#humans are space oddities

[tawneybee]

Yo yo yo so it's 1:34 AM right now and I'm sitting with the thought of what Earth shows/movies/ general media I'd show or avoid showing to aliens and I was struck with wondering about showing them "Alien" itself. Like would they have similar horror-movie-watching reactions as us, and think it's just fun scary entertainment?. Would they be offended by the interpretations? Did they create similar cinematic interpretations of hostile space forces before they discovered us?

Mostly I'm curious if an interaction like this plays out.

Alien: "So, I was recently shown an Earthling fictional media named "Alien", that depicts a grotesque parasitic creature being forcefully injected in it's host before ripping itself out of them once the incubation process completed.

Human: "Ohh yeah. Did you know that movie is meant to be a representation of childbirth?"

Alien: "What."

[luluthespectator]

To the stars

As usual, that took longer to write than I thought it would. I definitely had trouble giving the story the vibe I wanted. I might go back to edit it someday. In the meantime, enjoy.

Maena was eating her ration at the dinner table. She didn’t have it in her to cook real food, because she was exhausted and not because she was a bad cook. 

Scozar’s shadow loomed over her. This was intimidating but she had a sneaking suspicion that as long as she mirrored Scozar’s behaviour, he wasn’t going to do anything to her.

She glared at Scozar while munching angrily at her ration bar. He didn’t seem the least bit concerned about her looking right into his eyes. She felt like she entered a staring competition and blinked the least possible.

At some point Scozar let out a low satisfied grumble. 

-Is this all you can do to look intimidating, Human?

Her blood was already boiling. She answered, annoyed:

-What do you think?

-I think you’re trying too hard. You act just like a novice.

-I’m a novice at being around your unbearable presence.

Scozar got his sharp teeth closer to her, shifting his spear to her side. His yellow eye was at her eye-level. His rumble radiated in her bones.

-My threats still stand. Later I advise you to take the ship around the capital for everyone to see before going above.

Why would he ask something like that? She understood it wasn’t in Scozar’s interest to do something to help her. But she didn’t believe he would want her to shine in an area where he lacked skill.

The only reason she found was to maybe show the ship to everyone in all the city and subsequently make himself known. She asked:

-Like some kind of propaganda or something?

-You call it whatever you like. I want you to do your best stunts. And don’t try to fool me, I saw images of what you can do.

That would have been flattering if it wasn’t for Scozar’s patronising tone. She tried to find reasons to refuse but she only found reasons to do what he says. She could test the ship, show off and put stars in the other species’ eyes and maybe avoid a war.

Ultimately, she didn’t see anything wrong with that.

-Alright. But let me eat first.

———

She sat on the pilot’s chair, eager to truly discover the ship. Scozar and Dawn were on both sides of her chair behind. She was comfortably installed with her coat around her shoulders. She activated the reactor core, its power radiated across the whole ship.

She turned around to look at the others. They were installed in chairs of their own. She smiled at Dawn.

-Is everyone ready?

-We believe we are, Human.

Scozar made a sound that sounded like a scoff, raised his head high and answered with a proud:

-Of course I am.

That was an answer expected of him, probably. 

She turned back to face the view of the outside world. She took a deep breath and the command. 

-Onwards.

The ship got off the ground. It stayed stationary just above the earth, hovering over it. She could feel the flow of the air below the ship. The motion was almost imperceptible but it was nice.

She took the ship to the skies with ease. It followed gently the flow of both the air and the reactor core’s power. She stayed high in the sky and tested the agility of the ship. It followed her command smoothly, almost graciously.

She made it turn on itself. The gravity inside the ship was still the same. Not even her hair rose up. Maena looked up at the ground, the colourful districts extended on the ground. The streets were larger and the houses were bigger as she went. She was headed towards the Giants’ Bay.

She turned the ship on its side, the commands were surprisingly smoother. She descended and ascended like it was nothing even though most other ships would have trouble navigating on their sides.

Maybe it was more precise because it was a smaller ship? The answer didn’t matter. She could feel the air flowing around the ship, wrapping it in small tides. The ship would just glide on them, it was definitely made for this. She couldn’t wait to test the tides in space.

