#ALSO ON THAT NOTE!!!! i experience platonic love SO FUCKING AGGRESSIVELY

[skeletonfromthecloset]

fun side effect (thats so not the right word but idc) of being aro is that while everybody else is in love with fictional characters, i just really want to be their friend!!! i just really really really want to give them a hug & make them a nice warm drink (yes i am one of those people that makes drinking tea their whole personality. what about it.) like. i just. i want to listen to them rant about their life & how their day was. I WANT TO LISTEN TO THEM INFODUMP‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️ ugh. just please be neurodivergent with me for a minute. please. guys. autism. please.

[thefanboyhub]

Random ass head cannons I have for SBG gang yuh let's go:

Note/Update: Disregard the eye color thing for Aiden cuz the author has confirmed that his eyes are contacts ✨

Tyler will call people he likes (platonic or romantic) princess regardless of gender, mostly uses it when he's teasing them or in like idk a passive aggressive way. Like "No shit, princess." Or "Okay princes, calm down." Always paired with an eye roll tho.

Taylor hates Taylor Swift because of the annoying jokes people do with her name.

Adding to the last one, Aiden found that out when he made a joke once and she looked like she was about to throw him out the window lol.

Logan has helped everyone get their zodiac charts and read them. He fucking memorized them too. Little nerdy boy <3

Ashlyn doesn't initiate physical touch(hugs, hand holding, cuddling, ect) with people often (cannon btw), but when she does it always makes whoever was chosen feel special.

Ben listens to literally everything. All music. He's polyjamours.

Tyler is actually pretty good at guitar and was something he's liked since a kid, he loves music with heavy guitar in it. He also named his guitar Mel, like Melody. Only people to touch it was Taylor and Ben.

I see some people say Tyler has Logan tutor him but like. No? Tyler is hella smart and doesn't need to be tutored? Like c'mon. BUT Logan does have Tyler help him work out (Logan's body before and after phantom realm goes crazy man) after the whole almost died to phantom thing.

Aiden use to experiment with hair dye before he fell in love with blond. Also his eyes are red, it's not contacts. It's just his eye color lightening s he aged or smt. Fight me.

Ashlyn hates sour food and loves the more bitter stuff. Aiden loves sour food and hates bitter stuff. They trade food sometimes so they don't have to suffer.

Ben and Aiden know ASL, Taylor is learning to talk to Ben better.

Logan can draw but he doesn't do it often but he loves to watch Ben draw. It makes him want to draw too.

Taylor draws on her friends arms, Tyler will pretend to hate it same with Ash but they always ask her to redraw things when they fade. Aiden once had Taylor do an detailed tattoo like design on his arm in class. It didn't wash of for almost three weeks.

Aiden actually has sensitive skin, the wrong fabric gives him rashes. No one but him knows what fabric won't, it's all based on touch.

Tyler can cook really well, and even enjoys it sometimes. Can't bake for shit though.

Aiden knows ballroom dancing. Rich families or old fashioned one tend to know how to ballroom dance (I use to know)

That's all for now

[shakespearean-snape]

I’m rereading OOTP right now and I find that scene between Severus and Sirius in the kitchen to be highly relevant in the context of Severus as a feminine-coded character (and Sirius as a representation of toxic masculinity). Sirius is very outwardly aggressive in this scene in a conventionally masculine way, while Severus weaponizes his sarcasm and wit in a way that could be thought of as a more “feminine” form of defence. While Harry describes Sirius’s voice as getting progressively louder and angrier, he describes Severus’s voice as “soft” in contrast (as he usually does, which is also interesting in the context of Severus as a feminine man/GNC character). Sirius gets up and tries to intimidate Severus physically, and Severus grips his wand inside his pocket in a way that reminded me of a victim of domestic violence preparing to defend herself against her abuser.

I’m not sure how much of this was intentional considering how rigid JKR’s views on gender have unfortunately turned out to be, but I can’t help but read Severus as a feminine character, especially since he’s meant to act as a stand in for Lily in the same way as Sirius acts as a stand in for James. It’s very easy to read Sev as gender non conforming and/or LGBTQ, although given JKR’s own views it’s doubtful she meant for us to read him that way (but fuck her, she’s a massive transphobe, the characters are ours now, we can do what we like with them).

Note to self, start checking your inbox regularly. These changes to Tumblr are killing me because the notifications when I get messages or asks are hit-or-miss at best.

Anyways, this is such a great observation! I'm only just learning about coding and that that is even the term for it from reading about it from other Snape bloggers like @idealistic-realism00, @raptured-night, and @professormcguire since I only took the required English courses both my undergraduate years and beyond that my major was in sociology.

So, I'm not really any kind of expert but I do have a lot of personal experience from being biracial and queer myself just with learning to read between the lines and find representation for myself where I can and I think that is the case for a lot of people from less represented, marginalized backgrounds. We have a certain instinct for these things so even without any kind of formal study we sort of know the "codes" (for better or worse depending on what the author's intent is and if it's a negative dog-whistle or something more positive to get around censorships of the time) if that makes any kind of sense.

For me, I always saw Sirius and Snape as two sides of a coin. There were some very obvious parallels and contrasts between them and this really goes to that in a lot of ways for me. Both Sirius and Snape are two men who made pivotal choices in their youths that very much define them and have led to a great deal of internalized guilt and impacted their behaviors as adults. Both Sirius and Snape find themselves confined to their childhood homes at different points, Sirius at Grimmauld Place with Kreacher and Snape at Spinner's End with Peter Pettigrew (both Kreacher and Peter are characters that also are known for betraying Harry and costing him someone he loves at different points and making a turn around in regards to Harry because of kindness or mercy he showed to them).

Where Sirius made the choice to make Peter the Secret Keeper with only James, Lily, and Peter knowing and it ultimately led to the death of the Potters and him being sentenced to twelve years in Azkaban, Snape also unwittingly delivered part of the fated prophecy that led to Voldemort targeting the Potters. Most interesting for me is that Snape's friendship with Lily and Sirius's friendship with James could be read as either platonic or a case of unrequited romantic feelings. There is the observation in SWM made by Harry that while Sirius was clearly a looker who attracted the attention of girls, his attention was fully on James and not on those admiring glances. So, when looking at Sirius's relationship with James through a comparative lens to Snape's with Lily they could be platonic friends or both Sirius and Snape could have had romantic feelings for their best friends while, ironically enough, Sirius had to watch James fall for and succeed in winning over Lily just as Snape had to do the same.

In the case of Snape and Sirius there is also a degree of regression and arrested development stemming from trauma (and both men at different points make the clear mistake of seeing Harry as a stand-in for James as a result of said trauma). Where Sirius spent twelve years in Azkaban able to hold onto his sanity against the Dementors in part because he knew he was innocent and the truth of what happened was a deeply unhappy thing for him, Snape spent decades in Dumbledore's service at Hogwarts (a place with its own unhappy associations for him having found it was not a refuge from life at Spinner's End with Tobias as he had hoped but another place where he would be bullied relentlessly, overlooked by his Head of House and housemates for being a poor half-blood with no status, subject to institutional failures resulting from yet more adult authority figures in his life not protecting him, groomed by Voldemort's followers and responsible for alienating his closest friend as a result) teaching children when clearly he does not have the temperament and, courtesy of his role as a spy, concealing his own truths and intentionally not allowing people to know the best of him. In a sense, both men had a negative public image that ran counter to the full truth about them and both of them died without being able to see those misconceptions vindicated (Sirius died still presumed by the Ministry and general public to have been the traitor who turned his friends over to Voldemort and murdered innocent people and Snape died knowing he had delivered information to Harry that would lead to his death and unsure of the outcome of the war with everyone thinking him a coward and murderer).

There's just, a LOT of parallels there between the two when you start to unpack them as characters. Even the fact that they both came from domestic dysfunction and unhappy home lives. It makes their mutual antagonism all the more of a tragedy because if not for Sirius's prejudice (which is arguably more understandable given his family and their long tradition of being sorted into Slytherin) against Slytherins and antagonism of young Snape on the train and the years of bullying and bad blood that followed, these two men had the most potential to understand each other. Alas, they do not, but it is their likenesses that makes their differences in how they clash all the more interesting because, as you noted, there are stark differences there. Sirius is all overt masculine energy; hot-headed and physically imposing while Snape is more strained, the ice to his fire.

Most striking to me was always the difference in how little respect Sirius showed to Snape's body while he was unconscious (further demonstrating how little Sirius has changed from the teenage boy who once stood with James and exposed Snape to laughing schoolmates) versus how Snape conjured a stretcher while still under the impression he was the one responsible for betraying the Potters (and the death of Lily). In that way, we get to see how Snape has developed as a person away from his past choices and learned from them. He may still regress, as he does quite plainly when forced to return to the Shrieking Shack and is confronted by Sirius and Remus there, but he isn't quite in the full state of arrested development as Sirius (but given his circumstances in Azkaban that isn't entirely surprising either; there is a tragedy to Sirius's character for all that there is as much of a darkness as there was in Snape during his time as a Death Eater and the fact so many Marauder apologists who double as "Snaters" refuse to acknowledge that outside of romanticizing the angst of it all while vilifying Snape is quite possibly an even greater tragedy, imo) which is why Sirius's death came in part due to his inability to move beyond his past and find it within himself to treat Kreacher with a modicum of understanding or empathy (in addition to his desire to be part of the action again and recapture his lost youth when it was him and James in the Order together) while Snape's death came only after he had to reconcile with the fact his original raison d'être for becoming a spy (to protect Harry for Lily as penance) ran counter to what was needed to defeat Voldemort for good and he still chose to stay the course instead of pursue his own agenda and act on his own self-interests.

In short, Sirius's death was partly due to the fact he couldn't move beyond the past. While Snape's death came as a result of the fact he had grown enough as a character to set aside his past motivations and see things through because he had become someone who conjured stretchers even for hated enemies and risked his life to save all those who he could save (including Sirius and Remus).

Thanks for the ask and I'm so sorry it took so long to respond but it gave me even more to think about. The masculine vs. feminine coding just adds an extra element to Snape and Sirius's dynamic when it was already interesting to me and I've always had a lot of thoughts about how those two were written with so many parallels and points of contrast. Love this ask!

[rosesradio]

Putting this one on anon to avoid the Backlash™ but genuinely thank you for being one of the few profiction people in the Riordanverse fandom who actually makes a point about how oversaturated the solangelo and percabeth is. I love percabeth, don't get me wrong, and some of the solangelo art has some true heart and emotion put into it, but acting like these ships are somehow "pure" and "unproblematic" is ludicrous. Will regularly cotton-wools Nico and underestimates Nico's ability to know his own limits. Annabeth can be downright possessive of Percy to the point it makes her aggressive towards others. Just because a ship doesn't involve *checks notes* a miniscule age gap between *checks further notes* characters, that are still BOTH minors at time of writing, and are *taps sign* capable of having a relationship that's entirely *taps sign louder* platonic and NONSEXUAL, doesn't mean it's absolved of any "problematic" elements. But I guess Will shows up and suddenly all the people who were formerly frothing at the mouth over percico or lukabeth have to shove their pre-2010s ship art under the rug and abandon ship lest they be seen as "pEdOpHiLeS". Like... I'm no lukabeth shipper either, I'm pretty much neutral on it, but it's like... who the fuck cares? Everyone in this series is fictional. No real people are being hurt. Sure, don't normalize anything that could be abusive, but abuse isn't intrinsically tied to an age gap of, need I remind people, less than five years. Half these people would probably lose their minds if they actually read the original Greek myths in which there's age gaps, incests and bestiality left right and center. Zeus turns people, including himself, into animals and coerces people all the time. So does Poseidon. Apollo chases after a nonconsenting Daphne. The original myths are full of rape and misogyny, people and animals being tortured, and many other things that by today's standards would be immoral. And yet people still love these myths enough to write various beloved media adaptions about them including musicals, books, videogames, tv shows about the children of these messed up and chaotic entities. Either way, OP, unless you're actively endorsing and condoning real world, non-fictional abuse of animals, children or otherwise nonconsenting parties, then WHO. THE. FUCK. CARES. keep writing whatever you want. or don't. i'm not a cop.

😳

i mean…yeah, that sounds about right. it’s honestly a wonder to me how many people in the fandom are so extremely pro-censorship & sensitive to any dark themes in media when pjo itself is rooted in (admittedly glossed over for the middle grade audience) Greek myths that are…messy on a good day, lol.

also the toxic side of percabeth & solangelo intrigues me, but not enough to really explore it. plus like you said, the Backlash™ would be insane. but you make a lot of really good thought out points.

also, of course i would never condone the things i explore in fiction to happen irl—oftentimes some of the things are explorations of my own traumas that i wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy (not to say you need to be traumatized to write darkfic or ship xyz, but that’s another post i’ve made before).

i honestly really wish people would come forward as being profiction in fandom more often, because to be honest, i think we’re the majority. but at the same time i know from experience that the Backlash™ can be pretty nasty, so i understand wanting to stay anon.

[sendmyresignation]

Favorite Albums of 2023 ^_^

To celebrate the coming of a new year, I wanted to spend this first week looking back a bit at the things I enjoyed both old and new. So I put together a little list of albums I spent a lot of time with this year, for a bit of personal posterity, a little of getting into the groove with music writing on a very conversational but nonetheless sincere level, and also just because I enjoy, on a base level, the exchange of music. So hopefully one person will give a new album a try, or somebody will tell me their favorite thing they listened to in 2023. That's all you can ever hope for <3

Here's the albums I loved that came out in 2023 itself:

100 gecs 10,000 gecs: If I’m honest with myself- my album of the year, both in what I spent the most time with and the tracks I’d hold up the most fondly by the end of the year. the high-octane blast of creativity in these short, sweet, never dull, and always inventive bursts made listening a very joyful experience. Hollywood Baby and Dumbest Girl Alive bangers of the year though one million dollars just oooozes and chirps sounds in the most satisfying way.

 Paramore This is Why: very much preaching to the choir with this one. undeniable groove through everything– the whole thing brims with contained energy- like trapping a storm cloud in a bottle and displaying it like it's no big deal and then, every once in a while, electricity arcs through the room. The only issue is it ends on a bit of a weak note, with back-to-back ballads I don’t revisit often. but it's a minor quibble, they’re both distinct enough to stand on their own and neither is insufferably long. forgivable transgression.

Kesha Gag Order: This is self-explanatory, to me. Kesha was the first artist I ever truly fell in love with and everything she makes is like watching a flower bloom over and over again as I grow and change and wither and regrow right alongside. But on top of that, the record itself is so. powerful. Not in the cheap, congratulatory “you’re so brave way” but in the energy it radiates, in the way it stands its ground over and over. the way it grasps its own story by the throat and still lets you peak into all the messy pieces sliding out over the knuckles. Happy is one of those truly great album closers, but the whole album is so solid. 

Vastum Inward to Gethsemane: Absolutely crushing in just about every way, This is like, the platonic ideal of death metal for me. Dense and malevolent as fuck, but there’s still room for these nasty riffs buried deep in all the disgusting muck. That opening guitar on Priapic Chasm is the sickest 8 seconds of the year. 

The Gauntlet Dark Steel and Fire: At first glance, this seems like a textbook Bathory clone. And even if it was just that it’d still be amazing, I love that sound. But there’s space! and dynamic growth! And a growling echoing personality that every other standard in this space just never attempts. Even the hints of black ‘n’ roll and thrash are expanding a series of very narrow spaces– there are these mid-tempo stadium rippers scattered throughout the album that give the whole project gravitas which loops around and gives the faster stuff more swagger and aggression. really cool record.

McKinley Dixon Beloved! Paradise! Jazz?: I checked this out because McKinley Dixon has a great featured verse on Soul Glo’s Spiritual Level of Gang Shit. To make matters worse (or better, in terms of Shit I Am Interested In), the record’s named after Toni Morrison novels. To make it even crazier Hanif Abdurraqib opens the record (he reads this really beautiful passage of Jazz that's sampled later). An album so supremely up my alley I was almost scared the pieces wouldn’t fall together– they did! It's incredible! it's short but each second is purposeful and lush in a way that speaks to measure and care. the jazz isn’t just beautiful, it's a full embracing of the album’s central conceits (not just the Morrison, but the typography of cities, the people in them and the lives they live) and Dixon just oozes poetic ingenuity. Repetition is one of the best devices in his toolkit and nowhere is that more apparent than Tyler Forever which. man.... really really good project.  

Tresspasser Αποκάλυψισ: catchy-as-fuck. not what you’d expect from an album which is very explicitly about debt strikes and anarchy. usually RABM (red and anarchist black metal) leaves me a little cold, a lot of bands in this loose conglomerate aren’t musically inventive. rabm isn't just a stand-in for anti-fascist bands, the projects associated with the label are usually politically lyrically explicit (sometimes in ways that are overtly shocking or simply following a trend). which is nice! and necessary in black metal. but it doesn't automatically make it… good. trespasser have always stood out within that paradigm. clearly grounded in what actually works in black metal (the drumming across their albums is crazy kick ass in particular) and i find myself humming some of these tracks which is such a hard skill to pull off in melodic black metal without being dull or predictable.  

