#i hope we get a pick six too lmaooooo am i really asking for too much for the last home game of the season against a team with such good

[chasedeys]

bengals win today yes?

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #235

“the monster you made is wearing the crown; i’ll be the king and you be the clown.”

What is your favorite move franchise? The Lion King. What was the last fast food you ate? I had a hot dog from Sonic and one of those pretzel twists things. What is the saddest book you’ve ever read? Johnny Got His Gun by Dalton Trumbo. Do you prefer heroes or villains? Villains. Duh. They're like, always more interesting. What is something you think is overrated? Uhhh coffee, for one. But like what you like. What political cause are you most passionate about? Gay rights. What country would you most like to visit? South Africa. Have you ever considered having children? Literally the only period where I wanted kids was later into Jason's and my relationship. Hell, I wanted three while he was always like "onLY TWO." Now, I don't want a single one, ever. I would be an awful mother for many reasons. If you ever took field trips as a child, which was your favorite? The zoo with Dad, my then-best friend, and her mom. One and only time I've seen meerkats. I was so excited I almost cried. Do you have any weird family traditions? It's not like, a tradition, I think, but we have a unique thing where saying "I love you mostest period" is something Mom, Dad, and my sisters have used for all my life. It's a way of saying "I love you more than you could ever love me, no arguments." Now Sara's been dragged into it lmao. Have you ever considered acting? Nope. Who was the last person you slept next to? Sara. Do you think you can be in love and still cheat on your S.O.? You can't "be in love" with a person and fucking cheat on them, no. Do you subscribe to any streaming services? We have Netflix. Idk about anything else. Have you ever been in a physical fight? No. What is the most embarrassing thing anyone has on video of you? I don't even wanna know. Did you ever get lost as a child? Yep, in a Wal-Mart lmao. This old lady helped me find my fam. What is your favorite condiment? Honey mustard. Or ketchup. Depends. Have you ever had an existential crisis? Very surprisingly, not really. Do you like country music? Begone, demon. It's still so weird to me that I loved it as a kid, but I really just grew up with it. What color are the eyes of the person you love? Brown. What is your favorite kind of flower? I looooove orchids. What town were you born in? Not the best thing to share on the Internet, eh? Do you know how to play any card games? I only vaguely understood/understand Magic: The Gathering. It's honestly really fun, but very complex in rules. It was Jason's thing so he got me into it. I miss my PS3 working because I used to have the "Duels of the Planeswalkers" on there, and doing it digitally is much easier and helpful. I loved it mostly because the art is fucking incredible. It was an old little aspiration to wind up designing the art some day and I don't think I ever saw Jason more excited. What is something about your childhood that you miss? Being more into video games than I am now alskdjf;awe. I'm more of a viewer of let's plays now than an active gamer; meanwhile, as a kid, video games were my favorite things in the world. Did you ever have MySpace? Do you miss those days? Yeah, I had one. Honestly though I can barely remember it (other than the song on my page was "Pocketful of Sunshime" lmaooooo as well meerkat-flooded), so it doesn't matter. What is the best television show you’ve ever watched? Meerkat Manor is my favorite show of all time, but as a proper show could have been better. AP made up their own shit and deviated from the KMP facts A LOT (guess what: Mozart killed a competitor's litter before; not exactly MM's her, right?), and not only was that confusing, but just annoying. Give me the real shit; don't just tweak stuff for dramatic effect. I could list a novel of lies in the series. Now, what I feel is the best show without a meerkat bias and just has an overall good plot. I kinda wanna say Supernatural, but the boys dying five million times got old. Possibly Fullmetal Alchemist. Are there any songs you can’t listen to because they bring back memories? I 110% refuse to hear "Stairway to Heaven." Have you ever saved someone’s life? Funny this is brought up after recent events. My sweetheart online bud had a cerebral aneurysm while having an extremely difficult time talking to me, and no one was home quite yet. Her final message was concerning and she didn't reply to me for a while, so I wound up messaging her again after a bit, and her boyfriend heard the b.net notification sound. Saw it was me and asked what was up. Told him, and he figured out she wasn't sleeping on the couch, she was passed out. He told me he never would have known if I hadn't said something. So does that count, even though I didn't like, physically save her? Have you ever broken any major bones? No. Are there any websites you’ve used for over 10 years? Good question? Idk. WAIT HOLD THE FUCK UP, KM's 10th birthday is coming up real soon. Wow. I know YouTube has been much longer. Idr when I joined deviantART. Maybe there's more, I dunno. Do you have any siblings? If so, what are their ages? My two immediate are 22 (ew) and 26 (double ew). Anything exciting taking place today? No, today was A N X I E T Y !! ! ! !! !! What are you craving? Okay so I have been MEGA in "the mood" lately and it's frustrating especially because I don't masturbate so I have like nO OUTLET. Who did you last hit? Nobody saving for when I was a kid repeatedly slapped my sister's arm for doing something I don't remember. How do you do in school? It depends on the subject, but in anything, I am a MASSIVE procrastinator, and I need to fix that. Schoolwork, good good, homework in the library, good good, but when I'm at home, I cannot seem to convince myself to work. As Sara puts it, home is like my "safe" place, and I don't want to bring school into it. Adjusting to school life again after like... two whole years or so of doing NOTHING at all, almost every day all day, is very difficult. I'm SO glad I picked school again, it's just a lot for a person who was so isolated and void of responsibilities to get used to. What’s your biggest goal? Right now, continue to improve my mental health. Fight social anxiety and AvPD. Who have you texted today? Just Sara. Who do you aspire to be like when you grow up? In most ways, especially in kindness, wisdom, relentless determination, passion, creativity, etc. etc. etc. etc., Mark. I think it's obvious he's Role-Model #1. I would loooove to be like Jane Goddall and Steve Irwin, too, feeling with such ferocious potency for animals and how they should be respected and loved. UM AND ALSO, EUGENIA COONEY IS THE SWEETEST PERSON ON THE ENTIRE GODDAMN EARTH AND I WOULD LOVE TO BE AS FRIENDLY AND PRECIOUS AS SHE IS. Oh, and then there's Shane Dawson. I relate to him SO much. He is the most selfless angel that seems SO down-to-earth and relatable as hell. I feel like he could be like, my best friend. Ahhhhhhh there are so many more, I love talking about my inspirations, but I'll chill here. Do you know if you want to go to college or not? I'm in college right now, and I desperately want it to stay that way. I'm fucking going somewhere in my life, and the education it provides will bring me closer to that. College is far from mandatory for everyone, but I feel it is beneficial for me. Do you like grapefruits? I haven't had one in a LONG time, so I don't really remember how they taste. I just know sour. What do you think of guys who wear eyeliner? *drools in Darkiplier* the fuck do you think Do you like online games? Only World of Warcraft, really. Who’s one person you care about more than yourself? Okay, real talk, and I hope this is everybody's answer. No one. I'm putting my goddamn self and my mental peace first for the rest of my life. Are there any pets you’re wishing for? I want another ball python. When’s the last time you used hand sanitizer? Two days ago when Mom and I stopped somewhere to eat. Wearing anything that isn’t yours? No. What type of bread did you use on the last sandwich you made? White. How many doors are in your house? Uhhh six. What was the last compliment you received, that made you smile? Sara said she was really proud of me, and to me, that's one of the biggest compliments you CAN give me. Think you need to lose weight? How much? ugh When was the last time you watched a VHS movie? I don't have a clue. We kept our VHS longer than most, though. We had too many movies on it. What event would you go back in time to see, if you could? Ummmm I dunno. Do you remember the last thing you said you wanted? To hug Sara. Who was the last friend you hung out with&what’d you do together? Sara stayed for a week. We did a lot. Who is the person, other than a spouse, that you are closest to? Sara. If you watched it, who was your favorite Hey Arnold! character? Oh my god, I hated that stupid show, but one of my sisters