#I know it’ll grow out again eventually but idk

[seilon]

got another job interview tomorrow. pray 4 me

[blueberrymocha]

texting them

gon

✰ he didn’t grow up with much technology

✰ and he def did not have a phone

✰ so since he isn’t in the habit of using it often, your messages are all on delivered

✰ he also prefers to live in the moment instead of checking his phone all the time

✰ unfortunately for you that means you’re better off calling the person he’s with if you need to reach him

✰ once you talk to him about it though, he’ll be sure to answer within a couple hours

✰ he’d save your contact as a pet name, personally i can see him using “sunshine” or “honey” for you

✰ you’d be pictureless until killua points it out to gon and explains that you can add pictures to someone’s contact

✰ but once he does learn he’ll use a cute coupley picture of you guys from one of your first dates

✰ would have trouble deciphering your abbreviations

“btw ur gna be back asap right?”

“huh.”

✰ its fine, he prefers to call (loves to hear your voice) anyways

killua

✰ y’all would be so mischievous together

✰ prank calls as a weekly ritual

✰ you’re mostly safe from them but don’t think he’ll never do it to you

✰ probably won’t text you first but always responds within the minute

✰ would only call if he’s checking up on you, like when you’re sick or he’s on an adventure

✰ will use the most abysmal, disrespectful picture he has of you

✰ your name on his phone is either an inside joke or an insult like “sleeping ugly 🧚‍♀️” (he’s out for blood omg you overslept once)

✰ i just know alluka is confused af

✰ he’ll change it to something else whenever you see it, which you will eventually

“y/n can you check my phone?”

“sure! babe why is my name ‘dumbass’ heart emoji, wizard emoji?”

kurapika

✰ you can see this one from a mile away…

✰ his phone always got that silent mode + dnd + texts muted combo

✰ he does all that but would fully expect you to pick up if he called you

✰ speaking of which, he would call probably daily if either of you were away

✰ never forgets an “i love you” “be safe” “see you soon” etc

✰ if something happened, would want you to know that

✰ you guys would fall asleep on calls

✰ but mostly him

✰ your contact might just be your name for a while

✰ but i could also see him using something tame like “love” or “sweetheart”

✰ hes also the type to leave you on read

✰ especially if you’re asking when he’ll be back or how his mission is going

✰ generally just keeps his work separate from home unless he needs to vent or it’s extremely relevant to you

leorio

✰ wishes he could talk more often

✰ school just keeps him really busy

✰ will be upfront with you if he needs time to study, make dinner, or anything of that nature

✰ you’d get in the habit of leaving voicemails

✰ he listens to them all and leaves some for you too

✰ also good morning and good night texts, always

✰ your picture is whatever picture of you he finds the hottest tbh

✰ your name would be a pet name such as “shorty” or “beautiful”

✰ idk why but i feel like he’d misplace his phone often

✰ so if he doesn’t respond by the end of the day, you’ll probably get a call from his roommate’s phone saying how he lost his own

hisoka

✰ lets it ring out and then calls back a minute later

✰ “oh did you need something?”

✰ this man can’t stop playing games, the call cuts off halfway through what you’re saying

✰ then he calls back again acting like it was the wi-fi

✰ don’t worry——that’s only like a quarter of the time

✰ depending on his mood, he’ll be mostly serious

✰ imagine the look on his face when he realizes you’re calling because you’re in the hospital or smth

✰ yeah so he’s better at responding now!

✰ your contact picture is gonna be from the most stalker angle

✰ like it’s just you sleeping

✰ you found that a little odd but maybe your clown just wants to capture those memories

✰ …while you’re walking home on the opposite sidewalk

✰ if you’re in a longer, serious relationship, your name is something romantic like “my dove” but it’ll take a while to get there

illumi

✰ you’d be so surprised to find that he loves to call

✰ he travels a lot as an assassin, so he needs something to do

✰ would always text you formally it’s scary

“have you arrived at the manor yet, y/n? be sure to notify me immediately once you do.”

✰ he’s giving you customer service type responses

✰ you’ll also get updates about his missions

“i’ve just finished killing the target, expect to see me home in four days”

✰ the contact is just your name and if you convince him, he’ll add a picture of your choice

chrollo

✰ has like six phones

✰ if you didn’t know he was the leader of a gang you might‘ve thought he was cheating

✰ you also have the numbers of most of the spiders

✰ so if he ever has to disappear (like after yorknew) they’ll be sure to let you know what’s going on

✰ he’ll text you a few times a day if he’s able to

✰ would ask about your day and remind you to take care of yourself

✰ the conversations usually focus on you, while he listens or prompts you

✰ like kurapika, doesn’t want to involve you in troupe business so it’s very rare for him to even mention them

✰ he doubts you even want to hear about how he robbed an old man today, or killed a woman who didn’t hand over a jewel

✰ on his top secret personal phone, he’ll give you a contact photo with both of you in it

✰ your name would be a classy pet name, maybe “princess” or “beloved”

[thehistoriccemetery]

hiii ... idk if you do requests exactly but if u wanted id love to hear about the companions w/ a werewolf reader ? maybe its a full moon and reader has kept it a secret until now . but instead of being in a mindless violent rampage they are just kinda ... dog brained

thank u in advance ... take ur time or dont bother if u dont wanna :)

BG3 Ladies x Werewolf!Reader

I finally got a day off yesterday and I used it to write for like 8 hours so enjoy your second day of content in a row.

A lot of people have asked for companions react to Bhaal smiting the dark urge and I’m working on it, but unfortunately I’m only on act 2 of my durge run. So that one will be a while.

In better news my Minthara folks can expect a very spicy piece at some point this week!

Shadowheart

As soon as Shadowheart sees you in your wolf form, she is terrified and runs away from you as fast as she can.

It’s only when you cautiously approach camp that her mother actually points out you’re a lycanthrope. She picks up on it pretty easily given her husband shares the same affliction.

“They don’t seem to be aggressive, though” she observes, slightly confused. She tentatively taps her legs, beckoning you to come.

When you happily pad over to her, she scratches you behind the ears and you give a satisfied smile.

She sits down on the ground and continues to pet your head.

Shadowheart is still curled up on the bed, unwilling to take part in any of this.

“Oh come on Shads, you must admit, it’s kinda cute.” Her mom says as your tongue lulls from your mouth.

The closest she gets to comfortable with you that first night is a brief game of fetch. She’ll throw the ball as long as she doesn’t have to wrestle it from your maw.

The game is over though when the ball gets too slimy for her liking.

It’ll take a little while, but perhaps it’ll grow on her eventually.

Lae’zel

Lae’zel doesn’t really know much about wolves or dogs, but she’s not particularly fond of the one that’s following her around camp.

She tries to pawn you off to Karlach, but you want her so she has very little luck with that.

When it starts to get really late, she starts to worry. Where have you gone? You’ve never been out this late.

She eventually puts two and two together and realizes you are the dog that keeps pestering her.

Once she figures it out, she just tries to treat you like your normal self, which is immensely confusing to your little dog brain.

Lae’zel gets very frustrated very quickly. It takes Halsin to calm her down and teach her how to interact with you appropriately.

Every time you do something new she looks at Halsin to tell her how to react.

You flip onto your back. “Can I just keep petting them here?” Halsin nods.

In the morning, she requires quite a hefty apology and explanation as to why you wouldn’t tell her about this.

Karlach

Karlach is almost too welcoming to stray wolf that wants to wander into camp. But it’s certainly not the oddest thing that’s come into camp.

She treats you like a normal dog at first, but after persistent whining and leading her to your bed multiple times, she finally catches on.

“You didn’t tell me you were a werewolf! That’s so cool!” She exclaims, but then her faces starts to grow concerned. “Wait, you’re not gonna flip out on anyone tonight, are you? Do I need to lock you in a cage or something?”

You whine and lay down on the floor.

“Aww, you’re not gonna hurt nobody are you, sweet puppy?” She sits on the floor next to you and rubs your shoulders.

She spends the rest of the night playing with you like she would any other dog, chasing you around camp, wrestling, and petting you.

That night she snuggles up next to you, cuddling you in her arms as you lay on your side.

You wake up just as you do any other morning, in her arms, fully humanoid again.

Minthara

Minthara is unsure what to do with this dog that keeps following her around.

You do your best to actually follow her commands to keep from pissing her off, but you’re really trying to get her to understand it’s you.

You wind up going to your tent and picking up something of yours. One of your shoes should work.

When you approach Minthara with the shoe hanging from your mouth, she grows increasingly agitated with you. “Put that down! That’s not yours!”

You whine and set the shoe down, putting your paw in the shoe to indicate it’s yours.

“Are you… a werewolf?” She asked, confused. You bark in affirmation.

She spends the night allowing you to follow her around, and, as long as you follow instructions, she’s actually quite fond of your dog form.

Most of the night she spends reading a book while occasionally throwing a ball for you to go fetch.

She doesn’t see the point of the game, but you seem to enjoying yourself and it’s only mildly inconveniencing her.

At the end of the night, you move to climb up onto her bed, but she stops you with an “absolutely not” and motions for you to lay on the floor beside her.

Jaheira

As a Druid, Jaheira can speak with you even in dog form.

Once you explain the situation to her, she rolls her eyes but smiles. She should’ve known you were a werewolf.

She doesn’t worry too much about you going fully into beast mode, as you show no signs of aggression or agitation.

But you do stink. And she tells you as much. She’s gonna give you a bath.

Your dog mind causes you to protest. You don’t want a bath. There’s no way she’s getting you in a tub.

It takes a little deception and some meat from the camp supplies to get you in the bath in under 5 minutes.

She cleans you off despite your constant whining and by the end you’re actually surprised you feel better. Less itchy.

She dries you off with a towel and you give yourself a couple good shakes.

Once you’re all clean and dried, she wild shapes into a wolf so you two can spend the night curled up around each other.

[goldenhypen]

⌏⎯ TAKE ME

pairing… jake x fem!reader | genre… fluff | wc… 0.7k | warnings… none

a.n… idk if y’all remember my post ‘gorgeous’ but y’all seemed to rlly like that one, so if you’re looking for smth similar,, i suggest you read this one 👀 no promises it’ll satisfy but i’m just rlly missing this man and needed to do smth about it :’) enjoy <3

jake checked you out from behind, his eyes slowly trailing down your figure, and then back up as you looked at yourself in the mirror, making final touch ups to your appearance as you were almost ready to leave.

"can i come?" you heard, jake’s voice low and soft as he stepped closer to you.

immediately, his hands met your waist, circling around from behind as he pressed his body against yours.

but before letting yourself melt under him, you turned around under his fingertips, placing your hands sternly on his chest and almost pushing him away, "no, it's only the girls today."

ending with a shake of your head, you looked into his eyes again, expecting to meet an understanding gaze, but to your surprise, his stare was strong, intense. at this, you parted your lips to speak, but the words found themselves stuck in your throat, and suddenly whatever you had on your mind escaped your grasp.

he leaned in closer, his eyes intently on your lips. and before you could even react, he was already kissing you, not even a second later, already somehow managing to take your breath away.

the passion poured into the kiss caused your legs to grow weak, but his strong hold prevented you from going anywhere even if you tried.

eventually, he pulled back, leaving you in a daze and whining at the loss, finding yourself leaning in for more.

but his next words stopped you.

"can i come?" he asked again, an almost hint of amusement in his voice.

eyes never leaving his lips, without thought, you nodded, the desire to kiss him again still clouding your mind. and before you knew it, you were grabbing him by the collar and pulling him back in.

however, unable to even fully savour the moment, he pulled back, a cheeky grin plastered on his lips.

"great!" he exclaimed, a look of joy spreading across his face. he leaned in closer again, looking deeply into your eyes. "i’ll get ready then,” he whispered before giving you a wink and walking away.

blinking a few times, you stood there dumbfounded. it took a moment for reality to sink in, and when it did, you realised, he really tricked you.

wasting no time, you followed him frustratingly, upset that he not only fooled you into letting him tag along for something he wasn’t invited to, but he also left you craving for more kisses, and the fact that he left you longing for more fired something up in you.

you stormed after him, opening your mouth to speak, but before your words could escape, he already beat you to it.

"you know, i was only teasing you," he started, turning around with a chuckle, making you feel both relieved yet foolish at the same time. “i wouldn’t ruin today; i know how much you’ve been looking forward to it,” he paused before continuing in a playful tone, “even if it means having fun without me.”

“you wouldn’t ruin it,” you clarified.

“you get the point,” he said. “you look really pretty today, by the way.”

he wrapped his arms around you, pulling you close. you chuckled, resting your arms around his waist and head on his chest.

“thank you,” you let out softly. “i wish you could come, you know i do.”

“no, i know,” he laughed. “you can just make it up to me by taking me out next time, yeah?”

“you’re acting as though this is some sort of long goodbye—like we’re not going to see each other for a long time,” you smiled.

“i mean, i don’t know about you, but to me, four hours without you feels like forever.”

you pulled away slightly, narrowing your eyes at him before smacking his chest.

resting back down, you let out, voice just above a whisper, “so cheesy.”

you remained there, cherishing his warmth for just a few moments more, but eventually you pulled away.

he noticed as your eyes met his lips, and taking the hint, he quickly met you in the middle.

“i’ll see you later, okay?” you said, resting your forehead on his, a small smile lighting up your face, a sight that never failed to leave jake’s heart doing crazy flips in his chest.

he pulled you in once more, his hands holding the sides of your face.

“continue when you get back?” he suggested as he finally pulled away, a smirk growing on his face.

you left one last quick kiss on his lips.

“i’ll be back before you know it.”

a/n… ahh first work since the hiatus hehe hope this put a smile on your face :)) as always, reblogs, feedback, etc are always always appreciated !! love u mwah <3

[sebastianswallows]

Can I, please, respectfully ask for Seb×MC caught in the rain so we can all experience wet hair Sallow drenched from head to toe? Some spiciness would be welcome if they, uh, decided to blink and idk, warm up, maybe. Thank you! Love you!

You ask, my girly, I give you 💚💦 I made Seb as wet as I possibly could, I hope you like it.

I wrote half of this yesterday, and the other half today, and it rained all day today actually so that was a nice way to set the mood!

— PAIRING: Sebastian Sallow x F!MC

— WARNINGS: smut, pussy worship, a bit of cock worship, fingering, multiple orgasms (kind of overstimulation), dirty talk, a bit of praise kink, and kind of possessive Sebastian but that's just Sebastian

— WORDCOUNT: 6.3k

They were still a half an hour's walk away from Hogwarts when the downpour began, and the little hoods on their school robes hardly did a thing to shield them. Sebastian’s drying spells were short-lived and hardly effective anyway, so they decided to stop their journey short and take refuge beneath a little outcropping of rocks by the road. It was coming down so hard now that everything in front of them was a frothy white curtain of rain.

“Should we look for some better place to wait this out?” she asked loudly, shivering in her soaked school robes.

“What, you’ll Revelio your way to some cave or something? Who knows how long that’ll take,” said Sebastian, shouting over the noise of the downpout.

“Well, it’s not like we could get any wetter!”

Sebastian chose not to make any remarks and turned his body away from her for a moment.

He could feel his teeth clanking in his mouth as he hugged himself. He squinted and tried to guess what was on the horizon, but there was no use. The rain was too dense, and his hair kept dripping into his eyes. As he tried to balance himself from one foot to the other, he could feel how soggy they were, and the more tightly he hugged himself, the more he felt the clothes sticking to his skin.

“Fine!” he said, turning to look at her again. “Fine, let’s try to find something… better than this,” he shrugged, his clothes splashing as his hands came back down harshly at his sides.

His friend smiled brightly, full of gratitude that he finally agreed with her idea. She took out her wand, and they went out together from the paltry cover of the rocks.

They ran aimlessly ahead, feet splashing in shallow puddles, hair sticking to their faces, and eventually they came across the river that ran near Hogsmeade. It used to be so thin, but now it ran quite deeper.

“At least we know where we are,” she said, looking back at Sebastian.

“Ugh, but where… Ah!” he said suddenly, turning to the left. “There’s a cave right upstream of it, I know it!”

“Great! Take us there,” she grinned.

Finally, some hope.

Sebastian hadn’t been that way in a while, but as long as they followed the river, they were sure to find it. A few Revelios later, and they came across the cave, a big dark mouth open in the downpour.

It was less of a cave and more of a hole in the ground, so short and stout that trees were growing above it, their roots curling like fingers around its rim and right inside across its ceiling. But it was deep enough that it could serve as cover, give them shelter while they waited. The pair caught their breaths after running straight for it, stopping only a few feet inside. They turned and looked at the curtain of water that protected them from the outside world, and wiped the raindrops off their faces with cold hands.

“We might be here a while,” she said, squeezing out her braid of hair.

“Worst case, we’ll miss dinner,” said Sebastian, breathing deeply as he rested his hands on his hips. “It’ll be dark in an hour or so…”

They took their robes off and squeezed the water off them too, casting warming spells but keeping them mild enough to not catch anything on fire. Sebastian sat on a rock and started untying his boots, turning them over to drain the water out. The girl laughed when she saw him, and sat down to do the same.

Sebastian smiled, and looked at her. His wet hair hung down in spikes over his forehead, water still dripping off it onto his nose and cheeks. She didn’t look much better, loose tendrils sticking to her cheeks, her face all dripping as if she had been crying, her school shirt transpar—

Oh, but she did look better.

Sebastian felt his face warm up. Before his thoughts took him too far, he looked back down again. Without thinking, he began to take his socks off, squeezing them dry and laying them flat beside him. His cold toes flexed on the rock as he crouched above it, and he hugged his knees to his chest.

��Oh, good idea,” she said.

He looked up and saw her taking her stockings off too, peeling them from the knees down. Sebastian stared open-mouthed for a moment, before he shut it and looked away again.

For a second.

And then he looked again.

Her long school skirt covered her legs almost all the way down to the ankles, but it was still a beautiful sight… His gaze crawled up and down her figure as she bent and freed her cold little feet, holding the soggy stockings up to warm them with a spell.

“I… I can try to make a fire, you know,” he offered with a more quiet and timid voice than was typical of him.

“Really?” she asked, not even turning, but he could hear her smile in the echo of the shallow cave. “I don’t think this situation calls for a Confringo.”

“I’d be careful,” he insisted, frowning at her distrust.

She shrugged, her back turned to him. “Do it if you want to. But I don’t need it. I’m starting to warm up as it is.”

The only sound to fill the cave was the pouring of the rain outside which never, never stopped.

Sebastian sighed. “Fine,” he said, not too happily.

He didn’t know why, but he wanted to make a fire for her. He wanted her to want it. Something inside of him was desperate to be seen as adequate by her — probably because she was his best friend besides Ominis, or because he looked up to her so much, or because he… He just… He just wished she needed him for something.

Sulking, Sebastian turned around and started pulling out his bowtie without thinking. He slapped it against his hand petulantly, pretending to dry it. Behind him, there was only silence… He unbuttoned his vest and laid it out flat on the side of the rock he sat on, then mindlessly started squeezing at the hanging sleeves of his shirt. From the corner of his eye he saw a still figure, like a shadow against the white rain, and he looked over his shoulder.

She stood there, staring in something like amazement, her face a little flushed. She was oddly… quiet.

Oh. He was being indecent…

Sebastian bit his lip and looked down at himself, dressed in only his white shirt and trousers now… Scandalous.

“D-do you mind?” he asked quietly, expecting her to… what? turn around? look away?

“No,” she said, and kept on looking.

Sebastian grinned timidly. He faced the cave wall again, sitting with his back to her, and began unbuttoning his shirt. He could hear her gasp in the silence.

His heart was nearly beating out of his chest and he knew he was sporting an embarrassingly hot blush… Slowly, he turned slightly and looked at her over his shoulder, wet hair falling over his eyes, and smiled. Well, if she didn’t want him to make a fire, she was going to see him get dry the old-fashioned way…

“Seb-bastian,” she mumbled, sounding a little bit afraid, a little outraged, but also curious underneath all that.

“Hm? Is there a problem?” he asked, sounding as innocent as he could. It was a tone of voice he used often when he got in trouble.

He saw her blush and look away, hugging herself, and he smirked. In a mad moment of confidence he turned around, his feet braced against the rock, and undid the last few buttons, tugging the shirt out from his trousers. Even that pull felt wet. It licked across his abdomen, folds kissing his shoulders as he eased the shirt off his body. Swaths of it caressed his back like light wet palms as he finally took it off, and placed it down.

Her gaze was timidly on him again, peeking from the corner of her eyes beneath those wet and matted lashes.

“It’s alright,” said Sebastian quietly, like speaking to a forest creature. “You can look. It’s just like… like after Quidditch practice, right?”

But the boys and girls changed in different rooms and they never saw each other. It wasn’t at all the same, and yet she didn’t point it out. She just kept looking.

Sebastian breathed in, and out, leaning back and bracing himself on his arms as he watched her, and let her watch him. His hair dripped over his shoulders now, droplets falling from his chin to his chest, down the little divots there, sliding down like snakes in wilder and wilder curves to soak his trousers.

She turned to look a bit more fully, her arms still tight around herself. Even in the shadow of the cave, she could see the freckles on his shoulders, a few stray ones on his chest peeking out among the gold-brown hairs, and she smiled.

“What are you smiling at?” asked Sebastian with amusement.

“How much your body matches your face,” she said timidly, but teasingly too.

“Well, I would hope it does,” he said, looking down at himself. “Does… does yours?” he asked.

She froze.

Perhaps it had been a mistake to say it… “N-nevermin—” he started.

But then her hands unfolded from their tight grip and she tugged at her little tie. Before Sebastian could get off the rock, she started unbuttoning her shirt.

He cursed and looked down when his toes sank into the mud, but he no longer cared. When he looked up again, he saw that she had paused, as if scared by his sudden movements.

“Don’t stop,” he begged.

