#i am SO FUCKING SICK of this shit. why do I have to be the one to suffer
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Does anyone else find it sort of upsetting how widely popular House M.D. has seemingly become in online queer spaces with how violently acephobic and intersexist it is? Like, I don’t want to pretend that it’s only queerphobic towards aces and intersex people, because the show definitely engages in its fair share of early-2000s-typical casual transphobic and homophobic language, and I do think it’s pretty biphobic that, from what I remember of the show, they made 13 (the one canonically bisexual character) a promiscuous party girl tm.
But the show is extremely vitriolic towards intersex and asexual people, and I wish that the people who treat it like a haha funny toxic yaoi show would at least fucking acknowledge that. The show actively reinforces the ideas about intersex bodies which are used to justify the nonconsensual mutilation of intersex children. And the way the show treats asexuality is abysmal. I saw someone on here once say that it’s “funny” that House is canonically aphobic, as if it’s just a joke that the House episode about asexuality actively supports the idea that asexuals are all either liars or medically unwell and in need of “fixing”. Why is pro-conversion therapy rhetoric suddenly funny when it’s directed towards us?
I’m not saying that no one is allowed to enjoy the show at all. Hell, I used to really enjoy it too, at least before I got to the asexuality episode (shortly after finding out I’m ace and before I had ever seen even a single other representation of asexuality in mainstream media). But like. Can people at least stop outright ignoring the absolutely detrimental effects this show had on the ace community and the intersex community?
#personal#ace#asexual#cw acephobia#it was a popular show! a lot of people who didn’t know asexuality even exists learned about it through this show that told them we need#to have our asexuality “cured” by a medical professional#I’m so so fucking sick of seeing others in the queer community treat acephobia as a lesser form of queerphobia#and we especially need to be doing better for the intersex community too because I am tired of#seeing other lgbtq folks throw intersex ppl under the bus whenever it’s convenient#(only to turn around and use intersex people as a gotcha against exorsexism)#not aroposting#I’m sure there’s also a lot more offensive shit in the show that I’ve forgotten because I haven’t watched it in a very long time#there’s definitely more that can be said about the intersexism in the show but I don’t know how to articulate that as well#someone who is actually a part of the intersex community could probably put it way better than I can#but hell. that incredibly intersexist episode was how I learned that being intersex is even a thing and I’m sure I am not the only one#I know more about the effects on the ace community (for obvious reasons) which is why I’m taking a bit more about that here but#I can’t even imagine how damaging House was (and still is!) to the intersex community
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Literally like. When u have an employee who, for the first year and a half, was never ONCE late or missed a shift. And said shift starts at 4 in the fucking morning? Maybe, when that employee starts showing up late and missing shifts, and they're telling you they're going thru some fucking health bullshit and trying to resolve it? Like maybe just maybe you look at their track record and think 'huh maybe I should believe this person!' And if you don't believe them, you should still sit them down and fucking TALK to them about it, so at least you can work toward clearing the air????
