#i can't believe someone looks like that
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this shit is the reason I can't watch hannibal normally bcs why is will graham always make every scene of him supposedly having the worst day of his life look so fucking erotic THAT'S A WHORE sorry
#like wdym in this scene someone not bending him over in the kitchen#I refuse to believe that#I can't even blame hannibal for doing everything in the show if he could see will looking like that in real time#will graham#nbc hannibal#hannibal#hannigram#vvildside's ramblings
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You don't wish your disability was worse or more visible, you wish your disability was taken seriously. Please stop confusing the two, I guarantee you would not get the support you need JUST by being more severe or more visible. Please listen to visibly disabled people when we tell you it isn't better on our side
#m/cc#mine#I tried extremely hard to word this nicely because I KNOW people don't mean bad and often even know there are unique challenges#and believe me I know the challenges of invisible disability too!!#I have invisible disabilities!#but as someone who has also been at least visibly 'off' since they were 10 I am SO SICK of invisible disabilities being hailed as like#a unique extra oppression that us lucky visibly disabled people don't have to deal with#there are challenges to invisible disabilities that visibly disabled people DON'T have to deal with!#but you need to understand that *the reverse is also true*#there are MASSIVE benefits to being able to lie about your disability for example#or not dealing with the overt ableism that comes with your disability being obvious to everyone#*I do not have the option to pretend I'm not disabled.* that is never an option I have#I walk weirdly. I use a mobility aid now. my speech and face are 'off.' I lean to one side#for a long time I wore sunglasses 24/7 and often didn't make sense. I sometimes can't speak or won't react to others#for the most part people will always know that at the very least something is wrong with me#and more obviously I have people telling me they'll pray for me; telling me I can't do things I'm already in the process of doing;#wanting to shake my hand to tell me I'm an inspiration for not killing myself; giving me dirty looks for existing in public#and yes. I'm aware that this is very much an in-community issue. I know the average abled person doesn't know invisible disabilities exist#that's why there's so much awareness happening for it#but as a visibly disabled person I get SO TIRED of constantly hearing 'I wish my disability was visible :'('#it's just 'I wish I had your disability!' but from other disabled people
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I'm going to need the Thunderbolts to maintain this energy about all their teammates going forward:

#They're so ride or die for one another but so damn frustrated with each other as well I love it#thunderbolts#Thunderbolts*#thunderbolts spoilers#thunderbolts* spoilers#Tangent time: I love how they were all on board that Bob needed saving even after he wiped the floor with them#Like hells yeah way to look at someone that's struggling and not instantly condemn them#Now if they could apply that same level of forgiveness and care to themselves that would be great#Also another note I can't believe this movie made me care about JOHN F WALKER like damn that's the power of Florence Pugh right there
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^ q ^
#digital art#fanart#artists on tumblr#art#butcher vanity#vane lily#jamiep#jamie paige#flavor foley#synthv#yi xi#synthesizer v#vocaloid#vsynths#i COOKED on this one#i'm so proud of this#I wouldn't shut up about it on discord#its just so rare that i have an idea for a drawing#and then i finish it and it ends up looking exactly how i wanted it to#I can't believe it#also#i hope the hanzi looks good#please someone let me know if there are any mistakes#I couldn't find the font that was used in the mv#so i tried copying it while also looking at the same characters in the default iphone font#i also meant to put some blood on her cleaver#but i forgor💀#and I don't feel like working on this anymore so#her cleaver is clean and ready to chop#i love to yap in my tags
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She's feeling a swell of an emotion at confessing all of this. She works to get it under control. /// Although he can't understand her, HAYWARD, too, is choking up a little at the sound of PAIGE's voice.