Sebastian stepped forward slower as his friend continued unbuttoning her shirt. His eyes, however, were not fixed on her body — this body that she revealed to him for the first time — but on her eyes. They were so much more vulnerable than her exposed, wet, and trembling body, so unguarded, so frail — and they looked into his eyes too, not at his naked chest, skin prickling with cold, dripping with teasing raindrops, speckled and blushing and tight, or his arms that tensed with the desire to hold her, or his thick neck that swallowed unspoken words as he approached her.

“Are you going to take it all off?” Sebastian asked with an air of… concern, actually. Did he remotely deserve this? “Are you going to take it off… for me?”

She paused and bit her lip, her fingers frozen halfway down the garment.

“W-would you?” he begged, one step closer. “Please?”

She looked up at him again.

“I… I’d like to see,” he said.

By the time she had unbuttoned herself all the way, Sebastian stood before her. He looked down almost pained at the intensity of the moment, but had only reverence in his gaze for what he saw.

“You’re really pretty,” he whispered with a trembling smile, standing close enough to touch.

“T-thanks,” she said awkwardly.

“No, you’re… you’re beautiful, in fact,” he sighed.

His hands itched to touch her, but he waited for her to take her shirt off on her own. She pulled it free of the tight waist of her skirt, peeled it back, and eased it off her arms. She moved almost as if she was expecting Sebastian to tell her to put it back on, which was a risible idea to him. He looked at her revealed body in wonder, his full lips open dumbly as he stared. Beneath her shirt was a soaked chemise which stuck to her like a second skin. It concealed nothing.

“Oh,” was the only thing he could say.

She stepped back, blushing fiercely, not knowing really what to do with herself. Perhaps she felt a little stupid too, but before she could do anything, Sebastian leaned in, took the shirt out of her hand, threw it on a rock behind, and cupped her wet face in his palm.

“Can I kiss?” he asked. “You, I mean. C-can I kiss you?”

“Yes?” she answered, her wide eyes staring into his.

He wasn’t sure she had really heard what he’d said or understood the question, but it didn’t matter anymore.

Sebastian leaned down, and touched his lips to hers, and drank the raindrops off her mouth. His hands were shaking. He swallowed the knot in his throat as he quietly kept his lips slotted to hers, eyes closed tightly — as if to open them would shatter the moment. But then he heard her give a little moan, and his heart broke — was she upset? was she offended? did she change her mind

When he dared part from her, he looked down at her a bit dazed, terrified that… that he’d made a mistake, that he’d gone too far… But then she licked her lips.

“Was that good?” he asked with a smile.

“Was, yes” she mumbled. “I mean, it… it was…”

Sebastian grinned and cupped both of her cheeks in his hands. His fingers felt the hair at the back of her head still dripping wet, and at his naked chest he felt the heat coming off her body. His lust was drowned in how much love he felt for her. Gingerly, he brushed his thumbs over her cheekbones.

“Would you let me see… more?” he asked.

He could see some conflict taking place inside of her, and a similar one was fought inside himself: this wasn’t a decent thing to ask of a girl, and it wasn’t a decent thing to ask of a friend, but he didn’t want to be just her friend anymore, and it seemed she didn’t want that either…

She couldn’t look up at him when she nodded her consent.

Sebastian smiled so brightly he felt his cheeks hurt. He leaned down and kissed her again, as gently as could be, and whispered ‘thank you’ against her lips before they parted. He pulled away enough to look down at her chest.

With the tips of his fingers, he tugged the chemise out of her skirt. She raised her arms to help him, and then that garment too was thrown behind her.

“I love seeing you wet,” he sighed with a dreamy smile.

The water drops followed the most delicious trail down her neck and her clavicles and her breasts, around and over and between them and to her tense little buds and then… dripping off her tips. He wanted to lick them dry. Instead, he only leaned down to kiss them.

He placed his lips reverentially on the centre of her chest while his hands cupped her naked waist, then he leaned down and kissed her, and kissed her, and kissed her breasts all the way to the tight little berries at the top: first the right one, then the left. They felt hard on his tongue and if he didn’t control himself Sebastian was sure he would’ve bitten them. He wanted to have her as deep in his mouth as possible. He heard her breathing frantically as his mouth worked on her and he could hear how fast her heart was beating, like a drum right next to his ears. His own heart was thumping too. He moaned as he nuzzled her soft, delicate flesh, teeth grazing teasingly on the round bottoms of her breasts and then up, up, until he could suckle on her peaks.

“Sho shweet,” he mumbled mindlessly with one of her nubs between his lips.

She giggled as his smile tickled her. Sebastian’s heart bloomed in his chest when he felt her fingers cradling his head from behind. He circled her waist with his broad hands, pulling her more tightly to him, holding her against him, skin on skin, and kept worshipping her chest.

“I love your skin,” he rambled, kissing her right breast. “I love your body,” kissing the left one. “I love how soft you are, how sweet you smell, how —” he gave one long, wet, slow lick from the sweaty bottom of her breast to the puckered little bud which he took back in his mouth, “— how perfect you feel on my tongue.”

“My Sebastian…” she gasped, back arching into his kisses while she held onto his hair in a possessive grip.

“I love you,” he whispered mindlessly, eyes closed, mouth full. “I love you…”

“I love you too,” she said quickly, bowing her head to gratefully kiss the top of his head.

They held onto each other while he pleasured her with licks and kisses. Once he felt her tips were appropriately hard, on the verge of painful, Sebastian leaned back and released her with a teasing pull and a wet pop. He moaned as he licked the taste of her body off his lips.

He straightened himself, and his hands slid slowly down to the her skirt. “May I take this off too?” he asked. “It’s a real question… You can say no…”

“No,” she said. “I mean, not no, I mean, yes...”

He chuckled and kissed her lips again. She smiled against his mouth while his fingers worked their way down the buttons of her school skirt. They fumbled awkwardly, unfamiliar with how the garment worked, but eventually, he slid it off her hips enough that he could take it off. She was only in her drawers now, and —

“Oh sweet goodness…” He could see her through them. “I want them off,” he mumbled, looking greedily at the lower half of her body. “I want them off right now.”

His fingers went to untie her undergarments when, suddenly, she placed her hands on his. “You first,” she said in a hot whisper. “I w-want to see you too.”

Sebastian blushed, but bit his lip and nodded.

His hand went quite hurriedly to his trousers and, without even sitting down, he pulled them off, and took the drawers along with them. He didn’t even know where he threw them, because he was right next to her body again, pulling her tightly to him. Something about being seen by her — and her wanting to see him — destroyed and rebuilt his life all at once. He held her face tenderly and pressed all his need, his gratitude, his love into her mouth. All the while, he felt her hands go up around his body, past his shoulders, to his neck, to thread around his dripping hair and hold him.

“Sebastian,” she moaned, her large eyes gazing into his once he released her.

“What is it?” he asked with a warm smile.

She didn’t speak, but instead looked down between them — at the long stretch of his body, all naked, all exposed, at the thicket of dark curls around his loins and the straining manhood that sprung from it. It twitched at her, and she gasped at the sight.

“You want to look at it?” he grinned.

She nodded.

Sebastian swallowed his fears and decided he would do it. He’d done this much for her… he could do more. He kissed her forehead and then stepped back, leaning against the rock she had sat on before.

Still in her drawers but nothing else, she tip-toed through the mud to stand in front of him, hands covering her chest. She drank in greedy, shameless swaths of gazes at his body.

What confidence Sebastian had on the average day — which wavered now and then according to his moods — collapsed beneath her scrutiny. He looked down at the ground, at the mouth of the cave and the pouring rain outside, then back at her. Would she like him? Was he enough for her? But oh, she looked so hungrily at him… She’d never looked at him like that before, or if she did, it was so rare. His shaft swung a little bit when his muscles clenched, tip dripping on his stomach, and he felt his heavy sac tickling his thighs.

“Do you… do you like it?” he shrugged, feeling unbearably vulnerable.

“You’re fishing for compliments,” she pointed out.

“So what?”

“So stop it.”

“Alright,” he grinned. But by then, he could already tell she liked him. His eyes slid to her breasts, still tipped with those tight puckers that he’d caused.

She liked him.

She was close enough to touch, and just as Sebastian had the instinct to move away, she leaned in and kissed his chest. He gasped, his heart suddenly stopping. It never had a moment to recover because she kissed again: lower down his chest, and lower, down his stomach, and —

“Oh, don’t tease me!” he whimpered in an unworthy voice.

She smiled and stopped, but trailed a little finger up his thigh, scraping away the wetness, and looked into his eyes for a moment before she leaned down.

Sebastian stared in that dumb open-mouthed way again as she shamelessly looked at him. It was almost like she was back in class for something… It was a look of wonder, and curiosity, and… and…

And she touched him, just a light finger trailing up his tense manhood.

“Aaah!” he cried, head tilted back before he caught his breath and looked back down again.

With one warm hand, she gripped his member and held it to the side against his tummy, and with the other she traced around his sac, through the messy wet curls there, just following the curves of his body. His legs trembled with tension, and he could feel his member begin to leak again, lazy dollops tickling their way down toward her little fingers. She wiped the rain away from the curve of his swollen globes, down where his torso met his thigh, and then again on the other side, holding his length firmly with one hand while caressing him gently with the other.

“So soft,” she smiled to herself, her eyes greedily observing this very delicate part of him.

“Do you want to kill me?” Sebastian bit out, chuckling awkwardly as he stood still and let her play with him.

She giggled and bit her lip, cupping him in his palm. He groaned, breathing out heavily, and leaned back against the rock as he spread his legs a little more.

He felt two fingers trail his fat globes, feeling their way around, and then she started trailing them beneath his sac. For a moment, he was scared that she had a… different aim, and he blushed fiercely and panicked, but then she stopped just at his taint and cupped him, quietly and gently, in her hand.

“It’s warm…” she whispered.

“Yeah…”

“And full…”

“Good grief, please stop,” Sebastian whined. “Or else I’ll do something that’s going to embarrass us both.”

The hand that held his shaft squeezed it a little, almost testing how firm it was, and in passing she teased a finger over his hole. Sebastian’s whole body shivered, but she paid him no mind. Her fingers, still holding on tightly, went down his member, pulling the soft skin away, and she gasped so sharply he felt the warm breath of her mouth fan over his tip. He leaked again, right before her eyes.

“Please,” Sebastian whimpered.

With a lick of her lips, she gentled her hand across his loins from top to bottom with one last caress, then let go of him and rose to her feet again.

“You have to show me,” said Sebastian, scrambling to take her in his arms and kiss her again. “Show y-yourself to me,” he begged between kisses.

She whined deep in her throat, but couldn’t bring herself to deny him.

Sebastian kissed her cheeks, her neck, her shoulders, as he gently guided her to where he’d just been, against that long, curved rock, and made sure she was steady. He looked into her eyes as his hands cupped her hips, and, giving her enough time to change her mind, he finally untied her drawers. The air was loud with their breaths and the rain that kept pouring outside the cave as he undressed her. He looked into her eyes while he pulled them down her hips, her thighs, her legs, and then he had to lean down to take them off her feet in such a way that they wouldn’t get muddied. Oh, and when he saw her…

“You’re so pretty,” he gasped, his face levelled with her waist. “So beautiful…”

“Don’t talk like that,” she moaned, hiding her face in her hands.

Without even looking, he placed her discarded drawers on the rock beside her, then stayed right where he was, balancing on his feet with his hands beside her thighs.

“I could look at you for ages…”

“Well, don’t.”

“Don’t?” he smirked, looking up at her — but her face was still hidden by her hands. “What would you like me to do instead?”

“Sebastian!”

“Any ideas?”

“I… I don’t know…”

He sighed as he looked at her again — at her most sensitive, most hidden parts. His touch was soft as he caressed up her thighs, fingers gliding to the place he yearned to pleasure. The wetness that was left on her legs pooled in the webbing between his thumb and index as he scraped her skin in one long upwards stroke. He moved a little closer, so close that she could feel his warm breath on her stomach.

“So beautiful,” he whispered — mostly to himself — “more beautiful than I imagined, more beautiful than I thought you could be…”

“Don’t say that,” she mumbled, her fingers finally slipping down to grip her neck in an attempt to calm her breathing. “It’s not beautiful, it’s just… it’s…”

“It is,” he said roughly, frowning up at her.

“Seb—”

“Say it is, or I’ll leave.”

“You can’t—”

“Say it, or I’ll stop,” he whispered, leaning in to kiss her right hip teasingly. It tasted of sweetness and salt and rain. His tongue slid out to lick it. “Say...”

“It’s… beautiful,” she mumbled.

“That’s right! It is,” he hummed.

His hands cupped her hips now, thumbs resting just at the top corners of her mound. Her tummy was still dripping wet. Stray drops were scattered messily over her curls, between her thighs, everywhere. Sebastian’s manhood twitched in yearning as he trailed a thumb just on the surface of that dampened tuft, and then went lower. His eyes never left her girlhood as he did so, staring right at her most intimate of places with a hard and greedy look while his hand stayed tender, his touch soft, his fingers slow.

Without a thought to himself, Sebastian kneeled in the mud, his knees sinking just a bit but not too deeply, and he rested his rear on his heels. One hand cupped her hip, the other teased her.

“How close can I look?” he asked, gazing up into her eyes darkly beneath his thick lashes while fingers gently moved over the surface of her wet little girlhood.

“A-as close as y-ou want,” she muttered breathlessly.

Her hands were braced against the rock now, almost like she wanted to crawl away any minute, but she didn’t move. Her toes curled into the mud right between Sebastian’s knees.

He kissed her right thigh gratefully, and gently took his hand from her mound. With a stretch of his arm backwards and a wordless Accio, Sebastian summoned his drying clothes in a clump and arranged them behind her.

“There,” he said smiling, letting her lean back more comfortably.

She smiled at him and settled herself over his clothes, letting her back rest against them. They didn’t make much difference, but at least she could lay back under Sebastian’s care and not get scrapes along her spine.

Between her legs, he brought his attention back to where he wanted it — where she needed it. His right hand traced the edges of her folds, index resting on a plush one to feel it throb. He smiled cheekily at the feeling of her heartbeat, and moved his finger deeper. She gasped and spread her legs, giving Sebastian the space he needed to lean down a little more, and look.

“So soft,” he whispered, his eyes dark and greedy. “I can see you blushing here,” he smiled as his finger parted her folds a bit, revealing her hole to him. “So dark and flushed… Is it a little needy?”

“Sebastian,” she groaned, her eyes closing in shame.

“I’ll take that as a ‘yes’,” he chuckled.

His hands then both cupped her upper thighs, thumbs working to spread her flesh more. She throbbed again, and he could see her tight hole drip every time it winked open for him. He gasped at the sight.

“Does it like being looked at by me?” he asked, a sultry edge creeping into his voice. “Huh? Does this little hole like its owner being looked at this way by her best friend?”

“Seb—!”

He smirked and thumbed one plump fold away, letting his warm breath tickle her nub.

“Yes!” she gasped. “It… it likes being looked at,” she blushed, looking pleadingly down into Sebastian’s eyes.

“Then I should get a better look, should I?” he whispered, nuzzling her mound. It left the tip of his nose wet.

He pulled away and slowly leaned down more, his eyes fixed on that most secret of places, fingers working her open. She was damp and throbbing all over, her flesh warm and swollen and painfully shy.

“Is this your first time being seen?” he murmured in a rougher voice, something between compassion and possessiveness.

“It is,” she mumbled. Her hands were at her neck again, her breasts hidden behind her folded arms.

“Good,” he said, petting her with a thumb.

He breathed her in, smelling her lust, watching patiently while her intimate flesh suffered — his did too, in sympathy. The tip of his manhood tickled his stomach, and between his thighs his swollen sac throbbed, but he was too distracted by seeing these tender places of hers to deal with himself right now.

“And does it want me to touch it too?” he whispered, leaning close enough to kiss. “Tell me, sweetheart… Tell me how it feels right now."

“It… Yes, it… it wants —”

“— Wants me to touch it?” he whispered teasingly, greedily.

“Yes…”

“Does it hurt you?”

“A little,” she moaned. “It won’t stop throbbing…”

“Oh, I can see that,” he chuckled. “This tiny hole of yours keeps winking at me. Wants something inside, doesn’t it?” he crooned in a mockingly sympathetic voice. “And look at that, that naughty little nub you have is so swollen...”

She buried her face in her hands and groaned.

“Shhh… I’ll give it what it wants,” he said, voice soft and warm while his hard gaze never left her. “Just a little touch… It’ll make you feel better.”

He had no idea whether that was true, but it felt like the right thing to say. He wanted to make her feel better, he wanted to make her feel amazing, and most importantly he wanted to be the one to do it.

Slowly, he brought his middle finger down to touch her. It tickled the surface of her folds before it eased its way between them, and then he dragged it back and forth all the way from her nub to her wet hole.

“Aaaah…” she gasped dreamily, her hips canting in his grasp.

“Is that good?” Sebastian asked with a little smirk, gazing up at her flushed face briefly before looking once again at her intimate place. “Does it like that? Hmm?” he teased. “It likes what your best friend is doing?”

“Seb!”

“It likes what I’m doing to it? Tell me…”

“Yes!” she breathed out, her voice shivering. “Yes… Sebastian…” She moaned and whimpered in such a light, distracted voice, as if he wasn’t even there, and he came to wonder whether she did this to herself at night, whispering his name…

His finger turned, palm facing upwards, so that he could now scrape her tight little nub better. He teased it with one long inward caress and right before pulling back, he curled his finger slightly and eased it just beyond the rim of her hole. With each slow rub, in and out and in and out, he worked himself deeper inside. He worked her slowly, so slowly she almost didn’t notice when he pierced her entrance properly. A fat wet dollop dribbled out just as he opened her, and he was there to see it. His breath caught in his throat.

“So beautiful,” he whispered, eye going wide.

“Sebastian!” she wailed. She widened her stance a little, legs spreading nervously as if she couldn’t find her place. “It… it needs a little more,” she pleaded.

“It does?” he teased her, already bracing the hand on her hip tighter. “Well, how could I refuse my best friend… my favourite girl…”

She blushed at the compliment, at the wrongness of it — because by now, they weren’t anything like friends anymore, and they both knew it. When she felt his finger going deeper, she yelped loudly before her hands clamped down over her mouth.

“So warm inside,” he whispered in wonder, “how are you so warm…?”

He kept his gaze on his middle finger digging deeper into her tight hole, making sure to scrap the sensitive tip of her nub with each back and forth stroke. The motions made her leak all over her thighs, and he could see them shaking, could see the muscles underneath go tense. His body was so hot all over, the raindrops on his back and chest all evaporated. His loins were throbbing fiercely, lonely and ignored, but nothing was more important to him than looking at her, than pleasuring her, than worshipping this secret part of her nobody else got to see but him...

Sebastian bit his lower lip and moaned as he worked his finger all the way down to the second knuckle, and saw her hole clench. It rebelled against taking more of him. He kept still, holding his finger there, and curled it gently, feeling as deep inside her as she let him… She was so tight. And then he felt a pull, like a shy suckle… And she throbbed.

“Sebastian!” the girl moaned. Her stomach tensed, back arching, and she let herself fall slowly over his clothes that cushioned her back against the rock. “Stay there, stay there…”

“I’m right here,” he reassured her, “I’m right here with you, sweetheart. My darling, my lovely girl… You’re so beautiful, every part of you is so beautiful, and all mine…”

She whimpered, her body shaking beyond her control in one long, tense orgasm.

“Mine to look at,” he murmured, praising her through her orgasm. “Mine to touch, mine to take care of…”

Sebastian pet her thigh with his free hand while he kept his finger there, inside her, letting her little hole nurse on it, comforting it while it convulsed under all that pleasure.

“I wish you would’ve shown me this part of yourself earlier,” he sighed, looking up into her face as he held her. “This secret part of you… I want to see more of it… Will you let me see more of it from now on?”

“I… I will,” she whimpered, breathing heavily as the sharp throbbing stopped. The pleasure gently washed away from her with every heartbeat.

“Every day?”

“Every single day, Seb…”

He grinned happily, brown eyes shining up at her. He looked down at her intimate place again and moved his finger a little to the side to see her nub while still penetrating her. In a moment of greed, he leaned in to place a suckling kiss on that little pearl, then gripped it between his teeth to hold it at his mercy and flicked his tongue against it.

“Aaaah!”

He’d just made her orgasm again, just a little one on the tail-end of her pleasure. A smug chuckle bubbled out of him at feeling her tighten again for a second.

Her channel throbbed punishingly around his finger, and he could feel it growing that much more wet, so wet it licked its way out of her and down to his knuckles. Once she was distracted and relaxed, her delectable pulsations done, he shove the finger gently higher, up, up until the end, until he cupped her pearl in his hand.

“Sebastian!” she gasped, her bleary eyes gazing up at him from her lazy laying back. She sounded pleasured, and a little scandalised to feel him that deep inside.

Without a word, he stood up while he kept her pierced around his finger, and leaned down to kiss her mouth.

“Remember what you promised,” he said quietly against her lips.

“What?” she asked dreamily.

He kissed her again, lips caressing hers with nothing but love. “You’d let me see more of you.”

“Yes,” she smiled, barely saying it before his mouth covered her own again.

“And every day, too.”

“That might be an issue.”

He quieted her with another kiss. “There’s a lot of you to see?” he said with a cocked brow.

“Is that so?”

“And you can see me too,” he offered — sounding a little shy, and hopeful…

“I want that,” she sighed, leaning up to kiss him back.

“Good,” he smiled. Between her legs, his finger started thrusting gently back and forth. “So good…”

Outside their shallow cave, the rain had gentled to a hazy shower. On the far horizon, where the clouds ended, the sunset was a dark soft pink, and all around them, for miles and miles, there were only empty fields. They felt alone in the world — so happily, happily alone.