liked it. Have any good school pictures? or do they all just suck? There is literally ONE picture from elementary school where I think I looked pretty. Do you like trying on clothes or not? & Why? NO. I try to avoid it if I can. It's just annoying to change clothes for like five seconds. What are your thoughts on marriage? It's sweet, but I've come to find it... kinda needless for the most part? Like I know it has financial pluses and the symbolism is beautiful, but it's just that: symbolism originating from fantasies (imo, don't scream at me). It only adds pressure to stay in a dying relationship and makes splitting much more complicated. BUT, even with all that said, I personally want to get married someday, but only if I am *sure* about this person. It's the symbolism I like. That and it's so ingrained into my head that that's the "end goal" of relationships, so I'm pretty much just conditioned to want it. How long have you lived in the current place you’re living? Two years. Do you plan on moving anytime soon, if so where? I want to, but I am not in the financial position or at a level of independence where I'm ready for that. Are you more of a follower, or a leader? Be honest. This may alter with the situation, but mostly, I'm definitely a follower. Are your dreams/nightmares in black&white or color? I've heard of this condition before and it really intrigues me. I dream in color. Have you ever wanted to be some sort of hero outside of video games? I mean, define "hero." Like an action superhero in a literal way, nooooo. I'd die on Day #1, lmao. As a hero/inspiration as a person, of course; who doesn't? Will you admit that you’re at least somewhat superficial? I mean, probably in some places? How often do you go to the mall closest to you? Almost never ever. Our mall sucks and has experienced too many shootings. Do you still count with your fingers, even if only every so often? Yep. Like, always. Have you ever gone on a road trip with just friends? No. Well, I went to the beach with my friend and her mom, but just for a day or two because my separation anxiety from Mom got too bad oof. Without trying, do you act differently around different friends? Depends on the friend. I don't "fake it," just how reserved I am can move around. What was the last thing you drew/wrote on your own or someone else's skin? Probably a butterfly on my wrists when I was actively part of the Butterfly Project community. The last time you spent money, what was it on & how much did you spend? $1.25 for a drink at school. What’s the most money you’ve ever spent on one piece of clothing? Idk, but definitely not a lot. In elementary school, were you more of the bully or the bullied? Thankfully, neither. Do you like when a spouse is clingy, or can you not stand that? I'm sure to a certain degree it would be annoying, but for the most part, hell, I think it's attractive. Especially since I NEED validation you like me. How much do you say you walk in a week outside of school &/or work? Just around my house if you exclude school. Is there anything you wish your parents did differently in raising you? I wish they'd given us chores. Wish Mom didn't spank us. What would you do if the last person you texted asked you out? Lol yo we JUST broke up like an hour ago. We're not ready to get back together yet, obviously. Don't worry a bit, we're both cool. Still best friends, even. To compress a long story, needed personal growth and distance have brought us to returning to just friends. For now, at least. Have you ever received a scholarship? I think so... but not like a huge one, I believe. Who was the last person who got frustrated with you? Most likely Mom. When was the last time you mopped your kitchen floor? I myself have never mopped it. Or maybe once. What is your favorite work of art? I mentioned the Denialism painting in my last survey. What was the last appointment or plan you had to cancel? Plan, my next one with my psychiatrist. What spur-of-the-moment decision that you’ve made has had the biggest impact on your life? I don't know if any have truly changed my life. The ones that did (that I remember) were pondered over. Do you know anyone who is (or has been) a refugee? I don't think so, What is your best friend’s worst habit? She doesn't have faith in herself for ANYTHING lj;ljalwie Do you like spinach and artichoke dip? alksd;fjwei no Have you ever felt like you were about to pass out, but didn’t? Yep, a couple times. What was the name of one of your childhood imaginary friends? I didn't have any. What’s your favorite phase of the moon? Full. Do you wish you were richer? I physically refuse to be anything less than stable, hopefully even above that, once I'm independent. We've been poor all my life and it is fuck-ing HARD. It's stressful as a motherfucker and I am done with it. Very. What’s a middle name you like? Quinn. Fits a lot. I planned on giving that middle name to my hypothetical daughter. Are you scared of spiders? y e a h Do you weigh the same as your mom? No. Were you a Mary-Kate and Ashley fan? Like the average 90s/early 2000s kid. Coffee mugs, teacups, or water bottles? Uh, aesthetically? Teacups, probably. Bubblegum or cotton candy? Gum. I like the taste and texture of cotton candy, it is just RIDICULOUSLY sweet. It bothers my sensitive teeth sometimes. Do you prefer to drink soda from cans, bottles or cups? Cans. They get the coldest. Game you were best at in P.E./gym? Idk, I didn't excel at any. What do you have for breakfast on an average day? I'll typically just have a meal replacement shake or a Pop-Tart. Favorite non-chocolate candy? Sour Punch Straws (gotta be red). Favorite book you had to read for school? The Outsiders. Most frequently worn pair of shoes? My flip-flops, 'cuz they're easy to just slip on. Ideal weather? Cool but not windy (a light breeze is fine) with a partly-cloudy sky. Obsession from childhood? Webkinz. Favorite crystal? Dragon's breath opal. Favorite activity to do in warm weather? Swim or stay the fuck inside. Favorite activity to do in cold weather? Taking pictures in the snow. Five songs to describe you? "Get Up" by Mother Mother, "That's What You Get" by Paramore, uhhh... I don't feel like thinking over this any longer. My iPod isn't near me to scan through what I have, so yeah. Best way for someone to bond with you? Let's have deep philosophical talks about like the meaning of life 'n shit. Top 5 favorite Vines? Oh my god, this is impossible. To name some that come to mind first, in no order: "It's Wednesday, m'dudes *insert mating call*", "I cOUld'vE dROPPED My croiSSANt," "this is why mom doesn't FUCKING LOVE YOU," that one at a club where a girl is doing smoke tricks and the dude just goes "check that out" (or "wow," idr) or something similar (I couldn't find it), and omfg I adore that Snoop Dogg one with the little boy just semi-dancing to that iconic song???? I LOVE IT??????? Man, there are so so many more. Very honorable mention: "a d a m". Ads you have stuck in your head? None, thankfully. What is the first meme you remember seeing? Uhhh maybe Happy Bunny? Idk. Sci-fi, fantasy, or superheroes? Fantasy. Favorite type of cheese? American. What saying or quote do you live by? There's a lot I've picked up on and cling to. #1 is perhaps "Deal with life, or life deals with you." What are you currently stressed about? Some... things I realized about myself that disgust me. Favorite fairy tale? Shrek is a goddamn fairy tale and I will fight to the death against anyone who claims otherwise. Favorite tradition? I don't really have one anymore, but I remember as a kid, I would NEVER let Mom forget to throw some "reindeer food" outside for them lol. Talent you’re proud of having? One that warrants pride, exactly? Not just random talents? Well, uhhh. I suppose writing. I mean it modestly, I really do, but as a kid, my teachers all the way through high school always thought I was cheating or a parent did my papers at home. Some were only convinced by me writing in the classroom. I don't feel as good about my writing as I did in high school, but I am sill proud of excelling in it and taking writing anywhere seriously. If you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be? I mean, name the game and genre here. Probably like "what the fuck" at like, everything, because I already do that. If you were an anime character, what genre of anime would it be? Like, based on my current life? I dunno. A sad and repetitive one with some bright days to it. Ohhh, and the color scheme and lighting vary with my mental state. Yo that would be dope. Character you relate to? lmao THRALL from WoW for being like "can y'all bastards just chill tf out" until he goes off to an isolated land away from civilization bc he's seen enough shit. Also compelled to help. Any good luck charms? I don't believe in those. Least favorite flavor of food or drink? As far as consistent flavors go, normally cherry or grape. Left or right handed? I'm a righty. Favorite potato food? Fries, when I wish they weren't. Earth tones or jewel tones? Jewel. How many phone numbers do you have memorized? Literally just Mom's. Not even mine.