MEURTRIERES Ronde de Nuit: very surprisingly, a lot of this list ended up including black metal, which is uncharacteristic of me. but thankfully, MEURTRIERES is much more aligned with my tastes– epic old-school heavy metal with that galloping Maiden-esque bass and fiery, straining vocals that sit so expertly in the groove and then just push and push and push against it. simple, enjoyable, energetic.

Home Is Where the whaler: At its most basic level this is like. what emo can pull off when it wants to sound incredible. The swirling layers, the inclusion of shit like horns, the abrasive but catchy screams, crashes in and out of earshot, the rhythms!!! this is a very 2023 album, thematically and that's important and immediately apparent, but it's going to last much longer just with how the sound works and works and works until you find yourself continuously coming back, listening to it out of the blue.

Thantifaxath Hive Mind Narcosis: quote-unquote dissonant metal is so hit or miss for me. dissonance is oft a cover for boring, or unoriginal material that hangs its lapels on being disorienting or impenetrable. but when the tone is just right it swallows you up. Thantifaxath got the tone right; I was listening to this a lot while reading or writing during the latter half of the year because it just becomes a part of your world in such a wonderful, subsuming way. I really love these vocals too, they’re vaguely inhuman in a way that pairs so exactly with the balance of spacey and gross earthy magic, outside the world and grounded in flesh simultaneously. 

Crotaline The Hemipenes Demo: This is my friends’ band. They are cool and talented and I love first-wave black metal. They are also people whose projects I listen to in a fundamentally different way; when they pull something off it's a little bit life-changing because you know that person, you’ve seen them do human things! And then they are capable of great art. It's weird and disorienting and one of the best parts of being alive. But I do also think their demo is good without quantifiers, it's exactly what they wanted, it's got riffs that sound gnarly on tape, and it's dedicated to salamanders. like what else could you need in life?

Dawn’s Reflection Demo MMXXIII: This short little demo is a perfect burst of raw-ass lo-fi black metal. Which I usually cannot stand. but for some reason is just incredible here. I think it's the way the riffs and vocals interact– there’s these really solid, almost crust-punky guitar lines that shine perfectly in this kind of (basically non-existent) production. And then the vocals just completely rip over them in the loudest most batshit way possible, but there are always pauses that allow the instrumental to recalibrate. The synths are just a fun touch that drone in the back until they’re pulled to the fore which makes for these great, dense peaks instead of overwhelming the balance. It works! I am always hooked! 

And here are some new-to-me albums I listened to for the first time in 2023:

Nuclear Death …For Our Dead: Nuclear Death is already a favorite of mine (I feel like I never stop talking about them) but I finally got around to their demos/EPs this year. this one takes the cake, easily. Topping out at under 10 minutes, this record achieves a kind of demented brutality other death metal bands would kill for in a fourth of the time. It's a miasmic stormcloud of a project that proves (as everything they recorded did) that nobody can out-sick Lori Bravo.

Moral Decay To Build an End: This is a couple of kids in the 1990s writing a thrash record. Not notable in and of itself. However, it becomes clear immediately that these technically proficient metalheads are obsessed with emo. Like oldschool dc emocore. And it is thrown into their mix of sonic influences plainly and obviously. It is one of a kind. It shouldn’t work. It probably doesn’t, unless, of course, you are me and obsessed with it. The vocals on this are punky as hell and they work surprisingly well over these speedy, late-stage neoclassical thrash riffs. It's wild. I love it; the gem of the year!

Little Teeth Child Bearing Man: you will either love this or find it insufferable. Mathy emo-y touches, but this is freaky folk through and through. Flits in and out these crazy choral vocal moments and harmonies that fall in and out of comfort-level– lots of borderline screaming (or just gives up the ghost and becomes screaming). Everything devolves but the sense of melody is always lurking out of frame and comes back around to quiet and confessional. Manages artful and cathartic with a lack of grace and a hell of a conviction.

Helen Love Love and Glitter, Hot Days and Musik: the best punk understands punk is pop music. This is why I love this record. Helen Love loooovvess The Ramones, she does. And since she loves them so much she wrote dance music in their honor and got Joey Ramone to feature on the record. Incredible. 

The BellRays Black Lightning: Soul-filled garage punky rock that’s just masterfully loud, catchy, and full of unlimited swagger. Lisa Kekaula’s vocals are clearly grounded in a long, long line of rockers and soul-stirrers but what stands out is her maturity and control which allows for the slow-burners to feel huge and impressive– she’s the center, the burning star of the whole enterprise. 

Chinchilla 101 Italian Hits: this album is weird and, obviously, I love weird. Situated in the already weird San Diego post-hardcore scene, Chinchilla still stand out with their epic song lengths, murky 90s alt-rock depths, and the way Sioban Dixon’s vocals shift endlessly between a distorted fry, throaty shouts, and sweet elongated falsetto. So fun to get lost in these songs. 

Heaven’s Gate Livin’ in Hysteria: German power metal is always good. Heaven’s Gate is so obviously following in Helloween’s footsteps but Helloween is one of the greatest metal bands on planet earth and they execute that Keepers era sound so well they make a little magic themselves. Add onto that an album cover with a dragon smoking a pipe… it's over, it was love at first sight. 

A Few Honorable Mentions (if you've made it this far):

-Corinne Bailey Ray Black Rainbows (mostly here because I got to it wayy late in the year and haven’t sat with it long enough. but this was incredible all the way through)

-Smoulder Violent Creed of Vengence (was initially disappointed by this one and then I finally got a tape player for Christmas and it just… clicked in the new format)

-Be Your Own Pet Mommy (i love, love, loved be your own pet as a teen and seeing them return to music after so long with the same blast of energy is so cool. I just think the album overstays its welcome; the EP they released with just a handful of tracks just puts it into sharper relief too)

-Melissa II (incredible it was just such a good year for black metal it didn’t quite squeeze up there for me)

and that's it for me; Happy New Year may we all find new music to fall in love with in 2024 <3

[systemnamenotfound404]

could you do a level 2 headmate (with transids and a moodboard) of baghera from qsmp? both the character and the creator! ty!!

a very source inaccurate- duo which i apolgise for i wasnt familir with him- and didnt have the energy to research much im really sorry i didnt wanna deny the ask either so this is half of an attmept -unknown publisher (note: this has been sliglty altered to correct and add some options feel free to dmp or ask if smt else is still wrongly as we are not familiar with her))

Name(s): Baghera Jones

Nickname(s)/Title(s): Baga, The Frenchman

Pronoun(s): sHe/Her/they/them/it/is/xe/xem

Age: Late 20s/Early 30s

Gender: female, neogender, non-binay,

Sexuality: Heterosexual, gay, bi-curious

Species: Human

Role: host, caretaker, soother, Buffer

Source: QSMP Wiki 

Emoji sign offs: 🇫🇷 - France flag emoji 🎭 - Performing arts emoji 📺 - Television emoji

Likes/dislikes:

Likes:

French cuisine

Fine wine

Classical music

Theatrical performances

Improvisation

Dislikes:

Loud noises

Crowded spaces

Being rushed

Poor table manners

Personality: Baghera Jones is a charismatic French streamer known for his theatrical flair and witty banter. He brings a touch of European sophistication to the QSMP community, often incorporating French phrases and cultural references into his streams. His personality is characterized by:

Charisma and showmanship

Quick wit and clever wordplay

Dramatic flair in his commentary

Love of improvisation and spontaneity

Passionate about his interests and hobbies

Can be introverted and private despite his outgoing persona

As a content creator, Baghera enjoys experimenting with different formats and styles to engage his audience. He's particularly fond of dramatic readings, accents, and over-the-top reactions during gameplay. While he's primarily known for his solo streams, he occasionally collaborates with other players, bringing his unique energy to group projects.

Baghera's relationship with his headmate, MissaSinfonia, is described as an "egg co-parent" and platonic partner relationship . This dynamic adds another layer to his personality, showcasing his ability to form deep connections while maintaining boundaries.

, Baghera Jones is a multifaceted who brings a unique blend of French culture, theatrical flair, and gaming expertise to the system y. His personality is shaped by his background, relationships, and content creation style, making him a beloved figure among headmates

faceclaim:

Name(s): C!Baghera Jones

Nickname(s)/Title(s):

Maman Baghera

Mom

Baghs/Bag

Tata Baghera

Pronoun(s): She/her

Age: Late teens/early twenties/premakid

Gender: Female

Sexuality: Not explicitly stated in sources

Species: Duck hybrid (99% duck, 1% goldfish), human

Role: host, caretaker, soother, little

Source: QSMP

Emoji sign offs: 🦆💛🔍

Likes/dislikes:

Likes:

Investigation and theory crafting

Building and creation

Spending time with Pomme

Playing pranks and having fun

Her Extendo-Grip (calls it her 'Fuck Machine')

Dislikes:

The Federation

Being separated from Pomme

Losing loved ones

Betrayal by friends

Personality: Baghera is easily distracted but very energetic. She's sensitive, compassionate, friendly, and loves to chat with people. She has a mischievous side, often stealing small items and playing pranks. Baghera prefers focusing on investigation, construction, and creation rather than combat. She's highly intelligent and observant, often having theories that prove true. She's close to BadBoyHalo and gets along well with other French members. Baghera deeply worries about Pomme and tries not to let her fears make Pomme overly cautious. She has a complex personality that changes over time - becoming more aggressive during Purgatory events but retaining some of her old self afterwards. She's co-dependent on Philza but also very sensitive to rejection from him. Overall, Baghera is a charming, intelligent duck hybrid with a mix of childlike energy and mature concerns.

facecalim:

[someobscurereference]

For one: whenever the concept of the Nohrians meeting the young trio comes up, my first thoughts are 1) Inigo being cripplingly shy and terrified of Xander 2) Severa being Extremely Unreasonable and Aggressive especially toward Camilla and 3) Owain gravitating toward Elise because she's reminiscent of his mother, because he's a mama's boy who probably lost his mom very recently and that's pretty fucked up!!

That being said, I'm screaming at the idea of Owain gravitating toward Elise because mother, Xander because cool sword, and Camilla because cool armor, and Not Trusting Leo because he's a Dark Mage and Dark Mage Means Plegia Means Grima Means Evil (almost always) and Leo being so upset about it. It turns the tables entirely, where Odin was originally the one who thought both Leo and Niles were so cool and they thought he was a weirdo idiot until he proved himself, now he thinks they're creepy and Evil and have to work for his trust. And I will always love the Nohrians realizing the trio were Fucked Up Kids and the idea of them watching the three of them take down a faceless with Brutal efficiency because of how much more dangerous Risen were...I'm so into this. AND!! The trio fucking hating each other!! They're so used to them being Best Friends and Inseparable and understanding each other on a whole different wavelength. And now? Sev and Inigo aren't very kind toward Owain's dramatics, Sev and Owain are Bothered by Inigo's flirtations, and Severa is just so harsh with both of them (and most people). Of all the people they could be stuck with, they would Not choose each other. I'm rambling but I'm so into it I'm so so into it. One of the previous asks you linked spoke a lot about Inigo, but if you could talk a bit more about Severa and Owain? Especially if their adult selves were involved with their lieges and partner retainers and how different the dynamic is now and the way they each react when realizing the trio went through something so clearly screwed up and beyond even what they've seen

(prev ask) Ayyy, glad you got a kick out of all of that, lol. And yes!! Leo Trio origins reversed!! With Niles and Leo being the ones who have to prove themselves to Owain instead of the other way around. And the Trio not getting along!! They're 100% there to save each other when they think they're in mortal danger, but as soon as they realize they're not in Plegia? Don't touch me, don't breath on me, don't look in my direction, any of you. Owain & Inigo can't be alone in a room together or else they'll scuffle, Severa stomps away whenever Inigo tries to compliment her, nobody wants to talk to Owain, etc.

Also sure! I spoke a lot about Inigo in that last ask because I wanted to be clear about what I meant with the shyness thing, but for Severa & Owain...

I don't know if they would have been in romance with their lieges before this! I obviously ship the royals & their retainers, but I don't ever see the appeal of that dynamic in deaging fics? I get the idea of like "oh, this is a new side of my partner I've never seen before," but the deaging part is such a huge part of the plot that I don't really see the benefit to that dynamic in these types of fics.

But just in general! The friendship/platonic shift!

I mentioned before about Camilla trying to dote on little Severa but struggling because Severa rejects her So Hard, lol. In general she'd want to dote on Severa because of her personality and how Severa is a tiny version of her beloved retainer, but the more it becomes clear that Severa has issues (especially re: family, which is a major reason Camilla feels the need to dote on Corrin), the more she wants to spend time with her and make some happy memories with her. Which makes Severa's rejection of this attention even stronger bc who the hell are you to presume you know her? And also you're not her big sister/mom/whoever.

Eventually, I almost feel like Camilla would?? I don't want to say "give up," but eventually you're going to get more flies with honey than vinegar. By which I mean the less Camilla tries to push the relationship, the more open Severa might be to spending time with her. But I'm not sure Camilla would get to this point within the timeframe of the Trio being deaged! I think this would take many days or perhaps even weeks to figure out. If the Trio return to normal before this, I think Camilla might feel different (Hard to say how... maybe guilty??) about the way her Selena dotes on her and wants her attention all the time vs little Severa rejecting her. But!! If the Trio stay deaged for a while and Camilla learns to stop pushing the relationship, Severa may slowly grow to approach Camilla on her own and may then be open to being doted upon once they understand each other more (bc she canonically wants all the foods and fun stuff Camilla is offering; she just wants it from someone she trusts. And primarily from her parents ((see: awakening supports w/ parents)), but they're not here).

tl;dr Camilla would have to go against her doting instincts if she wanted Severa to get comfortable with her. Otherwise Severa would avoid her/take advantage of the things Camilla is offering while not wanting to be near her very much.

Re: Beruka!

Unlike Camilla, who has a lot of sad and sympathetic feelings for Severa, Beruka really leaves feelings out of it. Which is probably to her benefit in this scenario, as she's approaching Severa's trauma's from a logical (perhaps even detachedly relatable) standpoint rather than sympathetic. She's more direct than Camilla, so Severa might be a little more comfortable with her, just because she knows what to expect.

Severa, for her part, may even seek Beruka out once she knows they're partners because (1) she wants to know what sort of person her future partner is and (2) she wants to prove that she's the better retainer than Beruka. Which of course she can't do because (a) Beruka would never compare them like that, nor Camilla and (b) Severa is younger, more hotheaded, and less skilled than her older self, so anything she tries to prove now, she'll probably fail at and will blame on her older self having more experience. This competetive spirit may start as an inferiority complex thing, but with Beruka never really fanning the flames, Severa may eventually calm down about it and just feel more driven to get better on her own/respect Beruka as her partner (sort of like her Cynthia Supports in Awakening, though a little different).

Leo & Owain, I already talked about. Owain will immediately take note of the fact that Leo & Niles are his future lord & partner, which he is very curious about, but once Xander, Camilla, & the other very cool people with melee weapons come into the picture, he's very drawn to them, which makes Leo jealous, lol. Leo dedicates himself to "solving" the deaging issue, using this as an excuse so he doesn't have to spend time around Owain and get compared to his "cooler" siblings. HOWEVER, joke's on him bc the fact he's avoiding Owain means Owain doesn't get the chance to quiz him even more and tell him about how cool Brynhilder is. When this finally happens, Leo feels incredibly foolish for trying to show off for Owain & avoid him in turns. Owain, meanwhile, may or may not have ever picked upon on the fact Leo was feeling weird about him at all (although he will admit he felt nervous around Leo at first bc Pelgian Mage Memories and had to take time to get over that).

Niles is a little hard to consider because I actually think?? He'd be good with young/immature folk when he's genuinely trying to be? (See: Niles's interactions with Elise & Nina). However, he can also be quite cruel to people who don't really deserve it (See: Mozu C & B supports) despite having a motto of only insulting "people who deserve it," (Peri Support). So!! I think Niles's interactions with Owain ultimately come down to how well he respects Odin/how good their relationship was. If they were besties when Odin gets deaged, then I don't think Niles will purposely try to make Owain feel bad, though a lot of what he says with metaphors & double meanings will probably go over Owain's head anyway. I also don't know if he'd purposely go digging for information or not?? Depending on how much he feels asking would be a betrayal to Odin's trust vs his own curiosity and all the hints Owain doesn't realize not to drop?? I think Owain would really determine what Niles does or doesn't learn about him. They have the potential to have a really good talk where Owain talks about his parents' deaths and the struggles he & the kids are going through and Niels talking about his own life on the streets. (BTW, despite Owain literally going through a war & both parent death, I think he might think Niles has the worse situation bc he's never known parental love at all, which baffles Niles).

Similar to Leo, I think Owain would be really cautious around Niles at first, both because he's an intimidating sort and because he takes cues from how everyone acts around Niles too. But!! Also just like Leo, if his future self trusted them, obviously that means something, right? So he'd approach Niles a bit more after a few days of settling in.

Niles & Owain's interactions are really hard to imagine because they depend on so many factors that I haven't decided upon! But hopefully the other ones make sense, lol

Thanks for asking!

[scrawnytreedemon]

going off that last ask: loz/yazoo character opinion? i wanna read your thoughts!