[little-golden-age]

Double-Take | Bucky Barnes

DOUBLE TAKE📸 Photographer!Bucky x Reader

Summary: Your photographer boyfriend Bucky watches you doing your yoga routine one morning and gets ✨inspired✨

Word Count: ~1,800

Warnings: smut 18+ (minors DNI), Insatiable Bucky, Oral (f receiving) PinV, Praise Kink, Bucky being hot? idk.  A/N: my first (and probably only) fic. I love reading domestic-ish Bucky fluff + smut. This concept popped into my head and I couldn’t find one to read, so I wrote one.

It was a crisp spring morning in Brooklyn. You had just finished making some tea to start the day when you noticed the warm light streaming in through the window. It was perfect out! You took a sip of your drink and sighed in contentment, making your way to your yoga mat spread out in the living room. You always enjoyed getting a morning stretch in. Maintaining a regular yoga practice helped to ease your mind and ground yourself to start the day. Your boyfriend, Bucky, rarely joined you in your movements but he loved your daily practice too, for slightly different reasons.

As you walked past the couch you greeted him with a soft peck. He watched intently as you lowered yourself onto the mat and began moving through cat and cow pose, golden light tracing over your curves. You were wearing that tight little short set that he loved and your hair was pulled back into a delicate braid, small wisps dusting beautifully over your temples. You looked angelic–especially from this angle.

“See something you like, Barnes?” Pausing your routine to look up at him. Your tone was flirty, soft eyes never leaving his as you maneuvered yourself into a particularly appealing pose. Hearing nothing in return but still feeling his eyes on you, you called out to him again. “Why don’t you take a picture Buck, it’ll last longer” you chimed sarcastically, but Bucky didn’t hesitate. Letting out a small chuckle, he quietly darted over to his camera collection, grabbing a small polaroid model off of the shelf. "Ask and you shall receive, darlin’.”

Bucky found photography as his creative outlet shortly before you met him. He loved describing his photographs to you, what attracted him to each subject. How one photo could capture a single moment in time but still tell a thousand stories all at once. Eventually, other galleries and media outlets caught onto his work too and it became his career. You were so proud of him, you loved his work. Sometimes you even joked that he loved his cameras more than he loved you but you both knew deep down that you were Bucky’s one true muse. A few of his portraits of you even made it into some galleries, but he kept a special collection of photos just for himself to look back on with fondness.

Bucky came bounding back into the room, camera in hand and you couldn’t help but giggle. His excitement was palpable and adorable, you figured you’d humor him for a while. Tracking him through side glances, you watched as he moved around your body slowly appreciating the shapes and curves you created with each pose. The faintest sheen of sweat causing your skin to sparkle in the morning sunlight. 

There was always a satisfying sense of calm with Bucky. You felt comfortable with him from the day you met. After your first date walking through the exhibits at the Whitney, you two became inseparable. He showed you his favorite parts of the city, you kept him updated on arts and culture. Bucky’s friends became your friends, your friends adored him and after just a few months you decided to move in together, finding the perfect light-filled loft.

Throughout getting to know each other, and especially when christening your new place, you couldn’t help but notice that Bucky was particularly insatiable when it came to you. Ever the gentleman, your pleasure was important to him and he always treated your body like a work of art; which is why you were quick to notice the not-so-subtle bulge growing in his pants as you moved through a series of hip openers on your mat. You smiled to yourself, teasing him a little as you continued to work through your routine as if nothing was happening. You didn’t miss how his breath caught slightly when you twisted into a particularly suggestive position–Compass Pose, his favorite. It was over for him whenever you did it.

Unable to keep his hands to himself any longer, Bucky set his camera down and stepped closer to you. Kneeling behind you, he ran one hand along your thigh and grazed your exposed ankle with his lips, landing a soft kiss just above your achilles. “Buck.” You warned slyly, “You have that call with the gallery in 15 minutes, don’t start something you can’t finish, Barnes.”

You lowered your leg away from him with a wink but he simply wasn’t listening. Moving you onto your back, Bucky basically had you pinned now--exactly where you wanted him if you were being honest. Tongue jutting out to wet his lips as slate blue eyes zeroed in on your supple mouth, he leaned down until your noses nearly touched.

“Don’t you worry, sweetheart. You know--I bet I could devour your sweet little pussy right here on this mat and still be ready for that call in time.”

Your heart rate spiked as he looked right at you, pupils blown wide. You felt yourself clench around nothing as a tender silence fell over the room. A cocky grin that rivaled the cheshire cat spread across Bucky’s face as he advanced on you, fingers caressing your partially exposed thigh. “Are you going to be a good girl for me, hm? Let me make you feel good?”

You nodded slowly, never breaking eye contact as he pulled your soft shorts down your legs, planting kisses in his wake. Bucky’s eyebrow raised slightly as he noted your lack of underwear. Moving swiftly, his soft tongue finds your already dripping core, placing perfectly timed strokes up your folds and over your sensitive bud as you panted in ecstasy. 

“Already so wet for me, prettiest pussy I’ve ever seen.” Deep, powerful moans left Bucky’s mouth as you pulled at his hair rode his face, taking everything you had to give him.

 “P-please Buck. More. Want t-to feel you.” you chanted breathlessly.

Bucky sat up, “Yeah baby?” He grinned slyly. “You feeling needy this morning, huh? Want my cock in you?” All you could do was nod as he moved you both up from your mat over to the couch, stopping briefly to pick something up off of the floor. Standing over you, Bucky moved his hand down your cheek, thumb finding its way past your full lips. With complete adoration in his eyes, he lifted the polaroid camera once more. Aiming the lens right at your blissed out face. 

“Look here baby, right at me. That’s it. Look at you. My pretty girl, All mine.”

Sparks erupted from your core as he snapped away praising you as he worked. After a few more flashes, you were growing impatient. “Buck, please.” you whimper, reaching up for him “I n-need you now.”

He set the camera back down, smiling before placing a soft kiss on your palm and moving your hand to feel his aching length. “I got you baby, c’mere. Got me so fucking hard for you.” You watched with bated breath as he moved to toss his shirt aside and started on his pants. You swore you could watch him undress that beautiful body of his again and again, forever and ever, on repeat. 

Your heart thumped hard in your chest and you felt yourself getting wetter as his thick cock came into view. Jerking himself slowly, he hovered down over you and ran his tip along your folds, teasing you a bit. “This what you needed, baby? Doing all of those slutty little poses, teasing me from across the room.” He spreads your thighs farther apart, getting another good look at your glistening folds. “So pretty,” he groans when he notices you smiling up at him, ready and willing to take his length.

He sinks into you slowly, filthy lips grazing over your ear as he uses all of his strength not to plow you with force. “GOD–y/n, you feel so fucking good. Made to take my cock.” He shudders, grabbing ahold of your hand tightly and giving you a moment to adjust to his size, making sure you take every inch of him. 

He moves in and out of you with precision. Savoring every movement, feeling you inch closer to your edge when suddenly, it happens–he hits that perfect spot inside of your tight wet heat and feels you clench down immediately before gasping a strangled “ohgodyes, Buck–”

Bucky’s eyes meet yours and you can’t help but notice a fire alight inside of his pupils “Yeah, you like that?” He grins proudly.

“You gonna cum for me, angel? Squeezing me so hard” he chokes out. Sweat glistening off of your bodies, vulgar sounds and high-pitched moans creating a perfect melody along the walls of your apartment. The smell of sex wafting in the morning air. “Let go baby, show me how pretty you look when you cum all over my cock.”

Your peak hits you almost immediately, crashing through every muscle in your body as you fall deeper into ecstasy. You nearly squeal as Bucky suddenly flips you back into reality, moving you on top of him, fucking up into you from below. Oh, he’s extra insatiable today. You steady yourself as he slides a hand down your back and palms your ass, tapping once lightly then again, a little harder as you cry out, trying to meet him thrust for thrust. 

“One more baby, come on. You can take it, you can take what I give you, yeah?” Bucky’s desperate now. You look down at him, wide-eyed but he’s too busy pawing your tits and pulling at your sensitive nipples. He’s not stopping until you’re both satisfied.

“Give me another. That’s a good girl. C’mon let me feel you sweetheart.”

His cool metal thumb finds your clit at the perfect moment as yet another orgasm rips through you. “B-Bu-Buck! Ohmygod!” Your hips move wildly as your pussy gushes and you lean down to nip at his shoulder, leaving little marks as Bucky begins to chase his own high. 

“I know baby, I know. FUCK–You feel like heaven. Never want to leave this pussy. Hold onto me.” Your bodies sync up and you both come crashing down together. As your breathing slows, Bucky pulls you close and starts peppering kisses down your neck and chest. “Always such a good girl for me. Angel.” he lowers you onto the couch, holding your back into his chest as your lids fall heavy and you drift off into a pleasant haze of satisfaction. 

You finally come to a minute later, feeling a pair of lips gently pressing against your temple. A lazy smile plastered to your face as you watch Bucky make his way over to the kitchen island, plucking his t-shirt off of the back of the couch and putting it on as he opens up his laptop and joins his work call.

“Sorry I’m a couple of minutes late guys, appreciate you waiting for me. I’m feeling really inspired this morning, so let’s get started!”

[wellcollapse]

idk if you're still writing the post-cemetry scene fic with pining eddie (idk if i'm describing it right) but i would love to hear more about it/see a snippet or too if you feel so inclined 👀

someone asking about angsty pining fic in the month of our lord april 2024? this was such a lovely surprise 😭 i'm gonna be honest with u anon i'm likely not going to publish 911 fic again BUT because you asked so nicely i'll give you a few older snippets from my draft:

Eddie sighs, breaking the stare. “You have a key, you know,” he says finally. “Feel free to come join me whenever you want.” He turns on his heel and walks back inside to finish his goddamn brownies, leaving Buck standing in the doorway.  It’s silent for a few minutes. He’s in the middle of measuring a tablespoon of espresso powder when Buck steps into the kitchen and shuts the door behind him. Eddie feels the weight of Buck’s gaze on him as he folds the powder into his brownie mixture, but he doesn’t turn to meet his eye until Buck speaks.  “Is that…” Buck falters. He clears his throat. “Is that my recipe?”  “Yeah,” Eddie says gruffly. “Chris asked me to make it. Said he wanted to share it with his friends when they come over tomorrow for their playdate.”  Buck snorts. “Man, you can’t call it that. Chris nearly bit my head off last time I tried. Kept reminding me that ‘playdates are for kids, Buck,’ and that he’s not a kid anymore.”  Buck emphasizes that last bit with air quotes, and Eddie can’t help but grin at that. But his smile fades instantly, remembering the somber look on Buck’s face when he’d opened the door. He highly doubts that Buck came over just to commiserate about the trials and tribulations of watching Christopher grow up.  Eddie bites the bullet. “Why are you here, Buck?”  Buck shifts nervously. He shrugs and looks away from Eddie. “I — I don’t know what to say. I don’t know how to answer that. You’ve never asked me that before.”  Eddie scrubs at his face. “I've never had to ask you that, Buck. Things are different now. You’ve been busy.” 

+

“Wow,” Buck says acidly, all traces of heartbreak gone. “I’ve never heard that one before.”  Eddie frowns. “What?”  “Really, Eddie?” Buck’s voice cracks on the last syllable. He shakes his head. “Unbelievable. Just — unbelievable.” “Buck — what are you talking about?”  “We were just trying to protect you, Evan," Buck mocks. "You were never supposed to find out. We kept it from you because we love you. Any of that sound familiar to you?” Eddie’s breath hitches on the word love, because he doesn’t know, he can’t know, but then —  Oh.  Fuck.

+

Buck: We’ll get through this just like everything else. I promise. It’ll be okay.  Buck: Eddie, did you eat enough today? Should I come by and bring you some food? Buck: You know you’re still my best friend, right? That’s never going to change, Eddie. Never.  He reacts with a thumbs up or a tap-back heart on most of the messages, too exhausted to do anything else. He replies with a thumbs down to the message about food, certain that he wouldn’t be able to handle seeing Buck so soon. He knows he’ll have to face him in person eventually, but his tired, broken heart just wants to postpone it as much as he can.  The last one, though, is a balm that both soothes and agitates Eddie’s burning, aching heart, and he taps out a brief, Thank you, you too. Always, in response. It feels like too much and not enough all at once, and Eddie wishes once again that he was a little better at resisting Buck, that he didn’t feel that need to reply to his every message lest Buck worry even more about him. The only one he actually acknowledges is a message that comes in at 2:43 AM on Sunday. As he opens the message, Eddie absentmindedly wonders if Buck’s having a hard time falling asleep for the same reason as him. Probably.  It’s a link to a new exhibit at the Griffith Observatory, accompanied by a text that reads: Can I take Christopher here next weekend? Eddie squeezes back tears as he replies with a brief, Of course, and puts his phone down, letting the darkness swallow him again. 

+

Hen beats him to it. “What happened, Buck? I thought you really liked her. Weren’t you planning to introduce her to Maddie and Chimney next week?”  “Not anymore,” Buck mutters. “I broke up with her.”  “What?” Eddie snaps head snaps up. “Why?”  Buck doesn’t meet his gaze, his lip quivering. The rest of their team is watching them, eyes darting back and forth, and Buck blinks hesitantly before swallowing down a sip of coffee. He wipes the cream off of his upper lip and looks Eddie in the eye.  “You know why,” Buck whispers. 

[jasntodds]

Petrichor [6]

Pairing: Jason Todd x Fem!Powered!Reader (little bit of fwb)

Words: 17,546 (next chapter is at most 10k i promise lol) 

Warnings: Swearing, fluff, angst, canon violence, blood, bruises, mentions of nightmares, ptsd, jason is a little bit of an asshole, mentions of being tortured, mentions of the roof scene, mentions of being kidnapped, yes i did put an utrh reference in here, i eventually fix things with bruce later

Summary:❝Pylades: I’ll take care of you. Orestes: It’s rotten work. Pylades: Not to me. Not if it’s you.❞

Gotham is home, not just for Jason but for you, too. And now that you’re both finally back home, together, you’re ready to see where this next chapter brings the two of you. He’s your best friend and you’re his. And you both might want a little something more with being back home, the place you both feel most comfortable. Surely, nothing could possibly go wrong now.

A/N: I tried to cut out some scenes from this chapter so I'm sorry lol but everything comes back at some point so it's important. I'm super excited for next chapter lol Also idk if you guys look at my chapter titles but sometimes, 2 chapter titles go together and this is one of those cases and I am so sorry lol It's from the song Destroy Me by PALESKIN if you were curious lol I hope you guys like it!! If you want context from book 1, let me know and I’ll tell you!! You can add yourself to the tag list below, ask me to be tagged, or you can follow my library blog @jasntoddslibrary and turn on notifications if you prefer that!! I love feedback, I swear it keeps me posting on a weekly basis 😭

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By the time the next day comes, Jason and you are nearly as happy as you’ve ever been with each other. Finally, after everything that’s happened and after all these months, you have both the confirmation in your feelings. You have each other, wholly and solely. You are each other's and neither of you could possibly be happier. And for the first time, you're both doing your absolute best to ignore the anxiety that comes with that. For each other.

You both try to ignore the fear of one of you dying, or dying for each other. The fear of one of you leaving or giving up or pushing or running. For the first time, you both are finding it in yourselves to ignore those feelings because you are with the person you both trust the absolute most. And you both know, the other person deserves for you to suck up the fear and the anxiety and make a solid effort in not freaking out. Despite everything you’ve both ever known and been taught, you’re choosing each other and choosing to trust each other to always be by your sides. And you both are so happy. It’s practically euphoric.

“Good luck, Jay.” You offer Jason a sweet and gentle smile as you stand outside of Bruce’s car in front of a large house.

He is not thrilled about this. He’s done it before, several times. It’s exhausting seeing a new shrink, again, and having to tell the same damn stories over and over again. He gets the same diagnoses and that's the end of it. It never really helps. He’s left with another person knowing more about him than he would ever really like. It’s exhausting but it’s this or he’s not Robin anymore. Jason doesn’t give up that easily.

“Yeah.” Jason scoffs, looking to his shoes and back to you. “Thanks.”

“You’ll be fine and it’ll help.” Your smile grows as you pick his hand up in yours.

“We’ll see.” Jason chuckles softly. “Be here when I’m done?” Jason asks with the raise of his brows, hopeful.

In all honesty, you're masking this a bit more tolerable. You promised you’d always come with to drop him off and pick him up. Bruce doesn’t exactly trust you to drop him off. He thinks maybe you’ll ditch the appointments. So, you promise to come with and if you have to spend an hour with Bruce, you’ll do it for him. And he can then bitch to you all he wants about how the shrink doesn’t know shit and Bruce is ridiculous for making him do it. As long as he goes, you’ll be there. Before and after.

“Of course.” You chime, closing the distance between you and capturing his lips in a tender kiss.

“Would rather keep doing this.” Jason mutters against your lips as he snakes his hands onto your waist.

“Too bad.” You kiss him again. “Your mental state comes first, Jaybird.”

Jason chuckles against your lips. “Yeah, alright, princess.”

You laugh softly. “Okay, get in there before you’re late.” You pull away and your smile is gentle. “I love you.” You beam, smiling with full teeth and your eyes are brighter than Jason has ever seen before.

“Love you, too.” Jason chuckles as the fluttering of his heart nearly sends him into cardiac arrest.

You watch Jason walk up the driveway and to the front door before he knocks. You watch and wait until a woman greets him and allows him into her home. A part of you thought maybe he’d try to bail out of it. Actually make a solid effort to anyway. You almost expected him to walk up the driveway and then sprint behind the house and take off, leaving you and Bruce to chase after him. But there he is, going into a therapist’s house on his own and you're happy for him. Relieved.

You don’t always think therapy will help but nothing else is helping him and at the end of the day, he needs help even if he wants to insist he’s fine. Everyone else around him knows he’s not. The limp isn’t because he’s still hurt. You know Bruce well enough to know he would have Jason checked out by a doctor to verify he was fine. It’s in his head which makes it all feel the same as if there were something physically wrong with him. He needs help. And he thinks no one notices his hands and the terrified expression after a nightmare. He can’t work through all his problems alone and he never should have had to. And you're proud of him for doing it even if he’s only doing it so he can be Robin. The point is that he’s going.

“What do we do now?” You ask Bruce as you get back into the front seat.

Bruce almost laughs. You and Jason have been beating around the damn bush since you showed up and you're finally doing something about it. Of course, never mentioning what that thing is to him and he finds the whole exchange a little amusing. Bruce has never told anyone, but Jason has always reminded him a little bit of himself. But, Jason is his son and you clearly make him happy.

“We could grab lunch while we wait.” Bruce offers.

“That’s fine.” You offer Bruce a soft smile.

Your issues remain with him. A part of you thinks Jason’s problem is still Bruce. Bruce was a lot of Dick’s issue. Had Bruce gotten Dick into therapy instead of giving him a mask and a cape, maybe Jericho wouldn’t have died because Dick would have been able to handle his problems better. Or, at the very least, maybe Dick could have handled that entire situation better and it wouldn’t have led Jason and you after Dr, Light. Maybe it wouldn’t have led Jason to the roof that day. Dick is an adult who can handle his own problems, but he was just a kid who was never taught how and you think the same is said for Jason.

Jason’s case is a little different. He wasn’t thirteen when Bruce took him in. But, maybe Bruce still could have done better. You do, however, admire the fact he’s trying now and maybe that’s what matters. He’s here now and trying and doing the one thing that might actually help. Forcing him to get help before he’s Robin again. You will never admit that to anyone though. So, you just go along with him for lunch and try your best.

After lunch, Bruce and you head back to pick up Jason. He’s not feeling great after the therapy session. He was never one that liked it very much. He was tossed around between therapists and psychiatrists while he was in the system. It was always repeating the same story over and over again, none of them offering anything that ever really helped. It was always more a state requirement and not because anyone actually gave a shit where his mental health stood. This therapist seems different than the others but like with everyone, Jason isn’t sure he trusts her. He gave her the same spiel about his parents and asked about her because that seemed easier than the same old boring story. But, she at least communicated with him and that part was at least nice.

“So, how did it go?” You ask once you're back at the manor in your room and away from Bruce. “You don’t have to tell me what you talked about or anything. Just asking how it went.” You shrug with ease.

“Fine, I guess.” Jason shrugs his shoulders as he stands near your fireplace. “Still not fucking happy about it.” A chuckle leaves his lips.

“Figured.” You match the chuckle, leaning back onto your hands, the bed soft under your palms. “When do you go again?”

“Next week.” Jason scoffs.

“Well, I’ll be there for you.” You smile softly at him and Jason thinks that’s the only upside. At least you’ll be there before and after.

“Yeah, thanks.” Jason lets out a breath. “Okay, well fuck that shit.” He approaches you, his eyes narrowing slightly as a smirk splits his lips. “Get ready. We’ve got a date to have.” He leans down, resting his hands on either side of you.

He’s tired of talking. He doesn’t want to talk about it. He’s going to do everything in his power to avoid it today. It’s too heavy and he wants today to be perfect. It’s your first date. Officially, as a couple.

“Oh, we’re going soon?” You perk up as your stomach swirls. This is real. It’s happening.

“Hell yeah. Got a whole fucking night planned, babe.” His voice is low and the way he smiles like this, the light hits his canines just right and it looks like he has small fangs. He’s so endearing.

“What are we doing?” You beam with excitement as you wrap your arms around his neck.

“You’ll see. Go get ready.” Jason urges, pressing a kiss to your forehead.

“Okay, Jay.” You peck his lips before Jason pulls up and lets you out of his grasp.

You get up and go to get ready. And Jason starts to feel nervous.