#the silt verses#james hayward#paige duplass#tsv#digital#the way i tried rushing this before when I thought the new episode would be (monday)#tsv coming in clutch and not releasing until thursday *throws confetti*#my laptop and tablet gave me such a hard time this week LOL#anyway#it's been weeks and I still cannot stop thinking about this part#i think there is something about being comforted by someone even if you're not /necessarily/ in the same moment#idk how else to describe it like the visual of them sitting by themselves in the dark#fiddling desperately with the radio in hopes they can speak to one another#(btw none of this is representative of what I think the actual scene looked like just entirely off vibes)#being comforted by the presence on the other end that they can juuust ever so slightly feel#even if neither are necessarily on the same page#they mean so much to me your honor!!#like not even as a ship they just mean so much to me i love them i love these characters I can't believe it's ending soon#alt id in the image description!#artists on tumblr
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Aaron Hammerstrom drawing Silver with all of his angles, we are so back (for one issue).
#Someone who actually understands his aura in this fucking economy?#My god look at him... Perfect#Sonic characters were always meant to be angular this I truly believe#The roundification of them is why it feels like they're missing so much sauce#I can't get IDW to stop showing up for me because Sonic Algorithm so I have to see all this shit against my will#But I like this#silver the hedgehog
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Choi Han, for a test from a god, is sent to an unknown land with "Cale."
Choi Han, upon arrival, realizes something is strange about this Cale. He's got a similar appearance to his own Cale but the eyes are sharper, with a witty bite to his tongue and a quick sneer always at the ready.
He's clearly confused and distressed about being in a strange place with a strange person but he does his best to not let it show. His hand reaches for a bottle of alcohol that isn't there.
Choi Han thinks that this Cale isn't like his Cale at all.
Choi Han has a hunch that this Cale is the one from before Kim Rok Soo's possession. It makes sense. So he isn't his Cale.
However, though Choi Han wants to become cold to this stranger version of Cale, when he looks into those red-brown eyes and sees fear, he draws back. It's an instinctual feeling that he gets, right as Cale is spitting more vile words to cover up the trembling in his hands, that he doesn't want to see even a terrible Cale be afraid of him.
This doesn't stop them from arguing. Through towns, forests, deserts, they both learn on an intimate level that they would never, ever get along. Cale is too loud, too threatening, and Choi Han can't resist from debating with this strange Cale about morals, of all things. They argue constantly.
Though they argue, Choi Han can't help himself from sometimes mistaking this Cale for his own. He tells himself it's because they look alike.
They're both in the midst of an argument when a noble-like individual approaches them with cloying words, which seek to lure them inside of the noble's home. Choi Han is suspicious, but before he has the chance to decline, Cale steps in front of Choi Han and demands to speak to the noble who wants to see them.
The noble-like individual turns out to be the servant of a more powerful man, something that Cale saw through immediately.
Choi Han is stunned.
How did this, this trashy Cale with no moral upstanding, clock the intentions of a person so quickly and accurately?
He asks him directly. Cale shrugs. Choi Han believes he's mistaken when Cale's eyes flicker with calculating intent. They don't discuss it further.
Little moments like these keep occurring. Cale does something impressive, Choi Han inquires, and Cale downplays it with a sneer or an insult and refuses to speak about it again. It's weird and strange but it's familiar. Extremely so. Not the insulting, and the sneer is too odd to be his own Cale's face, but it's familiar in the sense that they both underestimate themselves. They both refuse to acknowledge what lies under the surface of their visage.
This Cale is a strange individual. He swears and laughs and grins, he's too calm about their situation, and it's difficult to get through to him when he makes up his mind about something. But the strangest thing is that all of these things remind Choi Han of his Cale.
Finally, it all comes down to a final battle. One more fight and both himself and this Cale can go back to where they belong. Choi Han is ready.
Cale receives a power from a book before the battle and it's unlike anything Choi Han has ever seen. But the coughing up of blood makes him have Cale swear to never use it. Cale swears.
Choi Han makes Cale promise to stay on the sideline and not approach. Cale easily agrees.
They get to the last stage, the last time they'll see each other again, and the villain of this world is too powerful. It's as if he weren't meant for them to fight. It's as if he were made so that they struggle.
Choi Han swings his blade to block a blow that he knows he can't block, knows might end him, and he thinks about how he can't possibly die right now and leave this Cale behind... but he's too weak.
