#grief is just so wild
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#tw talking about my dead dad#it was my dads birthday on the 11th and this was the the first time in 9 years that I didnt dread it#it didnt define my day and make me so depressed i couldnt function#i still miss him so much#but recently i read through all of our messages#and he said so many times how proud of me he was#which is something i always question#and i think it really did a lot for my healing#he would be in his early 70s now which is absolutely fucking wild to think about#but it seems like every time i miss him and think of him#an eagle flies by to let me know hes there#grief is just so wild#like it never truly gets better (at least in my experience) but i've learned to live around it#to realize that i was a brand new baby adult when he died and i just powered through the first 6/7 years of grief#because i wanted everyone else to not worry about me#because to me strength could only be found burried in stoicism#but now i let myself cry about all the things#and its more healing to cry and know i'll be fine than to hold it all in for everyone forever#i miss my dad and i can cry about it and that doesnt say shit about who i am or my strength#and i dont have to wallow in it to prove how much it fucked me up either#idk man#growth is wild and beautiful and hard and grief is the same
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I think some people are way too willing to think of lestats pov as the truth and it's very confusing to me bc what about lestat as a character makes you think he's gonna be more truthful than louis-
#mia rambles#iwtv#interview with the vampire#this is not about wanting to see lestats pov bc its interesting how he saw things bc i also wanna see that! its gonna be super interesting!#but i just thinks its so wild how some people think like this bc the show never asks that of you#the closest you get is when louis says lestats version of turning claudia is the actual truth#but i also think thats a little wrapped up in louis' grief (i do genuinely think its fhe closest to what happened tho)#i swear i saw somewhere that sam even said that hes not coming in as the lestat pov as the true pov and to knock everything louis has said
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Now i’m not saying he made sacrifices to the Watchers… but they did both die because of the tower he built… and then he made it to second place which is the highest he’s ranked since third life……
#the watchers were delighted#to see victory dangled just within his reach#only for it to be ripped away at the last moment#they were very excited to feast on his grief#it’s the most potent emotion they know#other than maybe guilt#they were especially cruel to let mumbo and skizz back in#the betrayal mumbo brought upon grian#it tasted so sickly sweetly familiar#it was delicious#they should do that more often#grian#trafficblr#mumbo jumbo#skizzleman#wild life#wild life smp#wild life spoilers
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In a sudden turn of events I am going to be okay!!!
#I’ve officially dropped AP art#You know what that means? :D#I get to sleep!#And hang out with my friends!#And go for runs!#And spend more time studying Physics and Chem!#I am quite literally bawling my eyes out right now#I have not slept or eaten in like#two months#My emotions are going wild right now#Huge sense of grief or maybe loss but also#Just… so much relief#I finally get to take care of myself#And do the things I enjoy#And focus on the important things#My life has been RAPIDLY spiralling downwards since school started#But now it’s going to get a lot better#And I’ll be happy again#I’m going to be okay chat#I’m gonna be okay
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Voted for Bumble bc of course but also if you think Alex would not pspsps Bumble you are wrong. If they could communicate they would go to therapy together /s
If then could communicate they would go to therapy together
/GEN
Kyle/Green Lantern resurrects her but then he becomes convinced that she's not the same person she was before the incident, OR SOMETHING SOMETHING Black Lanterns aren't ACTUALLY bad they're just misunderstood Grim Reaper types, in either case Alex ends up breaking it off with Kyle because they've become very different people.