What you SHOULDN'T do is say absolutely nothing about it. And instead give the employee the fucking cold shoulder - no 'good morning', no 'excuse me' when yr in their fucking way - day after day until the tension is so thick, they have a pit of acid where their stomach used to be and whoops they already wrote their resignation, too bad:p maybe next time you'll figure it out. stupid bitch:p
Also I HIGHLY suggest not downplaying their issue by saying you have the same thing but you have it under control bc of some stupid shit you heard online. No, I don't think tying a fucking tennis ball to the back of my head is going to prevent me from sleeping 22 hrs in a row and waking up just as exhausted as always. but thanks for nothing:D
#sleep apnea js the thing in question and its still ruining my life#like obviously sleeping on my side hasnt been helping or else i wouldnt still be having the same issues#anyway im quitting (i havent actually written anythint yet#cuz im gonna wait and do it after the weekend passes) and im also gonna just. buy a fucking cpap even tho i dont have a dx#yet#maybe i can get it retroactively covered and even if not i just. am so tired and so sick of this shit#i miss appts i miss hangouts w friends my house is trashed i eat fucking. cereal?? cuz im Alseep when i shouldnt be#and it leaves me w no time for my goddamn life#oh yah thats why theres still no comic btw. ive been asleep! like its fn ridiculous
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Y'all ever just think about your ocs and just-
#im sick as a fuckin dog but GATDAM am i gonna be creative#i figured out a plothole with Bart's dad and its HEARTBREAKING#dont get me wrong#he's still a maniacal super duper even fucked up guy#but DAMN DOES THIS MAN MAKE ME FEEL THINGS IN MY HEART#MORD YOU HAD SO MUCH FUCKED UP SHIT HAPPEN TO YOU#SOOOOOOOB#you evil badger man why do you have to have RANGE
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God I am fucking sick of this
#literally only keep me around to do shit for you because you have no one else and I'm really just your little helper when you#don't do shit for me and I am still so fucking mad when I got you some pastries and I picked up food for you a few days ago#and you just. Didn't want to eat any of it and decide you want smth else#I got those for you??? I got the food like you asked me to and you didn't eat it so don't keep telling me to pick up things you won't eat#and then you have the goddamn audacity to be like “oh did you get any pastries for him?” I GOT THOSE. FOR YOU.#WHY IN THE FUCKING HELL DO YOU EXPECT ME TO ALWAYS GET SMTH FOR HIM#CAN YOU THINK ABOUT ANYONE ELSE EXCEPT YOUR SHITTY GODDAMN HUSBAND FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIFE#Not even me. Not even the person who continuously tries to help you and you don't give two shits about it#You wouldn't do this for me and I know it#I am so happy I'm not gonna end up like you being chained to a fucking man for everything#You make me sick just looking at you when you can't take care of yourself#I'm bitter I'm so bitter about this as you can see and part of me wants to leave you to fend for yourself#Cause you never truly appreciated me at all#No one really appreciates me here what am I saying :/ they only interact with me when I can give them smth in return#I need to stop doing things for people who wouldn’t do the same for me#Why are you trying so hard why are giving so much of yourself for barely anything#fucking ridiculous#Sorry this is just one huge rant I am not in the best mood today#my posts
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*he spilled my cup of paint water all over everything idk why I said he spilled watercolors I just woke up girls
I literally walked away for two minutes tops to make coffee and came back to his ass sitting on this water color palette and my painting open after spilling my watercolor water all over it
Look at that face. He knows he did something wrong hahahha
#I really wish I had a pic of him just sitting on the watercolors bc it was hilarious#like he looked so innocent and cute and I just knew his was was covered in various colors hashahwhwha#but i was more concerned with the toxicity so my immediate reaction was to try to clean his paws the best I could#and research#it won’t cause any skin or gastrointestinal issues so we’re good thankfully#he will be fine don’t worry lmao it’s water based watercolors#gonna watch him close just in case#grabbed him asap and a wash cloth and took him to the sink#but yes to reiterate it’s NOT TOXIC AND HE IS FINE I PROMISE#also thank goodness I grabbed him immediately before he started prancing around on the white carpet bc I would be yelled at for weeks#u have four bloody scratches on my face but there are not rainbow foot prints all over the house and he is safe so I am fine with that#i**#they’re ^#the way cats attack you and think they’re being punished when you’re literally potentially trying to just save their life#or help them#like unhooking their claw from somethin their stuck too#and like I give a fuck about clothes as much as my cat but there’s paint all over my favorite robe too now hahah#legit thiught the red streaks on my face were watercolor hahahaha so I was like oh shit that blood#I’m not mad#after I found out it wasn’t toxic and that he didn’t step all over the wet carpets and that he was okay i laughed for like 15 minutes#I’m still laughing like… y’all ���️#please excuse my voice I’m a little sick and I sound like a southerner ew#like why do i sound like someone’s Christian Baptist mother offering someone cookies#Queso#my cats#lmao
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hi hello im just gonna complain in the tags so don't worry about that hope you're having a nice time a good day cozy soft day to you my friend ✨
