a side but still relevant note, i do personally mean tsuna's a loser, and not useless by any means. and when i call him a loser, i'm only saying it factually with no judgement attached to it, and would use another word with the same meaning but with none of the (or less of anyway) negative connotations attached to it if i could think of it lol. but yeah, "useless" is just the demeaning monicker and nickname that was forced onto him so relentlessly and for so long, he came to believe it to be the truth too, but it still doesn't make it true. it isn't, does not actually truthfully reflect on him or is an accurate assessment of who tsuna is and what he can become. what tsuna actually is, is lacking in certain areas to an extent people around him just decided it'd mean he'd never amount to anything in life, but once again, just because they believed it and made tsuna come to believe too, it still doesn't make it true.

tsuna is not useless and has never been so. and he didn't get the opportunity to learn it for himself before people decided that was all he could be, but then do learn that once reborn shows up in his life. and we learn it alongside him as we witness and accompany him on his journey through the manga that tsuna always had it in him to live a good life. and maybe to not make something great out of it too, or something that'd leave a mark behind him once he'd be gone, or something admirable other people would strive to achieve in turn, but so what of it? what does it matter when it's not something tsuna himself cares to do, when it's not something he needs to do to still be happy and content and fulfilled with his life anyway?

tsuna would have done just fine at life as long as he'd have been left alone to try his best shot at it. i mean, take the fact he's bad at studying as an example. and he's bad at it because it's simply something that doesn't come easy to him, but also the bullying sure as hell can't be helping the matter, especially when we know some teachers are in on it too. and maybe tsuna still wouldn't manage to achieve average grades or above average grades even without the bullying, but no doubt he'd do a lot better than he does in canon if he was just left alone to try his best at it anyway no matter how bad at it he is.

now as it is in the manga, he does go on to live a great life, by becoming vongola decimo and all (it's strongly implied anyway), but it's still very much not something he wants or something he'd call happiness. if it was left up to him, tsuna would have gone on to find and build his quiet and peaceful and unremarkable daily life for himself, and would have been perfectly happy with it. with or without reborn showing up in his life, once again, for the reasons already discussed above. and some people would still pity him for it, would still see him as lesser and lower for it, would still force their beliefs on him that his life is lacking and that he should strive for more and better, but that very life still would be everything he's ever wanted out of it. and he'd still hold on to it tightly and protect it and fight for it unyieldingly through thick and thin, comes hell or high water.

which is, again, the point of tsuna as a character. tell me you get it. this is what his character all comes down to. this is what he fights for and what keeps him standing back up again and again, both for himself and for other people too, especially the one he loves, so they can at least have the chance to choose if it's something they also want for themselves because it's what they also call happiness. the mundane and unremarkable and ordinary.

because the thing is, tsuna is so very plain and unremarkable and average, and then fails at even being average, and still, still, happiness and love and acceptance have been within his reach all along. and still, he's been deserving of them all along. and still, he's been due those things all along.

because these are not things that should ever have to be earned. these are not things that should be tied to your inherent greatness or lack thereof, or to wether other people think you worthy or deserving of it. these should not be tied to how hard you worked beforehand to get them and prove yourself worthy of them, even if you can't help but feel it unfair then that other people got those things easier than you without first having have had to do all of that. and these should not be tied to how grandiose they might be, or how impactful, or how much it makes people look up at them and envy them for themselves too.

and you should be worthy of them, should know how to cherish them and look after them so they'd flourish and prosper, and it's only right they're taken away from you if you turn them into something hurtful both to you and to other people, but happiness and love and acceptance are things that should be given. for no other reason thay we've all been born in this world without asking to. from a human being to another human being. and if it's not given to you, you're well within you right to name them that wherever you find them, and pick them up and hold them close to your heart and refusing to let go, comes what may.

the point of tsuna is to say with his whole chest and while believing every word to his very core that "you've been unfairly withholding happiness from me when you had no right to deem me unworthy of it to begin with, and i will never let anyone take it away from me again now i found it anyway and should have been allowed to find it all along."

the point of him is to say "who are you to tell me i don't get to have happiness too? especially because of things that don't even make it harder for anyone else to find happiness too, that don't hurt anyone else, including myself, and that won't make it harder for me to find my version of happiness? who are you to call my happiness any less meaningful that yours, to see it as lesser than yours just because we have different definition of it? who are you to decide what i call happiness isn't actually making me happy or isn't happiness at all, just because it's not something that would make you happy too? who are you to make it harder for me to reach happiness just because you think i shouldn't get to have it?"

the point of tsuna as a character is to say "this is what i call happiness, and this is the happiest i've ever been, no matter how many other people may believe there's some greater happiness i could achieve and should strive to achieve instead. these are the people i love, right the way they are in this very moment in all their flaws and imperfections, and with all the room they still have to become even better and all the potential they still have to fulfill, and i will keep loving them just the same should they choose to stay right the way they are anyway and wouldn't change anything to them.

the place in life i'm at right now and the people i'm surrounded with right now is everything i've ever wanted, and i will fight you to the very end if you try to take it away from me or change it in any way just because you think i should want more and better and it's not actually all that important or meaningful. and i'll win.

try me."

the narrative always and constantly takes his side on the matter, and does allow him to keep winning over and over again. not without cost, not without paying the price for it, but still he undisputably and undoubtedly wins over and over again.

and another thing in khr that's also so, so important to me and that i love so much, is that tsuna's allowed to be right about this. he's always and constantly proven right in this stand he takes over and over again and is rewarded for it too. is rewarded by having only barely changed by the end of the manga, and not in any of the ways people tried hard to change him against his wishes.

as it should be.)

One of my favourite things about Tsuna, that I don't think people really enjoy, is that he's useless. A lot of ff, especially on wattpad or ff net, change his personality a lot by making him a martyr or a cold-blooded assassin. I just think it's a shame. He's useless, and I love that about him. Even in the ending, he's still dumb and clumsy and terrified and it's him. I love that Amano wasn't afraid to keep that when he made KHR more serious. A true zero to hero. (Bottom line: Tsuna's great.)

#khr confessions #khr meta #sawada tsunayoshi #tsuna said 'and so what if you're average and unimpressive and unremarkable and won't amount to anything?'#'you're allowed to be and it doesn't take any worth or value away from you as a person'#'it doesn't and will not and will never put happiness and love out of your reach'#'and it doesn't make you any less derserving of kindness and compassion and support too'#tsuna said 'so be average. so fail to even be that. so amount to little to nothing at all. and proudly and boldly go out in the world anywa #and take all the space in it you want because it's also for yours to take anyway'#'because there's still a place in it for you too and people waiting to finally be able to stand by your side too anyway'#tsuna said 'so don't amount to anything. and let yourself love and be loved back and be happy anyway #because it's all something you're still deserving of anyway same as everyone else'#and i love him to bits for it I LOVE HIM TO BITS FOR IT YOUR HONOR 😭💖😭💖😭💖

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astermacguffin · 4 years ago

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Okay. I warn y'all that this is very much a Poast™. This is another one of Those Poasts™. You have been warned.

I very much blame (affectionate) @autisticandroids for this, since this is pretty much me trying to combine as many concepts as possible from the #mpregpocalypse tag.

In this au, Cas is pretty much just collecting babies left and right. The following stuff are all simultaneously true in this spn mpreg rewrite:

- Cas absorbs the deanlisa baby and carries the child himself. This is his first pregnancy. This is also the most "monstrous" of his children because of the godstiel stuff and the leviathans.

- For maximum effect, I don't want Cas to give birth just yet. I want Benny to see Cas with the baby bump and put the dots together in his head. I want Cas to give birth alone, after Dean and Benny already went through the rift. I want Naomi to take Cas out of purgatory and leave his child alone there. I want Cas to grieve for the loss of his child when he remembers. (We'll go back to this in the future.)

- Dean fucks Casifer at one point and impregnates Cas' body. (I mean, with Casifer peeling off his layers and thotting up the place while in the bunker? Not surprising tbh.) NOTE. I wanna be clear with something: this baby is Dean and Lucifer's nephil. I mean, biologically it's a Destiel baby, but with Cas' grace growing weaker and him being possessed by Lucifer, in terms of grace this is pretty much Lucifer's nephil. (But also not??? Because what allowed the conception to happen in the first place is Cas wanting it SO BAD.)

- No one else notices the conception of this baby because Cas hides it within himself (the same way he did with the deanlisa baby) and pauses the pregnancy at will.

- When Cas meets Kelly, they are very much BOTH pregnant with Lucifer's kid. Remember that screenshot where they both look pregnant and bonding about their babies? Yeah, this is inspired by that. When Cas touches Kelly's baby bump and they like soulbond or whatever, Kelly looks at him and goes "oh you're pregnant too?"

- Cas tells him that it's Dean's child, but leaves out the Lucifer part. They already have one Lucifer nephil in danger, he doesn't need anyone else knowing this secret (especially since he hid the nature of this child so well for so long). Kelly thinks he's hiding it because of the Dean part.

- They both know Kelly's not gonna survive giving birth, so they already have a plan: Cas will transfer the pregnancy to himself when it's almost time for Jack to come out (the same way he did with the deanlisa baby). Cas is confident that he'll survive what Kelly cannot. (His hubris, of course, always tend to bite him back.) Dean, Mary, and Sam arrive just in time to see Cas pregnant and about to give birth. Kelly catches them up on the plot.

- Cas dies of childbirth due to an unexpected complication: the pregnancy transfer triggers the birth of the other child inside him, which makes him give birth to TWO children. The strength of the explosion unfortunately kills both him and Kelly, rendering Cas' sacrifice as pointless. (As much as I wanna keep Kelly alive, the point of this au is to inflict as much damage as possible)

- Lucifer and Mary still get stuck in Apocalypse world, and now Dean and Sam have to care for TWO children, one of which is Jack (who still grows quickly) and...another baby? They have no idea who the fuck this baby is until they find two videos: one made by Kelly and one by Cas (a backup plan they made just in case one or both of them don't survive).

- In the video, Cas reveals that the child is his and Dean's nephil (again, removing the Lucifer part). Dean just takes it in stride (since they had enough sex in the later seasons for it to be a genuine possibility) and takes Cas's word.

- In any other scenario, Sam would definitely be teasing Dean for impregnating Cas. But since Cas is dead and they're still grieving, he shelves this conversation for a future time. (With so much plot happening, Sam never finds the right chance and eventually just forgets it. He's just happy that he was right all along.)

- They agree to never let anyone else learn about the baby's nature, which the baby seems to understand as well, choosing to not manifest any angelic abilities. In fact, the baby internalized Cas' instructions to keep all their secrets under wraps that the kid goes selectively mute throughout the series. (I wanna see Eileen teaching ASL to the kid.)

- The two babies scenario works great for two reasons: it satisfies my "give Dean a baby" instinct (that pretty much drives my baby jack truthing) while still keeping Jack the way that he is in canon.

- Dean lets the baby rest on Cas' chest for a short while before wrapping Cas up with the curtains. Both Dean and the baby cry over the body.

- I want to give Jack as many Problems Disorders in this au. I want him to be jealous of the way Dean treats his twin (because they're pretty much twins, right? They have the same grace-father, they got birthed by the same body, so yeah).

- Dean treats the baby with as much care and love while still treating Jack like shit. Sam once calls him out on it and says "Dean, they're both Cas' children." Dean throws out an "I can hardly look at the freak" rant. Jack wakes up Cas from the Empty, yada yada.

More fucked up shit below the cut:

- I wanna keep this as close to canon as I can, so Dean would still exhibit suicidality before Tombstone. You would think that the baby would at least hinder this instinct, but he genuinely believes that he's poison and that everyone he touches dies. (And besides, Sam is good with both Jack and the baby so they won't need me anymore, right?)

- Cas comes back, and things mostly stay the same as in canon (except there's now a baby there, who honestly won't influence much of the plot until later). Dean never really apologized that much to Jack in canon (and I still hate it) but in this au, it would work perfectly. I want Jack to believe that Dean still sees him as a freak, even if he's a bit nicer now that Cas is back. (I can and will put my entire pussy into the Dean-as-John, Jack-as-Sam parallels.)

- When Jack kills Mary, Cas hides it from Dean and Sam. We're going full Torturewife on this one, folks.

- Jack's truth spell forces Cas to confess that (1) Cas hid the fact about Jack's soullessness; (2) Cas lied about Jack killing Mary, and; (3) the Destiel baby is technically a Dean/Lucifer nephil. Chaos fucking ensues.

- Dean has to confront the fact that both of the kids (HIS kids) are Lucifer's spawn.

- Chuck doesn't really care about the baby since it never manifested any powers (yet), unlike Jack (who is a genuine threat to him).

- Moriah happens, Jack dies. (And it's even more fucked up now because despite being soulless, Jack remembers all the insecurities he got from Dean. The "It's okay, I understand" line Jack says to Dean while having a gun pointed to him is sooooooo.) Rupture happens, their divorce is finalized and Cas takes custody of the baby.

- Cas having some father-child bonding with the baby as a breather between all this fucked up stuff.

- The Trap happens, they make up, and oh? Who's this person who helped Cas escape and get the flower? It's the deanlisa baby, but now grown! Together with Emma! She was thankfully found by her big sister, Emma, when she was a baby in purgatory. She had to grow up fast and now they survive together.

- After eating Eve in order to save Cas, the deanlisa child is now technically the new Mother of monsters. Dean explains the Chuck problem, so the two choose to come with them to help.

- Cas never really explained the deanlisa baby, huh? When they get back with their now grown child (and Emma, who doesn't really hold a grudge over the entire Sam killing her thing) and Cas explains, Dean is baffled but takes it in stride. I mean, they just made up! He doesn't wanna fight with him anymore and he wants the family together again!

- They make the two stay with the baby so they'll be safe in the bunker while they try to trap Chuck with the Mark of Cain spell. It fails, of course. (But hey, at least there was sibling bonding time in the bunker.)

- Billie brings back Jack and they formulate a plan (Billie doesn't go evil in this one btw.) They strengthen Jack, Jack knows that he'll be a bomb and is totally fine with it. "Maybe if I do this one good thing, Dean won't see me as a freak anymore." Remember, Jack internalized a lot of the shit Dean said.

- Cas attempts to call out the self-sacrificial bullshit and that Dean actually loves him, but Jack insists. "You would do the same! In fact, you have done the same! (In reference to the Empty deal, which still happens here btw.) I'm just learning from all of you." If there's one thing I'm obsessed about in fics, it's when Jack calls them out for learning martyrdom from team free will.

- Dean finds out about the plan and tries to talk Jack out of it. They have a heart-to-heart, Dean finally fucking apologizes for all the complexes that he's given Jack, and Jack (for the first time) finally believes that Dean doesn't see him as a monster anymore. Jack stops the process so he doesn't become a bomb (but at least he's stronger than he was before).

- They call Billie to come up with an alternative plan. She considers the options, and says an alternative plan would be harder and would require more players in the field. "As long as we don't have to sacrifice any of our loved ones anymore, we're good," Dean says. "I don't think that's an easy request, but we'll try," Billie says, giving a pointed look at Cas. (Hmmmm, wonder how this would come to play later?)

- Billie points out that the destiel baby is in fact not powerless, but is instead choosing to supress their own power. If the child can be convinced to unlock their own capabilities, then perhaps they might stand a better chance at winning.

- They spread out to gather more allies: Sam goes to Rowena, Dean goes to Michael, Billie goes to Gabriel (yes, he's alive here), and the kids stay in the bunker with Cas to try and explore each other's abilities. (Since I hated the Michael-Lucifer nonsense of 15x19, none of that happens here. Lucifer doesn't go back and Michael doesn't betray them.)

- Jack finds out that he can push out all the energy he gathered for the bomb into a one-time-use blast. They find out that the baby can apparently enhance the power of whoever they're holding. And the new Eve apparently has traces of Godstiel/Leviathan still in her after being in the womb with them. (She also spends the time catching up with Cas because they've not seen each other for years.) Emma is just vibing there, adoring her powerful younger siblings and interrogating her father's...husband? Boyfriend? Ex? (She's still confused about their status.)

- This goes just like in S11, and they go all out and attack Chuck together until he's weak enough for Death's scythe. There's one shot where the kids are just holding hands to power each other for Jack to deliver a fatal blow. Billie is just around the corner, ready for the final blow, when Cas turns to Dean.

- "Dean, I need to say something." Cue the 15x18 confession scene, except this time Dean knows about the deal now. So the moment Dean realizes what Cas is doing, he tries to stop him.

- "Stop, please stop. Don't say it, you don't have to say it." Because of course, happiness is in just being, it's in just saying it. And Dean knows what true happiness would do.

- But unfortunately, Cas has to do it. (Billie talked to him about it, and her scythe won't exactly do a clean job with something as powerful as a Chuck-Amara hybrid. I don't know when or why they fused together since the bomb plan was cancelled, but it happened here okay? Yeah. So they need something that is guaranteed to be older and greater than God or the Darkness—the Empty. Billie can only go there, but she can't summon it to be on Earth. Enter Cas' deal.)

- Cas says "I love you," Dean reciprocates, they share a final kiss, and then Billie finally reaps God. The Empty arrives to take Chuck, and Cas shares one final moment with his kids before accepting his fate.

- Billie goes to the Empty to make sure the job was done, and she finally gives the Shadow the sleep that she promised. She uses her scythe on the Shadow, because death is the final slumber. (Of course, you can't exactly kill nothingness; she only destroyed an embodiment/personification of the Empty.)

- Post-fight. They're happy because Chuck is finally defeated but also...Cas. Before they even have the chance to process what the fuck just happened, Billie is back and she has Cas with her. "I just put the Shadow into sleep, so it's not like anyone would notice," she says. The problem is that Cas is still very much asleep. (He still has some grace here btw. Maybe he's not at full angel anymore, but he's not fully human either. There wasn't a need to cut out his grace without warning.)

- Dean and the kids crowd Cas' body. The baby's touch on Cas's shoulder (which burns a mark that parallels Dean's) is what wakes him up. Reunion kiss!

- Happy ending! Michael (with Adam) goes back to heaven to fix things, and they are very much implied to be a couple. Midam rights babyyyyyy! Gabriel goes back to roaming the world and occasionally visits the kids.

- Sam and Eileen organizes a hunter's network and organizes a bunch of safety protocols and rehabilitation projects with the help of the new Eve (which most monsters obey, key word most). Oh, and Saileen definitely swings regularly with Rowena (and occasionally with Gabriel when he's around).

- Emma decides that she likes hanging out with the Wayward Sisters better (and you know what? Good for her). The new Eve decides to hang out there often as well (whenever she isn't busy with monster diplomacy or something).

- When Jack finally feels safe and peaceful enough, he reverts back to his child form. The baby, who has been selectively mute this entire time, holds their brother's face in recognition and utters their first word, which is "JACK!" Dean and Cas cry in joy over this entire exchange. (That's his twin! He missed his twin!)

- They move out of the bunker to get their own house by a lake or something. Whenever the topic of pregnancy comes up again ("Dean, when do you want another baby again?"), they can now playfully joke about it and Dean says something like "Don't steal someone else's baby again, okay? The next baby to be inside you needs to be mine." They're both stupidly horny about the subject, I hate them so much.

- Whenever there's an important event, they all celebrate it in the bunker for the extra space (because their family is, indeed, very large). END.

There's something poetic to me about the Empty being the one that beats Chuck in this mpreg rewrite because technically, the Empty is the Original Womb that gave birth to God. It it the nothingness of potential, the dark water of pregnant beginnings.