Technically, him and Rose never went on an official date. They mostly ran around Gotham, doing busts and then spent more of their time hiding out in someone’s house. There were no official dates. And come to think of it, Jason doesn’t think he’s ever done this before and he’s thinking maybe he went a little overboard with what he has planned. But he knows you better than anyone and he knows what you like. But then he comes back to realizing maybe he doesn’t know what you would like in forms of a date, it might be different than your usual thing. He’s just hoping he doesn’t royally fuck this up like he tends to have a habit of doing.

You meet Jason back in his room. You don't do much with your hair or your makeup, keeping both mostly the same as usual but you wear one of your nicer jackets. And even then, he swears you look beautiful. He smiles softly at you. He’s so in love with you and he really hopes you like the date.

He walks up to you and takes your hand in his. He hopes you don’t notice his hands are cold and clammy. You do but you think it’s cute. Jason nervous is not something that happens very often but the idea of him being nervous for your date, makes your head swim and your bones vibrate. He’s so cute.

The two of you head off on Jason’s bike, arriving at a movie theater in the city. Jason takes you to see a movie you mentioned wanting to see. It’s simple but it’s something he knows you really like movies. And he’s not one for big fancy dates. This is simple and it’s you. You find the gesture adorable because you don’t like the idea of a fancy restaurant either. This is kind of your thing. You’d go with a group sometimes, sure, but it’s your way of showing him how much you care. Showing him your things and movies is one of those things. And you adore him for it.

After the movie, you head back to the manor where Jason has insisted the date isn’t over yet. While he’s not one for something fancy, he is one for making an effort. Words are hard, they always have been and he knows sometimes he’s never going to be able to tell you exactly what you mean to him. But, for your first date, he can make as big of an effort as he can to show it. Even though you don’t need him to. You already know.

“Okay, keep your eyes closed.” Jason states as you both stand in the main living room, his hand intertwined with yours.

“If you walk me into a door, Jason--”

“I won’t!” Jason laughs. “Do you trust me?” He asks and it’s a little sarcastic and cocky.

“Yes.” You mock, keeping your eyes closed but you want to roll your eyes at him.

“Okay, so trust me.” Jason states as he leads you through the kitchen and into the courtyard.

He looks around, letting out a breath and he definitely owes Molly and Bruce for this one. Though, he thinks they’ll be giving him enough shit that maybe he won’t have to.

“Okay, you can open.” Jason nearly holds his breath as you open your eyes to see the backyard.

There’s a projection screen in the grass with a projector on one of the outdoor tables. Blankets and pillows cover the grass in front of the screen. The tables are lined with a variety of snacks, all of them being your favorite. And there are fairy lights decorating the rest of the courtyard.

Jason remembers what you said about that scene in Tangled, with the lanterns. Fairy lights aren’t lanterns, but they give somewhat of the same effect. So, he took inspiration from it. Because maybe, Jason’s a little bit of a hopeless romantic underneath the trauma. And he’d do anything for you. Cliche and cheesy and all.

“You--how?” You look over at him, eyes wide and a smile tugging at your lips. A lump forms in your throat as your entire chest nearly combusts into flames.

“I asked Molly and Bruce for help while we saw the movie.” Jason grins at you. “You didn’t really think we were just watching a movie for our first date, did you?” Jason quips, hiding his nervousness under his cocky grin.

“You asked for help?” You ask and you're not sure what’s more surprising. The courtyard or Jason asking for help. “I actually knew we’d go see a movie but this? Wow.” You look around, your voice soft and tender.

“Yeah.” Jason scoffs. “Look, you deserve it and you liked that scene in Tangled so. I needed some help while I distracted you.”

You swear it’s perfect because at the end of the night, it’s just him and you. It’s him and you in the courtyard watching your favorite movies. It’s him and you when it matters. He’s thoughtful and caring and kind and loving. Jason has only ever known pain and neglect but when it comes to you, he manages to show love and tenderness. You don’t really understand how he manages it but you're eternally grateful for this boy with dark hair and green eyes.

“It’s beautiful.” You say softly. “Thanks, Jay.”

“You like it?” Jason asks, stuffing his hands into his front pockets, something you've picked up he does when he’s nervous.

“Yes, of course!” You beam. You let go of his hand and wrap your arms around his neck, pulling him for a deep kiss. His hands meet your hips as if on instinct, giving a light squeeze.“What’re we watching?” You ask against his lips.

Jason pulls away and there’s a grin of pride and confidence this time. “I’ve got Ready Or Not lined up since we didn’t get a chance to see it before it left theaters and Little Women. I read the book and the trailer seemed good. I think you’ll like it.” Jason states as he squeezes your hips again.

“Do you really remember everything I tell you? And I did want to see Little Women, just didn’t think you’d be into it.” You chuckle softly.

“Yeah,” Jason’s chuckle is gentle this time, bashful even. “It’s important to you.” He rolls his shoulders. “See, I know you.” Jason grins at you, wiggling his brows.

“Yeah, you do.” You scrunch your nose before pressing another kiss to his lips and dropping your arms from him. You head over to the snacks. “This is really nice, Jay.” Your smile is gentle and you love him with every fiber of your existence. “Thank you.”

“You deserve it.” Jason holds his head with pride, joining you to grab snacks.

“I get to plan the next date.” You offer him a devious smirk.

“Now, that’s unsettling.” Jason teases. “But fine.”

The two of you grab your snacks and head off to the blankets and pillows that are laid out for you before Jason starts the first movie. The two of you cuddle up with each other, attention mixing between the movie and each other. Your legs are rested over him as his arm is behind you and you just exist together.

To love, wholly and honestly, is terrifying because of the pain that seems to be intertwined with love. To love is to be brave and honest and optimistic. To love is something powerful but, to be loved back, that’s the greatest feeling in the world.

It’s the acceptance and understanding that comes with being loved back. It’s being loved for every broken piece and every bad, ugly, and terrible moment that comes. It’s knowing there will be bad days and hard days where the world seems to want to destroy every happy and peaceful moment, but choosing that person anyway. Falling in love is accidental, but staying in love is done on purpose. And that is why it’s so indescribable and remarkable and powerful. It is choosing to love and be loved back, risking the pain. And at the end, it’s worth it.

For Jason. And for you.

Over the next few days, everyone gets the news you and Jason have finally made things official. Gar and Kory actually kind of figured you were together. It was more of an inside joke with the Titans back in San Francisco. How long it was going to be before the two of you realized you were actually dating. Gar won. Dick wasn’t in on it (mostly because he thought you were friends this whole time who were just too oblivious and stubborn to say anything). So, they’re all happy to see the two of you happy together. Even Conner who didn’t really get a chance to know Jason and who only knew you for a short time.

Molly is your biggest fan though. She’s the best friend of the two of you. Her best friends are dating each other and she knows you’re both stubborn as hell with minimal self-preservation unless it comes to your hearts. You’ve both always been so guarded and she swears up and down, you’re supposed to be together. You’re the most guarded people she’s ever met and yet, the two of you manage to open up to each other. She swears you’re meant for each other. 

Today, Jason goes out with Molly while you hang back at the manor to have a training session with Bruce and a marathon with Gar afterward. The training session is fine but it's definitely not as fun without Jason. So, you're relieved when you can just sit down and have your marathon with Gar, filling him in a little bit on you and Jason. He's really happy for you both and it means a lot to you. He's your best friend.

But, with the marathon underway, it’s interrupted as Bruce walks into the living room.

“Excuse me.” Bruce calls from the doorway, pulling your attention away from the show and Gar.

“Is that Bruce Wayne?” Gar beams.

“Yes.” You furrow your brows at the screen before looking back at Bruce. “Oh, did you need the living room? I can move to my room.”

“No, no.” Bruce shakes his head. “You're fine in here. I was wondering if I could speak to you, however.”

“Uh…” You look back to your screen. “We’re…we’re kind of watching something, can we talk later or do you need to talk now?” You don’t know why he didn’t just talk to you earlier.

“I would like to talk now before Jason gets home.” Bruce states.

“Oh…” You widen your eyes before looking at the screen. “Pause it and I’ll call you back when we’re done?”

“Yeah, yeah of course. Hey, Bruce.” Gar chimes.

“Hello, Garfield.” Bruce chuckles slightly as he walks further into the living room.

“Okay, I’ll call you soon. Don’t continue without me.” You warn with a fake glare that turns into a cheeky smile before you end the call.

Bruce takes a seat at the armchair beside the couch and you watch him cautiously. It’s weird. You don’t really talk one-on-one and if you were being honest, you prefer it that way. You're growing to like Bruce, slowly. He doesn’t seem so bad. It’s just, every time you have that thought, you can hear Dick in the back of your head warning you. And Jason telling you about Dick taking out one of the trackers he knew about and how he shouldn’t do that because Bruce is looking out for them. And you catch yourself keeping your distance. So, you don’t normally talk like this unless you have to and it’s sending off alarms in your head.

“What’s up?” You ask slowly.

“How are you?”

You raise a brow at him. It’s weird because Bruce definitely doesn’t seem the type to be asking someone how they are. “Uh…fine. Yeah, I’m fine.” You nod at him, giving him a soft smile. “Why?” Your eyes narrow with suspicion.

“You have been through a lot. I wanted to make sure you were okay with everything that has happened.”

“Uh…yeah? Still fine, just the usual, I guess.” This is fucking weird. Even for Bruce Wayne. “Why didn’t you ask earlier?”

“We were training. I didn’t want to distract you.” Bruce sucks in a deep breath.

“Um…okay. Well, I’m fine. I’m just trying to watch some stuff with Gar.” You nod your head and he said he wants to talk before Jason gets home which means there is something about Jason he wants to talk about. “Bruce, I appreciate you checking up on me but if I’m being honest, I think you know I’m fine or that I will be and I am getting better because I know Dick and Jason filled you in. So, I think you’re asking how I am so you can ask about Jason.”

“I do want to know how you are.” Bruce defends in his usual stoic way that's somehow a little unsettling.

“Yeah, no, I mean I’m sure you care and everything. But, if what you really want to know is about Jason, you can just ask.” You let out a sigh and you can’t understand why these bird boys have to beat around the damn bush so much. “If you wanted to ask about me, it wouldn’t matter if Jason were home.” You nod your head as you scrunch your nose.

Bruce lets out something you think might be a chuckle. “Is he okay?”

You blink at him because you can’t believe he’s asking you that. Surely, he knows. That’s why he’s going to therapy because he’s not. Seriously what is it with the batboys that they can’t just talk?

“You sent him to a shrink?” You question.

“I mean,” Bruce clarifies. “Since going. He hasn’t said much to me. I want to make sure he’s okay.”

Truthfully, if Bruce actually wanted to be honest, that isn’t really why he’s asking. He sees a lot of himself in Jason. That is the problem. He doesn’t want Jason running himself into the ground over being Robin. Bruce has done that to himself too many times. He’s been thinking about it and what Jason means to him as a son. He’s worried about him, even with the therapy. Bruce knows you care about him. He hopes that’s enough for you to give him some insight

“Why?” You ask slowly as you narrow your eyes.

“He’s my son and I’m worried about him.” Bruce answers candidly.

“Yeah, no, I mean why are you asking me?” You shake your head, a snip your voice. It’s not your job to communicate for the two of them. They’re adults.

“I thought you might know.” Bruce nods.

“Of course, I know, I know everything about him. But you should know if he’s okay.” You widen your eyes as you furrow your brows. “He’s your son.”

Bruce lets out a sigh of defeat but you keep talking.

You have more to say. It’s not your job to communicate between the two of them but it’s clear someone needs to. You don’t care much for Bruce but Jason does. And that’s important. And he’s not okay. You think seeing Leslie will help him but, maybe telling Bruce isn’t such a bad idea. Jason needs the help and that means telling Bruce.

“Bruce, I think Jason Todd has never been okay a single day in his life.” Your voice is quiet and normally you wouldn’t be saying anything but it’s gotten to the point where you're really worried about him.

You being officially together over the last week has been absolutely incredible. You both are certainly the happiest you’ve both ever been with each other. But, Jason is derailing anyway and you always knew it would happen. Your validation for him is not what he needs. It will never be the thing that he needs because you're not Bruce and you're not Dick and that’s fine. It is never about your validation when it comes to him. His issues lie with the two of them, not you. So, Bruce making him see a therapist, is driving him a little bit insane. It’s only been a week though, so you hold out hope maybe it’ll help in the long run. But, you tell Bruce anyway because he should know. He always should have known.

Bruce nods with understanding. “He has not had an easy life.”

“Yeah, no shit.” You let out a scoff. “I think saying he hasn’t had an easy life is putting it lightly.” There’s a snark and a bite to your voice because you can just hear Dick in the back of your head.

Not to trust him. It doesn't matter that Bruce and Dick sorted out their shit. A part of him doesn’t trust Bruce and every time you think maybe, just maybe, Bruce has changed enough where Dick is wrong, he says something or does something where you know he hasn’t. This is one of those things. He shouldn’t be asking you if Jason is okay or saying he hasn’t had an easy life. It’s his literal job to know if Jason is okay and how to help him. It shouldn’t be up to you to tell him.

Bruce nods. “It’s been rough for him.”

“Ya know, it’s just….I don’t think Jason has ever felt….protected, safe, cared for….or loved in….at least most of his life. He felt, at least, most of that here and as Robin but all of that is gone and Deathstroke changed a lot of that. Bruce, he’s not okay and I am only even telling you this because I’m worried.”

Being happy in a relationship doesn’t make the pain of everything traumatic that’s happened just go away. It doesn’t work like that. It doesn’t suddenly fix and mend and cure mental illness. You wish it did but it doesn’t. Being happy and traumatized can co-exist. He is happy with you and you know that, but in the last week, he’s still waking up screaming from nightmares and he’s still limping after training. He’s still terrified. And you're endlessly worried about him.

“He can’t be Robin again, not yet. I made mistakes with Dick and I don’t want to repeat them with Jason. That’s why I want him to see Leslie.”

It’s not that you agree or disagree with it. But you do want to know why Bruce treats Jason and Dick the same way. They’re wildly different people. Maybe taking Robin from Dick and sending him to therapy would have worked, simple as that. But Jason isn’t Dick. Robin means everything to him. Why can’t he be Robin and see Leslie? Why does he have to be benched entirely instead of half the week even? It’s just not very fair to Jason, in your opinion.

“Okay, I get that, but you know Jason. He’s gonna prove to you he can be Robin.” You shake your head. “He’s going along with it for right now and maybe it’ll help. I hope it does, but what if it doesn’t?” You raise.

“We’ll have to have that conversation if we get there.”

“Okay yeah, and what you want him to just see a shrink for the next year with his fingers crossed he’s not permanently benched from the most important thing in his life? Only for something to happen and you rip it away from him entirely?”

“You believe he should be Robin at this point? You just said yourself he is not okay. It’s not safe for him to be out there. Do you think it would be safe to send him out there if he is deemed not well enough?”

It's not that. It's that you know, firsthand, that Jason will absolutely go out of his way to prove himself. You both do it. Jason isn't going to be able to stay benched for months on end. He's just not going to. And you know that. The fact Bruce doesn't when he knows why Jason wanted to go after Dr. Light, is infuriating. And it scares the hell out of you.

He's going to prove himself if Bruce doesn't give him Robin back eventually. One day, Jason is gonna think he's had enough and he just needs to prove himself and he'll try. The last time that happened, you both were kidnapped, tortured, and dropped from a skyscraper. And that is lucky. Somehow, that was actually lucky because you both made it out alive. What happens if he doesn't get so lucky next time?

“Whatever I think about him being Robin is completely irrelevant. It’s not my place to have an opinion. It is yours but…I’m just saying, he’s gonna prove to you he can be Robin eventually. He’ll get bored and tired of waiting.” You state. “He did in San Francisco.” You shake your head. “He’s gonna get himself killed one day if he does that, to prove you wrong.”

With Robin off the table, the training sessions have gotten…a little nuts. He’s rougher than usual and you can handle it just fine, he's not out of control. But he’s more relentless. He’s training himself into the ground again. He just wants to prove to Bruce that not only is he capable, but he’s better than Dick ever could be. Without even realizing it, Bruce doing this and the way he treated Dick, he’s pitting them against each other. And Jason is set on proving to Bruce he’s fine. No matter the cost.

“He won’t do that. He knows the rules. If I tell him not to go—“

“Dude, seriously? We knew the rules in San Francisco, too and then we went anyway. Jason is your responsibility and you have to do something, I can do everything I can but it’s not gonna be enough.” You stress because even when you have hope that therapy is gonna help over time, you aren’t sure if Jason is actually going to put in the time to let it work. And you're worried what will happen if he quits.

“I can’t let him be Robin and let him get killed out there. You said yourself, he will get killed out there. I made mistakes in the past, I cannot repeat them.”

A part of you want to blow. You were always right about him. He wouldn’t have to worry so damn much if he would stop recruiting kids to be fucking Robin. He wouldn’t have to worry so much if he would stop weaponizing their grief. He turned Jason and Dick into weapons and he’s, somehow, the one paying the consequences of that. You think the whole thing is ridiculous. It’s like he doesn’t see what he’s done to either of them and how fucked up this whole thing is. But, that’s not your place to tell him off about him recruiting people. For Jason’s sake. So, you decide you're gonna fall back on your usual reasoning for having a distaste towards him.

“Okay, you know what, you wouldn’t have to worry so fucking much if you’d just kill those fucks. Like, you know that right?” You snip.

“We do not kill people.” Bruce’s jaw squares just slightly. “We talked about this. Once you kill one person, it gets easier to kill the next until the lines blur. We cannot be the ones deciding who lives and who dies.”

You let out a scoff followed by a hollowed laugh. “And at what point is that not good enough?” You grit your teeth. “How many times have you captured the Joker?”

Bruce knows the number but he won’t say. “Several. I always catch him.”

“And every time Joker escapes, he kills at least one person. So, if over the last 10 years, you got more than 10 people killed by letting the Joker roam around and one of those people were my mom.” A lump forms in your throat with the mention of your mom. It’s some sick joke him and the Joker like to play almost. It’s like a damn game of chicken in the worst fucking way. “You let the Joker kill my mom. I’m not talking about Penguin or Scarecrow, I’m talking about killing the Joker. He puts bombs in buildings for fun. He’s killed thousands of people since I’ve been alive. You could have saved those innocent people if you would have just killed the Joker.” You shake your head. “And he’s the main one you’re worried about, right? He just escaped Arkham again, right?”

You shake your head and this whole thing is insane. It’s not even that you expect Bruce to toss his morals out the window. But you think it’s something he should consider if he's so damn worried about it. Deathstroke was different. He was the best mercenary in the world. You and Jason never stood a chance but the fuckeads here? Bruce’s usuals, they aren’t much concern besides one. And you know it. That’s why you’re having this talk right now.

“It’s the Joker. We literally laughed in Penguin’s face. Mr. Freeze, Bane, Scarecrow, and Mad Hatter are all locked up. Harley Quinn and Poison Ivy aren’t even a concern. The Riddler doesn’t kill people. I know you are not worried about fucking Condiment Man or Kite Man. I can keep going. But it always comes back to the Joker being the main concern, if Jason fucks up out there with him, that's it. Right?”

Bruce gains a scowl. He doesn’t appreciate you calling him out. You aren’t right but you aren’t wrong either. “It is not just about the Joker. And I cannot cross that line.” Bruce states firmly. “You should know that. You cannot cross that line either. The Joker is still a person and I will not determine if he gets to live or die. That is not how this works.”

“And what are you gonna do when he kills Jason? Or Dick? Or the next Robin? It’s gonna happen, it will. He’ll kill one of them eventually and then it’ll be too late.”

“I will not kill him for a what if situation.” Bruce lets out a sigh and this is not where he thought this conversation was going to go. A part of him thinks there’s a chance you're doing this on purpose to avoid telling him more about Jason. You're good at deflecting and not just when it’s about yourself. “That is not justice.”

“Then the guilt will eat you alive when it happens and then I’ll find a way, myself, to kill whoever kills him. Joker’s death is inevitable regardless and you could prevent the death of your sons.” You shake your head and get up from your spot, grabbing the tablet from the table. “I respect what you try to do as Batman and taking in Dick and Jason. I think that’s admirable. But, I think everyone has morals and sometimes you have to toss your morals aside for the greater good.”

“Even if that means someone has to die?”

“The Joker is a homicidal psychopathic sadist…so yeah. I don’t narc, I don’t tell anyone what happens with me and Jason, ever. But I’m telling you that he is not okay. Putting my morals aside because I care about him. I know you do, too, but you need to figure out how to get that through his thick skull or let him be Robin. It’s that simple. Always has been. Always will be.” You end the conversation, heading back to your room because that conversation was going nowhere and it never will.

You feel your blood boil and there is just something about Bruce sometimes. You don’t see it. You don’t see why Jason looks up to him so much. Maybe it’s just because Bruce saved him. Maybe some part of Jason is so hung up on that that he can’t see through Bruce’s other bullshit. But it irks you anyway, even when Bruce is genuinely trying to be better with him.

You just find the whole thing real rich. If he didn’t want to watch his kids die, he shouldn’t have offered them the vigilante lifestyle from the beginning. Maybe they both would have ended up here anyway. They both like to help people and that can’t be just a Bruce thing. But, maybe it would have been safer.

Maybe had Bruce offered therapy from the start, it would have been better or if he could just have a damn conversation with them. Literally, anything could work besides what he’s doing now. Training them to be brainwashed, taking them out to the cabin, training their bodies into a world of pain. Manipulating them with the idea of being invincible because of a mask and a cape. Anything has to be better than that.

And you feel like you can’t even tell Jason about it because he’ll get mad and annoyed further with Bruce. He’ll be annoyed he went to you to talk. And you know him, you just know he’ll think it’s because Bruce doesn’t think he’s good enough and you can’t let him think that about himself. And it is not your place to complain about his adoptive father. So, you keep it to yourself as you grind your teeth and call Gar back.

You pretend everything is fine as you and Gar continue your marathon until Jason gets home a few hours later.

