#he lives in my head forever and always

[myrkulitescourge]

the way that one line from the new epilogue in an astarion romance is going to HAUNT me

just. what a profoundly intense thing to confess to someone.

like, just these six months of newfound happiness with you exerts a force on his heart equal and in direct opposition to two centuries of endless torment, the gnawing hunger and exploitation. this flashbulb-bright fraction of his long life holds the same gravity to him as years upon years of darkness and suffering.

in all likelihood, he hasn’t even known his lover for as long as his worst memory lasted, that year sealed away to go mad from starvation and sensory deprivation, yet he still tells them this brief time has been so fundamentally and powerfully important that the weight of even that unimaginable hell is vanishingly small compared to this present he has now and the future ahead of them both.

how am i supposed to act normal about this.

[anguigenus]

Heck, I mean, 12 years old—that's middle school. 7th grade. I know that seems young once people are in college, or even high school, but like...

Back in middle school everyone still felt like they were grownups compared to everyone else. People were dating, you were learning new and harder things, you were still a full person.

What I'm trying to say is, yeah. He's just a kid. He's younger than the others, so he has less experience and coping mechanisms than them. All this awful stuff is going to effect him more.

But at the same time, he's only two years younger. In America, he'd be in middle school. That's a full-fledged person. He's not going through this unaware like a toddler would. He knows what's happening, and he's making choices just like the rest of them.

That mixture of less experience and just as much involvement is what makes things worse for him.

Something like being stranded in the human realm is going to hit him harder. Especially because he's going through puberty. He was the only one to break down and cry in King's Tide.

However, he feels like he's just as mature as the others. He's in the same grade as them! He's a prodigy!

It becomes another problem. He thinks he should be able to handle this. He puts on a brave face. And when he falls short—though no fault of his own—he blames himself.

Like in Labyrinth Runners, where he feels like it's his fault that Adrian found out about the Looking Glass Ruins. And he's just a kid! It's not like anyone else at that school could do better. But he feels like he has to do better.

Or in Thanks to Them, when he says it's nice to see Hunter happy, because "one of us might as well be." I wonder, does he feel like he should be happy? That he should be able to have fun in the human world just like he's always dreamed of?

Even in For the Future, he blames himself for not being able to help Hunter! Thinks it's because he couldn't get himself to break the topic of grimwalkers to him! But really, Luz is the only one of them we know has experience with grief. Of course they're going to have trouble helping Hunter. But still, Gus feels like he should have done better.

To me, that struggle is one of the biggest parts of Gus' character. He IS young. And he's a prodigy surrounded by people older than him, going up against soldiers and coven heads far more experienced than him, getting caught up in a disaster—the Day of Unity and Collector—so much bigger than him.

And yet, he thinks he should be able to handle it all. He focuses on the mistakes he makes instead of realizing just how strong he's been to make it this far.

So yeah. Gus' age makes things harder for him. I think sometimes it can be hard for people to remember that. After his growth spurt, he does look older. And so often he's the comic relief bringing lightness to a scene, so it can be easy to forget he's having a hard time too.

(Anyone ever think about how he's going through all the same stress as Willow, but when she's having a breakdown and he's being actively smothered in vines, he's still able to stay calm and assure her that he's okay, and that she can let it out? Because oof. That's one strong kid.)

Though as a quick qualifier, I think it can be a disservice to his character to focus too much on his youth. I've seen him portrayed as just the "little-brother comic relief" character quite a few times before. He is young, but he is also just as capable as the others in many ways. And really, that contrast is what brings out the most interesting parts of him. Both in angst, and in happier things.

I truly feel like we, as a fandom, don’t talk about or take Gus’ pain seriously. He’s twelve. He’s a baby. And he’s constantly doubting himself, blaming himself, sometimes outright hating himself. And again, he’s just a kid.

[mattodore]

birthday boy 🎂

[mxltifxnd0m]

if meg! sam has no fans, it means im dead

(not my edit: creds to the owners)

[thegreenleavesofspring]

I don't listen to pop often, but when I do, it's the good stuff.

[a-driftamongopenstars]

thinking about uldren and his love for exploration, enthusiastic and limitless.

thinking about uldren and his love for stories, sharing them, telling them, making them up with flourish, just to make others laugh and fill their imagination.

thinking about uldren and his devotion to those closest to him, twisted and used against him because he cared so much.

thinking about uldren and his love for flight, either birds or ships.

thinking about uldren and his love for drama and spectacle.

thinking about uldren and his big aching heart that couldn't bear seeing anyone in pain.

thinking about uldren.