And then Bumble's there
And then they go to therapy or Alex adopts Bumble, and then uhhh Bumble's like one of the superpets. Like Krypto the Superdog. Free premise go forth and play with it if ur a DC fan
#bone babble#Again I don't actually know a lot about the DC universe besides what my friend tells me#But also from reading into the Black Lanterns having them be evil sound like a WHOLE wasted opportunity#Lanterns are supposed to be emotions yeah? so why the hell are we downplaying the emotion of GRIEF?#There's a whole lot you could do with that actually. Death doesn't deserve to just be a villain of the week#And hell. You could explore some WILD emotions here about Alex becoming so much more than Kyle's tragedy#Can I still mourn you when you aren't dead?#What does it mean for me that the worst thing that ever happened to me has become an opportunity for her?#And... does this make me selfish for not being happy for her?#For not trying to understand the person she has become? for only thinking of how this impacts myself#RE: THIS IS NOT A DIG AT DC FANS#BUT I want to share that like... a reason I've kinda had a hard time getting into comics is because like... really interesting premises--#like that often get turned into Monster-of-the-Week struggles for the heroes to punch into submission#I've probably just seen really bad summaries or not found the editions that would appeal to me specifically#But it's kinda why the only DC hero I'm really interested in is Superman#Because a lot of his thing is that he's a good GUY#And that creates a lot of interesting moral questions#Like YES he's a good guy. YES he has no ulterior motive. But what if he DID?-- how can EVERYONE ELSE in the universe truly know that-#for sure?#And that's cool and I really like the snippets I've seen especially between him and batman#But anyway. so much fridging and misogyny in the world of comics has kinda turned me away from getting into it#because. VERY often. Misogyny can be... *tied* to a bit of a lack of imagination. Or empathy on behalf of a particular writer#RE: There is good stuff in DC PLEASE understand im not trying to be insulting
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they're taking the machine herald out back and killing him today
#ok it's just the pbe but#already saw what vik looks like in wild rift#LITERAL ALIEN THAT THEY PLUCKED FROM MARS#he's so purple like why is he grape flavored#the main thing that throws me off is the mask and his body#the mask is still totally ugly to me#like the split face#I hate it lol#and he's literally so skinny I could snap his leg like it's a twig#I hate the skinny tall proportions they just look so weird#at this point I have entered the acceptance stage of grief#so I feel nothing but okay. this is fine#(it is not fine I will cry again soon)
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parents are funny the way they want you to be open and honest with them, supposedly, but when you are, it leads to some fucking confrontation that didn’t need to happen, and when that happens, it leads to something you weren’t ready to say coming out, then being coaxed out into a still very much controlled held-back version of describing your lifelong experience feeling shame for existing the way you do and not being “easy” or as good as like, your little sister, academically, or as capable of masking as anyone else, and THAT carefully worded recall of just the natural fucking feelings of growing up in a frankly abusive household, resulting in.. oh, sorry, YOUR FATHER crying as if he wasnt just trying to gaslight you into thinking he didnt tell you the other day to Improve Yourself As A Person (right before the conversation about his mother entering hospice so now guess who can’t fucking mourn without associating it with that!) and that he instead was saying Improve Your Situation
and then he like catches you like visibly dissociating, comments, you try and put it in very simple words what just happened (in the same manner you have pointed out every other little thing he does to invalidate your feelings, or as he’d put it, “your feelings” yes using air quotes) and he suddenly is a fucking Psychology Scholar And Didn’t Need You To Explain What The Defense Mechanism Even Was and oh then also admitting to doing harm in the past, saying he had apologized (wonder why i dont remember), your mother(actual psychology minor) getting all “i’m sorry you feel that way” and also after a long ass tangent about there being a difference between “shamed” and “ashamed” as if you didn’t mean the word you say, a thing you did make very clear, ONCE AGAIN FUCKING CRYING ABOUT YOU BEING OPEN AND HONEST FOR ONCE AND TELLING THEM THEY HURT YOU
#its been. a wild fucking semester so far#oh and then also my fucking brother saying it’s like he doesnt have a sibling and i dont give a shit Sooo Much that i made my father cry#respectfully i fucking held the thing that would actually ruin him back.#because i did a fucking interview with his mother years ago for a class#and she talked about the way her mother treated her#when he first found out i was like. violently depressed as a teen#he drew the mental parallel of his mother getting hospitalized#for shit her fuckinf mother caused.#he cannot comprehend the pain he causes.#by all means my morher can comprehend what she does. she just. does she give a shit actually? lol#i feel for him. right now. in his grief process#but the fucking audacity to see me exercising autonomy and telling them they fucking traumatized me basically#AND COLLECTIVELY CONTINUINF TO USE THE FUCKING ABUSE TACTICS#im sure he was crying genuinely. but if i cry it is never genuine to them it feels#so.#yeah.#i havent been on tumblr i had a experiment thing for a class on social media breaks even though. lol. mental health? isolation??#but like. i think just the process of realizing wwwwhy we are the way we are#so immensely fucked up#its been a lot#its just. fucking sad i got forced into THIS conversation prematurely#but my fucking bad for trusting my mother i guess#vent#vent tw#anyway i was gonna push therapy back a week but. oooooooooweeeeee
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expect this will be met with a chorus of "it's not that serious" but uh. something about calling a kid who died alone and terrified in a hostile, unfamiliar environment a bitch doesn't really sit right with me.
#yes even in jest#not to mention hundreds of people agreeing with it......#one look at this account told me this was referring to uty's interpretation of the blue soul#which. like.#i'd prefer if we could not act like it's actually canon#but even so#uty fans when an adult acts in grief and recklessly endangers her own child then attempts to murder another innocent child to fix it#vs when a literal child in a world where just about everyone wants them dead lashes out in fear#seems kinda weird man!#uty#uty blue soul#undertale yellow#undertale#and this ain't even hate on ceroba the double standard is just kinda wild#my yapping
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how could you not do anything with the inherently parasitic nature of BOTH the blood of unicron and the blessing of primus.... literally its right there... 😩
#s.txt#can we talk about parasites can we talk about holy vessels im dying to talk about parasititc holy vessels#insane to think that after optimus got the matrix his very Being got store into the matrix to the point where#it got removed and he got Wiped. like hello why did we not even try to make that. more slay.#imagine dying and being reborn and everyone insists youre this other guy actually but you dont remember being that guy#that guy had centuries of war and pain you dont remember. that guy -- you at the end of the day --#have so much grief and sorrow and you just. dont remember. because your gods kindness extends to so many things but not his herald...#like yes we get bits n pieces during orion pax p1-3 but then they never bring up optimus's wild little jaunt as a decepticon again...
