#i am SO FUCKING SICK of this shit. why do I have to be the one to suffer
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Literally like. When u have an employee who, for the first year and a half, was never ONCE late or missed a shift. And said shift starts at 4 in the fucking morning? Maybe, when that employee starts showing up late and missing shifts, and they're telling you they're going thru some fucking health bullshit and trying to resolve it? Like maybe just maybe you look at their track record and think 'huh maybe I should believe this person!' And if you don't believe them, you should still sit them down and fucking TALK to them about it, so at least you can work toward clearing the air????
What you SHOULDN'T do is say absolutely nothing about it. And instead give the employee the fucking cold shoulder - no 'good morning', no 'excuse me' when yr in their fucking way - day after day until the tension is so thick, they have a pit of acid where their stomach used to be and whoops they already wrote their resignation, too bad:p maybe next time you'll figure it out. stupid bitch:p
Also I HIGHLY suggest not downplaying their issue by saying you have the same thing but you have it under control bc of some stupid shit you heard online. No, I don't think tying a fucking tennis ball to the back of my head is going to prevent me from sleeping 22 hrs in a row and waking up just as exhausted as always. but thanks for nothing:D
#sleep apnea js the thing in question and its still ruining my life#like obviously sleeping on my side hasnt been helping or else i wouldnt still be having the same issues#anyway im quitting (i havent actually written anythint yet#cuz im gonna wait and do it after the weekend passes) and im also gonna just. buy a fucking cpap even tho i dont have a dx#yet#maybe i can get it retroactively covered and even if not i just. am so tired and so sick of this shit#i miss appts i miss hangouts w friends my house is trashed i eat fucking. cereal?? cuz im Alseep when i shouldnt be#and it leaves me w no time for my goddamn life#oh yah thats why theres still no comic btw. ive been asleep! like its fn ridiculous
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Thoughts while reading TGR:
Jean's mother drove the point home early by doing what?????
Jeremy's stepfather's brothers are cops ok ok that explains at least some things
The back to back sitting on a bed 😭
BRYSON SHUT THE FUCK UP
JEREMY ALAN?????? Hello????
Ok MATHILDA SHUT THE FUCK UP, TOO
Wasn't expecting one of Jeremy's hookups to make an entrance
"You go away when you go home. "
Derek and Derrick annoying Jean 👌
The peach
Derek's "Oui señor" had me dying 😂
Jean checking Jeremy out in the shower
Kid dying from a beating at Evermore, why am I shocked, I literally gasped
"I didn't know you served" LOL they really are idiots XD
Jean still making sure Cody is comfortable around Pat and Ananya
His fear of food and traveling alone but feeling safe at Laila's 🥺
Jean's pronunciation of Jeremy's name
Discussing a loss of a sibling with Jeremy
Xavier explaining his surgery
THE. FIREWORKS.
Jean stopping himself before he could hit the freshmen 😢
I don't trust the car. Like at all.
ANDREW MINYARD IN THE FLESH
The foxes didn't know about Neil visiting Jean??????? Oh the drama
Kevin you diva, what the fuck was that with Jean at the house, I can't handle the angst
Wow the interview went to shit. Who would have guessed that..
"You are one of my Trojans" 😭😭
Kevjean addressing their trauma 😭 it's a start I hope
'Emotional procrastination' I love that. Nora put into words something I've been practicing majority of my life
Bryson's "You don't know who you're messing with" oh honey, YOU don't know who you're messing with!!
Jealous Jeremy if I squint????
JEAN IN THERAPY THE NATURE IS HEALING
The postcard 😭
Jean's little cup he made
Noah nooo 😭
Jean's motion sickness - me too bro, me too it's so annoying
JEAN TEACHING JEREMY FRENCH What parallel universe is this??
Jeremy taking the stairs with Jean
The "Jeremy"... I can't
Jean's crush on Laila is funny
The banquet oh no
Protective Jean oh yes
Jeremy's choice of lovers oh no
Jeremy's backstory oh no, I need more time to process all of that
Protective Jean again
Jean focused on the game and being literal savage on the court
"HAVE A WINNING DAY" OH MY GOD
Jeremy praising Jean's performance on the court
Why do the interviewers have to destroy everything?
Jean protecting Jeremy against Zane
Zane Reacher, you will rot in hell for this
Coach Rhemann I love you. The way he approached the situation was kinda brutal but it needed to be done. Jean could finally let everything out.