[crossbackpoke-check]

tagged by ko @tofumilanesa for wip wednesday! big shout out to writevember for making me feel like i can actually call any of these works in progress… your guide to my emoji code under the cut

wip!

🪻🐈‍⬛ - the doc title is still just. YOWLING but i am like 7/8 of the way done with omega yamo fic and hopefully salem isn’t reading this so i can just drop it over a year later with no warning <3

🫃2️⃣ - DEWEY^2 P2!!!! she is almost done (i am lying) but she is so close i can almost taste it. sorry to my pwp that grew its own feelings baby

😇🤭 (🕒 -> 🕜) - rip i’m not telling you about this one until it’s posted but it IS complete aside from being ao3 formatted and the eight billion edits i inevitably do right before full-sending it

☁️💧 - cloud petey fic, which exists mostly as an embarrassingly large tag on a different blog and is condensing into a narrative about as well as water at 30° N/S. the time loop fic also falls under this description

eternally in progress (short list)

🌑🐕 - tyler borzoituzzi exists… there is an index of scenes/plot points… it plays like a movie in my head…

💯❕- fantastic! ‘verse

👁️👻 - stevie brandon seeing ghosts au, which has eight different (now nine i guess but you haven't seen the mustache adam post yet) plots. sorry

just. rotating like a microwave

🍎 - because they didn’t have a pomegranate emoji, this is what i used for the fic that feels like it should be a 50k connor bedard character study hanif abdurraqib/cathal kelly thesis about legends and mythmaking in sports and eating your young. yes i know pomegranates aren’t actually pomes and apples are but it’s fine

🦈 - the one cat da fuck they doing over there meme but about the sharks just like. in general. more on this at five

tagging @colap1nto, @songsandswords, @whitenikes, @gordiemeow, @acheronist, and anybody else who wants to share!!

[megatraven]

it's been so long since i rewatched the Unsaid Emily episode of JATP but holy, shit does it still hit so fucking hard

when luke's hiding in the bushes outside of his parents' house because he misses them- misses his mother- and regrets the way he ran off, but was too proud to apologize. and maybe too full of guilt and regret to come back before he did what he set out to do.

but he missed her and she missed him and he wrote an entire song about it and his band sang it together and im just 😭😭😭😭

maybe after his band played at the orpheum he would have gone back. maybe he could have gone back and said "look! i did it! im sorry for leaving but i did it! can i come home now?"

maybe that would have been enough to start mending the gap

maybe they would have had a chance to play more than one song, and maybe the second would have been Unsaid Emily, and maybe she would have known. maybe she would have been standing by the door waiting for him to come back.

but he dies, and the song is lost for twenty years, and his mother never knew that he was so sorry or that he even thought about her after running away, not until julie.

he gets the chance to finally say everything he always meant to say to her, he gets to see his mother read his old words and read the love in them.

im nearly sobbing from this scene again it's so fucking good. so powerful.

[akkivee]

🙂↕️🙂↕️okay okay okay so so far within the og divisions we have:

❤️: they strive for a world where words solve conflict. they pointedly did not use mics to express this. at the end of the track, they’re dynamic as brothers has shifted to a more equal dynamic, where ichiro doesn’t feel so compelled to raise them

💙: they strive for a world without violence and used their mics to resolve the conflict. at the end of the track, they reject their status quo and aim to find a new one to change the world without the use of violence

💛: wanted to be real with each other and used their mics to get that across. at the end of the track tho, they say that truth doesn’t really matter anyway and stay true to the selves they formed their bond with

🩶: a battle of wills using the mics. jakurai’s love for yotsutsuji manifested in the form of sacrificing himself and dohifu trying to stop him using their love for their bond as mtr. at the end of the track it’s that love that’s saved jakurai, healed hifumi and elevated doppo’s status at work

and things have changed for all they’ve stayed the same so i’m genuinely curious where nagosaka fits in this lol

[meloartist]

Yeah, I also want to see 2 season, especially Destiny and my favorite Delirium, but I'm also curius who will play Remiel and Duma.