“Hello, beautiful.” Jason chimes as he stands in the doorway of your room.

You look over with burning cheeks. He looks happy right now. So, you smile back, pretend like you aren’t still annoyed with Bruce. The call with Gar helped but then he had to go and the annoyance flooded you once more.

“Jaybird.” You say with ease as Jason walks into your room, tossing his jacket onto the end of your bed.

“How’s Gar?” He presses a kiss to your forehead before sitting down beside you.

“Good.” You answer simply as you suck in a breath. “He, uh, he misses us and Rachel but he said he’s good. He really likes being a Titan, you know Gar.” You laugh softly.

“He could come visit.” Jason chuckles softly.

He misses him, too. They lived down the hall from each other for four months and went through some crazy shit together. They’re best friends. Jason thinks it’d be cool to have Gar come. He could show him the Batcave.

“That’s what I said.” You widen your eyes. “He said he’d ask Dick about it.”

“Cool.” Jason laughs softly.

“Yeah.” You let out a breath as you look back to the tablet.

Jason watches you carefully and he knows you. Something’s off. You usually have more to say. You usually ask about Molly or whatever Jason is up to when he comes back home. You didn’t this time and you look like you're not really here with him. Your eyes are distant. The corners don’t crinkle when you laugh. Your jaw is clenching and you didn’t even mention what you and Gar watched.

“You going out tonight?” He asks and his words are a little flat.

He doesn’t mean for them to be. But, it’s sore. You still go out with Bruce. You asked him what you should do because you didn’t want to overstep. Going out on patrol with Bruce is Jason’s thing. But, you don’t really want to give it up either. You love patrolling and the more you do it, the more you understand why Robin has become Jason’s entire world. But, if Jason asked you not to go with Bruce, you wouldn’t. You’d go on your own if you had to. But, Jason assured you it was fine even if it hurts, even if he wants to tell you to not to do it. Even if feels like you're overstepping.

You shake your head and furrow your brows, bringing your attention back to him. “No, I just wanna stay here with you tonight.” You scrunch your nose, trying not to set off Jason’s alarm bells.

You don’t want to be around Bruce. The only thing you want to do is be with Jason tonight. You love patrolling but not tonight. Not tonight when you're reminded of the cruelty you face every day and the life-or-death stakes that exist outside of this manor. Outside of this safe bubble. The conversation, knowing the Joker is out there and likely who Bruce will be trailing tonight, reminds you of what could happen out there. You know. You already know but sometimes conversations take place and it becomes real. Patrolling and fighting, that’s fun and it’s easy to forget the stakes. And while you're terrified of Jason dying, he’s not the one going out there right now. You are. What would he do if you didn’t come home?

You just want to stay here with him tonight. It’s too heavy tonight.

“What’s wrong?” Jason asks, searching your face for any indicators.

“Nothing.” You lie. “Can’t want to stay in for a night with my boyfriend?” You say it like that on purpose but Jason sees through it.

You aren’t as insistent on patrol as he is. But you haven’t missed a single night since you got the suit. You're turning it down and he doesn’t get why. There’s something wrong and he knows it. He always knows.

“I know your fucking obsessed with me,” Jason starts with a chuckle, earning himself an eye roll. “But, I know when something’s going on with you.”

“It’s nothing, Jay.” You sigh. “I just want to stay in.”

“What happened?” Jason pushes, gritting his teeth because now he’s thinking someone did something. To you.

He thinks of the conversation with Molly, how she thinks you'll run. She told him she's worried that you're gonna be the one to fuck it up, not him. And that if you do, Jason should just not let you, even if he wants to push. It's what you both do, push and run. Molly is right. It’s what you do but if you both don't want to hurt each other, you both need to find a way not to do that. So, he tries.

“Can you drop it, please? I’m fine.” You rest a hand on his cheek, offering a tender smile. “Thank you.”

“Worried about you.” Jason states.

“How the tables have turned.” You widen your eyes, dropping your hand.

“I’m fucking serious.” Jason doesn’t so much as grin at you.

He can’t lose you. He is so certain of that. He can’t lose you in any capacity. So, he pushes just as you do with him. There’s something wrong and if someone did something, to scare you out of going on patrol, he doesn’t care what Bruce says. He’ll go back out there.

“I….Bruce he talked to me about something and I just…” You grit your teeth. “I don’t want to go out tonight.” You shrug your shoulders, voice laced in annoyance.

“What did he do?” There’s a mix of anger and confusion in his voice. Jason trusts Bruce but he knows as much as you fake it, he knows you don’t.

“Nothing.” You shake your head. “Just, uh…Joker was brought up and you know. Shit sucks. So I just don’t want to go out tonight.” You bite your tongue with every worry you have because you can’t burden him with it.

You can't put worried thoughts into his head. He has enough going on. And you know that he does worry, in his own way, when you're out there. He's more subtle than you are and he's not nearly as paranoid but he loves you and wants you to be safe. It's a natural thing. You don't want to add to that burden by saying you're worried about what he'd do if you died. On top of the rest of the conversation with Bruce, it's just too much and you don't want him to deal with it. Not right now.

“Your mom?” Jason asks.

“Yeah.”

“You know you can tell me, right?” Jason questions, getting the feeling it’s more than that. When it involves your mom, you're sad and you tell him. You seem annoyed today.

“I know.” You offer a weak smile. Guilt feeling heavy in your chest. “It’s just….it’s heavy today and I’m tired of it being heavy. I’m fine though, Jaybird. Can you just…..read to me when Bruce leaves, please?”

Jason nods softly, moving closer to you. “Yeah, of course. Did you want to talk about it?” He asks before pressing a kiss to your forehead.

“Thanks, Jay.” You smile softly. “No, I’m okay.”

“You and me.” Jason smiles softly and he’s worried about you, too.

You rest your forehead against his shoulder. “I’m sorry, it’s just one of those days, ya know? Where it just…”

“Feels worse again.” Jason finishes.

“Yeah.” You pick your head up.

He wants to help and Bruce doesn’t leave for a few more hours. So, his solution is training. It always helps you, too anyway. He just doesn’t want you to feel the heaviness of it and if he doesn’t have to carry the weight alone, neither do you. It’s like he told you, you can put it on him. He’ll carry it for you.

“I get it.” Jason stands up abruptly. “Wanna train about it?” Jason wiggles his brows, offering you his hand.

You roll your eyes but there’s a smile tugging on your lips. He always gets it. “Yeah, I almost won yesterday.” You put your hand in his, getting to your feet.

“Maybe I let you win one round, think of that?” Jason teases.

“You wouldn’t let me win anything.” You scrunch your nose. “You’re too competitive.” You beam at him as Jason lets out a laugh and swings his arm over your shoulders.

“Guess that’s true.” He says as the two of you make your way to train.

You know you’ll tell him your concerns later and tell him about Bruce because while it might not be fair to tell him, it’s also not fair for you to hide it. He trusts you and he’s doing better about telling you everything that bothers him. You owe him the same. But right now, it's just too heavy to deal with and you just want to sit with him and forget about everything for a while.

Jason is really good about helping you forget and letting you relax so it’s easier to tell him. It's one of the many reasons you adore him and wholeheartedly love him more than anything on this planet.

After a few rounds of sparring, you having lost because Jason really can’t let you win, you move to the targets. When Jason runs out on his end, he takes a break, sitting a few feet behind you and to the right, having a drink of Gatorade.

He watches you when you train. There’s something enthralling about it. You throw the knives at the target with so little effort, Jason can’t help but stare. He remembers how bad you were at combat all those months ago. He never told you, but you were not good. It was obvious you never wanted to throw a punch, like you never hit someone before and you hadn’t. Maybe a part of him thought you might be hopeless. Even when you fought Jerry, Jason is pretty sure you only got as far as you did because he was surprised and you had a hit of adrenaline hit your system from the anger. You never stood a chance otherwise. But now, you make Jason actually put up a fight in training.

He puts in effort to make sure you don’t pin him now. You never miss a target. You're even getting over your fear of heights with having to grapple from building to building and with being on so many rooftops. You're so good at all of this now and his entire chest warms because he knows a part of that is because of him. But the other part, wants to completely shatter.

On the one hand, you never wanted to be violent. You told him that, more than once. You never wanted to be this way and now you are. It’s not his fault. He didn’t make you that way. That was Jerry, that was the Joker. But he looks at what you've become and he feels guilty anyway because he doesn’t stop you from being violent. He encourages it. And he thinks of how he was before Robin.

It wasn’t that Jason was violent. That was never it. He could pick a fight just as good as the next person. But it was out of survival. It wasn’t because he liked the bloody and bruised knuckles. Or coming back with his body covered in shades of navy and maroon and the pain that went along with it. It was how he had to survive. Fight or die. Fight or let people take advantage of him.

He was small. He got lucky he grew taller as he got older but he was a small kid. It was either learn to fight and take what he could or get taken advantage of or die trying. It was learn to fight and hold his own or deal with whatever his dad would dish out or the new guy his mom brought home that didn’t really like kids. It was never that he wanted to be violent.

He was just angry with the world. Robin gives him the outlet. Robin lets him be violent in a way that’s productive. Robin lets him choose violence. Robin lets him pick fights that matter. Robin lets him let the anger and the violent side of him be a good thing instead of something that hinders him and something people find to be annoying and a nuisance. Robin has given him so fucking much including that outlet and he can’t lose it. And he just gets so fucking mad when he thinks about it. He’s mad about it being taken away and mad at Bruce and a little mad at you for getting to use his outlet as your own, even when he knows that’s not fair.

It’s the anger that always got the best of him. Not the violence.

“Where’s your head, Jay?” You ask, looking over your shoulder from the targets as Jason sits on the floor behind you.

Jason snaps away from his thoughts, looking over to you. “What?” He furrows his brows up at you.

“You’re quiet and you’re never quiet unless something is bothering you.”

It’s only been two weeks but you know him better than anyone. It’s been rough for him not having Robin. He wasn’t Robin, technically, in San Francisco. He wasn’t supposed to be anyway. He was supposed to be taking a break but that didn’t seem to bother him as much as it does now. You’re not entirely sure what the difference is this time but whatever it is, you’ve got this feeling that there’s something more going on. Something’s poking at his head.

Jason shakes his head. “Want to get back out there.” Jason scoffs.

You nod. “Yeah…” You suck in a breath, looking at your target full of knives before you move to sit in front of him. You match his position, stretching your legs out right beside his with your hands on the floor behind you to hold your weight. “You sure it doesn’t bug you I go out?” You ask.

Of course, it bothers him. That’s his thing. But, it’s yours, too. Maybe it wouldn’t sting as much if you weren’t going out with Bruce. But, there’s nothing he can do about it and it would be wrong for him to even try. So, he bites his tongue about it.

“It’s fine, it’s your thing, too.”

You shake your head. “Yeah, but if it bothers you, I can wait until you get Robin back or I can just go out on my own.” You offer.

The first night Jason was benched, Bruce asked if you’d still join I’m for patrol. Jason assured you it was fine. So, you went and you talked later about it. He swore up and down it would be fine. You like to go out on patrol. You like to help people and who is he to try and take that away from you? You’d never do that to him.

“You think Bruce will be okay with that? You going out on your own?” Jason quips.

You grin before you let out a laugh. “Well, probably not anymore.”

Jason furrows his brows, his eyes scanning over your face. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

You bounce around how to tell him about your conversation with Bruce earlier without including the stuff about him. It’s hard because on the one hand, you respect Bruce but on the other, he can be a little insufferable. And Jason looks up to him for reasons you don’t really think you’ll entirely understand. It’s not your place to speak poorly of him to Jason. So, you tell him but you hope he doesn’t ask what sparked the conversation in the first place.

“We, uh, we had a moral disagreement today.” You chew the inside of your cheek as you raise your brows.

“Ah,” Jason nods his head. “That why you don’t wanna go out tonight?” The moral disagreement doesn’t surprise him. He knows how you feel about all of it but he is a little surprised you even brought up to Bruce.

“Amongst a few other things but yeah. I think he might think I’ll kill people now.” You roll your eyes.

Jason lets out a snort. “What the hell did you even say to make him think that?” Jason shakes his head. “Wait, let me guess.”

“I’m listening.” You gesture a hand for him to continue.

Jason clears his throat. “You should kill the Joker. He’s a piece of shit maniac clown who kills people for fun. He should be dead.” Jason grins at you. “Sound about right?”

“Shut the fuck up.” You groan through a laugh as you tilt your head back. “No.” You shake your head at him. “I said he was a homicidal, psychotic, sadist.” You state. “And that he should die, yes.” You mutter softly while Jason lets out a booming laugh.

He is certain you’ll never let it go which he doesn’t blame you for. He gets it. He doesn’t like his dad but a part of him still wanted to go after Two-Face. Dick went after Zucco. Parents are killed and their kids want to take revenge. But, he also knows you and he doesn’t think you’d ever actually try to kill anyone, but especially the Joker. You have more self-preservation than that.

“And he said something about we don’t cross that line or whatever?”

“Yep.” Your eyes widen as you nod your head. “Him and Dick think it’s ridiculous as if Dick didn’t feel that same way, ya know? But it’s the Joker. So, uh, I might have said his death is inevitable.” You scrunch your nose and maybe that was the wrong choice of words.

Jason eyes you carefully and there is something going on with you, too. It’s one thing to have the moral disagreement with Bruce but to actually say anyone’s death in inevitable seems a little off. Jason’s so wrapped in his own anger, he’s started to wonder if he’s missing anything with you.

“Okay seriously, what the fuck is going on?” Jason nudges your leg with his.

“Nothing. I don’t think I really meant it or anything but I kind of wonder if Bruce thinks I’m serious and thinks I’m like a ticking time bomb or something.” You roll your eyes.

“Did he take the shit from you? The suit or anything?” Jason questions and he is getting increasingly more curious what even started that whole conversation and got you mad enough to say anything to Bruce.

“No. Why?”

“Then he doesn’t think you’re gonna out and kill people.” Jason chuckles. “He’d take it away and send you to Leslie if he thought you were serious.”

“Oh, well that’s a relief.” You chuckle softly. “Still don’t wanna go out tonight though.” You shake your head.

Jason pulls his legs to his chest, resting his forearms over his knees. “What started the whole conversation anyway? Did something happen?”

You pause and you hate lying to him. It’s the one thing you really don’t do with him. But, telling him why Bruce even talked to you, that just doesn’t seem fair. You worry he might take Bruce’s concern the wrong way. Maybe it’ll send him spiraling even further. Maybe it’s best if you just keep that to yourself.

“Nothing.” You shake your head. “It’s nothing, really.” You assure him before you suck in a breath. “Seriously though, if you have a problem with me going out, you can tell me.”

The switch back the topic at hand does not go unnoticed and that’s also uncharacteristic of you lately. You tell him everything that bothers you and what leads to it bothering you.

“I said it’s fine.” Jason states. “If something’s going on with you, you’d tell me, right?” Jason questions.

You nod your head. “Of course. Nothing’s, uh, nothing’s going on. You need to stop worrying.” You offer him a cheeky grin and he knows you’re lying. “Look, Jay, if it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t stand a chance out there. I know it’s hard being benched and I don’t wanna make it harder for you.”

“You said yourself, you like going out there.” Jason bites his tongue.

“Yeah, but if it weren’t for you, I’d never stand a chance. I know it’s hard for you to be benched and I go out. I don’t wanna make it harder for you.”

He knows you’re lying but he can’t figure out why you would lie to him about something like that. It doesn’t seem important or serious enough to need a lie. Maybe a part of him is even hurt you won’t tell him. But, he knows it’s not fair to push because you don’t push him when he’s adamant about not tellin you. He hopes you’ll tell him later when it’s not so fresh.

Jason scoots closer to you, resting a hand on your thigh. “I’m fine, alright? Go out kick and some ass, with or without Bruce.” Jason grins at you. “Stop worrying so much.”

“I’ll always worry, I love you.” You smile wildly at him.

“Yeah, I love you, too.” Jason chuckles softly. “I'm fine, I’ll be back out there in no time.”

“Good, miss you out there with me.”

“I got you, babe.” Jason presses a kiss to your lips. “Spar again, then dinner?”

“Yeah, okay.”

The next day, Jason and you head off the coffee shop to meet up with Molly. It’s colder than it has been. The air is crisp as you walk inside, hands in your jackets. It seems to fit the mood. Your hearts are heavy in your chests, matching your sleep-deprived eyes. Last night was bad.

And Molly is sat at your usual table with a smile.

You think this is good. Maybe hanging out with Molly, the three of you will be a good distraction for him. It’s been only been two weeks, but you know he’s already going stir-crazy. The more you think about it, you're surprised it took him three months in San Francisco to finally break the rules and go out.

“Hey.” You chime.

“Sorry, we’re late, Molly.” Jason takes his jacket off, throwing it over the back of his chair before he sits beside you.

“It’s cool, I ordered for you guys.” Molly states with ease, barely looking up from her laptop. When she does, she has a look at the two of you, Jason specifically. She glances to you before going back to Jason.

He looks more tired than usual lately. But today, he looks exhausted. The bags under his eyes are thick and his grin seems lazier than usual. And she knows you've been more tired lately, too. When you hang out, you nod off and completely space out mid-conversation. You look extra tired today as you lean your head on Jason’s shoulder.

“You look…tired. Are you sleeping?” Molly keeps her eyes on Jason.

You glance to Jason with a heavy heart, last night was rough. He woke up screaming at the top of his lungs. He got you in the face with his elbow. He sputtered apology after apology, nearly throwing himself into a guilt-ridden panic attack over it. It was fine, it was an accident. He was having a nightmare.

You eventually got him to calm down and fall back asleep but that only lasted about two hours before he woke up screaming again. This went on all night. It was bad. No, he’s not sleeping.

“Don’t worry so much.” Jason brushes it off with a smile.

It’s one thing for you to know but he doesn’t want Molly to know even if it’s written on his face that he isn’t sleeping. He still feels guilty and tired and annoyed and angry and frustrated. He swears taking Robin away has made the nightmare worse. Everything feels worse.

“We just had a late movie night.” You state.

“And what about you? You look tired, too.”

“I’m sleeping fine. Jason’s right, don’t worry so much.” You lift your head from Jason’s shoulder.

“What’re you working on?” Jason changes the subject as you lean forward, fully engaging with the topic change.

Molly let’s it rest. It seems weird but it’s the two to you. It’s always a little weird. Your sleep schedules are a mess anyway.

Molly turns the laptop around so Jason and you can see. The screen has a large picture, a missing person's flyer. The sidebar contains others with other missing kids.

“Diego from the shelter went missing.” Molly states, her voice annoyed “Rumor is, The Joker’s got a dude on the streets taking in strays. Diego’s poor and brown so you know the cops don’t give a shit.” Molly shakes her head with a scoff, taking the laptop back.

You feel your blood boiling. That’s the shit you want to do. You want to target those terrible people who are bringing in kids. Kids are innocent. The three of you at this very table were once innocent and you should have been able to stay that way. It was ripped from you and you never want another kid to deal with any of that. That dickhead, has got to fucking go. And who the hell works with the Joker anyway?

“Batman will take care of him.” Jason states, crossing his arms on the table as he leans forward slightly.

You snap your attention at him, narrowing your eyes. “Right.” You nod your head, getting a confused look from Jason.

“Batman protects rich people.” Molly closes the laptop, resting it on the seat beside her. “Be careful, Jason, living in that fake house got you slipping.” Molly crosses her arms. “Should’ve stayed in San Francisco.” There’s a slight bite to Molly’s words.

“Fuck Sam Fransciso.” Jason states. “That whole thing was a mistake. Gotham’s where I need to be.”

“You’ve been different since you’ve been back.” Molly leans forward, she glances to you who raise a brow in confusion

Jason leans back in his seat, brows knitting together. “Different how?”

“I don’t know. Like something happened over it here.” Molly looks to you.

“Nothing happened.” Jason brushes it off coolly. “I was bored, so I left.” You think that’s one way to put it.

“It was boring as shit there. It was nice, but it’s not Gotham.” You back Jason up. This whole thing would be easier if Molly knew the truth. You want to know how everyone can keep up with all the lies.

“Okay.” Molly lets out a breath, not believing either of you. Something definitely happened over there. “Look, if you don’t want to talk about it—“

Jason leans forward, not wanting to deal with the integration. “Where’s this guy who’s picking up the street kids?” There’s a grin that tugs on his lips and you know he’s about to go track the guy down. And you for one, are completely on board.

Molly looks to you who now also looks extremely engaged. She has a bad feeling but she does know. “I heard he’s hanging near a shelter on Dunsmuir.”

“Show us.” Jason states.

He’s not Robin but he still has the same abilities without the suit. He is itching to be out there doing something and Molly has a point. Bruce does look out for the rich. Kids like Diego can get left behind. This is a chance for him to do something. To prove to himself he can do it, even without the Robin suit. He can deal with a lowlife picking up street kids. He could do it in his sleep.

“Yeah, take us.” You match the grin Jason has and Molly finds the whole thing a bit unsettling.

Molly lets out a scoff as she deadpans. “Right. Cause you’re cops now.”

“I’m serious.” Jason urges. “Let’s just go see if he’s there.” Jason's grin is wild and dangerous as he looks to you.

“Come on, let’s go.” You jump in. “It won’t be so bad or anything. Especially if he’s recruiting kids.”

You're worried about Jason but you’ll be together. He’s one lowlife working for the Joker. That’s easy. Jason can just threaten him, get a picture, call it good. Neither of you can sit by and let him do this. Plus, you think Jason might need the pick-me-up.

“And then what?” Molly can’t believe the two of you. You are both completely insane.

“Take some photos. Show them to the cops. It’s worth trying.” Jason states and he’s so convincing.

“It’s better than sitting here talking about it.” You offer. “It’ll be quick anyway.”