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🌷
#kind of wild to have reached this Big Milestone#but also to be like#What’s The Point Wish I Could Start Over#hmph …#i keep saying that trying to be present here#is bad for me atm but then i return anyway#rinse repeat ….. sigh#actually that’s not it#i think i just have this pernicious feeling#that i put So Much effort into things the last year#& it’s like. well. you stop posting pretty pictures#and no one cares anymore djehjf incredible#feeling unappreciated on simblr dot com is silly and yet#gotta be the grief brainworms making me crazy#gotta be !!!
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I haven't been involved with coaching for almost 3 months now and somehow I am still getting dragged into the drama.
#personal#move back to your small hometown they said#it'll be fun they said#me chanting over and over again:#if you live here you get to see your family all the time#(this is a good thing for me i love my brother and his family)#dude honestly this whole thing is just hilarious at this point#anyway newest drama is that one of the parents thinks it's suspicious that i 'quit' the same time my best friend moved away#the shit that is being said about us right now??? fucking wild#i haven't told any of those kids why i really left because they don't need me to be gossiping about their current coach to them#that would be so unprofessional of me#i say like she wasn't spreading rumors about me to THEM directly last year#we are all in our 30s here why are we acting like fucking teenagers still#i'm about to be real petty when i go visit next week though#'oh my god you won't believe what i heard crystal is telling people at her salon'#to the coach not the kids lol#i have a sneaking suspicion that the she is involved in this gossip in an adjacent way not directly#and i want her to think about the shit she says before she says it#she's mad that i don't want to coach jv when i told her multiple times i don't want to run my own program#and that i'd be happy to help her out as an assistant coach but that having to deal with parents is my worst actual nightmare#see what's happening right now#literally the only reason i applied is because i love those kids and they were all freaking out about my friend leaving#because they thought their current coach was also going to be leaving#and i was like hey i won't leave you guys don't worry#it's her fault that she chose not to include me in any of her brainstorming for next year#if she really wanted me to be involved she would have been talking to me about it back in april#i'm literally barely pulling myself out of my grief hole about losing coaching#and i could have stayed around but i would have been miserable#because it wouldn't have been in the capacity that i really wanted#oof okay i feel a little better after venting a bit
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Listen, I know I am throwing a bomb with this one and I'm going to take off running the moment I drop it, but I don't actually like the fact that Donna got her memories back? It's for the same reason I don't like the day of the doctor, and that it feels like there was this deus ex machina that was applied to the situation to make a tragedy less tragic, therefore taking away from the impact of what happened originally. Like, I would love to read this in fanfic, but not in canon as it kind of undermines the emotional impact of what happened with Donna in the same way that The Day of the Doctor completely undermines all of the character growth/destruction that 9 and 10 went through.
(Which is why I'm actually okay with bigeneration as a sort of happy ending concept because it allows the Doctor to heal himself/comfort himself WITHOUT removing/retconning tragedy, but I also don't know how you'd do that the same way without having Donna regain her memories...
Except yes, I do, you could have Thirteen bigenerate into Fifteen and let her stay with Yaz, whose ending always felt a bit...abrupt and unfinished to me in a way that Donna's felt like a closed tragedy.)
#*throws hands over my head and runs away* Please don't kill me#listen it's just personal taste for me#and i understand why rtd did it#i LOVE fix it fic so much#i YEARN for happy endings#and i also understand why someone who has gone through the grief that he has would want to give his characters happy endings#but it emotionally undermines the writing for me#fourteenth doctor#doctor who 60th anniversary#tenth doctor#donna noble#listen i also didn't like the day of the doctor for this reason#day of the doctor#the star beast#wild blue yonder#the giggle#doctordonna#listen i can give the shippers something#thasmin#GIVE THIRTEEN AND YAZ SOME CLOSURE OR SOMETHING#yasmin khan#thirteenth doctor#fifteenth doctor#meta#i know these are fighting words#doctor who
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the brosca warden storyline is insane (affectionate) to me, and it's wild that I happened to choose it first.