[sixmorningsafter]

76 Theses

Oh hey there, Gabi. Long time no see. Hope your summer is going well as if I don’t already know because I follow you on Instagram, and I hope your med school prep isn’t destroying you I’m going to grad school in the fall, so girl I can only imagine. EDIT: GIRL HOW DID YOU POST A CHAPTER TWO DAYS BEFORE YOU MOVED AND STARTED OVER IN ANOTHER PLACE FOR FREAKIN’ MED SCHOOL

LMAOOOO FWIW I didn’t start over, I literally moved like 30 minutes away (and my family did a solid 75% of the work because what are big over-involved Puerto Rican families for). Summer was GLORIOUS. And 6 months ago, loooooool, I’M THE WORST. But you’re the best. This review is the best. Hope you’re crushing grad school (I know you are instinctively but I also know you are because I’ve talked to you about it and despite your humble nonsense I can tell you’re killin’ it). ANYWAY, diving on in to this literary masterpiece of a review:

Anyways, let me start by saying, literally every time you post a new chapter, I think “I’m ready, let’s go”. But literally, every time I read a new chapter, I am not ready, and you slay me every single freakin’ time. Dude, I have no clue how you do it, but every time, I die. Any more deaths, and I’d be a freakin’ Winchester.

A/N: looooool that’s incredible because every time I post a new chapter I think ‘this is it, this is where everyone realizes I don’t actually know how to write, it’s been fun’. But in all seriousness, girl, the fact that you make a point to send reviews after every chapter and go into detail like this is just–like honestly it’s reason enough to crank out 30K words of my bullshit. Not even kidding. If literally no one but you read this story I’d still write it because getting your hilarious whip-smart reviews are life. It’s so appreciated. It’s so appreciated.  

Off the bat, while you may believe this is a “filler” chapter, it is a damn good filler I wish I could write filler chapters as nicely and uniquely wtf. If you meant filler as in full of wonderful delightfulness, then yas girl this is the filler-est of filler chapters. Because if you meant this is some fluff piece that has nothing of substance, if you thought for once second that we aren’t thriving off the Bamon drama of the Steroline giggles, we’d all have to chase you out of town good thing you’re already moving.

This chapter is amazing, and on a personal spiritual level, I still can not get over your similes. I know that sounds silly and amateur, but while you’re hella awesome at metaphors, your similes, dude, are unique af, and every single time I write something that barely resembles something you’ve written, I’m staring at my screen like what the actual fuck is the nonsense? Sooooo, rest assured, this chapter is awesome (to be explained in great detail), and you’re awesome too (also to be explained in greater detail).

LMAOOOOO CASSIE I HAD TO LOOK UP WHAT A FUCKING SIMILE WAS HELP ME WHY AM I HERE. But DUDE, I actually have some words to say about this, the first ones being - GAH. Thanks so, so much love. I’m beaming. The second ones being - I ALWAYS think they’re weird when I write them. Seriously. Like that feeling you said you get when you try getting creative with a description is the exact same one I get -ROLL WITH IT. I had to learn that by just sucking it up and posting shit with unusual descriptions and then seeing what kind of feedback I got for it (which tbh makes it sound like I’ve been doing it for a while lololol but I actually just recently started challenging myself to get more creative with my descriptions for things). It actually came from constantly reading writing with cool imagery (Six of Crows was a great one!) and realizing that they never fell back on tired/common metaphors. They always used something unique (Kaz’s voice being like dry leaves scattering across pavement or w/e? Lmao you know how I felt about the constant descriptions of Kaz’s voice but I loved that one). I’m clearly nowhere near that level but I’ve definitely taken to stopping a few times while writing and going, ‘Wait. This is a chance to come up with something cool. Slow down. Do better.’ Cause tbh I have no instinct for it. I don’t think in creative metaphors or similes or whatever. But if I labor over it for a minute or two I can maybe come up with something, so yeah, THE POINT OF ALL THIS BEING - it probably sounds a lot better to a reader than it will to you. They feel and read unnaturally to me because they don’t come naturally to me, lol, but the people reading probs don’t know that so trust yourself! Do it! Knowing you and your talent they’re probably incredible.

Okay, so, in an attempt not to be mundane, let’s go through this fav line by fav line please forgive me if I just rewrite the whole chapter because ff.net doesn’t let you copy/paste

“She remembered feeling alarmed, a little helpless, like a plastic bag caught in the middle of a hurricane” (us FL girls can spot one another from miles away) (but also???? great simile). Poor Damon, but also poor Bonnie. This girl is just tryna help—it’s the core of her being, tbh—and this boy is too proud. Not like proud-proud, but that oh-shit-I’m-exposed proud. You know.  A/N: AMERICAN BEAUTY REFERENCE WHADDUP. Lol I was channeling that plastic bag shot at the end of the movie. Granted there’s no hurricane in that but you know, us Florida girls put hurricanes into everything. And yeah, that’s a great read on Damon. His pride/confidence is something he uses as a shield more than anything, which isn’t to say it’s fake exactly, but more so something he relies on to stay detached and not really have to deal with things. It’s easy for him to be like ‘world sucks, I don’t care’. Anytime anyone sees below that confidence/armor, though, it’s really destabilizing for him because it makes the reality of his fears/anxieties harder to ignore, ya know?