All this talk about the Empty and stuff also made me stop and think about the metaphysics of spn. The fact that the Darkness and the Empty are two distinct entities says something interesting about the metaphysical reality of spn. It doesn't treat darkness as a mere absence of light, a mere nothingness, but rather a thing/substance of its own. It's a very Manichean kind of metaphysics as opposed to a Platonic/Neoplatonic one. (Oh, St. Augustine would probably have a blast trying to unravel whatever the fuck is happening with spn.)

The fact that it's also Cas' free will that brought upon God's demise? Delicious.

(If you're still reading, congratulations for finishing my very long spn mpreg rewrite. Why did you do this to yourself tho.)

(also apologies if I didn't give a name to Jack's siblings. I haven't thought of a good name for them just yet)

#spn #destiel #mpregpocalypse #long post #literally what the fuck is this post #aster writes #spn mpreg rewrite #tw suicide #tw mpreg

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nanstgeorge · 4 years ago

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“little garden” implications

starting to think that “little garden” = fandom elain and this was sjm’s way of subtly tackling how she has been reduced to her hobbies and overlooked by characters & the fandom for her traditionally feminine characteristics. this has even led some people to determine her possible endgames (ex; lucien and tamlin) for the series just because she likes gardening. not because she has expressed interest in them, but because she likes gardening so that automatically means she must end up with someone associated with flowers.

im not opposed to elain somehow taking over spring court or ending up with lucien (if the story convinces me lmao) but there’s an issue with sticking her there just because it seems like it works. like elain residing at spring court has been a popular fan theory since the beginning of the series but every book that has been released only seems to disprove it even more? she has never explicitly said she wanted to live there, even chosen a life for herself at night court, but fans and the inner circle just took this idea and ran.

“But Elain.... The Sprint Court had been made for someone like her.” (Nesta)

“Elain in black was ridiculous. Yes, she was beautiful, but the color of her long-sleeved, modest gown leeched the brightness from her face. It wore her, rather than the other way around. And he knew the cruelty of the Hewn City troubled her. But she hadn’t hesitated to come. When Feyre had offered to let her remain home, Elain had squared her shoulders and declared that she was a part of this court—and would do whatever was needed. So Elain had let her golden-brown hair down tonight, and pinned it back with twin combs of pearl. He’d never once in the two years he’d known her found Elain to be plain, but wearing black, no matter how much she claimed to be part of this court … It sucked the life from her.” (Cassian)

i’d say that it’s arguable whether or not nesta truly has an accurate depiction of elain now that we have a more in-depth portrait of nesta’s mind and childhood. of course this was not cultivated by nesta herself, with much help from her mother, but elain is still a child to nesta. a child who is a bartering tool between her and her disfigured dynamic with feyre. a child who is a reminder of her own insecurities. essentially, this quote from acosf sums it up, “nesta made her own choices, but our mother laid the ground work.”

“Elain is pleasant to look at, but she has no ambition. She does not dream beyond her garden and pretty clothes. She will be an asset on the marriage market for us one day, if that beauty holds, but it will be our own maneuverings, Nesta, not hers, that win us an advantageous match” (Mama Archeron)

“It doesn’t matter what I think. Go back to Feyre and your little garden.”

Elain, sweet and oblivious.

Elain was like a dog, loyal to whatever master kept her fed and in comfort.

But to let Elain involve herself, jeopardize her safety—

“Look who decided to grow claws after all. Maybe you’ll become interesting at last, Elain.”

“Always defending sweet, innocent Elain.”

Challenge filled each word. Challenge—from Elain, of all people.

Elain stepped closer, brown eyes wide. Undoubtedly wholly convinced of her own innocence, her innate goodness.

Elain had accepted his death as inevitable. She hadn’t bothered to fight for him, as if he hadn’t been worth the effort, precisely as Nesta knew she herself wasn’t worth the effort.

It was inevitable, Nesta supposed, stomach churning. She was the monster. Why shouldn’t the two of them band together and shove her out? Even if she’d foolishly believed that Elain had always seen every horrible part of her and decided to stick by her anyway.

now onto feyre, who has always had a softer but different opinion of elain. this doesn’t mean it’s accurate to how elain is or was, but it’s safe to say that this was an opinion that wasn’t stemmed out of their mother’s mind. this is not to villainize nesta, but merely explain how elain was never made out to only be a “pretty face” to feyre. but of course it’s important to remember that she isn’t scotch free for how she acted in their childhood.

It wasn’t that Elain was cruel. She wasn’t like Nesta, who had been born with a sneer on her face. Elain sometimes just … didn’t grasp things. It wasn’t meanness that kept her from offering to help; it simply never occurred to her that she might be capable of getting her hands dirty.

Perhaps buried it a bit, but she was generous, loving, and kind—a woman I found myself proud to know, to call sister.

Elain mouthed my name but kept cowering, kept her head down.

Elain, who had been gentle and sweet.

I had not painted in years at that point, had not dared spend the money on myself … But Elain had.

She had looked at that cottage with hope; I had looked at it with nothing but hatred. And I knew which one of us had been stronger.

“She loves her garden. Always loved growing things. Even when we were destitute, she managed to tend a little garden in the warmer months. And when—when our fortune returned, she took to tending and planting the most beautiful gardens you’ve ever seen. Even in Prythian. It drove the servants mad, because they were supposed to do the work and ladies were only meant to clip a rose here and there, but Elain would put on a hat and gloves and kneel in the dirt, weeding. She acted like a purebred lady in every regard but that.”

nesta and feyre both have two different feelings regarding elain but they are similar in that they both believe she needs to be protected. it’s pretty clear when elain reminds them of how they only thought of her trauma when it affected them.

“Elain was right. We’ve become so focused on how her trauma impacted us that we forget she was the one who experienced it.” (Feyre)

quite honestly, it’s the inner circle members who are aware of elain’s potential and look at her as not defenseless compared to her sisters. this of course makes it’s quite ironic that she’s used as “pawn” to get nesta to stick her neck out. moving on, it’s specifically azriel, who is someone she chose to create a bond with and probably knows her best. cassian also may be someone who considers elain to not truly belong to night court but does shift his opinion on her overall character.

“Including Elain, who is more than capable of defending herself against the darkness of the Trove, if she chooses to. Don’t underestimate her.” (Amren, oops)

“Nesta was wrong, Cassian realized, to think of Elain as loyal and loving as a dog. Elain saw every single thing Nesta had done, and understood why.” (Cassian)

“I think she’s kind, and I’ll take kindness over nastiness any day. But I also don’t think we’ve seen all she has to offer.” (Rhys)

rhysand is also someone who slowly begins to see elain in a different light as well as feyre by the end of the book. in fact, it takes rhys expressing his opinion of elain, as someone who didn’t grow up with her, for feyre to see things differently. it takes rhys, who brings back up the first description of elain in the series, for feyre to recollect another element of elain.

“It wasn’t meanness that kept her from offering to help; it simply never occurred to her that she might be capable of getting her hands dirty.” (Feyre, ACOTAR)

“Don’t forget that gardening often results in something pretty, but it involves getting one’s hands dirty along the way.” (Rhys, ACOSF Bonus)

“Have you ever seen Elain act like that before?”

“No. I mean, she’s been brave when she had to be, but she’s never been confrontational.”

“Maybe she’s never been given a chance to be that way.”

“You think I stifle her?”

“Not you alone. But I wonder if everyone has spent so long assuming Elain is sweet and innocent that she felt she had to be that way or else she’d disappoint you all.”

in conclusion, elain is a character who’s journey is yet to be complete. the first real choice she had was to not hunt for the family but essentially, she’s been deprived of real choice and independence her entire life. besides being pretty and marrying well, not much has ever been expected of her until she left the garden of her childhood and planted her own. while she may have been turned against her will, elain found solace in dedicating her attention towards the garden in the archeron mansion, night court and all those who resided there. gardening and growing things is something she chose; not something that was inflicted upon her (such as a mating bond.)

elain does not belong somewhere or with someone because she gardens. we have seen countless times over that she can make her own place anywhere but she chose to make a home at night court.

#this is just a rant with quotes lmao #acotar #elain archeron #pro elain archeron #pro elain #anti elucien #a court of thorns and roses

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sk1fanfiction · 4 years ago

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the many faces of tom riddle, part 4

-attachment, orphanages, and yet more child psych: time to add yet another voice to the void-

FULL DISCLAIMER THAT THIS IS JUST MY OPINION OF A CHARACTER WHO DOESN’T HAVE THE STRONGEST CANON CHARACTERIZATION, AND THUS ALL THIS IS BASED ON MY CONCEPTUALIZATION.

I'm going to be super biased, because my favorite portrayal of Tom Riddle is actually Hero Fiennes-Tiffin as eleven-year-old Tom Riddle, in HBP and I get to chat about child psych in this one, sooo here we go.

First of all, I’m just so impressed that a kid could bring that much depth to such a complex character.

This is the portrayal, I feel, that brings us closest to Tom’s character. Yes, Coulson’s brought us pretty close, but by fifth year, the mask was on.

We don't really get to see Tom looking afraid very often, but it's fear that rules his life, so it's really poignant in our first (chronologically) introduction, he looks absolutely terrified.

The void being the fandom's loud opinions on a certain headmaster. I wouldn't call myself pro-Dumbledore, but I'm certainly not anti-Dumbledore, either. (Agnostic-Dumbledore??)

Since I'm not of the anti-Dumbledore persuasion, I decided to poke around in the tags and see what the arguments were, so I don't make comments out of ignorance.

Most of the tag seems to be more directed towards his treatment of Harry and Sirius, but a few people mentioned that Dumbledore should have treated Tom with ‘exceptional kindness’ and tried to ‘rehabilitate’ him.

As I said in Parts 2 and 3, I am 100% in favor of helping a traumatized kid learn to cope, and I don’t think Tom Riddle was solidly on the Path to Evil (TM) at birth, or even at eleven. Not even at fifteen.

Could unconditional love and kindness have helped Tom Riddle enough for the rise of Lord Voldemort to never happen? Possibly, but...

Yes, I'm about to drag up that Carl Jung quote, again.

“I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become.”

The problem with this is that if you’re going to blame Dumbledore for this, you also have to blame every other adult in Tom’s life: his headmaster, Dippet, his Head of House, Slughorn, his ‘caretakers’ at the orphanage, Mrs. Cole and Martha, and possibly more. In fact, if we're going to blame any adult, let's blame Merope for r*ping and abusing Tom Riddle Senior, and having a kid she wasn't intending to take care of.

Furthermore, you cannot possibly hold anyone but Tom accountable for the murders he committed. (I should not have to sit here and explain why cold-blooded murder is wrong.) And if you like Tom Riddle's character, insinuating that his actions are completely at the whim of others is just a bit condescending towards him. He's not an automaton or a marionette, he's a very intelligent human being with a functioning brain, and at sixteen is fully capable of moral reasoning and critical analysis.

I've heard the theories about Dumbledore setting the Potters up to die, and I'm not going to discuss their validity right now; but he didn't put a wand in Tom's hand and force him to kill anyone. Tom did it all of his own accord.

And while yes, I have enormous sympathy for what happened to Tom as a child, at some point, he decided to murder Myrtle Warren, and that is where I lose my sympathy. Experiencing trauma does not give you the right to inflict harm on others. Yes, Tom was failed, but then, he spectacularly failed himself.

We also have no idea how Dumbledore treated Tom as a student.

In the movies, it’s Dumbledore who tells Tom he has to go back to the orphanage, but in the books, it’s Dippet. We know that Slughorn spent a lot of time around Tom at Slug Club and such, yet I don’t really see people clamoring for his head.

I regard the sentiment that Dumbledore turned Tom Riddle into Lord Voldemort with a lot of skepticism.

But let's hear from the character himself -- his impression of eleven-year-old Tom Riddle.

“Did I know that I had just met the most dangerous Dark wizard of all time?” said Dumbledore. “No, I had no idea that he was to grow up to be what he is. However, I was certainly intrigued by him. I returned to Hogwarts intending to keep an eye upon him, something I should have done in any case, given that he was alone and friendless, but which, already, I felt I ought to do for others’ sake as much as his."

Now, assuming that Dumbledore's telling the truth, I'm not seeing something glaringly wrong with this. No, he hasn't pigeonholed Tom as evil, yes, I'd be intrigued, too, and it's a very good idea to keep an eye on Tom, for his own sake.

“At Hogwarts,” Dumbledore went on, “we teach you not only to use magic, but to control it. You have — inadvertently, I am sure — been using your powers in a way that is neither taught nor tolerated at our school."

Again, it seems like he's at least somewhat sympathetic towards Tom, and is willing to at least give him a chance.

More evidence (again, assuming Dumbledore is a reliable narrator):

Harry: “Didn’t you tell them [the other professors], sir, what he’d been like when you met him at the orphanage?” Dumbledore: “No, I did not. Though he had shown no hint of remorse, it was possible that he felt sorry for how he had behaved before and was resolved to turn over a fresh leaf. I chose to give him that chance.”

Now, I think Dumbledore is pretty awful with kids, but I don't think that's malicious. Yeah, it's a flaw, but perfect people don't exist, and perfect characters are dead boring. I am not saying that he definitely handled Tom's case well, I'm just saying that there's little evidence that Dumbledore, however shaken and scandalized, wrote him off as 'evil snake boy.'

It's also worth taking into account that it's 1938, and the attitudes towards mental health back then.

Why is Tom looking at Dumbledore like that, anyway? Why is he so scared? What has he possibly been threatened with or heard whispers of?

"'Professor'?" repeated Riddle. He looked wary. "Is that like 'doctor'? What are you here for? Did she get you in to have a look at me?"

"I don't believe you," said Riddle. "She wants me looked at, doesn't she? Tell the truth!"

"You can't kid me! The asylum, that's where you're from, isn't it? 'Professor,' yes, of course -- well, I'm not going, see? That old cat's the one who should be in the asylum. I never did anything to little Amy Benson or Dennis Bishop, and you can ask them, they'll tell you!

Tom keeps insisting he's not mad until Dumbledore finally manages to calm him down.

I'm really upset this wasn't in the movie, because it's important context. Instead we got these throwaway cutscenes of some knick-knacks relating to the Cave he's got lying around, but I just would have preferred to see him freaking out like he does in the book.

There was extreme stigma and prejudice towards mental illness.

'Lunatic asylums,' as they were called in Tom's time, were terrible places. In the 1930s and 40s, he could look forward to being 'treated' with induced convulsions, via metrazol, insulin, electroshock, and malaria injections. And if he stuck around long enough, he could even look forward to a lobotomy!

So, if you think Dumbledore was judgmental towards Tom, imagine how flat-out prejudiced whatever doctors or 'experts' Mrs. Cole might have gotten in to 'look at him' must have been!

Moving on to the next few shots, he is sitting down and hunched over as if expecting punishment or at least some kind of bad news, Dumbledore is mostly out of the frame. He’s trapped visually, by Dumbledore on one side, and a wall on the other, because he’s still very much afraid. uncomfortable, as he tells Dumbledore a secret that he fears could get him committed to an asylum (which were fucking horrible places, as I said).

It brings to the scene that miserable sense of isolation and loneliness to that has defined Tom’s entire life up to that point (and, partially due to his own bad choices, continues to define it).

And, when Dumbledore accepts it, his posture changes. he becomes more confident and more at ease, as he describes the... utilities of his magical abilities.

"All sorts," breathed Riddle. A flush of excitement was rising up his neck into his hollow cheeks; he looked fevered. "I can make things move without touching them. I can make animals do what I want them to do, without training them. I can make bad things happen to people who annoy me. I can make them hurt if I want to."

Riddle lifted his head. His face was transfigured: There was a wild happiness upon it, yet for some reason it did not make him better looking; on the contrary, his finely carved features seemed somehow rougher, his expression almost bestial.

I do think Harry, our narrator, is being a tad bit judgmental here. Magic is probably the only thing that brings Tom happiness in his grey, lonely world, and when I was Tom's age and being bullied, if I had magic powers, you'd better believe that I'd (a) be bloody ecstatic about it (b) use them. And, like Tom, I can't honestly say that I can't imagine getting a bit carried-away with it. Unfortunately, we can't all be as inherently good and kindhearted as Harry.

Reading HBP again, as a 'mature' person, it almost seems like the reader is being prompted to see Tom as evil just because he's got 'weird' facial expressions.

So... uh...

Nope, let's judge Tom on his actions, not looks of 'wild happiness.'

To his great surprise, however, Dumbledore drew his wand from an inside pocket of his suit jacket, pointed it at the shabby wardrobe in the corner, and gave the wand a casual flick. The wardrobe burst into flames. Riddle jumped to his feet; Harry could hardly blame him for howling in shock and rage; all his worldly possessions must be in there. But even as Riddle rounded on Dumbledore, the flames vanished, leaving the wardrobe completely undamaged.

Okay, one thing I dislike is Tom's lack of emotional affect when Dumbledore burned the wardrobe, in the books, he jumped up and started screaming, instead of looking passively (in shock, perhaps?) at the fire. Incidentally, I can't really tell if he's impressed or in shock, to be honest. I think they really tried to make Tom 'creepier' in the movie.

This is one of the incidents where Dumbledore's inability to deal with children crops up.

I think he was trying to teach Tom that magic can be dangerous, and he wouldn't like it to be used against him, but burning the wardrobe that contains everything he owns was a terrible move on Dumbledore's part. Tom already has very limited trust in other people, and now, he's not going to trust Dumbledore at all -- now, he's put Tom on the defensive/offensive for the rest of their interaction, and perhaps for the rest of their teacher-student relationship.

Riddle stared from the wardrobe to Dumbledore; then, his expression greedy, he pointed at the wand. "Where can I get one of them?"

"Where do you buy spellbooks?" interrupted Riddle, who had taken the heavy money bag without thanking Dumbledore, and was now examining a fat gold Galleon.

But I'm not surprised Tom is 'greedy.' He's grown up in an environment where if he wants something, whether that's affection, food, money, toys, he's got to take it. There's no one looking after his needs specifically. I'm not surprised that he's a thief and a hoarder, and I don't think that counts as a moral failing necessarily, and more of a maladaptive way of seeking comfort. It would be bizarre if he came out of Wool's Orphanage a complete saint.

Additionally, I think given that the Gaunt family has a history of 'mental instability,' Tom is a sensitive child, and the trauma of growing up institutionalized and possibly being treated badly due to his magical abilities or personality disorder deeply affected him.

And there are points where it seems that Dumbledore is quick to judge Tom.

"He was already using magic against other people, to frighten, to punish, to control."

"Yes, indeed; a rare ability, and one supposedly connected with the Dark Arts, although as we know, there are Parselmouths among the great and the good too. In fact, his ability to speak to serpents did not make me nearly as uneasy as his obvious instincts for cruelty, secrecy, and domination."

"I trust that you also noticed that Tom Riddle was already highly self-sufficient, secretive, and, apparently, friendless?..."

And while this is all empirically true, these are (a) a product of Tom's harsh environment, and (b) do not necessarily make him evil. But the point remains that child psych didn't exist as a field of its own, and psychology as a proper science was in its infancy, so I'd be shocked if Dumbledore was insightful about Tom's situation.

But I've gone a ton of paragraphs without citing anything, so I've got to rectify that.

Let's talk about Harry Harlow's monkey experiments in the 1950-70s.

If you're not a fan of animal research, since I know some people are uncomfortable with it, feel free to scroll past.