He wonders what his Cale would do in this moment, when everything seems hopeless and nothing is working.
Cale steps in front of him and uses his power to its fullest extent.
White light is shining everywhere, blinding Choi Han who keeps his burning eyes open, desperately keeps his eyes on the Cale that's bleeding from his mouth and his nose and his eyes and his skin is starting to crack, crack like he is about to turn into dust and disappear.
Cale turns to look at Choi Han.
"Ah. I was worried it wouldn't be enough to take out the villain." His eyes stained with blood curl up in a smile. A ball of dread sits in Choi Han's stomach. "I'm glad. I'm really, really..." eyes drifting closed, his body begins to shatter further and further. "Happy for you, Choi Han."
This is why they felt familiar.
It's with a cry of grief and anger, anger at himself, that Choi Han reaches out to hold Cale, hold onto even a piece of him.
Cale's eye, the only one left as he is disintegrating, widens.
Choi Han grasps a fragment that's about to vanish from Cale's chest, somewhere next to his heart, and this piece doesn't break, doesn't disappear from Choi Han's hand. It stays solid and firm and real-
And it's all that Choi Han is left with when the gods test ends.
Choi Han wakes up, surrounded by his family, with a red, glass marble in his hand. He holds it to his chest. It hurts.
It hurts.
#Choi Han#original cale henituse#og cale henituse#tcf#lcf#totcf#lotcf#lout of the counts family#trash of the count’s family spoilers#fanfiction#fic writing#not a reblog#I thought about Choi Han and og!Cale#they would never get along. Cale would be too inviting of the anger and frustration of Choi Han and he'd embrace it with a bruised face just#like he did that day they would've first met#but og!Cale and krs!Cale are actually pretty similar in a lot of ways. and I bet they're similar in this kind of way too#how could Cale the trash live and let Choi Han the good die after all? that's not how the story goes#so he uses the book to defeat the villain and let Choi Han live. but even he knows that he's going to die#he doesn't think that Choi Han cares about him#his vile words and spitting on the face of those who dare to look at him is not something that people can love or accept. its why he does it#because he knew it would help Basen. if he made himself unlikeable. unloveable. he had to be trash to protect him and he has to be trash#to protect that#but Choi Han looks at him. who is disappearing. and he reaches out to save him#and isn't Cale's surprise the most heartbreaking thing? he can't be loved. not by someone he just met. but Choi Han looked at him#and he didn't want to let him disappear. like there was something about him worth keeping#that's why his heart shard remains intact. because that's his heart. which wants to be kept. which doesn't want to disappear.#anyway what's up guys been a while#how's the angst?#have you ever truly thought about og Cale and how he searched for ways to become unloveable and then did his best to become it?#and he believed it was true. did he even love himself? I like to think he learned to.
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I SWEAR CELEBI'S THINGY IS COMING SOON BUT I REALLY WANTED TO POST THIS ALRIGHT
yeaah... future trio got me too...
and Darkrai is there too, because of course he is.
