#how to make a detox drink

[sammygender]

i just rewatched the rapture ohhhhh my god. such a good episode the jimmy stuff is actually fucking horrifying somehow even worse remembering claire grows up to be a hunter. then dean and bobby at the end locking sam in the panic room oh i hope they suffer. forever. he shouldve never spoken to their asses again

[jahanaras]

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[astrobiscuits]

Solar return obs 2

🦦 Jupiter in 3rd house indicates learning a new language that year. It's also possible that you might go on several short-distance trips for educational purposes

🦦 Jupiter in 6th house indicates adopting a pet, especially an exotic one like a parrot, a squirrel, a fox, a snake or a lizard

🦦 Uranus in 10th house is a strong indicator for getting married that year. This is because marriage often implies a change of status (from being in a relationship -> being married), changing your name (taking your spouse name -> changing legal documents, a theme which is specific to the traditional ruler of 10th house, Capricorn). Aqua MC at 4 degrees can also point to getting married

🦦 Another indicator for starting a family would be Jupiter in 4th house (even though this one points out more to having a baby with a spouse)

🦦 You might start learning how to play a musical instrument when Mercury is sitting in your 3rd house in Leo or when Mercury is conjuncting asteroid Euterpe (27), Polyhymnia (33) or Stereoskopia (566)

🦦 With Sun conjuncting Part of Fortune, you might end up having one of your most blessed years. You'll be the right person at the right time (lucky girl syndrome frr). Meanwhile, North Node conjuncting PoF indicates having a bright future. Your upcoming year might prove to be better than the SR year where NN is conjuncting PoF. The period approaching the end of the SR might also be better than the whole year

🦦 Saturn in 11th house indicates feeling like a social outcast during that year. Your friend group might decide to kick you to the curb and you'll have a harder time making new friends due to the trauma that you carry with you. It can also indicate a sense of not being able to fulfill one's wishes, despite the work & effort you put into materializing them.

🦦 Another meaning for Saturn in 11th house in SR is rejecting current trends in the hopes of pursuing a simpler, yet more "archaic lifestyle" (for ex: that might be the year when you decide to delete all your social media accounts, go on a digital detox or downgrade your phone)

🦦 Your SR can also show you when you'll quit one of your addictions. Look at your chart ruler and if it sits in your 12th house:

Venus as chart ruler in 12th house -> no more compulsive shopping/indulging in too many sweets

Mars as chart ruler in 12th house -> no more excessive caffeine consumption

Saturn as chart ruler in 12th house -> no more smoking

Uranus as chart ruler in 12th house -> no more internet addiction

Neptune as chart ruler in 12th house -> no more excessive drinking/weed consumption

🦦 Pluto conjunct Ascendant is often found in the years when celebrities have plastic surgery. If Pluto is in 1st house, people will know about the surgery. If Pluto is in 12th house, the celebrities will deny getting any plastic surgery or nobody will know. This can be valid if Pluto is in 1st house too (without conjuncting the asc)

🦦 Lilith conjunct Venus can be found in the years when you might date "problematic" people (drug dealers, prisoners, older men/women, etc). Even if you don't date any of them, you might attract them more than usual. This could also happen if SR Lilith conjuncts Venus or vice versa

🦦 Saturn at 29 degrees can be found in the years when you might break generational family trauma. The process might feel like heavy purging, like finally leaving a insurmountable weight behind. You might also deal with generational family trauma if Saturn is aspecting Chiron, but it depends on other aspects if you'll be able to heal yourself or not

🦦 Ruler of your 11th house in 7th house -> one of your friends might become your best friend and/or your partner. You can also end up working on a humanitarian project together (like, legally)

🦦 Ruler of your 2nd house in 8th house -> you might give someone a large sum of money or a personal asset

🦦 Ruler of your 8th house in 2nd house -> you might get a large sum of money or material possesion from someone (imo, this can also point out to getting an engagement ring from your partner if there are other relationships/wedding indicators in SR)

🦦 Ruler of your 2nd house in 6th house -> you might pay extra money on improving your routine & health (replacing fast food with quality food, affording high quality workout clothes and equipment, splurging on ethical skincare, taking preventive health measures, etc.)

🦦 Ruler of your 9th house in 4th house -> if you live abroad, you might move back to your home country. You might also teach your family about the customs of the country you lived in, the language or implement some foreign daily habits into your household (regardless if you have lived in said country or not)

[theambitiouswoman]

How to cleanse your body of negative energy 🪐✨

Meditate: Take a few minutes to sit quietly, breathe deeply, and just let go of all the junk cluttering your mind.

Move Your Body: The gym, pilates, yoga, a walk, or even dancing in your room, moving your body can lift your spirits.

Nature: Go outside! A walk in the park, a hike, or just sit by the water. The water has natural healing properties.

Be Present: Do things that make you focus on the now. Try deep breathing, write in a journal, or practice a hobby you enjoy.

Smudge It Out: Use sage or palo santo to cleanse your space and yourself.

Crystals: Keep crystals like black tourmaline or amethyst with you. They soak up negative energy and bring in the good stuff.

Sound Vibrations: Listen to 528Hz frequency music, chanting, or use singing bowls to create positive energy through sound.

Salt Bath: Take a bath with sea salt or Epsom salts to detox and relax. Drinking lots of water helps too!

Positive Self Talk: Say positive affirmations to yourself every day. It’s like reprogramming your brain to think happy thoughts.

Sleep: Make sure you’re getting enough sleep. It’s super important for recharging your body and mind.

[720am]

M A S T E R L I S T

for losing as much as possible in a short amount of time (cuz we are all desperate), from me - a biotechnologist, who relapsed (the demons never leave)

the tips i am about to share with all my girliepops are all based on science and work; if you have any other tips, feel free to share in the comments, so we can have all the tips in one place!

• eat your meals from smaller sized plates, to trick your brain you are eating more

• cut up your food into small pieces

• chew every bite at least 10-15 times, until it is a purée consistency; this way you will be eating slower and give your brain more time to realise you are full

• sip water with a lemon slice between your bites

• focus on eating vegetables and protein, limit carbs

• drink a lot of water, and I mean a lot

• add lemon slices to your water to make it have some flavour; also the lemon juice in water before your meals will help reduce the glucose spike => less insulin released from liver => less absorbed glucose from carbs/sugars/starches => less fat on your body

• move for 10 mins right after eating - walk, do calf raises, some light movement so all the glucose can be used before getting stored as fat on your body

• drink tea - green tea, detox tea, whatever tea, without a sweetener

• do not drink diet sodas/colas - or any kind of liquid that is not water/tea - these are useless calories, why would you do that to yourselves?! even if it says 0 cals - this s#it is so bad for you, and the carbonation makes you feel bloated like a god damn whale! ditch the diet sodas girliepops

• implement some kind of movement every day - walking, pilates, yoga, dance workouts, resistance bands workouts or stretching

• do not weigh yourself everyday - due to hormones our weigh fluctuates every day and this will just make you feel bad if you lose and gain 1-2 legs everyday depending on your menstrual cycle, water weight and so on.. weigh yourself every 2 weeks.

• do not drink fruit juice - this is such a scam; hear me out: how many oranges does it take to make 1 glass of orange juice? around 3. can you eat three whole oranges in one sitting? i bet no. then why would you drink 3 oranges? when you make fruit juice, all the fibre and the pulp is removed, leaving you with just the juice with all the sugar in it (in the form of glucose and fructose) so you are basically drinking pure sugar, which turns into fat… just eat your damned fruit, instead of drinking a bunch of empty calories

• take red cranberry supplements - they are usually taken for UTIs, but the red cranberry has diuretic effect, and will make you pee your water weight out; please do not take more than 2 pills and remember to drink plenty of water so you don’t damage your kidneys!!!!