Here's the TL;DR: Children need to be hugged and shown affection too, not just fed and clothed, please don't leave babies to 'cry out' and ignore their needs because it's backwards and fucking inhumane. HUG AND COMFORT AND CODDLE CHILDREN AND SPOIL THEM WITH AFFECTION!

I will put more red writing when the section is over.

This is still an interesting experiment to have in mind while we explore the whole 'no one taught Tom Riddle how to love' thing and whether or not it's actually a good argument.

Andddd let's go all the way back to the initial 1958 experiment, featured in Harlow's paper, the Nature of Love. (If you're familiar with Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, him and Harlow actually collaborated for a time).

To give you an idea of our starting point, until Harlow's experiment, which happened twenty years after Dumbledore meets Tom for the first time, no one in science had really been interested in studying love and affection.

"Psychologists, at least psychologists who write textbooks, not only show no interest in the origin and development of love or affection, but they seem to be unaware of its very existence."

I'm going to link some videos of Harry Harlow showing the actual experiment, which animal rights activists would probably consider 'horrifying.' It's nothing gory or anything, but if you are particularly soft-hearted (and I do not mean that as an insult), be warned. It's mostly just baby monkeys being very upset and Harlow discussing it in a callous manner. Yes, today it would be considered unethical, but it's still incredibly important work and if you think you can handle it, I would recommend watching at least the first one to get an idea of how dramatic this effect is.

Dependency when frightened

The full experiment

The TL;DW:

This experiment was conducted with rhesus macaques; they're still used in psychology/neuroscience research when you want very human-like subjects, because they are very intelligent (unnervingly so, actually). I'd say that adult ones remind me of a three-year old child.

Harlow separated newborn monkeys from their mothers, and cared for their physical needs. They had ample nutrition, bedding, warmth, et cetera. However, the researchers noticed that the monkeys:

(a) were absolutely miserable. And not just that, but although all their physical needs were taken care of, they weren't surviving well past the first few days of life. (This has also been documented in human babies, and it's called failure to thrive and I'll talk about it a bit later).

(b) showed a strong attachment to the gauze pads used to cover the floor, and decided to investigate.

So, they decided to provide a surrogate 'mother.' Two, actually. Mother #1 was basically a heated fuzzy doll that was nice for the monkeys to cuddle with. Mother #2 was the same, but not fuzzy and made of wire. Both provided milk. The result? The monkeys spent all their time cuddling and feeding from the fuzzy 'mother.' Perhaps not surprising.

What Harlow decided next, is that one of the hallmarks being attached to your caregiver is seeking hugs and reassurance from them when frightened. So, when the monkeys were presented with something scary, they'd go straight to the cloth mother and ignore the wire one. Not only that, but when placed in an unfamiliar environment, if the cloth mother was present, the monkeys would be much calmer.

In a follow-up experiment, Harlow decided to see if there was some sort of sensitive period by introducing both 'mothers' to monkeys who had been raised in isolation for 250 days. Guess what?

The initial reaction of the monkeys to the alterations was one of extreme disturbance. All the infants screamed violently and made repeated attempts to escape the cage whenever the door was opened. They kept a maximum distance from the mother surrogates and exhibited a considerable amount of rocking and crouching behavior, indicative of emotionality.

Yikes. So, at first Harlow thought that they'd passed some kind of sensitive period for socialization. But after a day or two they calmed down and started chilling out with the cloth mother like the other monkeys did. But here's a weird thing:

That the control monkeys develop affection or love for the cloth mother when she is introduced into the cage at 250 days of age cannot be questioned. There is every reason to believe, however, that this interval of delay depresses the intensity of the affectional response below that of the infant monkeys that were surrogate-mothered from birth onward

All these things... attachment, affection, love, seeking comfort ... are mostly learned behaviours.

Over.

Orphanages, institutionalized childcare, and why affection is a need, not an extra.

His face is lit the exact same was as Coulson’s was in COS (half-light, half-dark), and I said I was going to talk about this in Part 3. I think perhaps it's intended to make Fiennes-Tiffin look more evil or menacing, but I'm going to quite deliberately misinterpret it.

Now, for some context, Dumbledore has just (kind of) burned his wardrobe, ratted out his stealing habit, and (in the books only, they really took a pair of scissors to this scene) told him he needs to go apologize and return everything and Dumbledore will know if he doesn't, and, well, Tom's not exactly a happy bugger about it.

But interestingly, in the books, this is when we start to see Tom's 'persona,' aka his mask, start to come into play. Whereas before, he was screaming, howling, and generally freaking out, here, he starts to hide his emotions -- in essence, obscure his true self under a shadow. So this scene is really the reverse of Coulson's in COS.

And perhaps I'm reading wayyy too much into this, but I can't help but notice that Coulson's hair is parted opposite to Fiennes-Tiffin's, and the opposite sides of their faces are shadowed, too.

Riddle threw Dumbledore a long, clear, calculating look. "Yes, I suppose so, sir," he said finally, in an expressionless voice.

Riddle did not look remotely abashed; he was still staring coldly and appraisingly at Dumbledore. At last he said in a colorless voice, "Yes, sir."

Here's an article from The Atlantic on Romanian orphanages in the 1980s, when the dictator, Ceausescu, basically forced people to have as many children as possible and funnel them into institutionalized 'childcare', and it's absolutely heartbreaking.

There's not a whole lot of information out there on British orphanages in the 30s' and 40s', but given that people back then thought you just had to keep children on a strict schedule and feed them, it wouldn't have a whole lot better.

The only thing I've found is this, and it's not super promising.

The most important study informing the criteria for contemporary nosologies, was a study by Barbara Tizard and her colleagues of young children being raised in residential nurseries in London (Tizard, 1977). These nurseries had lower child to caregiver ratios than many previous studies of institutionalized children. Also, the children were raised in mixed aged groups and had adequate books and toys available. Nevertheless, caregivers were explicitly discouraged from forming attachments to the children in their care.

Here's a fairly recent paper that I think gives a good summary: Link

Here, they describe the responses to the Strange Situation test (which tests a child's attachment to their caregiver).

We found that 100% of the community sample received a score of “5,” indicating fully formed attachments, whereas only 3% of the infants living in institutions demonstrated fully formed attachments. The remaining 97% showed absent, incomplete, or odd and abnormal attachment behaviors.

Bowlby and Ainsworth, who did the initial study, thought that children would always attach to their caregivers, regardless of neglect or abuse. But some infants don't attach (discussed along with RAD in Part 2).

Here's a really good review paper on attachment disorders in currently or formerly institutionalized children : Link

Core features of RAD in young children include the absence of focused attachment behaviors directed towards a preferred caregiver, failure to seek and respond to comforting when distressed, reduced social and emotional reciprocity, and disturbances of emotion regulation, including reduced positive affect and unexplained fearfulness or irritability.

Which all sounds a lot like Tom in this scene. The paper also discusses neurological effects, like atypical EEG power distribution (aka brain waves), which can correlate with 'indiscriminate' behavior and poor inhibitory control; which makes sense for a kid who, oh, I don't know, hung another kid's rabbit because they were angry.

Furthermore...

...those children with more prolonged institutional rearing showed reduced amygdala discrimination and more indiscriminate behavior.

This again, makes a ton of sense for Tom's psychological profile, because the amygdala (which is part of the limbic system, which regulates emotions) plays a major role in fear, anger, anxiety, and aggression, especially with respect to learning, motivation and memory.

So, I agree completely that Tom needed a lot of help, especially given the fact that he spent eleven years in an orphanage (longer than the Bucharest study I was referring to), and Dumbledore wasn't exactly understanding of his situation, and probably didn't realise what a dramatic effect the orphanage had on Tom, and given the way he talks to Tom, probably treated him as if he were a kid who grew up in a healthy environment.

In case you are still unconvinced that hugging is that important, there's a famous 1944 study conducted on 40 newborn human infants to see what would happen if their physical needs (fed, bathed, diapers changed) were provided for with no affection. The study had to be stopped because half the babies died after four months. Affection leads to the production of hormones and boosts the immune system, which increases survival, and that is why we hug children and babies should not be in orphanages. They are supposed to be hugged, all the time. I can't find the citation right now, I'll add it later if I find it.

But I think it's vastly unrealistic to say that Dumbledore, who grew up during the Victorian Era, would have any grasp of this and I don't think he was actively malicious towards Tom.

Was Tom Riddle failed by institutional childcare? Absolutely.

Were the adults in his life oblivious to his situation? Probably.

Do the shitty things that happened to Tom excuse the murders he committed, and are they anyone's fault but his own? No. At the end of the day, Tom made all the wrong choices.

And, for what it's worth, I think (film) Dumbledore (although he expresses the same sentiment in more words in the books) wishes he could go back in time and have helped Tom.

"Draco. Years ago, I knew a boy, who made all the wrong choices. Please, let me help you."

#tom riddle #the many faces of #tom marvolo riddle #character analysis #character study #albus dumbledore

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stuckonstarker · 4 years ago

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Highschool AU, A/B/O AU | TW: slut shaming

Peter sat in homeroom. It was absurdly early in the morning, in his opinion. He could barely keep his eyes open.

He already knew all the material already, anyways, so he didn't see why he couldn't take a quick nap. But last time he had dozed off in first period his teacher had given him detention for an hour. Talk about unfair.

He was zoning out when he accidentally overheard a conversation two other students at the front of the classroom were having.

"Obviously not!" A voice Peter recognized as Brad's said.

Another kid named Josh said, "Why, though?"

"Don't get me wrong," Brad said with a smug smirk, "I'd definitely fuck him, but who would want to be in a committed relationship with him? He's one of those omegas you fuck for fun."

Peter winced. He was never particularly fond of other alpha's treatment toward their omega and beta counterparts. There was little Peter could do about it, though.

While Peter himself was an alpha, he was also considered lower on the totem pole. He would just be putting himself in needless danger by saying anything. But, if he could eavesdrop and get the name of the omega they were referring to then maybe he'd be able to warn said omega.

Peter continued to subtly tune in on their conversation.

"Totally," Josh agreed.

Brad said, "Tony's hot as hell, definitely. But he's also super fucking easy. He'll sleep with anything that walks. I'm not too keen on dating a slut."

Peter's eyes widened. There was no way that they were talking about that Tony. Brad wouldn't be so bold.

"Is he trying to date you?" Josh asked.

Brad made a indifferent noise, "I don't know and I don't care. I'm gonna take him out then once I get a taste of that omega pussy I'm out."

"That's how you do it," Josh laughed.

Peter's lips formed a tight line.

Then, at that moment, Tony - in tandem with Pepper and Rhodey - entered the room.

Brad hit Josh on the forearm and made a shushing motion and noise. Peter knew then, for certain, that Brad was planning on using Tony Stark.

Tony Stark. A beautiful omega known for his salaciousness and intelligence. Though, people often prioritized the former.

Peter admired him. Tony was the smartest in their school.

That was an opinion few shared, much to Peter's surprise.

Tony's overt sexuality and confidence, along with his irrefutable genius, intimidated most people. And the few who weren't intimidated by Tony were often jealous of his accomplishments.

Peter was also intimidated by the upperclassman, but more in a 'I love everything you do and please stomp on me' way instead of the moral righteousness that inflicted the rest of his alpha classmates.

Peter watched with poorly concealed envy as Tony flirted with Brad the entire class. Brad looked quite smug about the whole situation.

Peter began formulating a plan to tell Tony of what he heard. They didn't have any other shared classes other than this one. But their lockers were actually really close.

Peter had noticed that Tony often used the limited time between classes to fiddle around with stuff in his locker. As such, the upperclassman was often late. It was in stark contrast to Peter's paranoid scramble to get to class - born out of the anxiety of being late. Peter was more often than not the first one to enter class.

However, he worried that Brad would linger around Tony's locker in-between class periods.

That worry was dispelled soon, though, when the bell rang and Brad immediately took off.

Peter's brows furrowed. If he had a chance with the Tony Stark then he'd never leave his side. That was probably why he'd never get a chance with Tony. Tony, who craved independence and freedom, would probably feel stifled by Peter's constant check ins and presence.

It made Peter reconsider for a moment. Maybe he shouldn't meddle where he wasn't meant to. Maybe Tony would only be insulted by Peter's misplaced concern.

Peter bit his lips at those thoughts. He shook his head and rid them from his mind.

No, he decided, he had heard something concerning and he owed it to Tony - as a good person - to, at least, try to warn the omega.

Peter watched with bated breath as Tony stood at his locker. Tony was so popular. He definitely didn't know Peter and if, by some miracle, he did it would only be negative rumors spread by Flash and Brad.

Despite the anxiety churning in his stomach and the cold chills racing through his body, Peter braced himself and hesitantly approached Tony.

Tony looked up curiously at Peter's presence.

"Hi...?" Tony said, amused confusion evident in his voice.

Peter could literally feel his face burning and the embarassing amount of sweat gathering on his hairline. He probably looked like a mess.

He started, "Uh... I-I'm sorry! It's just that, uh, I heard someone - Brad - talking about you and he said some... things."

Tony didn't looked upset or surprised about this. He only gave Peter a small smile.

He said, "I'm assuming that the things he said weren't compliments."

Peter shook his head. It was the only thing he felt truly capable of doing.

"Yeah, I figure. Most alphas like him are like that. It goes both ways, you know? He may see me as merely an easy way to get off but he's even less than that to me." Tony explained with such ease and nonchalance, "I wasn't ever going to give him the chance to fuck me."

Peter could barely breathe as he said, "Alright, I - uh - I... just wanted you to know."

Tony smirked, something knowing in his eyes, as he asked, "Why did you tell me?"

Peter said, "I mean... the things Brad said were real shitty and you're such a great person. I didn't the thought of him acting so smug about treating you badly."

"And that's all?" Tony prompted as he closed his locker. There was a look in his eyes that made Peter swallow hard.

He said, "Yeah, I can't really think of another reason. No one deserves to be discarded so carelessly. Especially not you."

Peter wasn't lying either. In fact, he wasn't sure he could think at all in the presence of Tony.

"You're such a nice guy, Peter," Tony said, a distinctive purr in his voice. He leaned in close - too close! - to Peter.

Peter could literally feel his breath being ripped from his lungs. All he could do was stand there like an idiot with wide eyes in disbelief and his mouth agape like a particularly dull goldfish.

Tony used a nimble pointer finger to move one of Peter's unruly curls out of his flushed face. Tony pouted as he made intense eye contact with Peter.

"What a good alpha you are - coming to my rescue and protecting me from those knotheads," he whispered as he pursed his lips.

Peter audibly gulped. His cock was ridiculously hard in the confines of his jeans.

Tony smiled, "You are so cute, Petey."

"You know me?" Peter managed to squeak out after he regained some of his motor functions.

Tony purred, "Of course I know you! You're so smart and sweet and such a good, helpful alpha. You're nothing like all those other alpha's who just want to use me, are you? You just want to protect my little, omega heart, don't you?"

Peter stuttered and stumbled through his words. Ultimately nothing he managed to say was even remotely comprehensible.

"Keep being an upstanding citizen for me." Tony said, "Okay, Petey?"

Peter nodded furiously.

"Good," Tony said slowly, almost a drawl, and continued, "we should get to class."

With those words, Peter was snapped out of his trance. He nodded and apologized once again before turning to head off to second period.

"One more thing," Tony said, stopping Peter in his tracks.

Peter gave Tony his full attention.

Tony smiled as he said, "Meet me here at the end of the day."

Peter's eyes widened.

"I want to reward you for your good deeds," Tony said.

Peter panicked, "You don't have to do that! Really! It isn't that big of a deal-"

"I want to reward you," Tony cut his rambling off, "I know I don't have to."

Peter opened his mouth, but nothing came out. He only nodded, entirely in a trance, and walked in the other direction toward second period.

He couldn't wait for the end of the day and, for the first time, it wasn't because of his sleep deprivation.

#starker #a/b/o dynamics #omega tony #alpha peter #draft dump #max writes

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butwhatifidothis · 4 years ago

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Well thats the thing about the war: You think its unjust, meanwhile the characters probably don't. Plus you could probbably apply the crimson flower routes reasons for why theyd join. Casparr doesn't want to end up fighting his dad, Lindhardt just feels like fighting Edelgard's pointless, ferdinand wants to guide edelgard etc. Only odd one out really is Petra.

While I do also think the war is unjust, I’m not only saying that because I, personally, think that. I genuinely don’t think many of the BE would think the war was started for a just cause, mostly because of how they react to other events and what they stand by in other routes.

Caspar not wanting to fight his dad might incentivize him to join Edelgard, but you have to remember that he fears fighting him for the man’s fighting capability, not only for the personal connections he has with the man. Caspar, in his supports with Petra and Shamir, shows that he feels guilt over the death and destruction that his father laid onto Brigid and Dagda during the war the Empire had with them. He also expresses no joviality over fighting during the other routes. Taking that into account, does this seem like a consistent moment for his character in CF?

Even the game itself is questioning Caspar over his excitement to fight the Kingdom forces given his second line. He looks forward to inflicting the same sort of destruction to the Kingdom as his father did to Dagda and Brigid - those actions which he feels such immense guilt for that he is genuinely shocked that Petra and Shamir don’t hate him for his father’s actions. Is that consistent?

Linhardt feels like fighting Edelgard is pointless? Then why stay at all? Hell, if he falls pre ts this what his end card says happened to him:

He escapes the Empire. He doesn’t stay home and either becomes ill (as this is what happens to many characters if they fall pre ts) or become a recluse (like Bernadetta) nor does he fall in a different battle - he straight up does leave the entire nation and goes missing. Him staying on the side of the war that instigated the fighting he loathes makes little sense, especially considering that he shows no particular interest in Edelgard’s ideals whatsoever - if anything he doesn’t like them.

Look at these parts of their B support, the farthest you can get during pre ts:

He finds her not only annoying, but to be an active detriment to his own wants and goals, as well as being too inconsiderate to those who follow her. He sees her browbeating methods of getting people to do things and does not like it. So on top of hating to fight and being willing to run away from the Empire if given the chance (even stealing from his family’s funds to help with fighting against Edelgard in SS, the route where the only way he doesn’t fight her is if he’s dead), he does not even agree with Edelgard. What would his motivation be then? When he puts in so much effort when against Edelgard?

As for Ferdinand, there’s a difference between wanting to guide someone to do better, and enabling someone who exhibits traits similar to someone else you’ve condemned as being a monster. Edelgard being revealed as the Flame Empeor means that he - along with the rest of the BE - knows that she is complicit in kidnapping Flayn and is connected with those who’ve committed the atrocity at Remire as well as the Death Knight, someone known to sporadically kill innocents for funsies. That is actively putting the innocent in the way of danger and allying with those who are a direct threat to the well-being of civilians

You mention he believes it’s his duty to guide Edelgard, and to an extent that is true. But look at his words when he criticizes Dimitri in VW, after Gronder:

“I used to call Edelgard my leader, and now she is running amok. I am duty-bound to stop her.” Not guide her, but to put an end to her actions. He sees that there is a point in which merely guiding Edelgard is not enough. But now, during CF, he’s apparently fine with merely offering the occasional rebuttal - but mostly in their supports and with the caveat that Edelgard isn’t necessarily wrong - instead of putting forth any effort he deems should be necessary in stopping her from engaging in the needless conflict she is driving everyone to do, which is not something he does on all the other routes.