Kai calling out “Friends?” is the most relatable thing. He’s a murdery little bean.

“And sure, maybe she’s being a giant, hypocritical pot to his doesn’t-deal-with-childhood-trauma kettle…” Yes girl, these lines are really awesome. Also, I like how Bonnie recognizes the cycle right away. She’s like ‘been there done that broseph’.

“Do you have any pop tarts?” this girl asks. Lol when you stress eat. Btw, we never find out if she got them??? I need answers???? I feel like Kai could 3D print pop tarts if he needed to.

“Toodles”: I had a friend (loose usage of the term) in hs who used to say that, for real, and it’s funny ‘cause she was this gossipy diva (Bekah?) and reading this just sent me back. Also, toodles is such a passive-aggressive thing to say, especially for Care. I don’t think toodles has ever been said without the backing vocal of ‘I hate you please die’.

“… the prospect of going through the whole song and dance made her bones ache, it was so tiring.” FINALLY, CAROLINE, YOU’RE FREE OF THE CURSE I can tell not really, but, at least, we’re getting through some of that warding doe. RIGHT!? Lol I was excited to put that bit in because it was sort of my attempted nod to everyone reading that it was okay (actually encouraged!) to feel frustrated with Caroline’s constant mood swings because she herself hated them. They weren’t meant to be read as a some ‘fascinating complicated girl’ thing, you know? I feel like a lot of shows (esp. with male writers) like to write these female characters that are difficult and volatile for the sake of being ‘interesting’ and I kind of wanted everyone to know that I wasn’t going for that. Caroline’s coming from a place of fear. She knows what she’s doing isn’t fair. She knows it’s angering and more trouble than it’s worth. And even more than that, she hates it just as much as everyone else does, and by the time we hit chapter 16, she’s finally too drained to listen to that frantic instinct to self-preserve. She just throws caution to the wind and lets it go. It’s still scary for her but what can you do. But you’re right, she’s getting there!

***Side Note*** when is Tyler gonna be a thing, I need some sma Tyler in my life rn Me toooooooo he’s my husband. He should be popping in for 18 or 19!

Stefan’s recap of what happened, “you planned the homecoming dance at the same time as the football game”/”False” is great. I really love your back-and-forth dialogue, like always, ‘cause it’s natural and it’s funny as hell. Idk, when I write it (or sometimes when I read other people’s), it doesn’t have that same fast pace hilarity. Maybe that’s just me. It’s definitely just you cause I’ve read your dialogue and it’s hilarious, but one thing I’ve found that super speeds up dialogue is removing the dialogue tags. Seriously. Makes a world of difference. Like I don’t think it’s even possible to write an extended snappy exchange with dialogue tags tbh, cause your mind will just naturally slow it down to read the description. Half the time I go back to edit, I’m just removing unnecessary dialogue tags or descriptions that felt needed at the time. It helps if you can pick dialogue that sort of speaks for itself in terms of how it’s said, too (and realizing that once you’ve set the tone of a conversation, you really don’t need to keep re-emphasizing that tone - it really only needs to be addressed if there’s a shift imo). Also, I’ve kind of found that leaving out subjects can both make dialogue sound way more natural and also speed it up. Like even in the example you used below: “You’re ridiculous”/ “Effective” / “Terrifying”/ “Productive”/ “And impressive as hell” it wouldn’t read the same if it was: “You’re ridiculous.” “I’m effective.” “You’re terrifying.” “I’m productive.” “And you’re impressive as hell.” See how it slows it down? And throw in dialogue tags and it’s even slower. “You’re ridiculous,�� he said. “I’m effective,” I countered. “You’re terrifying,” he replied. “I’m productive,” I quipped. “And you’re impressive as hell,” he concluded. To me that just completely changes the speed/flow. So yeah, there’s my unsolicited advice on snappy dialogue, lolololol.

Caroline’s interjection: “Systematic overview” lol

“You’re ridiculous”/ “Effective” / “Terrifying”/ “Productive”/ “And impressive as hell”—ooooo, Stefan! Your heart-eyes are showing! 

***Side Note*** so, uh, are we ever gonna find out what Stefan allegedly did? Muahaha yes. Kind of. Iz cute.

His deadpan face eased into a smile—one of those twinkling, warm ones that reminded her of honey spilling off a spoon—and predictably, annoyingly, her stomach did a flutter—gold. I feel like you can really get away with lines like this when it comes to Steroline because a) Caroline is a writer and b) Stefan is a Disney prince I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU USED THAT BTW I’M GETTING AHEAD OF MYSELF BUT DUUUUDE LISTEN I have so much fun writing in Caroline’s PoV because I can write things in a way that I can’t with other characters. I think you’ll see a lot of that in 17 when Caroline dives into her Matt history. And Stefan’s fun because he’s such a fucking sap so I can get as dumb as I want. He has a scene in 17 where I’m like ‘jesus christ dude get a grip’. Damon’s my annoying son because he’s closed off as hell so I always have to keep his thoughts muted and on-the-brink-of-something. Bonnie probably comes the most easily. Anyway, there’s my response to a question that was never even asked.

“It was the elephant in the room, big and obvious and floating over their heads like a light-up blimp. None of this frothy, chit-chat matters, it read in a glitzy, scrolling marquee, waving its animatronic trunk, y’all are fake.” … Does it ever get exhausting? Knowing that you’re literally the best at this metaphorical imagery thingies that need an actual name so I can use it and throw it in your face like, look at this gabi, think about what you’ve done? I almost cut that out because I thought it would feel random! See? That was one of those ‘pause’ moments where I almost left it as ‘the elephant in the room’ and then was like ‘you can do better than that’, and then after I extended it I was like ‘that sounds weird as hell but whatever roll with it’. So roll with yours, girl!

“An awkward beat passed as they regarded each other in the bright, exposing overhead light”/ “the lighting too clinical for such a personal conversation”. So, recently, coupling physical and metaphorical description has really been my jam, and I am so totally digging this. I have this weird thing where I feel like the lighting has to be soft for intimate conversations and if it’s not I’m like not in the right headspace for it, looool. So I’m glad you’re weird about that with me!

“[Katherine] was tough. Cynical. Her arms would lock tightly around him, jaw set, damning the world and the fucked up people in it.” Nice glimpse at the infamous Katherine Pierce. Can’t wait for a possible cameo from her in the future. NYE! Hopefully. I might be overselling NYE.

“Melted, really, like a clock in a fucking Dali painting.” Ok so like, do you Google this shit or is your brain just going a million miles a minute, coming up with stellar ways of impressing us (me)? Like jfc Gabi, calm down. LOOOL okay that one was instinctive because I compare legit every melty thing to a Dali clock. My sister’s cat has no bones and liquifies into whatever space she inhabits and we call her a melted clock.