hey look i drew a cute Drifloon :D
...ignore the rest
whatever started at Darkrai doodles ended in brainrot of future trio + darkrai and I'm blaming @scribz-ag24 for this
#Can you believe between the first pic and the 4th pic is only a week inbetween. I sure can't but like why did I mirror the pose...#ON ACCIDENT??? Everytime I look at the two Grovyles I'm like... how... how did they end up so differently???#also probably blaming @cozybells as well for this but I really fear tagging people so I'm just letting y'all know in the tags because#I do wanna let everyone know who inspired me when someone did <333 better get running [you know who you are!!!!] DusnoirXDarkrai is next...#also: upon seeing scribz-ag24's art my brain said: You need to color too! ah yeah that went well with the doodle batch#I really hope you're able to read everything with how messy I can write sometimes. If not please let me know and I'll add sth in this post!#Also the doodle batch was the first thing I drew so well... never drew dusknoir before and grovyle once i think...#please go easy on me I have yet to explore the relationship between literally everyone😭 and I have no idea what I‘m doing and I'm a little#lost I normally only draw King Boo or Darkrai but I'm sure scribz-ag24 sprinkling in bits of Darkrai got me in love with the future trio to#grovyle#future trio#celebi#darkrai#dusknoir#pmd hero#pokemon#drifloon#totodile#my art#my stuff#tagas friend spoiler#pmd#pokemon mystery dungeon#IS THERE A SHIP NAME FOR FUTURE TRIO... there must be. ...oh... is it just...#futuretrioshipping#i feel sooo stupid rn.#also everytime i drew darkrai i had evil spiteful bastard in mind (except for the one with an arrow pointing out he's redeemed) but i think#i literally mixed every possible version of him in my head so got absolutely no clue what i'm doing :D#anyways i hope you enjoyed this and thanks for reading through my ramblings! Have such a wonderful rest of the day yippiee <333#pmd2
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The Final Color Code
Okay here is the final color code. I will be honest I didn't solve it all but here is what it says
TWO DIMENSIONS TO AND FRO / YOU ALWAYS NO WHICH WAY TO GO / IF YOURE LOST DONT BE AFRAID IN EUCLYDIA / YOUVE GOT IT MADE / RUN TOO FAR RIGHT OF FRAME YOULL APPEAR ON LEFT AGAIN / JUMP TOO HIGH DONT CRY OR FRET / YOULL POP UP FROM THE GROUND I BET / IN THIS PLACE THERE IS NO FEAR LOVED ONES WILL NEVER NEAR / ROLES AND RULES ALWAYS CLEAR / EUCLYDIA WE HOLD YOU DEAR
#gravity falls#bill cipher#the book of bill#book of bill#okay I'm gonna be honest I got the first two lines and saw someone else got it and I was like welp that's it for me 😅#I really don't know what to think about this#bill's world just seemed like a little strict and probably looked down on any weirdness#and probably ostracized bill for his mutation#and considering they loved roles and rules i assume bill didn't have any and probably thought#his role or purpose was showing everyone the third dimension and get his people to loosen up but...#he killed everyone instead#i wonder how fast it happened#god damn i can't believe i'm feeling bad for a floating triangle
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On the day that Jinwoo’s daughter was born, I genuinely believe that that was one of the fewest times in his life that he does cry. Just like when he healed his mother, he cried happy tears. His daughter is essentially his light of the world, his light in his darkness, his beloved treasure. 🥹
OH YES DEFINITELYYYYY he shed tears the first time he held her in his arms, and he cried so quietly, nibbling on his lip so he wouldn't start sobbing and he held her so close to his chest, his lips resting on the crown of her head as he hummed her a lullaby, rocking her gently from side to side, all the while trying to bite back his tears and you could see how his little princess looked so calm and peaceful in his embrace GAAAHHHH MY KOKOROOOOO
#jinwoo looking up and see his S/O (who's still recovering on the hospital bed) gazing back at him with this LOVE in her eyes like#“i can't believe i married someone so perfect” she thought#not knowing that he's thinking about the same thing even when her hair is still disheveled and she looks beyond tired#and they just gaze silently at each other with their soft smiles intact#nobody says i love you out loud but they feel each other's words in their hearts#god i fucking love them#got me feeling all soft at 11 am#great#kana answers stuff#headcanons.jinwoo
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I'm sorry, Kugisaki.
reblogs are appreciated here o (-o-) o
#art#fanart#illustration#jjk#jujutsu kaisen#drawing#artist#artwork#yuji#jjk itadori#itadori yuji#nobara#nobara kugisaki#jjk kugisaki#anime#anime art#I can't believe jjk is ending this year ☹️☹️#mha already ended too#anyways this shii is depressing#saw someone say that nobara looked different in the recent chapter was because itadori is forgetting hwo when looked like☹️☹️#peachuux art
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i want to write jason & natalia but head so scattered.....