[i think this ask was pre-s2 announcement bc 2022 but YEAH]

i'm a HUUUUUUUUUGE duma stan you dont even KNOW

[henry-thats-unsafe]

im so fucking normal about chrisker guys im so fucking normal

[yellowhollyhock]

in mirage when they get into a car chase and April is upset about people getting hurt

And Leo's like 'hey now let's not forget who started this thing. we didn't do anything wrong'

(it was the police chasing them)

[interpolationz]

my dad talked several times leading up to voting about how he didn't know if he could bring himself to vote for trump....i had actually become hopeful that he would abstain, or go third party at least

[nomairuins]

future for scientist, bound for cadaver, and monster for both of them? 🤔

future: What's the worst possible future for your OC? Are they taking steps to avoid that outcome? Are they even aware it's a possibility?

SO unfortunately for scientist i think the worst outcome for her is. achieving immortality FJNFJFN despite that being the one thing shes working towards yk. i think deepdown she knows this but shes still pursuing it bc shes basically in denial abt it... i think her being immortal would rly enhance some of her worst traits. like she already feels disconnected/dofferent/isolated from other people (which is partially why shes pursuing immortality in the first place) but if she got it it would just be. soooo much worse. i truly believe if she did become immortal shed fuck off to like. the most isolated place on earth and shed never talk to another person ever again. Which she might think is a good thing but it absolutely would not be

bound: Has your OC ever been imprisoned or captured? What happened? How did they get out? Did the experience leave any scars?

soo this one is difficult bc cadavers backstory im changing my mind on it majorly atm... previously i did have him being arrested and held in prison for a while and then being broken out/recaptured by scientist but im not sure if i still want all that .. the like. nature of his ... Whole thing has changed a lot since i originally came up with her so im not sure if that still works. like it Could but idk... so this one is a bit of a weird question to answer atm bc i havent fully decided yet... i suppose depending on how much control you view cadaver as having you could say like. living with scientist is imprisonment but i do think if cadaver actually wanted to get out it probably could. SO idk... also scars r also being reconsidered in my mind bc previously i had him Getting scars but now im not sure if that actually makes sense with the healing thing... but the issue is one of the main reasons i made him is bc i think autopsy scars r cool 😭😭😭 so i dont know...

monster: Is your OC monstrous in any way? Is there something that makes them monstrous? Are they aware of their own monstrosity? Do they accept it or reject it?

scientist: YAY so i think scientist has always felt inherently other. but i think meeting cadaver RLY changed her for the worst like. she literally regularly murders another person. and yeah he gets better but you dont just like... even if its not permanent you cant just become ok with killing someone without being a little bit off. yk. i think physically shes human (unless i decide that she Does take on the whole possession thing. constant flipflopping in connorland) but i think mentally she goes from being like. kind of a misanthropic loner to being like. she basically simultaneously views cadaver as an ideal that shes jealous of (bc he has the one thing she wants, and bc she feels a sort of connection w it bc they have like.. similar but different motivations. yk...). and if the only person youve ever felt any sort of similarity to is a corpse possessed by ambiguous force i dont think youre like . you know ...

cadaver: so this is soo fun bc ive actually been considering having cadaver a bit more monstrous like. physically. bc obviously shes not human anymore BUT i think itd be fun if the possession had some physical effects on him... currently he just has the extreme healing/resurrection abilities but id imagine hed probably have some sort of enhanced strength as well. and i just love when possession has a physical component... but yes. EMOTIONALLY i think cadaver is weirdly in denial abt being a monster. like. i think she views the original part of her the one that died as like. the monstrous one. it feels more human now that its possessed bc prior to her death she was like. Somewhat similar to scientist in that she was very isolated but it was less of a choice if this makes sense. like scientist consciously isolates herself from ppl bc she just Assumes that they arent like. sorry im turning this into being about scientist again DJFNJF cadaver go lay at the bottom of the pool or something im busy. but yk she has that like. a view of herself thats seperate from other people/from humanity so she just doesnt bother talking to other people bc she assumes they would never understand. yk. so it is A choice to isolate from ppl (altho she also like..does not have social skills at all. as a result of this choice. so yk...) but w cadaver cadaver was alllways desperate for connection but in a like. rather than searching for One specific like. Unattainable kind of connection he wanted anything. and thats why she was so enthusiastic abt the connection bc it meant there would always be like. Someone. yk. and obv post connection shes a lot more like. confident and Able to make friends despite being physically more disconnected from humanity if this makes sense. so yes. i think cadaver is Literally more monstrous than scientist but i dont think thats how he feels abt himself at all.

link to ask game!

[meat-pvppet]

just remembered an old post i made (or maybe someone else made it i dont remember) about the moonscorches and like "haha what if they were all just vibing and living together in prehevil after everything like a sitcom" and now im thinking about how thatd go for the Prisoner (elias' moonscorch)