• take probiotics - this will ensure your gut health stays good while restricting foods, so you don’t end up constipated and bloated

• i personally do not eat dairy products (i am lactose intolerant) - they are full of hormones from the cows, give you acne and inflammation, and the protein in it is not worth it considering the amount of fat these products have; skip the dairy if you can

• if you drink a lot of coffee, remember to drink plenty of water! coffee has a diuretic effect and if you are not drinking more water, it will make you retain whatever water is in your body, leading to water weight gain

• if you end up binging, do so mindfully - do not give in to all the food, just have a piece of chocolate, not the whole chocolate bar; have a piece of cake, not the whole cake; then get back on track and try to exercise as much as possible to burn the excess calories

• i think this is obvious but let me say it just in case - in order to lose weight, you have to be on a calorie deficit - meaning you burn/use more calories than you consume; but!! here is the trick - you have to maintain low calorie diet, do not ⭐️ve for more than 2 days, as this will f#ck up your metabolism - your body goes into fight or flight response, meaning everything you eat after f4sting will remain on your body as a reserve of food, in case you end up ⭐️ving again; so have your veggies and protein (chicken breasts, white fish)

• keep yourself busy so you don’t think about f0od - study, work, read books, journal, whatever it is, your day has to be full of activities do you can forget to e4t

• reject offered food - say you already ate / yr not hungry / you are allergic to some ingredient / you have a bad migraine and this will make it worse / or take the food and say you will have it later and just give it to someone else (pls don’t throw in trash, do not waste food)

• when eating with family / boyfriend - place food in a smaller plate, cut up food into very small pieces and eat very slowly and chew every bite for a long time, sip water between every few bites, then say you are full and cannot eat anymore / that you ate a bit earlier and yr full

• when eating, eat your veggies first, then your protein and eat the smallest amount of carbs - always leave leftover carbs in your plate

• do not eat any snacks - no cereal bars, no cereal, no chips, no crisps, no crackers, no salty sticks, just do not eat snacks!

• if you feel like eating - drink water first, then have veggies (cucumbers, carrots, tomatoes, radishes, etc) or fruit (apples, citrus, any kind of berries)

• if you are having breakfast - always eat a savoury breakfast - eggs, avocado, veggies etc; never eat a sweet breakfast - cereal, croissants, pancakes, etc, this will spike up your glucose levels and all that sugar will turn into fat; a sweet breakfast will make you feel tired and exhausted all day, leading you to eat more

• wear a waist trainer - do so for no more than 8hrs a day; this will also help you have smaller portions of food, as it won’t allow your stomach to expand

• do not purge - this is very bad for your teeth and overall health; the stomach acid is very strong and every time you purge, your teeth are getting damaged; just don’t overeat in the first place and have self control!

this is all i have for right now; if i think of anything else, i will add later / make another post; if you have anything to add to this list - go ahead and do so in the comments below

remember, stay safe xx

[adviceformefromme]

Personal health hacks that have completely changed my life in the last 9 months.

Absolute number one is removing carbs from my diet. I had THE WORST crashes and lethargy every single day after my morning oat meal, after my carb heavy lunch, and carb heavy dinner. Despite being vegan my body lacked nutrients and calories from under-eating being plant-based and carb-overloading. 

Introducing grass-fed meat and high quality eggs into my diet. Red meat gets such bad press in the media, but personally it has given me energy, strength and I feel much better eating this in moderation. 

Little exercise each day. Not killing myself with a hardcore workout and then not being able to move for rest of the week (which I was doing previously). I now do a little each day. 1.5 - 2mile run most days, and daily stretches and weights at home. Nothing crazy, but a little goes a long way and I find it much easier to be consistent doing smaller bouts on my own schedule daily. 

Hormone health, ensuring I am keeping my hormones balanced. I make watermelon juice daily with 1.5 heaped tablespoons of flaxseed. Alongside that. I take omega 3, DIM, Selenium, Iodine, Vitamin D +K2, Evening primrose oil for womens health. I eat foods that support healthy hormones, broccoli, carrots, sunflower seeds and removed the foods that cause imbalances (carbs, sugars).

Removing all stress from my life. Including moving overseas, deleting social media and keeping my circle small but wholesome. 

Quit drinking alcohol. Initially I thought I would have the occasional drink but I truly have no desire anymore. My life is significantly better for not drinking. My body never responded well to booze. 

Sleeping properly for 7-9 hrs per night. Meditating for 1 hour before bed usually puts me in a completely zen mode for relaxation. That means my phone is switched off, I use a lavender pillow spray and light candles to set the mood for a goodnight sleep. 

Zeolite detox for heavy metals (currently in the process). I have Zeolith Med powder each day with water to flush out any toxins. 

Learning about gut microbiome, and probiotics..in the process of obtaining kefir grains to make my own batch. Making sauerkraut on weekends and introducing a wider variety of foods into my diet. 

These are completely personal and I can honestly say I feel better than ever. I wish I had done the above years ago, especially the carbs! I got a continuous glucose monitor of Amazon to see how my body was responding to carbs before I completely cut them off and I recommend doing this if you want to know more about how your body is reacting to glucose. 

*this all took time and effort, but once I removed the distractions, the meaningless socialising, the boozing, the scrolling I’ve had time to invest in myself + my health

[mindfulstudyquest]

“ dopamine detox ,, and why you should delete all your social media right now

"just five more minutes" and then you end up scrolling on instagram or tiktok for hours. i know that feeling. even if you know rationally that focusing on the really important things ( such as studying, working, learning from books or whatever ) is much healthier for you and your future, you can't help it.

you know that start studying for the exam you have next week will benefit you much more in the long run, but you still prefer watching tiktoks and scrolling on instagram. you could say that is pretty obvious: one activity is easy, and doesn't require much effort, whereas the other one is difficult and implies that you are focused.

but it's actually like this? so then why some people manage to be consistent in studying, or working, or exercising? they simply just have more motivation than you? and how can you start having the same motivation as them?

to answer this question, we have to take a look to a very important molecule produced by our brain: dopamine.

dopamine is often considered a pleasure molecule, but it's a false belief. dopamine is actually the molecule that makes us desire things, and it's that desire that gives us the motivation to complete every kind of task. for example, your brain doesn't release dopamine while you're eating a cheesburger, it releases it while you're going to mcdonald's to buy it, because you anticipate that the food will make you feel good, even if it actually makes you feel worse.

to your brain, it doesn't matter if the high-dopamine-activity is damaging to you.

your brain organizes priorities based off how much dopamine is expecting to get:

if an activity releases too little dopamine, you won't have the motivation to accomplish it.

if an activity releases a lot of dopamine you'll be motivated to do it, and repeat it over and over

so, which activities releases dopamine? basically, any activity where you can get an immediate potential reward releases an high amount of dopamine. but if you know that there's not an immediate reward invoved ( such as in studying, where the reward is in the long run ) your brain will not expect to release much of it and you'll be less motivated to do that task.

nearly everything releases some amount of dopamine, even drinking water when you're thirsty, but the highest amount of it is released when you're getting a reward randomly, for example while playing on a slot machine. even if you loose money, you eventually expect to get a bigger reward.

therefore it is not so surprising that the most additive social networks ( tiktok, instagram, pinterest ) are designed as slot machines. you don't know what the next post or video will be, but you expect something great, so your brain releases a large amount of dopamine.

in today's society our brains are overloaded with stimuli that induce an unnatural production of dopamine ( scrolling on social media, playing video games, watching internet pornograhy, etc. ).

it's frightening that people don't know how harmful this lifestyle is: our bodies have a biological sistem called homeostasis, which means that our bodies keep the internal physical and chemical conditions at a balanced level, whenever an imbalance occurs, our bodies adapt to it, for example, when it's very hot our body temperature rises and we start sweating to cool down.

but homeostasis manifests through tolerance too. for example, someone who hardly ever drinks alchool will be tipsy after one beer, on the other hand, someone who drinks alchool on a regular basis will need two, three, four beers in order to get drunk, because their body has developed a tolerance to it. it's not much different with dopamine.

so if you get used to large amounts of dopamine, you won't be able to do the things that you did before, because they don't produce as much dopamine and it's more difficult to motivate yourself to do them. once your dopamine tolerance gets too high, you are no longer able to enjoy low dopamine activities.

as if you were a drug addict, there's only one way to get out of it: you have to perform a dopamine detox. you have to avoid all high dopamine activities in order to allow your body to adjust to a normal level of dopamine production and start finding motivation again in the things that improve your personal growth.

it's not easy, you will be nervous and frustrated, maybe you won't make it through a full day without social media, but day by day it will get better and better, and eventually you'll be able to appreciate small things again.

imagine that you're eating your favorite food - for example, chocolate cake - every single day. after a while, chocolate cake doesn't taste good as before, even if it's literally the same cake. on the other hand, if you eat it once a month, it will taste great, because it's not something you've gotten used to.

this is exactly what dopamine detox does. be safe guys, and start recovering now.