Ohooooo, I was waiting for something like this!!! Thank you, Vee :) I’ll do my best to explain <333

Starting off with Yazoo:

First impression: Calm, level-headed, perhaps a bit shy. What surprised me the first time watching was how deep his voice was. He’s got this grace about him that leaves you simply... staring. I interpreted the introductory scene where Loz nearly cries and Yaz tells him not to as comforting-- Which I think is what a good chunk of Rem fans see it as? Overall, pretty, but not much else.

Impression now: I think he’s fucking ruthless under that dainty face, if you ask me. Honestly, it’d be right in line with Sephiroth. I think out of the both of his brothers, he gets along better with Kadaj, but if he wasn’t around, I doubt Yazoo would have nearly enough investment in their quest. He comes across as apathetic and uncompassionate, perhaps even a little haughty. I feel like his relationship with Loz is tolerable at best, and downright acidic at worst. With Loz being the way he is, I wouldn’t be surprised if Yazoo and Kadaj had to keep an eye on him at all times, just in case. I feel, though, at the end of the day Yazoo does care about his brothers, and would risk his life for them. It’s in his bones, and he can’t help it, whether he likes it or not. Still very pretty though, lmao.

Favourite moment: Been forever sinced I watched Advent Children, and, unfortunately, Yazoo my beloved doesn’t get many scenes. I’ll have to go with the introductory scene, as it gives us an idea of who they are and what their dynamic is like right off the bat.

Idea for a story: I feel like any story with Yazoo inevitably ends up involving Loz, so I’ll make a joint bullet-point for them at the end of the post <3

Unpopular opinion: Mmm, probably the more apathetic, if not downright spiteful characterisation. If my friend @vesaniens​’s experience is to be believed, then at least Back In Her Day it was far more common for Yazoo and Loz to be buddy-buddy while Kadaj goes off and does his own thing. I can see the appeal in that dynamic, and understand where it comes from. There’s alot of ways you can interpret ‘don’t cry, Loz,‘ and as it is the introductory scene, however you do sets down the foundation for all that follows.

Favourite relationship: The Remnants aren’t characters I can find preferable ships for in-canon, so romantic is off the table here. I will say, though, a dynamic where Genesis and Yazoo are mentor and mentee would be downright tooth-rotting. Genesis preening him, taking him out to nice places, showing him fine literature-- I love it! I don’t see much talk about how the Remnants would relate to Gen and Geal, and I think that’s a damn shame. Plus, Yazoo can then quietly rub it in either of his brothers’ faces whenever he gets annoyed with them. To pick another, though, definitely him and Loz-- Especially if it is strained. It’s very clear they’re meant to contrast each other. Yazoo is lithe, subtle and venemous; Loz is big, loud and sensitive. I personally have a huge soft spot for fics where they recouncile their differences and learn to truly love each other.

Favourite headcanon: Honestly, I feel like I need to make a general headcanon post for the Rems as a whole. They’re all inherently tied, so a change to one of them usually affects the other two. To touch up on one from a theory I read about a year ago now(God, has it been that long?), I like the idea that the Remnants got a little bit of Genesis and Angeal mixed in. They’re like 90% Seph, give or take, but the other 10%~? Now that’s where the fun begins baby!!! In this case, the donor would be Genesis, and Yazoo would’ve gotten the more passive-aggressive, snarky, preening aspects of his character. The resentment and feelings of  inferiority towards Sephiroth end up getting mixed into Kadaj, however I don’t want to elaborate on this too long lest I go off-topic. On a more crack-heavy note, I feel like if you waved a laser-pointer in front of him, he’d be transfixed. He’s too dignified to actually leap at it... But he likes watching :)

Now, as for Loz:

First impression: Big phuckign himbo, idiotte of a man. Probably can’t even buckle his own boots. Playtime??? Bitch NO, it’s not playtime! WHY ARE YOU CRYING??? But yeah, my initial view fell alot more in line with what I think is the most common interpretation of him. His excecution leans heavily to Big Dumb Idiot Man Who Cries When He Sees A Duckling.

Impression now: Baby. Poor fucking baby. Honestly, that could be said for all the Remnants, but I don’t think Loz’s struggle is discussed nearly enough. I’ve talked about this before, but, for me, it’s painfully clear that Loz is essentially a child in a grown man’s body. Writer Kazushige Nojima has Loz’s lines about playing during his fight with Tifa were based off his own son, and has described him as “missing a little something upstairs” --And looking at him through that lens, things become alot more disturbing. He’s Sephiroth’s love for Jenova; a doting, yearning, infantilising love. There’s an innocence to Loz, something sweet, something light and airy-- And to have him fight, have him torture, have him kill... just, man. This jarring dichotomy between such hulking, brutal strength, this bringer of destruction, and this kid who wants his mother. Is he aware? Does he truly understand the weight of his actions? Can he? Most of this, admittedly, is a bit of a stretch, but I love this doof alot jhdhjfdjhs can you blame me?

Favourite moment: Oh, definitely the crying scene-- You must be real tired of hearing that again. Though, in Loz’s case, it sets up his sensitivity, and his dynamic with his brothers-- Yazoo in particular.

Idea for a story: Same answer as Yaz.

Unpopular opinion: I think my more infantile view of Loz as a whole is semi-unpopular? Fandom seems pretty split on whether he’s just a himbo or actual babyman. Again, hard to tell, what with most Rem content and discussion being several years old and tricky to find. I’d be curious to have a discussion on this! But yeah, if we’re talking about the wider fanbase, I think my intense appreciation of him is definitely unusual. Alot of OG fans see the Rems as tropey villains, and while I will argue that it makes sense considering they’re fragments of a bigger, badder, more complex villain, I don’t think Loz is nearly as shallow as most would have you believe.

Favourite relationship: As discussed with Yazoo, there aren’t any canon characters I consistently ship the Remnants with -- Especially not for Loz, in particular when viewing him through that youthful lens -- Though as with everything, I am flexible :) On the platonic side... Honestly, I think Loz would just be a big softie who hangs around everyone. If Angeal was baking, Loz would definitely chip in to help, though he might cause more trouble than if he stayed aside. I think he’d try and reach out to Sephiroth, only for his affections to be rejected because the latter is Bad With Emotions and is torn between on whether the Remnants are a nuisance he hands off to his old friends or his children who he wants to scoop up and carry off into the vast cosmos.

Favourite headcanon: Loz eats alot of shit he isn’t meant to. Like, shit that would kill twenty grown men. At least once he has mistaken stinging nettle for mint, and spent the next two or three days scraping his tongue constantly. Would chase a ball if thrown, no questions asked; try playing frisbee with this dude, and you’ll end up on the other side of town by the end of it. If you try and pick him up, he just slumps, like a big, brawny ragdoll cat-- Probably purrs like one, too. Definitely appreciates a good scratch behind the ear :)

There’s like... probably mountains more, but this is what I’ve been able to coax out after a day of writing this on and off. Again, thank you so much for asking!! I’ve been meaning to ramble about the Remnants for ages now, but didn’t know how to go about it.

Aight, as promised:

Story idea: This is one I’ve had on my mind for years now. I haven’t gotten around to it, as it’d require greater familiarity with FFVII’s world as a whole, but the premise is that Yazoo and Loz escape far out into the countryside, and end up in a village. Yazoo soon falls ill, and Loz has to provide a living working for a local farmer. Their dynamic is initially strained, and without Kadaj to hold them together, they nearly end up splitting before arrival. As time passes, and as they grow closer to the community, Yazoo’s grumbles fade into concerned murmers. Slowly, he begins to trust Loz more, and Loz learns to take more responsibility. But as their friendship blossoms, Yazoo’s body withers. Bedbound, he wonders how Loz would fare without him, if he could make it. I imagine this ends up leading to Loz deliberately blowing their cover to get needed medical help from WRO, turning themselves in during the process.

Again, there’s probably more to it, but to be honest even I don’t know. That’s the great thing about creativity :) You never know where you end up!

Thank you for asking, and feel free to ask more if you’re curious! This goes for elaboration on characters already asked, certain headcanons, and even pairings! Also, feel free to add on with your own thoughts! Whether they be additions, refutations, or so on. Fandom discussion(provided it’s civil qwq) can be so much fun!

<333

[trashyswitch]

Pocket’s New Year Reactions: 2020 Edition!

2020...boy oh boy…

I made this channel on January of 2020. And thank god I did! My blogs and participation in the tickle community, were the only thing keeping me going throughout this year! It was a really hard year but with COVID, I got to meet tons of new people, make so many friends and return to writing fanfics! 

I’ve made fanfics for a very long time. 5 years, actually! But I have never felt so invested in my writing than I have this year. In 1 single year, I managed to make a total of 122 fanfictions! This year! And it all ended with my first SCP Foundation-only fanfiction: 049 and the ‘unkillable creature’. 

Yup: I have really fallen down the rabbit hole this time…

But to celebrate: I wanted to recap the different fandoms I wrote for this year, the amount of fanfictions I wrote for them, the highest amount of notes I got on a fanfiction and lastly: 

...Well, I’ll keep that a surprise. 

So: Let’s recap all that happened on Pocket’s New Year Reactions: 2020 Edition! 

Let’s a-go!

I’m gonna start off with the fandoms I wrote the least fanfictions for: The Tiny Bundles!

For the very first tiny bundle: I wrote 1 single fanfic for Luigi’s Mansion (3, to be specific). 

This was a fanfic about Polterpup and Luigi bonding, as well as Mario showing up near the end. I ended up closing this fandom because as much as I liked this fanfic, I wasn’t really as interested in writing more for it. 

For the second tiny bundle: The Animal Crossing Series with 1 fanfic! This fanfic was mostly about Jacksepticeye and Gabsmolders’ Animal Crossing avatars hanging out during the Coronavirus epidemic. I really liked writing for Animal Crossing, and I wanna write more for it. But, I have to come up with more ideas. 

For bundle #3: 1 single Markiplier TV fanfic! This fanfic was about Wilford Warfstache, Darkiplier and Yandereplier being a family. This specific fanfic was also based on an AU made by a couple of cosplayers: One of which is no longer on TikTok, sadly. I may write more fanfics in this fandom in the future, but no guarantees…

For #4: I wrote an original work upon request from a friend. This fanfic was about a cute couple who were just being playful and bonding. I sense that I may be writing more original works in the future, but again: we’ll just have to see. 

For #5: I have 4 Youtuber Fanfics that involve different fandoms. One of them was written about platonic Septiplier, the second two were on Jelix, and the fourth fanfic (and most recent) was on Unus Annus! UNUS ANNUS! I will definitely be considering writing more Unus Annus. As for any other youtubers: Maybe. 

For #6: I have 3 (technically 6) fanfictions written under the SCP Foundation! Though 5 of these fanfics were technically fandom collaborations with Sanders Sides, I did make 1 single SCP Foundation-only fanfic. I do plan on continuing to write more SCP Foundation fanfics. I just don’t know if they’ll stand alone, or if they’ll be collaborations again. We’ll see. 

And now onto the 3 top fandoms I wrote for this year: 

In at #3: is Five Nights at Freddy’s with 25 fanfictions: I swear: 90% of these are based on the Afton Family in some way or another. I have a problem...I will most likely be writing for FNAF in the future. I still love the fandom, and I still love the lore behind it! Sooo: Upcoming FNAF fanfics!

In at #2: is the Jacksepticeye Power Hour Fandom with 31 fanfictions! I love these guys so much! It’s too bad they were kinda thrown by the wayside by a lot of the viewers...But, I’ll still be working on a couple more fanfics. Specifically The Unexpected Roommate! I LOVE THAT SERIES! I look forward to writing more of it all the time! 

And #1...for the most fanfictions written: Is Sanders sides with 59 freaking fanfics! If there's a need for proof that I’m obsessed, then THIS is the proof. But, that’s okay! I love writing fanfics on this series! I will 100% continue to write fanfictions on this series. I love this series to bits, and it’s my most popular series on Tumblr as well! 

And now it’s fine for: Highest Notes! 

This was the part where you could really tell what fanfictions were loved by fans, and what fanfictions were thrown aside. This is all gonna be taken off Tumblr, since almost all of the fans are on it.  

First one that I will proudly show: My Unus Annus fanfic with 43 notes! This fanfic was a HIT the moment it came out! I swear! ‘Ethan and Mark Experience Torture Methods (Feat. Jacksepticeye)’ was a HUGE HIT! But I think the reason everyone loved it so much, was because everyone misses Unus Annus and its relativity on YouTube. I miss it too. Memento Mori, Unus Annus. 

Now I will show my top Fnaf Fanfic! Now these were very close...So: 

At #3 is ‘The Grumpy Ol’ Bunny’ at 28 notes. 

At #2 is a tie between ‘The Suspiciously Strange Night’ and ‘Robot Anatomy Vs. Human Anatomy’ at 36 notes. 

And the #1 spot goes to: ‘Jeremy and the Mysterious Robots’ at 37 notes! You’ll see what I do with this fanfic sooner than later…

And now we move on to the top Sanders Sides fanfic! This one had a huge variety of numbers! And boy, it was hard! But worth it! 

At #3, we have ‘Snakes Need Tickles Too!’ at 91 notes! 

At #2 is ‘The Upside of Hoodies’ (The very first one!) at 153 notes! WOW! 

And last but not least, at our #1 spot...we have: ‘Voodoo Duke-craft’ at 196 notes! How in the world- I don’t really know why it got so many notes. But: you’ll see what we do with this one as well, veeeery soon!

And now the surprise you’ve all been waiting to hear about: I’m gonna re-read and react to the two #1 spots! 

‘Jeremy and the Mysterious Robots’. I’ve actually re-read this one a couple times throughout the months. I liked re-reading about anxious Jeremy! I definitely wanna write more of Jeremy. He’s an underrated character. 

Here we go! 

[Jeremy has heard all the rumors.] 

Well, I assume he probably did some reading about it before starting there. You should know a bit about a place before you start working there...you don’t wanna end up in a dumpster fire. 

[He’s heard the urban legends about the child killer in the animatronic suit, and the children’s deaths. He’s heard about the children’s corpses being shoved into the animatronic suits. He’s heard about the ghosts of the children that haunted each and every diner. He’s heard rumors about the animatronics being alive because of these children. He’s heard multiple ideas of-]

Okay, okay, we get it! He heard rumors about the lore behind Five Nights at Freddy’s. He’s heard about the murders and supernatural stuff. Skip!

 [Are any of these urban legends true?

 If so: why did Jeremy sign up for a job at the one place that gives people the creeps?!]

 Gee...I dunno! Why WOULD you choose to take a security guard job in a place that’s still haunted? Besides: instead of hiring a security guard, why not hire an exorcist? Seems cheaper and you’d actually get a problem fixed! (Or not...we’ve all seen Annabelle…) 

 [It was the second night of working at this nightmarish party place. All Jeremy wanted was the paycheck at the end of the week. He did NOT sign up for this stupidity…]

 Teeeechnically he DID sign up for this stupidity. He didn’t have to take this job. He could’ve waited for more job offers to come up! Even if the Phone Guy had romanticized the risky job, he did warn him that ‘the animatronics get a little quirky at night’...Jeremy could’ve just abandoned ship right then and there and quit! 

 [Should he have reconsidered taking the job? Maybe.] 

 Um, HUGE YES!

 [Is he regretting taking the job? Somewhat.] 

 Just somewhat, huh? 

 [Is Jeremy gonna survive the week? God, he hoped so.] 

 I hope so too! Spoiler alert: he does. 

 [Jeremy turned on the iPad and flipped through the cameras. It looked like the party rooms were empty. Next, he checked CAM 05 and CAM 06: empty. Thank goodness. Jeremy looked at the other cameras and found out something strange: camera 11 wasn’t working! It was just showing pure static.]

 Okay, here’s some behind the scenes: I had to look up two separate maps for the FNAF 2 location. One with the camera locations, and one of the overall building layout. From that, I had to determine everything for this fanfic. I would later refer to these images for future fanfics as well! 

 [He realized that what he was gonna do was risky. But…what other choice did he have?] 

 Um...Don’t go??? That’s a choice. 

 [Jeremy grabbed his flashlight, and walked out of the office through the small hall towards Pasillo Central.] 

 “WHEN WILL YOU LEARN?!?!?! WHEN WILL YOU LEARN?! THAT YOUR ACTIONS HAVE CONSEQUENCES?!?!” ~SammyClassicSonicFan, vine.

 [It took a little bit, but Jeremy managed to find the problem: a black wire was unplugged…] 

 I actually have no idea if this was the actual confirmed problem in the FNAF series. I just made it up as I went.

 [Jeremy’s eyes narrowed in curiousity. Now when did that happen? It was working perfectly fine yesterday. Who unplugged it?] 

 First off: Curiousity. Curio(u)sity. Do you need any more proof that I’m Canadian? XD

Second off: I actually think camera 11 never actually worked during the game. I don’t quite remember though, so don’t quote me on that. 

 [Jeremy decided to double check for any miswiring.] 

 This would prove to be a fatal mistake. 

 [Suddenly…a couple heavy footsteps could be heard behind the stool, in the gaming room. Jeremy froze in place. Oh god…Is that what he thinks it is?] 

 “It was at this moment he knew...he fucked up.” ~McCulley Quinn, Vine

 [Jeremy could feel the presence of a super tall figure behind him…Jeremy, growing extremely intimidated and anxious, slowly turned himself around to look the animatronic in the face.]