I've not played through all the origins myself, but from what I gather in general, I think brosca has the least material effect on later material gameplay – all of the effect is in brosca's character choices/response, which is completely up to the player whether or not/how much to honor.
the 'dwarf commoner' origin title is misleading – brosca's casteless, classless, as low class as possible and fighting tooth and nail while being actively pushed lower. accepting the warden offer is the easiest choice in the world (even aside from escaping the dwarven death sentence) because it offers any level of respect as a person.
later, when they return to orzammar with the treaties, the city insists they were never born. there's record of their death: when they joined the grey wardens. according to orzammar, brosca's homeland, their origin – brosca did not exist until they became a grey warden, at which point they were considered deceased.
(on top of the official records at the shaperate, no npcs acknowledge that you're a dwarf, let alone from the city. you can speak – briefly – to your family, but they're the only ones who acknowledge your past. I found it frustrating while playing that the origin didn't affect much, but that affected my own gameplay; brosca's origin makes the political dilemma seem laughably simple.)
and then. when the archdemon is slain, whether or not brosca survives, they're made a paragon, which is akin to a dwarven god. brosca is immortalized in their people's mythology forever – the same people who refused to admit they existed until their legal death. (presumably bhelen minimizes or eradicates the caste system, but whether or not that takes –) the history of the paragon brosca will almost certainly erase their origin as a casteless dwarf. when, arguably, they wouldn't have become a paragon without that history.
#it's also a super handy first play choice bc it makes sense for your character to ask worldbuilding questions#even within orzammar casteless are largely kept in the dark/out of the way so they wouldn't know much outside of their experience#i also found it a perfect pairing for alistair: i was also quickly attached to duncan and therefore reacted to ostagar much like him:#a grief a betrayal a sense of righteousness a desire for retribution a commitment to 'justice' etc etc#currently playing tag#i'm not currently playing my brosca but i am in da:o and the brainrot has reactivated#yall have fun w da4 stuff imma be over here with da1#it's also wild to me how unpopular(?) the dwarf origins seem to be#but that's just my perception based on content i see now in 2024#what i wouldn't give... ida been all OVER this shit in 2009 bro
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Our fandom whines about the lack of nuance and critical thinking, but then fails to comprehend the complexity of human emotion when it comes to seeing something you like being ruined or executed poorly
#literally wish i didnt see so many complaints about people being upset that go in the fashion “why do you watch it if you hate it”#dudes. this is such a basic experience#people will see what they want to see applies to media. people will take from this what they can take and can cope with#tf. this is so wild. we go through ten stages of fucking grief in fandok drama and then learn nothing from it and start again#with not just complaining but straight up direct jabs at people “why do you watch it then if you hate it so much”#my gods people are allowed to complain about being unhappy with genuinely bad adaptation decisions wdym#it literally costs you nothing to exist on this platform#i'm sorry guys but when someone complains about their favourite show it is a basic thing to do and is expected when new content drops#but when you complain about them complaining you go out of your way to stir shit up#so many dramas here started because some of us could not shut the fuck up and ignore someone doing something in their own space#control your platform and the experience here. SCROLL PASSED THE POST. IT'S FREE#like genuinely. there is NO reason to get annoyed at people for something that happens all the time. people complain. and they will complai#don't bother fighting me. i stand by what i said#lena goes off
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Oh yeah so yesterday I was working on a Psychology project where we had to diagnose a movie or TV show character
And I think just out of context, my project being about a guy named Captain Sunshine dealing with PTSD just sounds funny
#I mean I can play it completely straight#for gods sake one of my favorite characters that I am very passionate about is a talking dark chocolate cookie#the name Captain Sunshine means nothing to me#but you know without any context and just hearing that on its own sounds wild#tbh I’m not sure if he has PTSD or it’s just suffering from grief#but he was my first thought so I went with that#and he fits it pretty well I think just based on what I can glean from the DSMV#anyways#venture bros#captain sunshine#psychology#school stuff#random stuff
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man considering i haven't actually done all that much this week I'm like exhausted.
#part of me is tempted to go to take a shower and go to bed a little early and just read for a bit#idk i've been like ready to sleep by 10p lately and i'm usually wide awake after 1a#wild what grief does to your body#what do you mean i physically couldn't eat for like 4 days just because i was so heartbroken???#what do you mean i'm like ready to pass out 4 hours before i usually go to bed???#i've been sleeping about the same as usual at least#and! i ate my first full meal since saturday. been just snacking all week cause my stomach was doing loops this whole time#i miss blue so much but i've been at least doing dishes and a load of laundry each day#even if i'm not working on the bigger stuff i had originally planned i'm still trying to keep to my routine#the routine helps a lot with this even though half that routine revolved around mom#also i got distracted mid sentence because someone cosplayed as lara croft ran by while i was crafting lol#i got all upset today watching the xbox stream cause the one game was one mom really wanted to check out#and the story is about a mom and daughter. so it immediately made me cry#yes i will be getting it after i get my budget figured out yes i will probably be a sobbing mess playing it for multiple reasons
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