[ source: https://youtu.be/9QiE-M1LrZk ]

[ahsokatroi]

Humans Are Space Oddities idea. Humans have some of the strongest noses in the universe, and our planet compared to others is strangely devoid of scents. To us, everyone and everything not from earth smells extremely strong. We become the galaxy’s sentient canines. We can’t bring actual canines to space because the smells are painfully overwhelming.

And we can tell when someone’s trying to poison us because “why tf does my drink smell like bleach?”

"This smells like poison" "what's smell?" Downs it anyway cause fuck it why not, turns out it's just concentrated caffeine. Instead of killing us it makes us terrifying, and an earth historian later says “oh yeah that’s just the Berserker effect, it happens when they’re running on pure adrenaline.”

Alien 1: why does Human Mike avoid me?

Alien 2: idk did you offend him?

Alien 1: I don’t think so, I’ve tried to be extra friendly. I even performed the earth custom of blowing him kisses.

Alien 2: how strange. Oh! You might want to perform your yearly oral detox soon, your gums are starting to turn green.

Alien 1: I appreciate the advice, but I’m not due for a detox for another month.

[prissygrlsorority]

everything you need to make your own personal beauty binder 🎀

disclaimer: this post is heavily inspired by @tomb-of-ligeia and @daphne-dauphinoise, and early 2010s beauty youtubers. it’s always kind to credit your inspo <3

inspired by the lookbooks and makeup charts used by makeup artists designers at high fashion runways shows and childhood bratz coloring and activity books. the law of attraction is at use heavily with this binder (writing down goals and wishlists)!

you should be keeping diy recipes you find in here.

*you don’t need a physical binder. some people function better with digital mediums. i prefer anything physical and concrete. but you can do all this in something like a notion, or your notes app, etc.

why? 🎀

a cute girly hobby (esp for type A, anal retentive, or analytical personalities/extremely creative, hands on people) to keep track of your routines, motivate you to keep yourself maintained, and figure out what works best for you. it’s nothing too serious, just a girly pastime for people that maybe buy too many products, slip up on routines, or don’t what looks best on your features. have fun!

what to record in your binder? 🎀

an intro sheet 10 different topics divided by tabbed sections: your personal features, makeup, body, fashion, skincare, hair, fragrance, nails, treatments/procedures, salons/spas/referrals/contacts 🎀

intro sheet 🎀

here, you should keep your goals, desired look, and how you want to perceive yourself.

your personal features

a chart of your color season. mine is cool winter. you can use color season for whatever, i choose to apply it to my makeup.

your natural body shape. this will help you choose the best clothes to flatter your silhouette.

a close up, unfiltered clear photo of your bare face. note your skin type, color, undertone, and any other things that stand out to you.

note what you wanna enhance and what you wanna improve. this will help throughout your binder.

makeup

put on a light layer of every lipstick/lip gloss/etc. you have and make kiss shaped swatches in your binder. note the shade, brand, and finish. then the mood/occasion in which you’d wear it.

swatch all your lip liners, again leaving the details of the product.

swatch your foundation shades. note the finish, name and brand.

make a sheet dedicated to all your “holy grail”, essential products.

swatch your eyeshadow palettes. i have all my shimmer pigments swatches and it’s the prettiest thing to look at.

do you have any go to makeup looks? your casual look, going out look, no makeup makeup look, etc.? do these looks and take high quality pics. make personalized face charts by printing them out and noting the steps and products you used.

take c*nty pics of your lashes after trying on all your mascaras/falsies. note the effects and when you would be most likely to wear them.

print out any pics of interesting makeup looks and products you wanna try.

try on lip combos and kiss swatch them. i’m doing this because i do amazing lip combos all the time but i forget which products i used, and it’s hard to replicate the look.

body

take a stick figure-esque picture of yourself and print it out. any outfit you want to buy, print and clip it out first and see if it’s something you’d wear and actually like.

are you experiencing any skin issues on your body and trying any products? keep track of the issue and how the products are doing.

if you don’t already have one, brainstorm workout routines and general wellness/fitness goals.

what are your fav body products? what products did you buy, and hate? TRACK THEM!

any detoxes/diets you’re doing should be recorded in this section.

record “beauty enhancing” foods and drinks here. mine include matcha, lemon water and acv shots.

fashion

outfit planning! take pics of pieces you already have and clip them out. (i’m doing this currently and keeping them all in a little pocket in my binder).

make a moodboard of your personal style(s). how do you want your closet to look? try to see what details, colors, additions are consistent throughout. when shopping, these are what you should keep track of.

print out your signature clothing color palette if you want to have one.

dedicate a page to accessories you have/want, and how you’d style them.

*this can be expensive but the fashion girls will prob love this* go to the fabric store and buy little swatches that you like. take note of what the fabric is and why you like it.

dedicate a page to all your signature details. all the little specific things that scream YOU and NO ONE else! that means do not write pink, girly, etc. here. that is not exclusive to you, hun.

skincare

take a current filter free photo (make it glam! tie your hair up in a ballerina bun and put on some cute earrings) of the state of your skin. if your skin is perfect, i’m jealous and how does it feel to be god’s fav? if not what problems are you experiencing?

log your current skincare routines and how they’re working.

make a page for your skin type, how it feels when you wake up and how it feels and looks by the end of the day and research tips to deal with your personal skin type.

skincare wishlist! list any products you wanna try and what they are for. sample them from ulta or sephora if it’s possible.

dedicate a page to the skincare ingredients your skin loves the MOST! mine are retinol, bha, and vitamin c.

i have a page for all the extra cute little skincare devices i want. on it there’s a stainless steel gua sha, an ice pack, facial steamer, and pink foreo.

hair

what’s your hair type, density, porosity and curl pattern?

write down any hair goals you have. mine is frizz free tailbone length caramel brown hair with honey blonde highlights by the end of this year.

what’s your signature hairstyle? do you have a signature? brainstorm here.

clip out hairstyle inspo from pinterest and insta and try to recreate all the looks!

what are your fav hair products? i keep track of the best curling creams and leave in conditioners for my hair personally.

take note of any trending products you wanna try.

fragrance

make a moodboard of how you wanna smell. after this, research notes and how they work together.

now track your fav perfumes, your most complimented, etc.

note what fragrances go with what occasion and how they make you feel.

make your perfume wishlist! my fav part!

nails

swatch all your polishes. label them and their finish.

what’s your signature/go to nail look?

do you have any pics of your fav mani + pedis? print them out and write the details you loved the most.

write down your at home mani and pedi routine and it’s frequency.

write your fav colors and styles to wear on your nails. mine are glittery pink, pale pink, white, cream, french tip and pink frenchie. a hyper girly twist on the classics.

treatments/procedures

take note of any surgeries or procedures you want done and what they do.

anything you leave the house to have done regularly, keep track here.

don’t limit yourself! forget your budget! what are some high maintenance treatments you wanna experience? manifest it.

references

write down the sources of which you find great info for beauty and fashion

keep addresses of your fav salons and spas.

keep business contacts of your fav estheticians, stylists, nail techs, etc.

use my branding yourself guide to assist in your beauty binder! so much inspo and so many good resources! 🎀

[eriklehnsherrific]

in case you need to hear this

workout because its good for your heart, lungs, releases endorphins, and you want to get stronger. not because it’ll make you skinny or make your body look a certain way.

wear sunscreen every day in order to protect yourself from easily preventable and deadly skin cancer, not with the goal of preventing aging (there is nothing wrong with aging or wrinkles; it is a natural part of life and reflection of the life you live).

eat more vegetables because you need the fiber to make you more regular, they help lower your risk of eye and digestive problems, and they help in nutrient re-uptake. not because eating only carbs is “bad” for you. you need a combination of carbs, fruit/veg, protein, fiber, fat, etc for a full balanced diet. 

cut out dairy from your diet if it makes you shit your brains out every single time without fail, not because it will “make you fat”.

drink more water because, despite how annoying it is to be told “just drink water”, it does actually make you feel better if you’re anxious or your head hurts or you don’t have any energy. not because it’ll “flush out your immune system uwu” or it will make your skin clear.

drink green tea because its delicious, not because it’s a “natural detox”. ( “detoxes” aren’t real. your kidneys detoxify your blood for you)

not everything “natural” is automatically healthy for you. not everything “unnatural” is automatically unhealthy/dangerous

cutting out whole food groups and labeling them as “bad for you” in any form is restrictive. if you aren’t allergic to gluten, you don’t need to cut gluten from your diet in order to be healthy. if you were not specifically instructed by a doctor to go keto in order to aid treatment for a disease (such as cancer or epilepsy), you do not and should not go keto. 

do “healthy” things because you deserve to live a long, healthy life. yes, you. your weight doesn’t matter and it has never mattered. you deserve to keep yourself safe. 