#its not anything grand really#just a fic of them sitting & chatting on a rooftop. there's a breeze carrying a faint spray of rainwater after a thunderstorm has died down#they're watching the moon#natalia tucks one of jays curls behind his ear & cups his face & tells him she missed him#tells him shes glad he is alive#& jay can do nothing but blink back tears because when has anyone ever said that?#that theyre glad hes back? [except talia ofc]#he gets to hide his face in someone's neck like he's fifteen again & can be held#he gets to be loved again#fuuuuck dude talia mention just gave me the vision of writing jason introducing talia & natalia#im not sayin theyre besties but the three of them could definitely go out for some fancy dining & exchange notes on wine & how fucking#stupid bruce is 💗#truly believe they wouldnt want to discuss bruce at first but when they do natalia helps talia take that final step of letting her misplace#affection for him go. SAID AS A BRUTALIA SHIPPER BTW#idk i just think them being bittersweet divorcees is The Flavour but talia loves fiercely & deeply & will def need a hot second to truly le#go of the idea of being with him. shes extremely logical & ruthless ofc & will NAWT gaf abt some guy who doesnt treat her right#i KNOW but you must understand. they were deeply fond of each other. bruce however has the problem of wanting to fuck gotham fr#whereas talia is normal to an extent. so. yea she does take her time & looking at all the shit that jason went thru at his hands + nat's#support would be the last straw methinks. i don't think theyre capable of hating each other fully ever but.#she finally lets go.#wait where was i. JASON NATALIA & TALIA TRIO. RIGHT. ugh guysssss what do i doooo#i have a zine fic to complete but also that jay leaves the bats wip is haunting me + That One dick & jay fic that has me by the throat#& now this.#theres several other wips ofc but these are in the forefront of my mind.#feel like i should give up on all of these & resort to being an aftg girlie exclusively. i have had jean & neil thoughts for YEARS#the vindication i felt when the new trilogy explored their dynamic??? ethereal. unmatchedddd.#or i should just. stop writing 🙂↕️#can't be haunted by visions you don't even plan on bringing to fruition thumbs up emoji. thats a good plan#veering off into intrusive thoughts territory lolololololol
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https://www.tumblr.com/bleue-flora/785394726541082624/httpswwwtumblrcombleue-flora7841984097247559?source=share
i feel like i should clear up some of the confusion i've created. yeah, you'll rarely see an c!inniter outright stating that c!dream is a p3dophile, but that's not what i was talking about. i'm talking about people who push creepy shipper-ish content on c!discduo, but pretend it's not shipper-ish at all. funny thing is i NEVER said the word "c!inniters" in the anon message, but you somehow knew it was abt them and got so defensive. i constantly see c!inniters' designs of c!discduo where c!tommy looks like a prepubescent child (also them calling c!tom "child-sized") and c!dream is like three times taller than him and looks like he's preying on c!tommy. i constantly see c!inniters making edits to songs with obvious romantic/sexual undertones and then saying "that's not a ship" as if that's going to fix anything. i see c!inniters all the time making nasty posts about how c!dream wants to own tommy, to put him in prison, to make him his "trophy", to force him to act like a "little brother" or "protégé" or even a "pet", all under the guise of it being "canon c!dream creepiness". claiming that "all c!inniters would find this bad and would never agree" is pretty stupid - on innnitblr the most popular interpretation of c!discduo is the one where c!dream is obsessed with c!tommy and is his literal stalker. i see takes all the time about c!dream being "delusionally obsessed with c!tommy and wanting to own him", and just because these people claim they don't ship them doesn't normalize their takes or take away the weird creepy subtext from it. i literally remember someone from dreblr recently getting harassed anonymously with questions like "but you do think exile is grooming, right? right??? you're not one of those freaks who denies that c!dream is a creepy stalker and a groomer to c!tommy, right? right??? you know c!dream only wants c!tommy, and to own him, and to torture him for fun" - people in our fandom has this problem of weird views on c!dream and his relationships with other characters, but, this problem is especially acute for c!inniters, which makes sense since c!dream is so important to c!tommy's story and has caused him terrible emotional trauma. some people are downright malicious about it, others just can't accept that their blorbo isn't the center of the universe for everyone, so they buy into the c!dream-is-obsessed-c!tommy interpretation and spread that mess further, it's stupid to deny this problem
the tadca tag was almost entirely c!discduo ship-content, but still, i know a lot of people who got harassed by c!inniters for criticizing the tag. some c!inniters called that tag a warning about the "dark but canon parts of exile", but it was 99% c!dream preying on c!tommy in a psychological horror manner, trying to own c!tommy, being possessive of c!tommy, forcing c!tommy to do weird stuff for him, etc. you guys should understand that not all darkshippers admit to being darkshippers or even acknowledge it inside themselves lmao
i wrote that anonymous message out of bad emotion, so i apologize for causing trouble for you, flora :|
yup... once again reminding me to stay in my lane, because I get frustrated as it is just reading fanfics with that kinda mentality...