[...The first thing he noticed, was that the animatronic was brown. A chocolate-shade of brown with an orange hue on its belly and inner face.]

 I wonder...Just WHO COULD IT BE?

 Just kidding. It’s Freddy Fazbear. 

 [The eyes were open wide, staring at Jeremy with its light blue iris’s.] 

 Hmm...Hold on- 

 *aggressive typing noises* 

 Okay. Just had to double check. He does in fact, have blue iris’s. 

 [Jeremy just stared back at it, looking at the big bear as the visibly shaky flashlight shone onto it.] 

 Hehehehe...Anxious boi. Shouldn’t have chosen the haunted job, Jeremy!

 [“LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!” Freddy shouted.]

 🎶Do you hear that sound?🎶

  [Jeremy shouted-] 

 🎶That beautiful sound?🎶

  [-and threw his flashlight up in terror.] 

 🎶That is the sound, of, clean, white, shorts turning brown!🎶

 🎶TORTURE AND PAIN!🎶

 Beautiful Sound - Beetlejuice soundtrack (sorry not sorry) 

 [Jeremy jumped and quickly attempted to take a few steps back…only for his body to fall much more backwards than he wanted!] 

 “Nice job, dickface!” ~Anthony, Smosh: Pokemon In Real Life

 [“WELCOME EVERYBODY, TO FREDDY FAZBEAR’S PIZZA!” the animatronic shouted. “I’M FREDDY FAZBEAR, AND I’D LIKE TO WISH YOU, THE BIRTHDAY BOY, A VERY HAPPY BIRTHDAY!” the voice declared very loudly.]

 HAHA! That’s not creepy at all! *Michael Jackson moonwalks the fuck outta there*

 [Everything went silent for a moment or two. “…Kill you?” the same voice said.]

 WhAaAaAaAt?! A TwIsT tHaT eVeRyOnE sAw CoMiNg?! X’D

 [“He fell off the stool, and I caught him.” Freddy explained.]

 Freddy Fazbear nearly saves Jeremy from a concussion, a skull fracture or a brain bleed! 

 [“Now that I mention it, he hasn’t thanked me yet.” Freddy mentioned.]

 Dude!

 [“Oh-um…Thank you…for catching me.” Jeremy finally said.]

 Good boy. *pats the man’s head, even though he’s technically older than me* 

 [“Are you gonna kill me? Shove me into a suit? Leave my dead body to rot inside the suit?!” Jeremy asked, still overwhelmed with anxiety.] 

 This guy’s gonna need some whiskey after this incident. 

 [“It looks like Mr. Emily hired another 'daredevil’ night guard. Do you really believe those rumors?” Chica asked.] 

 In case you didn’t get the twist before: the animatronics are NOT gonna kill him. Why? Because my fluffy ass doesn’t like writing about confirmed death. (At least, not yet...I later write ‘Don’t Release the Spirits’...

��[“That’s a big child.” Chica commented.

 “He’s grown up. He’s a male, grown up child.” Freddy corrected.] 

 Another reminder of the obvious: Jeremy is an AdULT in this fanfiction! He is not a ChiiiLD! XD

 [“Flip him over.” Chica suggested.

 “Okay.” Freddy replied.]

 Insert long montage of Jeremy getting flipped over by animatronics who don’t know how to handle humans. 

 [“Let me go!” Jeremy yelled at Freddy, still pushing against Freddy’s fingers.

 “He’s wiggling a lot. Is he having a temper tantrum?” Freddy asked curiously. Chica looked at the squirming, frustrated man in Freddy’s grasp.] 

 Ha ha funny? Get it? Cause he’s an adult? And he’s being treated like a child? 

 XD I’m just being silly. I actually found this part fun to write. 

 [“I think so.” Chica replied. “Try throwing him up in the air and catching him. I’ve seen parents do it. Kids love it!” Chica suggested.

 Jeremy’s eyes widened in horror. Was he about to be thrown up like a toddler and caught by an animatronic?!] 

 Spoiler alert: Yes. 

 Insert long montage of Jeremy nearly shitting his pants while Freddy Fazbear breaks many laws against mishandling of an adult male, and extreme negligence if he were a child. May we advise that these animatronics are NEVER made in the future. 

 [By the time the sixth throw and catch had happened, Jeremy was visibly shaking in the arms of the animatronic. Jeremy’s face was visibly traumatized.] 

 HmMmMm...I wOnDeR wHy?! 

 [Without any warning, Chica fluttered the finger up and down, on Jeremy’s exposed neck. Jeremy’s body jumped and curled inwards to cover up the spot. A squeal left Jeremy’s mouth before he began flailing his hands towards the finger’s direction to stop it.]

 Voila! Tickles! They have finally arrived!

 [Jeremy’s eyes widened to the side of saucers! He began protesting as much as possible. “No, please! L-look! I’m feeling a lot better! See? I don’t need tickles!” Jeremy pleaded, putting on a fake smile to prove it.] 

 Probably any other time, this probably would’ve worked. 

 [But, Chica was persistent!]

 But of course, it doesn’t. Because y’all wanted tickles? You’re getting your tickles!

 [“Yeah! You were being a naughty little boy with a really bad attitude. I think you deserve some cheer-up tickles for that.” Freddy added, unintentionally teasing him.]

 I think those tickles were a little more intentional than ya thought…

 [“What- What are you doing?” Jeremy yelled. Freddy removed the slip-on shoe off of Jeremy’s foot, and let it fall to the floor with a loud clap. “Hey! Put my shoe back!” Jeremy yelled.] 

 But why would they do that, when they clearly wanna tickle your feet?

 [“Here: Your turn to hold him.” Freddy said, before throwing Jeremy old-granny style over to Chica.] 

 UH…

 [Jeremy was NOT ready for that. No human should ever be ready for being thrown like that! It’s impossible usually. But if it IS possible, It’s always frowned upon for being inhumane! But, why should animatronics know that?] 

 It’s kinda nice that Jeremy is making up for the fact that all the animatronics share 2 brain cells. But these animatronics could’ve SHATTERED BONES. When is that EVER considered okay?!

 [Freddy tilted his head. “You don’t like my cold fingers?” Freddy clarified.

 “IHIHIHIT’S COHOHOHOHOLD! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!” Jeremy reacted.

 “Oh. Well I’m sorry, but I can’t help that! You’re gonna have to sit tight and get used to my cold, fat fingers.” Freddy teased.] 

 Basically what happened: 

 Jeremy: “KEEP YOUR HANDS FROM ANTARCTIC AWAY FROM MY FEET!” 

 Freddy: “Not happening! Suffer, you ticklish piece of shit!” 

 [Somewhere in the room, a quiet music box tune could be heard, twinkling in the background.] 

 GUESS WHO’S BACK! BACK AGAIN!

 [THE MUSIC BOX! MARIONETTE! HE’S ESCAPED THE MUSIC BOX!]

 MARIONETTE’S BACK! BACK AGAIN!

 [Was he gonna die? Was the marionette gonna kill him? Was the camera going to record is very last moments? Were people gonna watch the camera to figure out how he died?…Would they blame his death on bad decisions? What would happen to his body?! WHAT WAS GOING TO HAPPEN?! JEREMY DEMANDED TO KNOW!]

 [This is it…he’s gonna die…He’s gonna be found in a few hours, ripped apart on the floor…He could guarantee it.] 

 Anxiety in a nutshell. 

 [This animatronic isn’t cold. It’s covered in some kind of fur-like fabric.] 

 This was actually confirmed on the FNAF wiki fanpage. Marionette’s fingers are covered in fur fabric. 

 And now Jeremy’s gonna get ultimately tortured by Marionette’s 3 fingers on his feet. May his soul rest in peace. 

 [Then…Marionette did something only Satan himself would be capable of: Marionette pulled a couple of Jeremy’s toes back, and began scratching the more exposed spaces underneath the deathly ticklish toes.] 

 *looks at a watch* ...How the fuck is he not dead from asphyxiation? He’s been getting tickled heavily for at least an hour. He should be passing out. 

 [Jeremy was cackling like a mad man. The poor guy was losing energy rather quickly. His pushing and squirming had began to slow, and tears had started forming in his eyes.] 

 See? It’s about time. 

 [Not to be confused with tears of pain, of course.]

 Wait, what? 

 [This wasn’t painful for Jeremy. Though this kind of fighting presents itself with a few cons, It wasn’t torturous either. It was…strangely playful. It sort of reminded Jeremy of the stories his friends would tell him, of the tickle fights they had with their siblings growing up. Some tickle fights were pure playfulness, other tickle fights were slightly torturous. But in the end, they still loved each other.]

 ...Well, go figure. 

 [Was Jeremy beginning to like the animatronics? Not intimate of course, but…Was Jeremy beginning to appreciate the animatronics’ tickling? Surely not! That’s absurd!…unless…] 

 Go figure. Yup. Gotta make sure it’s somewhat enjoyable so the reader can enjoy it without feeling bad! Cause that’s how I write. 

 [“Oh Cohohohome ohohohon! IHIHIHI THOHOHOHOUGHT YOHOHOHOU WEHEHERE DOHOHONE!” Jeremy yelled as his laughter grew louder. Marionette had reached its fingers into Jeremy’s armpit, and began scratching lightly.

 “Your laugh is very fun to hear! I wanna hear more of it!” Freddy explained.] 

 Of course, you have to add a comment about liking the person’s laughter! Cause that’s always important! 

 [So, Jeremy gave them a nod to proceed. Then, Jeremy abrupted into brand new fits of laughter! How long was Jeremy gonna be like this? Who know? Jeremy didn’t care. Not one bit…] 

 Aaaaand that’s the end! 

 A little predictable, but still fun to read. Jeremy is still my favorite character in this fanfic. 

 And now, we’re onto the next re-reading! 

 Voodoo Duke-Craft! I’m proud of this one! I was happy to finally be able to come up with a fanfic idea involving voodoo dolls, and this was the first one! And EVERYONE LOVED IT! I swear, I’m not kidding! 196 notes says a lot!

 So, here we go! 

 [Remus came to the front of the yellow and black room, and knocked on the door. As he patiently waited for the door to open, Remus looked down at the liquid-free blood bag with the doll laying upside down in the bag.]

 Hehehehe! I like the idea that Remus holds his things in a blood bag-turned purse. XD

 [The door finally opened. As he predicted, it was Deceit.] 

 This entire fanfiction is gonna involve Janus being called Deceit. Why? Because Deceit’s name hadn’t canonically come out yet! And this fanfiction came out long before the name reveal episode. 

 [Remus happily comes into the yellow-colored room, lined with snakes, Law and Order posters and Judge Judy posters.]

 Because...Selfishness Vs. Selflessness! And law! 

 [Despite the doll coming from Remus, the doll appeared to be really well made!]

 That’s a compliment! 

 [Deceit looked up from the doll. “And you’re positive this thing actually works?” Deceit asked.

 “Yup! Positive. I tried it on myself before giving it to you, as you can see-” Remus said as he pointed at the green heart on the voodoo doll. “You can try it too, if you want.” Remus suggested.]

 Remus: “I already tried it on myself, so you don’t need proof to show it works.” 

 Also Remus: “...But if you don’t believe me, I suppose you could try it on me...just to see…” 

 [“I suppose this works really well. I will use this voodoo doll to my advantage. Thank you, Remus.” Deceit said with a grin.] 

 ...You SUPPOSE? You just tickled the man till he belly flopped the floor! Of COURSE it works!

 [With everything in place, Deceit was ready to start tormenting the other sides. He left his room and closed the door, allowing Remus to process the mistake he’d made in his room.]

 I doubt Remus would consider giving Janus a voodoo doll, a ‘mistake’. More like ‘the most evil idea ever’! 

[Deceit walked around, looking for potential contenders. While walking down the hall, Deceit gazed his eyes upon a light blue-clothed figure. Recognizing who it was, Deceit his behind a wall and grabbed the light blue heart out of his pocket.]

 Oh boy! It’s Patton first! 

 [Now, if it truly worked, Patton should be bonded with the voodoo doll. Just as a test, Deceit gave Patton’s neck a little flutter with his finger.

 From a few feet into the living room, Patton let out a yelp of surprise.] 

 Huzzah! It works! Turns out putting a fabric heart onto a voodoo doll, will hook Patton up to the doll and make him feel everything that touches the doll’s head. Becaaaause MAGIC!

 [Deceit began tickling the sides of the doll’s neck, fluttering his index finger on both sides of the neck one side at a time. Right side, left side. Right side, left side…

 Patton squealed as his back fell onto the couch. “EEEEHehehehehehehe!” Patton giggled more, flapping his hands absolutely everywhere around his head.] 

 Oh NO! I could sense that! Nope nope nope nope NOPE. 

 [To make things feel a little better, Deceit turned the doll around and gave it a hug.

 Patton smiled as he felt physically hugged by an invisible pair of arms. It felt so warm and snug. Like being held by a security blanket.]

 Awwww! This part has always been a personal favorite part due to how loving it is. It’s times like these that make me wish I had a voodoo doll…

 [Deceit allowed his mouth to morph into a toothy smile as he moved his tickly fingers over to the sides of the doll’s belly.]

 You can just TELL he’s enjoying the hell outta this! #Janusisbestler2021

 [Deceit’s mischief had just left him at this point. Deceit was actually really enjoying making Patton laugh like this. He was keeping it a mystery, sure, but it was really fun seeing Patton laugh and squirm on the couch.] 

 ...Doesn’t everyone feel that with Patton? Or am I the only one? I probably am. I find that BILLIONS of fans LOVE seeing Virgil’s reactions. And Patton’s been fulfilling all the fans’ needs! So...yeah. I would love to tickle Patton! And I would love to be the tickle monster’s pray. Hehe ^w^

 [As he hugged the doll, Deceit watched as Patton practically melted into the touch. It was here, that Deceit discovered something new about Patton: He’s touch-starved. If he were used to touch, Patton would be eventually squirming for him to let go. But, Patton was perfectly comfortable with being cuddled.]

 I actually forgot I added that little fact in here! This is the most realistic fact I have ever seen in my life. 

 [If Deceit didn’t have anything to do, he would’ve definitely stayed to hug Patton for a lot longer.]

 It’s sure a shame that Janus had 4 other sides to tickle. 

 [But, he had things to do.]

 See? Poor man’s busy experimenting with the ultimate tickle toy that beats the Tickle Me Elmo by a landslide. 

 [Deceit hid in the room across from the red-doored room. The room belonged to Roman, who was admiring himself in the mirror. Deceit rolled his eyes, but smiled as he pulled out the red felt heart.] 

 Would you believe I’ve forgotten the order at this point? Maybe now was a good time to re-read it! I’m losing my memory. XD

 [A couple seconds later, the red heart fabric began glowing. This meant that the heart was now fully bonded with Roman!]

 Still don’t quite know how fabric glows, but whatever. Screw logic!

 [Roman - who had been posing in the mirror with his arm up behind his head - squealed and slammed his arm down as he bursted into laughter.]

 Aaah, yes: the classic ‘surprise armpit tickle when the arms are up’ trick. But, with a twist! I’m surprised he didn’t fall! 

 [Deceit giggled and tried tickling two spots at once: the doll’s left armpit and the doll’s right foot. Roman’s eyes practically bulged out of his skull. Roman fell backwards onto the ground, and rolled around manically.] 

 Oop- aaaand he’s down. 

 [Roman was freaking out. Thank god no one was seeing this! How would anyone react to him screaming in laughter at nothing, and rolling around like a wiggle worm?! He would NEVER be able to live that down!]

 *sniffles* Here lies Roman’s pride and confidence. It will forever be missed. 

 [Deceit decided to listen to him and lessen the tickles dramatically. Deceit removed his fingers and decided to try a different tickle spot that Remus shared with Roman: the thighs.] 

 Remus would definitely do this. 

 [Deceit covered his mouth to silently giggle, before adding a second finger to the doll’s thigh. Roman let go of his knees and allowed himself to kick his legs as he rolled around and covered his face with his hands.] 

 Awww! De widdle bean is getting embawwassed! How adowable! OwO 

 [Deceit soaked up as much of Roman’s giggles as he could, before moving onto the left thigh.]

 #Janusisasponge

 [Despite one’s belief with soft tickles, Roman’s giggles didn’t die down! In fact, they almost got a little louder! Deceit’s very light fingernail tickles were almost teasy in a way! This made Roman’s face heat up in embarrassment.

 “Plehehehehease! Ihihihi cahahahahan’t tahahahahake ihihihit! Ihihihit’s sohohoho ticklyhy, and ihihihit’s wohohohohorse thahahat Ihihihi cahahahan’t seehehehehe whehehehere yohohou’ll strihihihike nehehext!” Roman explained through his never ending giggles.]

 Soft tickles can sometimes kill quicker than hard tickles. 

 [Deceit raised an eyebrow. ‘worse when you can’t see’? Now, Deceit was really intrigued.]

 It’s called ‘blindfolded tickles’ with a twist. Aka: ‘you’re worse than SATAN HIMSELF’. 

 And now Janus is gonna start constantly switching spots, to show Roman’s variety in his voice. As if we don’t hear enough melody variety from his singing. XD

 [His laughter would die down into giggles for a while, before growing into even MORE laughter! It was so strange and unpredictable! Whoever this was, was EVIL and should be given PUNISHMENT for such cruel tickle tactics!] 

