#i am autistic and have the need to talk
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i love the tumblr anon feature because i can ask people if they’ve seen my favorite movie without looking like a dork, i am a dork, just anonymously
#tumblr anon you’re great#cringe is dead#working on killing the part of me that cringes#sorry to any and or all tumblr figures that i ask about akira#i am autistic and have the need to talk
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Some good parts of being nonverbal :)
(In my experience!)
I can have an AAC device and decorate it however I want, and represent who I am by decorating things about me on it
I have a community of other nonverbal/nonspeaking people who I can relate to for a lot of things
I can do fun activities with my speech and language therapist, and have a lot of fun 1-1 time with adults/therapists which if I was not disabled I would not have
It is easier to be eligible for services I need (but this is also quite sad and I wish that people who have a lot of needs but are fully verbal also got services they need because sometimes people get rejected because they can speak!!)
Because it takes me extra long to communicate with words by using a device, I have more time to think about what I'm saying and less likely to impulsively say something bad
Cats can't speak, so then it makes me one step closer to being like a cat! I love cats
#this is my experience#all of these things also have bad parts#I just want to talk about the positive parts#if you don't find being nonverbal positive in these ways that is fine!#just my experience#I am having trouble accepting I will probably be nonverbal for the rest of my life so I am thinking about the positives now#I find many things with being non verbal a struggle just because I am not constantly talking about the bad parts does not mean they don't#exist 😊#alright yayayayayya#actually nonverbal#actually nonspeaking#autism#nonverbal#actually autistic#nonspeaking#moderate support needs#high to moderate support needs#fully mute#positivity#good things#yay!!#disability#autism pride#I think this is pride aurism but I don't know but I am being pride in a trait of my autism so that's why I put that#wow I am talking a lot in tags#:0#nonverbal pride#fully nonverbal#this is about people who are fully nonverbal not people who have verbal shutdowns
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Little things about Marcille make me so so so sick. Reading a book with the first character that's anything like you at all in even a somewhat respectable way and falling in love. She doesn't know anything about the food her mother grew up eating. She is subtly different from her peers and has never been sure where she fits in. AND despite those experiences she still falls victim to prejudiced thinking. She and Kabru should be besties who verbally fight like rabid dogs.
#dungeon meshi#dungeon meshi spoilers#*smiles so sweetly* I am mixed.#Marcille and Falin are so important to me but you have to admit! Marcille kind of looks down on her (not intentionally) as someone who is#in need of Guidance and Being Protected in a way that is sort of... infantilizing and overbearing.#And Falin is sort of bad at asserting what she wants and saying no to things.#WHICH THEY CAN/WILL/HAVE STARTED TO OVERCOME.#Anyway I think Marcille and Kabru could be BFFs who just as quickly click as they shatter each other's souls with their teeth.#People have said much more comprehensive things about both characters but as like#My relationship to my identity is WEIRD. My gender is SCARY. Not only that... I am also autistic.#Kabru when he isn't seen as an adult. Marcillie when she isn't seen as whole.#WHEN YOU RUN AT A DIFFERENT PACE TO EVERYONE ELSE.#funny talking tag#Also I am glad that Marcille isn't the only half-elf even if Fionil(?) is only a minor character
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but when they're out on that river bank alone, what javier should be loyal to doesn't feel as confusing anymore
#also known as 'he wants so badly to run away with his boyfriend and marry him and live happily ever#after'#but his commitment to dutch and the gang breaks his heart#i want them to be happy SO BAAAD SO BAD IM GOINGN TO THROW YP#also the top right one comes w a headcanon#which is that kieran can only bathe if javier is there (and only javier) because otherwise he's too terrified of being k*lled for either bei#ng trans or just in general because he's alone#so that's why he's usually stinky#he really hates being stinky but he doesn't consider it worth dying over#anyway i love them so bad and their little fishing dates#kieran infodumps the whole time and javier feels so lucky to be alive because he knows kieran doesn't talk around anyone else near as much#if at all#javier knows 99% of the fish knowledge but he never interrupts and is always happy to listen to kieran yap about every other topic too#i need to put javi in an 'i ❤️ my autistic boyfriend' shirt#ok i'll shut up now#also i know this composition looks like total shart i'm literally the worst at doing them </3 be nice to me#rdr2#red dead redemption 2#kieran duffy#javier escuella#javieran#am i allowed to say that i own this ship#considering i literally made it LOL i feel so proud even tho it also makes me miserable that i bascially have no one to talk to abt them#image#art#hero draws sometimes
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i think a really great aspect of oofuri is how much it gets mihashi's ass for being overly timid and dependent. it would be really easy to write off the way he and abe interact as being abe's fault because he is overbearing, and a lot of people do, but it has some really great moments of going "hey, you cannot hide behind abe or depend on him to make every decision. it's not good for you, or him, or the team."