I just wanted to add, that to be fair, based on what you said, I assumed and talked about innitors so even if you didn't say it, I kinda did and so anon likely got that assumption from me, even if neither of us were really trying to say all or even the majority of innitors blatantly talk about Dream being some sexual predator. Like you said, it's subtext and not outright said, what we were more or less saying is that there is a widespread majority innitor mindset that Dream is obsessed with Tommy in a creepy way and that is often coupled with sexual predator themes. Like if you make a point to emphasize Tommy as some little kid that Dream is so obsessed with, which is commonplace in the innitor community from art to analysis to fanfiction, than that is kinda automatically implying predator vibes even if not expressed explicitly.
But anyways, my point was, I'm not trying to be the fiction police or judge on morality or whatever, it's not my place and I don't really care, but implying these things are canonical in an way is what really bothers me and where I draw the line. Like despite a popular trope, Quackity and Sam are not discussed and analyzed as canonical saing Dream in prison, and I think it's high time that innitors too learn to separate their dark alternate version of lore from the actual story... hence my suggestion for - t![character]
To anyone wanting some evidence for why Dream isn't obsessed with Tommy, here are some other posts on that - <> <> <>
#lol being the third wheel in anon discourse is kinda funny...#like... ao3 don't lie and I've seen fics listed with that kinda stuff so...#can't believe someone was getting harassed for not saying cdream was groomer wtf...#hello there#honestly I dare someone to draw disc duo accurately like either them as the same 6'2 height or whatever or since some sources say tommy is#6'3 them him as taller than dream... dream has to look up slightly “put your items in a hole tommy” XD
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You know .. I don't know why people only limit their option/thinking to "is Yorishima the grandpa or not?" and start rethinking everything from that angle only ..
Not to say this idea is wrong or right more like ... I find it kinda funny that people don't see Yorishima as anything but that .. that that his only purpose in the story either to serve as "fake grandpa" or "be the real grandpa" and see no other purpose or different role to him which's amusing in a way ..
It's like being blinded either directly or indirectly to other ideas which might be the real goal by Midorikawa-sensei, until she come and say that his role is actually different <3
Is him knowing Reiko for sure/weird familiarity between him and Natsume only serve the point of "fake/real grandpa" .. is that the only role and option opens to him story-wise ?
Some might say that then if not that one then what other options/ideas for him story-wise ?
I can't be the only one considering other ideas/theories about him related to Reiko aside from the grandpa one, right ?!
Like for example ...
him being the brother of the real grandpa so he's Natsume's uncle
him being Reiko's killer
him being a firsthand witness to the story of Reiko and her husband even how she died and by who thus hated the exorcist world and distanced himself ever since
him being the one who took care of Reiko's daughter/Natsume's mother after Reiko's death till she married and protect/hide her till then
as for what I believe personally, well, let's say so far for me he's not the grandpa for sure so I'm looking at things from that angle. so, I do consider all those options even tho I lean to a certain one maybe but can't say for sure yet ...
