#Marcille and Falin are so important to me but you have to admit! Marcille kind of looks down on her (not intentionally) as someone who is

[beebfreeb]

Little things about Marcille make me so so so sick. Reading a book with the first character that's anything like you at all in even a somewhat respectable way and falling in love. She doesn't know anything about the food her mother grew up eating. She is subtly different from her peers and has never been sure where she fits in. AND despite those experiences she still falls victim to prejudiced thinking. She and Kabru should be besties who verbally fight like rabid dogs.

[possamble]

⭐️

hee hee i know i probably should have consolidated all the stars into one post but im gonna use this as an excuse to talk about multiple sections lmao

This is another part in chapter 4 that people haven't said too too much about for understandable reasons--it mostly just reads like a fluffy flashback to add to the emotional distress of the current situation:

(It stopped after a few months. Falin never really knew why, nor did she think very much of it — not until it came up in conversation again some years after the fact. “I guess I just felt really awkward — I knew you were a quiet kid, so I felt like I had to compensate, maybe,” Marcille admitted with an apologetic laugh. “It took me a while to realize you didn’t care if I had anything to say or not.”  “That’s not true…”  A brighter laugh, this time. “I didn’t mean it like that. It was more… hm… how do I put this?” She tapped her bottom lip with her finger and stared at the ceiling a bit, ears tilting slightly downwards. “More like, you didn’t mind if I didn’t feel like talking.” “Why would I mind?”  Marcille smiled at her warmly — it was a special smile, one that Falin loved, because Marcille was always smiling brightly and cheerfully. Or, she was calm and graceful, guiding the other students through a difficult concept with all the gentleness in the world.  But this one was soft and warm and so very sincere, Falin couldn’t help but hope she was the only person Marcille smiled like this for.  “Exactly.”  Falin didn’t get it — but then Marcille draped her arm around her shoulders and pulled her closer, so she guessed it was fine if she didn’t. “Maaan, you’ve been growing like a weed lately — I can’t even fit you under my arm anymore!” Marcille threw her other arm around Falin too, clinging close and nuzzling the side of her head. “What am I gonna do if you get as tall as I am? Just stop growing and stay like this forever, I’m begging you—!”)

But! It's kind of one of my own favourite parts about this chapter because of how one-sided and limited the perspective is here: we're seeing Marcille through Falin's eyes, in the form of a memory, from when she was a kid.

My primary focus in this scene was to capture a floaty, kind of detached approach to other people that Falin had as a child--it wasn't that she didn't care, it was more of a childlike resignation that she doesn't understand people, never will, and just kind of going with the flow. She hadn't really learned to mask or be vigilant towards other people's moods yet, in essence. I hope that you can clearly read Falin's detailed and attentive adoration of Marcille juxtaposed with a deeply uncurious attitude towards Marcille's inner thoughts and feelings beyond what she's willing to share.

The other thing I wanted to show was a glimpse of just how much Falin was also Marcille's first friend outside of her family in ways that were so important to her, even if Falin never realized. In my head, the way she approached her social life was colored by some weird and deeply rooted belief that no one would ever bother with her if she wasn't as smart as she was. She had trouble getting accepted into schools as a kid, meaning that she and her parents did apply and were rejected--the magic academy is the first time she's ever been able to be in a social environment without her family, and she got in because she was already an accomplished mage who was fully qualified to be in the research track.

So for Falin to make her feel safe, and like she didn't have to be either helpful or entertaining for someone to enjoy her company meant a great deal to her. Falin didn't care, and couldn't even conceive of a reason why anyone would dislike that Marcille didn't have interesting things to say all the time. In much more subtle ways, Falin's unconditional acceptance of Marcille was much of a first and a revelation for Marcille as Marcille was to Falin.

(So it's unfortunate that there's such a disconnect--Falin thinks that Marcille is just uncomfortable with her like a stranger again. Marcille, on the other hand, is freaking out because her anxiety and insecurity have been renewed, and she doesn't really know how to handle the fact that she wants Falin to find her attractive and interesting and all that.

In a happier and lighter story, this would all be resolved without further hurt and miscommunication :) but we all know that's not what you're here for.)