Molly glances between the two of you and she can’t help but find some part of this amusing, you share a similar grin. Ones that got her into trouble, ones she knows means you’re both up to no good. Ones she knows she’ll regret listening to. And she knows it’s such a bad idea. You aren’t cops. You have no business finding this guy. But, she knows Diego stands no chance if you don’t at least try.

“Fine.” Molly agrees reluctantly.

You and Jason share a triumphant grin between the two of you. Jason swears this won’t be like Deathstroke. He’ll be on better alert in case there is a team this time and he knows you will, too. You’re going to find a lowlife, not a supervillain. And besides, with Molly there, him and you won’t do anything too reckless to make sure she doesn’t get caught in the crossfire. This will be fine.

The three of you make the walk toward the shelter. Small flurries fall from the sky on your walk. You look around at the snow with a soft smile. You haven’t seen snow in a year and maybe a small part of you missed it. Maybe it feels like home in a weird way.

“How’s Sheila?” You ask, walking between the two of them, your right hand tangled with Jason’s.

“Yeah, no.” Molly scoffs. “She was the wrong one. Might even date boys again.” Molly states.

You let out a laugh. “Seriously that bad? Why didn’t you say anything?”

“You're going through some shit.” Molly shrugs. You and Jason have asked about her and Sheila but Molly is the observant friend. The two of you always seem like you have real shit going on. She didn’t want to bother either of you with her relationship problems when, for once, you and Jason seem happy in one. “Broke up yesterday, you didn’t miss much besides screaming and her throwing things.”

“That’s also a lovely breakup.” You give a large nod with the roll of your eyes. You never cared much for Sheila. Sheila was the jealous type.

“Yeah.” Molly scoffs. “It’s cool though.” Molly shrugs.

“Yeah, you deserve someone better anyway. Didn’t she lose her shit on you for being home like five minutes late?” Jason asks, glancing over to her.

“That should have been one of my red flags.” Molly lets out a dry laugh.

“Yeah, maybe.” You agree.

The three of you reach an alley where you see an older man sitting on the hood of his car with a girl standing in front of him who looks way too young to be around him. She has a bottle in a brown paper bag and he looks like he’s a little too friendly with her. You can’t help the way your hand squeezes Jason's as you feel the anger start to bubble in the pit of your stomach. Jason glances to you, squeezing back.

“Over there.” Molly states. “Gotta be him.”

Jason lets go of your hand and pulls out his phone, taking a picture and using the software on his phone to do a check on him. The software runs facial recognition through the system, pulling up his extensive rap sheet. You peek over at the screen, making out a few of the charges and this is the shit that pisses you off.

Why do they keep letting him out? He is very clearly a danger to the public and yet he gets to roam around free, hurting more kids. Now, he gets to work with the damn Joker of all people. He’s got to go.

“Got him?” Molly asks.

“Hold on.” Jason says as it finishes loading. “Name’s Pete Hawkins. Piece of shit’s been in and out of Blackgate. Hooked up with the Joker last year.” Jason explains.

“Another piece of shit they refuse to keep locked up because they don’t actually give a fuck about the general public.” You let out a bitter scoff, stuffing your hands in your pockets.

“How do you know that?” Molly asks, looking between the two of you.

“Told you. I’m still me.” Jason smiles cheekily at her.

“Right. That’s one of those things that sounds real cool, but doesn’t actually mean anything.”

“Means he’s got it covered and he’s good at it.” You smile softly with the shrug of your shoulders.

Jason nudges you with his shoulder. “Let’s go introduce ourselves.” Jason suggests and you knew this was gonna happen. “Just a conversation. That’s all, come on.” Jason takes a step forward as Molly looks to you for help.

“It’ll be fine,” You step forward with Jason. “We’re just gonna talk and that’ll be it. Don’t worry.” You offer a soft smile and you’ve been here before.

You're confident, similar to Jason, this won’t be Deathstroke. This isn’t Dr. Light. This is just some guy. This is your home. This is your city. It won’t be like last time. You swear it won’t be and it can’t be because you have Molly with you. You swear it but you feel the fear creep into your stomach anyway.

The three of you make your way down the alley until you reach this guy. The closer you get, you can hear some of the conversation. He gave her alcohol. And he compliments her smile and tells her he can introduce her to someone that can make her smile. You nearly gag. He doesn’t deserve to be here.

“It never works out like that.” Jason states as the three of you stand in front of them.

“Yeah, it’s all sweet talk until you’re in too deep then it’s anything but sweet.” You add in, your hands warm in your pockets.

There’s a silence that consumes all of you for a few seconds. The man eyes the three of you, not quite confused but annoyed. The girl though, she looks uneasy. She looked uneasy before you approached anyway. And this guy is just gonna let her feel that way. He was going to use it against her.

“Give us a second.” Pete states to the girl. “Keep the drink.” The girl nods her head and walks away, glancing back at all of you on her way down the alley. “We have a problem?” He asks.

“A little young for you isn’t she, hoss?” Jason questions.

Jason also can't stand people like this guy. He was a kid once. He remembers it all. No one was there to protect him and he can protect himself but what about the other kids? That's supposed to be the point of Batman and Robin. To protect those who can't protect themselves. He doesn't need the suit to threaten this guy and try to find out where, at least, Diego is.

“She’s old enough to make her own choices,” He states back.

“Yeah? And exactly how old is old enough then?” You quip back. “Cause, uh, she didn’t look old enough.”

“Do I know you?” He questions, the annoyance soaking his words.

“I’m fuck,” Jason starts. “She's off.” Jason gestures to you. “We hate clowns.”

“Clowns?” Pete asks but there’s a seriousness in his voice.

“You know the type.” You state.

Molly watches the two of you and she’s getting the idea you’ve done this before. That seems a little weird and somehow not even close to surprising. But, she can’t figure out why you would do this? In your free time. Do you and Jason just go around Gotham interrogating people?

“Maybe you ran across a kid?” Jason asks. “Diego.”

“Martinez.” Molly finishes.

Pete shifts just slightly and Jason takes that opportunity to close the distance between them, getting in his face. You watch the two of them carefully, waiting for any quick movements, waiting for the throbbing to start, so you move to stand in front of Molly. You knew it was never going to be just talking and that’s fine with you. That girl was lucky you showed up and he should know he can’t get away with what he’s doing and what he wants to do.

“You know him?” Jason asks.

“You must have me confused with someone else.” Pete says but there’s almost a mocking tone in his voice. Jason stares him down and it goes eerily silent for a few seconds. Pete doesn’t like the look and you're getting the feeling this is going to go south.“You haven’t done enough time to look at me like that.”

“You have no idea who I am.” Jason's voice is low and unwavering, despite the fear pushing at his chest and vibrating his blood like a relentless and agonizing earthquake.

Molly gets the idea this going to turn violent. He’s done time and she knows Jason can fight but maybe not him. So, she moves past you and walks forward, touching Jason’s arm to grab his attention.

“Jason, let’s get out of here.” Molly says as Jason looks at her and as soon he does, a gun cocks.

It’s fast, happening in just a second. The gun is cocked as Jason looks back to Pete who puts the gun right under his chin. He was just waiting for his opportunity. You swear under your breath because for some reason, you thought he’d be fine. He knows better.

“Where’s your swag, cowboy?” Pete asks as you quickly move to Molly, yanking her back and behind you.

Jason freezes, flashes of Deathstroke cross his eyes. The beatings, the pain in his leg is agonizing. It throbs and if he didn’t know better, he’d swear it were bleeding right here, right now. He falls again and again and again. Everything that happened flashes his eyes and he can’t breathe and he can’t move. Why can’t he move? He has no time to react before Pete smacks him across the face with the gun, sending Jason to the ground.

“Jason!” Molly screams, trying to push you to the side.

“You shut your mouth, bitch!” Pete threatens as he aims the gun at her, you keep her blocked, locking eyes with Pete with your mouth in a hard line.

Jason tries to get up but Pete kicks him in the face. Jason starts coughing up blood onto the ground. He’s weak. Why is he weak? He’s fought men three times the size with ease. But Pete kicks him and kicks him and kicks him over and over. In the stomach and the side, over and over again. Jason tries to back away but he’s on the ground and useless.

He was never like this. He was never afraid of everything. It never caused him harm before. If anything, fear managed to protect him. It has always kept him on high alert. It made sure he could be physically and emotionally safe from anyone that would hurt him. But, now, all it's doing is getting him beaten up. It's traumatizing reliving the same damn fear every single day. He's so damn tired of it. He's so sick of being weak. And scared.

Jason rolls on his side where Pete kicks him again and you've had enough. You tried to give Jason a little bit of time to get it together, hoping he'd be able to. But, you can't stand by and hope anymore. You push Molly to the side and move towards Pete.

“Hey, dickhead!” You get his attention, taking a solid swing to his face and then another. “You wanna fucking fight, let’s fucking go.” You have a wild look in your eyes as he points the gun at you, Molly rushing to check on Jason. “Aw, cute! You think I’m scared?” You taunt him, the throbbing in your head intensifies and you move out of the way just as he fires the gun. “Missed me, fuckface.”

You swore you'd never be unprepared again and you pull out a knife from your belt hidden under your coat. In a swift motion, you nail him in the leg. He yells out and shoots again, you already out of the way by the time he fires.

Jason hears the gunshots through the ringing of his ears and he'll never forgive himself if you get shot because he couldn't even get a single punch in. You shouldn't be taking him on, by yourself, just because he couldn't. Because he started it. You're here again. Jason's idea. You in the middle of it.

“What the fuck.” Pete grits his teeth as he pulls the knife out.

“I got more if that’s not enough for you.” You pull out another knife, tossing it between your fingers. “Bet I can nail your jugular in a single shot. Wanna find out?” You question. “If your gun is fully loaded, you have fourteen more shots. So, we can go fourteen more rounds if you want and then I can hit your jugular. I do love target practice.”

Pete grits his teeth, holding the wound and he’s missed two shots already. Whatever you have going on, isn't worth his time right now.

“I’ll see you around.” Pete threatens you before he walks off.

You let out a breath of relief as you rush over to the two on the ground. Jason is still coughing and trying to gain his breath. Molly’s hand is on his shoulder. You can see the bloody gash near his temple and he should have had this. Maybe it’s worse than even you thought it was.

You and Molly help him to his feet, Jason brushing the both of you off. He struggles to gain his footing, the pain in his leg is as bad as it was when Deathstroke cut out the tracker. His entire body is aching with every breath. He’s embarrassed and pissed.

“Look, you’re hurt, we need to get you to a hospital—“ Molly starts once Jason is on his feet.

“I’m fine. I’m fine.” Jason says, keeping his voice level. It’s not her fault.

“Jay.” You state.

He can't. He can't do it and he doesn't want to.

“Just tell me what I can to help—“ Molly starts.

“Get the fuck away from me, okay?” Jason screams, gesturing his arm in the other direction.

He doesn’t want help. He’s tired of people offering to help. He doesn’t fucking want it. It doesn’t fucking help. Nothing is helping. It’s been months and he’s still paralyzed with fear. Every single time, it seems to be getting better, it just gets worse. He relives it over and over and over. It’s drowning him even when he knows how to swim.

Molly stands for a second, her heart aching being yelled at. Jason doesn’t yell at her. Jason never yells at her. Tears brim in her eyes. She’s just worried about him. He just had a gun pulled at him and got the shit beat out of him. It was terrifying.

You let out a breath and you can tell Molly’s never seen him like this. Of course, she hasn't because she doesn't know. She doesn't know about Robin or Deathstroke. It's one of those times you wish desperately that she did because she'd understand. But, she doesn't and she's going to be the one left confused and hurt.

“It’s okay.” You turn to Molly walking her towards the alley. “It’s fine, okay? I got him.” You nod your head with a weak smile

Molly stares at you in disbelief. You can’t be serious because you were just shot at. How is this fucking fine? Neither of you are fine and Molly is sick of you both trying to fool yourselves and her.

“What the hell was that? With you? He almost shot you!” Molly panics, looking you over just to make sure he missed.

“I’ve been shot at before, it’s fine. Just something I picked up.” Your voice shakes and that’s new.

Your hands are vibrating at your sides and you're realizing, it’s getting a little hard to breathe. But it’s the realization that you have been shot at before. You were left for dead, twice. It all comes back in a wave but you have to push through it. Molly can’t know and Jason needs you. You need to check on him. You can’t panic over it. It happened months ago. And you weren’t the one tortured and kidnapped by CADMUS. It’s not your trauma to process.

“You were what!?”

“Molly, it’s fine. He’ll be fine. Just go home.” You keep your voice calm and pleading.

“He’s hurt.” Molly urges with tears in her eyes.

“He’s fine, okay? I’ll look him over—“

“You’re not a doctor.” Molly grits her teeth.

“I know. I’ll get him to go, okay? Just, head home and I’ll call you. It’s fine. I promise.” You pull her in for a hug before walking back off to Jason who’s pacing and fuming.

Molly pauses for a second before she decides to listen. Jason and you aren’t gonna listen to her anyway.

“You, too!” Jason screams at you.

He doesn’t want your help either. He doesn’t deserve it. The cruel voices are back, louder than ever and echoing through the deepest parts of his chest. They scream and cackle, telling him over and over that he's not good enough. Anyone could have beaten that guy up. Anyone could have taken him and anyone would know he had a gun. Of course, he had a gun. But, Jason's terrified of everything. He's too scared. He's weak and useless and hopeless. 

“No!” You yell back. “I’m not fucking leaving you here like this.”

“Get away!” Jason’s voice cracks as he stands in front of you.

“No! Molly’s right. You’re hurt. We need to get back.” You urge him as you reach for his shoulders.

He can't go back. Bruce is going to be home and he's going to have questions. What if this gets him benched permanently? What if this proves Bruce right? What if Bruce gives up on him entirely?

“No fuck that shit!” Jason brushes you off and he’s so fucking sick of this shit. “Leave me alone!”

“Jason.” You grit your teeth. “What the hell is going on?” You move forward anyway and cup his face, minding the blood.

“Just leave me alone, please.” Jason pleads with you as a lump grows in his throat. He’s so fucking sick of this. He’s so exhausted from feeling this way.

“You know I won’t, Jay.” Your eyes soften as your heart breaks for him.

Jason takes your hands in his. “You fucking should. I’m fucked up. You deserve better anyway. Go the fuck home.”

He’s pushing. Your heart breaks and you're gonna keep fighting. You have a lot of regrets and one of those is not fighting for him sooner. You always should have. You're not gonna repeat that regret. So, you're gonna fight and if he wants to push, he’ll have to try a lot harder than that.

“Jason, don’t do this.” You beg him. “Come home with me, please.”

He shakes his head and he can’t. He’ll pay for it later. He knows he will. He’s gonna push as hard as he possibly can to get you away from him. He doesn’t want you near him. He’s fucked up. He’s useless and weak and a mess. You don’t deserve him. He doesn’t want you coming to his rescue. It’s not your job and it never should be. Jason has always been able to take care of himself alone. This is no different. He doesn’t want your damn help. He doesn’t want it. It’s embarrassing. Humiliating. He loves you but he's in so much pain right now he has to do the one thing he’s always been best at. Pushing.

He’ll regret it.

“No.” Jason huffs. “I’m not going fucking home!” He yells. “Get the fuck out of here. I don’t need you bailing me out! I could have fucking handled it!”

“Why are you doing this?” You ask, your voice cracking. You tug your sleeves down, Jason catching the action.

You haven’t done that in a month around him. He crumbles with the act. He knows pushing hurts you and that’s not fair just because he’s hurt. You don’t deserve it and maybe he’s right. Maybe you really do deserve better. He can’t take it back. He didn’t mean to hurt you. Not on purpose. He can’t take it back and he can’t deal with it all. He can’t deal with more guilt and pain and disappointment.

“Just leave me the fuck alone, alright?” Jason scoffs and he walks past you, knowing you’ll never leave. You don’t have it in you to walk away. So, he does.

He knows you’ll get him to break if he stays. You've always been good at getting him to calm down and be reasonable. But that’s not what he wants to be right now. He almost wants to be angry about it. He just wants to be alone, away from every person he’s disappointed and that includes you.

You watch him walk away as tears brim your eyes. You were making progress and now you’re back here. What is so different than before? You've had to bail him out before this and it wasn’t this bad. He didn’t push like this. And you realize the difference is Robin, the difference is always Robin.

At least when he was Robin, he had that to fall back on. He could chalk up his freezing to still being able to be Robin later. He’d have a second shot at it. He’d get a third shot. He was still Robin but Bruce benched him and now he’s getting his ass kicked by some nobody trafficking kids to the Joker. He has nothing left to fall back on. Every horrible thought he ever had about himself has become true today. He is useless. He is weak. He is not good enough. And you hate that he even feels that way.

But you can’t follow him because then you’ll just fight and that’s not something you want to do. He doesn’t need to feel worse over an argument with you. So, you let him walk away and you make your way down the alley.

You head back to the cafe where your bike is parked and you decide to hang out for half an hour, hoping Jason will come back. You can go back to the manor together and make sure he’s actually okay but as the time ticks by, there’s no sign of him and he’s not answering his phone. Jason is really good at pushing.

Jason looks at his phone and it's cold. It's snowing. You should just go home but he knows you're definitely still waiting for him. But, he's not even close to being ready to talk or cool down.

Jason: go home be back later I’m fine

Jason looks at his phone, watching the bubble show up. He’s still so angry with himself for all of it. He can’t even look you in the eyes right now. He doesn’t want to do anything. He just wants to be alone. But you worry. It’s been half an hour and at the very least, he can text you that he’s fine.

Y/n 😍: I don’t want to go back without you

Jason’s heart sinks as he reads the text. He hesitates over the keyboard. He almost types out “too bad” but he can't bring himself to type it out. It'll be even worse if it does.

Jason: you have to get ready for patrol tonight anyway stop worrying

Jason shuts his phone off as soon as the text sends. He simply can't. He knows he just fucked up your whole relationship. It’s been two weeks and he just fucked it all up. He’s not good enough anyway. It doesn’t matter. And yet it breaks his heart in two.

All he wants is to be Robin and be good enough again. He doesn't want to be so tired anymore. He's tired of it all. The nightmares and shaking hands. He's tired of the leg pain and the headaches and the nausea and racing heartbeat that makes him feel like he's going to pass out. He's tired of disappointing everyone and letting them down and not being good enough. He's tired of being weak. 

You let out a sigh, texting him back saying you don't have to go but the read receipt doesn't come through. You want to give him some more time to come around before you head back. So, you get on your bike and decide to head to Excellent Gotham. You always like it there anyway and it’ll be warm. And Jason knows that. If he wants to come around, he'll know where to find you.

You open the take-out container of your food once you're seated at your favorite table against the back wall. You try to eat while you scroll on your phone. Gar posted a new picture of him with Conner and Krypto at a park. Dick and Kory are seated at a picnic table behind them. A smile tugs at your lips as you double-tap the picture and pull up the comments.

You: @/dickgrayson @/koriandr look real cozy in the background 👀

You send the comment, mostly to harass Dick. You can’t do it in person, but you can do it through social media. It is something that can cheer you up usually. And you smile softly, remembering when Kory told you and Gar how Donna was the one that showed her how to work Instagram and helped her set up her account. You miss all of them.

@/dickgrayson: we were talking?

You: wE wErE tAlKiNg 🥴

@/garlogan: they’re always “talking”

You:“talking” is the first stage @/dickgrayson “don’t do anything…graphic”

@/garlogan: 😂🤮

@/dickgrayson: NOT FUNNY

@/garlogan: yes it is

You: you said it first 😂 sorry @/koriandr ily 💕

You laugh softly to yourself. You'll never miss an opportunity to bug him. You scroll through a few more photos until your attention is pulled from your phone when someone sits down in front of you.

“Hey.” Tim chimes. “You here alone?”

“Uh…yeah.” You shake your head. “Why?”

Every time you come here and Tim is here, you have a conversation about anything, really. This isn’t too weird of an exchange but you find it odd anyway for him to ask.

“You never come here alone anymore. Jason and Molly are always with you.” Tim gestures with his hand. “Everything okay?”

Tim is observant. He notices and remembers everything about everything and everybody. Before you left, you’d come in alone but since you started showing up again, you're always with Molly or Jason. Tim hasn’t seen you alone at all since. He notices you tugging your sleeves down when you order and the fact you always sit with your back up against a wall, looking out over the entire restaurant, something he doesn’t ever remember you doing. You’ve had enough conversations over the years that he considers you friends, friends enough to ask anyway.

“All good.” You shrug your shoulders, brushing it off.

Tim sighs. “My dad said you seemed down.” It’s not a lie. Mr. Drake did say that but Tim noticed anyway.

You laugh softly, nodding your head. “It’s fine. Don’t worry about it.”

“You sure? You can tell me if you want. I know we don’t know each other that well, but might help. Then I don’t have to run a delivery.” Tim chuckles.

He’s always so warm. You don’t think you've ever seen Tim seem down, annoyed but not down. He’s always excited to talk about whatever new thing has been picking at his mind. He was one of the people that told you he suspected there was a new Robin. Batman and the crazy maniacs of Gotham were a topic of discussion on occasion. And boy could he ramble about it. But, you always felt like you could trust him.

He doesn’t really know Jason. He kind of knows Molly but it was you and Tim that had the most conversation. He doesn’t know everything. He doesn’t know what happened to you or where you were and what happened. He doesn’t know any of it. And you find that a bit comforting. You trust him enough to at least talk a little bit because having to not tell anyone anything because everyone you know knows Jason is really difficult sometimes.

“Just, uh, some shit is going on and I, uh, can’t tell anyone about most of it.” You shake your head. “Me and Jason got into a fight and uh, I don’t know. He pushes sometimes. It’s fine, ya know? I get it but it, uh, it sucks anyway.” You chew the inside of your cheek.