#complaining in the tags cause why the fuck not right it's my house and u don't have to read this bless#hope you're all doing better than i am cause fuckinggg#had fucking insane work weeks with barely any sleep#as reward i guess got sick basically slept for two days with fever#still sick trying not to be sick cause i've got full work weekend also but i am so tired#i've already been tired and now it's even worse i hate it here#also people pissing me off sincerely men fucking men pissing me off so much and i have to be nice but i wanna strangle someone#like fuckinggg stop asking me stupid shit please stop thinking we are friends i am not your friend i just have to fucking work with you#people playing with my time also cause i guess tf would they ask in advance i don't have kids so obviously i'm available to work#at a drop of a hat right#im so tired my friends#and depression is depressing and anxiety is anxieting#i need a breather idk where is my air where is the air in my lungs idk idk#also wtf happened to tumblr again i've not logged in in what? two weeks and they fuck up the dashboard yet again i don't understand#insane thing to talk about at the end of this tag complain rant i guess#anyway
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Currently trying not to vomit over the fact that I essentially just lost almost a thousand dollars brb
#why me. why is it always fucking me am I just not allowed to have good things WHAT have I done to earn this kinda karma#my stupid fucking idiot roommate decided to resign the lease at the complex so I naturally contacted the landlords like hey. how does that#work with the security deposit cuz I paid that years before she even moved in do you guys need to come inspect the place after I leave#and they were like oh no ☺️ it just carries over to her. and I’m like. so. so even though I am not living here nor am on the lease#whether or not I get NINE HUNDRED FUCKING DOLLARS BACK hinges on this JACKASS not wrecking the place???? actually not even then because say#she DOESNT wreck the place when she moves out TURNS OUT the deposit goes to her cuz it’s her name and account attached to the fucking#apartment and I’m just left sitting here like how. how is that fucking fair how does that make fucking sense I have to trust that she doesnt#ruin the place OR GET FUCKING EVICTED BECAUSE SHE HAS NO JOB AND NO WAY TO PAY RENT and then also trust her to just give it to me when she#moves out. I’m actually sick I’m actually gonna fucking throw up and the landlords were like yes exactly ☺️ perhaps you could work something#out with her and she could buy you out of it and I’m just like. she doesn’t have a job she still hasn’t paid me for LAST months utilities#let alone this months do you HONESTLY THINK she is EVER going to pay me the 900 dollars I’m fucking owed#and it’s like does this actually affect anything? no. I didn’t budget with that money cuz I didn’t actively have it and that’s not smart but#like…. 900 dollars….. I could have paid off the rest of my credit card with that and also it’s just infuriating that that money is basically#just being GIVEN to this fucking bitch who I KNOW is not gonna keep that apartment in good shape and that’s again if she somehow doesn’t get#her ass evicted cuz she’s not paying bills why they even LET her sign her own lease there I do not understand she literally has no proof of#income but ig they probably didn’t check that cuz she technically already lived there I’m just so. I’m so tired and I’m so done can I PLEASE#stop being the one who constantly gets screwed fucking over in EVERY situation no matter fucking what#while all these fucking idiots and shitty fucking ppl get whatever they want and actively BENEFIT from me getting fucked over???? I’m done.#I’m so fucking done I am never living with someone ever again never being finanacially tied to anyone fucking again and you know what. thats#great goes well with me basically being convinced atp to never be vulnerable with anyone ever again and never trust anyone ever again and#never dedicate ANY part of my life in a genuine sense to anyone ever again I will be fucking alone in every sense for THE REST of my fucking#life and that’s that. it’ll be better. this kinda shit will stop happening. financially emotionally psychologically I will stop suffering#because holy fucking shit I can’t do it anymore man I’m sick of it I’m sick of trying to be a good person and depend on people and be#vulnerable and always uphold my side of the responsibilities and arrangements just to get fucking spit on like man if this is what being a#shit person gets ppl maybe I should try because they sure seem to get all the benefits and whatever the hell they want consistently and#always while I try and be considerate of others and devote myselves to them and this is all I fucking get for it#and ik I KNOW this is just the straw on the camels back and this is a lot of issues compounding and it’s not even about the money atp#but I’m just. I’m so fucking sick and tired and beaten down and I’m tired of trying I just want to be completely on my own#so at least if bad things happen or I feel like shit I only have myself to blame and it’s safer that way and I’ll have to stop feeling like#this and dealing with these types of things UGH
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I hate being impoverished and being a picky eater at the same time. Bc what do you mean there’s nothing to eat?? There are perfectly good pickles, two week old strawberries, and a questionable beef and rice mix- All of which I could eat, but the thought of doing so for any of the above!!! Makes me more sick than the hunger!!!