Petra is only the odd one out because of her explicitly negative ties with the Empire itself, but no one - save for maybe Dorothea - would willing fight for Edelgard or would genuinely think that the war was just if they were consistent with their ideals, behavior, and goals as they are in every other route

#ask #anon #anti edelgard #Anti-edelgard #Edelgard critical #Edelgard discourse #just to be safe #hope I wasn't too rude in this response #but yeah I do get that possibility that while the war itself is unjust from a player POV some character might not view it that way #which is why I can buy Dorothea willingly following Edelgard because she seems to genuinely agree with her and want to follow her #though even she is questionable given how much she cares for the poor people around her and want them safe #on top of also hating to fight #but the others I just don't buy it

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kaykay8776 · 4 years ago

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Okay, I’m ready to leave my thoughts on the finale. Spoiler alert!

First and foremost: the costume department absolutely killed this episode. The fancy outfits for the gambling bit, the matching jammies, Russ’s American costume, I even liked how Mac and Riley were wearing scrubs when they went in the chambers. I feel like most shows would’ve had them in normal clothes, despite it being a medical procedure.

I don’t ship either MR or MD, and I am really sorry that the MacRileys didn’t get their ship this episode. But, ships aside, I really liked how Desi and Riley were both there for Mac. Obviously he connected more with Riley because she was in the same predicament as him, but Desi really tried to comfort him and make things easier for the both of them. I feel like L*nkov’s version of Desi wouldn’t have tried as hard. More character growth for Desi is something I wanted so badly from Monica, and she pulled through.

Also, BOZER! He’s honestly one of the best friends ever. He was so supportive of Mac and Riley. It made me so happy to see him being the good friend we all know he is.

The Mac cave. I was hoping we’d get to see that sometime.

Badass Matty standing up for her kids and scolding a bunch of government officials who used them as guinea pigs. Mama Matty is the best.

BOZER AND RUSS. Seeing him pretend to be American and Bozer pretending to be British was the ridiculous distraction technique I didn’t know I needed.

The look on Mac’s face when he saw them make him shoot a gun. That’s, like, Mac’s one thing. The one thing he’s always so stubborn about, the one thing he will never do. Is use a gun to inflict harm on someone. These kidnappers took that from him. Mac knew in this moment they were capable of making him do anything, regardless of what he wanted or thought. This poor guy was absolutely petrified of himself. Wonderful acting on Lucas’ part, because I could see this.

The same goes for Riley, when they made her start fighting him. Mac is her entire world, we all know this. And they made it look like he wasn’t. They made her act like he wasn’t. She was also terrified of herself. I’m repeating myself, but astonishing acting from Tristin as well. I felt Riley’s fear.

I really liked that Russ and Matty decided to chop all government ties after what they did to Mac and Riley. They didn’t just shrug it off and keep accepting free money from the government. They understood that what they did to Mac and Riley was awful and refused to serve them anymore. They made it so their team could feel safe and still do what they loved: help people on a global scale.

MAC IN THE CHAMBER. Honestly, a MacGyver episode hasn’t given me this much of an adrenaline rush in a long time. Obviously I knew they wouldn’t actually kill him, but still, my heart stopped when Mac started seizing. And Riley pounding on the glass of her chamber, trying to get Mac to come around.

And that moment when his eyes opened. And no one was sure if he would recognize them. Their smiles when he did. The way Riley was so shocked and happy she couldn’t even hug Mac, couldn’t even move. Just give him a watery smile. Poor baby. What an awful rollercoaster ride.

Now, of course #SaveMacGyver. I absolutely want a season 6. And honestly another network would be pretty dumb not to pick it up at this point. BUT, in the off chance nothing happens, I am satisfied with this ending. Mac and Riley are okay, and they won’t be serving the government that hurt them. Honestly? If they’re happy, I can be happy.

Side note: I miss Jack. A lot. Can you imagine what Jack would’ve done if he’d seen Mac in that chamber?

I’m gonna go write fanfiction now, cuz that’s how I’m coping until MacGyver gets picked up.

#macgyver #angus macgyver #riley davis #desi nguyen #jack dalton

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archiesoniconline · 4 years ago

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QnA: Zone Cop Briefing

Zally: Hello there everyone. I’m Zally, Head of Communications for the Zone Cops. Joining me today is our top officer Zonic...

Zonic: Hi there! Zally: And his protege, Zails. Zails: Uh, hello. That’s a lot of people w-we’re talking too. Zally: The staff at Archie Sonic Online have received a lot of questions about Zones, Zone Travel, Time Travel, and several covering some combinations of these topics. And so, they have asked us to give this briefing, to hopefully explain some of the basics about Zones and Time Travel, and with luck we’ll answer your questions as we do so. Just before we begin however, it’s important to say that, while what we will say today is the case for… hmm…. At least 9 out of 10 situations, there are several exceptions. Zonic: Not to mention Nega and that Genesis Wave messing everything up… Zally: Ahem! Going into all of them would take far too much time, so we’ll just say for now that ‘exceptions to these rules do exist’ and start the briefing. To begin, most Zones fall into two distinct types. There are the True Zones, such as say the Prime Zone and the Sol Zone, complete universes in themselves. Then there are the Pocket Zones, which have limited internal dimensions, can often be found within a True Zone, and can also be disrupted by tremendous emissions of energy. The Special Zone, formally the Zone of Silence, was one such Zone, as was the Pocket Zone destroyed when Super Sonic and Hyper Knuckles from the Prime Zone fought. There are multiple ways that Pocket Zones can be created, natural and artificial. But for True Zones, they are only created when a Triggering Event occurs in the Prime Zone. Other Zones cannot split to form new Zones. It might help to think of the Multiverse almost like a tree, with the Prime Zone as the trunk, and other Zones the branches growing from it. Triggering Events have a few requirements. There has to be a number of likely possible outcomes. And the different outcomes must have fundamentally different effects on the future of the Prime Zone. For example, Prime Sonic choosing how many chilli-dogs to eat might have several different likely outcomes, but none would result in any fundamental change, so it would not be a Triggering Event. In the opposite way, Prime Robotnik debating whether to use the Robotizer certainly had a massive effect on the events in the Prime Zone, but the chances of him choosing to not use the device were so slim, no new Zone was created. A Triggering Event need not be a single decision made by one person. It could be several smaller decisions made by a group of people that nevertheless results in a different outcome. It could even be the results of a natural occurrence. When life was reforming after the Gene Bomb in the Prime Zone, there were so many different directions it could take, that this is where the vast majority of Zones were created. Numerous Zones were also created when the Prime Zone first formed, some with wildly different laws of physics. When a new Zone is created, it is completely duplicated. The entire timeline is copied, not just from the Triggering Event. Though on that subject, the passage of time can be different between Zones. Time runs faster in some Zones compared to the Prime Zone, such as the Zone Robo-Robotnik hailed from. In some, it runs slower, such as in the Twilight Cage. And in others, it can run at the same rate as the Prime Zone, but the point where the Prime Zone and the other Zone meets are at different points in their timelines. That covers the creation of Zones. So moving onto Zone Cop operations, I’ll turn to Zonic. Zonic: Thanks Zal… uh, Zally. As I’m sure most of you are aware, the Zone Cops monitor activity within the different Zones, as well as travel between the different Zones. Different units of Cops have different roles, from general monitoring, to patrolling the Cosmic Interstate, to protecting against threats to the Multiverse. For me, my job means I’m called in when direct action is required in another Zone. This is… a difficult job. You could well ask why don’t we help out whenever something bad happens in the other Zone. Truth is, that could cause a horrible imbalance, and lead to more disastrous consequences further down the line. It’s not easy sitting on the sidelines, but sometimes we have to. But then, there are times we do need to act to make sure a greater threat doesn’t rise. You’re likely aware of some of those times, as that’s when I’ve brought in Prime Sonic. Why him? Well, the Prime Zone is only a step away from all the other Zones, even wildly different ones like the Sol Zone. And Prime Sonic is, in all honesty, one of the most capable Sonic’s in the multiverse, so I know it’s in good hands. We could send in a squad of Zone Cops instead, but one Sonic can do, with very little disruption, what it would take several squads to accomplish. This has all gotten a lot harder recently, with Eggman Naga swarming over the Multiverse causing massive disruption, and the recent damage inflicted to Zone Jails. Alright, there’s a bit more to cover, but that’s for the end. Right now, I’m gonna turn to Zails. He’s still training to be a Zone Cop, but as one of his training projects, he’s done a Case Study on Silver the Hedgehog, so he’s here to talk about time travel. Take it away Zails. Zails: Uh… Alright *deep breath* You can do this Zails. Silver the Hedgehog is a time travelling Hedgehog… That’s redundant, isn’t it? Uh… so… Silver has travelled through time, but there have also been incidents where he’s interacted with different Zones aside from the Prime Zone, known as Light Mobius and Dark Mobius. So, er, Time Travel and Zone Travel do share many similar principles. Travelling between Zones is easy, as No-Zone and the Cosmic Highway connect all Zones. Even travel that doesn’t use the Cosmic Interstate, such as Star Posts, tend to make use of that connection. Time Travel is much harder, though it is easier to travel forwards, going with the flow of time, than backwards, working against it. This means it’s very easy, if you don’t know what you’re doing, to accidently move between Zones when Time Travelling. Er… *checks notes* Jani-ca from Dark Mobius did this, accidentally travelling to the Prime Zone when she went back in time. It’s easier to do when you are going back before the Triggering Event that created your Zone. And so, if you know how to Time Travel, it is much easier to travel to other Zones. Which leads us, uh, to the next question. ‘Does time travel create new Zones?’ The answer is ‘it depends’. Keep in mind, looking at Silver, given the chance it was unlikely he wouldn’t go back in time. And when he found out about Mecha-Sally, also unlikely that he wouldn’t stop her. So his actions changed the future, without creating a new Zone. On the other hand, King Sonic of Light Mobius. Once, it was the future of the Prime Zone. But when he went back in time, his actions created such wild changes, that Light Mobius became its own Zone, and the future of the Prime Zone was shifted away from it. Which then leads to a bigger question. *takes a breath, checks notes* ‘If you change the future, doesn’t that create a paradox where you wouldn’t have gone back to change the future?’ Okay, when someone goes back in time, they become part of the past, as if they always existed there. So when they return to the future, they’ll still remember their old life, even if their actions have created massive changes. We think. This is partially theoretical, based on observing Silver. There is one last question: ‘Why are some things from Light Mobius seen in Silver’s future?’ This is because of the way Light Mobius was created. There is still a connection between Light Mobius and the Prime Zone. Sometimes, things leak through. Maybe just objects, but at some point, even Tikchaos, or part of her, was able to slip into the Prime Zone. *looks over notes* Uh… that’s everything from me, so, er, back to Zonic. Zonic: Thanks Zails, you did great. *gives thumbs up* Our last topic is on Zone Numbering and Naming. There are countless Zones, and each is given an ‘official numbering’, based on the date and exact time of its creation. These numbers, as you might expect, are VERY long. So instead, we usually refer to the ‘Case File’ Numbers. These numbers, after the first 100, are based on when we start to take an interest in that Zone. The first 100, well, we were trying to rate the Zone’s by importance. We really messed that up! *chuckles* For naming a Zone, that honour is given to the team who first open a Case File on a Zone. *communicator beeps* Oh, that’s right! Just one other thing to note. We've heard rumours of another 'Sonic Prime'. We don't know any details yet, but we're investigating.

Okay, I think that is everything. Zally? Zally: Yes, we’ve just about covered everything. I hope we’ve managed to answer most of your questions. But before we leave, we’ve had numerous requests for knowing the name and designation of a number of Zones. So we’ll leave those with you. Thank you so much for listening. Now, here’s the list:

#001 – The Prime Zone – This is the zone where all others originate from, where Sonic and the heroes of Mobius fight against the tyranny of Dr. Eggman.

#017 – The Stealth Zone – This zone features a planet Mobius where the superhero Stealth the Hedgehog fights villains such as Professor Egg.

#059 - The Serene Zone - This Zone features a Mobius where Julian Kintobor never managed to gain control after the Great War, and the Kingdom of Acorn stood strong.

#100 – The No Zone – Our Zone, from here the Zone Cops organization strives to maintain order across the multiverse.

#109 – The Legal Zone – This zone features a Mobius with a city called Litigopolis where law and order are the way of the world.

#196 – The Freedom Zone – This zone features a planet Freedom which is divided into two realms – the Land of the Sky and the Land of Darkness.

#199 – The Underground Zone – This zone features a planet Mobius where Prince Sonic and his siblings, Manic and Sonia, seek to find their mother, Queen Aleena, and become the Council of Four to overthrow the dictator Dr. Robotnik.

#220 – The Lightning Zone – This zone features a planet Earth where Sonic has traveled and been adopted by a police officer named Tom and stops the plans of the overzealous scientist Dr. Robotnik.

#372 – The Anti Zone – This zone is a mirror reflection of the Prime Zone, where our heroes are bad and their villains are good.

#403 – The Earth X Zone – This zone features a planet Earth with a city called Station Square. It is the home of Chris Thorndyke and his friends and has been protected by Sonic the Hedgehog.

#492 – The Image Zone – This zone features a planet Earth that is protected by heroes such as Spawn, Savage Dragon, and The Maxx.

#496 – The Dark Zone – This zone features a planet Mobius nearly purged of life from a corrupted Knuckles the Echidna who became Enerjak.

#589 – The Discovery Zone – This zone features a planet Mobius resembling a gritty film noir.

#593 – The Boomer Zone – This zone features a planet Mobius where Sonic and the Freedom Fighters; Johnny Lightfoot, Porker Lewis, Tails, and Amy, face various foes including the evil Dr. Robotnik.

#623 – The Real Zone – This zone features a planet Earth where Sonic the Hedgehog is a video game character.

#905 – The Mobius X Zone – This zone features a planet Mobius where Sonic and his friends call home. Sonic and his friends have been transported off this planet into the X Earth Zone.

#1054 – The Kaiju Zone – This zone features a planet Mobius where Dr. J Kintobor uses a super sized mecha, Giant Robotno, to fight enlarged mutants.

#1072 – The Sentai Zone – This zone features a planet Mobius where Sonicman and the Chaos Ninja Team fight the villainous Sallactor.

#1084 – The Cyborg Zone – This zone is home to a planet Mobius that has been left a ruined wasteland thanks to it’s Dr. Robotnik. This is the zone from which Dr. Eggman hails.

#1100 – Maginary Zone – This zone is where the dreams of all other zones are born from. It is entered via the Precioustone and is guarded by the powerful Illumina.

#1103 – The Light Zone – This zone features a planet Mobius very similar to our heroes’ world. King Sonic and Queen Sally rule the Kingdom of Acorn in this zone.

#1105 – The Sol Zone – This zone features a planet Mobius where Blaze the Cat guards the Jewelled Sceptre and the Sol Emeralds.

#1114 – The Boom Zone – This zone features a planet Mobius where Sonic and his friends live on Bygone Island and deal with regular shenanigans from Dr. Eggman.

#1241 – The Archie Zone – This zone features a planet Earth with a town called Riverdale. It is the home of Archie Andrews, Sabrina the Teenage Witch, and Josie and the Pussycats amongst others.

#1291 – The Luna Zone – This zone features a Mobius that is protected by the pretty guardian Sally Moon and her crush Tuxedo Knux.

#4235 – The Galaxy Zone – This zone is the home of the Freedom Fighters of the Galaxy, a group that patrols their universe facing cosmic threats such as Robolactus.

#archie sonic online #character ask #ask #zonic the zone cop #zally the zone cop #zails the zone cop #zones #time travel #light mobius #dark mobius #Silver the Hedgehog #prime zone #sonic the hedgehog

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alch3mic · 4 years ago

Text

in between. (drabble series)

chapter two (cracks.)

beast!sans x gender neutral reader. 3k+ word count.

please be advised for themes of self-loathing, violence, mentions of death, self-harm, a whole lot of cursing and depression.

* finally, here is chapter two! this one focuses more on my dear underfell sans named beast! if you’d like to know more about him, feel free to check out his full fic here over on ao3, or his tag here on my tumblr. thank you for being patient with me and i hope you all enjoy!

Beauty.

.....

..There were very few things that came to Sans' mind when thinking of that word.

After all he was probably the last person who should be havin’ an opinion on anything based on looks, but still.. a few things always came to mind.

Like the stars, of course.

And the sky.

Those things were beautiful.

..It also made him think of other things like..

Having a full day to do absolutely nothing, which was always great.

Or better yet a freshly made burger from Grillby’s, complete with the works and extra mustard.

Now that was a real thing of beauty.

...

It... also made him think of...

...Roses.. as corny as that was.

Sans never thought he'd come around to admiring flowers after living in that snowy and lifeless town all his life... and after one flower in particular gave him a hell of a lot of trouble.. but hey, living topside had certainly gave him a whole fucking list of surprises.

..Like..

The most recent addition to the small list of things he found beautiful.

...

...Which was you...

....

Even now thinking about you and that gentle glow of your soul made him tremble, and how just the single word ‘beautiful’ came to mind when he laid his eyelights upon you.

And that's.. certainly something he'd never expected to think about a human...

He was a Fell after all, and to them... appearance was everything.

From the clothes you wore, to the way you looked, everything single last detail about you was judged. That's because the very first lesson all Fell monster children were taught was that in this world, it was kill or be killed.

The people around them were not friends.

They were not neighbors or allies.

They were competition, tools and objects to be used to elevate themselves into a position of strength and status so that they may one day be considered worthy living in the eyes of their king. The Underground was their prison, and the other monsters who were also unfortunate enough to be born in that fucking hellhole with them were their test...

So.. Would you kill, or would you be killed..?

...

Obviously, many bared their teeth and claws to survive.

Life was a gift reserved only for the strong.

Weakness was a disease that was to be purged, and their king had entrusted his people to enact such a cleansing in his stead. For every monster to be given such a power over one another shaped their entire Underground into the dusty inferno that it was, eating it's people and their hope alive in it's cleaning flames. Only the brave and the mighty could prevail in that nightmare, and those who failed to prove themselves capable of even defending themselves from other monsters were... unfit.. to become warriors worthy of one day taking down humanity.

..So they were dusted..

And their EXP was the reward for those who did the deed, only making the strong, stronger...

...

For them, there was only value in strength.

In EXP.

In.. LOVE.

Emotions were a handicap.

Kindness was vulnerability.

There was only happiness to be found in being more powerful that everyone else around you.

There was only a future for you if you could prove yourself to everyone that you were worthy of getting to live another day by pushing all of that other unnecessary bullshit down, like feelings or regret, and killing everyone around you so that you could survive in that unending hell...!

..But..

...Such stats like EXP and LV were usually hidden to the naked eye. Unless a monster was born with the very rare ability to see stats with their sight, the only way to see those stats was checking through an encounter, and at that point it would be much too late. Even the smallest of creatures, with innocent smiles and bright shiny eyes, could be hiding something truly sinister beneath.

So, what better way to prove yourself and show off how strong you were than with scars.

Scars were the physical, undeniable proof of your mettle and determination. They were the marks across your fur, skin or scales that showed you had fought someone and walked away, which was quite the feat considering that under the king's decree, no encounter was ever allowed to end without a single winner and one pile of dust...

....

..The more scars you had the better, because it meant you were strong.

They were complimented, sought after and coveted above everything else for the Fell. Anyone with half a working soul would know it was fucking stupid to fight someone who looked tougher than you, so those with more scars got to live more peaceful lives.

They didn't have to live in fear of being picked off for just looking weak..

Those with scars were respected.