[the-coffeeaddict-tim-drake]

Tim Drake Fics On A03

These are my list of Tim Drake fics on A03. It has everything. Angst, fluff, funny sibling relationship, family fluff, The core four etc... There are few TimKon fics thrown here and there too. Have fun.

Tim Drake (Doesn't) Drink Coffee by BabblingBookends

Every year, Tim goes on a caffeine detox for a month and has to deal with the resulting withdrawal symptoms. He doesn't tell the rest of the Bats about this, because, uh, reasons!

Bang, bang by Ididloveyou_once

‘You shot me!’ Jason gasped, stunned, ‘Holy shit, you actually shot me.’

Tim’s eyes widened and he froze. They stared at each other for a second, dumbstruck and then-

‘Don’t tell Bruce.’

Or: The family enjoy a normal movie night. Except Jason has a gunshot wound and Tim’s the only one who knows and oh- that’s because Tim’s the one who shot him and they really, really need to find a way to leave before anyone finds out.

Play it Again by Jazz020

The manor feels too quiet without music. Tim and Damian bond over music.

Send to All by kerosceene

I, ___________________________, hereby acknowledge that this form represents my wishes should I contract phytoaphrodisiac-induced delirium (hereafter referred to as “PAID”) during engagements with or while apprehending Dr. Pamela Lillian Isley (“Poison Ivy”).

-

The bats have a sex pollen release form. Because of course they do.

This is on of the most funniest batfam fic I have ever read.

four brothers, one crush, and absolutely zero brain cells to be found by Ms_Trickster

Tim: i need to know what’s the best way to a boy’s heart 

Damian: Easy. The best way to someone’s heart is through their ribcage. Everyone knows that. 

Damian: Come on Timothy, I expected better from you. 

Dick: I-

Dick: Try again

-

Tim is having boy troubles.

Tim goes to his brothers for help.

Tim...did not think that plan of action through.

(In which the batbros give Tim advice on relationships, told entirely through texts.)

Their sibiling relationship is too damn funny.

Home by sElkieNight60 

“Why didn't you call home?” the Red Hood is scolding him, bizarrely making his head spin with how unreal everything suddenly seems. “Why didn't you call Dad? You've been missing for three days and he is losing his mind―he thinks you've been kidnapped again―everyone has been pulling double runs all over the city trying to find you! You fucking disappeared! Seriously, Baby Bird, give us one good reason why we shouldn't drag your ass back home right now and have Dad bench you until the end of all days!?”

The two vigilantes are staring at him equal parts furious and equal parts relieved, but there must be some kind of mistake, because:

“Who is Tim?”

Only A03 users can read this fic.

Cork Board Contingencies by PrinceJakeFireCake

If you don’t use a cork board to obsessively plan contingencies for every possible way a date with your best friend can go, how can you go on a date at all?

Excerpt: “Are you free next Saturday?” Tim asked, pretty sure that Kon’s jumble of words was agreement that he wanted to date Tim.

“Maybe!” Kon exclaimed.

“Cool,” Tim commented, taking another sip of his drugged grape soda (“Dammit, Tim,” he mentally told himself. “Do not give in! Buy new grape soda! Stop drinking the drugged grape soda! I’ve shotgunned another can of drugged grape soda, haven’t I? Dammit, that makes five!”) then saying, “That gives me just enough time to pass out for fifty-two hours and plan our first date.”

Bloodlines by chibi_nightowl for exiled-one (mistralle)

“Mr. Drake, I can’t think of a better way to say this, so I’ll just be blunt. This file is for your first adoption. By the Drakes.” 

Tim blinked. “My what?” 

“You were adopted as a newborn by Jack and Janet Drake.” 

“Excuse me, but what the fuck are you talking about?”

No words. This fic is just mind blowing.

fill in the blanks by mindshelter

“You?” Tim blurts. Holy shit. “You’re Kon?”

A nod. “Are you in any pain?” he asks again.

Kon’s skin is sun-kissed, cheekbones dusted with a fine smattering of freckles; he is, without exaggeration, the prettiest person Tim has ever seen. “No, I’m—great,” he says, fidgeting. “Do you, uh, come here often?”

Kon raises a brow. “To the medbay?” he intones. “Definitely more often than I’d prefer.”

Road Rage Robin by heartslogos 

"I'd be doing humanity a favor." Tim grinds out, "And I would get away with it. I could totally get away with it. I've done worse."

Only A03 users can read this fic

Liberal Usage of the Bro-Code by heartslogos for protagonistically (the_protagonist)

“You’re never going to guess who’s blood is on my shirt – similarly, this is not my shirt but these are my pants.”

Only A03 users can read this fic.

Here's a Reminder (That You Haven't Fallen Through the Cracks) by popsunner

If it’s a salesperson, he’ll shove them a hundred dollar tip and tell them to go away, if it’s some religious do gooder, he’ll direct them to Metropolis. If it’s a Rogue, he’ll tell them he’s busy and to please get in the fucking line. If it’s one of his siblings--

“Hey, Tim!” Dick says brightly, forearm braced against the doorframe.

Dammit.

i totally don't have amnesia by impravidus for odd_izzy

Based on this john mulaney bit: “I also think it's weird in movies when someone has amnesia and they wake up in the hospital. A lot of times they'll be surrounded by friends and family, but when they open their eyes they go "Who are you?" Because that's not how you act when you don't recognize somebody. That's very rude. It would be chaos out there if every time you saw someone you didn't recognize, you went, "Who are you?" I always try to be really polite in life, so like if I had amnesia, you'd never know it. I'd wake up and they'd be like "Hi John, we're so happy you're awake." And I'd just be like, "Oh, hey, man, how's it going?", "Oh, hey, dude, nice to see you again." because that's how you act when you can tell that someone recognizes you and you have no fucking clue who they are.”

Detective Timothy Drake and the Mysterious Case of the Unclaimed Dildo by JpegDotJpeg

Tim had a lot of experience with problem solving. Every goddamn day he was solving problems. There was no shortage of problems in Tim’s life. He’d learned how to deal with overbearing parents, underbearing parents, malfunctioning equipment, in-team conflict, lawsuits, emotional breakdowns, financial difficulty, broken ribs, ill-timed boners, and a whole host of other bizarre, anxiety-inducing, or life-threatening issues that plagued his existence.

None of them had prepared him for finding a dildo in the dishwasher.

I had so much fun reading this.

Little Overlooked Dreams by Lunette3002 for Marzue

Tim weighed his options. He was alone at night in some alleyway in Gotham. He had nothing except the clothes left on the ground by someone and the cloak wrapped around his skinny shoulders. His camera was nowhere in sight. His backpack was gone too.

He brought the device to his ear. “Hello?”

Whatever talking had been on the other end of the line immediately cut off at his hesitant greeting.

“Who is this?”

Family Photos by KelpieCodyne 

“I thought you quit your photo stalking?”

“In my defence, I never said I was quitting, and you never asked if I would,” Tim immediately counters. “So really, this is kind of on you.”

Just because Tim became a bat, doesn’t mean he stopped taking photos of bats. Several times Tim took photos of the batfamily, and one time they took photos of him.

One of my all time favorite fic. And only A03 users can read this fic too.

picture perfect memories by Fandom_Trash224 

“I… require assistance with something. I believe you are best-suited for it.”

Tim raises an eyebrow, but motions for the younger boy to enter his room. As Damian does, he slowly closes the door behind him, and Tim notices a small piece of what Tim assumes to be paper in Damian’s hand. Then, he realizes it’s not just a piece of paper: it’s a photo.

Damian approaches Tim, holding out the photo at arm’s length once he’s close enough to do so, saying, “I would like you to explain this photo to me.”

Tim glances down at it, and to both his surprise and mild horror, he recognizes the photo.

Only A03 users can read this fic.

Biphasic Reaction by renecdote

People may have allergic reactions all the time and be fine, but they can also die from them. He has a flash of sudden, morbid curiosity about what the exact statistics for fatal allergic reactions are.

Only A03 users can read this fic.

miles and miles (in their shoes) by JUBE514

Where is Damian? Why can’t he see anything clearly? Where is the little brat? Damian had been by him in the cave when everything had exploded, they had been arguing like always when the two of them had gotten the punishment to go clean the trophy room, stop yelling at each other, stop being at each other's throat for two minutes and go clean the goddamn trophy room-

They had been cleaning, got into another knock out drag out argument, and it had come so close to blows and they had been screaming more than cleaning and-

The stupid fucking shoe, in the magical section- exploded out-

--

Tim and Damian switch bodies, the two of them realize exactly why the other does the things they do.