“Floaty, useless goddamn feathers” this is cute i’m fine

“The Tylers” mention: Tyler believes in love? Is Tyler a Stefan, and that’s why Defan gels? Does Tyler have a girlfriend or boyfriend or a something?!?!? How cute! I feel like the best way to describe Tyler is like… surprisingly well-adjusted. Like he definitely had some shitty things go down in his life (abusive dad), but he had a loving mom and an unexpected support system in Damon and Katherine and because of that, he’s grown up to be this easy-going, confident guy. He’s definitely got a wild streak because of Damon and Katherine, but even when he went out with them they always kept an eye on him, always kept him out of the real dangerous stuff. He grew up loved. So when it comes to romantic love, he’s a casual optimist about it. He’s not some heart-on-his-sleeve romantic, but he believes it’s out there. His issue is kind of that he gets along with everyone (one of those types), so no one’s really knocked him off his feet yet love-wise. “The Carolines”: oh shit, called out. I love that he can read her like a goddamn book even though they aren’t anything under the surface at all. Like that just shows how good he is at this. Yessss, love that interpretation. I kind of wanted to emphasize how much he has everyone pegged so that it would heighten the contrast to how much he keeps having to redefine Bonnie.

“She’d cracked his varnish”—nice—“so thoughtlessly, like it wasn’t something he relied on”—oh shit—“and for what?/ “For shits and giggles? To see if she could?” Like usually I can handle these lines I’m lying but how sad and fucked up is it that Damon thinks Bonnie was only kind to him for something. I totally understand his mindset (like get where he’s coming from), but jfc honey, Bonnie is the Hufflepuffiest (which kudos btw for using the house for both ships, nice nice, I’m honored on behalf of us honey-badgers) and she literally didn’t try to help for anything. He def. struggles with the idea of people being kind for no reason. AND YAS GIRL HONEY BADGERS UNITE! KINDNESS EVERYWHERE! YOU get some kindness. YOU get some kindness! ERRBODY IN DA CLUB GETTIN KINDNESS.

“He scoffed again, shaking his head—worry. Concern./ “Unwanted things.” CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT IS THE SHIT, MAN. All us writers out here (or just me idk) are screaming and, probably totally weeping.

“Her eyes looked a little buggy in her magnifying goggles, hair in a mess of curls, and instantly, unwantedly, he felt a bit of the cool distance warm right off him.” Oh silly boy. Like you can actually resist how adorable Bon-bon is. Also, love nerd!Bonnie, can she come back some more? I’m going to incorporate it into 17! I think. Lmao I will now.

“It means I don’t need you to fucking fix me.” Yikes, dude. I always worry that those mood-shift lines aren’t going to pack enough of a punch so I love when you single them out.

“One little emotion glitch”… It’s really interesting you put it this way. Stefonnie are all heartstrings and mush, and Daroline are very ones-and-zeros, very programmed­-and­-defined. And this ties into Kai’s “logic” speech, because while these no-strings-attached sillies think they can avoid what makes us all human, they’ve got another thing coming. These fools are just as sappy-feely as their romantic counterparts. TRUEFAX.COM I wanna change the story description to just that ^^ 

“Relax.” IF THAT SHIT ISN’T THE MOST ANNOYING THING EVER I HAVE NO IDEA HOW BONNIE DIDN’T DECK HIM RIGHT THERE. Not to call him out, but my boyfriend does this whenever I get worked up, and I’ve warned him, next time he tells me to relax, he’s getting hit. I literally read Damon’s “relax” in my bf’s voice, and I got so irritated. (Great job). I THINK YOU MEAN YOUR FIANCÉ WHHHAAAATTTTTT

“Your blood type was ‘tequila’.”

“Does that bother you” / “Not as much as it bothers you” OOOO GIRL EXPOSE HIM YAS another line I hoped packed a punch.

“Cat, is he lying?” lol when do they actually name her Never.

“Casually vibrant and loose” reminds me of sunshine for some reason. Sunshiny Caroline is my fav.

“Bonnie’s Caroline. Spirited. Brassy… A hell-raiser with a sparkling stare and a laugh like a bell.” Stefan, babe, stop.

“Badgering the witness!” LOL I’m using this in b&b, you’ve been warned, bye DO IT.

“Memory Lane was closed.”/ “Detour to Platonic Avenue”: good, good, keep it up. I love how they end up talking about it anyways? And it’s lowkey a daroline convo, but without a doubt, Damon would flirt it up, and it’d probably end in more sex, but these two goofballs I swear: “Told you I was the class skank”  and “it takes years of training” but also “No room left behind” “Nothing is good enough to make me forget about how much I hate heights” / “I am” OH SHIT IT’S GETTIN’ HOT IN HERE. But also????? Excellent example of what I was saying (re: daroline convo); Caroline lapsed into her natural, flirty confidence, not even realizing GIRL HOW AREN’T YOU REALIZING how something so saucy, that would naturally turn on Stefan, can’t be said so casually. HAHAHA honestly as I was writing that I was like ‘careful what you wish for steffy bear’ because like you said, that is natural Caroline. She’s confident, flirty, vibrant, etc, and if Stefan was already falling for the prickly, self-preserving version, how did he expect to survive this one, you know? I don’t approve of these characters’ dumb ass decisions I just write them.

“You’re Lawyer Dangerous-ing me, aren’t you?” and “Wow, I ruined you.” Love it. I feel like Kol pulled this shit on Caroline, and she lowkey trusts her brother, so she fell for things like this all the time. LOOOL Kol’s such a menace.

“You didn’t think you were Buttercup, did you?” / “That’s embarrassing”: I love sma Stefan so much. I liked tvd at one time, but that’s for another day lololol we’ve discussed this.

“Ugh, montage love” I’m sorry Gabi, are you in sma too? ya know every now and then I have to insert my frustration with how dumb everyone is.

“Was it real if the sun started to fade after a few years? Was it real if the gravity weakened and he had to struggle to stay in her atmosphere? Was it real if another planet got pulled in, too, one he could never see because it was always on the exact opposite side of her, moving in tandem with him, eclipsed by her glow?” Shit, girl. Like, go home already. Gah, thanks love. Another case of ‘pause. Think. You can do better.’ I’m telling you, you just have to roll with it!

“I don’t regret a second of that” oh Stefan, you lovesick fool

“I’m like a human Bermuda Triangle” love

“Just give him the Disney Prince look” and the process of him going through it, and him being like, “This is just my face” I’m dead.

“Danger Zone” lmfaoooooo, followed by “Whatever, Piss Pants”. Sounds like a classic Caroline x Kol moment Honestly, it was so nice to write them just having an easy convo, lololol. And TOTALLY a Care x Kol type exchange. Oh, Kol. I can’t wait to write him over the Christmas chapter(s). 