#oofuri#yeah abe is a little overbearing but it is often because mihashi does not make decisions on his own so abe is just filling in the gaps#because he really and truly cannot make a good guess about what mihashi wants#because mihashi has never said anything about what he wants#but any time mihashi has ever voiced a complaint or suggestion abe takes it into account#he is not dismissive#he just doesn't think to ask because 1. mihashi has never given abe a straight answer to anything 2. abe is not very good at being social!!#autistic teen boy who needs things said simply to him paired up with autistic teen boy who thinks saying things simply will get him killed#abe should ask more but mihashi also needs to say more. abe can't read his mind and he shouldn't have to that's not how relationships work#i get a little irritated at the perception that abe is treating mihashi poorly#what is he meant to do when mihashi doesn't talk to him#i am thinking about the scene where tajima gets mad at mihashi#and tells him 'you can't play baseball with just abe'#because mihashi being incapable of speaking his mind and acting on his own isn't good for the team#and abe will pick up the slack but that isn't how things should be#i did not like the bijou game but i really liked it showcasing the strain it put on abe to make all of the calls#and there is a lot there to be said about how his willingness to do everything but actually pitch for mihashi#stems from how bad catching for haruna was for him#because he felt alone at the catcher's plate the same way mihashi did on the mound#and that. fucking scene of abe begging haruna to pitch. augh. he'll do the rest please just pitch#abe can do everything else as long as mihashi stays on the mound#obsessed with mihashi and abe mutually being so worried that the other person will not be there
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david ward you will always be famous for your misery and your. autism.
#op#i am in eskew#i have not seen anyone else read him as autistic but i cannot help but read a majority of his character as that#like . overwhelmingly so .#the part where he talks about how he fantasizes about something horrible and unpreventable happening to him#so that he would have justification for being Wrong#when in reality nothing horrible needed to happen. he’s just like that#I Get Him
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The only thing I have to say about the autism support needs & masking discourse:
There are people who haven't been talked to like a baby by a stranger in real life, and it shows.
#autism#high support needs#actually autistic#autism things#masking#tw infantilization#i am visibly autistic/disabled#and i know my fellow autistics and disabled friends who have higher support needs know what I'm talking about#I'm too tired to get involved#but a lot of friends have interesting and valid points#i know that a lot of folks are helped by things being broken down and That's fine#im that way sometimes too#I'm talking about others being condescending and assuming your needs without talking to you like anyone else#because of being visibly autistic
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is it an autistic experience to ALWAYS be the one in a friend group who gets left out, alienated, secretly disliked, then kicked out of the group?
#autistic#autism#actually autistic#autism things#asking autistics#i want/need a friend group but it ALWAYS GOES BAD!!!!!!!! AND ITS SOMEHOW ALWAYS MY FAULT?! idk what im doing wrong. people suck.#but i need people and i hate that about me. why cant i split myself in half a few times#or learn how to do group activities alone....like playing tennis. going to the amusement park ive wanred to go to since i was a kid.#drive alone on long trips where i will fall asleep but talk to myself so i dont or something. walk on the park trails alone where people#get kidnapped and stuff when alone. go to a convention and cosplay a group of characters alone. one for each finger....#if you cant tell im being sarcastic. and doing a bad job. sighs. i hate that i have to do everything i need/want a group for alone because#i cant make friends or make groups keep me in them. assuming because im autistic and they hate me 🙃#eother that or im a piece of shit and dont realize it!!!!! how am i supposed to know when no one tells me!!!! 😭😭😭😭#so is it actually me and my fault or is it because im autistic and people just do this to us for some reason#autism stuff
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fun side effect (thats so not the right word but idc) of being aro is that while everybody else is in love with fictional characters, i just really want to be their friend!!! i just really really really want to give them a hug & make them a nice warm drink (yes i am one of those people that makes drinking tea their whole personality. what about it.) like. i just. i want to listen to them rant about their life & how their day was. I WANT TO LISTEN TO THEM INFODUMP‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️ ugh. just please be neurodivergent with me for a minute. please. guys. autism. please.