The Waynes, Damsels in Distress by hitthedeck

Roses are red, violets are blue, Bruce Wayne and his kids get kidnapped every other week. Some things are just universal, undeniable facts of life.

Or, in which Bruce Wayne is still Batman and his kids are still Robins, but they keep letting themselves get kidnapped because they think it's funny.

Have You Seen My Kids!? by Cute_Bear

Five Times Bruce's kids interrupted him as Bruce Wayne and One Time they interrupted him as Batman with the Justice League.

This is not Tim - centric, but it has really nice batfam fluff.

ten cents richer by Ms_Trickster

You either die a hero, or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain.

That’s how the saying goes. Take enough punches from the universe and eventually it becomes harder and harder to pop back up, to see the worth in fighting back, to stop yourself from turning around and delivering some punches of your own.

Tim never wanted to become the villain—

“Appendicitis,” Tim breathed in disbelief. “Are you fucking kidding me?”

—but he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t tempted to burn the world to ashes when shit like this kept happening to him.

A Saturday Evening by malcyon

Jonathan shrugs, catches the expression still on Tim’s face. “We did throw out the cyanide.”

“Only because it expired.”

“Marty.”

“Well, it did.”

*****

Kon invites Tim over for dinner. Tim's not sure if he should have accepted that invitation.

unfurl by shipyrds

"Hey, Dick," Tim says. He's in costume, and fiddling with his gloves, but he doesn't remove his mask: nervous, and trying to hide it. "You've had sex with aliens, right?"

"I'm not going to like where this is going, am I?" Dick says, resigned.

"How did you deal with the whole. Junk situation," Tim says, in his best professional Mission Report voice. Its success is kind of undermined with how red his face is below the domino. — Tim asks some questions. Bruce and Clark come to some realizations.

The Conner Kent Conspiracy Board by Hayleythewriter

Tim figures out Kon’s feelings before Kon does.

His Baby by Musafir

Bruce once made Tim a promise that he would never break, just have to reaffirm later in life.

“Hi Tim. I’m Bruce and I am always going to be here for you.”

Banshee In A Well by liverobinreaction (bugbee)

Tim is five years old when he drowns in his parents' pool. He dies quietly, waiting for parents who love him, but will never be there, to realise that something is wrong. They never show up, and he sinks into oblivion.

When he wakes up and claws his way out of the water, the sun has set, and the lights of his house are on. He is cold and wet and his lungs burn.

But most of all, Tim is alone.

(If you die and no-one is there to see it, were you ever alive in the first place?)

The Return by lurkinglurkerwholurks 

What the comics neglected to cover after Bruce returns from being lost in time.

Only a03 users can read this fic.

charity by Valkirin for Ms_Trickster

The biggest downside of being adopted by Bruce Wayne is putting up with rich people events, including one where Jason will be in a room with a bunch of rich kids for a couple very long hours while Bruce goes to the adults' meeting. Jason is ready for a very bad time but the Drake kid listens to him from the start and keeps backing up Jason's ideas even though they've never met.

Jason warms up to Tim Drake long before Mad Hatter tries to take over the meeting and Tim backs him up again.

city of stars by lovelyre

College friends-to-lovers AU with Tim Drake.

This is Tim drake x Reader fic. Trust me its really good.

Tricks of the Trade by Jazz020

Jason and Damian learn about Tim's fool proof method of getting what he wants from Superman

Security Updates by Jazz020

Hal, Clark, and Barry find an unexpected guest playing with the watchtowers security.

Vacation at the Watchtower by Jazz020

A continuation of Security Updates

It may have been a mistake to let Tim stay at the Watchtower while he heals from his injury but the kid really needed to get away from his brothers.

“Wait, what if I go to the Watchtower with you.” “I don't think-” “It’ll be great. I'll even help out if you need me to. I'll be the best unpaid intern the Justice League has ever had.”

Birthdays by Jazz020

Bruce was always aware that Jack and Janet Drake were bad parents, but every once in a while they give him an unfortunate reminder.

Loss by Jazz020

Out of all of Tim’s self-destructive tendencies, it was his willingness to die for his loved ones that frightened Alfred most.

Sick by Jazz020

Tim’s never quite figured out the proper behavior for someone who’s sick. Instead of resting, he often makes his way to the Watchtower.

We Can Work It Out by blackash26, Tigrislupa

Damian endeavors to make up for his treatment of Drake and apologize properly; however, Drake refuses to forgive him no matter what he does. Tim does his best to deny, avoid, and ultimately deal with the fact that the demon brat has a crush on him of all people. (Pulling pigtails never felt like quite such an understatement.) Meanwhile, the rest of the family takes sides.

In all of this, there's only one thing everyone agrees on.

Don’t tell Dick.

Only A03 users can read this fic.

you'll never find a thing like today by remrose

"I'm just saying, I don't think I've ever been to one of these things that hasn't ended in explosions," Bart tells them, eyes on the crowds as he tugs at the ends of his cuffs.

To the Boy Who Called Yesterday by Shirokokuro

Bruce wonders when six-year-old Tim changed, when he shed that sad look he’s wearing now.

Or, perhaps, when he got so good at hiding it.

Cough syrup by Stardustwrites17

It’s the coldest night in the year. So of course Tim falls into the Gotham-fucking-harbor.

Featuring a worried dad, Tim's missing spleen, and of course, Tim battling with himself between being independent and letting himself be loved.

Chili dogs seasoned with tears by Robin_The_Robiner

Ever so slowly, Tim looked down at his plate. On it was a steaming chili dog, topped with fried onions and fresh parsley.

“Oh.” he whispered.

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

Taking the place of a beloved dead boy was difficult, but Tim managed to do a decent job. He's smart, confident, and put together, so he wasn't effected by their devastating grief at all.

Tim is also a dirty little liar when it comes to his mental health.

A Pile Of Pillows By The Couch by reinersbigtits

Tim has always hated getting sick. He hates the haze and the pain. But, when he finds out his family is sick he jumps in to help without a second thought. However, without a spleen, he's incredibly susceptible to the illness and quickly realizes just how much he's missed out on.

Or: Tim Drakes repressed trauma followed by worried family feels and lots of comfort.

stepping on landmines by Ms_Trickster

There is a scar curved around Drake's neck that Damian does not understand.

So he asks Todd.

the butler's neighbor by deargalileo

It starts with a baseball, thrown onto the wayne's property. it's alfred's job to deal with such happenings, of course. but over tea and galas, it turns into so much more.

after all, why should bruce be the only one allowed to adopt any child that he finds?

Stranger than Fiction by foxy_mulder

"There are details in this document that absolutely no one should know unless they have inside information on us. There’s hints that they know our patrol schedules and regularly keep tabs on us. I don't know who's behind this, or what they want with Batman, but tracking the writer needs to be a priority."

"And this document is… a fanfiction?"

_________

(Tim Drake writes Batman fanfiction. He doesn't expect Batman to actually find it.)