She wanted to test the ship a little further. Before this she turned to the others and said:

-I’m going to be more rash with the commands. Stay in your sits alright.

She changed trajectories abruptly from left to right, up to bottom. She put the ship in all the positions it could take, on its belly, its back and its sides. The ship’s movements were perfect.

She turned back where the ship was first installed. Then, she saw the artificial cavern that cut through the black stones of a mountain in the distance. Houses were suspended on all of its rocky surfaces. Millions of lights made for all types of eyes illuminated the district. When the moon shone, their colors spilled into the night.

As she arrived, the mountain became bigger and the cavern less large. For a moment, a stupid idea got through her head. What if she actually tried manoeuvring in there. Her last ship could barely move there but this ship was way smaller.

No, this was definitely stupid.

She was about to steer above the mountain when Scozar interrupted her wonderful flying experience. She forgot he existed and didn’t miss knowing he was alive. He said on a condescending tone:

-You won’t be able to do that. Don’t be a fool for once.

She would have agreed but she hated the way he took her for his slave. She despised how reasonable his words were.

She would normally wait to know the exact size of the ship to do bold things. But she knew there were multiple exits to this area, and she went there enough times to be able to eye the dimensions of the cavern itself.

It would be extremely risky but possible. Just to spite Scozar, she gladly accepted this challenge.

She looked back at Scozar with a death stare and the most confident smile she could muster.

-Last I checked I’m one the best pilots in this galaxy. It’s why I’m here, is it?

She didn’t wait for an answer. She hit the gas towards the valley. She got the ship on its side and crossed the barrier between unbound sky and claustrophobic walls. Without the winds in the atmosphere, the ship felt heavier. 

The commands were more brusque which wasn’t exactly bad in an environment like this, she could actually make hard turns if needed. She was gliding only thanks to the reactor core. It compensates for the lack of wind, its power was that much present around her. 

She got on the edge of her seat, the controls tight in her hands. Her heart pounded in her chest. This was going to be hard, but not impossible.

Scozar sounded almost scared when he growled:

-You absolute fool!

-Shut up, I’m trying to concentrate.

She was vigilant. She used all the camera feeds and captors she could get her hands on to stay away from the hanging houses. She didn’t want to bring any destruction and needed to shut Scozar’s big mouth about his superiority.

She mentally counted the distance she had left to do before being able to take an exit above. She barely felt the sweat dripping from her head. She was tense but it was oddly comforting in a way. 

She was right where she was meant to be. She was a pilot. She was the captain of her crew again, keeping everything afloat despite her actions and the obstacles outside. It was thrilling.

As the ship advanced, the cavern closed in on them. She tilted her head and bit her bottom lip. Her mind went blank except for one thing: this should be fine. She could see the natural light plunging in the cave from above. 

There was just a cluster of buildings rising above all the others, following the large column keeping the mountain from crumbling down. One thing was sure, she had one try.

She went a little faster to give her enough momentum. The column arrived in front of her. She dodged it. The motion pushed her a little in her seat. Before colliding with the wall of the cavern she swiftly made another hard turn.

She then directed the ship towards the light and made it pivot to match the dimensions of the opening. 

The ship went in the sky in a straight line, barely rocking on the wind of the atmosphere. It is only when it crossed the junction between the atmosphere and space that Maena exhaled all the air in her lungs.

She smiled, her body relaxed. She fell back in her chair with her hands crossed behind her neck. She wanted to test the limits of her ship, well this wasn’t its limit.

Sweet satisfaction washed over her. She laughed and turned around to an unamused Scozar.

-Well, What do you think of that?

-That was dangerous and unreasonable.

-But I did it, didn’t I?

She crossed her ankles on the table and looked for the ship’s feedback on the holograms. It was a sweet surpise when she saw all these stunts didn’t deplete the reactor’s energy all that much. It could do so much more.

———

She was still going through holograms when she got a message. She sat back on her chair and listened.

-This message from the Galactic Council is destined to Human, Maena. 

She raised her eyebrows in surprise. The Council usually didn’t bother talking to her directly. She put her feet on the ground and leaned towards the table.