They were admired.

They were made out to be the pinnacle of a your existence.

And many in their desperation to be considered strong, began inflicted wounds upon themselves to get a taste of that life. They began scarring up their bodies just so that others would think that they too were worthy of living too.

It really was..

..Awful.

What an awful way to live.

What an awful thing to go through!

What an.. awful thing to be the product of.

But.. it had been their reality.. and it shaped the person San had grown to be. That's why he could only wonder why his head was spinning with thoughts of you.

A human.

Soft.

Small.

Someone who laid all of their emotions bare when they struck a cord on their guitar, opening their heart up for a moment and just letting it all go.

You were the complete and total opposite of someone like him.

Huge.

Ugly.

And.. very guarded. ...

He had spent most of his life actively pushing others away from him.

He had to, so he could protect himself.

So many monsters had weaponized feelings like love and attraction in their favor to get other monsters to let their guard down, and he wasn't about to become a pile of dust just because he was fucking lonely. One thing he promised himself about going through that hell was that he wouldn't let his emotions get the better of him.

He still had someone he cared for after all, and he didn’t want to leave his brother to live out that nightmare alone.

..The only reason they were both still here today was because they had each other..

So, he convinced himself he wasn't interested in romance.

It'd only bring unnecessary trouble.

He'd have no datemates, no interests, and most certainly..

No soulmate.

He was already convinced he didn't have one anyways, but he always swore to himself that if he found them he wouldn't let himself get sappy over it like some other idiots did.

The most he'd ever let himself do is spend a night trying to forget the fact that he was trapped in this fucking nightmare with another monster and that was it. There was no sense getting attached, someone would just turn and use that feeling against him in the end.

...

...And yet..

...He had spent all those years building up a wall...

And then just completely turned around and allowed himself to fall head over heels with one beautiful little human.

....

The skeleton let out a small groan, pinching the bridge of his nasal bone while shaking his head at the mirror. The steam from his shower was still clinging to the edges, but he could still see his dumbass reflection clear as day even in the dark.

Just... what the fuck was he doing?

...

..Setting himself up for soulbreak, that's what.

There's no way in hell a human could ever love a Fell, especially one like him. There was a reason they called him Beast! What you saw was what you got, and the crack in his skull should've been proof enough of how broken he was.

There was no sparkling personality and certainly no handsome prince hiding underneath all this

..It was just him..

....

Staring at his reflection for so long in the mirror made him want to break the damn thing, but he really didn't want to get another skull full from Papyrus from doing it twice in the same month.

'JUST SHOWER IN THE DARK SO YOU DON'T SEE YOUR REFLECTION IF YOU HATE IT THAT MUCH YOU IDIOT!'

...

Right. Yeah.. Sure..

A very simple solution to a very simple problem.

It's not like he's been struggling with self image already since his childhood days, especially considering he had only been born with 1 HP, 1 ATK and 1 DEF.

..Heh. Still made him laugh, thinking about it now.

...

..It.. must've been a joke, right?

..To be born with stats like those?

Surely whoever was running this gig was laughing their fucking ass off about it too, sending this sorry sack of bones out into a violent world with one miserable point of fucking HP.

...

...Well, he certainly hopes whoever cursed himself to such a fate also found it all funny..

..'Cause he was going to beat the shit out of them if he ever found them..

...

Most of his childhood had been spent in fear due to that knowledge.

Fear of the day he would finally enter an encounter.

The day when someone, somewhere out there would realize he had been the easiest target of all, and that just one strike would be enough for his pathetic little life to come to an end. Then he'd end up being nothing more than a pitiful pile of dust and a few meager points of EXP to someone else, and that would be the end of Sans the skeleton.

...

It would’ve been a fitting existence for a monster only born with those kinds of stats.

...

..He really thought that there was.. no way someone like him could ever be strong.

There was no chance in hell he'd ever survive down there.

...A part of him wished he never even knew.

Maybe life would've been so scary down there if he had just never known he only had only 1 HP to hang on to.

..Maybe.. he wouldn't of turned out this way...

...

In the end it would've be painless.

With only 1 HP it'd just take one hit and then it'd be all over.

One hit and he'd be done.

One hit and he'd be free.

....

It was an.. accident, the first time he activated his sight magic. He was still just a kid, standing up on a stepping stool and practicing scary faces in the mirror. He remembers it startled the absolute stars out of him when it happened since he was just trying to change the color of his white eyelights to be more threatening, but instead he...

..Well.. when he gazed back into the mirror his eyelights were definitely red.

And he could definitely see it, clear as day.

"Sans" LV 1 HP 1/1 ATK 1 DEF 1

......

...

"ya've.. gotta be jokin'.. right..?"

He remembers the silence that followed after saying that, nobody around to respond to him. Nobody was there to reassure him that'd it'd be alright. No one was there to support or care for him, or to help him through the fear settling into his bones.

Really... it must've been a joke, right?

That couldn't.. really be his stats.. right?

The phrase came out a second time, and then several more, each and every time the words picking up momentum as the maelstrom of feelings brewed in his chest louder and louder. It swished and swirled, sucking up his thoughts one by one and the whole room felt like it was spinning around him. He wanted to look away, his red eyelights unable to gaze at anything but his stats, even as the tears came to his eyesockets.

..No..

It couldn't..

It just.. couldn't!

....

...How..

..How was he suppose to be strong with those kinds of stats?!

He had to be strong!

He told Papyrus every morning and every night that he was strong!

He told his brother that he'd be become most powerful monster in the whole damn Underground, that way they didn't have to live in a shoddy broken down house!

That way they could live their lives free of worry!

That way they didn't..

...have to be..

....so scared anymore..

...

How.. how was he suppose to be survive..

With only 1 HP..?

....

...

His fists clenched, the reality of it all setting in as the number remained unchanged no matter how much he begged and pleaded. The fear melted away into anger, shooting through ever inch of his body like someone had ignited a fire through his bones. It spread rapidly, clouding his mind in a hazy and hateful fog as he stared at the number.

He couldn't think.

All he could see was 1 HP.

1 HP.

....

...

...One hit is all it took to break the mirror.

His fist connected and the glass shattered, small shards flying everywhere as he screamed out in frustration. The tears fell and he yelled again, unable to handle the heat of his hatred as he sobbed alone in the bathroom. Soon a few deep breaths left his mouth followed by a string of curses, the pain in his hand causing him to reel back a bit and inspect it through his tears. Small scrapes littered his phalanges from the impact, his hand now buzzing with a dull pain as he clutched it and glanced back up at the mirror.

His once clear reflection was distorted by twisted and ugly cracks, scattering and creating a broken image of himself.

One hit was all it took for the mirror to become break.

One hit.. and it..

...Shattered.

...Just like..

He would..

....

Imagine his surprise when he didn't.

...

He took a blow.. and lived.

And.. it became the very first scar he had ever earned..

...

....And he.. hated it.

He hated it what it did to him. He hated what it stood for. He hated the way it traveled up his dumb fucking face, always catching everyone's attention. He hated the fact that he got complimented about it back in the Underground. He hates how it's become his defining feature. He hated to how it lead to so many more scars, so many more battles, and so much more EXP, washing away his once poor stats in a wave of dust and bloating them to.. terrifying numbers.

He just..

Hated it.

...

Like how he hated himself.

...

..Ugh.

Great. Now his head was swishing around with self-deprecating thoughts about the present and the past, which he really didn't need right now. If he started acting depressed again he'd be given another certified Papyrus pep talk, and as much as he loved that egotistical bonehead he really didn't need to hear his brother prattle on for hours about his 'good qualities' and how their 'past doesn't define them'.

He sighed a final time before pulling a sweater over his head, feeling it catch and snag on some of his rougher breaks and notches on his bones. He stomped out of the bathroom, rubbing the back of his skull in frustration at himself for allowing one human to get his thoughts swishing around that broken head of his.

..Well..

It's not like he could've done anything else to prevent this. He had already steeled his emotions back when he realized how pathetic his stats had been, but all that had work just practically vanished the moment he laid his eyelights on you.

..It had.. only been a brief second too.

He had just been trailing down a runaway client after they missed their third payment. The brothers had a three strike policy, which was.. a little generous for Sans' taste but hey, he was just the brawn here not the brains, so three strikes it was...

This idiot was already on his shit list for taking advantage of their generosity and missing a third fucking payment, but then they had the fuckin' nerve to run. If there was one thing Sans hated, it was a runner.

..It was just kinda pointless, ya know? All it did was delay the inevitable and give him more work to do, as if his days weren't filled to fucking the brim with shit already. Seriously, it's like these humans had no fucking consideration for a busy skeleton like himself...

Assholes.

Still, they ran and he gave 'chase'. All he had to do was keep shortcutting as he anticipated their every step, catching them off-guard and sent them bolting off in another direction. Bastard was slippery though and having already spent most of the day working Sans’ aim was a little off. It was becoming more and more infuriating until he nearly managed to corner the bastard.

What he did not expect was for his little runaway to dive into a busy, shitty looking bar like somehow they'd lose him in there.

..And to be fair, they did.. for a moment...

...

..When his eyelights landed upon you, after taking just a few small steps inside.

....

...

You were beautiful..

....That was the only thought he had.

...

The lights had casted you into an angelic glow up on that stage, illuminating your form in a soft shade of yellow as you bobbed and swayed to the music. A small yet sweet smile was gracing your lips, your soul shining so brightly in the crowd that it was like a flame, and he was just a dumb fucking moth drawing ever closer.

..Then you struck a cord on your guitar...

...and it reverberated into his very soul.

....

It was.. so sad.

And a little lonely...

Tired.

Overworked.

Underpaid.

And...

Free.

...

He had been so completely entranced by you that it almost felt like you put him under some kind of spell. Never in his life had he been so captivated by anyone, fully admitting to himself now that he would've just scooped you up right on the spot and fled off into the night if given the chance.

..And.. a part of him was still wishing he had..

...

...The seconds had ticked away as he watched you perform, giving enough time for that rat to slip out the back and out into the night.

Shame that little bastard never made it very far in the end, but the whole fiasco had left Sans' head buzzing with the human who had completely stopped him in his tracks for what felt like an eternity now. You had looked so serene up there and he couldn't stop the fluttering of his soul in his chest every time he thought about you.

And he was thinking about you a lot.

...Which is exactly why he was also so annoyed with himself.

...

...Argh fucking.. damn it all..!

At least if he was only thinking pervy things he could let it slide as feeling lonely again, but no! Not a single perverted thought had crossed his stupid fucking head about you! It was all mundane shit, like wanting to see you smile like that again or maybe just getting a single chance to talk to you. Instead of spending his free time relaxing, he was just sitting around daydreaming about how beautiful your voice must be too and how much he just wanted to.. see you again!!

Ahh! What the fuck was wrong with him!

Just where the hell was all of this coming from, huh!?

It's like you were pulling something outta him that shoulda never been there in the first place..!

...How fucking dare you..!

....

...How dare you..

Do this to him..

...

It was too late for.. someone like him, with sullied hands and scars, to be thinking like this..

....

The only thing he deserved was to be a lonely fucking bastard.

...

If... you ever came anywhere close to him he'd just.. sully you too...

...

And yet.. despite knowing that he..

Just wanted a chance.

Just one, to see you again..

And maybe.. talk to you...

Just one single chance..

....Please...

And if you went off screaming into the night like he figured you would then..

That’d be the end of it.

He’d snuff out that little flame of hope inside his soul, and then he’d live out his lonely days hating his stupid reflection ..

..Like he deserved...

.....

....

...

"..Okay."

....

You.. said yes.

Stars above you had said yes, he..!

He couldn’t help but smile in response as his while body felt lighter than air. Although your first meeting wasn’t at all like he had hoped you were..

Here.

And right now he has a chance..

"heh. cool.. cool.. the names sans, doll. or my friends sometimes call me beast."

...

"...Pffft ehehe..!"

You laughed and somehow.. he wasn’t angry in the slightest.

"wow, really gonna take a punch at my pride like that, huh?" he asked.

"Sorry! Sorry, sorry..!" you apologized between giggles. "It's really nice to meet you Sans!"

You introduced yourself to him, although he already learned your name a long ago.

But to hear you say his name like that..

Well....

"real nice ta meet you too, doll."

That flame of hope in his soul was flickering ever stronger...

That perhaps.. a Beauty really could love a Beast.

#i leave this all here for you #while i throw myself back into the void #beast!sans #sans #undertale #underfell #underfell sans #undertale fic #yandere sans #long post #fanfic #drabble #depression tw #violence tw #prince is up next ahhhhhhhhhh!#alch!writes #inbetween!fic

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draven-imani · 3 years ago

Text

Journal 6

Today was another long day. Another very long day. I don’t even know how to begin to express how much happened today.

We broke fate.

We did what we came to the Grey Garrison to do and according to a higher being we weren’t actually meant to have done that but we did anyways and it changed everything. It changed an entire timeline. We did that. I’m still processing that.

Let me start from the top.

We made for Old Kenabres first thing in the morning. We were given a number of supplies from Arashniaval for our strike force, while Horgus was using his own funds to supply the main troops. The Silver Legion and the units Commander Tirabade had been able to muster rode ahead and drew away the brunt of the demonic forces, leaving the Grey Garrison mostly unguarded. The Commander did not join the forces drawing distraction, however. She would be fighting alongside us to reclaim the shard of the Wardstone from Deskari’s hands. And she was not the only one. This morning the envoy the Commander sent down to speak with the First Descendants returned as well. And they came alongside forces from below ground lead by Lann, ready to join the fight against the demon scourge. Lann and a number of his rangers joined our strike team. Each of us paired up with a ranger, with the group deciding I should team up with Lann since I was the captain of this mission. I had no arguments there. Lann proved to be a very capable marksman. Even without cold iron arrows he managed to do some damage to some of the demons we faced, which is more than I could say for most people.

If we ever have a moment when we aren’t fighting for our lives for once, I wouldn’t mind having a chance to chat with him outside of life-threatening situations. Lann seems like a good guy. But apparently my life is going to be getting really busy really soon, so that’s probably not in the cards.

As we approached the grey garrison, we saw two sentries. We identified the twisted reanimated mockeries as vermleks, parasitic demons who puppeteer corpses of the dead. The victims in question were High Commander Hulrun, and the head of Nyserian Manor ironically enough. It would seem Lord Nyserian met with a terrible fate when he presented Commander Tirabade’s sword to the demons, in a bid to try to get safe passage and a position of power. We found proof later that this was their punishment for him not giving it to them sooner. Serves a coward and a traitor right, for the innocent blood on his hands.

My feelings about Hulrun are more complicated. He was a powerful crusader. He should have been able to stand up against the demons as a symbol of strength against the tide of evil. Instead he was felled and turned into a mockery. So I found what they did despicable and I wanted to put him to rest. But I also never found him to be the height of what we could stand for. He was no Irabeth Tirabade. At one time he was a paranoid man who brought out the worst in our people for many years. He led the witch hunts, which may have been a little before my time, but the effects of which still echo down. I…deeply fear what would happen if anyone found out about the mark I keep under wraps.

Whether he truly become better or simply had others who advised him to tone it down, I will likely never know now. And quite frankly it doesn’t matter, as he is dead and we have more pressing matters than the past to contend with.

Speaking of that accursed mark, it was bleeding a stream of blood worse than ever before, and burning like someone had taken a hot iron to it. I couldn’t help but flinch, and the others couldn’t help but notice the bandages that were already stained red before we had even entered battle. I…promised to explain later. And I suppose I will have to, if it’s going to cause so much blood that I cannot hide it around so many demons. I will have to find a new method. Perhaps a bracer of some kind…

Hiskaria asked ‘you too’ when I started rubbing at my arm initially, and showed me a mark on her back. It was not anything near the same as the festering mark on my wrist. She had some sort of large glowing spiral birthmark on her back. Although there was one thing in common I found: both appeared the day our families died. Hers was reacting here as well, which was apparently abnormal. Hers had something to do with the Riftwardens—which now that I think about it she’d kept buddying up to Arashniaval frequently, going to him to comfort him when he thought the Riftwardens died despite just meeting him, and he’d reacted to her in surprise when we’d first met her.

For now, however, we needed to focus on the mission as hand. There were two demon sentries. If we took them out fast, we might not alert the entire temple of our presence right away. Luna did her usual thing, going invisible and sneaking up on one, getting a good swing in on it, although not enough to destroy its host. Commander Tirabade charged in behind her, stabbing it, and Melody joined her.

Hiskaria and I focused on the other. Radiance was more insistent than ever that these demons be cleansed—the bodies of the faithful needed to be freed and put to rest properly.

These creatures took a beating and still remained standing, sending wave after wave of negative energy through us with mass inflict wounds. The Commander cut down the one who was possessing Hulrun—trying to be respectful of the dead, although once Luna got started insulting him for the witch hunts it was hard for any of us to not agree with her points that the man was kind of an ass. Still, the demon was dead and I’d at least follow Radiance’s request to lay his body to rest later, even he deserved that much.

The other demon devoured its host, but was then skewered through on Melody’s glaive, leaving the courtyard outside the temple silent.

Then Melody looked up. She told us in a hushed voice that she saw her goddess’ songbird. But also a twisted being who looked like a humanoid woman with a clawed locust’s arm. An oracle of Deskari. And probably a powerful one at that if her body was twisted in such a manner.

This would be no easy task. But we needed to get to the wardstone and destroy it, to keep it from being used as a weapon and turning our own symbol of protection against our unsuspecting men and women on the front lines. Whether it would be easy or not didn’t matter.

Luna slipped ahead of us, practically vanishing as she pulled her hood over her head and she seemed to become one with the shadows with her mastery of stealth. I focused on Iomedae’s blessings, using her mastery of the warrior’s ways to try to keep up with my swift footed companion.

A fight had already broken out by the time I arrived. Luna had snuck up behind a tiefling cultist and liberated his head from his shoulders. The rest had tried to swarm her, but she was not an easy woman to harm in such a way. Lann shot an arrow into the fray, catching the attention of one of the tieflings and drawing him out of the room to me, which I swiftly cut down. The rest were taken care of by Hiskaria’s arrows and Luna and Melody’s blades.

Now that we were inside of the temple, Radiance’s energy was feeling more insistent than usual. They told me that this was once a temple to Iomedae, and it should be cleansed and returned to its former glory. I got the sense that they meant immediately, not after we got rid of the demons. At first as I cleared the demons I argued with Radiance, telling the sword that I needed them to be patient—if we tried to cleanse the temple before we got rid of all the demons, the demons would just desecrate it again.

What made me change my mind was the room with the arms.

I am not going to describe the room with the arms. Just know that…the demons and their cultists made some very visceral and disgusting idols in mockery of our holy places.

I was ambushed by several cultists of Deskari in that room. Which was a veeeeeery good way to get some very recently acquired bad feelings out of my system. With some help from the others, we cleared out the three cultists who thought they would be adding me to their sick idol. Sick bastards.

Then Melody opened a door. And got a bomb right in the face.

Because alchemists suck like that.

Luna went in with her axe, but the man had a spell on that made hitting him difficult, he shifted around the attacks, our visuals on him were blurred and difficult to see correctly. Hiskaria got a bright idea, and cast magic missile on him.

I liked that idea, and produced a wand of magic missile we’d been given by Arashniaval, and did the same. Between the two of us and Luna, we beat away at the alchemist. He used a smoke bomb to try to hide from the missiles. Hiskaria got in closer, drew fire from him, and was able to give me enough of an idea of where he was that I could get up in his face and cast it once more. Which was all we needed.