#If I could get high i would get the munchies but im so sick I cant even smoke rn#so I literally am just sitting here. nauseous from hunger. not seeing anything to eat#I had this same problem yesterday and ended up making buttered noodles… BUT JOKES ONE ME THERES NO MORE FUCKING BUTTER LEFT#Theres. like. plain ass noodles that Id could boil and eat#but to be honest? im craving real food. im craving protien and veggies and fruits that aren’t starting to look like a science project#I mean. at least. i have dinner amirite?#which is also something I dont like but ffs I have to eat SOMETHING#Im not even trying to do this shit purposefully. I just want to eat#Why cant I just be a normal fucking eater!!! like cmon brain at least let me eat the pickles!!!!!#the bugz speak#vent posting
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the urge to write three different time travel aus at once
#why am i LIKE THIS what is in my HEAD#okay listen idea numero uno: i wanna throw too many people in a conference room and force them to talk things through.#that one is partially written already even tho i havent finished the fucking series#idea numero dos is under my 'in case of time travel bring slugthrower' tag. basic premise is bobadinluke go back in time by accident and#decide to assassinate palpatine abt it. also partially written#idea numero TRES is to have a team go back ON PURPOSE like wayy back to phantom menace and do spy shit to fix the republic#and you gotta admit that sounds sick as fuck. but that would mean keeping track of just so many characters doing so many things#like at least with the force mandated conference all those fucks are trapped in the same room#star wars#i need a mutual to bully me into writing for at least one of em
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#so. i can't make a comment about how i had to LITERALLY bribe my sister so she'd do the dishes for me when i was fucking sick#because then i am “not very generous” myself either#even tho i am always getting stuff for my parents and my sisters whenever I'm able now that i got a job#and they Know i don't do it just so i can't throw it back at their faces. they Know i don't expect ANYTHING in return#i just want them to be fucking grateful for once. why do they constantly have to make me feel like absolute shit#it really is never enough. I'm always gonna be selfish and ungrateful and inconsiderate no matter what#i genuinely hate it here. i wish rent wasn't so damn expensive here because then i would've moved out of this fucking house already#why does family suck sometimes#cami.txt
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anyway in an absolutely wild turn of events I think I’m free of my hideous job and like. substantially richer for it??? lmao 2023 you really owed me
#ok so this a lot of personal shit but I’m just gonna incredulously vent into the tags#like I don’t even know how to describe what 2023 in this job has been like lol#since April they’ve been insulting and scrutinising and scapegoating me over absolutely everything#they were really angling for just firing me outright for never measuring up to their constantly shifting and increasingly bizarre goalposts#and it got so personal man they kept insisting that it wasn’t but my god#then my dad gets sick and it suddenly becomes awkward for them to keep insulting and overworking me#so they switch to just ignoring me entirely so they don’t have to reckon w what me and my family are going through#like they never ask how he is or how things are going just every Friday they say hey do you reckon you can take more work on again?#and THEN I get a gut infection and suddenly im being guilt tripped for taking sick leave and pestered for evidence#it was giving like ‘we had to give you time off for your dad but now you’re taking the piss’#to the point I DID reach out to a third party at the company and was like ‘I’m sorry but why the fuck are they treating me like this’#and she was like ‘confidentially this is disgusting and I advise you to report it’#WHEN SUDDENLY I get back from sick leave and it’s like ‘the business is falling short so we have to make some redundancies….’#and now they’ve had to pay me a SUBSTANTIAL sum to fuck off!!! I think I win???#like I was so close to quitting but thank god I didn’t because now I’m getting a sweet deal to fuck off with no notice lmao#i leave end of the month#at first I was shocked like y’all really doing this now??? but suddenly I’m like. this is the best possible thing that could’ve happened#I spoke to that third party again and she was like ‘I am so happy for you’ like omfg it was a curveball but we’ll take it!!!#I’m fucking outta here and in due course I WILL be writing on glassdoor how fucked they are
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ಠ益ಠ