-You have been reported flying into a forbidden area: The Starlight district is a highly populated residential area as well as a highly productive industrial area coupled with a large economical importance to The Capital. Therefore it shouldn’t be tempered with and put in unnecessary danger.

She nodded absentmindedly. What she had done downed on her, crashing down on her mind.

-We would also like to add the fact that this area is extremely unfit for the flying of ships.

No way, how could she have guessed that on her own? 

-As we have chosen you to be one of the Pillars we must warn you that you need to embody the strength, wisdom and justice of the Galactic Council. We don’t wish for confrontation but your cooperation will be appreciated in the foreseeable future.

Maena frowned at that. A warning. More than a warning, a scolding from the Galactic Council. She knew she was more than a corsair, as they had said, she was supposed to be an example. So this little message was fair enough for what she did with her ship.

Still it was unpleasant. Her throat tightened and her heart was uncomfortable in her chest. Yes, this was stupid and absolutely unnecessarily dangerous. So much for being a Pillar.

She shook her head. She was so lucky her dumb recklessness didn’t impact anyone. She put her hair in her hand. She should be ashamed, she was ashamed of herself. She was stupid.

Guilt festered in her chest. Cold anger boiled inside, eating her thoughts.

-I told you not to be a fool. Look where your actions got you.

What did Scozar want? She turned to him. He raised his head smuggly. His eyes were half closed by satisfaction.

Maena blurted out:

-Could you leave me be for five minutes?

-And miss telling you you should do as I say for a reason? I don’t think so.

She hit her desk with her fist. The holograms buzzed at that. She hated this “I told you so attitude”. She was already sick and tired of dealing with this Kerox.

-I’m not in the mood for your inferiority complex Scozar. Get out of here. I don’t want to see you.

-Then you should just turn around.

-You know what I mean!

-Make me.

His remarks did nothing to quell the anger inside her. They both knew she wasn’t strong enough to pose a threat to him. If she had a gun she would have shot him. She pointed at the door and screamed:

-Get out!

Scozar turned around. She watched him slither as slowly as possible towards the door. This slow walk was a provocation that made the rage burn in her chest with a new fire. Before crossing it, he turned around.

-Humans should get their emotions in check.

This was the last strand, her own actions coming back at her. This was that much more aggravating.

She answered by taking off her shoe and throwing it at Scozar with a raging scream. The shoe flew across the room in a straight line and hit Scozar’s torso with a thud.

For a moment, he stared, wide eyed, at the shoe that had reached him. It layed on the ground, as lifeless as an inanimate object could be. He left without another word.

Back to masterlist

Back to Oath in the dark

Back to A New Era (beginning)

Tagging people who wanted to be tagged @hoshi-no-koinu, @jay--o

[injuries-in-dust]

And here we find a rare instance of a Humans Are Space Orcs post from Tiktok that isn't an AI voice reading a reddit post over a minecraft video.

[loonarmuunar]

Humans being the first. Not the strongest or the smartest or the weirdest or the most violent. Just the first.

We called out into the dark over and over. We sent out messages in hopes. We searched every planet we could reach, in hopes of any sign of life. Any at all.

We thought, hoped we were the last, because we couldn’t bear the idea of being the one ones this awake and alive in a world as vast as this.

And we died alone.

When the others are born, many many years later, they find us, everything we left for them.

They recover The Golden Record and look at it a million times over, they dig up our fossils and put us in museums, they study us for years and years, loving us as we love our ancestors’ painted hands on cave walls.

In a lot of their languages, the word they use for us has the same root for “mother”.

[skritzzy]

I feel like any aliens that were prey at some point in evolution would have an odd fear of humans. Mostly cause they look like predators, act a bit like predators, and ARE predators. One perfect example is when we're focused on something like a mosquito that's been bugging us for a long time and we are just done.

Alien: "What. What..?"

Human: *HUNTING down a mosquito it saw*

Alien: ".... yeah I am really uncomfortable...."