The whole sequence in Rhemann's house
"but better to be reckless fools than Ravens" DO YOU HEAR ME SCREAMING, DO YOU HEAR ME??????
Fathers DO YOU STILL HEAR ME SCREAMING???????
"I deserve to get better" I'M LOSING MY VOICE SCREAMING
Oh no, not the house 🥺 rip Barkbark
Agent Browning is so done with these exy obsessed mafia kids but honestly? I don't blame him
Thea turning on the Ravens 😶
How Jeremy didn't turn out to be a total dick surrounded by family members like that is beyond me.
Another Raven suicide.. and the fact Jean still cares about his former teammates despite all that happened to him at Edgar Allan..
Mathilda bombarding Jeremy with phone calls because she doesn't trust him
Jeremy's favourite color is blue hmmm ok ok
"brown like the gaze that sought Jean out in every room" AAAAAAAAAAAAA
Jean and Laila's conversation on the balcony
The whole end sequence with the dog is so precious. The fact it was Jean who picked the pup out, the dog immediately liking him, Jabberwocky Moreau, Jean's bi panic, "the rules have changed". Perfection.
EDIT: Fuck I forgot to write down the disastrous Foxes vs. Ravens game. My bad, it was too late. Anyways, hopefully all of the injured foxes would be back at no time.
#the golden raven spoilers#tgr spoilers#the golden raven#jean moreau#jeremy knox#catalina alvarez#laila dermott#jerejean
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Does anyone else find it sort of upsetting how widely popular House M.D. has seemingly become in online queer spaces with how violently acephobic and intersexist it is? Like, I don’t want to pretend that it’s only queerphobic towards aces and intersex people, because the show definitely engages in its fair share of early-2000s-typical casual transphobic and homophobic language, and I do think it’s pretty biphobic that, from what I remember of the show, they made 13 (the one canonically bisexual character) a promiscuous party girl tm.
But the show is extremely vitriolic towards intersex and asexual people, and I wish that the people who treat it like a haha funny toxic yaoi show would at least fucking acknowledge that. The show actively reinforces the ideas about intersex bodies which are used to justify the nonconsensual mutilation of intersex children. And the way the show treats asexuality is abysmal. I saw someone on here once say that it’s “funny” that House is canonically aphobic, as if it’s just a joke that the House episode about asexuality actively supports the idea that asexuals are all either liars or medically unwell and in need of “fixing”. Why is pro-conversion therapy rhetoric suddenly funny when it’s directed towards us?
I’m not saying that no one is allowed to enjoy the show at all. Hell, I used to really enjoy it too, at least before I got to the asexuality episode (shortly after finding out I’m ace and before I had ever seen even a single other representation of asexuality in mainstream media). But like. Can people at least stop outright ignoring the absolutely detrimental effects this show had on the ace community and the intersex community?
#personal#ace#asexual#cw acephobia#it was a popular show! a lot of people who didn’t know asexuality even exists learned about it through this show that told them we need#to have our asexuality “cured” by a medical professional#I’m so so fucking sick of seeing others in the queer community treat acephobia as a lesser form of queerphobia#and we especially need to be doing better for the intersex community too because I am tired of#seeing other lgbtq folks throw intersex ppl under the bus whenever it’s convenient#(only to turn around and use intersex people as a gotcha against exorsexism)#not aroposting#I’m sure there’s also a lot more offensive shit in the show that I’ve forgotten because I haven’t watched it in a very long time#there’s definitely more that can be said about the intersexism in the show but I don’t know how to articulate that as well#someone who is actually a part of the intersex community could probably put it way better than I can#but hell. that incredibly intersexist episode was how I learned that being intersex is even a thing and I’m sure I am not the only one#I know more about the effects on the ace community (for obvious reasons) which is why I’m taking a bit more about that here but#I can’t even imagine how damaging House was (and still is!) to the intersex community
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Y'all ever just think about your ocs and just-
#im sick as a fuckin dog but GATDAM am i gonna be creative#i figured out a plothole with Bart's dad and its HEARTBREAKING#dont get me wrong#he's still a maniacal super duper even fucked up guy#but DAMN DOES THIS MAN MAKE ME FEEL THINGS IN MY HEART#MORD YOU HAD SO MUCH FUCKED UP SHIT HAPPEN TO YOU#SOOOOOOOB#you evil badger man why do you have to have RANGE
