#here’s to hoping I don’t pass out!!

[afaroffsong]

Well it is The Day and my body has decided if I eat or drink anything it ain’t stayin’ down. :)

[quins-makeshift-menagerie]

As most of you know I try my best to be civil and kind. I’m too exhausted and the world sucks too much for me to go about making other people feel like shit, it’s not really something I see worthy of my or anyone’s time really. I try to keep things positive not only because it might brighten someone else’s day but for my own sake. I curate this space because I know a lot of you feel and experience the same things I do. Do not twist this into me being delusional. I am fully aware the internet can be an unkind place, but that doesn’t mean my blog, my space, has to follow that example.

Be kind, be patient, and be respectful, not that the majority of you haven’t already been doing so. Asks are open again. Anonymous will be turned on again when I feel comfortable.

Apologies to those who used anon because they were nervous/anxious. I completely understand where you’re coming from and this is nothing against you. Regardless I do hope you stick around, and maybe one day work up the courage to be open with me. Or continue to keep your distance, I completely understand that too.

[sexynetra]

Hiiiii may I humbly ask you to write a little planymphia excerpt for us? I love your writing and I love this pairing ❤️

Hi bestie I am way ahead of you I already have multiple planymphia things in the works I tried to stay away but I got converted into it 🤭 here’s just a tiny little intro I wrote in my mind on my drive home from work today

~~~~~~

Jane didn’t believe in love at first sight. She didn’t believe in love at second sight either, or third. Honestly, love was never really on her radar. Until she met Nymphia, that is.

Nymphia shouldn’t have been anything special. She was just a girl, like all the rest. Another pretty girl for Jane to bring home from the bar and then never see again.

Sex wasn’t complicated. Hookups weren’t complicated. Jane enjoyed pretty women and they enjoyed her. But emotions were messy, and Jane didn’t do mess.

Nymphia was messy. Everything about her was chaos and impulsion wrapped up in a yellow-haired bow. Jane should have run when she still had the chance.

[james-spooky]

this is a test

[machiavellli]

I’ll go into a social media exile for a bit, so idk when I’ll be back, but just picture me like this while I’m gone: working <3

[greelin]

getting blood work done for the first time in a long time outside of an ER setting

[celestialaudience]

.

[cetoddle]

i’ve been fighting so hard my entire life no matter how bad it gets. skin in my teeth blood under my nails bruises all over my body. i’ve been looking for something anything to hold onto. and it’s finally over. i’m done fighting. i’ve just been wasting my energy. this is all there ever is for me

[teethbomb]

mob psycho(logical horror) 100

[angelstrawbabie420]

i legitimately do not know how i have persisted under all this grief and i fear i won’t be able to for much longer

[floral-hex]

Two hours. I got two hours of sleep. I’m so frustrated with myself.

Went to the ER. Everyone was very nice. They gave me an IV bag of fluids (I was dehydrated! Sad cactus!) and a little ativan (teeny dose), which was nice at the time! Just a little amount, but the (mostly) quiet room, fluids, and meds managed to relax me a lot. Could have fallen asleep if the bed was actually comfortable. Then they packed me up, gave me another little Ativan to take home for tonight, and said they’d contact my primary. Cool cool. Got some much needed food on the way home, then took the pill and got comfy. Again, smallest dosage they make, so no feeling too good. Managed to muscle past my anxiety to fall asleep, and… 2 hours. Woke up. Tried to go back to sleep. Too frustrated and anxious and I feel like crap. What should I do? Just eat a whole gummy and hope that knocks me out? For me, that feels like playing roulette. Could work, yeah. Could make me sleepy and pliable. Could also backfire and make me feel sick and extra anxious for another 5 or 6 hours. What do I do? Roll back up to the ER? “Hewwo, I woke up and I need more benzos 👉👈🥺” haha funny, but I’ve seriously been thinking about it 😑

God, I’m miserable. Been sitting outside on the porch for a bit. Not quite an hour. Needed to get out of the apartment, but tbh, nearly 4am outside isn’t doing much for me. I just feel alone. It wouldn’t help with sleeping, per se, but just someone, I dunno, hugging or holding me for a few minutes would honestly save me a little. What a mess. Oh yeah, and apparently my kidneys are going 👎👎👎 down. Bad meat. Not great test results. Not what I’m focusing on tonight. I’m a mess. Anyway, this was my update. Sorry for all the walls of text. Suppose this is mainly for me to look back on in the future, but can’t pretend it’s not at least a little validating to put this all out into the world and knowing that maybe one or two people read this and I didn’t suffer completely without recognition. Yeah…

[seilon]

got another job interview tomorrow. pray 4 me

[theres-whump-in-that-nebula]

I’m really starting to feel like Gregor Samsa now

[angelnumber27]

My apologies that I’m not the most encouraging or positive or helpful right now. I want to help other people very badly but right now I am really struggling a LOT and I need to put everything into trying to help myself. I’ll be back to my usual self eventually. There will be more encouraging posts about healing and recovery and life in general, but I am currently falling apart and I would really appreciate if y’all didn’t base your opinions of who I am on the things I express while in agony.

[loyalpromise]

idk how some people do one-liners back-to-back bc i’m such a rambler that it’s impossible for me lol.

edit: p.s. i’m not saying one-liners are bad btw and i kind of admire people who can keep their threads short lol

[cherryview]

!!!!