I'm only saying that Midorikawa-sensei has many options for him story-wise than what people actually assumed the first time and locked him down to only that to consider what else might be there for him.
there might also be an option I hadn't considered yet for all we know so far <3
#natsume yuujinchou#natsuyuu#natsume reiko#Yorishima#I feel like .. if we look at Reiko's story and hints be it for her husband or overall .. you'll see many ideas#even tho I don't even know what other people think of Reiko's story or assume it is ..#since all might have different ideas then work other ideas from there#because I admit because of my own Reiko's theory I do look at things from that angle sometimes since so far nothing denies it#maybe that's why my reaction to Yorishima is kinda different#that I believe not once I assumed he might be the grandpa#knowing Midorikawa ... we can't trust anything at all till the last moment ...#Yorishima serve another purpose to the full Reiko's life reveal ..#he's another piece another hint another foreshadow serving a bigger picture ...#now the only last missing piece .. is the grandpa himself then everything will unfold mostly ..#and the reveal is closer to us like no other time .. will it be from Yorishima's mouth himself or be it from someone else ?#now we just wait and see ...#me start rambling again ><
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...
#feeling like a shit stirrer today#so look away if you're not into it#but jesus#the number of takes i've seen in the last couple days that essentially amount to#'it's so good they put buck with someone physically bigger than him because that way he can be all soft and protected#and emotionally vulnerable because he has a big strong man to protect him'#is actively gross#and just feels like sanitized uwu top/bottom discourse#like a person's body type does not dictate whether they are allowed to express emotions or be vulnerable#please#like the weird gendered implications of that particular reading are so very not it for me#anyway#i don't know y'all#911 discourse#anti bucktommy#just in case#like i AM anti bucktommy in general at this point#but this post is only actually anti this particular take#and like the way it feels like it assumes tommy shouldn't need to be protected / taken care of / emotionally vulnerable / etc#is just kind of very gross to me#people in a relationship are meant to be partners their ability to care for one another is not dictated by their physical attributes#i can't believe that requires saying like goddamn y'all#anyway ignore me#might delete later
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studying Philosophy is really like
you think this is going to help you understand the world and your place in it better,
but actually all it does is confuse and befuddle you farther than ever before
and also you make friends with the most annoying (read: great, smart, lovely, kind, but argumentative as ALL GET OUT) people in the world and then you realize you've BECOME one of those people and you kind of want to just curl up in a nice quiet little hole in the ground with all your books and read and think until a complete and total understanding of the world falls out of your noggin and everything makes sense; but actually you just want to take a walk in the woods with a friend and not think about anything for at least a year.
#I have a paper due on the philosophy of math#at 8 AM TOMORROW#and my brain is NOT WORKING#and I really want to go cry for a while#but that's not really going to fix anything at all is it#on a related note if y'all want to pray for me... my emotions have returned and they really just want to process everything that's#happened for approximately my entire life at one time. and it's kind of hard to do all the things I think I should be doing right now#when that's going on#also thinking too much about trying to love people well and what that means and how bad at it I've been and it's hard not to get stuck ther#when there's basically nothing I can change anyway#(need to have an awkward convo with someone soon... for my sake probably more than theirs#I fear I haven't loved them well and it matters to me to know that our friendship hasn't been compromised#but unfortunately it's also strike one) a boy and strike two) a boy I like#and unfortunately he figured it out and I have a pretty good indication that he doesn't like me back. and I can't tell if he's interested i#a mutual friend#and I am AwkwardTM and trying not to let it bother me. but Fake It Till You Make It#(my philosophy since getting to college)#isn't really going that well for me in this case.#and I think an honest conversation would be the best thing for everyone... except I'm kinda terrified of that lol :') and I want to serve#him well not just serve my own emotions and need for validation)#prayers would be appreciated#that I will love others as they are meant to be loved and not just as I want to love them#or as my selfish emotions and desires think I want to love them#and that I'll be able to know when something needs to be said and when nothing at all is the best option for everyone#God sees and knows. and He loves me. and that is so /so/ hard to believe sometimes but I try to hold onto it with everything I have lately.#gurt says stuff#college stuff#philosophy#one day I'll look back and laugh at undergraduate me#personal tags
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