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*he spilled my cup of paint water all over everything idk why I said he spilled watercolors I just woke up girls
I literally walked away for two minutes tops to make coffee and came back to his ass sitting on this water color palette and my painting open after spilling my watercolor water all over it
Look at that face. He knows he did something wrong hahahha
#I really wish I had a pic of him just sitting on the watercolors bc it was hilarious#like he looked so innocent and cute and I just knew his was was covered in various colors hashahwhwha#but i was more concerned with the toxicity so my immediate reaction was to try to clean his paws the best I could#and research#it won’t cause any skin or gastrointestinal issues so we’re good thankfully#he will be fine don’t worry lmao it’s water based watercolors#gonna watch him close just in case#grabbed him asap and a wash cloth and took him to the sink#but yes to reiterate it’s NOT TOXIC AND HE IS FINE I PROMISE#also thank goodness I grabbed him immediately before he started prancing around on the white carpet bc I would be yelled at for weeks#u have four bloody scratches on my face but there are not rainbow foot prints all over the house and he is safe so I am fine with that#i**#they’re ^#the way cats attack you and think they’re being punished when you’re literally potentially trying to just save their life#or help them#like unhooking their claw from somethin their stuck too#and like I give a fuck about clothes as much as my cat but there’s paint all over my favorite robe too now hahah#legit thiught the red streaks on my face were watercolor hahahaha so I was like oh shit that blood#I’m not mad#after I found out it wasn’t toxic and that he didn’t step all over the wet carpets and that he was okay i laughed for like 15 minutes#I’m still laughing like… y’all ☠️#please excuse my voice I’m a little sick and I sound like a southerner ew#like why do i sound like someone’s Christian Baptist mother offering someone cookies#Queso#my cats#lmao
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TO ME, THAT’S CINEMA
#tomgreg#so i've seen this around a lot and ppl have already made points but like holy fuck. hoooly fuck lmao where do i begin#TOM THOUGHT THE ROOM WAS EMPTY FOR UH ... FOR WHAT BITCH??#empty for what. you two just going in there ALONE. what for. strategizing? ok but then why was greg showing you tonight's selection.#even if it was girls it's still sus bc like who tf goes specifically to a room to show that shit.#oh by the way i listened again and tom says first ''why do we have to...'' so GREG asked for the room?#greg asked them to go to an empty room. slut.#anD THEN AFTER SAID ''I WANNA GIVE YOU'' BITCH!!!!!!!!1#are we sure it's girls though...... like does it say later. i'll keep watching but Christ. LIKE. WHAT THE FUCK#how am i supposed to read this other than an affair lmfao and then he says ''go on'' and sends greg off away like a little pet#sick to bastard death of them god#so it's like. greg says can we go somewhere private and tom says why do we have to#greg says i wanna give you... and tom says what do you wanna give me annoyed like#girl we are at work and we are trying to stay alive can't you wait til we are at home for me to clap them cheeks#and then greg says a preview of tonight's selection... of what? could be alcohol could be sexy stuff could be mf. clothes idk#and then they look up like O FUCK the room is in use and it's fucking SH*V and immediately tom is like GO ON and greg#doesn't even stutter or say anything like usual he's just like SORRY and leaves immediately bc he KNOWS he gotta gtfo#sorry i'm just. poetic cinema indeed
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hi hello im just gonna complain in the tags so don't worry about that hope you're having a nice time a good day cozy soft day to you my friend ✨
#complaining in the tags cause why the fuck not right it's my house and u don't have to read this bless#hope you're all doing better than i am cause fuckinggg#had fucking insane work weeks with barely any sleep#as reward i guess got sick basically slept for two days with fever#still sick trying not to be sick cause i've got full work weekend also but i am so tired#i've already been tired and now it's even worse i hate it here#also people pissing me off sincerely men fucking men pissing me off so much and i have to be nice but i wanna strangle someone#like fuckinggg stop asking me stupid shit please stop thinking we are friends i am not your friend i just have to fucking work with you#people playing with my time also cause i guess tf would they ask in advance i don't have kids so obviously i'm available to work#at a drop of a hat right#im so tired my friends#and depression is depressing and anxiety is anxieting#i need a breather idk where is my air where is the air in my lungs idk idk#also wtf happened to tumblr again i've not logged in in what? two weeks and they fuck up the dashboard yet again i don't understand#insane thing to talk about at the end of this tag complain rant i guess#anyway