 Anyone else agree with this? 

 *sees a sea of people in and out of the tickle community* 

 Okay. 

 Roman is given time to breathe, he’s hugged by Janus and Janus moves onto the next victim. 

 [After going up the stairs, Deceit came across Virgil’s room.] 

 We’re literally given the name of who it is this time. No clothing guesses here! Just immediate names. 

 [Now: Knowing Virgil most of his life, Deceit knew that these tickles needed to be tame and calming all at once. He couldn’t go hard on him at all, or else he will really regret it. Even though he could easily get away with it using the Voodoo doll tactic, he still wanted to make him happy, not make him feel miserable.]

 Janus secretly has a soft spot for Virgil because he is a former dark side. 

 [Virgil gasped and bursted into giggles. “Eehehehehe! Gehehehet ohohout ohohohohof thehehere!” Virgil begged. Virgil zipped off his jacket and lifted up his shirt…Funny…No bugs? Were they invisible? Virgil felt around his belly and found that his belly was as bare as can be!]

 I guess the voodoo doll tactic can be quite...deceiving! HA! 

 Why am I like this…it didn’t even make sense.

 [It didn’t take long for his energy to come back thankfully, due to how easy Deceit was on him. Virgil sighed with a smile, and grabbed his headphones to place them on his head. But, just as he put his headphones on, a fluttery feeling started up on Virgil’s ear!]

 ...I actually completely forgot I chose ear tickles for this part! Talk about a renewed experience!

 [Deceit’s smirk got larger as he tickled the different parts of Virgil’s ears. The back of the ears, the front of the ear, the top of the ear flap itself, and even the bit of skull behind the ear was really ticklish! Virgil was giggling madly, shaking his head back and forth and kicking his legs. He was so confused! How were his ears being tickled right now?! Was it some kind of witchcraft?!] 

 Wow! How did Virgil know?! How did he guess it was witchcraft?! 

 [Virgil just didn’t understand. And, to make matters worse, he couldn’t properly think with his ears being tickled and teased!

 Deceit actually planned it that way. He knew that too many physical distractions would stop his spiraling head. This was for the best.] 

 Janus is actually very understanding and loving to Virgil, which is very nice to see! I should write more Virgil & Janus moments like this. 

 [Virgil gasped and suddenly smiled when he felt the feeling of a nice warm hug surrounding him. Virgil didn’t fully understand where the hug-feeling was coming from, but it was enjoyable! Virgil happily snuggled into his bed and cuddled himself into the invisible hug.] 

 Everyone deserves a nice long hug sometimes. And all the time, depending on the person! 

 [Oh boy! Deceit was REALLY excited for this session. Logan is known for showing very little emotion, so finding Logan’s ticklish spots and getting him to laugh could be a game-changer!]

 Lee Logan be like: 

‘shows no emotion. Therefore; laughter is more rewarding when tickled long enough.’

 [After a few minutes of quiet looking, Deceit soon found a book on the very subject he was looking for: voodoo magic.] 

 Because of COURSE Logan has a book on voodoo magic! And this isn’t sarcasm this time! This is genuine! Logan would definitely have a book on voodoo magic in there! 

 [The Voodoo Doll Spellbook: A Compendium of Ancient Contemporary Spells and Rituals]

 This is actually a book I found online! You can buy this book for $32 on Amazon!

 [When it was 100% bonded, Deceit started off small. He placed his fingernail onto the shoulder of the doll, and drew a line down to the outside of the elbow and down to the doll’s stump at the bottom, before removing the fingernail.] 

 [...Logan paused his reading and looked at his arm. Logan examined it, and discovered a potential fear of his had come true: He’s bonded to a voodoo doll! How did- Who in the world has a voodoo doll of HIM?! And WHY?!]

 Hahaha! That moment when you’re reading a book about voodoo, then you feel voodoo magic being done on you? That’s not creepy at all! A nOrMaL oCcUrAnCe!

 [A large squeak left his mouth as he just collapsed onto the floor in mad giggles. Deceit watched as Logan’s emotionless demeanor just crumbled, and allowed his to fall into such an adorable state only a lean nerd could fall into.]

 Presenting, Logan in a nutshell.

 [Deceit liked seeing this reaction. It was kinda cute! So, Deceit kicked it up a notch! He placed his pinky finger onto the black button and began drawing circles around the outside of the black button on the doll.]

 Janus is just having a jolly ol’ time! He should be a tickle monster more often!

 [“Uuh-…Please! That’s my worst spot! I’m begging you!” Logan begged. Deceit lifted an eyebrow. If Deceit wouldn’t have known better, it would’ve sounded like Logan WANTED to be tickled on his hips! So, Deceit did the one thing he 'begged’ for: He squeezed Logan’s hip. “No! NO! NOOHOHOHOHO! HAHAHAHAHAHA! IHIHIHI SAHAHAHAID PLEHEHEHEHEASE! DIHIHIHIDN’T IHIHI?!” Logan asked.]

 Janus being a little shit in 5 minutes or less. Also, when does please EVER work?!

 [It was here, that Deceit decided to walk out from behind the book shelves and in front of Logan.]

 Voila: the big reveal! Janus was behind the voodoo witchcraft all along!

 [“Deceit?! What are you do-” Logan started, before pausing his sentence as he noticed the item in his hand. “…You!” Logan reacted, jumping up to confront him. “YOU’RE the one with the voodoo doll!” Logan confronted.]

 ...Bro...that was so slow. At this rate, Jim Carrey could determine it was Janus before you could!

 [“Indeed I am. Are you surprised?” Deceit asked.

 Logan put a hand in his pocket. “Yes…I suppose I am. I can see the chances of Remus using this, as much more likely than seeing you with the doll. Then again though…You are capable of manipulation…” Logan explained.

 “Manipulation? Don’t you mean…” Deceit started, before lifting up the doll and his finger. “…exposing the truth?” Deceit corrected, ready to tickle Logan when needed.]

 oooOOOOH! I can sense the tension! The idea that someone is holding information about your weakness, and is ready to exploit it at any point?! HOLY CRAP! 

 [Logan’s face visibly morphed into fear. He clenched his teeth nervously.]

 See? Even Logan’s unnerved!

 [Logan resorted to his usual monotone act. “What…is there to understand? I don’t laugh.” Logan explained.]

 Why the fuck you lyin’? Why you always lyin’? MmmmOh ma gahd, stop fuckin’ LYYYIN’!

 ~Nicholas Fraser, Vine

 [“Oh, NOW you cover up your laugh. Let me not remind you that a few seconds ago, you were freely giggling and rolling on the floor.” Deceit reminded. Logan’s eyes widened in fear and shock. He SAW THAT?! OH SHIT!]

 Mm hmm, Yes. He did in fact see that. And now you are what the virgins would say: Fucked.

 [Logan, growing angry at the dominance Deceit had created over the logical side, Logan ran and attempted to grab the doll right out of his hand. But nope! Deceit dodged it and squeezed Logan’s hip as he ran backwards away from the angry side. Not expecting his hips to be attacked so abruptly, Logan made a whining sound and doubled over desperately.]

 ..Well that happened. Tried and failed. #1. 

[“Not a bad attempt. But, you’re gonna have to try a little harder, in order to get this thing out of my hands.” Deceit warned.

 Logan attempted to glare at the evil side, but the glare quickly failed him as the doll’s belly button AND hip was attacked at the same time. Logan let out a muffled yelp and fell onto the ground.

 “Interesting: Despite your logical nature, you seemed to believe that 'giving me a glare while I’m using voodoo magic on you’, will help you in any manner. Yet: it doesn’t.” Deceit teased logically...]

 ...Shit dude! I guess Janus is now the new Logan! 

 [Logan squeezed his eyes shut and helplessly began to let titters out of his mouth. “See? You’re beginning to break now. It’s probably because I’m using an illogical strategy to get you to laugh. No matter how much you laugh, you will never be able to truly understand: Why does a person laugh when they’re tickled? And, where does it come from?” Deceit proceeded to tease in a logical matter.]

 Why are mice ticklish? Why does the world spin round? And one thing I will never know the workings behind: Where do babies come from?

 [Logan’s pent up laughter pretty quickly turned into his regular giggles.

 “Wow! 2 minutes and 30 seconds! Impressive! Yet, at the same time: unimpressive.” Deceit reacted.]

 *crawls under about 10 different blankets and flips off Janus*

 [“How, you ask? Well, that’s simple really: You happened to be born with a collection of nerve ending around multiple spots. But, to narrow it down: your hips-” Deceit squeezed his hips. “your belly button-” Deceit booped his belly button with his pinky. “and…” Deceit said with a smirk, before placing his fluttering fingers onto the doll’s inner part of the upper leg. “…Your thighs.” Deceit concluded.]

 *screams out of my blanket burrito* “STOP TURNING INTO SHERLOCK HOLMES!”

 [Logan couldn’t help his reaction at all! He couldn’t change it either! Logan’s cheeks, against all circumstances, had turned a light red hue! He was blushing! Deceit couldn’t believe his eyes! “Do my eyes deceive me?! Is the logical side…blushing?” Deceit asked.]

 *starts slowly going into a lee mood because of JANUS DECEIT SANDERS!*

 [Deceit tilted his head as he tried something. Deceit tried fluttering his fingers on the jawline and the back of Logan’s ear…Just to see how he’d react.

 Surprisingly, Logan’s giggles heightened slightly as he curled into the strange, but comfortable touch. It was almost a melting spot for Logan. How cute!

 “It would seem that Logan has something that everyone lacks according to my knowledge: A melting spot. You, Logan, are capable of melting into a certain ticklish spot…Almost as if you like it. Do you like it?” Logan explained.]

 MMMMMMMmmmm why tf is this so CUTE?! 

 [Logan didn’t want to answer that question. He was NEVER going to answer such an embarrassing question!

 Though…Logan’s reputation had been left in tatters minutes before this…so…it wouldn’t hurt, right?

 “Fihihihine…Ihihi lihihihike ihihit…” Logan admitted.

 Deceit smirked. “I knew it!” he reacted, still giving Logan’s ears ticklish, cute little treatment.]

 Awwwwwwwwww!!!!!

 [“Hey! Give that back!” Deceit yelled. Logan looked down at it, and smirked. It was a yellow felt heart. Deceit’s bonding heart…]

 Oooooh...I forgot about this part! I actually forgot just how long this fanfiction was. 

 [With the voodoo doll in his hand and the yellow heart in his other hand, Logan could get Deceit back. Only…one problem:

 “How does this doll work? Do I have to clip the heart onto the…black square where the heart location appears to be?” Logan asked.]

 Congrats! You’ve gotten this far. But now, please let us interrupt your much-wanted tickles with some ‘I don’t know how this works’ kinda humor. Pocket’s fanfictions everybody: A place where filler is expected. XD

 [Logan decided to test it. He lifted up his finger, and tried dragging a fingernail down the doll’s right, scaly side. Deceit gasped and hugged his side, showing off a wobbly smile and curling in a little.

 “Fascinating…” Logan reacted. Deceit looked up and watched in horror as Logan squeezed up and down the doll’s side. Deceit squealed through his toothy smile and let out a few high-pitched giggles.] 

 Awwww yeah! REVEEEEENGE!

 [“You know: For an intimidating and sneaky side, you have a very high-pitched giggle.” Logan reacted. Deceit only squealed in reply and continued to curl himself further. “How cruel of me…using such a powerful piece of black magic, for such a simple little reason. kinda makes you regret your previous actions…doesn’t it Deceit?” Logan continued to tease.]

 *claps proudly*

 Ladies and gentlemen: John motherfucking Watson!

 [“There we go! That wasn’t so hard. Was it?” Logan asked.

“YOHOHOU’RE SOHOHOHO DEHEHEHEAD!” Deceit yelled through his strong and overpowering laughter.]

Woooow...Revenge seems pretty sweet!

[“Oh, alright. I suppose I can give you a break from the feet.” Logan compromised and removed his fingers. Deceit happily took the break and tried to replace as much oxygen as he could through his body. 

But, Logan wasn’t done yet. Not by a long shot.]

No sir! No sir-ee bob!

[Deceit got stuck in Logan’s ticklish wonders for a good 30 minutes. Deceit was completely warn out from all the tickles. Which, how was that fair! Deceit had treated the others really well! Why did HE get the rough tickles?! Well, that’s simple: 

What goes around, always comes around…ESPECIALLY if it’s a snake’s doing…]

 Aaaaand that’s all folks! 

I gotta admit: I loved that. I can see why the fanfic got so much recognition! It was long, it was SUPER TEASY, it was EVIL, and it was fun! I had fun! 

I have to now sign off and spend the next hour with my family. I wish you all a wonder 2021! And may we all leave 2020 behind! 

[the-final-sif]

Do you think it will ever be made "canon" that Bakugou was abused? Like an official plotline? When do you think Uraraka is gonna have an actual storyline? Do you have any ships other than todobakudeku (and the ships in that ship)? What's your opinion on Aizawa choking Monoma w/his scarf? Do you think Best Jeanist's behavior in the anime is any better than Mitsuki's? Opinions on female adult heroes hitting on teenage boys in the series? Or the ua girls being over sexualized?

I’m honestly not sure if it will every be seriously addressed in canon as abuse.

The initial scene with Mitsuki is played at least somewhat lightly/jokingly. All-Might does note that the family is dysfunctional, but it’s not treated like it’s a super serious issue that the teachers need to do something about.

However, we’ve had it happen a few times now, particularly with Katsuki, where something is played off as a joke only for canon to revisit it with a more serious tone. Almost as if get the reader to assume something is okay and then double back and be like ‘holy shit no this wasn’t.’.

I think the best example of this was the sports festival incident. When we see Katsuki on the podium, it’s played off super lightly. Oh haha, Katsuki’s so angry he had to be chained and muzzled to the podium. Then he’s upset about it and he brushes his teeth angrily. The readers aren’t meant to think something’s really wrong there.

Only, then we hit the kidnapping plotline and we go back to that incident with fresh eyes, and holy shit, they chained and muzzled a teenager to a podium in front of thousands of people. Now all of the sudden it’s not a joke anymore, Tomura has a photo of Katsuki chained to that podium which is really clearly shown to be why he thinks Katsuki will join the league of villains. We also see that the incident has warped the public’s perception of Katsuki to the point that a reporter, directly after this 16 year old child has been kidnapped by an extreme dangerous group of villains, feels comfortable asking his teachers if they think Katsuki will become a villain. Going so far as to call the again, child who is currently kidnapped, mentally unstable. At that point Aizawa apologizes and states what happened at the Sports Festival was his/the school’s fault. It’s taken very seriously even though it was originally played as a joke.

Since that initial scene with Mitsuki, we have gotten two hints about Katsuki’s home life. During Katsuki vs Izuku 2 he mirrors her words very closely when blaming himself for the kidnapping.

To quote from the official viz translation:

“We wouldn’t be in this mess if you hadn’t been so weak and gotten caught in the first place”

(Note the use of the word we, meaning she’s blaming him for more than just the kidnapping itself, she’s including the media disaster UA is facing. As if, it’s somehow his fault the school is being criticized for having a student kidnapped)

Then during Katsuki vs Izuku 2:

“If only I’d been stronger.. If I hadn’t been kidnapped by those stupid villains.. everything woulda been fine!”

Katsuki, a character who didn’t cry while he was actually kidnapped by villains or fuck even during/after the slime villain bullshit, has been driven to tears having emotional breakdown blaming himself for All-Might’s retirement. Using words that sound just like what we heard his mother say.

The second hint is the line from Katsuki in the remedial courses where he wants to fight the kids and doesn’t see an issue with it saying he was raised with violence. We’ve also seen his teacher acknowledging that they fucked up and didn’t watch his mental health after the kidnapping. We still haven’t exactly seen them doing shit to help him, but canon has acknowledged Katsuki has been failed by the adults in his life for the second time.

So, I’m not sure if canon is going to try and address this more seriously. It’s entirely possible given what we’ve seen so far. I do think it’s noteworthy that we’ve seen almost nothing about Katsuki’s personal life despite him being such a major character. We don’t see his dorm room, we don’t really see his bedroom, we don’t see him interacting with his family outside a grand total of 2 scenes (only actually seeing them in 1), and we’re missing a ton of info about him compared to the other main characters. I wouldn’t put it past the author to be purposefully hiding a lot of this so he can pull a more serious storyline regarding it later. Given the current push in Japan against child abuse (they finally made it illegal to hit kids at all, it’s a pretty serious issue right now since there was a string of kids who died from abuse), I would say it’d be quite clever to purposefully play those scenes like jokes, subtly drop hints to the readers that something’s up, and then after awhile hit the readers with a “actually, no, this had serious implications and impact for this character”. In a way it mirrors how a lot of emotional/more “mild” forms of child abuse can go unnoticed irl because people try to laugh it off. It’s also possible it will never get addressed. Who knows.

God I hope like hell we get more development for the female characters soon. On some level the bar is already so low I’m just happy Uraraka purposefully put her crush to the side to focus on being a hero, and that she’s working on improving her Murder Capacity. I’m definitely bothered by the amount of over-sexualization for basically all of the female characters. Actually Foraged By Nitroglycerin and Sparks will have a little after-fic one-shot addressing all my issues with that.

