#how to apologize

[positiveseed]

How to Apologize to Someone You Hurt Deeply | SUB

[tiktok-singularity]

How people in mature healthy relationships apologize to each other.

[helloyellow17]

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Aaron Downs (@downwithaaron)

Yes hello I want to SHOUT THIS FROM THE ROOFTOPS

You 👏 don’t 👏 get 👏 to decide 👏 what 👏 bothers 👏 people!

Saying sorry isn’t about your feelings, it’s about valuing the feelings of those you love and may have hurt. It’s about owning up to your mistakes and trying to make things right. It’s about caring about other people more than your own ego.

[catchingwordsiwillforget]

If I knew how to smoothen crinkles iron out the creases that only know how to fold, If I knew how to  mend what’s broken heal wounds that only know how to fester, If I knew how to  ease away the aches soften unintentional blows that only know how to hurt, then perhaps I would know how to apologize.

[shebadfuckk]

[sorryiwasasleep]

So like, what the actual genuine FUCK am I expected to do to show apology now that I’ve been told by BOTH my parents that me saying sorry doesn’t mean anything anymore no matter how genuine it is from my side (it’s nearly always genuine. I might not always know what Im apologizing for (i rarely ever do- it’s generally just the result of the soup of guilt that sits in my chest given to me by a lifetime of being told I’m being annoying or loud or weak or cringey or weird or rude or otherwise just being fucking ignored), but I always feel the need to BE apologizing anyway and so I often do, except that’s now caused the issue at hand of— I’ve said I’m sorry too much in my life that now it’s just… words.

Yea, we’ve all apologized without meaning it before. But it’s never been in the circumstances where I’m quite literally screaming and crying so hard I start to gag, and those are the exact context wherein I was told my apologies were worthless.

So like… where do we go from here then? I can’t apologize but I’m also supposed to just fucking show up at Mother’s Day tomorrow so… how the fuck am I supposed to interact with you? Act normal? You certainly won’t be and THAT would be me lying then sooooo????

[howtoapologize]

Someone did better than I could do on this one... DAN SCHNEIDER

[gaasuba]

Some thoughts on apologies and how the current meme of rules for how they should happen: my adhd makes it hard to advocate for my emotional needs later if someone else is usually hurt first. i really do need my reasons for the mistake to be addressed right away also or else i'll let people walk all over me and they may not even realize they're doing it. I don't know how much my autism may play into this. And as someone who's only been diagnosed with bipolar at 30, i need "i don't know what came over me" to not be demonized as a hard and fast "never say this." Same for my PTSD triggered responses and Autistic meltdowns. Just because i freak out and forget that what i need to do is ask for an apology first doesn't mean their need for an apology comes first and foremost (even tho they do deserve one) I've literally been triggered and then have someone demand an apology and insist that i didn't deserve one and made no promises to avoid that trigger in the future

[unhingedbehavior]

the process for true redemption in my eyes is the fact that you have the ability to reflect, recognize, and respond.

Reflect how your actions might’ve hurt me.

Recognize why you acted so reckless.

And respond accordingly by making it up to me and making sure you cheer me up.

Is that just too much to ask for?? Cause I try to do that to anyone I ever unintentionally hurt.

[stephobrien]

One addition I'd like to make is that it's important to make the distinction between excuses/justifications, and explanations.

There's a difference between "I was having a bad day, so you can't blame me for yelling at you," and "I was having a bad day, and was feeling frustrated and overwhelmed, but that wasn't your fault, and I shouldn't have taken it out on you."

The former is a pretense that hurting someone was okay. The second recognizes that it wasn't okay, while also helping the victim understand why it happened.

Personally, I prefer to know why someone hurt me. It helps me understand them better, and it helps me determine whether they're likely to hurt me again, and whether we can find a solution to prevent it from happening again.

And if I'm the one who hurt someone, it's highly likely that it wasn't deliberate, so I'd rather tell them so than let them think I harmed them on purpose.

SUBSCRIBE TO US ON YOUTUBE

@thoughtstherapy

[depressed-trashbag]

Minecraft movie trailer was just a bad dream.

[edensbackyard]

Tape recorder click sound my beloved

[egophiliac]

back at it again with the extremely self-indulgent diafams! I am being emotionally supported by overly-cutesy interactions between anime characters right now, don't judge me.