Tim furrows his brows. “So, he gets mad and pushes you away? That’s not fair to you.” He lazily points a finger at you.

“Yeah, but he has shit going on.” You defend.

“That’s not an excuse.” Tim scoffs. “He seems cool. I don’t know him. I’m just saying, no one deserves to be pushed just because someone’s going through shit.”

“Well, he’s not an asshole to me. And I do the same shit so, ya know?”

“Well, I still think he shouldn’t do it." Tim states casually. "Why’s he do it anyway?“ Tim asks and you raise a brow at him. "I'm just saying, you're together so why's he still pushing you away?"

“I’m so serious, if you ever bring this up, I’ll kill you.” You threaten softly and Tim nods, gesturing for you to contiue. “Everyone gives up on him and I just…don’t? I’m like the only person who hasn’t and I’m not going to. I don’t even know why people do. He’s an ass sometimes and he’s all bark and bite. But, I don’t get it anyway, right? Because when you give a fuck about someone you don’t just give up cause shit gets hard. Or they fuck up. But it’s like he’s so damn used to it that when I simply don’t give up, he freaks out a little more when shit, like today, happens.” You state, keeping it a bit vague on the actual events.

Tim nods his head and he agrees. He believes in second chances. He doesn’t think people should just give up on people. He’s fucked up several times and his parents don’t give up on him. They were not happy about him dropping out but they’re not giving up on him. He doesn’t know what happened and he highly doubts you're gonna be less vague if he asks. But, he also knows some things you definitely don’t know he knows.

Tim knows. He knows Jason is Robin. Dick was Robin. Bruce is Batman. He knows you're Bluejay, a vigilante name the Gothamites have given you all because of your blue suit and you patrol with Batman. You do not talk about the irony in it. At least it's a little better than Acid Fingers. But, Tim is very observant. With a photographic memory.

Dick is one of two people in the world who can perform a specific flip and Robin 1.0 and Nightwing can also perform that trick which means Bruce Wayne is Batman. Jason was adopted by Bruce after Robin 1.0 left which means Jason has to be Robin 2.0, on top of the fact Tim remembers seeing videos and him and Robin 2.0 walk the same way. They share the same stride and confidence. And that’s how he figured out you're Bluejay.

The way you walk, how you hold yourself. You're living with Bruce Wayne, dating Jason Todd. It’s all pretty obvious to him in all fairness. So, he is kind of guessing whatever is going on has something to do with the vigilante life and that’s not something he can so much help with. But, he can try.

“Do you want my advice?” Tim asks.

“Sure?” You question.

“You said he pushes so, have you tried…letting him?”

“The point is that I don’t? So, I’m not like everyone else and I don't give up on people very much.”

“Yeah, but, you not letting him doesn’t work with whatever is going on, right?”

“I guess?”

“So, let him. And he’ll come back, right? Be there when he comes back. You said, it’s what he does. So, maybe you,” Tim gestures towards you as he leans back in his seat. “Being there all the time is suffocating him.” Tim states casually. “You could give him the space and when he comes around, be there like you normally would. Maybe he just needs the space, right?”

“I--” You pause and that’s kind of a good point you haven’t thought of. “I…yeah, actually that kind of makes sense. I just…worry about him. If you knew, you’d know why, ya know?”

“So, tell him you’ll give him space or whatever but he has to check in and tell you he’s fine so you’re not worried.”

You groan, putting your head on the table for a second before picking it back up again. “That’s actually a good idea. I hadn’t thought of that.”

“It’s easier from the outside sometimes.” Tim chuckles awkwardly.

“Thanks, Tim. I will try that.” You nod softly.

“You're welcome.” Tim smiles warmly. "So, you decided to just come here because you had a fight and wait for him to come around?"

“Oh, you really don’t want to work. Don’t you have like schoolwork to do or something?” You quip with a grin tugging at your lips.

“I dropped out.” Tim shifts in his seat slightly.

“Why? Aren’t you like a genius?”

Tim shrugs casually. “I mean not...”

“He does our books.” Mr. Drake calls from the counter making you laugh.

“Genius.” You state with a nod.

“Kind of.” Tim rolls his shoulders.

“I just, uh, I always liked it here. Your family is always here, and always felt real warm. And, uh, ya know? Been a while since I felt that so. Like, whole family dynamic thing.” You nod your head.

“Oh, well, in that case, you can run my deliveries. Really feel the warmth of a family then.” Tim nods twice with a toothy grin, glancing to his dad.

“No, I’m good.” You laugh. “That’s all you, Timmy.” You scrunch your nose. “Thanks, though, seriously.”

“Hey, we’re friends, right?” Tim shrugs casually.

“Yeah, I guess.” You shake your head. “Coming in here enough over the years, I guess so.” You smile softly. “Seriously, thank you. And also, I’m serious, don’t tell anyone. We don’t normally like when people know our shit.”

“I won’t tell anyone, don’t worry.” Tim chuckles.

“Well, I’m gonna head back to the manor. Give him space like you said. I’ll be back probably tomorrow.” You laugh as you get up.

“Oh, well, I’ll be here.” Tim states with wide eyes. “They won’t let me leave.” He whispers.

“So, go to school.” You mock him as Tim groans.

“Yeah, alright, be safe.” Tim chuckles.

“Yeah, too. All those delivers and such.” You offer him a thumbs-up before you head out of the restaurant.

The night goes by and you don’t go on patrol. You want to be here when Jason gets home and being out with Bruce just seems like it’ll make you more annoyed tonight. It’s his fault today happened anyway. So, you stay home and listen to Tim, giving Jason some space for the night.

Jason texts you here and there saying he’s still fine because he’s not throwing in the towel. The later the night gets, the more texts come through from him. He’s calmer as the night goes on and his anger is fading away. He apologizes a few more times and he wonders how he’s ever going to come back from what he said to you and Molly. Neither of you deserve it. You were just worried about him.

At some point, Jason stopped receiving texts from you and figured that was his cue to head back home. It’s two in the morning and he has to guess you fell asleep. He thinks it’s safe to go home and get to bed. He won’t have to talk about it when he gets home. He can just try to get at least some sleep.

When he gets home, Bruce is still out on patrol. The manor is completely quiet and he goes right to your room, just to check on you before he heads to his own bed. But, when he looks into your room, the bed is still made and you aren’t there. His heart plummets because he thinks he really blew it. He’s so sure you left. Maybe you're staying with Molly. Maybe you're just waiting for him to calm down before you break it off entirely. You're done and it’s all his fault.

Maybe you were only texting him back so you wouldn’t feel guilty if he did something stupid. He’s not sure, but he really thinks he messed things up with you this time.

Jason feels tears brim his eyes as he shuts the door. His head hangs as the lump grows further into his throat as he walks to his room. He did what he always does, push until someone gives up. He really, in the pit of his stomach, didn’t think you ever would. And he doesn’t even blame you. He just feels guilty and hurt for everything in the first place. He just keeps fucking it all up.

When he reaches the door of his room, his arm is weak as it creaks open but his attention snaps to the TV that’s on. There isn’t anything playing, it’s just the screensaver but it’s on and there’s an automatic shut off which means he didn’t leave it on. He looks in the opposite direction towards his bed where you're sleeping.

Jason sucks in a breath of relief at the sight of you. You didn’t give up. You didn’t leave. You waited for him in his room because you knew he would be avoiding talking and probably you when he got back if you were awake. And his heart swells. He doesn’t deserve you. But, he walks closer to the bed anyway and strips to his boxers before crawling into bed with you and wrapping his arms around you. He presses a kiss to your shoulder.

You hum from in front of him, your back pressed against his chest. “Jay?” Your voice is groggy as you tiredly look over your shoulder.

“Yeah.” Jason whispers softly. “Sorry, didn’t mean to wake you.”

“S’okay.” You smile softly, rolling around his arms to face him, your eyes barely open as you look up at him. The bruise from the day is hidden against the pillow and the low light of the bedroom. “Glad you’re home.”

“I’m so fucking sorry.” Jason states and you barely make out the guilt across his face.

“It’s okay, we’ll talk in the morning.” You snuggle against his chest. Truthfully, you're just glad he's home and he's safe. One bad day doesn't destroy everything you've built. “Not mad, just tired. Get some sleep, Jay. It’s just you and me.” You press a kiss to his chest, feeling Jason relax against you.

“I love you.” Jason mutters against the top of your head.

“I love you, too.” You smile softly against him.

Jason squeezes you softly against him and he doesn’t know why he’s still lucky to have you. His life is shit besides you and you pick him anyway. You should leave him and he knows you should. He was wrong for speaking to you that way and for pushing so damn hard. But you don’t. You're here anyway for reasons he’ll never understand. But he is immensely thankful you're still here. With him.

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Tag list: @fairyofshampoo // @italiana-20 // @jasontoddsmentaldisorders // @purplerose291 // @lovelessamai  // @makaelaseresin // @lenidaslenchen // @mayfieldss  // @ghostkingblake // @im-done-with-this-im-out // @velvetskies // @lilylovelyxo // @cryinghotmess // @yesimwriting // @vivian-555 // @stainedstardom // @baebeepeach // @legend-o-zelda // @harleycao // @somehow-lovable-trash  // @xx-all-purpose-nerd-xx // @deyja-the-duck // @jasontoddslover //  @captainmarvels-blog // @totallynotkaibiased // @scarlovesyou // @whydoyoucare866 // @littlemeowmeow1000

[nburkhardt]

Was talking about projecting with @i-less-than-three-you and uh….Thought of Something.

Growing up Steve wasn’t allowed opinions or talking back. It made him silent, made him want to speak up but words got caught. Doubt would start up and he just didn’t do anything.

It made life harder on himself but eventually he grew more and more. Eventually realizing he can have opinions, can voice them and eventually, talking back.

His confidence grew with it but unfortunately so did the anxiety, the doubt.

But not only that, but he was silenced too. Ignored. He’d start talking, have a good conversation with anyone but sometimes, when whoever he’s talking to doesn’t like what he said or wants to move on, they’ll talk over him and say whatever they want.

He remembers a car ride with his mother once, talking about his father and when he started admitting his disdain and annoyance with him, his mother ignored it and immediately pointed something out to him and refused to speak about the original thing. It made him feel silenced, uncomfortable and felt out ignored.

To this day it all still happens, not so much with his parents anymore. They’re too wrapped up into their business, not at all concerned about him anymore. But it happens with his friends and found family, his brain has definitely trained him into snapping his mouth shut when it happens now.

It’ll always hurt, he thinks, knows.



~

Does it make sense?? I hope it reads okay. I was rambling/venting by projecting onto Steve (again)

Under the cut is a vent/explanation and my taglist (idk if this counts as a fic but I’m sure you’ll all want to be informed that I am still here thinking up ideas & can write. Wips just aren’t there yet ☹️)

btw: peeps on my taglist is this something you wanna be tagged on or do you just want to just be tagged on fics??

I didn’t notice it was even happening until recently. But my family does this thing when I’m talking and they’re not happy with whenever or wants to move on or doesn’t care for what I’m saying, they’ll switch the topic. They’ll come up with an excuse or mumble under their breath, or just say something else entirely.

It didn’t click until I started actively changing my outlook with everything. (Also when I had a fucking massive breakdown in the middle of quarantine in 2020) Once you notice it, it’s hard to ignore. It happened to me just recently again, I was trying to talk to my mom about some family issues and I started to notice her shaking her head and then immediately mumbled about something she was looking at. It made me shut up immediately and realized she wasn’t going to hear me.

It’s a constant battle and I always lose the words to speak up.

Anyway, taglist!!!!

@spectrum-spectre @itsfreakingbats @mysticcrownshipper @artiststarme @thereindeerlady @justforthedead89 @ronniescontinuum @freyaforestafay @littlewildflowerkitten @estrellami-1 @gregre369 @zerokrox-blog @bookworm0690 @flustratedcas @carlprocastinator1000 @marvelmwah @solliesolesito @navnae @grimmfitzz

[themanifestingbrat]

REMINDERS:

You can do methods because they’re fun or easy to you, but you’re not doing methods to get, because you already are/have it.

Sometimes when you’ve manifested something effortlessly, you’ll notice your methods didn’t feel like work. It might’ve felt natural or fun or FULFILLING.

When doing a challenge or method, you don’t do it to see IF it works but HOW it works for you. You’ll be so busy wondering why something didn’t work and not in fulfillment then wonder why nothing’s going your way.

Stop trying to figure things out or constantly learn “new” information. Figure out what you want and then live in the end. APPLY what you’re learning.

Knowing that things always go in your favor or that everything works out for the best helps not to be so attached to the 3D or an outcome.

Manifesting is fun and easy! If you’re not having fun, maybe sit down and contemplate why. Once you figure it out, just let it go and move on.

Assumptions are instant. Changing your beliefs are instant. Manifesting is instant. Because it all starts with your Imagination.

Stop hopping onto “trends” and remember that what anybody is sharing or “teaching” is nothing new.

If something doesn’t resonate, leave it alone and move tf on. You don’t need to bash other people or their beliefs (seriously grow up.)

Remembering, experiencing, or feeling something you don’t want? Kill it with indifference.

Everyone is different! Beliefs, methods, assumptions, etc., varies from person to person. You do not have to seek answers or results from ANYONE but yourself.

Ask yourself first before going to your favorite blogger. Chances are you already know the fucking answer.

Take a long break from social media if you ever find yourself feeling anxious, worried, frustrated, or depressed, and I promise you will start to feel better.

If you’re new to conciously manifesting and you find yourself freaking out because you now realize you can have everything your heart desires, it’s ok. Remind yourself you are worthy and your desires are destined for you and it’ll get easier.

You are human and you will react and have emotions. Don’t blame yourself, or anything, or anyone. Feel your emotions, breathe, and then go back to being fulfilled.

You are God. You have the last say. If you’re experiencing something unfavorable, keep persisting, it’ll conform.

Idk if this would be controversial but persisting is not a method. It simply sticking to a new story, belief, assumption.

STATES IS NOT A METHOD. STATES IS NOT A METHOD. STATES IS NOT A METHOD.

LAW OF ASSUMPTION: What YOU assume to be true will harden into fact. Not what billy bob assumes, or what Beyonce assumes, or what your fave LOA girlie assumes. Unless that’s what you want to assume! 😭😭

I could keep going but it’ll eventually start to get redundant so I’ll end it here. Again, you don’t even have to listen to this but I hope it helps you on your journey.

[kisskisskys]

Hey, hope you’re doing better… time will make things better, believe me. Just here to give some advice ig, I don’t if it’ll be useful or not, but here I go.

First of all, you are not a bad person. You couldn’t know he was an abuser at all, none of us could… Even if there were signs or not; abusers tend to be good at hiding them… Also we never really know a content creator/celebrity/influencer/etc. We just don’t. The person who they show us can be just a part of them or a completely made up “show” persona. So, it’s not your fault for not knowing and admiring/loving him while you didn’t know. You did nothing wrong at all.

Now that you know, you can do smth abt it. If you want you can give away stuff you have of him (like merch) or use it in privately (as to not show any more support for him). Please don’t burn stuff or throw it away in the trash just to make a point; it really helps no one, you’ve already payed for it, you can’t take the money back, so better give it another use—reuse, reduce and recycle pretty much.

This will be controversial, but you aren’t a bad person for liking something that was made by a bad person. I know this is the “separate the art from the artist” conversation… but just here me out: sometimes I think it’s really not the sin everyone is making it out to be, as long as you try not to support the “artist” (content creator and his music in this case) any longer and acknowledge that the artist is bad, I think you are okay.

You aren’t tainted, bad or somehow it means you are an apologist. It really doesn’t. Just be cautious with it; not saying this like in a “hide that you like him so ppl don’t realize you like him and so /know/ or think you are bad person”, but more in the “some people might be triggered by him and because of what was reveled it’s probably best to try not to support him anymore”.

Support always meaning giving him more money, expanding his voice, introducing more ppl to him and his music, etc.

That said. You can still listen to his music if you want. Again, it’s not a sin or reflection of who you are; it doesn’t make you bad by association or bad at all. Just try to listen it in other ways to not give him any more money or any more of a platform.

You could listen to his music on ytb, many channels have uploaded his stuff and since they are not official acc’s I don’t think he gets any money from it. You could download his music and listen to it outside Spotify or whatever; you can do so from ytb with YouTube Convertors :) You could also listen him from SoundCloud, just make sure the /file/ you listening wasn’t uploaded by the official band (if they even have a SoundCloud acc?).

I wanna add. Just like this could be a “separate the art from the artist” conversation, ig it could also be a “death of the author” one. You are free to take whatever you want from his art, it is yours now and having that doesn’t make you bad because he is bad. Doesn’t really work like that.

Lastly I guess, it takes time to grow out of an attachment to someone. So please give yourself time, be kind to yourself… It will happen eventually, believe me.

In the meanwhile, specially if you feel too guilty about listening to him or watching his content, you can look for alternatives. There’s plenty of recommendations going around rn, both for similar music and streamers to listen/watch instead; so you could look into those. Yk what they say: nothing like a new hyperfixation to replace another B) haha Idk if anyone has ever said that but sometimes it works like that.

Hope you feel better soon. I do. Hope you get to forgive yourself if you need to? I don’t think you did anything bad, but sometimes we feel like we did regardless… so I hope you found forgiveness if you need it. Remember to be kind to yourself and give it time.

Best of luck. Sending good vibes to you too 🌟✨💫🌸🌻🌱

Thanks so much Anon, that is actually really helpful advice. Luckily, I have other content creators, it’s just hard to go from being obsessed and worshipping him to crying in bed because he is a bad person. I don’t have any merch, but I wanted the records for record day, but I kinda didn’t think it was a good idea anymore… At first, I was trying to distance myself, ignore it cause it hurt to much to think. What I was doing yesterday was keeping myself constantly busy so I didn’t get the chance to think at all. Now I’m kinda accepting it and a little step forward I’ve seen myself take is instead ignoring videos bashing Wilbur on TikTok, I watch them and not avoid them. It’s baby steps but it’s something. I used to use YCGMA to fall asleep, but stopped two nights ago coincidentally, I haven’t dreamed, or haven’t had as vivid of dreams that I’m used to. I basically conditioned myself to be obsessed with him, and not I need unconditioned myself.

[emmie-writes-stuff]

I proposed a silly AU idea of mafia king Reo and trophy husband Nagi to Esztell, and now I’m cooking a new AU series-

As if I didn’t have one already goin with Unsad lmao (that one’s gonna link to a Hiorin fic I have and a Ryusae fic too, as well as a few other Itoshi brother fics)

Anyways, I’m using this post as a way to share my ideas rn

So we’ve got Six Months to Get Better, or I Destroy Myself, which is almost done

It’s currently being extended because I got a new idea and decided to fit it into a chapter, which is why the update is taking forever lmao

I estimate about 3 more chapters to go (depending on if I get new ideas or not) and the epilogue

For those who don’t know, this fic is rated E but not for nsfw, but instead for depictions of depression, self harm, and suicide

It’s lowkey a vent fic focused on Reo, but it will have a happy ending because I can’t write sad endings for fanfics

Then there’s In The Next Room, which is also almost finished and has 3 chapters left

This is an E rated fic (this time for nsfw reasons) featuring ReoNagi, thin walls, streamer Nagi, and a strangers to lovers plot line

It has a planned sequel of the story from Reo’s perspective (that one is called Feel Good)

Both of the titles are from Neon Trees songs because they’re one of my favourite bands and oftentimes my ideas come to me while listening to music

After that, I’ve got a Hiorin fic where Rin has insomnia

I haven’t worked on it in a while and I’m not sure when it’ll be posted because it’s a long fic and I’ve already got two going, but it’s special to me and it will eventually be posted, I swear-

It’s in the same universe as Unsad (my Itoshi brothers oneshot) and goes into Rin’s mind after Sae is out of the picture

It starts right before the U-20 match and majority of it will take place over the break from bllk

I also got a Ryusae fic that’s in the same universe, which takes place at the same time as the insomnia AU

Shidou and Sae actually get to know each other over the break and Shidou inadvertently helps Sae with the Rin situation

There’s a few other baby plot ideas I have for Itoshi brother stories from their childhood, but I’ve gotta reconsider a lot of them with the new chapters that came out (new flashbacks give me new ideas) so imma stay quiet about those ones for now

I got a sequel to my sfw omegaverse storyline in the works-

Idk how many people actually were interested in that one, but I liked writing it and I can’t shut off my brain when it has an idea

I ALSO got a vampire Kainess fic cooking too!!!

I’m so hyped about this one honestly, I gotta go back to writing it again because I fuckin love vampires and I have so much lore for them in my head that I can’t wait to share through this story

It’s got like, vampires obviously, and it’ll go in 7 stages I think of their relationship evolving and Kaiser growing into a better person over the course of the story

I have a couple of Bachisagi fics in my drafts, but none of them are really sound enough to share the plots of

Same with a couple of Sae centric fics I have in the drafts as well

Then there’s my request fics

I have a Hiorin fic that I’m working on where they go out shopping (I’m planning on having some inner child healing within that fic)

And I also have a Tabiori fic with the soulmate trope, still trying to decide which type of soulmate I’ll go with however

Aaaaand I have another one-

Kunigiri fic this time, and it takes place in the world of the TV show Supernatural

I don’t wanna say too much about this one because it has some plot twists I don’t wanna spoil, but I will say that I’ve been having fun making up lore for creatures that are based on Japanese folklore and yokai, because while I’m setting it in the United States, I really wanna incorporate more influence from Japan (and I’m lowkey obsessed with the kappa because I enjoy water and swamp creatures, and it spiraled from there)

I have a few ideas for Team Red centric fics

I also have another ReoNagi fic that’s already drafted, but that I haven’t fully fallen in love with yet so I might go back to fix it (it’s a childhood friends AU)

I also have an idea for a Hiorin fic, where they are serial killers because why not

It could be fun

This is same universe as that mafia king Reo idea all the way at the top-

AND THEN

I have a Percy Jackson AU idea that’s also somewhat drafted within discord messages to Esztell

This one is planned to be a LONG fic so it’ll be a while until I post this one-

I think that’s all my ideas soooooo yeah

If anyone wants to request a fic or a drawing, go right ahead and send me one in the inbox on my page :3

I’m always looking for new ideas because I hop between them whenever I get bored of one idea to give myself a refresh

[vileviale]

Miguel x Reader Fanfic! (Pt. 1 of 2)

I tried to incorporate the female gaze as much as I could while also trying to stay true to Miguel’s cold and moody personality. Hopefully, I still showed that the characters love each other, however. Idk. Lemme know what you think! I haven’t made a short story in YEARS, and I’ve certainly never made a fanfic before. Also, I interpreted the drug he injects himself with in ATSV as a depressant instead of a stimulant but looking back it’s probably the latter. Also I used they/them pronouns so anyone can read it. And no, I’m not telling you the plot bc ITS A SECRET

Tw: nothing explicit, just fluff I think is the word, but there is gore, blood, violence, mentions of death, and all that good stuff

Word count: like 2500-3000 I think?