Actually, that kinda leads me into my stance on Midnight. Her hitting on teenage boys is gross af, but I think it’s symptomatic of cultural issues behind her character more than anything else. She’s the only female teacher at the school, so I understand why some people basically take her character and rewrite her to be, you know, not a pedophile. I think it’s really important that we acknowledge that what we see her doing (hitting on teenage boys) is not okay, but I’m not going to give people shit for liking her. Particularly the fanon version of her. 

I’m going to assume you meant Shinsou and not Monoma? Honestly, I wasn’t really bothered by that scene. For one, it’s directly called out out by the background characters of the scene (”That’s corporeal punishment, alert the PTA”). Shinsou’s got the artificial vocal cords on under the scarf guarding his neck, and he’s not spluttering or shaken afterwards. He doesn’t even seem upset by it or out of breath, he just looked surprised to me. I think it’s intended as Aizawa cutting him off when he’s putting himself down instead of Aizawa choking him. This is more of what I’d consider ‘slapstick anime jokes’ than anything else. It’s also important to remember, despite fanon, Aizawa is a mentor figure who taught Shinsou how to fight, and not Shinsou’s parent (yet). Different relationship, different boundaries, different general behavior to expect.

I actually haven’t seen the anime, but going off what I’ve seen from that scene, no I don’t think Jeanist is as bad as Mitsuki. For one, context is important. One of the reasons I take such issue with the scene with Mitsuki is Katsuki was just kidnapped. By villains. And held for 2 days. He’s in a very fragile place mentally, and he’s been through a highly traumatic experience. Beyond that, Katsuki wasn’t doing anything before Mitsuki hit him and started in on her lecture, he was just,,, sitting there,,, looking upset. He cannot/doesn’t fight back, and his childhood hero and teacher are in the room. Compared to his scene with Jeanist, Katsuki makes an aggressive first move before Jeanist restrains him. Jeanist is also a mentor figure, while Mitsuki is his parent (at least in canon). Which, again, are very different things.

Oh! And finally, ships!

Honest to god, I’m on board with almost any ship. I don’t tend to talk about a lot of the female characters because we just don’t have much (if any) development for them and I’m more attached to Katsuki rn, but Jirou is amazing.

I like Momojirou, Mina/Tsuyu, BakuKiri (honestly almost any ship w/Katsuki I’m down with), Miruyumi (I don’t care that they haven’t met, I’m gay and I want them to be gay too), Shigadabihawks, Miritama, Kamishin, Fumikage / Katsuki for Goth Solidarity, Camie / Toga as a more AU style one, tbh Toga / Uraraka and/or Tsuyu too, Vaguely Itsuka/Mei because I love unstoppable chaotic lesbian / unmoveable force lesbian. In even more AU of a setting I think Inko / Mitsuki is cute af and despite my distaste for her in canon, I adore AUs where Mitsuki is a bamf lesbian mom.

Platonic ships I really like are Katsuki and Ochaco where the two of them have a friendship built of their general desire to piss off the other. Ochaco doesn’t take any of Katsuki’s shit and actively goes out of her way to fuck with him in Chaotic Gremlin Fashion, and Katsuki returns the favor. I also really like platonic Bakukiri with them just being Good Damn Bros.  Platonic bakudeku with Adoptive Sibling Energy is Good Shit too. Jirou and Denki both being gay messes together is a Mood. Same for Jirou and Mina. Bakusquad in general.

Honestly though, I’m down for most relationships tbh.

[the-gongoozler]

POST-TROS Trilogy reactions, my own opinions.

I just saw The Rise of Skywalker. These are my opinions as someone who doesn’t follow any of the actors (besides Adam Driver’s charity because that’s something I wrote a paper on) or fandom drama (racism! sexism! something happened with John Boyega?)

Preface: I don’t need outrage. I don’t care. I will block you if you’re rude, period. This is my opinion and I am not a crazy fan, I just watch the movies about once a year and I enjoy every single one of them. I loved The Rise of Skywalker and found it to be a fantastic full circle for the entire 9 movie series as well as the trilogy. Don’t need any negative vibes, thank you :)

Ben Solo

I really enjoyed Ben Solo. It felt like the point of the series was the redemption arc of Ben Solo. It was a symbolic repeat of Anakin/Vader’s story line. Anakin was alone, taught by masters, tempted by the dark side, and then turned into a completely separate man. They both came back to themselves in time to save the day, but there is a massively key difference. Darth Vader is not Anakin, he is the darkness that lives inside of Anakin (and everyone has this darkness). Kylo Ren was the corrupted Ben Solo, but he never got the foothold in Ben’s psyche that Vader got in Anakin’s. Anakin was controlled by Vader completely whereas Kylo Ren never had complete control over Ben (first example I can think of: He didn’t shoot Leia when he had the opportunity to kill her). In the body of Anakin Skywalker, there is only Vader, whereas Ben’s body has two battling minds: Ben v. Kylo Ren.

What I found really really cool was that Rey killed Kylo Ren. On the Death Star II in IX, where Darth Vader died in VI, Kylo Ren dies when he is stabbed by Rey. Then, with Rey’s help, Ben Solo is reborn as the only mind in his body. He was healed by light and love and then told that if he was just Ben Solo, she would have taken his hand. If he hadn’t thought that he needed the Dark Side to be whole, he might have had everything that he could possibly hope for (romantic love, familial love, a future, power).

The tragedy of Ben Solo is that Luke saw him tempted by darkness and accidentally pushed him toward the darkness. If Luke had talked to him, expressed love and understanding instead of fear, then Ben Solo would never have been controlled by Kylo Ren. Instead, he fell and was corrupted only to be brought back by someone truly understanding him (which, other than through unstoppable access to his deepest thoughts,would have never happened) and then choosing to love him because of that understanding. Ben didn’t have to bring Rey back, he could have just mourned her and disappeared to live his life, but he was driven to sacrifice himself by the love he felt for Rey.

I am a HUGE fan of a redemption arc and I think they pulled it off beautifully for him. His last words ever spoken (while holding Rey’s lifeless body) were “Can you hear me? Hold on.” The instant recognition of his goodness by Rey, the smile on his face when he saw the result of his sacrifice, and then their kiss (a recognition of his return to himself) was honestly just... it was achingly gorgeous. I really liked the film.

Rey

A strong force wielder, a mechanic, a scavenger, and an orphan. She kicks ass, she takes names, and she is the strongest Jedi the world has ever seen. Love her.

Finn

Finn is cool in VII and IX. He was funny, smart, and helpful in the first and last of the trilogy, both playing a stand alone and serious character while providing good comic relief. I also really appreciate the platonic nature of the relationship between him and Rey, something that could have turned romantic. He’s a good soldier and he found his way out of the ranks of the Storm Troopers on his own. He’s obviously less developed in VII because it’s the first movie, but he’s generally a nice guy (not a Nice Guy) and I was excited to see more from him. I loved his connection to BB-8 and Poe immediately.

In VIII, he did more harm than good. Had he not disobeyed orders and left the ship, less people would have died. He left the ship, freed that guy from jail, then that guy gave the plans away and made the bad guys aware of the escaping ships that they otherwise would have missed. If Finn had stayed put, those ships would have escaped. It was a failure in writing and his character would have been better served by not even being in the movie. His near-sacrifice didn’t even make sense to me? He would have been obliterated by the laser before he could have reached it anyway? Give him something more epic, thank you please.

Then, IX. He kicked ass. I don’t know what he was going to say to Rey, but everything he said to Poe was golden. They are a great duo and I enjoyed every moment they interacted. He was a good friend and he tried to keep his group together (mostly having to go after Rey when she was being a stubborn brick wall). I mean, Rey made it to the Death Star because she had a lot of experience with machinery and the force. He did it by sheer “I gotta save this dumbass” willpower. He had a similar energy to Steve Harrington in Stranger Things (”mommy steve”).

Poe Dameron

Love him. No complaints. He was Han Solo but less brash and more funny. He was funny as shit and I enjoyed him from the first moment we saw him. I really wish he was in more of the trilogy, but the parts that he was in were great. Him and Finn kicked some serious ass. I love the way that he incorporated Finn into his family unit immediately and then again with Rey. He is a dedicated and headstrong and funny pilot. That’s it.

Rose

Tbh, I don’t care too much about her? I just disliked everything she did/was involved in in VIII and the way she was introduced was mishandled, really. She was 100x better in IX and I definitely cared about her more. Her introduction felt rushed and forced and she was a big character before I cared about her at all, then she was put into the worst plot line in the whole series (discussed in the Finn section). I think that they could do more with her, but I don’t mind if they don’t.

Luke Skywalker

His whole thing was kinda bullshit? He was the catalyst for the birth of Kylo Ren, he abandoned the galaxy when it needed him most, and he wasn’t gay- those pussies. I didn’t like when he yeeted his light saber, it felt disrespectful.  I didn’t like the way he died. I did like his personality and the way that he dusted off when Kylo Ren shot him all those times.

Leia Organa

People I’ve talked to keep bitching about her using the force and like... what? She was always force sensitive and she had a long time to learn between series. Plus, she lived with or around Luke for a long time before he decided to fuck off into a corner of the galaxy. She was a general and a Jedi and a gorgeously perfect woman. I also love the way that she was always ready to give her son another chance. The only way to get someone to come back is to tell them they are welcome and no matter what he did (HAN SOLO) she could always accept him if he changed. Adore.

Han Solo

He was also ready to help his son, if it was necessary. He had faith that Ben could do what needed to be done. Also, the version of him that is in Ben’s memories is so sweet and fantastic. I loved that little bit. When Ben calls him “dad”?? my heart melted. Plus, his mentorship of Rey combined with him and Chewie’s interactions? God, he’s cool.

I didn’t like that he was so dispassionate though. That was bothersome, I would have thought he would have been more for-the-cause since he was connected to the rebellion the whole damn time. It would have been cool to have him havea moment where you saw that change.

Chewbacca, R2-D2, C3-PO, BB-8, and D-O

Obviously fantastic?

General Hux

rat bastard

Snoke

Weird thumb man

Palpatine

Aggressive tickle monster

/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

Another note-

Rey/Ben

I saw it coming the moment I watched VII. I really enjoyed it. They both were so closed off to the world and so horribly alone for various reasons, both in and out of their control. They were tempted by the dark side and anger and hurt and betrayal. They were scared of their own burgeoning power. Where Rey’s powers and temptation were met with support, Ben was met with fear. That drove him down.

Because of their force bond, they were literally soul mates. Not in a romantic way! They literally were made with an unbreakable connection through the force and that allowed them to speak and know the depths of their hidden thoughts and desires and fears. Ben knew Rey better than anyone else did and better than he knew anyone else, the same is true in reverse.

Rey could see the dual nature of his mind and understood his struggle. She knew Ben Solo and she knew Kylo Ren. She also recognized that it was his fight to win and that all she could do was offer her hand to take if he wanted it. She admitted outright that she would have stayed with him had he been just Ben Solo when he offered her a place by his side. She was in love with Ben Solo as soon as she knew him and that was shown very explicitly in that moment by the fire, when they were both vulnerable and curious. In the moments that he was Ben, she would reach out to him. When he was Kylo, she had no interest.

I love that she had no interest in Kylo Ren. She wasn’t about to stick around and fix him, that was his job. This sort of draws the line between physical attraction or shallow attraction and the true bond that she had with Ben Solo. She wasn’t drawn to him out of interest, she loved him and understood him and was not going to be tricked by that love into falling for Kylo Ren. Super strong choice for her and it goes against a lot of Enemies to Lovers tropes.

When she stabs him, she kills Kylo Ren. When she heals him, she revives Ben Solo. She all but says that she loves Ben and that provides the momentum that he needs to move forward. She held out her hand one last time by saying that she would have stayed with Ben, then escapes for her own safety and the safety of the Rebels in case he makes the wrong decision once again.

Then the fight scene where she transfers him the saber? The way that he limps over to her and hold her in his arms? The way he smiles when he looks at her beautiful lively eyes? The kiss that said “You saved my life/I’m so proud of you/You are the only person in my entire life that truly understands me” on both parts? Gawjus.

[theonceoverthinker]

OUAT 2X11 - The Outsider

Hey everyone! Don’t even SMEE-k to me until you’ve read my thoughts on the episode below the cut!

Press Release Mr. Gold finds an unwilling test subject to see if a spell he has concocted will allow him to cross the border of Storybrooke – without losing his memory – and go in search of his son, Bae; Belle stumbles upon a vengeful Hook in the Storybrooke harbor whose main goal is to eradicate Rumplestiltskin; and Mary Margaret and David go house hunting in search of a bigger place to live. Meanwhile, in the fairytale land that was, Belle meets Mulan as the two set out to slay a fearsome beast called the Yaoguai, who has been ravaging the land. General Thoughts - Characters/Stories/Themes and Their Effectiveness Past What I like about this segment is the pair up. Both Mulan and Belle provide something that the other wants and while their story of “person with no experience befriends hardened mentor or friend figure with more experience while simultaneously melting her heart with friendliness and trust” is pretty simple and is about as predictable as these tend to go, Belle and Mulan are interesting enough that it works.

That having been said, Belle and Mulan don’t get nearly enough quality time together as they should, and it does hinder Mulan’s resolve to let Belle kill the monster and for a couple of reasons. First, Mulan has been characterized as really freakin’ stubborn thus far in the series and those scenes all take place after this one. Why would she be so willing to give in to fighting the Yaoguai, especially given all the love she has for her village? Second, Belle brings up the good point that she’s not a fighter but instead a researcher and Mulan doesn’t give her much of an answer to it. And when she does, Belle having something worth fighting for isn’t reinforced at any point in the episode, making her resolution weak. Also, Belle’s overall story is just weird. Is she trying to just prove that she can be a warrior? Is it about being a female warrior? Is the story about accepting magic when it’s light? Fighting beasts with kindness rather than violence? There’s a lack of clarity here and it’s makes Belle’s story here feel undefined and because of that, her defeat of the Yaoguai and resolve to go t Rumple afterwards doesn’t strike the powerful note that it’s clearly supposed to.

Finally, the approach to the hunters in this episode is weird. Why not have them on their side? Yeah, they’re douchey, but it’s not like in “The Girl in the Tower,” when Alice and the hunters had diametrically opposed reasons for wanting to go after the troll (Alice wanted to protect the trolls and the hunters wanted to kill the troll). Here, they all want to take the troll down. They also don’t establish the men as sexist, yet the episode tries to paint them as it later on. They’re just a weird blend of evil, but it does nothing to establish Belle’s conflict. Present I have a large problem with a lot of this segment. They’re trying to set up that Rumple is losing sight of getting back to Bae to deal out vengeance (“Tell me this is just about getting the shawl back” is a crucial line in the Rumple/Belle fight scene at the shop and it’s made to be a big point that Rumple doesn’t answer this) while not having established that as a conflict Rumple’s actually going through. His actions haven’t been excessive when this instance of dialogue happened, and they only get excessive after Belle is threatened and Killian goads him on. Even his interaction with Smee isn’t all that different from his interactions with the man in previous episodes. And I do recognize that they finally get to showing him act excessively aggressive, but the moment isn’t helped by the lack of appropriate setup earlier.