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Currently trying not to vomit over the fact that I essentially just lost almost a thousand dollars brb
#why me. why is it always fucking me am I just not allowed to have good things WHAT have I done to earn this kinda karma#my stupid fucking idiot roommate decided to resign the lease at the complex so I naturally contacted the landlords like hey. how does that#work with the security deposit cuz I paid that years before she even moved in do you guys need to come inspect the place after I leave#and they were like oh no ☺️ it just carries over to her. and I’m like. so. so even though I am not living here nor am on the lease#whether or not I get NINE HUNDRED FUCKING DOLLARS BACK hinges on this JACKASS not wrecking the place???? actually not even then because say#she DOESNT wreck the place when she moves out TURNS OUT the deposit goes to her cuz it’s her name and account attached to the fucking#apartment and I’m just left sitting here like how. how is that fucking fair how does that make fucking sense I have to trust that she doesnt#ruin the place OR GET FUCKING EVICTED BECAUSE SHE HAS NO JOB AND NO WAY TO PAY RENT and then also trust her to just give it to me when she#moves out. I’m actually sick I’m actually gonna fucking throw up and the landlords were like yes exactly ☺️ perhaps you could work something#out with her and she could buy you out of it and I’m just like. she doesn’t have a job she still hasn’t paid me for LAST months utilities#let alone this months do you HONESTLY THINK she is EVER going to pay me the 900 dollars I’m fucking owed#and it’s like does this actually affect anything? no. I didn’t budget with that money cuz I didn’t actively have it and that’s not smart but#like…. 900 dollars….. I could have paid off the rest of my credit card with that and also it’s just infuriating that that money is basically#just being GIVEN to this fucking bitch who I KNOW is not gonna keep that apartment in good shape and that’s again if she somehow doesn’t get#her ass evicted cuz she’s not paying bills why they even LET her sign her own lease there I do not understand she literally has no proof of#income but ig they probably didn’t check that cuz she technically already lived there I’m just so. I’m so tired and I’m so done can I PLEASE#stop being the one who constantly gets screwed fucking over in EVERY situation no matter fucking what#while all these fucking idiots and shitty fucking ppl get whatever they want and actively BENEFIT from me getting fucked over???? I’m done.#I’m so fucking done I am never living with someone ever again never being finanacially tied to anyone fucking again and you know what. thats#great goes well with me basically being convinced atp to never be vulnerable with anyone ever again and never trust anyone ever again and#never dedicate ANY part of my life in a genuine sense to anyone ever again I will be fucking alone in every sense for THE REST of my fucking#life and that’s that. it’ll be better. this kinda shit will stop happening. financially emotionally psychologically I will stop suffering#because holy fucking shit I can’t do it anymore man I’m sick of it I’m sick of trying to be a good person and depend on people and be#vulnerable and always uphold my side of the responsibilities and arrangements just to get fucking spit on like man if this is what being a#shit person gets ppl maybe I should try because they sure seem to get all the benefits and whatever the hell they want consistently and#always while I try and be considerate of others and devote myselves to them and this is all I fucking get for it#and ik I KNOW this is just the straw on the camels back and this is a lot of issues compounding and it’s not even about the money atp#but I’m just. I’m so fucking sick and tired and beaten down and I’m tired of trying I just want to be completely on my own#so at least if bad things happen or I feel like shit I only have myself to blame and it’s safer that way and I’ll have to stop feeling like#this and dealing with these types of things UGH
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#ranting right now because i am gemuinely. sick#I hate that fucking heaten. I tried to help but she is making my words look awful and she turned the situation to her adventage and#now i got fucking insulted by someone and I feel so fucking stressed and#Im crying him trembling i hate this shit i hate this life#why does she have to make everything about her why why why why#I was trying to help but I failed#I dont even want to breathe anymore.#cant i just. do something right. for my fucking 20 years of my life#I bet she is happy right now.#I wonder when I last felt genuine happiness.