You never liked it when Miguel was “at work”.

In your defense, it was impossible not to worry when you imagined him out in whatever universe, fighting something that could take his life at any moment. A few hours ago, you’d been sitting comfortably in your favorite chair, typing away at an email that was turning out to be quite complicated. But the clicking of your keys stopped when Miguel explained that Lila had discovered a Lizard variant in the wrong universe, and he needed to put it back in its own. Before he could leave, you grabbed his hand, so much larger compared to your own. It felt dry and rough as you held it.

You let out a sigh. “I know I can’t force you to stay here.”

“C’mon, are we doing this again? Don’t stress about it,” he persisted. “I’m gonna be fine.”

That wasn’t exactly the case. The nature of his work meant Miguel always came back with at least a few scrapes and bruises. But it was pointless to argue. His job was essential for keeping the multiverse together, and no amount of bickering could change that. 

“Just be safe out there, okay?”

 He rolled his eyes. “I’ve heard that far too many times.”

“You’re my boyfriend. It’s my job to worry about you.” You forced a small smile.

“Don’t. It’ll take two seconds, trust me,” he insisted, pecking your forehead and letting go of your hand. “I’m sorry, but I can’t stay any longer.” He tapped his dimension-jumping watch, and a portal of dizzying oranges and blues appeared. “See you as soon as I get back.”

“Love you!”, you called after him before he could step inside. He froze for a second, then turned and mumbled with a soft grin: “Love you too.” He still wasn’t used to people telling him that. 

You watched Miguel walk through the portal until it suddenly whirled out of existence. Turning your head back to your computer, you tried to finish the rest of your work, but your mind was blank and distant. It always was when he left.

Four hours had gone by since then. Four hours too long. That pesky email had been sent, and you had straightened up the house out of stress. Now you were back in your chair, fidgeting with your necklace and constantly checking the time on your watch. Each time you did, your heart seemed to twist into a tighter knot. Eventually, the tension was too great. You jumped up to grab your suit, but then just as quickly sat back down.

‘Grow up,’ you thought to yourself. ‘He’s a big boy; he can handle it himself. Besides, I’d probably get in the way.’ People had called you a strong fighter, even for a Spider-variant, but you knew yourself well enough that your constant protection of Miguel would only lengthen the fight. That was something that couldn’t be risked. The longer the variant was out of his universe, the greater chances of it breaking canon. Besides, if Miguel needed help, Lila could always call on Jess, Ben, or other Spiders. 

Almost as soon as you sat back down, Lila appeared above your watch. You interjected before she could speak.

“Is Miguel okay? Has he come back yet?”

She winced. “He’s back… but he isn’t looking too good. That’s why I’m calling you.”

You felt like the floor had been pulled from under you. “What? What’s wrong?”

“The variant was a lot stronger than he realized. I called Jess for backup, but by the time she came, it had already landed a few strikes. The Lizard’s contained now, but Miguel’s pretty scratched up.”

“What do you mean by ‘scratched up’? How hurt is he?”

“He has several gashes. They’re deep, but haven’t hurt anything vital. The main problem right now is blood loss. He fought injured for a while before we got the chance to put gauze on, and it shows. He told me not to tell anyone about this, especially you.” She rolled her eyes. “You know how he is.”

“Ugh, of course he did. Where is he right now?”

“We’re at his place; just me and him. He actually told Jess to leave after she helped him in. Guess I shouldn’t be surprised, though. I’m trying to convince him to ask for help so it looks better when I tell him I already did, buuuut it’s not working out too great.”

“Keep trying. I’ll be there as soon as I can.” You rushed to your room to grab your suit. “Did you call 911?”

“I told Jess to get Dr. Parker as she was leaving. I thought the ambulance lights would be too much on his eyes, especially in his condition, and I’ve seen Doc patch up worse in places far more hostile.”

“Still, I’d want him in a hospital, just to be safe. But thank you, Lila. If there are any updates on his health, let me know. I’ll see you soon.” She nodded and vanished.

You changed into your spider suit, activated your watch, and rushed through the portal to Nueva York. After passing through it, you jumped out swiftly, swinging as fast as you could from building to building. The Lobby felt more crowded than ever as you tried to weave your way between countless spider variants. When you got to his house, you found Miguel, back turned, sitting in the center of the floor and breathing heavily. One of his hands was holding red-stained gauze on his shoulder, the other on his leg. Blood ran down his arm until it dripped at the crook of his elbow. It was painful to see him this way. Just looking at the blood made your heart ache. 

As you moved closer, you heard Miguel and Lila’s raised voices. You closed the door behind you without a sound and eavesdropped into their conversation.

“For the last time Lila, I’m not calling anyone. I can stitch these myself.” Miguel grunted as he tried to stand up. But as soon as he put weight on his shoulder, he collapsed. “Later on.”

Lila crossed her arms. “Mhm, tell yourself that. And I know you’ve never picked up a needle and thread in your life. Just look- Oh!” Lila caught you out of the corner of her eye and turned to face you. “You got here quick.” Miguel spun around and faced you with a shocked expression, then quickly turned irritable again. “Lila!” he berated. He looked pale, and you could see the weariness in his eyes.

“Sorry, Mr. I-can-do-everything-myself. But I thought your partner might want to, y’know, check on you? Juuuust in case you die or something.”

Miguel looked down and furrowed his brows. “That’s not gonna happen. I’m fine; everything’s under control.” 

Lila threw her hands up and turned to you. “You see what I have to deal with?” 

You knelt down next to Miguel. “Honey, you’re hurt. Bad. Dr. Parker’s on his way, but I’d really like to see you in a hospital.”

“No. I just- I really need to be left alone right now.” Miguel glanced around agitatedly. His muscles were tense, and he breathed rapidly. You gave him a puzzled look. For a man who was stoic 24/7, this wasn’t normal behavior, even if he was hurt. “Please, just go,” he pleaded. “You’re gonna make things worse.”

“And just how would I make things worse? I don’t know who convinced you that ‘manning up’ is refusing help until you die, but I’m not leaving you like this.”

Your spidey senses suddenly tingled. You looked around, but there was no one besides Miguel, Lila, and you. Instinctively, you reached out and pulled Miguel close. “Something strange is- “

“GET AWAY FROM ME!”, he roared. You flipped backward, landing several feet away from Miguel in a crouched, defensive pose. He curled from you, baring his dagger-like fangs, and snarled. His irises glowed like embers, and his claws grated the ground. For a moment, the separation between human and animal was indistinctive. But just as suddenly as it became vague, his eyes darkened to a calmer shade of red, and his muscles loosened. Guilt washed over his face.“Oh my god I’m so sorry, I-I don’t know what came over me. Are you alright?”

“What the fuck was that?!” you yelled as you rose. There was a burning sensation on your arm, and you looked down. Beneath your suit’s torn sleeve were five gashes, shallow and nearly bloodless, but still painful. “I’m fine,” you snapped, turning your body to hide your arm. It wasn’t the only thing hurting. Inside, your heart raced with adrenaline, and you clutched your hands hard to keep them from trembling. ‘The last thing I want is Miguel to see me scared,’ you thought. ‘Two can play the I-have-no-feelings-but-rage game.’ 

 “How long’s it been since his last injection?”, you asked Lila, who had hidden on your shoulder.

“16.7 hours,” she grimaced. “I told him he should take it before we tried to capture the variant, but he refused. Usually I wouldn’t let him, but he had the audacity to shut me down. I figured out how to reboot later and woke up in the middle of him fighting. Somehow,” she sighed, “Lila finds a way.”

Miguel interjected. “That was-“ 

“I don’t wanna fucking hear it,” you interrupted before he could protest. He looked down and turned slightly red. Whether it was with anger or embarrassment was unclear. “Where’s the depressant?”, you demanded. 

“In my center drawer.” He pointed to his desk. “There should be several.”

You jumped over him and landed lightly in front of the desk. Pulling the drawer open, you immediately found the green vials rolling inside, along with the injection gun, and inserted the closest one into it. “Catch!”, you called as you tossed the gun towards Miguel. Right now, it was too risky to simply hand it to him. Miguel grabbed it mid-air and slammed it into his arm. He flinched, but quickly relaxed again, even more than before.

“It’s okay now.” His soft eyes, back to their normal shade of brown, beckoned you to come. “I’m okay now.”

You ran over and wrapped your arms around him, which was almost impossible to do given his size. Hot, angry tears silently ran down your face. Miguel melted into you as the raise and lowering of his chest started to slow. As you embraced, you noticed Lila standing on the floor, mouthing “You good?” silently to you. She gave a thumbs up, thumbs sideways, and a thumbs down, indicating you to choose one. You gave her a thumbs sideways back. She nodded. “Imma go in ‘sleep mode’,” she whispered. “I’ll still keep an eye on Miguel’s vitals, but I’ll essentially be ‘gone’. It’ll give you guys some time to talk.”

“Thank you,” you whispered back. Lila smiled, raised a peace sign, and disappeared.

“I’m so sorry,” Miguel breathed as you let go of him. “I wasn’t myself; I would never intentionally hurt you.” He looked up at your reddened eyes, and his face suddenly grew full of concern. “Querida, por favor no llores.” He gently, like a moth’s wing, wiped the tears from your cheeks with the back of his hand.

“I don’t know why I’m crying,” you confessed with a small, wavering laugh. “I guess I just got startled. I’ve never seen you like that before.”

“You shouldn’t have. Listen: you have every reason to be upset right now.” He lifted your chin with his thumb. “I know I just told you not to cry, but if you need to, go ahead.”

You looked at the ground and smiled, tears flowing freely down your cheeks. “Ok. Thank you,” your stammered. You took a moment to slow your breathing. “Can you- explain what just happened? If you can.”

“I don’t want to make any excuses, but if it will make you feel better, I’ll try.” His eyes searched the ground. “When I got injured, I couldn’t tell the drug was wearing off, though looking back it couldn’t be more obvious. I felt so- afraid. And vulnerable even. I don’t know why, but I had this idea in my head that everyone was trying to hurt me. And when you grabbed me, my first instinct was to protect myself.” He finally looked up and into your eyes.  “The worst part was I didn’t see you as… you. I just saw a threat.”

“Miguel, it’s really okay, trust me,” you persisted. “But… promise me to never lose control like that again. Not just for me, but for everyone’s sake.”

“Of course, love. I promise. I should’ve listened to Lila and taken the drug much earlier.”

“Why didn’t you?”

He paused. “I didn’t want it to lessen my strength before I captured the variant. I wanted to be as prepared as possible. Not that it helped anyway,” he complained, looking at his hurt leg. “I thought I had enough time to inject the serum afterward, but capturing the variant was... rough, and I came back much later than I anticipated.” He looked down, and his eyes suddenly grew wide. “Your arm! Did I- Are you alright?”

“I’m fine, I’m fine,” you persisted. “It’s barely even bleeding anymore, see? It’s high time I designed a better suit anyways.”

“Are you sure? I’m so sorry I- “

“Shuuuush”, you hushed him. “It’s nothing. I don’t want you to worry about what happened anymore, okay?”

“You’re my partner. It’s my job to worry about you.” He gave a weak smile.

You laughed. “Touché. But really, you barely broke skin. The suit did most of its job.” 

“Ok. I just- I wanna make sure it’s 100 percent fine.”

“I’m sure, I’m sure.”

“Alright.”

You thought hard for a moment. “If we could find a way to separate the depressant’s physical effects from its mental ones, we could change their concentrations to keep your strength, but save your mind.”

“That could work,” Miguel replied. He furrowed his brows in thought. “Or we could add another mental depressant to it. That would be much easier than separating its components.” He slapped his forehead. “Should’ve thought of that ages ago. It’s gonna take a minute to find the right neural inhibitor, but it’s worth the trouble.” You gave him a look. “What?”, he asked.

“Sometimes I forget that you’re a nerd too,” you laughed. “Big guys like you aren’t supposed to know what ‘neural inhibitor’ means.”

“So I’m supposed to be an idiot then?”

You shrugged. “It’d suit you better.”

“Y’know, I really needed that. Thanks,” he sneered lightheartedly. “You should be thankful that my heads a little fuzzy, otherwise I would’ve come up with an incredibly brutal comeback.”

“Riiight, right. Wait. How fuzzy are we talking?”

[spookyserenades]

I’m not much of a commenter (which is super hypocritical since receiving comments is my kryptonite lol), but I just felt like I needed to. I cannot describe how much I enjoy your work; I’m absolutely floored by the sheer word counts you dash out so consistently. Nothing ever feels choppy, and the scenes flow nicely into each other! Your funny moments are funny, your sad ones are crushing, and everything else in between is iconic.

I guess I was wondering just how you manage to stay so consistent? I write chapters that usually range between 13-17k myself, but I can’t seem to stick with a consistent updating schedule. How often do you write? Do you sit down daily and write just a little, or do you sit down occasionally but manage a few k each time?

Also, I cannot stress this enough how natural everyone’s relationship in Trouvaille is. I feel like it’s realistic that none of the boys would be immediately too keen with the mc but that they also wouldn’t stay distant forever? It felt special being able to gradually read about their developments, and I feel like once the mc gets with more of the boys eventually, it’ll be so rewarding? Idk, but I just cannot wait. The latest chapter ending scene with Jin has me so on edge; I can sense the angst from here—

Regardless, (and sorry for my rambling) I love your work!

—M

Hellooo love! I'm so happy to hear from you, thank you fro reading Trouvaille and sending me some love, I'm glad to have you here 🥺💕

Thank you for your sincere compliments, too 😭❤️ I haven't had someone mention the length of the chapters in a while-- they're big bois!! The last two chapters have been a bit shorter, but sometimes you say all that you need to without necessarily hitting the original wc estimate. I'm so happy to hear that the flow is smooth, and that you're enjoying the humorous moments (loveeee sneaking in things my mom have said before, her one-liners kill!) and I'm eeeeee you're too sweet thank you thank you 😭💕

As for consistency! I love this question, because I might have pulled the wool over your eyes. I started writing Trouvaille summer of 2022, and wrote up to Chapter 6 before I ever began posting on Tumblr. Between July 2022 - July 2023 I had chapters on "reserve" so really I'd just edit them before posting them.... Now, not so much the case. I write each chapter (since 8) each month, which admittedly can be a bit stressful, but it honestly forces me to write consistently and constantly. I think that can be a potentially good thing for writers who struggle to actually put pen to paper, having a "deadline" monthly, but every writer is different!

Additionally, I'm not the best person to ask about writing schedules,,, unfortunately I am a procrastinator so OFTEN I binge-write for hours on end. I recommend setting aside an hour or two a day to write if time allows you to do so, rather than type nonstop for 8 hours the day before an update LMAO!! I definitely want to become the writer that does bit by bit every day to cut down on the stress. I also want to say that once I stopped pressuring myself to make EVERY update 20k+words, things flowed a little more easily. It's better to have a shorter update that's concise and has everything you want to say, rather than bulking it up with filler.

Thank you so so much for loving all of the character's relationships so far, too 🥺 I know slow burn isn't for everyone, but it always felt more natural for me to write the hybrids as slow-to-trust, considering the world they live in in Trouvaille. I agree with you, when everyone starts to grow closer and closer over time, the sweet moments will seem even sweeter after all of the angst and growing 💕

Thank you again for reading, M, and I'm sending you so much love (and energy to keep on writing!!)

[richardsgraysons]

Hello! Not to sure if you’re still doing batfam match-ups, but if I could get one that’d be great, please and thanks!

I’m around 5’2, female and a filipino, so we’re tiny, we’re tan, and we’re pretty loud 💀

I’m a very… Mischievous I guess? I have cute aggression, I like to prank, joke around, jostle with others, very touchy.. childish at sometimes too! But yk I can be serious when needs be.

lately, I really enjoy crafting things! (Legos, those book nook things, keychains and earrings, yada-yada) Other hobbies I have are cooking, reading, drawing, playing video games and idk if it’s considered a hobby, but I really enjoy cleaning!

as I mentioned earlier, even though I try for an inside voice, I’m just naturally loud as is. From my laugh to my everyday voice in general, you’ll know I’m around 💀 (but in contrast the sound of my footsteps are non-existent to this planet)

something I’m lowkey insecure abt is the rashes I have on my skin. I have hyper-sensitive skin, so you could very well trace your name on with your nail or a pencil and it’ll appear all swollen red on me for the next 30 minutes. (Fun and not fun)

being Filipino but growing up elsewhere, I tend to forget not everyone speaks my dialect so I’ll have a full-blown sentence in Filipino and the listener will go “what 😐” or “good lord she’s at it again-“

additionally! I really like Filipino terms of endearment! Sinta (which is close to darling), Palangga (my love) and all that. Same goes for cussing-

was this too much? I hope it wasn’t too much- thank you for this!!! I was literally so happy to see a batfam match-up hehe. Hope you’re staying safe and have a nice day! ♡

DAMIAN WAYNE

he will hate you at first, make no doubt about that. "grayson, why is she so annoying?" and it's just dick smirking at him and knowing that those feelings are eventually going to translate into something else but he's a good older brother and won't say anything

i'm pretty sure damian would speak filipino so when you're bursting out into filipino, he'd amusingly understand what you're saying and probably communicate back

lots of shittalking in filipino. that's the vibes i'm getting

CLEANING?? bro you got yourself a damian wayne at your feet. my guy would love everything spick and span and the fact that he has a partner that enjoys making things clean..mm... he's a lil in love yknow?

he doesn't like touching and he doesn't like loud things, but he finds it endearing from you. he finds himself being spoiled by your touches and would appreciate every single brush of hand or even just holding hands together as you read or play video games or whatever you wanna do

he cleans with you together. it's a little mini date and nobody else can understand it but he just does

you're hanging around with the big doggos and just reading or he's working or doing literally anything you want to do that day. he just wants to spend quality time with you

one of his ideas before he realized that he went heart eyes at you was to take you on patrol and just make the villains hear you yap and then that's how they would surrender

and then about your skin ... damian would not realize at first and then as soon as he did, he'd respect your space. sometimes he'd accidentally do something to your skin (his nail digging in or when he grips your arm too hard) and it'll swell, but usually, he's in control of his body and won't do anything

[coffeeandcalligraphy]

what's body back about 👀

okay this is coming at the perfect time because tomorrow’s video may or may not be all about BB!! 👀 also reminds me that I want to make a WIP intro for it! basic info is that it’s adult litfic!

The short answer is that BB is the bridge novella between Moth Work and Feeding Habits (which was a duology I wrote a couple years ago). If you don’t know, those book follow two men in a verrrryyy complicated relationship (Lonan & Harrison). MW is all about Harrison wanting to help Lonan & realizing he has to let that go in order to progress in his own life, and FH is about Harrison needing to see him again (for closure reasons, he says. Sure).

BB is the bridge between that gap, and when we see Harrison at his worst—his “I never want to see you again” era. I wrote THIS ask about it which is rambly but still super accurate.

And here’s the logline:

It’s 2005 in Las Vegas and 21-year-old Harrison is tired of routines, of gods, of men. On a mission to move past a complicated breakup, he’s about to get recklessly indulgent--and he’s come to the right place.

I’m hoping it’ll be around 20k! At nearly 7k now, which is absolutely bonkers. I’m thinking maybe 5 chapters?

Most of it so far has been deep Catholic contemplations, lol, which has been a bit unexpected because it implies Harrison would’ve gone out of his way to study the Bible at some point before BB starts, which I actually hadn’t planned for him to do, but clearly is what he did because there’s no way his voice would know all the allusions he makes otherwise (he’s an atheist who didn’t grow up Christian).

I JUST finished chapter 2 which was about 4k and called Immaculate Mary. This chapter was mostly about Harrison’s mother, Suzanna, who he now lives with post Lonan breakup. I didn’t think she’d get a chapter tbh but I see now that I needed that chapter to trigger Harrison into his glittery downfall lol.

I’ve been sharing a lot of it on here because idk I love this app for long and complicated musings lmao but probably won’t talk much about it on YouTube in comparison to SV since it’s sooo personal.

In a lot of ways, this book is just about being 21. I had such a hilariously bad intro to 21, and it’s only seemed to get worse, HAHA, and while I don’t often get sooo close to my writing to the point where I’m exploring my own life, I wanted to capture this very real moment of 21 year old Rachel’s life. I am not nearly as much of a disaster (affectionate) as Harrison, but some of those feelings are 100% mine. It’s why this project has been so cathartic for me lmao. I’ve never felt so personal about a project before. I want to hold this one forever. Me in 10 years is going to be like wow… all good?

Music has been… the most important thing in my life for this book and I could go on and on about the playlist which I’ll eventually make on Spotify (I am ancient and still buy my music LMAO).

Thanks for asking, always down to answer more q’s!