I get that Belle isn’t super receptive to Killian’s speech about Milah and Rumple’s evil nature because of the gun, and I swear I get that, but what is the point of telling Belle all of this if she’s not going to change her mindset in any way as a result of this, especially when she’s the one who the audience is supposed to connect with, is generally framed in the right, and is being told about two characters who have established a level of sympathy? Killian’s definitely taking things too far, but we as an audience know that his words about Milah’s death are true and Belle refuses to react to that, making the scene entirely pointless. I understand that the theme of the story is that “when you find something worth fighting for, you never give up,” but this is never challenged and especially as Belle is learning that Rumple murdered someone, that would be the perfect time to challenge that sentiment. But instead, she just leaves the situation at: ”Because his [Rumple’s] heart is true. And yours [Killian’s]? Yours is rotten.” Again, this makes Belle’s doubling down feel so much weaker than it should. Insights - Stream of Consciousness -The town line is glowing! The hell?! -Rumple, wipe that SMEE-rk off your face! -”It’s [Smee’s hat] always brought me good fortune.” You have a very warped perspective on “good fortune.” -It’s so weird seeing such an optimistic character like Snow deliver a eulogy, but when you think about it, she’s probably the best person. Her eulogy is all at once a celebration of Archie’s life, a validity of the sadness of the other townspeople in attendance, and an encouragement to keep on living while keeping Archie in their hearts. -I feel so bad for whoever’s job it is to make tombstones in this world. Between Archie, Rumple, and Killian, they must’ve gotten so fed up with all of the resurrections. I imagine they are like the Cabbage Merchant in Avatar: The Last Airbender! -Bitter segue, writers from the funeral to Archie being tortured. Bitter segue. -Archie, just say “he came to my office one time.” -How does Killian know Archie is a cricket? I’d imagine that Cora told him, but how does she know? -We’ve got our start of the Captain Beauty BROTP here...I love what this is going to turn to, but this is awkward af… -I don’t think I’m ever going to be over the fact that Belle defeated Captain Hook with a fucking BOOKCASE! XD -I am pretty sure that right after that scene in the library is where the hug blooper (i.e. My favorite blooper ever) took place! Update: OH MY GOD, IT TOTALLY WAS! -Rumple, what the hell are you wasting time on? You literally just got what you wanted! -”You expect to defeat the fiercest creature in the land with a book?” No, but give her a case full of them and you might be surprised! XD -Belle’s gambit in that wagon scene was weird. Did she know they were going to push her off the wagon? And if she didn’t, then why lead them the wrong way? If she wanted to go on her own, then why not just leave on her own? -Do platonic relationships have food, because Swan Believer’s is totally Pop Tarts. -Grumpy makes so many good points in his speech to Snow and Emma. Like, the fandom loves to infantize him, but there’s a reason why he’s as in-good with the Charming family as he is: He considers things that no one else will and for the most part, he backs that information up. -”We’re a bit homesick.” My previous point having been said, I’m sad that they don’t really acknowledge this point all that much to my memory. That also having been said, why wouldn’t you want to stay here? I’m with Isaac! Indoor plumbing is the best! -Belle is amazingly inquisitive and I love her no-nonsense approach to learning about Rumple and Killian’s beef with each other. -Rumple, especially considering what happens to Milah in roughly three seasons, fuck you for lying. Now I get it narratively-speaking and it makes sense for him as a character and I get that it’s a half truth. But still...fuck you for lying. -Also, as I said back in my review of “The Return,” I like how to a point, for as inquisitive as Belle is, she reaches a point where she won’t push an issue any further, and I like how moments like that subtly show the differences between Belle and Bae. -Damn, Killian. While I don’t know if you know who that scarf will lead Rumple to, that was EVIL! -I almost hate to make this comparison, but Rumple has a very Kylo Ren way of dealing with his anger (Breaking shit). -”And this is my fault.” Belle, this is so the opposite of your fault. Like, no. This blame game just doesn’t work. -”You’ll cast some spell that gives me no choice?” ...Just play the fucking Rumple irony clip here, okay? -Smee, why can’t you talk? RAT got your tongue?! -Belle rocks. It takes serious balls of steel to walk into an invisible portal, especially over water. -Batten up the hatches, Belle! -Archie, more like “Aren’t ‘chu glad to see me?!” ...They can’t all be winners. -Wow! Seeing Henry call Archie’s answering machine just to hear his voice just breaks my heart. That’s too real! Hell, Henry hasn’t even changed after the funeral. That’s too sad for words! How is this one moment the best part of the episode?! -”It’s just four people and a dalmation is a lot.” Snowy, baby, you have no fucking idea what’s to come! XD -”We could get our own place.” Jeez, Snow! Also, this is another point that’s brought up, but not really dealt with, not even really in the Season where they do get a house. Hell, at least suggest buying a house for all of them to live in together! The Swan Jones house had more than enough room for all of you! -So, Snow’s scene makes no sense. First, she poses that they should move out and then she talks about how they should take the chance for a fresh start that Storybrooke gives them. -”That doesn’t belong to you.” Belle, never change! XD -”It’s just ahead.” This line is the best segue ever! XD -”What makes you think his son wants to be found?” Oooh, with the Killian and Baelfire episode’s information in hindsight, that stings so badly, both as a point on Baelfire and Killian’s characters. Killian of course knows Bae wants to avoid his father after what went down with the portal, and Killian feels the same way about his own father after his abandonment. -Thank you, Killian for telling Belle the truth! Like, I get why this doesn’t prompt any change in Belle because of the gun he has on her, but yesss!! -”He will do anything to hold onto his power. Why do you think anyone who’s ever gotten close to him has either run away or been killed?” -Belle, do not destroy the town to save it! This isn’t “Man of Steel!” That monster is fire and the town is wood! I don’t need to read a lot of books to know that this is bad! -Mal, that was one badass curse! -Wait a sec. Belle left an injured Mulan in the path of a beast without letting anyone know this? -I’m looking at the David and Mary Margaret material, and I feel like if you mix the Season 2 energy with the Season 6 timing and context, this subplot would’ve been so much better. -”Unless we don’t want the same thing.” WHAT IS THE POINT OF THIS LINE? -The Cricket Believer hug soothes my soul!!! -”I knew it.” I’m going to be generous and give this line the benefit of the doubt that it was meant to be a joke. -Belle, why are you going on about how you can make Rumple powerless in front of his enemy?! -”What you’ve done cannot be undone.” Suuuuuuuuure Rumple. XD Arcs - How are These Storylines Progressing? Rumple’s Redemption - So, while I don’t think the episode made this come through effectively at all, the lesson of prioritization does hold through for a while, especially at the start of the next episode. Killian’s Revenge/Redemption - Well, Killian definitely gets his revenge! This I felt was also well done because it was effectively set up that Killian was going to go after Rumple’s love in order to destroy him throughout the episode. Favorite Dynamic Swan Believer. It honestly frustrates me that this has to be put down as my favorite dynamic. Now, that’s not because I don’t love Swan Believer. I fucking love Swan Believer, but when so many interesting dynamics are going up against each other, one of them should be theoretically higher than what amounts to a side story! But yeah. Emma’s struggling with and eventual comforting of Henry as he grieves Archie is really good. It’s a great continuation from what we got in “The Cricket Game,” as this is another aspect of motherhood that Emma has to learn if she wants to truly be a mother, and in addition to just generally comforting him and validating his feelings, getting Pongo is a big step (Or would be). That’s not only a cool thing, but it’s a motherly commitment for herself as she and Henry will be taking care of him together (Or would, if Archie was really dead). Writer I am so disappointed. Goldberg and Chambliss were freakin’ legends for me going into this episode, with prior episodes having such a strong thematic presence. How did they drop the ball this badly? Like, there is just no sense of story structure in either segment and it tarnishes what has the potential to be two great stories. There’s no cohesion between the individual scenes and what we’re supposed to be taking away from them. Motivations and framing go out the window and while some of the individual character moments work, little else does. Apart from plot, nothing else changes, and that’s not what a story should ever do. The writing itself is shallow, playing the “tell, don’t show game” to say what the character’s problems are, but not showing how those are problems. Rating 4/10. This episode’s sole saving grace (Aside from great acting, set design, and music, but those are practically givens on OUAT) is it’s fantastic individual character moments, for any sense of cohesion in the delivery or understanding of his story is nonexistent. Belle’s character isn’t shown to grow from any of her experiences (In either story), Rumple’s actions are weak for what the story is trying to make them seem like, and the nuances of Killian’s motivation, while given time to be presented, are completely ignored. As for the flashback, the same lack of cohesion applies as to exactly how Belle is supposed to learn what the episode is supposed to paint her as learning. Additionally, the time spent with the Charming family adds up to nothing. Flip My Ship - Home of All Things “Shippy Goodness” Rumbelle - Something I find so interesting is how Rumple hates fairies, but Belle is so much of the closest OUAT gets to a fairy fangirl outside of Nova. She’s shown to be friendly with Blue, to the point of making her Gideon’s godmother and teaming up with her on more than one occasion and is much more welcoming at the sign of using light fairy magic in her quests. Also, in terms of the episode itself, Rumple and Belle get a lot of cute moments. Their initial scene in the shop screams of puppy love, their hug after Belle’s rescue is so nice, and before Belle’s shot, hers and Rumple’s farewell is utterly beautiful. Grumpy Beauty - I LOVE these two together! Everytime they share a scene, it’s so tiny, but it tells so much about how much they value each other and their emotional supportiveness of one another. The connection to “Dreamy” itself is just great and helps to reinforce when “Dreamy” encourages Belle to join the hunting party. Millian - So it all comes to an obviously dark place, but you really feel Killian’s fervor for Milah all throughout this episode, from Killian’s excitement at the prospect of his revenge to the more leveled way he speaks of Milah to Belle to the fact that he kept Milah’s scarf despite knowing better to the way he so quietly enflares when Belle says she died to the way he tries to goad Rumple into killing him, and to the wide-eyed venom at the town line. The character work here, both as a shared effort on the part of the writers and Colin’s acting, is sublime. ()()()()()()()()() Writing negative reviews are both the absolute worst ones to write, especially when you’re expecting a good episode. They’re easy to construct because it’s easy to explain why something doesn’t work as opposed to why it does, but fun to put together? Not at all. No one wants to see something bad unless it’s something for jokes like “The Room,” and I’m at the top of this list. I remembered loving this episode, and it honestly hurt to see that it wasn’t nearly as good as I built it in my head it to be from memory and nostalgia.

I sincerely hope the next one is better.

Thank you for reading and to those at @watchingfairytales. Season 2 Tally (96/220) Writer Tally for Season 2: Adam Horowitz and Edward Kitsis: (29/60) Jane Espenson (17/50) Andrew Chambliss and Ian Goldberg (24/50) David Goodman (16/30) Robert Hull (16/30) Christine Boylan (7/30) Kalinda Vazquez (10/30) Daniel Thomsen (10/20) Operation Rewatch Archives

[avese23]

TWs are in the tags!!

No one is born ‘trash’, the tendency for men to be toxic is a result of toxic masculinity and the patriarchy. Not liking men because of patriarchy and/or past trauma is legit. Just don’t blame it on individuals. The goal is to better society as a whole so that less men are trash and therefore the whole gender isn’t talked about as such. It’s also important to note that not everyone experiences life the same. A old rich cis white man is a lot more likely to abuse their power than other men because they have more of it and they’re less likely to be expected to treat women (or more accurately, non-cis-men) with decency. Holding men accountable for their bias or when privilege shows isn’t ridiculous. But blaming/judging someone for being a man, or being attracted to men isn’t fair and also makes very little sense. Also think about your audience when saying blanket statements. Some comments might be fine in certain settings, where everyone there knows what you mean, verses making such comments online where you could end up being misinterpreted or harmful.

I personally feel attraction towards cis white men and I’m not ashamed of that. They [my crushes] are usually people I’m friends with and genuinely like as people and try to spend time with even though I avoid most of the boys in my class because a lot of them feed into the toxicity of cis teenage boys. Gender is confusing to me and I’ve never dated a guy (my type have never noticed me like that) so I can’t speak too much on the experience of dating men but I can speak on something sort of similar.

Basically I was raised knowing that relationships of any type would be tricky as a multiracial person. Because of where I live most of my friends and everyone I’ve dated have been white and my parents (though somewhat judgemental) are supportive of my relationships but have warned me and my siblings not to marry a white person because of the multilayered tension that causes. Even if said white person is lovely there is a disconnect. And before white people in the comments attack me I HAVE WHITE FAMILY. A lot of it, on both sides. I know what it’s like to be left out of family events and to have family members say racist things and be related to Tr*mp supporters. Obviously not all white peoples are like that, but being committed to someone in a group that has historically oppressed you is a fucking commitment you have to live with. I love my grandmother but there are topics I can’t talk openly about with her such as politics and race or my sexuality. And if I was in a forever partnership with a white person (which I can’t see happening because my polyamorous ass doesn’t desire marriage in the foreseeable future) and even if I loved them I would have to deal with the micro aggressions that comes with being around well meaning white people. I feel awkward letting my partner touch my hair, especially in public, even though it feels good and I trust them a lot. Because there’s always the fear that they see it as other instead as just a part of me. Or that even if it’s something we’ve talked about and I’ve consented to, other people might see it as a white person problematically touching a black person’s hair.

Soo how does this relate to men, you might be asking. Well contrary to popular belief— this leads up to a point. Basically much like race, gender will play a factor in relationships. Because even the best person is impacted by sexism, transphobia, racism, etc. And while the solution isn’t to avoid all people different from you (separation and a lack of diversity in social circles is a huge problem. For example, boy-girl friendships being judged, or deemed non platonic by nature is very problematic and part of why people end up hating other genders) being wary people who have harmed you in the past is normal. My partner was bullied by cis boys and forced into male spaces in middleschool so now they don’t like men. They’ve been able to become friends with a few of the guys in our friend group (who are confident in their masculinity and great people) but that meant working through true defense they’d built. Which is part of healing and took communication ie ‘if I’m prickly towards you it’s not personal, just a result of past trauma that I’m working on’. Another example is my parents who are best friends and generally each other’s support system. Unfortunately being a heterosexual couple, even one that doesn’t limit themselves to western gender roles, they have to work through the effect the patriarchy has had on them. My mom had to explain to my dad that if he was going to have daughters and a female partner he had to be a feminist. He doesn’t have to be the most radical person in the world but he has to be firm about supporting the basic human right of people regardless of gender. And even though it’s a process, my dad is a feminist and supportive and able to have address his privilege as a white-passing (he’s biracial) cis man (who as a kid was more feminine than my mom but had it stamped out of him because PATRIARCHY).

Sooo what’s my point? Men are *gasp* human. And their privilege, morality, and life experience is varied. Some are r*pists some were r*ped. Some were socialized as women, some were raised to believe their dick makes them superior. Which is why assuming all men will be equally problematic is in itself problematic and why making blanket statements in public spaces is risky.

TL;DR It’s okay to date men, it’s okay not to. Unlike attraction to men, or being a man, choosing to date men is a choice.

Sexism hurts everyone, it systematically hurts women (and trans people because cisnormativity is bffs with the patriarchy) but it has an effect on EVERYONE. Men are raised to be like this which is NOT an excuse but it’s true.

Oh you look down others for being attracted to men wow that sounds shallow and exhausting I’m gonna go suck a dick

[corvidprompts]

Hello wise and mighty birb, I have a question. I have a character who is asexual, but I'm not 100% sure how to write this properly..

Hi!

Disclaimer:…

I’m asexual so??

EDIT: this has been edited for clarity of language, adding information in I either forgot or decided to cut initially for length or because i thought it was too technical for a how-to-write post, and all around been checked over for errors. I’ve also put in an effort to look for any internalized biases I may have had that gave this post a skewed feel, and the post has been edited in an attempt to make it more inclusive.

A big Thank You to the user who brought up these errors to my attention! I don’t claim to be perfect, and I know my posts aren’t the end-all-be-all of information. If you guys ever spot any errors in my posts, or have extra info, always feel free to reblog it with the information, or bring it to my attention. I feel like working together with your guys is one of the most important features of this blog to make sure everything is as accurate and detailed as possible, like the chain posts we’ve had on usa flag discourse and emetophobia. I really do want you guys to message me if you’ve feel I’ve messed up somewhere- I’m 18, I’m still learning, and I promise if you feel like there’s something you feel I need to learn, I will listen.

This is still written for the purposes of a how-to-write post

Asexuality is defined by a person having low or no sexual attraction to another person! This doesn’t mean that an ace person is blind to physical attractiveness, it just means the ace persons thought process might work a little differently

She was a shapely woman, with a slender waist and large, firm breasts. Her hips swayed as she walked, straight-backed and seductive

vs

She had really large breasts and they looked fantastic, but man oh man, they must hurt when she walks down the stairs or something. I wonder if she uses some kind of corset to hold them up- it would explain her stiff posture.

This doesn’t necessarily mean that an ace person is entirely blind to sex appeal, though. An ace person will probably notice more revealing outfits or the stereotypical femme fatale red lipstick, but they’ll likely focus on describing the aesthetic of the person, rather than the sort of ~emotions~ evoked by it. 

Say you have a succubus trying to seduce your ace person. Sure, most ace people (though not all) are capable of getting physically aroused. But it’ll be less like a seduction and more like

ace person: well.

ace person: time to go eat popcorn aggressively

succubus: don’t you wanna fuck?

ace person: lmao popcorn

i mean, sure. Some ace people have sex. Some don’t. It’s all a personal decision.

Asexual people tend to fall into one of three categories- sex repulsed, sex neutral, and sex-favourable.

Sex repulsed (or sex averse) asexuals find sex disgusting, upsetting, or otherwise associated with negative emotions. Sex repulsed aces might avoid places associated with sexual context, like bars, nightclubs, or comedy movies- not all of them, of course, but comedies that rely heavily on sexual humour might be out (Spy with Melissa Mccarthy for example!). Sex repulsed are the least likely group of aces to have sex at all, especially if they are also aces with low/ no libido or low/ no physical arousal.

Sex neutral aces have no strong feelings about sex, the same way one might have no strong feelings about unloading the dishwasher. It’s something one might do if their partner or friend is into sex, or if the person in question has a higher libido. Sex neutral aces might not be bothered by sexual content in low doses, but still might seek to avoid things containing a great deal of sexual content.

Sex favourable aces are usually fairly on board with sexual jokes and references- essentially, while a sex favourable ace doesn’t feel attraction, they’ll probably be just fine with engaging in sexual humour. Sex positive aces are the most likely aces to have sex, especially one night stands or those sort of things.

Another thing to note is that asexual=/= aromantic. With most sexualities, you can kinda assume that the romantic and sexual preferences line up, but not with aspec stuff!! that’s why you hear phrases like ‘ace lesbian’ ‘aromantic bisexual’ or ‘aroace’. This isn’t a post on aromantic people who aren’t ace, so I’m only including info on or applicable too aroace folks

A non aro ace person can still feel crushes and romantic love! Hence non-aro. There might be some stress on the ace character to feel sexual, or they might feel underdeveloped or not ready despite knowing they’re ace. There’s also a lot of pressure from the media and societal norms to have sex once in a relationship. Even if the relationship is healthy and loving and full of good communication, the ace person might still feel like they ~arent doing enough~ since there’s no sex. 