#also nd does not just mean adhd/autism but that is what i’m referring to here‼️‼️#also i am actually autistic i am not just saying autism for no reason LMAO#but uh yeah. anywyas. love my silly little guys. just want to give them a hug & listen to them rant#please please pkease tell me about your special interest or current hyperfixation or whatever#i want to hear everything tell me every single little detail i love you#ALSO ON THAT NOTE!!!! i experience platonic love SO FUCKING AGGRESSIVELY#and i feel like alloromantic people do not understand that as much???#like i said to one of my friends thst they were ‘one of my best friends’#and they were like wdym. u only have one best friend. and i was like bro. actually i love you all so intensely so don’t even say that man#like i just. ugh. i love ny friends so much. platonic love is truly sososososoo beautiful & we need to appreciate it more bc what.#anywyas.#aromantic#aro#arospec#tea#comfort character#autism#adhd#yeah idk that’s all i got#oh one more.#martin blackwood#bc that is really who i’m talking about here lets be so real
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i have no friends who care about me because my personality is boring and understimulating and i have no selling point as a friend and i am being left behind
#negative.#sometimes it’s like. oh i wish people liked me as much as i like them. lmao.#‘we should hang out!!’ ‘we should call!!’ ‘we should play a game!!’ okay but please actually do it :((#i feel like i take so much time to show love and care but maybe i’m doing it wrong?? do i seem fake?? is there something off putting??#i need better friends both online and offline because i’m socially starved#w the exception of like. two people??#every time i try it devolves into generic small talk#and there’s that autistic feeling that i’m saying everything wrong. i’m doing it wrong. they’re giving me that look or their text format#has changed and i’m being wrong#i can’t break out of it. i’ve just stopped reaching out these past couple months and like. genuinely no one said a thing#can anyone please show that they even think about me. like. god.#i go through hell every single fucking day and i have attempted suicide more times in the last year than the last decade#i’m not seeking attention i just?? would love for someone to give a single fuck for once. oh god.#the csa trauma that was triggered this year has been eating me whole. no one knows and no one cares to know#i’ve told two people now total now. even as i’m telling them it feels like i’m dumping it on them and making them uncomfortable#i regret telling one of them. my closest irl friend. god. should’ve kept it in. i can’t stop doing everything wrong.#anyways. i think…. i am going to go cry for a while lmao#man this sucks. mannnnnn this sucks#anyways.txt#(not a vague. never a vague)
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who up seeing their disorder in a fictional character but feel like its not their place to put a name on it
#id have to be waterboarded before i can talk abt how i see a lot of my adhd and personality in mitsumi iwakura let alone post it#idk how to talk abt this without feeling like im talking over or invalidating ppls experiences relating with a character#someone was talking abt how ppl tie laios' autism to special interest and social difficulties but not much else which kinda flattens it#and then went into a respectful in depth analysis of other autistic behaviour that laios exhibits and it wasnt phrased meanly#its fascinating and important to me to hear someone explain a little bit abt traits that they recognized and often go overlooked#because it does help me learn more about it. but i think thats also where hesitancy kicks in when it comes to depicting it accurately#like i have adhd and some of my adhd symptoms overlap with autism (time blindness and pattern seeking behaviour) but that only means#it feels familiar to me even without having autism. on top of that traits arent always cleanly determined as being /caused/ by#a disorder. to understand my environment i compare it to something unrelated but similar to make it more familiar and for the longest time#i thought that was a personality thing and not an information processing thing since i loved playing pretend in my head as a kid#so if you make a character who experiences that hoping to reach people that also experience that and tell them its not weird or#smth youre making up like. thats the goal. ppl who dont get it arent expected to it just means it doesnt cater to them but it helps them#become familiar to it