From there we only had one way to go. Which was behind a locked door Luna was having difficulty opening. We decided to work together to smash through it. With Luna taking point, we threw everything we had into it, and finally managed to burst the door.

Straight into a room with a tiefling and three dretches.

It wasn’t actually that difficult. Luna ran past the dretches and took on the tiefling. Commander Tirabade and Melody took on the dretch nearest the door, which I used the Commander’s shield for cover to slip in and attack the one next to her, Radiance giving me a particularly spectacular moment killing the dretch in a single swing. The final dretch tried to flee, but Luna took a swing at it as it did, then ran after it and ended it before it could try to warn anyone on the second floor.

We were a little bruised, but not so much that we felt like we needed to sound the retreat yet.

Radiance was even more insistent, and I was feeling a bit twitchy after the aforementioned room as well. I requested some time to clear out the bottom floor before we continued on. The others agreed, as it would give them some time to check for anything of value on the bodies they may have missed.

So, I got to work. First clearing out the…aforementioned room. Doing burial rites for the desecrated bodies and for Hulrun while I was at it. Then I cleaned the prayer room. Which had an interesting engraving in celestial, although I cannot read the language. I recalled that Gabrielle could as an aasimar, although I didn’t want to make assumptions given how different Luna is—so I asked if anyone in our group could speak the language. As fortune would have it, Luna did speak celestial, and was willing to help, despite needing to kneel before the alter to see the engraving properly. She would not tell me what it said, instead, she went over to a glowing outline of a doorway we’d noticed in the other room, and spoke the words, “Let us inherit thine arms, Iomedae.” The doorway swung open. Inside was an amazing armory. Cold iron weapons of all kinds, an enchanted longsword, sturdy shields, and a gorgeous breastplate with Iomedae’s holy symbol emblazoned across it. I feel speed is what we needed more than heavy armor at the moment, or I would have gladly donned it.

I also may have hesitated because I think it looked like that sort of think Auriel would have liked. I feel like I remember him mentioning he intended to get something similar to this at some point. Or maybe that’s just me projecting. I don’t know.

Anyways.

After that was done we cleaned up the museum, in which we found an adamantine morningstar of all things. Would have been useful for that door earlier. We gave it to Luna. Adamantine with her strength will be useful I’m certain.

With everything cleaned up and Radiance a bit quieter, we decided to head up to the second floor.

The second floor was almost blood bath. I…kind of don’t remember a lot of the fight that happened here. It was a blur, and I went down a few times. A lot of times. They really had it out for me. For obvious reasons, I was the only Iomedaen in the room. And possibly because of the accursed mark on my arm, who knows? What I do know is, we got upstairs. Melody got besieged on all sides, and the moment one of the tiefling cultists died, we heard the voice of the oracle. And she summoned a swarm of locusts from the tiefling’s body, which attacked Melody on his death, badly injurying her with negative energy. I ended up running in and putting myself in between her and some of the other enemies with the intention of drawing some attention away from her. Which worked. Unfortunately it worked a little too well. I got swarmed by tieflings and Deskari cultists, and when Melody or Heskaria killed one the oracle would cause the locust swarms to pull the life from me. I went in and out of consciousness more than a few times here. I was lucky the Commander was here. She and Hiskaria kept me alive. Between Commander Tirabade’s lay on hand’s and Hiskaria’s wand of cure moderate wounds she’d picked up somewhere along the way. I definitely owed her one. I guess as her ‘acting captain’ I’m putting in a few good words for her for sure at this point.

When the swarm of enemies died down, we began looking around a bit more. We found a room with a bowl of water and—viscera—with zombies milling about. We took care of them with literally no issue. Radiance once again began insisting on immediately consecrating the room, and I once again told them that we needed to wait until we knew there was nothing nastier on this floor after what we’d just dealt with, if the oracle could reach out through her followers up here. Radiance didn’t like that answer, but conceded that it was my choice either way. Good. Maybe Luna was onto something with putting my foot down with them.

Melody was standing near a door looking a bit spooked, and as I approached she quietly told me something was on the other side talking in her mind. She described it, and I reasoned out that it was a Schir demon due to the sound of gnawing on metal she heard. We decided to let Luna go in first, as it was probably prepared but to my knowledge they couldn’t see those who were invisible. So she downed another potion and slipped inside, getting a good stab at him before he could react. Unfortunately, he proved a bit more damaging than expected, and we heard Luna calling for someone to help her out. I was planning to join her, since demon slaying is kind of my specialty. But then something else burst from the door behind me. A strange chimera creature. Not a demon, but an evil intelligent beast working with them. A peryton. The creature bared its fanged in something between a smile and a snarl as it greeted me, before lashing out, knocking me against the wall and dashing any hope of me going to Luna’s aid.

Fortunately, both Melody and Commander Tirabade were able to help Luna, while Hiskaria put some arrows into the creature attacking me. The Commander apparently killed the demon, then Luna charged out of the room and with a single swing of her axe beheaded the peryton.

The rest of the floor was so easily cleared out I legitimately don’t even remember what the creatures in the last room were. Some kind of insect or spider that caused darkness, but Luna was able to cast light due to her aasimar bloodline and dispel it. I blocked the doorway to protect Melody and let Hiskaria and Melody take shots at them until I was hurting too badly to continue that tactic, then stepped aside for Luna the clean up the rest.

After that was done, Luna began going through some papers that she had seen the cultists looking over before. I began clearing out the room the zombies had been in that Radiance had reacted to. And the others began checking the other rooms for anything that might be useful or important.

After I cleared and purified the water in the bowl it became immediately obvious that it was a scrying dish, as it activated on its own. It had two things to show me. First, was Leto and Commander Spriggans. They were in the middle of the demon hordes, separated from their unit. They were fighting valiantly, and they didn’t look worse for the wear at the moment. But with their positioning, I knew if I called the retreat now, they might get left behind. They might end up stuck behind enemy lines. Or worse, overwhelmed and killed.

Before I had time to process that, a second vision was granted. This one a bit closer to where we were. It was of the oracle, upstairs. She was panicking. Pacing, muttering to herself “fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck”, terrified of how quickly we were tearing through her forces, of how quickly we were making our way to her and undoing all her work. The angle of the scry then panned out, showing me the room outside, allowing me to see the fiendish minotaur guarding the door to her chambers. It gave me a good idea of what we were going to be facing when we went up there. It was a tiny room to be dealing with such a large creature, not much room to maneuver. Not much room to get Luna into a flanking position.

But more importantly, we’d been planning to call the retreat after this floor. Because we were all exhausted. We were low on magic. We were low on healing. We were hurting. But if we did that, we were going to put Leto and Commander Spriggans in danger.

I had to make a call. Retreat. Put the mission and the people in front of me first and risk Leto. Or push forward, risk everything so I could try to bring everyone back safe. Assuming I didn’t get everyone killed doing so.

I was paralyzed with indecision.

The others were talking about various things they’d found. A list of traitors here and elsewhere, which was useful. Some other things I honestly was too distracted at the time to really process. Then Luna started talking about how we ought to head out if we were going to call the retreat and get back to Defender’s heart, since we were getting tired. Melody and Hiskaria agreed.

I stopped them. I told them to wait. I explained I’d seen something in the scrying room, and I explained what I’d seen and why it was a problem for retreating. But also why not retreating was a problem.

Luna said she didn’t give a damn, and said on the count of three everyone raise their hand who voted to keep going. All three of them did.

I—was speechless. I am not so proud as to think they did not understand how much of a risk they were taking pushing forward. They knew how much they were risking, and what they were doing, to keep Leto safe. A man they’ve barely even met once, but who they knew was important to me.

I owe them. More than I can begin to repay. But I am going to start, as best I can.

After I finished cleansing the second floor, we made our plan for how to deal with the third. We knew that the oracle was not at her best. We also knew how the minotaur’s room was laid out. We decided to use this to our advantage. There wasn’t much room to maneuver—not even enough for us to bring our ranger companions along, we had them watch our backs and stay on the second floor—but there was just enough to possibly get Luna in behind him if we played our cards right.

Luna drank another invisibility potion, and crept ahead of us. We waited for half a minute, then followed, with Melody in the lead. The plan was for her to lure the beast forward, as she was the only one with a weapon that could reach as far as the minotaur’s. She would stand in the stairwell and taunt the beast until it charged her, then Luna would step behind it and attack the moment its back was no longer to the door.

The plan worked. It worked exactly like we’d planned. Except for one problem. I didn’t see it for myself, I was still in the stairwell. But I heard about it afterwards. When the beast began to lumber forward, Luna stepped in to attack. She landed a devastating blow, drawing her axe up from the bottom of its spine to its neck. The creature stopped, and swung around, and its own axe swung into Luna. The fiendish creature put a smite into the blow, and its full strength behind it. With a single swing, Luna crumpled. I didn’t see the attack, but I saw the end result. There was blood everywhere.

Commander Tirabade charged in, and ended the beast’s life in a single final stroke, Luna having nearly ended it with her single blow. This left the room clear for Hiskaria to run in and use her wand to heal Luna back to her feet, and Melody to finish getting her back up. By the time I reached her, she looked good as new, if not a little shaken or perhaps just displeased that her blow hadn’t killed the beast outright. There was blood splattered across everything.

I really owe Luna after all this is over, with how close that was.

Then Luna suggested we do that again for the next room. We went to argue. I wondered if maybe she’d taken some head trauma on top of the axe wound. But she pointed out that technically the plan worked fine—she’d just gotten unlucky with the minotaur’s axe. She was pretty sure the same wouldn’t happen a second time with this panicky oracle. And this time we’d all be right outside the door.

I hated to admit it, but the plan had worked pretty well. And getting Luna in the room and flanking the oracle would be the best way to ensure she went down quickly. So we all agreed. Luna drank another potion and vanished, then we opened the door.

The oracle laughed manically when she saw us, her eyes wild and desperate. She was a twisted disgusting thing, her form warped into some sort of half-elf/locust combination by Deskari’s magic. I wouldn’t have even recognized her as a fellow half-elf myself if Luna hadn’t said something earlier when one of us was describing her. I am glad that the taint that this mark on my arm has left on me has done no such thing, I much prefer my face and arm as they are thank you.

The oracle—whose name I felt no particular urge to memorize, my apologies, I think it would have galled her to know she wasn’t that important—warned us to stay back. She asked where Luna was, to which Melody claimed that she’d been killed by the minotaur. One look at the bloodied room seemed to be enough to convince her of the truth of that, as she laughed in our faces at our folly. She motioned, and two portals appeared. What appeared to be two babau demons appeared, with Leto and Commander Spriggans held hostage. She warned that she would have them killed if we didn’t retreat and let her finish her work.

I…admit to not thinking straight here. I froze. Obviously, I knew we couldn’t just throw down our arms, not when so many lives were at stake with the wardstone right there. But I also wasn’t about to throw my brother and commander to the wolves.

Thankfully, Melody was much more clear-sighted than I. She ran forward, and attacked one of the supposed demons. The illusion around them flickered and vanished, revealing the truth underneath. Two constructs, which had created the illusory demons—and the illusions of Leto and Commander Spriggans, who were not there at all.

I was incensed at the trickery. I realized then that the desecrated scrying chamber had very likely been to look for someone one of us cared about to use against us, and she had chosen Leto. This kind of construct could only be used with an illusion preprogrammed into it—which meant they knew what to put in ahead of time, and someone elsewhere had put it in and sent it over. The constructs had the holy symbol of Sivanah emblazoned on them, so it seemed someone within their church was responsible. According to Luna, it was Lady Salzala. I’m inclined to believe her. Apparently, the mummified locust with the book she stole the day we met was addressed to her as well, so a lot of things keep pointing back in her direction. Commander Tirabade said she left with a contingent of her men on ‘business’ after the attack, so it would appear she fled the scene.

Unfortunately, her name was not amongst the ones in the documents Luna found naming traitors, so we lack any further evidence, although the Commander is going to look into it further.

With the bluff called, we attacked. Luna appeared as she swung her axe at the twisted locust oracle. Both Luna and the oracle looked surprised for a moment, I didn’t catch what either said, but then the oracle used a spell to teleport across the room.

While Melody and I focused on her and Luna dealt with the constructs that had flanked her, Hiskaria had a different idea in mind. She swung around, avoiding the fight entirely, and pulled out the rod of cancellation we’d been given to destroy the Wardstone. We were here to do a job, and she was going to make sure it got done, one way or another.

The oracle cried out, but it was too late. Hiskaria pushed past whatever last defenses the final piece of the wardstone may have had, and it shattered in a blinding flash. Shards rained down around us like meteors in miniature. They ripped the oracle and her constructs to shreds, but miraculously the rest of us were untouched—whenever they came near us, they redirected, whooshing around as if we had our own little gravity field and then being thrown in another direction.

Then everything went white. Me, Luna, Melody, and Hiskaria found ourselves in this place alone, Commander Tirabade was nowhere to be seen. Radiance floated before us, pulsing with energy, their blade face down. They spoke, and as they did we began to see visions of what they spoke of. Visions of things past. Of how the Wardstone came to be. Of Commander Tirabade and Stauton Vhagn…apparently former friends, before his betrayal. Of the Stormlord’s first attack on the Wardstone, and then Stauton’s betrayal and escape from the city. And then the most recent attack on the stone, the one that shattered it and brought us together. The attack that killed Trendalor—we know for certain now that the city’s defender is dead, his body stolen away by demons. And then we saw various demons guarding the stone, each powerful entity growing bored with their post and handing it off to one below them, until finally it fell to the oracle, who paced the room fearfully, knowing what would happen to her should she fail at our hands.

Then we saw what was supposed to happen next. The fate that we avoided. The time that was meant to come to pass, but didn’t. Arelu Vorlesh stepped from a portal with a purple crystal in hand, and began corrupting the Wardstone. And she succeeded. Dark tendrils spread through the land, they infected the crusaders through their connection to the divine within the Wardstone, and it twisted and warped them all into half-fiend monstrosities under Deskari’s power. Deskari’s army grew into a force all that more unstoppable, bolstered by our own men whose lives and souls were ripped away all at once.

Then the vision shattered, and we saw what had happened when we shattered the Wardstone instead. A great wave of golden energy swept across the land, destroying countless demons in its wake. Not obliterating their forces, unfortunately—more will come crawling from the Worldwound in the days to come, but it’s still a mighty blow that should buy us some time to regroup after what they did to Kenabres. A nice bit of divine retribution for those who have died.

Radiance spoke to us again. Or, the Spirit of the Hall of Heroes. I couldn’t quite tell if this was the exact same being as the one who spoke to me through the blade. I do recall Radiance referring to themself as the Spirit of the Hall of Heroes before, so likely the same? Radiance is less of a mouthful and easier to write, though. Maybe just ‘The Spirit’ for now, to avoid confusion, because I still had a version of Radiance to use in what was to come as well.

The Spirit drew a glowing blade of light from what had appeared to be Radiance’s blade, and pointed it at us. They told us to show them that we were worthy of the power to defy fate itself. Then they took the form of a man wielding a polearm and the form of a crystalline phoenix formed before them. And flames erupted around us.

Hiskaria did what she does best and peppered him with arrows. I patched myself up with some quick healing and tried to come in for an attack, but their form shifted again, this time into a tiefling man with a large hexagonal shield and he blocked my blow. However since I was harrying them, Luna was about to come around behind him and get a blow of her own off with her axe. Their form shifted to a human woman with a similar axe in an attempt to block, but Luna’s attack managed to get through. Then the spirit’s form shattered. They reformed their crystalline body farther in the white void—now an elven woman with a bow, and began shooting off rapid deadly arrow shots at us that made Hiskaria’s already deadly aim look like a child’s shooting.

We went with the same tactic as before, with Hiskaria shooting from afar, Melody charging in with her glaive, myself healing and sweeping in to flank with Luna, and finally Luna dealing a crippling blow to the crystalline Spirit. The being’s form shattered, underneath was a second form, somewhat like an elven man in appearance, although still made of crystal, holding a staff with twisting gears, the only part of them not crystalline. They tapped the staff, and everything was tugged backwards, returned to how it had been when the fight had first begun. The Spirit sheathed their blade. They asked each of us in turn what we were fighting for, and in turn each of us gave our personal answer.

For me…the answer’s always been the same. I want to protect people. To defend those who are less powerful from the demons, be it with a shield or at the end of a blade.

The Spirit acknowledged us as worthy of the power that had fallen into our laps—and as such they were going to return us to that moment in time, and, as he put it, ‘allow you the power you were nearly denied’.

I found myself back in the moment when the Wardstone was exploding. Shards were flying everywhere. This time, however, a piece hit me, square in the chest. Unlike the oracle and her constructs, it didn’t tear me apart. Instead, an energy flowed through every part of my being, all at once. Through my body, my blood, and my very soul. The other three experienced the same.

We didn’t have time to talk about it, or to wonder at it. As the explosion died down, a portal opened before us. One we’d already seen once before, in a vision, mere moments ago. What felt like mere moments ago, in that white void. Out stepped Arelu Vorlesh, one of Deskari’s generals, in the flesh. She was holding that same purple crystal that she’d had in the vision. She commented on the fact that we’d destroyed the Wardstone that she’d intended to use—but that its power lived on within us, and she would just have to corrupt us instead. Then she activated the crystal. There was a terrible sensation, like something cold and oily trying to take hold of my soul. Commander Tirabade charged Vorlesh, but she cast a spell that began to suffocate her, and she went unconscious in moments. Apparently it was meant to hit all of us, but the Wardstone’s power had protected us. Unfortunately its power was not protecting us from the purple crystal’s power, and we were frozen to the spot. I…was certain we were done for.

Then a blue hand reached out through Vorlesh’s portal. A light from Radiance’s crystal streaked out through her and into that being’s hand. Something was cast, and Arelu Vorlesh was left badly injured, and we were freed. Vorlesh fled. We didn’t ever get a good look at the other being.

Radiance has been silent since.

I can’t say for certain. But I think Auriel saved us. Some piece of his soul. Some version of him. I don’t know. It’s the only explanation I have. That light was in Radiance because of Auriel’s soul, so if it went to that being, it had to have been. Somehow. I know that’s weirdly optimistic of me. I’m not the sort to cling to thinking people spontaneously come back from the dead, especially people whose souls shatter on death. But—I mean Auriel was literally the Chosen One. If anyone was going to come back, right?

Anyways, Radiance doesn’t talk to me anymore. Or can’t, more likely, just like the whole ‘can’t choose Irabeth over you’ thing. But they haven’t flayed my hands, either. I think the whole ‘breaking fate’ thing means I’m able to bend the rules on the whole chosen one thing. Or maybe having a little divine power from the wardstone’s what did it. Who knows. I’m glad. If I’m honest, I’ve gotten a little attached. As much as they’ve gotten on my nerves and the whole ‘flay you alive’ thing pissed me off, I’m actually kind of sad that I can’t hear them now. For one thing, it was the last little connection to Auriel we had. I have no idea if they can hear me or if they’re in some kind of hibernation now. I’ve still been talking to them a bit. Like a crazy person, yeah, yeah.

Anyways, it wasn’t over with Vorlesh leaving. She decided to leave a parting gift. A whole swarm of babau demons. Real ones, not a bunch of illusions over constructs. Babaus are quite a bit stronger than the dretches and vermleks we’d been fighting. Under any other circumstances, we’d have definitely been overwhelmed and killed by a swarm of eight of them.