Human: *quiet footsteps, pupils dialated, intense focus,*

Alien: *WAR FLASHBACKS*

Human: "Found you." *absolutely desimates the mosquito, squashing it into a million pieces as it's guts and various body parts liquidize into blood of the bloodthirsty, now stained on the palm of the human. A living being now reduced to a useless corpse as the human wipes the remains on their pants*

Alien: "I feel like I've just gained trauma."

[archrries]

Humans cracking their knuckles as an intimidation tactic against aliens

Can you imagine being an alien and this thing just broke its bones at you?????

I'd be scared tbh

Why did it make that noise

That's a bone breaking noise

It's like those ppl who bite off their acrylics before a fight

[drewthelocalnerd]

Haven’t really seen it yet so here we go, *Humans* have THREAT DISPLAYS! Sure, we seems small in comparison to other creatures both on or off our planet, but when we’re actively trying to make friends with everything we see that’s a good thing. But what if we don’t wanna seem small and friendly, say the vibes are real bad and getting worse, so instincts kick in and we gotta be *dangerous*

Take bears for example, those famous Terran predators. Big furry tanks capable of tearing into cars. We’re supposed to make ourselves look BIGGER to scare them off! Insane, but it works!

Other humans! We’re not *all* super nice, so what do we do when another deathworlder seems sketchy? Crack our knuckles, our necks, even flash our teeth a little for some flare, the literal post up or get done up pose where you invade their space and just in general look threatening. Our second natural language being body language, saying “back off or I’ll mess you up”, of course we have threat displays, and I’ll be the first to say I don’t always consciously know I’m doing them.

So when we finally have outer space friends, they’re gonna lose their shit seeing stuff like this.

[candz13z]

Another humans and aliens post because im hooked on it still.

Humans are friendly. Really friendly. Theyll make friends with anything that can move. They pack bond like crazy and they seem to understand their emotions better than any other species and tend to be the therapist of the ship.

So, why is it that, on the ships, with more than a couple humans on it, are the ones that have the most fights.

Humans are so friendly, you could probably do just about anything to them and they wouldnt even so much as blink. But one human woke up another human too early one day and they both ended up in the medbay. The worst part is- they were back to being friends again not even a full day cycle later.

There had been another fight between a couple of other humans too, but this fight wasnt physical. It was a screaming match, or atleast thats what the humans called it. This fight wasnt even physical but the humans involved in this one had cried in this one. They did not go back to being friends afterwards. It made no sense- but what made even less sense happened a week later.

A team of humans showed up for a 'debate'. To the aliens understanding- it was a series of arguements over a couple of prepared questions. Every alien on the ship expected there to be more tears and more sadness- but instead the humans cheered on the debate and the people screaming at eachother laughed about it afterwards.

Any alien with enough sentience on the ship that day remembered the fact that despite being as friendly as they were, humans are still very, very unexplored territory.

[sugarcoatednightshade]

Humans are Space Orcs story where humans are known for our storytelling and acting abilities. While these talents are somewhat respected, there’s a major stigma against humans because we’re also the best liars.

“Humans don’t actually feel anything at all, they just mimic emotions to trick others into believing them”

“Never trust a human. They lie like the rest of us breath”

“Humans spend so much of their lives acting, it’s impossible to tell when they’re being truthful”

“In human culture, great respect is awarded to ‘actors’ who are able to mimic other persons and emotions with startling accuracy”

“Some ‘actors’ are able to ‘perform’ hundreds of unique characters”

“Acting is so ubiquitous in the human culture that many consider it polite to lie”

“Sarcasm is a common, casual game played between humans, where one human says something untrue and the other human must guess what truth they are thinking. Humans unable to perform this ritual are often ostracized by their peers”

“If you see a human crying, do not immediately assume they are hurt. Humans have been known to use their ‘acting’ abilities to trick unsuspecting travelers into giving up an unreasonable number of belongings”

“All interstellar travelers are required to read up on popular ‘scams’ or ‘cons’ performed by humans in the region they are traveling to”

[kurara-black-blog]

I just love the "they're more scared of you than you are of them" thing because, yeah, Earth is a Deathworld filled with very dangerous beings, but also everyone in it is scared and would rather not interact with each other unless necessary

Alien: This is a very dangerous animal!