yk? since i dont have autism myself i dont feel confident i can depict it properly or explain it in my own words#but that doesnt mean im trying to dismiss it or try and cut it out completely.. ill just leave the floor open to someone who /can/#a lot of issues around fanon depictions are when smth is baselessly popularized or a characters personality and behavior is flattened#especially to fit them into a trending meme. its harmless and its supposed to be for fun but it gets tricky when you drag things that#need to be carefully explained beforehand or else it gets lost in translation. like that tweet abt 'hyperfixating' on cooking pasta#once it becomes popular language usually the original meaning is left out for the sake of simplifying it for everyone that when it#circles back theres a sort of hesitancy like. am i using it the way it was intended or am i unknowingly using the popularized version of it#actually thats probably why i felt wrongfooted during diagnosis bc it felt like i was misusing the words i heard to describe what i felt#i /know/ i see a lot of myself in mitsumi because our minds are always somewhere else and we tend to put good faith first and for me#that personal connection is enough. but idk it feels like its always gonna have to be 'palatable' first before i can talk abt it openly#mad respect to writers and creators who stick to their story even if theres the looming fear of ppl misinterpreting it and letting them#have it.. its been almost 2 weeks and i am so close to deleting that m3 dunmeshi drawing bc ppl keep saying chilchuck wouldnt have 200 HP#IT LITERALLY SAYS I MADE IT WHILE WATCHING EP 1. I USED EARTHBOUND LOGIC AND I WASNT EVEN TAKING IT SERIOUSLY CHILL#yapping
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Breakfast trio... Breakfast trio save me... Breakfast trio. Breakfast trio save me.
#Sorry for being cringe on main#Will delete later#I am having autistic feeling on Gio Crusher and Molly trio#I need more of these guys pls#Send me fic rec please#Pls gimme either fanfic rec or ideas of things to write.#epithet erased#Ghostie talks a lot
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Coming to the unfortunate realization that my social and communication struggles run a lot deeper and more widely effecting than I had previously thought
#every time I start interacting with the world beyond my house again it suddenly becomes a lot harder to not question in I might be autistic#I just got confident in self diagnosing as allistic and now here I am right back at “desr god I need to talk to professional”#I can't even talk to my own grandparents w/o floundering and having to do a post conversation run down of what I was supposed to say#ever conversation is like a quick time event where I have to click the right button to respond at all#but am still too low level to have unlocked the correct reaponse yet#and I can't figure out what I was supposed to respond until after I've already received the feedback that my response was “wrong”#and the “correct” responses I come up with are still weird to me#just me rambling
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girls being nice to me gets me higher than ecstasy ever could
#SORRY for the corny post but this is how i truly feel not waxing poetic here like literally it does#i just met the cool girl i keep talking about & IT WAS SÅ FREAKEING ÅSUM ^_^_^_^_^_^ YAY#HAPPY HAPPY JOY JOY HAPPY HAPPY JOY#OK sorry for screaming But i really am very excited...#turns out she is autistic & we discussed our neuroses while eating & ugh she is just as cool as i thought she was#always tell people you think have Swag that you noticed it on them see how it worked for me#i was so scared of spilling my spaghettis but turns out that was exactly what i needed to do to be friends ^_^ YAY#we went to a lot of different libraries together & i got a small old eyeless bunny plush from the event we went to caus i felt bad for it#i even showed her my pony art & i told her about my cringe interest (that music event i like...♯RealOnesKnow )#& she thought it was COOL.& i felt like it was really genuine & she talked about reading BL LOL we discussed fujos together#we even talked about finding moids ugly#it was so awesome she was so cool & Nice To Me... i feel like i am on CUMULONIMBUS ( cloud 9 ) ^_^_^_^_^_^#talking to her in person was so much better than online OMG now i wish i really was friends with you muties IRL#i wish you a Girl Friend experience just like this to those who post about wanting them i really do#also the reason why i even like my Music Event so much is because the first time i watched it was with a bunch of women#& i had so much fun & they were so nice to me i keep returning & now that Event means so much to me & I LOVE IT sorry (NOT)#i know this sounds like tumblrina fiction i would not believe it either IDK what to say to make it sound legitimate 0_0 like it is so crazy#to me as well IDK i can barely get over it & IDK if i really want to so um well YAY ^_^ AIMU SO HEPI :DDD