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anyway in an absolutely wild turn of events I think I’m free of my hideous job and like. substantially richer for it??? lmao 2023 you really owed me
#ok so this a lot of personal shit but I’m just gonna incredulously vent into the tags#like I don’t even know how to describe what 2023 in this job has been like lol#since April they’ve been insulting and scrutinising and scapegoating me over absolutely everything#they were really angling for just firing me outright for never measuring up to their constantly shifting and increasingly bizarre goalposts#and it got so personal man they kept insisting that it wasn’t but my god#then my dad gets sick and it suddenly becomes awkward for them to keep insulting and overworking me#so they switch to just ignoring me entirely so they don’t have to reckon w what me and my family are going through#like they never ask how he is or how things are going just every Friday they say hey do you reckon you can take more work on again?#and THEN I get a gut infection and suddenly im being guilt tripped for taking sick leave and pestered for evidence#it was giving like ‘we had to give you time off for your dad but now you’re taking the piss’#to the point I DID reach out to a third party at the company and was like ‘I’m sorry but why the fuck are they treating me like this’#and she was like ‘confidentially this is disgusting and I advise you to report it’#WHEN SUDDENLY I get back from sick leave and it’s like ‘the business is falling short so we have to make some redundancies….’#and now they’ve had to pay me a SUBSTANTIAL sum to fuck off!!! I think I win???#like I was so close to quitting but thank god I didn’t because now I’m getting a sweet deal to fuck off with no notice lmao#i leave end of the month#at first I was shocked like y’all really doing this now??? but suddenly I’m like. this is the best possible thing that could’ve happened#I spoke to that third party again and she was like ‘I am so happy for you’ like omfg it was a curveball but we’ll take it!!!#I’m fucking outta here and in due course I WILL be writing on glassdoor how fucked they are
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ಠ益ಠ
#i try not to go into detail abt politics w my own words bcus i never feel intellectually equipped to be elaborate abt it#but like. i'm tired. i'm not purposefully doomscrolling but i feel a need to stay updated as the country slips further and further#into fascism. if i choose to stay uninformed the fasc wins and that's not happening to me#anyway. i'm also sick and tired of everyone specifically liberal types saying everything musk comma his little boys comma and trump#are doing is illegal. genuine fucking question: has that stopped them so far?#the aclu and congress and whatnot are all filing suits and shit for the courts to decide but that does nothing to stop the tangible harm#that is happening RIGHT NOW. musk and his castrati are looting the gov and stealing ur SSNs now and no one is physically stopping them !!!!#they have literal brown shirts standing guard outside of the facilities they are picking thru. and u have senators just stand there#talking to them !!!!!!! PUSH THROUGH GODDAMNIT#these ppl are so fucking useless why tf are u there if you arent willing to risk arrest gfy#not to mention schumer and jeffries have said to our faces on television that they are literally not going to do anything#they are CHOOSING to be completely useless!!!! bcus they wanna go home like they have a regular ass 9-to-5#musk and his berry boys should have been arrested over a week ago and they should only be allowed to stare at a concrete wall#if it were up to me they would ** ******* ** **** **** ** * *******'* ****** and **** * ****** ** **** ** ***** *****#but that's not civil#i cant stand regular protests and rallies anymore they dont do anything it is simply performative#this shit is a clown show and i am mad and i will stay mad#i am genuinely wondering if it is feasible for me to leave the country (it is not) i am so done#i am also not an alarmist but i feel as tho there is far too much underreaction to what is occurring that i genuinely feel crazy#this lawsuit shit is just like. kafkaesque. a tinge camus even. bureaucracy is red tape that is an obstacle to achieving tru justice or#effectual change the parable become real#it is 230am and i have to wash my face. if u need me i will continue to be angry for the foreseeable future gn
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There's honestly... just so many people, just so so so so so many people in this world where I'm like... aren't you people tired of this fucking... you know, I was going to call them clowns but that's really disrespectful to clowns, these people could never get their face on an egg...
Anyway, aren't you tired of this childish jackass? Don't you just want to ignore them and never have to hear about them again? If we just ignored them they legitimately would go away... don't you want that?