There are many many more fics which i will post later. Have fun reading

[honeytonedhottie]

how to isolate and grow⋆.ೃ࿔*:･💶

quick disclaimer : when i say "isolate" i dont mean the negative connotation of self isolation where you push everyone away, i mean the laying back and rly focusing and tapping into urself BY yourself.

accessibility : limit people's accessibility to you, or narrow down how many people you allow to access you. ur energy is SACRED ur time is a privilege. its important that ur no longer looking for outlets in people.

during this time of stepping back and being super picky with how and who u spend ur time with its the perfect opportunity to separate urself from the toxicity that some people in ur life might bring. in that same breath, its easier said for friends then it is for family members because when u think isolation ur probably thinking of being a home-body which is a part of it. but if ur home is whats making u sick then try and spend time AWAY of the home to do whatever u need to do.

self awareness and responsibility : take a moment and be truly objective with urself. practice having the difficult conversations with urself. u know ur goals, but are u the person that can have those goals? and if not, how can u get to become that person.

this is also the time to address things that you've been sweeping under the rug. address anything thats starting to become a problem and address bigger problems in ur life. we wanna be able to take responsibility for ourselves and PROBLEM SOLVE. be super clear on what u wanna focus on during ur self isolation period and WHY you are choosing to do this.

find a mentor : find someone who resonates with you, whether it be online or in person, who is living the life that YOU wanna live or living a life similar to one that u wanna live. u dont have to have just one mentor, it can be multiple mentors for different aspects of ur life that u wanna improve. ur mentors dont even need to know you honestly, just someone u look up to

detox ur brain : mental diet. mindset is EVERYTHING as you know if you've been consuming my content lately. everything and i mean EVERYTHING begins in the brain. the thoughts that u think today will be what u experience tomorrow. speak to urself nicely, throw away old thoughts that dont align with ur dreams and replace them with positive ones thru repetition, fixed attention and practice

do brain dumps before u go to bed, its good to get out all of the thoughts in ur head before u go to sleep, out of ur brain and onto a piece of paper or something else in general. it doesn't have to be in a negative connotation either, write down ideas that pass thru ur head, goals, inspirations etc.

clean out : anything that u tend to cling to, whether its devices, drugs, drinking etc. practice fasting from it. it doesn't have to be extreme, just taking a break from it REGULARLY will improve it so much. an analogy i like to use for gradual change like this is with a rubber band. if u stretch the rubber band as far as it can go too quickly then it'll break, however if u gradually stretch the rubber band little by little, you can stretch it super far and it won't break.

experimentation : while ur self isolating this is the perfect opportunity to experiment with ur physical. dye ur hair a color that you've always been wanting it to. grow ur hair a couple inches, take extra good care of ur skin, experiment with different clothing styles. become ur own MUSE.

with that being said i wish everyone luck and blessings as you isolate and grow 🫶🏽

[oceane4loveu]

can you make a guide on it girl christmas

Dream girl winter

External glow

hydration

drink plenty of water to avoid dehydration, use products rich in ingredients such as hyalurinic acid, glycerin and ceramides which strengthen your skin's natural moisture barrier. In winter give priority to the product which gives priority hydration and nutrition of the skin. Don't forget to moisturize your lips and protect your skin with a broad-spectrum sunscreen offering at least SPF 30.

shower routine

Your shower routine literally determines how you smell throughout the day. Find a signature scent and find suitable products. I love the products from Sol de Janeiro, Dove and Philosophy. You can also use the ordinary glycolic acid as a deodorant personally I only use it twice a week and I use a deodorant from Dove. Do a body scrub every week to get rid of dead skin. I recommend the one from Tree Hut which is good too. Use a body lotion and also a scented mist.

take care of yourself

take a day to take care of your nails, your hairstyle to do your eyelashes etc. you can also go to a spa to have a massage or something else. really take advantage of this day to have fun, rest and make yourself beautiful.

workout

you don't need to spend hours at the gym, invest 20 to 30 minutes of your day to move your body every day. you can find workout videos on YouTube of 30 min,I also recommend the 5000 step workout.

Makeup

start by applying your moisturizer before putting on makeup, then use a foundation with a dewy finish, put on concealer, brow tint or clear brow gel, mascara, For the blush, opt for a creamy blush Because the creamy finish will give you glow,Don't forget the nourishing lip gloss or lip oil to make lips shiny and vibrant.

Diet

use the 80/20 rule this rule suggests focusing on a healthy and balanced diet 80% of the time and treating yourself the remaining 20% ​​example

Internal glow

inner self care

journals and practices meditation. Take a moment for yourself every day to write down your thoughts, relax and chase away negative thoughts.

7+ hour of sleep

give your body the rest it needs, give yourself at least 7 hours of restful sleep each night to allow your skin to repair and regenerate.

read books

Read books that entertain you, inspire you, and help you become better. you can also listen to podcasts or audiobooks.

social media detox

take a step back, limit your time on social media and focus on what really matters. put your phone on do not disturb mode and try doing an activity like cooking, knitting or something you enjoy.

Romantizing life

winter vision board

use Pinterest to find images that match your aesthetic, winter looks, fun activities, anything that makes you happy. Then create a vision board that you can put as your wallpaper.

Winter bucket list

now make your bucket list. write down all the activities and experiences you want to have during this winter. check off each activity as you accomplish them to feel proud.

create your playlist

create a playlist with songs that make you feel good, happy and that match your aesthetic.

romantizing life technique

enjoy cups of hot chocolate while watching your favorite series or movie, listen to your playlist while you walk, take photos of the landscape or make a mini blog of your days, spend time with your family, cook with your friends or alone, organize cozy evenings, take care of yourself and create good memories.

New year

set yourself goals

Take your time to write down all your goals for the new year. These should be achievable goals that you know you can actually achieve. Visualize yourself achieving all of your goals and working towards them throughout the year.

Life vision board

create a vision board for the new year. use images, quotes and words to represent what you want to accomplish and how you want to feel throughout the year. look at the board every day to stay motivated and focused on your goals.

[deaddovedecadence]

Hello, how do you think the batfam will react to a reader with bad habits? And the reader is underage. Like at one time the reader got into not the best company or just wanted to seem cool, and now she smokes, maybe reader abuses alcohol. I'm just wondering how the batfamcan handle this.

And I apologize for the English, I am writing with a translator

❤

Alfred

disapproving english eyebrow™️

no but seriously he’s have you detoxing the minute he finds out about it. Having a nice drink at dinner with the family is fine but only if he’s able to supervise what you are drinking and how much. He’s be damned if he has to deal with another bruce

Bruce Wayne

doesn’t panic, even if his brain is screaming at him to trap you away forever and keep you from everything that could hurt you.

Calls in Dinah to talk to you about what is and isn’t safe for you because he will fuck it up and if he fucks you up after all of this progress that you guys have been making, duke will be the cause of his murder

Dick Grayson

oldest daughter exhaustion because he does NOT want to deal with another jason-smoking-to-fuck-with-bruce-and-becoming-addicted situation.

Tells you that if you don’t knock it off he will make you and is smiling while promising that you will not enjoy his methods

Jason Todd

panics his ass off

He yells at you for being stupid because he’s trying to quit and how did you get into that and why did you ever think it’s a smart idea and just panics in general

Cassandra Cain

thinks that it’s easily solvable, most reasonable

She starts you excerising with her every single time you get the urge so that you literally can’t move your arms anymore. Duke often joins in and eventually it becomes a form of bonding for the three of you

Duke Thomas

he gets you patches or helps wean you off of it because they’re a good sibling like that.

honestly to themself, takes the time to think about whether they want to keep you addicted and act like the good sibling by keeping you supplied increasing your dependence on them but then realizes that his brain is getting a little too demony for their taste and stops

Tim Drake

makes you listen as he lists every side effect of every substance that you are taking

threatens the crowd that you were with if you don’t start quitting immediately. Feels a cold quit is good punishment for being on substances in the first place

Damian Wayne

thinks it’s stupid and yells at you, considers violence but is restrained by duke and dick

[yelenasdiary]

It was like reader have a gambling problem but she hasn’t gambled for a long time so “she has it under control”. Tony invites her to a party and she kind of refuses but Tony convinces her to go and there is drugs and gambling there so she kind of relapses in both and her girlfriend hasn’t seen her the whole day because reader didn’t have time to contact her. She asks her sister(s) and they go looking for her just to find her there. Instead of being like mad they try to help her go away from the party and calm and stuff.

Now why didn’t I specify the sister and girlfriend. Because at first o think it was Wanda girlfriend and Nat and yelena the sisters. But if you want to make it yelena girlfriend and Wanda the sister it’s totally fine ☺️☺️

Relapse

Pairing: Wanda Maximoff! x Romanoff! Reader

Summary: Tony begs you to come to a party in hopes your friendly charm get help get more donations. Little does he know; it wasn’t a great idea.

Angst, Super Light Fluff

Translations from Russian & Slovak: сестра (sister), dieťa (baby), Srdiečko (sweetheart)

Warnings: Gambling, Mentions of Drinking, Mentions of drugs & drug usage | 2.2K

AC: Thank you for sending this & I hope you enjoy! x Please note, I have no idea how poker works lmao so bear with me.

Tony looked at you with begging eyes, he never begged anybody for anything, so you knew he must've really needed you to take one for the team. He was throwing another fundraiser party to help raise some money for the Stark Relief Foundation. Your girlfriend was out for the day getting some alone time like she usually does on a Saturday after a mission, Yelena was off seeing your parents, Melina & Alexei while Natasha, your biological sister, was due to come home from a mission. 