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(genderly) chill as hell if i was only ever glimpsed / detected like this
#Shrouded In A Rectangle neither sleeves nor an open front to be besieged with? yes#just doing whatever else like doesn't matter. tee cargo shorts which is my best guess rn of my ideal outfit. + sandals Absolutely#unfortunately my hair could never do that. somehow neither am i yet like forties fifties? have i not been at this for eons?#i Can be like uh let's just nobody talk to me i'm busy pensively perceiving truths that you don't ever actually wanna hear about#just the other day it was like hey....a [way Having To Talk could be a difficulty / problem] was under my nose in this lifelong pattern#certainly noticing the Verbal Exchange Demand heaped upon burnout as like [delay delay delay struggle weariness stress]#but also who knows like spent plenty of time just probably indeed Not having to have such exchanges while burned out. not noting them#anyway like this isn't even [dysphoric Ideal Outfit until i could [whatever supposed even more ideal than that gender euphoria]]#though shoutout to that but like nah get shrouded anyway. the only [how do i look] im motivated to consider is: when it's a costume#when it's just me it's like. i guess whatever pants and a comfortable enough tee. need glasses. hair's w/e so cut quite short ig#might accessorize w/things that are fun to me like hey yeah yknow i might want a calculator watch#[yea as a kid it was like :( im actively appreciating the animals supposedly Gross or Bad] if i had hated little friends Sure yaay#if i had disorienting light effects like a pelagic creature. but you don't even need that. like hey i'm nd in real life. i got it#chat i'm in the walls too bestie lmao. if only my bigfoot pose reference Step was this good#tl;dr long rephrasing of my being like; now the gender slay....#& nodding & Noting when [worksheet exercise: what's your gender euphoria look?] is like shrug idk. but this is serving maximally to me; so#going Chat how can i up my uncanny stats. looking up ''isn't it like Uncanny knowledge e.g. so like why not....canny''#but i think the un canny is the Uncanniness Accuser's perspective. not of My ken. your literal weird one maybe#so again apt to be like jk i'm just autistic & shit; i got it....horror shit challenge impossible: Don't have sm typical mundane#[disability moment] as like Unsettling danger/malice cues. challenge impossible; again#subverted here like as [horror holding hands touching foreheads w/comedy] w/o Rescinding just casual disabled behavior/qualities#just remembered like three witches weird sisters etc macbeth. weird uncanny soothsaying gendering. word#anyway i should be shrouded (made no any connection whenever i put the blanket now over my head & shoulders in place min ago)#perhaps the real Ideal Look insight: i do not have any way i wish to be observed by people. secret passages / removed room anytime
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the 2000s kid urge to just rant to a camera about the things I'm currently obsessed with
#artlytalks#is this relatable or am i just weird#im thinking back to all those times me and my friend tried to start a webshow#maybe this is more of an autistic urge#or maybe i just need someone to rant about comics too#i cant waste all my therapy time talking about my fixations#the world certainly doesnt need another batman deconstruct thrust in the world but also#why not#currently thinking about his autistic traits#mostly about the strict moral codes that me and him share#i haven't read huge chunks of his stories tho so I don't want to just be corrected over and over#also supes i just like supes and superboy and think they are so cool and also make me feel like hope exists#i don't have much else to say about them tho just that#ALTHO I DO HAVE SOME THOUGHTS ON POSSIBLE DIRECTIONS FOR KON BUT THEY MOSTLY INVOLVE THE RAVERS COMING BACK#i don't even think the raver story is canon in current runs??#im not sure#it COULD tho#let him be a party bitch again#and give Aura some spotlights#im so sorry for this
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