Instead, they couldn’t even touch us. I mean it, there wasn’t a scratch on us when we left. We completely overpowered these demons that should have easily outclassed us. The wardstone’s powers completely suffused our every action, everything we did seemed to be at the most perfect it could be. I cannot begin to describe to you how it feels to completely annihilate demons that should be such fearsome foes without risking going into territory that may start sounding like It’s bordering blasphemy, so I think I’ll reel it back a bit.

Afterwards, we healed the Commander, and began making our way back to Defender’s Heart. On the way, Hiskaria told us that apparently the very supportive voice in her head was apparently her goddess, Cassandalee. I’d never heard of her before, but Melody had. She was apparently more of a Numerian goddess, one of love, redemption, artifice, and good. Strange that she hadn’t gotten bigger in the 300 years she’s been around if redemption’s in her portfolio since there’s been a big need for that all things considered, since Valoria didn’t pick that up from Sarenrae. But I suppose since her main followers are apparently androids maybe she wasn’t really able to spread much outside her home base, so to speak.

Then the others decided to start hounding me as we walked back. I thought it would be about my arm, considering that seemed like the most pressing thing to ask about. But no. Apparently Luna and Melody had gotten it into their heads that Leto and I are an item. Really! I tried vehemently to correct them, that they really had the wrong idea, that we grew up together and I think of him more like a brother, but for whatever reason they still seem really unconvinced. Maybe if I send them Leto’s way he can talk some sense into them. No. He’ll probably just get them more wound up and release them back on me for the laughs. I tried to get Hiskaria to try to talk some sense into them, but she said since Cassandalee is a goddess of love she felt like it was now her sworn duty to not get in the way of this kind of talk. So now I have a Shelynite and Hiskaria to deal with about this kind of thing. Great!

Anyways. With the demons destroyed by the shockwave, there was no reason to worry about Leto and Commander Spriggans’ safety anymore. I’ll tell Leto about these shenanigans some other day. Tonight, I’m too exhausted to even think about going down there and drinking. Sleep. Sleep sounds good.

#journal entry #pathfinder #pathfinder wotr #pathfinder wotr spoilers #draven imani

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appleseverywhere · 4 years ago

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Winter deserved to be the next Winter Maiden

Okay, so I just finished rewatching V7 since V8 announcement is in a few days and I noticed something.

Personally, I’m one of those people that was hoping Winter would become the next Winter maiden. Obviously, that didn’t happen and I was extremely disappointed.

Now I completely understand why CRWBY would decide that the powers go to Penny (lest they’d want to complete her real girl arc) and I’ve seen a lot of people defended that Penny deserved to be the maiden but I just need to point out that this isn’t exactly the case. People were also saying that Winter couldn’t be the maiden because she didn’t understand her emotions or couldn’t even be understanding of the emotions of others, and because she was a military officer who seemed to always “follow orders”.

So why should Winter have became the next maiden?

Winter is actually one of the most rational characters in this volume. I CANNOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH. She understood that with General Ironwood keeping secrets, that yes, it would leave everyone skeptic and doubtful of his capabilities, which was why she had told Weiss the truth that she would become the next Winter maiden when he offered it to her.

She understood the pressure that the general had to make at this time, that everything he was doing was to protect Atlas in ways he thought was right. In the real world, no one will ever really agree with you that everything you say is right. She points this out flawlessly, even expressing her doubts several times in the volume (I’ll get to this in a bit).

She knows that the way Atlas was handling everything wasn’t perfect, but it was a reasonable. It’s absolutely true that YOU CAN’T SAVE EVERYONE, but you can save who you can. She understood the importance of the relics and the maidens, that if it fell into Salem’s hands, then the world would surely crumble.

She thought differently from team RWBY, and honestly, it was so disappointing that just because she did, she suddenly couldn’t be the maiden. In reality, not everyone will look at the world the same way as you do. She was someone who understood BOTH what the military was doing and what team RWBY wanted to happen. She agreed with both, but had to weigh out which would be the more logical decision.

She understands the emotions she keeps behind her facade. A lot of people were saying that it wasn’t right for her to be the maiden because she disregarded her emotions as well as others. If you were to think about it, it’s because as an officer, you cannot let your emotions get the better of you when put under stress or pressure. Otherwise, you’re prone to make mistakes. She had to remain calm and understanding of everything that was going on, and she analyzed and weighed down everything in front of her so she could make out the situation and what to do.

She wasn’t always someone who ignored her emotions. This was clear when (1) the teams along with Weiss stole an Atlas airship, (2) the dinner where she burst in front of Jacques, (3) admitting to Penny that she should have stayed in line instead of telling her father off, (4) telling Penny that she agreed with her that they shouldn’t abandon Mantle, and (5) telling Penny that WRESTLING WITH EMOTIONS is what makes them human.

While preparing Fria in the Aura transfer chamber, Winter and Penny’s entire exchange shows us that even she knew that emotions are something that should be accounted for when making a decision.

“I hope it will be painless for her.” “You said that your personal feelings do not matter.” “They won’t change my actions, what I’m committed to.” ..... “But yes, Penny. We must still acknowledge our personal feelings. Wrestle with them. It ensures us that we’re on the right path. It’s what makes us human.”

Honestly, the things Winter says in this exchange were absolutely spot on. She understood the duty she had, but also understood that her emotions were an important factor when it came to making important decisions. “It’s what makes us human.” She herself was honestly more human in this scene than Penny, who didn’t completely understand what it meant to weigh actions and their consequences.

Winter understood exactly what it meant to feel everything that everyone was feeling. Being a soldier, she understood that emotions are kept in check so that it wouldn’t result in rash actions. She understood that emotions held significance when coming to decision, but should not be controlled by it, which was what was happening with team RWBY. What was frustrating about all of this was that it was made to look like just because Winter had different views from team RWBY, suddenly she can’t be the maiden because it would go against what they stand for, when in fact, she was making so much sense.

She had doubts. I honestly don’t know how people could say that Winter was this tool that Ironwood groomed to be the maiden, that she simply followed orders without question, when in fact, SHE WAS THE ONLY SOLDIER WHO QUESTIONED IRONWOOD.

She questioned everything from the start. She told Weiss that she’s known about everything since the fall of Beacon, and she was given a choice. She didn’t accept the idea just like any of the ace ops might have if it was given to them. Like she said, it bothered her at first. That meant she didn’t accept it immediately. Instead, the more she thought about it, the more she realized she could do some real good for Atlas and Remnant instead of simply following the orders of her higher ups (I’ll get to this in the next point).

When V7 occurred, she explained to Weiss and everyone who questioned the military why they were doing what they did. She knew it wasn’t perfect but also knew that their heart was in the right place. During her conversation post-training with Weiss, you could tell by her expression that even she had doubts about the general’s decisions, but told her he wasn’t keeping secrets from her, unveiling that she was chosen to be the next maiden.

When she was given the order to retrieve the maiden powers, she questioned everything in between. It was actually obvious that even Winter knew that the General’s decision in leaving Mantle to perish was not sitting well with her. Penny says “I do not see what is good about any of this”, to which Winter replies “On that we can agree on.” She understood the consequences of their actions but also knew what could happen if they continued with it.

She fought for it the most. Despite being given the chance and eventually groomed to become the next maiden, she made it clear during her conversation with Weiss that she was CHOOSING her destiny, that she was making it her own. She understood what having this responsibility meant and dedicated her life for it, nearly dying just to make sure it was kept from Cinder.

During their sky battle with Cinder, she had even expected to die as she fell from the sky since she knew Penny had to get to Fria with Cinder after her, saying that her life didn’t matter, knowing that the maiden was more important. The moment she saw that Fria was dying in Penny’s arms, she still made it a point to fight off Cinder EVEN WITHOUT HER AURA to protect her. She likely knew at that moment she would die but fought her anyway. She would give her life to keep the powers away from the enemy’s hands.

This was frustrating because Penny knew that it was meant to go to Winter, that she had an intact aura, and during the time that Cinder was screaming, she could have called Winter to Fria and battled Cinder herself. But she didn’t. By calling to Winter at the time, it would have saved her the severe injuries Cinder inflicted, and maybe would have an actual shot at bringing her down and not escaping like she did.

From V3 to V7, we can assume that the timeline went on for 2 years. She was given this responsibility and devoted herself to it for 2 years. She worked so hard to make sure that this destiny wasn’t something that people would say was given to her, instead, something she chose for herself and carved to make it something that was hers, and hers alone. Imagine the frustration of committing your life to a mission for this span of time, only for it to be taken from you in a matter of minutes. I can’t even imagine what it must have felt like for her to have something that precious taken from you. It basically makes her question her identity, her mission, and her place in life.

She actually deserved to be the maiden more than anyone else in the series. It’s not because of her very obvious name or anything like that, but because she made the most sense, she worked the hardest for it, and she understood both sides of the story the most.

***

So these are some of the main points why I think Winter should have been the Winter maiden. Thought I might point these out before V8 comes out soon.

Thank you for reading! I’m really psyched to see Winter again and I truly hope she’ll be okay this volume. (KEEP THIS QUEEN SAFE PLS)

Please, Volume 8. Don’t brush Winter off just like that. SHE DESERVED BETTER.

#Rwby #Rwby7 #rwby8 #Winter Schnee #rwby winter schnee #RWBY theory #weiss schnee #winter maiden #maiden #rwby maidens #Winter should have been the maiden #I stan winter schnee as winter maiden

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chickensarentcheap · 4 years ago

Text

Never Gonna Be Alone- Chapter 19

Title: Control

Warnings: profanity

Tagging: @innerpaperexpertcloud, @tragiclyhip, @miss-smutty, @c-a-v-a-l-r-y, @alievans007

“What the fuck is she doing here?”

They converse in harsh whispers as they seek refuge in the pantry. Using the excuse of wanting to prepare food and drink for their unwanted and unwelcome guests and then leaving them in the living room. They’ve been bickering back and forth for half an hour; arguing about the Sarge’s appreciation and approval of chosen furniture and decor and Michelle’s distaste of the ‘mix mash’ of colours and themes on the Christmas tree. Her voice is enough to drive Tyler over the edge. The way it picks up in both pitch and volume when she’s vehemently defending even the most pointless or ridiculous of things, the Midwestern twang that becomes stronger and more noticeable the more annoyed she becomes, the constant tinge of self righteousness and condescension. She’s the classic narcissistic; infamous for her staggering gift of gaslighting and her ability to make herself seem like the victim despite being the quintessential bully and walking definition of ‘mommy dearest’. Through the five years they’d spent in Colorado, he’d tried his best to ‘mend fences’; extending the olive branch a handful of times in hopes of helping to both repair the relationship between mother and daughter, and create a bond between Michelle and her grandchildren.

They HAD reached a somewhat peaceful agreement; she’d attempt to tone down her hatred towards him and at least try and treat her daughter like a fully functioning adult instead of a hopeless, hapless child. But it had lasted all of three weeks; his involvement with Michael McMann and the subsequent threats against his family only caused the woman’s spite and hatred for him to grow. After that, she’d vowed to never forgive him for putting her daughter and grandkids in danger, and double downed on her belief that he ‘stole’ Esme away and somehow bullied and intimidated her into not only marrying him and giving him children, but returning to Australia. She refused to accept any responsibility for either her daughter’s struggles with mental illness or her horrible self esteem, and placed the blame solely on Esme’s shoulders; calling her weak and pathetic and insisting that she had married a horrifically abusive man and was simply too scared to leave him. He WAS a mercenary after all; he brutalized and killed people for a living. He was an alcoholic and drug addict; his brain unstable and volatile. His involvement in the job immediately made him a threat; he was strong and big and capable of tremendous and painful bloodshed. What would stop him from inflicting damage -or even death- on her?

“How the hell would I know? I’m just as shocked as you are. Not to mention totally embarrassed. My mother and step father know what we were up to; before you answered the door. I didn’t have any pants on! Just your shirt! They heard me talking about how you destroyed my underwear! Not to mention you’re not wearing a shirt and your back and ribs are clawed to shit and you’ve got the whole ‘just got fucked’ messy hair going on. Do you know humiliating this is?”

“I’m pretty sure they know we have sex. We have seven kids. I don’t think they’re going to be surprised that we fuck. For fun. Not just for procreating.”

“It’s one thing for them to know we have it, but it’s another thing for them to know we JUST had it. How the hell am I supposed to keep a straight face around them? When they know I just got done getting railed?”

“Imagine if they knew you got railed TWICE. And besides, us fucking? Them knowing it? That’s the least of our problems. Your mother...who I fucking hate more than I have ever hated anyone OTHER than my old man...just showed up on our goddamn doorstep. And she’s planning on staying.”

“Well, Sarge did say they’re staying at a hotel.”

Tyler’s eyes narrow. “That’s not what I fucking meant and you know it. But you know what? They’re damn lucky they DID get one. Because there was no way in hell I’d let them stay here. I’d pay for the hotel myself. What the hell, Esme? Why are they here? Did you know they were going to do this?”

“I never would have invited them here. And even if they HAD mentioned they were coming, I would have told you. I don’t want them here anymore than you do. I’m not the one blame for this.”

“I told you to call her back. Or text her. When it became clear that she wasn’t satisfied with your ‘thank you’ email and started messaging you and calling you, THAT was your chance. You should have got some fucking balls about you and talked to her. Did I not tell you? To get in contact with her? To avoid her escalating? Did I NOT say that?”

“You did,” she admits. “You DID say that. And I should have listened to you. I WAS going to call her.”

“After Christmas. When we got home. You should have done it days ago; when she started calling at all hours of the goddamn day. Did you really think she’d stop? That she WOULDN’T escalate? You know her. You know how fucked up she is. What did you think was going to happen when you kept avoiding her?”

“Not this!” She wildly gestures with both arms in the direction of the living room. “I didn’t know she’d just show up! There’s no way I could have known that. She always has a big thing at Christmas. It’s her chance to look perfect and come across as the most amazing mother and hostess ever. I didn’t think she’d ever give up the opportunity to do THAT. And why are you mad at me? This isn’t my fault!”

“You know what? It is. Because I told you to call her. So she’d stop her shit and leave us alone. And now look! She’s sitting in our fucking living room. On Christmas Eve. And how the hell did she even know our address? How did she know where we live? You can’t look it up on the internet; I made sure of that. So some asshole wanting a piece of me wouldn’t come after my family.”

“I don’t know how she found out. Someone must have given it to her.”

“Who would know? Riley? Riley would tell her to go fuck herself.”

“Maybe Riley told her dad and he let it slip somehow. I don’t know, Tyler. I don’t know HOW she found out. And yeah, maybe I should have grown a set and talked to her. My bad. But you being pissed at me is NOT helping. We need to be in this together. Not fighting and tearing each other apart.”

“I’m about five minutes away from totally losing my shit. You know what the last two days have been like. How I’ve been struggling. And now she’s here? If she ever wanted to give me a psychotic break, this would be her perfect chance. Just watch the son in law completely snap; prove to everyone just how big of a fuck up he really is.”

“You are NOT a fuck up. You never have been! And I know you’re struggling. I’m the one going through it WITH you. Do you think I wanted this? Do you think I want her here? That is the last thing I want! But she IS here. And there’s nothing we can do about it other than suck it up and get through this together! And you snapping on me is NOT helping! I’m not the enemy, Tyler!”

“I never said you were. I’m just saying that…”

His words trail off as his attempts at damage control are ignored. Her petite frame intentionally bumping into him as she steps away; frowning when he tries to grab hold of her wrist and she aggressively yanks her hand away. He chooses 'peace keeping' in favour of escalation; giving them both of a chance to cool down. And he leans against the back of the pantry door, arms crossed over his chest as he watches her furtive search for something to feed their surprise visitors. The shelves are packed; extremely well stocked and organized. And while they bear a wide assortment of goods, she hastily rummages through things as if there’s nothing suitable; tears welling in her eyes and her entire body tense and her hands shaking. And suddenly he no longer sees a grown woman in front of him; the love of his life, his spouse, the mother of his children. She’s been replaced by a desperate and broken little girl so hell bent on trying to impress her mother; driving herself to the brink of panic and anxiety trying to prove herself worthy to a woman that would rather she’d never been born. And it’s far more painful than any of his own issues; an ache that claws at his heart and forms a deep, empty pit in his stomach.

“I’m sorry." Stepping behind her, he lays his hands on her shoulders and presses a kiss to the back of her head. “I didn’t mean to snap at you. I KNOW you’re not the enemy. And I sure as hell don’t ever want you to feel like I see you that way.”

“I know you’re going through a hard time and I know her being here is going to put you even more on edge. But I also know what will happen if we even attempt to kick them out.”

“I mean, I wouldn’t kick them out. It’s not like I’d say ‘get the fuck out and never come back’. I’d be a little more...tactful.”

“You think THIS is her escalating? Do you know what will happen if we even try to explain our way through things? Why it’s not a good time for her to be here? Do you really want to get into that with her? Considering all the things she’s already said about you? How she feels about you?”

“I don’t give a fuck what she says about me. Or how she feels about me. I don’t…”

“But I do!” She slams a jar down with even force to shake the other items on the metal shelf. Both her body and her voice tremble, and her chin and her lower lip quiver as she tries to hold back a threatening flood of tears. “I care what she says about you! I’ve always cared! Because it hurts! You’re my husband and the father of my children and you deserve so much better than that. And it fucking hurts when she says that shit about you!”

“Alright...easy now." Running his palms along her upper arms, he leans down to press a kiss to her temple; lips against the side of her head as both forearms come to rest along her collarbone. “Just breathe, Esme..." he draws her against him, squeezing as tight as her little body will allow. “...it’s okay…”

“I care what she says because I love you. Because I know what kind of man you are. Because I know what kind of heart you have and how much you love me and our kids. Because you’ve almost died for me. TWICE. Because she doesn’t know you like I do and she won't even give you a chance. And THAT hurts. To hear those kinds of things about the person you love more than you love yourself. Who SAVED you.”

“I never saved…”

“You did!” she interjects. “You saved me in every way a person can be saved. And you’ve been willing to die for me. Right from the start. And all she can do is hate you and talk shit about you and you have no idea what it does to me. What it does to my heart.”

“I’m sorry…” his lips brush her cheek, then settle against her ear. “...I never thought of it that way. I never thought about it hurting you like that.”

“I hate that she won’t even give you a chance. I hate that she looks at you like you’re some kind of horrible, evil person. That she treats our kids like garbage. I don’t care what she says about me. Or how she treats me. But when she does that to you? Or our kids? That shit kills me inside.”

“You’ve got to let it just roll off you, Me. Stop letting her have this power over you. Stop giving her that kind of control. It’s what she wants. It’s probably why she’s here. See how far she can push you. Try to break you. And I know you usually tell me not to react and keep the peace, but I don’t think I can. I won’t let her disrespect you. I don’t let ANYONE do that. So I can’t promise you that I won’t snap on her. I wish I could, but I can’t.”

She closes her eyes as she leans her head back against his chest; tips of her fingertips repeatedly gliding along his forearms. “I’m at the point where I honestly wish you would. I mean, maybe not go BATSHIT on her. I don’t want her calling the cops or child protective services. But I would seriously enjoy you going off on her within reason.”

“Baby, I will protect you from anyone or anything. I will stand up for you no matter what. You want me to flip my shit on her? I’ll do it. Want me to toss her ass out into the street? I’ll do that too. Whatever you need me to do, I’ll do it. And I AM sorry,” he presses a kiss to the corner of her mouth, followed by her cheek and then her temple. “I didn’t mean to snap on you. That wasn’t fair. I shouldn’t have done that. I’m an asshole.”