Human: Don't worry, we'll just walk away.

Alien: But it's watching us!

Human: It's hoping we leave already, so we're leaving.

Alien: It... It is?

Human: Yeah, it is more scared of us than we are of it. Let's go before the fight instinct kicks in because then it'll become a dangerous animal

Alien:...

[shroomiethefrogwhisperer]

Humans Are Crazy

Aliens have such different gender and biology from humans that none of them menstruate. So imagine this.

Alien: Human Steve, why did I find blood on the lavatory floor?

Steve: Oh, that's just Karen.

Alien: What??

Steve: Human females bleed from their reproductive organs once every month for five to seven days.

Alien: wHAT?!

Steve, calmly: Yeah, they can lose enough blood in a lifetime to kill ten grown men.

Alien: WHaT ?!?!

Karen, walking in: Steve, I need A FUCKING break. And chocolate. And a heating pad. I'll be in my sleeping quarters. Also, I threw up.

Steve: Okay, take the day off, I'll bring you your stuff in a bit.

Alien: *jots down in notebook* Human females are indestructible and fearsome. Regard them with respect.

EDIT: I swear, if this is the thing that makes me Tumblr famous, I’m gonna blow a braincell. And I don’t have many of those left, so…

Edit 2: Guys. Guys. What?! My grumpy menstrual rant is in no way worthy of being tumblr famous. *is mildly to severely confused/thankful/bumfuddled*

Edit 3: Why is this still getting notes wtf

Edit 4: STOP REBLOGING THISSSSSS

edit 5: if you like this, go look at these:

This is now a masterlist.

[injuries-in-dust]

I don't know why, but I like the idea of humans being to aliens, what cats are to humans...

Alien1: hey, when did you hire a human?

Alien 2: we didn't. They just wandered aboard one day, saying they wanted to "hitch a ride." Then they never left. I think they like it here.

Alien 1: the human distribution system has chosen.

***

Alien stares at the human, who has climbed up a very high shelving unit.

Alien: Human, get down before you hurt yourself.

The humans response is to climb higher.

***

Alien is secretly filming their human, who is spaced out and just staring at nothing.

Alien (whispering): I think the human is about to intercept the brain cell. (Laughter) don't worry human, if it tingles that means it's working.

[brainrotwriter]

I don't know if anyone said this before, but, I think the one thing that would put the fear of an alien god into an alien would be just how territorial humans are.

Humans generally have small territories tightly packed against others, sometimes even on top of each other. They are social creatures, after all, and seem to enjoy inviting each other to their territories that might even contain other species!

So, you would think they would welcome other visitors, right?

Wrong. Humans are wildly territorial to the point even something as harmless as a fruit fly is murdered on sight. Then, surely they must allow other predators that repel such creatures, right? Wrong again, even 'useful' ones likes spiders are shown no mercy.

Alien: I apologize but I'm struggling to grasp this concept. You said you killed that arachnid as there was a possibility it could come in contact with your sleeping quarters. Doesn't your feline companion frequent there? I'm sure it couldn't do more damage than an apex predator?

Human: Uhh, okay let me rephrase that; it isn't about coming in contact with my stuff. It's about me allowing it. Mr. Pickle Jar is allowed to be here and touch my things, that spider isn't. So, it needs to die.

Alien, writing DO NOT TOUCH ANYTHING UNLESS SAID OTHERWISE in big bold letters in the notepad: Ah, I see. Thanks for sharing.

[gehenna-checklist]

I like to imagine a scenario where humanity just never developed energy guns and has stuck to kinetic weaponry forever and at some point some alien species thinks about messing with the wrong apex predator species.

Alien 1: "Captain, I assure you, our ships can't be breached by anything weaker than a concentrated proton beam. They barely have lasers. We'll be fine."

Alien 2: "Sub relativistic projectile incom-" gets hit by a railgun shell at mach fuck

[tawneybee]

Honestly obsessed with the "Humans are the cats of space" corner of the whole trope.