And this applies to... just ungodly amounts of people, from jake paul to even elon musk (just... don't touch his shit, he'll run out of money eventually with how bad he is with it), to just... name an annoying famous person and you'll name someone I've literally forgotten right now that I could never have to hear about again if people would just ignore them (unless they committed crimes, investigators are welcome to pay attention while gathering a case)
Yet the answer's always "no, we're paying so much attention to them!" and I'm just like... why? Why would you watch jake paul box? I heard about that and was like "he's still doing that shit?", and yet I guess it made a lot of money yet again and it's just like... ignore him
These people could go away, and yet
#to be blunt this is also very very very much about trump#the best part of all if he'd lost is how I'd never have had to see or hear about his loser ass again#and you people couldn't even manage that (collective you; not you personally... unless you're Pennsylvanian basically)#like he's insufferable... unless you're a die hard fan of him you know he's just stupid and annoying#why would you want to hear a washed up reality star for four more fucking years?#we could ignore these people hard enough to make them go away#and yet I'll be stuck having to hear him say shit about Hannibal or whatever for four more years cause you couldn't do that#I'm so sick of it; I honestly am#jake paul could have been ignored into obscurity like a decade ago; and yet he's able to launch a scam with mr beast#like dear god... can't you people find something better to do than watch these people? ...like watch paint dry?#it's not just people; it's every live action disney remake; it's... it's just all of it... fucking ai#can't you people fucking ignore it? can't you just kinda boo when it shows up and then forget about it?#I get someone like elon is a toddler that needs an eye kept on him to make sure he's not breaking shit but like...#we could just not buy his cars... which... like... doesn't seem like a hard ask given how badly they're manufactured#again... weirdos on tumblr; I'm doubting you're to blame for most of this#but just like... could we just for the love of god let the stupid shit die out you losers?#I'm not even... I'm not even joking here; this isn't like a goof; this is a prescription#nfts die if literally everyone ignores them; live action remakes die if no one watches them; elon goes bankrupt if no one buys from him#(also gets really sad because he's a massive attention seeker; and that's pretty funny so bonus)#why do I still have to hear about jake paul other than like... 'he's been arrested for fraud' or something reasonable?#could have been done with him years ago... like maybe if you kept around one or two bad habits but... like the lootboxes couldn't go?#tune in; turn on; drop out... this part here; I'm asking you to do the drop out part#drop out of society and stop playing their bullshit games#pay attention; be engaged with the world and your community as best you can; and just stop... stop giving this shit oxygen#but again... if this isn't hitting the void it's probably hitting the choir... you're not an oaf on twitter sucking this stuff up#but fuck me... worry over tariffs and other shit aside; concrete quantifiable worries I can lay out I might add#for the people who act like it's just sky is falling mentality; nah... I can expressly say what and why I worry about come january#but all that aside... you couldn't have voted against him just... just to never hear his annoying ass again?#not saying harris would have been good or bad or anything else... I'm saying she would have been a fuck of a lot less annoying#and like... you gave elon a win too... the two most annoying people on the planet and ya couldn't just... not
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i got offered the promotion at work.... why am i every business owners wettest dream damn....
#yapping#yes my ocd is horrible for my mental health but boy is it good for my wallet !!!!#its not OFFICIAL yet#but it was offered to me and i accepted so theyre seeing how they want to proceed now#cause its not just about me theres a shit ton of changes they want to make that include switching like 5 peoples schedules around#but my team leader said that most of those changes being possible depended on whether i would accept this or not#so well see#id be a team leader myself now#the feminine urge to become a power hungry dictator control freak at work.......#id be switching from my current early morning shifts to late night shifts which is much less healthy on paper#but my body is made for sleeping late i physically can not go to bed before 3am even now when i wake up at 5:30#i might have the money to renovate my apartment now cause i think this comes with a 20% pay increase which is a lotttt#i basically will be earning two incomes myself now 😭#dani said he fully believes Ace Of Spades exists at this point cause everything always ends up going my way in the end#i know it may seem like im flexing but please be aware when i started this job a year and a half ago i was borderline homeless 😐#so its a huge deal for me 😭 and really quickly done as well which is why its so insane#like. in a year and a half only i went from borderline homeless and my parents keeping me on constant phonecalls#cause they were worried id off myself if i hung up#to being a homeowner that earns two incomes by herself while working from home#i feel like in most companies hard work doesnt rly pay off tbh i was just lucky to get into one of the few companies where they do value it#the literal CEO is my biggest dickrider 😭 but i do appreciate him giving me raises randomly cause he feels like i deserve it#but yeah !!!! apparently life altering anxiety that forces you to compulsively do perfect work at any job you ever do#because making mistakes and not giving it your 110% feels like a moral failure so you feel sick at the very thought of it#is apparently what makes the dream worker#if only they knew i dont actually care about this in any capacity.... i am just fucked in the head in a way that works im their favour 😭#this is why all of my ex bosses begged me to stay when i quit teehee#im yapping too much but yeah !! heall yeah money !!