“Bonnie knew the ball was in her court to be the bigger person” to “…they all made her feel caught between telling him that everything was going to be okay and asking him if he wanted a gold fucking star.”/ “Unfortunately, the latter seemed to be winning out.” Okay, so I have to admit this: this “petty, four-year-old” Bamon is a little shamefully like me and my boyfriend. We’re like the diluted version of bamon in this fic. I’m the nerd/caring one, my bf is the cynical/well-read one, and we’re both petty af, and our form of affection is kinda like bamon’s back-and-forth. I mean, we’re not as fucked up at all, but idk, I see parts of our relationship in bamon, which is why they are otp does that mean I think ryan and I otp? maybe but I don’t like being gross. Anyways… FIANCÉ RYAN. CASS IS GETTING MARRIED Y’ALL. I OTP YOU GUYS ENOUGH FOR THE BOTH OF US SO IT’S FINE.

“Must be depressing” / “Don’t worry about it” / “Just means it doesn’t matter” / “Because isn’t that the human way?” Ooooo this shit boils my blood this is the kind of crap ryan pulls sometimes omg but moreover, this baiting thing is so aggravating. Say what you want to say and be done with it! WEDDING BELLS AND RIIIINNNIIINNGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG LMAO literally any mention of you and Ryan’s going to bring that response out of me bye

“I mean, didn’t you tell me last night that your biggest fear is that something’s wrong with you and it’s only a matter of time before everyone else figures it out?” and Bonnie’s internal monologue “her head was caught in a hum as she tried to shake off the burn of hearing her biggest insecurity thrown in her face, casual, smug”. I got to admit, Gab, you really know how to write ‘em. Like I was literally hanging on every sentence like oh. My. GOD. DAMON WENT THERE.

Side Note: this whole scene had me all sorts of fucked up, and like damn girl, you really know how to write ‘em. Like I felt for Bonnie. Not in a personal way, but like having someone just throw your deepest fear in your face? Someone who you were just warming up to? Like shit.

GIRL thanks so much, that scene definitely took some tweaking. I always stress about those moments because it takes me so long to get a sense for exactly what kind of mood I built (cause I’m almost like… already in the mood when I start writing it so I don’t actually know if I built it or not? Like if someone who wasn’t me would feel it through the writing alone? Does that make sense? I always try to explain this and fail). But anyway, gah, so glad this pulled you in. Like it’s one thing to try and be funny and fail at it (my life) but for some reason it’s way more nerve-wracking to me to try and be dramatic/intense and fail at it. 

 Kai’s crème-bru-yay is like opening Pinterest and seeing the first promoted post lol.

Damon’s “would it kill you to stay for one dessert” and her “it might kill you”, which I translated to “I might kill you, you fucker” Exactly what it meant.

The Bon/Kid talk. Nice. I love how it parallels to the Care/Stef talk earlier (dunno if you did this on purpose?) Nope, but I’m going to pretend I’m put-together enough of an author to do things like that and say of course.

“I don’t even know what your vulnerabilities are, Damon!” Have you read Lee’s “Parachute” bamon fic. Damon asks, “Do I ever say anything I don’t mean?” and Bonnie says something like Uh yeah, you say whatever will bother people the most. That. That is so true, and I didn’t realize it until I read it in her fic. Noooo, I haven’t, but now I really need to!

He was a friggin’ serial killer and they’d played right into his game Jesus fucking Christ they were all going to di—I love how off the rails Bonnie’s thoughts are. Like she’s stilly lowkey pissy at Damon, but at the same time, she’s like we’re gonna die. LOL that’s why Bonnie’s the easiest for me to write, because I too am often balancing serious emotions with cracky off-the-rails thoughts. 

“I’m sorry but what the everloving fuck, dude?” So, first, amazing line lmfao; second, amazing scene, my friend. Damon, somehow, talking Kai down? Like who would have thought? “Not a good look, man.” I’m dead.

Jk that line is getting it’s own number. Just reading it makes me think that Damon must’ve said something like this to Tyler. Must have. Like, maybe Tyler’s talking about how he got into a fight at school, or maybe about how he screwed things up with a girl—idk idc, big brother!Damon is a good look. Toootally! I was 100% channeling big bro!Damon there, and I definitely hoped people would connect it back to Tyler. Tyler’s just someone that Damon wants better for, you know? Like him and Katherine take him along on their wild rides but like I said earlier, Damon definitely doesn’t want him to live the same kind of life or make the same kind of mistakes/sacrifices he’s made. So I can totally see him steering him off that path if he senses him heading down it. And just in general, so happy you liked that scene. It was one of the scenes I was most pumped for ‘cause I live for feels, and I thought it showed really cute sides of both Damon and Kai.

Kai’s fun fact about Dante, and Damon’s plain, “Bummer” lol.

Kai’s “Did you mean what you said earlier…thinking I was cool…?” I seriously don’t know how you made a serial killer adorable but how dare you :D

“Boyish, almost, like he was some angsty teen she’d walked in on listening to Britney Spears”, oops you did it again I’m hilarious my friend, you played with my heart for fantastic similes. Like, this one just epitomizes what you wanted it to, this sheepish, caught-in-the-moment-of-a-good-deed kinda thing. Like, Gabi, stop Yeeeesssss that was exactly what I wanted to get across but I wasn’t sure I got it across so YAY. Goes to show you. You never think that of your own stuff. Idk why this review response is turning into a giant PSA on cutting yourself some slack with your own writing but CUT YOURSELF SOME SLACK WITH YOUR OWN WRITING PEOPLE.

‘you are so much more than you think you are, you piece of shit’—see, that’s my kind of “terms of endearment”. LOL mine too.

Caroline vs. Cat, illustrated by “Are you trying to die?” is very much like me vs. a cat except I’m super allergic, so I’m doing the dying LOOOOOL love ya, Cas.

“Stefan!” She blustered out of her room with a scowl, padding down the hallway in Bonnie’s too-small Gryffindor slippers. First off, Caroline calling Stefan. Secondly, Caroline calling Stefan to be a meditator between her and the cat. Thirdly, why does Bonnie had Gryffindor slippers if she is clearly (eh) Hufflepuff (she could easily be Ravenclaw tbh). LMAO so I made them Hufflepuff at first and then I remembered Bonnie had a Gryffindor shirt and I thought it’d be funny for her to just randomly have paraphernalia from every house because she can’t decide who she is and goes through phases where she’s super convinced she’s one house and then it changes a few months later.

“Tide of amusement”/ “Wash of endearment”: teach me your wayssss I read that as ‘teach me your waaaavvveeesss’ we’re both hilarious

“Saint Stefan”: I really like (and appreciate) that Caroline is the one calling him this. That it’s not some jealous brother, but some girl who blatantly misunderstood him and is coming to the conclusion that maybe this savior complex isn’t as bad/ingrained as she thought. Honestly even just reading ‘jealous brother’ gave me such TVD PTSD. Gross. I’m with ya, girl. 