#i try not to go into detail abt politics w my own words bcus i never feel intellectually equipped to be elaborate abt it#but like. i'm tired. i'm not purposefully doomscrolling but i feel a need to stay updated as the country slips further and further#into fascism. if i choose to stay uninformed the fasc wins and that's not happening to me#anyway. i'm also sick and tired of everyone specifically liberal types saying everything musk comma his little boys comma and trump#are doing is illegal. genuine fucking question: has that stopped them so far?#the aclu and congress and whatnot are all filing suits and shit for the courts to decide but that does nothing to stop the tangible harm#that is happening RIGHT NOW. musk and his castrati are looting the gov and stealing ur SSNs now and no one is physically stopping them !!!!#they have literal brown shirts standing guard outside of the facilities they are picking thru. and u have senators just stand there#talking to them !!!!!!! PUSH THROUGH GODDAMNIT#these ppl are so fucking useless why tf are u there if you arent willing to risk arrest gfy#not to mention schumer and jeffries have said to our faces on television that they are literally not going to do anything#they are CHOOSING to be completely useless!!!! bcus they wanna go home like they have a regular ass 9-to-5#musk and his berry boys should have been arrested over a week ago and they should only be allowed to stare at a concrete wall#if it were up to me they would ** ******* ** **** **** ** * *******'* ****** and **** * ****** ** **** ** ***** *****#but that's not civil#i cant stand regular protests and rallies anymore they dont do anything it is simply performative#this shit is a clown show and i am mad and i will stay mad#i am genuinely wondering if it is feasible for me to leave the country (it is not) i am so done#i am also not an alarmist but i feel as tho there is far too much underreaction to what is occurring that i genuinely feel crazy#this lawsuit shit is just like. kafkaesque. a tinge camus even. bureaucracy is red tape that is an obstacle to achieving tru justice or#effectual change the parable become real#it is 230am and i have to wash my face. if u need me i will continue to be angry for the foreseeable future gn
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#bro why is everyone growing up and away and trying to figure out their lives and careers and loves#and im just sitting here missing them?#like sure im trying to figure out mine too we're all that age so I don't resent them for it#but why don't they miss me? why don't they feel empty when they haven't talked to me in a long time?#like. didn't they feel very light and happy after talking to me like i did with them don't they have a bad day and think that oh ill#talk to me and it will all feel okay even if it isn't just for a minute?#oh ny god i feel so pathetic asking this but like why am i suddenly crying now???#like my bestf. she's so busy in her new internship in mumbai that she can't be bothered to text me back#a simple yes no question for days. like i understand you have cool new office and work and friends and your stupid fucking ex#that you couldn't stop crying about to me living in that city with you but what about me? what about us?? what about you saying#that you're my first bestfriend i haven't told this to anyone else this is forever everyone else judges me but you're the best#like i just feel like if you're going to leave me then don't fucking say shit like that to me??#okay oh my god this is so irrational but i literally can't stop crying and it's definitely pms like i checked#she's not even leaving she's just suddenly busy and adjusting it's only been like a month#but i hate this stupid fucking knife like fear that as soon as someone is a little busy or seems like they're pulling away a little my#brain is like okay they hate me they're going to leave me so pack your bags we're leaving first#like i know a better solution would be to just tell her that hey dude i fucking miss you and i saw this show and remember how you used to#love peter kavinsky because he was adorable and i want to sit and watch it with you and just why aren't we back in school#where we are basically forced to hang out for like 7 hours because im so sick of only seeing you like once in 2 months for a few hours#like i know it's not your fault and we're just growing up and in different directions but just please like five more minutes can you stay#i don't even have the confidence to say anything to her lol she's my only friend like if even she gets mad and leaves#but i know that's not how healthy relationships work. and ugh my sister is so fucking far away i can feel it everyday#in the 5 and a half hour time difference. i hate this i hate everyone everyone has to go so far away#i hate living in this empty fucking house and being responsible for my own emotions fuck this isse accha toh living with dad hi hai#atleast when im there there are only 2 emotions anxiety and boredom. now i have a whole house to myself to cry whenever I need#for however long i need in a locked room. really looking forward to adulting haha i can see just see myself succeeding so well🙄#man this is crazy im gonna go do jumping jacks or something so this comes and goes faster#umm#dni