(also continuing with my headcanons that 1) mustache Bauru, and 2) he'll be hugely tsundere about it but you can, ultimately, convince him to do just about anything via careful application of Sebek.)

[wizard-loving-wizard]

i'm so obsessed with brennan's interpretation of charisma for an extremely autistic-coded character being that evan gives up the anxiety about fitting in, he stops masking, and instead he leans into his blunt, matter-of-fact nature, and that serves him SO MUCH BETTER in social situations than constantly apologizing for being different

edit: going back to the previous AP, aabria pitched basically this exact idea to brennan so she should get credit too

[manzanamarim]

So I have been reading svsss here is my first contribution to this fandom

[howtoapologize]

JD Barker Apology

Background:

https://www.nbcnews.com/tech/booktok-jd-barker-email-sexual-promotions-rcna135929

So basically, an author in his 50's solicited a bunch of teens to be naked for a really awful payment. (100 dollars)

Original Apology

On January 23rd [2024], an email went out on my behalf to known BookTok influencers without consideration of age or gender, from a company I own, detailing the framework of a social media marketing campaign meant to promote my upcoming novel, Behind A Closed Door; an erotic thriller set to release later this year. The email detailed several video ideas that were in keeping with events that occur in the book, a work of fiction. Those ideas were followed by:

"These are just suggestions. You're welcome to use them for your video or come up with something on your own. Half the fun of something like this is to let creativity rule! The content of the video is entirely up to you. As long as it's promoting BEHIND A CLOSED DOOR, it will be eligible. So get creative!"

This campaign was never approved. The email wasn't meant to go out without a substantial rewrite, but through a chain of errors, it did.

I take full responsibility for that.

I'm horrified such a message was released. And I deeply regret the hurt I've caused to those who received it.

I have nothing but respect for the writing community and the people who champion it and I've let all of you down.

I have nothing but the deepest respect for women. I'm a husband. I'm a father. There is no excuse for the insensitivity demonstrated by my actions. The weight created by those actions is inexcusable. I can and will do better.

The written word is something I cherish. Words have a power. And sometimes they can hurt more than the most dangerous weapon. Knowing I've wielded that weapon and injured is something that will weigh on me for the remainder of my days. If you were impacted by this, I am truly sorry.

Grading

1. What are they sorry for? 5/10 He didn't mention to nude soliciting to minors part or how it seemed to magically only go to women and girls. Plus he had to promote the book a bit in the apology. "an erotic thriller set to release later this year." But this goes into the deductions portion.

He then follows it with excuses, which goes into the deductions.

2. Who is he sorry to? The Tiktok Influencers. Doesn't name them, but doesn't seem to know their names. 8

3. Why was it wrong? Doesn't say beyond he has respect for women? 2

4. How would he fix it and not do it again in the future? Doesn't say. He pins it on the Marketing team. (more on that later.) 0

5. Accept full responsibility? He says he does, but it doesn't feel like it. It's reaching towards non-apology with the previous in place. 0

6. Make reparations? No. No reparations. Like donate some of his book funds to RAINN. 0

Total: 15/60: 25% That's an F. Can he get a worse grade?

Deductions:

Promoting the book:

"an erotic thriller set to release later this year."

This is not the time. -3

15-3=12

Making excuses:

"These are just suggestions. You're welcome to use them for your video or come up with something on your own. Half the fun of something like this is to let creativity rule! The content of the video is entirely up to you. As long as it's promoting BEHIND A CLOSED DOOR, it will be eligible. So get creative!"

Shooting past the point where the email said to get naked to teen girls... yeah, no. That's not how it's done. -5

"The email wasn't meant to go out without a substantial rewrite"

Yeah, what this person said. -5

"I have nothing but the deepest respect for women. I'm a husband. I'm a father."

He didn't watch the Barbie Movie where they made fun of this.

Apologies aren't about you and trying to use others as a shield. -5

So basically he lied... - 5, which is supported by the following.

He tried to pin it on a woman and her firm while being sexist. -10 (This is in the NBC article for those who use readers.) Not that sorry about hating on women.

Total Score: -13

I don't think an apology rewrite could save him in this case. The amount of PR he'd need to do wouldn't really help. Even if he donated all of the proceeds to RAINN, which he won't.

The basics, though was that he shouldn't have lied and he shouldn't have used women as a shield when he was showing being sexist.

The best action would have not even written it in the first place.