Stefan’s advice, “Dazzle him with that Rebekah charm” literally is the most Dad thing I’ve ever seen lmao

“Demon.” / “Demons everywhere.” Lolololololol

“Do your thing. Give me the sisterhood spiel or whatever Hallmark collection it was you were planning on plagiarizing.” Well shit. I’d probably pay to hear Damon and Rebekah’s verbal sparring. LMAO Damon vs. Rebekah would be amazing. I feel like they’d be fast friends, which makes me laugh because Kol would totally idolize Damon and yet him and Rebekah would loathe each other.

“But more importantly… Tiffany will be social media stalking you every inch of the way, seething with jealousy, so take a lot of pictures.” I love how she gives the realest advice, and then brings it to Rebekah’s level lol. I feel like big sister!Caroline is something we were deprived of and didn’t know it. Hahaha you know Rebekah would totally ignore that shit if it didn’t circle back to making her nemesis miserable. But sister!Caroline is definitely something I want to do more of, so I’m so happy you liked that side. Christmas time will give her and Kol some quality time (and Mama Liz!)

“I’m going to need some tea,” she says lmao.

 Oh this is the thing I was talking about when I referred to Lee’s fic: “he’d know before he’d even opened his mouth that he was going to hate what came out” and “why the hell had he even gone there? He could’ve just told her he needed space”. Very similar. You guys had the same revelation. That’s rad - I definitely have to go read her fic. Lee’s writing is always brilliant.

“Unfortunately, the hole he’d just managed to dig himself into had an echo, and the only sound in it was the disbelieving crack in Bonnie’s voice when she’d confronted him about bring up her parents.” Right in the heart.

“But maybe she thought he was a megadouche” he cares what she thinks! “Maybe she was waiting for him to prove that he wasn’t.”

“You missed a spot” / “A harsh spray of water cut him off from the pull-out faucet she’d shot straight at him”—if this petty shit isn’t me & ryan CAS AND RYAN ARE GETTING MARRIEDDDDDDDDDD

“And mean.” I love that tack on, it’s so childish, but epitomizes how she can’t even stay mad at him. “Very, very mean.” Their childish bits are my favorite parts to write. It’s in full-swing in 17.

 “I just had a really shitty week last week.” Oooo glimpse into the past. Like Bonnie’s with the Enzo/Klaus mention. More of that ahead!

“And don’t stop calling me kid.” / “It’s cute and I like it.” Can they just kiss and be together already omg You would think but everyone in this story is stupid.

“And he was struck by the most bizarre impulse to kiss her” see, even Damon knows!!!!

The “pep rally” / “I was actually a cheerleader for a bit in college” convo. Classic Bamon

 “Try not to do anything secretly heroic while I’m gone.”

“Maybe he was allergic to pep” / “maybe he was high on it” Damon and Bonnie sitting in a tree… D-E-N-Y-I-N-G

THE ALMOST STEROLINE NAME DROP I WAS ACTUALLY GRINNING LIKE A MORON WHEN I READ THIS MUAHAHA it was so stupid and I cackled writing it.

“I think I need to talk about Matt”/ “And I think you should probably tell me about Elena”. What? Caroline Forbes is talking about exes? Is doing something healthy that’ll further her relationship with Stefan? THERE IS SO MUCH PRIDE IN MY HEART – Also, I think this was a great way to end the chapter ‘cause it’s super cliffhanger and also super like a tvd episode, you know? Great, excellent, fantastic job! RIGHT? LOOK AT HER GO! She’s ready to confront some things! And because I took six months to reply to this and have the benefit of actually having the scene written now, I can tell you that she’s really going there. Saying things she’s never said out loud. It’s a hard scene for her. But she’s determined. So it makes me so happy that you’re proud of her (I’m proud of her!), and hopefully the next chapter will make it a little clearer why she is the way she is (and why it took her this long to get there). Also, YAY for show-like endings! You know that’s what I’m going for ;) TBH that’s a large reason why the chapters have gotten so long - I want like a whole episode in a chapter with a beginning, middle, and end, and I want them to set up a story for the next one, and for four central characters that usually ends up taking me about 8-10 scenes, loool. So I’m glad you like it that way, too ;)

Okay, so this is longer than I hoped, but I’m sure you won’t mind. Take your mind off med school, off the whole moving thing. Anyways, thanks a bazillion for being this awesome author that interacts with her audience, who puts at least 1000% percent into this fic when, really, you don’t gotta, and ya know… thanks for fulfilling the need everyone has seen tvd died (there were only 6 seasons right?)

Definitely only six seasons. And girl, psh, thank you for making all of the things you listed above worth it. Seriously. You guys make writing this story a legitimate joy - I literally have you in mind when I write. I anticipate who’s going to like what. Whose going to have a problem with what. And it makes me a better writer. Seriously. Anyway, you’re as lovely and witty and talented and kind and weird and wonderful as ever and I expect detailed updates on you and Ryan’s royal wedding every week and NEVER EVER APOLOGIZE AGAIN FOR WRITING A LONG REVIEW WHO ARE YOU KIDDING YOU’RE MY SUN AND I’VE SAID THIS BEFORE BUT I’LL SAY IT AGAIN IT TAKES ME FOREVER TO RESPOND BECAUSE I LEGIT CAN’T THINK OF A REPLY THAT’S WORTHY SOOOOO THANKS FOR MAKING MY LIFE K BYEEEEE

[sanhatation]

ri’s thicc 2017 reflection post !

its still quite a few hours away from 2018 for me but i just wanted to take this time to reflect on my absolutely Lovely 2017!!! yay time 2 get sappy as i word vomit and overshare about my year on tumblr.com !!!!

thank you loads to all of my LOVELY followers !!!!!!!!! yall are the cutest, make my day on the daily ! i wish you the best 2018 that the world can offer !!! stay healthy, take time for yourself, love yourself, love others, and be kind! 💓💓

this Riley Rant here, is gonna be here for me than anything. like a Fat journal entry !! and i am an Oversharer so here she goes [jeopardy music]

to begin, i have met and befriended so many amazing people on here this year and WOW!!!!!! lovely and supportive and talented, beautiful aroha friends??? it doesnt get better than that!!!!! i would attempt to tag all of u but yall know who u are ;)) im endlessly grateful to those of you who have really made being on here worth it. heck ya sometimes im like “why do i even spend time on here” but then!!!! idk sunny comes swingin in with just a heart full of love or sara comes swingin in with her eggs or marian comes swingin in with her rare pairs or j comes swingin in with her baking posts and thats not even HALF of it !!!!! seriously.....love you guys tons.

to my friends who i have had the pleasure of remaining your friend this year and getting closer to u !! i love you. i really dont know how yall handle me especially 2015/2016 me?? a MESS! yall are the REALEST. again, yall know who u are ;)) i hope we can continue to talk and have fun in 2018, i wish yall the best. 

and lastly....heres a THICC shoutout to my six shining stars. 

as for me as an individual, 2017 was a freaking Whack year. it was incredible....dare i say, iconic. and now its time for.....RILEY’S 2017 HIGHLIGHTS !!!!!! (also includes: the sucky parts bc even those allowed me to grow !)