"I don't Tony, it's not really my scene" you said hoping he'd understand but how could he? You held a secret from the entire team besides your family and Wanda. It wasn't a big deal that not everybody knew but it was what worked for you. You've been clean for four years and it has been a really long, stressful and hard road to get to where you are today. 

When you escaped the Red Room, you were introduced to a whole different world. A world of hardcore drugs, alcohol and gambling. Those who you thought were your friends at the time quickly learnt that you had a natural talent for poker and used you to win big time, time and time again. In return they fed you drugs and alcohol, you didn't know any better. 

But when Natasha and Yelena finally tracked you down, they did everything in their power to help you get clean. You went to rehab, detoxed and still to this day attend meetings. You were free, once again but this time for real. Your sisters have been a huge part of helping you stay clean, same with your parents, but it's always been somewhat refreshing to have Wanda by your side too. She was there when the doors were closed and you couldn't sleep, when the urge to pick up the bottle after a mission was strong, when there was a birthday party and everybody else was drinking and Wanda stuck to drinking soda or water, so you weren't by yourself. 

She knew when things were getting too much and she was able to take you away from that, to give you a moment to breathe and remind yourself how hard you've worked to stay clean. So, when Tony was sitting before you, begging you to help raise money, you couldn't help but think of the environment you'd be in. 

"We really need this" he replied causing you to sigh, "Fine. But I'm only going for an hour" you said, setting yourself some boundaries. Surely, you'd be able to handle an hour. 

----

The first 30 minutes of the party was going smoothly, you avoided the bar and tried to ignore the smell of alcohol that floated through the room get to you. You spoke to guests while sipping on a class of orange juice, when people asked what you were drinking you lied and said OJ and vodka followed by a comment on how you weren't much of a drinker. 

Tony failed to tell you that there would be a poker table at the party. Once your eyes landed on it, your memories of all your past winnings game flooding back. Thor sat at the table drinking his Asgardian alcohol while making jokes with the other guests at the table. 

"Oh, Y/n, come join us! You seem like you have sense of good luck about you" The god called out. You smiled softly but shook your head as you walked over to the table, "I've never been good at poker" you replied with a friendly chuckle but the urge to join was becoming stronger. The chips in the middle of the table didn't help, you knew you could win big. 

"I'll teach you, take a seat!" Thor added just as Tony came up and took a seat at the table, "You in Y/n?" He looked up at you. Your heart skipped a beat, you knew you had to get out of there, but something came over you and you found yourself nodding and pulling out a seat. "Let's do this" you replied.

Before you knew it, an hour had passed by. You were winning, no doubt about that. You had taken Thor and Tony by surprise, making them more eager to try and beat you with each round. Lost in the moment, a glass of scotch had found its way into your hand. You'd worked out both Thor and Tony's poker faces which only helped you keep winning but eventually Thor pulled out giving you a pat on the shoulder, "you play a good game Y/n" he said friendly before walking away. 

Thor was soon replaced by a guest of the party, a younger gentlemen that had been watching you from afar. "I hope I'm not intruding" he smiled as he took a seat beside you, "but let's make this a little interesting" he added before throwing a small bag of coke into the middle of the table. 

"Oh, there's no need for that" Tony replied.

"No, no, let him play. If that's what he wants to bet, I'm sure that's all he's got" you looked up at Tony before shifting your eyes to the gentlemen beside you with a smug smirk on your lips. 

----

Yelena just got back to the compound to find a room full of strangers, music playing softly under all the chatter from the guest, she sighed and went upstairs to your room to see if you were around. "Yelena! You're back" Wanda greeted her with a warm smile, "I was just about to join the party, are you coming down?" she asked.

"Nooo, parties are not my place" Yelena replied with a light chuckle, "have you seen Y/n?" She asked. 

"No, I'd assume they went for a walk or something given Tony's party which I will be speaking to him about that" Wanda replied with a lightly unimpressed tone.

"Oh good, you're both here" Nat stormed down the hall making Yelena and Wanda turn around, "we have a little problem" Natasha added still in her widow suit. Wanda tilted her head while Yelena frowned with concern. "I'm going to fucking kill Tony" Nat commented before she turned around and started heading towards the party, followed my Yelena and Wanda.

The three stood from afar as they saw you sitting at the poker table, sipping on your drink and laughing along with Tony's terrible joke. By now it's been 4 hours since you entered the party, you'd been up and down talking to people, playing poker and doing a line of coke from your winnings. 

Natasha glared harshly at Tony until he looked up and noticed, "he's so dead!" Yelena added. Tony looked at you, "do you know what that's all about?" He asked, shifting his eyes back to your girlfriend and sisters standing by the door. You looked over your shoulder, "fuck" you mumbled to yourself as they began to walk over to you. 

"Y/n, let's go" Yelena spoke, Natasha b-lining straight for Tony. 

"You, get up now!" She spoke sternly. "What did I do?" Tony asked, standing up from the poker table as Natasha harshly grabbed his arm and walked him out of the party. Wanda picked up your glass and gave it a light sniff, confirming that it was what she dreaded. 

"Y/n, look at me" she spoke softly. You looked at her with a slight eye-roll. Wanda looked up at Yelena, "go get some water and meet us back in our room" she said. Yelena nodded and walked over to the bar, leaving you to answer to your girlfriend. 

"Wands, it's fine! I'm fine, it was just a little bit of fun" you explained hoping she wouldn't be disappointed. "It's not about that sweetheart, I need you to come upstairs with me, the party is over, okay?" she replied in her soft tone. She wasn't trying to pick a fight, not when she didn't know the whole story. You sighed heavily as you stood up from the poker table and followed Wanda out of the room. 

----

"I spoke to Tony, he said if he had of known they were clean, he would never have begged them to help with the party" Natasha said after entering your shared room with Wanda. 

"I mean, he has a point" Yelena replied, "maybe we do tell the others" She added. 

Natasha shook her head, "Y/n doesn't want that" 

"And look what happened" Wanda turned to Nat, "Y/n said that they said no but Tony begged and for the first 30 minutes or so, they did really well but it was Thor who pulled them towards the poker game. None of this would've happened if we were here, or better yet, if they knew what could've happened" she added just as you came out of the bathroom wrapped in a towel. 

"Don't do that" you said, "don't fight over my mistake. I was weak, I didn't listen to myself. I caved and now I have to start all over again, this is on me" you added looking between the three. 

"сестра, this isn't your fault" Nat replied, "there's a meeting in about half an hour, get dressed and I'll take you" she added. 

You sighed, "seriously? I don't need a meeting right now; I'll go to one in the morning" 

"The sooner we get you to a meeting, the sooner we get you back on track" 

"dieťa, Nat's right. You need to go to a meeting, I'll come too" Wanda chipped in as Natasha kept her eyes on you, "where is it?" she asked. 

"Where's what?" You asked with an irritated tone. 

"You know exactly what, where is it?" 

You rolled your eyes, "I flushed it" you replied, lying but your sister didn't buy it for a second and walked right into the bathroom. "Alright!" You sighed once more, "I'll go to a fucking meeting" you added. 

Wanda hated seeing you so worked up, she knew it was the relapse and you'd be thankful for this in the long run, but she couldn't help but feel worried for you. Yelena kept her distance in the moment, whenever you got worked up like this, Nat was always the one who was able to put you back in your place. 

"Yeah, you will be going to a meeting" Nat came out of the bathroom shaking her head, throwing the small now empty bag on the dresser. 

While Natasha took you to the city for a meeting, Wanda stayed back with Yelena. Nat suggested it might not be the best idea to have all three of them hovering over you and Wanda could hear the fearing thoughts that Yelena was having. 

"They'll be okay" Wanda said in comfort, "it's just a hiccup" she added.

"They were sober for so long and what? In less than an hour it's all ruined? You saw that bag; they're going to a meeting high right now" Yelena replied. 

"I know, but we have to give them some credit here, per pressure is a lot especially when they didn't know Y/n's past. If we were there, they would've been okay"

"But we weren't and now we have to watch them go through all this again" Yelena snapped, leaving the room to get some fresh air. 

----

Two days later and it was the late afternoon when you got out of bed, woken by your sister to get ready for your meeting with your sponsor. Your mind was slightly foggy as your body was getting rid of the drug in your system and you felt horrible for the relapse. 

"Hey, I made you a smoothie for your drive" Wanda smiled as you met Nat in the compound's kitchen. You smiled softly at her as you took the smoothie from her hand, "thank you baby" you replied. 