“You can be,” she admits, and he loosens his hold on her when she turns around to face him. Hands falling to her hips and then sliding around to the small of her back, fingers laced together. “But it’s rare. That you’re like that with me. And I know you’re on edge. I know you’re going through some real bullshit. And believe me, I would give anything to take that away. To make everything better for you.”

“I know you would,” he presses his lips to her forehead. “And I’m serious; I’d do anything to protect you. Against anyone or anything.”

“I know. I’ve always known you would. Right from day one. Even then you were pretty intense. When it came to the whole watching over me thing.”

“Well technically it WAS my job.”

“You were getting some good benefits on that job.”

“They were pretty damn stellar, I gotta admit. Who needs dental or prescriptions covered? I’ll take the five days of hot sex.”

“You were very well compensated for your hard work. Actually, I think you were pretty spoiled. I think you STILL are.”

“I am not going to deny that.”

“I’m sorry too. I SHOULD have got a hold of her. I shouldn’t have waited. This is just a huge mess. But I honestly didn’t think she’d do something like this. I know she’s crazy, but THIS crazy? What are we going to do? We have our things that we do. With the kids. We have our own traditions for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. We can’t just forget about it all. It’s what they’re used to. It makes them happy. And to be honest? It makes ME happy.”

“And we’ll keep everything the same. I’m letting her fuck things up. For the kids or you. We’ll just go on with it. Do what we’re used to. If she doesn’t like it, fuck her.”

“You just know the kids aren’t going to be happy. The boys and Millie are old enough to remember how awful she was to them. Millie still talks about the time grandma said she was a mistake because mommy and daddy weren’t married when she was made. And Tanner? Tanner had nightmares for three years about you going to hell because you got me pregnant out of wedlock.”

“Well in all honesty, I was probably already going there because of other things.”

She stares up at him pointedly.

“I’m kidding. That was a joke. Not a very well timed one, but…”

“And what if she gets on Nugget about being antisocial? About needing sensory breaks? About needing his safe place and his safe person? I can guarantee she doesn’t give a shit about Autism and won’t bother learning about it. I bet she’s even in denial about. That she’ll say something like ‘there’s nothing wrong with him other than your parenting.’.”

“She says something like that? I WILL toss her ass out onto the street. Literally. Talk shit about my kid AND my wife? That’s not happening in my house.”

“Then we have Declan. A bull in a china shop. You know she’ll get on his ass about being too loud and too hyper and too active.”

“He’s a kid. He’s eight. And he’s got red hair. Of course he’s wild.”

“What about Brooklyn? She looks cute, but she is all daddy and she’s a savage. She will pick up on my mother’s bad vibes and she’ll open her mouth and all hell will break loose.”

“Babe…” he unlocks his fingers and moves his hands to her hips; squeezing tightly and softly massaging. “...you are working yourself up even more and that’s the last thing either of us need right now. Take a breath. It’s going to be okay.”

“And then there’s Takota. Who is crazy shy and super sensitive and I already know he’ll hate her.”

“He’s in good company then. We ALL hate her.”

“You get her and all seven of them together? It’s a recipe for disaster. Especially the Tanner thing. Because TJ will go the fuck off if she even steps out of line with Tanner.”

“So what do you want me to do? Sneak the kids out of the house and replace them with imposters? Get the real ones back once your mom leaves?”

She sighs in exasperation. “You are NOT helping.”

“I think you need to calm down and just let shit take its course. Whatever happens, happens. We can’t predict what’s going to go down and stop it before it does. And you know what else we can’t do? Stay in here for the rest of the day. We went to look for food to make. We’ve been in here for half an hour. She probably thinks we’re in here having sex.”

“We SHOULD have sex. Really piss her off.”

“While I’d normally be right into it, I don’t think even I can get it up under these kinds of conditions. Your mother is kind of a mood killer. Remember how we barely had sex when we lived at her place? And then totally made up for it when we moved into the farmhouse?”

“I always thought you were saying no for other reasons. You always told me you were worried about ‘hurting the baby’.”

“You actually believed that?”

“You were very convincing. I thought maybe you were just super paranoid that something would happen to Millie. And that you suddenly got over it. You should have just told me.”

“The whole ‘honey, your mother’s voice makes me impotent’ wasn’t a conversation I wanted to have. So while I love you and I’d love to be able to bang the shit out of you right now and have you making the kinds of noises I know you’re capable of, it’s not going to happen. We need to get our shit together and deal with this.”

“You know what I was thinking? Never mind getting the kids out of the house. WE can sneak out.”

“And leave the kids with your mother? I know I hate her, but I love my kids and I would not do that to them. Now…” placing his hands on her cheeks, he gently turns his face up towards him. . “...we need to get out there before she comes and breaks the door down. You gonna be alright?”

“I don’t know. I honestly don’t know.”

“I got you, Me. I always do. We’ll get through this like we do with everything else,” he presses a kiss to her brow, then to her lips. “Together.”

*****

They make awkward small talk; brief snippets of conversation in between sips coffee and tea and nibbles of the assortment of finger foods Esme had prepared and laid out on the coffee table. There’s a lot that SHOULD be said; grievances waiting to be aired, hurt feelings dying to be brought to the surface, demands for both forgiveness and apology. But for the time being it’s nothing more than comments on the weather; the differences between the dry Colorado chill and the dampness that plagues the Eastern Seaboard. Five years have passed and no attempts have been made to heal both old and fresh wounds; Esme’s mother either in denial of her shortcomings and her responsibility in pushing her daughter out of her life, or simply refusing to accept blame or apologize for all the damage she’d caused over the years. For the most part she stays silent. Leaving it up to her husband to ask about the kids and life in Australia while she ignores the conversation entirely; spending her time glancing around at their belongings with a look of pure disdain. He even sees the way her entire body stiffens whenever he so as much shows Esme even the slightest bit of attention or affection; eyes narrowing and lips tightly pursing together if he gives her a reassuring smile or wraps an arm around her shoulders or presses a kiss to the side of her head. He knows the mother in law can’t stand it; any form of physical interaction between them or the way they’re so in tune with each other’s body language and facial expressions. Able to easily and effortlessly read each other’s awkwardness or nervousness and then doing their best to provide comfort and support.

He’s been hated since the very beginning. Viewed as the enemy who’d ‘stolen’ Esme from her family and somehow convinced her to give up her old life in favour of a new one with him; keeping her trapped by repeatedly getting her pregnant and intimidating and terrorizing her into staying with him. And while they HAVE had their issues and stumbling blocks, he’s never been THAT bad; refusing to follow in his father’s legacy as a domestic abuser and all around asshole. Even at his worst he’s always adored her; respecting her as the love of his life and the mother of his children. Any logical and rational parent would want that for their kid; someone who worships them and busts their ass to provide for them, who has proven time and time again that they’d willingly sacrifice their own life for theirs. But it’s never been enough. All the good going ignored yet all the bad being thrown in his face and used against him. And while he’s the first to admit he’s not perfect, he also knows that he’s not the monster even his own brain often makes him out to be.

“Do you still do what you do?” The mother in law addresses him, refusing to make even the smallest amount of eye contact.

“Not as much anymore. Now I have employees I send to kill people.”

Beside him, Esme clears her throat noisily and then reaches for a mug of tea that sits on edge of the coffee table. She’s been on edge since the moment she’d finally sat down beside him; nervously bouncing her leg up and down or swinging it from side, or chewing on her bottom lip or thumbnail. He’s done his best to step up and be her rock; tucking her into his side or taking her hand or running a palm over her hair. Little things that let her know that she’s safe. That he’s more than ready, willing, and able to protect her. And it gives him something else to concentrate on other than his own issues; caring for her forcing the dark and dire thoughts plaguing his brain to take a back seat.

Michelle tucks her chin into her chest and stares at him pointedly. “YOU have employees?”

“I own my own business,” he says, then wraps an arm around Esme’s shoulders and gives her arm a squeeze. “WE own our own business. We have for almost six years now.”

“A mercenary business?”

He nods. “A successful one too. Very successful, actually.”

“Tyler’s good at what he does,” Esme says, as she lays a hand on his knee and lightly squeezes; the smile she gives him one of love and pride. “VERY good at what he does. He already had quite the reputation before starting his own company. Now that he has? He’s extremely well known and extremely well respected and sought after. His guys are the best of the best. Second to no one. You won’t find people like that anywhere else.”

Her mother stares at her; a mixture of disbelief and disgust. “And you’re perfectly fine with that? Him having THAT kind of business? Making money by killing people? Or having others do it for him?”

“There’s more to it than that, Michelle,” he husband grumbles. “Way more to it.”

“That’s not all it entails,” Esme informs her. “It’s not just about killing. It’s about helping people. It’s about protecting them and defending them. It’s about doing what’s right. Just because you don’t understand it…”

“You’re right. I don’t. I don’t understand it. I don’t understand it now and I didn’t understand it twelve and a half years ago when you willingly ran off with a man that kills people for a living. That has so much blood and God knows what else on his hands.”

“That’s not all he did, mom. He didn’t just kill people. He’s saved a lot more than he’s hurt, believe me. But you can’t seem to grasp that because you’re too busy hating him for stupid reasons. I didn’t care that he was a mercenary. I was just as much as involved as he was. So stop making him out to be some kind of monster because you have some bullshit vendetta against him. Stop…”

“Let’s just try and calm down, okay?” Tyler suggests, his hand on the top of her arm as he pulls her into him; lips pressing against her temple, then her ear. “Just breathe, babe. No need to get worked up.”

“It’s typical of her, isn’t it,” Michelle snorts. “She’s always been over dramatic. Always blowing things way out proportion. How you’ve managed to put up with her for this long, I’ll never know. I’ll give you credit for THAT; being strong enough to hang in there. Mark sure wasn’t.”

“Don’t,” Esme warns. “Don’t you dare bring him up. Don’t you come into my house and sit here across from my husband and bring that piece of shit up.”

“He was a good man, Esme. You just couldn’t see that. You were too busy finding faults. It’s what you do. You get bored of people easily. Which is why it's extra shocking that you’ve made it this far. Twelve and a half years, seven children. Normally you would have pushed him away by now. I don’t understand the appeal, but you seem to. I guess whatever works for you…”

“You know what, it DOES work. WE work. And I know you hate that. I know you hate that I’m happy. That I got away. That I found someone that loves me. Someone that won’t let you control me and manipulate me and abuse me. That’s what it is, isn’t it. That’s why you don’t like Tyler. He doesn’t let you get away with your shit.”

Laying a hand on the side of her head, Tyler draws her even tighter into him, lips against her hair as he speaks. “I think you need to calm down, Me. Just try and relax, okay?”

“You really ARE brainwashed,” Michelle says. “You will defend him no matter what he does. No matter how much he drinks or how many pills he pops or how many times he puts you and those children on the back burner. You will always defend him.”

“I will. And you know why? Because he’s a good man, mom. He’s a good man and he’s a great husband and he’s an even better father. Only you don’t see that side of him. You’ve never been able to. You REFUSE to see it. You refuse to see how much he loves me and his kids. How he’d do anything to protect us. How he’s so willing to lay down his life for mine. You don’t see any of that. Because you don’t want to.”

“Why don’t you get some air?” Tyler suggests. “You’re getting a little worked up, babe. Just go and take a few minutes and…”

“I WILL defend him,” Esme continues. “I will ALWAYS defend him. I will defend him until my last breath. And you know why? Because he would do the same for me. He HAS done the same for me. No questions asked. So don’t you care come into my house and disrespect my husband like this. I spent years letting you walk all over me. And I refuse to let you try that shit now.”

Wrapping his fingers around her upper arm, Tyler gets to his feet; pushing into the soft flesh as a silent request for her to follow. “We’re going to go and step outside for a bit. Neither of us do very well when people just show up on the doorstep. And she’s a little on edge; Christmas always stresses her out.”

“It’s not Christmas,” his wife argues. “It’s her! It’s always her! And she just keeps pushing me and pushing me…”

His hand moves to the back of her neck, effectively steering her towards the front hallway. “Let’s go and get some air. You’ll feel better if you do.”

“Only thing that’s going to make me feel better is that bitch out of my house,” Esme mutters, as she shoves her feet into her beloved -and hated, by him and the kids- Crocs as he opens the front door and gently pushes her outside. Smirking when he hears The Sarge laying into the mother in law; accusing her of being insensitive and intentionally ‘stirring the pot’ and to stop acting like the victim when she’s the one that’s ‘doling out the bullshit’.

Stepping out onto the porch, he allows the door to shut behind him, then lays his hands on his wife’s shoulders. “You need to calm down.”

“I can’t do this.” She shivers in the cold; arms folded across her body and her hands aggressively rubbing her biceps. “I thought I could. I thought I could keep my shit together; get through the next couple of days. I can’t even last two hours! Here I was worried that you’d be the one to lose it! Yet I’m ready to throw her out the front window!”

“I need you to take a breath and calm down. Don’t let her do this. This is what she wants. She wants to get under your skin and she wants to ruin things for you. Don’t give her that satisfaction, Me. You just give her power when you do that.”

“I can’t help it. She just gets under my skin and she keeps digging away and digging away. Until I can’t take it anymore. And she knows exactly what buttons to push! She knows the more she shit talks you, the angrier and more defensive I get. She knows that’s my weakness. In the same way that shitty people know yours is me and the kids. It’s why she does it; to see me squirm and get worked up and eventually snap.”

“Which is why you need to settle the fuck down.” He runs his palms along her arms, vigorously rubbing against the chilled skin. “Don’t let her do this. Don’t let her screw things up for you. For US. That's what she wants. She spent five years trying to tear us apart. She tried ruining what we had every chance she got when we were in Colorado. And if you let her get under your skin like that? You let her do that? You give her all the power. That’s what she wants. That control. Don’t fucking let her win.”

“I can’t stand when she talks about you like that. I know you have thick skin. I know you can take it. You don’t let it bother you. But think about what it feels like when someone talks shit about me. Or disrespects me. Think about how that makes YOU feel.”

“I hate it. It hurts. Makes me want to hurt them right back. Physically, usually.”

“You know what it feels like to have your heart ripped out of your chest and stomped on. Well that’s what it's like for me, too. When she starts in on you. It hurts. Because I know who you are and I know much you love me and our kids and the lengths you’ll go to take care of us. To protect us. I’ve seen you on death’s door. TWICE. Because of me. Because you’ve always been so willing to sacrifice yourself for me. So when she starts on her bullshit…”

“She’s never going to see me the way you do. Hell, I don’t even see myself the way you do. But she’s another story altogether. You KNOW what she’s like. You know the hate she has for me and why she has it. So why do you let it bother you THAT bad? Just let it go in one ear and out the other, Me. Take it from the source.”

“I’m not like you, Tyler. I can’t just turn my feelings off like that. I’ve never been able to.”

“I don’t turn my feelings off. If I could, do you really think I would have busted my ass twelve and half years to get you out of Dhaka? If I was able to turn them off, I would have left you and Ovi behind and I would have saved myself. And I sure as hell wouldn’t have gone through what I did FIVE years ago. I don’t turn my feelings off and you know that. I take it from the source, babe. And her? She’s not worth my time. I don’t give a fuck what she says about me. She’s doing it to be petty. She wants power. She wants control. I won’t give it to her. And you shouldn’t either.”

“I don’t think I can do this. Just let her walk all over me. Say shit about my husband. About my kids! I can’t just sit back and listen to that shit. I just can’t.”

“So stay your distance from her. As much as you can. Avoid being alone with her. Try not to get cornered into that kind of conversation with her. I will have your back no matter what. You know that. Tell me you know that.”

“I do. I DO know that. In the same way I have YOURS.”

“I don’t need you to defend me. Or protect me. Not against her. I've gone up against bigger and better and I’ve lived to tell about it. But fuck with family? Disrespect my wife? That’s not going to happen. And you need to trust me to be the one to handle things IF they get out of control. Can you do that? Trust me?”

“I always trust you. I always HAVE. With my life. With our kids’ lives.”

“It’s going to be alright.” He rubs his hands against her upper arms, then tucks her hair behind her ears and cradles her face in his palms. “I need to get your shit together, okay? I need you. To be my wingman. Or woman. I can NOT deal with your mother and eight kids all my own. There is no way I can survive that. So you think it can keep it together? For my sake?”

A smile tugs at the corners of her mouth. “I think so.”

“Because those kids are going to be home soon and your mom being here is going to throw them off and who knows what kind of shit show is going to go down. Don’t bail on me, Esme. I need you. In more ways than one. In EVERY way, actually.”

“Finally admitting it, huh?” She chides. “Only took you twelve and a half years.”

“I know you’re going to try and argue with me, but I need you a lot more than you need me.”

“I don’t think…”

“Nope." He pecks her lips to silence her. "Not gonna listen. Not even going to give you the chance to finish that sentence. Because you know I’m right. You always talk about how brave and strong I am? Me, you’re the bravest and strongest person I know. That I’ve EVER known. The things I’ve seen you go through? Willingly? The things I've seen you deal with in the past twelve and a half years? The things you've done? Especially for me? There is no one on this earth that’s stronger than you, believe me. And you have no idea how much I really do love you. How much I actually do worship you and respect you."

“It’s only Christmas Eve and you’re already going to make me cry. Don’t you usually hold off until Christmas Day? When you do something so incredibly sweet and romantic and amazing?”

“I’ve still got a few tricks up my sleeve,” he grins, then tangles his fingers in her hair and gently tugs her head back; lips softly pressing against his forehead. “Just stick with me, kiddo. You’ll be alright.”

“I remember you saying those exact words to me. At Gaspar’s house. In the guest room. After we…”

“It wasn’t RIGHT after. And I was being an asshole. Because you made fun of me because you said I had gray hair in my beard.”

“I didn’t make fun of you. I said it was sexy. That it would look distinguished if the whole thing went gray.”

“Old. You said I’d look old.”

“Well I MEANT distinguished.”

“Sure you did.”

“And look, twelve and a half years later, and you still have the same amount of gray in your beard. A little more in your hair, mind you.”

“All those gray hairs? They all have your name on them.”

“You can complain all you want. You can bitch and moan that I’m stubborn and I’m difficult and that I’m a huge pain in your ass. But you’d miss me if I was gone.”

He hates the feeling of dread that creeps in at those last three words; so simple and said in a light and playful way, but sending a chill that seems to borrow through his bones and travel right to his very soul. It’s his worst nightmare; facing a future without her and struggling to stay on the straight and narrow for the benefit of his kids. His old vices would return with a vengeance; the booze and the pain meds and suicidal tendencies. And then he’d lose any and all remaining links to her; his children torn from him because his demons and weaknesses would somehow overpower his love for them. But he manages a smile for her sake; never wanting her to realize just how much losing her WOULD actually destroy him.

“I don’t even like thinking about that.” His hands slip from her hair; sliding down her spine and resting at the small of her back . “Never mind talking about it.”

The smile broadens, and she perches her on tiptoes in order to wrap her arms around his neck. “I knew it,” she says, eyes sparkling playfully up as her body leans into his. “I AM your favourite. You do love me, Tyler Rake.”

“I do,” he confirms, and he lightly slaps his palms against the cheeks of her ass; lightly squeezing before drawing her into him and pressing a kiss to the tip of her nose. “And you have no idea how much.”

#Tyler Rake #Tyler Rake fan fiction #Extraction fan fiction

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