We may be seen as objectively adorable. We're tiny predators, vicious and mighty with teeth and nails, but also easy to pick up and hold and swing around while saying "Babyyyy"

We're quiet and sneaky in the wild, hard to catch and contain, very effective hunters and climbers. But when domesticated who wouldn't just lounge around if we're given free food, unlimited sleep, and constant enrichment?

And same with cats, there's a variety of how humans act and feel about these huge creatures taking care of us. Some of us might be very chatty, very affectionate, some probably clingy if we trust our Alien enough. While others don't screw with their personal space, would scratch and bite if you do something they don't like. The affection is at their pace cause otherwise you'll come out with a few scars.

As small as we are, the more wild independent humans have the strength and means to take down predators so much bigger than us when the situation becomes dire enough. There's been cats who've gotten dogs, wolves, and bears singlehandedly.

A human that's been in an alien family long enough would probably chase off a huge threatening space creature to protect the alien young, just as cats have done for human children.

Imagine after a few years of integration with aliens, some humans don't get by well with taking care of their children so they find an alien that looks responsible and careful enough and they leave their young on their doorstep so they can grow up with all the food and shelter they could ever need.

Maybe they have a human distribution system where a person who's just tired of the human world picks a ship to stay on, and the aliens on board just accept it because that's how humans are. Maybe they help provide pest control for those space creatures small enough to hide in hard-to-reach areas of the ship.

And even amongst all this agility and predatory instinct, humans can still be pretty dumb and airhead and ridiculous. Imagine how hilarious aliens would find it when we get jumpscared or sneeze or feel the random need to stim and run around. Alien puts a long sticky parchment on that crevice of our backs that's hard to reach and watches as we struggle to reach and take it off cause it's annoying, same way we might put tape on a cat's head. Maybe they find the funky way a human mom tries to carry her too-big baby funny the same way a mom cat dragging her too-big baby by the scruff is funny.

Maybe there's a language barrier, but Aliens notice our odd human sounds and mimic them to get our attention, but they struggle with the different sound and pronunciation we just hear random gargled calls of "Molasses!" "Tree!" "税金!" when they're just trying to greet us. And you learn to recognize the pattern of noises that mean whatever name they gave you in their language.

Humans really are just big cats.

[niqhtlord01]

Humans are weird: Space Ice

Alien: By the gods……what did you do?

Human: What do you mean?

Alien: Luminal III was a desert world, and you’ve been on the world for half a century and now it’s a lush planet.

Alien: What did you do?

Human: Simple.

Human: Space ice.

Alien: What?

Human: Space ice.

Alien: I….I still don’t follow.

Human: Well it’s a desert world with almost no water, so we went out and got some.

Alien: You got some….in space ice?

Human: Well yeah.

Human: There are literal hundreds of thousands of chunks of frozen ice just floating in asteroid belts or orbiting planets in rings.

Human: So we sent a couple dozen harvester ships to grab them and then bring them back to the planet.

Alien: ………………..

Alien: Do you have any idea how dangerous that is?

Human: What do you mean?

Alien: Do you have any idea what was in that ice?

Alien: Possibly frozen organisms or diseases that are in those chunks of ice.

Human: Yeah we knew all about that.

Human: We’ve watched “The Thing” enough times to know what could be frozen inside random blocks of ice.

Human: We had each block scanned and detoxed before introducing it to the planet’s surface.

Human: By the end of twenty years into the operation enough water had been distributed that several large underground lakes were filled to capacity.

Human: Water on the surface continued to evaporate and condense into clouds causing temperatures to slowly decrease. This coupled with the underground water supplies resulted in land masses becoming more temperate and damp.

Alien: Thank you for explaining basic science class processes to the species that mastered inter-dimensional travel.  

Human: Well if you’re so god-damn smart why didn’t you think of this?

Alien: *Opens mouth to counter but stops

Human: You’ve encountered at least a hundred desert worlds and never thought, “Hey, maybe if I add water things will get better?”

Alien: *Stares in angry silence.

Human: Yeah, that’s what I thought.

Human: Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go make a second amazon rainforest called “Amazon+”.

Alien: But why?

Human: For shits and giggles mostly at this point.