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#bro why is everyone growing up and away and trying to figure out their lives and careers and loves#and im just sitting here missing them?#like sure im trying to figure out mine too we're all that age so I don't resent them for it#but why don't they miss me? why don't they feel empty when they haven't talked to me in a long time?#like. didn't they feel very light and happy after talking to me like i did with them don't they have a bad day and think that oh ill#talk to me and it will all feel okay even if it isn't just for a minute?#oh ny god i feel so pathetic asking this but like why am i suddenly crying now???#like my bestf. she's so busy in her new internship in mumbai that she can't be bothered to text me back#a simple yes no question for days. like i understand you have cool new office and work and friends and your stupid fucking ex#that you couldn't stop crying about to me living in that city with you but what about me? what about us?? what about you saying#that you're my first bestfriend i haven't told this to anyone else this is forever everyone else judges me but you're the best#like i just feel like if you're going to leave me then don't fucking say shit like that to me??#okay oh my god this is so irrational but i literally can't stop crying and it's definitely pms like i checked#she's not even leaving she's just suddenly busy and adjusting it's only been like a month#but i hate this stupid fucking knife like fear that as soon as someone is a little busy or seems like they're pulling away a little my#brain is like okay they hate me they're going to leave me so pack your bags we're leaving first#like i know a better solution would be to just tell her that hey dude i fucking miss you and i saw this show and remember how you used to#love peter kavinsky because he was adorable and i want to sit and watch it with you and just why aren't we back in school#where we are basically forced to hang out for like 7 hours because im so sick of only seeing you like once in 2 months for a few hours#like i know it's not your fault and we're just growing up and in different directions but just please like five more minutes can you stay#i don't even have the confidence to say anything to her lol she's my only friend like if even she gets mad and leaves#but i know that's not how healthy relationships work. and ugh my sister is so fucking far away i can feel it everyday#in the 5 and a half hour time difference. i hate this i hate everyone everyone has to go so far away#i hate living in this empty fucking house and being responsible for my own emotions fuck this isse accha toh living with dad hi hai#atleast when im there there are only 2 emotions anxiety and boredom. now i have a whole house to myself to cry whenever I need#for however long i need in a locked room. really looking forward to adulting haha i can see just see myself succeeding so well🙄#man this is crazy im gonna go do jumping jacks or something so this comes and goes faster#umm#dni
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It's really distressing just how much my mental stability relies on a single person's interaction/attention... Especially with just how much worse it's gotten over the past few months. Like before I could at least function normally but now I struggle to do anything if I don't have his attention. Bro can I be fucking normal please
#mud rambles#I hate having bpd so fucking much why does this shit just keep getting worse#I hate how awful it makes me feel too.... I don't like that I feel this way I don't want to treat him like this#I love him so much I just want to be able to treat him like a fuckin person#but my brain is set on treating him like. I don't even know. IT'S JUST DOING TOO MUCH Y'KNOW??#and I hate begging for it afnskljhdklj I feel like I'm always begging for his attention#it's so unfair of me already and I just. don't want him to get sick of me#I'm really trying to be good about it (managing my emotions and reactions) I really am#but it's so fucking hard
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being online rn is such a fucking nightmare oh my god!!!
#everyone purposefully misinterpreting the new ts album and taking lyrics out of context#and pretending they can’t tell when she’s making a joke or writing something tongue in cheek#I am being so good and so normal trying to ignore and not engage with the people spouting this shit but good lord!#people are 100% allowed to like and dislike what they like#but when all I’m seeing is massive threads about Why they hate something or why the lyrics are bad#I’m like don’t you have anything better to do#me personally when I don’t like something I’m not making huge threads about all the ways I hate it#where are the normal people!!!#people who don’t like taylor swift are being utterly deranged but then a lot of the fans aren’t being much better#it’s all fine I just wish I could exist online without being subjected to The Discourse#especially bc these albums came at the exact time I needed them and so much of them speak to me so personally#I’d rather see fucking nothing than everyone fighting over it#and I’m not engaging at all I just wish there was an option to be online to talk about the silly little characters without inevitably#seeing twenty eight think pieces and people screaming#no one in this situation is being normal !!!!#I wish the people saying the whole world is sick and tired of her and that she’s overrated were right#bc then it might actually stop being impossible to get tickets to her shows!#please amen bc I’d like to go in london 🙏
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