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It's really distressing just how much my mental stability relies on a single person's interaction/attention... Especially with just how much worse it's gotten over the past few months. Like before I could at least function normally but now I struggle to do anything if I don't have his attention. Bro can I be fucking normal please
#mud rambles#I hate having bpd so fucking much why does this shit just keep getting worse#I hate how awful it makes me feel too.... I don't like that I feel this way I don't want to treat him like this#I love him so much I just want to be able to treat him like a fuckin person#but my brain is set on treating him like. I don't even know. IT'S JUST DOING TOO MUCH Y'KNOW??#and I hate begging for it afnskljhdklj I feel like I'm always begging for his attention#it's so unfair of me already and I just. don't want him to get sick of me#I'm really trying to be good about it (managing my emotions and reactions) I really am#but it's so fucking hard
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being online rn is such a fucking nightmare oh my god!!!
#everyone purposefully misinterpreting the new ts album and taking lyrics out of context#and pretending they can’t tell when she’s making a joke or writing something tongue in cheek#I am being so good and so normal trying to ignore and not engage with the people spouting this shit but good lord!#people are 100% allowed to like and dislike what they like#but when all I’m seeing is massive threads about Why they hate something or why the lyrics are bad#I’m like don’t you have anything better to do#me personally when I don’t like something I’m not making huge threads about all the ways I hate it#where are the normal people!!!#people who don’t like taylor swift are being utterly deranged but then a lot of the fans aren’t being much better#it’s all fine I just wish I could exist online without being subjected to The Discourse#especially bc these albums came at the exact time I needed them and so much of them speak to me so personally#I’d rather see fucking nothing than everyone fighting over it#and I’m not engaging at all I just wish there was an option to be online to talk about the silly little characters without inevitably#seeing twenty eight think pieces and people screaming#no one in this situation is being normal !!!!#I wish the people saying the whole world is sick and tired of her and that she’s overrated were right#bc then it might actually stop being impossible to get tickets to her shows!#please amen bc I’d like to go in london 🙏
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being kin is like everything is wrong forever and ever and you can never tell anyone about it because they either wont understand or believe you or wont know what youre talking about and you can never go back !!!!! and you have to watch everyone else finding people they knew and itll never happen to you !!! and it feels Cringe and Bad that this is what dictates your entire mental state so you can never have a useful conversation about mental health with anyone because they arent talking to all of you they only want to know about things that happened /here/ and maybe it would be better if i didnt know that i was actually supposed to be someone else !!!and it seems to get me so much worse because im ********** about it so even compared to other kin it feels like im just being a dramatic bitch
#im so normal everyone actually this isnt making me feel like im literally hollow haha#not even allowed to call this one a [word] because ''those arent real!'' ok but im ********** about it what else do u want me to call it#idfc how much my timeline sucked actually if [redacted] wants to put me in a tube again it cant be worse than being stuck here !#is it some kind of sick fucking multiverse joke to not have the ************ wear off Ever even if you die like#WHY AM I //STILL// LIKE THIS . HELLO#that shit made me weird in a vevry specific way and im really not supposed to be just Out Here . What#wow this is just like the tl where i got dragged outside against my will but this time i have to be tr/ans as well and i cant go back ever#and nobody knows !!!!!!!#ok most of this post was about tr/on but also honourable mention to k/h for making me cry until i threw up the other day#and also having nothing in the kin tags and making me unreasonably upset considering i dont feel like i can say i k/in from it yet since-#-idk shit about any of it really . not that anyone does tbh but still . shift that makes you so sad you throw up and convince yourself-#-youre missing an actual organ ! im so normal#primary source torment nexus tag#k/h tag#s#v
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