"You're ready?" Nat asked, you nodded, "Yeah, I'll meet you at the car? I just need to get my jacket" you said before taking a sip of your smoothie. "Don't be too long" Nat teased as she walked out of the room, you went to follow her but were stopped by Wanda's grip on your arm. "Srdiečko, are you sure you're okay?" she asked, her eyes full of worry. Your eyes dropped, "I let you down, I let Nat and Yelena down, I let myself down…I thought I was stronger" you replied. 

Wanda gently cupped your face, lifting your head up to look at her. She stroked your cheeks with her thumbs in a comforting way, "You are strong, stronger than you think. This is just a little bump in the road, okay? You're doing all the right things to get back to where you were, you're not the same person you were when you first started to get clean, you're stronger this time. I believe in you, we all do. We are going to get through this" she spoke in a warm, comforting tone. "I love you" she added before kissing you softly. 

"I love you too and I promise, I won't let this happen again" you said as she pulled away, still cupping your face. "How about tonight I cook your favourite and we have a picnic under the stars?" The woman offered, you smiled softly, "I'd love that" you said before kissing her once more.

"You better get going, don't want you to miss that meeting with your sponsor" Wanda smiled.

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[ofsappho]

Summertime Sadness (part 2)

Simon "Ghost" Riley x reader

Second chance romance, heavy angst, hurt/very little comfort

Ten years ago: the first time you met Simon

Today: the first time Ghost meets you

Tags: mental illness, therapeutic boarding school, self harm, suicide attempt/suicidality, self harm, abuse, parental abandonment, much the same as last chapter. This fic is unedited because I don’t feel like editing it lol. If you see spelling/grammar issues, no you didn’t.

TEN YEARS AGO

Reader POV

-

It’s intake day.

Intake day happens once a week, always on Wednesday.

You don’t know why they pick Wednesday. It seems pretty arbitrary, doesn’t it?

On intake day, the nurses and counselors make all the current residents of the inpatient program line up to greet the newbies. You actually look forward to intake day. Everyone here is so boring and routine; your roommate never speaks unless spoken to and she always keeps her earbuds in. On intake day, the hope that someone nice will be admitted survives for the few hours of the intake itself.

It usually dies right after. There was one polite girl who smiled when you waved last week, but she was transferred to a different facility that night before you could learn her name.

You’ve been here for three weeks, so that’s three intake days.

You’re not sure why you’ve been here so long. It seems a little excessive; you’d think by now they’d realize your stuff isn’t so bad and maybe you could transition to outpatient appointments?

It’s a little dissociation and some minor depression. Not bad at all.

But your doctors agree, albeit gently, that you should stay for the full five month course.

The program isn’t so bad. The facility sits on a sprawling multi-acre property in the British countryside, where everything is beautiful and verdant and always chilly. It’s lovely. The tea is good. You’re getting used to how they take it here. It’s nothing like the sweet tea you drink back home.

You suppose that’s another reason why they won’t let you go home even though you’re okay; there isn’t a home to go back to. Your dad hasn’t looked you in the eye since Mom left. At least the orderlies here greet you in the morning.

(What Dad doesn’t know is that before she left, she told you she loved you and to wait for her. Soon, she’ll take you away from this place and you’ll never have to see your dad again.)

Before you head to the foyer, you check your hair in the mirror of your room’s suicide-proofed bathroom. A young teenage face stares back at you with cheeks flushed red from the sun. You trace your deep smile lines with the tip of your finger, then practice smiling. You would have feel better about moving to a therapeutic boarding school if you’d been greeted with a smile.

At first, you think the newest crop of poor souls will be uninteresting at best. Listless rich kids detoxing off Mommy’s coke, frightened preteens who’ve never been away from their parents for an extended period of time, and a few teenagers straight from an ER, IV bags and all.

And then you see him get off the bus last.

He’s tall, towering over everyone else. A lanky, almost skeletal build, with a bored, aloof expression on his face. He hides the Zippo lighter he was playing with in his sleeve before the nurses catch and confiscate it.

There’s something horrifically severe about him. He can’t be more than a couple of years older than you, but he carries himself like he’s a blade and the world is filled with monsters.

His eyes are large and dark, rich brown irises rimmed with pale blonde eyelashes. And they’re kind, even though he would probably hate having that pointed out.

You decide then and there that you’ll befriend him. He could use a friend; everyone here does. He’s beautiful in his sharpness and elegant in his abrasiveness. Maybe you can coax more of that hidden kindness out, show him that it’s worth more than his anger. You wouldn’t be able to stay away if you tried.

You both like playing with fire, though you prefer less literal ones.

-

TODAY

Ghost POV

-

Your smile fades swiftly as if it was never there to begin with.

There are two ghosts in this room. That’s what you are; a ghost of the girl he knew.

He watches and waits for you to shift uncomfortably and start blabbering to fill the silence like you used to. “Why’d you make them call me?” Ghost asks when it’s clear that you won’t.

As soon as you explain, he’s out of here. Ghost meant it when he said he never wanted to see you again.

You’re the last living reminder of the past he’s tried so hard to kill. The beeping sounds of your heart monitor spell out his mistakes in a grating, irritating rhythm.

Your answer disappoints his expectations. “I didn’t actually think you’d show.” Ghost doesn’t hear any wistfulness or longing in your voice, anything that would tell him that you’re clinging on to the boy you thought he was. Only a bone-dry and hollow statement of facts.

“What do you want?”

You ignore his question. At fifteen, you were good at that. At twenty-five, you’re better. “You got any cigarettes I could bum? You look like you still smoke them,” You say as you fiddle with your torn, bleeding nail beds with the classic anxiety of nicotine withdrawal.

He does that too when a mission stretches too long without a resupply and he finishes his cigarettes early to stave off hunger.

Ghost remembers fighting with you over the pack of smokes he smuggled into the program. He would hold it way above your head and laugh as you struggled to reach them. But you never gave up - they were bad for him, and you liked him too much to see him die of lung cancer.

He remembers the determination in your eyes and your unwavering faith that he could be saved.

“They’re bad for you,” Ghost echoes.

If you remember that moment, you don’t show it. “You know what else is fucking bad for you?” Your tone is so acerbic that it gives him whiplash.

He can’t resist taking a shot. “What, being a prick?” You just… bring out the worst in him. You make him feel as unhinged and unmoored as he was when you first met.

You roll your bloodshot eyes.

“I wasn’t going to call you out on that. I was going to say benzos and vodka. Also throwing yourself headfirst off a bridge.”

“Oh.”

What is he supposed to say to that?

“Why did you come?” You ask after a long moment of quiet interspersed by that fucking heart monitor.

Ghost grinds his teeth into each other as he reflects. He hates doing that; the inside of his skull is a bad place. “…I don’t know,” He admits. Coming here was a mistake; Ghost understands that now.

The foul taste on the back of his tongue is guilt. But why? You did this to yourself. You brought him here to play games and fuck him up, so why is he the one who feels… bad?

You sigh. “Simon-“

“Ghost. It’s Ghost now,” He cuts you off with more violence than necessary.

Your mouth settles into a tight, pained line. “Ghost. Go away.”

“But you called me here.”

That provokes a reaction.

Ghost sees it and immediately wishes it hadn’t.

You stare him straight in the eye, your dilated pupils peel back his mask and see the face underneath. Your skin is tinged gray and your bottom lip blooms red with blood from where you’ve bitten through it.

He wants back the child sobbing for his forgiveness on her knees, who looked at him like he hung the stars in the sky.

“And it was a mistake, and I should never have done it, and I just wanted the satisfaction of knowing you weren’t going to pick up the phone. That I was truly alone.”

So the memory of him is a knife you’re using on yourself. Fucking disturbing.

“Oh.”

You raise an eyebrow as you wave. “Bye.”

Right.

That’s it.

Though your dismissal rankles, Ghost does as you ordered and takes his leave of you.

His work phone vibrates a few times.

Only one person calls that it. “Captain,” Ghost greets.

Captain Price clears his throat on the other side of the line. “Lieutenant. When can we expect you back?”

‘Tomorrow’ is on the tip of Ghost’s tongue.

He’s never taken a day off in his career, which means he’s got at least a year or two in built up vacation time. “I’ll be gone for a while longer, sir. Not sure yet how long,” Ghost answers promptly.

It’s only for a few more days, a week at most. Long enough to make sure you won’t try to kill yourself again, long enough for the guilt freezing his blood and choking his lungs to fade.

“Alright, Lieutenant. Keep us posted.”

“Yes, sir.”

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