- man, did 2017 start out pretty rough when my country decided it was a good idea to elect a freakin cheeto for president. however! i had the lovely opportunity to attend the women’s march at my capital the day before inauguration !! and it was powerful!!!! truly an experience ill treasure forever!

- binch....thank u Winter Dream for my whole life. tbh i wont forget sobbing at my best friend’s house when it dropped. thank u Miss Again Dance Practice. thank u Miss You & Me MV. thank u Miss Cotton Candy Choreography. thank u. 

- ah.....when some pinhead started that tr*mp chanting at a basketball game lol! so iconic that we made the new york times! gotta love that....

- OMG !!! HOW TO SUCCEED !!!! an absolutely amazing experience. granted, the male lead was a Snake, but i had a blast. Rosemary will forever be close to my heart and ill always cry a little when i hear Brotherhood of Man or Paris Original !! such an awesome opportunity. i learned a frick ton about myself as a performer. i improved a ton in acting and dancing, and also came to learn that i am very good at receiving instructions and memorizing lines quickly. i learned that i need to work on some of my facial expressions and i also learned some of my habits ! i miss u Queenie H2$ :’’)

- had my first tap dance performance ever??? i really enjoyed learning tap, and i hope to pick it back up in the future !!!!

- BIIIIIINCCH i had the opportunity to visit my sister in korea!!!!!!! wow.....truly the BEST week of my entire year, maybe even LIFE! i went to the dog cafe, the sheep cafe, mcountdown, the lunar festival kick off, gwanghwamun palace, dongdaemun, shopped a ton around hongdae, ate food by the han river, visited namsan tower (but not without getting lost), hit the noraebang TWICE, walked into a private Fantagio board meeting, ate delicious chicken on a STIIICK, ran in the rain, ordered delivery mcdonalds, had the BEST fried chicken, met a bunch of monks, was led around dongdaemun by a very old korean man, SAW EUNWOO AND DOYEON AND RECEIVED MUCH LOVE AND NEARLY DIED, hit the convenience store literally every day, snuck out, GOT A WAVE FROM KEY :((( , bought Winter Dream and lots of skin care products and lots of cute clothes, had the clearest skin ive ever had in my life, went to a buddhist temple, witnessed a drunk man fall into the splits inbetween the ground and the subway, ran up and down 1000 subway stairs, fell in love with a man named Peanut, drank too much banana and strawberry milk, sobbed my face off at the festival as korean grandmas bowed to me, tried tons of new foods (including the nastiest bowl of cheese ramyun ive ever had in my life), bought lots of socks, rode an airplane for......like 40 hours in total? literally the best week of my Life

- had my junior vocal recital ! it was a cute girl. i felt my acting had really improved since sophomore voice recital !! 

- had prom on my 17th birthday and had a jolly good time !!! my mom made my dress and i felt like a Stunner

- dream pt. 01...she rly is that Bad Bih. best era. miss her loads. none of us ever deserved her. 

- les mis !!!!!! two whole weeks.....another Best Time. i learned so much, made so many lifetime friends, had a blast, sang my heart out.....such a freaking good time. i miss her

- got to spend the ENTIRE summer with momo!!!!!!!!!!! literally the ENTIRE!!!!! and what did we do? hit the park, watched lemonade mouth and fantastic beasts and starstruck and that random unicorn movie, made the Best slime, made that ICONIC weki meki video, laughed a ton, cried a ton, stayed up all night for the sunrise, stayed later for the sunset & thunderstorm, walked home in the pouring rain & lightning (IT IS VERY WET), went to the beach, met many dogs, got me hairs cut, befriended that Cat, and went to a painting class

- cabin week !!!!!!!!!!! whatta lovely time

- my brother’s wedding !!!! honestly? my best outfit of the year... had a bangin time. his wife is truly a cutie and i love her tons!

- there was that Mess in august and i still feel sorry to those who felt hurt because of it. i learned a lot about how things especially on the internet can be easily misunderstood and misinterpreted, so u gotta be EXTRA careful with your words ! 

- through that i also came to accept that u cant get everyone to understand or like u, and tbh that is okay for now. all we can do when we make mistakes is try to understand & learn, apologize, and try to better ourselves. and sometimes even when u do that, u still may not be liked. and thats okay. as long as you are trying your best and recognize mistakes, its all good. 

-skinny dipped at girls time wow what a freaking TIME

- woah dude i dropped out of my arts school lmao!!! the BIGGEST change in my life since 2014.;..wow! i dont even have the words to say how much stress was lifted off of me and i love senior yr !!!!

- momo came to CT!!!!!! 

- seeing svt live !!!!! but tbh the best part was seeing momo, “I LOVE A MAN WHO CAN SEW”, “I!!!!!!!!!! LOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! JIHOON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”, “IM UNDERAGE”, and when Mo BLASTED to that other line

- LAKE COMPOUNCE LMAOOOOO I LOVE JIHOON PT2!!!!

- my mom, sister, and i took an eight week painting class! i finished two paintings and learned a ton!! honestly a good time

- dream pt. 02.....shes that other Bad Bih....absolutely adore her

- i also learned that its okay to cut people off who are toxic. especially if you have already informed them that they make u feel bad, they are not worth trying to please or keep around. take care of yourself. similarly, its okay to block people, and you dont owe them an explanation

- MADI CAME HOME !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! my other half...missed her so much :(((

- riley’s calligraphy christmas !!!!! was so much fun and i loved people’s reactions and i loved learning arohas favorite astro lyrics !!!

- ah...............one of the hardest weeks of my whole life. the pain still lingers, and i know itll hit me again like a boulder the next time we see only four of my angels standing on stage. for four months, i was worried sick about another member, and i even knew he was hurting, that his mental illness was real. my heart aches and there is a piece of it missing, but it will never be replaced. i know you are much happier now, jjong. i love you. 

- and also because of that, i have been able to think a lot about how i live my life. thoughts like ‘am i watching out for my family and friends enough?’ ‘am i listening enough?’ ‘is this funny comment worth it?’ ‘am i happy?’ im trying to be better. to not take things for granted, to only be kind, to always be there for those i love, for those who love me. and i will try my hardest to not complain about small or petty inconveniences. to try harder to be optimistic. 

- christmas was with my whole family for the first time in five years ;;; she was such a cute girl!

and now on to the next act !!!! its called RILEY’S NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS !!!!!!!!!! 

1. lets start with the basic stuff that im 99% not gonna pull through on: keep ur room clean. keep everywhere u go clean, it makes mom upset. eat better, u know there is other foods in this house besides peanut butter and pepperoni and popcorn. 

2. send out at least one Lovely Ask per day. i made this goal sometime over the summer, and i did it for a few months until i started to forget ;; its not that hard, u just gotta remember to do it !! 

3. sis.....quit Procrastinating.......GET ur FREAKING application done...do ur homework the night before lmao! call who u need to !!! write those thank u cards!!!! go get them scholarships!!!! enter that graphic design contest lmao!!! just DO IT!!!!!!!!!!!! time is wasting

4. just be happy