An aromantic ace person won’t have crushes at all! No romantic tension, no sexual tension. Some aromantic people feel alterous attraction, which is often described as being like friendship, but more intense and deeper, with the added desire to touch (like holding hands or snuggling), but not as passionate as romance. Some aroace people might think that it is romance, and end up in a relationship that they’re uncomfortable in. Some aroace people can also be aplatonic, which means they don’t desire any kind of companionship. It depends on the person my man

a ~bad~ example of an aplatonic aromantic is voldemort. Often times villians are aromantic and that’s used as a~motivator~ of their ~evilness~. please don’t do this.

Aromantic people also fall on the romance repulsed/neutral/positive spectrum

A lot of ace and aroace people struggle with microaggressions like ‘You’re just a late bloomer’ ‘people just aren’t people without love and sex’ ‘unmarried people must be so unhappy’ and the fact that nearly all media involves a romance plot and the majority include some kind of sexual references if not a blatant sex scene. 

You know how everyone is touting wonder woman as god tier? Yeah, I loved it, but man I’m so sick of that kind of moral lesson of ‘love taught me goodness’. A very aro-unfriendly movie. (see the voldemort comment above)

A lot of language is full of microaggressions that are tough to notice. These things can also be subjective- when i first wrote this post i used the phrase ‘non aro aces can feel crushes fine’ to mean than non aro ace people would still feel crushes, but the phrasing is confusing and subjective, and can be hurtful. The phrase ‘just friends’ irks me, and I know I still use it since it’s such a common phrase and view of platonic relationships. It’s extremely tough to cut such phrases from your vocabulary, especially if you aren’t in a place where you can be open about your id and have to perform heteronormativity in order to ensure your safety.

lastly: JOKES!!!! jokes r the cornerstone of an ace character. Cake jokes, food jokes, exaggerated flirting between friends ect ect. Jokes make a character!!!

I was given these links by the user who asked me to edit this post, and I definitely think they’re worth checking out. This is one on asexual people with no libido or arousal and this is one on the ace experience

Hope this is helpful!!

[news-mashable-yahoopartner-blog]

Am I the only one who's horny for podcasts?

May is National Masturbation Month, and we're celebrating with Feeling Yourself, a series exploring the finer points of self-pleasure.

He murmurs into your ear, his voice as soft as it is authoritative. Dazed, you don't quite hear what he's saying, but it sounds imploring, urgent — making your heart beat quicker, breath heavy, lips part. 

This isn't a sexual encounter. It's a podcast. Dan Carlin's Hardcore History to be exact. And I'm horny for it.

It's about time we all acknowledged the unspoken eroticism of podcasts (at least, certain types of them).

For enthusiasts, podcasters whisper into our ears with honey-smooth voices on a weekly if not daily basis. (Oh, don't worry, we'll get to Michael Barbaro.) As we lay in our beds alone at night, they come with us, that soothing and familiar cadence washing over us, melting the day away until it's just us ... and that voice. Podcasters are also our constant companions, drowning out the noise and stress of daily routines, turning morning commutes into immersive journeys through sumptuous soundscapes of storytelling.

For the incurably perverted like myself, they can be a wake up call to the wondrous and under-explored world of audio porn. (Apologies to the hardworking creators who may never see their work the same way, but your content is definitely serving us in more ways than one 😉.)

Everyone trying to pretend like podcasts don't get them hot.

Image: vicky leta / mashable 

The rise of the aural fixation

Those who've felt even the slightest titillation from that "aural fixation" are probably relieved to hear they're not alone. A majority of you, however, most likely feel a bit disgusted to discover that rule #34 even infects the wholesome realm of podcasting.

But inarguably, there is a unique and unmatched intimacy embedded into the medium. For more people than you imagine, that makes podcasts the perfect avenue for a more humanized and personal type of masturbation. Both in terms of everyday podcasts and those purposefully trying to get you off.

"Being able to use your imagination to fill in the blanks can be incredibly sexy when many people are used to seeing porn that looks a certain way," said Girl On The Net, a pseudonym for the sex blogger whose dulcet British tones voice some of the most popular auditory erotica on the web.

@HardcoreHistory so glad to hear your sexy voice after 2 endless months of waiting💀💉

— echo (@Alanood504) January 14, 2013

In the same way that some of us are auditory rather than visual learners, some of us are hornier for aural rather than visual porn. It's a small, but growing niche. For Girl on the Net, that's evident in how traffic to her audio porn page nearly doubled over the last year.

SEE ALSO: Podcasts were my friends when I had none

"I think people are becoming much more aware that tube sites aren’t the only place to go to get your rocks off — and I hope many are realizing tube sites aren’t the most ethical place to get your rocks off either," she said, referring to porn sites that host user generated content.

Phoebe Judge's voice is super hot. Inviting but authoritarian, a little hoarse.

— madeleine (@parietines) December 16, 2017

On subreddits alone, there are roughly 276,000 subscribers to r/gonewildaudio (for naughty recordings of yourself), 20,000 on r/GonewildAudible (for more general erotic audio needs), 25,200 on r/pillowtalkaudio (for erotic amateur recordings with consenting partners), and 68,000 on r/nsfwasmr (for sexualized ASMR, which used to be a popular tumblr, too). Similarly, there's a whole subgenre of erotic podcasts recorded with the intent of getting you off, and literotica has an entire subsection for audio. 

People are even starting to monetize on the phenomenon, including a recent app called Dipsea that hosts erotic audio stories catered to millennial women. "It’s perfect for storytelling, it’s intimate, and it’s incredibly imaginative," said Dipsea cofounder and CEO, Gina Gutierrez. "Listening to Dipsea you can feel like the voyeur, or you can become the character."

Even harder core history

I don't know when I first realized certain podcasts (always a solo host or narrator, so panel podcasters are safe) did it for me. But I remember the exact moment I discovered a voice could bring me to near orgasm, despite not having the words or understanding to know what was actually happening. 

I was watching the first Harry Potter movie in the theater, and Professor Severus Snape (played by the late, great Alan Rickman) was delivering his now iconic first year speech on the, "subtle science and exact art of potion-making." A mounting quiver ran down my spine when his tongue clung to each curve of every "s" sound in the phrase "ensnare the senses."

Snape later became the fictional man who guided me through my early sexual awakening, a fantasy that I could control through my imagination while losing myself to these newfound uncontrollable urges. A reoccurring scenario involved being blind-folded, leaving me in total sensory deprivation but for the sound of his silky voice, low and measured, describing everything he wanted to do to me.

Again, with sincerest apologies to Mr. Carlin, I was instantly brought back to those fantasies when I first started listening to Hardcore History.

The perfect boyfriend is the kind that stops talking when you press a button.

Image: vicky leta / mashable

It's not about what he's saying because, no, I do not get off to visceral descriptions of the greatest human atrocities ever recorded by man. Actually, for the process to work, the volume must be low enough for me to hear his impassioned teacherly intonations, but not so loud that I can't replace whatever he's talking about with what I actually want to hear instead. (In my defense, I do also go back and listen for the purpose of learning, too.)

To my relief, I found that I was't alone in having the hots for pods, but also that others are specifically attracted to the idea of a scholarly, silky voice teaching you things. 

"I have a huge crush on a guy who does a politics podcast I listen to a lot," said Girl on the Net, not wishing to call out a specific name (though notably, Dan Carlin also has a political podcast). "There’s something intensely hot about listening to someone more knowledgeable than me discuss a subject I’m interested in. Why else would so many people crush on teachers? You’re definitely not alone in this!"

NPR's podcasting hosts running away from our thirst.

Image: vicky leta / mashable 

That also tracks with the trend of an increasing amount of people identifying as sapiosexual (someone physically aroused by intelligence). Maybe our hankering for podcasters comes down to the fact that nerds are in. And there's no bigger concentration of nerds than in podcasts.

To be fair, those who know me know that there is little in this world I can't find a way to sexualize. To be fairer to me, though, there does seem to be an underlying sensuality — or at the very least admission to intense emotional relationships — in even the most platonic explanations of podcasting's appeal.

A very unsexy (but fascinating) New Yorker article called it a "peculiarly intimate medium," further noting that, "for a digital medium, podcasts are unusual in their commitment to a slow build, and to a sensual atmosphere." NPR's Pop Culture Happy Hour podcaster Glen Weldon even admitted to his own discomfort and revery for the one-way intimacy in our relationships to podcasters, equating binge-listening to nothing short of falling in love. 

Perhaps nobody embodies the intense emotional connection podcasting can inspire more than the New York Times' Michael Barbaro. In a way, he feels like everybody's dream boyfriend: reliable, smart, useful, engaging, able to fit in your pocket — and you can turn him off whenever you've had enough of him.

The indisputable soft-spoken King of Podcasting, a New Yorker profile positively dripping with erotic subtext wrote that, "It’s hard to resist the empathetic vocables with which Barbaro punctuates his interviewees’ words," later describing this as a, "quasi-therapeutic aural hovering."

[INT. BAR — NIGHT] HER: so do you have a name ME: from The New York Times I'm Michael Barbaro

— Liam Weir (@liamrweir) July 31, 2017

What they're talking about is his tendency to interject emphatic, often prolonged hmms during interviews, to vocalize his engagement with what his guest is saying. It's such an endearing and recognizable quirk that it now have its own Twitter fan page, which Barbaro actually follows. 

Generally, he seems to be a man who accepts that this vocal tick touches on a particular nerve that people either love or hate. As another Twitter user begged, "Please please please do not stop the hmmmm!"

Not only seen, but heard

Despite its seeming perversion, though, the sexual attraction to podcasts and auditory erotica comes from a pretty wholesome place. 

I'm listening to the do not disturb podcast with @itsarifitz and I'm realizing, women with SEXY ASS VOICES ARE MY FUCKING TYPE. Help. Me. -L

— LauRapsody (@LauRapsody) May 8, 2017

In large part, it's about feeling like you know the person whispering into your ear like a lover. If the eyes are a window into the soul, then maybe the voice is like a sonic radar for the soul. There are so many human imperfections in your speech pattern, your personality embedded into every lilt, unspoken emotions communicated through each prolonged pause or sudden exclamation.

The best way to describe the vastly different experience between masturbating to visual rather than auditory porn is the difference between anonymous sex versus sex with a significant other.

Audio porn is also a more non-threatening outlet for masturbation, since the visual porn on tube sites often feels intimidatingly aggressive and catered only to heteronormative male desires. 

The visual medium in itself limits you to a more external masturbatory experience, as you shut off your brain and consume other people as sex objects. But as a medium closer to literary erotica (or often an aural version of it), audio invites you to imagine rather than tell you what to like. 

"Of all the audio I’ve made so far, the stuff that seems to get the strongest reaction is when it's framed as 'you.' Instead of 'I did this, he did that' it’s 'you did this to me,'” said Girl on the Net, pointing to this specific example. "Again, it’s focusing on the intimacy — making people feel like they’re a part of something. As if it’s happening to them in the moment."

SEE ALSO: Why notification sounds send you emotionally reeling into the past

Also, she said, "most of my sex stories are true, which I think gives them an immediacy and intimacy off the bat."

In essence, audio porn relies on a more direct relationship between you and what's bringing you to climax.

"All sorts of complicated questions go through your mind when you’re watching visual porn," said Gutierrez, the Dipsea cofounder. "Is she actually feeling pleasure? Is this ethically created? What creepy Airbnb is this happening in? You’re also removed from the action, and are distracted by the things that you don’t relate to — like other people’s (often unrealistic) bodies."

Press play with me

The aural has an innately human power over us all. Before there was video, before there was picture, before there was written word, we knew each other by sound. As a collective, we told our first stories through the oral tradition. As individuals, we were first introduced to other human beings by hearing our mother's voice from inside her belly.

Whisk us off to sleep, Podcasting Daddies.

Image: bob al greenE / mashable 

The common adage that the brain is the largest sexual organ is unmistakably at play in aural erotica. Yet unlike purely text-based erotica, the humanizing addition of another person's voice is one of the only ways to make masturbation feel less solitary. 

Aural erotica is the best of all worlds when it comes to spank bank material: more personal, inclusive, approachable, ethical, and exploratory than visual porn — yet also more sensorily engaging than just textual porn. 

Maybe you still think we're just a minority of weirdos. But in my humble opinion, I think maybe I'm just one of a few willing to admit in plain speak that we're all a little horny for Michael Barbaro's voice.

WATCH: Consent-oriented condom packaging says four hands are needed to open it, but then again – maybe not

[soovaryit]

Gaslighting! and how NOT to treat people with illnesses

Be it mental or physical, anyone with a long term and incurable illness will have received their fair share of scepticism, blame and disdain from people around you. Whether it’s in a romantic or platonic relationship, gaslighting and emotional manipulation can easily develop when you don’t feel healthy in your body and mind. Sometimes even those closest to you don’t understand, or simply don’t want to, and this can make the isolation that comes with these conditions so much worse. It took me a long time to realise that I had been close to someone who completely invalidated me and turned every situation into my fault. This would range from ‘You’re just having a period’ as I was sweating and crying from pain to ‘jokes’ about how no one would want to be with me now that I was ‘broken’. From others, there were also the ‘you’re just lazy’ jokes, the constant questioning of what was ‘actually wrong with me’ and the accusations that I was being ‘hysterical’ (never. ever. fucking use the word hysterical to describe a woman). And can I just stress that these were comments made which were ‘jokes’. Totally harmless jokes that made me deeply upset, self-conscious and ultimately void of self-esteem because I started to believe them. I’m the first person to laugh at my own misfortune because it is essentially my coping mechanism, but it was obvious there was something sinister (and often misogynistic) beneath these comments. These kinds of ‘jokes’ are emotional abuse (here’s a definition if you want to have a look). What led those people to constantly undermine me and what I was going through was nothing to do with me and if it’s happened to you, I can promise it’s nothing to do with you either. I was so good at justifying the way they treated me and spoke to me that I simply couldn’t understand how it wasn’t my fault. I WAS lazy, I was being overly dramatic, I was a burden, I was boring. It was something fundamentally wrong with me that someone had just happened to pick up on. This was such a familiar thought pattern for me then. It wasn’t until I started medication for depression, moved away and allowed myself to reflect on that time that I realised to what extent that person had damaged my confidence, my ability to be vulnerable as well as my judgements on what was normal and what was ill treatment. Although in that one relationship there were very blatantly unacceptable comments, there were much more subtle suggestions that the way I felt was my fault, or me being overly dramatic. It came from employers, people I dated, acquaintances. They were little things that would chip away at my already eroded self-worth, like being passive aggressive when I called in sick, or raised eyebrows when I attempted to talk about how what was going on physically was affecting me mentally. I had no boundaries at this point in my life. I thought relationships were built on endless empathy, compromise and struggle. I would have all the time, patience and kindness in the world for the other person and none whatsoever for myself. I would tell myself they didn’t realise they were upsetting me, they were only joking and would torture myself over how much of an inconvenience I must be. 

Long term illnesses will deplete your self-worth if you’re not very careful with yourself. There’s a reason that I constantly bang on about self care. I didn’t know how to be careful then and I don’t know now, but I am much better because I actively choose sensitive and positive people to surround myself with. You do not have to put up with people’s comments and opinions about something that only you truly understand. Especially in a romantic relationship because I know the guilt can become overwhelming when it comes to the horrific combo of depression and endometriosis. I definitely don’t have all the answers, but when I feel myself slipping into a potentially unhealthy situation with someone I ask myself if I would treat them the way they’ve treated me. If it’s a no, it’s over. If they have upset you and don’t want to take responsibility for that, it’s not ok. If they don’t apoligise, it’s not ok. If they endlessly repeat the same negative behaviour with the promise of changing, run a mile. Setting your own boundaires whilst being totally honest with yourself is the best thing you can do. 

 Through a change in my life plan, moving city and spending a long time trying to understand where my feelings of complete apathy towards my own mental and physical health came from, I realised there was nothing wrong with me. Most importantly I realised that I was not to blame for anything I’d experienced. Even doctors can be less than helpful, particularly when it comes to endo. From the consultant who asked me ‘why I hadn’t made more of a fuss’ after surgery, to the doctor who told me that pregnancy was a cure, sometimes you have to call people out on their blatant disregard for your condition. It’s hard, and luckily for me, I have caring and outspoken parents who were happy to call out these people and tell them that it’s just not good enough.

I write this knowing for a fact that every person who reads it and has been through a similar experience will know what I’m talking about. We live in an extremely ableist world that will relentlessly make you feel guilty for what you’re not capable of doing. We also live in a world that loves to deny women’s pain and invalidate their emotions. Remember that you deserve compassion, sensitivity and understanding, and although it is a never ending battle, you have to know that there are people out there who want to give it to you. I LOVE when people message me their stories and the feeling of solidarity I get from speaking to people who are open and kind about their experiences. Ending on a seriously cheesy note: human connection and shared experiences are infinitely healing. If you have suffered with problematic relationships, I’ll be writing about my experience with IPT (interpersonal therapy) which I start next week. This focuses on relationships that have caused negative feelings, contributed to depression and low self esteem and how those feelings stay with you and in turn impact new relationships (again these could be romantic or platonic). You can have a read of what it consists of here). If it sounds like something you could benefit from, it might be worth speaking to your GP about or contact your local IAPT service.